Chilluminati Podcast - Midweek Mini: The Definitive Truth About Nessie

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

This Minisode was originally uploaded with Episode 334: Mathas vs. The Warrens Part 2 - some of the topics discussed might be outdated. Subscribe to our Patreon to listen and watch the Minisodes as they release every week! http://patreon.com/CHILLUMINATIPODMike Martin - http://www.youtube.com/@themoleculemindset Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - https://www.youtube.com/@StarWarsOldCanonBookClub/Editor: DeanCutty Producer: Hilde @ https://bsky.app/profile/heksen.bsky.social Show Art: Studio Melectro @ http://www.instagram.com/studio_melectro Logo Design: Shawn JPB @ https://twitter.com/JetpackBragginLINKS:Jesse: https://www.ladbible.com/news/uk-news/loch-ness-monster-expert-adrian-shine-mythical-creature-isnt-real-740552-20260112Mathas: https://archive.org/details/youtube-Ab87RuTLWas https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSXPMgGjvSX/?hl=bg https://www.reddit.com/r/HighStrangeness/comments/1n9ky0j/the_alleged_contactee_juan_juanito_made_a_selfie/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuFEPdkxWK8Alex: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChilluminatiPod/comments/1q21thj/thelassophobia_and_existential_crisis_dream/

Notice, notice, this midweek mini was recorded several months ago and may not be up to date with current events. For fresh minisode uploads with every episode, head to patreon.com slash Chaluminati pod. And also welcome to minis. Hey. Oh, wow. Welcome back. Hi. How you doing?

Jesse is very excited for today. He said he's got a very Jesse. that very jesse story today. Yeah, only in that it's a very jessy thing that I found that I'm excited. Okay. Do you want to start? Do you want to wrap? I don't know.

I feel like mine's kind of a letdown for everyone. It's a letdown? Like it's a bummer? Yeah, well, not a bummer, but kind of like, you know, in the world of what we do, it's kind of a letdown. Oh, you mean like you're going to shit on something that we all believe? Yes, absolutely. Oh, interesting.

Okay. Although I'm not going to shit on it. Someone much more professional than me will, but yeah. Oh, I'm ready to be mad at you already. As long as it's not Hank Green. Ruin our lives. Why we open up with a life ruiner. So Adrian Shine, one of the most prolific and well-known lockness monster hunters.

That sounds like a millionaire villain from a movie, by the way. Just throwing that out there. He looks like the most. He has the long white beard. He's wearing the like, I've been at ocean long. Like he's got the vibe. He's been hunting Nessie since 1973, leading major sonar explanations, a big one back in 1987. They had a million dollars worth of equipment and they found nothing definitive.

Anyway, he's dedicated his life to not only looking at all the weird cryptid stuff, but also specifically finding Loch Ness Monster, all I think because he found like a hump in the water. He said he saw a hump in the water. Eventually, he came to realize that what he saw was. probably just a rock. He explained that he believes that the countless sightings people saw of Nessie were actually just shipwakes. And he suspects that movement in the water was caused by passing boats and the fact that the canal runs along the lock. It's just been fooling people. And he says, there's a few things. One, the lock itself is too cold for any giant creature or potentially

dinosaur to survive in it. Two, there's hardly any fish. So what the hell are they going to eat? three, and this goes back to his like, the wakes. He's like, when a vessel's coming towards you, it's really obvious what the wake is, what it looks like. But when you see from the side, it forms an optical illusion. It makes it look like there's humps in the water. And, you know, with the water, the way the water looks, it looks like solid black humps.

They'll be short. And for many vessels in the water, you know, it's, you're not going to see the wake. like the vessel go past and you'll still see the wake forming way in the distance. He says, look, man, I don't think there's a locknest monster. I've spent 50 years my life looking after this thing. But I will say if anyone wants to come and prove it to me, I would love to be proven wrong. With that said, there's no lockness monster. So he's kind of being rational, but he's like kind of crashing out on like his life's work a little bit.

I think he's just like, he literally says in here, it's a really fun quote where he's like, yeah, man, I'm just excited to have done this. It was fun. Okay. I enjoyed it. And life well spent, it's nothing. So his vibes are not devastated. He's just kind of moving on from this in his life.

Yeah. I mean, his whole thing is he's a naturalist and he likes to go explore. So probably find something else to look after. But I feel like this is one of the. those he spent his life trying to figure this out and he did. He figured it out and he's like, there's no lockness monster. Yeah, he decided, you know what? I have discovered whether or not there's a lockness monster and I think the answer is no. And when you look at science, that's half the time is I want to see if I can do a thing. I can't. Okay. Not possible. There you go. That's how you know

you have the nuts actually. You know what I mean? Like yeah, that's how you actually know you are a real fucking baller scientist is that if you can handle just not being right and be like, I still figured it out. And I want to say this man, Alex, there's in a perfect world, this is your future. I want you to live to this ripe old age, this guy, right here.

God, me too. Me too. That's the, like he just looks like a guy who would look after Lockness. And he doesn't, at first I thought he was in like a,

I thought when I first looked at him that he was dressed like in like a, like a pit, like a mechanics kind of outfit. And I was like, okay. But actually even more so, he just looks like a, like he looks like the goal.

audience fish. And what's crazy about it is my favorite part is online when this story got out there. And they're like the Loch Ness guy is saying there's no Loch Nessie. People were like, well, of course he would. Because he knows there is. And he's protecting his best friend. And I was like, that's cute. And I'm here for it.

That's the Disney channel. The story. That's the Disney channel version. Yeah. He's like he knows it's there. And he wants you to stop looking. That's some great head cannon type stuff. And if it didn't totally disrespect that old man's word to believe that, I would, I would love that.

I would love to believe that. Yep. That's cool. That's it. Yeah. No lockness according to this guy. Excellent. Well, I bring you a video, boys.

It's been a while since we had an interesting alien video. And I came across this guy who just posts his stuff and streams occasionally, like his life on Facebook. He's out in Mexico. He's just a mechanic out in Mexico. In this video caught my eye because he's recorded. recording something that, and I found a version of it where they zoom in on where he's looking. You can see it in the regular video too.

But he's saying something in Spanish, something about it's like it's hard to see. It's like cloaked or something. And when he gets a good look at it, he just keeps saying, no mammas, no mammas. No mammas means no way, no way, no way. And I'm going to send it to you. And I'm just going to send you the internet archive version of it, which has the, it's just cropped to the area that matters. Okay. It's late at his, I think it's at his, uh, where he works.

Yo But it's not It's just It looks like a statue It has like The head looks like it's moving But it looks like it's moving Like

A little bit I mean it's moving It looks like it's shaking his head like Like an attraction from a ride Like I don't know Like there's some kind of mechanical element to it Sure But maybe not

But honestly dude This footage is booed like yeah i'll get you the i'll see if i can find the original it also looks like he's wearing a cape like superman it looks like he got slimed yeah it looks like he has a green cape on and like a silver body suit and he got slimed at the kid's choice awards also there's like a weird in the top corner there is like a like a clothes pin yeah what is that i think which to me says me oh do you think hold on hold on hold on is the person in their grandma has reacted to this video and that's the only version of it I can find is like people with reactions.

Imagine. So if this is a closed line, right? And they're closed pins. Yes. In my mind, my new head cannon for this is that he's looking through sheets. He's like, ooh,

he's like, so here's the full, so here's the full video I'm giving you. Oh, here we go. Okay. Like initially you can't see shit because it's like super dark. So you got to give it time to get to that point. So he's in like a fucking,

like sort of concrete. Yeah, he's in Mexico working. I think this might be where he's, He works or lives, I'm not entirely sure. It's some kind of site indoor outdoors. Literally closed pins. Stuff is hanging up.

Yeah, you can see the close pins on the left hand wall. And then you'll see it. And he'll zoom in a little bit as the thing starts like flickering. You can kind of like see it. The hashtags, dude. You know what's the scary thing about this? I know. This is why that little alleyway, F that noise.

Even if it's an alien or not, the alleyway is not cool. Like that could just be a dude down there. This framing is insane. like he's peering it around a corner I know but like bro just go if you're scared I know but it's been I think that I think is the biggest

reason I think it's clearly fake is that there's no way you would stand there and then it would stand there for as long as it like so there are you moving so the thing about this guy is he's had apparently had regular contact with things like they keep happening here's another one

of him taking a selfie video of uh with an orb over his head. So he's like a guy. He's like, he's just a guy. He's like a guy. He's like,

I find weird stuff guy. Well, just weird stuff seems to find him. Right. It's like your next evolution, Mathis. I mean, if I start,

listen, if I come to you and I'm like, I saw gray in my hallway, I swear to God, you better believe me. I'll be mad if you don't. I'm going to be like, did you film it?

I'll be mad if you don't. Oh, I would try to film it. Of course I would try to film it. Well, then I would love to see. the film. Otherwise, I would be like, nah, you were high. This, this one is less good. Yeah, it's just an orb. It's just an orb. It's just an orb. It's like, uh, just a light in the

sky. Yeah, might just be Jupiter. But this guy is making the waves for a few months. Uh, and the alien video showed up on my feed the other day and I just found it kind of interesting. It's pretty, uh, it's pretty like, how do I describe this? There's like this certain like aesthetic that you hit with like, it's like a perfect mix of. like darkness, vagueness, movement, like cinema verite, like acting, where it's like, you're like, it's got it all, baby. Well, you're like, fuck. Like, I have no idea what I'm looking at.

I don't think it's AI. How about that? It's clearly, it. I feel like it's just like a statue we probably found or some nonsense. But it's like, oh, dude, here we go. Okay. I'm going to last video. I'm going to share this YouTube video.

This is from YouTuber Cosmic Road. Shout out. And he's grabbed all of this guy's videos at the time that he was looking at this about a year ago. So this is stuff for me a year ago. And there's one that I'm like, okay, that's interesting, but it's probably fake. If you go to like four minutes in and see the blinking. Yeah, yeah, watch it from four minutes on.

Okay. So so far, I'm looking. looking at like a, like an LED light from iPhone. A watch. So, yeah, it's like a orb or a ball.

Oh, he rewind. Okay, move now to five minutes in. Okay. What's this? Supposedly an orb that came through his window. That came up to him.

Yeah, and there's, I don't know why this YouTuber isn't playing it. But it's a video and you can see the lights flickering through his hands on his hands. Oh my God. I'm sorry. Cosmic Road. You could have done better.

It's an, like, That is the most. Oh, wait. If you said what is an orb, and then you showed an image of a literal orb that glowed, not like a light,

but like, it's not a photo. It's not a photo. It's not a photo. That's what I'm trying to say. It's like it's not a photo. Yeah. It's a snapshot of a video that this guy is not playing through for some fucking reason.

If you go to 957, he shows you the orb in his house, like phasing around. Yeah. dude i don't know like the dude is doing something the dude is up to something but the way he's the vibe is like a rg vibes like i i i don't understand why you would like make his communication very weird so atmospherically scary and no communication like how many videos in is no mammas no mammas no mammas no mammas no mammas i think just that one but how many videos

into his posts is that oh the no mammas video came a year later so by that he still has hasn't gotten like a fucking branding like a fucking he doesn't write anything like he just dreams occasionally being just being mysterious and he has like a special effect ready to go each time no that just is it's just too unlikely no thank you yeah i don't know it's weird i agree it's very unlikely i i i like the footage though yeah it's cool footage yeah i like kind of wish the alien was real it's creepy it's definitely creepy when you get the zoomed in version of it it's a little less creepy. I think it's creepy or zoomed in. The, the one, the one that shows the whole thing makes me sure that it's not one hundo. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one makes me sure that

it's not serious. Yeah. He's got weird videos, but yeah, it's nothing like you said, a year later, no branding or anything still. It's so impossible to get the original videos. I just find reactions to his videos everywhere instead. He's worth checking out though, I would say. Yeah. Agreed. Um, like I think like, I think like there's something, I don't want to say valuable about this, but like, you know how I was talking about the Jack, the Ripper guys? Mm-hmm. That like they're just kind of, there's no reason to call them experts. Right.

From like an academic perspective, but from like a lived experience perspective, you know, they do this all day and they kind of like create this like sort of aesthetic by by doing it the way they do taking people on tours and like showing people things and kind of like editorializing about it. And so I think there's something and that

I think that fuels the Jack the Ripper legend as much as the facts. And I think that with stuff like this, this is like valuable because regardless of whether or not it's real. I think it's just it's real enough and bizarre and weird enough to get people thinking

about like what? What about aliens? Like, what's the deal? What's the deal with those guys? I think that's interesting. I think that's like value legitimately, like legitimate value. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. In the Ed Warren way, right? Right? Yeah, people more interested. Doesn't really matter. They got me deep. I'm looking at crap online right now. Are you?

What are you found? How do you found? Oh, I just closed the window. Okay. No worries. What I was about to say is that it, to me, it all seems like it's just fake. but it's like the dedication to the bit is fascinating. That's what I'm saying is it's like there's some sort of mystique here that's

valuable to everyone in the field. And I'm not saying towards finding the truth. I just think in terms of alien, like interest in aliens and whatever is going on being part of the zeit guys and being adopted by people as something that they care about. I think it has as much to do with these guys as it does with real shit that's believable. Yeah. And speaking of stuff that's definitely not real, but may or may not be believable up to you, specifically Jesse Cox, I have brought you a dream today that you must listen to and dissect

from our listener, Empress Fay Wilde. So here we go. It's called Thalasophobia and existential crisis. No, I'm all right. I see. No, I'm good. Here we go. Feel free to share on the pod.

Hello, all. I've written on this Reddit a couple of different times, but lately I've been having a couple weird dreams with similar themes that I thought would be fun to share and possibly have Jesse interpret if they are interesting enough. So over the last few nights, my dreams have had this odd running theme. The first is that they take place inside of two Mary Kate and Ashley movies,

but not actual existing movies. So we're talking about right now, just editorial Alex talking, talking about one of the recurring things that's happening is that these dreams are set inside of fictional made-up movies starring mary kate and ashley olson in the first movie i am basically watching as an overseer of some sorts as i'm not directly involved in the movie itself like an audience member i suppose uh the plot is not exactly clear but the setting is some sort of water park slash arcade that the girls are at with friends i'm not sure how to explain this but basically the girl's dad in the movie who looks like bob sagget but isn't exactly

him gets word of a planet destroying meteor heading towards Earth. The rest of the movie is basically panic as they all try to find a solution and eventually decide to just shelter in a huge building, something like a stadium, and somehow the meteor hits but lands in the ocean and doesn't destroy the earth, but it somehow becomes the ice age until another meteor hits and warms the earth. No one dies or anything, and all is well in the end. That's the first movie. second movie that comes out after that is another Mary Kate and Ashley movie where one of the girls wants to be a surfer but is afraid of the water. So when she's trying to surf to get over her fear, sharks start to come out of the water to attack her board.

But then it is quickly eaten by an orca. In eating the shark, this orca also ends up biting the girl's foot and there's a lot of blood as she collapses onto the beach with the orca still after her somehow. again the rest of the movie is a lot of chaos and panic as the girl is constantly being chased by the orca one way or the other she ends up trapped on a boat with whalers who i guess use her as bait to lure the orca in the orca itself is also weird it's just a tiny bit off and you can see the whites of its eyes consistently which is not all that normal anyway the end of the movie has the twins reuniting eventually but the orca is never clearly defeated It continues to chase and can't seem to be killed.

Eventually, it all kind of fades into a chaos and I wake up. So I have a dream two nights in a row with these themes, both a little different and exactly what happens. Just for context, I have had a problem with existential crisis since I was young. It used to be so bad that I'd wake up sobbing and having panic attacks. Better now with medication. I also 100% have thalasophobia, though I, I highly respect and love marine animals. I just don't want to be in the water with them.

Orcas used to be one of my favorite animals until I watched a documentary about them and became terrified upon learning that they are actually top-tier predators in the ocean, known to take on sharks and whales and hunt for fun, not just for food. Now they terrify me. Still respect them and think they're cool, just also terrifying. So there you go. Weird dreams, not sure what the interpretation could possibly be, but I am interested to hear what people. have to say. I'm really curious about the Mar-Kate Ashley Olson thing and Bob Saug, because it sounds like you just watched Full House. Well, have you seen those movies? Have you seen those movies? The Mar-Kate and Ashley movies? Um, no. Yeah. I had a sister. I mean,

growing up, she still, I mean, I still have a sister, but I grew up with my sister in the house. So, like, she watched that shit all the time. And so all the movies are like, sort of just like family movies. They're like, they're like about girls being like, like, in like stem or like you know like learning the power of friendship or they have kind of like almost like parent trappy type um plots so the fact that they're like horror movies or whatever is like not part of the okay it's not part of the zone yeah i wonder so i i i wonder if really the whole dream is kind of because like thalasophobia which is this fear not just of deep water, but the unknownness of the deep water.

And then the love of Orcas and like the ocean. Like it could be, right? Because isn't the idea of twins like duality or, um, sometimes yeah. Like definitely. Maybe it could be as simple as like the mental balance of I love sea life and I hate the ocean. It could be that simple of a dream.

but it also could be like um I mean like it could be something about like just the I'm trying to think of the like the like randomness maybe nostalgia

of okay like the different time period with the Olson twins and they're representing like the younger you and the ocean and then as the dreams morph and change, it's you realizing like, oh my God,

the ocean's actually really terrifying. Like, I don't know. There's a lot there. I get that. I get that. I feel like, okay.

Like, it could just be an anxiety dream. You know what I mean? Like literally anxiety. You know, like liminal spaces? Sure. So like the sort of popular theory

on liminal spaces in what they mean, because I feel like it's a little younger coded maybe. Like, not younger code. I'm sorry. I feel like it comes from childhood, the feeling of liminal spaces. Does that make sense? Right.

I feel like we pick up the reason that we get creeped out by those things from when we're young. And it reminds us of being places that we've been when we didn't understand them. Does that make sense? And now that we are older and we have a different understanding of the world, thinking back to those spaces, which we're really like an office park or a parking garage you never been before. So it just weirded you out. like we tried to create a version of that feeling in our as a grown adult that's like much more

complex and scary than that and you know now it has an aesthetic and all this stuff and it's a thing I think here if you're looking at um Mary Kate nationally movies is something that are for kids right because I really there's a lot of movies that like bridge the gap but I don't believe that the Mary Kate National movies are particularly strong films like beyond their demographic right and i think like maybe because of that that they represent like you said like sort of childhood and that sort of 90s aesthetic that comforting sort of family aesthetic but then the things that happen are like much more like adult situations with like unsolvable outcomes like in the end of the world one like they don't stop it it just like they just like get

lucky i mean i think that could be the balance like like the whole balancing act of a twin. And in this case, the balance is between what you're talking about, which is like end of the world nonsense or orca attacks, but also Mary Kate and Ashley being this childhood kind of goofy, wacky antics thing. I don't know. Yeah. I think, I think it's the clash of simplistic childhood view of the world mixing with the

sort of unsatisfying feeling that you have. I don't know how old you are, but as somebody like me who's like prime millennial, you know, I thought life was going to go a lot differently and was going to probably be a lot easier and more based in like arts and crafts than it is on a day-to-day basis in terms of what I think about and what I get my attention to for the 12 hours to 18 hours a day that I'm awake. Now, that said, I think there's some. more depth to this, you know, like watching, you know, knowing that you're afraid of whales.

I don't know how long, I don't know how long it's been since you watched the documentary. But I feel like your own childhood fears coming back to get you is kind of like, yeah, you know, a big part of it. And then just the end of the world in general and just being like, well, it seems like the world's going to end. I guess we're just fucked. And then like, like a general anxiety thing is what it feels like. And then they just like die. And then they're like, well, I guess we're stuck in here.

And then they're like, oh, yay, another meteor. I guess we live. Yeah. That's kind of how it feels to like lose an election and like have to go to work tomorrow. To exist currently in 2026. Sure. Yeah. Oh, Lord.

Yeah. So I don't know. Something, something. Something to that existential crises. Yeah. In the title of the in the title of the post. So, uh, guys get me out of here. Thank you so much for supporting us here.

dot com or listening to us wherever you're listening to we'll be back next to the brand new episode appreciate you love you goodbye bye bye bye bye bye bye