Chief Change Officer - #308 Chris Hare: Tools to Rewrite Your Story—and Live It Better

Episode Date: April 18, 2025

In Part 3 of this series, narrative strategist Chris Hare leaves us with a gift: the tools to take control of our own stories. Whether it’s envisioning your future in a quiet theater, asking loved ones for feedback through a meaningful 360, or identifying the patterns that shaped your past, Chris’s methods are built for reflection and action. This isn’t productivity advice or LinkedIn bait—it’s practical wisdom for designing a story you can live with. For Gen Xers rethinking legacy, reinvention, and what success actually looks like, this episode is a toolkit with a soul.>>The Movie Theater Exercise“What would your life movie look like if it played tomorrow in an empty theater?”Chris walks us through a powerful future-visioning tool: a quiet, internal exercise that helps you feel the trajectory of your life—and decide if it’s headed where you want.>>The Real 360“Ask people who love you: what’s my superpower?”Chris explains how to gather stories and values from people who know you best—not for a performance review, but for a pattern breakthrough.>>How One Story Sparked a LinkedIn Flood“A fighter pilot shared his lowest moment. Hundreds told him who he really was.”Chris shares how a client’s vulnerable storytelling post turned into a cascade of unseen feedback—proving that the stories we live often matter more than we realize.>>Inputs, Not Absolutes“Be careful—feedback reflects the version of you people saw, not who you’re becoming.”Chris and Vince dig into the risks of misaligned input, and why choosing a diverse, thoughtful, and intentional group for feedback is everything.>>Why Machines Can’t Replace Meaning“If AI read our transcript, it’d miss the one moment that mattered.”Chris explains why storytelling—and coaching—can’t be fully automated. Because the spark is often in the tone, the pause, the shift. And only humans catch that._____________________Connect with us:Host: Vince Chan | Guest: Chris Hare  --Chief Change Officer--Change Ambitiously. Outgrow Yourself.Open a World of Expansive Human Intelligencefor Transformation Gurus, Black Sheep,Unsung Visionaries & Bold Hearts.12 Million+ All-Time Downloads.Reaching 80+ Countries Daily.Global Top 3% Podcast.Top 10 US Business.Top 1 US Careers.>>>140,000+ are outgrowing. Act Today.<<<

Hi, everyone. Welcome to our show, Chief Change Officer. I'm Vince Chen, your ambitious human host. Our show is a modernist community for change progressives in organizational and human transformation from around the world. If you've been listening to my show, you know I bring guests from all corners of the world to share their stories. Through these stories, we dive into high-sight, insights, and foresight for you, the progressive-minded

listeners who crave change. Whether you're navigating a career shift, a personal transformation like health challenges, or driving change in your organization or community, there's something here for you. Today's episode has a unique twist. I'm interviewing a storytelling expert to share his own story.

My guest, Chris Hare, is a strategic narrative advisor and coach for companies like Amazon and Microsoft, guiding leaders and executives with his approach called Atomic Storytelling. His method breaks down complex stories into their cool, resonant elements. In this three-part series, we'll journey through Chris' experiences in three stages. In the last two days, part one, part two, we've explored his expertise in helping businesses craft compelling corporate stories and understand the connection between story and narrative. We've also looked at storytelling for personal transformation, as Chris shared some of the best and worst stories he's ever heard or felt. He has also opened up about his own mental health challenges. and up about his own mental health challenges. Today, Part 3, he'll introduce tools we can use to develop our own stories and narratives. And here's a personal confession.

I told him one of his exercises might just make me cry. I'll also be sharing my own experience with another exercise, highlighting both his challenges and insights. So, let's dive into the final chapter of Chris's story. So, for those listening who might not have direct access to professional guidance, what can they do to craft and shape their own stories? Whether they are in career transition, facing personal challenges, or just feeling stuck, what would you suggest as essential steps for creating a story that truly resonates with who they are. Yeah, so there's two very practical tools that I recommend.

And if it's helpful, I can share a worksheet with you that walks through these that you could share with your guests. But their first exercise is what I call the movie theater. And so it's a visualization where I have people think about their very first day of retirement. And some people say, okay, I'm never gonna retire. So maybe the last week of life, right when you're elderly, what I have people think about is, okay, yesterday, you had a retirement party. They gave you a watch or a plaque. And today you have no more title, no more power, no more paycheck. Also no more emails. Hooray.

And all of those things. And so you decide to go to the movie theater and you buy a ticket for the blockbust, for this blockbuster and you go and sit in your favorite seat and you have your Coke and you have your popcorn and there's no one else in the theater and the movie starts playing. And so then I have people visualize that movie that plays is actually not the blockbuster, it's actually your life playing and your career, not just your career, but your entire life, one scene after the next play and the good, but also the bad, the people that you brought with you, the people you left behind, etc.

And I have people not just think about that, but feel that and sit in it. And then I start asking questions of what are some of the themes that you're seeing? What are you feeling good and bad? What might you call that movie and that sort of thing? And so what that does is help you see the trajectory that you're on, what you want that future to look like, but also what does your past look like in bringing up those scenes.

And so that is one way of, it's interesting because it feels very peaceful in one sense. You're in this, envisioning this quiet movie theater, but the other hand, it can be chaotic because you have all these stories that can come flooding in. So that's one exercise that can really stir that up. And then you can start to analyze, okay, what's the narrative that's going to get me there? If I want a different future, what's the narrative that's going to get me to that future? And then the other piece is the one that I think is the most practical if you want to find,

uncover atomic stories that you didn't know were there is doing the 360s. So what I would recommend is picking three to five people. And this is not the 360 that many of us from corporate America are used to where you have people that there's all kinds of politics and they're evaluating you, potentially putting you down, being very critical. The goal here is not that. The goal here is to go and talk to three to five people who know you, care about you and want you to succeed.

And they know you in different spheres and ask them. Spend 30 minutes, ask if you can record the call and ask them the first question. Based on how you've seen me live my life, what do you believe my number one value is? Or you could ask what are my top two values, whatever. And then the next question is please tell a story that you believe best demonstrates that value. And there's other questions that you can ask. So if you're wanting to know thought leadership, for example, potential directions for thought leadership, what's the one thing that Vince should write about forever?

If Vince could only talk about or write about one thing, what would that be? To put constraints on it. So you take those interviews, you record them, and then start looking at the patterns from them and seeing and looking at, okay, what are those stories that they told and how do they make me feel? How do they challenge my thinking? How might I synthesize those to shift the direction that I'm going? The great example of this was how I ended up bringing 360s into my methodology. But I had on Art Delacruz, who's the CEO of Team Rubicon, an amazing nonprofit that

deploys veterans, gives veterans community and purpose by creating opportunities for them to go and serve after natural disasters. And so Art had an entire career in the Navy and was a top gun instructor as a fighter pilot or naval aviator and was a top gun instructor. And he said the only thing that was true in the first Top Gun movie was when their plane went into a 360 spin. And that happened to him. For 57 seconds, their plane was plunging towards the desert and they did desert floor and they did all of the things to get out of the spin and they couldn't.

And so they had to eject a $40 million plane blows up in a fireball with, I think, 14,000 pounds of fuel. And then they're parachuting down and have to maneuver their parachutes so they don't land in the fireball. What was interesting, he talked through the narrative, the internal narrative, and then how he navigated through that, and then how he came back from that to fly again. A lot of people wouldn't be able to fly again. He took ownership, even though he was mostly not at fault. What was interesting though is I posted about that on

LinkedIn. It was the highest true engagement of any post I've ever had on LinkedIn because what was fascinating is person after person from across decades who have known him came and commented on who he was as a leader, how they owed him for what he'd taught them, or people within the nonprofit that he works in telling just remarkable stories about who he was as a leader. And so this wasn't him saying, how do I burnish my executive brand? And how do I tell this story that positions me as a thought leader. It was him telling this very raw and vulnerable story. It was also the fact that he lived in those moments, he led in those moments across his

career even when no one was watching or seemingly no one was watching. But because he had the guts to tell this story in that environment, that opened up for people to come and share these perspectives that gave him an opportunity to hear those things that he might never have heard. So that's what sparked that. But I would say those are the two tools is one, that future visioning, and then the other is the 360 piece. First, let me admit, the movie theater exercise is something I'll definitely want to try. Please do send me the worksheet. I can imagine that if I were in that theater alone, I would likely cry, even though I'm not typically one to shed tears, not

even happy ones. But picturing myself in that situation, not so much at retirement, but maybe at the end of my life, it would move me deeply. As for the 360-degree feedback, I actually did a version of this a few years ago, not with just 3-5 people, but with about 50- 50 people across different periods of my life. Some friends from 30 years ago, others from 20 or 10 years back, covering a range of relationships and contexts. contexts, I asked each of them to answer, what do you see as my superpower? And to share words that came to mind when they thought of me. Each one responded with their unique insights, elaborating on their thoughts. I took notes on everything, gathered the data points, and even created a spreadsheet to track common themes.

My Chicago training pushed me to analyze these patterns, and it was fascinating to see the traits that surfaced across the board. That exercise gave me meaningful clarity and reinforced aspects of myself I felt aligned with. It was incredibly helpful. Yeah, so I think some of it is what will people take on. And so for some of my clients, talking to three or four people, that might be a lot for them, but on the flip side, I'm actually working with a founder named Dr. Tammy Wang. So she used to be the VP of machine learning and analytics at Korn Ferry and

her co-founder is a leadership development professor at Columbia. And so we're actually taking my storytelling frameworks and the first one we're doing is Atomic 360 and we're putting it on their AI leadership development platform. So it'll give you a tool where you could actually do that at scale. And so stay tuned on that. So I'll definitely share that with you so that you could go to 50 or 100. But yeah, I think absolutely if somebody wants to do that and can do that, I think that's amazing.

There could also be the danger with people can give us feedback based on the version of us. So if we're living by a particular narrative and we're presenting in the world based on that narrative, people could actually end up reinforcing that narrative that needs to change. I had a client recently when I met with one of his 360 interviewees, highly successful businessman, phenomenal. And what I actually realized is what my client's internal narrative was had been shaped by an interaction that he had with this friend and business leader years ago. And what this business leader had done is he'd actually projected his narrative on my client and kind of infected his narrative.

And so my client took that on and it created significant discontent and shifted his trajectory based on that. discontent and shifted his trajectory based on that. So if I had said, Hey, this is truth, or if you'd had 50 people that were also saying, and I actually did have other people say similar things that would have kept my client embracing the wrong narrative. And so I think we'd just have to be careful and think about them in terms of these are inputs, but we need to synthesize them and frame them up against that future that we want to create.

Other lesson I learned goes back to my days as an MBA admissions interviewer. You mentioned input and output, and it got me thinking about how MBA and law programs and similar institutions often shape future alumni and leaders. It's not only about the narrative they tell, it's about how they select tender days. They choose specific types of people with qualities that maximize the likelihood of success. That's why these schools can point to impressive alumni is by design. Why does this relate to the feedback exercise I did with my 50 friends?

Because I was equally thoughtful about who I chose. First, I knew they would be willing to give me a solid 30 minutes of their time or even more. Second, I selected those who knew me well enough, spending various parts of my life, some friendships going back 30 years, others for the last decade. I intentionally created a diverse pool to get a wide range of viewpoints. Additionally, these friends saw me in different roles and at different times, so they each had unique perspectives on my evolution. I aimed for a meaningful balance,

enough for people to get diverse insights, but not so many that the feedback would become irrelevant. I felt 50 was just right, nor wouldn't have added value if the people were not as closely connected with me. And I'm curious, so what was your conclusion based on all of that input in terms of what your superpower is? Superpower?

First of all, most of them mentioned that I am a de-thinker. Words like logical, analytical, and persistent came up frequently. Once I decide to pursue something, they see me as unwavering in following it through. Interestingly, some offered perspectives I had not considered myself. For example, Waverly George, my former professor from Chicago Booth, who is also my guest on the show in season 2 if anyone is interested, she commented on my ability to do maths and tell stories, which in her words is a rare combination. I took this as a positive compliment given her unique background. She is a PhD in theatre history with an undergrad degree in computer science, combining both

artistic and quantitative strengths in her teaching of entrepreneurship and business. Her lens on my skills was influenced by her own experience as someone who bridges the gap between art and science. One takeaway here is that the people you choose to ask for feedback come with their own perspectives. The insights into your strengths are inevitably influenced and limited by their backgrounds. That's why selecting a diverse group, thoughtfully chosen for their varied experiences, is key to gaining a well-rounded understanding of your super powers. Yeah, I think what's coming to mind as you're saying that too is there's what's also challenging. So the work that I'm doing is very like it's very unstructured data, right?

Like it's based on a conversation and it's also part of it is reading the energy of the person and the stories that they're telling. And for example, although I think it would be good to introduce this as well, here's 10 questions, answer A, B, and C on each one of them. But in terms of the inputs with these conversations, it can be 100 to 150,000 words from these interviews. You also introduce the challenge of when you're interviewing these people, you also, like we unknowingly put weight on more weight on some people's opinions than others, whether it's because of the friendship or the level of friendship,

or whether it's because of the position they have or the power that they have or the role that they've had, right? So like Jonathan Adler, he teaches at Department of Psychology at Olin College of Engineering and then also Harvard Medical School. He talks about the fact that if I'm telling you a story, well, if we had our cameras on right now,

I'm never telling the same story twice. I'm rewriting the story as I'm telling you based on your face, how your facial expressions, your body language, your tone of voice, the fact that you say something, the fact that you don't say something, right? So there's all those factors that play into it that make it incredibly complex, right? That's right. Exactly. And that's the key point I want to emphasize. This is precisely why AI cannot replace the human touch. AI has incredible data capacity and can assist in generating a vast amount of content, but it lacks the nuanced understanding that comes from genuine human connection. Hallucination issues aside, even when it comes to reading emotions, we still don't have

technology that truly reflects the depth of understanding needed. Some advancements are being made in emotion detection, but it's far from capturing the authentic experience of sitting across from someone, reading their body language, responding naturally, and engaging in a meaningful meaningful unscripted conversation. That's where the human element remains irreplaceable. Yeah, exactly.

Because I've seen, if you looked at the transcripts from some of my interviews, if a machine were to read it, there's nothing there. They were just saying something, talking about some interaction they had in an office that was incredibly minor, therefore it's not important. But if you were to see the person and see their smile or see the light in their eyes that shifted or hear the rise in their energy, that's a clue that the machine would not have picked up, right? Chris, I really want to thank you for your time today. You've been incredibly generous actually giving me a full 90 minutes of your time. I love it thank you. Yeah thank you so much for joining us today.

If you like what you heard, don't forget to subscribe to our show, leave us top-rated reviews, check out our website, and follow me on social media. I'm Vince Chen, your ambitious human host. Until next time, take care.