Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Jeffy's Corner: Zombie Survival Guide with 'The Walking Talking Dead'

Episode Date: March 28, 2015

Jeff Fisher is live from 6am to 8am ET, every Saturday morning. Listen for free on The Blaze Radio Network: www.theblaze.com/radioFollow Jeff at twitter.com/JeffyMRA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to the Jeff Fisher Show. Okay. This weekend is a good weekend and a bad weekend. Well, Jeff, what's so good about this weekend? Well, we have Earth Hour tonight. Yay! 8.30 local time. You can celebrate Earth Hour.

Turn those lights off. 8.30 to 9.30. local time. Celebrate Earth Hour. Yes, Earth Hour sweeps across 24-time zones, six continents on the 28th of March. Oh my gosh, that's today. Be the first to see Earth Hour celebrations from New York to Nairobi, Paris to Panama. So, now you can celebrate with the people at earthhour.org. Or you can celebrate with us here at the Blaze Radio Network and turn every light on in your house.

Go start your cars. Put some firewood in the fireplace and get that burning. Turn the gas stove on. Turn the electric stove on. Let the hell turn the showers on and just let them run. Burn them for an hour. That's a good thing. It's going out this weekend.

The bad thing? Sunday is the Walking Dead finale, the season finale. We'll probably have to wait until, I don't know, another 100 years for the new season. It will seem like 100 years. But we have the finale. 90 minutes, 2 hours, whatever it is. It won't be long enough. Sunday.

Better be good. This season has been really good. And, of course, if you've followed along on the podcast with myself and Aaron Hernandez, no, not that Aaron Hernandez. He'll be in prison for quite a while after the wife's testimony yesterday. That's the other Aaron Hernandez. But I'm talking about our Aaron Hernandez here at the Blaze Radio Network, who joins me on the podcast every Monday afternoon for Talking Walking Dead.

He's the expert. I just stumble along through the show. But I got me to thinking there's all kinds of the little things that people do. And I wonder if we're ready for a zombie apocalypse. Now, there is a scientific model for what a zombie apocalypse would actually look like. And they have it all spread out as Cornell University and a couple other universities all put it together. and where is the worst? And I think you can guess, really, right?

I mean, there's some pocket points that are really bad. East Coast, Northeast Coast, middle of the country, Chicago area. And then, you know, the big cities, really bad. Now, then it starts spreading out. Now, they do their plan. When you see day one of the breakout, day two, one week, two weeks, three weeks, four weeks, two months. there's not very many places that you can go.

You're going to be struck by it. And just like on the Walking Dead television show, everyone gets touched by it. It's just a matter of whether you're surviving or not. And we've seen on the Walking Dead how difficult it is to survive. Now, Cornell, Cornell University, created a video. of how to survive a zombie attack. Now, I would say that you could probably watch the Walking Dead and learn how to survive a zombie attack.

However, for those of you that think I can't, I don't think I could do that. Let's see if the Cornell video will help you survive an actual zombie attack. What exactly is a zombie? In technical term, a zombie is any human or zoological being that has passed into death beyond the hope of recovery and then is later resurrected by condemned religious practices or other unnatural methods. There are ways to tell if a being is or is not in fact a zombie. You can see here in this example, this zombie has sunken in eyelids. You can also tell because of his blood-stained lips and clothes.

Activity zombies and joy are just usually walking around. Activities they do not enjoy are playing basketball. No, they don't enjoy that. Riding a bicycle. Oh, yeah. You never see a zombie riding a bike. That's pretty good. And reading the daily print.

Yeah. If you spot a zombie doing any of these, they're probably not a zombie at all. Now that you know how to identify a zombie, let's find out how to hide from them. That's good advice, except that I'm guessing during the zombie attack, there probably isn't any print. newspapers to read? Just a thought on my part. Okay. So how do we...

Is there a way for us to get shelter? Shelter is one of the most important resources that you can have if there were to be a zombie attack. First of all, a trash can is not good shelter. Oh, what? I can't hide in a trash can. If you were to hide in a trash can, it is almost guaranteed that you will be found. and even alive. I knew it.

It's bad. It would also be stupid. On the other hand, abandoned houses like these make great shelter. Advanced technologies such as doors and windows seem to confuse some. Yes, they do.

Yes, they do. If you hide out in an abandoned house, you're almost guaranteed to make it through the night. Well, I guess you are. However, in the video that Cornell University probably spent grant money and study money on. The human who is not zomified is standing in the doorway teasing the zombie.

That's not a good idea. That's not a good idea. Because it doesn't mention anything about really making the zombies mad in this video, but I don't think you want to do that. You may be guaranteed to make it through the night, but I don't think you want to make the zombies mad. Because then you're going to have to find out, I don't know, what weapons do you use. Yes, there are many different types of weapons that you could use against the zombies.

For example, a baseball bat, a crowbar. That's a good idea. A butcher knife. Yep. Shears or a hammer. All of these are very good examples of weapons. On the other hand, there are some not-so-good weapons out there. Please tell us.

A sandal. Bug repelling. Why would you use a sandal? A fax machine. And a leaf. Why would you use a leaf? Why would you attempt to use a leaf on a zombie? It doesn't make any sense.

You could throw the fax machine, I guess. You might start swinging the sandal, maybe. Why would you use a leaf? Now, you have those weapons, but the idea. that you have the weapons. I mean, how do you kill these zombies? Now you've got it. In fact, striking a zombie in the head with any sharp or blunt object is the only way to kill them.

Wait. What? Now you've got it. In fact, striking a zombie in the head with any sharp or blunt object is the only way to kill them. Oh, okay. You couldn't kill them if you struck them with a zombie. sandal or a leaf. That's We could you kill them with the sandler

relief? Now, all right, so you've made it this far. This is so sad. You've made it this far. How would, I must know how to survive if during the zombie attack. Tip number one. Always make sure to have a good supply of food on hand.

Thank you. That's, really? That's tip number one. Can we hear tip number one again? Because I don't know that I got it. Tip number one. Always make sure to have a good supply of food on hand. That's a good tip.

What's the, what's another tip? Another tip that people don't know is that zombies are actually afraid of fire. No, no. They're afraid of fire? Wow. So if they're afraid of fire, I should probably make sure I have. matches or lighters or what kind of fire starters or something. That'd be a good idea.

I just want to know that that was from bad idea films. And yes, that was a bad idea. You should stick with the Walking Dead. But you should also remember the tips I gave you because besides being, sounding, having not good, those tips were darn good. The tips were good. The video and audio, not so much.

Here we go. This is the Jeff Fisher show on the Blaze Radio Network.