Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 766 | Just some weekend reading… | Guests: Uncle John and Eoin Colfer

Episode Date: December 4, 2021

Gordon “Uncle John” Javna Uncle John’s Hindsight Is 20/20 Bathroom Reader is packed with tons of new articles from the worlds of pop culture, history, and science.  This 34th annual edition of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader offers an all-new collection of fascinating trivia, strange-but-true oddities, and the ever-popular stories of dumb crooks! http://www.bathroomreader.com/  Eoin Colfer   Ghosts, clones, and fairy magic come to play in this ultimate and ridiculous showdown between the twins and their worst enemy.  FOWL TWINS Get What They Deserve is the 3rd installment in the FOWL TWINS series and like the previous adventure stories, it is filled with high-tech, spectacular magic, and silly business. The New York Times best-selling Artemis Fowl series, which was adapted into a major motion picture from Disney, and three books in a spin-off series about the Fowl Twins. He also wrote the critically acclaimed WARP trilogy, and many other titles for young readers and adults, including Highfire, Iron Man: The Gauntlet, Airman, Half Moon Investigations, Eoin Colfer's Legend of . . . books, The Wish List, Benny and Omar; and Benny and Babe. In 2014, he was named Ireland's laureate for children's literature. He lives with his wife and two sons in Dublin, Ireland.  www.eoincolfer.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it the matcha, or am I this energized from scoring three Sephora holiday gift sets? Definitely the sets. Full size and minis bundled together? What a steal. And that packaging? So cute. It practically wraps itself. And I know I should be giving them away, but I'm keeping the Summer Fridays and Rare Beauty by Selena Gomez. I don't blame you. The best holiday beauty sets are only at Sephora. Gift sets from Summer Fridays, Rare Beauty, Way, and more are going fast.

Get full-sized favorites and must-have minis bundled for more value. Shop before they're gone, in store online at Sephora.com. Blaze Radio Network And now, Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher. Hello, welcome to Chewing the Fat. Yes, it's Chewing the Fat Weekend Edition. If you're listening live, it is the 4th of November, 2021. I had an opportunity to talk to a couple of authors this week,

and I wanted to share them with you just for a fun Saturday podcast. First up is Gordon Uncle John Javna from Uncle John's bathroom. reader. He has a brand new book out. Uncle John's bathroom reader. Hindasite is 20-20. He's a really funny guy. And according to him, I asked him a question that he had never been asked before. Enjoy. Uncle John's hindsight is 2020. Yes, I know. There's a brand new bathroom reader. Now, we have talked to Gordon, Uncle John Javna before

here on Chewing the Fat and I wanted to chat with them again since hindsight is 2020. Uncle John, how in the world are you? Welcome to Chewing the Fat. Thank you very much. Nice to be with you again. I appreciate having me on and I'm fine. Thank you. Excellent. I'm glad to hear it.

So you finally, I know, you can go ahead. Go ahead. Chewing the Fat. Go ahead. Thank you very much. That's right. That may actually, you know, I might use that in the future. So it's okay. So, my gosh, this is a 20-year anniversary. You guys have been, you know, bathroom readers, kids' books, joke books, trivia books. What's next?

Before we get into 2020 as hindsight, let's look into the future and front sight. What's next for you? Well, next is another about Uncle John's bathroom reader. I mean, you know, we're fortunate in that our, audience has never gotten tired of us. Yeah. I can't say it's about my friends. I mean, you could barely,

some people can barely walk into their bathrooms now without, you know, tripping over the bathroom readers that they have. It's incredible. I've been told, I've been told that some people make special bookshelves in their bathroom for, Uncle John's bathroom, which I believe that. I'm flattered.

It seems a little over. killed to me, but okay, I'm going to fly. But, you know, I, we're just so, um, I don't know what's the word cop smack that, that we're still able to, to do this and,

uh, reach an audience that still wants to, you know, still into trivia and still reads books. Right. So, so what's next? We're doing Uncle John's 35th, uh, edition of, uh, our annual, 35th annual edition we're working on that now and who knows what will i you know i inadvertently said to someone the other day who knows that this is where we'd be 40 years later and i said wait a minute

it isn't 40 years uh so maybe i'm looking into the future maybe we'll be so i mean really the uh there's a never-ending crop of content for your books right and you can and and and You know, obviously you can go back and rehash some of the good stuff. Like, for instance, throughout the years, you know, what, just between you and me, just between you and me, John. Your favorite, you know, oddity story. Then we'll get to the dumb crooks, but your favorite oddity story over the years, because there's a lot of them.

Well, yes, there are. There are tons of them. I don't know. My favorite story, there's a few of them that I really like over the, you know, asking me which of my favorite stories, like asking me which is my favorite kid. Every parent has a favorite kid. Don't be using that as an excuse. All right, but don't tell the other one. One of my favorite stories is about when they, early 747 aircraft.

they had a conversion from gallons to leaders in fuel in some place. There was one in Canada where the, they got it backwards. The pilots go over, the fuel guys got it backwards. And so they ran out of fuel. It's like flying across Canada. And the pilot had to glit. Fortunately, he had experience as a glider pilot, just lucky. And they call it, he was going to Gimley.

I can't remember where Gimley is in Canada, but they call it the Gimley glider. And that was one of my favorite stories. But, you know, there's so many of them. I'll tell you my favorite dumb crook story. You mentioned dumb crook. Yes, I do. You know, I still love dumb crook stories. My favorite one is the story about the two guys that go into a bank.

they're armed, they're going to rob the bank. They walk in, one of them, so shouts out, nobody move. And his partner moved, so he shot him. Thank you. Think about it. I said, nobody move. Aren't you listening to me?

It's one of my favorites. There's one in the new bathroom reader about a guy who gets out of a detention center in Florida of all places. He gets out of a detention center. He was incarcerated for auto theft. He gets out. He walks into the parking lot. She's a car running and walks around it and doesn't see anybody inside.

So he opens the door and tries to steal it. It turns out there's a deputy in the driver's seat. The windows were tinted. And the deputy takes him out of the car and marches them right back into the... That's not fair. See, that's not fair. He didn't even steal it. He just opened the door.

Come on. See, that ticks me off, actually. Okay, sorry. That ticks me off. Right along to a different time. Damn, damn police officers. The guy just opened the door for you. We have, we have, we've now found here in the DFW area where this,

show originates from that they are on the lookout for a porta potty bomber and uh i was wondering if you have any uh experience in a porta potty bombers or in other places around the country no uh i think a few years ago we did articles about people who were stealing them and another one they were tipping them over which that's got to be a mess no kidding we've done some porta potty stories but i'd have explosions no yeah They've got there was a there was a there's some person that threw fireworks into one and exploded it all the heck. And fortunately, fortunately here in America today, an unbelievable feat happened. It was on, it was on video.

So good, good news. We're able to watch it. I know. We're able to watch it. When you started, when you started putting, putting the bathroom reader together, you know, way before the hindsight 2020 edition this year. I mean, there are so many stories you do now where there's video attached, right? Do you do anything with that? Or are you just, it's all books, is there any hindsight?

Is there any bathroom reader video editions, YouTube channels? No, there's not. That would be a good thing to do, wouldn't it? We should talk, John. Yeah. I actually have to tell some of the writers for the book. I have to send articles back to them and I say, don't just describe a YouTube video.

Right. Because that's something that everybody's going to do anyway. What you have to do is you have to tell a story. Hello. Not describe the video. And I can always tell when there's a, when they're doing that. Right.

If I can't tell, then it's fine. You know, I don't care. Well, you should be, if you're going to be doing, you know, a bathroom, reader video edition you should be telling the story anyway along with the video well that's true yeah that's true we should talk the thing is when you when you're looking at a video things make you laugh that that don't translate to description right you know you can't you can't capture all those moments you know that you see uh so you have to tell it as a story and you know that's what we that's what we do yeah yeah absolutely i like the

idea of a video bathroom reader I mean there's plenty of different TV show wouldn't you you would you would you John chewing the fat at the blaze com is my email John and we could

put something together anyway I would there's plenty of ideas already rolling through my head so we're talking about the latest edition of the bathroom reader we're talking to Uncle John himself and the new book is

hindsight is 2020. The future of family, friends, facts, and funds. Take a look backwards, forwards, up, down, sideways. Okay, what do I see if I look sideways? The spine. That's it? All right, yeah, that's it.

How many, let me ask you a question, John. How many in the picture that they've sent for the promo, they have a picture of you holding a toilet? Ceramic. Yeah. How many? What collection of ceramic toilets do you have in your life? Oh, that is so interesting that you should ask me that question.

Nobody's ever asked me that before. I have a collection of little toilets, little outhouses. I had, and I've gotten rid of a few because I've moved several times in the past few years. So I've divested myself of them because they know what happens. You don't have a place to put them to display them. They go in a box. They go in a box. You should see my garage, John.

But anyway. Yeah. I have several storage units of stuff that I never looked at again. I know. But the thing is, my Mrs. Uncle John will not allow a display of, you know, a little bitty toilets. Oh, you got to. John, who runs that house?

What are you kidding me? I'm telling you. I'm telling you. But I have. I must have had about 30 or 40 little dollhouse toilets. I have one, still have one that somebody made. It's a toilet paper holder that in the shape of a toilet. That's interesting.

A toilet. That's kind of. You've got to have a little candy bowl. Yes, ashtrays, candy bowls. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I would like to see. I think I have a mug.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, drinking mug. I'd like to see some of the. outhouse renditions, though. That'd be fascinating to see. I don't know why it would be, but it just seems like it would. It's so stupid. Anyway, John, I know you're up against the clock,

so I'll let you get out of here. I appreciate it. The latest edition is Uncle John's bathroom reader. Hindsight is 2020. In this latest edition, before you go, just tell me in this latest edition, your favorite part. of the new hindsight is 2020.

I don't want the kid excuse. I just want you to think while you were putting this together, you laughed and said, I love that. Well, I'll tell you that we, one of the ways we put pages in this book together is it takes a long time. Sure. You start to collect stories that are similar

and it takes a while before you have. And one of the things is jokes, you know, puns and things like that. You save them over time. And we have never done a page of bathroom humor because I have never wanted readers to associate us with the bathroom. That is, with, you know, potty jokes or anything like that. Right. But we had a collection of bathroom jokes this year that were so funny that I said, I have to, you know, not dirty. I did.

For the first time ever, we did a page of bathroom humor, and here's one of them. A boy comes home and asks his mom, where does poo come from? And she groans and says, well, the digestive system in your body breaks down the food. And the part that comes out of your butt is the poo. And the kid says, and tigger? Uncle John's bathroom reader, hindsight is 2020. Then I had the opportunity to sit down with, Owen Calfour, who is the author of the Fowl Twins and Artemis Fowl.

And his latest book, Fowl Twins, get what they deserve. He is living in Dublin, Ireland, and that's exactly where he was when we talked. And the internet kept going in and out. So I cut it up as best I could and got as much as I could from Owen out of it. The internet kept going out. It wasn't me. This is America. Okay.

So it was his internet that was the problem. Anyway, here's Owen Culfur, and I really enjoyed him. I hope you do too. So I have an opportunity to sit down and chat with Owen Calfour again. The Fowell Twins has a new ride, a new gathering. Get what they deserve. Owen, good to see you. How are you, sir?

I'm good. I'm good. I think, I don't know if I can stand up. up anymore. I think I've been in this office for about two years now. Yeah, it looks good. I don't have a copy of that book. I don't, it hasn't made it over here. I think it's supply chains or something. So it's on a ship. Don't worry about it. It'll be on a ship. It's on a ship. It's on a later. It's on a ship. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, it was happy to get a company. I think Jeff Bezos has it. So I'm just waiting for Jeff to Oh, yeah. He's got nothing else going on. He'll send it to you, no problem. It's coming from space. So it's taking a while.

So, Owen, the, you have. the new book get what they deserve when we last talk a little over a year ago um you uh you know you were promoting uh the obviously the last book but uh i mean how many of you got left now my gosh what are we doing with the foul twins i mean that's it this is this is this family are now they're i'm letting them run free they're they're gonna live on a farm just like the old dogs they're just i'm done now so this is the find the send off for the foul family really really really Yeah, so hopefully they're going out on a high. That's fascinating.

So you've been, I mean, they've been together and you've been creating, you know, fun rides for them for quite some time now. They're a big part of your life. Yeah, I mean, I've started working on it about 25 years ago. Right. So they have been nearly half of my entire life. So it's hard to let them go, but it's also, you know, time to move on at the same time. And it's a little easier because.

I'm not out being heckled by readers. When I finished the Artemis Powell series, I got a lot of grief from the readers. And you would say this is the last book. And then they would say, when's the next book? And you said, no, I said, this is the last book. I said, no, yeah, we heard that, but when's the next book? And they nearly, they came close to changing my mind.

Since this was the end, according to Owen, of the Fowell Twins, I asked him what he thought would be next. The front horse would be a ghost story. But I'd also love to do a romantic comedy for adults. I think I have a good idea for that, for one of those. Just at my age, I want to try different things. And it might, for if you're a non-reader or non-writer, moving from leprechauns to ghosts might not seem like that big a jump.

But for me, that's a huge jump. Because as you say, it's been 25 years of living. Yeah, I mean, so now we're talking to Owen Calfour, The Fowell Twins, get what they deserve. He claims is the final book of the Fowell Twins. So you, you know, and you've spent years creating this, and what's your favorite memory of the Fowl Twins right today, your favorite memory of what happened with them?

I think this is kind of my COVID series. So I only had one tour with these guys. Right. And my favorite part of that tour was the American tour, which would have been in February, I suppose, 2020. And a lot, so it was for a lot of people who was like a nostalgia tour, because I got generations of the same family. and so it was usually mothers and sons or dads and daughters

and on some occasions there was even grandparents so like a one occasion. Generations. You had a granddad who started reading it when he was like 40 and they passed it to his son who's now married with a kid and the kid is there reading the twins. So it's like there's something for every generation and that was really, that really affected me

and I'm kind of a cynical, hard-bitten guy, but to see three generations of a family all holding their appropriate book, that did. That, you know, that did hit me in the fields, as the modern kids say. So that happened several times. But the funniest moment was when this little girl came up with her mother, and she said, yeah, we all love your books. You know, they've been around for a long time because my grandmother loved them, but she's dead. I shouldn't laugh, but, you know, I know.

The kids just say the funniest things and just the way they just, you know, she said it's a matter of factly and not a hint of sadness because she'd already done her morning. But I think her mother was a little shocked though. But I thought it was sweet. And for me to see all those. So for me, the Fals twins is kind of the Star Trek legacies kind of thing where a few generations came together over the same in the same universe so that was that was really nice it meant a lot to me really nice so you um you are in ireland right i am in ireland yes how just a quick side note of life in the

past couple years how is it going um it's up and down at the moment we are kind of going back up again. The numbers are going up because the country was opened up pretty much. So obviously the numbers went up again. So now we don't know where we're going, really. There's talk of a new medication coming from the States. It's tablet, the tablet. Yes. Yeah, the Pfizer-Mectin. That could, yeah, yep, that could have a- Calling it. The big virus from it. That could have a bit effect. So we'll see, they're talking about January for that so if that comes I think it could make a big difference but

the it's not optimistic at the moment if I'm honest it's like people are tired they're like jaded I feel especially sorry for teens because when I was 17 I met my wife and so we all had that summer of romance you know that

sure did summer maybe when we were 17 18 and Mike's 80 year old just hasn't had that like it just hasn't happened he has not been able to go out and meet a girl so that's that's got to be very tough you know that's got to be really tough and so i hope i don't know how they're going to make up for that time and but hopefully they get to try soon you know the next summer i hope they can they can resume going to music festivals or because we haven't really had those this year and i know they've you've had those states maybe a bit more but they have and i'm in texas so we haven't really shut down at all yeah yeah yeah life

has gone on here. I mean, there's been, you know, limited, you know, masking and some of the, some of the smaller, you know, the companies mandating vaccinations, but for the most part, we here in Texas and, you know, there's a few other states here in the United States. I mean, we're open for business. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, it seems, I don't know what I would do if it was, you know, because I mean, I'm okay with staying in. Yeah. Yeah. And not seeing people. I'm really okay with that.

But you do go out, right? And I never, I never, I don't, only for a small period of time, did we have that, well, you know, maybe we, we're not going to go out. You know, we're going to, but we, you thought about it. Yeah. About that anymore. No. Something has to be done. It's done.

There's no. There's no worrying about any of it. So we'll see. I'm like, I look after my mom and she's 85, so I got to keep her isolated. And so far, she's been fine. Right. I know. I mean, my in-laws staying with us as well.

And it's, you know, it's been, it's been a little frustrating. But you have to, you know, you got to do what you got to do. No question about that. Okay. So, Ian, the foul twins, get what they deserve. You haven't, you don't even have a copy. I don't even have a copy. I'll hold it up for you.

Maybe you can special effect. it in. Absolutely, no problem. We can both hold up their copy. Owen just got his from the ship. I wanted to continue to see if I could break him and see if there was going to be yet another foul twins, even though he's denied it up to this point. I know that you're claiming this is it, but when do you think the next one will be out? You will be the first person I call. If this happens, we've got to make some kind of wager. If this happens, you'll have to, you buy me mistaken i'm in texas uh i've already got the name for you foul twins resurrection you're good it's already there well twins i was only kidding it's all there for you no problem so when our no

i hope i promised this is the way my mind is now it's the last one but i could get a big master card bill and decide to do another one just to just to pay that off so um when do the uh films and movies and every Netflix deal come through for you. Well, the film is already on Disney Plus. Unfortunately, it was supposed to be in the movie theaters, but then our friend COVID-19 arrived. But, yeah, I've got a lot of TV stuff in the works. Excellent.

With various streamers, not just file-based, but a lot of the other... I did an adult fantasy called Highfar, which is about a dragon called Vern and Nicholas Cage. is attached to do that. So hopefully that's going to start filming later in the year. Sorry, later next year. And so it's all very exciting.

But I don't wait around for those things anymore. I spent 20 years waiting for the Artemis movie. So I just tend to get on on my business and not get too involved. But I have to say, I'm really looking forward to the high-fire one because it seems like a really exciting project. Excellent. I know that you're up against the clock and so am I. So Owen Calfour, the Fowler, the Fowl Twill.

get what they deserve is the latest edition. And you can go to owencalfour.com and see everything else and order what you can and probably have it delivered to your home before him. Oh, and thank you very much. I appreciate it. Thanks for being on chewing the fat. Thank you. At a great time.

I'll see you again next year with something else. There you have it. Thank you for listening. I appreciate it. That was Uncle John and Ian Culfur. And if you're listening to this and you're not a subscriber to Chewing the Fat, please subscribe. It's available on any platform wherever you get your podcast.

on the one you're listening on or whatever other one you like. No problem. You can follow me on Twitter at Jeffrey JFR. Facebook is Instagram. Facebook and Instagram is Jeff Fisher Radio. And of course, you can email me chewing the fat at the blaze.com. See you back here on Monday. You know, for those of you that are listening live.

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