Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 186 - Minisode Compilation 25 - Quarter Centennial Compilation?

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

Minisodes 82-85 Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/chilluminatipod BUY OUR MERCH - http://www.theyetee.com/collections/chilluminati Special thanks to our sponsors this episode Talkspace - http://www.talkspace.com Promo Code: CHILL HelloFresh - http://www.hellofresh.com/chill21 Promo Code: chill21 Stamps - http://www.stamps.com Promo Code: chill The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer by Brian Masters Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - http://www.youtube.com/user/superbeardbros Editor - DeanCutty http://www.twitter.com/deancutty Art Commissioned by - http://www.mollyheadycarroll.com Theme - Matt Proft End song - POWER FAILURE - https://soundcloud.com/powerfailure Video - http://www.twitter.com/digitalmuppet

Fishmen pulled a body out of the lake. Did they know who it is? Freeform's Cruel Summer is back with a new season and a new mystery. People are gonna start asking questions. We have to get our stories straight. From executive producer Jessica Beall The girls are hiding something.

Nothing stays secret in this town for long. There are two sides. How far do I need to go to prove my loyalty to you? This whole thing was your idea! Do every secret. I need to know what happened. And what if you don't like what you hear? Freeform's Cruel Summer.

New episodes Tuesdays. Dream on Hulu. Oh, that was extra creepy. Oh, no, thank you. A little bit more. I'm tired of myself out. I'm almost out of breath over here for just breathing weird. Well, it's been fun having you on Patreon.

Sorry you couldn't hang around. This goes public to everybody. 30 seconds of grunts. Listen, people love it. I don't want to tell you. They love it. People don't love it. They love it.

The aliens and demons that listen. Huge fans. Someone must. There's got to be at least... Okay, if you're the Patreon member that enjoys this opening, let us know on Patreon. Just type a comment underneath and I appreciate it. If you're listening to this in the future on YouTube,

head to patreon.com. She was not a pod to let us know. If you're a robot. By the time you're listening to this. Yeah? Are you a robot? Am I a robot now? Asking the important questions.

If you're a future robot, do I become a future robot? Can you tell how many cars are in this picture? Are you a robot? If we've all joined the Singularity, can you ping me please or ping my consciousness? We've all joined the Singularity. How can we log in to our forums? Have I ever told you about how I want to make one of those?

Singularity? Click all the images of a sandwich and then just have a bunch of hot dogs. Just to really get people crazy. The worst capture of all time. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

That happened to me once where I had a capture and it said, select all the cars. And I thought I did and it was like, I'm sorry, you're missing a car. And I was like looking at it like, where's the fucking car? There was no other car. There was no car in sight. And I was like, aren't those captures also

secondarily useful in trying to train AI in what is not in a certain photo as well. So like as we're doing those captures, we're also kind of teaching the AI what it has a car in it and what does it, et cetera, et cetera. I mean, I'd welcome our robot overlords. So whatever. I'm just saying, I think that's true.

I think that like the caption also serves as... Ignorance is bliss. Hashtag eat steak. If you put a cardboard box on and you make beeping and booping sounds, you'll be fine in the apocalypse. Don't worry about the hotel. It's fine.

No one will be able to tell. Yeah. Guys, listen, I brought something to you guys today that I want to read because I teased it on the podcast. You did. And I think it's good. It's a follow-up to a story that I put in the darkest corners of the internet episode.

Oh boy. Which is from 2020. Which is 2020 as you specified, which is two years ago. Yeah. So this is from a Reddit user. I'm not going to share their name on here just because there's parts of this that I need to keep private, which you'll see why in a minute.

But here we go. So my husband kept reminding me to listen to y'all's podcast. I've watched all of you on YouTube. So it was literally just me being scatterbrained. Well, imagine my surprises. I'm going from the oldest to newest podcast. And I hear you tell the story about Jimmy C. That took place in 2005 in Savannah, Georgia.

As you told the first half, I'm having a chuckle. I was a freshman or sophomore in college in Savannah, SCAD at that time. And you learned fast. Sav is filled with weird slash drunk slash eccentric people. You can't go half a block without someone saying they've seen a ghost. There are people buried under the ground everywhere because of, I believe it was a yellow fever outbreak.

Tunnels for pirate smuggling run along the riverfront. And SCAD has a building on nearly every block in the historic area. So hell, I once was walking through Forsyth Park and watched over 100 students reenact the fights in 300 with pool noodles and foam swords. Basically, I am saying Savannah is a weird fucking place to live. Okay. Yeah.

As you read the Jimmy C story, something about something about it sounds really familiar. Maybe I had heard someone telling it in a bar when I still live there. Wouldn't have read it online since I don't really go searching for such stories online. I mainly use Reddit for game info or other interests I have and don't interact much. Either way, I just continued listening, brushing it off as vaguely familiar.

Then you got to the second part where the guy got back in touch with his ex-girlfriend and he described her as parents who are scientists is analytical and non religious. The scientists parents tickled something in my memory, but I hadn't grasped it yet. Then he says she now lives in Wisconsin is a school teacher married a woman and is trying to have a child. I froze then yelled to my husband who's in the next room.

Oh shit. I'm pretty sure I know the people in the Jimmy C story. Of course, it had been forever since he'd listened to that episode. So I had to recap it for him. But the more I listed the similarities between the ex-girlfriend and my once friend and poetry classmate, I was sure it was using her nickname in case you want to talk about it on the podcast. She was a very sweet girl and loved writing,

but while she said she was non religious, she was heavily into the supernatural and occult. Her favorite thing to do at house parties was read tarot cards for people and her major was illustration. If I remember correctly, and she was very good at it. However, she had horrible tastes and guys. Many of us were actually relieved when she came out to us as lesbian because she was much better at choosing girlfriends.

I tell you that because the guy she was dating at the time was a self-involved, egotistical and constantly inebriated mess. He thought he was the second coming of an amalgamation of Jack Karowak and Charles Bukowski. Oh Jesus. I know the type. Oh no. That sucks.

I was an English major. I know the type. Yeah. The only things he had in common with either was driving around being drunk and high and misogynistic. I'm tangent about that guy over. The Jimmy C. They met at Fanny's.

The food is decent there overcharging for a burger, but the low country boil is a good deal. Probably just one of the many. Amazing. I know, right? It just makes Jimmy C. All the better was probably just one of the many whack jobs in Savannah that wanted to hit on chase off the boyfriend.

It is an unfortunately common occurrence when you go to bars in Savannah. I can't tell you how many vampires I was hit on by that claim. They were hundreds of years old when I went out with friends. How many mediums, psychics, etc. that saw me as one of their lovers in a past life or had talked to the ghost of my dead mom or dad? The ghosts were standing right behind me, of course, saying that they were encouraging me to say yes to a date with them.

I met people who claim they were reincarnated gods and topside visiting demons. That's just the type of town Savannah is. It's a Mathis town. I added that part. Anyway. Oh you fucker, you ass. I was leaning into the mic to go, what's the cost of living in this place?

I feel like I fit in really well. Anyway, I don't know if this makes you more or less intrigued by the Jimmy C story, but I thought it was too crazy to hear my once good friend talked about on your podcast. If you want crazy ghost stories, look up Savannah ghost stories or something of that nature. There are so many.

There are multiple haunted tours you can take if you visit there. Love the podcast, especially the true crime ones. Can't wait to catch up to the newest ones. P.S. and your wife now live happily and have two children. Ma'am. Wow, that's wild, man. That's nuts. I can't believe in the same day too.

We're getting two updates on two older episodes. That's nuts. That's weird. That's one of those words that make you want to believe. Jesse, does it make you want to believe in the paranormal? What it makes me realize, I'm going to let you know the entire time at the end of that story, I was thinking like,

how come it's only guys that do the whole like, I'm a vampire and your ghost tells me that we should get together. Like it's never, I've never had the experience when women approached me being like, Jesse, I know this is going to sound crazy, but this ghost says we should have sex. And I would be like, the ghost is right.

I'm going to let you know that ghost. Correct. I have family members. I have seen both genders, but the only ones not in a relationship have been men, unfortunately, for them. Those ghosts are trying so hard. They're trying so hard to set them up.

They just picked the wrong people. Your grandma really wants me to suck your dick. Like just make your grandma happy. Like, I'd be like, Nana, this is for you. I'd be like, that's not her. Hang up the phone. Hang up the phone. She would never.

That's not my Nana. That's not Nana at all. Before we go to Jesse's, I don't know what Jesse has, but prior to his recording, Jesse found some crazy science thing, and I don't know what it is. So we'll end on that. I have two options,

and I'm going to just let the two of you decide, really. All right. We'll go into that in a minute, because I was trying to find something really weird and paranormal that happened over the past week. There's like nothing. There's like nothing out there. Here's the best thing I could find.

Did you boys know a couple of weeks ago, another monolith appeared? I saw it briefly, but I didn't even read the article because I assumed it was just the same story again. So yeah, for the most part, it's very similar. However, this monolith ended up appearing out in north of Phoenix, Arizona along Highway I-17,

and it once again got appeared overnight. There's even a news thing about it. They kind of talked about it, but I don't even care that it's a monolith. That's not surprising. What I need you boys to see is what this monolith actually looks like, and the fact that this made it on the news

is absolutely baffling to me. Is it a dong? Is it a monodong? No, it's not a dong. No, it's not something perverted. It's just disappointing. It's just disappointing. I'm going to go and stand up a Mathis.

Waving. With a shirt that says monolith. In Zoom. Just go to the minute in like one or two second mark. You can go to the minute mark. No, this sucks. Look at this thing. How did something like this?

That's foil, dude. They want to know what the monolith means. It means someone had foil and wrapped it around like a piece of, I don't know, stone or some garbage. This is like up there with that last one we talked about with that, it was the one that Alex brought,

the potential Bigfoot sighting where it was like someone's back foot, like for a brief second. Leaving frame. Leaving the frame and the camera just wouldn't follow. This looks like the agro crag. This doesn't even look,

this looks like it was made at Nickelodeon Studios in Orlando, Florida. It definitely, the edges, the corners are taped down with a foil tape. You can see. It's like really obvious. You can see like every seam. What's great about this video you linked

is the fact that not only does it have 72,000 views, the people in it are so happy to see this monolith. Oh, the ladies are. Have y'all seen the monolith? It's great. Have y'all been down to the monolith? Have y'all seen it?

Have y'all seen the monolith say yeah? Yeah. Yeah, one person. This is my monolith flute. It's been my family for generations. I'll never forget that. I'll go to my grave remembering that video, the leprechaun video.

That's a 10 out of 10. That's a 10 out of 10. We should definitely. I wish we had been doing Shilluminati at that time. We should be doing the greatest hits. We should in one day do the greatest hits video. We definitely should. That would be so much fun.

All right, Jesse. What are our choices today? All right, gentlemen and folks at home. Your choice is today. I'm just going to read you the headlines. The first, a large metal safe just mysteriously appeared at a Toronto Museum. What?

What? Woman 19, confused to learn her 13-year-old brother is actually her twin. What? What? Yeah. I'll give you. You can pick your choice.

Both. I love it. How though? How would like a fertilized egg just kind of sat? I'm just going to let you pick. What do you want to know about the safe? Well, or do you want both? I mean, I vote for both.

What about you? I'm on team both. But if I have to pick one, I'm going safe. I'm with you. I would have gone safe as well. I'll save the safe for last. Okay. Woman 19, confused to learn her 13-year-old brother

is actually her twin. In a TikTok video, 19-year-old Anna states that she just learned her brother is actually her twin, which isn't too crazy until you learn that her sibling is five years younger than her. Why? She wrote in her post, when you casually get told over lunch by your divorced

parents that your 13-year-old brother is actually your twin, but you're 19. What do we mean by twin at this point? Well, without much context, everyone else had comments just like you guys. They were like, what? That doesn't make any sense. In a follow-up video, Anna explained

what was actually going on. She described that she learned she was conceived through in vitro fertilization, and her brother was also conceived the exact same time in the exact same place. However, rather than be pregnant with twins, her mom chose to have one baby and then wait, and then have the other baby. Yes.

Imagine learning, I don't know if I would, what would you be more stunned by? You put yourself in the shoes of this children. Either A, you learn that your brother's actually a twin through some science shit, or B, your mom knew that you were fertile and that they were going to have you, but they put you on ice for a few years

and were just like, yanky baby. I always messed up about that. If I was the kid that would put on ice, I'd be messed up. Yeah. Wait, what? So I've been alive longer technically than that? That's the crazy part. You're like an aged baby?

You were like the oldest baby ever when you were born? Basically what Anna says is that they were both conceived in a dish, she was then put back in her mom, and her brother was left in the dish and put in storage. Left in the dish? It's a cold storage.

That's crazy. You left in the dish is the worst word. You're like, shut up, storage kid. You got left in the dish, bro. Back to your dish. Mom should have left you. You never missed your dish. Yeah, Anna added,

it got to five years of Jack being in the freezer and they were like, well, we'll defrost him. And they defrosted him, put him back in my mom, and then nine months later, there you go. Put him back in my mom. That's awesome. She replied, obviously we're not identical twins,

but technically, biologically, we are twins. Mom after this, of course, we're like, that's not how twins work, but she's like, look, that's what we are. We're fucking insane, bro. Yeah, so that's the story. Even if they weren't technically twins, it's still hilarious.

Fascinating, right? Fascinating. He was put on ice for five years until mom was ready to grow you out. It's just an upsetting thought. It's just a weird thing. It's just a bizarre thing. It's crazy, the idea that like,

oh, that's a dish, baby. That baby was, that's a frozen platter child. That's like what I do with my garlic squares before I use it. You know what I mean? It's crazy. Like, no offense to anyone who was like, made in a lab, by the way.

If I was made in a lab, I would be hype as hell. I'm just gonna put that out there. It doesn't mean anything about you, the person. It's just lying. I would be so hype. Also, I would hope they did one of those genome correction things that made me cooler than I actually am, but whatever.

That's how you know. That's how you know I was homegrown, because I'm a big dweeb. I can't wait for a future. I'm gonna genetically engineer a clone of myself. What are you talking about? Why? For what reason?

I wouldn't even put the clone on ice until you die. To put my brain in his body. What do you mean? I wouldn't even do that to my pet. That's like some, what you're talking about is like an anime's final episode. Yeah, no, yeah. Dude, if money was no object,

I'd probably clone a pet. Yeah, I would. No, I wouldn't. Oh, I'd clone myself. It would be too depressing. They wouldn't be the same. Nature versus nature. You'd have to walk in without understanding

that they'd only visually be identical. They wouldn't be the same. At that point, what's the point? I'd clone a me, but with no brain. Then I put my brain inside the me. Yeah, so you literally are- But he looks slightly different. I'd make him look slightly different

so that no one would know and I'd pretend to be my own son. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Jesse's creating the first Evangelion is what's happening. It would be like- Little Jesse is making-

Yeah, you're making your own first Evangelion. Like, oh, no. Grandpa, no. It's going to be like Vern Troyer but with like a little red mustache. I leave everything to my grandson. Little Jesse. Little Jesse cops.

Oh, no. And then when I- I don't know, bury my old self and be like, the fools. No one suspected. Desire. Little Jesse.

Like some Polish game developers will make a video game about you and that'll be the twist. Yeah. The end. Anyway, now for the most Canadian story you've ever heard. Oh, God.

A metal safe has just appeared in front of a downtown Toronto Museum and people are wondering where it came from. The well-worn safe with an old-style combination dial lock appeared in front of Mackenzie House on Bond Street this week according to Carlos Itovar Schoner

who snapped a photo of the box. The safe had a sign that reads free to any home. Schoner posted the photo on the weird Toronto Facebook group on Wednesday. He was told the safe was dropped off in the yard at Mackenzie House but that the facility couldn't keep it

because they didn't know what was inside. They couldn't get access to it so they just left it out front. The spokesperson for the Mackenzie House said the safe was not the property of the museum and they didn't know anything about it and as far as they could tell it had no historical significance.

It was estimated to weigh about 300 pounds the spokesperson said. By Thursday morning, the safe was gone and the museum staff have no idea who took it. They have no idea what was inside it. No idea why it was put there. It looks sturdy enough and heavy enough that one person probably couldn't have just carried it away

so who took it? The best part about this article is it then says another person suggested a possible safe cracker linked to the safe cracker could fix that and maybe they might be able to get inside. The cash guard safe listed for sale and again a link to it mentions that a combination on these boxes

could be a reset with a special reset key especially for the particular model in question and then it links to how to find that. So while not clear on who put the box there or why, all this might prove useful for whoever took it. What in the world? Toronto. So if you have it out there, hey you have a good time.

That's so Canadian like look we don't know what it is we don't know why it's there but here's some helpful things if you ever want to get inside it. Why did this person write this story? They're like we don't know. We're not even sure if this actually happened. There's like a scheme here apparently. Somebody found it.

This is exactly how you open it, gotta go, bye. Sounds like a modern day Trojan horse. I would never take that into my house. God knows in the middle of the night someone steps out of it and merges me in my sleep. Fucking lot. My favorite part is the comments are the question should be what was in it

and then the response was probably nothing, it's empty and then another person responds a scrapper probably bagged it. Those things are worth a couple of bucks in a scrap yard and then the final one by Tracy. Why is this even interesting? An agent replies, slow news day. Canada everybody.

That's the nicest comments. Like the comments section is like people just talking having a good chat. It's great. What on earth? It would never happen in a YouTube comment section ever. It would be a war and then quickly devolve into who's stupider for no reason.

That's insane. Anyway, that's it for us guys. Thank you so much for your support on Patreon. Enjoy this little mini. We'll be back next week with a brand new mini soda for you guys exclusively here on Patreon and in just about a week it'll be movie night yet again here on the Chiluminati Patreon.

I'm very excited for it. We'll see you guys next time. Thanks again. Goodbye everybody. Goodbye. Thank you so much for watching. Hello my little chiluminats and welcome back. Mini soda.

After an incredibly, incredibly sex episode on John Wayneville. Ho ho. Imagine that was John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville.

I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville.

I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. I'm John Wayneville. Ho ho. Imagine that was John Wayne Gacy's theme song. Bad to the bone.

I got his theme song on my fucking turntable. Turn this through you're technically out. Heartbreaking makes me cry listening to that fucking song. How accurate is it up to this point now that you've gotten? So far so good. There's a verse about chicken like, And he got KFC. He's been lost the villains.

We're greased with chicken. I'm just kidding. When you called him the Colonel Man, I was like, oh shit. I mean, it wasn't a straight. I mean, it was it was an obvious joke. I guess that's true. You didn't expect him to have called himself the Colonel, did you? No, on a complete other note, I got a wild thing for you today.

Dude, that's good, because like I haven't a story that I wanted to talk about. And the update came up for a couple of days ago, and it's not nearly as exciting as I thought it was going to be. So it's going to be kind of lame. That's OK. We talk about all the time. Hollow Earth, Hollow Moon, reptilians under the earth. Dude, all that stuff. But now can I first just say. I am seeing those might be some of the episodes we get the most

crazy angry people coming from my throat. And we do Hollow Earth, Hollow Moon, faking the moon landing episode you did. Man, that ruffled some feathers. Let him let him get off. It's just it's funny. I just I just find it funny that those are the most aggressive people. Living ignorance, you sheeple. All right. What do you got for us, Alex?

Bring it to bring it on. Hollow Earth, Hollow Moon, new article out, new story out about maybe instead of that, what if the earth is alive? Terranean being that can think on its own. I have a quote for you to read from a theory presented in the International Journal of Astrobiology. No idea what sort of accreditation that has. But here is the quote for Mathis to read right there.

If the collective activity of life known as the biosphere can change the world, could the collective activity of cognition and action based on this cognition also change the planet? Once the biosphere evolved, Earth took on a life of its own. If a planet with life has a life of its own, can it also have a mind of its own? An ego, if you will. An early guy, a mogo, if you will. Right. The here's what I'll say.

I did an episode long ago on a show called Game Theory about a like the idea that the toads from Mario are real, like they're like like like what would what would they be? And and and maybe they're like a hive mind sort of like insidious creature and like looking into the research. I mean, I'm not going to say that the apps, the episode is scientifically accurate because let's be honest, like it's a show for entertainment game theory. But but in researching that script,

I found that like plants across the globe are like connected via like mycelium. Like like they can like communicate across the world in like a plant internet almost. And that's the evidence that this paper kind of leans on. It's Adam Frank, Professor of Physics and Astronomy at the University of Rochester. So this is not like I mean, unless the University of Rochester is like in a mini mall next to a spaghetti and meatballs place. I think this is a real thing. But he's saying that is like steps towards planetary intelligence,

like fungi networks. But here is a quote for Jesse to read from them about that about this same topic. We don't yet have the ability to communally respond in the best interests of the planet. There is intelligence on earth, but there isn't planetary intelligence. Yeah. Now, what he's saying is not that he's saying that basically he talks about climate change and he talks about us living on the earth. And he calls that the immature techno sphere. Saying that the stage that earth is at right now is the

the immature techno sphere phase where our techno sphere, which is like satellites, just based not more than satellites, just everything that we have on the earth that connects us together. The internet probably is part of the techno sphere is like not integrated into the earth systems. It's like a like a cuckoo bird like intelligence living on the earth separate from the one that was already here, right? Gotcha, which is like which is like the air moving around,

the oceans moving around the plate tectonics. And so the techno sphere that we have created is like at odds with the earth systems and that maybe our techno sphere is eventually going to destroy earth's like primary computers, you know, if you know what I'm saying. And so according to him, intelligent life does not equal us because we're stupid for doing this. But here is another quote for, you know what?

You guys can decide between you who wants to read this one. I my headspace right now is that I thought Mathis's gamer chair was a ghost walking behind him. So that will be awesome if that was true. I'll let you guys make the decision here. I got I'll read this. So unless you want it, I got it in the biosphere figured out how to host life by itself billions of years ago by creating systems

for moving around nitrogen and transporting carbon. Now we have to figure out how to have the same kind of self maintaining characteristics with the techno sphere. Yeah, so no machines. I don't know exactly. But if you think about it, right, like this is not from where it starts as a theory about describing how the world works to where it ends as a theory about describing how the world works.

Not that far fetched, kind of an interesting idea. But yeah, we need to the idea that he's putting forth is that in order to fix this disparity, we need to start integrating our systems with the biosphere and with the earth systems and get it all. You know, in harmony, you know, like you got to live in harmony with your environment and keep it going rather than just eating it alive. But Grant Morrison, famous comic book writer, they always say that they had a vision of the earth being consumed like

they they had this nightmare of the earth being consumed like a like a like the humans land on it like some sort of lichen or like a virus or something and consumes the whole planet. And then it becomes like a pupa and then the the the humans leave like butterflies off the planet and go off into space. So I don't know. There's a lot of ways to think about this. It's pretty conceptual stuff.

It's pretty hippie dippy type stuff. But just I don't even if I don't believe that the earth has an intelligence, like the message is nice and probably something we should try to strive for regardless. I mean, it's not that far from just saying like if you want to think about it, we're just all crew members on spaceship earth. But you know, much it's a little heavier than that. But I feel like any person who grew up in the 90s and early 2000s has played any JRPG.

This isn't like anything new or weird to you. You're like, yeah, no, yeah, I get it. It checks out. Unless you're going to go the way and race gets stuck on the ground and starts cloning itself to you. But like the earth will handle it because it has the life force and the manna will defeat the like the stress. I thought it was like the way of the Eternals.

We're like we're incubating some giant baby that will forever change the way our planet. You know, you don't get out of my mind. Celestial, what's happening with that thing? Huh, Jesse, when he thinks out there, why is it being ignored? Here's what's going to happen. Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to I'm going to call it right now. You guys are here in the Minnesota.

What's what's today? February 20th, 2022. No, no media has ever been said about this. It's going to have to do with the X-Men. Goodbye. All right. No, it's not. It's going to have to do the X-Men. Goodbye. All right. Well, I'm going to deviate away from the X-Men here and talk about a mutant that didn't end up being a mutant, unfortunately.

What? Scarlet Witch, because that's a big bummer. Let me tell you that. She's a witch. Oh, yeah, which? Yeah, no, yeah, I'm sure that the years that she spent as Magneto's daughter meant nothing to anyone. Listen, OK, first of all, in Pennsylvania, the past couple of weeks, there's been this weird creature that was caught literally caught alive

and they weren't sure what it was. They thought it might be the mythical chupacabra. It kind of looked like a dog slash a coyote with some mange. They genuinely couldn't couldn't figure out what it was doing. And it kept escaping to the point where, like, they had it captive at one point and it opened a window and left through the window when they had to re-catch it again. What? However, the tests have come back.

And this is why I'm like, this is disappointing because it's just a goddamn coyote. Well, of course it is. The coyote with mange and that's all it was. And I was very I was like, well, that's a lame kind of bummer for a story. So instead, watch this lake monster that got filmed in Taiwan, boys. Go on. I've got to send you. Is it on Twitter? Oh, no.

No, no, there it is. OK, so this was I'll read the article. A paddleboard instructor in Taiwan captured some rather remarkable footage of a sizable mystery creature that suddenly appeared near him in the water. What's the scale of the media report? The wild encounter occurred earlier this month at a location known as Sun Moon Lake, as Lai Yong Li was teaching a pair of tourists. During the lesson, he noticed that something seemingly out of the ordinary

had emerged from the depths of the water and was lurking near the surface. Intrigued by the puzzling site, Yong Li paddled over to it and was left astounded by what he saw. Captured on video by the man, the oddity in question was a monstrous looking fish measuring around six and a half feet long. Yong Li deduced the length of the creature by observing that it was more than double the size of his three foot long paddleboard. Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, the instructor was able to capture it.

Yeah, the video footage, it's a minute 25. And I'll be honest, most of it's really hard to tell how big this thing is. But if you go to 101, you can see it and then paddleboards in the background. And it gives you some indication of how big this thing actually is. It's got bizarre eyeballs. We have a side thing. It does have like goofy eyes. It looks like a Yoshi, goofy eyeballs.

Island type enemy with the eyeballs. But other than that, like, is there really anything about this that doesn't just scream like eel to you? Well, we're at a lake, so I guess it could be an eel lake. Like I mean, there's freshwater eels, right? And I imagine I just kind of like sushi. This man is a paddleboard instructor. He's probably been the ocean hundreds of times has seen a ton of stuff.

So something to catch him by surprise is definitely worth noting at the very least. Oh, for sure. Um, yeah. Uh, it's very disturbing. It's very disturbing footage. It's a super cool looking like fish. The video quickly went viral and was covered by several national news outlets in China as to what the monster could have been.

The clarity of Yongli's footage allowed for the mystery to be solved fairly quickly as experts were able to passingly identify the creature as most likely being a speckled, long, thin eel. That's what I mean. That checks out. Noggy. Yeah, I love Noggy. It's so good. That's what I'm saying. That's freshwater eel right there.

I love it. I love it so much. I want it. That's it. My cool story of the Chupacabra ended up being a flop. So it makes me sad. Well, if you think about it with a little more information, most of the things that I say would be a flop. So don't think don't worry about it too much. True. Yes. So I have come prepared with three stories that are very quick

that I love and I want to share them with you because they are they span the breadth, the breadth, the breadth, the breadth and length of the human experience. Here we go. Story number one. Mail arrived this week, actually was last week at a New Jersey home 75 years after it was mailed. Was it the fucking guy from the end of Back to the Future who showed up? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Say that again. What?

Say that whole sentence again. Well, I'll just read what Kayton please do. Because my brain heard you, but it didn't comprehend you. Gary, Kate and said I open up my mailbox and I get this letter and I'm like, OK, first of all, this isn't me. It's air mail. And I look closely and it's dated May 4th, 1946 on the postmark. Wow, 75 years ago.

Did they know what's in it? So he hasn't opened it. He hasn't opened the letter. But what he did do was like any good person would do immediately decided to become a private sleuth and figure out who this belonged to. So we began to exactly what I would do. And he was like, I don't know who this is for. It's 75 years old.

The person might be dead, but maybe the family knows something. So he's been like researching and trying to find out who's people are. That's why there's an article. Yeah, dude. And when they contacted the post when the post office is contacted about this, like how the hell did this take so long? The post office said, look, that kind of thing seven decades does not happen. But what does happen frequently is old pieces of mail like this are maybe

found by someone like maybe they were in a lock box or an old postcard or just some weirdo chucked in the mail, basically. Yeah, like maybe an antique shop had the letter and then someone bought it and then was like, eff it and sent it. And so they're essentially saying that they aren't necessarily responsible for it, but at some point someone put it back into the mail system and it got to that address. Wild.

Yeah. And so I thought that was super interesting postage stamps and everything. That's so weird. And they allowed it, which is crazy. That's that's what my mind when I'm like, they let the post office happen without getting more money. Yeah. So weird.

But apparently it was already stamped to be sent. If you buy anything, you got it. It was lost by the Postal Service in 1946 because it had the stamps like of old stamps. Yeah. So I thought that was interesting. What the fuck? Dude, that's like a Da Vinci code happening behind the scenes.

Yes, you see, keep your eye on that. I want to know if we ever learn what's in the letter. Yeah, dude is looking into it until the story. Um, it says until we know more. It remains a mystery. So we'll find out another story that I love. It is one of my favorite things ever. Dylan Hellbig, eight years old wrote a Christmas book.

What is his last name? Hellbig H E L B I G. Okay. Dylan Hellbig. Hellbig eight years old wrote a Christmas comic book snuck it into his library in Boise, Idaho. And the library and see did. Yeah.

The librarian saw it, thought it was so cute, cataloged it and put it on the shelves. Incredible. Now there is a backlog of a hundred people waiting to like check it out. Yeah. Um, apparently this is my favorite part of the entire thing. The, uh, the adventures of Dylan Hellbig's Christmas. C R I S M I S. By his self is 88 pages with text and color illustrations.

That's incredible. Shit. This kid is amazing. I used to make, I literally used my job. You literally used to be kids would like draw shit on paper and I would turn it into a book and not one of them has ever been 88 pages. Yeah. I would be mind blown if that ever came to my doorstep.

My favorite part of this thing is the way his dad describes the book, because he says the book is everything from an exploding tree topper to time travel as Dylan is transported back centuries to the first ever Thanksgiving in 1621. I love this book. I want it. Oh, it's amazing. And then because I wanted to end on something even more fantastical

than a kid getting his book in a library and a 75 year old letter. This is my favorite story of the week. I don't even know how to describe this because it opens up so many possibilities for adventure. An abandoned cargo ship carrying porches is burning in the middle of the Atlantic. That's right. This I fucking love. This is still going on.

The last article I read was Thursday, but it is still happening. The Felicity Ace, a cargo ship designed to transport vehicles, was reportedly evacuated Wednesday while it was in transit in the mid-Atlantic Azores Island region. All 22 crew members have been rescued, but the cars are still on board. Here's the thing. If you're looking to everyone reporting on this under maritime law, that is abandoned cargo.

And anyone who seizes that vessel can have the like they are. It's finders keepers, basically. Damn. So if you're willing to go boys, let's go boys. If you're going to put out a pirate sea that is just left burning. Yeah. And take over a boat and then defend that boat from I assume other pirates. The world's first true battle royale.

There's pirates and there's Portia pirates. That's nuts. Right. The Porsche Pirates versus the Porsche Pirates. Yes. Exactly. Leave like a fucking glitter bomb on the fucking boat. So that people take it home and get all pepper spray and shit.

I love the fact that this exists and that everyone's like, yeah, no. So I thought it was weird. I looked it up and yeah, maritime law. In fact, you can go claim that they've abandoned the vessel. I'm like, oh my God. Do we want to go on a little pirate adventure of our very own? I don't think we can get to the Azores. We can try.

I don't think we can do that. All that shilluminati money, boys. We can get out there. No problem. What boat are we going to take? We will be destroyed. We will get killed. We'll rent a kayak and we'll just get out there.

Where is it? It's in the Azore Islands. It's like in the water. Someone said that yes, maritime law applies. You can go seize that vessel if you want. But maritime law also applies to the fact that like, someone could just shoot your ass for attempting to get on board. So like there could be snipers or whatever.

That's what I'm saying. They could just shoot you. That's the problem. Yeah. What a way to go, though. That's how you go, dude. No. What a dumb way to go.

You want to get sniped off of a fucking cargo ship because you tried to steal a burning Porsche? That sucks. In Portugal? I'll take that over being serial murdered. Oh, man. Fair enough. Yeah.

And so all of the people who those Porsches and other cars that were on board that ship are now like, what are we going to do? And they're like, what do you want us to do? Yeah, what do you want? The boat is on fire. It's on fire, whoa. Yeah. That's a customer service issue now.

Sorry. Get my call. They'll handle it. Don't worry about it. Yeah. Thank you guys so much for listening to this mini-sode. We'll be back next week with a brand new one, 84, as we slowly approach mini-sode 100, which is crazy.

We appreciate your support. We appreciate you guys hanging on the Patreon for getting all this cool stuff and supporting us directly. And we will see you all next week. I'm going to do 100 mysteries on the 100th mini-sode. Oh, my good fucking God. If you could do like that red thing where it's like 100, two sentence mysteries. Now that would be fire.

I'm just going to read 100 of those really bad short horror stories on Reddit. Dude, you got to integrate the mini-sodes into the JFK story. You know, one JFK episode publicly. One JFK episode mini-sode. One JFK. You've got to go back and forth. I'll do a press release about the structure, the release structure. I appreciate it.

All right. Thank you guys for listening. Goodbye, everybody. Bye. Whether you want to lay back trail to hit with friends or you're planning something more adventurous, All Trails Plus is your guide to making the most of your time outdoors. Get outside today with three free months of All Trails Plus with Code Podcast 23 at alltrails.com slash podcast.

Check out this versatile lineup at toyota.com. Toyota, let's go places. Hello, my little chaluminots and welcome back. Still uncomfortable. Still not. No, I'm not feeling it. You've felt it a couple of times, Jesse. I wish you would feel it one more time.

You know what? I can't go immediately from multiple murders to like, hello, my little chaluminots. I can't do it. I just, I'm not capable of it. I'm, I've, dude, I've been my whole like two months. I'm good. It's all I can realize. Anyone listening to this normally not on Patreon is going to hear me say, after all those murders,

this is just really hard. That's the fun of listening for free. That's the best part. Yeah. The ad context. You get that fun. Trying to like pin when this was recorded. Yep.

Well, I hope you all had a, I hope you all enjoyed John Wayne Gacy, everybody. I think you guys, it was a, it's been a, I'm just excited to get this off my chest. It's been sitting in my like research shelves for months. And now we're going to talk about something not serial killer related at all. Hey guys, there's a mermaid that is about to be analyzed by Japanese scientists to see exactly what this thing is. I'm going to link you a video. Can't wait for this.

Here's the thing. Is it sexy? Depends. Fuck it. You could fuck it. No, no, no. That's not what I asked you. I can fuck the couch.

You know what I mean? Fair point. That's not what I asked you. I'm asking, is this? Nope. Nevermind. This is. That is.

All right. A century's old sacred mermaid mummy. This looks like a gyroid from Animal Crossing. I don't know if I see that. It more looks like an Animal Crossing villager died. It is straight up. It is straight up the torso of an ape. It is a monkey that got caught in the Mount Vesuvius blast.

Well, it's a century's old sacred mermaid mummy that is said to be scientifically analyzed by researchers in Japan and attempted to determine the true nature of this mysterious creature. According to a local media report, the rather nightmarish oddity is said to have been captured by fishermen sometime around 1738 and subsequently passed through the hands of various owners until ultimately winding up at a Buddhist temple in the city of Asakuchi at some point in the last century. The curious creature, which resembles the half human, half fish construction of a classic

mermaid was showcased at the site for decades until being put into storage to protect the puzzling specimen. So it's been handed down for like a couple hundred years, apparently. I'm sure the story did not get mixed up at any point. It really does. Like if you look at this and what I find is just kind of archaeologically, it's just like it looks like it looks like a monkey, I think. That's what I'm saying.

It looks like it looks like some sort of like a chimpanzee, like one of the little tiny, like what are those guys called? Like a cappuccino. Like a cappuccino. Like the ones that smoke. Yeah. The ones that smoke. Exactly what I'm thinking of.

Yes. Yeah. But it's got like, if you look at about what is the Isahi Shimbum Company, though? I have no idea. Why is it like a verified YouTube channel? Pause it at thirty three seconds in on the right. That's what looks like it. Look, that looks like a fin, doesn't it?

It could be a fish. Also, maybe there's a fish fossilized or mummified with this thing. I mean, OK, I see the fin. I see. It looks like a ruffles potato chips. Yeah. Yeah. It does look like a ruffles potato chip.

I would say. The idea of taking half of a monkey and half of a fish and putting it together is like one of the oldest like like nightmare alley style circus ass, like made up vaudeville ass people trying to trick people, ass things there's ever been is the monkey and the fish. That's like so common. The mermaid skeleton. I feel like they're just still trying to pull this off to scientists today. You know, Alex like a monkey body sewed on to a fish carcass like for Alex.

The Asahi Shimbun Company is one of the four largest newspapers in Japan. That's what I looked up. So it's at least it's like an official news site. But yeah, that's one definitely stinks of like every time I've been to museum. They always have that one room that's like this is what the museum used to be like. Like the British Museum, they have like that weird area that's all wood and then like the old timey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then there's definitely one of those guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last little thing. Did you see the the NASA Mars rover spotted a jettison drill bit on the surface of Mars, which is crazy. Like it's not an alien one. It's one of ours. It's like, yeah, that's just like magic.

What are the chances of that coincidence shit? That's insane. I saw that and I was like, wow, that's nuts, but not worthy of like a full story. It's worth bringing up, though, because that's just like I wonder what the odds are. All right, that's all I got, gentlemen. I I would like to jump in here with truly a fascinating story, one that certainly only has one explanation. South Africa, female students scream, roll on the floor over evil spirits attack.

Some young ladies in Kimberley, Northern Cape, South Africa were reportedly attacked by an evil spirit during school hours. The strange incident reportedly started after first period when 18 girls, mostly in grades eight to 10, started crying, screaming and rolling on the floor after apparently seeing a scary creature that was making them weak. Did that happen in the fucking Cabin in the Woods movie? Thank you. I was literally thinking of that scene where they like show the TV's of everybody

having to do the thing they have to do around the world. Yeah. Yeah. They all sing. Yeah, according to the reports, pastors were called to the school to deliver the female students from the evil spirit, while several parents also arrived upon learning about the incident. The incident comes barely two weeks after another school in Gales, Swoohee, Gales, Shia, Gala, Shia.

Look, my apologies on Tuesday, February 22nd, and they experienced a similar incident then the affected learners were sent home in the care of their parents while the school was dismissed at 11 a.m. before a representative from Northern Cape Department of Education arrived. Jair's person of the school governing body, Jerry Thakiso, disclosed that the school called pastors because all the staff were trained to deal with such situations, adding that the affected learners were isolated. This is the third school in Kimberly to be impacted by a legend, evil spirits

and conclusions were made that an opportunistic Satanist was using some sort of method on these young people and children in the area. Did they happen to look on TikTok? Did they look and see? There's only one explanation. Satanist. I want to my favorite part is I know for a fact this is an American school that would have been like, we can wait for you to go back to class.

Like, are you just going to gyrate on the floor because we can wait? Yeah, I'm going to call the security officer and help drag you back to class. Just sounds like a devious lick. It just sounds like some fucking stupid ass prank that like went viral. Yeah, the fact that it's three schools, it definitely sounds like someone heard a thing and then was like, oh, my God, we can do this. And like how many cameras were present, right? I don't know.

Maybe it's demons, though, Jesse. Maybe this is the one time. Maybe it is demons. Maybe this is the they finally know what those eight to ten, the eight to ten graders, they're in trouble. So you got to watch out for them. Alex round us out here. Yeah, OK. Yeah, I got I kind of went like the science route today.

I know Jesse usually does the science stuff. I kind of went with the science stuff this time. This is a real thing. I want to just say this is like not just like total nonsense from some crackpot. But it's kind of OK. So lead author of this new paper that came out is a guy called Gregory Paul. He's an independent paleontologist and a paleo artist. I don't know what that is.

I don't know what that is either. But he was a specialist on Jurassic Park. The movie just does he just draw dinosaur erotica? I don't think I don't know about the erotica. I don't know why I don't know how that's mixed in there. 34 is that what is this is a paleo artist's abilities are? I'm not an expert. I don't I've never heard the word paleo artist before.

Not sure that's exactly accurate. Can I just request one art piece if you're listening out there? A T Rex fucking an airplane, please. All right, you heard the man. It's got to be a pretty small airplane. Jesse's going to Google it. I know he is continue. Sorry. So basically him and these other two researchers,

he was one of the specialists on Jurassic Park, which famously is inaccurate to how they depict dinosaurs. Oh, yeah, in some cases. But they put out a paper that's called. I forgot what the paper called multiple lines of more morphological and stratigraphic evidence support subtle evolution and probable speciation within the North American genus Tyrannosaurus. So they're saying that in the past,

people have seen tons of Tyrannosaurus bones all over the place, especially in North America. And they've said, well, there's a lot of them that are different sizes. And they think, oh, some of them are juvenile. Some of them are old. So that explains the size difference. But what this new paper is suggesting is that they recategorize the Tyrannosaurus Rex into three species that are called the Tyrannosaurus Rex,

which is the king, Tyrannosaurus Regina, which is the queen and Tyrannosaurus Imperator, which is the emperor. And here's a quote that says, we found that the robustness in the sample we have of Tyrannosaurus, the variation of the femur is greater than all other Tyrannosaurus combined over 10 million years of evolution. You can't just not pay attention to that. They said they studied 37 different specimens of T Rex

and they use that data to sort of like place them on a timeline. They say the more recent ones have only one incisor on the lower jaw, which is weird, like as if somehow the amount of incisors in their jaw went down over time and they place them earliest to latest on the thing and they go. It's almost as if I think they are saying maybe that they get a little smaller. It goes from Imperator to T Rex to Regina on the timeline, right?

The question is how much time is between those like millions of years? Yeah, like as if the species kind of changed or maybe was varied in some way. I understand the temptation to divide T Rex into different species because there is some variation in the fossil bones that we have. But ultimately, to me, this variation is very minor and not indicative of meaningful biological separation of distinct species that can be defined based on clear, explicit, consistent differences. That is a quote from Steve Broussat,

who is a paleontologist, another one from Edinburgh, who wasn't part of the study, but he felt so. What are you guys trading T Rex? He just sent me one, you know, just taking a look. That's not a T Rex at all. There's no there's no T Rex. Oh, that is a dragon being in a car, though. I can see a little dragon dick going in and out of the fucking back window.

I couldn't find anything that loads of dragons fucking planes. That's a big one, which is what made me think of T Rex fucking planes. Obviously. Yeah. God damn. All right. Anyway, I'm back in the I'm back in the real world again. He actually contacted New York Times, that guy, and said, you know what? That's bullshit. They also some other people said the studies vague. He said he also had a similar thing where he did 31, which is six less.

But still, he said he saw no evidence for anything besides the one species. But it's kind of a thing. And if this and if this is true. It recategorizes Sue, the T Rex, the famous T Rex, I believe, into an impirator. Having seen Sue up close and in person, the last time I was in Chicago, let me just say for the record, Sue is a big mama. And I like Sue has got a massive gut. Like I can just imagine Sue trampling through like mama hungry.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is this is like a real big debate. This is like one of those things where like one scientist says it and the other scientists are like, what the fuck are you smoke? Like like this is like, you know, science. Sure. This is as interesting as it gets in this field. So that's cool, though. I can definitely see that being that makes a lot of sense, you know,

especially like just said millions of years ish in between each plenty of room for small, subtle variations and evolutions. Plus, it's fun that it's the T Rex, right? Because it's such it's probably the most popular dinosaur. Yeah, I would. It has to be. Yeah. So there's got to be real close second, though. Well, you know what? You should look up a real picture of a velociraptor.

Oh, yeah. No, they don't look anything like that. But that's the biggest. That's the biggest snow job in history right there. Look up a picture of velocity as your that's your homework. Viewers at home, go check out a picture of an actual velociraptor. And then you tell me that they are the coolest dinosaur again. Yeah, because they're not. They are like very clever girls.

They're they're cute, kind of. They, you know, they're like the size of like a turkey, though. They're they're tiny. Like a little chicken. Yeah, like a little chicken. I mean, they may be the chick aren't aren't chicken supposed to be descendant from raptors or just dinosaurs in general? Dinosaurs go to birds. Yes, obviously.

But for some reason, I thought raptors and chickens were like closer related for some reason. Isn't that because that's what that kid says in Jurassic Park before Dr. Grant shows him how the raptor would spill his guts out of his belly. Just like a giant turkey to me or whatever he says. It's been so long. I love that movie. It's good, though. It's a fantastic doctor.

Grant looks at that kid and says, listen, not in this movie, kid. And on that, thank you all so much for your support here at Patreon.com. We'll be back next week with another mini. So for your beautiful years, thank you guys again. We love you. Goodbye. Bye. Dear Truckin' A, want to talk torque? The Tundra's forceful twin turbo V6 will blow your mind. The Tacomas got bite and a taller suspension to claw through that terrain.

Man, you'll dig it. Both Toyota trucks are tough on the outside and plush on the inside, with luxurious seats and a heck of an audio multimedia setup. Sink back and turn it up. Nice. Rev it up at Toyota.com. Toyota, let's go places. Whether you want to laid back trail to hit with friends or you're planning something more adventurous,

All Trails Plus is your guide to making the most of your time outdoors. Get outside today with three free months of All Trails Plus with code podcast 23 at alltrails.com slash podcast. Hello, my little chilemenouts. And welcome back. Welcome back to today's episode. The quieter you get, the doesn't make it better. More disconcerting.

Yes, I'm hard to know. That's no. Mm-mm, yeah. Scratch my microphone, please. Please don't hold on. Please don't scratch your microphone. Thank you for joining us, Jesse. I'm so glad to be here.

One of us, one of us. Welcome to NPR. All things considered. Alex, thank you for all the background music is very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. We just got off a trilogy of serial killing. It's time to do something. Chill.

That's a problem for me today. Oh, what would you bring, Jesse? Would you bring to the table today? Just killings, just murder. More murder. Yeah. A murder with a side of murder. Do you want to hear my murder story? Yeah, let's see what's murder about.

What's murder and a murder? So Green Bay, Wisconsin. You already know it's gonna be pretty bad. Ugh, a 24 year old woman faces murder and other charges. After police say she had sex with a man, then decapitated and dismembered his body into several pieces. Is that all?

And I'm sure she had a good reason, right? Well, on February 23rd, the chief of police in Green Bay had a press conference where he said that there was a suspicious death on the 800 block of Stony Brook Lane that day at around 325 a.m. The victim was identified as a 25 year old Green Bay resident who did not live at the address

but was there. Investigators later went to the 2300 block of Eastman Avenue and took a person of interest into custody. New details about the man's death have since emerged, including charges against the suspect, Taylor Shabizness, that's her name, business with a shut the beginning of it. Taylor Shabizness, she was booked, uncharged as a first degree intentional homicide,

mutilating a corpse, third degree sexual assault, resisting or obstructing an officer, her bond set at 2 million. Anyway, let's get to like what went down cause I, this is crazy. According to court documents, a woman at the Stony Brook Lane residence woke up to the sound of a door slamming between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m.

When she went downstairs, she found her son's head in a bucket. Oh yeah, that's not how you wanna start your day at all. Police spoke with Shabizness because she was reportedly the last person to see the victim. They searched her van and allegedly found a crock pot with additional human body parts, including legs. What the fucking hell?

She reportedly had blood on her clothing as well. Police obtained a search warrant for the Stony Brook Lane home and found the victim's head and male organ in a bucket. Fuck. Investigators also located the victim's torso in a storage tote. Shabizness.

Oh, get ready for this. This is, Shabizness reportedly told investigators she and the victim took meth earlier in the day. Oh my God. And they had sex with chains involved. How are the chains involved? Well, Shabizness reportedly explained that she started choking the victim

with the chains during sex. Shabizness stated that she just went crazy while strangling the victim. She said, I could feel the victim's heart beating as she was choking him. So she kept pulling and choking him harder, but the victim would not die and she just kept, and I don't know what this means,

but she said the victim would not die and he just kept rebuilding into muscle. Don't know what that means. Don't know what rebuilding into muscle means. What the fuck? Rebits. What happened here? Shabizness allegedly used the chains to choke him

while they were having sex and then he died and she just was like, oh, I want to see what that would look like. And then afterwards, she allegedly committed additional sex acts with the body and then decided like, well, I enjoyed choking him and I didn't mean to kill him, but I don't want to get arrested.

So she took a bread knife and other knives from the kitchen and dismembered the body so she wouldn't be caught. A bread knife. And you just imagine just sitting there just like whittling away through fucking sinew and muscle with a bread knife. I absolutely hate that. It's like she's 127 hours vibes.

Oh my God. Shabizness stated that the plan was for her to bring all the body parts with her in one go, but she got lazy and ended up only putting the leg and foot in the van and also forgot the head. Dude, it's like a serial killer who jumped to their last kill and got lazy and didn't care anymore.

So how did the mom find the son? It was at his house? She like literally, yeah, she just was late. Like she went to go kill this dude or I guess cut up the dude she had killed and like just left parts around. Like that's crazy to me that this is- And it all started because they were just having

a really rough sex and then she was like, I wonder what would happen if I just kept going. Yeah, that's not a good thought to have. Now I'm not going to say meth is terrible, but. No one's doing this shit when they're like high on weed. I'm just put it out there. No one's like, you know what, what are you joking to? I'm never like, maybe I should pull these chains harder

to choke this person more because of the weed forcing through my veins. No, not once. Never happened. The lesson to take away from this insane shit. You never know anyone, you truly never know a person. So just be careful out there people. Like if you're going to hook up with somebody

you don't know very well, take some precautions. Let them know where you peep, you know, let your family know. Maybe some friends know where you're going. Just, you know, don't just disappear with somebody. You might end up in six parts. I think what Madness is trying to say is that you should always mind shabizness. Yeah.

Amazing. Honestly. Incredible. Oh God. I just, at least she didn't eat anything. I guess she didn't go cannibal. She didn't put the man on the crock pot though. I mean, that's like one step removed.

Crock pot is on the way to dinner time. That's true, actually. That's true. She did crock. She was, she was dommering it up a little bit. She was dommering it up a little bit. She's like, where am I going to put all these pieces? I know my crock pot.

I don't like that at all. I'm going to step away from me like, what if I turned it on? Like that is. We're going to do, we're doing dommer soon. So be ready. We're knocking that out of the park. Positively horrific on both counts.

All right. So Alex, lighten us up a little bit. What'd you bring to the table? I'm going to read the first sentence of, first two sentences of this article verbatim from mysteriousuniverse.org. First, just to set the tone. And then we're going to go from there.

Mention the word friends and ghost in the same sentence. And most people will think of Casper, the friendly ghost, a cartoon character created in the late 1930s for a children's storybook who went on to star in comic books, five television shows, and dozens of films and shorts. That's far more than the two friends stars

with ghost stories we're talking about today. Oh, who is it? We got two, two of them. All right. Jesse, what do you think it is? Oh, oh, it's 100% Matt LeBlanc for sure. For sure. Lisa Kudrow.

Okay, well, who do you think Matt is? I would have said Lisa Kudrow as well, but since you said it, I'll go with, I'll go with Courtney Cox for the girl and David Schwimmer for the boy. What about that? No, I'm sticking with what I got. I'm sticking with what I said.

I'm not going to change. Matt, this was closest. It was Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston. Can I tell you something? I never would have guessed the answer. I didn't say either of them because I was thinking they still have like active careers. There's no way they self-sabotage like that.

Clearly, I'm wrong. So check it out. So here's what happened. So I don't know about this Jennifer Aniston thing. I actually think they shoehorn Jennifer Aniston into this article. Just for the clicks, probably wouldn't doubt that at all. What?

There was a scream that came out recently. There was a scream out. Was it good? Did your boy see it? I heard it was good. I did not see it. The last movie I saw was Batman. Very good.

Go see Batman. It was good. So she was at Kimmel to talk about Scream 5. Courtney Cox was. And she revealed that at one point in time she lived in the house that Carol King lived in, like in Laurel Canyon, like the singer-songwriter Carol King

that's on the cover of Tapestry. She met James Taylor there. Joni Mitchell wrote all her most famous songs there. It's crazy. But here's a quote from her about what happened. She said, I was at the house one day not being a believer and the doorbell rang. It was a UPS guy or something and I opened the door

and he said, do you know this house is haunted? And I go, yeah, why? Why do you think that? He goes, because there is someone standing behind you. And I was like, let's sell. So apparently the house was built in 1926. Nobody knows for sure what the ghost is. Courtney Cox doesn't know anything about the ghost.

Carol King never talked about the ghost. All we know is that Cox lived there from the 80s, late 80s to 1991 before she was in Friends, which is pretty wild. And that's really weird. And she said that that's how she knew she arrived in LA was when somebody told her that she had a ghost in her house, which I don't know what that means

when she's coming from New York City, a very haunted place, home of the Ghostbusters. But apparently. In LA it was gonna be like, there's a ghost in New York to be like, get over it, pal. Show that ghost. Shut the fuck up. Everybody has a ghost, you bitch.

Is that what I'm in for when I visit New York in a few weeks? Yeah. Everybody's gonna call you A, everybody's gonna call you a bitch. And B, you're gonna be, they're gonna shove their ghosts down your throat. It's all you're gonna hear about.

I'm gonna come back and change from here. Everybody has a ghost, bitch. Shut the fuck up, you bitch. Let me tell you about my ghost. My grandma has five ghosts. She don't complain about it. She makes some shit based on lasagna. I'm just gonna send you a pizza.

Pizza man. I'm gonna come back a hardened man. A hardened man because of all the cheese clogging your veins. That's fine with me. The mouth on this one. Okay, but apparently Jennifer Aniston in 2018 also had a ghost story.

She went on James Corden and she said that her roommate heard noises, the dishwasher starting up, coffee maker starting up, the stereo turning on, things that were quote, terrifying. And Aniston said she hired a medium who lit incense in a dish. And the medium walked to a corner of the room.

The dish with the incense was burning, cracked. And she said that at first she thought it was gonna, it was the dish just being heated by the incense like fire or whatever. But then another ashtray also cracked. And then the medium told her that the ghost didn't like her roommate. So Aniston left her roommate in the apartment

with the ghost that didn't like her, I guess. And then amazingly this article ends with literally the scene between Donnie Osmond and Joey and Jean on Friends, the one where the stripper cries. It's just the scene. Do you wanna do it? What?

You wanna do the scene? I'll be Donnie Osmond, UB Jean Mathis, and UB Joey, Jesse, okay? Whoa. Here we go. Not that Joey, different Joey. Give me 20 seconds on the clock. Ready?

Go. The word is cream. Put this in your coffee. A spoon, your hands, your face. It's white. Paper, snow, a ghost. It's heavier than milk. A rock, a dog, the earth.

Pass. Okay, the word is mayonnaise. You put this on a sandwich. Salami, anchovies, jam. It's white. Paper, snow, a ghost. And that, my friends, is the one where the stripper cries from Friends as performed by the Chiluminati podcast.

Don't let anybody ever tell you you don't get anything amazing on these mini-soads because you fucking do, okay? Whoa, oh, jeez, oh, jeez, blossom. You guys remember Blossom? Nobody does. It's me, it's me, Joey. If I remember his friends, not Blossom.

I remember Brotherly Love, though. I do remember Brotherly Love. What the hell is Brotherly Love? Now, what? That's the Three Boys' own show that lasted like two seasons. Oh, jeez, oh, jeez, Blossom. Now, what's his name?

That's Stig's voice. Oh, jeez, Blossom. Joey, Joey, what was Joey's last name? Joey Lawrence. Lawrence, the Lawrence brothers. Oh, my God, why do you know this shit? Why are you in the weird, like, alternate universe, bad television 90s?

Oh, jeez, Blossom. Dude, I was like, I watched TGIF religiously. Wasn't one of the Lawrence brothers also on Boy Meets World? Joey Lawrence, a friend? Yes, the middle one. Yeah. Man, they were like the Hanson of Hollywood for a while.

Damn. They were. Or maybe it was Matthew Lawrence, who was, yeah, I think you're right. The Hanson of Hollywood is a weird phrase. Because then in the later season, Sabrina showed up and was like an evil witch in one of those episodes. You remember that? All right. And Boy Meets World.

I like Sabrina's sassy cat. I was like, I'm a sassy cat, bitch. And I was like, yeah, you are. What the hell channel is this on? NBC and the WB. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. TGIF, baby.

Brotherly love, dude. What in the world? Yep, yep, I love that show. OK, let's see. Here's what I got. That should be the mystery. Lost media, brotherly love. So an archeologist gentleman has claimed

to have solved the mystery of Stonehenge. A new Stonehenge study seemingly confirms the longstanding theory that the famed megalithic site once served as a solar calendar for its ancient creators. Archeologist Timothy Darville of Britain's Bournemouth University conducted the potentially revelatory research, which were presented in a paper published earlier this week by the journal Antiquity.

This is the most sensible thing I've ever heard you say ever. Out of all the possible things that you could have said about what Stonehenge was, you were like, it's a calendar. I'm like, yeah, all right, all right, thank you. I've got to get you on my side to make it worse later on when I betray you with the crazy your shit. Of course. In a press release detailing the study's findings,

he noted that, quote, the clear celestial alignment of Stonehenge sparked theories that it was some kind of calendar. Since the antiquarian William Stuckley, who exhaustively studied the monument in the 1720s. However, how exactly it functioned has remained a mystery that may have finally been solved. Darville explained that his research was informed

by a recent study, which determined that the site's iconic stones all originated from the same location when they're assembled in 2,500 BC, which if you were at the live show back in England, we talked about that, where the stones came from and stuff. It was just Merlin made them go there. That's the actual answer. When are we going to go back to England?

When is that happening? When is the Illuminati tour of the UK happening? Let's go. Live in Sherwood Forest. What is it happening? The moment we film on a house. I think London's our number two city, which is crazy. Shout out to all our London fans out there.

You haunted people. Yeah, you haunted people. Let's do overseas haunted house after we do our... LA one, yeah. On-seas haunted house. Yeah, I'd be so, man, haunted England. Oh, yeah. That's scary.

That's the glory hole. You know what I'm saying? And I would stick anything in the UK haunted glory hole. What? We're all nodding. That's what we're all doing. No, no one's nodding. No, only you are nodding.

Only you are nodding. No, you can't do the eyebrow thing. You can't wink and nod and point. This is not working. No, no one can see this. No, you're that snap. That's right before a point. I snap, then I point.

The proposed calendar works in a very straightforward way, Darville said. Each of the 30 stones in the Sarsen circle represents a day within a month itself divided into three weeks each of 10 days. In order to form a complete soul year, he noted, the timepiece includes an intercalar intercalary month consisting of five days,

which are represented by capped stone structures known as trilathons found at the center of the site. This sounds fucking made up at this point. I'll send the press release your trilathons. Come on, Darville. I don't know what these words mean. Sounds like it's from Dianetics. Come on, I'll Google it.

Yeah, it's in the Antiquity Journal. If you guys want to read the study yourself. But yeah, so it's a calendar that they had three 10 day weeks as opposed to what we're doing now, apparently. Oh, I'm kind of into that. So the thing that we all in our minds think of when we think of Stonehenge, the structure of the two big stone things

with like another stone. I don't know how you describe it, like a stone arch where it's the two pieces of stone and then another stone across. That's the trilathon. Okay, well, there you go. Yeah, so there you go, boys. I brought science to today's episode just for you.

I hope you enjoyed it, Jesse. That's the one, that's your one. I've never been more proud of you. You could have gone any direction instead you went there and frankly, I'm here for it. Did you like that the actress that I brought it up has the same last name as you? I did.

And every time I try to do a gift search on Twitter to use one of my own faces, it's 90% her. So it's always good. I'm gonna keep that in mind going forward. Thank you. We're gonna make the Jesse Cox face show up before Courtney Cox. Oh yeah.

No, for real. UK tour, when? Sign me up. I'm there. I mean, yeah, you tell me and I'm there. It's not a big place. You're the tour man now. I don't do nothing no more.

You sign me up. Let's go four or five times a year. Let's go six times a year. Or we just do one tour. I'll just fly to England for fun. We go six times a year together as friends. We do an Irish stop, Scottish stop, Northern England stop, Southern England stop.

One, two, three, four. That's four times. By rail. The number by rail. I mean, by rail. We have to all wear like three piece suits and go by rail. When we land, the first thing we do

is we go get a bespoke suit made and we wear it the entire trip. That's where the budget of the tour is to roll you in. I'm there. Bespoke tweed suit. Visit the Kingsman, we'll get our suit and we'll just like go off on an adventure. Yeah, love that.

That'd be great. Well, until then though, we're out of here till next week, everybody. Thank you guys so much for listening and supporting our Patreon. Goodbye. Peace. Bye.

Anyway, me and my wife were sitting outside indulging on our porch one night enjoying ourselves. I needed to go to the bathroom so I stepped back inside and after a few moments I hear my wife go, holy shit, get out of here. So I quickly dash back outside. She's looking up at the sky in the fall. I look up too and there's a perfect line

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