Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 171 - Bigfoot: The 5 Guiding Toes

Episode Date: September 24, 2022

LIVE SHOW! OCTOBER 25th! LA! TICKETS ON SALE http://www.chilluminatipod.com/ Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/chilluminatipod BUY OUR MERCH - http://www.theyetee.com/collections/chilluminati Special thanks to our sponsors this episode Hello Fresh - http://www.hellofresh.com/chill65 Promo Code: CHILL65 SOURCES: Big Foot HD Video - https://www.youtube.com/clip/UgkxWtMRJwFWMWkbiXDK4nKIB6BCkgv1TfMu BFRO - https://www.bfro.net/ Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - http://www.youtube.com/user/superbeardbros Editor - DeanCutty http://www.twitter.com/deancutty Art Commissioned by - http://www.mollyheadycarroll.com Theme - Matt Proft End song - POWER FAILURE - https://soundcloud.com/powerfailure Video - http://www.twitter.com/digitalmuppet

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October 25th, take the day off. We're going to have a Halloween sort of themed live show. It's going to be super fun. And I promise you the opener of this thing is going to be killer. Anyway, that's all I got for you. Enjoy the minisode compilation. chilluminaudipod.com October 25th. Let's go.

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the chilluminaudipodcast. Episode 171, Alex is doing a weird octopus ghost dance or something. I'm not sure what this is. I'm just raising the roof. This psychedelic image. This is like the 70s show. The psychedelic images. It's like you're trying to pop and lock it, but you don't know how to pop and or lock it.

No, I'm just like a drunk lady. He's grooving. A burning man looking at my hand. You are something. Let me finish my introductions. I'm one of yours, Mike Martin joined by the Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer of LA, Jesse and Alex. What? So specific.

Whoa. Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. How did you even get on that? I just, you know, I'm not going to reveal my secrets. Did you just, did you just Google duos?

I am. I'm not revealing my technique. I'm just not. It is a secret. It's definitely what you did. You have a list of like you Google famous duos and or couples. No. And you just printed a list off.

No. They call me Trinity. I have not. Have you seen? I don't know who those two people are. I don't know who they are. Oh my God. Let's just put that out there.

What about the movie? Watch out. We're mad. Starring Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer. That could be me and Jesse for sure. Sure. And that one, that could be us for sure. That's right.

Movies about us. I'll just, I have to believe you. And that's how I live my life at this point on this podcast. The before we move forward. Hey guys, we have a live show October 25th. Put that out there right now. Yeah. That's right.

I'm at manoddipod.com. We're about half sold at this point, I believe. I'm about half sold right around there. I've sold out. You know what I mean? Art, do I know what I'm about half sold on the idea of Alex's big smile is what I mean. Something that I did not forget about in which everyone in the audience

wanted it into the show. Literally probably everyone I think is going to put glow in the dark vampire teeth in their mouth. We're all going to smile. I hate that it's also become like. Yeah. It became the thing. Yeah.

I know. I look I knew it would because it is an airtight well thought out. Well thought out idea. Yeah, that wasn't pulled out of your ass. Are we all wearing costumes? I mean, I guess we could I'm gonna dress as Magnum PI I think is what I'm gonna dress like well. I bought a sully onesie Oh, you're going you're okay. All right, so Matt this if you want to dress up as Mike was out ski I feel like that I'd be a pretty good Mike was out ski. I should also buy a sully onesie Please get your tickets, please come sell out our show again. That would be awesome It's our third Halloween special in a row

I'm so so excited to just be on stage and talk about weird shit and finally do the opener that we have been wanting to do for months I'm so I like you can be boo. Yeah, that's a little girl. Hey, there you go Yeah, I'm gonna be a cost I'm gonna be in costume as a little girl little human girl in a monster costume, right? Yeah, and then after that I'm gonna whip out my glow-in-the-dark fangs one minute of the show Slap them in for Alex's big smile be there be square Los Angeles and more There will be square. Well, Alex. It's your day today. Yeah, it's all about you Okay, you're taking you're taking the reins from my weary hands and running into the sunset as I clap for you

That's kind of how I feel every time that I do an episode first things first. I just wanted to explain to everyone That this episode is Just we're looking we're looking for a nice quick episode through my head in to do it and just like last time I did that it ballooned into a another separate giant project that I want to do over an obscenely long amount of time and it's going to Definitely happen that does not mean Anything else other than that just like my low stakes game show episode this one will also be classified as a Guidance style Alex episode and will serve merely as a side story to my grander plans for episodes going forward from time to time

I will revisit this format that we're about to do today with new entries and it will feel like a delightful treat You have been informed. So you're like about to do some world-building Honestly, so it's like your George RR Martin moment where you tell us about the dragons This is like this we're talking we're going all out We're talking about the big guns game of thrones season eight the good shit You know what I'm talking about. Hold on what you are kind of turning into George RR Martin though You refused to finish any of the series you start and I start a lot of other things that are tangentially related to my main thing That's kind of like what my career is if you think about it

Oh, anyway, that doesn't mean that this episode is not going to be good quality or that it's not going to be fun Just that I've had this hilarious idea for an episode kicking around in my head or many episodes kicking around in my head for a While now didn't really fit with the rest of the stuff that I've been doing on the channel lately But now I have a perfect excuse Which is just literally nothing at all. I just wanted to do it So before we any before we do anything else I want everybody to take off your shoes if you're wearing any do this for real take off your shoes If you're wearing any do a big stretch to release any tension

You may be feeling in your back muscles good and then head on over to patreon.com We're not only can you give us money to make more episodes But we will also occasionally give you a fun treat in return like ad-free episodes bonus mini-sode episode Extensions monthly digital art or extremely early episodes to multiple future episodes of our new movie watch along spin-off show Rotten popcorn, which is also uploaded to this very feed. Isn't that cool? Isn't that cool that's great the coolest so again That's patreon.com slash shulman adi pod where you can go try not to sound so enthusiastic about the project You're part of Jesse so cool Ron popcorn has been nothing but a gift

I am picking the next movie and I I cannot wait to watch it because it looks Absolutely insane and it's real and that's what makes it even more insane. I'm very excited. Can I pick literally any movie? What can I next time I pick a movie? Can I pick literally any movie as long as it? I it has to relate to look we can't just keep watching weird videos that Naked secretary in the jungle last time. That's what I was Mattis. I didn't choose that. Okay. All right I'm trying to keep us on track. Okay, fine. All right. All right. How about if I promise to bring a movie that will freak out math is

I'm here for that. Okay. I that I'm here. I'm curious We're gonna watch the lighthouse together. Is that what's gonna happen? Oh the lighthouse That should just be what the live show is honestly Just watch the room of the lighthouse Lighthouse But uh, no, I will I will choose something that will blow your all of your minds the rave review is what it'll get That's what'll happen But anyway, go to that website back to today's episode. What could it be about? What do you guys think it's about?

It's not about the Greenstone It's not about JFK. It's a guidance style episode. Like I said, does that mean anything to you yet? No, not even in the least. No, does any of the weird stuff that I say do you mean anything? Is it about ninjas a b v g q b r F a b g y b y a v GN never mind. Let's just say that today We are going somewhere that I've been planning on going for a long time and while today. I make one small step for man We are also going to be taking a giant leap Into big feet, which if you don't understand what that is because it's not common phrasing

That's my clever my clever plural name for Bigfoot and all of their international relatives And if you haven't figured it out yet, that is exactly the subject that we are going to be getting into today We're doing Bigfoot and this is like the official Bigfoot episode. This is Bigfeet part one of question mark. Don't get too too over excited Listen, I have to make a request. It's just one for now. It's just one for now We're gonna come on finish Alex series. This is not a series People are gonna start dropping from the podcast Think about this as a nature pamphlet that you pick up every once in a while you find a new one has a few more things

When I run out of ideas, I'll make another big feed episode in our first Halloween live show Didn't we cover the swamp like the swamp monkey one that we the floor or whatever it was and we saw that sweet picture of it That was definitely a real picture. Yeah, yeah, but let me tell you some campers because here in the Chilubanadi We take Bigfeet seriously and we do things by the book I'm just as excited as you are to learn about our hairy forest neighbors and trust me We're motherfucking going to but in order to be certified members of the Chilubanadi forest volunteers team special Bigfeet task force We have to remember the five toes of Bigfeet. Okay, so before we begin We have to go over the five toes of Bigfeet. Okay first. I hate

What is it that's the first toe, what is it? It's a physical the big toe or is it the little toe? Which direction are we going? This is definitely a big toe What does it look like very important get the correct picture in your head for when you're imagining it doing all the stuff I talk about it doing later pretty vital to get it out of the ways or at least possible that is indeed the big toe next Toe what does it do just like the second toe of the foot has a loose limber quality to it So too does this broad category that's meant to describe each Bigfoot's identifying behaviors If you did this toe about me, it might say podcast a lot or lie The third or middle toe is a little

But we went with why is it that's the name of the third toe to fit the format of the rest of the toes Some Bigfoot's are said to be naturally birthed creatures, but others are said to have more paranormal origins So we'll be getting into a lot of the stuff behind that on this toe and it's the middle one because it's supposedly Supposed to be really pretty nice and meaty, but that's just based off my gut if I'm being honest So probably just ignore that the fourth toe is the anchor toe who saw it This is where we get into some real-world accounts of actual real people who claim to have seen these various apes And who may have a thing or two to show us that we haven't thought about until now because we actually were there Okay, I mean they were actually there not us

It feels like you're there when you listen to the account of somebody who's been there And that's why we have this toe this toe is very important to the big feet task force mission of understanding the vibe of every unique Type of Bigfoot, so that's why it's called the anchor toe and on the foot that you know, it anchors you finally the fifth We have to know the first toes dark opposite And in that while the first toe is the biggest this one is the smallest toe and also while they are both on the edge of the foot They are on opposite sides. This one does not just ask. What is it? It asks. What is it really? This is a wretched toe of the unbeliever, but nevertheless it is a part of the foot So we have to throw away

I mean so we have to throw in the possibility that maybe some of these big feet don't actually exist and that there may be other Explanations for whatever it is people think they've seen Alex Alex truly is the ginger to this show sushi like you just and when you come in it's like a reset to the palette what you want Lee Such a diplomatic way of putting that about this I gotta keep us together. I can't have any infighting so everything needs to be complimentary Five toes a big feet. This is not complimentary. This is essential. Oh, that's the episode That's gonna be the title of the episode. It's gonna be big foot the five toe rule big feet. That's my term That's my that's new. That's part of my think of geological legacy. I gotta think of SEO over here

Okay, yeah, you're right. That's right. We probably shouldn't make up a new word every time we do an episode Anyway, now that we've got that out of the way It's time to take the five toes a big feet for a trial run with the first ape on our list Who just so happens to be the real? OG big foot USA himself. Oh, yes And I almost forgot you should also be on the lookout for special footnotes That'll be added on to our list along the way It's just a fun way to learn everything there is to know about big feet

And I couldn't be happier that we're all here doing this together right now. Here we go number one big foot USA big toe What is it? Straight out of the gate. I'm gonna break from most of the sources I've read and I'm gonna make a specific point to identify the differences between an ape that I will call the hairy man or Sasquatch or Yali or various other names which has a much more specific and legitimate cultural origin and The North American creature known as bigfoot Which is kind of more like a pop culture coca-cola Santa Claus

mascot for mysteries in North America in the forest Harry from Harry in the yeah Kind of like how we have like the glow-in-the-dark green like gray alien guys that are just yeah Kind of like the mascot of UFOs aside from being any sort of real creature, right? They're just kind of like the fun version. Oh my god. You reminded me of something Yeah, I meant to tell you boys at the top of the episode. We're gonna cut here first not cut we got I gotta interrupt Yeah, I gotta interrupt you. It's okay. I had a UFO sighting and self debunking while I was away Oh my god, okay. I I was away visiting family out in New England I was staying out in like the old parts of New England where there was not a lot of buildings very like clear skies

It was gorgeous out and the second night I was there I stepped outside for my nightly good like take you know smoke and say good night to myself and I was looking at the skies as I always do and I saw this what looked like a star and it just fucking started zigzagging Like all fucking over the place and I was I froze my heart how high up was it? It was it was hard to tell how high how high how high how high up it was it looked like a bright star Like a glowing orb like it looked like it was in space maybe yeah Yeah, maybe or really high in the sky and I like my heart sunk and I had to debate with myself Do I run in and go get my phone because I didn't have it or do I sit here and just watch this thing?

So I made the decision to run in I grabbed my phone I ran back outside and as soon as I put the camera on I swear to God it stopped and I was so confused I was filming it and it was just standing still and then I Occasionally think it was moving and I'll be like what is going on like I'm I'm confused so I was like all right before I do anything I'm gonna tomorrow night at the same time I'm gonna come back outside and see if like the same is like maybe it's a star and I'm being dumb And I'm just not understanding the optical illusion. So the next night I went outside and I went out a little earlier But I debunked myself in the process. I looked up and there was another star in a similar position

But like way more dim but it was though is it was really close to a tree line that was also right in my view So as I moved and bobbed the tree line was looking around and it made it look like The thing was moving. There's still a part of me That's like but the way it moved seems so weird, but I I'm like 99.9 percent sure It was just like the weird tree line position and it made it look like the star was moving in relative position And I'm really bummed about that's the type of debunking that you don't even like when you hear about like I read about this type Of thing all the time right and you don't even think about that kind of thing Yeah, really imagine how it's possible that a fucking tree line could make it seem like there's a fucking spaceship in the sky

But it can yeah, it's crazy like it really was and I was like moving my head back and forth And it was like doing the same thing. I'm like fuck. What if this is the beginning of your disillusionment? What if this is your journey? No, no, I don't do this to me. I can't do this. No, no We need to move forward start talking about things. What you're saying is that like some things in the forest sometimes appear to be things but Are actually the thing you think it is in the forest? That's one of the big things that the big feet task force at Chaluminati is all about honestly Yeah, right and like I say

I'll be getting into the creature common to these stories of the various indigenous tribes and villages that speak the Salish and Panusian languages which originate from the regions that are currently part of Bridge Columbia, Washington, Washington, California In a later big feet installment TBA sometime in the future I was a lot more ambitious with the number of big feet that I was gonna cram into one episode before this There's so many out there man. There's a lot of toes. There's a lot of toes There's like yeah, they're kind of mutated. Yeah But for now, let's talk about the friendly-looking hippy-dippy American eyes the one that eats beef jerky goes to music festivals and loves to get caught

I'm very shaky cameras and also just to get this out of the way I'm not going to be talking very much about the Patterson Gimlin film today We already talked about it a lot coming in pretty heavy. Yeah, we've done that And but I think also we could do a story about it later Eventually like as a more of a sort of documentary type thing about what happened when that film was seen or something like that But that's I feel like it's own thing and not really about the monster itself. So Don't worry about that for now But to start let's have Mathis answer the first toe with a quote from the Bigfoot Field researchers organization, okay?

All right, I like it. Yeah, so Mathis. I put it to you what I Was gonna explain off-memory like seven feet tall here. Here we go a large hairy bipedal non-human primate that is distributed over the North American continent to varying degrees of concentration It's massiveness deviation from human bearing and different gait leave no doubt in the mind of observers that they have seen a creature Different from man or known animals exactly Apparently its skin can be anything from deep black to brown to red to gray But some kind of like a bear

Well a little bit more of a range than bears But got some constants are the wet looking black nose the lighter color soles and palms of the feet Kind of like how other monkeys get like light pads there to help them hold on to stuff and climb and their fur is kind of the same Showing up anywhere from black to orangutan kind of like color to lighter eyes and whites Lighter grays. I'm sorry not lighter eyes little lighter grays and white coats as they get older Kind of like how a gorilla gets older and it kind of gets a little grayer They stink pretty bad in the manner of a stressed out gorilla shooting Fighter flight smells out of their armpit glands and while it's seven foot ten inch average body is hunched over

Has giant limbs and extremities in ways between 500 and 1,000 pounds its head is fairly small compared to other primates And there are some commonly occurring features such as a prominent brow ridge or sagittal crest or a large flat nose They seem to exhibit features as diverse as humans can So none of these things are necessarily make a break Right, they all have they have all these different things. So maybe they just are as different looking as we are Possible yeah, uh, so that's that toe next toe. What does it do for this toe? I'm gonna go to Jesse this time with another quote from the B. F. R. O

To answer Jesse What does it do What it do what does it do what does it do it is a predominantly nocturnal animal And its night vision exceeds that of man substantially It is probable that this increase in night vision is a function of a larger eye and pupillary size Rather than a reflecting layer The animals walk with ease in seeming total darkness

But forge during the forage during the day An indication of their nighttime activity is the fact that they are seen as frequently during the night If not more often than during the day despite limited sight distance and detection by nocturnal observers Exactly, right It also seems like bigfoot doesn't really have any senses beyond those of a human who was raised naturally in the wild uh, quote before the deterioration of their senses by pollution and noise So it's close to what humans are capable of but modern humans don't really have it because we've been destroyed by technology and modern living

And they have an omnivorous diet similar to that of any human who might need to live off the land to survive And extended to livestock roadkill and even urban garbage sometimes in some stories However, unlike humans, they are able to kill most prey and indeed neutralize most threats with its huge fists strong muscles rudimentary unmodified tools and weapon implements and the knowledge that twisting someone's joints does way more damage than just hitting them So those are the things that they use as the weapons Interestingly though despite their intelligence and similarities with humans. They don't really seem to have domesticated much other than The odd temporary sleeping shelter that people have sometimes said that they found and have never really been seen to have stored food

anywhere for any real long amount of time like in a sort of civilized way And they usually just get their water by dipping a cupped hand into whatever naturally occurring sources around of taking a sip So they don't like have Water storage or anything like that either They're also said to live about 35 years based on their body mass and according to a beef row quote mating has been Observed primarily between May and June mostly between established pairs and there is wait wait wait wait wait wait wait There's people have seen bigfoot. Fuck. Oh, yeah

I have never read a story where two big feet are getting it on somebody's there like holy shit. I can't believe i'm You better check out the beef row archives, baby. I guess I need to man. I gotta check out a beef row You gotta check out beef row Mating has been observed primarily between May and June most between established pairs and there is a suggestion of the birthing time Lying between February and May Most often they're seen walking around with big gliding strides where they swing their arms alongside their bodies and big arcs Which beef row thinks comes from the fact that they walk in a fundamentally different way than humans do Without locking their knees and at an interval that is said to be quote

impossible to duplicate or sustain for any distance by would be hoaxer Which is especially interesting since apparently up to 10 percent of sightings are of a big foot that's running So that's pretty crazy In terms of socializing there's evidence of tender and caring family and extended family groups like some other apes But they have also been seen traveling alone on many occasions and while they are naturally docile creatures They do take action to scare people off their turf And they've even been seen keeping a small bird or mammal to use as a companion slash living toy And will freely slap an aggressive creature for being too fired up

I'm learning right now. I know right before we move on just because it's so beautifully written I want math is to read this excerpt from the beef row description of their vocalization and communication habits Because it actually is like a poignant description. Is that weird? I I'm ready for this I am very familiar with the sasquatch call. I just need to say it is absolutely hilarious to me. The baptist is like I didn't know that I had no idea that yeah It's almost like you could just make up whatever and Or you can just go out in the forest and all you can go in the forest and see for yourself camper You know exactly

Survivor man that guy who would add that great show. He thinks they're real He thinks he may have even had an encounter with one. Was it a sexual encounter? No, it was a scam that I don't care Then I don't give it play it up. Make it beautiful Patterned repetitive knocking sounds produced with rocks or thick branches hit against other rocks or dead trees are apparently used For long distance communication or deterrence since they are nocturnal species They seem to rely on vocalizations more than deurnal primates They are capable of a complex collection of sounds starting with whistling produced in the throat through moans howls hoots grunts

Extremely deep growls roars like a lion from the bottom of a 50 gallon drum Which is a very specific description I might add and chilling screams rising from a low roar over several seconds more rarely They produce melodic and imitative imitative sounds or complex vocalizations that give the impression of a primitive language Even of a quote woman talking without the words the ever being intelligible The disturbing nature of the loud screams seems to lie in their perceived near human quality Though not too loud enduring and powerful to be attributed to any possible real person

Giggling laughing and crying sounds have been heard sometimes in response to appropriate events Which means that they are laughing at things and crying about things when people see them. That's creepy Uh Something to think about listen. I you know I I if if these things are real I could believe that we know elephants Mourn and cry and a study came out that showed that dogs cry as well Like they will produce tears under emotional Like a certain emotional stress and whatnot So I wouldn't be surprised if like these giant monkey people are like crying and having emotions while they're

Hooting and hollering and slapping dead trees if you cut them Do they not bleed? Next toe quote from what's that a quote from x-man just kidding next quote next toe is uh, why is it? Uh, I don't have to google it don't oh my god, what? Is happening? Are you kidding me right now? What is the what was the quote? I can't do this I can't I'm gonna if you cut us do we not bleed it's if you prick us. Oh my god I'm gonna lose it if you slice us open with a big old knife. Do we not? Mind over here the merchant of venus act three scene one. Yeah, it's it's uh, it's shakespeare, bro

All right, but I only read the high school ones. That's all right The merchants of men is probably isn't in high school very much. Have you seen star trek mathis? Yeah, I love star trek star trek the undiscovered country No Son of a that's a movie jessie. That's a movie. That's actually very true. I've seen don't you remember I think I've only seen star trek nemesis The best one

The best one only I think because I got brought to the theater with my dad He said never the crop. He said the cream of the crop and that's it. Yeah, the one with the ladyborg. Yeah, that's not even nemesis Oh, shit. I got it wrong All right, that's the one I've seen next toe next toe next toe Next toe of the big feet foot the next toe says that big foot Just this is why is it the next toe says that big foot despite some small splinter groups who believe big foot to be alien Or extradimensional beings with great intention and psychic power is most commonly said to be some sort of extinct Prehistoric primate species that has somehow survived or evolved into the creatures we see out in the forests today

There aren't really many theories that hold much water with the more boring traditional scientists But the popular theories point to either the humongous Gigantopithecus blackie an extinct ape from southeast asia Paranthropus an extinct African ape genus or the archaic human neanderthals homo erectus or homo heidelbergensis uh, so that's the Explanation for what a big foot is Next toe is who saw it

This is great The siding i'm going to go with for this toe is something called the battle of ape canyon which happened in 1924 Basically these gold prospectors fredbeck gave la favor and john peterson and maryon smith and his son roy Were about eight miles from spirit lake in oregon near a cabin. They'd made as a base for prospecting Suddenly they came upon a group of four quote mountain devils Moving through the forest in a way suggestive of human-like bipedal walking Here's a short quote from the newspaper about what they saw for jesse to read in the chat. Here we go Yeah, these animals were said to have the appearance of huge grills

They cover long black hair their ears are about four inches long It sticks straight up They have four toes which is weird because we've been talking about five toes. Yeah, that seems pretty strange They got four toes short and stubby. Yeah, the tracks are 13 to 14 inches long Which i guess short and stubby Would you like me? Everything unless the short and stubby is what i'm saying. Yeah, boy. This guy's a case. This guy's a character These tracks have been seen by forest rangers and

Prospectors for years The prospectors built a new cabin this year and it's believe it is close to a cave Thought to be occupied by animals and go I can't believe it took four over four years and 171 episodes before we got a jesse prospector character on the show Thanks for raiding big foot the ride Oh boy, okay, so then one of the guys probably back, but he denied it later Can't help but shoot his rifle at one of these things

He hits it three times and it falls off a cliff They feel a little bit safer after that and the things clear out so they head back to the cabin for the night Next day they wake up before dawn to the sound of giant rocks hitting all over the outside of the building And then actually saw the whole thing start to shake as they started slamming their bodies against the walls and doors And pretty soon the mountain devils are able to tear a hole in the roof and get a couple rocks over towards beck Who they knocked unconscious for almost two hours Holy shit absolute brutal revenge. I love it However, the big foot themselves left with the sunrise and though they could never find the body of the one

They supposedly shot off the cliff people did see the rocks and giant footprints around. Uh, the only some of them believed it Yeah, pretty crazy. Uh, so the next toe is so what is it really? Uh, so for the final toe where we kill everyone's dreams We'll say that most likely according to most actual scientific studies on the matter Bigfoot doesn't actually exist and while there have been many hopes is The most likely culprit for perpetuation of the bigfoot story is simply people's willingness to believe Because any natural explanation simply does not make biological sense In fact, here's a quote from the october 19th 2003 albany times union from cultural anthropologists and ethnologists phillips stevens

From the university of buffalo in new york for mathis to read How do you make me read the debunking quote? It defies all logic that there is a population of these things sufficient to keep them going What it takes to maintain any species, especially the long-lived species is you got to have a breeding population That requires a substantial number spread out over a fairly wide area where they can find sufficient food and shelter to keep hidden from All the investigators another interesting thing I found on the excellent like the legit excellent bigfoot wikipedia page is that in 2009 during a study published in the journal of biogeography Scientists use reported bigfoot sightings to create an ecological niche model for the creature based on inferred ecological parameters

And interestingly enough it was a pretty close match to the parameters of jesse called it the american black bear Which has been regularly known to both sit and stand with upright human like posture So it's probably mostly just people seeing black bears though to be fair That doesn't completely explain every sighting like for example the battle of ape canyon and speaking of which it's time for our first footnote Which i'm going to we call review the footage Yet it Yeah, it's footage. Do we have footage of the 1924 war of the apes?

No, we do not However, here's a clip that I found of a bow hunter called tim wells in Idaho from 2013 Who actually thought it was a bear at first before realizing it was something else pulling out his camera and while it's still at a distance I'd say it's some of the clearest undocked footage that i've ever seen and i'm gonna give it to you guys right now You guys can look at it and tell me what you think. I love it. I love this shit. It's a little it's a little clip Yeah, it's a little clip that I clip from the video. Oh, yeah, I see that. I think i've seen this clip too Oh my god, the panic in his face So these guys are out in the woods and they're hunting obviously and they'd like he's standing there

He was about to like talk or something. I don't know. He's like talking to the camera And then he turns around and in the woods like right there There's like this what looks to be Maybe same size as him like maybe a little taller. Yeah, maybe a little taller like black furry Creature and he sees it and he panics to and as soon as it like begins to move and go away You see him whip around to the camera quickly grab and he tries to get footage of it The only thing that that I Dispute about this footage

And it's not even about the thing in the background that may or may not be a big foot when he turns to camera He does the face everyone who like is acting does when they're like, oh, i'm so scared like that like i'm shocked face Cloverfield face. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, oh, i'm so panicked right now It doesn't look like a real face that you would do if you were actually scared Yeah, I mean actually I obviously a lot of people in the comments are just saying it's fake, but Well, so what I was going to say is like the face is impossible to see Uh, when you pause on it into the close-up there, you literally can get no detail

But the way he walks away is very human He doesn't have that gate that so many other sasquatch sightings on camera seem to have where that hunched with the sway He literally walks away like a dude in a hoodie or a dude in a costume That's true like because if you like look at him turn and walk I'm gonna mute this too It almost looks like there's like a point to like his hoodie that you can almost see it like point upward At the tip where like the crown would be where most most would be it's a weird Weird video it is undocked, but it's so interesting about this video right is like

This is probably what it would really look like if you did see big foot is like something like a little bit less magical looking But the thing that I like about this clip more even than whether or not Anybody believes that the ape itself is real because I don't think that any expert has looked at this or as far as I know Uh, it's just that it's in focus It's actually in the frame for a second You can see it clearly and then then the camera goes apeshit, which I really like about this You don't usually get to see like a tight clean Pick a big foot in any footage and you're doing this. So that's the fun thing about this. Yeah

The other weird thing too is like they clearly lock gays. They see each other and this thing just kind of saunters away There's like no attempt at like Hiding or being animalistic. It just kind of was like, all right. Bye. Yeah, just walks away. Yeah, exactly. I don't know I don't know review the footage. It's it's a cool. It's a very cool. Yeah. It's a very cool video Uh, I really like it. I will try to if I can I'll save this link because I want to put it in the description of the Podcast for people to sure. I have a bunch of links if you want for like, yeah, definitely send me Yeah, yeah for sure. Um, but yeah, that's it for big foot up next. We have big feet number two the almas

So what is the almas toe number one big toe? Here's a quote I found from a paper published by Nathan Wenzel of s it study abroad who actually traveled to mongolia Conducted weeks of primary source interviews and learned everything he could from being in the same region as the creature This is for jesse to read. I'm gonna drop it in the chat Right now. Oh, it's gotta go in the twitter chat right now The almas is the wild man or eight man of mongolian legend The almas is consistently described as a large manlike creature between five and six And a half okay between five and six and a half feet tall and weighing up to 500 pounds

The almas is always bipedal meaning walking upright on two legs like a human The almas is covered in thick dark brown reddish brown yellowish or black hair all over its body except For its hands and face Though they often have thick beards as well The almas can appear as either male or female with females having large long sometimes hairless breasts Well, of course The female almas. I mean how else would you know? The female almas is often portrayed throwing her breasts over her shoulders in order to run or move. This is this is a caricature

No, it's nature. It's this is how they do it. Okay. This is how they do it. This is real They throw their breasts over their shoulders a real account in order to run or move quickly The face of the almas is similar to that of a human But is also significantly different with a large protruding forehead or eyebrow ridges And a wide and flat ape like nose The almas is often Much stronger than a human being with large well-developed muscles all over its body The almas is also said to have

Feet that are much wider and either longer or shorter than human feet But never exactly the same size never the same size never the same Any human you pick it's going to be longer or shorter Another main thing this paper points out is that in various big foot-esque legends You get certain versions that are more ape like And certain versions that are more human like and apparently the almas is much more unique and human like than most of these big feet So next question is

What does it do? That's the second toe of big feet as we know it flops its titties over its shoulder for one We know that that's true. Apparently, uh, it lives mostly in the mountains Has great athletic running and climbing abilities and some people say this also extends to swimming The others say the almas might be afraid of water altogether and never goes near it So there's conflicting accounts there also unlike big foot. It's known to primarily travel alone It's completely nocturnal and apparently some stories even talk about some werewolf-like scenarios Where people have been kidnapped and partially morphed into almas themselves Yo, dude, i'm asking satan for powers. I should have just been at wandering the woods for an almas

You don't want to end up with an almas with like boobs over your shoulder. That seems like a hassle Yo, honestly though, maybe My man, all right, there should be no stigma around breast reduction surgery for any reason And that's what that extends to almas and big feet and anybody like that too Who was no one was saying anything about that? I'm just saying if it's if it's a hassle you can just take him off And nobody's gonna think any less of you What the absolute shit are you talking about? I'll be playing with those things all day long. Oh god, then hell yeah, let's buckle up All right

Next to why is it shows up shows us that primarily in the regions of mongolia where almas are said to live It's a more magical creature which is often used as both a bogeyman figure in stories to discourage bad behavior And as an avatar for nature and preservation in stories where people are shown as being destructive To the national to the natural order Right. So like a guardian of nature kind of deal For example in one story a poor yak herder goes looking for his missing yak in a particularly steep and dangerous area of the mountain near a ravine Where he finds it dead and half eaten in the ravine An almas shows up as the culprit they wrestle and they fall into a ravine

Where his horse also dies and gets eaten and he limps back to town Warning children to stay away from the ravine, right? Sure. Yeah So in another story 18 year old girl goes out looking for her family's lost calves and stays out after dark and never comes home They look for her. They find no sign. So they assume she's just dead Like you might but six years later a thin sickly lady shows up back at her family home Covered in long bigfoot like hair and explains she'd been captive in a cave while she'd slowly turned into a monster herself Then her father gets her so drunk that she passes out and then drunkenly kills her because he thinks it's in the family's best interest

Uh, though the guy who did these interviews thinks it's probably just a cautionary story that mostly is used as a warning To stop girls from going out to meet boys at night Uh, in fact, there's a lot of stories of the almas sexually assaulting people and you know doing much more, uh, you know Nasty bad things to people than just kidnapping them I was picturing the almas teaming up with that guy

We covered that we fed women sand or dirt. Do you remember that would show up outside their house? Yes, I mean like feed them dirt and whatnot. Yeah similar vibes up to a point, right? Up to a point and then yeah, they cross the line. Yeah, but yeah, actually the worst monster here was the dad Uh, and yes, well, yeah in those stories, uh, but let's get to the next toe, which is who saw it In terms of more realistic sightings, uh for the next toe one thing I thought was really interesting Was that a british archaeologist called myra shackley? Notice that there were 19th century to betton and mongolian medical texts Which lists the almas as just another animal that's out there to get ingredients and cures from like it's just in the mix

With all the other animals, which is pretty wild. That's that's kind of neat in in a in like medical texts from the time Uh, and uh, apparently its meat can cure mental illness and jaundice. So that's cool. Uh, and in 1937 Russian researchers at a monastery in the goby desert saw a quote Almas skin being used as a ritual carpet and that it had red curly hairs human like fingernails A hairless face and long hair on the head And uh, now I've got a little almas story for each of you to read from this paper So first let's start with mathis and the story of zana zana was an alleged almas that was captured in Uh, and i'm gonna do my best to pronounce these places. Uh, it was captured in apcasio in the caucuses in 1850

According to local legend the villagers tried to dress her and feed her cooked meals But she refused clothing and would only consume raw meat She was passed on through several owners and was eventually taught to complete some very basic household chores Over the years several village men took advantage of zana and she bore at least six children with several dying and infancy and For surviving the children were supposedly fairly normal except for having exceptionally dark skin and being very physically strong One son could reportedly lift a chair with a man sitting on it off the ground using only his jaws That's uh, uh, what's a weird little party trick Get get him teamed up with boon helm as a kid and they could like really have their own circus

The children were also supposedly much more intellectually developed than their mother with one son becoming a pianist zana is said to have died in the 1880s through her grant though her grandchildren were still alive and being studied in the 1960s So they wait they are there are there records of these like i was gonna ask Yeah So the paper goes on to explain that one of zana's son's skulls and maybe even the skull of zana herself Are known to be part of the private collection of egor borstev At the institute of hominology in russia, which is kind of like the bifro We have here in north america, but for russia and while he had them both analyzed the human origins lab at new york university

And they came up completely human m a kolodyeva of the moscow state institute of anthropology said that while that may be so They are quite different to skulls typical of the obkazian region and contain some more ancient features Which quote merited further study? So take from the story of zana what you will i'm curious because like we have evidence in photographic footage of like Feral people kind of like taken in like uh, there's this one I have this one image of this little boy that was like living in the woods

It was completely feral and looked like you know looked like he'd be living in the woods for a long time I wonder if it's a similar thing and they just attributed Like the legend lines up with the dehumanized. Yeah, they kind of attributed the legend to dehumanize and i'm just It's just an idea. I have no idea. It's it's just it's a very interesting story It's crazy because there seems to be like a very well established chain of custody of right. Yeah, exactly Like there's actual some sort of like seems some sort of record of their existence And now here's jesse and some stories of almas Milit slash russian military

contact Oh good in 1925 in the pommier mountains. I assume that's how you say that russian soldiers had cornered rebels in a cave However, there was an almas in the cave Which attacked the rebels one by one until one of the rebels managed to shoot and kill it The one surviving rebels showed the almas to russian general michael stepanovich Top list top pill ski who who described it in an official report In 1940 a group of mongolian soldiers saw what they thought to be saboteurs on the border area between china and mongolia So they opened fire whenever they got closer to examine their victims. They realized

Uh, they were not people at all, but some unknown hominid species. Can you imagine this like hellboy? Yeah According to one man I in one man. I interviewed. Oh boy. According to what I keep wanting to interject like According to one man. I interviewed as well as some english language sources An almas was captured by the soviet army in 1941 and was thought to have been possible german spy lieutenant vasgen-esque

carapace engine Yep, met you go the carapacean. Yeah If you go the carapacean met the creature after his troops brought it to him But realizing it was a wild man of some kind and faced with more pressing duties He simply left it in the hands of his subordinates and the creature was executed He let a fucking bigfoot be executed bro. That's crazy. I have more important things to do That's again, that's lieutenant colonel vasgen s carapetian Just because I didn't want him to go down as the villain from fucking ghostbusters

But uh now for the last toe of this big feet. What is it really? So this is another one where most experts think that especially since this thing looks much more human than most of these big feet It's very likely that it's probably just old hairy people in furs with long beards or head hair Or people with genetic disorders that make them stick out from their surroundings in places where there's maybe not so much medical knowledge There's even a man Wenzel found in dodal mongolia who wears furs and has long hair and a beard that looks like this and was actually Nicknamed almas by everybody who knew him. They knew him as the almas Even though he was just a dude

Other factions think that the more human-like features make a better case for archaic human descendants than the north american version though It's all speculation however It is worth saying that wenzel who actually wrote this paper Thinks the most likely scenario is that it's some surviving species of divergent archaic human And in response to the breeding population argument made against the big foot He makes the point that before the 20th century mountain gorillas also occupied this same mythical space Until european colonists realized that it wasn't just a tribal story and recognized it as a real animal species in 1902

This is also true of the komodo dragon, which was officially quote discovered in 1910 The giant panda, which was confirmed in 1869 Przowals Przowalski's horse. That's a bad one. Sorry in 1881 and the grizzly polar bear hybrid as recently as 2006 And now it's time for the next footnote, which i'm going to call Keeping you on your feet You get it. I like it. You're doing a great job. I'm really enjoying this for you guys for five bucks When was the last previously unknown un-contacted a human tribe?

discovered was it a 1953 b 1948 c 1997 or d 2022 I want to go with this year. I feel like we're still doing that this year with 97 or whatever the one right before 2022 was

The answer was d 2022 And it's true according to survival international in august and october of 2021 A team of field workers for the national indian foundation in brazil found shelters Baskets pots and bows near the purus river in the western amazon rainforest and even heard people talking in the trees nearby Before they eventually went back this year and confirmed the existence of a hunter gatherer tribe Have at most several dozen people

However under the leadership of the weirdly dictatorship genocidal brazilian president hyer balcenaro The government has been dragging its feet and getting these people any protection or sovereignty and their very existence is currently in jeopardy If you want to get involved yourself head to survival international dot org But now it's time for big feet number three The agro pelter I love it. Love that name. It's called the agro pelter and that is exactly what the fuck it is Uh, I always wanted to cry climb the agro craig. You're right. And that's I would have loved this thing could definitely climb the agro craig I would have been gotten that sick trophy to toe number one. What is the agro pelter?

Well, since this creature came to my attention to the winding and ever-shifting tapestry of american folklore I wanted to find an appropriate and worthwhile source to cite for the episode today So as you can imagine, I was overjoyed to find that in 1910 The man who eventually became the first ever commissioner of conservation and forester for the great state of minnesota and jesse's Genuine blood relative maybe william thomas cox Uh, he wrote and published a book called fearsome creatures of the lumber woods with a few desert and mountain beasts And since we've got his living relative here jesse Maybe you can read this quote from the book that really sums up the agro pelter's vibe

And really a vat the vibe of the mysterious just pretty much any american cryptid we have here in america Here's a little quote for jesse to read the lumber regions are contracting stretches of forest that's that's not a voice I like I was gonna just Yeah, I don't know what that was uh stretches of forest that once seemed boundless are all but gone and many a stream is quiet That once ran full of logs. Wow. You know what this needs? In the background when you like one handed piano like

This is like that's what dean dean. That's what your form of man's you got this. All right high res fires effects the lumber regions are contracting stretches of forest that once seemed boundless are all but gone And many a stream is quiet that once ran full of logs And echoed to the song Of the river driver on the camera cuts and we see a rushing river and the music kind of goes for a little bit longer That's our beat right there in black and white photo very slowly zooming in while moving. Yep Some say that the old type of lager himself is becoming extinct

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I think it'll be right cereal. The webby rides on your hand. Yeah, this is gonna be as good as cereal um, all right So yeah, according to mr. Cox and mr. Cox and generation beyond generation of american loggers The agro pelter is a slender big feet with clasping claws and big long arms And while we obviously can't be sure since these things are so rarely seen It's likely that these are much closer to the ape shaped side of things than the human shaped side when it comes to big feet body type There's also a book from five years ago Which I cannot even find a copy of called a treasury of legends by jr. Lucas

Which is apparently also quoted on wikipedia as saying that the agro pelter has a quote Ash gray skull pattern on its face But the rest of its body is completely black and then it looked like a quote Stretched out starving bear with the head of a gorilla And now uh for mathis I have another quote from william t cox to read in which he imparts to us the account of a lumberjack called big old kiddleson I love that name big old kid. His name is old old kiddleson, but his name But they call him big old kiddleson because he's big

Uh, who's he saw one while he was quote cruising timber on the umper san qua this is Him uh, this is him. This is just from the book. This is just based on what he said Okay, okay, uh The animal has a slender wiry body the villainous face of an ape and arms like muscular whiplashes With which it can snap off dead branches and hurl them through the air like shells from a six inch gun Yeah, uh, that's a that's a vivid. I'm that is very vivid. I love that. Yeah William t cox can write a little bit of he can he can he can spin a yarn that that guy

Uh, this perfectly brings us to tone number two. What does the agro pelter do? What is the vibe of agro pelters in the wild? Basically the agro pelter is known to be a completely solitary animal according to mr cox It feeds on rare birds like quote hood owls and woodpeckers Which makes it really hard for them to socialize since they're barely ever going to be in a place where there's enough food from more than one agro pelter And another book from 1939 by henry h tryon called fearsome critters instead of fearsome creatures We also know that the agro pelter is sometimes referred to as the widow maker for reasons that will soon become obvious Is an excellent climber and swinger

It also goes on to say that this big feet chooses its home Based off of a high amount of dead branches and weak treetops Usually like you find near a popular trail because it's easy for it to quote eat out a roomy nest from the wood Uh, and apparently like most living things that live solitary lives in remote areas These things really hate modern society And in fact, here's a quote for jesse to read about it That'll give you a great idea of what makes this particular big feet tick leading a vengeful existence. Really? I love this

Leading a vengeful existence resenting the intrusion of the lager The agro pelter deals misery to the lumberjack from main to oregon Ill fares the man who attempts to pay wow, this is great Ill fares the man who attempts to pass a hollow tree in which one of these Creatures has taken up its temporary abode The unfortunate is usually found smashed or pinned by a dead branch And reported as having been killed by a falling limb So an airing is the aim of the agro pelter

That despite diligent search. I have been unable to locate for many uh for then What I've been unable to locate for then one man Who has been the target for their missiles and yet survived to describe the beast? I love that. That man was fantastic. He only found one guy And that man of course was big ol kittleson Apparently the agro pelter nailed him right in the head with the branch he threw But lucky for him the wood was more rotten than he realized and it just shattered against his skull instead of just staying rigid Which probably saved his life

This kind of keeps us perfectly moving along to toe number three, which is why is the agro pelter? Where did it come from? Well besides it's sort of weird eco terrorist campaign that it does There's not really a lot of mystical or paranormal lore around the thing other than the pretty strange idea that they only give birth on Leap day February 29th and that they always have an odd number of babies But like mr. Cox said the agro pelter is legend from lumberback lumberjack lore Which to me are basically literally like like basically sailors stories, but on land So let's just say it probably came from the same place

sea monsters did which is From having a much closer intimacy with the natural world than any of us have And there's probably certain things about it that people like us will never fully understand that lumberjacks Know much better. Uh, so that's what I got to say about that Uh, next toe fourth toe who saw the agro pelter? First of all, we already know that most lumberjacks who've claimed to have encountered it were either killed Or outsped by the creature in a way where they never really got a chance to see it So other than big ol kittleson, there aren't many cases of the agro pelter being name checked directly

I did find some accounts of big feet sided in and around can more alberta Over at at least 125 year span according to an article from rocky mountain outlook dot com Going back to Eight uh 1895 when 19 inch footprints were found near the southern shore of lake minnewanka Apparently they set the locals into a fit and when a couple people would spot one down by the river and filed fire rifle at It was like every once in a while somebody would go down to the river see one fire rifles at it Uh, you know, very typical especially in the year 1898 1899 You could hear it shrieking in pain all the way through the valley or whatever

And then in 1899 somebody finally saw the creature. They were riding a horse and they saw the creature limping Out of the area is what they said And it wasn't seen again specifically at that lake until 2016 However in years between it's been seen all over that general area, which is right kind of in that range It's across the border in canada, right? But it's like still in that kind of like main to oregon range if you think about it Uh, and uh, I started to check out footage of the creature And it got me thinking that the area was right and that it maybe could be an agro pelter Uh, and you guys can tell me what you think

Here's a clip that I found uh from the channel thinker thunker for you guys to watch Maybe we've seen this before I can't remember I'm sure some of you out there listening have at least seen this but give this clip a look Let me know what you guys think about this clip that I clipped It's about a minute long. It's pretty good. You guys can kind of narrate through it if you guys want We're looking at ground in the man's legs sideways. It says alberta canada construction site blurry ground photo so far It says eyewitness there says tree. Listen We're looking at a very foggy ground

That a tree line they're saying something's throwing at the throwing things at them, but I don't up Okay, we got a stabilized enhanced image now of maybe something throwing something it is a Blurry object the the man who is doing the measuring here is is suggesting that the blurry thing at the bottom is a torso And it is throwing what appears to be a long Tree like an actual tree pulled up out of the ground and it's throwing it I I don't I mean I will say it certainly looks like based on the video footage that it could be that But it also could be an animal with a tail on the ground Yeah, if you go back and look at it, it could be an animal with a tail

It's so blurry And here's the thing the only way we can see this is in the stabilized enhanced version If you look at the normal version, yeah, I don't I didn't see anything you can kind of see it I mean, I don't know you can kind of now that I know it's there I can kind of see it in the un Enhanced version like I can kind of see where it's I'm going back and watching it as slow as possible And it is 40 seconds in the actual video And you can see it's kind of like a wider shot of it. That's a little bit clearer

I think this thing looks like it's fucking throwing a tree like it looks it doesn't look fake. No, I don't think it's fake I just don't necessarily know what the hell is that sure. Yeah, that's really the problem It's like but it does there's like something there It does seem to be a big foot sighting in the area that the agro pelter is said to live Where you get a clip of a monkey throwing a big ass tree Real hard pelting them. Also. I mean like if you go back and look at the in the clip you sent us That first 26 seconds I mean like to me that also could be just like imagine a bear

Laying on the ground and like swatting with one hand. It does have that vibe too as well Well, what about the tree? I mean if that's a tree amazing, I'm not even sure it is I don't know what that again the fact that it's enhanced stabilized on a blurry image We can't be sure that's what that is to begin with true. It definitely looks like a Line is moving, but I don't know what that is true Uh, but yeah, that's that's the that's the who saw it Toe for the agro pelter and I think I you know, I put the I put the pieces together myself there

That's agro pelter footage in my mind. How about that? Uh, I take the alex stamp of approval now really quickly for toe five where we ask what is it really? I want to remind you again of a fact I mentioned back in the second toe where I said that sometimes the agro pelter is also known as the widow maker Which to me just kind of gives the whole thing away In fact, here's a quote from the fictional young adult novel black water ben for math is to read Which for some reason is quoted as a source on the agro pelter wikipedia page But does in fact succinctly explain the real world reason this big feat probably exists

So here we go. Wendy said when I first saw that bump on your head. I thought maybe an agro pelter had cracked you What's an agro pelter been asked? You know what a widow maker is? Don't you and knotted everyone knew about widow makers dead branches that fell out of trees and killed or injured loggers Most folk think that when a branch hits a jack over the head It's caused by the wind or an axe shaking it loose But that ain't always the case There's a critter called the agro pelter that lives in these woods most of the time when a jack's killed by a stray limb A pelter's to blame. So

That's a true thing That's actually an actual term widow makers are like when the top of a tree dies and it just falls and kills you Yeah, I think I can definitely get that a widow makers are logger jargon And it's also the name of this creature that was probably made up by loggers And loggers probably tell these stories to each other to break the ice and help each other work together So there's probably not too much more to it than that Case closed Or is it

It is closed. Oh that was coming. It's definitely closed But before we move on to our last big feat of the day, it's time for another footnote Which in this case is a little something that I like to call foot fucking Okay, foot fucking is an activity that I'm not even yeah, there's nothing I can say This is an activity I've made up just for mathis where I'm going to go down the list of the last three big feet that we've covered And he's going to give them a star rating for us on a scale of one star

Which means not fuckable but still encrypted so it still gets a star two star Which is fuckable as any natural beast and three star Which is paranormally fuckable if I knew it was real I would actually try so those are the three Okay, all right. Let's start give me give me a with each one. Give me a quick refresher of how it looks Okay, yeah, mathis. Do you understand the rating system? Why is it based on how it looks mathis? Hold on. Whoa. All right Let's why is it very shallow individual and I need to know. Okay. Well at least all right. Yeah, that checks out Okay, number one. Oh, I can't communicate with these things. So we're gonna look face. You're right It's all prime base in right right right right. Yeah. Yeah. No worries. Okay. So here we go

uh O.g. Bigfoot seven foot ten average hunched. This is the big foot. You know, I would normally give the big foot I think on any given day a one. Yeah, but there's so many people out there who said they're like he eats their ass Same and all this seems like a freak. I got to give it a three. I might as well go for it. All right, great uh, number two The word about bigfoot. Yeah, that's the word on the street That's the word on the street. I would like to experience it. It's BFRO approved. Uh, Number two the almas. This is the one that's more human. This is maybe an old man in

Some furs. This one has the the titties that go over the shoulder This is the one that might turn you into a big foot if you have sex with it I you know again, I don't think a one is appropriate and it's a step above an animal So I'm gonna give it a three. Okay. Yeah, you know what great solid Uh, number three the agro pelter. I don't think I really need to go into this It's a it said it's a stretched out bear with a gorilla's face With extremely long arms that sits in the tops of trees. It's got very strong long arms I can only imagine the magic it works with their arms. It has to get it's going for three

Okay, so three's across the board and oh my gosh. Absolutely. We have a bonus round. Okay. Here we go three three more Apes the number one the apes from planet of the apes Which planet of the apes the old one? Um, I'm gonna give them, you know, I don't like their weird rubbery mouths Uh, I'm gonna go ahead and give them a one. Okay. All right. Not really. Okay. Wow. Okay. Wow. Okay, great. Okay How about the talking gorillas from disney's tarzan? Wait, can I time out time out when you asked

Is it the newer old planet of the apes and he said old Is the assumption then if it was just a new one where it's literally just apes you'd be like I'm gonna bang those apes Well, I'll give it a two because they're like an animal fuckable as any natural beast. Yeah, fuckable as any natural beast agree stars What they would have gotten two. So now we got the tim Burton one in the mix too. Okay talking gorillas from disney's tarzan One two three. Uh, I'm honestly, that's a magical experience. Yeah, what three. Okay. I want to hear what it has to say I want to do you All right, woocies. Oh man, woocies. I don't know man. Those are scary. Uh, I'm gonna go with

They'll rip your arm off man. You think they like literally You literally were like I bang that thing that throws trees at people Right. Well one's real and one's from a movie. It's a hero of the forest. It's a hero. Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with uh I'm gonna go with you know, I'm gonna go woocies are as fuckable as any natural animal. I'll go with you star I like that. I don't like when you say as fuckable as any natural animal All right, I prefer we never say that phrase again on that was that was foot fucking. Thanks for playing Now let's move on to our last big feet of the day the barmanu. Okay Here's the deal with the barmanu

First toe of the big feet foot The barmanu is a pakistani big feet centered mostly in the mountainous regions in the northwest parts of the country specifically near to trawl and gilgit and the bumberette valley in pakistan in the in late 2013 the news dot com dot pk Contributor dr. Raheel Ahmad sediki was actually able to travel to the region Look for the creature and sought to interview people who claim to have seen it So most of what I know come from comes from his report pretty much far as I can tell visually the barmanu is pretty much one to one With like og american bookfoot harry in the henderson's

straight 50 50 fusion of human and buff orangutan vibes normal stuff Except that its coloration might be slightly different based on the fact that it lives in habitat with more large rocks and caves than thick trees And that many of the shepherds who've seen it enough that it's not even remarkable to them when it happens anymore Report that sometimes it wears animal skins as a type of simple clothing on its back and sometimes its head Uh, nothing else really specific about it has been noted as far as how it looks But it's worth noting that it's been described as both an ape and a wild man So maybe there's some variation in the look between the specimens Uh, what does it do? It has a very similar behavioral pattern to

The almas in that it's kind of keeps to itself But if you come into its domain It will do things to you that are bad that you don't want it to do that are frowned upon Violent sexual acts that are no good. You don't want to get involved with this ape at all uh Other than that it just keeps its distance and uh is just kind of like a boogeyman type creature in the in the wilderness Uh, why is it again? Nothing really beyond the archaic human or uh isolated ape evolution type stuff uh for the most part

But you can also pause it based on the fact that it seems like maybe they range from ape to wild man Because they've been described as both an ape and as a wild man. Maybe you can Infer some sort of half ape half human origin I don't know you can point maybe to zanna the almas and see how she was able to Give birth to full humans. Maybe she's some sort of archaic human. We don't know. We don't know about this This is not something that's often covered in the legends. That's not really the point of this creature in its in its cultural niche um

And then as far as who saw it uh we We have the story from this from this article of uh, dr. Raheel Ahmad Sadiki who went to a kafiri village and He he was trying to sort of go to the area where the big feet were the uh where the barmanu was uh seen and instead he found a grave

of a spanish man in the kafiri cemetery And he thought that was like fucking strange because he's like you literally never see that and so He found out that it was actually the grave of this uh like spanish cryptozoologist

From like, you know, maybe 50 60 years ago. His name is giordi federico magrener magrener. I don't know how to pronounce it. I'm so sorry He was born in uh, did you try he was born in katalan spain uh and uh In june 1967 he was among the leading cryptozoologists in the world uh, so here is a uh Uh, here is a quote for jesse to read about that guy right here cryptozoology is a specialized field of zoology dealing with the study of

and search for Animals and especially legendary animals as yeti in order to evaluate the possibility of their existence or sign on scientific grounds magrener came to cheat trawl In 1992 in search of baramannu the pakistani equivalent of the abominable snowman He along with his team combed the wild heights of the hindukush uh

searching for scientific evidence regarding the presence of this legendary creature from the valleys of kafiristan sometimes Magrener would wander for weeks In nuristan the neighboring province in afghanistan in may 1994 during his trek to the shishiku valley in the shit trawl geordi geordi magrener doctor an

malacinid synaid malacin and i'll take it and another associate all europeans Reportedly heard two series of unusual guttural sounds that could have been made only by a primitive primitive primate voice box It was late in the evening and in fading light It was not possible to follow the creature making the calls But the team tracked down witnesses who claimed to have seen the foul smelling animal that made the sounds

yeah, so That's kind of his deal. He's kind of like the who saw it toe of this uh Feet foot if you will uh, and uh, it's crazy just because so here's the deal This is as close as this guy gets to barmanu But I want to keep going with this because it's very interesting that this guy ended up in a kafiri grave And I wanted to just kind of finish out that story because it's really interesting And adjacent and stuff to this story. So i'm going to give mathis the next bit of this story

To read here not bothered by the harshness of weather He would wander for weeks all alone in the wilderness chasing the elusive barmanu His constant companions were seven pet dogs and two horses Locals described that one of his dogs was as large as a mule possibly a great dame. I was told g rpg I know I was told that magriner would frequently drift through the porous border illegally in afghanistan in the 1990s Where he befriended amad shah masud the m m m mujahideen commander that then known as the lion of panshir

He was also known to have helped a few kafirs that got into trouble in afghan afghanistan through him But amad shah masud died in a suicide attack and subsequently the neighboring provinces were taken over by the taliban After 9 11 the area descended into chaos and it was then that the that magrineer ran out of his luck Tempted to make one last attempt to get a hold of the elusive barmanu He wandered deep inside nura san and was held hostage by an armed militant group for at least three months Nobody reported this incident the authorities simply because jordy magriner was on the other side of the international border and that too And that too illegally It is said that he grew a beard and pretended to have converted to islam

The plan worked and he was released with honor but not for long Yeah, apparently after a while magriner started speaking out against the militants and against islam A little while later on august 2nd 2002 he was found murdered with his servant in his tent outside a small afghan village Possibly at the hands of his other missing servant, but nobody really knows for sure what happened and people think it has to do with the fact that he kind of like Slipped his way out of that captivity And now that dude is the first western or buried in a kafir graveyard, which is just like a crazy story

Yeah, and that dude really is like an important cryptozoologist as as important as cryptozoologists can get Uh on the international scene, so I just thought it was a nice story to tell But for the last toe, what is it really? Uh, unfortunately, it's probably either nothing or just something somebody made up for fun Granted, there's nothing sinister or malicious about a culture having folk tales Even if they're just based on someone getting scared when they saw someone else who they didn't expect to be there from far away But if you don't believe me Which you shouldn't because i'm not an expert

Here's a quote for jesse to read from dr. Raheel amad siddiqui Who wrote this article that I think kind of sums it up barmano. Is that how you say that? How do we say this barmanu? barmanu Appears in the folklore of the northern regions of pakistan And nearly all the stories tend to describe it as an ape or a wild man Sightings of barmanu have been reported from the ali valley in coistan District as well

Some local witnesses a nomadic gujar shepherds. Oh boy Uh taking herds to remote pastures in high ranges in this area consider the encounters with this wild ape man as a routine matter drawing my frequent ramblings in coistan and neighboring Chilas districts in connection with dimer basha dam project I could not record a credible sighting of this creature by the locals The mystery of this wild man deepens when one considers the fact that none of the witnesses or investigating zoologists

Has ever discovered its dwelling and only have vague references of caves or an underground abode It is equally intriguing that nobody has been able to photograph the elusive being Yeah, so no evidence. No stories. Nothing except for shepherds being like. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's real So that's the best we got and that campers Is the barmanu but before we go I have one last footnote for you today This one's jesse only and it's called fancy feet Okay fancy feet is not a very good title for this segment because it doesn't explain what it is But it is a it is a pun on the cat food brand

Fancy fancy feast And the word feast does make you think of food So fancy feet It's a game where jesse is going to pair each of the four big feet We've covered so far And pair each one with a food and beverage that perfectly captures its essence Great. Do you understand what you have to do jesse? I do. Yes. Great. Let's get started What food and beverage pairing perfectly captures the essence of bigfoot usa?

Grits cornpone and some like like a shot of mama's Like homemade bath Like that booze. Yeah, I'll take that. All right. What food and beverage pairing perfectly capture the essence of almas? Oh Mongolian like uh, like a like a military connection Yeah, like um, I'm thinking some type of like a nice Is that like a russian dessert out there? I'm sure there is some sort of like russian Uh, like baked dessert and then a big glass of milk. I love that like some kind of comfort

Yeah, yeah, I like that. All right. What food and beverage pairing perfectly capture the essence of agro pelton. Okay, this one's easy Maple pancakes with a bacon baked inside of it. Oh, yeah, okay And and like a nice big cup of non creamer non sugar coffee. I love that. That's like regularly jake the dog action over here Yeah, it's delicious. Uh, okay. What food and beverage pairing perfectly capture the essence of barmanue? Ooh, something that you have to eat only with your hands like some sort of like you got the dips You got like the bread that is the whole vessel to get it in your mouth something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I like that. Okay Bonus pairing what food and beverage perfectly captures the essence of mathis

Mathis Oh god. All right. I'm interested um chicken strips with a side of sauces, but none of them are sauces you've ever heard of and like a uh A pepsi a normal ass pepsi. I'm gonna go with my mathis dish is like A cheese quesadilla and and like pre-packaged dunk in like premixed coffee

Y'all hurt me deep down Who's who's was more accurate? Yeah, yours. Yeah, alex. No, yeah only i don't drink soda at all. So like pepsi not gonna work. What about cheese quesadilla chicken fingers Cheese quesadilla. I mean when I was younger when I was a vegetarian back in the day That was a big one. I ate that like it's like one of the only things I fucking ate Well, there you go. It seems like I hit that big feet right on the foot mathis question for you What meal would you describe alex alex? Oh, man See the thing is with alex is like he could be

anything from this this huge feast of like Roasted meats like ribs and bacon and these perfectly delicious eggs But it could also just be like A sweet burrito that you know, it's everything you've had in a burrito, but it was made with love and it was delicious I disagree. I disagree completely. What well you you live with like way closer. You guys are together much more often Is a single well-prepared oyster. Oh and next to it

is A cocktail Mixed with the brine of that oyster. Oh, yeah, I'll take that that sounds great. And it's called like seafoam And it tastes like complete ass But that is exactly what it is. That's it. The only place you can get it is that uh, that restaurant we went to Yeah Literally just one Lone oyster and this giant weird drink and that's it. That's it. Yeah, I'll take three of those. Uh

That's it Please buy tickets for our show on october 25th in los angeles. It's luma naughty pod.com Support these episodes at patreon.com slash luma naughty pod everyone once in a while. I will do a big feat I have a lot of them that I collected information for so I got a lot of these to burn through And that my luma naughty forest volunteer team special big feat task force is all I've got you each earned your badge Look out for more surprise big feet episodes in the future That's all I got. Get get me out of here. All right. We're out of here

We'll see you guys next week with uh back to the true crime world. I'm excited. We'll see you then. Bye. Goodbye. Bye Imagine if you found The missing leap the missing link between ape and man I've just been still recording this whole time still recording this whole time still recording this whole time Still recording this whole time Anyway Me and my wife were sitting outside indulging on our porch one night enjoying ourselves I needed to go to the bathroom so I stepped back inside and after a few moments

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