Chilluminati Podcast - Episode 90 - Power Ranking 3 Lesser Known Cryptids

Episode Date: March 5, 2021

Mike is back finally! Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/chilluminatipod BUY OUR MERCH - http://www.theyetee.com/collections/chilluminati Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - http://www.youtube.com/user/ThatOneLazerClown Art Commissioned by - http://www.mollyheadycarroll.com Theme - Matt Proft End song - POWER FAILURE - https://soundcloud.com/powerfailure Video - http://www.twitter.com/digitalmuppet

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and convenience of home with your outdoor adventures. Whatever your needs are, we're here to help. Visit a Motorsportsland RV center or motorsportsland.com today and let Motorsportsland help you get away. ["MotorSportsland Theme Song"] Hello, hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Celluminati Podcast, episode 90.

As always, I am one of your hosts, Mike Martin, joined by my other two hosts, Jesse Cox and Alex Fosyanes, the boys, the brothers from L.A. The brothers from L.A. Yeah, the brothers from L.A. I would say, Alex, what is that? But I feel like I'm just havin' Dave Javu.

It's the Dick Van Dyke show. Oh, yeah, all right, gotcha. ["Dick Van Dyke Show"] Might as well be walkin' on that van dyke. Might as well be walkin' over that table. ["Dick Van Dyke Show"] So, hey, thank you guys so much for carrying the show for me last week

while I was gone. I was told and met the comments. Carrying's a relative term, but yeah, all right. Yeah, I was going to comment of, apparently, even Davis, having Davis on the guest, he was more curmudgeonly than even Jesse. Dude, he went in on the Christians. He went in on the Christians.

He went in on astrology. He went in on everybody. I would never go in on Christians or astrology. I'm from one, I'm hedging my bets. One of them's gotta be right. ["Dick Van Dyke Show"] I haven't heard about it yet. I haven't heard the episode yet,

but I hear it's another secret society one? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's about coconut growth. Oh, all right. I know a little bit about that, but not much. Like, not too much. So, I'm excited to go win to it. I don't know why you're cackling, so I'm excited.

No reason. No reason. They always like, Davis seems like, I don't know if he's like this on Star Wars, New Kingdom Book Club, or Scary Games Squad. Okay, but the audience either is like, they adore him, or they're like, God damn it, Davis, shut up. That's, well, yeah, that's the internet to begin with.

That's true. That's very, very true. Yeah, the internet is never like this. It's always like, this is new. I either love this or I hate this. That's it. That's also very true. I've been that guy where people are like, I hate him.

It's fine. I would like to say you eventually grow out of it, but there are people our age is an older than us that don't ever grow out of that mentality. Grow out of disliking things? Well, like hating something he ends like so heavily, or loving something so heavily right away. Please, you'll hear a song and be like,

this is a trash song, and it's bad, this trash. Everyone hates something to coat the real big fish. Everyone hates my butt. That's not the song. What? Everybody hates my butt. Dear roads, trails, and rivers. Are you ready for some SUV action?

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Well, today there is no Davis. It is my grand return after a few weeks. So today we're gonna go in light, call it a pallet cleanser. I'm gonna give you an amouche-bouche. The ginger between the sushis. Exactly. Amouche-douche.

Yes, an amouche-douche. Amouche-douche. We'll say be in lower cryptid. At least I personally ranked these three. Be in lower? What does that mean? It means they're cryptids that are, you may have heard of them,

but they aren't prime time. They're no Mothman, they're no Chupacabra. Wait, why are we giving them the limelight then? Because sometimes, man, you don't know something's S tier until you give it a chance. Is this sponsored? We have ads on this one, so sure.

To quote real big fish, are we selling out tonight? With my butt? Yes. Yeah, that's the Manscaped ad. With the hair out of your butt tonight. This is a perfect segue over to the Patreon, though. Isn't that right, Alex? It is.

It is right. And if you want to be right with yourselves, head over to patreon.com. Slash, Silloumanati Pod, where you can keep us weekly. You can keep us, you can get ad-free versions of the show. You get art, you can get on the Discord. There's all sorts of great stuff.

You get access to all our merch early. You get preferential treatment in that way. Just for coming in and dropping a few dollars down on top of a show that's doing their best to un-crazy the crazy stuff for you. That's a good way of putting it. And the latest poster that was up by Studio Melectro is based on the James Dean car episode, the demon car. It's real good, wonderful poster.

So go check that out. All right, that out of the way. It's time for three mediocre cryptids that you boys will rank as we go through them and where you think they belong in the hierarchy of other cryptids. In what way are we ranking? Overall, man, coolness factor. All right, all right, hold on.

I got to write this down. We have to stay true to this. If we're ranking. OK, OK, stay true to these ranks. Number one category. Number one, hold on, hold on, hold on. How many categories do we want? Six, we got to go through this.

All right, so looks is first one. Now, are we talking like, do I want to bang this cryptid or like? No, it looks cool. You know, sometimes you want to bang him. Sometimes you want to praise him. All right, I would write aesthetics, but I don't know how to spell it. So let's move on to looks. All right, next.

I guess would you like a threat level be up there? Power level. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Power level. OK. What is Mothman's power level? He never attacks. He's always there to write, but he did warn. So we like knows it's coming. Yeah, he has like, he can see the future.

And she has nothing to stop it. He doesn't. He's not fearsome, but he's he's powerful. Oh, my God, dude, what if Jesus wasn't Jesus, but they just got it wrong and they were just it was the Mothman the whole time back in the old days. How could you mess that one up? How could you mess that up? I don't know, man. The heat makes you see things.

Mirages. OK, so Jesus talked and wasn't like. This guy is so wise. We should follow him, dude. Oh, man, this guy, come on. This is a miracle. This guy, all right, looks in threat levels. That all we want to keep it to. No, we have to have one more.

We have to have a story. Doubting Thomas is like the smartest guy in the fucking whole game. He's like, I don't understand. It's like fucking chicken, boo. You guys don't see that. That's a big ass Mothman. OK, it's not a carpenter's son at all. What about influence on modern day?

Oh, yeah, I would say influence, like legacy levels, like legacy. Yeah, legacy or legacy, all right. Here's our three rankings. Let's do it. Stick to these. The first cryptid that we are going to cover today is a familiar one to any of those who were at the live show in Boston, not because it's the same one, but they fall within the same because that dude was there. No, OK.

What was this? Oh, wait, no, no, no, no, this is I'm ahead of myself a little bit. The when I talk about the live show, the Boston one at the one theater, the second cryptid is going to be based on that. So this is the show where Alex fell in P. This is where I slipped in my own place and cut both my knees on the ground. To a walk straight for three fucking days, I want to always bring that up forever. The guy was like, dude, I would turn around and help you, but I would have peed on you.

At least he was a real man. At least he was letting you know he was thinking of you in that moment. I wanted to help, but I would have peed on your forehead, dude. I'm sorry. Imagine if you whipped around, see Alex Gannert bullseye right in the head. I read the reviews on the show and it's like, it's a great show. Really well researched. Everybody's so funny, except they talk about the grossest shit because they're just three dudes together in the microphone,

so they just can't help but be just absolutely awful all the time. Oh, dude, we are we made it, dude. By the way, one of the most recent reviews was a four star review that said it's great, except for the mild misogyny. Oh, no. That's how you know we made it. That's misogynistic somehow. I don't know how I try not to be.

I know me too. I don't if I've been misogynistic, I apologize. I have never meant it. I don't actively trying not to be one. Never. We're never not going to be. But OK, but think of it like this, even with the misogyny, we're still four stars to them. We're trying. We're trying our best, guys.

You know what? That's good. A good way to look at it. Thank you. Good way to look at it. I thought so. All right. It's the trying that's helping, I think. Yeah, I think so, too. Ladies, we love you. We don't know anything.

We're ruined it now. You know what it is? It's probably you going out. Hello, my little chlumen. And that's not misogynistic. That's what's causing it. That's that. That could be like a little chill ladies.

Then it would be creepy. That's what's now. Now they have the most inclusive part of the show. Everybody's talking about. Now I see why it's four stars. I get it now. You're right. You're right. This is a four star show.

We got to write these goddamn cryptids. All right. All right. The first cryptid that we are covering today is none other than the Flatwoods Monster. If you don't know that name, then perhaps you know it by one of its other monikers, such as the Braxton County Monster, the Sutton Monster, the Green Monster, not to be confused with the big green monster

out in Boston, and the phantom of Flatwoods. If you don't know each fall trivia, just so that doesn't sound crazy, he's talking about the wall in the baseball stadium. I don't know why. It's not just like some giant monster in Boston. The Hulk has been ravaging Boston for weeks now. We've had him there for quite some time.

That huge fucking monster in Boston. He's wicked pisser. He's a wicked pisser. Oh, all right. This creature was cited only in a span of two days in 1952 between September 12th and September 13th out in Flatwoods, West Virginia and the surrounding areas. Only a total of it's all been seen twice.

Three times, technically, but over two days. Oh, and in the fifties. Nineteen fifty two. I'm already super sus, but let's keep going. All right. This particular creature is described as extremely tall, somewhere between seven and twelve feet with a spade shaped head and wearing a metal dress.

The first incident, which is whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't tell me this thing as the head of a car to type whatever those are called. Yeah, whatever, whatever spades are called. But one of the card types and a body that's a metal dress. Yeah, you can look it up, look it up right now. It's like Joan Rivers in Spaceballs. Oh, I mean, honestly, no, it's not, you're not a hundred percent.

There's a thing I've seen this thing before. I this thing looks insane. It looks like if if a maiden like a like a puritan, like like which trial ask kind of outfit, but like, but like the like when they used to have like aluminum Christmas trees. No, back in the day. No, you know, like when they had like the metal Christmas trees back in the 70s, it was like, sure, if there was like a like a puritan

Salem witch trials lady who was a aluminum Christmas tree. No, that's the Flatwoods monster. This is going bizarrely. This thing is that's not at all. This thing is this thing. All right. Whatever Alex just described is totally inaccurate. It looks like a junkyard sculpture that you'd see like that

somebody welded out of a bunch of trash. Listen, yes, I just moved to Texas. OK, I've been in Texas now for like a week in a day. There are I have never seen so much aluminum cruisters and aluminum artworks and people's front yawns are like eight feet tall. That is exactly what this thing looks like. Yeah, look at them. The best way to describe it is it's like three P.O.'s head.

With sort of like the top part of it, you know, like a like a flamboyant cape. Like a Dracula. Yeah, but imagine only the top part and not the actual cape. And then a Queen Elizabeth, like a blouse, like a and then a metal skirt and then two claw like hands. That's this creature. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is like a like a like a school teacher from the 1630s. Sure, but it's also a robot.

Yeah, like a metal version. Yeah. Yes. All right. Fair enough. The first sighting of this thing is we can argue whether it's even considered a sighting or not. It's simply called the Harper incident. This happened when Mrs. Audra Harper claims to have seen the creature walking in the woods near her home in Heaters, West Virginia, about five miles to the north of Flatwoods. Not wrong before the more the more famous May sighting took place,

which is another name of a family, not the month. Harper and her friend were walking to a nearby store and opted to take a short cut through the forest rather than walk down the road like they normally do. About a half a mile into their trip, the two of them noticed a ball of fire on one of the hills that they were passing. Harper initially dismissed it at first, assuming a neighbor was, quote, Fox chasing. But when she glanced back, the ball of fire was gone and in its place was a tall, dark silhouette of a man shaped figure.

Terrified seeing this thing, the both of them fled into the rocks and boulders strewn across the hillside and never saw the thing again. I just don't get how you could be fine with a ball of fire. Like, I don't I don't understand that you could walk past a ball of fire and then only a double take. Who do you realize clarifying question is, how big of a ball are we talking? Do they mean like a small ball?

Like, I'm like, you know, like a candle, a ball of fire, right? That's not a ball of fire. That's a candlelight, right? Yeah, fair. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, fair. So like, it's got to be a fair size, right? So why is that Fox hunting or Fox chasing? I don't know. I don't know. Do you do it by like the torchlight? I don't know. That's what I would assume.

They did it by lantern light. But then. But again, that brings me the idea that that would be kind of small. They're right. I don't know. That's the first sighting. And that's not the one we're really going to focus on. But it's the first one that kind of gets attributed to it because the next one is the much more famous sighting.

Multiple people saw it and it's known as the May sighting on the evening of September 12th, 1952, at around 1900 hours. So how long is this from the last one? Was that how long has it been since the last sighting? The last one happened about no, that happened. It happened the night before the 12th. So this happened the 11th, the 12th and the 13th. The 11th just doesn't count part of the story

because the only the only evidence is ball of fire. Man silhouettes because the next night all these other happened, people are attributing it to it. On the evening of September 12th, 1952, around 1900 hours, a group of young boys whose identities are currently and have been since unconfirmed, but thought to be Edison, Eddie May, who was aged at 13 at the time. Fred, Freddie May, his brother, who is one year younger, 12.

Neil Nunley, who was 14 and Tommy Hire. Freddie and Eddie, man, that's rough. Freddie and Eddie brothers of hate that. I would hate that to be for Freddie and Eddie. Oh, my God, the brothers, Freddie and Eddie. It's like my own Luigi. It's like, you can't be Freddie and Eddie. It's like thing one and thing two.

All these boys at the time were playing football in the lawn of the Flatwoods Elementary School when a bright light flew overhead and appeared to crash into the hillside on G. Bailey Fisher's farm. Now the boys are understandably intrigued and they stopped playing their game and immediately went to go and investigate. Since the May home was between them in the crash site,

Eddie and Freddie stopped by to tell their mom, Kathleen May, that they were heading over there to investigate. Kathleen collected Eugene Lemon, age 17, who was a national guards, an addition, a national guardsman and his dog, Richie, to help with the investigation for eight people in total, plus a dog. The group headed to the crash site where they saw a pulsing red light which was described as a ball of fire 100 yards away,

making a slight hissing sound, 10 feet or more in diameter. The group was engulfed in a foul smelling smog and Lemon shined his flashlight up the hill where they saw the creature. What is the smell? What is the smell? I really don't know why alien encounters every time I smelled like a fart.

It was so scary. I was so scared. I always describe it like just like a fart. I saw a bright light and then a fart smell entered my nose. That's how I knew it was aliens. Yeah. Lemon then shined his flashlight up the hill where they ended up seeing the creature. It was 10 feet tall with clawed and twisted hands and glowing orange eyes.

Kathleen later described the creature in an interview as such, quote, it had a bright red face, bright green clothing, a head which resembled the Ace of Spades and its clothing from the waist down hung in great folds. It moved as it was as if it were floating through the air. End quote. It was like an aluminum Christmas tree from the Salem Witch Trials. So you just imagine this ball of fire out there

with this weird creature and that the ball of fire is hissing. It just sounds like I assume like a popped valve or something like that. When Lemon shined his light at the creature, it too hissed and began to float toward the group. No, immediately turned in flood and terror. I would be fucking out of there. Yep, me too. Upon reaching town, they called the Braxton County Sheriff Robert Carr.

The sheriff was actually delayed in responding, though, because there was another crash that had been reported that he was investigating by a local man who had also seen a light in the sky disappearing into the mountains along the Elk River. So this already indicating there have been multiple sightings of lights in the sky and multiple crash. There were there was lights in the sky and multiple crashes. OK, so this this guy saying the sheriff wants to go investigate

and then another crash that had happened that night. By the time Carr actually got there, local journalist A Stuart Lee of the Braxton Democrat had arrived and was interviewing the terrified group. Lemon Carr and a small gun toting posse headed back to the crash site where the creature was long gone and all that remained was a sulfuric odor, some tracks left in the grass and a black rubber like substance. Over the course of the next few weeks,

the members of the group were plagued by irritation and swelling of the nose and throat, vomiting and convulsions, all of which have been attributed to symptoms of exposure to mustard gas. What? What is mustard gas smell like? That's a good question, actually. No, I don't fart. Oh, boy. Yeah, I was like, let's look it up gas smell. Mustard gas is colorless and odorless.

But when mixed with other chemicals, it looks brown and can smell like garlic, mustard or onions. That's why it's got to be mustard gas. There you go. But there you go. That's the that's that's the Flatwoods monster. We're going to go a little bit into maybe some some explanations for the thing. One more. But when one more sighting as well, I actually completely forgot what you got, one more sighting.

And then the pop culture of this thing, because this thing is as minor as the sightings are, has infested video games, the Flatwoods monsters everywhere in video games. And we're going to get to that here in a minute. The last sighting we're going to cover, though, of this particular monster happens the next day, September 13th, instead of September 12th. And this is by the family and I'm going to butcher this name.

Snidowsky, Snidowsky, Snidowsky. There we go. Snidowsky, S-N-I-T-O-W-S-K-Y. On September 13th, 1952, George and Edith Snidowsky and their 18th month old were driving through a rural area between Clay and Braxton counties, which is about 20 miles to the south of Flatwoods. They were driving late in the evening when their car randomly died. George attempted to restart the car, but it wouldn't turn on, leaving the small family stranded in the middle of nowhere on a deserted road after dark.

While Edith and George were discussing what they should do, a similar sulfurous fog began to fill the car and the baby began to cry. There was a bright light and the creature began to hover in front of the car. This time, it was not sporting its spade-shaped hood and instead had a reptilian bony head. It scraped its lizard-like hand across the hood of the car and floated away into the nearby woods. Once the creature was out of sight, the car started up again

and the couple quickly sped away. George gave his account in Mail Magazine, however, not in 1952, but in 1955. Years later? Three years later. Why do people do that? That's the last of the encounters. That's the last of the proper encounters of the Flatwoods monster. That's all we have for encounters of this thing.

That's it. I'm so I'm so interested by the whole like acrid smell, poison gas element. It's really interesting. But every every it seems like everybody kind of is like messing with this thing a little bit. Seems like everybody who got sort of zapped back was sort of like zapping it, right? Yeah, I guess so. They at least antagonizing it or maybe just like,

I don't know, it's interesting. It's hard to kind of it's hard to understand what this thing could be because the first encounter reminds me of the episode you did, Alex, on that the guy who got the hooks thrown out in his pants. Yeah. Yeah. His pants ripped and stuff. And when the investigators with investigators,

all the tracks, yeah, all that stuff. So there was no physical evidence other than the indentations, the tracks similarly to the first one where there was no evidence of a ship or creature. But there was evidence that something was there. There was indentations and the like. So again, this is the Flatwoods monster, though, though, labeled as a cryptid, to me is a kind of classic on most levels, classic UFO encounter of some sort, minus the fact that the creature himself doesn't really fit any description of anything.

Yeah, it acts almost like an animal at some at some way. Like it's like not not that advanced in terms of intelligence. I don't know. It looks it has that wild animal vibe to it. You know, I'm a little and I'm a little iffy on the second encounter, too, because like you said, he he reported three years later. And I mean, who knows what he could have read or come across in terms of like knowledge of reptilians or grays out there at that time,

because UFO fever was popping in the mid fifties. Doesn't seem like the first and second are the same thing. No, but they describe it that with like the. Yeah, the body is the same. The way it floats is the same, but it has not the same head has a reptilian head and lizard hands. So that's like weird. It feels like it feels like a different creature all together or took his hat off. But it happened the next day.

Supposedly the next day he just took three years to report it. So it's just weird. It's really weird. We do have a couple of explanations, though, that may give us a bit of more clarity, more clarity on what exactly this thing was. Well, we'll start with the first one, which is going to be the one that is my favorite, but probably the least scientifically plausible, maybe this is simply a UFO. Gray Barker, a UFO investigator from Braxton County and naturalist Ivan T.

Sanderson, both went to Flatwoods to research the events that had been reported. Sanderson arrived a mere six days after the incident actually occurred. So he was there very quickly. They explored the site, interviewed the witnesses and wrote reports of their findings that were later published. But maybe unsurprisingly, because both men are UFO investigators, both men concluded that the group had encountered an extraterrestrial craft and whatever its occupant was. According to Sanderson's 36 page report, quote, at least five objects came over traveling in a

straight line from northwest to southeast. Several of the crash several of the crafts crashed and were never recovered. But one craft and then in parentheses, ball of fire landed outside Flatwoods and its occupant was able to exit the ship wearing a protective suit, the spade, hood and metal dress before the craft disintegrated. That's a second description of a ball of fire, too. Yeah. Well, yeah, there's what people will saw. And I mean, listen, we could, if you want to go crazy, you could say it's the same creature,

Jesse, and it's just the next night it took its helmet off. I just, and none of it makes sense, though. But I guess that's the whole point. It's that trope from the sci-fi movie where they start to yell and they're like, they take it off and they're like, no, no, no, no, no. And then the guy's like, it's fine. You can breathe out here. I guess the question that I have is with every cryptid we have so far, they have an intention.

Yeah, there's no no intention doing a thing. Even aliens, if they crash, at least they're like, Borgeth, I'm not cool. And then they die. This thing, like, is like, I made it. I'm not reporting back. I'm going to stay here as long as I can. I'm going to, like, it's doing nothing.

I feel like maybe he's going to crash because he wanted to live in on earth. Could be a prisoner, could be a wild animal in captivity. You never know. Yeah, you never know. Unsurprisingly. Could be like a milkmaid. A Christmas tree. Yeah.

Perfect. You're, you're naced. Yeah. Other residents were not so sure, though, of the UFO explanation and others attempted to put forth alternatives. One of the school teachers posited that a combination of the light from a nearby plane beacon and the fiery trail of a blazing meteor reflect reflected weirdly in some manner to take the shape of a glowing monster.

How could it take that specific shape and all those different colors? Like red and like looking at pictures of this thing. It's like red, green, big headlight eyes, long arms. Like, I don't know. It doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. An alleged scientist suggested that it was a meteor that broke up over flatwoods in the resulting vapor from the space rocks disintegrating rose up to create the form of a monster.

Others said it. Sorry, go ahead. No, even as a skeptic, that's the least likely. And then the smoke became a monster. I've seen lost. That was unbelievable then. That's true. Listen, it was about the journey.

Okay. Yeah, that's right. It ain't about the end. It never was. It never was about the journey. Others asserted it was simply a religious sign sent by God. But my favorite explanation is the last. A Wisconsin cheese company wondered if everything could be explained by their inflated rubber

cow, which had been launched about 10 days before in a publicity stunt. First of all, who asked the Wisconsin cheese company? Second of all, how could you? How could you ever parse from this? This super specific description that it's a cow? Was the cow dress like vision from Marvel Comics? I guess like maybe it does for them. Who knows?

It's a 1950s cow. They were weird. 1950s balloon cow. That's it for explanations. But now we move into the last bit. The effect on pop culture of this particular brand of monster has had specifically in video games. The Flatwoods monster appears in various video games such as the Legend of Zelda, Majora's Mask, Space Harrier 2, Amagon Strikers 1945, Fallout 76.

And as an Easter egg in Everybody's Golf 4 in Japan, but all known in America as Hot Shots Golf 4. Yeah, I've seen most of these things. In the second episode of 2019 History Channel series, Project Blue Book is entitled The Flatwoods Monster and investigates the incident as well. And that's your Flatwoods Monsters, boys. That's your that's the first of three. It's so weird that in Japan, the Flatwoods monster has like become the sort of like visual archetype for like the types of alien encounters that we

think of as like little green men or like little gray men encounters. It's it's so great. So I don't like because it doesn't mean anything outside of West Virginia, right? Like that's not really doesn't do anything. There's no other sightings of this thing that are that go along and are attributed to the Flatwoods Monster. But if you look it up, if you go and you look up like Japan Flatwoods Monster, like there's like weird like vinyl art and like little mascots and art, you know, just

for years of this, like decades of this as like a popular sort of like archetype mascot form. It's such an interesting just random thing that happened. It's bizarre. Now you get to rank it. Looks 10 out of 10. Oh, no, no. There's something about it. Looks like something you would find in a dump made from things at a dump.

It looks like it looks like a Godzilla or like a Power Rangers bad guy, like a like a one timer. No. My creature growl. Like a one timer or maybe like if it was all this when you were 13, you'd be like, they didn't put anybody into this monster. This thing sucks. OK, or maybe they go into the computer and this thing is like a low poly like boss character inside the computer.

That's like, oh, this thing is this thing is like a three out of 10. Oh, my gosh. I'm terrible. Come on. I gotta go. I can see it in like the reboot show. Reboot. I was going to tell you on the next dot matrix would not even look at this thing.

Come on. Yes, he would have 10 on the looks. All right. All right. Well, we've got it. We've got a split opinion on looks. Let's go with the next one threat level. We it got it's got farty smell and fog.

It likes to guess maybe. Yeah. Well, maybe poisonous gas. It's got what they do. But what did it actually do? It walked up and rubbed its hand on a car and that was it. And it loaded menacingly at them and they ran away. I'd say for 10 floated.

Yeah. Two out of 10. Well, I'm going to go for 10 just because some people had symptoms of mustard gas poisoning. That's true. Oh, that's right. Their first encounter got sick convulsions. All that good stuff. We can go to you can't convulse on a to come on.

Yeah, you can't. Come on, Jesse. Oh, it's still a two culture. Last one can convulse on a to people convulsing. There's no monster present. So, you know, that's true. Oh, there. In the last but not least, it's influence on a modern pop culture.

You know what? I'm going to give this a surprising six. That is surprising. Six is I think six is apt. A six all around. It's definitely notable. It's definitely made a splash in Japan. It's crazy that it's in a couple of video games, but like really like I cannot drive home enough

how strange it is that it's like a recognizable figure in Japan. It's true. So for Jesse, it sounds like it fell solidly mid tier. But for Alex, it probably fell high mid tier because of the looks are so good. It looks are very good. It's the only there's nothing about it beyond the looks that elevated beyond a generic as you This is this is like a D tier. I'm just I'm just happy.

It's not a smooth little bald alien man. You know what I mean? Like in a flying stuff, let's move on to our next one, everybody. So you were a part of the live show. This is going to cease familiar to the to one of the creatures we covered. The next cryptid is none other than the Hopkinsville goblin boys. But I did cover this. We well, we did an episode that was lost.

No, didn't we do this at the show? No, it wasn't the one that was over in the Boston area. It's the Dober demon. We did the Dober demon or whatever it is. It's the same kind of literally. So that's yeah, we're going to talk about how this is honestly like a type of like if you want to go back in time to like the archetypal sort of like different encounters that people have over and over again, you have the one where they get up and they get probed in the ass or

whatever and or, you know, the one where they like time stops. But then there's also the one where they're like the family is home and they get terrorized by something outside the house. And that's what we're going to that's really what we're going to dive into this time around because this is we've got more evidence or at least stories with this one than we did with the one with the live show. The Hopkinsville Kelly sighting was a reported battle in the Kelly area of Kentucky, nearby the town of Hopkinsville on the 21st.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, battle. Oh, yes. They had a battle with the goblins. It was like a tower, right? No joke. It was the great goblin battle of the Hopkinsville. It sounds like the eight here. Yeah.

It's already here. Battle eight. August 21st, August 21st, 1955, a large family claimed to have been invaded by tiny men that could not be put down with bullets. The incident. Mrs. Glennie Lankford lived in a rented house in Kelly, Kentucky, not much more than a smattering of houses about eight miles north of Hopkinsville, Kentucky. On the 21st of August, 1955, her three adult sons, their wives, their friend Billy Ray Taylor from

Pennsylvania, Cecil Lucky Sutton, who also occupied the property and the combined children of all the families were all over for one giant family supper. At around 1900, Billy Ray took a bucket to the well for some water and noticed a light shoot across the sky. Billy Ray thought it was a flying saucer and he saw it land behind some trees in a field behind the house. As there was no explosion, only a semi hissing, and that's with air quotes, Billy Ray returned to the house with the bucket.

After a bit, like literally he went to go see it, saw it and then brought the bucket back with the water. After a bit, the families began to hear strange noises and the dog started barking wildly. Lucky and Billy Ray went outside to investigate and were met with somewhere between 10 to 15 creatures emerging from the trees where that where the vehicle had supposedly landed. Quote, the little men with big heads and long arms are approaching the house. The men were described as having huge eyes and hands out of proportion with their bodies. The visitors were wearing what looked to be metal plate.

They had large eyes, possibly antennas, were about three feet tall, had spindly, useless legs and human like hands. When a bullet would strike one, it sounded like shooting a tin can. End quote. So you imagine these little weirdly armored three foot tall creatures all just like all coming out of the woods. Dead ash like goblins like from just middle of goblins. Lucky and Billy Ray got their guns, a shotgun and a .22 caliber target pistol respectively

and started firing. One of the creatures pressed its face against the window and Lucky shot it. The creature then disappeared like literally like literally just disappeared. He point blanked it through the window and it just was gone. Popped out of existence. Yep, according to him. That would be the crazy. That's like a video game.

I know the two men then went outside to see if the creature had been hit. And Billy Ray was grabbed by the hair from a creature who had been waiting on the roof for them to come out of the building and snatched him upon investigation. There was a creature on the roof and one nearby tree. Lucky took more shots, but it appeared unhurt and unhurt and scampered off into the trees. Billy Ray also shot at the invading creature, but it is unclear how many shots he fired. The men later told police that they used up four boxes of 22 pistol shells around 200 bullets. It's like me playing organ trail.

However, it is important to know that neighbors reported saying they only heard four shots and mistook them for firecrackers and promptly ignored them. So you think it's a tall tale then? Well, there is a little physical evidence at the scene and we'll make our assumptions there after. After about four hours, Mrs. Lankford attempted to calm things down. She said that the creatures hadn't done anything to harm anybody and suggested that they call the police. The families crammed themselves into two cars and drove down to the police station.

The group spokesperson implored the police to help them, saying we need help. We've been fighting them for nearly four hours. The police drove out to Kelly and remained for nearly two and a half hours, and they reported no tracks from the creatures or any marks indicating anything had landed behind the home. There was a hole in the window screen, however, presumably from lucky shooting at the creature in the window, and a 22 shell was found in the yard. The two officers returned in the morning and were told the creatures had returned at around 3.30.

There were no shots fired this go around, but the creatures scratched at the house and made sounds as if they were walking around on the roof. The family had left Kelly and headed to Evansville, Indiana, before the officers arrived the next day. The officers who had visited the scene the prior evening were reluctant to make comment, but agreed that there appeared to be no drinking involved, so everybody involved was at least sober. Desk Sergeant Frank Dutas, who claimed to see three flying saucers during the prior year's summer, was not on duty and had not visited the scene at the time of the happenings, but actually decided to make a comment anyway, saying,

quote, I think the whole story is entirely possible. I know I saw him. If I saw him, the Kelly story certainly could be true, end quote. Who asked him? He didn't even hear it? No. Well, it's not present. It's just like, I don't care.

Yeah, it's real. Well, whatever the case may be, he's the last word we have on the Hopkinsville Goblin, because that's the entirety of the encounter with these creatures. Now, physical evidence says family fight, maybe an aggressive pistol shot here and there, and then they just made up a story. But I don't know what do you guys think? I think it's likely that they got scared and they just got the telling of the story just got a little out of hand. You're telling me this is like when the goons report back to the boss and it's like,

oh, it was like there was a batman exactly like that. I shot one right in the face and he disappeared, man. I wasn't even there anymore, boss. It's like he's not even there, man. It's like I imagine the boss was like, I didn't even see him in the first place. There was like a hundred of them. Yeah. Use 200 bullets.

I think this is probably something happened there that is not alien related at all. And a lot of alcohol was probably involved and they probably fired four shots and then made up a wacky story to cover up something. I'm with you. I think that's the case. Here are some other explanations, however, that may or may not the other ones. Yeah, exactly. The incident has been debated over the years, confusing both UFO enthusiasts and skeptics alike.

According to the U.S. Air Force Project Blue Book files, this whole thing was a hoax listed among many other hoaxes. So the government themselves are kind of with us, whether that gives us credence or at all or not. I don't even fucking know. I don't think it makes it worse now. I guess what I'm saying. Another explanation that has been posited is a pair of aggressive great horned owls were disturbed.

I'll buy that in a second. Those shits are scary. The birds themselves stand between one and a half feet to two and a half feet tall and range across the whole U.S. and parts of South America and Canada. The owls fly silently and can be very aggressive if their eggs, chicks and nests are in any danger. In the northeastern U.S., eggs are laid between March and April, incubate for a month, and the young stay in the nest for up to three months before leaving. So it's plausible that if this is the case that the chicks would have still been in the nest at

this time because this took place in August, perhaps this is what happened. And Billy Ray accidentally disturbed a nest and the owls had pursued the threat to protect their chicks at the house. So they're saying that maybe the adult owls decided to kind of bother them for a while because they saw them as a threat. I could see that, too. These guys sound like, I don't know. It just sounds so much like they just saw something that they found out what it was

like two days later. And then they just doubled down and doubled down and doubled down until there was a hundred. Yeah, I agree. Now for their pop culture influence. The Hopkinsville Goblin Citing is credited with the popularization of the phrase, quote, little green men when it comes to flying saucer occupants. Prior, they were just called little men, just called men. They were just called dudes.

According to the book Comedy Horror Films, a chronological history, 1914 to 2008, by author Bruce Hallenbeck. The 1986 movie Critters is actually loosely based on this whole case. The Pokemon Sableye is actually based on these creatures as well, as is the Hopkins, which is a creature found in the Pathfinder tabletop RPG. The incident was the basis for the annoyance theater's musical that came from Kentucky and Chicago. And the 2019 History Channel series Project Blue Book has an episode dedicated to the investigating of the incident in its second season.

And that is the second of our three cryptids, boys. I love my goodness. Yeah. Oh, big fans, big fans all around. All right. I also love Sableye. I use I use Sableye competitively from time to time in Pokemon. Oh, I mean, Sableye's cool as hell looking.

I'm with you on that. All right. Let's be real. Looks. I mean, great. Like, I don't know. Five dumpy dumpy Muppet. Vibes. Five. Yeah.

Five is fair. Threat level doesn't seem too high. These they were bulletproof. They were bulletproof. The worst they did was grab a dude's hair. Yeah. But think about if you weren't shooting at them. These guys, they're bulletproof.

Left unattended. Who knows how much hair, which hair they would grab. A battle took place. A battle against these guys. Hopkinsville, Kelly battle against the gobbled futures. One second. It's your head hair. The next.

It's your butt hair. The next. I don't even want to know where next. To quote real big fish. It's your butt hair. And then who knows where. It's your butt hair. Butt hair.

Alex, are you a 10 as well on danger? No, I'm going to I'm going to say it's a five again. Like this, this clearly have like a more like mischievous vibe than they have like a danger of another. Cryptid ever where a battle has taken place. These are the goblins from the Rankin and Bass animated. Lord of the Rings, returning game. Cartoon rounds.

That's what I'm that's what I'm picturing. There's nothing you could change. 200 rounds. It's a lie. It's a drunken lie. Look, all these are lies, but it doesn't matter. Play this game. And I would shoot four rounds in an hour.

I'll tell you that much. These 200 rounds, that's a 10 power level. If we're playing within the limits of what supposedly happened, we got a 510 on Jesse and a 55 on Alex. Let's see what we got on the last one. Now, unlike the last ones, this that's not as heavily video game influenced, but it's got a wider range of influence across multiple mediums. Little Green Men automatically puts it at at least a nine.

At least a nine. I would say Sableye is much more popular than all the rest of those video games put together. Sure, including Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask. That's, I mean, OK, fair. But it's just a Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask flatwood monster. Yeah, I couldn't say like this thing from from Majora's Mask. People are like, yo, I know that character.

So we're saying a 10 then for this little green men. That's that's huge. That's huge before they were just a thing, but so good. Yeah, they were merely men before. How would you describe them? They were a little man. Jesse, what are your final rankings for this one? All right, I'm going to say looks five power level 10.

It's legacy a nine. OK, Alex, five, five, 10, five, five, 10. All right. That puts us on to our final one, the shorter of the two, one that you may be familiar with a much more modern day cryptid. The Boston Baked Bean Boy. Baked Bean Boy, I hope one day. I hope one day like 10 years.

It's perforated out there into the world. And there is somebody who has a sighting of the Boston Bean Boy. No, not the Boston Bean Boy. This comes the very first sighting from 2007. These are the Fresno Nightcrawlers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love these little guys. Little pains, boys.

Wait, what? I fucking love the Fresno Nightcrawlers. Jesse, while we go through this, go ahead and look up the security footage from 2007. And then if you haven't seen the security footage from 2011 as well. Freakin' Dobby can that driveway. Dobby can freaking kiss these guys' ass. Damn right, dude.

The Fresno Nightcrawlers are a pair of strange creatures, often seen in pairs. The first sighting was on security footage in 2007. I like the alien version of bananas and pajamas. They really are. That's a great explanation. There are no negative events surrounding these cryptids' appearance. And how could there be?

Already, unfortunately, before we even really begin, their threat level is zero. There is no threat here. Zero. Unless, you know, you never know. Well, they might be able to walk. Well, actually, what would you classify J Walking? Would J Walking be threat?

It's serious enough. You know, it's serious enough. Right, I agree. You could be in danger from that. Other than that, they simply walk around. That's all they seem to do. In 2007, Victor Camacho of the television network Univision was contacted by a frightened man.

The man gave Camacho the footage, which, for lack of a better description, shows two pairs of white pants walking across his front yard. Based on the footage, Camacho estimates them to be somewhere about three feet tall. So, Jesse, I take it at this point, you have seen them walking across the front lawn. I have seen them walking across the front lawn.

It is grainy footage of what appears to be white bell bottoms. Like, stroll across the lawn, and that's it. Like, that's it. It's like someone is missing the upper half. It's like that movie that Disney released, or Pixar, where it's just the feet. Just the dad's feet.

Onward. Yes, it's like that, except it's a dude in white bell bottoms with no top, except maybe the head is where the waist would be. The thing about this story that I love is that at first, you look at it in its isolated case, and you're like, this is clearly a hoaxed, like, just made-up thing that somebody did, right? But then you hear about the other sightings, and you're like,

wait a minute. Yeah, we'll go through them right now real quick. So first, before we get there, before the 2011 sighting, Factor Faked Paranormal Files actually took that footage and tried their best to figure out if it was a hoax or not. Such real quick, all reality shows are bullshit crap nonsense, but this one is particularly entertaining. These guys actually went and got arrested

for going to Bohemian Grove. Yes, you are correct. So that's some hardcore shit. But they couldn't make it into Coconut Grove. They couldn't get into Coconut Grove. By the way, I figured out it's a fucking theater by my house. Like in LA, there's a thing called Coconut Grove. That's why I know what that is.

Oh, OK, OK. Before we get into this, though, because now you made me curious, boys, do you have like your favorite guilty reality TV show that you like to watch? Yeah, you're going to not like this one, Mathis. OK, I'm already worried. Are you ready?

Are you prepared? Don't don't. I don't want. Don't don't don't break my heart, Alex. Well, what are you about to say? Ghost Adventures. No, God, you're a sack of baggins, like fucking mole in our show.

Get out. Listen, listen, listen. It's not it's not that I think he's a good ghost hunter because he's not. It's that there's just something about these shows where they like the vibe of like slowing it down and playing the same sound effect really loud three times or like if you're if you're walking around

an empty building for three hours and you have to make it scary by adding sound effects, like there's something about it. I it's like eating a egg McMuffin. Like I don't know. I know it's not good for me. Like it's good on your tongue. Dunkin Donuts.

Like, yeah, you know, I shouldn't eat half a dozen of these right now, but I bought them at the airport. OK, Jesse, what about you? I like guys, grocery games. Listen, I don't know. God is one of those people that has. He's got the dumbest TV shows, but that guy seems like he's got a hard of God in gold.

Here's the thing. I know they're dumb, just like Alex. Like, I know what I'm watching is dumb, but I will sit there and be like, oh, shit, guys, grocery games is on. I got to see what these people got to cook this week. I can't even like I can't even sit here and judge you because mine is fucking 90 day fiance. Oh, no, you're a word.

No, I could have watched that show. Yeah, it's true. It's the worst show in the world. It's just always so sad, but I can't stop watching. The best the best thing about guys, grocery games is that there's this like undercurrent. There's like this like if you watch a lot of the episodes of the show, you might not notice it

if you're just a casual observer. But if you're in on the deep shit, you start to pick up this like streak of guy like helping people out. Like, yes, he like, yes. He like acts like Santa Claus. Like like he like comes in and he's like, I think you'll find what you're looking for right over here. There is literally at the end of the show,

people run around the grocery store to find items. And if they get all the items, they get $20,000. And he literally will shout out the next item while standing next to the item. That's amazing. Even if you just want people to win money. He just wants them to win. It's very sweet.

That's so good. Yeah. He doesn't say guys. Seems like one of those guys who just fucking he's got a heart of gold. Also, if you if you're like me and you like weird internet stories, just I know this is the right podcast to talk about this.

You have to look up the fucking article. I'm looking for it right now. I can't find it, but it's the article. I think it's a noisy where they made the guy from Smash Mouth eat like a giant spicy omelet that was cooked by Guy Fieri, just by like pressuring them on Twitter to do it for charity. And it was like supposed to be live streamed. They were supposed to raise all this money and it like didn't.

And he just ate this like giant spicy omelet. It's an incredible story. You should look it up. And nobody nobody want. Uh. Factor Faked Paranormal Files actually attempted in 2010 to handle this footage. The episode itself is titled Unwanted Visitors,

if you want to go look for yourself. The show attempted to verify the footage by trying various methods to fake the footage. They attempted to recreate it with puppets to jam a pants on a string and even a child wearing a sheet. The hosts themselves deemed the footage unexplainable after finding no reasonable method of recreating it. Nowadays though, like if this was this is 2007,

but if it was like now CG, you could so easily do something like that. Then there's the partner footage, the one from 2011, titled the Yosemite Crawlers. In March, 2011, caretakers of Yosemite National Park put up mounted night vision cameras as they were concerned about vandals destroying parts of the park. Instead of angsty teens, however, or any devious poachers, the camera captured another pair of Fresno Nightcrawlers.

This looks exactly the fucking same too. It is. Except these are in Yosemite. Except these are like a parent and a child. It's a parent and a child in a weird way. Oh yeah, one's like a mini. The footage, yeah, the footage appears to show one large creature between three and four feet and a smaller creature of about

half that height wandering down a hill. They simply walk from one side of the frame to the other, walking behind trees as they do. You see in that footage right now, Jesse? I'm watching it. It's so weird. Isn't it super weird? The thing is, it's like, you can imagine someone would dress up

in this flowing white sort of pant thing that goes above their head. But the crack and the like the split in the legs. It's so high up. It's so high up. I don't know how a body fits in. Unless it's like one really thin person hopping while moving the other leg along. So it looks like it's like they're walking.

It's so weird. I have no idea how it works. I don't know how it works. Yeah, I'm interested too, because if there's one person, that means there's another person and a smaller one, and that means other people somewhere else in the world doing it. It's weird. And while those are the only two official sightings of the Fresno Nightcrawlers,

is a related sighting to them that we only have a vocal telling of, simply called the Carmel Area Creature. If you look into the Nightcrawlers, the Carmel Area Creature will undoubtedly pop up for you. On December 12, 2014, a 60-year-old ex-marine reported seeing a strange creature ambling along Carmel Road in Ohio. He described the creature as seven feet tall, slim, gray, with muscular legs that walked with its knees backwards and leaning forward.

The unnamed marine's wife said this, quote, We recently bought a place in the Fort Hill Area in Southeast Highland County. We first noticed, after about 30 days of living here, that we suddenly have a perfect circle that stays fresh green no matter the weather in our front yard. On Friday night, the 12th, we were driving home. After turning on Carmel Road, which leads to our road, we went around the curve by Carmel Church and then up a small incline,

approximately 10 feet over the incline in our front, I'm sorry, let me try that again. And approximately 10 feet over the incline and in front of our truck, the alien ran across the road and into the woods. My husband saw it, and he is a skeptic, almost 60 years old and a proud marine. He wouldn't have admitted to seeing it if he hadn't been in shock. I had him draw it for me when we got to the house. He says it was asphalt gray and about seven feet tall,

no arms that he could see, but muscular in the legs area, no jaw line, and its legs were bent backward and it leaned forward as it ran. The main thing the Carmel area creature and the Fresno and Yosemite nightcrawlers have in common is that they are primarily leg with very little upper body and no arms to speak of. The Carmel area creature is noticeably taller, at least three feet or three or more feet, with knees and that bent backward as opposed to the traditional walking movement the other crawlers have. Also, all the crawlers appear to be pale white in color,

while the Carmel area creature is primarily gray. It's like there's like a species of creature that's like made to look like those like little twisty headed ghosts. Yeah, a little bit that you make it like a Japanese festival or whatever. That's actually one of the two, one of the few rather explanations, because we really don't have a lot of explanations. That's it for sightings. So they've and we haven't seen any since 2011.

So they kind of just got lumped into urban legend category for the most part, with not a lot of people pursuing them. So the only explanations that we currently have are maybe like Alex said, it's an undiscovered species of some sort or a species of some sort. Maybe it's a paranormal or supernatural creature like a ghost or something. Maybe it's an alien of some weird type. I love these fucking guys. It could be a pair of white pants being puppeted in some weird way.

Like Dr. Strange's cape. Right. Or maybe it's a weird interdimensional being. I mean, who fucking knows? They seem to be sightings of these haunted pants have disappeared and nothing has been reported since the early 2010s. If I saw these guys, I would put them on. Right.

I would just chase them and try and wear them. But and even for pop culture, very little other than merch, plushies, pillows and posters, but nothing in video games, no movies, no TV. That's it. And that's all we have for our last one, the Fresno Night Follower Boys. God bless them. All right. I mean, let's be real, looks 10.

This thing is this thing is crazy. I love how simple it is, yet how it's so bizarre and weird. Just the perfect amount of shitty. Yeah. It's like it doesn't have the like try hard shittiness of the first one. But it also isn't like, you know, kind of vague as the second one. It is very clearly white bell bottoms. What really is bell bottoms that are sentient.

Sentient. Sentient. I'm 10, 10 for looks. I love it. Okay. Like no, no debate. It's 10 out of 10. Yes.

Agreed. Okay. We know a threat level then. Oh, zero, zero. Exactly. Zero threat. If I saw this walking towards me, I would be like, I gotta see what's inside. I'd walk up and open that shit and be like, what is in here?

Zero. The only danger that you that you face is falling in love too hard. Yeah. That's fair. Which brings us of course to pop culture and really it's only claimed to pop culture fame beyond the merch is the one episode of faked or factor faked paranormal files. Well, they were probably digging. They were like, we got to find something.

Dude, I know like it's a one that show. Actually they do a great thing where they like first they like each pitch one and then they like pick one to do. It's a girl. It's a wonderful show. You got to watch that. You go watch factor faked. That's your homework.

That's your completionist homework. What is it? Your completionist homework. I'm going to say if you want to finish, if you want to do a full watch through of this episode, you have to go watch an episode of factor faked. I think I agree. This thing's a one in its pop culture and at least it has some pop culture influence in the meekest of manners, but one is a one.

But everything else is another 10. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's it, boys. That's it for our three little side cryptids that really not enough for enough for a full episode, but together they're a family. Olive Garden is beautiful. That was beautiful.

An Olive Garden of cryptids. The Olive Garden of cryptids. I hope you enjoyed it. These were really fun for us to do and for all our listeners. Hey, if you did enjoy it, let us know. Drop a review wherever you're listening to us. It helps a huge amount and gets us up to that almost at 2000 reviews at that solid five star average.

It's chill to do so much for that. It is a chill thing to do for the Chiluminati. And if you want to go above and beyond, if you want merch, yeti.com slash Chiluminati, collection slash Chiluminati or go to patreon, patreon.com slash Chiluminati pod for all kinds of benefits and bonuses as well as directly supporting us. We're going to go record a mini-soad. We'll see you next week. Thank you so much for listening.

Good night. Anyway, me and my wife were sitting outside indulging on our porch one night enjoying ourselves. I needed to go to the bathroom, so I stepped back inside and after a few moments, I hear my wife go, holy shit, get out here. So I quickly dash back outside. She's looking up at the sky in the hall. I look up too, and there's a perfect line of dozen lights traveling across the sky. Azure Standard presents David's Corner with founder and organic pioneer David Stelzer.

It is certainly true that gratitude is the key to abundance. The more grateful we are for the little things in our life, the small blessings, the more those blessings begin to grow into our life to make our lives full and rewarding. I am so grateful here at Azure for our wonderful customers and team that I am surrounded with every day. And I feel like every day we get more wonderful people involved in Azure. And I am so excited about that as we're moving forward. And I tell you, today, if you're thinking about the small blessings in your life,

and you can be grateful for those things, greater blessings will happen. That was David's Corner presented by David Stelzer, founder and CEO of Azure Standard, America's premier supplier of organic foods and over 12,000 healthful products. Join our community for free at azurestandard.com. Maintenance repair or install any job, any size, any hour services. Mention this ad and take 50 bucks off your next visit. Call Any Hour Services or schedule online at anyourservices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services.

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