Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Jeffy's Corner: SFK (Safe For Kids)

Episode Date: July 20, 2016

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I trust.com. You're listening to the Jeff Fisher Show. Somebody sent me a list of jokes that are going to get you through the week. We're going to get you through the week. You can tell them to your kids. You're driving them to school. You're driving them to the park. You can tell them to your kids.

Okay. This is intelligent jokes. Okay? So you're going to need to think about these. All right. Knock knock. Who is there? To who?

No. To whom? What did the DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat? A philosopher says to a linguist, What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes? The linguist replied, They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. A Buddhist monk. I'm telling you can use these. We'll use these for your kids. It'll be fun. Take them with you. You're welcome.

I'm here for you. Lighten a load a little bit for you. A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food truck and says, make me one with everything. The Buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in the cash box, and closes the lid. Where's my change?

The monk asks. The vendor replies, change comes from within. Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, we don't serve noble gases in here. Helium doesn't react. Two chemists go into a restaurant.

The first one says, I think I'll have an H-2O. The second one says, I think I'll have an H-202. He died. What did the scientists say when he found, look, you can take these with, they're funny. I mean, I'm laughing at these, okay? So they're funny and you take them with you.

Kids will love them too. What did the scientists say when he found two isotopes of helium? He, he. A linguist professor, a linguistics professor, says during a lecture that in English, a double negative, performs a positive. But in some languages such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However,

in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative? The voice from the back, yeah, right. Yeah, right. I would make another chemistry joke, but all the good ones are gone. I wish there was a nabom. on the TV to turn up the intelligence.

There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work. The Higgs bosom walks into a church. The priest says, we don't allow Higgs bosoms in here. The Higgs bosom says, but without me, how can you have mass? I heard that oxygen and magnesium got together, and I was like, OMG. There's a couple more of it. However, no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.

Yeah, right. Have a good week. Thanks for coming along for the ride. You're listening to the Jeff Fisher Show. Thanks for listening to the show. You know, if you're in the market for a new mattress, casper.com slash fisher should be the next website you visit. Casper has created an obsessively engineered mattress at a shockingly fair price.

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