Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Jeffy's Corner: 'Your A Complete Disappointment' w/ Mike Edison

Episode Date: May 14, 2016

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The Jeff Fisher Show is on. All right. You're always going to be a day late and a dollar short. If you're a girl, I wanted a boy. If you're a boy, I always wanted a girl. Those are things you may have heard from your parents. I know I did. And so did Mike Edison, who's joining me now,

publisher, musician, radio host, and author of your... a complete disappointment. That's your latest book. Are those words you actually heard, Mike? Yeah, you bet they are. They were, in fact, the last words my father ever said to me. And no kidding. Yeah, no kidding. He went down just like that. He was in a hospital room in Arizona. It was Father's Day. I went out to visit him. I live in New York City. I went to Arizona to visit him. I knew he wasn't doing that great. And said to me, I'm glad you're, you're year. There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

You know, he had this oxygen mask on, the tubes were like shooting out of his arms and all this, you know, buzzing and beeping and all his company, he says, come here, a little closer. You've been a complete disappointment. And, you know, like, wow, and he was just getting started. I mean, that was just the beginning. He said to me, you're broken and you need to be fixed.

And you think you're a hot shot in New York writing books, but you're not. No one wants to read your crap. Wow. And, yeah, and then he said to me, He took a nice pause and he said, and you're the only person in this family who was fat. Mike, are you me? I mean, are we the same person?

That is unbelievable. So, you know, I love you too, Dad. What are you going to do? I mean, you can't swing back. And it's a dying man. I mean, the guy's lying in bed. I mean, you just got sort of taken on the chin, right? Or you bend the oxygen tube a little bit and say,

excuse me, I didn't hear you. Oh, man. He didn't. my help. You know, you know, I mean, they basically carded them off to die after that. So, and, you know, I mean, we're laughing and that's okay because, you know, tragedy plus time equals comedy and all that. Everybody laughs when I tell the story. Sure. You are a complete disappointment? What, you mean like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a

Mick Jagger solo record? Right. But that's about, you heard that from him as he was on, on his deathbed, obviously, as you said. But I mean, when you were, you know, younger, Did you, you grew up with your folks? So I'm guessing maybe he told you, you know, eh, you really need to. Yeah, it was a tune I had heard variations of the whole life. You're never going to make it. You're not good enough.

When I was a kid and I started playing the drums, what do you waste of your time with that for? You're never going to make it. You're not musical. You're not good. But, you know, it wasn't too long after that. I was on tour all over the world, opening up for the Ramones. So you really had something going on.

People don't know what good music is anymore. No one's going to publish you. No one wants to read yourself, and, you know, it obviously worked out otherwise. It's tough. I mean, the story could have ended otherwise. You know, I mean, it has a happy ending. The happy ending is me. Right.

I'm a happy cat, but, well, boy, oh, boy, I'm hearing from lots of people who told me their parents were pretty rough on them. Why are you as smart as your brother? Look, get a job like your sister. Look, be a lawyer, be a doctor. or whatever. That's almost a book in itself. We should probably just do that book. Just have people tell us their stories with their parents telling them what a loser they are.

Yeah, well, you know, there's an old joke about the first woman president, the first woman Jewish president, and she's up on the steps of the Capitol, you know, being sworn in. It's inauguration day. And her mom's in the audience. and she turns to the fall next to her and she says, see that woman up there, up there on the steps of the Capitol, the one with her hand on the Bible, the guy next to her says, yeah,

and the woman says, yeah, her brother's a doctor. Exactly. It's never good enough for something. Never good enough. Exactly. So you, Mike, all right, so this is the latest book. We'll haunt the book here for a little bit, and then we'll move on a little bit because you've had a fascinating life.

And I would love to talk to you a little bit about some of your travel other than just being called a complete disappointment by your father. I mean, who hasn't had that done, Mike, seriously. So I can get it, it's up on Amazon. We can get it at your website, Mike Edison.com. Anywhere the books are sold, I'm guessing. That's right. Wherever better books are sold, Amazon, Barnes & Noble,

Mike Edison.com is my website. And also on my website, there are tour dates. I'm out now on the road bringing the message to the people. I'm like the troubled troubadour of tomorrow. Nice. It's coming from town to town telling the story. And I guarantee if you show up at one of my gigs, it'll be a lot of fun. Well, listen, the price is so low, we can't mention it on the air.

But we make it up in volume. Yes, we can. So, I mean, all right, look, you've had a fascinating life. For years, you talked about for years. I mean, for quite some time you were known for your participation in high times and marijuana. Are you surprised where we're at in America now with marijuana? I mean, this is what everyone was hoping for almost. I think it's pretty great, you know.

I used to say when people asked you, when I was the publisher of high times, people would say, do you think marijuana is going to be legalized in our lifetimes? I used to think that it would be per se legalized, meaning they would stop busting people for it because people would realize the war on drugs was a big loser and that it was really, you know,

the price was so high, the price of people's lives was so high that they would just stop prosecuting. I guess what I failed to see is that someone was going to realize they could make money off. You know, I mean, I forgot that. I always figured that politicians were always going to be afraid to say,

hey, let's legalize pot because the next guy's going to say, look, you're soft on drugs and make it about the kid. Look, you want you to give drugs to kids. Because that's what they say, right? And now it's not so soft on drugs. It's, oh, man, they're putting way too much tax on it, bastards.

Well, you know, it's not legal in marijuana, but we've got a mayor who basically stopped busting everybody. Right. So it's still the underground economy. I mean, for the record, I don't smoke that much pot. I had this, you know, reputation because I was the publisher of High Times, and I wrote for them for a long time. And I have very pro-pot.

I'm very anti-flacker. Oh, there you go. You know, and that was always the problem over at high times. It was like Groundhog Day over there. We'd have the same meeting every day, every day, because no one could remember having the meeting the day before. Right, because it's full of slackers. But, you know, I like being part of the culture, though.

I think it's important. I think that voice is very important. Can we just run this? Clearly, they're on the right side of history. Can we just run the same picture of the Hawaiian bud this month, too? That'd be great. Okay. Yes, absolutely.

Now, you're on the road. You're on the tour. Your website's going to show you on the road. So when you're hearing this today, you're going to be out on the West Coast in San Francisco, spreading the Mike Edison love. Yeah, we're going to Friday the 13th in San Francisco of Books, Inc. Atopla Plaza and Oakland, at the nomadic press space, cool little indie site. We're going to be shaking it up on Saturday, the 17th in LA, and we're coming back to New York City,

the Upper West Side Barnes & Noble. It's all on Mike Edison.com. We're going to Chicago, Milwaukee. You know, a musician, I love being on the road. I like bringing it out. You're in a band. That's what you do, right? That's right.

You go to town to town and you shake it up. And I'm bringing my piano player with me, and I've got some. some great local musicians joining me. I think book readings can really suck. Author events could really suck. People hear book reading. And, like, you know, they're already asleep before you even done talking to do. So I'm really trying to turn that all concept of what a reading can be on its head.

And, you know, try to keep it exciting. That sounds fun. We were just out in San Francisco. I was just out in San Francisco a few months ago. And, wow, that was the first time I'd ever been there. I don't know how many times you've been to San Francisco. but it was over the Super Bowl extravaganza, and they had in parentheses cleaned it up,

and it really didn't appear to be that cleaned up. So while you're out walking around, Mike, just be careful where you step. I see. I mean, it was almost worse than New York. I love San Francisco. And I was out there, though, a long time ago, in 1984, with this punk rock,

band from New York and do a lot of protests of summer. Ronald Reagan was being the Republican convention was in San Francisco that summer. The Olympics were in L.A. Ronald Reagan was being nominated for the second term. We were out there. We were playing gigs with the dead Kennedys. It was just pretty happening.

It was a great... I was 18 years old. And I was double parked outside someone's house up with Haydashbury and a cop pulled up behind us and he saw that the car was filled with hippies and punk rock and he wrote me up, not just for double parked, and he wrote me up for reckless driving. It's like a zillion points in my license.

And this is what he told me. This is the best one. He said, he said, you should leave San Francisco and never come back. And I was thinking, like, what is this? High noon? But I'm here. Some people come to leave Sanford, leave town. Never come back.

And so funny, every time I go back to San Francisco, I know it's been 30 years, but I'm afraid I'm going to run under that cop. I told you don't come back. I told you never come back. Never come back. Yeah, because he saw some hippies in San Francisco. I must have been really shocking.

I had never come back. Speaking of running into someone, I always think I'm going to run into my one old football coach who told me the football helmet was worth more than I was once. And I keep waiting to run into him to have him told you. I told you that helmet was worth more than you. Yeah, the people were running to. It's all my high school teachers who told me about my permanent record

that was going to follow me about my entire life. They're like, well, without that permanent record, I never would have been hired at high times, I guess. Yeah, I mean, yeah, all right. My permanent record is on the air every day. You all see it every day. It's all part of the deal. All right, so, also one of the things that, okay,

so you're on tour with the Dead Kennedys. I mean, there's a fascinating group themselves. You were touring with the Ramones early on. You mentioned them. I mean, my gosh, man, there's some characters in both those bands just by themselves. Yeah, I was very fortunate. I came up playing rock and roll music in New York City at a time that if you were good and you were sharp and if you worked hard, you know, it had something different.

You can really make it. It was hard. Being a band in a band in New York is hard. I mean, no one is cars. You can't set up the drums in your house. You have to go someplace to rehearse. It's like nearly impossible. You know, there's no one has a garage or a basement.

It's really a hard in New York. But if you're, you know, there's a barrier to entry to really just be in a band in New York. It was tough. It's not an environment like Orange County where you live in suburbia. That's why the punk rock from there sounds so much different than the punk rock from here. But we did it. We got lucky and someone said, hey, you guys want to go to Amsterdam and make a record. We'll take it in Berlin and London and Paris.

And later I got to go to Tokyo and all these great places. I mean, never mind going to Seattle and L.A. and New Orleans and Austin. Right. You know, it was great. And it all because, you know, basically because it did everything my father told me, I shouldn't do. So it's almost, I mean, it's good that you were a complete disappointment. Well, if there's anybody who was a disappointment in that relationship, sadly, it was my dad.

And, you know, I don't want to give anybody the wrong idea. I know. I mean, it's heartbreaking, you know, to be told up by your parents and discourage your children. The book's very funny. I hope I know people tell me that they've been laughing out loud, you know, a lot. But also I'm getting nice notes from people who are crying because they say, my God, this is like my parents telling me there you can't you shouldn't you know and dashing your dreams my father once told me he said i hate you because you were living your dreams and i never lived mine boy doesn't that

isn't that makes so much sense for so many people sad to i know you know it's just like and he died screaming and yelling so you know how you know what it was a very successful guy he made some dough in his life but by following the straight and narrow this very parochial set of rules but really where did it get him in the end if you asked me it bit him yes, because if you go out screaming at your kid, you've got some seriously unresolved issues. Boy, no kidding. And I mean, all of us are, you know, are going to end up looking back saying we wish we would have done something. You know, I don't know what that is for you or anyone else, but, I mean, we all know what it is inside our own head, and it's too bad. I mean, I hope you don't.

I hope you, personally, for me, I hope you don't, but I'm pretty sure I will. And, you know, that's a frustrating time. Well, you know, this book is about being the person that you want to be, not the person you were told you should be. And what I know about people dying is they don't usually say, oh, I regret doing this or that. Right. I regret not doing this. I regret, you know, not whatever it is, spending time with the kids, or I always wanted to go parachuting. I never went to Paris.

You know, whatever, whatever it is. And what's weird in this life is most fantasies are actually achievable. It's really weird If you put your mind to it I've heard so many people Putting up walls for the dumbest things I've always wanted to go to Paris So go to Paris

You know Meanwhile I mean they're spending the money every year They go to Disney ran with their kids Or they're throwing money at something else What's holding you back From anything? You know any I mean fantasy

Sexual fantasy Any rock and roll fantasy It's most of it's achievable If you just ask really nicely So speaking of Speaking of sexual fantasies You've written a number of sexual fantasy books.

Oh yeah, 2028 pornographic novels back in a previous life. I love you for that. I love you for that. One of my first jobs when I dropped out of college the first time and I landed this job. You don't understand. People said, oh yeah, it was before the internet.

This was before it was videotape. Right. I mean, you were looking at eight, everybody thought it was cool to have the eight-millimeter film reels. Eight millimeter was was the thing, I guess, at the time. I mean, VHS tape was just sort of coming up. And, of course, you know, I mean, that's pornography drove that technology, right? Of course.

I mean, the whole world later, the porn world will say VHS or beta, and when they picked it at VHS, that's where everybody went. That's correct. You know, on personal computers, streaming technology, pornography invented it all. You know, social media was invented by pornographers to put a bunch of perverts and touch with each other. But back in the day, it was paperback books, was the delivery. system and I

and I got this job. I wrote a book a week. I wrote a novel a week and I'll tell you what. That's how I learned how to write. I mean, to write on deadline and to really sit down and just zoom along and, you know, pace and meter and to get it done and to be disciplined. You know, if you're hungover, screw it, sit down and write.

You know, you got a problem at home. The girlfriend broke up with you. Put down your head and write. You want to go get stoned or play hokey, go to the ball game, forget it. You've got to write your book. Otherwise, you don't get paid. It was a great lesson for me. Wow. A book a week. A book a week.

Until I burned out. There were some periods where I kind of let it go. But, yeah, I got about 28 books over the course of about almost a year. A book a week. How many pages you're looking at? How many words are you looking at for a book a week? No, there are like 40,000 page books, 40,000 word books. They were a big type.

Right, right, right, right. No pictures. You know, there were real paperback books with the beginning. Oh, Mike, don't tease yourself. You know, conflict and resolution was very important. Don't put yourself down, Mike. The pictures were all just in the words. It's okay.

It was a different time. Yeah, no question about that. Okay, so now I also, before I let you go, we'll talk a little bit about, tell me a little bit about your podcast and what Arts and Seizures is about. Oh, well, thanks for asking. Arts and Seizures, as I like to say. We're on the Heritage Radio Network. It's Heritage Radio Network.org, and it is just like it sounds, arts and seizures,

not arts and leisure, like The New York Times. And it's a no-holds barred, rock and roll kind of show. I co-hosted sometimes with my friend Pete Zerumbo, who's the singer of the Pleshtones. And we've had some great guests, sort of like pro wrestlers to local artists, poets. I think the best we had Bobby Keyes from the Rolling Stones on just before he died. And for me, as a fan boy, as a rocker, well fan boy that was just the greatest you know bobby who was back phone player right

for the rolling stones and he was such a gentleman he uh you know he wouldn't talk uh and he would say anything bad about uh the stones while we're on the air but the second the mic was off oh man he's boring jack you know you know we had a few of them and boy he hated that's great he hated jagger like you know screw him you know he could make wanted to pay him like a hundred dollars a night I'm talking about like now. Right.

Not like a 1960s. That's good honor bucks. That's hilarious. Now speaking of wrestling, now you've got me on. I happened to read. I came across, I didn't realize this, that you were a huge fan of Hulk Hogan. And Hulk, I used to see Hulk. I used to see Hulk.

I used to see Hulk. I used to see Hulk quite a bit when I lived in Florida. He and his one son went to school with Mollong. my son for a while in Florida before. And they pulled out of the school right when they were beginning the reality show. So, I mean, after that, I really didn't see him much after that. However, he is back in the news again with his lawsuit and winning $140 million. And now he's rebuilding up another lawsuit against Gawker.

And he wants more money from these bastards. And it's just a never-ending battle. I think enough is enough from Hulk. Well, I'll tell you what. I think Hogan owes me $130 million for having to watch him, you know, like lumber around the ring wearing that belt that he didn't earn for all those years. You know, Roddy Piper told me one time, he said, Oh, Hogan's such a jerk that he wears his spandex when he moses long.

That is absolutely probably true. I mean, the reality show showed us that, right? On the cover of my first book, I have fun everywhere I go, which talks about high times and the days I was working at the wrestling business and stuff. There's actually a picture of me strangling Hulk Hogan. Oh, see. See? I root for the bad guys.

I can't help it. I like the heels. You know? The good guys in wrestling were never that interesting. No, they never were. No. They never were. All right, Mike, I know you're busy and I've kept you a while, so I'll let you go.

But Mike Edison, thank you very much. Mike Edison.com, the new book, you're Hawking. You are a complete disappointment. And just always remember that. Take that with you. All right. You are a complete disappointment. Thank you.

Thank you. It's been great talking to you. Mike, I appreciate it. This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. The experts at web.com want to bill your business a successful website for free. Plus, we'll promote it on all the major search engines. If after 30 days you're happy, we'll continue to provide promotion, hosting, support, and maintenance, all for one low monthly fee. If not, cancel and pay nothing.

Call right now, and you'll also get a free.com or dot net domain name for your new website, powered by Veracine, the world's leading domain name provider. Call 800215-0465. That's 800-215-0-4-65.