Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Jeffys Corner: WTF(Florida) ?!

Episode Date: June 25, 2016

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Get moving at real estate agents. I trust.com. You're listening to the Jeff Fisher show. We always hear what's happening. Every time we hear a weird story and we say, what are the odds that it happens in Florida? Uh-huh. Like 99.9% of the time it's from Florida. I lived in Florida for a long time, and that's absolutely true.

And so I have a friend of mine who runs a website called Chuck in Florida. and Chuck is on with us now, and he travels around Florida a whole bunch and does his little movie thing, whatever the heck he does. And I wanted him to start commenting a little bit on some of the weird stories that happened in Florida, so I don't have to because I'm lazy. So Chuck, how are you, sir? Greetings, Jeffie. How are you, sir? Very good, very good. Thank you. And your travels in Florida this past, you know, well, we can, in essence, this is the first time, and we can go back for your entire life.

But we'll say, like, the last week, you know, what's happened? What's going on? What are you doing? Florida. Gosh, what can't you say great about Florida except all the, yeah, you know, all the, yeah, you know, all the nut jobs that seem to make residents down here or, you know, where do you live again? And then move to Texas, you know.

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, the latest from Florida has to be my favorite story of the week is a Melbourne man. Apparently, it was sampling a new variant of the zombie face-eating drug that we remember called Bath salts. Remember the whole thing down in South Florida? Yes, yes, that was an interesting story about what, a year and a half, two years ago, the guy that ate his friend's face while they were both playing around with this really is. interesting variant of bath salts.

There's a new version of that out there, and apparently it's called Flaca. I don't know what that stands for. It's very strange, but Flacca is a new variant of basalt that's making the rage all through Florida, apparently.

Melbourne is a small town, not far from Orlando. And this gentleman, who was on this drug, started running around the neighborhood naked, exclaiming that he was God and then decided to have, shall we say, relations with a palm tree. I kid you not. Man, I got to tell you, first of all, that's a rough tree to pick.

Of all the trees in Florida. You are hurting yourself with the palm tree. Yes, that is not a fun one that I wouldn't be my first choice. Let's just say if I was on a black eye, I don't think I would go there first. There's a lot better trees than a palm tree. Go ahead. Sorry. So he's decided that he's God and he's going to make love to a palm tree. Yes, well, you know, I think there may have been other, you know, floor involved. I'm not sure.

But nonetheless, the cops were called out. And the gentleman that showed up to speak to this guy, they made themselves known who they were and why they were there. And I guess he didn't take too kindly to being interrupted. So he proceeded to a time. attack the police. And that's always a bad idea, by the way. Just as a suggestion, you know, when you're engaged in relations with various things, don't attack the police officers. They don't like that too much. Was he supposed to ask him to hop in? Well, you know, I don't know about tree threesomes. How does that work? You know, this is not something I've studied in Florida. There's no question for that. If I have to explain that to you, Chuck,

I'm sorry. You may have to explain it to me, because I don't think there's anything I could read or research on that. So anyway, I'm still with me? I'm sorry. I am. I can't get past the visual image in my head of a threesome with a tree.

That's just, I got stuck there for a moment. I'll be right back in a second. So the cops who were called out, of course, and they have to tase the guy. they put a couple of electrodes in them and spark them up and uh you know i guess he didn't take too kindly to that either but i bet he sort of had some sort of transformation after that i think the guy actually got some some real um superhero origin moments out of that because he didn't just fall down and and start writhing in pain like most people do he proceeded to

rip the badge off of one of the police officers and start stabbing them with it the This takes a lot of effort when you're, you know, pulsating 10,000 volts through your veins. I'm impressed by this flack if nothing else. Boy, no kidding. The ability to withstand that kind of punishment. So our guy here that I didn't get his name. I don't know if it wasn't in the police report, but I got to tell you, there's an awesome picture on the website. He continues to fight back, and they taste him a second time.

now he's really had enough and apparently that was all the surge he needed he's now convinced he's the mighty Thor and starts wielding the badge like Captain America's shield and start you know trying to stab at these officers some more and I guess they finally subdued him and put him in jail but that's one hell of an effort you know I gotta tell you pretty amazing feat for a guy on drugs first of all I mean that shows amazing restraint by our Police officers. Melbourne police, I'm telling you that shows, because I believe after the first tays, and I'm questioning myself even up to the first tase, after the first tays, he's still coming. I am putting him down. I am putting him down. There's going to be, there's going to be

some sort of a bullet work on his body. So the whole tase, that shows amazing restraint. Well, the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office actually had a spokesman. address this and the lieutenant dan zadico was talking about it and said on a scale of one to ten flaca is a solid 12 that's something to consider so i mean you're right if with all this surgeing through this guy's veins and the extra you know electricity and whatever transformation he may have had i don't see how they didn't plug him i know but you know it well he went around thinking he was god yet Flaca is titled The Devil's Drug. Yeah, well, it's maybe one of those false gods, I guess.

It's very possible. He did say Thor was his last choice and all this. He went to the mighty Thor. So I'm thinking the guy was convinced he was some sort of at least lesser deity. We'll go with that. That's amazing. I also saw another story yesterday where the guy was crying because another alligator story from the great state of Florida.

He ate his, alligator ate his dog. That's horrible. There's nothing worse. I mean, yeah, that's awful, but people please realize, alligators are real. They do live in bodies of water, even puddles. You know, don't wait for a puddle to dry up without expecting maybe some small alligator to come out of it.

They're all over down here. This message brought to you by the Alligator Commission of Florida. You saw the giant alligator they had, the 14. footer? Yep. I was on a golf course. Yeah, the giant... Now, I've seen giant traps. That's a hazard, but come on. 14 foot gaiters. Thank you. Be here a week. I did. Actually, so we saw the video, we played the video on one of the shows I do on this stupid network. One of the seven or eight that you... Yeah. That showed it walking across the course. Now, apparently it's been there for a while. Now, I'm getting reports now that it's been there for quite some time, and people do see it. It just happened to this guy, you know, videoed it.

and, you know, it went viral. But, you know, it does live there, so people just leave it B. And, you know, yep, that's the big gator. But, you know, that was kind of my point. Now, this guy, actually my story, this guy is complaining that there were no lights in his marina that he lives on. So, you know, he was walking along with Doc. And the dog jumped in front of him because the gator was on the dock and the dog actually saved his life. But he was, now he's pissed that there were no lights and he should have seen the gator.

You know what I mean? So whatever. Sure. And the gator was like, oh, you want to die instead of the human? Okay. I'll eat you instead of the human. Okay. You're a smaller bite.

But that is a good message. Dogs don't fare well down here, small dogs especially. You don't want to leave them out running around at night, you know. I know that's something that even, I mean, I lived in Florida for a long time, as you know, but that's one of the things that it is kind of an unwritten message from the Florida Gator Control. Gators are everywhere. They show up everywhere. It's where they live.

They don't keep them there just for display. Now, they're... In fact, every pond, every lake, you know. And the wild ones. I saw a video yesterday. They were pulling them out of the Gulf of Mexico, which is generally not favored by alligators because it's all the water. Yeah, they don't get out there.

Yeah, but now they're saying, you know, I saw about a four-footer they were pulling out of the water the other day. No, he made a wrong turn. Probably. Yeah, he just made a wrong turn. Or he was on a boat and fell off or something. Somebody took him out there. Yeah, we don't do that much.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I'll give him the benefit. I'll give that with the benefit of the doubt. He's not, we're not, we're not. My God, if we have to start worrying about Gators and saltwater, we're doomed. It's over. Well, now, that's a crocodile issue, too. And they have found some crocodiles in the saltwater around Florida, but not as much as, say,

Australia, you know, not kind of our thing here. Gators, they're cold-blooded. They don't like to be in anything as big as the Gulf of Mexico where the water's not always about a balmy 84 degrees. Right. Anyway, it's a good rule of thumb when you come to Florida is that if there's a body of water, there's a gator in it. That's the way it is, okay? Or a flack a drug addict. Or a flack a drug addict, that's right.

Now, for more information, you can obviously go to Chuck in Florida. In the next 19 seconds, you could sell your home. Okay, I mean, it's not going to sell your home. I mean, this, but you're going to take a big step toward getting it sold. Go to real estate agents.itrust.com and find an agent selected by my team, a professional who shares your values and speaks the truth. Sell your home fast and for the most money. Get moving at real estate agents.

I trust.com.