Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 370: Cryptids of Egypt

Episode Date: October 11, 2026

THE TIME OF THE MUMMY CONTINUES as Mathas takes Alex and Jesse on a detour through the cryptids of Egypt! Zounds! Biff! Kazoooooom! It’s only approriate!CHILLUMINATI is a weekly comedy podcast hosted by Mike Martin, Jesse Cox and Alex Faciane. Hold on to your tin-foil hats and traverse the realms of the mysterious, supernatural, spooky and sometimes truly horrible - and your third eye will never be the same!Subscribe to our Patreon to support us and for extra content like full video episodes, weekly Minisodes, exclusive art, and more at http://patreon.com/CHILLUMINATIPODThank you to our sponsors:FACTOR: Head to www.factormeals.com/chill50off and use code chill50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026.OFFICIAL MERCH: https://theyetee.com/chilluminatiMike Martin - http://www.youtube.com/@themoleculemindset Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - https://www.youtube.com/@StarWarsOldCanonBookClub/Editor: DeanCutty Producer: Hilde @ https://bsky.app/profile/heksen.bsky.social Show Art: Studio Melectro @ http://www.instagram.com/studio_melectro Logo Design: Shawn JPB @ https://twitter.com/JetpackBragginShownotes:Blue Avian: https://gyazo.com/f33a29616b4d729a6e2e49793cfcec20Eagle-headed Apkallu: https://gyazo.com/2c7302cf9fb7eba88d5d9aaddd912379 Sak: https://gyazo.com/f77607baa7c7d234c847efbb84c5adfbSet Animal: https://gyazo.com/d5525e34f7aa548b6ee1daa538a1dff6Serpopard: https://gyazo.com/5e388e9edd398db77ecb8f451fd783cc https://gyazo.com/90a8a64fb3b9cb1382dc24c353a83f51 https://gyazo.com/4846a87f0c3dfe0dacc5734c26d82f51https://gyazo.com/4136342f3382bf0171568c5da162e4c4Naga: https://gyazo.com/edfca6fc9752ada518ecfad20cc87bb6Choiropithekos (Pig-Ape/Baboon): https://gyazo.com/2a3495d60264e3b8bd28999cd96d3fcaHamadryas baboon: https://gyazo.com/8c719ddc549b48ee14c098a9a3ad8876Wadi al-hitan Skeleton: https://gyazo.com/3c3a4a1228c04a6cdf9f3fb116a42affBandage Man of Cannon Beach: https://gyazo.com/268de9ef75b9c5140abd428ff8925ab2

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Chuluminaity podcast. Episode 370. As always, I'm one of your host, Mike Martin, joined by my own, oh, I forgot his name, a Brendan Fraser from the police. Rick O'Connell. Rick O'Connell. Yeah, and his girlfriend, wife. Girlfriend, what?

You should have went on, you should have went on. I thought I had it. You should have checked the Wikipedia, bro. No, dude, we're more Imhotep and a Noxuna moon. Yeah. Oh, which, who's who? Oh, please. I'm a Knoxuna Moon.

because I ditch Alex the minute he got sucked into a hellscape. Anuxunamo! Yeah, I'd be like, no, and then I'd run away. And then I'd get eaten by scarabs. And then he's the good guy, I think, in the new one, too? That's what you were saying last week. We were talking about it. He's in the RPG party now.

If the two of them worked together. I don't know that Emoetep's in the new one. I think he is, dude. Come on. Honorable Vossu looks great. Look, agreed. Agreed. All the cast seen, seeing, like, Rachel and Brennan and, like, the outfit.

It's, dude, in the little supercar? It's a vibe. I'm excited. I'm like, all right. Bring back my childhood. Let's go. I'm absolutely watching that movie, even if it sucks ass. And I truly hope it doesn't.

It'll be great. If you only know the late 80s and early 90s from a fake and fostered sense of nostalgia, you may remember, you may not remember that like one of the main leading aesthetics of that era was like people who were kids in the 40s and 50s finally getting to make the shit they wanted. Yeah. and it being like fucking 1930 shit with like a good ass budget. That's all the stuff that got like the Bs and the C's. Like the mummy wasn't an A movie at the time. It wasn't like a huge.

George of the jungle. Yeah, we only realized that we love the mummy after the fact kind of like it hit. Ironically, uh, now all the young people that grew up with that all just want to remake that for nostalgia purposes. Which is really funny. Yeah, exactly. Honestly, a little sad.

because we just want to go back to a time where we remember being happy. Which brings us to today's episode. Is it? No, it's a happy episode. It's not, we're not doing a deep dive in anything. What was originally going to be the raw material,

I'm fucking not done reading the five books here. Did you see it? I'm sorry. Just crack it. If you feel anger right now, like if you feel betrayed by Mathis right now, just do me a favor for you before you write a nasty comment. Just, first of all, go,

Go on like, I'm on the middle of the fourth book. There are five books. The third book is downstairs still. Yeah, go on Google books. Just have a look at the text. Just read like for 10 minutes and tell me if you're if you can. Tell me if you even can. Tell me if you make it 10 minutes into the first text, please, because I'm on book four.

And I'm not sure how much I think I know and how much I definitely don't know, but think I know. And then how much I actually understand. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. This is Sonica and Knuckles when you put the wrong game. on the top and they're like, they're like, no, no, that's wrong. You did wrong. Listen, I, we have not done any channeled material on this show. This will probably be the only channel material we ever do on this show. There's been, there's been, it's maybe the most popular outside of modern day like Bashar. I think most, a lot of people probably have heard of.

The only time are the only time our listeners have encountered it is like for a laugh. Like as a be so far it's only been as a gag. But five books. Five books. Brother. One of those books is all, book three is almost exclusively crystals. And like energy manipulation and the real purpose of the Giza pyramid.

The real purpose? Yeah, the real purpose of the Giza pyramids. Not the purpose you think they have. The real purpose. Do you think there's, do you think there's like a full paragraph of information that you can glean from each book at least do you think there's like like

useful information that silence said so much like novel information like stuff that's only in that book that is like it's trying to say like do you think each one has at least a paragraph of like thesis yeah

I don't I don't oh because so the books are too is it's just the transcripts that's it not that's it there's nothing else it's like a script right it's like Just straight up the transcript of their four years between 1981 and 1985 of communicating with this individual. I got that, but it's the uncanny X-Men. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah. It's coming. Don't worry. That's not today, though, gentlemen. It's a fun episode today. When we do every so often, I like to call it a palate cleanser every time. We're going back into the wild world of cryptids. If you ate a little too much of that Mumrah medicinal powdered mummy powder and you need a little

ginger root to get that mummy taste that mummy smell. Yeah, that little mummy smell out of your mouth in this, the time of the mummy. It's the post-dinner sorbet, if you will. Yes. Oh, yes, exactly. Like a nice little citrusy to slice right through all the grease. A lemon chello. Exactly.

Today's a lemoncello of, of a mummy season. Because obviously, if we're going to stick in the mummy theme, we're going to do the cryptids of where else, Egypt. Oh, there you go. Okay. Look at this. We're going to stick with this. Oh, mommies.

And I'm going to start with something that may not be able to be topped for the rest of the show in terms of just strange looking and funny. Should be able to selling it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So before we begin, boys, how would you like to rate each cryptid this episode? Okay. How many? What's like the hieroglyph? Oh, this one's easy.

No, this one's easy. Would you receive a personalized pyramid tour from this particular cryptic? That's good. That's probably good. I would have said, which cryptid would tell Indiana Jones about the bad dates. Bad, oh, like the bad food. Well, that's because what he was in India, because what he was in Egypt, the monkey was trying to poison it with the bad dates.

Wait. And so, you know, that's what I'm, but I, you, I feel like pyramid tour is probably better. How many days? How many, how many poison dates out of five? No, that's, that's confusing. It's mixed messages. One poison date. It's kind of bad.

It's a good thing, right? And dates, they're not to kill you. So no dates is like zero is like five stars. This guy's not trying to kill me. That's good too. Okay. This is the Raiders of the Lost Arc system for cryptids of Egypt based on how bad do you want to poison it with dates. Yeah.

Yeah. This is good. All right. The very first cryptid we're talking about today is known as the blem yes. Now, what the blem yes were, were an actual real nomadic people of. of Lower Nubia who raided Roman Egypt and set up a kingdom there by the late 4th century AD. But they kind of morphed into this cryptid of humanoid men with no head at all. What?

Say it one more time? They morphed into a humanoid. No, say the name of it one more time? Blemies. Blemies. BLEM-M-Y-E-S. Blemies. Blemies.

And here's a Giac Yias. a giazzo picture for all of you boys. Yes. Well, you know, I have now seen this. Yeah, there you go. Well, to be clear, it's not that they don't have heads. It's not their head in there. Yeah, that's true.

It's like, well, no, it is that they don't have a head. It's that the stuff that's on the head doesn't, it's just the head that's missing. All the stuff. Everything that should, everything should be there's there. Yeah, you need is still there. It's just the physical match. stick tip, head shape. The distinctive bulbous head shape is missing from off the top of the shoulders.

The distinctive bulbous head shape. Imagine if your solar plexus was your skull and you've got the blemie yes, bro. Yep. Exactly. Like physically describing these things, you've basically done it. It's a naked dude whose eyes are his nipples and his nose is his chest. There you go. His belly button.

The eyes and mouth sit in the middle of his chest. The shoulders kind of raise above where the head should be. and the Greeks also called them the sterno fit the moi or translated to chest eyes. Chest eyes. Do you think it's where their nipples were? It looks like it. It looks like in the arch. In this goutso, it's like a clavicle area zone.

Like the mouth itself is like where I would expect to be like mid nips. If I got to be real. Like if I'm just talking about the goutso. I mean, I'm with you on this. Yeah. Yeah. But the blemies is like. giving like lies of P energy.

Like it's giving like like like spooky boss. Like really like this thing's 32 feet tall and you have to dodge roll it. And it has like a big stomp attack. That's what it looks like. But they were man size. They weren't extra big. Don't work. Okay.

Maybe you're a mouse then. Okay. Like maybe you're like a cool like Egyptian mouse warrior. Okay. Like yeah. This thing scary. Like sightings I could find on the things go. I've got a small list of them.

We've got one from around 440 BC. Herodotus lists acophiloid, headless ones with eyes in their chest among the beasts of Libya alongside dogheaded men. But he hedges it as something he said the Libyans would say. He doesn't say he saw it, just that the Libyans spoke about them. Exactly. And that's where they come from. Then you've got Pomponius Mela from around 45 AD. He sounds like a chiller, dude.

I'm telling you. And Pliny the Elder. Pomponius? Pomponius and Pliny? Pomponius and Pliny have a sick podcast. Not Pomponius and Pliny, dude. I think it's plenty. I hope it's plenty.

Pliny the elder. I've never heard of Pliny. Pliny the elder. Pomplonius and Plony? They report them as a real tribe south of Egypt in Ethiopia or Nubia, which again is true, but they had their heads. They spread onto medieval maps, including the Hereford Mapa Mundi around 1,300. And on the maps was a variant, a shiny version of these guys were introduced where their eyes were on their nipples, but their eyes were on their shoulders instead.

To a small vary. Oh, but can you imagine like, if like there's a whole, their eyes have to be huge because there's a whole. Look at the picture. It's big. That's what I'm saying. like you know each eye is like the size of a mouth which is like kind of fucked up here's a thing this is one of those things where like you know when they talk about dogheaded men i i keep thinking of the movie i think you're gonna say your shout out to that insane movie but like the idea of oh it's a dragon

but it's just a fire or they're like they're bare men but it's just dudes and first like you think there's dog hit men they were just wearing first and then these guys they were just so buffed that they look like this they like had their i think it's like a roast i think it's like a roast i think it's like roast a potential theory answer for why people may have saw that like a racist roast that's what it feels like well not not i don't think this is racist so usually is let's be real later's writer merge them but one theory is that the warriors of these tribes fought crouched low behind shield with their heads tucked down that checks out which looked headless from a distance they could just see the shield in the body moving with no head and another is that uh another theory

is that they painted their faces on their armor or on their shields as well, which would have given the illusion maybe from far away that if they were crouching and they saw faces on the shield, it would look like their face was on their chest. As far as that, like, that's it. There is no, it's literally just a tribe of people. There is no mythical, like, what do they do when they see you? They don't trick you to, like, get you lost.

It is literally a nomadic people like, like, that's just normal guys. They want to hang out, have some stew, go on a hunting trip. Maybe have a drink, just like anyone. They just don't have a head. Exactly. But they're poets, they're philosophers, their warriors, their farmers. They're us.

Just no heads. Just like us. Are they naked all the time, like in this picture? No, they're not naked all the time. This is just one of the pictures. Do you think they just wear like long pants in a belt? They have to because they can't cover their face. Yeah, because like the top half of their body is kind of like the whole thing is the head.

Yeah, unless they wear a shirt where they cut eye holes out. Do you think the older ones pull their pants up to their mouths? That's what I'm saying. Like high-wasted pants is in style. Smaller head, guys, come on, Blemie-S. Yeah. Blemies, please. Their necktie is just also their pants.

Yeah. Their tie, their necktie is they just call it a tie. Right. Yeah, exactly. They call it a belt. Yeah. Yeah. They call it clothes and they call it a belt.

Yeah. Because they only have the one. Tommy, you rate this thing. How many poison dates? Oh, this is a zero poison date for me. Zero to one, would you let it give you a personal tour? Yes. Yes, exactly.

I love a tour. Zero to one. Zero to one. Let's go on a tour. These guys seem chill. Zero to one, let's go on a tour. I'm afraid of you because you're a, you're a myth. No, I can't be afraid of them because here's the problem.

When you think about aliens, I have to assume they're equally a strange looking. So I would say I don't want to offend our future. future alien overlords. And I think these guys are swell. I think I just can't get over the fact that this one's naked. And that's why I'm on my on my defensive with a one date. But it's probably a zero date situation. This seems pretty zero. This is a zero to me. I don't feel that zero. I don't feel threatened by the headlessness as much as I do the nakedness. And we're all we can all be naked. That's, you know. Yeah. That's just, uh, having a normal naked human guy might be a one date. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right, right. You're keeping them all in the same. Exactly.

Thank you so much to Factor for sponsoring today's episode. And listen, my routine is never regular. Sometimes I'm reading a five-book series about channeling an ancient Egyptian entity to learn about how the dynamics of string theory work. Another time, I'm just trying to comprehend whatever Alex brought to the episode. Either way, a lot of my time gets consumed and I don't have time to make a regular dinner sometimes. Sometimes my brain is so tired I can't do a regular dinner and that's where Factor comes into play. With over 175 fan ingredients, every Factor meal is designed around what supports a healthier lifestyle and nothing that doesn't. Factor meals are ready in two minutes and require no prep and no cleanup. So even on the days your schedule is completely out of control,

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All right. Moving on to the next one, a little less weird. This one is the Benu bird. and here's a picture for you. The Benu Bird sounds fake, but I got it. It's probably because it is, though it is based on a stork as you'll very clearly. Isn't this a thing that's a chill as hell? Jonathan needed to remember in the mummy in order to a metafed or whatever at the end when he's like.

A men of this? Yeah. I'm pretty sure this is what this is. A Benu bird, dude. This thing, I mean, just based off the, okay, so like it's a normal like, like water fowl it's a hair it's a hair except in this like Egyptian image it's got like wild style peacock eyebrows that are like they look like the chin of a pharaoh you know what I'm saying like yeah the eyebrows it has like too like crazy like al-cazam ass decorative eyebrows that

like fly up like too big fan is that what is that is that part of the look of the benew bird well I'll give you up an actual like artist ancient Egyptian artistic representation of this thing. So you can see what it looked like when they painted it. There you go. Okay. Let's see what this is about. Okay.

So yeah, somebody was just wild in one time. Somebody just, like, what if they had crazy eyebrows in this one picture? Yeah, it's an artistic representation of what this thing looks like. Because physically,

the Benu bird is a huge gray heron with a long beak and a crest of two long feathers. Some images show it red and gold, and a few show it as a man with a heron's head. A man. Because you'll see it's representation in Egyptian mythology, which, again, a lot of Egyptian mythology have animal heads on human bodies. It is self-created. One title is, He Who Came Into Being By Himself, and it Renews It Renews Itself like the Sun every morning, and it is linked to the soul, also known as the Ba, or Ra, and of Osiris.

And in one version, it bursts out of Osiris's heart. In another, it creates itself from a fire, very similar to a phoenix, burning on the sacred Percy trees at Heliopolis. The dead hoped to take its form in the afterlife. This is a bird that was said to be sacred of Egypt that would escort souls to the afterlife. This is a bird that is here to welcome you after you die and usher you. on into the better. I genuinely believe this was what Jonathan saw.

You can't convince me otherwise. What Jonathan saw is like an indie movie from like 1991 or something. I'm just saying a manifest. The image is this little, it's a little storky boy. You think he saw? I mean, look, I don't even, that sounds right to me. But I feel like this thing is like sick. It's a bird that spawns in every day anew from,

possibly leaping out of a heart has kind of a sick kind of has like a elemental sort of like basic sort of like interesting mythological significance like a like a sort of circle of life sort of sort of very hopeful yeah it's neat in the mythology i feel like i'm zero out of five dates on this absolutely no poison at all this thing is sick right i i i would love a tour although i don't think anything would i don't think it would be a good tour but i'd love it wouldn't get on yeah i would walk wherever it wanted to walk, period, pyramid or not. That's the problem is, I don't know if I'd let it give me a tour because I feel like it'd lead me to the afterlife afterward.

Oh, shit. I didn't think about that. I didn't think about that. They wouldn't give it any dates. It's doing nothing wrong, but I'm not ready to go yet. Yeah. No, I would, I would say that of all the potential leads to the afterlife, having a store guide you is kind of badass.

That's like mythological and shit. And this thing is like 15 to 20 feet tall. It's better than like dying on the toilet. You know what I mean? this is like being a Pokemon master this is what it's like to have a Charzard yes yes it would be like having a Charzard this is like that kid who catches

this is the kid who catches the Ho-O and then it's just like oh yeah let's battle here's my ho-oh yeah yes that's what's going on here it's immoral it's functionally immortal because it renews itself a new each morning from the heart of Osiris it's sick it's a sick

zero to five he who births himself zero out of five zero dates love it the next one is There's a lot, very little that I could find on this one. This one's known as the XX or the Akech or the Akeku. Basically, it's the Egyptian Griffin. Here is the picture of the Egyptian Griffin or the Keku. The Egyptian Griffin.

French Egyptologist Paul Pera described it as a winged lion with an eagle's head. Wallace Budge described an antelope with two wings on its back, a bird's head crowned with three cobrae. and in some versions a serpent's tail. Other traditions make it a serpentine dragon with a crocodile snout. And as you can see, there's a lot of different animalistic representations of this thing. I'm going to be real.

It looks a little fearsome. It looks a little, it looks a little bit like dead in the eyes like a shark or something like that where I don't want to be near it. Like it looks like a wild animal like a panther. Yeah. Yeah, we don't want that. It is directly tied to the gods set as far as we,

we know in his territory of this of this thing is darkness, chaos, water. Yeah, no, set's a bad ma-ma-jama. You don't mess with set. So like, already, already, this is five dates, dude. Anyone who knows what set is like a bad guy. Like, that is chaos incarnate. This is like Apocalypse. That's like, yeah, that's like the devil of Egyptian mythology.

You don't mess with him. Yeah. The name comes from KKW. I don't know how you pronounce that, but it's the Egyptian word for darkness. That's the scariest shit that I've ever heard. An unpronounceable Egyptian word that means darkness. Unpronounceable, but my simple ass anyway. Fuck.

I could not find any sightings of this thing, but the two things I could find was that Ramsey's the second was described as an Akech to the Hittites, meaning a terror let loose on them in war. Interesting. And the Metternich Steele, which was a 30th dynasty magical stone now at the Met shows one pulling a king's chariot over two crocodiles. So again, it's super brief.

Yeah, it's a sick like image. It has no story of its own as far as we know so far. It's a creature that is of fear and that works for the throne. Again, sets chaos, harnessed by the pharaoh. Almost like a, to me, it seemed like a pharaoh's weapon in a weird way. But that's pretty much all. all we know or at least all I could find on this thing. I'm sure there are some archaeologists out there that know a little bit more than that.

Seems bad. Seems real bad. I'm going to go full five on this. Though I want to clarify at this point that in this hypothetical that we're talking about, these dates, it's not lethal dates. These are tranquilizer dates because we don't kill anybody. We don't kill any.

No, this guy's got to go. We don't poison any animals for good. I've seen gods of Egypt. This guy got to go. No, you give us. them you just give him a little a little trance r butler came in and killed everyone dude no this is no give him a little trank filled date donut you know what i'm saying i'm on the side of he goes down

and his one eye like i'm i'm i'm just going to say just for you guys out there if you want to imagine that the dates are tranquilizer dates that's my intention that's all i'm putting into this world this guy's out of control but it's five it's a big five it's a big five massive it's a big five I'm afraid on the kiss off set. On the XX. No, of course you, of course. You're the guy who was like willing to see aliens if it meant being like, dear Satan, can I see an alien?

Listen. No, all right. I asked Satan to make me a power ranger. So you're saying, so you're saying out of God fear, you don't want to like anger set. Exactly. Exactly. I see. I didn't consider that.

Look, I don't want to, I don't want to get the gods into this. Let's just say it's a, it's an animal with the countenance. of the XX, that is not directly related to a deity so that I don't anger a deity. And even if I did anger the deity, I want the deity to know that my dates are tranquilizer

dates and that this thing is only going to be taking that. I want the deity to know. Even if I angered the deity, I want the deity to know. They're tranquilizer dates. They're delicious. All right. This next one is maybe

the least real out of all of them, it shows up really late in in history. This is the man eating tree of Nubia. And I'm just going to give you the picture that was on its initial wiki page that I, that I found out. The man eating tree of Nubia? I just want you to take a look at that awesome picture of what is representative of the man eating tree of Nubia.

Yo, I. Feed me, see more. Dude, this is like a fucking Photoshop. This is like, this is like somebody took a picture. sure of their mouth and then like just took like the like eraser tool so funny around it and

slapped it on a fucking flower dude so i don't even know if we call this a cryptid but i'm going to go ahead and put on the list anyway uh this comes from author phil robinson writing in uh under the punka from 1881 where it related the tales of his quote unquote uncle's travels throughout the world and his uncle described a man eating tree that was to be found in newbie and in the tale Robinson's uncle describes the tree as such. And Alex, I'm going to have you read this right out of the book, right from the book. No problem. Drink that water.

This awful plant that rears its splendid death shade in the central solitude of a Nubian fern forest sickens by its unwholesome humors, all vegetation from its immediate vicinity, and feeds upon the wild beasts that, in the terror of the chase or the heat of noon, seek the thick shelter of its boughs. upon the birds that, flitting across the open space, come within the charmed circle of its power, or innocently refresh themselves from the cups of its great waxen flowers. Upon even man himself, when, an infrequent prey, the savage seeks its asylum in the storm, or turns from the harsh foot-wounding sword-grass of the glade to pluck the wondrous fruit

that hang plummed down among the wondrous foliage. And such fruit! glorious golden ovals, great honey drops, swelling by their own weight into pear-shaped translucencies. This foliage glistens with a strange dew that all day long drips onto the ground below, nurturing a rank growth of grasses, which shoots up in places so high that their spikes of fierce blood-fed green show far up among the deep-dinted foliage of the terrible tree. And, like a jealous bodyguard, keep concealed the fearful secret, of the charnel house within and draw around the black roots of the murderous plant a decent screen

of living green the story continues on from that point to be clear that was awesome um but also the image you unfortunately for us you showed us the image first so while that was well that was cool as hell the image looks like a secret boss in like undertale dude it's so weird looking It looks like, you know, like, like jazz mouth where you're like, yeah. Like that's what kind of mouth. That's what kind of mouth it is. It's like, yeah. The story from the book continues in describing how the tree captured an eight one of the uncle's native companions and how the uncle then proceeded to shoot at the tree.

And when he is a man. And when his ammunition was finally exhausted, the uncle continued his work using a knife to stab at and destroy the tree. as the tree fought back with its blood-sucking leaves and entangling limbs. This is a fucking Zelda boss, dude. Like, what are we talking about? This is strictly from the wiki page at the end. It says, it is unclear if the story is fiction or not. It is unclear.

He used a boomerang that homed on to the weak parts of the vines and through it until they all fell at once so that he could attack the middle while it flashed red. Boys, how would you rate this in dates? It's dead. Give it a hundred days. The dates even work on it? Dude, it's man eating. Okay, I'll eat the dates.

I'll go out to save all you guys. No, this is a five, dude. This guy sucks. Yeah, this is a five. This is a five date. I do not want a tour of anything from this guy. Yeah, I don't want to be near this thing for a moment. The only tour you're going to get is of its stomach.

Golden honey drops swelling by their own weight into pear-shaped translucencies, you guys. No, I'm all right. That's gnarly, dude. I'm good. All right. Well, I would give it. I would also agree. killed that thing.

But no, just like knock it out like hard. You know what I mean? Trank it, bro. All right. The next one is a personal favorite of mine because it is so UFO focused.

Next one up is the avians. And I'm going to go ahead and give you the the avians does not sound that ancient to me. You know what I mean? The photo you have that I have for you that it was initially given to me by the internet.

Sounds like a race of like. You got the. It sounds like a race of like devian art creatures. By the internet is like, that's a sentence, all right. There you go. Avian sounds like something from genome geneering. It looks like something from genome generic. This is concept art from Breath of the Law.

Side tangent, side tangent, side tangent. Over the weekend, I made our dear friend Crendor watch Jupiter ascending. And I, uh, not only was the like. by how terrible that movie still is. But more importantly, and this, this connects. This follow me here, listener at home. The image that we were just shown is of a blue bird man, basically. Oh, it's naked.

Don't forget. In my memory that in the movie Jupiter ascending, the pilot of the space cop's ship is an elephant man. And I'm telling you, they call him Nash, as in the man's name was Ganesh, as in the elephant god and i was like that's the stupidest thing i've been like get out here nesh i'm like shut up shut like zach snider level on the nose it's just yeah anyway that's this bird times have you seen that movie now oh at least eight five yeah um the but this guy the avian guy it looks like his name would be like tweet or like they call him blue because he's a blue jay

like it's that kind of level of i i hate it It looks like if Abe Sapien was a bird. Like, that's real. That's real. If it was like the shape of water, but it was the shape of like fucking clouds or some shit, that's what it would be.

The shape of birds. Let me give you an ancient, an ancient depiction of what these things were. Is that this new gatso here? Yep. We got some out over here. Yeah, yeah.

This is an Assyrian winged. Oh, this guy looks way cooler. This guy. This guy actually looks like the thing from fucking Cheriates and gods kind of shit. Yeah. This is sick. This is a, this is a, this guy rules. He looks happy. He looks mirthful. Is that a weird, a weird word to say? No, I'm with you on this. He looks like, yeah, this guy looks, he looks, he looks cool. He looks happy to see us. He looks happy to be here. It looks like he's on. It's a small world, but like the Egyptian, ancient Egyptian version. Well, the Adunaki, uh, these things. So, avians are humanoid beings with birdheads and usually feathers and wings. And in the UFOology world version, they're an extraterrestrial species, either flying,

saucers riding along with whatever UFO shape you see in the sky. This depends on what story you hear. And the most recent story that I could find of an encounter with the avians was from November of 1962 out not in Egypt, but in Var France. A garage owner from Heru or Herro, Heru, I don't know how you say it. I don't like that. In his 50s, identified only as Mr. Heron. Harold?

No, no, no, no. Not like that. Not like that. Not like that. I don't like that. No. No. No.

No. No. No. How do you say that in French? Herald. Hero. Okay. You just did it.

It sucks. It sucks. What did you do? Errol. I am not going down by myself. It looks like it says. Harold is what it looks like it says. But I know that's not what it is.

It's not. It does. It does. Do that. For the listener spelled H-E-E with like an omelot or whatever over the E

H-E-E-R-A-U-L-T There's got it The reason it got me is because I didn't see it I didn't see it I didn't see it I mean I I'm like oh shit Oh

do you pronounce It's like we have to take a detour how do you pronounce this this is the real mystery that we need to solve today oh it's it is it is it is it like the thing that you put in a bow and fire from it oh it's arrow

the age is silent arrow arrow arrow arrow like bow and arrow yeah yeah a little bit yeah if you want to Americanize it arrow very close it's very close uh

this is a little dude Can I can I just ask a question about these things by the way? Mm-hmm. Is this like, is it, is it accurate, like in the, in the context of like cryptids of Egypt? Is it accurate to? It got connected, uh, right, right, right. Egypt from ancient, like, uh, these ancient birdheaded creatures from Anunaki kind of stuff. I'm picturing like, my point is I'm picturing like horace folk.

That's exactly correct. That's how it got connected. Okay. Ancient astronauts writers often point to bird. headed gods like horrors to like connect the two of them. But I had to squeeze in an alien encounter in this episode somewhere. So one encounter from 1962 from this guy in Iro in his 50s identified only as Mr. S is driving up at night in the pouring rain.

He begins rounding the bend and he says he sees a cluster of figures in the road about 80 meters ahead of him. As he's approaching, they split apart and throw them. themselves at his car from both sides. So like he sees him on the road. He's driving. They move to the side and as he's driving by them, they just like hurl themselves at his car.

I don't understand the why. I said what he saw was birdheaded people like slammed into his car like slammed into the chassis of his car. Like yes, like he rolled up his window and floored it as they like threw himself at each side of his car. How big though? Human size. Okay.

man so what he's saying is he ran down human bird men just ran them down no no no he was approaching they oh they threw themselves in front of his car right and if they just happened to get hit i i will not let you besperch the name of this man as they were driving they moved to the side so he could drive by and as he was driving by they threw himself the side of the car as he was driving by them. Right. Like to smash him? Like was it like that force?

Like was it forceful enough? According to him like it was like he was like no. He rolled up his window and hit the gas and took off. I guess what I'm asking is he felt like he was in danger is what he was. So he had to like he was like trying to get out of it. He was in danger. And as he went on about another 150 meters, he says he stopped and looked back to see them flapping toward a dark blue glowing object.

shaped like two upside down plates sacked together hovering over the field nearby. What? As they got close to the to the ship, they got sucked up into its underside in a whirlwind fashion. There was a dull clack. Like blues clues? Yeah, like blues clues.

There was a dull clack noise and the thing shot off into the distance and vanished. What? Probably so is it. When he says two plates, we're talking like the size of two plates. No, like a large two plates. Like two pie plates together, like UFO, UFO.

Like typical UFO fashion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love the image of them getting swirled up. Yeah. Like a, A little. We can't do a boo. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. Like Winnie the Pooh going into the land of Heffalooms and Wuzzles. Exactly. We don't know what they want. We don't know why they're here. We don't even arguably, in history and stories, basically, these birdheaded ancient astronaut theories got tied to Horace

and so on but we don't know what these things want would you poison them two yeah I'd go one they don't seem that they don't seem that threatening but there is a chance they could rush my car so birds birds like this like big birds

like this like in my modern life I love birds I think birds are like such beautiful things but you know if you don't want trouble with the bird just stay out of the birds fucking zone and you'll probably be all right that's real they usually don't fuck with you you know what i mean so yeah low you low dateage but i'm on guard have a date or two i'm with you i'd say zero dates for me i'd let them take me you want to go where you want to get you want to get smush where we're going

you want to be a jail sandwich between two birds yes yeah i want to become a jill sandwich between two avian you want to be like uh that sandwich that kFC had where it had no bond but it was double down. Yeah, you're a double down. Double down. Like a chicken cordon blue, but just it's the bread. Yeah. Well, well, these things may not actually exist in that way,

at least in ancient Egypt mythology. These next creatures definitely do, and they look like they could be the pets of the avians. These are known as the sock or the saget. I'll give you a picture of these things. Sock. The pets of the avians. Take a look.

these exist what are you talking about these definitely exist like as in like they are absolutely part of ancient egyptian mythology like they exist as part of like we we know we see them on the walls painted on on tombs and stuff what they're what the boys are looking at it's like a horace human but dog version dog it's a hawkhead on a feline body uh and in and in the actual tomb painting that we have of it there's no wings uh Rows of treats run down its belly and its tail sticks straight out and ends in a fully bloomed lotus flower. It wears a checkered collar with what may be a leash. It looks like a leash in the picture.

And its back half is painted blue in the tomb as if like a cloth is actually draped over it. Popular bestiary lists add horse hindquarters, but that detail doesn't seem to appear in any scholarly description of this thing. the name is grammatically female. No powers or abilities of this thing have been recorded. And the lotus and the treats are fertility and rebirth symbols within ancient Egyptian mythology. There are two sightings, quote, unquote. One is in the tomb of Keti at Benny Hassan. The sock stands on the south wall right in front of a big portrait of Ketti, collared like a pet.

And there's another, a dead one? No, like a painting of one. Okay. And then when I say sightings, they're painted on like tombs. I see. And then there's another one painted in the tomb of Neri, the first at Der El Bershia. It's a second sock. Only the head and neck survived the painting, which also then became lost.

And this one, unlike the other one, had pointy ears. Nobody actually fully agrees what the origin of this thing may have been. There are three theories that like kind of like main theories. One is the, it's like a tame Griffin, the collar, the leash, and standing next to the tomb owner suggests maybe it's like a mythical pet that is supposed to greet them in the afterlife. A dog in Griffin costume. This one was proposed in 1933 and still actually debated. Some people say it was a hunting dog dressed up for prestige of like any fowrow would wear stuff. Like he's got a hood on or something, like a cool like Assassin's Creed hood on.

Exactly. They point out that the teats and pointy ears read much. more canine than lion. Big time. Critics point out Egypt has no other examples of costumed animals that were aware of in any other paintings. So this would be a very unique thing

and we found it twice in two different tombs. It looks like that thing in Mars attacks that like has the dog body in the head of a human. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It really has like that like Futurama like head on a pedestal look to it because of the collar. Like it looks like a

like a mad scientist like graft job vibe of the bird on the on the dog's neck it does yeah uh the third theory that i have here is that uh that of it being a rebirth symbol uh laden egyptologist jake coloff ties it to the nurse and musicians painted beside it like in context with everything else and it's saying it's all about the dead returning and being reborn um so that's what we have on this thing. We don't really know what it was. I love that it could have been like the idea of that like archaeologists and maybe humanity has, I feel like a leaning toward ascribing importance to ancient things that we find even if they're not necessarily all that important in the first place, but we don't have context. I love the idea that this thing is just like a dog and a Griffin costume

that they dressed up for important events and that is all it is. It's just like a meme. I'm with it on this. I kind of love this guy. Yeah. It's really cool. looking. Assuming that it's just a chill bird dog. Zero. This is a zero no matter how I look at anything. I like it simply because it can kind of be anything. Yeah. There's like different variations of it. It feels very much like a neopet. Yeah. It's like a trusty buddy. Yeah, I like this guy. A trusty buddy. I like it. Yeah, yeah. This thing, like the one in the Gatso, he's a cutie. Like, have a look. This is a, this is a cutie. This looks like a friendly little son of a bitch. He does. I love that. This

lot of like the ancient Egypt like cryptids that I was able to dig up anyway a lot less scary than a lot of cryptids from a lot of other places I feel like very scary enough many godlike yeah everything is tied to like the mythology divine what not honestly Egypt is not super cryptid heavy compared to other places there are places that I look at that it is like 50 60 cryptids I could choose from we might go through all of the cryptids I can find on this we'll see how how far we get I wonder how hard it is to hide a life form in the desert. You know what I mean?

Like, I wonder how hard it is to like have a cryptid. Like, there's like nothing. Like, so if you see something, right, you're going to like,

once you get close to it, like you're going to see it, right? Like, how could, there's never going to be like a mistake. I mean, yeah,

the science strikes out. Think about a jungle versus a desert in my mind. I mean, like, I'm talking out of my ass. I'm talking out of my ass 100% but my thought process is like,

I'm looking into the jungle. I'm imagining shit is out there 1,000% of the time. And if I'm in a desert, I don't even want to look up. I don't even want to look up from what I'm doing because of how hot it is. Yeah, it's, I agree. I think that, and as professionals and experts ourselves, I think we have the right of it.

This next one actually does have a kind of traceable origin to, like a lot of cryptids we covered in other areas and kind of the thing we were just talking about. It actually has like a connection to actual origins that like were a safety story. Here is the picture of what we're about to cover here. And this next one is called the Salawa. This looks like when you get like a game magazine, right? And they like tell you that like there's been some rumors about what the new Pokemon are going to look like in the new games. All right.

Yeah, yeah. And the art like never looks like any Pokemon that you've ever seen before in like this weird like ice cream truck ass art style with like very few features. But in a visual way, it's like a. greyhound that is like a rabbit probably rock type it's it's mostly just a canine uh yeah the crypted version of what we're looking at is basically like a larger than average jackal that's usually reddish brown with tall square topped ears a long curved snout and a stiff forked tail um this is also tied to set um it's a set animal and uh the crypted right up

add that it's like nocturnal hunts and packs it stinks to high heaven it spits no this guy no this guy's trash and it spits rabid saliva it spits rabid rabid saliva uh its real ability is biting a lot of people in a rampage like that is like the thing it's known no if this obviously this is a like to me this obviously speaks to beware of wild dogs in and just like rabbit animals. A thousand percent. A safety thing for just living around that kind of thing. Yes.

But it was tied to set. And Salwa is a name for like a monster dog for kind of like lasted decades. Other people, local vets in Egypt say people see dog wolf hybrids living in desert areas. And that is what they label it as. The square ears and fork tail are from like a 1996 story from upper Egypt. Someone said they saw a large animal with square ears and a forked tail is reportedly caught and killed by villagers. But this incident that made Western writers call it, this is what made Western writers call it the living set animal.

We don't have any photos of this thing that was supposed to be caught. If I had like 45 seconds in like an improv game to draw an ancient Egyptian chupacabra, right? This is exactly what is exactly what? I would fucking draw. Absolutely 100% agree with you. That's like dead on for a good description for this thing. It looks like Santa's little helper from The Simpsons, dude. It's, yeah.

There's nothing good about this thing. So I'm going to go ahead and five date. Yeah, this is a five date. Anyone who's a friend of set, that's a five date. Five. Again, separate.

Yeah, yeah, set animal, a set pet in a way. Five trank dates so that I can get well away from it. And then it can reawaken in its natural environment, happy and unaware of any hardship occurring. You know what I'm saying?

This thing had a fine day and a nice rest on my account and some dates to boot. All right. This next one is kind of a actual, maybe the first like creepy, weird cryptid, maybe not creepy. This one was fucking dangerous. I mean,

this one was dangerous, but like I mean visually. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's cool. It's cool. Oh, no.

This is called the Serpropard. What? No. The hell is just. just the worst. That can't translate. That has to be just a bad because that's just serpent and leopard. The Serpapard. The Serpapard. That probably sounds way sicker in Egyptian. I bet. I bet you that sounds a lot sicker in Egyptian. It probably sounds way cooler in Egyptian. Here's actually some of it. Also, also, also. Here's another. Here's one of it on its.

Okay. Yeah, we need a, we need a more ancient depiction. The one, the more ancient one is even more beguiling. I mean, it is just straight up a leopard, but with a really long neck. It looks like a lamia from Final Fantasy with a leopard body. Well, the Serpa part is a big cat with an absurdly long snake-like neck, usually shown in pairs with their necks twisted around each other, often held on ropes or leashes by handlers, sometimes attacking other animals. Up close, most look like lionesses with round ears, a tail tough. No scales, no spots. So serpent necked lion may be the better description for it.

A Middle Kingdom variant at Benny Hassan has a real snake's head and neck on the cat body. This thing has no named supernatural abilities. It's also a chaos animal that gets restrained. So it is also linked to set. A chaos animal that gets restrained? Yeah, like it's on a leash. There is the normal palette from around 3,100 BC found at Nekhen in 1897 and 1898, now in the Cairo Museum that shows two serpapards whose loop necks form the dish where makeup was ground. So it's like a cool little like they would grind up their makeup in this little dish.

It's like a cute little mythological. super part design element that they use for mirrors and such? Yeah, isn't that cool? Like, it's humans. I've always just been humans, man. My question is, why are the handlers like goat men? You know what I'm saying? I just noticed that, like, a second ago, that these guys that are on the pot with them?

No, they're just dudes with like, you know, the chin straps. No, you look at that dude on the right with his fucking big ass ram horns and tell me that's not a goat man. Oh, you know, look. I can see it. I can see it. Yeah. What's up with that? Definitely see that.

Who's that guy? Who the hell is that guy? And to kind of give Jesse a little bit of justification for, or Alex for saying, giving some justification for saying that is there's no way that is his actual name. That name came later from more modern archaeologists. Doesn't look like there is a name that we have for whatever this thing was called in ancient Egypt. They need to run that by Marvel Comics instead of the nerd department.

Whoever named it, the Serpo part. Also, this dude has his dick out. Just so you guys know, get ready. when you click on that pot that there's going to be a dude with his little like stone peepie out. Yeah, yeah, it is. I never noticed that. It's not that graphic, but it's out.

And he looks like he's got some kind of, I want to give you guys one more artistic representation of this thing. It's not from ancient Egypt. It is just another artistic representation. I hope it's like fucking low poly P.S.1. No, it's like well done. It's Wizards of the Coast.

This is a magic card. Yeah, all right. This guy rules. I was going to say, this is just a magic card. Yeah. It is literally from Wizards of the Coast. It has like, it has like coral snake markings, but it's like a tiger. That's sweet.

That's much better than everything we've seen so far. I like this guy. So sweet. This is pure dino-toki vibes. Give it to artists and creatives to create something way cool. If you're going to make it up, give it to the people who are creative. They can really nail it. Yeah.

Don't give it to the fucking weird goat guys with the sticks that are, you know, with the hanging dogs. Sticks and dicks, dude. You know what I'm saying. Dicks and sticks, bro. Dicks and sticks, that's what the goat guys are about, dude. They're like, ah-ah-ha. sticks and decks. They're like,

ah, next up on the list is the Wadgett. Okay, I didn't know that there was a creature to go with the Wadgett. Holy shit. This is an Indiana Jones fucking, like, this is,

this is just a fucking Robocomber. Why did it have to be snakes? Why'd it have to be snakes? Well, because, Jesse, Wadgett was one of the oldest Egyptian goddesses. I didn't know that it was actually anything besides the eye. I thought it was just the eye was watson. it. No, it goes back even further than that. Her worship actually was already established by the

pre-dynastic period, but did not change somewhat as time progressed. What you're looking at and what you see is a rearing Egyptian cobra, often coiled around a papyrus stem. In her eye of raw form, she's sometimes drawn as a lion-headed woman with a sun disc and a cobra on her head. Her name mean something like the green one or papyrus colored after the cobra's skin. It does have like a power. Its main power as the Eureus is the cobra mounted on the Pharaoh's crown. She guards the king by spitting fire and venom at his enemy. So this thing can spit fire at you.

Oh, so that's why it's on all the pharaoh crowns. That's a yeah, it's a defensive thing. It can spit from it. She also counts as one of the goddesses who are the eye of Ra, the sun god is destructive force sent out against his enemies, which is probably Alex, why you understand it as the wadja eye. Like they, they just want to the form. That's like just the thing you always see, too, you know, it's like one of the like, if you're thinking of the onk or you're thinking of like maybe that read, like maybe third or fourth, you think of that eye, right? Yeah. The,

the sightings of this thing are basically the ones on the pharaoh's forehead. It was seen as a represent, like a defensive representation that this, this creature given to by the goddess would defend you. It's like the piranha plant of ancient Egypt. Like dead ice. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

So yeah, this is one of the oldest Egyptian deities that predate pharaohs. She started as a local goddess of Perwadget in the Nile Delta and became protector of all lower Egypt. And when Egypt unified, she was paired with neckbet, the vulture goddess of upper Egypt as the two ladies on the royal crown. It's like the raddest shit I've ever heard. This is like the... It's sick.

It's something. This sounds so rad. Yeah. And over time, she merged with Bistet and later Mood. So I don't know like how into like ancient mythology anyone in here who's listening is. One of my more fascinating things is watching old deities that were like worship pre, how before they came, became pop culture popular and how they ended up merging. One of them in, if you ever played Hades too, heck a heck a thing is like the Egypt, the Greek god. goddess of witchcraft and the crossroads, but she's actually not from Greek mythology.

She's so much older than when the Greek mythology took over, they adopted her from older worshipping and allowed her to keep her whatever she was guarding over. I don't know what the word is. I lose the word for it right now, but her dynasty or whatever it is. They didn't really change her in any way. They just adopted her into the pantheon. And this is similar, where it seems like. like she existed pre-farrow.

They can't get rid of the rad, like fire snake god. That's too sick. Yeah. Exactly. It's super, super sick. Uh, so knowing that this thing is purely a defensive creature, it's not really out to get you. It's if you kind of cross the pharaoh, you will get venom and fire spit at you.

How many dates are you feeding this? I'm not trying to mess with the pharaoh. I got no quarrel with this thing. It's like a two-dater, dude. I don't even need to drop a date on this thing. I'm good. I'll just walk right by. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll,

depend on my pure heart. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. All right. I'm with you. I don't think I'd give this thing any day either. I would walk with confidence with a pep in my step, knowing that this thing would not burn me into a pile of ash.

No. I'm just a nice little guy. I'm just a nice. I'm just a sweet boy. You get ash, dude. I'm not trying to you serp the pharaoh. I'd have to sweep her ass up. Hell no, dude.

I'd be too fine of a, I'd be too fine of a dust. I'd go right through your fingers. You'd become mummy dust. I'd become mumrah dust. Back to the beginning. Yeah. You know a little pallet clunk.

after that. A little pallet cleanser. I got a pallet cleanser for something else. I'm going to sneeze. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

No, it's gone. It's gone. All right. As I said it out loud. We were very patient with that. Yeah. Oh, you were. I was like there and it lingered.

And just went away. All right. We're coming toward the end. Only a couple more to go, gentlemen. This next one is the Choiropithicose. Oh, there's your picture. The Choiropithecus. The quireopithecus is a pig face.

Baboon. Oh, that did not come through in the image. Yeah, no. I thought it was like a hedgehog. No, it looks like Puma. Here, I'm going to share with you the other picture the Wiki gave me for this guy. And you'll see why I chose the picture I chose. Oh, this is just a photograph of a fucking monkey.

Exactly. That's the other picture that I had. I mean, you're going to get it in the show notes if you want to see it, folks. But just so you guys know, it's a photograph of a fucking, like, Gibbon or It is what it is, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So this guy is a pig-faced baboon,

and it was an animal depicted on the Nile Mosaic of Palestrina and mentioned in Aristotle's history of animals. This has to be the Nile Mosaic right here, right? Yes. Yeah, that's exactly what that is. In which the snout of a chameleon is compared to that of a quirepithicose. On the mosaic, it is depicted with a vaguely baboon-like body, But like you boys said, when I looked at that picture, it just looks like a fucking bore.

Dead ass. That is Pumba, dude. Like, that is, it exists. That's a picture of Pumba from the Lion King. Disney's the Lion King. And they also describe it as having an elongated dog-like snout. Again, maybe a little bit, but not in a way that it like would have, that's not what I would have saw unless I was told to look for that. He looks like knuckles, dude.

He looks like knuckles from Sonic the Hedgehog. Yeah. I guess a little bit. Early researchers identified the animal as a Hamadrius baboon or a Chakama baboon, but the secondary animal is only found in South Africa and is unlikely to have been known in the ancient times. One researcher believed the animal to be a pig, and Paul G.P. Mayboom identified it as a bush pig, rejecting the baboon theory altogether. So it is just probably a boar.

It probably is a boar. in my mind. But Aristotle wrote of the Chiropithicose and the bush pig would not have been known in Greece until the Ptolemaic times after his lifetime. So the fact that he knew about it would have made it kind of weird. So he would never be like, that looks like a pig. Right. Yeah. Other suggestions include someone said it might have been a badger, but that was not known from North Africa, a pato or some other form of just a monkey. The legs look very pig-like. It looks. It looks. Looks like a pig to me. Cloven.

Like cloven, whatever. What are those animals called? The ones with the cloven hooves. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It has that kind of vibe to the body shape. It does. But if we're looking at it and taking it as the cryptid that it supposedly is, the choir epithicose is a baboon-faced, a pig-faced baboon. Doesn't seem like it has any powers. It just seems like a what is known in the cryptic world as a chimeric cryptid, which is just a seeming merging of multiple animals for some reason or not. not knowing what the fuck they're looking at basically literally yeah exactly like that yeah honestly

pig wild pig or baboon i would stay away from it normally emerged one because i trink it pigs and like boars are i trink it aggressive yeah i've been in the woods and been been walked on by those things it's getting trained it's getting at least two berries two dates it's getting at least yeah there's the potential for danger it Alex is right that's a two for that's a two for you got respect you got to bore yeah you got to respect to back to back to back a boar. I'm sure a baboon is not a fucking slouch either. Like I bet you a baboon could beat my ass. Yeah, I know

is it orangutans that are the ones that are considered pretty peaceful? They have to be. You look at those guys? They don't even... They look like they're wild. They look like they're high. They look like they're on edibles all the time. They like watch people's fucking phones

and shit. I don't even know. I don't even know what they did in the wild. They probably fucking had newspapers in the wild. Probably whittle. We're down to the very last two. The next one is just called the Sta. Sigmund. The art for it is super simple.

In Egyptian mythology, this is a brontopard. Brontopard. Brontaparte. Brontaparte. This is a mini brontopard. The sta was described as having the head and neck of the extremely poisonous serpent known as an asp. and a body which resembled that of a large cat-like creature,

though other than quadrupeds have been substituted in place of the feline form for this creature. Like many other hybrid creatures in Egypt mythology, the stah was looked upon as a form of God. One theory which has been suggested is that the creature may have been based upon ancient descriptions of a large monitor-like lizard. Some investigators have gone as far as suggesting that It may have been a now extinct species of long-legged reptile, which may have evolved a more feline-like form in order to better compete with other predators in the Nile Basin.

And interestingly, we actually have a picture of a fossil of a bacillosaurus fossil discovered in Wadi Al-Huong out in Egypt. That makes a lot of sense. I'm just going to show the fossil of it real quick. So you think people just found the bones and extrapolated this creature? I would believe that. Yeah, it's very possible. I mean, it looks like the illustration, like has a body.

This thing is huge, though. This thing is big. It's a big boy. How big is this? How big was this first guy supposed to be? This big? All it says is neck and head of an asp and the body of a feline creature, but the body is also replaced by other quadruped animals occasionally.

Okay. That just seems like a tiny little snake coming out. Like, I would imagine that it came from like, and an animal bending down with its tail in the air more than anything else based on what this drawing is. Yeah, I can see that. Again, like I said, some people have the theory that it might have been an ancient description of like large monitor lizards as well, which I could definitely see. Another possible explanation is that the creature could have been inspired by fossils of the long-necked Archaeocet whale basiolaosaurus, which is what I showed you, which are found out in Egypt in Wadi al-Hitan. So it's possible ancient people found the fossils of these things.

Obviously didn't understand fossils or like what that meant. And we're like, well, obviously it's the body of like some creature that represents a god or something. And so the Stah may have been born. That's what we have on this thing. Again, another kind of hybrid creature, but may have been the body of a god. And its explanations rather normal, would you poison it? Yeah. But with Trank dates, it's an asp.

Oh, like, you're not killing it. I keep forgetting that you're not. Yeah, Alex set up a whole other system. I had to. I can't just be killing animals. This is a five for me. Put it down. Asps are so poisonous.

Yeah, the asp part is just like, what are you doing? And then this is an asp with the body of a cheetah. It can like get to you faster than a normal asp. I'm good. Like, no, this is a five. Have some dates. Yeah, this guy's trouble. Three, three, three.

Three. Three. All right. Uh, with the asp, I think I'm up where with their joke with Jesse. At minimum four, five. to make sure it stays down. I'm just, I'm just not sure the size of this thing,

so I feel like, I feel like three is a good. Like, can it even swallow a date? Is it, how big is an asp? I don't know. It boggles the month.

How big are? Asks. Two, like as a snake, not huge. They're, they're, they're small, right?

Yeah. They're like a little, they're just snake average, I thought they're like, tiny size. About two feet. Yeah. Nothing crazy.

Interesting. Interesting. Uh, interesting. How, oh, wait a minute, but the Egyptian cobra, which is much larger and typically grows between four and a half to seven feet long. Yeah, but that's because it's just trying to like, that's just a cobra trying to show off. You know what I mean? Yeah, fair enough. All right.

Yeah. Yeah. Last cryptid, obviously, what am I, what am I, if not a slave to the theme? It's the mummy. It's just a mummy? It's just the mummy. You love to see it. Here is the, I tried to find a very unique picture for the mummy.

this is the undead creature the mummy. Oh, man, dead creature, the mummy. Wow, this is a real mummy sighting, huh? Can you tell? I mean, it looks photo real. Yeah, it looks like the movie's trying to Naruto run, but like, yeah. It looks like the white Ninja Ranger from Power Rangers kind of. Yeah, that's real.

Yeah, it was like Chris Farley and when he was the great white ninja. Yes, yes, exactly. Beverly Hills Ninja. Yeah, it's like more supernatural mummies as we go throughout, you know, I know we have another topic in the next month or so, where we're talking supernatural mummies. But there's going to be lots of mummies. Don't worry.

If we're talking cryptids, we're obviously talking about the undead version, which is an unbombed corpse wrapped in linen that gets up and starts fucking walking around. Depending on the story, it's usually like a slow but unstoppable kind of force that hunts whoever disturbed its tomb or brings a curse of bad luck to the person, sickness and death on anyone who opens the grave, or if you play in the world of darkness, a creature that wakes up to save the world from being destroyed every few thousand years. That's just the tabletop RPG world of darkness. Luden's original 1827 mummy is the one, as the odd one out, as he wakes up in the year 21, 26,

and mostly gives people bad political advice or people political advice. What? What? I wasn't aware of this. This is just something in my research I came across. He just went around being like, invest, invest. Crypto is going to show up in a hundred or, 50 years.

Your kids will love it. Invest. Wait, no, he wakes up in 21, 26, so crypto is like probably the main currency at that point. Return the slab. It's ironic because, you know, in theory, it should, like, he should make his own because he's not, it isn't from a crypt, but he is from a tomb. Like, Tomb Mo is what he makes. Tombo?

Too, oh, my God. Because he's like, crypt, I do not like it. Tombow is what I shall call it. I have no 2026 being the future. It's not the tumo. Do you think we're like creating digital mummies of ourselves right now as we do this as we do shows?

Oh, we're already entombed in our homes. I'm too mode. I'm straight up to mode. You're too mode. I'm straight up two mode. I got a handful of small sightings for you here. Mummy sightings. And mummies?

I've seen plenty. That's true. Me too. I've seen the mummy. The British Museum and saw a bunch of mummies. I saw a bunch of mummies. I saw them in the British, it's so funny that all the mummies I've seen, I've been in the British Museum.

Yeah. Which I actually know, you know what? I went to the Akhenaten exhibit and I saw that. Oh, they had one in L.A. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Long time ago. And I saw also King Tut one time. Yeah, saw King Tut one time.

Oh, I'm jealous. I've never seen King Tut in person. It's a shame. In 1699, one of the earliest haunted mummy stories is from Louis Penscher. And he wrote about a traveler who bought two mummies in Alexander. and was hounded by apparitions and storms at sea until the mummies were thrown overboard. What the fuck? Yeah, he was trying to bring them back.

That's how they, that's how you don't have the Dracula book start. Like, if, if those guys had Dracula's coffin on board, that book never would have happened. Then honestly, good on them. Then in 1821 during a, God, I got something I throw out of nowhere. Hang on. Oh, God. The mummy's curse. The mummy's curse.

He got him. You spoke his name. And now you have mummy dust in your throat. You're getting mummy chest congestion with mummy dust. You're going to be plagued with mummy smell for the rest of the night. The crying wadgett I. In 1821, public mummy unwrappings in a theater near Piccadilly, London. Jane Webb, later Ludon, may have attended as a girl.

And people got haunted. What is wrong? What's happening? The curse got him. He's got the mummy dust in the lungs. You spoke of the mommies. The mommy has you now. How fucked up?

How fucked it be if you coughed up a scarabed? He bought that. If I coughed him a beetle right now, that would be fucking crazy. Yo, if you coughed him a beetle, I would actually start believing. I'd be like, whoa! Who knew believing in the mummy would pay off, dude? I've been watching his mouth this whole time. There's no way he could have secreted that beetle in there.

Oh, man. Later in life, there's like 1923, a man by the name of Carnarvan dies in Cairo of of blood poisoning after an infected mosquito bite. And he was one of the people that opened one of the tombs. Novelist Marie Correlli had publicly warned of dire punishment for anyone entering a sealed tomb. And the press runs daily curse updates afterwards for a period of time after that. That's so funny. Which a daily curse update here.

I bet you was bad because people were just like getting sick and shit anyway, right? Literally what they ended up right here, I've written down, like what they ended up doing was deaths of other visitors and anybody who died. Does the curse? It added to the tally. It was just like, slap them on the list. I mean, you do have to imagine if I'm the type of explorer who goes into tombs and steals mummies, I'm sort of a devil may care attitude guy. so me getting hit by, you know, malaria or, you know, poison blood or whatever, probably more likely than the dude who's just in the cafe in Cairo. Fair enough.

The guy Carnivon who died of blood poisoning, he was the guy who funded Howard Carter who went in to find Tutankham's tomb. The thing is, like the reality check is there was never, though it was rumored, there was no curse that was ever found in Scumman. described in touch to him as far as we know. And Carter lived until 1939 and joked that his answer to surviving the curse was, quote, spherical and in the plural, meaning he had balls. Yeah. And we're going to go deep into that curse. Yeah, I'm going to leave that later this month. Yeah.

To that. Ancient Egyptians mummified the dead so the soul could recognize a return to the body in the afterlife. We talked about all this stuff last week with Alex's episode. So if you want the real reason mummies were done, go listen to last. The mummy files. However, much like we talked about in Alex's episode, once the mummy took root in pop culture, that shit took fire and had a life of its own. And the mummy we know today is because of all the shit they were doing in the 1800s robbing tombs and doing unwrappings and all kinds of mummies.

People love the mummies. People want to fuck them and be them and eat them and put them in their paint and paint their walls with the colors of mummies and so on. Mommy brown. Mummy brown. I can't. It's still crazy that that was a real thing. Or if you eat mummies, you make mummy brown. And if you put it on your walls, it's mummy brown. It looks like you're smearing shit on your walls.

Mommy brown. And that, gentlemen, is a quick tour to what few cryptids actually exist in Egypt. Out of all the places we've done, I said, this one was the one with the least cryptids. It was much more mythological focused. And even the avians are arguably not really cryptids in any way, shape, or form in the first place. But some fun stuff out there. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah.

Yes. And if you want to support us in this, the time of the mummy, head on over to patreon.com slash humanit pod where you can go listen to us to a minisode right now where we do all kinds of current event type articles, mysteries. And I'm going to do a listener story. So those. I'm going to talk about Chris Bledso and his predicted date having coming and passed. And the thing he did, that pisses me off. We'll see you there.

We're off to go do that minisode right now at patreon.com slash illuminati pod. also I saw a ghost. Im Holthay. Oh my God. Yeah, you're going to talk about the ghost, right? We haven't talked about the ghost, dude. There's not that much to say, but yeah, I'll talk. There's a lot to say.

All right, whatever. We're going to go talk about that stuff. Thank you all so much for being here. We'll be back with the next week with a brand new episode. We appreciate to we love you. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye.

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the Trulminati podcast. As always, I'm one of your host, Mike Martin, joined by the... I don't know who they are. There's two... What? Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer. No.

Neo and Trinity. No. I don't understand, and I probably never will. Let me just tell you right now that there's two... Leon Kennedy and Claire Redfield. I'm telling you, I think he literally just looked up, famous duos. Cheech and Chach and Chaw.

And they should have been going to... through the list ever since. I'm trying to dig deep. Which one of you is Dick Powell? Me? Your name's Jesse Cox. You know, I'm not deep. I want my mind to.

You're not me. I want my money. As a Luminati podcast. As always, I'm one of your host, Mike Martin, joined by Alex and Jesse. Like a shooting star across the sky that's actually a UFO.