Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 813 | Royals Saturday...Who's Next? | Guest: Kris Cruz

Episode Date: February 19, 2022

Kris Cruz joins Jeffy for a Saturday Edition of Chewing The Fat, talking about The Royal Family. Subscribe to the YouTube Channel… Subscribe www.blazetv.com/jeffy / Promo code jeffy… Email [e-mail]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With Amex Platinum, you have access to over 1,400 airport lounges worldwide. So your experience before takeoff is a taste of what's to come. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Conditions apply. Blaze Radio Network. And now, Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher. All right, welcome to a special Royals edition of Chewing the Fat on this Saturday. I've got to go ahead and call.

Cruz though and see if he could be a part of it today. Should have let him know and I was going to call him. So play the whole Royals music and then we'll see if we can get Chris on the line. Oh, and hey, thanks for listening, by the way. We've got to do a special Royal Special. Thank you so much for tuning in to a special Saturday, Chewing the Fat Royal Special with Chris Gris. Well, you're more than tuning in.

I mean, you're joining. Well, once again, you have woken me up to do this podcast. On the Saturday. Can we move the time from 6 a.m. to like maybe, I don't know, nine? We've got to get the day started. Got to get a off a go. Freaking old-ass people, man. You got to get up and get the day started.

That's what I'm saying. Freaking old-ass people. I've already been up. I've had my oatmeal. I know. It's like when you go to Grandma's house and you're like 4 o'clock in the morning, you're here. Grandma's making breakfast. Mama's making lunch.

So we have the queen. We have Charles and Camilla. We have Harry and Megan and we have Andrew. I mean, some great stories underneath all of those headings. Now, do we go like straight to the meat or do we sprinkle a little because... You're working for Andrew now? Oh. Because, what was it, two weeks ago, three weeks ago, we only got like, what, two topics?

Yeah, I know. So we got... I feel like we start with the least important news, like the Smelly Mansion. okay we can we can do that we can do the smelly a problem Megan I thank you I know now this story's been around for a while they were mad at the weed at the weed farm

which you're in California Megan I know you lived in New York in Canada and that's not your thing but California had legalized weed for like since 2012 I know you didn't have to smell anything in the castles yeah with the royals you don't smell anything there

except you know whatever the queen from the queen yes but it's very interesting to see that this couple is destroying i'm going to say american businesses after they complain about the weed smell they forced the company not directly to get like no yes yeah they wanted they had to get fans and they wanted to smell it out of the way so instead of the wind blowing west let's make that wind blow east Right Honey that doesn't work Maybe in Britain

When you have a crown over your head Maybe it works But here with the commoners We just smell whatever comes From the east and the west So it was very interesting But Jeffrey Here's my theory on the fishy smell

I feel That the house Hasn't been clean Since they moved in Oh, that's very possible. It looks like a hoarder episode from TLC. And maybe that's why they don't want the podcast people coming over to record the podcast. Dude, because they're a little embarrassed.

Stop. That makes sense. Just a thought. Like, why would you invite that producer? What's the producer's name? I don't remember. Jeff, not Jeffrey. No, I'm not, they did not ask me.

I don't think Harry and Meg. I'm going to ask me. Did you refresh you junk mail? No, I did not. Okay, maybe it's in the junk mail. But who's going to invite a world producer to come produce your podcast when your house trash? Right. It's still, dude, that makes so much sense.

I mean, they've got to have housekeepers, though, right? Do they? Do they? They have no jobs. I know, but, I mean, they have a special bus stop for that neighborhood for all the housekeepers coming in. That is true. Maria, Pose.

They're not allowed to drive in the neighborhoods. But they can stop in. They get the public transport. They get a cleaning lady or cleaning man on pass. Yeah. There's a parking lot for them down the road. And the bus picks them up and drops them off at the gate. It's all good.

Well, it makes sense that not even Consuela is willing to clean that house. If you can't get a Mexican to clean your house, ooh, you dirty. You dirty. Did you see that video of those birds in Mexico? Yes. That's from the smell of a hairy and mega place. I mean, it's amazing to me. They were flying north of them with and half of them dropped.

I mean, I love the story where they talk about the pungent fragrance. It's very, come on now. I mean, I realize there's all kinds. I mean, you can write your own jokes with Megan and the pungent fragrance. I wish we had the conversation we had off the air a couple days ago. because we've been there. Oh, man. If you're a male.

Yes. And you've dated. Pungent fragrances. And you're like three shots in, two beers in. And you're like, well, you know, that pungent smell. Oh, well. And the next morning, you're like, ooh. What is that?

Megan? I did. Did I? Yeah, you did. All right. I got to go. Yeah. Little Prince Andrew in there too as well.

Okay, so let's go to Andrew for a little bit, all right? I mean, we have stories trying to bring him down prior to the settlement. Prior, he just settled with Virginia. Which is dumb. For me, a settlement? Gets it over with. Exactly. Maybe.

I mean, they're still trying to bring him down. I mean, they had the story prior to the settlement of, you know, an ex-housekeeper or someone kept saying that all he was just infatuated with anal sex. That's all you want. Okay. Okay. So? I like a pregnant woman.

Dust the den. Yes. Exactly. Don't worry about what I'm talking about. Consuela, go clean Megan's house. And it's very interesting because as a person that was formerly accused of a Me Too scenario, I did not settle my case or the case wasn't settled at all. We just said, get cleaning lady.

Goodbye. Thank you. It's very interesting to see that a settlement for me, especially in something like this, it gives a win for the accuser. If the person really says I really didn't do that. Well, right. Now, he's giving money to her foundation or whatever, right? I think the deal is the deal's not technically going to her. And I don't know that we know the amount, the full amount that's going to the foundation.

Is that the same as the Clinton Foundation? I think it is, yes. I think it's based from the same company. Because, you know, I have a Cruz Foundation. You do? I do. I do. It's right next to the Fisher Foundation.

You know, it's weirdly enough that we were able to rent the same location. I have Sweet A and you have Sweet B. I have a new one actually that I started because I care so much. Oh, you do. It's just a specific chewing the fat foundation. I was wondering when that was coming in. Because I care so much. You do.

the downtrodden and I just you know if you if you need to donate you can attempt to make a tax deductible chewing the fact don't you just say that and then it's tax deductible I think it's taxis and it's coming and I feel like when I do my taxes and I'm looking at my receipts I'm like oh yeah that's tax deductible that's what Trump did his company already kicked him to the curb all right Trump was doing that for the past 10 or 20 years we're talking that's another podcast And the business, and the financial company said, no, we're not going to do that anymore. Don't trust any of that.

Are you freaking kidding me? Did you see that email? That is unbelievable. I saw that email. We'll get it off track. Oh, I know. But if you read that article about the settlement, if you read like four pages down and to the left,

you'll see that he got pressured by the royals. And I wonder who put the pressure. Charles already told him to be quiet, right? Get out of sight. Shut up. Get out of here. get back to the dungeon. Yeah.

We've told you this. Stay out of sight. Why are you out of the dungeon? Plus, I mean, Charles is busy trying to kill mom with COVID. Oh, yeah. He's getting rid of Camilla. Is sick now. Thank you.

That audio cut was pre-COVID. Oh, she's a... Yeah. There's Camilla today. I mean, that's the way, that's the, I mean, Charles is looking to end it. Well, all we need to do is pump more blood into the queen, that royal blood, and then she'll be fine. That's the, they're not going to, though, right? I mean, Charles is going to say, oh, no, she needs to rest.

And no, we can't give her horse paste. We can't give her Camillef paste. And, uh, right. She's, she's going, I mean, that's how to get rid of her, right? And I saw where, uh, what's his face from the prince on HBO. Yeah, your buddy. Oh, my gosh. He posted with a picture of the prince next to the queen saying after the

with the COVID headline queen, I could be king tomorrow. They all could kick over, man. And it's very interesting since we're talking about the Prince HBO. Gary Genetti. Best HBO animated series of reality TV. That's what I'm calling it. it's amazing let's talk about i don't know if you have it on your list about the queen's little yes um in the show the prince they have these they have these down in the dungeon where andrew is now

these cooks that are making this special little biscuit biscuit or pie that only the you know the queen loves it has to have tart the tart yes and uh so only for the queen. The entire life mission of this, like, meaning ogres slash dwarves is to make this tart for the queen. And Jeffrey has this amazing story that the HBO series is correct. Absolutely correct. We just had the queen's jubilee.

Platinum jubilee. I hate, even when we have this conversation off air, you just sweep it like it's nothing. It's like, oh, she had a jubilee. That just a jubilee is a platinum jubilee. That, by the way, her corgi disrupted. So I don't think that corgi is alive anymore. Oh. During as she was sitting very royalty at her royal table and desk, the corgi just comes

and steals the platinum. The platinum jubilee. And she's looking at her. a picture of like 1912 and then 1940 and then all of a sudden the corgi just steals the show really just the corgi just

calms on it and the queen has a soft heart for her dog she does so she you know anywhere right i mean there doesn't matter what the corgues do and in that story also was they made a very about two sentences of to make sure that we knew that the queen

also has a brand new corgi so i feel like They got rid of the one. The one that stole the spotlight during her platinum jubilee. Yeah. In front of the other corgis. Yep. See what happens?

I mean, you're going down. Right? There's no. The jubilee? In the platinum jubilee? I'm surprised they didn't just hang him in the lobby instead of. But it's possible. Back to the tarts.

Anyway. So during the jubilee or the platinum jubilee. There's a story of the queen meeting a cookery student who's now, you know, 70, 80 years old that made this special chicken 70 years ago that is the queen's favorite chicken is what she has. And how important this piece of chicken or this way to cook the chicken is to the queen. It's the tart. So at least we have this cook that's been cooking the same chicken. For at least, what, 60 years? At least, at least.

At least, six years. So that makes me think to go back and rewatch it, because I've rewatch it like four times because this is that good. What else is true? I know. I went back and watched the clips that I had sent you, just the clips that Genetti posts on his Instagram. Hilarious.

Oh, well, yes. Hilarious. Anyway, and so, I mean, it's, Queen's not going to be long. No, I think. Charles is doing what he can to get rid of her. I'm a COVID thing. I didn't even, I'm mad at myself for not thinking about the COVID thing.

I think if the queen survives. Because I don't think Charles has COVID. He tested positive. They're saying that he tested positive for COVID. Boy, how do you have COVID? I think he brought in some consuela that had COVID and made sure that she was busy dusting the queen's corky, the dead corky over there in a corner,

and make sure that you come in the room and, and then, you know, I'll say I've got COVID, so it's on me. But oh my gosh, mom's got COVID and look at that. She died. Oh, darn. So I'm thinking. We lost mom to the pandemic. Oh, darn it.

I think this is the year that he can do that. Right. If she survives this year. He should have. This is actually, he's dumb for not have done doing this already. Yes. That's a mistake. We're not calling for the death of the queen.

We're just playing advocacy. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no. Oh, my gosh. Yes. Oh, my gosh. And Charles, I know you listen. So don't get any ideas. And when the affidavit comes out and you say, I was listening to this podcast.

No. No. Thank you for a shout out on the affidavit, but no. It was not our idea. You thought about it. But the Royal Guard kept you away for a while to slow it down. Yes. You couldn't do it until she gave your stupid spouse, the queen consort.

So now. All right. So now, Queen, I know you listen to, you sign your own death sentence. Right. Why, you forced him to do that. And that's all he wanted. And if you look at the series, the prince, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, want to hang on with Camilla, Mommy, Mommy. I was the one where he feeds her a sugar cube.

Yes. So freaking hilarious. Because we all know, she looks like a horrible. Oh, she took it too. Money? Can I give her a student trip? Just one. And Camilla, she takes it.

That's all so good. So good. Anyway, so the queen may not be long for this world. Now, she's stronger than we give her credit for. 100%. Come on, she's been in power for 70 years. She's the longest monarch to be in power. So it's going to be, I mean, Charles should have already thought of this.

I'm really disappointed in Charles. It should have happened. But I'm disappointed. I can't be disappointed because I know that he's a dufus, and that's why she's not king. Again, go watch the prince. Thank you. It literally nails him to the head.

So also, I mean, I know where, you know, this is strictly royal stuff. So we'll get back to Harry and Megan. I see where, and this is partly to do with Harry and Megan not doing the podcast for Spotify. And they, you know, obviously are, you know, the whole Joe Rogan thing. He's got them, you know, disturbed.

And we need to visit that. And we have to clean the house. It's. But I see where Harry is talking about he, uh, had, well, burnout. Mm. And he needed to do meditation and inner work. Mm. Hmm.

So, I mean, mental illness is, you know, I don't know. It's just a struggle. It's a struggle, even for Harry. And that's, That's why he's part of that's his app, right? That's his mental. That's what he's trying to make money on for that better up or whatever the heck it is that he's part of. It's very interesting because their contract is like a multi-million dollar contract.

And my gosh, douche, if you really want to sell this stupid app. My gosh, douche. Just do a podcast. Do a podcast about your stupid app. Well, I think that they do. I think that's a separate thing. Okay, fine. Then give that same audio to that producer and say, hey, remix this.

Are you a professional producer? I am. Do you have any idea how to do things? I do. You know. You can't be expected to walk into a room with a microphone. Okay. And have something be recorded and then shared it on two separate sites.

That can't happen. I don't know what world you're living in. I know I'm living like in 22th century right now, but in the 21st century, I know that is very difficult to to comprehend. But it's very interesting because all these news about the royals, just sit down, read whatever people are talking about you, and push back and get paid to push back. I just, but I don't know if his brain is still in royal status, but like,

it's possible. But I don't understand how can you not simply, I'm telling you, all you have to do is grab your stupid iPhone that you, you have, record a voice memo, send out to that producer, he can make some magic. He works for Spotify. Even if he's, I'm here, okay, you submit something. So the, he also, I want to go back to Prince here, I got to find my, I should have started the show later this morning because the internet's a little iffy right now.

I should have waited. The internet kicks in on Saturday morning a little bit later. nine o'clock instead of six o'clock in the morning but uh he was hairy okay i was burning the candle at both ends doing what were you doing what you have no royal duties you're in america oh maybe he has to wipe his butt he didn't have butt wipers anymore i don't know or sex helpers right so i could see i could see why you're burning the candle at a both ends, but come on, bro. You got to look inside yourself.

And do what? And that's the only really way you can combat it and get to that inner work. And he now takes at least, at least 45 minutes each morning to, you know, for him, for him. 45 minutes. I'm telling you right now, if you just hire me and I follow you for those 45 minutes, we can get this contract accomplished. Nobody wouldn't have time to meditate. He can meditate.

Do that inner work that's needed. You're telling me there's no freaks out there that would just press play on Harry just breathing. So Megan, the wife, who grew up on television sets. Yes. As a child. Yes. Who starred in television shows. And not just television.

Great. Suits amazing. I loved it. It was great. It was amazing. It was great. Not the spin-off. I should not done the spin-off.

And the final season was We had to wrap it up With every final season of any show It just goes downhill She was too good to come back For the final season Okay I know

That's when she was You're royal Yeah She was in the radar She was officially a roller Yeah they were dating At the final scene I don't think that she was officially a royal

When they shot that final season of suits No because that's when daddy Charles Came to Harry and said Hey do you see that your girlfriend is butt naked in suits and there's naked pictures of her. Yes, Dad, I did. That's how I met her. That's why I'm taking the care of business, all right? You want to go back to Camilla and leave me alone. Go back to the fence in the back 40 there and leave me the hell alone. Don't forget the sugar cube. Right. Here. Ooh, she took it too. Oh, mommy. So, anyway, I mean,

They had talked about, Harry and Megan had talked about movie. Because remember the interview with Oprah, the Oprah interview. So they gave part of that interview showed Oprah walking around their house. Yes. And they showed the chicken coop for the kid and everything. And the little bench that was made that she had given Harry for their whatever party it was. But they didn't go inside. It was all outside.

Wait. Are you telling me that the house was still dirty? Well, the interview, I'm telling you the interview they did, was at somebody else's house. Yes, yes. That was at Rob Lowe's house, right? Yes. Lois's in the backyard. Yeah, go ahead.

Don't let him inside. Set up a tent in the yard. I'm not letting them in. Have you seen the house? Yeah. I mean, there's some kind of pungent fragrance coming from over there, and I don't want to be in my house. but so they didn't even let Oprah didn't even get inside

I mean at least maybe Oprah got in and was like ooh we can't film this well and I know we don't know but do we still think that Oprah is the godmother oh probably because we we don't know this is all unofficial yeah

we thought a gay dude Lord gay dude oh Elton is Elton I think that's pretty much slipped Elton is pretty much I think that's come through yes that's come through But my understanding... Don't be dissing Elton with your little gay dude line there.

I knew that was going to get you. See, I could not get his name. And if I say Lord Gay, you would just... You're going to piss me off as you come after Elton. I love Elton. I love that. Sir Elton John. Knight Elton John.

I know. That's what I'm saying. No, no. He was knighted. Yeah, thank you. Which is different than being a knight. Yes, I think. But anyways, well...

It depends on what clothes you're wear. Anyway, just don't bad mouth. I apologize, Lord. But I'm a Lord too. I am too, but I'm, you know. Okay, out of respect. I'm not Elton John. Okay.

Neither are you. Don't want to be that. So Elton John, he canceled again. What is the way he keeps canceling his tour? My friend had tickets and then he canceled. Oh, another show? Yeah. Well, he's on his final retirement tour.

How many do we need of those? It should end in 10 or 12 years. My friend, I was like, hey, how was this show? She's like, oh, he canceled. I'm like, he'll come back, though. He comes back to those. He does, he redos all those. Okay.

No problem. Because he, when he came back on the last tour where he opened up in New Orleans, that wasn't supposed to happen and everything. So he comes back on those. I don't know. I don't know the story for this latest show that you're referring to, but he's been, you know, between the family. Remember we talked about, don't get me started on hell.

No. Why you get, because him and hubby, you know they struggled. Yeah. And they had to have more time together. But I feel like the whole COVID thing was a little much. Well, Jeffrey. It was like, we were way too much time together. Elton has, I mean, Elton has had enough already.

Let's take. I know, I love the kids that you wanted me to adopt them and all of that. But I got to go. I got to go. I'm a tour. I'm a final, final tour. I've already said I'm going to retire. for your ass, all right?

And it's going to take me like 10 or 12 years to do this to her, but I'm going to retire. I remember the podcast. I got to go back and listen to that podcast because we did like have like a poor show on he's not retired because

of him. He's retired because the husband keeps telling him okay, this will be the last one right? This will be the last one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. This is the last one. Oh, this will be the last one, right? Oh, yeah, honey.

1998 is the last one. You got it. This is it. You keep saying this is it. I'm telling you. Absolutely true. If we rewind 2020, 2020, 2021, and now 2022, all those wives that told every husband,

I just want to spend more time with you. That backfire. That narrative is gone. Even in my marriage. I am tired of being home. I'm only here on Saturday because you said, Hey, Parker, okay. You didn't have to say anything.

You could have just call me. I'm like, work. The whole radio station is down. And I'm the only one that can fix it. For years, as an example. Okay. The National Football League, the NFL. Usually Monday is a day off.

They play on Sundays. Now, I know they have different games on Thursday night now and Monday night now. But if you play on Monday night, right. Okay, the next day after you play, that's your day off. Yes. For years, you always knew the married players because they would come in on the day off. Ah. The single guys would take the day off.

Because it's my day off. I got things to do. The married guys, ooh, we got to go study tape. I got to get to the, I got to work. It's just the way it is. So COVID kicked the crap out of those, out of marriages like that for sure. Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah. And maybe, you know, look, maybe that's. with Harry and Megan. And that's, thank you for bringing back. Maybe, I don't know, the last two years, you could have recorded your coming home. And again, I will never, I don't know how Spotify is still, oh, okay, you know, you don't do, because I am, I did not. And that's exactly what it is. That's the problem. I mean, that's a problem. And Spotify is buying all these podcasts. You know, they bought Joe Rogan, the ball call her daddy, which big shout out to Alex Cooper. I mean, I've got to look at my junk mail for the email from Spotify.

It's next to the Harry email. Oh, okay. To help him out? To help him out with his meditation promotion slash. Right. Whatever he needs. Yeah, whatever he needs. But it's, I just.

I do not want to be Harry's footman, by the way. I don't know that I want that gig. The only way I would like to be his footman is because in the documentary, the prints by HBO, the footman is the one that does the sex work. All right, I'm in. All right, I'm in. All right, so I know it's Saturday morning and we've got to get on with our day.

So to wrap up special Royals Day. So how long, over and under on when the queen dies of COVID? I knew we're going to do this. If she survives this year, then she's not dying. She's eternal. But if I have to put, you know, before Christmas party. Yeah. Before the Christmas.

One Christmas without hubby and then she doesn't make it to the next Christmas. Yep. Yeah, I know. But now if you take my thought of away from joking that Charles brought in Consuela to dust the room next to the queen. Oh, mummy, mummy, don't breathe. Let me. Take that away. So let's say that Charles actually does have COVID.

Okay. All right. He's out. Right. He's out. So if we could lose the queen. Stop. Charles.

Dude. William is king. It is the perfect storm. I mean, really this could be William's plan. William could be hiring Consuelas to show up at Windsor. That's what's happening. You know that right. Wow!

How long you've been holding on this? Because we've had conversations on the hallway. Dude, 100%. No. I mean, we're done. Thank you for listening to the Royals podcast. Appreciate it. Chewing the fat.

If you're listening to this right now and you're not a subscriber, you don't know what you're doing with your life. But nobody likes a freeloader. Just ask the Royals. Stream and subscribe to more Blaze Media content at theblaze.com slash podcasts.