Chief Change Officer - Sihame El Kaouakibi: Rising from Rock Bottom to Achieve Peak Performance — Part One

Episode Date: December 30, 2024

Part One. Sihame El Kaouakibi is not our average guest. As our first speaker from Belgium, she’s a Moroccan immigrant who has faced and conquered burnout, bankruptcy, and countless challenges. A parliamentarian, diversity advocate, creator of Women Leaders OS, and leadership coach, she represents the epitome of transformation. What makes Sihame truly special is her mindset. She doesn’t just endure adversity—she embraces it, describing herself as “anti-fragile.” Her ability to transform hardships into strengths is something we can all learn from. Tune in to Part One now, and get ready for Part Two tomorrow. Key Highlights of Our Interview: Burnt Out, Bankrupt, and Back in Business “I went from being burnt out, confused, overwhelmed, and even bankrupt to now being in the best shape of my life—physically, mentally, and professionally.” Validation Detox: Kicking the Need for External Approval “Without success, without my work, without external validation and recognition, I felt like nothing. I felt nobody.” Politics 101: When Ego Meets Reality “I made an ego-driven decision, and it was a messiah complex, believing I had everything—like potential and talents to drive change.” “I wasn’t aligned with my values and beliefs anymore. So my lesson is if you feel you have to give up on your principles, quit.” Thriving vs. Surviving: Why “You’re Not Stuck, You’re Just in the Wrong Pot” Applies to Your Career “The most liberating decision can be to move on and find your tribe, find your environment where you can thrive.” “Sometimes it’s better to accept the rejection than feeling stuck. Rejection can be redirection, and it’s sometimes better to just leave.” Operating System for Women Leaders: How to Handle Life’s Curveballs Without Crashing “My mission is to help 1 million women turn life challenges into life changes for the better. These women want to break through in their careers, but they want to do it without the burnouts.” “Women still lack internal beliefs and also support systems. So it starts really with women deciding that they are worthy and willing to change.” Success Isn’t Always Instagram-Pretty: The Ugly Side of the Hustle “There’s so much about glamorized success, but there is always another side. People you envy might be in deep pain, even if they are millionaires or have social status.” Connect with Us: Host: Vince Chan | Guest: Sihame El Kaouakibi ______________________ Chief Change Officer: Make Change Ambitiously. Experiential Human Intelligence for Growth Progressives Global Top 2.5% Podcast on Listen Notes World's #1 Career Podcast on Apple Top 1: US, CA, MX, IE, HU, AT, CH, FI 3.5 Million+ Downloads 80+ Countries

Hi everyone, welcome to our show, Chief Change Officer. I'm Vince Chen, your ambitious human host. Oshu is a modernist community for change progressives in organizational and human transformation from around the world. How do I even begin to introduce our first guest from Belgium who has Moroccan roots. Her name is Siham El-Kawakibi. She is a Moroccan immigrant, a burnout and bankruptcy survivor, a parliamentarian, a a champion of diversity and inclusion. She's also the creator of Women Leaders OS, and a Women's Leadership Coach. She is all of these and more.

Beyond these identities, what truly impresses me are the experiences that have shaped these transformations. Some people thrive in politics, others in stability. Seeham thrives in adversity. She describes herself as more than resilient. She is anti-fragile. I see her as someone who has learned over time to turn adversity into an advantage. It's not an inborn talent. Rather, it's something nurtured and developed. How? Let's find out.

Hello, hello. Yes, I'm here. Thank you. Siham has over 20 years of experience across both the private and public sectors, along with a wealth of personal experiences. That's so much we can talk about today. Before that, could you give us an overview of your journey through the key milestones of your life and career?

Then we'll explore different elements in more detail. All right. What an opening. That's quite the story, right? So, for the people listening, my name is Siham. I was born in 86 to Moroccan immigrants in Belgium. I was raised there, studied there, worked there. In the past 20 years, I was an entrepreneur, actually five-time founder, former member of parliament. And yeah, I actually have to just be very honest. As a young woman of color, I did face a lot of adversity.

And my milestones started there, I think, because I found a way through education, hard work, and luck to transform adversity into a sort of resilience. My experience really sparked for me a super deep desire to turn these societal hurdles into driving force for change. So my milestone is there the non-profit work. I founded, designed, implemented award-winning empowerment programs, education programs for youth and women. But simultaneously I did enter the entrepreneurial world, co-founded several firms, especially focused on next-gen inclusion and diversity. That was like the first 15 years and then five years ago I entered politics. As a member of parliament and that changed really everything but for the worse. Where entrepreneurship is a positive sum game. I can assure you politics is a zero sum game.

It became this toxic work environment. And yeah, a couple of years ago, three, four years ago, I went through a very difficult burnout, period of burnout, diagnosed PTSD. So it forced me slow down. During slowing down, what is a privilege today, but you can slow down, I healed, started pivoting, and actually I really went from being burnt out, confused, overwhelmed, even bankrupt to now being back in the best shape of my life. Physically, mentally, I'm resilient, but actually more than resilient.

I love to say I'm anti-fragile. I really find strength in adversity and I'm in a career that I'm more proud of than ever. So I can proudly say that today I'm a skin in the game consultant. Impact and innovation is my thing at the intersection of pitbull, prosperity, planet, and actually it's about converting SEGs into tangible results. And besides consulting, I love coaching high performing women because we can relate. And I think that's also the way we met, Vince. Yes, we met through common friends and explored common topics,

which is one of the reasons why I really wanted to interview you. You have so much knowledge and real experience to share. As I mentioned in the show notes, I don't sell the success stories of my guests. They are obviously successful in their own way and in their own space. But what makes this podcast special is the real stories, the lived experiences, which sometimes aren't very pleasant. You mentioned mental health, which is undoubtedly a hot topic in today's world. Honestly, in a world as complex and challenging as ours, who can truly say they are perfectly mentally healthy? We all have to deal with different kinds of stress and burn out.

So let's start here. Let's talk about mental health. If I understood you correctly, is this something that stems from your years in politics, or doesn't go further back? Maybe to your childhood, adolescence, or work life in the private sector? Please share more about the challenges you faced. Yeah, I love the question again, because like you said, mental health is something a lot of people deal with today. People, it's not only about measuring mental health and having more assessments and having

more people going to therapy or talking about it. It's really an issue that in these difficult times where everything is a little bit confusing, where we have a lack of leadership as well, a lack of sense of belonging sometimes that the things that are happening in the world also just weigh on people. And for me, politics was maybe ignited something that was of course needs to something from a young age and he of course as a child. Okay. But it's the last four years that have been transformational.

No, like I said, I was always on top of my game going like a high speed train. I had this very short and long term goals, high enterprise, accomplishments. And then when life takes an unexpected turn for me in just one day, I went from doing very well to hitting rock bottom and that confusion, stress, anxiety, but also the rejection that came with it had such a huge impact on my mental health, life and career that of course when you slow down and dig deeper and do the work, yeah of course it's connected with who is Siham, who was Siham when she was like this eight-year-old child and then then in her teenager, what led Seaham to this time of confusion. So for me, for example, when everything happened to me a couple of years ago, like really the

big clack, the doors slam, the shadow in my face, I really tried to solve the situation with coping mechanisms. I knew, but it made things worse. So this really led to life changing questions. It also led to zero self-belief and confidence. And you mentioned success. For me, I personalize myself with success. But when you personalize yourself with your success, you do the same with your failures.

Without success, without my work, without external validation and recognition, I felt like nothing. I felt like nothing. I felt nobody and this comes from someone whose work was empowering people until they could say I am somebody. So this was really so painful. The rejection was I couldn't get a grasp on my life again. So I really had to put in a lot of work after I realized that rock bottom can become fertile ground and it became fertile ground for me. But I couldn't do this by myself. It was my support system, it was coaching,

it was therapy, it was podcasts, books, going back to study, all these things, all these programs. I decided to use this rock bottom as a reset button and yeah, I could just rebuild from the ground up. What are your values? Politics led me far away from my core beliefs and values so I could align back with my real values. I could rewrite my purpose, my Ikegai, my... I could align them with what I was doing with my action and I could redefine success, health. So even though this actually this spirit of struggling with my mental health changed my perspective on what it means to have a successful career and to be at our best in our health, at work, in our careers, in our relationships and that personal journey became just this transformation to let go of a lot of things, to let go of control, to let go of my ego. The ego of my past success, I call it.

Do you really want to go back to the person you were, the situation you were in? No. Embrace a privilege that maybe the fact that you can slow down can also has led me to realizing that I am somebody without the accolades and achievements. So actually my mental health today is better than before, but before I didn't feel it because I was so busy in my head, I wasn't in my body. So today it's really being aligned with your mind, body and soul is true. And I had to experience it in a very hard way, but this healing journey is, it was an opportunity, is an opportunity to learn, to grow, to pivot. It's a journey to re-know purpose and direction.

And today you just understand that you need to, you need to build your mental health and the way you approach life and projects or work or whatever, relationships in a more sustainable way. And of course it took me a lot of time, it took me three years. And so that's why I decided to start consulting. I love coaching because I don't think it has to take three years. And you can do this alone. So I'm so privileged that during my mental health journey,

like going from rock bottom to who I am today and how I approach life today is of course because I had an abundance of love and warmth and grateful to have the health, the physical health as well and to be able to cope with this very dark period to where I am today, Hall of Light. Where I am today, all of light. So far, I've had two guests in season one, both women who are involved in politics. One is a parliamentarian in Singapore, and the other one was a lawyer in Paris before moving to Senegal to get involved in politics and government. Now she's deeply involved in public administration.

In their respective capacities, they've made great impacts in their communities. I'd like to share a bit from their experiences. For example, the one in Singapore, my classmate from Chicago Booth MBA, mentioned that the election period and its aftermath were the darkest times in her life. She didn't explicitly mention mental health, but she was attacked on social media for her age and so-called inexperience, being the youngest elected parliamentarian at that time. I bring this up because you mentioned that politics is a negative sum game. While I can imagine the satisfaction of being in a position of influence and making an impact on the communities you care about, I can also see how political games could be a major source of mental health challenges.

Can you share more about the challenges you faced during that time? And of course without naming names, just the lessons you learned or specific incidents that led to struggles, perhaps even depression? I think that would be helpful. Politics is a difficult chapter in my life, so I'll take time to think about the big lines that I want to share. And I think I have to start from the beginning and then go towards the lessons learned. So if I start with the beginning, back then I was 28, working at full speed as an entrepreneur. Our organizations were making a huge impact on youth and people through

empowerment, impact driven consultancy. And actually I never intended to run for elections really. Several party leaders asked me to join their party and run. I always said no was my default answer because we had impact and freedom to speak up without political affiliation, so we could advocate for change, for equality and justice freely. But like the rest of Europe and the West, Belgium saw the rise of extreme parties, for-right conservatism, we had this racism, sexism, name it, you name it. And social media, and I was a target for that,

social media became a hotbed for hate speech, which of course hurts as a community builder and leader that what we were doing, bringing people together, creating sense of belonging, uniting people through projects, tangible achievements, youth centers, et cetera. So when I saw that these elections in 2019, this was end of 2018, beginning 2019, these elections would be pivotal for the country. So that's where when one of the

some people came to me from a certain party, that's the first time, it was the timing as well. I was emotional because everything was happening. I could see it in the news, I was like, what is this? All these campaigns, anti-women, anti-migrants, etc. So I decided to run in 24 hours. I consulted, of course, people close to me, but like with everything, these people that knew me as a hard-forming woman, always stubborn, just doing my thing, ego-driven decisions, they just, they couldn't hold me back. I know they wanted to do, but they couldn't. They just knew that I wasn't... they weren't able to hold me back and that was like part of my personality and also part of being stubborn in your goals and in your visions to make a change. I decided to run, got elected, but it was from day one of campaigning very challenging. We had this conservatism, nationalism, far-right.

They had almost 50% representation. So they imagine being in parliament, more than 50% is really the opposite of what you stand for and who you are and, you know, what my looks are and etc. So it's created a tough work environment. People forget, but it a tough work environment. People forget that it's a work environment when you go to your work as a member of parliament. Plus we faced COVID and Black Lives Matter during my first year, making me work from 0 to 200% politics. And that's where I really regret the decision because I went into politics at a bad time.

I had several big projects and teams running. So when I started my mandate, I invested all my time in politics and people leading my teams and projects behind. And of course there were other managers and board members, etc. You were the face so you were accountable. And this really gave my political opponents the best shot to spin and turn this information, hurting my reputation. And I almost lost everything. My health even led to, like I said, bankruptcy. And it's just because I was quite naive because choosing one party made other parties that

supported, for example, our organizations, organizations, yeah, furious. They felt that's something typical politics. They always feel that you owe them. Right. And because of my choice, it felt for them like the trail. So my initial motivation to speak up and in these hard times, pivotal times for the country as a community builder with 15 years of experience let's go into politics and have this system changing. The initial motivation was it may be legit but the consequences. I didn't think about the

consequences enough and it was a very hard way to experience this harsh truth and it became now a reset button on my 35th birthday, but the good thing I lost a big part of my ego and my Relationships and house are stronger than ever because the key lessons really this is because this was a big part of your question So sorry that I'm just answering now if I think about it I wasn't aligned with my values and beliefs anymore So my lesson is if you feel you have to give up on your principles quit it certainly politics quit Don't fight and it's like oh see that's not really courageous. It's because the status quo is hard to change and especially if you speak

up for the underrepresented if something happens to you they can't speak up for you. You lose anyway and especially when you started politics from a kind of a messiah complex. Now you go into politics because you want to change things because you believe you can change things and thinking that you can change deep rooted inequalities like just by yourself? Not true, it's not possible. So first of all I actually had to convert my circles of trust and credibility communities to the bigger purpose and then end the policy. You need to build strong foundations, your mandate actually isn't associated just with

you, but stands for a bigger project. That's the only way that you don't isolate, but that you can start to collaborate. And another key lesson, don't make eco-driven decisions. Sometimes you have to stay low, work harder, because when you rise too fast, powers in place will focus on you, will bring you down quickly. And then the question is left, like what legacy is then left? What change did you bring? Was it for the better or for the worse?

And then the biggest lesson of course from a governance point of view, if you have companies or mandates just quick before entering politics to avoid them being used against you. And the most beautiful lesson I think, you are elected by the people. Okay, so even though they can maybe damage your reputation with misinformation and political campaigns adversity they cannot take your seat okay it's the people chose you don't ever forget that and try to show up be courageous but if the environment is too toxic is it worth it if you quite isolated, especially as people who stand for

change, sometimes it's not worth it. You still need to prioritize yourself, self-care, and certainly if you have a family you're accountable for, you need to put yourself in them first. Because otherwise you cannot fight for the people. That's just the thing. And sometimes, I think it's about timing. For me, it wasn't the right timing. I made an ego-driven decision and it was a messiah complex and of course belief. I had everything like potential and talent to be, to do something, to drive change. Otherwise there was no focus from political opponents. So that I know. But it was too soon, too early without a foundation, a community standing

next to me, beside me, standing for this bigger project. And that's okay. It's a hard lesson learned and my motivation was legit. And yeah, all the rest is trying to keep driving change as an advocate for change, as an entrepreneur, as an impact consultant. That's actually what I do better. So that's my position now. Politics, whether in government or the office, is something that some people are really good

at navigating. Some people thrive in it and even seek out more of it. It sounds like you saw parliament as a stage to make a positive impact on the communities you care about. Your intentions were noble, but the environment made things worse. Not only were you unable to create the impact you wanted, but you also faced various attacks and toxic behavior. The same goes for obvious environments. Many corporate workers might be incredibly smart and capable, but they struggle to climb the corporate ladder because they either don't play politics, don't play it well, or aren't willing to play it at all. I've been in a corporate world, and I've seen and experienced my share of political

maneuvering. I've had my own struggles with mental health due to corporate politics. That's part of why I decided to become an entrepreneur, a free agent, rather than being bound or controlled by that environment. For many people, whether they are considering a job change, a career shift, or even trying to change the world as an entrepreneur, one key takeaway is to choose your environment and culture carefully. your environment and culture carefully. In certain cultures and environments, you can thrive and excel, in others, you might

struggle. It doesn't mean you are not smart or that your intentions are not good enough. Often it's the environment and the culture that holds you back, preventing you from achieving what you want to achieve. That's been my experience. Beautiful. Yeah, I can relate. I can relate. The environment is everything. If you feel you're surviving instead of striving, you need to quit, you need to risk. Because a lot of women that I guide now, some of them really start, there's really these beautiful,

amazing women, high positions, and they're still sometimes like in this environment with this political games toxic leadership and they stay I'm like, okay, what's the plan and The strange thing is that they cling they just holding this situation holding it's it's holding them back They're just stuck and sometimes it's better to accept the rejection than feeling stuck I think so if the environment, the toxic environment feels like a rejection maybe it's better rejection can be redirection and it's sometimes better to just believe and I think the most liberating decision can be to move on and like you said you need to find your tribe you need to find your environment so you can try.

But it's confronting, right? Being rejected. Why is someone toxic? It's like, for example, for women. Of course, more and more women go into leadership positions. They're needed, okay? And feminine leadership is actually based on empathy, emotional intelligence, also inclusivity. And I know that, and I was one of of them that it's no longer true that women need to like mimic masculine or male leaders. I think we should embrace our strength, lead with our authentic selves and I think we can relate I don't know if you experienced but I've experienced so many times called being irritated or too emotional after just being me in stating my points in a meeting

with a lot of passion. But it does affect you as a woman, as a person, as a human. You lose your genuine, vulnerable self because of it. And so I think when the moment you have to choose and you have to be someone that you're not, yeah, you lose your authenticity and that's so important in a leading position that you actually not only in leading position, for everyone to be able to lean into your authenticity. And that's not possible in a toxic work environment. Thank you so much for joining us today.

If you like what you heard, don't forget to subscribe to our show, leave us top-rated reviews, check out our website, and follow me on social media. I'm Vince Chen, your ambitious human host. Until next time, take care.