Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 102 - Ranking Texan Cryptids

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

The next big deep dive is in the works... Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/chilluminatipod BUY OUR MERCH - http://www.theyetee.com/collections/chilluminati Thanks to our sponsors this episode http://www.stamps.com PROMO CODE - CHILL http://www.manscaped.com PROMO CODE - CHILL20 http://www.magicspoon.com PROMO CODE CHILL Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - http://www.youtube.com/user/ThatOneLazerClown Art Commissioned by - http://www.mollyheadycarroll.com Theme - Matt Proft End song - POWER FAILURE - https://soundcloud.com/powerfailure Video - http://www.twitter.com/digitalmuppet Update Description

Capella University is rethinking higher education. With their game-changing flex-path format, you can earn your degree on your schedule so you can fit education seamlessly into your life. Imagine your future differently at capella.edu. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Chilluminati Podcast, episode 102. As always, I'm one of your hosts, Mike Martin, joined by my two co-hosts, Alex Fasiana and Justin Cox.

Bing, bing, bing. What's up? Bong, bong, bong. And bing, bing, bing. That's my shit. Clang, clang, clang, what the trolley! Right? That's our new intro, man.

No more need for our theme song, which is that. If no one in the podcast doesn't go out on the internet, it's just a vaudeville act that's traveling from theater to local theater. I'd be into it, at least for a little while. I'd probably want to go home at some point, but for a good couple weeks. I'm tired. Do you ever think about the fact that you've got Dean and you've got Deanna?

Never once, but now that's weird. That's really weird. And wow, I never thought of that. That's bizarre. And you know what I always think about? Patreon.com slash ChilluminatiPod, a great website that you can go to to support this show, the three wonderful men who host it. And also, Dean and Dio.

Hey, wait, wait. Oh, that's that it? That that everybody knows. You know what? That's what makes you get your extra 15 minutes of episode, at least every week. Yeah, I guess all the talk about today, by the way. Yeah, I got some excited. And, you know, also there's art, there's pre-sale, there's a discord.

And it all works. It's all real, cool stuff. All the people there are great. It all works and it all works. It's not a bunch of BS that like people crap out of the last minute. Everything happens. It looks great. It's beautiful. And what else?

Oh, I'm going to tease this lightly because it's very lightly teased, teaseable that whatever new projects we're doing, whatever new show elements we bring into the system, it's all going to be through Patreon. So the the sooner you become a part of that world, the more inner circle you become in the real Chiluminati and become a true Chiluminati, the secret society that makes sure everybody is relaxed. Oh, yeah, I love it. Um, before we get going, actually, speaking of the community as a whole,

I like to visit the subreddit every so often and somebody posted something today. They reminded me of the whole tomb get saga that happened on a different series that you guys do. Yes. But they said they found you in an old Power Rangers movie that they used to watch as a kid. I bet you this is not going to hurt my first. I was like, no, wait, I look like a stoned monkey. So it's all good. Don't worry about it.

Oh, what is this? But they posted just wanted to put it out there. What is this? It just looks like. Oh, my God. At least I got super tight with the two hottest Rangers. You did. And if I'm being real, if I'm being real, the clothes look comfy.

They really do, though. I was going to say that. You look so close. Those clothes are so comfy. What's the deal with this, dude? What happened to him? He's Larry got. I don't know what happened to him. Larry got. It is from the turbo of turbo of Power Rangers movie.

So past my time. Larry got. He's a liar. Looks exactly like Alex. No, he doesn't. He looks like a figurine that you would have on like your scary grandma's house on the counter. Yes, I'm with Alex on this. He's a wizard. He's a wise Liarian wizard from Liaria.

He's friends with Zord on Alpha five. They all got rescued by the turbo Rangers. He has the power to heal. Wow. He learned how to speak English, but he doesn't speak it fluently. I got to hear that sometime. God, he looks terrible. He's a wild looking dude.

He could not come from like this decade. Like he's from the seventies. Well, look how young the frickin Tommy is in that photo. Like he's got his long, luscious hair still. I was like, he's a mischonny before. I was long gone before turbo. I don't know when, when turbo. I have no idea, but I just want that just gave me a giggle.

It's fine. Larry, go find him on a chlumeli subreddit. Yeah. All right. So, boys, as a here's my tease for the future. We are we're currently in the midst of starting our next big deep dive. And after a hundred episodes, I thought it'd finally be time to tackle a cult. So cult is a cult is coming to a coverage is coming to the show in the near future. But in the meanwhile, I was about to I was about to protest

and say that the Raleons were a cult, but then I remembered that they're a religion. They're still a religion. I mean, a violent cult, a really violent cult, true, crimey kind of call is what I'm going for. Until then, I wanted to celebrate my big move across the country. And so in honor of my new home state of Texas, I am we're going to go and dive into some of Texas's local cryptids, everybody. We're going to do a Texas specific deep dive.

Yes, he's already texted the group chat with Larry. Got started to pop it up on my text feed. Oh, no. Holy crap. Is that funny? That is what it's like. It doesn't look anything like Alex yet at the same time. He's entirely Alex. It looks like he's like too vaped out in the pic, too.

He looks like he just like hit the dab too hard. I've never seen anything like it. It like doesn't at all look like you is entirely one hundred percent. It looks like you. It is. It is. Exactly. Exactly. It doesn't look like Alex, but it has Alex's vibe. He has five times the size of my fingers, three times a small teeth. He looks like he just the biggest.

Oh, my God. Dude, what the fuck is this guy, dude? He's like a slight underbite. You know, the puppetry of that face would be creepy and unnatural. Oh, God. OK. So in honor of moving to Texas, we're doing Texas cryptids today. And so we need to come up with a Texas rating system because we're going to do about two or three of them,

depending on how much time we have. But just like the last time we did some, we need a rating system, boys, that you're going to be rating these cryptids on a certain scale. So what kind of rating system should we go? That would be valuable to the listeners. Mine, my scale is going to be equal to greater than or less than Larragot. Measuring against.

Look, yeah, I guess they'd have to go to the subreddit to see this creature so they could understand. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. I'm going to, you know what? It'll be clear. It'll be clear how I feel. It's a three point system. I'm based in mine off of the previous ones. Is it the same rating system? Is it an influential to society kind of thing?

Is it cool? And what does it look like? All right. Let's start then with the donkey lady of San Antonio. This is going to be like a hilarious story or like an extremely sad story. The donkey lady of San Antonio has a familiar story for most cryptids. A grotesque, half donkey, half woman monster haunts a bridge. If you drive out there at night and loudly call for her, she just might appear and make you regret ever being curious.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Any bridge? It's a it's a specific bridge in San Antonio will give you the exact. I'm going to give you the exact. Are you telling me all the times I've been to pack south, I could have gone out to a bridge and been like, donkey lady, donkey lady, show yourself. You could have been making out with the donkey lady. Oh, my God. That scary bar up the street from the convention center. Look, there are some times where I would have been like, all right, let's do this.

One time we were in San Antonio and a man who was our waiter, who had like four teeth came up to us and told us to steer clear of a specific bar because he goes there all the time and it's too it's too crazy for us. Who? Crazy for you. It was like, you might get shanked or something. Dude, I don't know. But he was like, stay out of there. There's a lot of drug dealers in there. I go in there all the time. It's nuts.

All right. Thank you for the advice. We just want to talk about like whatever. All right. Well, like most cryptids in these little bundle episodes, we have it. We've done or we're going to end up doing. There's very little in terms of like proper traceable origin. The best I was able to dig up is two separate origin stories for her. The first was that donkey lady was a tragic victim of an enormous fire in her home.

What started the fire and why have countless theories and possibilities. But one of the most accepted was that it was the husband who was out to kill her, perhaps attempting to leave his whole life behind in the process. Tragically, however, the woman survived, monstrously disfigured. Her hands were fused together into black, hooved appendages, what her entire face melted and sagged off its bones, scarred, looking akin to a donkey. Hence the name.

The other explanation is a whole lot less physical and a lot more spectral. The donkey lady was a once was once a normal, everyday woman who had a pet donkey that she truly loved. What? However, no, it's not going that way. I promise. However, her neighbors, annoyed with the animal, took it to the river and drowned it under the nearby bridge. The woman tried to stop them, only to become a victim of them herself. And her and her donkey died to a donkey hate crime.

From then on, a ghost haunted the bridge as a half woman, half donkey monstrosity, terrorizing all who bother her. OK, so let me hate crime. Let me just. Yeah, that's that's my interpretation of it. What kind of annoyed with the donkey? They drowned it in the nearby river. What kind of existential justice is it? For the victims of this crime, a donkey and a woman

to be merged into one body in in in the afterlife? Like it's very Greco-Roman. Like it's like an ancient Greek story of like your punishment for being sexually assaulted, you become a deer. Like what? What? Listen, why? I don't know either, man. I don't I don't get it.

I don't I don't think it's fair to her. Maybe it's just that's what she wanted. Maybe maybe that's what she was wanting. Maybe her and her donkey were best friends in life and she could get closer to her them in in death. And so they merged. Wow, just it just doesn't feel like it sucks. Like both. Here's the thing of all the cryptids we've talked about.

I understand why she'd be killing. I get why she's out there like effort. This is bullshit. Yeah, yeah. Why couldn't I just come back as my fucking self? Why does this fucking donkey got murdered next to me? Part of my body. Stuck to the bridge that you were killed at.

Why do I want all these oats? Depending on what you believe, either ghosts, ghosts, depending on what you believe, either ghost or monster. This creature is believed to inhabit the donkey lady bridge, which is the bridge that crosses Elm Creek via Apple White Road, approximately four miles north of Loop 1604 on the south side of San Antonio. Now, encounters of this thing are super rare online

beyond a couple of like quick paragraphs of like what people think they might have saw in the woods, AKA they saw a deer and they got scared. But I was able to dig up one story on this old website that comes from 1966 that I'm going to read for you about this encounter. I started elementary school in 1966 at Westwood Terrace in San Antonio, Texas. While I was there, I heard many local legends. Later, I found that anyone who had gone to school in San Antonio had heard of the donkey lady.

Now, the way I heard it back in the 50s, a young woman had been in a fire. My wife says she heard the donkey lady had lost two children in that fire and that her husband had started it. She was left horribly disfigured. It was said that her face healed. All the skin had something of dropped in a baggy appearance. Her fingers all fused together, leaving dark stumps, hooves, disfigured, totally insane.

You know, the thing that I kind of described earlier. Most of the donkey lady stories have faded into memory, but one was a little harder to shake. One of my best friends told of a cousin who was with his father and brother on a weekend outing. They were going to a camp and do a little fishing in an unofficial county park. The group pulled up to a weed infested area off our dirt road and began to make camp.

The two boys had the task of unloading the pickup truck while the father found a suitable spot for the tent. While unloading the truck, while unloading the truck, one of the boys heard a rustling in the weeds just ahead of the truck. He told his father, he told his brother, rather, who in turn called out to their father to come to the truck. The three of them watched the tall weeds beneath the oaks away from the road, bend under the weight of what was apparently a large animal.

Then they heard an odd snorting sound and a high pitched snarl. The father, not recognizing the sounds coming from an animal, decided they probably ought to find another spot to set up camp. The three of them quickly threw the tent sleeping bags and gear into the back of their truck while packing up. The father watched out of the corner of his eye as the weeds shook nearby. The prowler moved away from the trees and began heading for the general area of the road. The father urgently whispered for the boys to get in the truck and fast.

All three of them were in the truck in a flash and the father started it up. He put the truck in gear and was just pulling in the road when something fast and large burst out of the weeds and ran to the in front of the truck. Second, seconds later, a horrible apparition bounded up onto their hood and began shrieking at them through the glass. It was the ugliest thing any of them ever saw. They swore it looked like a donkey, but it was mostly human. It screamed at them more as the truck continued to move away from the weed.

Screamed at them. Yeah, just like jumped onto the car and screamed at them through the window. Like into the road. Like, like, like, yeah, or like, oh, what was the noise? Just like, you know, it's yeah, I don't know. They don't they don't describe. Scream is like, I imagine something horrible. Scream like a dog.

He's like, oh, what is that noise? Like a human woman scream merge with a donkey or no, man, Lord, that'd be horrifying. They they swore it looked like a donkey, but it was mostly human. It screamed at them more as the truck continued to move away from the weeds and into the road. It used its deformed hands to punch at the windshield and broke it in many places. The father hit the brakes, the things slid off the hood and onto the dirt road. Throwing the truck in reverse, the father floored the gas pedal

and put some distance between them and the thing backing into the weeds off the road. He then put the truck in first and stepped on it again. That thing was coming up on them fast. They said it almost looked like a wild animal with an incredible look of rage and hatred in its eyes. Dirt sprayed up from the road at the beast as they pulled out, slowing it down just enough for them to get away. The donkey lady supposedly had finally dropped back and headed into the weeds

after the story was told and my friend let it be known that he thought it was a nice story. But well, it was just a story. Then he was taken outside and shown the truck. The windshield was almost knocked out. The hood was dented and its paint was scuffed and scraped. So there's one of the bigger stories that can be found about any encounter with this particular donkey lady. This particular author did have a supposed encounter, which I'll read is much, much shorter.

You can make of it what you will. I had an incident similar to the one that was submitted before one weekend in 1989. Some friends and I were driving around in the in the 1973 Impala that one of them owned, as we usually did. We were showing the younger cousins of the driver Todd around. They had turned 13 that year and were being inducted. That's in quotes. I don't know what that means. I don't like the way that's in quotes.

But hey, we decided to drive to Donkey Lady Bridge, partly since we had never been there, partly to give them a good scare. Any child, particularly the south, southeast side ones that have grown up in San Antonio knows about the donkey lady. There was even a phone number you could call to hear her. So they laughed and agreed to the idea. We drove out to the bridge, turning off the headlights before we were actually on it.

It is very eerie out there at night. It was much more because of the almost full moon barely lighting the bridge. Todd started to slowly advance across the bridge when a figure appeared seemingly from nowhere in the middle of it. He stopped the car and we whispered speculations as to who or what it was. We were not expecting to see anything much less this. Todd placed the car in gear again and honking his horn slowly inch his way toward the figure, which promptly vanished.

The car was stopped again and this made us shut up. Todd sat listening to our suggestions to back up or gun the car to the other side when something landed on the hood of the car. Everyone screamed and Todd slammed the car into reverse and floored it. The dark figure rolled from the hood and Todd didn't stop until we had reached the main road and made our way to Denny's on Southwest Military near I-10. The safest place at right.

Anyway, go to Denny's the Waffle House of the West. Getting out, we all stared at the hood, which now sported two very deep dents. No one had an explanation of just where the figure had dropped from to make those. We went inside to eat, but just decided to call it a night. Todd took his car to the body shop the next day and had to replace the entire hood. The dents were too deep to pound out and that's that's it. That's the story. So there you go.

There's your first of our little grab bag of Texas cryptids. How do we rank them? Oh, man, OK. I like I like the donkey lady. I like the name. You know what I mean? Like it's a pretty straightforward name, self-explanatory. It's it's it's fun.

It's unexpected. It has a silly sound to it, right? I like the imagery we've got already like the sound of like a horse's like donkey's like voice is very like out of context, like a very upsetting sound. Right. Imagining that mixing with the blood curdling screams of a lady, not to mention like a big ambulatory monster that can like jump around. It's straight up like out of a horror game or something, right?

Like this is something we can all visualize. You know, yep, very creatively done. Nobody's there's not really a horse cryptid that's like this. Like you got the old ones, you know, you got like the the the unicorn or something like that or the Pegasus. But this is a much more. Fucked up creature. However, yeah, unavoidably, it sounds like at the center of whatever

the truth is behind the story is just some lady who got extremely fucked up. Treated very badly or went through hell in some way. And so for that, I have to say that it's less than. Luriga, less than the latter. It was named Larragot Lurigot. Yeah, Larragot. OK, less than Larragot. OK, I mean, here's the thing.

I think Alex hit the nail on the head when it comes to like the look and the like noise that it makes. It definitely has that sort of tales from the crypt monster vibe. Right. Like you can see it. Yeah, yeah, and you can you can kind of imagine what it sounds like. I think that's very, very neat. But I think, you know, what it does is nothing. It just like screams at you and it's levels are low.

Yeah, it's not very. I don't know, it's not like I don't want to say marketable, but it's not like a monster that people know of or understand even. And so, you know, I don't know, this is maybe four out of 10. A big thank you to today's sponsor, Hanva. I've been doing content creation now for over 10 years and without a doubt, one of the slowest time consuming pieces of any project at this point is the graphic design part, whether it be for your thumbnail,

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Right now, you can get free 45 day extended trial when you use our promo code. Just go to canva.me slash chill to get your free 45 day extended trial. That's C A N V A dot M E slash chill. Canva dot me slash chill design like a pro. All right, four to 10 and less than lurking. That's fair. Honestly, a fair rating would you. So next time we find ourselves data packed south, are we making a visit

to the bridge that shows up? 10 out of 10. Absolutely. Absolutely. Next time I'm allowed to travel this country, I will do everything that every paranormal chilluminati fan wants us to do. I am in. Let's do no fear. I will put myself through the scary shit. I will. I'm not afraid to put things in my mouth.

I'm not afraid to go inside of rooms. I will do it. I just won't like it. Yeah. And the next time you're allowed to travel the country, consider October in Los Angeles. Thanks, Wink. Please come here for once. I'll make like the first or second week of October. Wink, wink, wink, wink, make a restaurant guide for you. Come. It'll be real good time, I promise.

We'll get it'll be a really fun, unique episode for that, too. All right. Wink, wink, wink, wink. The next one is a bit more marketable in terms of a name, a bit generic in terms of its looks. However, this is by the known as the Bear King of Texas. Why is everything a monster person? Like an animal, dude, that's the theme of Texas. Texas is.

Yep. Texas is like ancient Greek myth. It's like either half man, half horse, half man, half bull. Sounds like the plot of a Coen Brothers movie. I don't even know who the Bear King is yet, but I want to know. Yeah, well, it's it's weird because the thing that got me on to the Texas things is I heard I'd heard of the Houston man bat and I was like, what is that? Is he similar to the one from Batman?

Yes, in a weird way, but no, also, basically, it's when all you do, your research is basically a it's like a southern interpretation of the a Mothman sighting, a big winged creature with glowing eyes was seen once in 1950, something in Houston. And it became this legend that never showed up again. A Mothman vacation, I get it. Right. He went out to Houston. Yeah. All right. The Bear King of Texas, in terms of his physicality,

is often mistaken as like a Sasquatch or a sort of a form of ape creature. And why he's called the Bear King will get into here. The story is fine. What? I would hope so. You could. Yeah. You actually can look. You can actually look at the very first drawing of him because this tale comes from 1901.

And it was actually in a newspaper that this actually arrived from May 11th, 1901 is probably the earliest that can be found in the Washington B. You can the actual newspapers in the Library of Congress archives. You can go look at it up if you want. So yeah, the story first appeared in May 11th, 1901 edition of the Washington B as in Washington, D.C. Maybe it was so terrifying for residents that it was kept out of local papers

since this in particular took place down in the South, down in Texas. But it was literally Washington, D.C. was that it was first heard. According to the story, Remy Arland was a pretty girl with an acknowledged bell of marbled falls. It's all focused around this young girl. One evening, her mother sent the girl out to gather the She-Family sheep, which were grazing nearby.

As her mother went about her own work inside the Arland home, Remy's scream pierced the evening air. Fearing for her daughter's life, the woman raced out the door where she heard more screams, one of which was not her daughter's. But in quotes, the scream of a panther. Thinking that Remy interrupted a mountain lion attacking the sheep, the girl's mother dashed back into the house, grabbed a gun and charged into the woods. She searched the area, but found no sign of her daughter.

Distraught, the woman returned home to gather others for a search party. Can you imagine having to run into the woods with a gun being like, oh, shit. And like, yeah, I got to shoot this motherfucker. I got to go shoot a cougar that's eating my daughter because she was tending to my sheep. Yeah. And early 1900s sucked. It's just not a good time to live. Folks ended up combing the woods through the night, but could not find her.

Not a single trace, no blood, no shredded clothing, just zero sign like she vanished into thin air. According to the story, as Remy was tending the sheep and making her way along a trail, a large black bear suddenly appeared in front of her. The bear wanting nothing to do with the girl sprinted away. Then, well, a curious looking animal running on four feet, spraying out of the chaperone into the trail. It was not a bear.

Remy thought it looked somewhat human, recalling a kikapu legend about the bear king. He was wearing the crown and he loved honey. And he declared himself a bear king. The creature grabbed the girl, glared into her eyes and let out a horrid sound, the sound the mother interpreted as the panther's scream. The bell of marble falls thought surely that the creature would tear her to pieces, but instead it tossed her over its shoulders and raced toward the nearby mountains.

The creature lugged Remy for miles until it reached its layer, a wretched smelling cave tucked away where no human could find it. Remy believed this was the end of her. When the bear king tossed her to the ground and left her lying there, she saw her chance and dashed for the cave's entrance. But the creature grabbed her and hit her on the head, caveman style. What the fuck? It's like a Red Dead Redemption side quest.

That's great. Hey, what are you doing here? Get out of my cave. Whack! The girl gave, quote, gave herself up for lost at that point. As she waited for the inevitable, Remy noticed the bear king getting tired. He slumped to the cave floor and fell asleep.

She remained patient and waited for at least an hour and then ended up fleeing the cave when she saw her chance. The day after her disappearance, a hunter came upon a young, disheveled girl who was aimlessly walking. It was her. The hunter helped her home where her relieved mother was waiting. Within the day, the hunter helped her home where her relieved mother was waiting and Remy quickly recovered from her ordeal and told everyone about her encounter with the bear king.

A group of hunters headed out towards the mountains, bent on killing the beast, and they supposedly found the bear king and ended up confronting it. The creature stood up to the hunters, snapping and grinding its teeth while beating its chest. It roared at the man and let out a scream like a panther. And that's when the men took aim, but hesitated. It looked so human.

But the bear king, full of rage, charged the men. Their gunfire rung out and brought the creature down. So was this some half-man, half-beach, a bear creature, or maybe an animal of unknown science? Some cryptozoologists speculate it could have maybe even been a Bigfoot. We'll probably never know as there isn't anything else to go on other than Remy's account. No photos were taken, nothing. Just the articles written in the newspaper.

Yeah, that newspaper ran nationally in the Washington B, and apparently the San Francisco Chronicle, there are some discrepancies, and in the San Francisco Chronicle, but there are supposedly some discrepancies in the story. But beyond that, yeah, that's all we have of that particular creature. But he's a legend known around those parts, kind of a Sasquatch-style swamp man that was shot down. Definitely not a story for a young girl who ran away from home for the day

and maybe got lost in the woods. It sounds like a skinwalker in every single way. Yeah, in a way, yeah, it kind of does. Like in every way, it's even similar to the story of the big giant wolves that they found, and they shot straight through with their guns, and they weren't affected by anything, and they T-1000ed out of the bullets. I don't know, it has that flavor for me. I gotta believe it's that.

A Bigfoot, I feel like it's not quite the behavior of a Bigfoot. I like to believe that the Bigfoot are peaceful creatures. The Bear King seems kind of like a tyrant king. I'm not so hot on that aspect of his personality. I love, again, I love his name. I am having trouble picturing anything besides a bear with a crown on for his visuals, because that's just so much funnier than the real thing. But there is not a story of a real person's pain hidden in the middle of this somewhere.

I think these stories all seem, you know, a little bit more cliched, you know, a little bit more like this resembles enough other stories that I'm willing to put it up to like a folktale type vibe. And for that reason, I'm saying it's equal to Larry Gotth. Okay, all right, he's equal to him. All right, we've gone up a rank. I like it. How about for you, Jesse? Bear King, Alex has now got it in my head.

The Bear King is the boss of the carnival level in an RPG. He breaks out of the cage that has a crown on its head. And then when you get to the fight screen, it says Bear King. Yeah, absolutely. For some reason, he has a goblet in one hand and a cane in the other. But he's just a bear. It's just a bear. Just a bear.

I think that this is, yeah, it's more of like a folktale about not letting your young girl out at night kind of vibe, right? Like about like, watch your girls, Texans. I don't know. I think this is like, I actually hate this more than I do the donkey face woman. Okay, I think this is a two. I think this is a two.

Wow. I think not actual much happened in this. And besides it just being like things we've talked about before, it's not really that great. This is a two and that's me being nice. All right. Wow. Well, the judges are just not particularly having it.

Or at least one of the judges is just not having it with him. We'll have to move on to the next contender. I mean, you gotta be real with these monsters. You gotta let them know. You know what, you made a good point earlier. In Texas, all the cryptids, all of the cryptids are some sort of animal or beast. You shouldn't ever make broad statements about Texas. It will never end well for you.

You're going to get run over by like a tide. I live here now. I'm allowed. Okay. That's fair. Yeah. All right. But there's one cryptid that is not a half beast, half human.

This particular one is known as Frank Shaw's Gargoyle. Now this is already looking up. We're already getting good. Is it an IP? Is it an owned IP? It's an IPA is what it is. Is it like American McGee's Alice? Like, or is that?

Let's read them out. Let's read them out. Sid Meyers civilization. There's a little bit less known about this particular one, but I'd be remiss to ignore it. Frank Shaw's Gargoyle is a bizarre monster cited in 1986. A NASA employee had a horrifying encounter with a winged jet plaque malevolent monstrosity,

an encounter that would haunt him for the rest of his life. On a blustery evening sometime in 1986, Frank Shaw, a NASA archivist at Houston's Johnson Space Center, claimed to have had a terrifying run-in with a creature that seemed to hail from beyond mythology. While information regarding this case is admittedly sparse, Shaw's daughter Desiree would eventually reveal the details of this mysterious run-in to author Nick Redfern in 2004.

Desiree testified that she first realized that something was dreadfully wrong when her father returned home late one night after working at the Space Center. While neither Desiree nor her mother were particularly alarmed by Shaw's tardiness, as he often was required to work into the wee hours of the morning, they were both dismayed by his alarmingly apprehensive demeanor.

The pair attempted to comfort Shaw, who was eventually able to compose himself enough to regale them with a terrifying tale of his brush with the unknown. According to Shaw, he was walking to his car at the end of his shift when he happened to glance up and see a ghastly black, gargoyle-like figure perched ominously on the edge of one of the Space Center's buildings. Shaw claimed that he was frozen in horror

at the sight of the astounding apparition, which, according to his description, was a jet-black humanoid that seemed to have a large cape draped across its shoulders. As if that weren't bizarre enough, he claimed that he saw two massive bat-like wings sticking out of either side of the fabric, or perhaps it was wrinkled flesh,

of what he perceived to be a cape. This is like Disney's gargoyles. That's exactly what I was going to say. This is like, I love it. Other little wings, like, come in front and they, like, look on like a cape, look in the front. Yeah.

Yeah. This description seems to bear at least a passing resemblance, not only to the notorious Mothman, but also to the Owl Man of Cornwall, both of which are said to be winged humanoid creatures which elicit an irrational fear in those who witness them. There is a chance that it may also be associated with the ape-faced cryptid known colloquially as the Big Bird,

which terrified the residents of South Texas Rio Grande, Grand Hevelle just a decade prior to this. The Big Bird? The Big Bird, boy. Yeah, yeah. Was he roommates with, like, a big furry elephant? I don't think so, but we have to ask. I think they separated a while back.

How Shaw came to... So, yeah, Shaw would later assert that he believed that this being actually seemed to be savoring the fact that it managed to inspire such a terror in him. How Shaw came to that conclusion wasn't actually explained. It was at this point that the gargoyles seemed to unfurl its wings, which Shaw stated made a crackling noise as it took flight in the powerful howling gusts.

The sound of the crackling wings seemed to snapshot of his stupor and he turned and sprinted toward his car. In what must have been the longest moments of his life, Shaw fumbled with his keys, unlocked the door, dove inside, started the engine and drove into the blackness of the night, too terrified to even look back to see if he was being pursued by this winged ebony atrocity. Okay.

After the confession of... Finally, Shaw decided to screw up his courage and confide in his immediate supervisor. Much to Shaw's delight, he was not met with incredulity or mockery, but instead was informed that he was not the first Johnson Space Center employee to have seen this enigmatic entity skulking in the isolated areas of station. In fact, Shaw's boss revealed that a secret file had been opened

on the creature just a few months prior to Shaw's sighting. The supervisor stated that the file had been created in response to the gruesome deaths of two of the base's German shepherds. Apparently, the corpses of the hideously mutilated and exsanguinated canines had been discovered in exactly the same area where Shaw had seen the gargoyle. Following his unusual confession, Shaw's story made its way up the chain of command until it apparently came to the attention of some NASA officials who, in classic MIB fashion,

decided to interrogate the witness. According to Desiree, her father was intensely grilled by what she referred to as NASA security people who were flown in from somewhere in Arizona, that much I know. These NASA security people made it clear to Shaw that it would be in his family's best interests to refrain from telling his bizarre story to anyone else. This might well explain why Desiree waited nearly 18 years to tell her father's story. While there has been no new public reports of this entity in over two and a half decades,

which may be due in no small part to NASA's policy of silence, there seems to be a fairly good chance that this bloodthirsty gargoyle may well be lurking in the shadows of the Johnson Space Center. Why? Well, there you go. That's your one non-animal type of cryptid in Texas. Frank Shaw's gargoyle, as it is colloquially known. I like the story because it has built in credentials.

Because Frank Shaw, what was he at NASA? The researcher, dude. So he was an archivist. He was an archivist. So he was like an educated guy, knows what's going on, rationally minded type of individual, works at NASA. He still sees this at NASA and allegedly is visited by NASA, who warns him not to talk about it, right?

That's already a really cool story. Also, I got to give it props for being Goliath from Disney's Gargoyles. That's exactly who it is because that is a murderous Goliath, a murderous Goliath. Yeah, I've got to miss like I'm kind of imagining if you mixed Goliath with Chernobog, right? Sure. That's like kind of where my head is at on this. And I like that. I like the crackling wings detail.

I like, I mean, this is an alpha cryptid, you know, this cryptid. You think he would go toe-to-toe with like Mothman? Yeah, I think he would. I mean, at the very least, very, very similar genus to Mothman. A little more violent than the Mothman with the murdering of the German shepherds. That's true. I mean, wait, who knows, right? Who knows?

Just be establishing dominance, you know. But because isn't there some stuff with the Mothman where there was like dogs disappearing into the woods too? Something like that. Yeah. A lot of things get attributed to the Mothman, but overall you approve. I like this. I love, I love the name Frank Shaw's Gargoyle.

I think that is. It's so good. Hilarious. I'm going to, I'm going to say this one, greater than Lairgott. Straight up. You know what, I can see that. I'll agree with you on that. What about you, Jesse?

All right. Straight off immediately. Name, 10 out of 10. Look, 10 out of 10. The story, 8 out of 10. But like it's influence. It's like, you know, culturally. Oh yeah.

Like 2 out of 10. But here's the thing. At the end of the day, this is like a 7 out of 10. Easy. This is maybe even 8. The only reason why is because, you know, it's exactly when you say the name, you get the story you expect. Yeah.

It's like one guy's unrequited gargoyle. Yeah. It's like he looked up and there was the shadow and it was like a cape and wings. I was like, the way you describe the story is like, this is awesome. Yes. 100%. It's, it's at least getting a C if it's trying to graduate. At least to see it's graduating no matter what.

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The layer of scale is very discerning. You know what? You might be you're right. You're no, you're right. Also to kind of peak to kind of quell that curiosity, what the big bird cryptid is. It's your typical pterodactyl that's not extinct. Big yellow. I just believe it's a it's a fun, like pterodactyl thing.

OK, but what else would be with a giant pterodactyl except a woolly mammoth? Think about it. They would be friends. It's like the shine. It's like the shining. It's like Room 237, but it's Sesame Street. Yeah. One of the kids singing the sunny days song is actually a pterodactyl.

Right. My God, you've cracked it. All right. The next one here is the Lechooza. So this one is in South Texas and also is the Lechoo. Maybe I'm saying it's super wrong. Is it in Spanish? Yes, it goes down into Mexico.

It like it kind of crosses borders. The Lechooza are either shape shifting witches or spirits in Hispanic folklore. Tales of Lechooza are actually quite popular in Mexico and in Texas. They are human sized birds with women's faces. Yo, Lechooza, Lechooza are women who have sold their souls to the devil in exchange for magical powers. At night, they transform into monsters with a bird's body and a woman's face similar to depictions of harpies in Greek mythology.

I was about to say. What do they call a male one? Because that's what Mathis wants to be. I just want to be a male Lechooza. I believe Lechooza. Lechooza. It once after transformed in the night, they then fly through the night in search of prey. When a Lechooza finds their target, she'll perch in their location where she can't easily be seen

and then will make either strange whistles or the sound of an infant crying, which is just horrifying to think about this big bird woman crying like an infant. Kind of like a La Llorona. La Llorona. Yes, very La Llorona. Did you guys know they made a movie about that, by the way? Dude, we're talking about it on this podcast. You've got to see it.

No, I know. The La Llorona movie. It's a winner. Anyone who attempts to determine where this sound is coming from is at risk of becoming Lechooza's dinner. Lechooza will then swoop down and carry off the confused and horrified individual. In some versions of the story, the Lechooza is the spirit of a witch who was murdered by locals. Her spirit returns in the form of a bird monster to get revenge.

And in other tales, the Lechooza is the vengeful spirit of a woman who has returned from the grave to torment the living and to seek revenge. What time out? Why it always got to be a woman? Something terrible happened to her. She comes back for revenge. Why is it always always that? 90 percent of the time, it's always child related too.

Like, why is it always a lady who likes something terrible happened to her? It's just the patriarchy at work in those times. I mean, I guess writing songs about love, like all scary stories are just about like a very, very brutalized woman. And honestly, it's a damsel in distress trope, right? Yeah, this is just like the like the fucked up version of that. Exactly. In modern times, most reported run-ins with the witch bird

involved for swooping down at cars driving driving deserted roads at night. So kind of also that's something similar. Mothman encounters have just like the bird scratching at the roof of the car. So you might be wondering what their powers are. Don't worry, the Internet has that answered for you. Thank God. As a witch, Lechooza possessed supernatural powers. One of the powers of the Lechooza is to summon storms.

That's fucking awesome because it's like a level nine D&D spell. Yeah. Sightings of Lechooza are believed to coincide with thunderstorms. Lechooza possessed the power to shapeshift into bird monsters at night. They also possessed the ability to disguise their voices to appear as if it is the cries of an infant, as we said earlier. Finally, it is believed that hearing the cry of Lechooza is an omen that someone in the household will die.

A trait more commonly found in the tales of the Banshee. Lechooza are immune to weapons and bullets and possibly are immortal. In order to defend against them, you have to use salt. Upon hearing the call of Lechooza, one should immediately begin cussing her out, which I fucking love. What a great thing to make people do who hear a baby crying outside their window. You need salt and you start cussing her out. Once you start cussing her out, she's driven away.

Two kinds of salt. You don't go inside to investigate hearing a strange whistle sound or the sound of a baby crying as your primary defense. Don't seek out crying babies. Don't help the babies. Don't seek out the babies, dude. Don't seek them out. Leave the baby alone.

Mind your own fucking business so you can just not die. Yeah. So they said there's the Lechooza. There's your rundown of Lechooza. She literally looks like a harpy in pretty much every piece of art I've seen of him. And it's your typical, you could say, anguished woman cursed to for revenge or all this other nonsense. OK, OK.

Here's how I feel about the Lechooza. I feel like the visual of the Lechooza is incongruous with the rest of what's going on around the Lechooza. The bird woman thing being something that goes inside and like hides somewhere and calls to you. It seems weird. Like, you know what I mean? There should be something a little more insidious about its design.

You know, if it's going to be a type of like thing that lays in wait, you know, like a bird is a hunter, right? Like I feel like I feel like it could be creepier in that sense. But I absolutely love, number one, the name is fun to say. Sounds like lettuce, right? Yeah, it's a good thing. It rolls off the tongue real nice. Yeah, Lechooza.

I like to say it. Lechooza. And also the the mental struggle that it is to decide whether you should save that baby or if you're going to get eaten by a invincible bulletproof bird lady. That catch 22 is delicious. You know, I love the idea of it as a as a as a scary monster. Other than I almost would rather the story be that no one knows what the Lechooza looks like because I like that better than it's like a harpy exactly.

But it's just like a sneaky like a stealth mode, like a Metal Gear Solid mode. Harpy. Yeah, exactly. So I give this one equal to Lara got. OK, fair enough. Yes. So I don't know if you all remember the old game vagrant story. Oh, the harpy could forget, but the Harpy's in that game.

For some reason, this is what I mentally pictured when you were talking about this thing. I totally see that. Like I don't know why it isn't like it isn't an owl with a harpy with like a lady's head. That's horrifying. Like this level of creepy weirdness is like how I like where the body is the head, but the rest of the bird and it looks like a bird. And then I would be I accept it's fucked up like I accept the design is sufficiently fucked up. Originally, I was going to give this like a three out of 10.

Like I was like, all right, it's interesting. But then I because I was looking at how to spell it. And I found a website that just like lists urban legends and like things about them. And one of the statistics about Lechooza is this. They say that if you whistle and you hear a whistle in return, it is coming for you. That right there. I'm like, that's awesome. That's a you get a fork.

You know what? You get it. But we're bumping you up. That's an awful. That's an awful thing to know. I love that because as a whistler, as a person who whistles when I'm like alone, if I heard a whistle back, I'd be like, oh, hell no. Are you familiar with the very famous like

internet scary thing about the whistling guy that follows this guy around? And there's a video. No, but I want you now. OK, OK. Some people out there must have already seen this. I will show you guys this during the minisode. I have I have another thing for the minisode, but I will find the whistler and I will show you the whistler and you will be creeped out.

So go. I'm excited. All right. I'm excited. I'm excited. No, I just got into that. I can't when maybe it's episode worthy, but I'm in the midst of the deep diving into the fucking the thing I sent you last night, Alex.

Oh my god, dude. It's just a fun one, right? Like it's just wild. It's wild. The video is good too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He was really good.

OK. Last one, boys. And this is less of a it's less of one and more of like a group of something. What? Texas has a goat man problem. I don't know if you knew this. Like the Diablo goat man. They look very similar to the thousands of.

I'm not even afraid of this thing. No, this is where they came from. All right. This is there's multiple of these things all across the state. The goat man is a humanoid cryptid most commonly associated with Louisiana, Maryland and Texas. It is described as a seven foot tall hybrid creature, part man and part goat. Some claim it is a relative of the New Orleans evil chupacabra like cryptid,

the grunch, which is just a I love that. Is like should be the name of an old car from the 70s. Such a good name. VW Grunch. The urban legends of them often tells of it killing young young couples in parked cars or scouring neighborhoods, killing family pets. Sorry. I don't have like a hiccup that turned into a burp for a weird reason.

Anyway, there are also tails. Yeah, I know it happens. There are also tales of them breaking into people's houses and raping their victims. Geez. Many a test from the areas that it haunts. It does not matter if you're a man or woman. He will overtake you and rape you. Nonetheless, God went right when scared teenagers whisper about goat man.

Not all agree on the form he takes. Some say he was a man who kept goats and went mad after teenagers killed this flock, driven to seek revenge against any youngster. But perhaps the most titillating version that traces the origin of the goat man to the Beltsville Agricultural Research Center, a sprawling USDA facility anchored by a big brick building appointed with white columns. In this version, a mad scientist is conducting experiments on a goat when something goes horribly wrong, turning him into a half man, half ghost beast that is naturally hungry for blood.

That's goat man, the fucking musical right there. That's like that's crazy. It's like a cautionary tale for the like dairy industry or something. So I say that. But then you go into if you do further research, there's multiple versions. There's and then there's goat men of other states like the Waterford, Pennsylvania sheepman or the Pope like monster or the Maryland goat man or Prak Prakter Valley goat man. There's so many fucking goat men everywhere.

They take your pick. But that is your general rundown of a particularly of a normal goat man that that roams the wilds of Texas. Normal goat man. There you go. How do you rate the goat man of Texas? They get more. Listen, man, the cryptids get more generic the further down. I really, I really liked the the mad scientist goat man as like like right like the revenge

against like from the livestock, the farmers were like the revenge by the livestock, you know, a beast like a Frankenstein, but for the like like goat herding industry or something, right? I'm into that concept. The rest of it, it's like, especially after hearing this list of cryptids in a row, I'm very, I'm very much less excited about the goat man and the fact that it doesn't have any very good like action packed stories like the donkey lady or like the king bear with like a lot of running and shooting going on.

I have to give it a less than layer. Got I have to. Then I have to give us there. OK. I think I'm going to shock everyone here. Oh, I think because this is a goat man that there's no talk of like Satan or devils or any of that. That's already a positive in my book. I think it's fascinating.

I love the idea of it being a mad scientist thing. I think that's super neat. I think this thing is like it covers all the basics of being like a truly awful monster, right? And its motivations like it's who knows? Maybe it's just like an like an evil goat thing. Who know? I'm going to set seven out of 10.

What? I don't need a story to let me know this thing is like truly awful. It will never be a 10 out of 10, even if it had a great story because it's still just a goat man. Alex is right. It's like kind of like tame of what it is. But I think like the menace of goat men. Like that is a very like it's like an awful like the way to describe it. This thing sounds terrible.

And I feel like it's pretty rough. You know, I can understand why this would be like a scary thing. I get why it's scary because just goat men in general are scary. Like that dude who like it was like, come on kids hang out with me in this. This is a wardrobe. It's scary as shit. I don't trust it. No, I don't want to trust that guy.

Mr. Tumnus, I'm out. I don't want to trust him. No, hell no. Yeah, that scared me then. I'm just saying you're going to be naked, but you're also going to wear a scarf. Yes. What's that about? Yes.

That's lunatic behavior. I agree. I agree. I would never go with a weird goat man into my closet. Not going to happen. Never happen. And I'm a guy who wears shorts and a jacket, you know, like that's what I do. That's it for Texas Cryptids, everybody.

I got to admit beyond like the classic like Sasquatch overall, not just Texas. I think America has a pretty piss poor cryptid game. There's good ones, right? It's just are good ones. It's a question. They're just it's a question of many America. OK, people always I'm always complaining about America on the Internet because it's a very tumultuous time, right?

It's really sure fucked up time on the Internet. And people literally chime in with their little responses about like, why don't you just like make everybody do this? Or why don't you just like put out a law that does this? And I'm like, my dude, Los Angeles, my city is the size of your country. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, think about that and then think about what that means for literally everything in the country.

Everything is so big. So maybe America has the best cryptids, you know, true power. Like if you look at the top five cryptids in America, we got some of the best ones out there, right? But because there is so much America, you know, for everyone, we dilute our own ranking for every man, there's a goat man. You know, well, yeah, you know what? You make a good point.

I take it back. You you argued me into logic. And I appreciate it. Except for Japan. Japan wins. Japan. Oh, yeah. Those are some.

So you've got some spooky stuff over there. They got some real spooky stuff. They just got some spooky minds over there in general. That's it's like a level of fuck up in this with their folktales that just goes beyond other other ones that I've heard. Well, thank you, boys, for helping me rank these Texas cryptids. We're off to go do a mini-soad while we're working on the cult one. You might see an Alex type flavored episode coming from me about a weird internet cult.

And also from Alex, like Alex has some weird ass shit coming down the pipes, too. You've you've like you have such a catalog of weird shit you want to cover. It's just wonderful. I just am really good at using my iPhone notes app. I crush it. That's all you need, man. We're going to go take care of the chill mini. Thank you guys so much for listening, and we will see you all next week.

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