Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 51: The Dream Murder Goblin

Episode Date: May 17, 2020

Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/chilluminatipod BUY OUR MERCH - http://theyetee.com/collections/chilluminati Soundcloud - @chilluminatipodcast Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - http://www.youtube.com/user/ThatOneLaserClown Art Commissioned by - http://www.mollyheadycarroll.com Theme - Matt Proft Video - http://www.twitter.com/digitalmuppet

When it comes to broadband internet, streaming, and mobile packages, choice overload is real. Whether you're upgrading or moving to a new home, smartmove.us is a quick, easy, and free way to compare packages. Explore all your options now at smartmove.us slash discover. Today's episode of Chiluminati Podcast is sponsored by Podcorn. And no, no, it's not a food. We've been doing Chiluminati now for a while.

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They got me rolling, they hate in rolling into an episode 51 and dirty. Welcome, welcome, everybody to the Chiluminati podcast episode 51. I'm I'm excited for this episode because it's the first episode away from Skinwalker Ranch, taking a little bit easy breezy and returning to something people have been asking for forever. More listener stories. I'm just happy to finally get through one night without a UFO sighting.

You know what I mean? Me too. Yeah. Right. Finally. Scary out there at Skinwalker Ranch. Right. Right. Well, I skipped the intros. I'm so sorry. You know, as always, one of your hosts, Mike Martin joined by my co-host, Alex Fasciani. Hi. Hi. And my other co-host, Jesse Cox.

We did not go to Skinwalker Ranch. They're lying to you. I wish we had. That's what we've been doing the last couple of months. So now we've all been stuck inside. We have everyone else reading about it. Instead, have we been stuck inside or have we been? Inside the ranch this whole time.

Do you even think about that? You don't even think about that. Maybe we're all inside Skinwalker Ranch right now. Maybe, maybe a reality is Skinwalker Ranch. Is that what you're saying? Maybe we all fell through the hole. What if Skinwalker Ranch exists in many realities, all simultaneously? There's always a ranch. It doesn't.

It's not where you're always at. I don't know, man. I don't know. If you want to go dive into the comments of the Skinwalker Ranch, it is a war between the people who are telling telling me that it is paranormal and we're dumb to think otherwise. And then the people who are saying this is all fake and we're dumb to give it give it any credibility.

So when we're losing on both sides, we're really winning. No matter what happens when Alex steps through the time portal and he sees 15 versions of me, we'll all drown him together. Is what is what I think I got out of this. Yeah. And Mathis will be like, sweet, sweet. Like whatever the hell song they're singing. I can't remember what the song is, but I'll be in the back choir singing with the others.

Yeah, you get baptized. Even the Latisse twins will be back there. Yeah, like flipping coins. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll be flipping coins. I just find no me and a gray and the Latisse twins. Yeah, they're great. Well, anyway, I'm excited. We're going to be diving into this before we do.

I just want to I want to just say, hey, huge. Thank you, by the way. We crossed the seven thousand dollar goal and that allowed us immediately to bring on a researcher and actually, you know, bring them on as a compensated person who's we're paying them for their time now. And it's wonderful. Patreon.com slash Chilluminati pod for life.

I don't. I didn't before life. I mean, you're giving them too much power. They're already planning things to do. They're like, what if we go and do this and this and this? I don't like it. Well, you know what? Like the show is going to expand more

Chilluminati in your ear holes and maybe even in your eye holes and maybe even in your real holes. I don't think about there's nothing about your eye holes that need this. Trust me. I don't know, man. I don't know. But I have a fake background of the of the of the of the building from control like that. That's true. You're missing out.

Cool. I'm in a fighting tournament. I am not in the van right now. I'm nowhere. Hang on. I got to get somewhere. We have I'm going to be on a beat. Don't say I need to get somewhere. None of this matters. No one's going to. Mathis, Mathis, he's he's off the Florida. Key. It's a wonderful time somewhere.

The thing the thing that bugs me, though, is that somewhere in that beach scene of yours, I know that there's a haunted doll of tape over his mouth. Harold is out there enjoying his best life right now. But no, thank you, sir. Because of your support, we can bring we got to bring on a researcher full time and compensate them for all the work they do and just give you more of those really huge, deep dives into bizarre topics

and just rip it apart as best we can. If you want to support it by heading over to patreon.com slash Illuminati pod. We offer some behind the scenes stuff, notes, scripts, mini soads for the $15 tiering up. We'll have a mini soda immediately following this episode for you guys to go watch or listen to. It'll be the ninth mini soda. So there's a whole bunch for you to listen to if you jump onto the

Patreon and then your support just goes a long way. We appreciate it. Once again, that's patreon.com slash shilluminati pod. The greatest website. You should be proud, Jesse. You should be proud. Greatest URL you could type your browser will thank you. I've already started drinking during this podcast.

Let's dive in to reader stories. Part whatever. I don't even know. This is like the third or fourth one we've done over the course of this. It's been a wonderful and we're going to start so well. I know, you know, I just do it. You know, I do the show and people think it's good. And I just say, thanks.

Appreciate it. So whatever it is, it's great. It's great. This first story, I think, is going to be the only story Jesse truly appreciates. Truly appreciates because it ends with something that I think Jesse would go, of course, and I wish everybody else in the world would realize this too. So the first story is simply called shows up at his house and says that it was fake. God, that would be so good, though.

It was fake. It was fake. And can you please pay me? I need to pay my taxes. I'd be thrilled about that. So this is titled Fizzled Excitement by Reddit user derangedZ. And it's a quick one. Or deranged11 if it's Roman.

True, derangedC. If it's, yeah, yeah, true. So it's a short one. And it starts says, so I only started listening to the podcast about a week ago and have binged it all at work and thought I'd share a funny little story that happened to my wife and I at the end of April. So this is very, very recent for that's got to be surreal. Like you just picked up this podcast and all of a sudden they're like reading

your words on the pod. Yeah, welcome. You've welcome. I feel bad for the people who have been here from the beginning and we just skipped over this. You mean five minutes ago from the beginning of this episode? You know what I mean? You know, we're 51 at 51.

We're almost a year's worth of weeks in. That's why I'm a person. We'd be a Silver Fox Richard here. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's 51 Silver Fox. I swore that was like 60 something. I think that's a little that's like a that's you're like a speckled. You're like a speckled fox with some soggy bits.

Well, all right, here's all the silver. Jesus Christ. Anyway, shout out to that guy that just started listening. Yeah, yeah, well, shout outs. And like just so many, so many stories on the subreddit. Like if you guys want more after this, just there's so many good ones up there. Anyway, me and my wife were sitting outside indulging on our porch one night, enjoying ourselves. I needed to go to the bathroom, so I stepped back inside.

And after a few moments, I hear my wife go, holy shit, get out here. So I quickly dash back outside and she's looking up to the sky in awe. I look up to and there's a perfect line of dozen lights traveling across the sky. I say, oh, wow, that's so cool. And my wife looks at me and says, I feel like you are. You're not the appropriate level of freaked out by this. So realistic. Yeah, thank you. I'm trying to get you there.

It's like she's here. Right. Right in your ear, whispering and telling you all about the lights. She was convinced that this was it and it was aliens. And I would be lying if the hairs didn't stand up on the back of my neck for a minute. But alas, after some quick Google foo, it turns out we happened to be outside just at the right moment to witness a SpaceX Starlink satellite launch. Yeah, a lot of people fell for that. That that definitely happened.

I was on Twitter when that occurred. Well, it was like losing their mind. Is that why I got anything? I got a ton of pictures from somebody who follows me on Instagram. And it's just like all of like a light in the sky. Just back to back to back to back to back. And I was like, and I don't. There was really any context other than the photos.

There's multiple times. There's one time when SpaceX launched a thing. And if you lived in LA, you saw it literally look like a rocket, like a rocket. Like someone launched a missile at the city. It was the craziest thing people were losing their mind. And they're just like, it was a test to see if we could like launch. We did. So it's good. Don't worry. Never was like Elon Musk hangs up the phone and he's like.

Well, the next story is all yours, Jesse. It's called Murder Dream Goblin. And it's by author Moose Scientist and not Moose as in like Moose with antlers. Moose is in hair, Moose. I thought you meant like not like it's a Moose that is a scientist, but it's a scientist who studies Moose's scientist who has great hair. Yes, it's a scientist who has fantastic hair.

OK, well, I'm going to keep drinking while I read this because I got a feeling I need it. It's called Murder Dream Goblin. The only set of paranormal experiences I ever had occurred when there needs to be commas in here. The only set of experiences I ever had, comma, occurred when I was a kid. Jesse, teachers, I told Josie, Picky. It occurred when I was a kid and involved

what I called a the Murder Dream Goblin, though I'm really not sure what it was. A childhood home was just a normal one story brick home that had three bedrooms and housed my parents, my sister and myself moved into the house when I was five and stayed there until I was nine. I'm now 25. When I was around eight years old, I started having these really bad nightmares.

I dreamed of this gangly, goblin, golem looking creature perched in my window and staring at me, which in itself was terrifying to an eight year old. Time out question. Just imagine golem from Lord of the Rings hunched up in the window sill, staring at the boy. It's been like my precious, my precious. What? How old is he now?

25. So that's 16 years ago. Six. I'm just saying Lord of the Rings, two towers came out in 2002. It could just be that you watch that movie. Oh, wow. You saw the movie. Anyway, they should have let me read this one. They should have let me read this one, Moose. He always wanted his ring. Just wants his precious.

Yeah, I dreamed this gangly, goblin, golem looking creature perched in my window and staring at me, which in and of itself was terrifying to an eight year old. At first, the dreams just consisted of it perching and staring at me. But then one day they moved to the next level. It would start the dream perching and staring at me as normal. Then it would, I would watch it go from my window to my sisters and stab her to death.

Oh, shit. They go to my parents' window and slit their throats. Oh, that's what we call classic escalation. The first one of these dreams I had. I remember waking up screaming and running to my parents' room because I thought the goblin had murdered my family while I was asleep. And the images of the dreams are still imprinted in my brain to this day. The next couple of nights I demanded to sleep with my parents

because I was scared they were going to be murdered and the dreams stopped coming. Once it appeared as though the dreams had stopped, I started sleeping in my own bed again. The first night I did this, the goblin reappeared, but had a request now. It was perching in my window and held up its hands and it held up in its hands one of my favorite dolls, which I understood as it wanting as a tribute to keep from killing my parents.

I was terrified and I didn't tell my parents. I was also unsure how to give the goblin my doll. So the next night I decided just to sleep with it. That night I didn't dream of the goblin, but the next morning I woke up and the toy that I went to bed with was missing. Oh, the goblin took it. I cleaned. It was missing for three years. I cleaned my whole room that day and looked everywhere.

It was nowhere to be found. And this started a cycle where I would dream of the goblin with one of my favorite toys, go to sleep with the toy and wake up with it missing. And I remember this drove me insane because I was like, there is no way a dream goblin is stealing my toys. But I also never found them ever. Even when we were packing to move, I never rediscovered my favorite toys anywhere.

I also remember being really distressed because it was always my favorite toys that had to be given as tribute. One night, Christ, a month or two before we were supposed to move, I just got a new mermaid Barbie doll that was all the rage of the time. I was really excited about it. Of course, that night had dreamed the goblin needing my mermaid Barbie. The next night I started crying before bed.

My parents asked me what was wrong. I finally told them that I needed to give the goblin my mermaid Barbie or they are going to be killed. But I really liked mermaid Barbie and didn't want to give it up. That's a hot parents life mermaid Barbie. Looking back, this is petty as fuck. To think mermaid Barbie is more important than parent lives. But I was like, yeah, but I was eight.

So it'd be like that sometimes. They were very confused. I thought it was just some weird nightmare. But I tried to explain to them that all my other toys were missing. They didn't seem to listen. I was so hysterical about losing my mermaid Barbie that they let me sleep in their bed that night and the mermaid Barbie did not go missing. I ended up sleeping in the bed the rest of the weeks until we moved.

I never had the dream. I always think it was some spirit attached to the house or land, but I have no clue. I remember very little for my childhood, but the whole murder dream goblin debacle is still incredibly vivid. I tried to brush it off as a weird nightmare, but there's still no explanation for all my missing toys. That's the story for me. They go creepy, man.

I 100 percent think this is probably like a golem situation. Like if you literally namedrop golem, it definitely to me seems like, oh, like you dreamed of gold, like you dream. The real golem doesn't take your toys, so explain that. And I don't think he actually I don't think he actually kills anyone on screen. Well, no, he kills that. He kills his brother. Yeah, you found that one, dude.

No, but the thing is, it's like the real story here is the missing like the toys that go missing. Why do they go missing? Yeah, like that's the story. Like that's that's the mystery. And I don't necessarily know what it has to do with it. I feel like maybe the golem is like the symbolism. So it's like a real mystery here.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, she's like, Hawkins toys out the window. But dreaming of gold or like maybe they like lost their toys. And that's how they like, you know, that's how they imagine it happening. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, because it definitely seems like saying I remember very little for my childhood, but the whole mortar, mortar, mortar, dream goblin debacle is still incredibly vivid.

To me, that's like, OK, you remember the dream because here's something we all do. I know this for a fact. We all piece together bits from our past, right? Like none of us truly remember when we were young, but we remember what stuff our parents told us or remember stuff that like things that like bits and then we just sort of like create a timeline. And also you just your your understanding

just changes based on your gaps, like huge gaps in knowledge. Right. Like you had to learn all the stupid shit that you asked your parents. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so I wonder if if the toys were lost in some way and then the dream is like the the how you remember them being lost. But it wasn't the way they were lost. If there wasn't a dream goblin that came and said,

I won't kill your family if you give me your favorite toys. Here's the thing. I if there's a dream goblin that does that, I want an asshole. Right. Exactly. Dream. The real the real horror story is how is it possible that Smigel in like in IRL, Smigel looked scarier in the CG version in the movie because that shit is fucked up. Go back and watch Return of the King.

That should as scary as hell. Watch Andy Serkis. Be scary. All right. Some scary stuff. Time to move on to the next story, gentlemen. Well, you never know when a movie is going to scare the shit out of you. Thank you for submitting your story. Yes. Hell yeah. The next one.

I was going to read this one if you don't mind, Alex. It's a bit of a longer one. So this one's called The Time I Was Haunted at My Job by Nuclear Lucy. Begins for context. I live in Florida. So weird things aren't really surprising anymore. Drugs. This is not real drug based. Excuse me. That's very presumptuous of you, sir.

Jesse, when you start out with I live in Florida, there's drugs involved. I love you, Lucy, but you are nuclear. So like, you know, maybe she's super cool. Maybe it's like nuclear. I don't know. That is not that is new. She's not nuclear. She's new. She's new, clear, clear, clear. She's newly cleared. She's newly cleared by the IRS.

Congratulations. But with the K. So I don't like, you know, all right. Also, she'd consider herself a skeptic. And I don't. All right, we're back on the same page. But don't really take paranormal or unexplained events too seriously without solid evidence. Part of that reason is due to experience with mentally ill family and friends. I've seen firsthand a lot of instances of persons acting delusional or manic.

As reluctant as I am, there has been some weird things that I've witnessed onto the story. Myself and the people have come to call the haunting of Dollar Tree. By the way, can we go back to the story really quick? Do you think I'm obsessed with this story? Do you think that you back on the goblin? Yes. Do you think that the goblin terrified this person so much

that they threw away their own toys and don't remember it because they want to save their family so badly. You think that the kid got gaslit by a real goblin? No, by the dream goblins. Yeah, gaslit themselves to do this. Taking of a scary goblin. It took the intense desire of mermaid Barbie to break it. Yes. Yeah.

They wanted the mermaid Barbie enough that they were like, I can't do this myself. They didn't know that they were they didn't know they were doing this because there's like a sleepwalking thing. My thing is once you get the goblin in your brain, if you can't get him out, does he does he ever stop being in your brain? Does he become real? So if you can't stop thinking about him, that's a question.

That's true, because reality is truly through the eyes of the preceptor. And if they perceive the goblin as real, then their reality is the goblin. Not real. Yeah. If you're acting as if the goblin is real and you believe it to be real, does that don't make it real? Yeah. No, that's not does not make that real. OK, well, well, you know, as a debate, I think I genuinely think that it's going to be a much, much deeper debate that we have in a future episode. No, it doesn't agree to disagree.

Yeah, exactly. Calm down, Descartes. It doesn't mean it's real. Potato, potato. Poetry on dot com slash Luminati pod. Go check it out. Thanks for listening. Oh, boy. Anyway, when I was 21, I used to work as a PM manager in a Dollar Tree store in a pretty small suburban area.

Our store was in the middle of a strip plaza between two empty storefronts. For some reason, nobody would rent them or businesses or business that would move out about a month later. So late nights left the store pretty empty. Probably ghosts. Yeah, probably spooking everybody out. It was a fairly small store, about six shopping aisles and three cashier lanes. At the corner of the storefront adjacent to the first cashier lane was a small cubicle with a two way mirror, the manager's office.

Our stock room was at the back of the store and ran the length of the building with two metal alarm rigged chain doors facing these creepy backwoods parking lot with a dumpster. By super poor design, the public bathroom was in the stock room behind a heavy metal swinging door. Wait, what the bathroom? The public bathroom was in the stock room. That's like how a lot of stores are. Really?

You walk. Oh, really? You walk in through like the double doors off the floor and then there's like you're almost in the stock room and there's like. Oh, yeah, you know what? Bathroom and you're like, you're supposed to be here. Like, yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right here. I'm just thinking of like it's like right in the stock room. Anyway, now, for further understanding,

we only had about 10 people working at the store throughout the week. Morning shifts usually had five people working, two stock clerks, one cashier, two managers. At night, we usually only had two people working at a time, one cashier and one manager, except sometimes around the holidays, then we might have two or three cashiers. Of course, holiday extras usually called out sick or quit due to the odd hours of 12 p.m. to 11 p.m., being the part time PN manager. I was almost always on the late night shifts and worked the holidays

as our full time assistant general manager had small kids to take care of. The events began around Christmas 2015 on a Thursday and one of my cashiers has called out sick. So it was myself and one cashier, Shay, working until 11 p.m. We had just gotten these motion activated Christmas ornaments that sang carols. Things sounded extremely disordered and almost demonic. I know those kinds of Christmas ornaments, where it's like permanently sounds like the battery is dying.

Yeah, they just like weren't made right. Yeah, it's like they're like. And that's why they end up in the dollar store. They were impossible to activate by walking by, but you can't expect much quality from something that legit costs a dollar. Obviously, due to poor design, not a single ornament sold the entire day. Annoyed by the fact, they probably couldn't catch the motion from the shelf they were on. My general manager moved them to a shelf at the end of the middle checkout lane

that faced the back of the store. Our shift had been pretty busy, but nothing out of the ordinary, except for some shoplifters getting chased out. Shay and I were pretty much done cleaning, just finishing, finishing, running our go backs and front facing merchandise. She was vacuuming the store while I chained and set the back door alarm and checked the bathrooms for stragglers. There was nobody there.

After shutting down the registers and pulling all the drawers, we went into the manager's cubicle to count money for our bank deposit. Every night, you had to prepare these clear plastic deposit envelopes and after lock up, drive them to the back with a cashier following you. I'd say it was probably around 10 55 p.m. So we were both trying to leave before the front lights went out at 11 p.m. The back door lights were on a timer to go out at 10 30 p.m. Unless you manually turned them back on from the manager's office.

It's like my coffee pot. Oh, there you go. So at this time, the whole back of the store was pitch black. We were mid preparing the bank drop when the stock room door slammed and the Christmas ornaments began to start singing from the sales floor. Shay and I both froze for a second, staring at each other like, what the hell? It was impossible for someone to get into the store and in the back door was chained shut,

but it legit sounded like someone was standing there shaking the ornaments. Shay finally stood up to look out the manager window and there was no one there. I turned the store lights back on and shouted, I'm calling the cops. We both waited for a second, ready to dial 911, but it was suddenly quiet on the floor. Deciding to just get out before anything else crazy happened. So we locked the money in the safe and agreed to take it to the bank and tomorrow. As I'm writing a note to my gym, apologizing for writing the time clock quoted.

Someone starts running up and down the aisles. Nobody out there, but you hear footsteps up and down multiple. Fucking gone like little kids running free range. Oh, I know that kind of cup, cup, cup, cup, cup, cup. Oh, my God. Yeah, no, I'm with you. Is that if I heard anything like that, I'd scooby-dooby-dooby out. Anyway, Shay and I didn't even clock out. We didn't even lock the store we ran.

I got my ass chewed out the next time I worked. But luckily, Shay told her all of the events. My GM was still understandably mad and told us both there's no such thing as ghosts, especially since nothing weird happened when our AGM was working Friday night. To make us feel safer, General Manager decided to give me two girls, Shay and Winnie, on my Saturday night shift. It was busy as expected before Christmas, but around 10 20, we were all finished with our cleaning and ready to count the bank.

We were all in the front office, counting our tills with the office door open, initially trying to figure out a shortage on Winnie's drawer, while Shay excused herself to go to the bathroom. I sent Winnie to check under her register station to see if any money got dropped or left out in the counter. I was watching Winnie from the window in the office and I saw a long, claw-like hand waving in front of the ornaments. I screamed and went out there to grab Winnie,

yanked her into the office and locked the door. Shay comes running in from the stock room, banging for us to let her in. She said that she saw a human-shaped shadow in the stock room and freaked out. Good Lord. I don't know, man, that's awful. A group of people getting freaked out together is like, it makes it so much more scary. Yeah. I mean, I mean, two at the very least,

she's not seeing this stuff by herself either. There's always the chance that you're hallucinating or like being weird if you're like by yourself. Yeah. But once somebody, like a couple other people are in the picture, you're like, oh. Oh. Just as we're letting her in,

Winnie said she saw someone standing by the end of the last register lane. I, admittedly, this is an asshole move, threw Winnie out of my way and ducked beneath the window while shut. It's like a stanza move. Well, Shay barricaded the door. We all started screaming and panicking, almost calling the cops. But we ultimately decided to shove everything in the safe and run. Again, my terrified self forgot to lock the door.

That's amazing. I think I'd do something similar. Probably I'm with you. I'm with you, girl. The next day is just a Sunday. My general manager was super pissed at me again. She told us all to stop being silly and to do our jobs. What's the point of not believing this?

Yeah, I mean, it's clear. It's weird because she's like not firing them. So she clearly believes they at least saw something. But yeah, I don't know. Anyway, she told us all to stop being silly and do our jobs. Winnie, who before the previous night and happenings didn't believe me, was terrified to work alone with me. She tried to call out sick, but she refused to come in.

And my general manager wouldn't let her let me close alone. Winnie and I have a weirdly tense shift, but again, nothing unusual until closing time. We're halfway through the bank and the ornament starts singing again. I decided to ignore it and actually take the drop to the bank that night. As we're walking out of the front office, Winnie screams and takes off running for the front door. She tells me she saw a shape of someone standing in an aisle

and it was starting to walk towards us. Man. Now, here's where I really cannot explain any of this away. Can you imagine somebody who just told you like two days ago, like this shit is not real. Go to work. Yeah, like, I mean, obviously, that's not exactly when he was doing, but like, didn't believe it. You know what I mean? Yeah, no.

And then all of a sudden she's like running from it. That's so scary. It's I'm I would be I would I would quit. I'd probably quit if it happened twice. I don't know if I'd be able to come back another time. I'm with the dude who stayed home. Yeah, exactly. No way in hell. Anyway, so this is where this person can't explain any of this away.

The front door was unlocked, but it wasn't opening. At this time, I'd like to note that when he was a pretty athletic girl around five foot eight and probably 130 pounds or so. I am a pretty short female, five four, admittedly a bigger gal with brute force as a talent. With both of us shoving and pushing on an unlocked door, it would not open. Horror movie. Yep. Yeah, it's straight up out of a horror movie.

It was almost like someone was pushing it shut. Finally, when I started frantically crying, the door flew open and we bolted. When he even forgot to follow me to the bank in her car. She called out the next day, too. My GM finally had enough and decided to work the next night with me. But nothing happened. Nothing. At this point, I was very annoyed with the ghost or whatever the fuck was haunting my store.

So I asked a friend of mine how to get rid of ghosts. My friend suggested holy oil. Yeah, I rolled my eyes to end putting crosses over the doors. After another night of the ornament shadow combo with Shay, I decided maybe it wasn't such a stupid idea. I finally had a morning shift and I did the whole oil cross thing before open. It was kind of comforting to think that maybe it might work. Strangely, it was really calm the rest of the day in the store.

The next night I worked, my GM pulled me aside and said, I really did rid the place of evil. What? Apparently, two days after the oil crosses, an ex-manager, she was unknown to practice voodoo, came in. What? How? How? Came in and apologized randomly. What?

After that, nothing weird or creepy happened, even though I consider myself a skeptic. I really cannot explain this. This was a voodoo shadow, man. It was a voodoo shadow curse, dude. Even Alex got a head shake. A voodoo shadow man came into that. OK, when did the movie, The Skeleton Key, come out with Kate Hudson?

Oh, my God. I don't know. I don't even see it. We're going to blame all this on movies. I guess so. I don't know. Skeleton Key 2005. Yeah, so that's 10 years. Yeah, 10 years. 10 years before this happened. Yeah. The voodoo man did this.

What a twist. That's what you got to watch out for. You got to watch out for the voodoo, man. Where's this person from? Why am I asking where this person is from? They don't have voodoo in the middle of the Midwest. This is the Midwest voodoo. Isn't this a Florida one?

Oh, that's right. Yeah, Florida. This is definitely voodoo then. Yep. Definitely voodoo. Amen. It's voodoo. You're like Dollar Tree in Florida.

That haunting is true, baby. If anything was going to be true, it would be in Florida. We don't even have to hit that 10K goal. I'm saying this one's true. Now, can we go back and talk about that goblin again, please? Oh, my God. You are a hooker. Can we change?

Listen, the 10K goal right now is a live special where we go ghost hunting or something. But we'll change it to Jesse just does a special on the dream murder goblin. We'll try and invoke the dream goblin and we'll watch him on webcam as he tries. So I looked up dreaming of goblins because I'm like, what does dreaming goblins mean?

And apparently goblins are linked to like parts of your psyche that have to do with well buried things inside of you. And apparently dreaming of unfriendly goblins are signs of distressing times being chased by goblins signifies that you're bothered by worrisome things. But more importantly, being extorted by a goblin.

That's what I'm getting at. The dream that you had, I think it's saying that it suggests an awareness that you aren't being as helpful as you could be in some aspect of your family life. And so this goblin is saying like, if you don't do right by your family, they're all doomed.

I'm gonna kill them. I'm gonna slit their throat and bathe in their blood. I don't know what was going on, but I feel like there's something that was happening where you dream this goblin and the goblin was like, you're making your parents buy too many toys. And how much do you charge an hour for these podcast sessions?

You're making the goblin the hero? Yeah, right. Maybe the goblin was the hero, and then you gave those toys the goodwill. Is the goblin inside you all along? Is the goblin you? Is that what you're saying? Yes, the whole point of the dream goblin

is the goblin is you. The goblin is you. You are the goblin and you are your own hero. Yeah. Okay. I think you might... I'm not... I'm just saying.

I feel like Jesse on this one. Let me just stop this whole podcast and just talk about this goblin for a minute because I have so many ideas. Okay, all right. I mean, listen, this is what this is. I'm here to talk about the goblin if you want to talk about the goblin.

Yeah, man, you've got a lot. You've got a lot. Isn't it golem? Isn't it golem? Isn't it you? Isn't it you? You never know. Yes, you are golem.

Golem was Smeagol. Smeagol was golem. Oh, my God. It was you. You were giving you literary clues to the true nature of this goblin. You're your own in this story. You're your own in this story.

That's what deranged her. Who was it? What's the name of the user? What's the name of the user? Nuclear Lucy, was it? No, no, the user was Moose. Oh, Moose Scientist. Moose Scientist.

Sorry, sorry. You think this Moose Scientist is trying to let you in on a little childhood guilt? No, I don't think Moose Scientist has guilt now about their childhood. But I think during their childhood, they were going through some stuff and this dream goblin came to them

and was like, here's a way to help your family. Right, because that's how he talks, of course. And so she's like, here's a way. I just want your Barbie. Oh, fuck, it's Barbie Wednesday. No, but Barbies will have it. Right. You wanted that Barbie so badly

because all the other toys, you convinced yourself you didn't need those toys for happiness. But when you finally got Mermaid Barbie, you're like, no, this one I do need. This is true happiness, Mermaid Barbie. And all those other things. And that's when you, like, that's, here's the way.

You grow up that day a little bit. You grow up. It's like a kid. It's like a fucked up, like weird, like kid priority journey that doesn't really make sense to me at all. Absolutely. It's a child priority journey. So the dream, it doesn't even really resonate

with us grown since understanding humans. Yes. But that goblin is just like, it's like the the paranormal version of like a playground tale. Yes. Oh my God. Yes. Now I totally believe.

I totally believe in this. All you have to do is dissect this dream and it makes perfect sense. And if you want your dreams to be dissected by Jesse, just go ahead and drop them over on the subreddit. We'll read them on our secret forgotten word of mouth culture of playground kids. My God, dude.

I'm just saying. This one's all you, Alex. It's called Home Alone by Wicked Wyvern. Okay. Yeah. Wicked Wyvern writes, hey, you know what? This is great. I love the grammar of this one, dude.

It's all right. I got this. The other the other guy was like, I just listened all this in a week and now I'm on the show. Check this out. Hey, I'm a relatively new subscriber having stumbled upon your guys's YouTube channel about a month ago. So congrats on the subscriber method.

Thank you very much. Appreciate it. You watched all the videos. Thank you very much. I made a couple pennies. Yeah. I don't know if you plan on doing any more fan submitted stories anytime soon, but it's so feel free to use this one.

Welcome Wyvern. How fucked up is this? That's crazy, right? Listen to us read your story now. Let me just say I like the ideas of a lot of the stuff you guys discuss, but I find myself being skeptical and agreeing with Jesse, a large majority of the time, but he spelled Jesse with an I.

So I win. But there is one incident I can't seem to explain or forget. So in the end, I do believe he's all right. All right. Let me set up some backstory first. My story takes place about 10 years ago in the 2008-2009 school year, and I was in seventh grade. My family had moved to Decatur, Indiana in this newly built

complex of houses. It was my mother, my sister, my three brothers, and I. That is five, four, six people. My brother, my sister. Yeah. My brother, my sister, my three brothers, my two other brothers. Anyway, to the story. Jesse's losing himself.

One day. One day. What? Are you still in Goblin land? You just thinking about the goblin? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I was thinking about the goblin. So bashful. We got to Jesse. We caught you. I got goblin information. Goblin information. All right. Intermission.

Intermission. No, through the story. Okay. Go ahead. We're almost there. We're almost there. Anyway, to the story. One day during the week, I was sick and had to be picked up

from school early. So I was just laying in my room while my mom cleaned up around the house. When it came time to pick my youngest brother up from preschool, my mom asked if I wanted to go with her. And I refused, not feeling up to the task. I get easily car sick in the best of times. I'm with you.

I share that. Forget about Game Boy. Forget about books. Yeah. Forget that shit when I'm in a car. Yeah. My mother shrugged and headed out, leaving me alone. As a child, I always loved to write short stories.

And this is what I was doing while the TV play in the background when I first heard it. It had been about half an hour since my mom left when I heard a squeaking sound coming from my brother's room next door. Now, I shared a room with one brother and our two younger brothers shared a room just for the sound effects, Jesse. Thank you. I'm going to keep it up.

So you got two brothers in each room. I hadn't heard anyone come inside, so I was confused. I heard it again. It sounded like someone was bouncing on a bed. However, my two brothers that shared that room had a bunk bed. I got up and groaned, sliding down the hall to their bedroom. The door was open. And of course, nobody was there.

I went back to my room and lay in bed for another 10 minutes before I heard a cupboard door slam in the kitchen. I hopped up and strolled in, assuming everyone was home to see a single bag of Doritos lying almost perfectly in the center of the kitchen. Honestly, what kind of Doritos? Like, are we dealing with, like, a good, like... Eto-cooler.

Eto-cooler Doritos. Yeah. Yeah. You know, if it's those, like, purple Doritos, I get it. And he goes, could want those. This is when I got an unexplainable bad feeling and I went outside. I get the feeling. The feeling came from the fact that you saw Doritos on the counter

but when, before, they were none. Yes. And you heard the cupboard slam. Yeah. Then I was uncomfortable. Even then, I was uncomfortable and I had to cross the street and sit on the curb until two of my siblings got off the school bus before I could handle going back inside.

This was not the only experience I had in that house. Once over summer break, my brother, mother, and I were up late watching TV. And for some reason, the volume kept being turned down to zero. Another time, I got up in the middle of the night to pee and when returning to my bedroom, I saw a small female form at the foot of my brother's bed and I jumped from my bed to his to grab him and the figure disappeared. Those were the weirdest experiences. That last one seems way scarier than the rest of them.

Yeah, that's awful, dude. That's the worst. I would be yelling at the top of my lungs like somebody cut my leg off with an axe. Yep. I saw that. I feel like some of these things can be explained away as a child's imagination or a faulty TV. Not everything can be explained away as a child's imagination, Jesse. But they still make me uncomfortable to this day.

Luckily, we didn't live there long. What do you guys think? Like I said, the house was newly built and we were the first tenants of this particular house. It wasn't built on the Ontario ground. So there was no more battle site and nothing like this happened in any of the other houses we moved in and we moved a lot. The only explanation I can honestly come up with is that my fever was worse than I thought and was hearing things. Luckily, we only lived there for about six months.

Honestly, that's possible. Like, I mean, when I was a kid, I had a really bad fever and I hallucinated butterflies all over my body. Oh my God, like the Cowboy Bebop movie. I never saw it. I've never seen Cowboy Bebop at all, period. Kingsman the Golden Circle. I still need to see it. Yeah, sure.

A sequel to Kingsman. I'm an uncultured man. What can I tell you? I had a fever one time and I woke up and I was blind. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah. I was like 12 years old and I was like, hmm, I can't see out of my eyes.

This is not good. I'm just going to go back to sleep and maybe it'll be fine. And I did and it was the end. Well, thank you for the story. Jesse, you're a goblin though. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? I'm a goblin intermission.

I think the most offensive thing about that is the ghost was like a Doritos ghost. Right. I had Doritos and a ghost was taking my Doritos. I'd be more pissed than any other ghost. Yeah. If you were a ghost, okay. If I see hot chips back, you son of a bitch. You're a ghost and you only, as a ghost, you boys can only taste one chip for the rest

of your unexistence. What chip is that going to be? Oh my God. What is that Dorito called? Doritos. The Asian one? I think I'd be boring. I'd keep a classic barbecue.

I love the barbecue chips. Barbecue Lays. I just can't not have barbecue. I think I'm going to go with something a little bit more extreme so that it stays interesting longer. Either the Doritos that are the spicy sweet chili, which are great. Yeah. Those are good.

Or the Doritos that are the, oh, what are those things? Like the Tapatio, I think. Oh yeah. The Tapatio Dorito. Yeah. Yeah. Those are the good ones. The Tapatio Doritos.

Oh man. The spicy flaming ones. Sign me up. I'd be fond of that. I mean, spicier nacho Doritos I would take. I also like the Jalapeno Cheddar Cheeto. What about Dill Pickle Pringle? I don't think I would take it, but I like, I can get behind it.

Yeah. I would eat it, but not for forever. I'd come with the Pickle Ghost. I have Pickle Farts and Carrots. Maybe like, maybe like Salt and Vinegar though. Salt and Vinegar is so good. I shouldn't have gotten them at the market the other day. Damn it.

Yeah. I'm so hungry now. That's a good chip. All right. So let's get important here. Goblin. Goblin Termition. Goblin Termition.

I like it. So I looked up. This is what I typed in for my Google keyword search. Goblin Killer Dream. And this is what I found. And the movie Puppet Master. I think we're in ARG y'all. No we're not.

Don't say that. I'm trying to. I did not type in this, but this is the first thing that popped up for me. The Mermaid's Tale. No. What? The Mermaid's Tale, a book by D.G. Valdron. That's a goblin.

Have I ever heard one? Yeah, definitely. And here is the paragraph that came up. Valdron? What the fuck is that? It's like a wow goblin. V-A-L-T-R-O-N. Valdron.

Damn dude. All right. Here's the paragraph that came up. No joke. What is this word that goblins have butcher? Wolves. They are butchers. Sloppy killers.

Torturers with many cuts, but killers still. What? I said shocked? Mirror's body was still large in my mind. Butchery. Torture. Many cuts. How did she know these things?

Did she know? Why was she saying this to me? Why would you tell me this? I asked. What do you mean by this? She only grinned. I fulfilled my obligation to the dream. Yo!

Yo! Yo! Where are we at right now? I don't know dude. This is the dark tower happening in real life. This is the real deal. There's going to be a goblin coming for all of us tonight. Oh my God.

I got to get Harold. The goblin's going to ask for Harold in my dream. It's like that episode of The Teenage Witch. Yeah, actually go ahead. Take Harold. I don't want him. But you have to sleep with Harold. So good luck.

Oh God. As long as I don't take the bandages. All I'm saying is the deeper I dive into this goblin story. All you're saying is the deeper you dive in, the farther we are in the Doctor Who episode. The more this becomes an Alex-type episode. I'm not going to dig any deeper. When a book, when I type in goblin dream killer and the thing comes up is a mermaid's tail. Get out of town.

That's too similar. I hope there's a passage about the goblin killing and dreams in the book. Yep. I'm out. It's all connected. What do they call that? They call that synchronicity? It's something all right.

I want to hear a feedback on Jesse's theory from you, Moose Scientist. Yeah, I need to hear it Moose Scientist. Please, if you can. I'd love to hear what you'd like. I got to know more about this goblin situation. Jesse, would you like the final story? The final story is about goblins? No, it's not goblins.

If I read this and halfway through, it's like, a murder goblin appeared to me. I'm out. I'm leaving the show. I'm not going to do anything else ever. I'm never leaving home. And then a goblin turned to the camera and said, Jesse Cox, I would kill your parents if you don't give me your most precious toy from childhood. Oh, yeah.

Okay. What would that toy have been for you, Jesse? Just out of curiosity. What would your very first goblin toy be? Oh, man. I would have been. It depends what year they would have come to me, right? Let's say you're eight.

Let's say you're eight. Let's say you're eight like in the story. I would have been one of my power-ranging transformers. Ninja Turtles? Although my most precious toy, I think my parents will have somewhere, is like a little chimpanzee in running shorts named Joey. And I think that's the name. I think that's like kids.

I haven't seen him in years. And he was like a little chimpanzee in running shorts. And I think that was like my favorite toy. That is insane. Yeah. I had, I had Vakman. Vakman? Yeah.

Vakman was the one who like, that was my favorite toy when I was like probably like eight. You ever had Vakman? No. He's like the opposite of, he's like the, he's like the Lord Zed of Stretch Armstrong. I know who you're talking about though. You like suck his, you like suck his air out and he gets bumpy. Oh my God. Wait, maybe I do know this guy.

This is before smartphones. Okay. Yeah. This is well before smartphones. You get a pump. You get a small bike pump, like a penis pump and you hook it up to it. Oh my God. Hang on.

I actually want to google this. The inside of skin that makes him bumpy. That's what I would have given to the goblin. Oh my God. Yeah. There he is. My brother had this. I did not.

Oh, he's like gross and bumpy. That's right. I'm giving my Vakman to the goblin. Stretch Vakman figure. I think the goblin would have given it back. Vakman toy. Not this. Your parents can live for free.

Oh man. He's only like 18 bucks on eBay dude. Vakman is such a terrible toy. I don't need it. Such a terrible toy. You want to know how it, you know, you want to know how it, how I lost Vakman. You vacuumed him too much? Nope.

Cut him open with scissors. Nice. Did you know there was a, did you know there was a pocket Vakman? No. Yeah, there is. They still sell those. Pocket Vakman. Stretching Vakman.

Yeah. I don't know what was in Vakman. Just like a bunch of balls. It's kind of like, kind of like Floam. Yeah. It's weird. Floam vibes. Oh my God.

Here's the commercial dude. Vakman dude. All right. Let's do this. Are you prepared for the Vak attack brother? Let's do the story. Yeah. Take it.

Yeah. Take it. Haunted hotel by show 45. I used to work at a haunted hotel attraction mostly outside in parking. It's famous for its hauntings and recognized as one of the most haunted hotels in America. Though I never had the level of activity as some of my coworkers. I did have a couple of occurrences. The first one was when I was outside during our annual Halloween event.

I was by myself cleaning up and putting things away. One of the barricades is I had my back turned. I heard what sounded like a barricade. We had to get lifted. What? As what? Sounded like a barricade we got out. Wait.

Okay. As I had my back turned, I heard what sounded like a barricade we had out. Get lifted and slammed on the ground. Gotcha. Okay. I'm with you now. I got a little confused. I turned around and they were all still lined up.

It was a big open area and the barricades were ones with steel bars. If someone had lifted and slammed one, I would have seen them run or hide. The second one was when I was leaving to clock out during the Christmas event. There was a row of pipes leading to the entrance to the employee area. When I walked on the bridge, only the first one moved. When I walked out to leave, only the one by the door moved. At first I thought it was the wind, but dismissed it when the others didn't move. There was a row of pipes.

Do the row of pipes move often? I think he's saying he saw one move when he showed up, one when he left. Then it says here, dismissed it because at first I was the wind, but dismissed it when the others didn't move. So they must move often. They saw it move in an unnatural way. Gotcha. He's thinking in the next sentence might actually explain a little.

For more detail on how these pipes were set up, you're totally right. They're hanging by chains. Yeah, it's weird. They're hanging by chains on each end one by one from the start of the bridge to the end of it right up until the door. The pipes hanging on chains like this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're like those hanging wind chimey pipes.

Yeah. Okay. The third is from when there was a blackout. I was at lunch and decided to explore everyone minus employees had been evacuated out. As we walked down the hallways, I'm taking photos of the place and in a couple of the photos, there's a lady in a white dress. The hotel was famous. The hotel is a famous story about a lady in a white dress.

The only thing is that, well, she has feet, which according to most ghost stories I hear ghosts don't really have them. Ladies have feet. Not this one. Well, yeah, this one does right up person. Me being more concerned with exploring than anything, but it's something that I still think back on. My last story is from when I was by myself working at the exit.

That's actually a great question. It was a slow day and no one was really coming in. Our exit leads straight to the freeway. So from across the booth, I see what appears to be a shadow person walking down the middle of the road. I peek out and yell, Hey, what the fuck are you doing? Then I realize there's no one there. Another one that I don't really count because it could be me who doesn't understand technology.

A couple of these guys and I were working the graveyard shift. We did these before events to keep parking clear as most events were held in our parking garage area. A couple of guys from the other department stopped by and invited us to explore the ship. It's like one or two a.m. No one's really coming in. So we go for it. We try to get into the most haunted room, but we couldn't get in.

I take a couple of photos from the outside, but nothing really pops up. Next, we go to the top of the place. It's open to walk around and there's nice view of the shoreline. I take a video of it and check the video. Midway through the video, there appears to be something covering the top and bottom of my screen, leaving only the center open. I thought it was scary at first and the others did too. But it could be that because the area in the video had the least amount of lighting, the

top and bottom are obscured. I'm oblivious to how photography and lighting works. So that's one I tend to ignore, but I thought I'd share anyways. Give me that footage. Some stuff from coworkers, hair getting pulled, things thrown, keyboard typing when no one's there. I left the place due to mental health. So there are only stories from coworkers.

I remember on the top of my head. Oh, those are the only ones. Side note, I chose to work there due to the fact that it was haunted and was extremely disappointed by the fact that I got so few hauntings experiences while others had constant stories. Yeah, me too. And that place sucks so much about like, hauntings? I don't understand photography.

That's an honest assessment. Like, all those are what I imagine most people when dealing with hauntings, air quotes, deal with. You know, I took a photo and there was like this weird artifact in it, but it's an honest assessment of like, look, I don't know that what I saw was a haunting rather than people who are like, I saw it. I was there. I saw it.

Like at least there's being, you know, reasonable. They're not coming at it from that point of view that it was a haunting for sure. Yeah. Exactly. People said there were and I experienced some stuff and like, you know, the impressive thing is that they're like, I have a lady in my picture that wasn't there, but it could have been just a lady that was there. Like a lady in the picture when no one was there, isn't evidence of a ghost, which is

true. Yeah. But I would, if that happened to me, I would be like, I took a picture of a ghost. Here is the ghost. Her name is Elizabeth. She was murdered. Like I would be taken. Slip and throw by the dream goblin who also haunts the hotel.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I like that. I like the way that story was told and that everything and it was like, Hey, these are things that, that, you know, happened, but I can't explain them. So here's what they were. No judgments. We need more stories like that.

We need more like this happened. I don't know what it was. Go for it, guys. I love that. Send us more of that. Like, yeah, I was walking down the street and like a wolf ran up to me and like, booped my nose and ran away. I called for my 30 out six.

I called for my name. But I like, I don't know what it was. I'm not going to make a 50 year career out of it and my damn, you know, ranch stuff. You know, ranch somewhere. Yeah. I hear that. Yeah. I like it.

Uh, speaking of which, that's exactly the type of story that I'm going to bring you guys next time. Oh boy. Oh boy. It's an Alex episode next time. I'm excited. It's going to be good. But that's where the fan episode is going to end boys.

And that's where we're going to leave. So thank you all so much for listening. We're going to go record a mini so that should be live right now for you talking about it and you can hear this and you're a patreon guy at patreon.com slash shilluminati pod. You can listen to it or lady. Got a guy is a patreon pal. Oh, patreon pal. Patreon or a patron.

If you're a patron pal, if you're a patron, if you're on Paltry on, you're putting up what we're putting drown. That's a bad one. What? Take that one out. Take that one out. I don't want people to hear that one. I don't want to have said that.

We're drowning. Anyway, subscribe to us at patreon.com slash shilluminati pod for all kinds of cool extra stuff. And pushing to that last big goal, a $10,000 goal. We're going to go go something. I swear to God. Even do with that. It's unnecessary.

What we won't even do. We're going ghost hunting and we're going to get everything. Where are we going? Ghost hunting. And also out. But also like the less fun things that you want to know about the less fun things. An audio editor and also a second researchers were a lot of that money. So editor.

We don't edit this. I edit it. The amount of the amount of like poor math is trying his best over here to make everything sound good. Internet is just ruthless. Fucking up, man. I'm trying as a one man show over here and the patreon allows it to not be a fully one man operation.

But then we're going to have all these episodes where we went through all these topics and they're going to have people in the future when they listen. When future people hear the quality of new episodes, they're going to be like, well, I can't go back and listen to those trash episodes. That's what we just got to redo them. New info. $300,000. We'll edit those episodes like George.

$300,000. Oh my God. He was going to give us that money. We have to go in and CG in our CG co-host. Yeah. We have to do it. George Lucas style. Yeah.

The Fort Shulmanani member needs to be like. It's a vocal. Yeah. What's that? Yeah. What's that? Like a anime girl. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh my God. We'll get her. She'll be like, there was a muffin and he shows up at bridges. All right. Let's get the fuck out of here. The episode happening right now. Go get it at shulmanati pod.com slash patreon.

That's not what it is. We'll see you guys later. We got social media, dude. Twitter.com slash shulmanati pod. Twitter.com slash mathis games. Fosy on a a Jesse Cox. And of course the subreddit for shulmanati pod. We can drop you some stories.

All that other good stuff. And thank you to our patrons as well because they're getting an ad free episode this week. So enjoy it. We'll see you guys on the next one. Goodbye everybody. Peace. Capiche. Capiche.

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