Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 153 - The Kentucky Cannibal Part 2 - Earning The Title
Episode Date: May 18, 2022It's a gross one y'all. LIVE SHOW TICKETS:Â http://www.chilluminatipod.com WE HAVE A PLUSHIE OF MOTHMAN COMING. GO TO THEYETEE LINK IN THE DECRIPTION Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/chilluminatipod ...BUY OUR MERCH - http://www.theyetee.com/collections/chilluminati Special thanks to our sponsors this episode Manscaped - http://www.manscaped.com Promo Code - Chill20 ButcherBox - http://www.butcherbox.com/chill Bombas - http://www.bombas.com/chill Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - http://www.youtube.com/user/superbeardbros Art Commissioned by - http://www.mollyheadycarroll.com Theme - Matt Proft End song - POWER FAILURE - https://soundcloud.com/powerfailure Video - http://www.twitter.com/digitalmuppet
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Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Chiluminati Podcast, episode 153.
I as always one of your hosts, Mike Martin, joined by the Boon Helman Lucinda of LA, Jesse
and Alex.
I don't even want to examine that one.
Yeah, I'm all right.
I wish there was a guest here so that we could just blow right past this.
No, you can't.
Not now.
You can't do that.
But I need to know who's who.
I don't want to hear.
Which one of us is the cannibal?
Yeah, which one of you would be the cannibal?
If the two of you, if it came down to it.
Well, let's be real.
I would, I would, I would eat a person.
Okay.
Oh, I'm ready.
Danny McBride.
And this is this is the end.
Yeah.
I've never seen that.
What is that?
It's a film.
Oh, I didn't know if it was a TV series or a film.
That's why I was asking.
It could have been.
Yeah, it's OK.
It's a film.
He plays himself in the film Danny McBride does in the apocalypse and he has a gimp,
which he made out of Channing Tatum.
Okay.
All right.
Well, that's all I needed to know, I guess.
Pretty much.
Yeah, there's not much more to it than that.
There's a lot of dick jokes.
Jonah Hill's pretty funny in there.
All right.
Are we going to watch it one day?
Should we watch it together one day?
It's great.
It's about the end times.
It's great.
We can make that work at some point.
You know, we're going to splash in a good movie eventually.
If you guys want to take a moment this weekend to watch the movie known with Cren d'Or.
Oh, fuck.
I don't even know.
I've never heard of that.
Knowing is one of the end of that movie is sheer insanity.
Do not spoil one day.
We should watch.
I would never.
Another Nick Cage movie, except this time Nick Cage is gifted a letter from 50 years
in the past that identifies the date and location of calamities.
It's better than pay the ghost.
That sounds awesome.
That sounds so good.
It's better than pay the ghost.
And it came around.
I think I think it came out around the same time that Jim Carrey did the number twenty
three.
It was all the numbers were coming out and this was like more number stuff, except this
one is Nick Cage has this letter and this letter is like, I'm going to stop nine eleven.
Yeah.
Basically that's like everything that he's like, I have to stop terrorist attacks.
I got to go.
But spoils.
You can't stop the future from coming.
Oh, it's right.
But you can stop.
One of those.
Oh, go ahead.
No, no, go ahead.
No, it's not good.
You sure?
But you can stop the Chiluminati from coming if you don't contribute to patreon.com slash
Chiluminati pod.
Too late.
You know, where you get all kinds of great.
We're here, baby.
Incentives, you know, for your we came.
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We came.
When we hit twelve thousand on Patreon, we'll all come at the same time.
We're here.
We're already here.
We came already.
We're like Chiluminati.
Veni.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Go there.
Support us on Patreon.
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A stupid amount, a crazy amount of content just waiting for you not to mention the movies
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Pay the ghost.
Pay the ghost.
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That was the last one.
Oh, this time should we spoil what the next one is for those because, yeah, we should.
We should say what it's going to be.
Pay the ghost.
I'm the ghost.
Next time it's Suburban Sasquatch.
What is that?
I have no idea what that is.
I am so excited to watch that with you boys.
It's so good.
I promise, promise, promise that after we watch Suburban Sasquatch, we will watch a
honest to goodness documentary.
Good.
We did watch that documentary that you brought.
A legitimate documentary.
We got to give him a legitimate documentary.
That's fair.
The other thing before we get started in the episode, hey, we still have tickles of tickets
available.
There's like.
Let's be honest.
We got tickles available.
Well, if you're at the show, I offer tickles.
If you, you know, that's you got to buy a ticket for the tickles, though.
That's a whole separate.
That's a separate purchase.
That's on that's on that's on Mathis's private page.
Yeah.
That's what we do on the back streets afterward.
That's behind the paywall.
Right.
Definitely.
Big paywall.
Five dollars.
Just I need you guys to go to shlumanoddipod.com and go buy your tickets.
There's like Austin, Texas.
Come on.
There's like 25 tickets left, I think, or less.
So they're almost gone.
So just scoop them up while you can.
Pretend pretend like it's 2008 and you're going to see that a dope indie band.
Yeah.
Down at a place that also serves coffee.
No, there's one.
There's like one sick track that plays.
It's pretty like it's true.
Yes, it's very true.
Yeah.
One sick track that plays.
Yeah.
It's going to be very big eyeball.
The whole time just looking down at you.
Very big eyeball.
Jesse, before we begin also, are you ready to finally admit aliens are real?
They are not real.
Is that something?
Is that a new feature of every episode of the show going forward for now?
For this moment?
Hey, by the way, Jesse, are aliens real?
No.
Are ghosts real?
Tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. when they do the press conference, they may be real.
And if that's the case, I will come back next week and say, wow, they're real.
But I'm so much ready.
The press conference is going to come and go and there's going to be no new anything.
You think the government would hold a useless press conference for the United States citizens?
Come on.
Come on.
They respect us more than that.
Today's episode, everybody, is back to true crime.
Let's bring it back to the more fun topic, shall we?
Last week, we began the story of the Kentucky cannibal and kind of like Alex, I promised
a two-parter.
But as I was putting the script together, I realized this man's life is so insane.
I just needed to make sure I got all the good bits.
So we're going to be three part in it.
It's a three-parter.
Oh, shoot.
We're on part two today.
Part two of one.
Part two of part one today.
Part two of part one and part one of part two next week.
We're going back to Boonhelm and I'm very excited because when we last left him last
week, we were the unfortunate witnesses to the tragic murder of Little Berry Shoe.
Tiny little footsteps leading up to that tiny little body.
Dead on the ground.
I'm setting.
I'm setting.
It's just not fair that somebody with such a cute name went out in such a shitty way.
Right?
Yes.
Like you said, he didn't get shot or anything.
Like he just got stabbed in the heart.
He got stabbed right in the fucking heart.
If you are my age, it's very likely that you were traumatized by that guy who gets stabbed
in the heart and saving Private Ryan.
So I don't want to think about that for Little Berry Shoe.
I've seen that movie, but I don't remember that part because you have no soul, Mathis.
I guess so.
I guess I just have no soul.
You just watched that guy get iced out with cold, hard steel and you you just took another
bite of your raisin.
It's like, oh, come on now, probably correct.
I was like, oh, that was excellent.
Yeah.
Anyway, though, we know very little about Boon's cousin, whom he'd stabbed with his
bowie knife through the heart for turning down his invitation to go out on a rumored
gold rush.
The thing we did know is we loved his name.
Rest well, Little Berry Shoe.
You were a good little footnote in episode one.
I'm going to sprinkle a couple of blueberries into a patch of sugar plums.
Nice.
That's perfect.
That's perfect.
Before giving a fairy circle.
Before he gave the heinous crime, he just committed much thought after sheathing his
bowie knife.
Boon took no time before he started quickly scouring Little Berry's home for whatever
valuables he could find.
What is he like playing a fucking video game?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is this straight up?
He was just like, all right, well, this is what I have to do now.
Time to start scouring, like holding down the B button in Red Dead 2.
And if this was Red Dead, I would shoot this man dead or stabbing the heart in this case.
Then I would put my bandana on and then I would start rifling his body for a watch
or three cents or a half eaten can of some sort of food.
And I'll eat that fucking food too.
I'm not going to let that shit go to waste.
Yeah.
I'll put it in the West.
I'll get that shit started early.
Whether Boon wanted to make it look like a robbery to keep the law off him even longer
or he just or he just realized he'd need some sort of form of wealth before fleeing town
didn't matter too much.
While this was certainly the worst thing Boon had done up to this point, it also seemed
to phase him very little.
In a way, this was the logical next step for a man filled with so much rage and violence
and the past few years had been awful to him.
A debt he'd been able to unable to pay back being forced to date his would be wife for
a whole year after being turned down and then she would marry him, which he saw as kind
of a complete ownership over her.
And the law desperate to put him behind bars with his wife then divorcing him shortly thereafter
when he left to go mining.
Boon had been in seething with vengeance on his mind for years, unable to take it as
bad as he wanted to.
But with the death of Littleberry, he'd finally found a way to release all that hatred and
petty vengeance.
And it sounds like you're describing an episode of Game of Thrones with the death of Littleberry.
I go through my script, you're like, you sound like you're describing this.
The way you're describing it, it does not sound like a real thing that happened.
It's like, I'm a picture, when you say Littleberry, I'm like, oh, it's Gergy from the dark crystal.
Like, yes, yes, or from the black cauldron, black cauldron, not the dark crystal.
Everybody would have came after me if I had said the dark, the dark crystal right there.
The dark cauldron.
The dark cauldron.
That's with, what's his name, with Simbad in there.
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Well, what, what, what, what few belongs as that he could get his hands on Boone ran
out to maybe the only thing he truly loved other than himself.
He ran out to his horse and then he ran town as soon as possible.
This is your RP for Red Dead Redemption.
You made this story.
My RP?
I play it.
I have you know, I play the good guy in all video games.
I'm a good man somewhere.
That's like the same as being a good guy in real life, pretty much.
It's pretty much the same, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
We're all the same.
When you get up to those big pearly gates, St. Peter's going to go, now Jesse, what did
you, how did, how did you, what did you do to that robot in Soma?
And I'm going to say, set him free.
I took a piss on his eyes, baby.
I'm not doing anything wrong.
The guys I was with made some poor choices.
Not me, though.
Yeah, this guy.
I was just a guy.
I was the getaway driver.
You can't put me away for life.
I was just a driver.
Boone was already packed up and he gauged to have a few days before they'd find Little
Barry's body.
Boone was certainly impulsive as he'd been evidenced his whole life, but what Boone
never truly was, was prepared, nor was he remotely experienced or trained in surviving
out in the wild all on his own.
His beeline escape out of town would very quickly turn into a slow paced meandering,
as Boone had not taken enough water to last him much more than a day.
Oh my God.
If this is just how we live long enough to become a serial cannibal man, you'll see.
We're going to get today.
We are going to get to how he became a cannibal today.
He got so hungry because he just ran into the wilderness with nothing that he ate the
first fucking person he saw.
It was like five days and the man was already chomping on a dude's leg.
He was ended up wandering from creek to pond to stream, refilling his water skin along
with long pauses to let his horse graze as he also forgot to take much food and made
sure they and it made sure that they never made much progress in their escape.
And being inexperienced in long rides, Boone also soon became riddled with what was known
and is known as Saddlesores, which I know those all too well from every time I've ever
ridden a horse.
There you go, which ended up forcing him to walk and lead his already thin and starving
horse by the rope.
Boone did attempt some hunting for some food, but failed nearly constantly.
Much too much work for a man used to doing nothing and how would he be a hunter?
He doesn't exactly know he could mine gold and he was like, they don't give me the gold.
I just like I try to imagine like what what I think Boone did to hunt out there because
he only had his knife.
He didn't have a gun.
I just like imagine trying to jump a rabbit with his knife like trying to be all sneaky
in the woods.
It's not good because the way that you're describing him, it just sounds like what would happen
if I did this like it would 100% if I went wandering the woods.
This would become me.
If I lost, I'd die, it would be awful.
And true to his inexperience, the wilderness was going to claim Boone if something didn't
intervene and didn't intervene soon.
Luckily, it didn't take long for the town to come across Littleberry Shoot's corpse
and there was no question in their mind who had done it.
Everyone had seen Littleberry out with Boone at the saloon that night, drunkenly plying
him with more and more whiskey for some bizarre adventure to Texas for a gold rush claim, even
though for days prior, he wouldn't be able to, he wasn't able to shut up about California's
gold rush.
And before the day had even, and before the day had even come to a close, the sheriff
and the extended Helm family put together a posse and went out after Boone immediately
heading west, not buying that Boone had gone to Texas like he was claiming.
Besides, he hadn't even had the good sense to leave in the right direction if he wanted
them to believe that he was going to Texas.
He sucks.
He sucks at this.
He's awful at this.
This guy is a bummer.
Yes.
He is a bummer.
What?
And much.
Yes.
No.
There's just like a hilarious nature to the fact that most of the people that we talk
about are just they go through bad things and it gets worse and worse and worse and it
compiles and Boone is like failing his way to cannibalism.
Yeah.
Exactly what's happening.
He is just like, I'm bad at everything, so I gotta tell you the man, like he's crazy
to me.
Like it's not even like, and then he is terrible childhood.
It's like Andy Dick stories.
It's like, it's like, yeah, he's like a notorious guy who sucks at everything though.
You bring up something that reminded me.
Somebody made a good point over at the subreddit.
Well, we don't have any record of him going through any true like head trauma.
He was literally fighting grown men every opportunity I had.
And I'm sure he got punched in the head multiple times as a child because he was a 10 year
old.
No doubt.
Teenagers.
So yeah, he very likely had some sort of head trauma just from being the town's like
wrestle man.
I don't know.
I don't know what else to call.
Champion.
I don't know.
Yeah.
The town's champion.
The town's muscle.
The town's.
The town's heavy.
The town's 10 year old bodybuilder wandering around, pointing at adults.
I just like to land in there.
He's just a little hit my chin.
Yes.
The beginning.
This man is comical as hell.
And I like a little much every time you tell me like a terrible thing, I it's almost
silly.
And I know I shouldn't laugh, but he's like, and the first person he killed little Barry
shoot.
It was it was the friend of the share.
Like it's like it's dumb.
This is a man that could only exist in the Wild West.
Clearly.
There is a very specific time that this man could exist.
And he did.
And that is.
We're at.
I can't.
Why people like this don't exist anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really.
It's on.
It gets better.
Let's just keep going.
So it didn't take long for the posse to eventually come across Boone's tracks.
And they expected it to be a pretty straightforward manhunt.
What they hadn't expected was Boone to take actions while in the wild.
So clearly counter effective to long distance travel and survival.
Boone's own stupidity was actually going to buy him time.
It didn't take long before Boone's tracks strayed from the beaten path.
And even when they were able to pick up his travel in the wilderness, they were unable
to make sense of his actions.
And every place they every place looked as though he had taken off as fast as he could
as though he had just committed the murder.
And he had been gone mind you for days before the possse was put together.
Are you telling me this guy like got lost and then like had a moment of like, oh, I
got to go with this.
I got to get out of here.
That is dead.
Correct.
I can't tell you what's funny about that I imagine in my mind that it's the guy as a
ten year old.
Yeah.
The energy of a ten year old spaz is and like runs really fast for no reason.
That is how I imagine him just like a little tiny buff boy running in the woods.
But you are weirdly kind of correct because his mentality never really left that youthful
like 10, 11, 12 year old thought process from around in the woods, a little much up, unable
to feed himself with a dying horse and thirsty with a full of sores, dude, with an ass full
of sore.
So you imagine he's walking all stiff little naked gray boy with buff arms.
Yeah.
So like you said, Jesse, he was just like it looked like he had just taken off from every
camping spot or every place he stopped to drink or let his horse graze.
He was clearly tiring out his own horse way faster and sooner than if he had just faced
himself properly and took it slower.
Moreover, as they followed the chaotic path Boone had taken, it became even more obvious
that he had gone in circles multiple times over multiple days, making no progress, of
course.
Binks.
The Posse believed he was acting much closer to a runaway child than an actual calculated
killer.
That sounds that's exactly what you're describing sounds like a person doesn't know what they're
doing and then has moments of like, I got to get out of here and just like runs off.
It's like Tom Sawyer.
It's like if Tom Sawyer was Jerry Lindegard from Fargo.
Sure.
Sure.
That's the movie Fargo, Mathis, not.
Thank you.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I feel like that's I'm like here in my head.
It's a movie.
It's a movie about all your problems piling up until you are driven to murder because
in the Midwest, you can't say what's wrong.
Sure.
Yeah.
And that is definitely the truth.
You eat butter and cheese to clog your feelings.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Honestly, though, Boone being lost in the woods might have been the best outcome for
them in most cases, dying and forgotten.
This may have been at least annoying or rather at most annoying or even just a welcome relief
knowing Boone was clearly incapable and would die in the woods.
But instead of relief and ended up causing more stress to the town in Boone's utter
nonsensical wandering, he'd left the controlled territory of the town and wandered into a
Native American reservation where the laws of the sheriffs no longer apply.
This is like one of those old goofy cartoons where he like learns how to play baseball,
but it's like, so you're going to murder little Barry.
The tension between the reservation and the growing town were already extremely tense
in 1848 and were still in still free nations were fighting back against the colonization
moving west and Boone wandering in there could be seen as an invasion and spark a bloody
retaliation where they could easily ride out in force and slaughter the small towns within
spitting distance of the reservation.
Moreover, the government had put the fight against the Native Americans on the back burner
while the majority of their supplies and attention were currently now going toward
the raging Mexican-American war.
Yo, luckily, luckily for them, they hadn't needed to travel too deep into the Native
American territory before they finally stumbled across Boone.
His dead horse tied to a nearby tree while Boone himself was squatted in a nearby dried
out riverbed trying his best to slurp moisture from the mud in the ground completely malnourished
with his clothes hanging off of this is like when like a family is murdered and they like
find the dog.
Yes, that's like what this that's what this is like.
This sucks, dude.
Fuck, this is like two feet from the from the horse.
He was just like, this is like a scene from like an opera about like this is like a Cormac
McCarthy novel.
This is this sucks.
It does.
It definitely is also insane.
This guy needs to be this guy should be squashed underfoot like a bug.
Initially, Boone did try and run off, but it didn't work too well.
He was caught thrown on the back of the sheriff's horse and the ride back to multiple the multi
day ride back to town began.
Boone the whole way giggled to himself and rambled randomly about nonsense and sometimes
not even words.
Nature clearly having a toll on his mental health, the sun battering down and having
he haven't had a real food or drink in possibly days and randomly through the ride, he would
make attempts and stumble off the sheriff's horse and try his best to sprint into the
nearby woods barefoot and like how did somebody not just like shoot this man in the back?
Like what?
They were trying to get him back because they wanted him to go to court for the trial of
Littleberry.
They wanted like justice to be served, even though justice meant he would be hung regardless.
They wanted the town to have that kind of closure.
I legit would have just like fucking tied his legs together like I like well they did
actually they got after the second attempt of Boone attempting to run off.
He found himself hog tied and gagged thrown over the back of the horse for the rest of
the ride.
No.
That's out.
That's like literally red dead.
That's literally red.
You're riding around and the person on the horse is like and then you're like shut up
and you hit him in the face.
Well they didn't knock him out though.
On the multiple days ride back Boone would continue his giggling and bag babbling to
himself through the muffled gag and at night had to be put on watch.
If he'd ever attempt to escape again he was to be shot in the head dead there and then.
The whole posse became kind of unsettled as the days were on by his clear loss of mental
stability and by the time they'd finally returned to town their opinion of what to do
with Boone changed.
At first they were going to try him and hang him but now they believe the man they'd brought
back wasn't the same man who'd committed the murder instead they called in a physician
to determine if he was truly insane and whether they believed Boone or not and whether the
physician believed Boone or not they did sign the papers to declare him insane and send
him off to a lifetime stay at a mental hospital slightly out east of in the state.
Last a lifetime a lifetime yeah of course this is where the story actually almost done
with the story is that all right well then that's oh thank god this guy yeah yeah this
is it crazy name the cannibal names that like you know like they call the big guy tiny no
I get it I get it yeah it's a fun name it was Wild West was weird it's gonna be like
the Green Stone part three now right yeah but whatever that is he wouldn't be sent off
before Little Berry had his funeral and their Lucinda with a new swaddled babe would arrive
and learning of now and now learning of Boone's mental instability she was able to
excuse the torture she went to now not believing that the beatings came from an evil man that
she was trapped to but instead from a sick man and he deserved pity though she would still
maintain her distance and never really speak with him or build a relationship ever again
but for her there was a way of healing I think to her she was able to at least kind of put it
in a box and put that trauma in a place where she could accept it and move forward before long
Boone was shipped in the truth that is a that is bleak yeah but it's just like that is what it is
you know um before long though Boone was shipped out east and the truth revealed itself as soon
as Boone was far enough from the town in Missouri where nobody actually knew him was around anymore
the insane act instantly dropped oh my god yeah he knew and instead Boone became the absolute
perfect patient Boone had known all too well that the only punishment for murder in the west
was a hanging and the moment they'd caught him his only goal was to survive and insanity on the
trail back was his best bet and it worked within the sanitarium after Boone arrived
Boone was cooperative, obedient, quiet, and friendly he acted respectfully toward all the
doctors and he quickly became the many of the doctor's favorite patient in fact they'd actually
bring Boone cigarettes if they'd help them out with certain things throughout the day
little cleaning or some office work etc etc are you kidding me this is this is the kfc moment
i know i knew what he was just like i'm going to eat you this is uh what's his name uh he murders
jude law and then he's in the boat with him hugging him uh fuck what it's one of those
movies that math has probably hasn't seen uh i definitely haven't seen it matt daemon in the
oh shit matt daemon in the boat we're on a search we're on a search right now we need answers
we need answers oh yeah it's the talented mr rippley guys you guys have never seen it are you
i've never seen this talented mr rippley no i haven't seen it oh my god okay first of all jesse
stop this show let's cancel the episode that we're recording all right bye everybody you need to
watch you need to watch the town mr rippley immediately that is a movie that was made
joe black uh no not at all not at all but it's not like i've seen me joe black though
how have you seen that movie that's the one word like it's death right he's 100 yes i've seen the
movie can i ask like just because we're here and i'm vhs we have nothing else better to be talking
about right now uh what were the like where you saw it on vhs yeah me joe's vhs time right 100
percent it was i'm just like yeah it's like an all rated movie for adults that's like a kind of a
romance with like some magic elements and you know what i remember is my my parents watched it first
i think they rented it and then they deemed it okay for us to watch as kids and i think we and i
watched it with them that's the only time i've seen it and i very remember very little but i i've
seen it fair enough the story fair enough okay what's up everybody i'm mike wilson with any
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podcast all right back to the more important topic the talent is to Ripley right boon was sharp
funny and friendly and the staff really ended up enjoying his company and if this had been
this had all been legitimate if the sanitarium had truly brought out this aspect of boon we'd
maybe see a happy ending but of course this was all an act and a ploy manipulation at boon's finest
maybe the only thing he truly was good at while other patients were exposed to torture stuff like
hydrotherapy the orderlies and doctors saw how cooped up boon seemed to be and instead he got
prescribed exercise and walk in the sanitarium's gardens of course he was watched by other doctors
but that's what he got i'm just literally picturing ace ventura right now is that weird
not seeing that one he's a pet detective don't worry no i've seen it but i don't
i don't see that i don't understand the comparison when he goes when he goes to the sanitarium
oh i don't remember that part
all i have is pop culture i got nothing else i don't read
i'm sorry i'm like adhd and autistic you want to talk about the details i can tell you all about
x-men i can i can tell you about video games and true crime baby that's in aliens that's it
that's all i got that's all that's in my head i don't have enough room for anything else i can
talk for hours about the kree uh but those daytime exercises it wasn't enough at night
he would pace his small cell back and forth and one night orderly had taken a large liking to boon
and soon the two of them would have nightly walks in the gardens even after boon had spent the entire
day out there it was nice nice enough out where jackets weren't required and boon began to build
a rapport and trust with this man each night boon would ask for some privacy so he could
go relieve himself in the woods and the orderly allowed it and each and every time boon would
come back in a timely fashion without complaining get offered another cigarette to smoke and they
would continue their walk in conversation jesse is rubbing his temple right now i have to remember
it's a different time oh the 1848 that there's like yeah go do your business you askly rabbit
go have fun well he wasn't to be fair the orderly was breaking the rules see they were not allowed
to be taken these guys out at night right but already he's doing that and then he's also like
yeah you can leave my site for a while yeah crazy yep but boon obviously was simply biding his time
but on the patience and the patience would eventually pay off one night while boon had
gone off to the bathroom during their uh nightly walk one of the orderly's co-workers came strolling
by hoping boon wouldn't return until his co-worker had left he had a polite if hurried conversation
as it was very against the rules to be taking patience out at night eventually though the
co-worker left without issue and the orderly called out for boon however boon had already seen
his opportunity arise and while they spoke he took the time to run off and then he died of hypothermia
the next day well if you if you think boon spent any time reading about wilderness survival at
his time in an asylum uh you'd be incredibly wrong this the sanatorium was deliberately
quite far away from any civilization and the orderly had decided not to report what had
happened in fear of consequences yeah that checks out yeah so when it had finally been noticed that
boon was missing days had passed and they had in the place the sanatorium had no intention of
tarnishing their reputation so they simply disregarded boon assuming hunters would eventually come
across his body and when that didn't happen they changed tone and said that his body had
probably been eaten by wildlife and that he would be nobody else's problem what what a
fucking leap like what literally what they did that's like if i if i if like it's like my that's
like my dog's logic like oh he's gone from the house he's dead like well i will i will rebuttal
they it is fair maybe to believe that because again they were really far away they were surrounded
by wilderness boon didn't have any supplies it's not like he was eating like a king there
and the man genuinely wasn't prepared to be out in the wilderness for a long period of time
they were really close to the truth actually because boon once again became very quickly
malnourished this time with no supplies to help him last multiple days doing his best to find water
and hunt or forage when he could he ended up failing most of the time and as the wilderness
was about to claim him again boon had another stroke of good fortune a stroke older yes he
had a stroke died and that's the end of the story an older experienced miner had stumbled
across boon who was in a desperate need of saving he gobbled up what food and water was
offered wordlessly and spent the rest of the day with the miner when the time came to set up camp
boon kicked back relaxed and did nothing not thanking him for saving not even opening up
gentle conversation and once the man once the dog the man's donkey had been tied down and camp
fully set up boon wasted no time getting up and immediately scrounging through this man's belongings
taking anything of value right in front of him while he was sitting there making dinner
just like rifling through his bag it's like going into a shop in skyrim and just stealing from the
person and they're like oh come again you know uh good the good the bad and the ugly i know of
the yeah this dude is the ugly like this dude is just like pure trash like he is just schemer from
shining time station talk about my boy like that which boy the ugly oh you like wallach
i love that that that dude's great he's great uh he's he's a little he's a little rat think is
what he is but he's so entertaining this guy yes i mean this guy's very this guy's very entertaining
he doesn't need a person yet i don't know yet uh the miner of course wasn't gonna sit there and let
him do that so he started shouting at him and telling him to stop and get back from his belongings
but boon straight up ignored him didn't acknowledge him and just kept rifling through his things as
though he wasn't even being spoken to he's gonna eat this motherfucker isn't he and when he wouldn't
stop the miner stood up walked over and put boon to the ground with one punch to the job
well nevermind okay i guess boon had lost a lot of his muscle over the years of being out in the
wilderness and then being in the sanitarium for a few months boon once boon had been uh put solidly
on his ass the prospector made his one and only mistake once he was on the ground the prospector
tried to reason with boon instead well that's your problem yeah a little did he know boon was not a
man who could be reasoned with while the miner spoke to him boon simply played dead until the
prospector got close where boon would then spring up and strike him over the head with a large rock
that he had palmed and hidden under himself when he took the fall the prospector stumbled back in
surprise but boon didn't relent strike after strike the rock hit his head and long after he'd fallen
to the ground boon sat straddled over him turning what was left of his head into a bloody pulp only
stopping when exhaustion forced him to boon wanted everything that he had and murder was the easiest
answer life meant nothing to boon and after little berry he learned not only did life mean nothing
compared to his own he learned killing was a release and he started to enjoy it with a donkey
supplies to last weeks and valuables for trade boon was finally comfortable for a while nobody
would bat an eye at a missing prospector nature tend to eat them up every day that would be the
last time boon was actually seen in missouri also that prospector's name was lily pistol twinkle
springs and i won't either confirm nor deny if that's true and the next time we actually have
recorded eyes on him is in canvass canvass and in canvass a caravan had let him into their camp
for a little while trading supplies but they noted boon refused to set up his camp near the warm
glow of their fire staying a good ways out seemingly always on the lookout and paranoid
caravans were safer from boon's violence though but solo travelers were too tempting for boon to
pass up to continue his journey since he was still no good at hunting or finding water boon would kill
in loot any solo traveler he came across and had the relative and as long as he had the relative
any pretty much pretty much anyone yeah there was a 50-50 shot whether he would kill them or let them
go as long as if he needed supplies they were dead he would kill them off and take and just rob
them of everything they had this is literally me playing a video game like this is not yeah pretty
much yeah uh any solo trover he came across if he needed supplies he killed them as long as he had
the relative privacy to do the killing and robbing allowing him more days or even sometimes weeks of
survival marching west toward california while boon had found a violent way to survive day to
day in the wilderness he was still no nature guide and even less of a navigator days of wandering
turned to weeks of wandering passing travelers was never a guarantee and eventually his supplies
ran out again with nobody passing by to kill and take from and when his food died or when his food
died off his donkey was killed and butchered turned to jerky to try and survive as long as he could
the first sensible thing he's done to survive agreed well eventually the donkey jerky would
run short and starvation was once again weighing heavily on his shoulders and if he didn't find
something soon he was going to die you okay over there jesse you're looking at having a stroke my
man just his character arc i guess i'm gonna say that i guess that's the way to describe it
is so crazy to me but i but now i'm starting to get it i'm starting to see like he uh was always
good at taking out people and it turns out the one thing he's still good at is taking out people
and so rather than doing all this work he's going to get to the west and he's going to
find his fame and fortune but he needs to get there first so he's gonna do the one thing he's
always been good at taking people out it checks out it's just so it's so much it's so much yeah
but you like i said uh in the first episode man the only thing that drove him was making
sure he could get to the next day and uh he's very animal like he's like an animal yeah he's
very much like an animal you know to your child he's very yeah he's very much like a kid with an
adult like capabilities and doesn't know right this is literally the book blood meridian like
literally it's nuts it's uh it's a fascinating story that's why i wanted to make this three parts
just because there's so much here that i want to kind of like dive into well unfortunately for a
hunter out in the wild boon had found him there was no attempt at conversation this time boon
simply took his rifle sat up on a hill nearby and shot the man intending to take whatever animals he'd
caught to help him survive the next few days or weeks but as he waited his way into the hunter's
camp after killing him he'd realized that the hunter had a miserable day of hunting and hadn't
caught a single thing so he plopped himself on a nearby log and took a break waves of exhaustion
were crushing him dizzy spells followed and soon the campsite itself wavered in and out of focus
as the campfire kept him warm his stomach ached and food was the only thing on his mind there was
nothing around to eat and boon refused to die his gaze eventually settled on the corpse that
had been sitting down there for hours and made a decision yo here we go he fell from a log
Kentucky yeah he moved to Kentucky he made 13 herbs and spices
and he took on the name gasey this is john Wayne gasey's great great great great great
great grandfather he fell to his stomach from the log and crawled over to the now cold corpse
pulling out his bowie knife from the sheath as he did he climbed on top as difficult as it was
and roughly sliced away a hunk of meat and muscle wow jamming it onto the tip of his knife as the
cold as the cold blood pooled beneath the body and began to roast the meat over the fire the smell
of the roasting meat made his stomach growl and his mouth salivate he wouldn't even let it cook
through before gorging on the first piece and quickly slicing off another hunk and then another
and another until he'd not only sated his hunger but his stomach hurt from how much he ate and
a mangled corpse lay nearby as evidence of his deeds that's how deadpool saved dark angel one time
is it yeah you carved out hunk of meat deadpool can regenerate his health is his flesh so you
can just eat him forever if you think about it that's true that's true question just trying to
break up the level just get a little levity in there do we do a levity in there do we do a
donner party episode not yet that will be a how have we never done that because there's not a weird
entity in an in an ai online for him about this that's one bad day away i the donner party is
fully planned i want to do a huge like amazing parter on the whole thing because that whole story
once you like the whole thing is so fascinating i've read a couple books about it like it is so
interesting so yes we will be doing that at some point we will be there lovely it will be there i
promise after though uh he was sated he eventually fell asleep to the warmth of the fire and when
mourning came perhaps a twinge of guilt had hit him he still had no food but at least he now had a
horse and valuables and though the thought to carve pieces off the body lingered briefly
he quickly buried the thought and left out on his own but hunger wasn't far behind and whatever
guilt he'd felt was gone at the first sign of an appetite as he cursed himself for not taking
a thick piece of meat to say his needs for later curse me and curse me at this point though boon
had decided that he must have traveled far enough west that whatever lawmen might be looking for him
had long given up i thought you were about to say he was in california yeah he is there he
must be there he must be there uh he was still in kentucky uh he was in kansas remember
right no he just went the wrong way you say it was bad i'm trying to get us back the thing he
says man was a kentucky edible and we are nowhere near kentucky he was born in kentucky jesse that's
not how that works he gets that's how many of this works but mashed potatoes and corn and then he
puts the gravy on top then he puts the human bits and it's like a famous bowl oh man oh yes
oh i would have a human famous bowl delicious at my office they used to stop by the a and w
kfc and put the curds from the a and w into the famous bowl from kfc and uh never wake up
it's kind of good actually never wake up yeah they would never slip into that coma and disappear
but to clarify jesse he is heading generally west at this point like he's been wandering in the
woods and i'm sure he hasn't been making a ton of progress but he is meandering in the west word
direction now and he is on that way he becomes a fucking movie producer next that's the next step
he gets to hollywood california that's yeah he is uh he becomes hollywood's first director at this
point though boon had decided that he must have like i said traveled far enough where men the
lawman had stopped giving up and realizing he'd do much better on the road again with watering
holes and trading posts along the way and so finally boon's aimless wandering in the wilderness
came to an end as he joined an actual path and road west he got to a street and he is fine now
literally he then quickly found a caravan was able to trade his valuables that he had stolen
from the guy he murdered for supplies and continued his journey west to california
where eventually he would actually cross the border and made his way towards civilization
once more this is my new vegas playthrough is what it is
it would not be long before boon caught wind and rumors that his own health his own family the
helm family had roots all the way out in california at this point if this motherfucker showed up on my
doorstep i would shoot him in the heart yeah well if you if you if these people had a way to learn
what boon had done i'm sure they might have done the same thing um stories of the of the johnson
brothers specifically the three there were three brothers living in california that were part of
the helm family stories of the johnson brothers violent deeds had ingrained themselves in the
local folks in california's memories a rarity in a world where violent behavior was an everyday norm
boon took interest but he wouldn't have to go looking for them the johnson brothers had actually
heard of their own cousin coming into town and some whispers of his and some whispers of his
wildlife style at west were right behind him they hadn't known any details only that boon
seemed like to seem to be like them and so they would go out looking for him instead
what's up everybody i'm mike wilson with any hour services and if you've been thinking about
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dot com no one helps more homeowners than any hour services hi i'm ali raisman i've been living
with migraine for a while as an athlete and gymnast i was taught to just power through the pain now i
use ubelvi or ubro japan to treat my migraine attacks as soon as i feel a migraine attack i take
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migraine medicine find more product information at ubelvi.com or call 844-4-U-B-R-E-L-V-Y sponsored
by abvi the johnson brothers the johnson brothers were similar to boon in many ways they hated work
loved to drink and loved a good brawl in a saloon even more the difference was each of the three
brothers had their own stake of land out here that was riddled with gold problem was working
is hard and they hated it moreover gold rush towns were insanely inflated prices this is a
bit of history that i actually didn't really know until i started doing this episode is that
the prices in gold rush towns were super high because everybody was out there bringing home
gold that was all the rush towns that actually had gold coming in not like ones that failed
yeah and san francisco's rent has been fucking high ever since ever since yeah yeah pretty much
yeah uh yeah so they like the what little money they made they from going to their own claims and
they each had their own gold mine claim would be pissed away within a night or two only ever going
into their staked claims when their funds ran dry and they needed more money to drink were they
like hard workers no they were super lazy like how did they get gold because they were their first
and that's how it worked if you got out to the west first you got to stake claim for free land
right so they were just claim on little little mines that had a ton of gold in them and it was
there oh my god what is the name of that movie with tom cruising the cold kid oh my god it's called
uh far and away far that is literally the premise of that movie i'm pretty sure i'm gonna become a
boxer get the land you've got to get on the horse i mean i guess that sounds like i've never seen
the movie but it sounds like it's like a history teacher would put it on in the class type of movie
and tom cruise okay just come tom cruise is just outclassed by the idea of doing an irish accent
it just oh i gotta hear it now i gotta go listen to a bit like this it looks like this listen he
found his niche as an action star thankfully you know like he sounded sprinting towards it and
screaming yeah and and flying machines to me guys let's go see top gun in texas it's the only
place i'm down yo let's do it so down to do that we gotta go we'll do that you get in yeah we gotta
do it either uh in in texas or in san diego's the only two places you're allowed to watch it
yo we could go to the bar yeah from the movie i've been there that's what i'm talking about the
barbecue place yeah yeah yeah i'm down oh yeah we got some barbecue while your boys are down here
for a couple days hell yeah uh so like i said the boys would spend the gold that they found
all on drink until they needed more money and they'd go get more money from their little their
little claims right when boon when they went and found boon they would actually offer boon the
opportunity to work with them in their minds for a cut of the profits with the intent of him
eventually saving up and buying out another local miner and taking their claim for his own setting
down proper routes in the town and enjoying time with the rowdy and rough personality many of the
helmet families seem to have they they gender brothers really did want like to him to join them
and just like become one of their own friends and then just like welcome in welcome into the family
and give them a place to stay but even for his own family boon's laziness was far beyond theirs
and his violence more than they bargained for each day boon would follow a different brother to their
claim doing as little work as possible for the same steak and profits that they promised
and instead of saving what he made he spent it alongside them even faster than they did in the
bar drinking and fighting after he had too much to drink how did we get time out how is the moral
of this story so far laziness leads to cannibalism that's where we're at that's dude was so lazy
he was like i guess i gotta eat a person it's not wrong it's crazy eventually you're gonna
have to if you don't do anything i mean you're right you kick yeah it's true uh but even boon's
violence was more than they expected having to pull him off of fights that he had fought and
clearly already won but would not cease beating the person that he was fighting and while gun
duels were common enough most people who did gun duels were doing it for posturing and bragging
rights but boon seemed to take an opportunity for a duel that any any opportunity he could to have a
gun duel killing the man outright every time sating his blood lust in a new and legal way
because when the law came over and inspected the gun duel they were always dismissed as legal
i would have shot this man in cold blood if i was his if i was his relative i would have
just murdered him and you would have been hung that's the shitty part like you would have been
hung for it because no one would ever be able to tell they can't see if i peed on him or whatever
they can't you know i'm not understanding where that came from just no csi like what am i like
i'm in the mind with this dude and he's dead and they're like who killed him yeah you could
probably do something along those lines where like you maybe kill him with like a rock to the
head and then maybe cause like a small little collapse yeah yeah yeah yeah but if you just
told to shoot him in cold blood in the public unfortunately no matter how bad he is he would
have been killed i would say he tried to shoot me in a bullshit duel and i killed him and then
everybody would be like i mean uh the more time went on the more of the truth of boon's actions
made their way west and into california and while they had their suspicions boon might have been
holding back on his stories that he told them while they drank with him in the saloon at night
it became apparent just how much of the truth he hid boon had murdered his own family and and if
family wasn't safe how were they going to be right what else was yes yeah kill this man give him to
the police tie him up put him away do whatever is that what you think is going to happen you think
this is it you think this is the end of the road no i think a little girl who's related to him is
going to pull a gun on him and she's going to call the cops over and they're going to say what's
wrong maggie sue and she's going to say he killed his family and then he's going to go to jail and
then um he's going to invent uh he's going to take a friend check his way out he's going to eat his
way out yeah he's gonna take out of here no he ate his way out through the guards through the
ward and everyone gone it matters not all must go use a chicken today to the chickens
well for the three johnson brothers it was no longer their goal to keep boon in town
and get him settled they wanted him gone as soon as humanly possible they just needed to do it
without direct confrontation the stories that they had heard made him out to be a horrifying monster
and they dare not risk his violence and temper they would come up with multiple plans but all of
them were never really truly plausible attempting to get him drunk and convince him to leave things
like that snipe him while he's not looking yeah they needed to somehow trick boon into leaving
but they never found a good way to do it boon had an extremely good in town now with family to mooch
off of and when his frustrations grew too high legal murder to cool off of luckily for the johnson
brothers though as it was tendency for boon boon's violence would cross the line again and force the
law to come knocking boon had made plenty of enemies in his time working with his family here in
california other miners were some of his favorites to pick fights with and he always left at the
chance to beat them into submission but when he wasn't given the chance to beat another minor
that he started to fight with in the saloon that night the next day he came hunting him down gun
in hand and shot him in cold blood in the middle of town i know you guys see i'm pausing for the
listeners i'm just i just like to watch jesse's face today it's like is this constant surprise
and yet comedy like it's just it's just one it's fun to watch i've never yeah it just the the hits
keep coming like i told you new mathis baby and you and new mathis this is not your typical true
true crime no serial killer bingo is going to be marked off on this one he knew what his actions
meant though immediately and shortly after he took the kill he rode off to the johnson brothers
thanking them profusely for the opportunity in hospitality hugs ensued and a bunch of i hope
i see you again is past between them before after saying goodbye mounting his horse and with his
belongings riding off over the hill to the reliefs of his family where he died of tetanus
yeah that's what happened in the weeks following news of boon's escape from the asylum reached the
johnson brothers ears and they were saddled with what they should do with this information
they debated if they should send the news back of what he'd done and where he went
maybe to send the law after him but they were now terrified of boon unsure of which of his stories
he told of his travels in the wild were truth or fiction and they had no intention of finding out
if they'd ever cross paths again and decided to keep their mouths shut for their own safety
god forbid the law find them he survives and he comes back for vengeance boon though was now on
his way to oregon and on his travels he'd collect a motley crew of six bandits and cutthroats to
bolster his activities and keep him company but what he wasn't aware of how uh what he wasn't aware
of was how close to an end his violent life was leading him to and that's where we'll pick up
next week for the final part of the kentucky cannibal boon helm the magnificent seven
the like the worst version of the magnificent tarnish seven the tarnished dilapidated seven
yep we will learn of more cannibalistic tendencies in the last in the next episode in the ultimate
fate of what happened to boon and his motley little crew as they spent weeks and months traveling
out in the wilderness something boon never ever got good of mind you he never got good at it but uh
yeah that's the episode boys i hope you enjoyed and thank you all so much for listening out there
i hope you enjoyed this crazy tale of a wild west serial killer eating bodies out of laziness
because that's yes he made an excellent point absolutely depraved that's what's happening
crazy go buy tickets to go see us in austin on may 26th at chilemonadipod.com and if you
go sign up for our patreon i will tell you this right now the minisode uh article that i'm going
to bring to this the minisode is about something that happened to me and to jesse and to all of us
in real life real life okay paranormal bullshit okay okay i'm excited oh i'm so excited to
listen to that real life it happened i was there okay that was fucked up all right and jesse was
literally my witness to this too so that's great i saw it happen i saw it happen what i don't know
what's that oh i'm jealous i'm so jealous okay we're off to do a minisode also we've got a bunch
of new little little goals we're hitting toward at 12 and a half thousand i'm gonna go ahead and
put together a sexy bean boy cosplay for alex we'll record an episode like that and at 12
thousand i'm thinking we could do like a 30 minute once a month 30 minute q and a patreon
submit some questions we answer them what if instead we go to haunted house you cowards i'm down
we got to we're doing it we're doing it yeah we've already hit that goal we just gotta find a haunted
house and it's gotta be in california because that will be the easiest way to do it because
the only owl required to be traveling yeah we got so that's all or do you know that there's a hotel
in san antonio that all the rock riders used to stay at we just go rent a place there for the night
morgan baby yeah we can run a morgan i stayed there twice each of us in a separate room we have
to record it lights off all night i'd super be down go to the one of the walkie talkies go to the
chilluminati pod subreddit and suggest instead of just putting dream for jesse to interpret
suggest haunted places for us to go sleep in that are in either california or in texas it's
got to be good if it's in texas because it costs twice as much money and i got to fly off all my
camera equipment it's yeah yeah yeah ideally out in la um that would be best when does the plushie
come out where's our plushie i i don't know i just know that the email sign ups are still
happening i don't know the date when it's supposed to come out my guess is likely end of may when
the t-shirt run stops i imagine the plushie run will probably begin shortly thereafter uh you
still have a chance to get the limited time t over the eddy.com slash chilluminati uh it's at
the end of may it's gone and it will never be up for for grabs again um and the last thing i want
to say yeah i got a lot of messages about people wanting us to do live shows all over the place
we'd love to honestly if like as the patreon grows we'll have more freedom to kind of like
fly out to places a little bit more irregularly and try and just do more shows across the country
so if you want to see us out there supporting the patreon is also a really good way to make that
happen um we are off to go take care of minisodend i'm gonna go listen to alex having a paranormal
encounter with the skeptic as witness that sounds amazing we'll see you guys next week we love you
bye bye anyway me and my wife were sitting outside indulging on our porch one night enjoying
ourselves i needed to go to the bathroom so i stepped back inside and after a few moments
i hear my wife go holy shit get out here so i quickly dash back outside she's looking up in the
sky in the fall i look up too and there's a perfect line of dozen lights traveling across the sky
oh
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