Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 304: Cryptids of Japan

Episode Date: June 22, 2025

The boys are back this week. Mike, Jesse and Alex take a stroll into cryptid world to check out Japan! MERCH - http://www.theyetee.com/collections/chilluminati Thank you to - Factorform: http://www.factor75.com/chill Heroforge: http://www.heroforge.com Promocode: Chill All you lovely people at Patreon! HTTP://PATREON.COM/CHILLUMINATIPOD Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - http://www.youtube.com/user/superbeardbros Editor - DeanCutty http://www.twitter.com/deancutty Show art by - https://twitter.com/JetpackBraggin http://www.instagram.com/studio_melectro

Did your last vacation house for the whole crew leave you wishing there was a better way to stay together? Like with bedrooms that are all great, so everyone thinks they got the best room? Whoa! This is amazing! A full bathroom in every bedroom? Hey, mine's got a bathroom! A beach around an epic, clear bay, big enough for swimming, rope swinging, and even kayaking? All next door to Walt Disney World? Next trip?

Share a house at Evermore Orlando Resort. You won't believe what you resorted to before. Hello everybody and welcome back to the Chaluminati podcast episode 304. I'm always one of your hosts, Mike Martin, joined by the only other two boys that could ever be on this show, Jesse and Alex. Hey there. We only do? When did that happen? This is not one so far. If we lose one of you, I don't know.

I don't know. Somebody can take my role. I think pretty. Oh my God. He's just going to go. So you're going self-deprecating on this one got to come on. No, here's what's going to happen is there's going to be the math is appreciation thread on our slash Illuminati pod.

Thank you all by the way. Yes. I lost my grandfather for people who are curious, but I appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you know what? Couldn't do the show without all of us. It just would be chill or Omanati and it would be done. No, Manati is almost the last name of a guy that we both know.

All three of us know kind of almost kind of slightly. It's like slightly switch, swept around. Yeah, I got it. I don't know who that is, but I got to think. Anyway, welcome back. Hey, hey, appreciate your understanding for not being here last week. Though I think people really enjoyed the, you know, when I know an alien episode has are an alien, anything has like made the skeptics angry into silence is when they don't comment anything about you log into our slash children.

I'd be part of no one is angry because they're just talking about the beat. Cause we just, I just, we just put out the B A S S like mini episode that we did. That wasn't many episodes. So it'd have to actively really want to, you know, we put out in a public black speakers, our main episode. So it's like out there, out there. It's just, I think it's fascinating. Yeah. I love that. I love that shit. And there's a lot of, there's a lot of math in there that somebody asked like, what math do you want me to do? Hey, man, the answers all of it. I don't know any of the math, math, bro, do it all like all that math

in there. I guess the point is, does the thing we were asking, I think was is the math legitimate? Like, is it something that's a LARP or made like, or is it an actual like mathematical, something that's a LARP made like, or is it an actual like mathematical mathematically sound breakdown of what those things do? Other than that, welcome back to show everybody we've got other than that, we've got an announcement. I also want to put up right up front. We have a website now where it is like central hub for all things to illuminati pod FM where you can, like I said, it's just literally for everything that we have.

All our socials are there are patrons there, RSS stuff. And it's not a commercial either. Like it's not just like a way to sell you some. It's not, yeah, it's not like a way to sell you something. It's a genuine, like fun, useful, good, positive, like back in the day when you used to create things by hand kind of thing where it's just fun to go beyond. Go to Easter eggs on there, one that nobody's found yet. Oh, oh, yeah.

I don't know if they'll ever find it. Mathis is learning about how fun it is to be mysterious. Yeah, I've been designing the stuff that I've constantly eaten new little Easter eggs throughout the whole thing. And it's like this is a lot of fun. Yeah, it's just genuinely a central hub for all of our shit that you can be there. And there's like little fun things like if you just want to watch a random episode, but you don't know which one to hit random episode generator right there.

Right. But you play honestly, the best thing on there, the best thing on there, I think, like in terms of like something everyone wants is there's a way to search like for that fucking thing that you're looking for. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that took a while to make work. It can be obtuse. You just say it's a keyword search function and it will list all the episodes

that have that keyword and you can play it right there. So yeah, just a fun place to go check things out where you can also find another link to patreon.com slash jilluminaughty pod guys and hopefully you guys can just see that that effort that you're putting in supporting us over at patreon.com slash jilluminaughty pod is helping us blossom our beautiful show into its new it's like a you know when shin Godzilla like he's like not quite the big Godzilla but he's like erect now we're very erect we're very erect yeah yeah it's like erect Godzilla the patreon has taken the three of us and it has made us

erect Godzilla patreon.com slash slash to illuminati pod, Patreon dot com slash to illuminati pod, Patreon dot com slash to illuminati pod. What are the guys talking about? Get erect, Godzilla. What do you mean? I mean, yeah, you can't be listening to this show. You're too young for this shit. What's going on?

It's just three talking like three aging men trying to be erect. They want to become the real Godzilla. It's funny you mention Godzilla, though, Alex. Oh, thank God that's where you went with that, because I was like, what? Because we got ourselves in a type of episode we haven't done about eight months, seven months. Danny, Danny, Danny, a cryptid grab bag episode in this week. This week, we're doing a country I'm surprised we haven't done yet. Japan.

This is a good. I'm so excited. Suddenly. Only suddenly you were excited to do the episode. I had no idea. I just never know what to expect. You know, like we, we have like a schedule, right? And we put on like, um, like kind of like slight descriptions of what the episodes will be ahead of time. And this one was called Mathis listicle or like Mathis cryptids. So I knew vaguely what was going to be, but to learn to arrive and learn that it's the cryptids of Japan is quite exciting. Let's put it that way. It's gonna be fun. I thought, I thought we'd done them, but I think we've done certain

cryptids that have kind of cross cultures that has also been seen in Japan. And also, you know, if you're any Japanese listeners out there, I apologize ahead of time just for a pronunciation. And also if I got anything wrong about these things, I did my damnedest. Okay. Right. But we're prepared for Onimusha. And honestly, I'm excited.

It's either I'm excited for the really re-release of Onimusha. And then now you'll know all you'll know about all the guys. Yeah. So I actually like every video game, like actually, like every single Japanese video game is like, you're not wrong. Silly with all these characters like just pick one. Yeah, I'm not sure how many of these are super well known because I did kind of find a couple of these at like a website called pink tentacle dot com.

So we'll see, you know, is this a brand deal for a porn website? It is not a brand deal for a porn website. Surprisingly. Could it be? Are we missing out on that money? If we are, reach out to us at shaluma, not a pod diet, gmail.com. Not a pod jot.gmail.com. Cannot be a real email address. Is it jot. Yeah. Dot Gmail dot com cannot be a real email address, is it? Jot dot. Yeah, it's Jot. So I'm not a Jot. So I'm not a Jot. Jilluminaudipod dot gmail dot com.

Jilluminaudipod at gmail dot com. Listen, Jilluminaudipod dot gmail dot com at gmail dot com. I will promise you, I didn't do mushrooms before start recording this. I promise you. Oh Alright, let's get to the get to fucking get through this list boys. The first one on the list is oh, how do we want to rank? these sorry, sorry, uh most the uh

What is the bath called? Bath the only song is that what it is. What is it? You con like, you know, like the sexy bath, you know, what is that? You're talking like a Rio con, right? Like an in like a quiet, like the end. Yeah. My naive. What are you talking? The sexy bath? I mean, I don't know why. Like I wouldn't say you're talking about like, it's kind of right. Right now. Yes. The Rio con is kind of like a low key, it's kind of, kind of luxurious sort of trad, I would say traditional more than luxurious expand my taste and beyond aliens.

Is that right? Is that what you think? That's what I just learned. I've never heard of these sexy baths before. You're finally, you think, I mean, they're not sexy baths at all, but for the sake of it being a bath, it's sexy. Like in, if it was on my Instagram, it would make me seem sexy. Sure. Yeah. A Japanese bath bath. How?

Oh, and a own sent on son. An onsen. Okay. So like you want to get like naked and go in the water with this scripted. Yes. Yes. That's what I want. Oh, okay.

Out of all the creatures, who would you want to chill with? And a, and a hot spring. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. That's what I want. Oh, out of all the creatures, who would you want to chill with in a hot spring? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. My apologies again to all of Japan. I clearly only know your culture through anime and brief scenes and movies. I'm so sorry. OK, so I know Japanese culture, too. All the anime I know that is factual.

I barely watch any anime, some already like. And amazingly, you're this this literate, this culturally literate. I started to be taught to read when I was in school, you know, and didn't have AI back then. All right. First of all, Japanese bathhouse. Would you go to a Japanese bathhouse with one of these guys? That's fair. All right. First one up is the Tsuchinoko or child of hammer.

This is a yeah, this is a snake like cryptid that's deeply rooted in Japanese folklore known for its stout bulging body and its elusive nature. It's very small, anywhere between 30 to 80 centimeters long. And it looks like a short viper with a distinctly wide midsection and a tapering tail. Legends say its scales may be brown, gray, or black, and that it possesses venomous fangs like a pit viper. But unlike ordinary snakes, the Tsuchinoko is reputed to squeak or chirp rather than hiss, and to perform astonishing leaps of up to a meter or more. And some tales even claim it can coil into a hoop by biting its own tail and rolling away like a wheel.

OK, I'm like, I'm like champing at the bit to tell you that this is done. Sparse because it's just sounds like a Pokemon. Yeah. Oh, well, I think, hey, there, that's where they got it, dude. Yeah, I this is this is the old lore, but I used to be known mostly for being on the Internet as a Pokemon trivia expert. And we would just talk about the like Japanese origin, like culturally of these Pokemon. So I bet you I'm going to have a Pokemon for a lot of these.

I wonder, I want a poll of like where people originally know us from now. Like I would love to pull my gun, you know, like your deep roots is like a wow YouTuber to like general gaming, to podcasting. I'm curious where people like. Originate now from I probably. Made them listen to it. I was at a bar and they were uh, were there and I was talking. I was like, you should check this podcast.

Uh, yeah, pretty much the entire audience. Yeah. Yeah. Always, uh, beyond its appearances though, the Suchinoko is defining traits are kind of, I guess I would say like whimsical in a way it said to have an appetite for alcohol and a penchant for lying if it speaks, because it can also speak. In folklore, it holds that certain Suchinoko can mimic human speech, but they'll tell you like tall tales if they do speak.

And despite these more playful attributes, the creature is also feared for its venomous bite, obviously making it a cryptid of both mischief and kind of like a fairy tale nature. Numerous sightings and legends span centuries. The earliest written mention dates that I could find were back in like the seventh century of Kojiki, Japan's oldest Chronicle in modern times waves of such a no go fever have periodically swept rural Japan. Such a no go fever.

Like there's just like a time where almost like a flap. Think of it like a UFO flap where like, Oh, like they show up or seeing them a lot and they kind of like come in waves. I thought you meant like sort of like a vibe, like everybody started like, everyone was feeling it on their, on their binder and Sonic the hedgehog. Yeah. On their, on their, on their folder, Mario mania, the year of Luigi. Yeah, exactly. Like that one time during the Dunspar season, there was a time in the late 20th century where a Suchinoko

boom happened and dozens of people claimed encounters, which prompted organized hunts in a hefty bounty for any people who caught and captured one of these things. Local villages capitalized on this in a town in Niigata once offered 100 million yen to anyone who could bring in a live Succinoco. Live being keyword. Obviously no proof ever surfaced. And annual Succinoco hunting festivals and even a dedicated Succinoco museum exist because of this creature.

Which is something I never heard of before until now. Its origins, like I said, are like, well, it's like the Bigfoot Museum, right? Yeah, kind of like the Bigfoot Museum. Exactly. Yeah. I know. This is like, you know, this is like a folklore. There's some people that think of this origin is like Yo-Kai related, but there's no like definitive like it was a it was it came from a yokai first So there's your first one boys. Would you jump into a hot tub a? Hot bath with the sushi no-go the child of hammer. Don't these things like get wasted Yeah, they get wasted and tell you lies, but they also have a bite that can kill you so like I

Feel like if would they bite me if I just to fuck around or would they is it like do I have to earn it? Like if I play cool, is it is it chill? Like, can I can I know it's a it's a lying biter? I don't know that it's chill. I don't mind a lie. Lots of people lie. I'm from Los Angeles. It tells you what they lie and bite. Oh my god. Oh, yeah. Yes. It is. You're right. Oh yeah. Yes. It is.

You're right. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't want to go to like in onsen with the people from LA. So like, Oh, fair enough. You know, I feel like it really seems like honestly, Jesse, I appreciate your comparison. This is like the crazy person from LA walking up to you and just like when you're like at a bar.

They have like, I don't know what I want. I want that off of Groupon. Their eyes are just like a little too wide and they're like, their grip is a little too strong when they grab onto your arm and grab it and they can like grab all the way down to your bone and they hold you and they tell you about their script. And they can tell you how their cousins with like Amanda Bynes or something. Yeah. OK, a binds or something. Yeah.

Yeah. I just felt like an LA poll, like a crazy person, LA like relative that they would. I will. I'll tell you this. I, if you go to the same place regularly in a, in like a, like decently traffic to neighborhood, you'll probably see somebody genuinely notable if you go in there all the time. I swear to God, like I just had I go to a coffee shop and I see several different famous people all the time.

Yeah, just crazy. Just coming to get there, just coming to get their coffee. So, you know, going back to the sushi noco. I feel like I want to try and I like I feel like it's a challenge to get in there and make it through this. But like I'm trying to assess the risk, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, like I think I side with Jesse. I think that comparison is apt. I would not I would not go into a.

Outspring with this thing Like most people in L.A. just want to make their movie right. Like that's not that bad. They're crazy. But they just want to make a movie like they have. Does the sushi no go want to eat me or something like is that what they're is that their goal or can we just get through it if I if the vibes are good? Can he lies to you?

So he's going to get in the thing. And first off, you're going to get in the water with him. He seemed like you're looking great. You've never looked better by the way a drink lie But then secondly, he's gonna start, you know, hyping you up and be like, oh man the other day and he's just start lying telling you stories and start getting closer and Closer and it's gonna be like, you know what? I never noticed before but you're super attractive Do you think we can make out in this water and you'll be like, well, you've talked me into it and then he bites your face off, dude, you're just talking

about what it's like to load your gear back up into a van after a show. That's you're just like that. That's what happens out there. That's normal. Or that the, or you go to load your gear back up and you realize your car was broken into somebody's like, I'm running security. I just got here off my spaceship. Everybody's stand back.

Let this guy get his stuff into his van. Yup. Like if that's the suit, you know, co yes, I do want to take a bath with them. But if it's, but if they're, no, they're manipulative, they're trying to get me. I got it back out. I got it back out. You can't, you can't be on the, you can't be on both sides of the fence. Alex, you're trying to get you Alex. All right. On the vibe, I'm going to say yes, I'm, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt and they will have let me down. You're going to get bit, dude. I will, or maybe I'm going to be the next it girl.

You know what I'm saying? Well, maybe if the suit, you know, go, maybe you, you should probably go buy tickets to our live show that we forgot to talk about. I'm just saying it's an easy way for a suit. You know, if you want to be the sushi no-co live, come talk to me at a show at and uh, where is it? It's at Lincoln hall in Chicago, Illinois again. Yep. Once again, November 1st, we're back. Yeah. Look at that. Oh, buy tickets. They're live now. Super fun. Yeah.

They'd so like get your tickets. They will. It's a real waning window. You might not get one unless you act now. Now, now, now. Yeah, you wouldn't think it, but we're like really famous. So buy those tickets before that. Don't do that. Don't don't do that. Jinks it now. Chaos magic. Don't get the sushi. You're trying. You're making the sushi. No, dangerous. I'm backing out of the sushi. No, this is the problem.

You're changing the vibes of the water. You know what I'm saying? Too famous. People can start looking stuff up and they're going to find out that I'm a mod for cyber punk where you get sex with me and I'm going to famous. That's not famous. That's provides are shifting in the onset, you know, bubbles are starting to be stinky in there.

No, you want to see you in the new cyber punk. Yes. Thank you so much today today's sponsor, Factor. And you know, I used to, or I should say, I ain't even used to, I tried it once, this one like green supplement thing before and it just tasted like grass. I fricking hated it.

But Factor sent me one to try for free. And I was like, you know what, at least they're sponsoring us and I'll try it. And I was surprised because it didn't taste like just grass. No, it tasted actually, dare I say even delicious and good, healthy for you. It made me feel more energetic. Like it just like felt like a delicious but healthy thing

and not just this weird, healthy, nasty thing. I just, it tastes, The other one tastes like grass, and I'm sorry, I'm just not a cow. And I imagine most of us are the same, dread drinking green drinks, but Factorform changed the game. You'll crave your greens, and as the sister brand of Factor Meals,

Factorform was designed to work hand in hand with your meals, making better nutrition just effortless for you. Daily Greens is a powder by Factorform that you'll look forward to drinking. Just one scoop delivers 100% of your daily nutrients, filling nutrient gaps, supporting whole body health, and helping you feel your best. With a refreshing, citrusy, clean, smooth taste that's actually enjoyable to drink, makes a single packet of water when you're good to go. Factorform's Daily Greens is packed with prebiotics, probiotics,

and adaptogens to support gut health and reduce bloating. It's everything your body needs without mega doses or added sugar, artificial fillers, any of that stuff. Go check it out and start your day right with Daily Greens by Factorform at factor75.com slash chill. That's factor75.com slash chill to get 40% off and free shipping on your first order. That's factor75.com slash chill to get 40% off and free shipping on your first order. That's factor 75.com slash chill factor seven five.com slash chill 40% off plus free shipping

factor 75.com slash chill. Thank you again to fact form for sponsoring today's episode. All right let's go to the next one. Suchi no goes or resounding no except for Alex. Next one is the Hibigan. This is basically the Japanese Bigfoot Just put it out there, but unlike our Bigfoot this bipedal ape Roaming the forests of Mount Hiba

Are is like five feet tall He's not very big People's like a hairy man from maybe he may be a hairy man. Is it just like me, but being like cited in Japan, like walking through the woods? Like if you're five guys, that guy's a lot hairier, more hairy than I am. Well, have you been out there since the 70s? I look I'm I'm definitely out there and I look like I'm from the 70s. Does that count? And holy shit, real. So you might be. and I look like I'm from the 70s. Does that count? Holy shit.

So you might be. Yeah, because witnesses from the early 70s described it as a squat muscular beast, about five feet tall, weighing about like 180 ish pounds, covered in black or dark brown hair with occasional patches of white. And its most striking feature is an oversized, almost triangular shaped head with fierce, but notably intelligent eyes. It doesn't look like it's mindless, apparently. It looks like it's in there. It's alive.

Yeah. Some of the accounts note that it has white hands or feet as if like they described as wearing gloves, which I just imagine it has no fur on its hands or feet was what they mean. And its behavior is seemingly reclusive and non-aggressive. It runs off usually if anybody spots it, it takes off and sees you. It's out of there. In one time in 1972, apparently some villagers were startled it by seeing a chocolate brown hairy creature that simply ran off into the trees when it was noticed. Shout out to the phrase a chocolate brown hairy creature.

Yeah. I wish I could claim that as my own. I've already sold on getting the water with this dude. I'm already brown. Harry creature is what I want in my big foot themed ice cream flavor from Ben and Jerry's Moose tracks, but it's big foot tracks foot right. How's that already done big foot? Jant foot. What is that stuff called? Coffee coffee toe jam toe jam and big foot's banana toe jam

Toe jam and in Earl Grey coffee. They already they already did they already did there's already a monkey one though So what yeah, yeah, there's already a monkey one. So I don't know well nonetheless To these villagers its sudden appearance apparently caused a considerable alarm and prompted local authorities to investigate this Mysterious ape this is mysterious alive behind the eyes, five foot tall, hairy man. Yeah, he is just a wild man. A five foot tall, hairy man with a mind of his own. The legend burst into the spotlight in the summer of 1970 originally.

And in July of that year, multiple residents of Sijo, which is now part of the Shobara city, claim to see a hairy gorilla-like figure prowling at the forest edge. And over the next few years, at least 29 sightings were recorded. This frightened frightened farmers spoke of a monster with a human face appearing in their fields at dawn again, it's just a guy or a shaggy creature mistaken for a person from afar. This is me looking for noodles early in the morning so I can beat the

rush because I read about it online and I want to get in there. Uh, but humans going to be humans, no matter where we are. Uh, and much like we do with our big feet plaster casts of the large humanoid footprints that are about 25 centimeters long were taken as possible evidence of this thing's actual existence. And tantalizingly on August 15th, 1974, a blurry photograph was snapped of a dark shape lurking behind a persimmon tree. The only purported photo of this thing. I think it's... Do you have it? Yes, I do. Okay. Yeah, this is the one on it's it's okay.

This is pink tentacle. Let me just do a Giazzo screenshot of the Scott. Because it's impossible to see. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Here's the link. Do they need a brand deal? Are they looking for brand ambassadors?

Gatsby, are they looking for people? I wish they reach out. I really do. Yeah I'm sorry. What am I looking at? Okay, see the tree with like the two branches pointing up like someone's like doing the rockout sign Yeah Inside what might be looking like a thumb? Yeah, that's it that is uh You could find a small trees penis. That's it. That is a you could try to small trees penis. That's it. I would say, okay, like it is just a tree.

And then there's a little thing sticking out behind the tree. It's quite a small picture. Yeah, I must say I it's not even letting I'm clicking to zoom in and it's like, yeah, no, no. Yeah, that's it. I'm like enhance. It's like, no. So here is a reddit post on crypto zoology Someone who posted a way better version of it. You go. Oh What's this what's this now? Okay, so what part of it is the ape and with part of it is not supposed to be like

The is it like a big tubby? Is it a big tubby guy in front of a tree? That's what I think it's supposed to be. This looks like me when I get up first thing in the morning and my feet still hurt and I have to walk slow. We gotta get off the big foot to stop you from comparing yourself to it. I'm just saying like it, it, to give you the vibe of what this thing looks like, if it is a person, it looks like a person who's standing there with their belly out forward. Like, you know, kind of not like a, not like a fit dude, not like

a, not like a top, like how the American big foot is like, you know, the big, the American, the American big foot looks like he's like the dude from rock band who like plays guitar, the dude from guitar hero who plays guitar. This dude looks like he's like a mayor, like a mayor who's living high on the hog. He's got a chunky body, that's all I'm saying. If that's him, does he have a green face? No, he doesn't, he's not. So here is another website that has a nice promotional photo

of a sign with an artistic depiction of him. Am I right on? Am I nailing this? No, not at all. Just looks like a triangular gorilla. No, no, you're not. What? What is it?

Looks like a slice of gorilla pizza. The reason I went, uh, is because I was making sure it wasn't an ad for like a local pizza place. His head looks like a slice of fucking gorilla pizza with his fucking eyebrows is the crust. Dude, Coco, the gorilla would never. This. Okay.

And then look down here. There's also, yeah, there's the plaster cast. Here's a fucking newspaper and it just looks like a fucking gorilla got his body shrunk down. It's like it looks like it looks he looks like a little like Diablo guy. He looks like one of those. Yeah. Exactly what he looks like.

Oh my God. Is that a plush of him too? Yeah, of course. Marketing opportunity, baby. Dude, what? This is the one and only sighting of him. Fifteen years later, they're still kind of like looking for him. People think it may have been just a misidentified

macaque monkey, others say it was an escaped egg from like a zoo somewhere, if anything at all. But remote, regardless of whether it would, It was an escaped egg from like a zoo somewhere, if anything at all. But remote, regardless of whether it whether it's real or not, assuming it is, would you chill in a fucking hot spring with it? Yes, 100 100%. He'd be shy. He'd be very shy.

If I had a head like a slice of pizza, I'd be shy to if he's a giant kind of like fat dude who's like super short and he's like chilling out in the woods. This guy seems particularly chill. Like the one from the, um, from the Reddit post, that one looks particularly, he looks pretty like he like has chilled in a hot tub or like spa type, type, you know, bath before and that he would be suited well suited to it. I, you know, I don't know.

I feel a little bit creeped out by the pizza headed monkey. He kind of scares me. Viper really had you on the line of whether you wanted to or not. It depends because look, if I'm getting in there and it's going to just kill me, that's it, right? That monkey is not going to kill me. The pizza headed monkey is not going to kill me, but just looking at it, I don't know if I could handle looking at it. Like, you know,

the twins from the shining who sit at the end of the hallway, like I do, would you take a bath with them? No, no, right. That would imply a lot of crimes and I don't want to be in a tub of all right. Nevermind. We, we got to move on. I, my point, my point, my point is just that they, I don't know if I want to look at pizza head, but if it's there, if it's the guy from the forest, 100% Yeah, but so you're oh so you're so you're saying if it's just like the one guy because the way he looks, which is scares me. He scares me. Well, I need to tell you, but the cryptid version of them does have a pizza shaped head. So that's the one we're saying with whether we hang out with or not.

I would hang out with them. I would too. If it's if he's okay. Yes, I would hang out with them. However, a chill will run down my spine. If if he appears anything like this seat like almost 3d rendered cartoon version that's on the sign because that one looks like something that would haunt me in my nightmares in a maze.

Is it something you would see on a mushroom trip? You see him. He looks very scary. He looks very scary in a way that I would remember, but that I wouldn't expect. That's what, that's how it feels. It's not threatening. Very like nuanced taste in Japanese cryptid. It's vibes based. It's vibes based and I'm naked. Remember, right? I'm naked. I'm just saying he's always naked. I'm just saying I'm vulnerable. Maybe as a triangular shaped dick too. But I, I'd be interested to know. I'd be interested to know. But my point is I just need to be in my comfort zone

and that that particular one is a little upsetting That's all I'm saying you say yes, but only just barely then I'm a yes if I have to be just a yes or a no With no qualifications. I know you decided. Yeah, yeah if I'm a yes, I'm a yes, baby All right moving on is the Japan's version of like Nessie this is out in the volcanic lakes of Hokkaido. The Japanese answer to Nessie is the Kushi or the Lake Kusarō monster. The Lake Kusarō is a vast caldera Lake rained by forest

mountain forested mountains and environment kind of similar to Scotland's Loch Ness area. And beginning in the 1970s, locals and tourists began reporting an enormous serpentine creature slithering through the Cushara waters. Eyewitnesses described it as in terms of I wrote it in meters between 10 and 20 meters. That's 32 feet to 65 feet in between 30 and 60 feet long, essentially, which is huge. With a slim body, dark and humps that would break the lake's surface.

Some accounts at a long neck or even horn like protrusions on its head and in motion, it said to swim as fast as a speedboat and it creates a pretty powerful wake in its, it said to swim as fast as a speedboat, and it creates a pretty powerful wake in its behind it. The legend of the. Looking at the one on Wikipedia right now. And it could not look more like the Loch Ness monster type character from Super Mario 64. Like it's like a statue.

It's it's like a statue that's kind of like in a cartoon style. But like I would almost it almost looks like the thing from the game could be based on this fucking statue. I guarantee it would like that. That's exactly what my thought was. And I just assumed that it was. I just assumed I was just like, I got to be what you write a Mario. What's the name of it?

Because I probably Nessie, like, I don't know. Let's say, look, a blue dinosaur. We talked about this when Pat was on the show, but I can't remember. Dino Yoshi, blue, Dino Mario, Dory, Dory, Dory. Yeah, which, yeah, and that's exactly what it looks like. But, you know, it's just 60 to 60 feet long version of it. Yeah. So much actually kind of like the, the, not kind of much like the big foot version. This also peaked in the seventies in Japan

in 1973, a team about 40 biologists from Hokkaido university conducting a survey on the lake reportedly witnessed a huge animal surfacing a sighting that lent the tailed a degree of academic intrigue that propelled it forward. The following year, 1974, brought a frenzy of reports out of at least 15 separate groups of tourists that claimed to have seen large dark shapes or multiple humps undulating in the waters. One family described two black objects gliding side by side across the lake. Another group observed a pair of triangular humps, shiny and slimy, they say, which they estimated to be the span of about 35 to 40 feet long.

And in total, an event witnessed by about 15 people in slimy, dude. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like that. I mean, slimy, dude. And that event was witnessed by 15 people. On another occasion in 1974, startled onlookers saw what looked like the belly of a capsized boat moving in the water as if a giant creature was swimming just below the surface. And the most eerie encounter I could find was in 1975, where a forestry worker gazing over the lake at dusk saw a huge head quote larger

than a horses rise up from the water. He was a large alarm researchers even left off began offering began leaving offerings like squid and vegetables in the lake to test the beast appetite and legend has it that by morning only the squid had been devoured. After a flurry of such stories though, the Kushi sightings dwindled by the late nineties with 1997 being the last major report that I could actually like find explanations range from folkloric, obviously to scientific, uh, the local Anu people speak of a giant snake inhabiting the lake since olden

times, suggesting the Kushi legend may even be like an evolution of indigenous lore and modern theorists have proposed that the creature could be a surviving plesiosaur, a massive eel or simply a school of fish and waves playing tricks on people's eyes. All the Loch Ness things. Yep. Exactly.

Very much like, like the British office in the American office kind of. Yeah, it is like important to know as well that this theme, this same lake is also home to the giant salamander, which is in Japan, which is a large. It's a real guy. It's a surreal thing. Yeah. The giant salamanders. So how giant how giant are we talking? Let me look. Giant salamander size.

Kind of interesting question, right? Because if there's 60 feet long, six feet, 60 feet long. Wow. Yeah, six, no, six feet that can get like 60, like 110 pounds up to 110 pounds. Maybe he thought what he saw as a head was an entire salamander. Yeah, that's I assume more like the surface tension of a hump or something. Maybe it was on the log and it rose out of the water and it was on the edge of the log and he thought it was the head.

Huh? Maybe pretty good. I like. Yeah, I'll take it. Next to a school of fish that was in the shape of the bottom half of a body of a plesiosaur. Or you could be trying to feed on the fish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It was all pop plow. Yeah, man said, huh? Huh? Huh? Maybe I ate the fish. Maybe I ate the squid You know, yeah, and then we see the he bought go monster on the edge of the water watching quiet I tried to find a I tried to find a Pokemon that the that the bigfoot guy was based on but There's only a Dragon

Quest monster. Hmm, okay, interesting. Well, there's plenty more Pokemons on the horizon for them to harvest that. Would you hang out with this Nessie-like monster, the Kushi? The Kushi. Kushi. Kushi. Kushiaro monster.

Yeah, 100 percent. Well, I mean, as long as there's amenities for this beast where I'm at. Yes, this has no it has no special powers. It doesn't seem like it's very intelligent. Just kind of seems like a chill, big dinosaur animal. Like as long as it's like the biggest onsen of all time and I'm comfortable and they're comfortable, I would love to be there. I'd be a hypocrite if I turned down one snake thing for another snake ish thing. So this one doesn't lie.

This one is not a cheater, but it also is, uh, your Thalassophobia. So I'm all right. I'm oh yeah. Well, that's true. Yeah. That's true. Luckily the hot springs pretty shallow. I'm going to say yes.

No, this guy would take up the whole hot spring. No, that's trash. It would be so loud. It would be like, No, this guy would take up the whole hot spring. No, that's trash. It would be so loud. It would be like, Oh, yeah, this guy sucks. And just shatter your eardrums. Yeah. All right. Moving on to the next one is the Okami, the nihano kami,

basically the Japanese wolf, because this thing actually did exist at one point until it didn't. Ooh, well, roaming the highlands of Honshu in the forest of Hokkaido, Japanese wolves were declared extinct over a century ago, but people still claim to see them every once in a while. This last, the one that we know of actually died. It's called the Honshu wolf died in 1905 and the Hokkaido subspecies died in 1889. So they've been extinct for a very long time.

Yet ever since there are still whispers of a local sightings that persist that these creatures are elusive wolves that still kind of haunt the remote mountains. People say they still hear their howling howls echoing after midnight. Then the Honshu Wolf in particular, known for its shorter legs and more fox-like face, was the world's smallest wolf at the time, which was only 35 centimeters at the shoulder. Like that thing was tiny. 35 centimeters. That's like a foot.

Yeah. And in folklore, it was revered as Okami, a sacred messenger of the mountain gods and a protector of villages from the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scores of like Shinto shrines. I couldn't give you like a count because I just couldn't find one. We're dedicated to wolf spirits and talismans of wolf bangs or pelts were kept up to ward

off evil spirits, which is kind of like pretty badass, badass, but also kind of, you know, maybe one of the reasons they went extinct, they got, yeah, there's one too. There's only two sets of fangs on a wolf. Yeah. You can only, yeah, you got to mean a lot of wolves. Then, but there was like this, there was still a lot of spiritual significance to what they were doing and, uh, this fueled like this plus like the nostalgia for it after they were extinct, fueled this enduring belief that they were actually, no, they're still

out there. They're just being less seen. They're still just being kind of to themselves, protecting us out there, not gone for good, um, reported sightings of these wolves span the entire 20th century from deep valleys, uh, in, in Nara, from deep valleys in Nara to the cedar thickets of Saitama. And people have described dog-like beasts that don't match any known wild canine that we have on record.

So people think that that's them. That's the Nino. This is like also this is like the British office version of some kind of British cryptid. There's like a very similar thing. It's like leftover extinct animals that people see there's like a leopard and a, and a, and a black dog that people see from a far distance, similar kind of vibe. Uh, there was actually an encounter that happened in 1996 in Chichibu

Tamaki national park, Hiroshi Yagi, and I apologize if I messed up your name, a seasoned mountaineer devoted to finding the wolf, like spending his life looking for this thing, snapped a series of photographs of a strange animal that approached him on a logging road, and let me get you that exactly. That's exciting.

Did it not react when being shot with up close Magnum bullets? This is the one that yeah, this is the one actually, because on the wiki led to no actual photos. What does that mean? There was no photo. They mentioned the photos in the wiki, but with no photos linked in the wiki, like they talk about they're not there.

So that's a nice shortcut. That's a nice shortcut. That makes it right. Right. in the wiki but with no photos linked in the wiki. Like they talk about them, but they're not there. So let me see if I can actually. That's a nice shortcut. That makes it easy. Right, isn't it? Yeah, it's nice, it's nice. And I forgot to actually go fucking look for it. Here it is. It is truly.

This is, these are photos from 19. Catch 22 of websites. I know, yeah. 1996. Oh. These are them. Wow, these are like just straight up pics. Yeah, they're just straight up pics. This is no bullshit. Yeah, These are like just straight up picks. Yeah, they just no bullshit.

Yeah, this is like just pictures of some kind of wolf. Would that looks like it looks like it's not on on on Wikipedia. Right. It looks like it has like a cat like body. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, like, and I'm looking at the comments is like people are saying like the wolf shaped head on this thing is interesting. Yeah, it's like almost like my dog body who's like a 35 pound dog, but he's wearing like a wolf, like taxidermy wolf head on it. It's weird looking. Yeah, very strange looking.

But this is like definitely if if this is fake, that's amazing. But it looks very real to me. Yeah, it looks super real to me, too. But again, I wouldn't I'm the we're not scientists, but it looks very real to me. Yeah, it looks super real to me, too. But again, I wouldn't I'm the we're not scientists, but it is. If it's really like you said, it's very weird looking animals. I mean, it also just could be a dog. This thing. Yeah, that's like where the I might like like just a mutt knowledge. I'm like very, very true.

Like, of course, it could be. Yeah. But maybe this guy knows what he's talking about. I don't know. There is nothing special about its abilities. Like, it's really just supposed to be a guardian wolf that was treated as almost like a messenger god. Just like a sick wolf. This is like a sick wolf.

Yeah. Before we get into some more of the weirder stuff, what do you would you get into a. A hot spring with this with this good boy. Hell, yeah. And a heartbeat heartbeat but assuming it is also a messenger god from the mountain yeah he's gonna give me a message to relax man so i'm doing it i feel like i feel like this wolf is gonna kill me and eat me more likely than any other than the snake creatures the snake creatures seem to be quite smart like Like maybe they're not barbarians, but this is literally a wolf, a wild wolf and replaced with like a strange.

I don't know what's happening right now. I don't even know who this Alex is. If the wolf chills, I'm chill. All right. I have no evidence this wolf would ever do anything terrible. This was going to be drunk and lying to you. And you're like, yeah, but that's funny. Well, that's funny. You will. That's funny.

A wolf eats, kills and eats you. It's a wolf. All right. Yes or no, it's a messenger. Good boy. All dogs were wolves at one point. If it's a good boy, I'm taking it. Yes. Kill me, sir. Wolf. They are right. That's all right.

Kill me, sir. Well, you should be chilling and relax. I'm pouring the wine. I'm pouring the wine. I'm coming in soft. I'm coming in unaggressive. I'm going to die. I died. It's hard.

Come in soft. Coming in gentle. Godzilla. Not making direct eye contact. Not burying my teeth. Let him lick you in the mouth. If he needs to. Thank you so much to Hero Forge for sponsoring today's episode.

I'm not even looking at the paper anymore. I just finished doing one of my favorite online TTRPG campaigns and I've got my home one tomorrow where I've got a giant alien riding a UFO and I'm literally going to drop in my D&D campaign for a one-off fight. Listen, it's too cool. Like they sent it to me. It's too cool not to use. So that'll be a lot of fun. And if that sounds like fun, something you wanna go and do, just go over to heraforge.com.

You literally can make all kinds of minis for your different campaigns, from aliens, riding saucers, custom dice, all kinds of stuff you can get out over there. And it's free to just use the virtual tool online. Like you don't have to like buy the model or anything. If you just wanna make the model or anything if you just want To make the the the model first and make it on their website you can and then you can decide if you want it

Or not and if you do you can buy different kinds of plastics premium plastics bronzing You can also just buy the digital code for a way cheaper price and use your 3d printer at home if you have one Here for just become my go-to have like an army of Hero Forge minis now in my house over the past year, because I just use them for fricking everything. And they've been something I use literally since like, well before we were, years before we were working with them and getting to work with them now enough

to being able to chill and talk about how much I love, how much I love Hero Forge is kind of like the best deal ever. So go, go fricking check it out, heroforge.com. And when you check out, use code chill. You get a little bit check it out. HeroForce.com and when you check out use code chill, you get a little bit of, a little bit off of your purchase there when you do so and you support the show, support the site, support your tabletop RPG campaign,

just support everything and support my love for you while listening to this show and add. Okay, okay, thank you. Thank you for your force for sponsoring the episode. HeroForce.com promo code chill. Next up we have the ningen This is the japanese sailors began whispering of this thing Uh, and which was like its name literally translates to human

Uh, this thing looks like it showed up in the internet age I found this in the mid like 2000s is where I could have like human race, this thing. It literally just translates to human. It's described as a colossal pale humanoid figure that lurks beneath sub autartic waters. This thing is kind of Japanese horror and it's it's so Japanese or at its best sounds horrible.

It's just like a tall naked man. Kind of, there's actually two forms. There's one that has it like a large aquatic whale like creature with anatomical similarities to humans, like distinct humanoid face. Why are we not looking at this image right now? When you are, how dare you? However, sometimes it's given extremely large limbs or like arms and hands, 65 to a hundred feet long.

The second less common description portrays it as a considerably smaller terrestrial organism that consists of little more than a large head on humanoid legs. So let me get you a photo of this thing. Yo yo, this thing is this looks like, uh, uh, you know, I'm going down to St. James infirmary. Well, scroll down a bit and it gets like more that's a little phobic and like scary. They call me many. The Mocha honestly sucks, dude.

I hate this guy, but also some of them are cute. Some of them are, but that's not how it's described. Most of them are you go underwater and you see a face look at you and I don't want that horrific. Yeah. No thanks. By P.L. Beluga whale. No, thanks.

Uh, although it does have a beluga whale kind of vibe where I get it. It's a what's his name? From Pokemon Scarlet and Violet. It's a Titan. Remember that Pokemon? No, he's like a whale. He's like a whale with feet and no, but maybe that's what I from discovering a lot of Pokemon origins here. No, no, no. It said it's skin is also supposed to be ice cold and it's often found like lurking in or staying in icebergs or in snow drifts like just using its natural skin to camouflage itself. This thing sucks. What's cool about this one is we actually can pinpoint where this thing started. online forum to channel, which is Japan's kind of popular message board that kind of sounds like to chant. Yeah. Yeah. To chant is around 2007 when a user claiming to be

a government whale researcher posted this entire story. If the story long and short of it is the crew of a research ship, he wrote, uh, had spotted an enormous unknown creature surfacing near the vessel in Antarctic waters. And at first they thought it was a foreign submarine due to its massive size and its white color until it moved in a way no sub could and then vanished into the depths. The anonymous post just like it was enough vague stuff for people to let their imaginations to fill in. They're just going to catch fire and soon other and soon after others

began chiming in with their own stories. And around the same time, rumblings also began spreading about a Google Earth image from 2005 showing a vaguely tadpole shaped white blob in the South Atlantic. Some took it as like photographic proof for this thing, but skeptics obviously pointed out it was likely just an iceberg in a shape in their brain was doing the paradylia effect where that's pointed out it was likely just an iceberg in a shape and their brain was doing the paradylia effect where that's exactly what it was doing. Like, do we have the Google? I don't have that. There's no, I can't find the Google image of this thing. The legend kept growing regardless. And then a video clip from a Japanese aquariums deep sea

survey in 2010 showed a blurry white form on the ocean floor, which conspiracy minded people insisted was this, uh, ningen the aquarium later identified it as a large rock formation. Surprising nobody. Um, artists impressions of this obviously make a way more scary and haunting thing, but there is no footage, no photograph, nothing that shows any sort of defined looking creature. This thing was a 4chan, I'm sorry, a 2chan post that was just kind of written well enough

at the time to just snap up people's curiosity. 07 government leak posts, man, you know, those are just kind of new back then. This is the best I could find of the Ningen Google Maps post. I think this is it. All right, let's see. Yeah, I mean, okay. So yeah, what we're looking at is a this looks like like a Google, it's a Google Earth shot from oh, wait, that is very likely showing just what rocks are an iceberg. And because of the angle, it's not a top down. It's like isometric angle, wait, that is very likely showing just what rocks are an iceberg. And because of the angle, it's not a top down. It's like isometric angle, right? A little shadow or something that where the water is like cutting a piece of it off

and it just makes it look like and two arms coming out. And I can you can let your brain kind of like it. The rest of it turn into a whale. Right. Yeah, exactly. It just kind of happens if you give it, if you give it a second, despite this thing being so recent though, it's very classic crypto zoological theme, you know, the unexplored ocean government secrecy, yada, yada, yada. I mean, the government secrecy is kind of like the newer version, but like this, this is years old now. Sure, sure,

sure. But this still has the vibe of going back to when we're talking about the old legends and whatnot. Yeah. The like, Hey, don't go out on that ice. There's things that could get your don't go near the deep water. You know, things to you think there's a lesson. Yeah, I mean obviously skeptics and people more educated come out and be like no polar organism even approaching that size is known apart from whales and a semi humanoid whale is biologically implausible. They say not impossible. They do have like something like that in their bone, right? Like they have like some kind of like vestigial leg situation. Yeah.

Yeah. But I mean, it also reminds me of like old timey sailors, mistaking like belugas from mermaids. You know, like that kind of thing too. They were very morning. Yeah. Yeah. They definitely were very, very horny. Um, I, I go on the side of, I would not hang out with this thing. No, this thing is terrifying looking.

I'm all right. Looks like the final monster from like a horror video game That would chase you like amnesia like it looks horrific Yeah, it like kind of could be considered cute in a way, but I'm like not buying that's the fan art version Yeah, that's like when people tried to make Slenderman cute. You can't do that Yeah, and you are correct. Alex. I actually have a as I was doing recently looking up something about it just here they are Titan and Citadel are direct references to this thing that dude that's it that's kind of cool that a two thousand like seven to Chan post is now like in for enough yet a Pokemon named after it yeah exactly

that's crazy I love that kind of wild. Definitely wouldn't hang out with it though. So we're good. Yeah. All right. Next up the Jim Menken, which is a human faced dog. Now the story for this one is pretty cool. Tokyo at midnight in 1989, a taxi driver was speeding down an expressway when a shaggy stray dog sprints alongside the car.

I always hate horror stories when things that shouldn't be able to keep up with the car just like keeping up on foot with you. Oh, that's such a kid. It's just, it's such a kid. Uh, it's such a kid type horror story, but it still gets me like, I hate that shit. Yeah. It's such a, it's such a fear that comes from some kind of like, what if it was fast enough to get me in my invincible car?

Yeah As it was keeping up suddenly the dog sped up and actually got ahead of the car And as it was passed like running by it as its head turned back it revealed the face of a human face That was on this canine body. Oh Okay Yeah, this is like one the most this is like more the eerie that was on this canine body. Oh, okay. Yeah, this is like one of the most. This is like more of the eerie, like kind of legends that right. We have here because this is literally the story of its origin.

No pictures, nothing just this story descriptions of this thing vary, but usually they appear as a medium sized dogs often said to be either wild dogs or neglected looking dogs that upon getting closer and like, you know, checking to see if it's okay, we'll turn and display the uncanny face of like an old man or sometimes though, rarely a woman and their eyes, mouth, and expressions are disturbingly human-like sometimes, sometimes I just realized what this is. This is in man.

So Yo-Kai watch. Yeah, right. All the Yo-Kai. I don't have an experience with that closet as like as a giant Yo-Kai watch fan right now, because that would please me greatly. I don't know much about it, but I do play Final Fantasy 14. And they did have a crossover event where you could win a bunch of Yo-Kai pets. And one of them is a dog with like a businessman face. And I realized now that's what this is. And that's hilarious.

But this is the scariest photo I could find of one for you. I see. I see your scariest one. You could find there he goes. I see that. Yeah. So that is weird. But I, I, I raise you the final fancy 14 dog guy. This looks like shit. This looks like somebody

put a Halloween mask on a fucking real dog. This looks like somebody you can't, there's not even the eyes in there. The eyes on the mask aren't even filled in by anything. Demonic dude. No go look at the dog with the fucking chains on. Go look at the one from Final Fantasy that's the guy. How do you spell it? No I just sent you the link. Right there.

Oh my god. What the fuck is that? That's it that's Mangemutt dude. Mangemutt dude. What the fuck is that thing? That's Final Fantasy 14? Why does it look like shit? This dude looks like he's Mangemutt man. Manja mutt dude He's like from the graphics of another video game he's like he's like fucking a fortnight guy in Final Fantasy fucking 14 He's like lower. He's a mess. Look at the other guy. He looks like he's a

Claimation like mistake. He looks like he's trying to die. He doesn't want to exist anymore. Well, that's kind of funny because, uh, these beings themselves are not aggressive, like man eating monsters. They are actually just kind of lonely. Maybe like people describe them as pitiable beings. That's perfect for this. No, that's it. They tend to avoid people wandering city edges and garbage dumps at night.

And if a costed a yin, yin men can might do something like just get like yell at you like like, like with human speech scold you in a way like leave me alone, please leave me alone shit like that. The more popular rumors of these encounters, though, are usually them being kept up with on the road by one of these things like chasing it. Other than the human speech and its highway like speeds doesn't really have any powers other than being then begging to be left alone. That's really what they do when they speak. They just beg to be left alone. to be left alone. That's really what they do when they speak. They just beg to be left alone.

That is that is depressing. It's very depressing. This guy's not going to make it to the hot tub. This guy's not making it to the onsen. No, we're going to be I'm going to be we're going to be walking to the hot tub and halfway through and be walking him to therapy instead. He's not me. Yeah, I want him to get to the hot tub, though. I'm on team. Get this guy in the hot tub.

I read I like I think in his own time, he can work on himself and find his way to the hot tub though. I'm on team. Get this guy in the hot tub. Agreed. I like, I think in his own time, he can work on himself and find his way to the hot tub and to do needs relax. Yeah. You know, it's, it's like, if you build it, they will come. You know what I mean? Yeah. Just for the, you got to dress for the job you want. Well, yeah, before you make your decision, address for the, you got to dress for the game you're in. Let me finish up the last bit here. I have, uh, because one of the one of the other origins of this thing is that

they may be a spirit of a person who died in a traffic accident. Or they are they are genetic experiments gone wrong. Okay, those are your two other origins other than it just being a sad, weird creature that evolved with a human face for some reason that is fucking nuts But hey, I love this guy. He just needs to relax in the tub So yes. Yes, you're hanging out with this guy. It's oh, yeah You know what in this condition if we get the the alcoholic snake in there and have that guy just like no No, you know no up. tell him, you know, all the amazing.

I don't want to be awesome. I don't want to be the onset when a weird dog with a man face and a snake that bites itself getting there together. I was going to travel together. Travel. Yeah. No, but he knows somebody there to be like, talk them up, give them that confidence boost and that snake will do it. Oh, all right.

Next, that snake will do it, he says, will do it. You will. Next up is the the Baki Kujira or the ghost whale. This one's off the coast of the Japanese sea, and fishermen tell of a night when a whale skeleton swam up from the depths. Jesse's personal fucking night. All of these are going to be bad for me just because of where Japan's located. Like just be a lot of water ones.

This when this happens, this is the omen of the Baki Kujara, one of Japan's more haunting maritime Yokai. The Baki Kujira appears as the life-size skeleton of a great whale glowing white and lacking any flesh, just straight bones. It glides through waves and is trailed by a menagerie of phantom fish and birds that flock around this thing. And the sight is like, people say is both beautifully mesmerizing but horrifying to me. It just sounds sick as hell.

And a whale's ghost is like kind of sailing as if alive through the waves, which is just has these things flocking around it. And in the coastal folklore, a village visited by this ghostly whale will soon suffer calamities like plague, fire, famine, or poor fishing, as if cursed by the whale's wrath. So this thing is fucking cool to me in my head. Yeah, pretty sweet.

Rides up is like, and it almost it reminds me of the opening of Dragon's Dogma. Okay. You know, I mean, like, I don't know if you remember Alex, but the big dragon kind of falls through a portal as it's followed and swarmed by harpies and shit. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, that's how I fucking think of it. The legend that originates from Western Japan, particularly the Shimane prefectures coastal villages, which historically engaged in whaling.

So it makes sense why it came from them. And the story goes that one rainy night long ago, some fishermen near the peninsula spotted a gigantic white, white shaped, white shaped drifting ashore thinking a whale had wandered close. They excitedly launched their boats and cast harpoons, but to their puzzlement, the harpoons passed through the target as if it was never there. Drawing nearer, they realized with horror that the whale was nothing but its skeletal frame, its massive bones held together by an uncanny force and illuminated in the dark waters. And that's when they noticed a swarm of fish that were around it,

the uncanny birds that circled in the rain, yet none were species that the fishermen recognized. And no matter how they tried to strike it, the specter could not be touched. The fishermen, panic rising, retreated to the shore as the phantom whale and its retinue slipped away back into the Black Sea. And the next morning, the village buzzed with dread. They thought surely this was a Bakeh Kujira, the avenging spirit of a whale killed unjustly. And in the aftermath, their fears proved to be true. The village was beset by misfortune

from failing crops to a mysterious sickness, tragedies attributed to the curse of the whale's vengeful ghost. Whoa, you kind of went into like a campfire story mode. Yeah, that was cool. I don't want to hang out with them, but it was cool. Yeah, I was scared of the whales vengeful ghost Yeah, but it seems only vengeful if you killed a whale unjustly So if we didn't kill a whale unjustly who's to say what's just or unjust though, you know

Well, what if we just don't kill a whale ever and it will be fine Listen, we all have our reasons. Yeah That whale was talking shit nah, I We all have our reasons. Yeah, that whale was talking shit. No, I'm out. I feel like you're doing it in the way that like, like, sometimes like people get close to the invading, uh, like warlord so that they don't get killed themselves. What I mean?

Like like we're appeasing the whale by hanging out with him. Like, you know, really inducing Stockholm syndrome or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I like I don't want to actually hang out with the whale. The whale seems like bad company. The whale seems like a bad vibe. But but like, you know, maybe I should. You know what I mean? Yeah, maybe I should.

Maybe you should start getting in early. You never know. Maybe I should just just in case. And that's how you get a position in government nowadays There's a lot of those deadly ghost whales that can't be speared in government these days Yeah All right all knows all right We got another human face monster on this list next boys that kudan or human faced cow in rural Japanese barns there is supposedly a rare mystical occurrence when a birth of a calf is born with a human face known as a Kudon.

This is a yokai like cryptid, but it's not frightening for its parents alone or for its eerie gift of prophecy. Uh huh. What? I'm here. I'm here. I'm because Alex's eyes squinted the moment I said that I just wanted this one. And it's just not the word that I thought you were going to. I thought you were going to say like song or like a gap. No, no.

A baby cat was born with a human face. It's like, oh, you're going to die in a week. And you're like, oh, that's that's what we're going to get out of that. That's what happens when I try to improv a prophecy, Jesse. I can improv shit. That's the problem. According to legend a week. A good on is born only rarely, often on remote farms in Western Japan for some

reason, and lives for a very brief time. It typically has the body of a small cow or calf, but where a bovine snout should be, there is instead a human visage, sometimes infant like, and sometimes eerily adult like. So sometimes you get a baby face and sometimes you just get like, I just imagined like a businessman's face. Just like born ready for the world. What is a businessman's face. It's just like born ready for the world. What is a businessman's face?

What do you, what do you like? Go back to that mantra mud photo. Imagine under his eyes. He's like, he's just got like a kind of a slight perpetual downward turn frown, but not quite annoyed looking. He's the background character of every anime. Yes. Yeah. Ever. Yeah. He's not the main character.

He's just in the background. He's like, Oh, yeah. Our reference for Japanese. Yeah. He's not the main character. He's just in the background. He's like, oh, yeah. Our reference for him. Yeah, he has stuff to do. He can't get caught up in fighting. I assume assassins from the demon world. Fair enough. There are even rarer tales of this creature, though, where the features are reversed, where it's a human child born with a cow's face. But the cow body just gives like good cow farming advice.

Yeah, yeah, no prophecies. He's here to make sure your crops are going to grow good this year. Uh, but it's the cow body human face form. That's like the classic and most well known. The moment a Kudon is born, it gains the power of speech and consciousness immediately. Farmers have reported such creatures speaking in perfect Japanese from the moment of birth. But more astonishingly, the first and only thing a Kudon ever does is pronounce a prophecy. And the prophecy is infallible. Some Kudon foretell abundant harvests or upcoming disasters. Others predict wars or epidemics.

The prophecy delivered, the creature has no will to live anymore and invariably dies within days, never eating or growing. It is as if the sole purpose of the thing is the brief life to be a mouthpiece for fate itself. And then just be like, I'm done. And they just fucking position fulfilled. It just is done. It's just dies.

It just doesn't eat. It refuses and then just starves to death in a few days. So I don't even, I don't even want to begin to think about the logistics of getting this thing into an onsen. Yeah, no, I'm, I'm, I'm all right. You have to bring a pregnant cow first. Is it edible? Like, edible? Yeah, it's like the cow, you can have venison from it, I guess. Is it just like a baby cow or is it edible? Like at the cow body. Yeah, it's like the cow you can have venison from it.

I guess. Is it just like a baby cow? Yeah, it is a baby cow with a human face on where it's now. It should be. Okay. Well, okay, venison venison is dear by the way. Oh shit. You're right.

What somebody's gonna get you the word. I'm looking for veal veal is the word, but if it's got to be like an infant cow, then it can't be that we can't have we can't be eating a dead infant cow. Well, yeah, I can only be infant cow. It's infant cow. And then it dies. We can't. This is, I was trying to like somehow, you know, save this circle of life, circle of life type stuff, you know, 2020. And then it dies, you know? Yeah. You know, I was trying to like not waste it,

not waste its death, but there's nothing I can do. It's too gross. I just I'd be even beside even the grossness. It also sounds like it'd just be too depressing Yeah, like genuinely. I wouldn't want to witness that it was like it's like it's like Real nasty it'd be real real. What do they say? I was trying to think slimy and what was it slick and slimy? What did they say? I was trying to think slimy and what was it? Slick and slimy. Slimey. Yes. Slimey and shiny and slimy. Yes.

Shiny and slimy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I say no as well. I'm good. We're all good. I'm very good.

Okay. We got the after, after the Kudon. I mean, it's origin by the way, just so you know, I, for ice scouts, about to skip that part is that it was basically in the Edo period, the late Edo period, which was the mid 19th century, which was during a time of like massive social upheaval, upheaval. And during these times, these tumultuous years, stories spread of multiple coup d'un appearing across the country, each predicting significant events and era facing the collapse of the Shogunate foreign incursions and domestic

strife. People were basically primed to see omens and everything. Newspapers, which was now then a growing medium, eagerly reported on Kudon prophecies whenever anybody mentioned them. And in fact, a number of sensational broadsheets they were called from the 1850s to 1860s, detail Kudon predictions from forecasting plentiful rice crops to foretelling the outbreak of the Russo-Japanese War decades later. The accuracy assigned to these prophecies in hindsight gave the Kudan an almost oracular

reputation. I gotta see the wording of these prophecies. The idiom emerged Kudan no Gotoshi, meaning just as the kudon said. Yeah, as always. The links to these papers, I've got a reference on a site that has it's just the yokai.com site that I have had no. No. I.

Dot com. Yeah. What does this up shop for yokai info? Yeah, man. There's a lot of weird cryptid like paranormal. You love to see a website that's just its own URL.com. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

You love to see that there is. I could not find any of these broadsheets brought from it. They don't even make they mention it without any reference to it as well. Either on the Yo-Kai site. Again, that's why it's legend 18 I'm gonna see if I can quickly find anything now, but I don't think it'll be there But in the meantime, would you hang out with this thing? No, you said no, this is the yeah You wouldn't hang out with the kudon. No, nobody would hang out with nobody would want to see on prophecies. Yeah

Yeah, there's just like no immediately available Nobody would want to see this. Prophecies. Yeah. Yeah. There's just like no immediately available broadsheet that I can find. If anybody has access to like those older like Japanese documents, I'd be fascinated to see if we could find one that one of the actual Japanese war or something like one that predicts openly like one of the what it claims or something like one that predicts openly, like one of the what it claims to have predicted. Right. Um, but, uh, yeah, I said, these people at this time, it was things were kind of

tough. I mean, we see it even now, but you know, people are primed even today to like start believing in new age stuff and like belief of like astrology and you know, stuff to just like for good and for bad control on something in a world that feels uncontrollable, you know stuff just like for good and for bad. Yeah control on something in a world that feels uncontrollable, you know big time Now we're gonna move on to the nerayana or the wet woman. Oh Along the rocky shores and river shallows not wet like we would be excited for unfortunately one might encounter I was thinking ghostly and covered in water with ripped clothing in a mouth that swallows you whole. That's what I was thinking. I was literally that exact thing. I was thinking

like her hair covers her face a little bit. That's what I was talking about. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking about. You know, my God, I was thinking, oh, tell me if this sounds familiar to something else we've covered actually as you would find this one might encounter this beautiful woman weeping and drenched cradling a bundled baby But pity the foolhardy soul who don't go near the water. Well, go make a movie of this I You think they would did they make a movie of the la Llorona? I feel like if they did they definitely that happened for sure

I feel like we would have been told if somebody made a movie about Lairo. They did. Did they? They did. Guys, are you making a joke right now? They did. I don't think we were told about it multiple times. Are you sure? Why are you acting like we weren't? I'm not sure if we were or weren't.

It could be. They still go near because it could be the shape shifting neurorona, a deadly snake woman. That sounds offensive to like several different sensibilities. I know. Yeah. Neurona. My, my, my, my, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like the lie.

Your own. This is a deadly snake woman. My no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no sending some time out to 20 feet long. Nice regional versions grant her human like arms, but in many she has only fin like appendages. She also always appears sopping wet as if perpetually emerging from the water. This is how she got her nickname, obviously. And despite her horrifying form, they're also rather clever and prefers cunning over force when hunting. Her signature tactic is to disguise herself as an ordinary woman in distress, holding what looks like a swaddled infant and calling out to passerbys for help. If a kind stranger takes the baby from her arms, they are shocked to find the bundle

becomes inhumanly heavy as if turning the stone and anchors the victim in place. And at that moment, she reveals her serpentine lower body oils around the night and unleashes her long forked tongue to drain the person. You hate to see blood at leisure. Those entrapped rarely have a chance to scream before they're constricted and silenced. And you're dead. You wrote just wrote that you took a little poetic license there.

Made that sound extra extra grody. Okay, look, I guess that was absolutely making it a little extra little little math is spice. You love to see it. I know I rejected two previous snakes and then I said afterwards I'd be hypocrite if I take the next snake You're taking the snake I'm taking the snake Is that I mean is that hypocritical is that just an evolution of character? No, that's there's no evolution there That's for sure. You say you said this one said deadly. You said deadly on this one.

Yes, he said deadly and I'm fine with that. She drains you of your blood like a vampire. That I become a half snake. Like, you know, she feed me her own blood, could I then become some sort of snake thing? I don't I'll take the chance. I'll take you like, no, right. I feel like that's I mean, that's not on her list of abilities that I wrote,

but I'm all right. I'll take the chance. It's fine. You know, I was always right. The first time for everything, I guess. Fair enough. Yeah. Hey, you know what? If you're bold, you're bold. That's what I got to say. If you're being bold, God bless.

No, you can actually like one of our other abilities is she she can literally just paralyze you with fright. Nice. She can just like that's like the Zelda. That's like the Zelda dude. Like the the. Yeah, kind of like that. Yeah.

I love the re the re animated. But I forget what they're called. Redead. Redead. Those are. Yeah. I am. I'm a hell no.

I'm an absolutely hell no. I'm out. No, I'm out on this one She's not hanging out with you. She just wants to still like suck you dry and not in the fun way Suck me dry, dude. All right. Yeah All right. We're almost done boys. Just like a couple more here Next up is the Umi buzo, which is known as the sea monk This was from a nice when the night sea is calm and silent. Beware the sudden swell of water because it might be an Umi

bozu rising this colossal oceanic specter like ghost has frightened Japanese sailors for generations. The Umi bozu is described as a giant black humanoid figure that emerges from the deep sea, usually seen only from the shoulders up. Yes. This is scary already. All right, yeah.

Yeah, it's skin or at least what can be seen of its form. It's never definitively been seen. Is inky black and like shine smooth, smooth like again like the shiny wetness of the other one very similar often likened to the shaven head of a Buddhist monk and it's its name Seaman. I unfortunately cannot stop imagining when I was reading about this of just like a goofy anime scene of just like a bald man like speeding through the sea head first with his arms locked by his side going so fast he just creates a wake of water behind him. This one sounds very scary to me.

Yeah, it's just not the minute that's described as compared to a Buddhist monk. I just. I could no dice. Eyewitnesses, if they survive, report only vague features, enormous round eyes, sometimes glare from its dark face, and its mouth may appear as a gaping void or a thin line that seems to be in the form of a smile. The size of UmiBosu is one of the more scary aspects because it can range anywhere from like 10 feet tall to 60 to 70 feet tall. Like it ranges inside 70 feet tall. Only yes, 70 feet tall, 70 feet tall, like fucking attack on Titan, Titanic's level,

like size, like huge tall. Some accounts say it can loom as high as a ship's mast or even dwarf a vessel with only its head and shoulders visible above the water while its lower body remains unseen in the depths. Just like its size varies fucking crazy from this thing. This is almost always a precursor to destruction. Sailors have told of dead calm nights when an Umi-Bosu suddenly broke the surface. It emerges instantly whipping the sea into a frenzy and out of nowhere, waves will rise.

The wind suddenly start howling and the giant specter of this thing moves into attack. In some stories, Umi-Bosu simply smashes the ship with a single swipe or by dropping its massive arm onto the deck and just crushing the ship and others. It's like a more, it's more bizarre. The Umi bozu actually demands the crew give it a barrel or a large wooden bucket. And if the terrified sailors comply, the creature uses the container to scoop up sea water and pour it into the ship, drowning

the crew in it in the deluge. If you don't comply, he just was like, got me. Okay. You know, when he doesn't, he just smashes into like the ship. I think is what like is implied here. No matter what he's screwing you. Yes. Many of many a fabled shipwreck in Japanese lore is attributed not to storms, but to the wrath of a new me bozu.

However, clever mariners devised a trick records and folkloric folklore say the only escape is to offer the Umi bozu a bottomless barrel, one with like literally a barrel that has a fake, like a fake bottom on it. Because the spirit will is too stupid to figure out the barrel isn't filling and will constantly because it'll only drown you. It's like vampires like telling a vampire to like count rice or whatever. Yes, exactly correct. And so he will constantly and endlessly try to fill a barrel that won't fill occupying

itself long enough for the sailors to escape with their lives. Okay. That's how you get that. That's how you get out of there, dude. That's, that's it. It's good. It's very specific knowledge. It's very, you really need to pay attention to learn that exact piece of knowledge. And if you're going to hang out with this thing at a hot spring, it's probably useful. Fair enough. Would you hang out with this thing in the hot spring?

I'm I feel like maybe I'm a no, but you know, no, what do you know? I feel like I feel like I might have to be a no. You know what I mean? It doesn't seem safe. There's no upsides to this at all. Yeah. It doesn't feel like I'm going to come out feeling like, you know what, what a nice relaxing time at the spa. I'm glad I did that. Oh, that's fair. I think I unfortunately I think I went I'm with you. Last one, gentlemen, this one's kind of a weird one, but it's classic in many ways. A gosh, a dog crew.

It's a giant skeleton. Oh, yes. This I love a simple, simple premise. This giant skeleton just towers over forests and villages at heights said to be at approximately 30 to 40 feet tall. Fifteen times the 15 times spirit Halloween. Yes. Like a 12 foot, like 12 foot tall skeleton from Spirit Halloween.

Stop. Yep. Yep. It's one of Japan's more terrifying Yokai. According to legend, it appears as just an enormous skeleton, grotesquely assembled from the bones of hundreds of human corpses. And it's hollow eye sockets glow with supernatural fire with a massive job that's said to open wide enough to bite off a person's head in a single motion.

Nice. Why would it need to do that? It's, it's, it's a Yo-Kai dude. I don't know. Why wouldn't it? Does it eat the, does it eat the head? I guess so. It would just fall out the, the, the ribs.

So I imagine. However, despite how big this thing is, the Gashadokuru moves in eerie silence. It's one of its scariest abilities, according to some, because it's near invisible when it's stealping through the woods. It's said to approach with such quietness that its victims only realize their fate when they hear a deep, unnatural rattling, the sound of bones grinding together just before the killing blow and it bites off their head. I really wanted to cut to that skeleton dance. Yeah. When you hear that sound, you know, you're dead too late. In some stories, a skeleton can only be seen by those that intends to kill, you're dead too late. Uh, in some stories, the skeleton can only be seen by those that intends to kill, which adds the, a kind of like fatalist did like

grim reaper element to the legend a little bit essentially, but no matter the story, whether it's super silent or actually invisible, this thing is functionally invisible until it's right next to you. It doesn't have a sword or a spear, no bullets or a no bullet can harm this thing either. It's not like a demon in the traditional sense, but it's right next to you. It doesn't have a sword or a spear, no bullets or no bullet can harm this thing either. It's not like a demon in the traditional sense, but it's an embodiment of rage animated by intense unresolved suffering and it remains on Earth until the emotional energy fueled by the collective anger, starvation and betrayal of those that it's made of dissipates naturally over time. He's got to let it run its course, baby.

It's like a doctor strange script. Yeah, I'm into this. Yeah. Though it's often mistaken for an ancient myth. The gosh, a doker is actually a relatively modern creation first appearing in the 1960s in manga and Yokai encyclopedias. Just like these like he's like a fanfic. Yeah, kind of because he draw it draws heavily on the Edo period imagery,

particularly of an 1847 Ukiyo-e woodblock print by Utagawa Kuniyoshi depicting the sorceress Takiyasha Himei conjuring a massive skeleton to attack a warrior. Like just a fucking Dean&D ass image. Oh yeah. 1847. Oh yeah. The image itself was tied to older folklore involving Tarja no Masakado, a rebellious

samurai who defied the central government in the 10th century. And according to legend, after Masakado was killed and decapitated, his enraged daughter, Taki Asha, gathered the bones of his fallen soldiers and reanimated them into a single enormous warrior spirit, forming what would later become known as the Kasha Tokuru. So while it is a fanfic, technically, it has roots that go back so fucking far. And it was so cool. Like it's it's weird. What has like I had a hard time finding an origin for on this and was it's like, oh no,

this is a direct tie all the way back to this fucking sick later stories adapted this idea. And is there a Pokemon based on bones assembling together? There's I mean, there's several there's several Pokemon that are just bones, like literally like the sword, I believe has something to do, the hone edge sword has something to do with it, it's like dead battlefield stuff coming together and making like a living thing, but like actual bones, I don't know that there's like a true scary skeleton man, you know, but like, you know, bone Pokemon, there's there's a cube bone, you know, like, yeah, yeah, that's true. That only accounts. Yeah, I don't.

Yeah, I don't think he's he's he's supposed to be wearing the bones of his dead mother. So it's not like he's made of the bones, but it's kind of similar ish. Yeah. There's that fish one that comes together like the school. That's true. Yeah. The, the, the one that's like, um, isn't there a bonefish too? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, there is. Yeah. Thank God you guys know this stuff. Uh, I'm a hard no, because all the thing is, is an embodiment of rage. So it seems like it's going to bite my head off, right? Like, am I crazy? It's going to put my head in its mouth and bite it off. Jesse wild card. Are you going to say yes or no? You say no to

this guy? No. All right, just the snake lady then. The later stories of this thing were used to explain like the wartime omens and famine anytime a sighting of one happened, it began to be like an omen of such things. In particular, there was there was a, uh, lore resonated with the aftermath. And this stuck out simply because of the name, the 1940 CE battle of Kojima, uh, where the Masa Kata's followers were left to run the battlefield. That's where the, the, some of this lore comes from, but just the name Kojima

and some translations is Kohima with an H. But I like Kojima. I like Kojima too, man. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah, exactly. Dude, just running to comes out next week, you guys. Oh, is that next week? Oh, shit week.

It's like, holy shit. That's next week. I got excited. Yeah, I'm so close. OK. On that weird note, that's that's the end of the cryptids list today, boys. Absolutely relaxing. Like a little, yeah. Yeah. I enjoyed myself. I have enjoyed myself immensely. I learned a little bit. I saw a bunch of little ridiculous things happen. It was nice. And I, I, I think I trusted the right snake. I want it.

I want it to be known that I, I feel that I trusted the right snake. I want it. I want it to be known that I feel that I trusted the right snake. I trusted the wrong snake for the right reason. There you go. I think that's the correct call. That's the correct call. Jesse would be holding that baby in a minute. And once he realized how heavy it was, then he wasn't moving anywhere. You would not see sadness nor fear.

No acceptance. You'll be fine. Embracing the end. Yeah, you guys are wild. God, you guys are wild style. No acceptance You be fine You guys are wild god you guys are wild style. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode We're off to go do a mini-sode over at patreon.com slash illuminati pod and head over to Fm for all your other all of our other links socials and all kinds of different stuff and check out the site Thank you all so much. We'll see you next week with a new episode. We appreciate you. We love you Bye Thank you all so much, we'll see you next week with a new episode, we appreciate you, we love you! Bye! Bye! Anyway, me and my wife were sitting outside indulging on our porch one night enjoying

ourselves. I needed to go to the bathroom so I stepped back inside and after a few moments I hear my wife go, holy shit get out here! So I quickly dash back outside, she's looking up at the sky in awe. I look up too, and there's a perfect line of dozen lights traveling across the sky. So Thanks for watching! you