Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 155 - The Kentucky Cannibal Part 3 - How is this Possible?

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

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Yup, juice! Toyota, let's go places! Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Chiluminati Podcast, episode 155. As always, I am one of your hosts, Mike Martin, joined by the Wyatt Earp and Josephine of LA. Whoa. Jesse and Alex, and I have seen Tombstone. I have seen Tombstone.

I like that. You have seen Tombstone. I have seen Tombstone, yes. It was a cultural phenomenon at the time. You went Wyatt Earp and Josephine. Yeah. Not Doc Holiday. The couple.

No. No, the couple. You're a couple. I'll be your Huckleberry. See it. I'll be your Wyatt Earp. How about the Maverick and Iceman of LA? Yo, there you go.

That's something we can all get behind. More relative right now in this moment. Did you see it? Not yet, I will. Did you see it? No, not yet. I'm going to see it this week. Let's go see it at IMAX.

I'm excited. I want to go see it at the big IMAX. I'm interested in all Tom Cruise's skills. I want to know about his skills. He's very skilled. Yeah. He's very skilled. Yeah, you're right.

You know what else is skillful, Alex? Oh, no. Tell me. Tell me what's skillful. I'll tell you why I did that. I'll tell you what's skillful. My ability to segue into a promo for patreon.com slash Chilluminati Pod. A website that not only is the finest website.

Thank you guys. So I thank you, Alex. What? What just happened there? That's it. He threw us a surprise. That's it. The finest website.

Pause. Awkward pause. That's it. That's it. That's all there is to say. You go over there. You give us money. We get to keep making this.

It comes out every week and it gets to be as good as this every time at least time. And if you like, I know you you're you're home right now. Listen to Chilluminati podcast and and you're like, this is this is the life. It's going to be this good forever as long as you keep going to patreon.com slash Chilluminati pod. The more you give us the better it gets. Yeah. Just because just because Jesse wanted me to talk about it a little more.

Right. No, it's what I wanted for sure. Yeah. Just because he just because he asked me to talk about some more, I'd like to direct everyone one more time to patreon.com slash Chilluminati pod, which is a website. Stop that. Cut that out. Also, thank you everybody who came out to our live show the last week.

That was awesome. That was a great time. I've never had one. Yeah. It was so much fun. If you were there, you got to see Alex Shill IRL. He shilled the whole crowd to their raucous applause, might I add. It's like they love it.

It's just like they love it. They did, in fact, love it. It's it's it's great. And much like a previous Chilluminati show, I did cut my knee again. I don't know how it happened. I suspect it had something to do with when I got on my hands and knees. It's like the Stigmata. Yeah, I thought you got on your hands and knees, which prompted me eventually to get

on my hands and knees. I just want to say one of the reviews I heard was I saw more of Mathis's underwear than I ever expected to see. So I think that says a lot about the show. I know you pay what you get what you pay for. Really? It's true. I got a review that said Alex was wearing a great outfit.

Yeah, he was. He was wearing an immaculate outfit. Fantastic outfit. I got the review from the venue owner that she said we don't do a lot of podcasts, but of all the ones we've done, yours was by far the best. So what can I say? What can I say? What can I say?

It's like you're missing out on it. Jesse was wearing his Bucky's bandana. I was wearing my Bucky's bandana and I think I proposed to multiple people that night. Did anyone say yes? Because I mean, you've got to throw multiple fishing lines. Nobody said no. Let me tell you something changes within these men when they step into the limelight on stage. Just the conversation goes in places that I never, no one's setting out to get there,

but we always get there. I don't know. And it's been, it's like every live show. It's not just like, it's not just like, oh, something was weird in the water in Austin. Like it was like, we always just keep circling around it. And I think that's an appropriate way to describe it. Circling around it. Like a drain.

Yeah, like a drain or any other type of hole. And I'm not going to. What? What are you talking about? I'm not going to say what it is that the conversation always traces towards. I don't know. I'm not going to name it by name, but I will say that it's something that can only happen at the live show.

And I think that's what's special. You know what I mean? I think that's what's special. I agree. If you want to see Matt, this is underwear. If you want to come to our live shows dressed in the best outfits period. If you want me to seduce you, come to the live show. It all happens.

So many more. It's going to happen. We got more. We got a ton of people like, come this way, come this way. Listen, we can only go so far with so much. Yeah, we can only do so much. So if we get close, you got to jump on and make the trip like a few people. Do we have somebody from Ireland at this show?

I hope that he looked pretty fucking ragged by the end of his trip. I hope he got home. Okay. Shout outs. Shout outs on the reddit if you're still alive, my dude. All right, gentlemen, let's wheel this thing in. Last week, though, Alex, we missed you. It was your first missed show.

And I think at the end, Jesse truly found a deeper appreciation for you as a episode runner when you run your episodes. Oh, is that right? Sure. Who'd you have on? We had Crendor on. We ran the show. We ran the show.

He ran the topic. He took over. Went well then? Yeah. It was the best show we've done in years, yes. That was the most high-pitched I've ever heard Mathis's voice ever go. He went... It was like Jay Leno for a second.

Oh, yeah. It was fun. If you didn't listen to the Crendor episode, one, I did the audio balancing, so it's not great. And two, Crendor ran the episode and he kind of did what I would say is like a weird Alex episode. Okay. They kind of did like three little mysteries, but they weren't really internet mysteries.

They really didn't have anything to do with each other. They were just like, some was like a mystery. Some were just kind of like weird facts. And he opened it with a story about you in the car with like blunts in your pocket or something. Incredible. I got to listen to this. That's how the episode started.

Yeah. I got to find out how the episode started or not. Yeah. It was great. It was super great. But today we're bringing it back. No more Crendor. We're finishing...

We're bringing it back. We're bringing it back to true crime. We're bringing it back under control, under my watchful gaze. It's the final episode all about Boone Helm, the Kentucky cannibal, which you know, he's had a wildlife these past couple episodes. None of these treaks Kentucky cannibal to me. We are still not there. I don't know.

The man is cannibalized everywhere, but Kentucky. So if we get to the end of the episode and he never cannibalizes within Kentucky, are you going to rename him petition to rename? I'm not going to go that far. I don't care that much. Justice. Fuck yes. All right.

Thank you. At least somebody has some strong convictions on the show. He wants to call this motherfucker the Kentucky cannibal. He doesn't eat anyone at all in the state of Kentucky. We're going to have words. You dead old cannibal. His life moving forward is even more insane than episode two. And it should be fun to talk about.

So in today's final episode about Boone Helm, we'll follow the notorious outlaw through his end years and even more madness before we see how his life in the Wild West comes to a fitting end for this bizarre character. And when we last saw Boone Helm, he had just left the company of some distant family, the Johnson Brothers, after spending weeks sapping money, drinking like a fish and getting into countless bar room brawls. Remember he would go to each brother's gold mine on every other day and just kick back, do very little and even bother them.

How could I forget? And they were notoriously lazy in their own town. It's like a comedy sketch about how much everybody wants to murder somebody. Like this guy is pushing every button he like takes and takes and takes and pays no one back and just transgresses and transgresses and leaves society to clean up for it at every turn. And he gets away with it every time. He's like a like a negaverse Jar Jar Binks-esque character.

What an interesting description that I feel like a shadow with red eyes. Yeah, he's the he's the Jar Jar Binks from the stupid ass theory where they're like, yo, Jar Jar Binks, Sith Lord. Yeah, Darth Jar Jar. It makes sense. It makes sense. It's him. It makes sense.

It's him. That's who it is. Maybe we'll get that when you get a Darth Jar Jar miniseries on Disney Plus. If this guy doesn't eat anybody in the state of Kentucky by the end of this, we're going to change his name to from the Kentucky cannibal to the negaverse Jar Jar Binks. All right, I'm in. I will sign that petition. They all come with standard features and some sweet, sweet tech.

Check out this versatile lineup at Toyota.com. Toyota, let's go places. All right, here we go. Continuing. So even though he was getting the countless bar room brawls, the Johnson brothers were also quite violent. It wasn't that that got them him into trouble. It was the cold, blooded murder of a minor in the open streets the day after he couldn't

finish his brawl. That was the final nail in the coffin. This is what I'm fucking talking about, bro. It's a refresher from last episode. Yeah, yeah. Because remember, he got into a brawl, bar room brawl. He got separated and he was so pissed off that he hunted him down the next morning and just shot him in the street.

It was like and killed him. And with that, he ran off to Oregon before his own reputation caught up with him and he was sent to the gallows. And when pressed what to do after the Johnson brothers had learned of Boone's horrendous crimes, the brothers had decided to keep their mouths shut out of fear of Boone returning and retaliating upon them. And so Boone hit the roads of the wilderness once again, doing what he did best, murdering, robbing passers by for supplies and at this point in his life, filling the urge to kill.

Doing what he did best. That's like crazy. He's literally a bridge troll. Yes. A lot of similarities there. Well, in the past two episodes, some could make the argument that while, yes, Boone was a murderer like many back in the Wild West days and a horrendous one, a horrendous one at that, who'd be willing to do anything to survive, even eat another human's corpse.

It's in this episode, I think we'll see why Boone is more than that. That he's what is, I call a true serial killer. One who relished in the process of torture and murder when he could. We simply just lack the details of the majority of his crimes out on the road to be a hundred percent sure about it. But the ones we do have details about really lean into the idea that Boone was just a serial killer at heart. And the Wild West, much like Tommy Patera's mafia life, was a way for him to fill and

live in that life with very little repercussions for decades. Once on the open roads again, Boone quickly found himself among other bandits who tended to stick close to the trading town's roads and who initially planned on robbing Boone when they'd come across him. But more often than not, Boone ended up having a conversation with the would be bandits, which tended to end in story trading and a safe night within their camp. And before long, Boone ended up building a small reputation among the banditry in the local area.

I forget this was a different time. I was like, oh, you know, the local bandits. In my mind, it's like a D&D campaign where he just charisma checked his wave like, you know what, we was going to kill you. Oh, you go good stores, mate. And so they just let him live. Crazy. But you're right, though, because whispers of Boone's own stories had already reached

out here, like rumors of the horrible things he'd done. Just like this fucking asshole. Yeah. And he never would go out of his way to confirm or deny always kind of leaving it in the air and I wonder what he truly was as terrible as he was. I wonder what the tone is like. Yeah, I do wonder what those nights are like. I was like, when you're telling somebody about this guy, Boone Helm, right?

Or like, whatever, I hear there's this guy and he's like the dumbest motherfucker. Like, like, like, is it, is it like you better watch out because this monster is out there who could kill you? Or is it like, have you heard about this Darwin Award motherfucking like just failing upwards constantly asshole? And like, I don't know. Like, are people seriously the first one? The monster stories were the ones that are more prevalent, especially among other bandits

like that. And Jesse, you're not even that wrong because not only would he be able to ingratiate himself in their camps, eventually Boone's charismatic persona led him to leading his own small posse of six bandits and cutthroats that was willing to follow him out to Oregon that he'd plucked from these other groups. So he'd occasionally convince one or two to just stick with him. He's going to Oregon to greener pastures where gold mines are aplenty and they're going to go get rich and settle.

And all this, you know, the lies he told Little Berry before he shot Little Berry. Little Berry, man, I ain't that guy. This sucks. Yeah, but he got his own little ragtag crew with them that they would stalk the roads with. Of the six, we know only the name of one of them. His name was Burton. And we only know his name due to the stories and confessions of Boone himself, though we

are certain that they all existed because we have evidence of them. And we'll talk about that later. The others, the other names are just lost to time. What was the name? Burton. Burton. Burton. Like Tim Burton.

Yeah. Yep. That's all we have on his name. He might have only only had, I mean, this is the Wild West. Maybe that was his only name. Do you think all their names started with the letter B? Maybe. Burton.

Billy. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great if they did. I can't think of any other B names, though. Brandon. There you go. What else? Brody.

Brody. Bucco. Bronco. Boyd. Buck. Boyd. Boyd definitely existed back then. Bell.

Bell. Belvedere. Bucklem. Buckle. Well, getting away from the B names before we lose ourselves in another hole here. For the crew, the path, the trails leading to Oregon was littered with saloons, way stations and forts for the crew of criminals to spend their ill-gotten gains at while spending only enough time to cause trouble and fill their stomachs before the whispers of their deeds

on the roads caught up to them and the sheriff came knocking on their door. The roads themselves were plentiful, filled with people who were making their way out to Oregon or making their way to California, and so they were constantly robbing and killing people and always had more money than they looked like they should have. The crew often killed those that they had robbed, taking everything of value but doing very little to hide the corpse left behind, oftentimes just tossing it to the side of the road. And when the word of dead bodies would reach the town they were in, who else would the

eyes trail to than the mess of a group that walked in with way more money and possessions than their tire and hygiene implied? I'm just a guy who likes to walk around with three watches. Yeah, it's like these dirty-ass guys that have really raggedy clothes, blood caked on their hands, completely smelling of the wilderness that have hundreds of dollars and things to sell and they hang out and they spend time in the whorehouses and then they leave and then they come back and they suddenly have more money again. Come on, Bert, let's find somewhere to put our watches.

Of course, though, their time was ticking and soon their deeds would nearly catch up to them in a small town called Dales, D-A-L-L-E-S, I always want to say Dallas, but I'm pretty sure it's Dales. The sheriff had already been very suspicious of the crew as they continually rolled into town rich, drinking the town dry and having elaborately long stays at the local whorehouses. Drivers of violent men were always swirling, but recently the deaths in the local area seemed to be climbing, so with his gut feeling guiding him, the sheriff rounded up some men to head out looking for evidence of potential crimes or witnesses who had seen crimes perpetuated

by this crew. But before the group of men had even left their stables, word of mouth had already slipped out and Boone had learned of this crew looking for reason to put them behind bars. What do you think Boone wanted to do? He wanted to murder the sheriff. But now that he was in a crew of other people- I just let it go! Don't murder the sheriff!

I know! I know! How about he was like, I'm gonna kill him! But because he was in a crew, cooler heads did prevail and instead they opted to run into the wilderness, escaping the town and the sheriff before anybody returned with evidence and they did return with evidence of local crimes, heading back on the road to Oregon where well before they wanted to. And their next destination before reaching there, a place called Camp Floyd in Utah Territory

as the Comstock Load had just recently been discovered and at the time the area was controlled and ran by the Mormons, who Boone and his crew believed was a land of free money and easy women because they had heard of the polygamy that was taking place. This is just the dumbest shit ever. I heard these guys got three wives! Yes! Literally what it was. Come on, Burton!

Get our watches! Let's go! We're going! Let's get all those watches we got! All right, Buckle! Let's do this thing! Come on, Buckle! Come on, Bismarck!

Oh, man. And this is during the time where John Smith was alive and he had recently- One day I would love to cover the Mormon roots just as a- John Smith? Yeah. He was alive. No, Joseph Smith. Oh, sorry.

Joseph Smith. Not John Smith. Sorry. Joseph Smith. He was in this- they had just recently established Salt Lake City and they were currently at the time having tense arguments with the government because the Comstock Load had been found and the government was opening up that area as though the land was not owned by the Mormons and the Mormons believed they had owned it because they moved in and took it.

So they were having beef with the government at the time. Isn't that just the way it is? Yeah, exactly. But yeah, he had heard of easy women and free money, so that's where they were heading. Easy women and free- this is like- Free money. If this- It was a silver mine, a recently discovered silver mine.

If this didn't involve murder and eating people, this is like a late 90s teen coming-of-age comedy. 100%. Except it takes place in the dals. Have you seen the one and only picture of Boon Helm we have, by the way? No. You can Google him. I want to-

I'm picturing that guy from Stranger Things. Hold on. We have like one or two pictures of this man, Boon Helm, there he is. You can see him standing up against a chair. He's got like a rope hanging from his jacket. He looks like that guy from Saturday Night Live. What? Who?

The guy who plays- This guy looks like- Eric, Eric, the guy who plays Eric Trump, the don't- like that guy, it kind of looks like that guy. Where'd you message us that? How do we- I didn't message it. I didn't message it.

I said Google it. I'll link you real quick. This picture is just so low resolution. Yeah, it really is. It looks like a ghost in the mirror, like it's so Boon Helm. There he is. He looks like- He looks like him.

A Lego minor guy. If you look him up- A Lego minor guy. If you type in Boon Helm and you look him up, he does kind of look like what you would expect from like an 1800s dude, but in the exact same row is another photo of a dude in a top hat and a butcher's outfit and that is the guy I would think would be the Kentucky cannibal. I feel like that's a work of art.

I don't feel like that's a real picture. Don't care. It looks amazing. It's an amazing- It's an amazing picture. Now that guy, I expect to eat people. Yeah. Well, you know, it makes sense.

Yeah. That's Boon Helm. He's kind of a plain looking dude. Nothing super like stand out about that. He literally looks like a matchstick with like a line for a mouth and like two dots for an eyes. Like it looks like, you know, that movie, The Snowman? Yeah.

That's what it looks like. Yeah. No, yeah, it's fair. He looks like the little snowman from The Snowman. He also kind of has like every Confederate general vibe to him. You know what I mean? Like if you give him a look- Yeah.

Because he espoused love for the Confederacy leader. Yeah, that checks out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's sallow, dire, grim, visage, but also like a ludicrous mustache-beard combination. Yeah. He's like a skeleton with skin on and like tassels hanging off his fucking face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Looks like that dog that's an ottoman from Beauty and the Beast, but like on your face. Yes. Well, boys, with the promise of easy women and free money. Off they went to Fort, hopefully to get to Fort Floyd. A few days into their travel as the crew was traveling across the Raft River, suddenly gunshots had flown out from the forest spewing up splashes of water and setting wooden shrapnel rocketing off tree trunks. Boon and the Gang had no immediate visual and had to quickly run the horses.

Boon and the Gang. What? Would you like- The phrase Boon and the Gang, that is like a 70s funk pop band. Boon and the Gang. They have like a chimp as part of their posse for some reason. Yeah, of course. He helps eat the scraps.

Oh, we got it for the scraps. Yeah. Yeah. Burton picked him up. He traded him for three watches. He eats our scraps. Buckle doesn't like him, though. No.

There's that episode where they're all about to be shot down by a criminal and all of a sudden you just hear bang, the criminal falls over and the camera cuts to a monkey smiling with a pistol in his hand. That's right, Bruno, you did good. He's like- I guess you're better for scraps than one member of the crew who hates the monkeys. I guess you're better than just for eating scraps. Yeah.

Finally, Melts Buckle's heart is cold, anti-monkey heart. Yeah. Okay. Cue a bit of horror and we don't know. It's not known what happened. Can somebody create like a fan art of like the title screen for this show of like the crew? Boon and the Gang.

Boon and the Gang. It's just them like riding off, snacking on a human leg. So, yeah, the gunshots flew up from the forest. They had no visual immediately and they had to quickly run the horses through the river no longer able to take it slow or risk being hit by flying bullets as a trade-off. But through just enough luck, none of the horses slipped or broke a leg. And once they, once across, they bolted into the wilderness, desperate to avoid whatever attack was happening.

And when they finally had enough space and clearing to see who was chasing them, it wasn't the laws they were fearing. Instead, they learned they had just crossed into Maidu territory, which is the time the locals called the diggers because they ended up living in like mounds and underground. Interesting. They were called the digger Indians, but they were called the Maidu and that's how I'll be. This just became like a JRPG in this episode.

Like we're suddenly in like a wild situation. No one's eating anyone. I'm so confused what's going on. We're getting there. No, no. We ain't somebody last episode. That's true. It's Jeep 4x4 season.

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All right, we're getting there. We're getting there. All right. Once they had sight, they realized they were Maidu territory and the Maidu were none too friendly to any white man entering as they'd had very bloody wars with the encroaching settlers over the years of colonization. I believe that. Yeah.

Gunfire was exchanged between them as Boone continued to run and avoid them, but losing them was proving difficult as they could navigate through the thick woods way more easily and readily than the crew could. They would only slow and stop for camp way late at night, deep into the Oregon wilderness far from any trail hours after the last gunshot had been fired. Then and only then did Boone feel it was safe enough to set up a camp. No fire was allowed and total darkness encompassed them. But it was in his paranoia Boone still wouldn't let all the men sleep and assigned two men

to keep watch at nice. They said that they literally couldn't see their hands in front of their faces how dark it was. And it was chilly. They all had to stick together because winter was starting to encroach. What the fuck situation is this? Yeah. Come on now.

When morning came, not a peep had been heard and everybody slept through the night relatively safely. And one of the guard men had stumbled back into camp exhausted, saying it had seen nothing. But when the second one didn't return, they simply walked over to where he was stationed and there he lie. Throat slit ear to ear in his horse stolen. One of the Maidu had found them, killed him and taken the horse without anyone, even the other guard aware whatsoever.

Hell, yes. That's this is like a stealth righteous version of Predator. Yeah. And he just he took out that one guy took the horse and left the crew. He could have killed all of them and I'm surprised it didn't make an attempt, but maybe he was exhausted to look if I had the ability to sneak up on a whole group of people, I want to kill you kill the one and then you let the rest worry. Oh, that's way worse.

And that's exactly what happened. Yeah. Little hesitation, the now smaller crew packed their things and very quickly continued their journey in the wilderness, moving in zigzag patterns and trying to move toward Oregon as wilderness as the wilderness in winter encroached. Boone had to to to their credit, Boone had spent some time in the wilderness and through sheer survival had some experience, but the rest of the experience literally failing at every turn.

Well, yes, you are correct. But it was more experience than any of the other men had because the rest of the men were bandits of the traveled roads, not a single one had any idea how to survive in the harsh wilderness. Lord of the Rings, we're only bandits of the traveled roads, these uncharted territories are not suitable for our abilities. And so it ended up Boone ended up being their guiding star. He was going to be keeps failing his way up.

This is fucking nice crazy to me. You know what it is? All of his failures. It's like the idea, it's like the Thomas Edison quote of like, I just learned 99 ways not to make it like that to me is like, I just learned 99 ways not to eat a person. That is how I feel about this dude every turn he fails and then it's like, but I'm here to save you. And you're like, how?

Bro. How? Well, with with Boone as they're the one trying to lead them through the wilderness to survive. Needless to say, the group immediately began wandering erratically through the woods, eventually moving in circles. If the Maidu were still following, much like the law from last episode trying to track them, they would have lost them at this point because there was no logic to the way they

were moving. And out of sheer luck, the crew did after days, eventually stumble across the Bear River, which allowed them to not only get water to drink, but to follow it until they came across a small abandoned gold rush town called Soda Springs. Soda Springs. Amazing. Yeah. Yeah.

This is a JRPG. This entire thing we're doing now. Now that you mention it, it definitely comes off like an RPG. That's like that's like the JRPG town where you go and everyone's like, hello, I am an American. Yeah. Basic level. Get your normal shirt at the shop.

However, as they stumbled into Soda Springs, it was at this point, the snow had already started to fall and the beginnings of a true blizzard had already began to show. And while they pressured them to keep moving through the abandoned town because the town had already left for the winter, leaving no supplies behind and to try to keep moving to the next closest fort where he believed people would be. He was once again outvoted by the crew and they decided to hunker down in the abandoned town of Soda Springs and wait out the blizzard moving when the blizzard passed. Sure.

And within hours of them hunkering down, snow started piling up and those hours would turn into days. So they're like stuck out of curiosity. Would you try to move forward? You're now in the Wild West. You don't have to be Boonhelm. You're just trying a guy trying to survive. Here's here.

Snow's coming. You know, like the fort is probably like a couple days travel still away, but a blizzard is happening now. Do you do you try to make it or do you stop and stay? I try to ride ahead of the blizzard for sure. Yeah. I mean, I would try. Is there snow already on the ground?

It's yeah. Snow is already starting. How delicious is Burton? I don't he's a he's a man who's been trying to survive in the wilderness with Boon. I can't imagine. He's ten days. He's delicious. He's delicious.

I might consider staying. Yeah, I would find I'd be like, oh, my calf muscle. Oh, we're going to stay here the night. I'd be like, did you know that we are in Kentucky? They're not in Kentucky. Hey, Burton, come sleep next to me tonight near the fire, near these ropes and wood. Hey, Burton, come smell this rag. Come here.

Well, the blizzard did kick him and they quickly were stranded in this town and their supplies would only last them a couple of days. Soon they were eating the horse's oats, having been out of the supplies that they had and the horses began to starve. And once they finished off the horse's oats, they began to take the horse meat and after slaughtering their own horses, turning the meat into jerky and eventually resorting to eating the eating leather in their skin. Oh, my God, grand low.

This whole time, Boone did not get argumentative. He was actually rather amenable and quiet. It was which was interesting to the crew as when arguments tended to happen, Boone loved to jump in and but then these. But for here, he seemed to keep to himself. Boone mostly kept to himself, though, because he had a plan. The moment the weather had a break, it was going to be the ball. No, actually, the moment the blizzard had a small break,

he was on tent on leaving and pushing forward with or without them. They would almost certainly slow him down. So he wasn't going to tell them he was leaving. But if but if they did come and find out, he had no intention of helping them if they fell or going back for them. His love and loyalty to the crew that he had shared so much time with was gone in an instant. Burton was the only one who seemed able to pick up on Boone's intent

and he had no interest in being left behind while the only person with wilderness experience and their leader left. He would show Boone how strong he was and capable of survival. He could be even if the other four weren't. One night when the blizzard had finally taken a break, Boone quickly scooped up his belongings while the others mostly slept and bounced. Burton, however, was still awake and quietly watched and tent

on following him shortly after as not to give himself away and to prove to Boone, he could keep up pace. That guy is asking to be a snack. I mean, he also doesn't want to be stuck with a bunch of people who don't know how to survive in a blizzard. I heard you put butter on your skin that it helps you stay warm. A little salt can keep the moisture just rub your hands together with olive oil, salt them things up and spread on your body.

It'll be delicious. I mean, warm. Boone realized as he was traveling before long that Burton was following behind him, but he didn't slow down or even acknowledge Burton. And when time for sleep came, Boone pushed on to Fort Hall, choosing not to sleep, eating handfuls of snow instead of eating or cracking for cracking the ice to drink. Eventually, through the blowing snow, Fort Hall, the intermediary fort between them and Fort Floyd came into view.

Boone rushed ahead. Burton was still quite far behind. He was excited for a warm bread and proper food and drink. But when he reached the entrance of Fort Hall, the reality of the situation crushed him. Fort Hall had also been abandoned for the season, moving somewhere bigger and safer. Winter was supposedly going to be harsh this year, and Fort Hall wasn't willing to risk it. Rushing through the empty stores to see if anybody had left anything behind.

Bird Boone only found bare shelves. No supplies remained and the weather mixed with his exhaustion, meant he needed to take a rest and find food fast. Back outside, Burton had come into the view of the fort, but his body had given up, collapsed into the snow, tired and ready for death. Boone wasn't going to come back for him, he believed, and he was aware of that when he left. He'd gotten so close, but still he'd failed.

As the exhaustion began to overwhelm him, he was quickly jostled awake by a pair of arms scooping him up and dragging him toward the fort. When he drearily looked up, he saw Boone's body dragging him ahead. Against all odds, Boone had actually come back to rescue him. He owed Boone his life. Burton would pass out the moment he was brought inside where a small fire was crackling. Finally warm, safe and away from the blizzard.

When he woke up, he was eaten. The end. He was a roast with those little leg cap, bone cap things on the ends of his legs like a turkey. Yeah. Well, that security and comfort would be short lived as that very night, only after a few mere hours of restful sleep, Burton was woken up with a boon looming over him. In his hand is Bowie knife now doled from years of constant use

and poor upkeep glistened in the fire. Burton attempted to say something, but his voice was gone while he could barely move from how weak he was and collapsing in the snow. Boone said nothing before he simply straddled Burton and pressed his dull knife into his thigh. Burton attempted to fight and scream, but he could offer very little resistance. Boone roughly sawed through muscle, tendon and eventually bone with Burton in and out of consciousness, screaming and writhing,

causing a mess on the floor before he would eventually succumb and pass out once more. God damn. The next time he awoke, it was the smell of roasting meat that did it. When he looked down to his leg, a tourniquet had been applied to his wounds and the bleeding had stopped. This man is eating a bit by bit. Yo, yo, whoa, pain. This is some Hannibal Lecter Shits. Whoa. And now with food at the ready, watching his own leg being cooked over

a much bigger fire, Boone seemed to lose his feral nature. Once again, jovial and conversational. You just hype because he got to eat some leg. Yeah, he's had food. He was no longer starving. You're not you when you're hungry. Good. You're awake. I made some chili. It's right over here. Hold on. Let me go get some rice. I mean, toes.

The story goes that as he woke up and they and Boone attempted to have conversation with him, the smell of meat stirred Burton's stomach and it growled Boone very willingly with a smile on his face. No. Cooked up some of his own leg, placed it on a plate and handed it over to Burton. Whoa. And Burton with the stomach growling and starvation at his lips with no choice, ate his own leg. Wow. Oh, I told you he was going to be a proper cannibal at some point.

Holy moly, that is like dark, dude. That is dark. Although if the three of us were trapped somewhere. Yeah. And you guys needed like a part of me. At that point, I'd be like, just give me some. Yeah, I mean, yeah, at that point, if we're trapped somewhere and you guys have already attacked me and taken my leg and you're using it to cook, I would just be like,

well, if it's there, I think I'd be too bitter. Oh, no, I need my strength for when I killed both of you in your sleep. Oh, my God. I mean, that delicious meat meal. Yeah, it's a tough man. That was I can't imagine waking up in this just horror movie situation is happening to you. I guess I would eat my own leg, too, if I was starving. Yeah, I mean, if you're starving, you only got so many choices.

And I mean, like pure instinct is going to take over eventually. Like if you don't eat something and the food is just in front of you. I think I might. I think I might just die before I like turn to eating my own self. Well, so moving from this, though, Burton Burton and Boone were very clearly trapped. The Blizzard had picked up once again. Snow was piling up and the only source of food they seemed to have

was Burton himself. The leg was maintained for days, taking only the meat necessary to cook them up both meals. And Boone would leave every other day to collect firewood and stock it up. Burton knew that if he didn't do something, he was looking at his grave. And so he concocted a plan. He would have to jump Boone when he returned from one of his chores outside. And Boone was still heavily armed and was unable to take all of his weapons

with him when he went out. Most importantly, Boone would leave his own personal pistol on the table, which was the least furthest away of where Burton was kept being kept. And so he decided to come up with this plan. One day when Bert Boone would leave, Burton would go up to the pistol, take it, and when Boone entered the door, he would empty all six shots and kill him. Then, if necessary, use Boone's body as a supply source of food, wait out the winter and when the people returned to the fort,

hopefully he would be rescued. This has gone from like a JRPG to the thing in like five seconds. His other option was hope that the other crew made it and ended up finding him now because we won't be returning to this point. I will spoil the rest of the crew didn't make it. The only thing that was found of theirs was clothing and bits of bone in the wilderness at different points. And a single bucket areas.

They tried to go find them when they realized they had both been left behind and were killed and devoured by the wilderness. So we know they exist because we found evidence. They had found evidence of their bodies, but we didn't have names of them. Or if they did, they were lost to the records of time as time went on. So that was his plan. And Boone would, like I said, leave every other day. And he would make attempts on to and to enact this plan first.

First, he wanted to know how long it would take him to reach the pistol. And so the first time he made an attempt to get to the pistol on the table, he barely got about six inches before the agonizing pain from his wound caused him to pass out. Luckily for Boone, or rather, luckily for Burton, when Boone returned, his position wasn't too far away from where he was left. And Boone didn't have any thoughts about what that he had moved. The second time he left, he decided not to make an attempt to go to the pistol,

but instead time how long Boone was left for. So he knew how much time he would typically have left to make this plan work. And finally, on that final attempt, he would make this his action. Boone left and Burton dragged himself inch by agonizing inch to the table, subiting his lip, trying not to make too much noise. When he moved, he realized he left a huge streak of blood behind him. Now it was now, now or never. If he didn't get to the pistol, it would become very obvious to Boone

what he was trying to do, and he'd likely be killed anyway. So he continued forcing himself not to pass out. And eventually he reached the table and as he reached his hand up and pumped for the pistol, he grabbed it, dragged it down and leaned up against the table to take a breath. He popped open the side to check how many shots he had and to his dismay, only one bullet sat. This was a problem for Burton.

Pistols in this time era were notoriously inaccurate. Guns in general, unless well maintained, were notoriously inaccurate. And even then, you still weren't looking at pistols of like today. Things needed to be relatively close range. He knew if he walked in that door and he shot Boone and missed a killing shot, he would have, he would be dead. He also knew he didn't have the time to get to the door before Boone returned because the distance from the table to the door was too far

and for the amount of pain he was in and to have to drag himself that much further. And so we made a final decision, not willing to risk death at Boone's hand and not willing to sit here and and be food for Boone. Burton lifted the pistol against his into his mouth and pulled the trigger. Wow. And so how do we know that? Yeah, like there's so much like. You just told us a great story. And now I'm like, how did Boone tell this story to someone?

Everyone else is dead. So the only way we know the story is this is what Boone says because the gunshot from Boone, the gunshot alerted Boone and Boone went back and he saw the evidence of what was left. Now, the as far as like whether this is his plan or not, this is all coming from Boone. This is his assumption is that he attempted to go get the gun and then wait it out.

But we don't fully know because everybody other than Boone is dead. And this could be Boone trying to build his own kind of story, build his own reputation, because we do know Boone, more than anything, wanted him to be feared and scared. And what better way to say that this that this man was feared and scared of him is that he wouldn't even allow himself to live on a failed plan because Boone scared him that badly. We don't know.

All we do know is Boone said he walked in and the man was dead on the ground, a smear of blood leading to the table where his pistol, which only had one bullet in it, laid by the side and he killed it. Well, of course, killed himself. And this apparently disappointed Boone. While he enjoyed Burton's company, moreover, he had planned to keep Burton alive through the winter, eating him only piece by piece, as was necessary to ensure

that he got through without dying of starvation. But when he entered the room and saw Burton's body dead, even with the snow banks outside, there was no guarantee that Boone could keep all the meat fresh. So he had to make a decision. And the decision was to cut off the other leg and take it with him into the wilderness, no longer willing to stay in this place because he would be served better on the road where maybe just maybe

if he ran out of food, he could forge and try and survive. This is so fucked up. Do you think he's smart enough to tell this story about how the dude killed himself so that he can get off with just the dismemberment and not the murder? You know what I mean? Like a murder charge versus like he's like trumpeting it up in a way. Yeah, I would say yes.

But no, because he already had crimes of murder behind him, and those were following him. No reason, no reason. Making their way. Man, I guess you're right. Yeah, if he's trying to make a. Yeah, it's interesting. Man, that's. Yeah. This guy's a.

Obviously, you can't take Burton's word for for everything here. But if you look at what we know in terms of the facts of like is the the the warrants of his arrest were following him everywhere and at least to a degree, the story fits. Like, why wouldn't he just take on this murder? He was he was willing to take him on before. But it's all speculation. I don't know. It's Jeep four by four season.

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Currently, this must end by six three twenty four extra charge for miles over twenty thousand residency restrictions apply. Take delivery by five thirty one twenty three Jeep is a registered trademark. Again, I think this is also probably true because we'll we'll talk about it a little later in the episode. But the man truly did love to torture. He when he had the opportunity to torture living people and get away with it consequence free, he did it almost every time.

And we'll look at that in the future. Regardless, at this point, Boone entered the will the winter wilderness again, continuing his journey toward the land of easy women and free money. And those days turned into weeks and probably unsurprising to the two of you, Boone's natural ability to survive in the wilderness hadn't gotten much better. He tried to forge and hunt to very little success when he ran out of leg meat. And soon he was cursing himself for not at least taking another piece with him on the desperate need of needing to eat again.

Then he lived. He did. He did live because eventually so stupid. Stumbled into the territory of the Shoshone native group. And the Shoshone had a tense peace with the Mormon people not too far away. He not only stumbled into their camp, but wordlessly sat down at a log and a fire in the Shoshone, not willing to risk the peace they had with the Mormons, took care of them.

And for days upon days, the Shoshone took care of Boone, feeding him, giving him warmth until a nearby traveler, a traveling merchant came by and they were at that point very desperate to get rid of Boone because he had become a nuisance. He was eating everyone. Yeah. And so in a very quick deal for the deal of a few extra furs, he was willing to, quote unquote, take Boone off of their hands. And with that, he was saved.

And the next part of Boone's story is mind blowing. The next part. Then finally, something mind blowing and weird and unexpected. Yeah, I know, right? Until then, it's I don't. So it's nuts. What ends up happening next to this man? Because his life seems to only get better from this point on.

What does that look at that possibly mean? A little, a little bit for them. I mean, OK, so he's as he gets taken away from the Shoshone, traveling with the nearby merchant. They begin to make way toward the Mormon settlement. The merchant seeing a man in desperate need, perhaps even a madman, takes care of him, offers him food, fresh clothing, water, and asks for nothing in return.

He is quite literally kind of babysat by this man. And what little conversation he was able to have with Boone. He never pressed the kindness was free. And he was able to drink his fair share of of whiskey all along the way. Eventually, though, he was brought into Salt Lake City. And he would be not too long before he himself got into another fight, finding himself in the in the Mormon version of jail. But the Mormon town version of jail wasn't jail, gentlemen.

It was the basement of the mayor's house with his family, where he got a warm bed, three warm meals a day, conversation and company where he would have discussions with his mayor about his daughters, his family in the town nearby. What? And the warden whispers of Boone's life would creep their way into the ears of these people. But instead of a criminal, they saw an opportunity. Boone was a man of no morals

and the town, I should say, in Salt Lake City was a town divided Mormons and Christians. And in a way, they saw Boone as a hit man. No. What in the fuck are you talking about? Is there a part four to this? You know, it's a week week. I really could go part four. I wasn't planning on it. We may have to go part four because we're going into it.

What the fuck? We're about to hit an hour and we haven't gotten to the part where Boone shacks up, where Boone gets to live with for weeks with a millionaire. What are you talking about? Happening. How is this possible? I was the plan was to quickly go over the next bits of his life. The part where he's a Mormon hit man and shacks up with a millionaire. He's all eaten two people.

It's a good animal. There's so many questions. Yeah, the Mormon elders saw Boone as a sort of unofficial answer to their prayers. He was not just a murderer for hire, but one who is known throughout the world, the land as a half mad killer who'd slaughter a man for so much as looking at him. He was who'd slaughter. He was the perfect patsy, a wild dog that could be trusted

to savage the beast that already ran free in their town. You know what? I don't. I'm going to say some of my thanks, controversial, but I'm starting to think organized religion is more about the organization than the religion. I don't know what that's. So I'm starting to get weird vibes from this.

You tell him just how I said earlier, there's the the issue here for the Mormons was that the US government had come in and basically taking land that they deemed themselves free for any of the colonizers to move in and take. And two pieces of land had been taken by two rich Christian men that they desired parts of the silver mine that they had just discovered. And they wanted to do is have Boone go kill them so they could go take the land for themselves.

And then they would reward Boone with safety, a life and in basically the comforts of Salt Lake City that he believed he was entitled to for moving into the city, safety and a life in the comforts of Salt Lake City. Yeah. And Boone, they did also bribe him by getting him drunk. And it didn't take much for Boone to. What is the Mormon stance on alcohol? Oh, I don't know.

If you drink it, do not never tell anyone. Take it to your grave. So they're like, they're like, you know, get them all that alcohol without drinking like, OK, Joseph, this is crazy. That's the great thing about having a religion where your rules can change depending on the leader. Anything can become. You mean every religion.

Every religion, depending on who's leading it, you can change it however you want. See, the Mormons were smart is that they like they didn't end up building like an end date into their religion. Like a lot of other cults do. Like Scientology was smart that way, too. Like something that started as like a small cult and then became a religion. I don't want that taken out of context for you, my man.

I don't want to get a call like, hi, we're with the Church of Scientology. Are you interested? Oh, Brink of Search Scientology is a huge fucking Ponzi scheme cult. It's any any religion that requires money to remove up in the ranks. Every religion is like that. Don't get me started. I'm very anti religious and I'm very, very loud about it. I grew up Christian for fucking 20 years.

It's anyway, you're going to get me rambling about how awful it is. The next episode of the show, I'm just going to say the word religion to Mathis. Yeah, I enjoyed how it set you off so quickly, too. You're like Catholicism is a cult within a cult. It's like a niche cult that makes you hate yourself as part of its religion. I like a niche cult every now and again. Guilt and punishment and constant Catholicism, you mean? Yes, Catholicism. That's what I grew up.

I grew up Catholic. Like that's what I grew up. There's your problem. I'm going to I'm going to just reach out to you and tell you I too was was raised Catholic, Mathis, I feel you. I was a Methodist. We were all good. We were like, you doing good.

All right, yeah, I'm doing all right. We didn't have any of that. It was like pretty chill. I'm not going to lie. Pretty chill. So it was pretty chill. We weren't, you know, we were like, Jesus is a pretty cool dude. He was like, Jesus is a really neat guy.

Yeah, that's what it was. It was like, all right. It wasn't a lot of like a lot of going to hell. Yeah. Now you're going to hell. I didn't have a lot of that as a kid. You're going to hell for a lot of things, man. There's a lot of reasons I was going to go to hell and it was a man. Pretty sure the devil give me powers is a gateway.

Yeah, well, let's get through this next piece. And then you think the church would approve of you trying to bang a succubus? Is that is that a thing? Absolutely not. They'd be so mad, but they also told me Satan was filled with like bargaining and like wanting souls. And that's why I was like, well, maybe Satan will let me be a power ranger if I bargain my soul.

No, didn't work like that. No, I ain't about that. And Satan will let you be a power ranger. I was a kid. What do you want? I was just, I just, you know, whatever. If anything, your time in religion it's taught me that you saw, oh,

I could just reach out to this devil guy because like he's clearly very real and more importantly, going to help me become a power ranger for my soul. And you were willing to do that. The lesson you learned from years of being Catholic was that you could phone up the devil and become a power ranger. That's what you took away. Yeah. And I hear I'm on your deathbed.

You can ask for forgiveness and you'll just go to heaven. Oh, boy. That's it. It all seems like a scam. It's almost like it's all it's almost like, you know, like during the time of the medieval era, especially during the Black Play, you could pay priests money for a ticket into heaven. Yeah. It's all of us as a baby. All right. Let's move forward.

So the Mormons did with a little bit of liquor and some money in the promise of safety, hired Boone to kill these two men who took land that they believed were theirs. I cannot believe that this is happening. I'm sorry. I just had to. However, they had, they had assumed that Boone would take a more stealth, stealthy approach, more nuanced and subtle approach to murdering these men. How do you think Boone handled this?

Probably not well. He probably walked up to them in the middle of the street and fucking shot him in the face. Well, you are correct. The first victim. The first victim, Boone simply strolled up behind him while he was blind drunk, pissing on the side of a trading post, placed the barrel of his pistol against his head

and simply pulled the trigger. Jesus. News of that brutal kill had only just reached the other target when he caught sight of Boone walking down the street with murder in his eyes. But instead of trying to stand up and fight Boone, he tried to get away, which caused Boone to just raise his pistol and empty every single shot. And while a bunch of shots missed, not enough of them did. And he also fell dead in the road from Boone's pistol.

When Boone returned, he expected a reward, a good job and a pat on the back. Everything he was promised. Instead, when the sheriff brought him to their building with him claiming that they had hired them, they denied everything. This place still had laws and they could not end up being in trouble with the sheriff for Boone's actions. And so Boone was thrown in prison. Now, the question is, gentlemen,

do we go to a part four or do we push? I'd say another 30 to 40 minutes and wrap up the story. That is so insane to me that there's that much more. You can't. All right. Here's what I'll say, even though for the love of God, I'd love to wrap this up. I will say that I feel it would be an injustice for us not to really dive into like you're telling me that there's more to this. And not only that, it's more insane and he's still only two people.

I'm expecting more people to be eaten. He had to put the millionaire out. There's so much going on here. I feel like we have to part four. All right, we'll wrap this thing up next week with a final bit, but it'll allow me to go into more detail, man, of his life as a we'll say his life living with a millionaire and his life as a as a soldier. How? As a soldier.

I was going to get through the soldier part really quickly today. I was just going to be like some brief details. We'll talk a little bit more about it next week. Yeah, this is how we're doing this. Four parts on this man. That's what I always say. I expected two parts at most and we're going on to part. This is why I will say out of all of our killers slash whatever we do on this

podcast, I am by far the most entertained by Boone's adventures. I can't even it's just like a it's like a serial. Like there's like it's like different writers come in and take a different story art each time. It really is. It's like we are on season four of True Detective now. You remember a little bit of a different turn. Remember that guy?

What happened? That's like a whole other story. That's a whole other character. That's a whole other story. I just like I don't. Man, it's there's like we're at we're definitely at the end of this man's life. Like we're coming to the end. There's a couple more big bits like the the millionaire and stuff like that.

But things spiral for Boone pretty quickly toward the end here. But yeah, he's going to meet up with a man by the name of Dirty Harris. Dirty Harris can't get the fuck out of here. That's like off brand. That's like the hydrox of like Dirty Harry. Yeah, he's got a he's got a man. All right, man of dirty Harris. Stop spoiling.

You got to shut up and just hide a whole little bit of script left to go. I had more written down. Do not spoil any more. That was already too much. That was I can't believe the names associated with this story. So I'll cheer Dirty Harris and I'll give you one more name. Dirty Harris and all techs. All tax. O.L.E.

All does he own a mill? I you'll have to I guess see next week. Oh, I tell him this man's whole life story. I don't go whole life story. Nobody's life is really like this. I can't like he's a bad guy. But three finger jack. He's a character.

He is a character. All right. Well, anyway, all right, all right. I guess we're stopping. I guess we're stopping. I guess we're not ending his story today. I feel like it did John Wayne Gacy. Less of a service by all he was on hell.

Yeah, this dude lived. He was a bad man, but he's lived a life. Oh, my God. This is insane. I cannot. All right. All right. Next week may not be a full hour, though, depending. Like we really aren't that like I don't know if I have an hour's worth of content to move forward here.

Hey. All right, y'all, we'll have to do a mini so over at patreon.com slash Illuminati pod. We will be finishing Boon Hill next week. I cannot believe I'm saying that JFK in the Minnesota. See you there. All right, we'll leave that. Thank you so much for listening.

Goodbye. Anyway, me and my wife were sitting outside indulging on our porch one night, enjoying ourselves. I needed to go to the bathroom, so I stepped back inside. And after a few moments, I hear my wife go, holy shit, get out of here. So I quickly dash back outside. She's looking up at the sky and I look up to

and there's a perfect line of dozen lights traveling across the sky.