Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 184 - Napoleons “Little Red Man”

Episode Date: December 26, 2022

Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/chilluminatipod BUY OUR MERCH - http://www.theyetee.com/collections/chilluminati Special thanks to our sponsors  Hellofresh - http://www.hellofresh.com/chill18 Promo chill18 Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - http://www.youtube.com/user/superbeardbros Editor - DeanCutty http://www.twitter.com/deancutty Art Commissioned by - http://www.mollyheadycarroll.com Theme - Matt Proft End song - POWER FAILURE - https://soundcloud.com/powerfailure End Song 2 - DeanCutty - Theme Remix Video - http://www.twitter.com/digitalmuppet

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Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Chilluminati Podcast, episode 184. As always, I am one of your hosts, Mike Martin, joined by the Rick Myle and Adrian Edmondson of LA. Nope, I don't know this one. I don't know who these people are. Yeah, baby. I didn't think so. It's another English comedy duo. You thought you were going to find another Crankies?

Maybe I will. I don't know. I didn't look into this one. Just like I didn't look into the Crankies last time. They were in a cult classic BBC series called The Young Ones, mainly because there were other actors sharing Scream with them and they were in Bottom. I don't know what that is. In Bottom?

And they were in Guest House Paradiso, which is so apparently offensively stupid and tedious that even the actors start to look bored and fairly embarrassed by the end of it. Cool. So who the fuck am I? I don't know. You want to be Rick Myle or Adrian Edmondson? Based off name alone. Which one didn't drink themselves into poverty?

Well, hmm. Based off name alone, you have to be Adrian because you seem more like an Adrian. Adrian. Yeah, you seem like an Adrian. Adrian. I'm the other guy because he seems kind of boring. Did you guys see a picture of them? Oh, Rick Myle is dead.

Well, yeah, that sounds like me. I feel that way sometimes. Yeah, he's dead. The other one is not. Rick Myle? Like one male? Here, I want to link you boys right now. Everybody's favorite news website, The Mirror.

All right, yeah. It calls his long-term friend a selfish bastard for dying without him. Well, I mean, I guess that's kind of sweet. Yeah, that's kind of nice, I guess. That feels like the height of British comedy, to be honest. He didn't drink himself to death. He just died from a heart attack. Well, there you go.

I don't know. I'm seeing just going off this photo. Which one are you? Probably the goofy one with glasses, to be honest. All right. I'll take it. All right, now it says the goofy one with long hair. Honestly, it fits.

Yeah, it works. Yeah, it fits. It's all right. Similar to now. Yeah, exactly. I thought I had long hair for a long time until I met Mathis. Yeah, yeah. It's been long, man.

I have a long hair. What kind of hair? I feel like a military guy instead. I'm a military man. Anyway, Alex, you're supposed to take this off my hands at this point. Take what off your hands? Money? Like write into the pockets of patreon.com.

Because that's exactly what I'm about to do. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wrong show, sir. What? Excuse me. Excuse me. Dean, can we note? Guys, go there.

You get the idea. This is a free show. It's a free show that you don't have to listen to. You don't have to pay anything. There's no, there's no, it's just a wonderful agreement between us and you who likes what we do that you give us a little bit of money. You get stuff in return also. And we keep making a show at a bar that you guys are happy with and at a pace that you

guys are happy with. Doesn't that sound fucking great? The bar was high. You just said the bar that you're happy with. That is great. That's a promise kept. The more they're funded, the higher the bar goes because then the team grows. You know what I mean?

If you're there, you care, right? You know what I'm saying? One day we will have a studio where we can record in person together. That would require that you have to move to a place where... I agree. And you think it's a bit... Well, do you think I want to be in Texas for the rest of my goddamn life? Well, first we'll buy Mathis a small airplane.

We'll buy him a small airplane. Maybe you do. I don't know. Maybe that's what the Iron Man guy is all about. Maybe eventually you'll be that guy and you can fly here from Texas anytime you want to do a show. Maybe that's the long... I mean, that would be phenomenal if we could, you know, if any one of those quote unquote

genius billionaires could create that kind of technology, but Elon can barely handle Twitter before quitting. So I'm not too hopeful that that kind of technology is going to come anytime soon. Does anybody call them the CEO of Quitter yet? Oh, shit. Oh. Put on moams. Probably going to delete my Quitter for that.

Oh, shit. He just can't stop. Can't quit. Oh, yes, he can. Can't quit. Yes, he can. The best part is he's doing this with a complete straight face. Looking down at his microphone, not even acknowledging...

Like the most shameful stand-up he's ever done. Can't look at the audience. It really is. I don't care for Elon Musk. Neither do I. If that isn't obvious at 184 episodes where our particular opinions lie, you haven't been listening. What are we doing here?

What's going on? Please. I don't know, man. Please support us on patreon.com. This is a Jesse episode, dude. Everybody's going to be happy. This is one of the... This is a Jesse episode and all Jesse has told us in text is that our minds are going

to be blown. He then proceeded earlier today to tease me further by then saying, I won't even know what it is for a while and then when it happens, I'm going to be like... And you're not like... This is not your normal Jesse episode. This is going to take us to a crazy territory. Now it is historical. It does involve facts.

Some might say figures. But I'm going to take you on an adventure. Please, in advance, forgive me audience and the two of you. Apparently, my bedroom was very dry last night, woke up today with a scratchy throat. Oh, yeah, that sucks. I am doing everything in my power to drink water and tea and be good for this. Take a sip of water because I want to thank somebody real quick. I want to thank Ganger Breath for the dope ass art.

I just wanted to shout that out. I made it on my phone. I loved it so much. My phone background, the green... It's so good. ...chilluminati. Okay, thank you, phone. It's like the green big eye chilluminati I sent you boys via text.

Yeah. It's freaking sick. I goddamn love it. It's very sick. It's very cool. It reminds me of the box art for the dig, if you ever played the dig. I've not played the dig. What is the dig?

It's like old school. Like, last time I had a PC, it was like in the 90s, early 90s. Also, I have one last question unless you already saw my Twitter. It's a fun game. I'm going to show you a photo. How old do you think I am in this photo? And that photo where you look like yourself but just a small child? 11 years old.

Mathis is 14 in that photo. Alex is correct. That's a 14. No, that's no 14 year old. Oh, that's me in high school. That's me in my... That's me in high school. Well, it's awesome.

Come together now, man. Yeah, you started it. Everything started to make sense, isn't it? You're just sitting there just like, I hope that the devil gets me abducted by aliens. Dude, I was fine. Now that I see the 14 year old you, everything that you say clicks like it all clicks. Does it? Does it all make sense finally?

Oh, yeah, it's all making sense for me now. In a couple years, I'm going to be arrested in a graveyard for having done some dragons books in my car. God, that was a horrible night. Oh, man. Yeah. All right, cool. That's my game.

All right, I'm done now. I'm done saying, look at me, look at me. Jesse, I'm handing you control. Here's the microphone. Excellent. Gentlemen. Go for it. Listeners at home.

Today's episode features text from the Smithsonian, various historical websites, esoteric, several books that were written during the time period and also much later, and a newspaper from London at the time. Because today I'm going to take you on a ride. It's going to be a wild one through history that you are definitely not ready for. But I promise when we get where this is going, you'll be like, what? Wait, what? Because we are headed back to the island of Corsica in 1769.

Okay. At the time, despite it being very close to Italy, the island was controlled by France. And there, on the 15th of August, a boy was born that would change the face of Europe forever. And a clue on who this boy might be? God. Kelly. Kelly. No.

Napoleon. Napoleon Bonaparte. Yes. There you go. Absolutely. Born into a minor house of, you know, not too much status. He was only really, like his family was only really like local power players on the island. It seemed like Napoleon's life would be one of comfort, but obscurity.

However, the French, in an effort to integrate the island like they did with all of their territories that they claimed, they would integrate them in society. And by doing so, push the sons of nobles and aristocracy into civil service of the military. So Napoleon, at a young age, enters the army as an artillery officer. And honestly, it's not the best place to be because, like, the artillery officer was kind of like the redheaded stepchild of the officer court at the time, because French in the 1780s, it's all about aristocracy and pompous displays of wealth and being big shots and flaunting your big fancy feathers and your, like, your buckles and stuff.

So he's Bobby Boucher. He really is waterboying this entire time. Yes. I have not seen waterboy. Don't worry. Adam Sandler, though. I know that. We'll get to it eventually.

Yeah, we'll get there. You think so? You think we'll get to a waterboy? By 2050, you will have seen waterboy. All right? That's a promise. That's a promise. And like I was saying, it's a society where the wealthy run and control everything and

refuse to let anyone they see as a lower into the club. And while Napoleon isn't poor, he's not rich enough. And so this didn't sit too well with him. He hated being there. And so he left the army to return to Corsica, and there he would have stayed. But then, as if right on schedule, the world changed. Turns out the rich out of touch members of society flaunting their wealth isn't something people enjoy.

What? And the French. I'm convinced that we worship those with money here in America. They've been trying real hard to get us to do it, but you know, I think we're about to get to a tipping point soon. You know, when we get our first trillionaire, we'll see how everything goes. Well, the French decided their decision was to rise up against the monarchy and those in power, all the aristocracy and the oligarchs and whatnot.

And they decided to do what we all know as the French Revolution of 1789. I love the French. It was about a lot of things. Tax structure, war debts with the Americans, politics, the assassins versus Templars. I mean, obviously, right. Yeah. Like trouble, not. Yeah, it was it was a crazy time.

And the people rose up and this was kind of like a big power to the people moment in history, but things kind of got a bit wild, right? Like there is a great moment where the National Assembly of the new French government was trying to be like, OK, what if we get together with the king and kind of create something where like we have our thing, but we keep the king and everything's good. And then the king's family was like, hell, no. And so they it was rumored, we're going to lock up and dismantle the entire government. And that's when people storm the Bastille, which is if you're playing Assassin's Creed,

I think is the start of that one. And is there that's the beginning of the game? And people. It's a good game. It's worth playing. Don't worry about the people with no face. Go play that one. Yeah, they have a face now.

They fixed that. I'm like one worry about it. And, you know, that's kind of what was going on. It was chaotic. And in the early 1790s, we're basically in the middle of a French Civil War. One of the groups in this French Civil War was the Jacobins, which are basically like radical Republicans, not and I need to say not in the American way, but they're radicalized people who want a republic, basically, right?

They're willing to do anything they can to get a republic and they do some truly heinous shit when you're thinking guillotines. Think of these people. Like they killed a lot of people. I think of a couple of things now on guillotines to get mentioned. I don't know what that means. I'm worried. I'm worried.

Have you seen the picture of you as a 14 year old? It's all worrying. Dude, I had I was I was like Megamind's nephew, dude. I had a huge noggin. Well, Napoleon kind of dug all that. And so he returns from Corsica and throws in his lot with them. He's a pro Jacobian and as a history. Being an artillery commander, they were like, OK, we need this dude.

He's got some skills. We don't really have one of those. So he's brought on as an artillery commander and he is put in charge of the siege of the city of Toulon, which is a major port city into the Mediterranean. It's the biggest one in France still to this very day. It is a massive strategic objective. So whoever's going to lead this fight is going to end up being like very important on the historical stage.

And they needed someone who could, you know, understand how to defeat city defenses or, more importantly, like take over a nearby fort and then use that fort to launch an attack on the city. Well, that person probably would be the star of the Jacobian forces. And so at 24 taking the city, Napoleon is made Brigadier General. That is so great. That's like Bob Dylan writing a song except Napoleon fucking sacked an entire city. Yeah, same thing.

But it's it doesn't end there because once again, things would change. And there was another resistance and a rising up against the Jacobians because the royalists still on the side of the monarchy were like, you know what? I'm starting to think these Jacobians are trying to kill off the monarchy and become the new monarchy. So they rise up against them. And Napoleon, who is known to have thrown his lot in with the Jacobians,

right? He's like, OK, maybe, maybe this is all right, maybe I need to think about this and change some things up. And so as this new regime, you know, takes control, he kind of like fades into the distance. He doesn't really get involved. He doesn't, you know, you think a military commander of this force. So he's like, no, I'm going to stay out of this.

But when that government change and not like even there's so many government changes happening and Napoleon's kind of just like this constancy in it. Right? He's always just kind of around. And again, another revolution rises up and Napoleon is ordered to put down that that rising up because of his great victory at Toulon. He is sent to put down the insurrection and. Well, there you go. Once again, the government, the new government of France owes Napoleon a

favor. And so now so he just goes and does it low key. Yeah. Now he is one of the most famous people in France at twenty six. Jesus, do you think do you think they invented board games so that we couldn't have another Napoleon? Maybe. Maybe. Would I be a Napoleon if I hadn't played chess as a child? Actually, you'd probably be more Napoleon if you only play chess. I'll be honest. Dear traction, Toyota's got 20 vehicles with available all wheel drive

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Two thousand national bonus cash. One thousand dollar CCAP bonus cash. Seven hundred and fifty dollars CCAP non prime. Finance through Chrysler Capital on approved credit. All prices are plus tax title license fees in a two hundred and ninety nine dollar dealer dot fee expires five thirty one twenty three. And so a lot of revolutionary uprisings are happening. And like I said, Napoleon is this constant.

And once he reaches the sort of status of celebrity hero and a new government takes over, they see him as being one of their great commanders, but not like that great. Because again, even with all these revolutions, even with all this BS, he is still from like not an important French household. He's from Corsica. So the French dudes don't really give a damn truly about him. And so while there are great armies led in the north against Germany

and there are great armies like we have to fight the sea battles against the British. Napoleon is given command of the army of Italy and the army of Italy. Basically, their whole thing is in northern Italy. We're going to fight the Austrians. That's kind of the vibe of what's going on right now. The Austrian Empire was huge and they're like, we got to take these guys out. And so that's what they sent him. And for years and years and years and years, the conflict there was

kind of at a stalemate. The Austrians were dug in and the French really, their troops there had nothing. They were ill supplied. They truly were just it was unfair. Well, Napoleon shows up and he starts giving crazy speeches. One of the I don't know the exact quote here, but one of the speeches he gave was literally just like, I know you don't have anything. I know we don't have anything.

France sent us here with nothing, but you know, who has stuff? Italy, it's right over there. We just take it and it's ours. Plus, we get the glory back in France. Not a bad deal. He's like, not a bad deal. And the French troops like, this guy's on to something. They got all the stuff over there.

I wish that I lived in this simple last time. Right. Oh, he's right. Let's just fucking go over there and take shit. Oh, fuck. Yeah. They were like, and so he starts making unexpected, crazy moves, picking targets with haste. If you look up Napoleonic tactics online, it's all about speedy movement

combined assaults with infantry and cavalry and artillery. He is going hard on Northern Italy. And so in the late 19th, excuse me, in the late 1790s, Napoleon with less men, less supplies managed to outmaneuver all of the Austrian forces in Italy. And when the Austrian surrender, he's like, you know what? We don't need all this. You guys can have Venice and they like thank him for it.

He's like, you know, like don't stress. You can have this. It's one of those fake choice. They're like fake gifts, though. It's like instead of murdering you, you still get some some land. What is the vibe with these people? Like what? How do they make decisions? That's so crazy.

I mean, this is the same time where when soldiers would go into combat in order to not run away, they'd be forced to stand side by side, fire, reload, fire again. And they were like, you got to get me at least two shots, bro, before you run. No wonder they cut everybody's heads off. Like, what the fuck? Isn't it correct me from Rob Jesse? But don't we not know how they actually fought in the medieval times?

We just take kind of basic guesses. Well, this isn't medieval. This is like, yeah, we have more now, but I'm just because you're bringing up old tactics and stuff. Is that true? Am I misremembering? Do you know? I mean, we have so the things we definitely know throughout history is we understand why the Romans were so successful in their military conquest, because the way their units formed up

and the way they had shield walls and stuff, we get that. We understand why, you know, for example, in the Middle Ages, why war changed because of the longbow, right? The longbow fundamentally changed the way warfare was. And the same thing goes with like guns and, you know, that kind of thing. Do we know like what the fights were like in the Middle Ages? There's barely any records of any that. That's why it's called the Dark Ages.

We don't know much about it, except for, like, like the guests ran at each other. Yeah, we don't know much about the Dark Ages. And then the Renaissance from then on, people kept like way better records. And a lot of the Renaissance stuff that we know about ancient Greece and Rome is because they were infatuated with ancient Greece and Rome in the Renaissance. So we have all this factual information. But again, you know, things like the Library of Alexandria, callous generations of stuff burnt down, you know,

you know, there's at least three or four secrets in there. Oh, yeah, there has to be. You know, there's like three or four like bangers. There's some alien ass fucking encounters in it. It's you know how in the last 20 years, we rediscovered Greek fire, right? Like, that's the thing that no one knew existed. And they were on boats, blasting dudes. Remember when they saw the remember when they put the Black Hawk helicopter

in the fucking Egypt ruins on the wall? They found like a Black Hawk helicopter. That's right. I want to find out about that. It is not real. That's in the Library of Alexandria. Yeah. Maybe some of those found in the Egyptian colony.

That's a hieroglyph of it. They didn't explain it's like Stargate. It's awesome. There's also the the astronaut, right? The astronaut that's in there and the higher or the light bulb. That's not a light bulb. Yeah, yeah, all that the battery. Yeah, it's all they got a little chapter book about that.

So Napoleon is making perfect place. He's doing not only great tactical and command decisions, but also some like pretty next level political stuff, right? He insures that I would slaughter at Cipsic. And he insures that the Austrians aren't going to come back around at him, right, because he is like, hey, I gave you Venice, like we're chill. Obviously, that's not going to stop anyone long term, but it certainly is a OK, I can relax for a minute.

Well, at 28, Napoleon returns to Paris as a hero. This dude's making me feel like shit. I'm six years older than that right now. What the hell the fuck have I done? And as the hero of France, he is tasked with something that, you know, if I if I was a French commander, I'd be like, oh, boy, here we go. He is tasked with taking on France's longtime foe, the British.

Oh, yeah. But unlike any previous attempts at war, Napoleon doesn't look at like crossing the channel or fighting, you know, some great sea battle. He looks to the Middle East, the opposite direction of Great Britain. Why, you might ask, he said, Europe is but a molehill. Everything wears out. This tiny Europe does not offer enough glory.

We must go to the East. All great glory has always been gained there. The poor Middle East, man. They've always just been the scapegoat of everything. And to be honest, for such a smart guy, that's a fucking that's a wild take. Well, the reason why is he sees it as being where all of Great Britain's valuable holdings are. Things like all their wealth that they have is coming from that part of the world.

And he's also kind of full of himself at this point. And he, like his idols before him, Julius Caesar and Alexander the Great, must go and walk through Egypt. He must go to Egypt and conquer it like his two greats before him. And so in 1798, while his men poorly equipped for the summer weather of the desert, they land and they actually think they landed in Alexandria and they marched to Cairo. And they're just like, dudes are dying of dehydration.

It's a mess. But even though the elements are throwing everything they have at him, he's still marching his troops. And in what is known as the Battle of the Pyramids, he fights the forces of Cairo and Napoleon gets off a banger here, where he says, soldiers from the height of these pyramids, 40 centuries look down upon you, which is a pretty baller thing to say. Do you think he was standing right on top of the Great Pyramid?

I don't think that happened, but it would have been just as cool. And in the battle that followed, anywhere between 2000 to 20,000 Egyptian soldiers were killed and only 29 French were killed. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it was a pretty sound defeat for the forces of Cairo. God, it must have been so dope, like to be a smart person, like back when they just didn't know anything.

You could just be like, what about this? And people would be like, oh, my God. It was a new idea back then, man. It's like, you know, what a fascinating time. That is wild. And this, my friends, is where perhaps an apophrical tale was told about Napoleon. Once he had taken Egypt, he ventured into the Great Pyramid alone by himself into the King's Chamber.

And there, directly at the center of the pyramid, he would stay the night. Alone, Adam, dude, with nothing but a single candle. What the hell? When he emerged the next day, he was ghostly white, completely shaken. And when his officers were like, dude, what happened? He refused to answer their questions. By the end of 1799, he was the first consul of France. And by 1804, he was emperor.

And man took some of that Egyptian Kush, maybe this is like this is like the crossroads. His rise to power is one of great skill and foresight, but also incredible fortune and luck. He was a man who knew how to manipulate turbulent times to just like play others against each other. And he was this like great figure for the people of France that was always present, even when other political figures

get knocked out and like killed and beheaded. It's crazy. He's always there. And when asked about all this on his deathbed, and this is a quote from the Smithsonian, hauling himself painfully upright, he began to speak only to halt immediately and say, Oh, what's the use? He murmured, sinking back. You'll never believe me.

Get the fuck out of here. God damn you, damn you, Napoleon. Now, like I said, it's an apophrical tale. His private secretary is like that never had never happened, never happened. But according to legend and a lot of other people, something definitely happened or was happening to Napoleon. And what I'm about to tell you is one of the creepiest, best things in all of history.

It may be total propaganda because a lot of us came out after his death, but it's certainly worth thinking about and certainly interesting because today's episode is not about Napoleon. OK, today's episode is about his very close friend. OK. Now, throughout history, fate and destiny have often played a role in legends and stories of the past. Mythologies and great adventures often begin with a call to action by some oracle or harbinger.

And it becomes no surprise then that the legend Napoleon has one such harbinger, but it does not start with him. In the 16th century in Paris, Queen Catherine de Medici, who was, you know, known to me frequently with a suspicious character. After her husband, King Henry II, died, she helped build a castle, a castle, two lorries, which is this, you know,

it was sort of a I want to get out of where we been. I want to live in a new place, that kind of thing. And it's absolutely a beautiful thing. Yeah, you can kind of imagine the idea of I don't want to live in that other place. I'm going to live in a new place because my husband, the king, just like that kind of vibe, right? Like if something bad happens, you might want to move like that kind of thing. And so she goes and she moves into this place.

However, she quickly leaves because she keeps encountering someone who supposedly already lives there. Le Homme Rouge, a little red man who harassed out here, who harassed her with threats that she would die in Saint-Germain or Saint-Germain for Alex. This is for you. I'm going to see if I can fit this in here. As the two lorries were in the parish of Saint-Germain,

the queen forsook the palace in which she had been so greatly interested. She refused to visit again Saint-Germain and lay. And she even declined to cross the bridges, lest she should find herself in the vicinity of the Abbey of Saint-Germain. Then situated just outside the Port Boussi. It is impossible. It is impossible to cheat destiny after having avoided for the rest of her life with the greatest care, anything suggestive of this dreaded name.

She felt dangerously ill in the Hotel des Soissons, which she had constructed near the parish Saint-Eustache, feeling herself at the point of death. She asked the name of the Benedictine monk who was administering to her the last sacraments and learned that it was Laurent de Saint-Germain. Well, this presence, whatever this little red man that appeared to her, Hellboy, whatever it was,

was felt throughout the sixteen and seventeen hundreds. The red man would go on to become a prominent legend at the palace, said to always wear red head to toe, either a cape or a cloak. And he had sort of a hideous face, perhaps misshapen. Some even attribute devilish features, always seen as a sinister presence. And always it said he would appear when some great disaster or calamity was drawing near. A portent of death.

It's like Mothman's like caretaker. A portent of death and destruction. It's like Vandal Savage. It's literally like the ageless man who influences all of history. Exactly. Who remains? He earned the nickname the Little Red Man of Destiny during this time. Dude, where's this guy?

Maybe he could have gotten me some sick. The right hand. Maybe. Over the centuries, it is said that he appeared on the days leading up to so many great tragedies, like Henry IV and his aid seeing him right before his assassination. The maids seeing him by the bedside of Louis the 16th in the days leading to his death for Mathis. This one is for you.

Marie Antoinette's women were sitting in the say I'm not I don't got that French twang that Alex got. So bear with me. Sale de garde when they became suddenly aware of the presence of a small man clothed from crown to heel and scarlet who looked at them with such unearthly eyes that they were frozen with terror. They rushed to the apartments of the Madame de la Dauphine and related their adventure.

The Red Man is then seen again by the guards in her prison cell just before Marie Antoinette is famously killed. But the Little Red Man wasn't just a creepy stalker who watched royalty get killed. No, no, because according to legend, after years of watching French leadership bumble around and make terrible mistakes, he decided to play a more active role and as a general as legend has it. It's a little red general.

He was a big fan of a certain French artillery officer. And this is where things according to folktale and lore mythology, whatever you want to believe. This is where the course of history changes, because it is said the Little Red Man first appeared in Napoleon in the in the in the pyramids in night in 1798 on the Egyptian campaign after the Battle of the Pyramids where it said that that night where he was inside that tomb, he went time traveling.

He came to him. He appeared to him in the tomb. OK, shit. And I like how you went to time travel, that's pretty fun. I was excited maybe that he'd that's where he learned time travel. I don't know. No, no, no. In the darkness lit by only one candle, the red man appeared to Napoleon and he told him not only would he help him

foresee his future, but that he had been there watching him since he was a child and that he would go on to have 10 years of great victories in Europe. While in Egypt, he also warned Napoleon about his current campaign. He said to him, his soldiers, a lot of them, the restless, they're not obeying orders and that your next campaign, your push to the West is going to fail. And then he peaced out and the rest is kind of history there. What ended up happening is after they defeated the Egyptian army,

they pushed to the West and they got beaten badly. The British even came down and burnt his like boats that were off the coast. Like they he got wrecked at that point yet. Just like the little red man had told him. Listen, man, I can help you. There's going to be some setbacks. It's going to be fine. When Napoleon comes back to France,

even after kind of ending his campaign on a defeat, which I did not mention in the original story, even after he kind of comes back, it doesn't really matter because the governments keep changing and people keep loving Napoleon and he's still around. Everything is good for him. And very soon after he becomes consul. So now things. That we know about this little red man

start to come at us from secondhand accounts of people who are hearing a thing or saw a thing and then told a person the story. But there are a lot of references to the little red man once Napoleon takes over as emperor. Oh, well. And where? The first one. What? Yeah. I'm buckled up, my man.

So I'm not even going to question. I want to hear more of this. Oh, yeah. The first one is a potentially written in again. A lot of this is like, like I said, it's after his death. And so we're getting memoirs from his aides. Like in this case, the first one is from Count General Rapp,

who is the guy who's writing Napoleon's memoirs. And he tells a story about how one night Napoleon grabbed him. And, uh, Mathis, this is for you. This is what he asked him. What the fuck? Do you see me up there? That is my star. There it is shining before you.

It has never left me. I see it in all great moments. It commands me to go forward. That is always a sign of good luck for me. And in the memoirs of Marshal Auguste de Momo, or Marmont, whatever, he writes of another moment when Napoleon is arguing with Cardinal Joseph Fesh. And this is also for you, Mathis.

At the end, the emperor took Fesh by the hand, opened the window and led him onto the balcony. Look up there, he said. Do you see anything? No, replied Fesh. I see nothing. Well, then learn to hold your tongue. The emperor went on.

I see my star. It is that which guides me. Do not compare your weak and imperfect faculties to my superior organization. Woo, I'd be out of it. So it's only him. He can is the only one that sees it. Apparently, he's the only one who sees this star guiding him.

Now a lot of people assume maybe this star was the red man that it is this figure that is guiding him throughout his entire life. Has always been there, perhaps. Is the I've been watching you since you were a kid kind of vibe, which is how Napoleon is consistently in the right place at the right time. Maybe, as legend says, he continued to be with him through his decisive defeat of the British and the Austrians

at Wagram, Wagram. Boy, I know I'm saying that wrong. Wagram, Wagram, Wagram. And he was supposedly seen throughout several battles that took place in Europe, always dispensing advice, always offering suggestions, but never actually like seeing the two of them. You know, they're not like chatting it up, right?

He's just like, there's this guy around. He's like, maybe you should shoot that thing and maybe you should do this thing to what end? Well, here's the thing. He had all this advice and one very specific instruction. Don't wage war on Russia. But Napoleon, by this point, was filled up with power and ego and he was listening less and less to the advice of this guy.

And eventually he would launch a campaign against Russia and the little man rushed to Napoleon. And according to one of his counselors, this is what transpired. Alex, this is for you. In the month of January, 1812, the winter preceding the Russian campaign, the red man asked the Sentinel if he might speak to the emperor. The soldier replying in the negative, the demon brushed him aside and ran quickly up the steps.

He said to a chamberlain, tell the emperor the little red man whom he saw in Egypt, which is to see him again. Napoleon admitted the Petit d'Anne. A long conversation followed in the private cabinet. From a few words that were overheard, Napoleon seemed to be pleading for something which was refused. Finally, the door was opened.

The red man came out, passed quickly through the corridors and disappeared on the grand staircase, which nobody saw him descent. Like he just fucking walked out and then just that's what you. That's what that means. Fascinating. That's what they're saying. They're saying they walked over the stairs and just vanished like a ghost. Like he turned that corner and like, I don't know, like a field of dreams faded into the course.

This is Assassin's Creed. This is nonsense. This is crazy. Well, as all historians will tell you, Napoleon went ahead with his invasion of Russia. And in like, it's hard to describe how insane this is. He takes half a million men, which at the time is like even now half a million men in one like push in an army. Half 500,000 dudes, right? That's that's an insane number.

Like if you think about Dodger Stadium. Dodger Stadium is like what, 25,000 men? That's like, no, no, 60,000 is the most that's ever been in there. That times six, seven, eight. It's five hundredth the largest army seen at the time. Maybe I'm sure you could go back to like a crusade thing and they probably have something wacky there. But again, the records are sparse.

I do not know. But at the time, this was insanely big because it's almost as if he was warned against doing this and he was like, no, I'm taking no, no, no chances. Let's roll. And as history will say, and as it is known, they got the rashed, unprepared for ruthless Russian tactics and horrendous Russian winters. They were so it's always a big one with like in history when it comes to invading Russia, defending Russia is the winters.

Yeah, I can't think of a worst campaign to be on than this one. I don't I don't know that was ever a worst campaign ever waged. Imagine imagine being a soldier under Napoleon's rule right now in a Russian fucking winter. There's some sick paintings of this, by the way. I will simply say that they were so brutally beaten that on the retreat home, only 10,000 soldiers returned alive. That's four hundred ninety thousand dead men.

Is it unfathomable? It's unfathomable. It's how many people were even in France is the question. You know what I mean? Like that's half a million people. This would be from isn't like pulled from the entire empire at the time, right? It's emperor here. So he has lots of kingdoms.

He's pulling everyone and he has this audacity to roll up into a Russian poorly planned, which here's the thing. It's it when you look at what the Germans did, that you're like, OK, Hitler was like, I got to do this thing because my timetable, like he had a weird timetable in his head and it totally screwed him. Napoleon. I don't think there was a timetable, but maybe there was, right? Maybe he worked so fast because there was something in the background.

Going he's like that he's got that Beatles curse on him where it's just he's got 10 good years and then it's only other universes where he's still succeeding. Maybe, yeah. This is considered the turning point of the of of his entire leadership and and empire. And just after that, he has losses at like Leipzig and Fontainebleau and of course, Waterloo, right?

The Little Red Man nowhere to be seen. But. On New Year's Day, 1814. He returns to Napoleon. That's going to be near the end of it. Napoleon's absolutely, absolutely. This is an actual thing that is fascinating to me that I just know. I'm going to split in two so you can get both in this one thing.

But here you go. The first time we met was in Egypt at the Battle of the Pyramids. This is what he says to him, by the way. This is what the this is overheard, a conversation overheard by like dudes around Napoleon. This is the conversation between the Little Red Man and Napoleon. The first the first time we met was in Egypt at the Battle of the Pyramids. The second after the Battle of Legrand.

I granted you four years more to terminate the conquest of Europe or to make a general peace threatening you that if you did not perform one of these two things, I would withdraw my protection from you. Now I am come with a third and last time to warn you that you have now but three months to complete the execution of your designs or to comply with the proposals of peace offered you by the Allies. If you do not achieve the one or a seed to the other, all will be over with you.

So remember it well. Napoleon then expostulated with him to obtain more time on the plea that it was impossible in so short a space to reconquer what he had lost or to make peace on honorable terms. And here's the second part. Do as you please, said the Red Man, but my resolution is not to be shaken by entreaties nor otherwise. And I go. He opened the door.

The emperor followed in treating him but to no purpose. The Red Man would not stop any longer. He went away, casting on his Imperial Majesty a contemptuous look and repeating in a stern voice three months no longer. This is such a fairy tale style story. This is a witcher side quest. This is what this is. It really feels like yes, it feels like

like it's something out of a witcher tale or something. It's a very bizarre story. One that is like this character who I guess I don't know. Do we have any French listeners? I guess this is like the Red Man. The Little Red Man is like a famous folk creature in maybe all of France, but definitely Paris from what I've read online. And what's even crazier is there is stories of him appearing in Detroit.

That's hilarious. Like, you know what I'm trying to say? I. Huh. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It's not America, Detroit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's interesting, like I said as a joke earlier, but now it's like a little bit more when it comes to like comparison to Jeff, the Mongoose, especially if you look at Jeff, the Mongoose in the in the lens that he comes as like a fairy

he's a fairy creature in some way who found an interest in a family, taught them rabbits, fed them information and just enjoyed their company until it was done, he was done with it. And this feels similar like he found something that interested him, comes into our little world, plays his games because human lives probably mean nothing. So he got sick of him or he realized he was trying to like be rid of him. He was like, fine, no more.

Like it has that same kind of vibe of otherworldly fairy like hilariousness. But unlike a devil creature, because I feel like it's nice. They call him the little red man because I'm like a devil or whatever devil. No, he's not like, yeah, he watched a bunch of Royals die, but he's not trying to screw Napoleon over. He literally is like, I gave you a timetable. I told you what to do. You didn't listen to me.

It's on you, bro. And now I'm saying you have three months to like wrap it up. Or you're done. And here's the crazy thing. That was January 1st, 1814. And on March 31st, the Allies invaded Paris. Get the fuck out of here. And on the 1st of April, Napoleon was forced to abdicate.

Wild. That is interesting, man. I just like think like, why Russia? Why is like that the line for that guy? And I mean, it may not be like, you know, it may not be some weird mystical connection. It may just be like, he knew that was going to end badly and try to warn the guy. And he was like, yeah, I'll bring every soldier I have. Then we'll win. And he's like, bro, I tried to tell you.

Yeah. I don't know. But he claimed to have a protection over him. So he was granting him some sort of. 10 years. He said 10 years of victories. Yeah, it's not. Yes, I'm saying it's nuts. Like I wonder, you know, looking at it from like a mischievous entity perspective, if he was just leading him to battles, he knew were would be hilarious to watch like him win.

Things that just made him chuckle. And Russia was not on this list of things like he cared about. Maybe. I mean, just throwing it. It's just a fun way. I'm trying to like look at the way he's acting and just like trying to apply some sort of logic. It's fascinating. It's a fascinating story. And what's even crazier is Napoleon was sent away to his famous remote island.

Yep. And he stayed there until he died. I think of stomach cancer, I think in 1821. But he never saw the red man again. He was just put on his own though. No record of any of that. He saw it when he's sick and dying in his dying days, right? When he grabbed when he was dying, they asked him like, yo, what the hell was that? Yeah, what happened?

And he's like, if I told you, you wouldn't believe me. OK, OK. Yeah, yeah. So we don't know. But we don't know to what end this entity has done this. No, the first time, the first recorded time of his existence is Catherine DiMidici building the castle. And then here's the best part. The red man, you think you'd be gone. He'd be gone forever, but that's not true, Mathis.

This actual this is from the London Daily News. OK, 1883. Love it. What a great time to be in England, by the way. This is another sighting of this guy. It's fascinating. The old watchman who had charge of the building was going his rounds one night. When is the castle? Yeah, when he became aware of a scarlet clad figure in the gloom,

skulking behind one of the pillars. He made for it, but it seemed to pass around the pillar and disappear. He looked about everywhere, but there was nothing. The old man had his reasons for thinking that he might have been deceived on this occasion, so he took nothing but coffee after dinner next night before making his rounds, yet there was the red man again. This time, he was leaning meditatively on his arm and looking down on Paris. The watchman shouted at him.

He turned around, faced him with the same look of icy woe and disappeared. The old man ran for help late as it was, and they made a thorough search of a thorough search of the place that did find something red. Their search ended in a suave capue, as they saw the first glare of the incendiary fire that was to reduce the palace of the two liaries Lord to a heap of ruins. And that's from the London Daily News, 1883.

Yeah, he the last time that he was seen at that palace was when he burned it down. Well, what ended up happening? Everything from Napoleon, it sounds like, like another another revolution happened and the new government was super anti-monarchy and they burnt the place down. What? And so with it, he was like, I guess, looking at the end of his castle and he was like, well, this is a shame. That's why I was like, looking at the windows, just like really depressed.

And then when they finally got back to him in the background of the window is the building on fire. Literally, Q, literally. So it's totally say that Q is not inspired by such. I just want to know why. I just want to know what to what end. He's just like a like a figure. I can be a really fun pawn for this guy if he wants to show up.

I will sign up to be emperor of the world and not invade anywhere you tell me not to invade my guy. And that what's fascinating about this is that that is a story told after Napoleon's death. Again, yeah, that could be just propaganda to be like devil wash. Could be like, who knows? But what's interesting is after the palace burnt down, which is convenient if you're like, where'd that guy go?

Right. There were legends and myths that he did not die. He did not vanish forever. Some say he simply moved to another palace with a LSE palace. I boy, I don't know if that's pronounced correctly, but I guess he's just been around. And people said they see him in times of turmoil or trouble in France. And he's been there for years and years throughout the age of hundreds.

He was there. Never been seen outside of France. Like I said, he was like the Patriots, not America, Detroit. But like, yeah, I don't know. I he is just this weird, the same thing with the Mothman. The same thing is just another creature, this weird thing that exists, that is a connection to Napoleon. But also monarchs who came before him in the 1600s and 17. Like just it's a fascinating tale of this creature.

Who's to say they're not all one of the same sort of phenomenon, you know, or a part or a different sliver of all the same UFOs, cryptids, little devil man, you know, who knows? Yeah, it's all that. But it's part of that it's part of that like consciousness and like we're not seeing reality. We're seeing what our brain is telling us. We're seeing his reality.

We're really looking at an interface of what our brain filters and we don't really know what to actually think. It's I love that. And I hate that topic because we'll never there's no end. There's no end to that conversation. But like I said, it also could be just B.S. Right. Maybe Napoleon when you talk about a star, that's just his ego. Being like he's like, you don't see that pope or like whatever cardinal.

You don't see that or him like talking out his ass to his commanders or, you know, like the stories of the little red man could all be propaganda by the I mean, this is the British. Right. I can use that star story to the cardinal or whatever as a way of just being like, you know, like him not being very religious. It's like, oh, I'm sorry, you know, I listen to your God's words. Oh, you can't see my star. That's unfortunate.

You just don't you just not special enough. But at the same time, Napoleon is a figure who had so many like crazy, weird victories over a short period of time that it doesn't make a lot of sense considering what was like. If you can imagine if you were a military officer and you sided with one group in a revolution, the other revolution group would come and kill all of you. Right. Because you couldn't.

Napoleon's cruising through all this because everyone's like, oh, man. We need a good artillery guy. He's tight. He's tight. Yeah. And he would just and what's interesting is that his father when so his father in in Corsica was like part of the Corsican Free People's Movement. And when the French were like, look, we really need some favors, he really quickly switched and joined the French and sent his son to go off and do stuff.

So when there was trouble back in Corsica, when Napoleon went back, there was a kid, none of the people there wanted to mess with him. So the call back to France was easy for him. They're like he want he hated France. He didn't want to go back to France, but he still did because everyone in his home was like, you traitor, get out of here. And so he went like there's so many weird moments

that line up perfectly to be like this dude who like no one liked artillery commanders. And yet they all needed this one guy. Yeah, he didn't want to be in France yet had to be in France. And every battle he fought was like skillful. And like he created a whole new set of tactics like he was using artillery, cavalry and infantry at the exact same time, which is not some people be like,

all right, fire the cannons. OK, and now we're going to send in some troops. The guy next to you is like, oh, it's like a bullet in something. Like reload your gun. It's like the Eternals. It's like this dude is, you know, what's the guy Barry Kogan? Well, that guy is the guy who puts the Joker in the Batman. Yes, yeah, he plays Druick, the Eternal. Yep. And his deal is like he they're supposed to like just watch over the humans.

But he decides to like take an active approach and like manipulate the humans with his powers, make a cult or two. Yeah, yeah, that's this. That's this. It's an alien, a monkey. I mean, the star in the sky thing is like my brain obviously went off. She didn't make that was good. It's a good one. It's a good one for me.

We got him. Yeah. No, yeah, no. Listen, my ADHD brain needs a moment to absorb, process, joke, recognize if it actually understands the reference, and then I can laugh. You were like, is that a movie? Is that? No, I don't think so. No, yeah, I thought for a minute you had like maybe UFOs or you could with the star in the sky thing, but not. For me, it falls way more in line with something like a weird

fey creature that just kind of popped into fuck around and left when he was bored. It's a Sandman issue. And let's not forget. This all somehow also equates to him in one of the stories going to the Great Pyramid, going into the King's Chamber and staying there the night. That's wild. Like just to do that is crazy.

You have to be an insane person to do that. And already there's all the mythological and crazy UFO things and stuff that happens from that that that, you know, we talked about that may or may not be real. And so you have this story, which may or may not be real about a man who went in there and had a mayor may not be real thing happened to him. And that already is crazy. We know if it actually did go into the the the pyramid, at least or no.

Do we not know? So they 100 percent he and his troops, 100 percent, like climb the outside like scouting, like they definitely were there. They fought a battle right in front of nobody knows if he's actually went in for the story of him going into it is one where again, it's a story that is told. But his personal aid was like that never happened. But everyone like a bunch of other people were like, dude, that definitely happened. And so it's one of those things where I do believe the dude who's like,

I might be covering for like, yeah, yeah. He's either 100 percent telling the truth and didn't happen because he's his closest friend or he's covering for him because he's close his friend and that like is one of those weird history things that I wonder because I don't know much about how Napoleon was as a person, kind of all of his life. But I wonder if also like he did go into there and spent the night. But he like came out with a willingly like just to build his legend, to build more just like, you know, fame in his corner completely made up by him.

If he did that often enough, there's a lot of people who like that's enough to get them going like you like build yourself your own fake little story about how you came to power and people would fall right in line. You are so right on the money with this that Napoleon. He was very, very smart. He was also a little bit full of himself. So in the Italy campaign, when he was fighting in Italy, as they were like routing dudes and like kicking ass, he took over town.

And I don't remember the name of the town, but in the center of it was a castle. And he made that castle his headquarters and outside he put up giant ass banners and he made it look like the most amazing, spectacular and same thing ever. And anyone in the area who wanted shit done had to go and like see Napoleon on his throne, right? But the brilliance of Napoleon was that when he returned to France after his campaign in Italy, he didn't adorn any of the like ceremonials. He like showed up just like a normal soldier.

I'm here to do my job. But when he was out in the field, he was the, you know, being an emperor unto himself, right? Yeah. His soldiers looked up to him. They loved him, the people. He treated them like well, but also was like, I got a firm fist. His enemies, he was like, you can have Venice. Like he was playing the game of politics. And then he went back.

He was like, I'm just a humble servant. It's no big deal. I don't know if that's weirder or better. Like, I don't know if that makes me like Napoleon more or or or less. It reminds me like even so, you know, say the little red man is completely false. We'll just say he's not, he doesn't exist. I mean, there's another argument to build that he was like weirdly practicing without realizing it like chaos magic, the ability to like he just like

he saw himself in such fantastic ways, his perception of reality ended up becoming his reality for quite a while. And like those fast movements and stuff again at a time where that wasn't really known anyway, going to catch people by surprise. It is going to surprise the shit out of him. And as he builds on his legend, adds lies and add stories about him maybe being mythical, it makes all the more sense for him becoming emperor so fast and he just sets himself up to never be forgotten.

And it does seem like that was a big goal. And then what's interesting is that perhaps that's because of his childhood of mediocrity. Really, he was going to be nothing. And he was like, I saw what it's like to have power when I was in France. I want that so badly. But at one point he gave it up and he went home and his home rejected it. So it's very it's like they were like finally happy to get rid of the annoying

fucking egocentric narcissistic Napoleon. We're like, nah, man, maybe get out. His parents were kind of big shots on the island, right? But being a big shot on the island means nothing in France. Yeah. And so who. But again, this also when you talk about like maybe there was no red man, whatever, this also kind of goes to the idea of just ego in general. Yeah. And how far to talk about it earlier.

I know we talked about quitter earlier, but you just think about the idea of someone like an Elon Musk who has had countless wins. He must be genius. Yeah, he must be. Yeah. And everyone's like, oh, he's so he's must be. And he's like talking all this crazy stuff. And everyone's like, yeah, hell, yeah. And then much like Napoleon and much like nobody.

Yeah, nobody digs a level deeper about where he came from, though, and how he got CEO. They did this thing. Napoleon was the same like Napoleon came from stuff. He just wasn't the right stuff. You know what I mean? Right. So he worked his ass off to become the right stuff. And then he just kind of like, you know, like, like, you know,

Elon buying the right companies like Elon didn't make Tesla. He didn't like he bought the right companies. He bought SpaceX. He bought and he just like was in the right place, the right time to get the right things. And people were like, this guy's a genius. He's a smart person in the world. And very clearly lately, it's very obvious that that was just legend

and not real and much like Napoleon. I think he got hype on his own legend. And he was like, I can handle Russia. And then after that, it was defeat after defeat after defeat. It's like a lesson. It's like a fucking fable. That's why it's so funny to me. Like, yeah, I don't know how content like in the actual historical

context, if we're talking to like some sort of Napoleon specialist expert, I don't know how much it has this like perfect mythological structure of Napoleon getting too big for his little short man britches and then going for Russia and then getting totally just like bodied by the same one point. He actually get thrown out and he came back and convinced the armies that we're supposed to stop him to join him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, like I said, after Russia, like they were no one liked him. He still was like, come on, guys. And they still have that kind of vibe of leader charisma, that leader charisma of a plot, like it's appealing to the probably the most vulnerable and most egocentric pieces of the people he was trying to play hard to admit you're wrong. That's just a known fact. And so this dude who you followed your entire life and you were like,

for the briefest moment, you're like, that guy sucks when he comes back and is like, baby, I've changed. You're like, oh, the thing that makes you become an extremist is when you realize that the thing that you believed was not true, like that you your entire life is about to shift. That's when you don't want to let go. So you double down even in the face of correct. That's what so many people do.

I mean, hell, like I'm guilty of doing it. You know, but that's nobody in America does it, but everybody else does. What's what's fascinating, though, is going back to something you said, Alex, and it kind of relates to the Red Man, the whole like Napoleon being a short guy. That's just British propaganda, really, of course. Yeah, I'm sure he was average height. Yeah. And again, that's kind of like, is the Red Man British propaganda?

But it's a legend in France. So I'll tell you what, man, Little Red Man shows up. I'm gay. I don't give a damn. He's just praying for Red Man to come give him stuff all the time. If I'm an emperor of America in like five years, Emperor of America, guys, chances happen. If the Red Man shows up, anything, anything could happen. I saw the 14 year old you.

I don't want you as emperor. No, we had had look at his eyes. And I was going to be like, Joffrey, I'll do a lot at that point. And he was only four foot ten and eighty six pounds. He was not having a great time in high school. I had to have my locker changed because the top one was too high and I couldn't see the combo. Oh, my heart.

My little Napoleon. No, this really is your origin story. Man, it is. It's all there. I was the actual Napoleon. Wait till I wait till you find out that he's the one who grabbed the Green Stone. Finally, Mathis did. That's it. It was me. That's how like the podcast came into power.

All those diamond emojis you sent me when you were agreeing were just a Green Stone references and we weren't aware. Well, Jesse, that was fucking amazing. That was a great story. I've never heard of the Little Red Man and Napoleon. Like there is a lot of various texts and things on this. A lot of it's old, too. A lot of it is from the eighteen hundreds.

And again, like it has that vibe, it has that antiquity vibe to it. The stuff that I sent you is a lot of it's just from straight up books about it. And it is, you know, it's written kind of like a story and it feels like a story. It definitely doesn't feel real, but at the same time, it's kind of like, oh, that's fun. Who knows, man? Yeah, because you pair it with the man who was so impulsive and did things so differently that the world didn't really know how to handle it.

Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah. And so like assigning fantasy and myth to that is just again, a way for humans to rationalize how this guy probably like steamrolled everybody for like ten years. But he also tried to build his myth. It's almost. Oh, yeah. Andrew W. K. Ask where it's like he creates so many myths about himself. Yeah. And he loves he clearly loved it.

That's why he has all these paintings of him looking like a bad ass. Yeah. Like, I don't know how much of a bad ass he was, but every bit of art that exists of him, he looks like he's a stone cold killer. Riding horses like an awesome dude. It doesn't matter how bad ass he was because now that's all people believe that he had she he could be have been the most mediocre guy in the world. But the world remembers him as a great general. And what is reality if not what people perceive it to be? Right.

And so if people say he's a great general, then he must have been a fucking great general. Like it's not. And it's crazy that he achieved that. But again, we do have historical record that he just did some. He won a lot of wild fucking fights. Yeah. He also the funny thing is he also lost a bunch too. Oh, yeah. But no one talks about that stuff

because the victories were so like wild and over the top and crazy. And well planned that any losses were like, well, you know what? Losses happen, dude. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, you brush that aside. It doesn't matter. Those don't count part of the legend. It's awesome. Well, that's actually that was a fascinating story, Jesse.

Thank you. That was a pretty important guy either way. There's no way around it. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, he was the emperor. I was just saying, you know, and I'm saying that he was a mediocre guy. I'm saying like with the legend now, like, you know, people perceive him the way he I think he would be very happy with the way people perceived him nowadays. He hadn't found the green stone.

He would never have been the hero. That's true. Maybe that's what it like. Yeah, that's what it was. Also, just like look at the timetable. It like again, as a historian, this stuff fascinates me. This is post American Revolution, where the French helped us out. Yeah. And then they had their own revolution. And rather than end up with some like republic or democracy or whatever,

they went full emperor. Like, they like show you the fragility of America. We were like, thanks, France, good luck in your own revolution. And they were like, the emperor of Europe. We changed the time itself. It's crazy. And it's awesome. Well, thank you, Jesse, for that story.

Speaking of green and stoned, I'm for the mini soap this time. I'm doing the wildest weed stories of 2022. So go check that out. Patreon.com. Let's go. I'm so excited now. Oh, hell, yes. All right. Well, we're going to go to patreon.com slash Luminati pod at the $15 tier for that mini.

So to wear off the boy lives, we'll be back. We'll be back next week with another episode. Thank you guys so much. Goodbye. Bye. Anyway, me and my wife were sitting outside indulging on our porch one night, enjoying ourselves. I needed to go to the bathroom, so I stepped back inside. And after a few moments, I hear my wife go, holy shit, get out here.

So I quickly dash back outside. She's looking up at the sky. Oh, I look up too, and there's a perfect line of dozen lights traveling across the sky. Hey. Oh, what's wrong? I just got passed over for that big promotion. They told me I needed a graduate degree. Then you should do what I did and check out the University of Northern Colorado.

Who? The University of Northern Colorado. Their graduate school and extended campus offer over 100 flexible, career focused graduate programs, online and in person. Really? The University of Northern Colorado? Really? The graduate school and extended campus at the University of Northern Colorado?