Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 369: The Mummy Files

Episode Date: October 4, 2026

The TIME OF THE MUMMY has arrived, and Alex is here to familiarize Jesse and Mathas with the basics of Mumminess, the birth of Egyptomania, Mummy Dust to-go bags, and a gallery of mummies from around the world!CHILLUMINATI is a weekly comedy podcast hosted by Mike Martin, Jesse Cox and Alex Faciane. Hold on to your tin-foil hats and traverse the realms of the mysterious, supernatural, spooky and sometimes truly horrible - and your third eye will never be the same!Subscribe to our Patreon to support us and for extra content like full video episodes, weekly Minisodes, exclusive art, and more at http://patreon.com/CHILLUMINATIPODOFFICIAL MERCH: https://theyetee.com/chilluminatiMike Martin - http://www.youtube.com/@themoleculemindset Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - https://www.youtube.com/@StarWarsOldCanonBookClub/Editor: DeanCutty Producer: Hilde @ https://bsky.app/profile/heksen.bsky.social Show Art: Studio Melectro @ http://www.instagram.com/studio_melectro Logo Design: Shawn JPB @ https://twitter.com/JetpackBragginSHOW NOTESAuthor of Mummies: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgess_McHargueMummies (1972): https://archive.org/details/mummies00mcha/mode/2up The Royal Mummies by Dr. GE Smith: https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=bVSGsKmWpCwC&pg=PP1#v=onepage&q&f=falseNe_____liac Striptease in the London Review of Books: https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v36/n03/thomas-jones/necrophiliac-stripteaseThe Jewel of Seven Stars by Bram Stoker: https://archive.org/details/BramStoker-TheJewelOfSevenStars/mode/2upIras: A Mystery by (Theo Douglas) HD Everett: https://archive.org/details/irasmystery0000theo/mode/2upRamses the Damned series by Anne and Christopher Rice: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/series/EAX/ramses-the-damned/AWB: https://dn720004.ca.archive.org/0/items/papyrusofanirepr01budg/papyrusofanirepr01budg.pdf The Yosemite Mummy: https://www.sfgate.com/california-parks/article/fake-mummies-discovered-yosemite-valley-18562152.phphttps://s.hdnux.com/photos/01/35/64/66/24595846/3/ratio3x2_640.webpThe Children of Llullaillacohttps://www.livescience.com/21848-image-gallery-inca-child-mummies.htmlSokushinbutsu: https://buddhistselfmummification.wordpress.com/2019/04/02/this-is-how-they-did-it/Lady Dai: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xin_Zhui#/media/File:Xin_Zhui_3.JPG https://allthatsinteresting.com/xin-zhui-lady-dai 

Hello, everybody and welcome back to the Chilumani podcast, episode 369. As always, I'm one of your host, Mike Martin, joined by my own personal siblings, Jesse and Dylan Faden, Alex and Jesse Cox. Am I automatically Dylan Faden? Yeah, you have to be. I'll tell you what, I'm Dylan. He's got the red hair. I'm faded.

Yeah. And Jesse's name is literally Jesse, which is also like a, yeah. I would say Alex and I are like a squared circle over here. I don't even know what the hell you're talking about. I've only played Alan Wake 2, so I'm way out of day. We're more like a severed circle, actually, a severed circle 2. Circle 2. Right.

What the fuck? Are you guys talking? Nothing. Go play the game. Go play the game. Go play the game. And if you're in Control Resonant is like built for our audience. If you are a gamer, go play the control series.

Yeah, go play the control series. You should go by Control and you should go by Allen Wake 2 immediately. I haven't played Residente yet, so I can't speak for it. But I'm sure that the weirdness continues. Control is one of the most complete, like, lore read the codex games ever, where every single thing that you read pays off.

It's the most to luminati stuff ever. Imagine if real mysteries paid off like that. Nobody does it like Remedy. I wish other developers would play. We go with the weird and other stuff. And also Remedy or somebody who knows Remedy, get us in the next game as a cameo, please. Chulamati podcast, easy.

It's like five guys that are the weird ones. Everybody else is like making like basically God of War 2018 still. Yeah, yeah. We're still in that, that era. Anyway, friends and lovers, welcome back. Once again, to a new era on Chaluminati. For now, we have cast off the sweaty, sticky skin of summer, peeled off the stinky gray bandages and entered a new theme,

which this time, to avoid any confusion about months or seasons, will be called the top. Time of the Mummy, which also sounds kind of cool in an old school way, if you think about it. The time of the mummy. Tom Cruise was trying to do that for a hot minute, but it did not work out. When he was like, yeah, that pre-release footage. Dude, I think literally that movie was destroyed by the trailer. Like, everybody always talks about like, why when, how come one of something leaks, they

like cancel it? And it's because of that. It's because you lose the narrative. You lose the control of it. But yeah. It's mummy time. It's the time of the mummy. Excuse me. And yes, it's Halloween. Also, we are officially in October as of the airing of this episode. And yes, there's tons of different spooky ways. We could have went with a Halloween theme. But this year, we thought, what could be scarier than

dead rich people coming back from the dead to enslave us all? But enough about Mitch McConnell. Now it's time to talk about Patreon. You may not realize this, but the Chulomani is a huge organization, thousands and thousands of people working far, far underground to make sure that the world as it is continues to get weirder and weirder. And these days, the idea of doing all the things that we do and maintaining all of our meticulous years of pop culture records as I'm starting to spill over into my house. Nomadic tube maintenance is particularly expensive. Stuff just comes out of the tube and then I got to find somewhere to put it too, which is like fucked up. Um, like, I should have not got on the network is really what it is. I should have just used the pickup spot down at 7-Eleven,

but I fucked up. But it's a huge organization and the idea of doing all the things that we do, maintaining the records when our only major form of income is a weird and mildly popular adult edutainment and mystery show with plenty, like a show format which plenty of women have done much better and to greater success than us anyway. Let's just say it's a big job. But that's where you come in. head on over to patreon.com slash Illimiddi Pod to support us and everything we stand for, aka finding the truth,

laughing in Bigfoot's nuts, smoking weed about the government, things like that. And in return, not only do you get ad-free versions of all our episodes, which is like everything that I don't like about our episodes, but like everything I love about our episodes is still there. You know what I mean?

Like, everything I don't like, it's gone. Everything I like, it's there. Right. It's great. Add-free episodes, underrated part of our Patreon. But also,

early notice on merch, early notice on live shows, the odd bonus upload, movie watch alongs, live show recordings. I'm not quite finished working on the one from Chicago, but it's going to come out really soon. We just did it like in August. And best of all, whenever a normal episode is finished, like this one that we're doing right now,

a fairly chunky usually minisode in which we go over weird stories from the headlines, which is something that people always want us to weigh in on anyway. We're weighing in real time on the minisode each week. You just get them late on the YouTube. to like if you sign up on patreon you find out about stuff that we find out about pretty soon after we find out about it um that's also uploaded that's a crazy way to say that but yeah yeah yeah yeah so go ahead sign up for that at patreon.com slash sule-90 pot or don't bitch i dare you and if you have the

fucking balls whoa to actually flex some of your crypto fortune or your doctor's salary or your trust fund before the next time that we talk and you want to sign up actually for the 10k a month tier I made you a promise. And here's a pitch for the show that you get as of right now. Ready? Okay. Okay. It's called Chulminati.

No, no. It's great. It's called Chulamati Third Eye Theater. Okay. It's a nine episode audio series. Okay. It's got Alex, Jesse, and Mathis. We're each reading three of our favorite public domain horror short stories for

you to listen to. And they're going to be augmented with sound effects and royalty free music and character voices, right? That's a pretty good idea. Right? Sure. And if you have 10K. for us right now. Not only do you get the show, but you get a great 1950-style call-out because

it'll be like an old-time radio show where it's called like the Utt's Potato Chips, Good Time Roundup, presented by DuPont, something like that, except we'll use your username in there to make it sound vintage. That's good. That's good. It'll be like the Nutmaster 89 Chaluminae third eye theater. You know what I mean? Like it'll be great. I feel like we're gonna have to go a little above me on like we're gonna have to do it we're to have to film it from a haunted radio station oh okay it's 10k we cannot afford a haunted radio station it's if it was a hundred k tier we could do that we could get a set but for 10k i'll give you the beautiful audio version no nuts wander around the streets of l.a looking for a ghost i'll just i do that all the time that's that's

what i'll do that for free find a ghost we find something i'll do that for free it'll be like a fps you know what if what if what if and People can tell us like left. This is a big pitch for somebody who is not watching the show. A tier, no one will fund ever. We talk about. All we need is one. We talk about the fact that next year, I don't know if you're going to be around PACs time.

We're looking into potentially, because people are like, you always, you're never on the East Coast anymore. Potentially doing a Boston show next year. Pax East. During Pax East. So. Yes. If it's still called that. I don't know actually if it is.

But it's Pax, the one in Boston. So 100% it won't be at packs. It'll be during it because there'll be people in town. And there won't be a pillar in the middle of the room this time. I promise you. Yes. So we will, we're looking into it. And it'll probably be in Somerville.

Cool. Oh, okay. Shout out Somerville. Shoutouts, Apple cider donuts when they're in season. Probably not during that time. I'll just get some normal Boston. New England in the fall is so nice. New England all the time is pretty good.

I don't mind New England pretty much. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Talk about mummies. Anyway, I really will make that radio show. So if you have $10,000, give it to me. We will make the show.

Patreon.com slash. Insane ass. $10,000. $10,000. $10,000. $10,000. $10,000. $10,000.

$10,000. $10,000. $10,000. All right. So, this is the episode that we're doing to enter the time of the mummy. And it is called the mummy files because I thought it would be a good idea to dip into the

Chulminati Agency archives, which for whatever reason always happen to be kind of like L-A-USD textbooks where everything's like so old that you feel like you're in stranger things while you read them. And just give a sort of nice little background info and the basics on mummies, right? Like not just in Egypt, but mummies in general. Obviously, Egypt is probably going to end up being the large focus of time of the mummy because that's the one that everybody always thinks about. Since the mummies that were basing things on, it's like the Coca-Cola Santa of mummies is like from Egypt. Um, but, uh, the oddly is a good. It makes sense.

Yeah. Does check out. Uh, yeah. But also, mummies from around the world, uh, since honestly, they're really interesting. And even though this is a fairly basic overview that we're going to get into today, I was still able to learn some cool stuff in researching this, uh, or actually going over the research that somebody else provided for me, uh, from my pneumatic tube. And there was still plenty of intrigue to be found here.

So get ready for that. Uh, also, uh, I put in a request with HQ. They sent me a huge packet of stuff to go through. through. I wanted to get like a book that could like be our guiding light. And so they sent me a couple options. I actually just found a book that was called Mummies, which is a great name for a book. And it's from 1972. It's by a fantastic poet and writer called George S. McCargg, who's from New York and who worked for decades, a book Golden Press and Double Day before moving to Massachusetts in her later life to edit history and archaeology reports for the Michaels Institute for Conservation

Archaeology at the Peabotum Museum in Harvard. So shoutouts. George S. Seriously, this book is like pretty good. And Jesse especially might enjoy the fact that the very same year that she wrote this book, she also put out the only book highlighted in her Wikipedia bio, which was called Facts, Frauds, and Fantasms, a survey of the spiritualist movement in which, according to one review, she took a page from Houdini and The Amazing Randy to expose frauds in the book.

That's awesome. Also, somebody, a review called it a study of the reasoning behind human gullibility or something like that. So before we start today, there was a quote here from somebody at HQ. I'm not sure who it is. This is for Jesse to read. It's not very long. Verily, I have overthrown my enemies upon the earth. Although my body lieth a mummy in the tomb.

Who's that from? AWB. Oh, always wear bandages. That's actually like a great like mummy slogan. Like they had the, if you had the bracelet with the knitted like across the AWB. AWB, yeah, Mommy Life, dude. Anyway, here's a quote from the actual book for Mathis to read the answers the question. Hey, what actually is a mummy?

You know what I mean? Like, what actually is a mummy? I'm glad you asked, Alex, because a mummy is the body of an animal or a human being that has been preserved after death. What does it mean to be preserved? The best way to understand is to know what happens to a body that is not preserved. Usually the flesh of a dead body decays quite rapidly. Bacteria in the air and soil go to work on the body, turning it back into the materials it was made of all along, a lot of water and some minerals. There are also enzymes inside the cells of the body itself that begin to make changes in the protein of the cells as soon as death

occurs. These chemical changes are in general the same kind as those brought about by decay producing bacteria. They turn the complicated protein molecules of living tissue into simpler molecules. Soon there is nothing left but the skeleton and eventually that also decays. It is lucky that this is so because if bodies did not decay, they would be as bothersome to have around as old tin cans. Also, decayed bodies are turned back into fertile soil. Then new plants can grow and new animals can live on them. Sometimes, however, a body does not decay in the years. a usual way. If it is frozen or dried out or treated with some kinds of chemicals soon after death, the bacteria and enzymes cannot go to work on it and can only work very slowly. Then the body

may be preserved for a very long time, even for centuries. It has become a mummy. There's something, I don't know if the word comforting is correct, but the use of phrase where it's like these complicated molecules become simpler molecules. And you turn into like your water. Like something about that, I'm like, all right. That's not. So what's the name of the guy? What's the name of the guy on adult swim? Do you know I'm talking about Joe, Joe something? And he just has like a voice that's just calm and he just tells you things in like a very like a layman's terms away just sits there and explains them to you. Incredible television show. Exactly what you're talking about, I think. Although part of me now wants to know if it is possible. You know how long ago they would salt things in order to preserve it? Could you just salt a man? Could I be salted? Could you? Oh, yeah. pack me and salt and store me away underground to be like 1,000% like a thousand years from now. Let's let's unsalt Jesse and see how he looks. The dried beef jerky.

Yeah. Like a jerk man. I should say a jerk man is exactly not what you should ever ask somebody to call it. We would find that on the streets of L.A. Yeah. Can I like a have it in my will? We're like in a Jamaican restaurant. My family.

Yeah. To turn me into jerky. I want to be like not eaten. But, you know, just like salted or air dried, air dried. Yeah. That's your will. You just open it and it says jerk me, fam. And then it's signed at the bottom of Jesse Cox.

Yeah, okay. Look, I should also take this moment to say that if Jesse describing a salty man to you and the mental journey of imagining what that would look like is disgusting to you, we're going to be talking a lot. about human corpses that have gone through some crazy processes today. So just fair warning. Okay, because we're going to like that some of the links in the show notes also, you're going to see corpses. We're going to get in there. We're going to scramble some brains.

Mummies are corpses, guys. Like, I can't. We love mummies. We love them. We love the mummies. You know the one where there's a little bit of bandage unwrapped and his mouth's open and he goes. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we love that guy. Yeah. Or the ones that like their jaws unhinged and makes their mouth bigger so they can scream at you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we love that. Yeah, we love all kinds of mummies, and that's not, you know, up for debate. But corpses are kind of gross. So just trigger warning about corpses today. But yeah, basically a mummy is a preserved dead body, which honestly, if you think about it,

it makes a lot of sense why after somebody that you love died, even back in like old humanity, ancient times, et cetera, et cetera, that people might want to like figure out some way to mummify, do this. Like, especially since the alternative is just like the worst version of like flowers in a vase that you've ever seen, like just watching your like father turn into a skeleton. So like people kind of wanted maybe to keep people the idea of people around or that they didn't want to think about them melting, I guess. I guess. I don't know. But then I started just thinking about mummies and like vying out a little bit just like in my house.

Just like same way I do about lots of old things like like beer or like mirrors or like a micro 1st. phone. Beer, mummies. It's all the same. A beer, a microphone. I'm like, how the fuck did we think of this?

How do we think about microphones? How do we think about beer? Like what, what guy? What was the thought process that led to creating? Right? Yeah. It had to be.

Mirrors were mistakes. It's just things that happened. It just doesn't make any sense. Okay, like Smitty, right? He's a smartest dog that I've ever seen. He's like one of the,

he's a cattle dog. My dog, Smitty. He's like really smart. And I'm sure humans at the time were probably a little smarter than he is now. still in a lot of ways probably back then in ancient times. But to formulate the notion in your own mind as basically a wild animal, if you're a man, right, at this time,

you think perhaps there are- Like caveman times? Yeah, like you're basically an animal, right? And you're thinking like, perhaps there are small bits of natural magic that I can do because obviously that's what you think it is. You don't know about science. You just think it's like some crazy thing you figured out that has an effect, right? you're in the primordial era of thought, right?

And you're like, this will allow me to like slow the effects of time upon the corpse of my dead death. Like that's a crazy. That's like something that apocalypse from X-Men would say if that idea didn't already exist. You know what I mean? Like that's such a like, I will slow the ravages of time upon this corpse. It's a crazy thing to like invent. And when you put it that way, it almost sounds like Jurassic Park. Like there's like hubris to it.

Like you're like fighting against the forces of nature and something. Yeah, because they keep coming back to haunt them. Yeah. It was a problem. That's not really a part of mummies. Oh, okay. I think it is. I learned that in college.

I saw the mummy one, two, and three. That third one's in China. All right, hold on. All right. So, okay. Those have statues that come to life. So I was like, so I was like, this is Jurassic Park. And then I read about it for like 26 seconds.

And then I realized that actually, like, nobody actually had to have this thought to create mummies because actually mummies aren't a monolith. You know what I mean? It's not just. a mummy monolith. Like there's lots of different kinds of mummies. Okay, guys. And that's not even a cultural statement either,

because before you even come close to the idea of culture, first you've got to figure out whether a mummy is spontaneous, a natural mummy is the book. Gotcha. Okay. Or if it's like somewhere. Yeah. Or if it's anthropogenic,

which the book describes as an artificial mummy, which is very funny to me. And here's an actual quote from the book, or Jesse to read about that. Some methods of mummification are generally, generally referred to as embalming. Actually, the two words mean much the same thing. If a body has been successfully embalmed, we may say it is mummified. The only difference is that while some mummification is natural, embalming is always thought of as artificial. Sometimes embalming also refers

particularly to the use of chemicals and preservation, rather than to such methods as drying and freezing. A natural mummy, the mummy of a person or animal that just happens to die when conditions were suitable for mummification, would certainly not be spoken of as embalmed. Most mummies, the kind we think of first, when we say the word mummy are artificial. For thousands of years, human beings have been mummifying human and animal bodies. This is the difference here is, I'm sure people can imagine it, but it's literally like the mummy in a tomb versus. is that dude who got frozen in the ice. Did somebody put salt on you or did salt fall on you from up the rock? Was I in the salt mine and it collapsed on me and I was preserved forever?

Or did I request specifically in my will that I want to be caked in salt and then baked off at like 400 degrees. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And then you come out and you're nice and you're flaky, but you still have the moisture in there. Right. The inside of me is great. Yeah.

Yeah. And yeah, that is actually fully true, right? Like, according to some reports that came out like last September that I was reading, the earliest evidence that we've actually found of like deliberate mummification in human culture goes back like to like 10,000 BC or whatever the name of that movie was. That sounds right. And it's yeah, and it's not just in one place either. This is like China, Australia, Southeast Asia, New Guinea, places like that all over the

world, 10,000 BC era, which is a long time ago. That's like before we had like civilization as we know it. And and new studies are searching for evidence. or even just records of similar mummies being made a further 10,000 years back. So actually, Apocalypse was actually way too young of an example earlier when I said Apocalypse. I actually should have said Vandal Savage, if you know what I'm talking about. And here's a little more for Jesse along those lines.

We may be sure that, and being curious about death, we are no different from our earliest ancestors. The very first men, millions of years ago, must have asked themselves much the same questions as those we have just mentioned. They were afraid of dying because it seemed like the end of everything they had ever known before. The whole mixture of good and bad things we call life. And in wondering what came after death,

they must have decided that the individual did not die completely. Instead, they thought that something called the soul or spirit went on living after the body had stopped moving and breathing. Thus, when human beings make mummies, they are trying to give themselves a sort of immortality. that is they're trying to show that death is not the end of everything and that there is some sort of life after death that involves the preserved body as well as the spirit dude like the

mummy one just like the mummy one what does he say what does he say he says like death is not the end or some shit like that right yeah and then and then and then rick o'connell not well no no that's i was thing of the second one. The second one where his girlfriend dips out on him and he's like, I'd rather die than not have my girl. Oh, no, you deserve better. Emoteb, you deserve better. No, that's in the first one. That's not the thing. No, no. The first one is his soul gets taken. Yeah. Because they read the book. Oh, right. They were like trying to put. Oh, yeah. The second one is where she's like in the second one is where they kill. She's like a lot. She's like a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And then at the end, uh, they're both hanging over the edge. And then my girl, Rachel, runs over and

saves and she's like, I got you, baby, I love you. But then, right, Aksuna Moon's like, I'm out of here. I don't need you. And she runs and he's like, I'd rather just die. Unoxuna Moore. That was like the beginning of the rock as like a Hollywood entity for like the next 20 years. And yet I cannot think of a single movie where he is the lead that is anywhere remotely good. The smashing machine.

Did not see the smashing machine. I know. Not many people did, but it's good. Yeah, so the mummy, the mummy, and we'll talk about the mummy the movie a lot more this month, this time, trust me. Because seriously, I was going to burn this later because I'm literally going to do a whole episode about the movie, the mummy, like the old one. But the Wikipedia for the the like 1999, the mummy verse is called the Wikipedia, just so you guys know. Amazing. That's awesome.

And by the way, new photos of my man Rick. Kevin. It's time. It's time, dude. We're back to like that, that Indiana Jones look. Indiana Jones, the Dial of Destiny came out five years too early. I'm just saying. All right. Also, as far as artificial, artificial human made mummies are concerned,

it seems like climate dryness may have been a factor in discovering the idea. But it's interesting to think of it because it's really like the topa of life after death, the mummy. The mummy is like a primordial idea. Like the we, it's a, it's barely a human thing. It's like a thing that we're mimicking,

a natural process that we're mimicking that is like a human shaped icon for life after death. It like grew out of our brains as animals. That's insane. That's like if my dog like made a figurine kind of. Anyway, dry weather is a big part of mummies. And local climate dryness,

is like, you know, obviously a thing in Egypt. And some of the oldest mummies are also from similarly dry places. The spirit cave mummies in Fell in Nevada, the Chinchoro mummies of the Camarones Valley in Chile. They're both extremely fucking dry places. And so the natural dry air could probably, if we're talking about the discovery angle, like how you're talking about beer being an accident, right? Like if you can imagine if it's really dry out, you could find like a dry corpse and be like, Oh shit, what the fuck happened to this?

This is like preserved now. And you literally are just making jerky. Oh, and by the way, just in case you were wondering, according to Wikipedia, the oldest naturally mummified human remains that we know about is a 6,000-year-old severed head. That's from someone who found it in a cave called La Cueva de las mumias in Argentina in 1936.

Imagine finding that. That's, honestly, that's kind of neat. And this is how you know, like we can't be trusted with cloning technology. Someone would be like bring him back immediately. Let's find out why he, why this happened. Jurassic Park, this man. But yeah, that was a natural mummy.

So he got his head cut off somehow, either naturally or unnaturally. And then naturally he was mummified. And here's Mathis with a little quote about mummies from around the world from the book Mummies about mummies, mummies, mummies. Mommy? No, mummy. Mami. Mammies come from places all around the world, from Alaska to New Zealand and from the Canary Islands

to Peru to Denmark. Some mummies are dried and some are frozen, some are lying down, some are sitting or kneeling, and others are standing up. They are found in pyramids and caves, in cliff tombs, in bogs, and grass huts and crypts and even in churches. In fact, there are great many different kinds of mummies and the only thing that is the same about them all is the way human beings seem to react to them. Mommies are scary.

Mammies are gruesome. Nevertheless, the mummy room of any museum is one of the most popular spots. Museum visitors from 5 to 75 often common out loud as they gaze into the glass cases with the mummies inside. I'm not afraid. Hey, look at his face. Wow, let me out of here. Very interesting.

Hey, mister, is that a real dead person? Oh, I've seen lots worse things than that. That you wouldn't stay here alone at night for a million dollars. Yeh. But I would for $10,000. is Patreon.com slash children and museums. I think this can go to, not to cut you off, but I think humans fascination with mummies

is just humans fascination with death. It's the same reason we are drawn, or just doesn't say we as a whole, but a lot of people are drawn to true crime. It's that fascination with the morbid. Is this the reason you're afraid the first time you see an open casket funeral when you're a kid and you're like, still don't like them?

Yeah, I mean, I don't love. I don't have like love for them. But there's something that loves an open casket. There's something, but there's something to them. You get a different look at them. Different thought. Yeah, you definitely look at them. You're like, yeah, they're not in there anymore.

Yeah. And in museums, it's like it feels good. It feels like you can get really close because there's glass usually. So you can like, oh, look at that fucking fate. Looks like a fucking catcher's bit. What the fuck? But actually, museums are a great segue because what's even crazier than how old mummies themselves are is thinking about how long people have been digging them up and

studying them and the things that they do once they do them up. It's like actually crazy. In the 30s, it was mummy brown paint, mummy powder of medicine, mummy dust. We lost so much history. Yes. To mummies. Are you aware this is a real thing? You can look this up right now.

Recent articles have been talking about the fact that museums have found the smell or scent of mummies. The mummy smell. And are now basically like candle scenting mummy. it's like got a sandalwood kind of like uh we're back in mummy mania we're back in egyptomania scenting those areas of museums to make it smell more like but it isn't like a gross oh this is a dead smell it's like frankincense or something yeah because there's no rot there's like no rot and so it's this weird earthy smell it's the mummy smell dude yeah the mummy smell is well known and is like even been used as a like uh trigger for mediums and stuff back

in the day we're about to talk about all that right now um like there's writings about finding mummies and studying them that date all the way back to the 300s bc and like ptolemae grace and you probably heard the old meme that the new kingdom of ancient egypt was already looking at ancient egypt yep and it was actually just ruins of the old kingdom of egypt meant there's like so many verses from greeks and everything to being like oh to them these people were we call both of those those civilizations ancient Egypt as one thing and they saw each other as ancient. It's crazy. But the legacy must of this interest from that first wave of mummy interest from the, you know, antiquity has landed, like you guys said, in the realm of Wu, in the realm of pseudoscience, mummy powders were a huge

part of medicine. It was like a cure-all. It was like rhino horn. It was like mummy powder. It was literally ground up mummies, which is actually... I feel like that's the same thing as that, uh, Remember how there was those people that found like the mummy juice? And they're like, we should drink the juice. I'm like, yeah, exactly.

Well, dude, we're gonna talk about mummy juice today. And health drink it. Yeah, we're gonna talk about mummy juice today in a minute. And, um, mummy relics also like real mummy relics were like,

you know, like people would buy you like people would go buy like a $2,500 crystal for their house because it like controls the energy of their home. Yeah. Something like that. Like, not trying to poop on that or anything, but it's just like that's a vibe that people are into right now as a

fashionable thing. And back then, a similar vibe that was fashionable was getting like a mummy relic in your home and like displaying a mummy thing, which is crazy. But it was really, mummy mania, dude. Yeah, it was really, it was about the turn of the century, the 20th century, when people were really starting to like globally collaborate, share their findings in modern academia, talk about mummies. And in 1901, there was professors at the government school of medicine in Cairo, Egypt, which is an English language institution, by the way, which I think ended being kind of key to this taking off at this time, actually. It started things off by doing sort of like science-based examinations of mummies that they had on

hand and people started to be interested in that. So that like by 1903, which is like two years later, they're already x-raying the motherfuckers, which is exactly what Grafton Elliott Smith and Howard Carter did to Tuttmost for. And chemical analysis also was just taking off right at that time, which Alfred Lucas from England was using, around the same time as the x-ray. to start identifying some of the unbalming agents that were being used in ancient Egyptian mummification processes. And now we're going to be talking about King Tut a little bit later in the time of the mummy since he gets his own whole episode because he has a curse and all that. So you're going to be hearing Howard Carter and Alfred Lucas again soon.

But we'll come back to the glory days of Egyptian mummies later. Like I want to give you a full breadth and width of mummies today so that you are ready for the mummy times that are ahead. And in the meantime, here was a quote about Tutmos 4 and the truly high reading level kinds of things that they were already figuring out back then during their examinations and x-rays. This is going to be for Jesse to read. This is the words of Grafton Elliott Smith himself. I forget what this book is called. I have a link for it in the show notes. It's called like the Royal Mummies or something like that.

During the eight years that have lapsed since I estimated his age at 25 years, I've examined the. epiphosis of the lilac crest in several thousand of Egyptian skeletons. In the course of this investigation, I have discovered that in the ancient Egyptians, it was no uncommon event for the union of the posterior end of the epiphasus Christi to be delayed, and that the corresponding part of the sulcus often persisted well on into middle age. Hence, at the present moment, I feel much less certain of the youth of Totmos, 4th, than I did in 1903 before I had learned to distrust their data given so positively in treaties on anatomy.

In the skeograms of this mummy that were, these are words that know when you say, this is like, Dr. Frankenstein. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. The skeagrams of this mummy that were taken by Dr. Kayat in 1903, the epiphysis of the vertebral border of the scalpelar appears to be separate. One cannot decide a question of this kind on any impression of a somewhat hazy shadow, but so far it goes, as it goes, appearances support, the low estimate of age. and thereby extend the limit to 28 years.

Judging from the texture of the bones, as revealed by the x-rays, one would be include to admit that totmost forth might possibly have been even older than this. So, yeah, like, I picked this sort of complicated quote to show that, like, the level of medical knowledge was, like, very high when they're talking about mummies, which is, like, not usually where you go when you talk about archaes,

You're not talking about medicine and like bone growth or whatever this is that they're talking about. The skeleton forms and stuff like that's like really in-depth stuff. And actually they were actually in 1903 were able to go through the bandages, go through the skin, go through the meat to the bones and see like, oh, actually we were like wrong about what age we thought this guy was. Like that is insane that they were doing it at that time. And that's from like the first X-ray ever from a mummy that they were able to do that. And this was really the start when like the rest of the world started caring about Egyptian mummies too in like the academic world. And it jumped started a lot of areas of study and it brought a lot of money towards understanding the topic as much as it was about getting rich from stolen treasure in those early days, which just happened and still happens to this day. But by the early 1990s, less than a hundred years later than the from the first X-ray of a mummy, the first world congress on mummy studies happened in the Canary Islands, which sounds like a wild place.

to find a couple comic supervillains and a bunch of, like, extremely interesting nerds who could, like, read the classics. And it actually was, like, 300 scientists came and they swapped notes out there in, like, Tenoriff Canary Islands. And it literally ended with a world first global mummy database. They, like, made the mummy system. They made the mummy library for the internet. And this is beyond just Egypt.

Yeah, this is the mummy Congress. This is the mummy study. Right. This is like mummies from all over the world kind of vibes. Yeah, because people who like want to do studies of an Egyptian mummy have all this tech that they've developed to study the tombs. And maybe the Chinese mummies need some of that stuff, as you will see later in the episode, to do similar types of scans. And then they start linking their knowledge together and getting the right experts to be able to go fly across from one college to the next. So it's the mummy database, baby. We got the mummy. We got the mummy machine up and running in 1990. Damn, we've learned so much shit and gotten so much fancy archaeology and biology tech because of the weird intersection of like spiritual history and like real tangible human corpses that are like older than most religions, like dead human bodies, actual real human bodies that are older than most religion.

It is kind of fascinating to think about the idea that a lot of these people, whether it was for religious reasons or whatever reasons, when they were mummified, or accidentally fell into the salt or whatever. Yes. The conceptual idea is like, we are like flirting with immortality. This body is here forever. And after death, their body still serves a purpose to our culture. And insanely, thousands of years later,

their body still serve a purpose, but this time for science and our culture to learn the past. And I think that's kind of neat. They didn't know about computers and how much they could be scanned. Because, like, that's the thing. Like, if you fast forward to 2026, right? And you look at, like, where we're out with mummies now.

We have these, like, crazy detailed, like, 3D models that you can, like, load into fucking Gary's mod of mummies. And you can, you can see through the bandages enough now with all the different rays and text and beams that you shoot at it that you can, like, digitally unwrap the mummy entirely. You can, like, see these zoomed in biological, archaeological data points down to, like, nostril cavity shape. It reminds me of us digital, like with the technology that we have now with those

scrolls that were burned. Yeah, they can unfurled them. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It's like if you have the technology to simulate this, like maybe you can make immortality out of a mummy. You know what I mean? If you,

if you explain digital immortality to a pharaoh, they're going to interpret it as living forever in the spirit realm for sure. Oh, yeah. Any technology we described to an ancient like that, they would be like, oh, you trap the soul like forever. And you are, and you are kind of. I for one have no intention of telling a mummy the complications of social media.

It's a, it's a digital copy of yourself. And now you need to question whether that's actually you or the computer's approximation of you, which is a whole other problem, which I'm sure is a little too above his pay grade as I bet you the old mummy person who was like a person that back in day when he was a person and not a mummy. Like, if you told that person about, like, digital immortality, I think they would ask the, like, deep philosophical questions, like, immediately. You know what I mean? Like, I think people today, like, they see AI and they're like, but it gives me like a penguin that, like, does a flip and then it turns into Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Like, but back then, like, he was a dying child in a hospital bit.

Yeah, exactly. But like, back then they'd be like, is this real? They'd be like, what the fuck is this? What have you done? What hath thou rot? Which is really the question. we should be asking. But yeah, so they're basically doing like full on autopsies on mummies now without even touching them,

like genuinely, which we'll talk about a little bit more when we get to King Tut in a couple of weeks because he was really famously stunning. More like King's slut. Oh shit. I don't think so though.

But we'll get into him. But also, I mean, like, it's a funny joke, but I don't think he was a slut. But also Mathis and Jesse are going to be participating in the time of the mummy as well.

So there's lots of things to look forward. two that are currently under wraps talking about King Tut. Born in Arizona. It's a song, Babylonia, King Tut. Who is that? Steve Martin?

Yeah. All right. Yeah, that awful song is also kind of a great segue actually because as equally as I want to discuss the true verifiable history of real mummies, which we are all very interested in. their emergence in the minds of the global public and the effect mummies had on the pop culture imagination sphere was also extremely significant and can be traced back to at least the days of good old nappy bonds Napoleon Bonaparte who famously invaded Egypt and Syria in 1798 during the French Revolutionary Wars that he wanted to get in there and like fuck over he wanted to circumvent the British trade routes and he wanted to get French Frenchness deep into the world. He wanted to put Frenchness in Africa.

You know, he wanted to get that French empire's bragging rights up. You know what I'm saying? I was going to say, we need a little Frenchness in the USA right now. There's a special kind of Frenchness that I'm looking for. It's not the Napoleon Frenchness. That's not the Napoleon Frenchness. It's the guys that were not satisfied with cake, if you know what I'm saying. But what was particularly key to our conversation right now is that along with soldiers and

horses and war shit. Napoleon was also very interested in making it. Yeah, but he was... Technically, that's not true. He's not that small. That's British propaganda to make him seem like a smaller man. He wasn't Bain,

but he wasn't Batman. He also... He also worked with a little tiny red man. As we know. That's true. That's still to me, one of the most fascinating episodes of the show that I've ever listened to.

I want to know, if I had like one wish, I might go if I had one time Jevel Wish, it might be to go see what that's about. Anyway, anyway. You wouldn't use it for, dude? Maybe, maybe. Maybe JFK, though. I'd say I want to go, I'd want to go into the pyramids and stuff, but Mr. Beas already

did, and he waited in the waters underneath the pyramid. And I feel like it's tainted. So like, did you drink the juice? I don't know, but if he did, nothing happened, which means, you know, now you want to go back to ancient Egypt. You want to go back to the old kingdom. Oh, no, I don't want to go back to the, are you kidding me? I would.

Anytime. Let's be clear, any time travel that I'm involved in, I would be killed immediately. I have the hands of a man who clearly hasn't done hard labor. I have the skin of a man who's not been in the sun. And I have the body of a man who looks like royalty. Like fat boys were royals. That's what you wanted right now. I would be walking down.

I'd come out of the time portal and be like, wow, where am I? And then I'd be immediately accosted by a husband's and killed. No, no. Picture this. Instantly. Picture this. Picture this. You're sitting there. See my teeth and be like, not a cavity amongst them.

And they would kill me. Ancient Egypt sitting there. The Stargates there. Pharaoh's on one side of the portal. It starts opening, rolling. Jesse Cox walks out. Hold on. Time out.

What level of Stargate ancient Egypt? Are we talking about like when Raw shows up and he's got dudes that have like helmets that look like birds? Because I would be on his team immediately. Yes. You're out. You're coming out of the, you're coming out of the portal. You're dressed in a like, you know, like a three.

$300 like no I'd be killed. Nope. No, it's a Thanos costume. Immediately kill me. It's a Thanos costume and you go, oh, I have arrived. No, they would kill me. And you just like start doing it. You just start doing the bit. They would just believe you.

Like, the problem is, is that I feel like a lot of the time travel thing is our desire to go back in time and be treated like a god. But that that was a rarity. You know what I mean? I don't want to be a god. I don't want to be a god. I,

I want to like get drunk with like my favorite writer. I want to I want to like go see what it was like to take a shit. I don't mean like go back 20 years. I mean like if you go back 3,000 years, they're not going to see like I don't think it ends well for you. If I have the TARDIS trick where like magically I can speak to everyone, then I'm good. I'll fit in in two seconds. Yeah.

Most people I think there's some sort of idea of like, oh yes, it'll be like road to El Dorado. And everyone will be like, oh, our God. are here. No, no, they'd see you and be like, die, devil. You'd be done. Cut your head off and you'd like accidentally get mummified for six. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be that guy in the time. The whole loop right there, close circle. That's right. I go back to the late 70s and early 80s and just do a bunch of cocaine. I only have, I mean, you can do that now. Seven hundred and twenty one time. It's not secure now. I would say it's probably more dangerously pure now. Dangerously pure, dude. Hot chitos. My weed and my weed and

psychedelics, thank you very much. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. Dangerously pure cocaine, you like do a hit and you like just like you start a 4500 company. I'm no Coke expert. But isn't that the thing about most drugs right now?

That it is drugs at the moment are at the most potent they've ever been. Fuck yeah, dude. Isn't that as a thing? Play that black eyed pea song. Ere, party every day. Popa party every day.

That's what's going on. And we're just like, that's like the vibes, right? Like we're just taking the major drugs. That's, that's what I would time travel for. So loop this back to the time traveling. You want to time travel. You want to be like, dad, smoke this weed, dude. It's going to bring my dad.

Bring my dad, 2026 weed. Dude, just watch him in the floor. This is from Santa Cruz, California, brother. All right. Do you think it would be like, do you think it would be like in field dreams where he like, he doesn't necessarily say that he's his son, but he's,

you know, like at the first, he's like, you know, like, you go back and just pretend to be a guy and be like, Hey, man.

And then he's, absolutely. And then right before you leave and go, hey, dad, this is really fun. And the music swells. And everyone's like,

ah, it's beautiful. It plays, uh, it plays, uh, it plays, uh,

a bandier steam song. Brea, brin, and then you'd cut to dad who would smoke 2026 weed and he's just bloodshot eyes. He's just like, And you just fade away. You don't even know why. He's not even sure you were real.

You Marty McFly out and he's just like, you don't realize that he just is never going to have kids now because he smoked that wheat. He like became an enlightened person because he's no one's ever been that high before on the early. He never met to meet the mom, never has kids. He tapped into the mainline newsfear before he was ready because he got the, he got the wheat early. All right. Um, okay. You start. Oh my God.

We have to stop. I'm just movie troping. Mathes was about to vanish in his own pictures Five years later your dad is a fucking sandworm He's like the hell He's like the weed smoke that is billows out of his mouth He's the fucking caterpillar from fucking Alice in Wonderland Anyway, all right

So Napoleon Invades Egypt in 1798 during the French Revolutionary Wars He wants to fuck over England He wants French everywhere He wants Frenchness everywhere But what was particularly key to our conversation right now is that along with soldiers and horses and war stuff, he also wants to make as much money as possible from looting and spoils and shit like that.

So he brings along scholars and he brings along antique merchants to come and raid these fucking places and get their hands on like every single ancient Egyptian artifact they could find. And they literally did do exactly that for like 20 straight fucking years. Just cleaned that place out. This is where stuff like the Rosetta Stone first enters the global consciousness. And then when Napoleon gets bopped by the British Navy, he has to like give them shit to like surrender. And so he surrenders all this shit to the British Museum.

And that's where all that shit came from that's in there pretty much. And that's still where a bunch of it is now, along with the Louvre and the Egyptian Museum of Turin, et cetera, et cetera. All these like crazy things. But they came to a place very far from Africa, right? They came to a place that was like the center of the Western world at that time. And it's not the point of today's episode. But isn't it crazy how war like shuffles the globe sometimes? Like it makes so much sense why Egypt would be absolutely furious about this today because

it's like just treasures. But also it like got non-government folk talking just because it looked cool like on the other side of the planet about the culture. And so yes, there's like a war crime there for sure. But also there's like. globalism, like globalization way before the internet. And we definitely could have had that without stealing their shit. Well, we did actually because here's what happened is that one act of bringing so much Egyptian

culture into the Western world. And I am definitely not saying it was good to do this. I just think it's a complicated thing. And war is like, oh, yeah. What's a good side? What's a bad side? Some kind kingdom from a thousand years ago stole some shit from a kingdom from a thousand years ago and then another kingdom stole it back, whatever, whatever.

But as a result of that burst, that first burst of like, what? The fuck is Egypt. Basically, like, this, I don't know, it's like a newsletter, a publication, let's call it. Magazine, description del Egypt. Template. Del Egypt. Description del Egypt. It went from 1809 to 1929.

And it was basically like a Marvel fandom magazine. but for like what was going on in like groundbreaking ancient Egyptian discoveries like that were just happening on a regular basis every day. And so there was just lots of ancient Egyptian news and everybody was fucking interested. That must have been like an exciting time to kind of just be alive though. Just like getting all this new discovery and learning so much. You didn't really learn about it in school. It was like new info.

You know, it was like interesting. Yeah. It's cool. And it was the first time people were thinking things like, I wonder what daily life in ancient? Egypt who's like or like, I wonder what they actually like, we're like Christians, but like, what are they? Like what, how did they think about? I mean, I don't, what's weird about it is it isn't necessarily the first, like there is, if you want to talk about like, if you want to go full history listener and you want to like get really messed up about just time and how screwed up we are as a

people, there was for thousands of years full on knowledge of Egypt and the world and all. sorts of cool stuff. And then the Middle Ages hit. And that's why it's the dark ages. That's why it's literally all of that. We lost so much knowledge. Right. Exactly. And, uh, and then of course, you have all the different things like the burning of the Alexandria and library. Like all of these things that would have connected us to the past more. Or, you know, when you think of the shout out to the Odyssey, when you think of the Bronze Age collapse, that's another time period. where there was all this stuff going on, and then everything vanished because, like, the Mediterranean.

The world ended. The world basically ended. Yeah. Yeah. Literally, like, apocalypse basically happened. So there's plenty of times in history where we probably had all this knowledge, and this is gone now.

Nothing we can do about it. And the reason this, like, ripple occurred was because in 1822, I mentioned the Rosetta Stone earlier. That's when they cracked hieroglyphics. Yep. So it was like, oh, shit. Egypt is back.

on. Like we just like, back, we're back in on Egypt. We like can read everything again. Holy shit. And again, the Rosetta Stone was that for someone else. Yeah, exactly. Like, we just, we found it and we're like, oh, because the Rosetta Stone was made for translation long time ago, and then we just rediscovered it. Imagine you found somebody's like duolingo account on an old phone in 5,000 years and you learned Latin. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what it's like. And that should just went into overdrive because there was now so much shit to learn again, right? It just, there was so much to study in Egypt because all these pictures around us suddenly just became clear. You could just read. You could deduce what things meant and who things were and just all this crazy stuff

that you could only guess before. And it went all the way. And then a Victorian era officially hits in 1837, I think. And suddenly it becomes kind of a flex to implement. a mummy from another country. That's real. Show it off at a party. Kind of remind everybody who had the power who was dominating North Africa and what's going on in the world. Be like, oh, yes, I'm a rich elite and I have one of the mummies from our quarry,

Egypt. And pretty soon, just like every other stupid fucking thing rich people and royalty decide to do, it ripples through all of society because everybody wants to pretend that they're rich. And so that's when you start to see the Egyptian architecture revival. or when Egyptian imagery became part of Thelima and Crowley's whole Zag and all those guys with the little fake Egyptian headdresses and the Baphomet staff with the like Egyptian imagery around it and all this weird stuff. And you could get like Egypt style cigarette boxes from an ad in the fucking newspaper and you could buy like cheap home furnishings that have Egyptian elements on them like the Sims because Egyptomania as they're. called it then and still do now actually is it's not i was saying mummy mania earlier it's actually egyptomania um mummy mania just rolls off the tongue better mummy mania is like if it was just like

forty eight mummy movies running all day on the sci-fi channel that's mummy mania halloween like tn tn t movies yeah it's very yeah yeah le cronins the mummy first time on cable um um and uh so egyptomania because of the time that it happened was one of the first crazes that hit the modern world in the era of mass production. So when I say that this shit spread like almost nothing before it ever had around the world as like a craze, I mean like it's spread spread. This was like the first time people had like the same merch in another country. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Where everybody has Fritos and shit like that now. Like this was the first time that kind of thing was starting to happen. And literally everybody was buying all this like fake. Egypt shit constantly and there was a replica of the tomb of Setee the first in Piccadilly. And honestly, everything probably looks sick. Like, I probably would love to see this. Like, imagine like Sherlock Holmes's apartment.

It was probably like Egyptian. Just going to the cheesecake factory. Yeah. No, exactly. You're right. Like, the cheesecake factory looks like Enkarta. If you're like, if there was like, if Encarta was the backrooms. Yeah.

Yeah. If Encarta was the backrooms, that's, you're like in a dream of the wizard from the Wizard of Oz. It's fucking crazy in there. There was even a paint color, like Matt said earlier, called Mummy Brown, which again was ground up mummies that you were spreading all over the inside of your house. The bodies of dead people from thousands of years ago. That is like, you got to be paint on someone's wall. That is such a weird.

Imagine your ghost is, imagine if you are ghosts and the laws are you're stuck to being wherever your body is and you're just forever haunting the house of the wall. That brings up questions because if you're left wall, what if hold on, but what if your body is mixed into a bunch of paint and given to six different rich guys and six different houses? Are you in all six, dude? Yeah, yeah. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. You know, I'm saying? Maybe. Yeah. It's like, uh, it's like, uh, portal.

A little mummy time for mommy in one of those houses. Mummy time. Um, mummy sucks. That the mummy, the mummy paint, mummy brown paint is like in the dick, the just one, but it's just one of many extremely blursed things about the Victorian era. The Victorian era is like, we were, the Victorian era was like, humanity was like science. We were dressed. We were like some, some science. We were like fucking wizards dressing like people like like modern people for the first time. We were like druids from the wastes like eating shit and poop and shit. But we were dressed like Jack the Ripper. Like, it was crazy. It was an insane time to be a lot. A person.

But then, just like always, status enters into the picture. And now that everyone has fake Egypt shit, once again, real ancient Egypt shit becomes like the cyber truck of its day, where with all the same ethical, like, you're like, well, how are you to? The, uh, thanks once again to all the occult tourism that was going on in high school. society. All everybody was pretending to be a dark wizard that could fuck the shit out of everyone. And all these rich idiots trying to look cool in front of Crowley.

And suddenly, uh, in an effort to throw the coolest and most baddest ass, edgy, lavish parties that they could imagine. The cash Patels of the time, the socialite class would legitimately start throwing like mummy themed dinner parties at their houses where they'd invite like 30 people over, have like a huge meal, have drinks, run a seance. around the table and then to cap off the night as a finale, just dead ass, unwrap a mummy in front of everybody right there at the table. And obviously it's like a blind, the blind box of the day. Yes, yes, exactly. And obviously there was a scale of types of people who should or should not maybe

be doing something like this. And yes, mostly it was people who should not be doing it. And mostly it was just exoticism and the cultural appropriation of ancient Egyptian and imagery by like, British elite, right? But these mummy unwrappings did sometimes carry with them some air of legitimacy, like, at least with the people who are going to see them. They would be like, oh, I'm going to see like a good one, right? It's what people would sometimes think. Especially those events thrown by one Thomas Petty Gru, who was a rather on the scene, British surgeon at the time, who was obsessed with Egyptology and who would throw unwrapping parties so popular that one time, literally, this is not a joke. The Archbishop of Canterbury,

turned away at the door because the room was at capacity. I know it's bad and you shouldn't do it, but God, kind of be sick to just be at one of them once. It has to be like, what is it like? It would be, you probably, look at the hands rotting. It's fingers falling off. Like that'd be kind of, I know you shouldn't. And it's bad and I would never do it.

But if I could time travel and break the laws of physics, maybe I would visit. You're already breaking laws of physics. You might as well break a few more moral laws. You probably give fucking COVID-19 to every single person in the fucking. fucking crowd too. You'd probably like spread the worst diseases of all time all over everyone. The population of a state just vanishes overnight. The Mathis, the Mathis plague. The mummy smell.

Nobody really knew what they were looking at either in these mummy things. They were just like unwrapping it and being like, oh, ew, ew, gross. You even get, like, as a party favor, you'd get like a little satchel of mummy powder to take home in a sack. as a treat like it's fucking nuts literally ground up mummy just mummy for take homes that you could like be like I didn't know about any of that you could have the mummy pouch you could be like yep that's mummy pouch out there somewhere in someone's attic that has been lost a time oh yes 100% a thousand percent there has been a mummy pouch lost guys see if you have mummy power if you're British search for the the Victorian mummy pouches man dude search for the

the pouches brother. Okay, so I have a little bit for you to read now. Here's a quote for Mathis, uh, from Thomas Jones's London review of books coverage of the book. The Mummy's Curse, the true history of darkness by Roger Luckhurst. One of the leading lights of these necrophiliac striptease shows was Thomas Pedigroup.

She's a sound, what a phenomenal description. Yeah, that's a way to say it. Necrophiliac strip tease shows, uh, Thomas Pedigrug. grew, a founding member of the Royal College of Surgeons and of the British Archaeological Association

who probably unwrapped over 40 mummies in his career. He performed his first unrolling a mummy he'd bought at South Bees for 23 pounds at Charing Cross Hospital in April 1833. 23 pounds for a fucking mummy bro. That's insane. I mean, even in today's money, that's probably goddamn cheap is crazy. Yeah, he bought that in April of 1833 as the finale of a lecture on embalming. Three months and two more unwrappings later, he was invited to repeat the feat at the Royal Institution,

where he and his assistant unrolled at least 200 yards of bandages before the bit-humaneous state of the rags made them inseparable from the body. Yikes. Yeah, that's just peeling skin. I don't like that. prevented from a, this prevented from a full unwrapping. They worked on the head instead, pulling out nine yards of cloth and resin from the skull. The Lancet dismissed his efforts at the Royal College of Surgeons in 1934 as a good exemplification of the old adage, much cry, and little wool.

I've never heard that saying before. I get it. Yeah. Yeah, like just, he talks a lot without any like. Yeah. A bunch of noise for no. result. There you go. Yeah. At Exeter Hall on the Strand in 1837, the Morning Chronicle reported that he spent three hours cutting, hammering, and chopping at a mummy with very strong tools, but eventually

had to give up. He had by this time left Charing Cross Hospital after a murky dispute over an alleged bribe. According to the Figaro in London, pedigrew positively glories in the unclean process and pulls about the encrusted carcass with a fervor of purpose, which may be scientific, but which is nonetheless nasty in the extreme. As Luckhurst observes, this report would surely have suggested that pedigrew was cursed, and if such an idea had been available. And honestly, that sounds like shit. I would not want to be.

It sounds like this guy just was just fucking unwrapping mummies for fun and convinced people he knew what he was doing. Yeah, that's what it was. Want to see a dead body, basically? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. If I was a fucking Victorian gentleman, it would probably scandalize me for months, though, you know, but like now I've seen like strip tease show. Yeah, but I've seen like Hellraiser, you know what I mean? I've seen hostile.

It's true. I've seen the first Hellraiser. Yeah, that's a good movie. They would like die if they saw that, I think. Like they would probably like pass away if they went to a movie theater and watched Hellraiser. But yeah, by the 1850s, the British Museum's Egypt area grew by seven times to 9,000 square feet. and even as actually owning, touching, and consuming mummies of your very own in a little mummy house with mummy brown smeared all over the walls was becoming less popular. The mummy as a literary character was only just beginning.

But at first, rather than scary and evil, you're never going to believe this. But the same dead things that they were grinding up and disembowling and eating, they also wanted to fuck them. And in the mummy's foot, here's some examples. In The Mummy's Foot, a short horror story by Teofil Gautier from 1840, a man buys the foot of Princess Hermannthus, who are not, I don't think that's a real princess. I don't think that's a real Egyptian name. Yeah, I don't think so. Princess Hermantus in a Nathaniel Snurpis in a shop in Paris. He dreams of her that night with the foot in his room or whatever.

And he has a dream that she's looking for her foot. and eventually she like comes to him through some kind of time portal in his dreams and trades him a little statuette for his foot for the foot back and eventually she like teleports him to ancient Egypt where he meets her family and he meets the pharaoh and stuff and then he she asked him to marry like the pharaoh's like well you marry my daughter and he's like no i'm only 27 and she's 30 000 years old or some shit like that but when he wakes up the foot was a statuette after all who knows what But.

Also, Hermantus is a place in Egypt. So is the princess of that place. So it's like an American president Los Angeles. Yeah. Yeah. Princess Hermantus is Cleopatra. And maybe because she went, I was reading, she went there for her studies and like, we'll live there for us. So it might be.

Maybe he's like like. Yeah, exactly. He's doing like low wing. Yeah. But by 1903, we go from like weird like chaste romances to a little bit different of a story. In Bram Stoker's, the. jewel of seven stars. There's a cool book, by the way.

We still get a mummy queen possession romance Anx story with like ancient betrayals and secret rights involved. And it's happening to an unsuspecting man who can't help but be so observant and so horny. But this time he also adds in the element of adventure

and exciting temple expeditions and like tomb explorations in the form of this the girl. The girl, the love interest father is an Egyptologist. And then the girls, his daughter is like possessed by the Egyptian queen and he falls in love. And it ends with a crazy ritual and the mummy is gone to somewhere unknowable, leaving only death in their wake. And they even like, it was too bad of an ending.

Like they didn't want it to be any horrific, any more horrific than that. So in 1912, they actually changed the end of the book so that nothing goes wrong on the two main characters get married. Because they just, the idea of anything. like the mummy doing anything bad to anybody was just too unthinkable, which is so funny, in like 1912, which is so close to when the evil mummy came. But here's a quote from the original ending of that book for you, which I will now read for you myself. Shall I turn on the light? There was no answer. Before the sick smoke choked me, I called again, but more loudly, Mr. Trilani, shall I turn on the light? Answer me. If you do not forbid me, I shall turn it on.

As there was no reply, I turned the tap. To my horror, there was no response. Something had gone wrong with the electric light. I moved, intending to run up the staircase to seek the cause, but I could see now nothing. All was pitch dark. I groped my way across the room to where I thought Margaret was. As I went, I stumbled across a body. I feel by dress that it was a woman.

My heart sank. Margaret was unconscious or perhaps dead. I lifted the body in my arms and went straight. Straight forward till I touched a wall. Following it round, I came to the stairway and hurried up the steps with what haste I could make, hampered as I was with my dear burden. It may have been that hope lightened my task, but as I went, the weight that I bore seemed to grow less as I ascended from the cavern.

I laid the body in the hall and groped my way to Margaret's room, where I knew there were matches and the candles which she had placed beside the queen. I struck a match, and oh, it was good to see the light. I lit two candles and taking one in each hand hurried back to the hall where I had left, as I had supposed Margaret. Her body was not there, but on the spot where I had laid her was Queen Tira's bridal robe, and surrounding it the girdle of wondrous gems. Where the heart had been lay the jewel of seven stars, sick at heart, and with a terror which has no light in the black, impenetrable smoke. I went down into the cab. Oh, no.

A terror which has no name. I went down into the cavern. My two candles were like mere points of light in the black, impenetrable smoke. I put up again to my mouth, the respirator which hung around my neck, and went to look for my companions. I found them all where they had stood. They had sunk down on the floor, and were gazing upward with fixed eyes of unspeakable terror. Margaret had put her hands before her face, but the glassy stare of her eyes through her fingers was more terrible than an open glare. I pulled back the shutters of all the windows to let in what air I could. The storm was dying away as quickly as it had risen.

Now it only came in desultory puffs. Might well be quiescent. Its work was done. I did what I could for my companions, but there was nothing that could avail. There in that lonely house far away from aid of man, not could avail. It was merciful that I was spared the pain of hoping. Isn't that sad? That's sad.

Anyway, that's, that was the vampire adventure romance tone. That was like, I mean, sorry, not the vampire. The mummy. He's Bram Stoker, so I got confused. But the mummy adventure romance tome. There was like ghostly ladies from a different time coming and going back and forth between like time travel, spirit realm type stuff. A lot of like writers hidden fetish.

Yes. Yes. And the vibe of all these stories and tons of other stories like the surprisingly good wiki page for mummies the undead fictional entity has. Like there's a story called She, a History of Adventure by H. rider haggard. It's a guy. A guy's named H. Rider Haggard.

H. Rider Haggard. Yeah. There's also the Ring of Thoth by Arthur Coden Doyle. Iris, a mystery by H.D. Everett, where the dude in the story actually marries a hot mummy at the end before she turns back into a mummy and dies.

That was as one does. Yeah. There's also proto pulp, if not straight up pulp to this, to this vibe. Like, some of it is just dead ass pulp, but there's like this like Victorian pulp era to it too. that's like a little bit more modern feeling than a penny dreadful. But it's kind of wrapped up in that weird like sexualized Orientalism vibe that comes along with colonial romanticism that you get sometimes. Except in this case, it's Egypt specifically.

And it isn't really until the mummy story frees itself of these trappings that it really takes off with the common folk a little later. It becomes like a major thing in media. Once we hit the 30s and Boris Karloff's the mummy. But again, that's a story for another. time of the mummy. No. No, I have so many time slices

to heal. But then, free of the colonial trappings of the turn of the century, and after like 50 years of mummy monsters, you get people like Anne Rice, who had already been having

so much success with vampires that fuck. She wrote her book, Ramsey's the damned about a mummy that fucks. But this time, it's the mummy that's a dude and the chick

that's a human. And suddenly, mummy romance is back on the table. baby and it's as much a part of the postmodern pastiche as any of it is now like you remember that one buffy episode where zander falls in love with a mummy no she's an exchange student and she turns out to be a mummy you remember that one no isn't it funny doesn't that sound like i made it up but it actually is a real buffy episode i absolutely believe that it was a real buffy episode yeah and here we are today again in 2026 with brendan fraser et all on the deck from mummy for i'm so ready yeah maybe emo tep's a good

guy this time i don't know maybe oh if they bring them back hold up because if you think about the time, think about the time period, right? I'm not telling Hollywood what to do. But if the mummy one and two, we're ignoring three, because that's a bad movie, if mummy one and two takes place in the sort of like World War I post-World War I vibe, there is a reality in which during World War II, Brendan Fraser must return to fight Nazis. And the only way to do it is by resurrecting his best. Bud, Imhotep.

To defeat Hitler. Yes. Yes. That would want that movie so bad. Emot Tim would be like, and I thought I was a bad guy. They do a whole bit. They'd be great. There's another bit rumor that says it's going to be Benny the Scarab mummy.

I saw that. Oh my God. I saw that. It's like, all right. I don't know about that. I'm down with him being like a comedic bit for like five minutes. Maybe they find his body. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. But yeah. That's where we're at now. Mommies are basically just a part of Western Pulp Fiction for all time. Hence this, the time of the mummy on Chilominee Pod in October of 2026.

And that, my friends, is the basics of mummies for you, unless, of course, you want to quote from the book about the guy who marries the mummy, which I have for you here, Jesse, right now. Here we go. I question to the void, no voice answered. My head sank on my breast. But in the stillness, the dog got up from my feet again as if recognizing an entrance, followed across the room to the sarcophagus and then returned to me. I had grown to attach little importance to this demonstration,

for which there was never any visible cause, but now I rose, and by some instinct again pushed back the lid of the shell in which she had lain, the elaborate carving lid with its strange semi-human form and grotesque decorations, and lo! in the empty hollow, green and fresh as if just divided from the tree, there lay a branch of palm. His mummy love left him a little gift. And that, my friends, is the basics of mummies for you, unless, of course, you want to quote about the horny mummy from Ramsey's and the Damned for Mathis to read.

Here we go. Yay. Silence again. Then he came towards her. No trace of a smile. only a gentle seriousness, eyes widening a little as he appeared to study her face, her hair, her dress. How must this flimsy lace? Penwar looked to him.

She thought suddenly, good Lord, does he think the women of these times wear such things about the house and on the street? But he was not looking at the lace. He was staring at the shape of her breasts beneath the loose silk, at the contour of her hips. He looked at her face again and there was no mistaking his expression. It was passionate. He was all horned up. He was ravenous. He drew closer and reached out for her shoulders and she felt his warm fingers tighten.

No, she said. She shook her head emphatically and she stepped back. She straightened her shoulders, trying not to admit her fear or the sudden, or the sudden delicious chill that ran up her back and down her arms. Girl? No. She said again with a faint touch of disapproval. So that's Ramsey's the Dan by Anne Rice.

And now, God rest your soul. To close us out today, I have a few more clippings from the mummy files to go over from a folder called highlights just to close us out, I guess. Because I guess they wanted to throw in like a small listical episode at the end for some reason, I guess, to give you a rounder idea of mummies around the world, it says. I don't know. Them dang to Luminati's. They're really thoughtful, but it's really thoughtful. but it's really weird. And I guess I'll go through that now.

Oh, wait a minute. Okay, there's one little post-it note here from somebody else, agent, somebody for Mathis to read. I'm not sure here. It's for Mathis. Okay, okay. Let not be shut in my soul. Let not be fettered my shadow.

Let be opened the way for my soul and for my shadow. May it see the great God, AWB. Is that agent something brown? I'm not sure. I can't. What's his name? Is that what AWB is? His name is A. Whitney Brown, which is a good idea, but I don't, I don't, usually, like.

Well, if he looked into the void and the void took over his soul. He usually writes pretty, he's pretty mean, usually. So I don't know, maybe that's not him. He just, this guy just feels vengeful some way. I'm not sure. Maybe he's possessed by the spirit of a mummy, dude. And he's just doing paperwork? I don't think it's bad.

That would be unfortunate for the particular spirit of the mummy. Yeah, I don't know. Okay. First one is called the Yosemite mummy. And it seems to be centered around. somewhere called Martindale, California, maybe. Yosemite Archive intern finds an 1855 article in 2023 talking about a seven-foot-tall, quote,

giantess mummy and child found in a cave near Bridalvale fall, story picked up by S.Fgate blogger in 2024, who locates the supposed giantesses remains at Ripley's Belief. it or not in Guadalajara in Mexico. Perfect. Oh, okay. Okay. So I guess Martindale was a person, not a place.

G.F. Martindale is a person. I see. So they were found in 1885, actually occurring to this source, not 55. This guy was out with friends on a, quote, pleasure expedition in Yosemite Valley, California, which, by the way, is like the most beautiful fucking place I've ever been on the planet. And you should go there if you have the means. Do you think I can start calling nights out pleasure expeditions?

Pleasure expeditions? One thousand. Gentlemen. That's what you need to come out of the Stargate. A pleasure expedition. I'm on a pleasure expedition. Where is the Pharaoh? How big are his tities?

All right. So, yeah. Here's the bullet points of the Yosemite Valley mummies. Found a hole. Hole led to a hermetically sealed cave. Lady was seven foot six. Jet black hair. squared off toes all the same length.

Notes in the newspaper article mention a different race of people who were here before us 11.5,000 years ago in Central America, yada, yada, yada, yada. Giants? Like, is that what they're saying? I guess. And I guess, you know, that's a whole thing. That's a whole topic. Like, is like the supposed giants that lived a few thousand years ago. It sounds like some fake bullshit, especially since this thing was in Yosemite and not Central America. But as it turned out, when the SFGate writer looks into it, it turns out many groups of indigenous people in Yosemite and elsewhere, in Nevada, lots of places, lots of tribes, villages, indigenous

people, have some sort of legend of these like 10 foot tall giants, often with red hair, that they've fought or met sometime in their history, but also that there was no cave, like the one that was described, like an hermetically sealed cave would never happen in Yosemite like that. So is there a background for the idea of giants? Yes. This one specifically had jet black hair, though. And these ones specifically have red hair, which maybe means they were like from, you know,

maybe they were like Celtic or like Vikings or something like that that showed up one time. Who knows? But there was no possibility of there ever being a cave. So it's very unlikely that the story of how this mommy was found is true. Anyway, Ripley tracks it down because they bought it for Ripley, Guadalajara. they buy it, they x-ray it. They find wires and staples

and cow bones inside the mummies. But also a few human teeth. So nobody really thinks it's real. But it is weird that there's human teeth in there. And it has an image in there in the file for you to see the mummy. And also it has a nice hyperlink for the people who want to see it in the show notes.

So you guys can check out the mummy. Let them know. It looks like a fucking Egyptian mummy based on how they've like presented it. But it's supposed to be some kind of central American mummy that is like, literally has hieroglyphics on a pillar right next to the mummy

that being displayed. Yeah. Next thing in the folder is labeled the children of Yuai. Oh, man. You, Yuai Yako.

Yiyayako. I'm sure that's close. Let me, you guys take a crack. You a yakko. Take a crack of that. Oh, boy. The double L's.

Yuyaiko. You yayiko? Yeah. Oh, you yago. could be it. That's, that's, yeah.

That's, yeah, kind of where I'm at. Yeah. So it says 1999, says Argentina and Chile. I'm sure what that's about. Okay. Basically, guys and,

there were these three Incan child mummies, a boy kid, a girl kid, and an older teen girl, who were actually, like, insanely, scarily well preserved, actually.

They were discovered in March of 1999, near the summit of the stratovolcano, Yuayako, or whatever, however you pronounce that properly, which is right on the border of Argentina and Chile, which I guess explains why it says Argentina and Chile. And yeah, these children were actually sacrificed back in like 1500 or so, CE as part of this ritual called Kappa Choka. And since they were literally buried at like 22,000 feet, it's like one of the highest archaeological sites ever discovered.

And it's so cold up there. And it's so dry. It's like the dry air fully kept their soft tissue looking decent, even. And their organs are decent. And their hair decent. And their clothes decent. It's crazy, actually. It looks insane when you see these people.

And honestly, they've learned so, so much from studying them down to, they're able to track the changes in their diet over months leading up to the sacrifice. There's also a bunch of Eken goods buried next to them, which were also in incredibly good condition, woven textiles, figurines, pottery, gold, silver, all in this little burial zone. So basically, the Kapachoka Sacrifice ceremony involves children that are selected for their perfection and beauty of appearance, like the most beautiful, perfect children, who sometimes even volunteered themselves, who came from the most elite families of the Inkins, who were prepared with months and months of rituals leading up to it,

including consuming excessive amounts of coca and beer, this like maize beer, who were then brought to the capital city of Kusko before undertaking a huge pilgrimage to the highest possible point that they could get to, like an RPG or some shit, before being placed in the burial chamber. And then once they're in there, they just get them like so fucked up on shit that they do.

just like get unconscious or fall asleep and pass out and then die most likely due to altitude before cold just because shit was fucked up though both were obviously a factor and this ritual would ensure long health and bountiful harvests and good weather for the rest of the people and the kids were not just seen as like offerings but also as like kind of like they become demigod messengers between gods and so they go like back and forth between the god realms and the spirit worlds and the human world and all the stuff, forever. So that's what happens to them. And interestingly,

it's worth mentioning that the youngest girl mummy who was like six years old also looks like she was struck by light, which is kind of odd. So here is some pictures of those guys. Check out the show notes if you want to see a site with some of the pictures. Just have a look at those. Like, when I say

these were preserved, bro, wow. Yeah, I've seen these before. It's crazy. These were fucking preserved. Like if you were far away and you saw this thing from across the room, you would think it was a person. I mean, like, that's, that's a person. Yeah. You would think that's like a dude preserved. Like, it's fucking crazy.

Yeah, the one, the one they've listed as the maiden just looks like a person sleeping. It looks like fucking what's his name that stand-up comedian Mitch Hedberg. It looks like a like a homeless guy from like New York City. Like from school to see like you can see what's on her necklace, like all the her braided hair. It's like insane. Unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah.

If you have a chance, check the show notes. But again, corpses. Corpses, corpses. Everything corpses. All right. Next folder says Soku Shimbutsu. Oh, wow. Okay.

Okay. So these are wild. These are wild. So these are a type of Buddhist mummy. And in Japan, where they are from, predominantly, lots of Buddhist cultures do this, something like. this, but show, uh, what is it called? Shoku Shibutsu is specifically from Japan.

The idea is that you observe, what is it called, ascetic values? What is it? Ascetic, asceticism. Yeah, I think I know what you're saying. Like, like no attachments, simplistic life, spiritual pursuits, purposeful poverty, that kind of thing. You just get into that mindset so hard that you like die and mummify yourself while you're still alive.

You like, do the preparations for your. your body to be mummified to yourself while you're alive. And I think the thing that makes the Japanese one distinct is that your death is caused by starvation rather than natural causes. But the bullet points in this folder that I've got here don't make that clear. And I don't think it actually is clear. I think that in Japan, they do it by starvation. Apparently, in medieval times in Japan, the process took 3,000 days.

and it involved a weird diet where you eat only pine needles. The Japanese term, I don't know the Japanese term, but it translates directly to eating a tree. It involves a weird diet. You eat pine needles. You eat resins from the trees. You eat native mountain seeds only so that all the fat disappears from your body, period. And you're like so weak and you just have no energy and you just sit still.

and then continually you just like fast and meditate till you starve and you slowly drink less and less water so that your organs all shrink a little bit while you're still alive. And then hopefully you die while you are chanting a recitation of the Buddha Amatabas, Amatabas name and your body is naturally preserved because of the things that you've been doing to it without any other preservatives. and you just transition and your teeth and skin are just supposed to like remain intact. And I guess many of these mommies have actually been found and there's records talking about them in the hundreds among the mountains of northern Japan. And Soku Shimbutsu was banned in 1877 by Emperor Meiji, who saw it as quote, anachronistic and depraved in 1877. But then one last dude named Bukai did it in 1903 and he was the last one ever and his remains

were dug up in 1961 by researchers and they were studied and then they were subsequently put to rest and then there's some photos and a link to an article with some pictures for you guys of these kind of mummies these ones are crazy

there's one that's like in sunglasses that's like wild style but they're just kind of a wild looking type of mummy. It's crazy that they prepared it while alive. Absolutely insane element of this mummy.

Yeah. So that's Japanese mummies. And finally, the last thing in the highlights folder is called Lady Die, but it's spelled D.A.I. It's not spelled how you think. Don't worry. And it was listed as discovered in 1968. Okay, let me look through this. So basically, workers in Changsha, China, were digging out an air raid shelter for a hospital. And they found her tomb as part of a site called Ma Wang Dui from the second century BC. and it turns out to be the tomb of this lady's Sin Sui

and her husband and probably her son and her husband is Lee Kang who is the Marquis of Dai which is why she's called Lady Die. But yeah, by 1972 they get like 1,500 students to help them these archaeologists excavate the whole complex that has like burial mounds and coffins. There's 1,400 artifacts in there.

And Sin Sui is basically just like a noble woman. She is a, she ate a lot. She drank a lot. She lived a really unhealthy lifestyle. She lived a sedentary lifestyle. She was like a member of the court. She's like rolled around and ate good food all the time. Died of a heart attack.

Congestive heart failure, basically. And because they found 130 melon seeds in her stomach, it's thought that one of the last things that she did was she ate a lot of melon, maybe like a whole melon really fast for some reason, like two hours before she died. No idea why. I mean sometimes even before you die You're just like I'm dying I want to eat him a fucking melon one last time

Yeah fuck it It's like when you give your dog like a fucking big ass ice cream Right before he goes out The most interesting part however Is that this mummy is exceptionally preserved Thanks to a strange mysterious liquid containing salt and magnesium That was present in the coffin

Which was slightly acidic and kept bacteria From growing And which caused rashes on the hands of everybody who like excavated the tomb and touched it and messed with it. It caused like three month long rashes on the skin just from a little bit of contact with the mysterious mummy juice water. But it kept her in pretty good condition. Let's call it relatively, okay?

Because you're going to look at this and you're going to go, oh shit. But I'm going to tell you, this is a pretty well-preserved mummy. Oh, I've seen this. Yeah. Kind of an overweight Chinese lady mummy. Yeah. It's not a pleasant thing to look at. No, the face looks like it might explode.

It kind of looks like the Kupy mayonnaise baby, kind of. I mean, okay. In a real, in a real grotesque way. And with that, my friends, the mummy files are truly closed. But there is much more mummy to come in this, the time of the mummy on the Chiluminati podcast. So look out for the time of the mummy all this time that is ahead. Mathis, get us out of here, please. I don't know how to describe units of time.

time. That's fine. Time slices works. No, they don't. I mean, I thought they did, but they turned out people had a lot of problem. Just a word. Just a word. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode here. We're off to go to a Minnesotavert patreon.com slash shulumannati pod. We appreciate you. We'll love you. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. On April Fool's Day, I'm going to record an alternate version of the episode where I say time slice a lot of times. And I'm just going to dub in the word moment over every time that I say time slice. Do you think it'll change history? I think so.

I'm going to end the episode now, Alex. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah.