Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Jeffy's Corner: Bare Bottom Botched Buttocks

Episode Date: March 21, 2015

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You're listening to the Jeff Fisher Show. I don't know where to start. I really don't. We can start with the guy in Charlotte that, you know, is standing at his door naked. And everybody says, it's okay. It's okay. It's not illegal. Wait, what?

Yep, it's not illegal. A guy can stand in his doors. been going on for years now. The one report, the lady says her daughter said she was going over, but I'm going to check and see if he's out there. So he's been saying it inside his door and the house talking on the phone naked for forever.

Who knows whether he gets off on it or not, or whether it's just him wanting to be naked in his own house, right? It's your house, man, kings and castle. I mean, how many, seriously, do you see many people naked as you're going through neighborhoods? No. No, you don't. Do you hope to

Well, maybe sometimes. I mean, if you're honest with yourself, maybe sometimes you do. I worked for a, oh, boy, I'm thinking of this. I worked for a guy, a land surveyor. There was summer. I was out of work, the radio station gig, I had, whatever. Yes, amazingly, I've been fired from radio stations. And so, you know, something to do.

He was a really nice guy, Ed Murphy. I mean, nice man. And he and I, his kids and my oldest boy grew up playing soccer and stuff together. And he owned a land surveying company. And he needed help for the summer. He was down the guy. And I said, yeah, I'll help you, whatever. I don't even remember if I got paid or if he gave him.

I don't even remember. I said, I'll help. Well, I'll do it. But I wanted to land. You know, so you go around and you survey. His main way to make a living was surveying property for mortgages, right? And you're all over neighborhoods and your survey property. And I'm thinking, you know, it's Florida.

We're going to do a little land surveying around neighborhoods. Maybe we'll see some, you know, maybe we'll see some people sunbathing, naked, women. I'm a big fan of that. And I know it's a surprise. And so we were, you know, surveying and you trudging. and you trudge through the backyards and side yards, and you find out how much property you actually don't own as a landowner. Most of it is the Kingsland.

Just get used to that. And the only naked person I saw was a guy coming out of his house to jump in the pool one afternoon. Very sad. So it might have been this guy in Charlotte. He might have moved from Florida to Charlotte. There's waters around naked. It was a disappointing summer. Very disappointing summer.

Anyway. So, why, why, why, why do you want to have butt injections? Why is it? I mean, is it the Kardashian effect? Is it a big, yes, it's a big thing, Jeff. It's a big thing. It's called butt injections. Everybody love to have the big butt now?

because now, I mean, people are dying. And if you're going to someone that isn't a licensed medical professional, you may want to rethink your priorities just a little bit. In Dallas, they're looking for someone who was working out of an eyelash extension shop. Who doesn't die? giving practicing medicine without a license, giving butt injections. The woman told police that she had to remove her pants and get out of a massage table, and then she attempted to ask questions about the procedure,

such as what was in the injections, but she said she was not giving a good explanation. Really, the eyelash extension shop person didn't give you a good explanation. explanation on what was actually in the injections that you were allowing to happen to make your butt bigger. She sanitized my buttocks and began the injections. The woman said she was injected with a total of seven syringes that were left in for the duration of the procedure. I'm just going to put these syringes in your butt and we're going to squeeze down and get them in your butt. Then I'm just going to let them hang there for a little while. She felt intense pain.

Huh. She was told maybe you ought to quiet down a little bit. I know you're screaming. And, you know, we don't even know what the heck we're injecting into your butt. But you need to quiet down a little bit. Okay, we've got some people getting eyelash extensions out front. The injection holes were then closed with super glue and cotton balls. Okay

If you think Let's go Let's take Walk down this road With me for a little bit Let's say You know what And I have no problem

With facelifts And Liposuction You want to do that Good for you Go do it Have at it Have at it

I personally I would get Plastic surgery A if my wife allowed me to For some reason She's against And B, if I thought, I have a really addictive personality, so I know, I know that I'm like three plastic surgeries away from clown face.

I know I am. I mean, because that's what happens. The first one, yeah, that looks good. That's what happens to the Hollywood. The ones in Hollywood that don't turn into clown face are the ones that you end up going, man, I can't believe she's 65 years old. Yeah, because she stopped. Or she didn't have any, like she proclaims. Right.

But you get one, you go, oh, that looks good. Yeah. Man, my eyes don't drip down there a little bit. It's good. Maybe if I get one right here on my neck, get rid of the little turkey neck going on there, bring up the cheeks a little bit. Yeah, that'll look good. Yes, it does.

It looks great. You know what? Those two are great. Maybe if I do a couple here back here by the ears, tighten it up just a little bit back behind the ear, so it pulls up the jaw bow just a little bit. A little bit up, yeah. You know, that doesn't, that didn't come out just like I like it. Maybe I should, if I get another one,

and we cut right here just a side of the ear and tighten it up right there. And then we come up and then we get a couple around the lip here. And then that'll make what happened. here disappear so it'll look good. I'm telling you, about six or seven operations down the road your clown face. And I know that. I'm there. So I don't want to even get started.

I got it. So let's think about getting a larger butt. You think to yourself, wow, that's in vogue right now. I really, really want a big butt. And I probably already am on my way to a pretty large butt. Anyway, but I want a bigger butt so that I can dance around and really look good for males and or females who really love a big butt. And then you say, well, man, I don't know that I have insurance that will cover me getting a bigger butt. maybe I'll check.

I heard from Lucy that the girl down at the eyelash extension shop has an idea of how to make that happen. And you go to the eyelash extension shop and you say, excuse me, and the eyelash extension lady says, yeah, come back after five. I'll sanitize your butt. I'll shoot it up with some god-awful ingredients that you don't even know. It might even be concrete. And then I'll cover it up and we'll close those holes up with cotton balls and super glue. But trust me, it'll look really good when it's all done. Uh-huh.

How proud are you now of that big butt with cotton ball superglued syringe holes clogged up? That's a good look right there There's not a man or a woman in America That wouldn't say Oh yeah To super glue Cotton ball Stuffed holes on the butt

That is the first day of spring And I got a little upset at Starbucks In the last hour So we got to get back to the best best two-line jokes. Someone sent me a link to the best two-line jokes. And I figure, hey, you got to get through spring, right? Right.

So let's get you through spring with a couple of jokes. And people are adding on, sending me tweets at Jeff EMRA of their favorite two-line jokes. You know, like, what do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. Thank you. And, of course, we have. We had one sent to Jeffrey MRA. What do you call a lizard that can't grow his tailback?

Irruptile dysfunction. Now, those two jokes were not on my list. Amazingly, they were not on my list. I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish. To the handicapped guy who stole my bag. You can run, but you can't hide. It's you can hide, but you can't run.