Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 154 - 3 Internet Mysteries with Crendor!

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

Strap in, you're not ready for this journey. LIVE SHOW TICKETS:  http://www.chilluminatipod.com WE HAVE A PLUSHIE OF MOTHMAN COMING. GO TO THEYETEE LINK IN THE DECRIPTION Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/chilluminatipod BUY OUR MERCH - http://www.theyetee.com/collections/chilluminati Special thanks to our sponsors this episode FelixGray - http://www.felixgrayglasses.com/chill Talkspace - http://www.talkspace.com Promo Code: chill StoryWorth - http://www.storyworth.com/chill Crendor - http://www.twitch.tv/crendor Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - http://www.youtube.com/user/superbeardbros Art Commissioned by - http://www.mollyheadycarroll.com Theme - Matt Proft End song - POWER FAILURE - https://soundcloud.com/powerfailure Video - http://www.twitter.com/digitalmuppet

Do you feel like you need more adventure in your life? You're probably right. At Motorsportsland RV Centers, we've been helping people just like you experience outdoor adventures for over 55 years. You might be looking to visit the many national parks around Utah or travel the country. You might need a hunting lodge or just an easy way

to stay on that piece of property you own. Whatever your needs are, we're here to help. Come visit a Motorsportsland RV Center or motorsportsland.com today and let Motorsportsland help you get away. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Chiluminati Podcast, episode 154. As always, I'm one of your hosts, Mike Martin,

joined by my normal co-host, Jesse Cox. But yeah, for the very first time, this show is Alexless. We've all now missed the show once. His record is broken after 153 episodes. He's not here. So instead, you may have heard his voice. We brought back a guest we had

from one of some people's, a lot of favorite episodes, the Egyptian colony in America. You were on that episode. That was him. He's in town. Yeah, Crendor, welcome back to the show, man. Yeah, thank you for having me. If there's one thing I'm good at,

it's filling in on podcasts over the last like 10 years of my life. Dude, that's why I thought you were the first name. I'm like, that's Crendor's like thing. Like that was like his identity for about nine, 10 years before. That was just TB every time. He'd be like, Crendor, we have nobody today.

Do you want to come on? I was like, sure do. I got stuff I want to promote. Exactly. Exactly. And you know, to bring that flavor back to give us a taste of that nostalgia, Jesse, I decided I'm giving up on the podcast

and I handed the reins over to Crendor. I figure by the end of this episode, by the end of this episode, you will not only appreciate but maybe even respect Alex when he has control over the episodes. Cause today everybody, Crendor is in charge of whatever topic or topics.

We end up covering today. And you can get extra coverage. I'm not really bad at this, but you can get extra coverage over at patreon.com slash to Luminati pod. Over there, we've got a, we'll be doing a mini soda right after this episode that you guys can go listen to.

We've got posters. We've got a chill tracks. We've got a free t-shirts. Oh my God. Yeah, we just, you know, we throw everything in there. And if you support the show monetarily, we take care of you.

Like our little babies. I give you a little cradle and a little kiss on the forehead. And you get the amazing bonus show. Yeah, exactly. The bonus show of the mini-sode, which Crendor will be a part of as well. Whoa.

No, that's way more than you get with our, I don't know what I'm doing on that one. I didn't hear anything about that one. Maybe I am. This is way more than we do for our Cox and Crendor. You just like, we just yell at you. But people seem to love being yelled at by you guys. You have a real chemistry

when it comes to shouting at the listeners. So that's why I hope I get to enjoy today. But before you get the full control, last thing I wanna say is, in a few days, May 26th, we have a live show in Austin, Texas. We have like a handful of tickets left. We're almost out.

Grab them if you still wanna go. If you can make it, come have a beer with us. Enjoy like an hour and a half of us trying to convince you that aliens are real. Watch Jesse get mad at me and walk off stage. It's a tradition. And it'll be a really good time. We're gonna have a great time there.

So we hope to see you guys there and for everybody who already bought their tickets, there's so many of you. I'm so excited to see all of you. I'm more excited than Mathis. Are you sure? Way more excited. I'm super hype, y'all.

I can't ready to be in. I'm gonna be in you, Austin. I'm gonna be in you. Yeah. Yeah, that's how I felt too. Okay. Yeah, I'm so hyped for it. I'm just as hype. Was that good enough, boss?

I think it was good. I think it was good. Good job, good job. All right, Crendor. I'm handing the reins over. You have full control of your very first Shilluminati podcast episode. I'm excited to see what journey you decide

to bring us on today. Take it away. All right, no problem. So I'd like to start this episode out since Alex is in here by telling an Alex story. No. I don't know what that means. So how do you feel about weed stories on this podcast?

Boy, hey, let's go. What does that mean? So years ago, when I was in LA for, I don't know, something, I was, I think me and Jesse were recording like Cuphead. It was something like that. And we might have went to E3. I think it was for E3.

And so we were like just doing stuff. And one night we were like, yo, let's all go get food. And then I was like, I'll go with the Alex because everybody else was filling up the other car. I'm like, I'll go with Alex. We go out to his car.

He reaches into his pocket to get his keys. And he goes, oh, shit. I don't have my keys, but I got three joints. Yes. That is actually just the, that is like, Can I ask you a question? Really quick. Can I ask you a question?

Yeah. Does this story have anything to do with paranormal stuff? No. This is an Alex story. This is an Alex story. This is an Alex story. It checks out. It checks out.

First thought, I was like, I don't know if I want to drive with this guy. Like second thought, I was like, he's got three joints, but no keys. And how does he have three? Where were you coming from? His house? It was a Gerard's office.

You know, this is his lunchtime joint. Said he just had to make sure. That probably was. You got to get through the day, man. Yeah. So there you go. Fun story. Fun story, one of the most fun.

Not sure what that has to do with anything we're doing today. Why am I the one who has to keep us on track? What is happening? It's fine. So, okay. We got, I got three stories. All right. I feel like three is the best number for everything, you know?

It is. It's a proper beginning, middle and end at every Mario lost fight. Exactly. It's the, you know, beginning, middle, end. So, you know, trilogies. Look at that. You got trilogies. Just the number, the number of three.

I think there's a study on that. We're like three or like the odd numbers are actually people's favorite numbers to have. Like if you have objects, you want like three objects on your desk or you want three options to choose from like you're something behind it. Yeah.

But for visually, I think for like, I agree in like visually, cause it's like nice to have like a center, you know? I think you guys kind of just get drawn to the center without four and all even numbers is no like proper center. Yeah, exactly. I have no idea what the two of you were talking about. That was like something I would have heard in a psych ward.

I don't like. Are you sure about that? Three is the proper number. Three is the center. Three is the proper center. You must have three like that. It was crazy talk. What just happened here?

That's just marketing. Odd numbers have centers. You know, if you're going to collect things and you have five statues again, you're going to have your center statue. Look, you don't have to talk to me. You got to have triples. You have to have one to work with,

one to show off and one to store away. You got to have triples. No, I get it. There you go. The threes. It's threes. So we're saying. Um, so the first story is from a thing we brought up

on Cox and Cren d'Or back in November. And I already know Jesse doesn't remember this because he doesn't remember like anything. So it's got a lot going on in his life as we've got, by the way, it was plugged for Cox and Cren d'Or. The best podcast. You're going to say that. You're going to say this in front of me.

No, we're not even the same. We're not even really in the same genre. You know? That's true. Yeah, you got to tell yourself that. We're co-optional podcasts. This man's about to say a story that we already talked about on that.

So yeah, we're not competing at all. We didn't get into it. That's the point. So, um, yeah, this, I mean, this show actually has like structure and like things. Ours is not whatsoever. So here we go. I'm going to link it to you.

And I'll link it to Jesse. He'll probably see it, remember? So there's a place in London. Where are you looking to us? I like that on Discord. Even to Discord for me. I love the name Brompton. Yeah.

So this is the Brompton Cemetery Time Machine. All right. So this is a sealed mausoleum surrounded by mystery and unexplained theories. In the middle of the Brompton Cemetery in London stands a fascinating mausoleum in Egyptian style. Oh my God. Oh, there's the same people who colonized America.

Yeah, those. The Bromptons? No, the Egyptians. The Egyptian style. This is an Egyptian time machine, clearly. So when they came to America, they probably already had the time traveling technology. Oh, that's why they got there.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. The largest and most elaborate construction in Brompton. It would be remarkable for its imposing stature alone, but there's more to the story. It is believed to be a fully functional time machine. That just, I want to know how they, I hope this gets explained,

but I'm very curious how they got to this theory, shall we say. Of a time machine? Great question. Not even just a fully functioning time machine. It still works now and nobody's ever gone in. I guess not. I don't know.

Maybe they have. It's the worst thing out of respect. You got to get an American in there. We don't destroy anything for what we want. Oh, what? Get out of the way. If there's nothing in there, we say we're sorry and we give you some democracy and we leave.

That's not, we never say we're sorry. You get to be. That's true. You know what? Fair, fair. We give you that democracy, destroy your country and then walk like you're welcome. Welcome, everyone.

That's Canada you're referring to. Oh yeah, that's Canada. Yeah. Um, all right, Hannah Cortoy. That's next, the next segment. Hannah Cortoy, born Peters, was a mysterious woman. She never married, but she inherited a fortune from an elderly merchant by the name of John Cortoy.

She worked for him as a housekeeper and later took his name. There are rumors that she was his mistress, but also the mistress of King's politician and other rich, powerful men. Time out, time, all right. So Hannah is like the lady lover of King's and the rich and wealthy,

but also just works as a housekeeper for this guy who then definitely took his name and there's no, look, there's no way anyone's taking anyone's name unless they are knee deep in Plowtown. There's no way. There's no way. They've probably taken the bone train to Bangbird. She's the housekeeper.

That's like a porn scene waiting to happen. Are you saying? The Lusty Argonian Maid. All right, that's not where I was going. I was not going to be like, and then she was also part lizard. No, I'm like, okay, listen. Well, she was, well, then she'd be reptilian.

That's a whole other conversation. That happened with the HGTV couple, the flipper floppers. What? They were lizard people? Maybe, but the main dude was like banging the maid. That's why you can't have a maid when you're with them. I mean, that's what happened to Arnold Schwarzenegger. So like, even if it happens.

That's the thing. I would never trust any man around a housekeeper that's rich. 100%. Wait, the housekeeper was rich? Well, no, the rich person that's a housekeeper. Oh yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's just classic.

I mean, that's classic movie banging right there. That's classy movie banging and real life, apparently. Yeah, man, it's just a real thing. Yeah. Also turns out that guy was crazy. He like, he like tried to shoot himself and ran away and then they still, they still kept doing flipper floppers. Are you talking about the house flippers?

The flipper flop people, yeah. No. That's what I'm saying. I thought we had moved on from flipper floppers. I thought we were classic. The flipper flop guys, crazy. At first I thought you were talking about Schwarzenegger. I was like, wait, what?

No, no, no, no. Anyway, like many Victorians of the era, Hanna was intrigued by Egyptian iconography, particularly hieroglyphics. What are the other ones? Any Hour Services has a team of technicians that can take care of any plumbing, electrical or air conditioning needs

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There's hieroglyphics. Besides hieroglyphics? Like what? Like maybe just paintings? I mean, iconography in general, you could be, what would that be, cuneiform? Is that the right word for that? Chloriform.

Not chloriform, cuneiform. I guess we could just look it up. Egyptian iconography would be what? I'm looking right now actually. It says iconography, Egyptian iconography. The principal iconographic sources for ancient Egyptian religion are the representations of scenes, both ritual and mythological,

carved in relief or painted on the walls of Egyptian temples and tombs, as well as the numerous images and statues of gods and pharaohs. That's all considered iconography. Well, what the heck? Interesting. Now, what are you thinking of?

Cuneiform is, wedge-shaped characters use in ancient writing systems, Mesopotamia, Persia. All right, so it's a little before ancient Egypt, but I'm sure the upship is all part of the same thing. Yeah, it's all the same. Nothing more offensive than saying it's all part of the same thing when our friend comes in.

It's all the same. It's all the same. Yeah, it's all the same. So iconography, therefore, it is not surprising that she and two of her three daughters, Elizabeth and Marianne, rest in the tomb with many Egyptian characteristics. The mausoleum was designed by two of Hannah's good friends,

Joseph Bonomi and Samuel Alfred Warner. Oh, they were definitely banging. Wait, so this lady... Why do you believe that out of curiosity? Are they gonna build her a mausoleum if they're the side of the blue? Unless she's using the excuse to build a mausoleum to actually build a time machine instead.

But that's the, she's already banging kings. She's banging all these people. She's probably banging them too to build her a mausoleum, a time machine. It checks out. I mean, like it does check out when it says that two or three daughters are inside and two guys that are not John Cortoy built it.

There's a lot of like, you know what, at first I was like, oh, that's just some BS Crandor made up. But rumors of her getting all the politicians and kings and rich people checks out. Do we have any art and or photographs of Hannah Cortoy? Because honestly, I have to imagine she's a stunner. Yeah, there's gotta be. Here's the thing though, if she's not,

I'm even more impressed. Hannah Cortoy is just like, she's like got like like, you know how, what's that guy? That, like, that Mr. Hyde look. Like 10 feet tall with giant gorilla-like arms. And oh yeah, if she was a little green, that'd be great too. I'd be like, damn, people back in days freaks. The only thing that comes up with Hannah Cortoy

is an endless sea of pictures of the mausoleum from every angle, lighting and season you could possibly think of. What if she wasn't real? Ryan, this is just, again, just an excuse to make a time machine. Oh my God. We're breaking it down here on Shilluminati Live.

This is it. This is what Alex is missing. Wait, okay, where did I leave off? Okay, here we go. If you type in Hannah Cortoy painting, you get a billion $3 photos on eBay of random women in bathing suits. And I don't know what?

Also, you get a lot of, like, a lot of artistic rendition of dudes associated with her, which is even more funny. I'll tell you. I get a lot of pictures of just random guys that are just- I don't know what this says about me, because the fact that, like, all these dudes want to get with Hannah,

I'm kind of like crushing on Hannah a little bit. Is this the chase that I'm into? Like, I gotta compete with all these guys. Like, now I'm kind of feeling it. See, this is what I'm thinking. All these guys, there was no Hannah Cortoy, and all these guys were a secret, like, Illuminati-style gathering,

and they were coming up with a way to create a time machine, and this mystical Hannah Cortoy, whom they all truly loved, was their outlet to make it. Okay, but if we go to peoplepill.com, all right? Okay. Hannah Cortoy has a thing there. Birth, 1784, death, 1849.

So it says, London Society Woman, inherited a fortune, by the way, we already knew that. It says, she never married, had three daughters. There was Anne, Elizabeth, and Susanna, and in 1830, she married Septimus Holmes-Godson, a barrister of Grey's Inn. Septimus, was the dude's name? I can't get the Septimus.

You know what? I can't compete. In the 1700s, if your name is Septimus, you get your choice of woman. That man was a transformer. Sure, Septimus-Godson. What, what, what, what, what? You just translate.

Can you jump on my back? I'll take you. What, what, what, what? I mean, like, drive away. That's a horse and carriage, for some reason. But then, it says, in 1815, she inherited a fortune from an elderly merchant, John Cortoy, born Nicholas Jaquinette in France, 1709,

through a will that was disputed in court. Oh, I see this girl's motive. Yeah, it's all about that dollar sign money. She's getting the money. Dollar sign money. No way. So she was real. She loves me for who I am.

Yeah, she would, Jesse, you're right. That's the thing, she was real. Like, they got historical documents or something. That's gotta be real. Yeah, they have her will in the British National Archives. Yeah, look at that. Wait!

Whoa! Everything changes, everything changes, everything changes, everything changes. Because we have her will? No, everything changes. I was so wrong. To dear listener, us three men sat here from our perch of toxic masculinity.

Yeah. And misogyny, assuming. Yeah, you can't forget the misogyny. That she was getting these dudes to pay for all this stuff. But, gentlemen, I quote, supposedly, the two men convinced Hannah to finance their time machine project.

Hannah was doling out the money to these. Oh, we won. This girl was a queen with a capital KW. We're fools. And I think we should just accept the hate we're gonna get because Hannah. No, man, it's true. Hannah's, Hannah, damn.

I'm even into more into Hannah now. Oh my God. I trust to think we are simple men. You know, we're barely a step away from ape. It's hard. It is hard. Not for me. Not for me.

I just kept reading. And I figured it out. Brain, no read. Brain, no read. I mean, that's not like brain big problem. Not for me. A secret project. Samuel Alfred Warner was an inventor.

Some people think that he was a genius who invented the torpedo. Others believe he was just a fraud who tried to convince the British army to finance his development of several advanced weapons to advance to actually exist. On the other hand, Joseph Bonomi was a noted Egyptologist, artist, sculptor,

and museum curator. Do you just say, hang on a minute and say Samuel Alfred Warner's getting smeared? Why? Just because your thoughts are ahead and too big for the simple kings, why does that make you a fraud? This makes you a dreamer, an inventor.

Yeah. Or a fraud. I mean, if you're doing it for money in original law, it's a fraud. Or a fraud, yeah. Well, you can't get these inventions done without money, and therefore you need to make sure you get money to try to make your inventions.

He's just trying his best. He was born too early. Yeah, too early. Born too early. On the other hand, the Egyptologist guy was among the first to decipher some of the hieroglyphic tax found in the Valley of the Kings.

The story goes that Bonomi discovered the secret of time traveling from hieroglyphs he saw on one of his expeditions. Oh, no. Supposedly, the two men convinced Hannah to finance their secret project to design and build a mausoleum that would actually be a time machine.

By placing their device in a cemetery, they ensured that no one would interfere with their journey through times since cemeteries are rarely changed. You know what, that's not a bad, even if this is a con on poor Hannah, that's a pretty legit statement. Cemeteries for the most part remain unchanged.

Yeah. Details supporting the theory. The mausoleum was finished in 1853, five years after Hannah died. Shortly after the completion of the construction, Warner died in suspicious circumstances. Some say he died because of what he discovered while working on the time machine.

Others say Bonomi killed Warner to stop him from telling anyone about their project. Another version of this story is that Warner didn't die at all and simply traveled in time and disappeared. Do we have any record of this man's existence before we start thinking he slipped into the time stream with Doctor Who? Well, I'm sure that's why they're saying that,

but here's the question I have. If he is a man who is a notorious swindler, are we not sure if someone just caught up to him and was like, give him my money and then killed him? Man, it's possible. I'd be like, yeah, I'd be like, okay. But what if he traveled back in time? Why would he travel back in time?

Because he doesn't want to get swindled. So he goes to that person he borrowed money from and maybe he doesn't borrow money from him or maybe he messes it up so he goes so far back he messes up the family tree so that person's never born. That's stupid. Why not just continue swindling, swindle a couple grand,

put it in the Bank of London, go in your time machine, zip, zap, zap, go to the future, interest accrued. Billionaire. I got it. Okay, so here's what we know. I looked him up a little bit cause I'm very curious. He did die in obscure circumstances in December of 1853, but he was buried in Brompton Cemetery, West London.

He left had seven kids and a wife, but here's his little inventions. From 1830 to the date of his death, Warner Press claims for two inventions. These were quote, invisible shell reconstructed as a type of high explosive underwater mine and the long range, possibly a balloon fitted to drop these shells automatically.

It emerged eventually that Warner had secretly set up an unsuccessful trial with an unmanned balloon and a demonstration of 1841 on a lake in Essex saw a boat blown up, watched by a group including Sir Robert Peel. There you go. He was trying shit. Sir Kean Peels, right?

Yes, Sir Kean Peels, correct. The noble lords, Sir Kean Peel. Both Warner and Bonnemy are buried in Brompton Cemetery, Warner in unmarked grave and Bonnemy in the immediate vicinity of Mausoleum. There's a despic depiction of Hannah's tomb on his modest headstone and an illustration of Anubis, the Egyptian god of death,

looking in the direction of the Mausoleum. But this is just one detail of the story of the Mausoleum being a time machine. There's also strange wheel motifs on the bottom of the Mausoleum door and a large circular hole in the top with eight smaller holes surrounding it. Some say that it looks like a clock or dial

was supposed to be in that place. Furthermore, for almost every structure in the Brompton Cemetery, there exists an architect's plan but not for this Mausoleum to make everything even more mysterious, the key of the Mausoleum went missing. So no one was able to see what's inside the Mausoleum for more than 150 years. I want to be the man that says

that poo poo's a little bit on it. The word immediately they kind of discredit themselves by like saying furthermore for almost every structure in Brompton Cemetery. I mean, there are also other buildings without plants. Yeah. But okay, here's the thing. They're like, there's no key.

Like we can break that shit open. That's my thought. Just fucking, just blow open the lock. A little bit of C4, boom, done. Yeah. Time machine or teleportation device. Another version of the story is that the Mausoleum is not a time machine, but a portal

or teleportation device is believed that Bonomy designed at least one of the other Egyptian inspired structures that resemble a lot, the one on Brompton Cemetery. The others are placed on the Magnificent Seven, a group of London's historic private cemeteries that form a perfect ring around London. So is the Brompton Cemetery Mausoleum a time machine or teleportation device?

Those are your only choices. That's it. Which one is it? Teleportation device or time machine? We know it's one of them, but nobody will actually go use it. I feel like just the concept of time traveling and teleporting even just blow my mind.

It's like, if you're carrying something with you, like a book, does that teleport with you? How does it determine what gets teleported? Is it like everything within this small space gets teleported? Or like, what happens if you're teleported but like your arm gets cut off and you're like outside the space?

Like there's a lot of questions. Yeah, there's also, as we've talked about on the podcast a few times, which all holds for both teleportation and for time travel is that the earth isn't still in space. The earth is ripping through space at an unknown speed. So if you teleport or time travel, especially with time travel,

you have to also somehow account for where the earth was in space at that time. Otherwise, if you time travel and go back, you're also gonna be teleporting to a place where the earth no longer exists and you're just gonna be in space. Well, that's cause that's like the simplified version. The idea of time travel is hard because of that.

Like what you're talking about is being, you are traveling to a point where that point may not exist. And if you travel to the future, it may not exist. You have to basically figure out where the earth would be at the exact, like time travel be limited to instances. So if I time travel on May 22nd,

I need to make sure that I end up wherever I'm going on the same axis location. So it might be like, well, on May 22nd, you can only time travel to, you know, May 13th, 2074, you know what I mean? Like you can only, and that would make sense if you're doing like a time travel book or novel or movie, but yeah, it's complicated.

And I think it's simplified for most people because to think about it is like, oh boy, now we're in the weeds. Yeah, it's cool to think. I like to think about it though. Cause like it's also space and, well, the fabric of space and time are the same thing. Like they're all like the same.

It's just weird to like figure it all out. Time is meaningless. Exactly, time isn't really real. It's just what we determined to do. It's a construct for us, yeah. Yep, yep, it's fascinating. I love it. Yeah, so I mean.

Well, if I was not afraid of consequences. Yes, no one got into it. No. I was about to say, if I wasn't afraid of consequences and like cops turned me on or something, I would bust that door open tomorrow just to go check out what's inside. Yeah.

Like there's gotta be. This is finding out right now. He's doing deep. I just can't believe no one has entered this. No one's just broken open the door. I guess not. I mean, it's a big ass door. So we can't get into the time machine.

Really? Yeah. Minor spoilers for Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness, but maybe you need to put a clock in that hole where the clock is supposed to go. Here's the thing. Exactly what they're saying.

Oh, really? All right, somebody make a clock. Yeah. At the very top all around it are these like things where it looks like either an orb or a clock can go and everyone's saying that must be part of it. And then the key activates it, which is like whatevs. Seems like a long way to go.

Cause there's no mention of like orbs or clocks before that. Yeah. It's gotta be. Let's see. I still just, I can't imagine people back then figured out how to do time travel and teleporting. Just like, dude, just two random ass dudes. Like, yeah, figured it out.

Yeah, they got it. It's cause they went to the secret Egyptian colonies and saw the secrets and then brought it back. Sure. That's what it is. That must be it. Do you know what that makes sense? Um, see, you know, that was that one, uh, you know,

uh, I remember bringing it up on Cox and Crendor. And then I was like, this would be a great Shaluma thing. And then I saved it, uh, six months, I guess, for this exact moment. Yeah. You actually sent me a message. You're like, I know it. Cause we're talking about having you back on back in November.

Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, oh, I know what I want to do. Yeah. But I got my two other stories I found. All right. All right. I'm ready.

So next one. Here we go. Hold on. Yeah. I'm a Lincoln now. Here you go. We got that. And we got this.

Scientists discover an ancient forest inside a giant sinkhole in China. I saw this. This is cool. Shit. Yeah. So cave explorers stumbled upon a prehistoric forest at the bottom of a giant sinkhole in South China

earlier this month. Sinkholes such as these are also known in Chinese as Tian Kang or Heavenly Pit. It's 630 feet deep. The sinkhole would hide the Washington Monument and then some. The bottom of the pit holds an ancient forest spanning nearly three football fields in length with trees towering

over 100 feet high. And according to the Chinese government, it's one of the 30 enormous sinkholes in the country. The sinkhole was discovered by cave explorers outside Pingge village in I cannot pronounce anything. South China's autonomous region. A team of explorers descended into the pit on May 6th where they found ancient trees and other plant life.

Carst is a type of topography ideal for geological wonders like the sinkhole in Lei Lei County created by groundwater dissolving the limestone rock beneath the surface. About 20% of the United States is made up of carst landscapes including attractions such as Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico and Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. About 13% of China's covered by carst topography according

to NASA with Guangxi region being a prime example of its beauty. Carst's landscape vary in size and shape depending on the surrounding climate. George Venny executive director of the National Cave and Carst Research Institute told Live Science. In China you have an incredibly visual spectacular carst with enormous sinkholes and giant cave entrances

and so forth. In other parts of the world you walk out on the carst that you really don't notice anything. Sinkholes might be quite subdued only a meter or two in diameter. Cave entrances might be very small so you have to squeeze your way into them. Venny's institute is the sister organization of a team

that discovered the new sinkhole and they did a bunch of stuff prehistoric trees at the bottom of the pit are almost 130 feet high and the dense brush on the forest floor is staying shoulder high according to the news release. So they keep saying prehistoric like how are they old trees or just trees are they like 65 million that's impossible right? That's what I'm saying because like okay here was my

thoughts when I heard prehistoric stuff down there I'm like is there like they got like cavemen down there they got like like trapped in a sinkhole like I don't know sinkholes work. Like how how are they down? There's this I hope that one day we find one sinkhole with just cavemen who have not progressed at all. Never happened.

Never happened. You're telling me that you're like live in a sinkhole. Maybe for the bigfoot's live dude. Maybe mole men at this point. Maybe straight up mole men. No no that's where the bigfoot's are. That's where the lizard people are if that's the case. That could be.

You can't just make a caveman living underground. That is where the terrestrial's are if you believe that lizard men actually aren't aliens and come from earth itself. I've seen land of the lost I know I know what you're doing. They're in the sinkholes. It's very interesting the photo is super like fascinating to look at but also like it's not that they aren't the trees

aren't that old. How do you know? Because they couldn't be. You can see it in the way. Yeah you're not studying them. You're seeing them going trees look that old. You don't know anything. We would know right now.

They would broadcast that to the world. That is a young tree. He's no tree expert. I'm not. That's what I'm saying. I'm looking I'm trying to find the article where they say but they don't know what says which to me rings that it's not they're not that old.

I mean they gotta be. Why would they lie about it? Why would they call it an ancient forest if it's not. NPR called it an ancient forest. Age of ancient forest. China. The only thing that pops up is fuck you Jesse. Massive ancient forest right 630.

Yeah there's a video of the sinkhole you can see it. Right interesting but how old is it. The trees are 130 feet high. They went down 330 feet to see them. And what is the age. No one's telling me an age. Prehistoric trees. Let's see apparently conifers were prehistoric trees.

That's those are still around right. Sure. Conifers. Yeah why not. It was like pine trees. I'm also trying to google the age of this forest now in case anybody's curious. I'm very curious.

I would love to know. Yeah coniferous trees. Oh yeah you got the spruces. The redwoods. You got your pines. You got your cedars. You got your hicks you got your red pines your atlas cedars your western larches your hemlocks.

Bald cypress. None of that helps. Giant sequoia. Ancient forest found in the bottom. What you can't call it ancient if it's not dated. Every one of these articles just keeps saying ancient. How do you know it's ancient. Okay I found an article from 2019 that says the world's oldest forest has 385

million year old tree roots. See I can believe that but they also tell you why it's the oldest. This is not that. Summer is back and so are the deals at Larry H. Miller Chrysler Jeep Dodge Ram Sandy. Whether you're hitting the open road or tackling projects closer to home we've got the perfect vehicle for you. Right now get rates as low as 2.9% for 72 months on a 2023 Ram 1500 big horn.

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Driven by you. 72 monthly payments of $15.15 on every $1,000 finance. On approved credit. See dealer for details. Expires 531.23. Well I'm going to go off of a random red Twitter comment. Someone said a thousand years old. It's not prehistoric.

Yeah that's not prehistoric. That's not prehistoric at all. Again this answer comes from the... Roman it's not a whole... This comes from this comes from uh Mark John 145520842. So clearly he knows what he's talking about. He's two disciples. Yeah he's crazy.

Mark and John. Mark and John 254. Those trains are a thousand years old. It does say here that potentially it may contain undiscovered species. So I guess they haven't done the research yet. But to call it ancient at this point I think is just bad news reporting. Yeah that's probably what it is. Like it's impressive that they found this this underground forest.

I think that's neat as hell. But to say it's ancient is I don't know if I buy that. Well I think it's cool. Maybe there's another time machine there. You know what maybe that's where they ended up. Maybe that's where the Bromptons ended up. Yeah. You could be so lucky.

There's just another time machine down there. That would be... That would be crazy. Are you a time traveler? You just like go down there. There's another mausoleum. Looks exactly the same. And there's just like for some reason a hieroglyphic of you.

I would be like what? And then I like Crendor did you see and you're just gone. And there's a note that says I've returned home. And then I just come out the other one. Yeah I knew you were going to start all over again. Oh my god. Jesse I'm going to tell you to stop the other me from time traveling. I'm like Crendor he's on the left.

He's like son of a... I would love a book if like they discovered just like a sinkhole or something. There's just like an old wizard in there. And he's just sitting in a cave like whittling away. It's something he's like... Like the guy in Indiana Jones and the last crusade who's like... Here that's Trosin Pauli. That's...

He's a wizard gotcha. Yeah but an old wizard that's like seen some shit. And he's just whittling... He hasn't seen anything. He's linted a cave. He's whittling a small statue out of wood. Just like that's all he does. He's a cave wizard.

Who knows where he got it? In the ancient forest. Yeah there's pretty stark trees down there. So he could have been carving those for thousands of years. Right. I kind of want to... I kind of hope like I walk into the time machine and I just see Crendor like the red skull in Infinity Ward just waiting there.

Why have you come son? But he has a whole... He has a long white beard and like a blue robe with moves and stars on it for some reason. Oh yeah. He's still ripped though. Yeah. Oh yeah.

100%. I go to the prehistoric gym like six days a week. Yeah you got that. What is that diet? That caveman style diet. Oh the paleo diet. The paleo yeah. You're on a paleo diet.

Yeah. See that was cool. That's what I thought of with the sinkhole. I was straight up like what if a wizard lived down there? That was my first reaction. That's a new campaign waiting to start man. Yeah that is. And now I got a third story which is very fitting for this program.

All right. So here we go. I like it. Oh my god. So you did like... Honestly you did like a topic for Alex's flavor, Jess's flavor with the facts and the sinkhole. Now me flavored one.

I love it. Yeah. All right come on man. I can't look at this anymore. This is the most media fiction article I've ever seen. The two of you... Like if the two of you wrote an article from scratch made it up.

This is all right. I want to shut up. I love it already. God take us through this. I am ready for this ride. Here we go. Seagulls could be alien spies sent to watch us UFO expert claims. Nick Pope is a UFO expert and once worked as a government advisor on alien issues

and now he is spoken out to say that seagulls might actually be an extraterrestrial spy. Are we saying the government has admitted that he was advising them or is that his claim is that he was advising the government on alien issues? It's probably his claim if I had to bet money here. So let's see. A UFO expert believes seagulls could be alien spies sent to earth through spy on humanity and honestly it makes a lot of sense. This is why this is why when I do topics on aliens I can't get taken seriously.

I can't at all be taken seriously because the people like this man. Nick Pope who worked as a government advisor and investigated UFOs for the M.O.D. urged people to be distrustful of the greedy gulls. He said that besides stealing chips and ice creams they could pose a more serious threat by collecting evidence for an advanced alien race such as chips and ice cream. There's so many I'm so confused. Aren't seagulls notoriously easy to kill by feeding them the wrong food and they just will die? Moreover are the aliens what if the aliens just really like hot dogs and stuff and they're

sending in seagulls to get the hot dogs to bring back to them and they get to eat the hot dogs? We can just give them hot dogs. This feels like a weird way of saying it. The aliens have a lot of hot dogs. This feels a little convoluted. Travel through space. We can't understand alien thought processes. We have so many hot dogs.

There's so many hot dogs. How can they not just make their own hot dogs? They don't have cows or pork or pigs. How do you know? Can I tell you the best part about this story that Grendor gave us the article? The image they're using is of the most violent looking seagull I've ever seen. That is some great things. In the photo of the guy down lower, it's weirdly lit.

His arms are pointed off to like- Oh yeah, he's like in the shadows. Yeah, but they're in the shadows and the caption is Nick Pope is a real life UFO expert. Dude. Here's the thing, it's like why seagulls though? Like why not like a smaller stealthy bird? Or maybe any of the UFO sightings we've seen. Like-

Don't worry about it. Yeah, why seagulls is an extremely good question. Nick said that aliens could be using the birds to survey us and send secrets back to their mothership. Nick said if aliens want to hack into and control a living organism or construct a drone that's a perfect mimic, it would be best to choose something ordinary and ubiquitous like a seagull or a housefly. Time out, time out. Wait, housefly makes sense.

Seagull, they're only like- If your master plan is to like learn about humanity, you're gonna pick the one bird that isn't like- They're only on the coast. They're not like staying out in cities. Like if I'm in DC and I'm in the White House and a seagull like lands outside and be like, what the hell is a seagull doing here? That thing's clearly a spy.

Have you ever seen that TikTok guy who is befriending a seagull? Alien, obvious alien. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He after like a hundred or something days, the seagull comes inside. He feeds it by hand. It knows him. It's wild. Yeah, but like that's like all the animals that you like give them food and they're like,

nice, this person has food or this person has food. Or it's an alien watching this guy. Or it's an alien. Some of the guys have- What are the other, yeah. Yeah. Nick said, oh, I read that part, something you wouldn't normally pay much attention to perhaps,

but all the time it would be spying on us, recording everything and sending information about us back to the alien homeworld. So next time you swat that fly, watch out. Your actions might inadvertently start an interstellar war. That's not a thought you want to put into people who take these articles seriously. Oh, yeah. He added, if aliens are secretly monitoring Earth, they'll be doing it up close and personal, not with distant telescopes,

but a way that would enable them to get crystal clear images and recordings right under our noses. Before you continue, between this paragraph and the next, there's an advertisement for one of their next articles that says, Elon Musk could block contact with aliens if they use Twitter, expert one. I mean, it's a valid point. Elon shouldn't have control of Twitter, because if the aliens go there, he's 100% Elon. He might be an alien.

Maybe that's true. I was going to say, how does Elon Musk have the technology to block aliens in the first place? But if he is an alien, then he would know. You got to say that. Elon Musk is the most human person I've ever seen. Everything that is wrong with humanity, they just crammed into one dude. No, too. Zuckerberg.

Zuckerberg is also a terrible alien. Well, yes. I feel like it's a whole billionaire thing. But like, yeah. Zuckerberg is more a lizard man. You know what? Elon's more of the standard alien. Yeah.

He's more of like a synthesized robot kind of creature. Yeah. Zuckerberg is more of a lizard man. And Jeff Bezos is like one of the grays, right? Are we saying Zuckerberg's data and Elon Musk is lore? Yeah. Oh my god. Yes, we are very much.

Elon Musk looks like part of his jaw would melt away. And he's got like the Terminator face. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like he's more like that. Yeah. I've come to make a rocket shaped like a dick. Everyone let's make dick shaped rockets.

And Bezos was like, my rocket looks like a dick too. All I'm saying is why do all the rockets look like penises? Y'all, it's weird. It's weird. I mean, I don't know, man. I guess as a billionaire, all you have left is exposing yourself to people and building dick shaped rockets. Call me crazy.

But one of your billions, just one. Just like did something to help people. Like I don't know anything. Okay, here's the thing. All right. As everybody always says that. But I think you hit a point where you're just like so rich. You're just like, I'm not giving anybody anything.

This is mine. Like they get that like crazy rich complex of like, I need to be the richest. Like you hit that point of like that guy's got 20 billion. I have 22 billion. If I give a billion back to humanity, that's he's going to be closing out on me. I think it's just a competition. It is. Absolutely.

I mean, look, you have no further look back to Elon Musk's latest comments. I said he's voting Republican because the unions have a monopoly control over the Democratic Party. What? What? I don't know. That's like that. That thought is not even based in reality in any fucking way.

So weird. Anyway, continue. Any civilization capable of getting here from other star systems undoubtedly has technology that would seem like magic to us and one possibility is that they might be able to implant a living creature with tiny cameras and recording devices and then control its thoughts to position it anywhere of interest. A related alternative would be to construct drones that are indistinguishable from an animal, bird or insect.

If that sounds like science fiction, it isn't. People have probably seen on the internet some images of insect like drones that spy agencies allegedly use. By the way, what if I was an alien? All right. And I had like spy on this crazy race. What if you like put little things in their food? You know what I mean?

Like put like a spy camera and like their food or something. I feel like there's a million different ways you could do it other than just implanting a seagull, which implies they have to abduct the seagull first, then plant it with brain controlling cameras, re-release it into the wild and then try and use it to it. There's just so much wrong. Yeah, it's it's something. Uh, as ever, if that's the stuff they're showing you, what else have they got that they aren't showing you?

By way of comparison, aircraft like the stealth fighter and the stealth bomber were flying for years before public knowledge. The military and the intelligence agencies have things that look like they come out of a sci-fi movie or a James Bond film. There's some real life cues out there for sure. So just imagine what an alien cue could do. I mean, if alien cue like the from Star Trek actually exists, then we can't do anything. We're fucked.

Like he's he's in cues whims. Q has only stopped by the mind of Jean-Luc Picard other than that or bad writers. Uh, I mean, look, let's not let's not do that. Spoilers, they did kill him. Okay, I so I went to the comments section. Well, first up, top one is a guy saying, I want to pint or two of whatever he's been drinking. Yes. The second one is someone saying, I say turf out the seagulls from nesting in our seaside

towns, smash the eggs to see if there are small aliens inside. Years ago, there wasn't that many seagulls in the towns. Nowadays, it's full and they are aggressive too. They walk around in gangs, attacking people, causing trouble, being loud. Bring back the mods and rockers at bank holidays. At least you knew where you were when with that lot. Fuck it. Grandpocket off computer.

It's it's time for bed, grandpa. I'm typing in the seagull aliens. I know the truth. Oh God, that's going to be me in 40. It probably is. Throw them heading down. That's okay. Stop me, Jesse.

Here's to repeat the end of that one more time, because that was generally crazy. Yes, it says, hold on a minute. The end of it was they walk around in gangs, attacking people, causing trouble, being loud. Bring back the mods and the rockers at bank holidays. At least you knew where you were with that lot. What? That must be some British stuff, because that's one more time in an angry grandpa voice. I don't know what that means.

Let me just bring back the mods and the rockers. What the hell? Yeah, let me hear you. I'll do it one more time for you. They walk around in gangs, attacking people, causing trouble, being loud. Bring back the mods and the rockers at the bank holidays. At least you knew where you were with that lot. Quite right, quite right.

Bloody seagulls. And you think, again, it's like if they're them being aggressive, makes them bad spies in the first place. Yeah, exactly. That old man, Grant, started with cracking open their eggs to see if there were aliens inside. That went everywhere. Fine, smash the eggs. Find the aliens.

They're inside them, man. I don't know what it is. Smash the eggs. Find the aliens. Oh my god, what an insane article. I don't know what to say. That's why my alien episodes make people mad sometimes, I think. You think that's why?

You think that's the reason why? That don't make anybody mad, all right? You think that's the robin wonderboard, man? And not because you guys believe in same stuff? I don't believe in same stuff. I believe in facts, Jesse. Facts that the government are hiding from us that we're going to talk about in the mini-sode because the UFO press conference happened,

and I'm going to talk about that a little bit. I mean, here's the thing. I think the government's hiding plenty of shit from us. Like, I agree with that. Yeah. But I don't know how crazy it goes. Where's your limit? If we're going to have this conversation, I need to know.

I do too many shows with you. I need to know where you're coming from, Crendor. The government is hiding. What is the government hiding? I feel like there's the middle line of probably military, like crazy military shit. There's probably a few weird things. Not all, they're proud.

There's like, listen, I've known enough YouTubers and streamers and all this stuff to know that when rich people get together that are powerful, they get full of themselves. They're just like, oh, yeah, I'm pretty cool. Like, they probably do some crazy shit. Like, look at those, what are they called? The Illuminati and all those things. I don't know if that actually happens,

but there's plenty of the skull and bones people do those initiations and shit. Wait, so you're going to believe the skull and bones, but not the Illuminati? I'm not saying the Illuminati isn't real. I'm just saying I could see it happening. I'm not saying it's real or not, but I'm saying I could see that being a thing. So your limit is secret societies, basically. I'd say it's like secret society, maybe a tiny bit more.

All right, hold on. Hold on. There has to be. Do you think that they may have a crashed ship stashed somewhere? They didn't necessarily replicate it. The hell, they might not even understand what it is, but they have one and they just have it in storage somewhere. Maybe. I'd say there's like a 20% chance of that.

You know, I'll take that. I'll take a 20% chance of that. It's way more than Jesse ever gives me. It's nice. Yeah. Now, I like to think I'm a little, you know, in between everything, you know, I'm like, you keep your mind open in case something does ever come out

and you can be like, you know what? I believe it. Yeah. You know, like they're like, oh, they're, they're capturing the aliens and drinking their blood. You know, I'm not saying they're doing that. If that was happening, I'm like, you know what? I could see him doing it.

I could see Elon Musk, like taking an alien and drinking the blood. Like I can picture what happened. I can see that too. If you got offered the opportunity to like, oh, I 100%. Again, the billionaires will do anything, dude. They'll do anything. That's what I'm saying. So that's why.

They're gonna bogey me a grove and do like a bunch of sex activities with each other. I'm sure. So probably that's why, you know, nothing surprised me, but the same time I'm not going to go out there and be like, this is what they're doing. Right. Like I'm just, it doesn't surprise me,

but I'm also not going to be like, you know, conspiracy theorist over everything. So you're somewhere between a Jesse and Alex. Yeah, I'd say I'm right in the middle. Yeah, yeah. I'm still, I'm too far gone. I can't come back. I embrace it, you know.

All right. Here we go. Here we go. Oh yeah. This is it. All right. Cren d'Or. All right.

I looked up a list of things that are paranormal, UFO, etc. to believe in. All right. And I have a list of what the majority of the country believes as of 2006, which is pretty old or whatever. Oh my God. That's right. I guess this is the last time they tried this.

Yeah, but I'm going to ask you what you believe in. Don't look up anything. Just, I need to know. All right. Do you believe in psychic or spiritual healing? No. All right. Yeah.

You were with eight, apparently 18% of the people that answered that said they disbelieved. What's crazy is in 2001 is 26%. So somewhere between 2001 and 2006, people just decided spiritual healing was like, okay, spiritual psychic healing already. Okay. First off, like, what was it even doing?

What are you healing? Riki or something. I don't know. It just says spiritual or psychic healing. I guess I could look it up spiritual healing. Like if I would have not gotten my gallbladder removed, instead went to a psychic spiritual healing. They got rid of my stone.

They have disintegrated my stone with the powers of energy. It works super well for Steve Jobs, man. He's a billionaire. He was, oh, he was a billionaire. So he knew what he was doing. To me, all that stuff is just, it's a placebo because we have already had science of placebos working. Like, yeah.

It's amazing what the brain is capable of if you believe the brain believes it's happening. Yeah. And if you take something like that, and especially something if it could like get better on its own, like maybe stress is causing your digestive systems. And you go to one of those things and it makes you think you're healed.

So you don't stress as much. And then it heals. And you're like, wow, it worked. That's dead on. That's so dead on. Yeah. So like, that's all it is to me. Like, whatever.

I think you're right. I can't believe it's only 18% that don't believe in that shit. It's nuts. No, that's what I'm not. All right, Jesse, what's your next one? I'm curious. You've been out there as people like putting essential oils on themselves, being like, oh, lavender's,

Kieran might, whatever. Can I tell you? I also think it's probably because, also, here we go. This should give you some information as well. These were taken at Oklahoma City University and the University of Central Oklahoma. So maybe it's just like a middle America thing. Oh, that's possible too.

Right. Because it says 56% of the people believe in spiritual healing and 26% are unsure and 18% disbelieve. All right. Ah, OK. ESP. Where do you come off on ESP? Uh, I want to say I don't believe in it,

but I could see it being like an extremely small percentage thing. You think that's not a success? Like, I would say there's like an extremely small fraction where like some weird shit happened to them or something. I could see that, but I still don't believe in it. A lot of twins have some really interesting stories of like having like the deeper connections and like calling each other at the exact same time all the time.

I feel like it would be some weird thing that they didn't want. Like, I feel like it would be somebody getting deja vu or something. And then it'd be like, they'd see something happen. Like, oh, my grandma died. And like a week later, their grandma dies or something. Just like, that's so raven. But like, shit, you can't control. And it's just like, you don't want it.

You're just like, oh, god, you got to live for a week knowing there's like some crazy shit about that happened. Like, it sounds awful. I don't think it's going to be like fortune teller like, I see in your future, you're like, I don't think any of that's real. OK. I mean, what's crazy about that is only 28% of the people asked believe in it.

Everyone else is either unsure or disbelieves. Yeah. I think it's because the most of those are just people trying to scam you with something. And spiritual healing's not. No, yeah, it is. That's why I said it's not real. I can't believe 56.

That's so crazy. 56%. Yeah, that is a big fucking number for that. That's the thing. Whenever there's spiritual healing or whatever, are they charging you money to like how much are they charging you? All right. That's straight up my question with all these things.

How much are they charging you? And if it's a lot, you know where they're coming from. Even if they don't personally think it's a scam, like they themselves are like, I can make a bunch of money doing this. So like, yeah. All right. The next one, haunted houses. Do you believe in haunted houses?

Which I guess also goes with ghosts. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah, I'd say that's more believable. I could see like some weird energy thing or like, there's like trapped in places. I don't know. I could see that. What about demonic possession?

Nah, I'm believing that. So you believe in ghosts but not demons? Yeah. I don't think ghosts are demons. They ain't ghosts. Like if anything, there's like weird energy balls. There's loss or something. But energy of what?

I don't know. Energy that was a person? Maybe. I haven't like researched this is what I'm just thinking. I'm having a good time just listening. I was like, okay. With like ghosts and demons or anything, whatever I thought of demons,

I'm like, well, which religion's demons is it? Right? See, that I agree. It's like ghosts can be residual energy of a human. Demon implies a religion is real. Yeah. And like, are we talking, even if you go into like sub branches of thing,

like if it's like a Catholic demon or like a Lutheran demon, like which one is it going to be? You know? Well, I can't be like, I feel like demons don't care about. Your choice of religion, right? I don't think they would if they were real. Well, like, okay. I'd say it's probably more than demons a bad word for it,

more of a negative energy, a negative presence. Wait, so, Mathis, you're all about negative energy, but not demons? I'm learning this about you. You're the one who was like. Again, because to me, you don't know this, but Mathis wanted to make a deal with the devil. So you were just trying to make a deal with negative energy?

Listen, you have to understand, I grew up Catholic. I was raised Catholic until I graduated high school. So when I was a kid, that was the only thing I thought of. I was, I just thought Satan will give me powers if he wants my soul. I was willing to give up my soul to become a power ranger. I was fine for it. I remember in school, because I grew up Lutheran, and I was like, where's Satan in the Bible?

It was like nothing about him. And then they gave me like three verses and that was it. I was like, dude, that's it. This is all I got. Satan's actually a pretty fucking cool guy. I mean, here's the thing. Most of what we know about modern. He's super sexy.

What? Satan is obviously in Catholic, in Catholic art. He's like, well, hold on, I would let him take my virginity. Hot or not, doesn't matter because he, the idea of, of what we perceive to be modern Satan is from Milton. It's like all that stuff, the art, the books, the, you know, better to rule in hell and serve in heaven kind of stuff. That's all like fan fiction for the devil.

It's not real. It's like even stuff like Dante. That's just like a dude's crazy fever dream about like his dead girlfriend. Like that's like, all of that is made up and we just incorporated into religion. And yeah, there's very little talk about the devil in the Bible. And honestly, like I have a lot of questions.

I don't understand why, like if the devil's the bad guy and you're bad and then you go to hell, why isn't he throwing you a party? Why is he torturing you? That doesn't make any sense. Think about that. If I like, if I like set off a nuke and it kills a city and I go to hell, wouldn't he be like, my man?

So many dead people, you're going to do good things down here. Instead of like, I'm going to stick you on the but with a fork forever. I'm just saying it doesn't make a lot of sense when you think about it. Well, because it doesn't make any sense. You can, in a lot of ways, you can look at the Bible and be like, God's kind of the bad guy and Satan kind of just wants you to do your own thing

and choose for yourself and think for yourself. It's also the Bible is written by dudes. So no matter how much you want to, like, that's why I'm. Not only was it written by dudes, but it was edited, edited, edited by kings and other things over countless times that the Bible we have now is literally just rules made up by by kings from the medieval era and the true text is not anywhere remotely in the Bible.

If you look at even Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, it's like one is like Pontius Pilate was like, okay, Jesus, you are sentenced to die. And then the next one, he's like, all right, I sent you to die, but this is on all you people, the Roman people, and he washes his hands or whatever. And then the next one, he's just like, I'm not dealing with this, you deal with it.

And then like the last one, he's like, oh, it's the like the Jewish people that did it. Like Pontius Pilate wasn't even involved. Like everyone had a different story. I was like, well, which one is it? These are like the same. I don't know. The big thing for me growing up in housing high school,

Catholic high school was the discovery of the Gospels that were taken out by other kings, specifically of Gospel of Timothy. It talks about Jesus as a kid and like a teenager and how he would just use his powers to kill people because he was mad like a kid would be and he had to go talk to his mom and his mom would teach him the lesson

and that's where the parable and the lesson came from. And then she'd be like, you have to go bring him back to life now. He would just like, he would get mad at like an adult for either like telling him not to take something and he would just make them drop dead. And then the Virgin Mary would be like, you can't do that. You got it, blah, blah, blah.

And he would have to go make bring him back to life. And the lesson was in the Mary and Jesus conversation. And like all that's gone, all that got ripped out of the Bible because it didn't fit the narrative to the way the king wanted the Bible to go out and make it look like, you know, he was the ruler. There's a lot there that's easy to find if you just Google it. Like.

Yeah, you pretty much find anything now. But the main point is demons. Yeah, demons. All right, that's why I'm like, well, why? Like that would mean that the demons are here because Satan's like, yeah, get those people on earth to do the thing. But like even then, it's like,

I feel like people are going to do bad stuff anyway. You don't even need demons to like tempt them to do it. Like the like, you don't. It's just they're going to do it anyway. Dude, and I've said on the show, if demons do exist and succubuses exist, I'll bang one. Stop. Stop.

Stop this right now. This is right now. Yeah, this is weird. That'd be a whole episode. That'd be a whole episode. You make an episode and you'd be like, all right, I summoned a succubus and we're going to do it right now. And if I die, I'm recording this for posterity.

Like that's crazy. Exactly. And you guys can commentate on how it goes. I will not commentate. I will not watch that video. Everything must be content, Jesse. Everything has to be content in our lives. You know how it is to be an entertainer.

Everything must be made. You miss girlfriend, Mathis. Like what's she going to say to that? She wouldn't care. She wouldn't care. I'm going to call her up and be like, your boyfriend is trying to bang a succubus right now, live on the podcast.

Oh hell yeah. And she'd run up to the stage and be like, what is going on in here? Baseball bat in the hand and be like, get out of my bed, bitch. I know for a fact what would happen. Get out of town. That succubus would be in trouble. That succubus would be in trouble.

I'll be fucking cool to watch too. But then you guys could commentate it. No, I don't want to commentate on this. It's not this one. It happened. This is, you're like, watch me make a porn, Jesse. When we go to a haunted house and we do a ghost hunt, I will try and summon a succubus in the ghost house.

You know what? All right. In that case, I'm going to watch you do that because it's not going to happen. It'll be hilarious. No, that'd be great though. Let's do it. It's not going to happen, but it'll be very funny.

Yeah, I think it's certainly interesting that you can see that haunted houses, demonic possession, ghost are all 40% belief. Ghosts is 39% interesting. That's why I heard, I think it was Bill Burt talking about it with comedy. And he was like, ghosts are the biggest losers I've ever seen. He's like, the God didn't want them and the devil didn't want them.

He just sends them back to earth. They just walk around. It's like, and like, even when you see them, like they're just doing the same thing over and over. Like they scare you because they're like walking in like a house from like the renaissance. Like who cares? Like what are they going to do?

They're not going to like, it's not like those crazy stories where like the demons attack me or like most of the ghosts, they're just like a thing walking around, not caring about whatever's around them. Yeah. I mean, he has a, man has a point. Man has a point. Yeah.

So, you know, maybe if it was like a crazy aggressive demon, that could be a, like I'd be scared, but like even then I'm like, I don't know. Most of those things when they happen, I just think they're fake. I mean, same, but whatever. All right. Here's, I want to tell you something that's interesting.

First off, what do you think about telepathy? Yeah, we already did this one. That was the ESP. Wait, what's the difference? ESP is like a sixth sense and telepathy. Like you literally being like, I'm talking to you in your brain. Okay. Yeah.

I think ESP is definitely more likely to be a thing than telepathy. Well, they're both roughly the same in percentage of belief, which is great. Again, telepathy doesn't really make sense to me. Like you're just going to, like I feel like if you can look at somebody and it's like you feel like you're thinking the same thing, I guess that could be a sense of telepathy, but it's not.

You're just using your emotion. Like if you didn't have your vision to see them, you wouldn't know that thing. So it's not telepathy. It's like reading their facial expressions. I know it doesn't exist. I used, I tried to break up with my ex-girlfriend years ago by telepathy telling her because I didn't want to do it hopefully.

And it didn't work. The more I learn about you, Matt, the more I'm just blown away. Matt, this is just like, I use telepathy to speak to a succubus. She banged me in the ass. I can't, it didn't work. I was young. I was young. I was really young.

Listen, Alex is the glue that holds this whole parade together. I realize this now. I used to give him a hard time, but now I can't. Now I see. We have lost ourselves now. What did I tell you at the beginning of this episode? I said you would have a newfound respect for Alex. You know what?

I really do. I feel it. Okay. So we have telepathy at 24 percent belief, which is lower than ESP at 28. But again, psychic healing, which basically is in the same school of telepathy and ESP, 56 percent. Meanwhile, ghosts, haunted house, demonic possessions, all roughly 40 percent higher than telepathy and ESP, which is crazy to me because it's all in the same wheelhouse.

All right. Whatever. Anyway, it's just marketed better. That's why it's literally marketed better. But like these people, like one of the things was like this. Uh, what was it? The essential oils. There was this dude that invented like this essential oil business that literally went

to jail like three times for like conning people. And now he made this thing and people are like, oh, I guess he's right. Like this dude went to jail three times and you're just going to believe him. Like, I guess he's right. The oils. All right. This, I feel like this entire thing is skewed because again, it was taken. Oklahoma University and University of Oklahoma.

So these places, Oklahoma, that's straight Bible belt. Here's the problem. Yeah. A lot of things that are about religious based things, very high. And a lot of things that are like, we're asking you to not think with the Bible for a hot sec. Are low. A great example is Crandor. Do you believe aliens have come to earth?

That's a very distinct possibility. I mean, possibly, I guess. More specifically, do you think aliens have come to earth in modern times? Are they around us or have they visited us or sent anything to us? Let's say in the last 200 years, maybe it put like 10% so you'd say unsure. Yeah. But you're willing, you know, you're willing to believe that's possible. Sure.

I think it's possible. Great. That 26% say they believe that that's happened. Here's what's crazier. Only 17% think aliens came in the past, which I would think people that are not more biblically inclined would say, oh, the reason for all the biblical stuff in the stories was aliens in the past. That's a theory.

I think it's a little skewed here because I would have thought that would be higher. But this is how I know it's skewed. It isn't unsure. 49% flat out disbelieve aliens visited earth in the past. 49% just flat out like no. And that seems skewed to me. And I'm a person who like definitely doesn't. But like, I know for a fact a lot of the ancient hieroglyphs and stuff, people like that's a helicopter.

An astronaut. Like, no, that's not the case at all. But yeah, I don't, I'm weirded out by that. All right. Here's another one. I have more of an inclination to believe that if aliens did and have visited us, it would be around the time that we first learned to split the atom. That's where I think like they would start taking interest if they were nearby.

Absolutely. We can be sure of that. Yeah, I don't know. There's, I'm willing to believe. Obviously, I think it'd be a fool not to believe in aliens, period. I think just the way the universe is, there would have to be. There has to be.

But again, do they have to come to Earth? I think that's a different statement and question altogether. So I don't know. We are in sort of like the ass crack of our galaxy. Yeah. We're like in the middle of nowhere. So, you know, I mean, you would imagine like, here's a great example. If you were thinking about what is Earth in Star Wars terms,

we're like past Tatooine. We're like, we're like past that place. We go look up like a galactic map really quick. Go look up Earth. We are like on the far end. So if there was a civilization of planets in like a federation or whatever, they'd be more towards the core where all the planets are smashed up together near that giant ass black hole.

Like there, I don't know. Who knows? Let's say if they did find us, we would be a curiosity to them at most, you know? Look, shout out to the new Strange New World show. Thank God. It's so good. Yeah, they have, you know, the first three episodes have even dealt with that.

Like, what happens when you meet someone who's just not ready to meet you? Like, super interesting. Okay. What about astrology? No. Do you think astrology is real? I mean, I don't think the things with people being like, oh, I'm a Pisces. Yeah, type of astrology is real.

I think that's just type of like a, it's like the fortune telling thing where they're just like, oh, I'm a whatever. I get stressed out easily and I do this. Like that's just like basic fortune telling, you know, palm reader stuff. You know what I mean? But like, I don't know. There's like, I don't see why that couldn't have like some sort of realistic tendency to it with like the planets doing some shit whenever you're born or whatever.

Yeah, I, it's interesting to see that 17% say they believe in it, but more importantly, 9% say they think it's very scientific and 31% think it's somewhat scientific. Like, I don't like to know where they got that. We're thinking that if like, it's very scientific. Oh, it's, it's those things like, uh, I think it's maybe a thing and it could be kind of cool, but like, I'm not going to give anybody any money with it or like, learn about like, I don't know, it's, it's just, and like, what if it is like, is it just predicting everything? Like, I don't think it's predicting everything.

Like, I don't know. Like the moon has shifted three degrees in the Western hemisphere. It means there's going to be a death plague or I don't know your cancer. What do you feel about lucky numbers in relation to astrology? Uh, no, I don't believe in the create the numerology stuff really. I love this bit. 32% of Americans said, yeah, I believe some numbers are lucky. 46% of Europeans said they believe that.

Yeah, that's interesting. I don't know why that's the case. Um, how do you feel about witches? Oh, I like this. Extremely real. Are witches real? I don't think so. Well, if they are, it's like, if they are, it's got to be like some super small

percentage, like less than 1%. I mean, that's like, people say they're witches. Who might say they're not, you know what I mean? Like, if someone says they're a witch. People say they're a lot of things. Yeah. Doesn't mean anything. We exist in an age where I think you should just let people say whatever they want.

Frankly, you want to be a witch? You're a witch. That's fine by me. I'm not going to tell you not to be a witch. That's, that's, that's 26% of people said they believe in witches. 55% say witches are not true, which I don't know. I like what stuff. What are the, what's witch stuff that they do?

Like are they, are they just cursing people? It doesn't say it just says supernaturally gifted witches. Like what's that even do? Like, does that mean they can do spiritual healing? I don't know. Again, again, none of this makes any sense because spiritual healing is at 56% and then everyone who could spiritually heal 12%, 2%. So basically they're saying like it exists, but no one can do it, which means it doesn't exist.

I bet. I don't know. It's weird. And then of course, the last and certainly not least, do you think the government is covering up information about UFOs? Yes. Yes or no? We already know they are.

We literally got confirmation. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Do you think Crendor, this is for Crendor? I would say, uh, yeah, they probably are. If I had to, I think they just cover up a bunch of stuff. So they'd be like, are they covering up UFOs? They'd be like, yeah, probably. I mean, that's, they wouldn't tell us if they found one.

Well, here we go. 71% of people believe that they're covering up stuff about UFOs. Here's the better part. 86% say the government is covering up stuff about anything. Hilarious to me because as a skeptic, I think 86% is too low. I think anyone with a brain is like, no, they don't tell us anything. Yeah. Yeah.

Why would they? Yeah. They have no reason to. Like they're just going to make the, the population panic and go crazy and then make up theories and shit. As you say, if the government came out, do you think, do you think if, whether the government came out and said it, or we literally had a UFO land somewhere publicly, do you think that that would be a great unifying experience for our species?

Or do you think it would simply divide us? Great question. Great Crendor question. I think people would go crazy. No doubt. I'd also say a lot of people believe in a lot of these things because it's a form of control. It's a form of like, you know, I'm not just this random person doing random, random things and

my life is random and who knows if I'll die tomorrow from whatever. It's like, oh, okay. Well, I have some sort of control because I know like this person said that this thing, like my moon sign is whatever. So I'm going to be fine tomorrow. Like this, my fortune teller told me this thing's good or like this spiritual healing thing cured this thing. So I'm going to be like, I think it's just give them hope.

Yeah. It's just something to give hope. That's what I think of it. But that doesn't mean it can't like not be fully real. Like I still think it could be to some degree. I just don't think anything has like amazing crazy benefits. Like they make it out to be, if that makes sense. That kind of reminds me of chiropractors.

We did the whole thing on that. A bunch of shams. It feels good, but doesn't do shit. I didn't even think it felt good. I was like, it felt terrible. And they're like, all right, I'm back twice a week. And I was like, no, I'm not coming back ever again. Yeah, it's literally just, it's literally if they didn't have the cracking,

they wouldn't have it. Like nobody would care. They love the cracks. They're crack addicts. Well, thank you for that list. I'm glad we now know where Crandor falls. Yeah, I needed to know. There you go.

On my own sanity. It makes sense. And we're going to wrap this episode up. We're off to do a mini-sode over for patreon.com slash jluminati pod. Join the tier if you want to hear about what I thought, think, and the other boys think of the UFO conference and whatever else we decide we bring to the table for articles this week. Thank you, Crandor, for leading us through your own version of Internet mysteries this week.

I very much appreciate it. Hey, no problem. We will, we'll be back next week, guys. Thank you for listening. Thank you, no problem. Good. Yeah. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. My wife, we're sitting outside indulging on our porch one night enjoying ourselves. I needed to go to the bathroom, so I stepped back inside. And after a few moments, I hear my wife go, holy shit, get out here. So I quickly dash back outside. She's looking up at the sky in the hall. I look up too.

And there's a perfect line of dozen lights traveling across the sky.