Chilluminati Podcast - Rotten Popcorn 5 - Suburban Sasquatch

Episode Date: March 28, 2023

Bigfoot is real and his nipples are immaculate.

If someone you love is struggling with their mental health, you don't have to struggle alone. Call or text 988 to get resources and support from trained crisis counselors who can help you help them. 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Hope has a new number. Hello everybody and welcome back to Episode O. Are we on the fourth episode now of Chill Tracks? This is four or five. It's four or five. I've lost track. It's... Welcome to Episode 9.

Four or five of Chill Tracks patent pending. That will clear eventually. Please don't sue us. Okay, Chill Tracks doesn't really make sense because it's more like we're making jokes, right? So what if we called it Rift Tracks? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No one riffs anymore. What if we call it...

Mystery Science Theater 3000. 3000? I love that. Yeah, we're in the future. I like it. I think we should... I think we should rename it. Welcome to Mystery Science Theater 3000, everybody. And you let me choose the movie. And the last time I chose, it was Maze's and Monster's. So I really need to make sure that today...

Question, question, question. What if instead of it being the three of us, it was you and then like Alex and I were like robots or something? Would that be hilarious? Yeah, that would be great. Like a loop of myself on camera that's 30 seconds long. That's like, this is crazy, man. All right, I think I've outdone myself with this movie this week. I think you're going to love it.

This is Suburban Sasquatch. I'm going to give you a very, very brief history here. The director did four of his own movies. He wrote, directed, starred, acted and all that shit. This movie was made on a budget of $550. And it was... No, wait, $550 was... Yes, sir.

In an interview with him, I read, he said he did everything he could to cut costs so he didn't end up in debt when he made his movies. Question, when you say he did movies, what does that mean? He made four movies. He did four separate movies. He did. So Suburban Sasquatch is from O4. Like where did he do them? Where did they go?

What happened to them? So initially, at least... So for the story, at least for Suburban Sasquatch, this was initially a movie you got in those 10 movie horror packs you would buy at Walmart. Yeah, the ones where the CD is loose in a bag. Yes, exactly. And then in 2017, it got bought out by one of those companies, and I can't remember the name of the company, that just buys all those horrible B-movies and then releases them. Amazon.com?

Yeah, and it ended up on Amazon.com here, which is how we're watching it, everybody. And then they ended up selling it separately in its own DVD case because it kind of became a cult B-movie that people really enjoyed. I hope this guy got rich off of this. Now when you say when people really enjoyed... No, he did not get rich off of this at all. It did not do that well. It still did not make this man at all. When you say cult movie, do you mean like people got together and celebrated it?

Do you mean like it played in the background while children were sacrificed? Like what is the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably closer to the latter. He had sex with everyone who watched it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The big thing here is the nipples on the Sasquatch costume, as you'll see. That's good.

Just keep an eye out for that. What? All right. On the count of three, I'm going to play this movie. Why? It'll automatically play for all of you. What are we going to go through right now? This is Dave Vascovich's masterpiece suburban Sasquatch in three...

Do you know there's better movies? Do you know there's better movies? I don't know any movies. I've never seen movies. No, it's crazy. This guy is about to get a bunch of dollars from us spending $1.99 to rent this thing. I'm sorry. Alex bought it.

He just probably made that name. I paid $8 for this. I thought I was paying $2 to rent it. I paid four times as much. He's getting a paycheck out of the blue like, it's my time, baby. Here we go. All right. Suburban Sasquatch in three, two, one, play.

All right. Here we are, boys. Troubled Moon Films. It starts off as a great logo and then it gets really shitty at the end. This is another logo? Where's this? I hope it is. I hope we're going logo.

Oh. Whoa. In card 1995. Dude. This looks like Slender. This is Slender Sanchez. Whoa. Slender the eight pages.

That's what I was thinking too. But like it was made in 1994? Yeah. This movie came out in 2004. Mind you, this is 2004. Actually, this would have been 99. This is like Final Fantasy VII, not Final Fantasy VI. Right.

This is not pixels, people. No. This is like when they remade Final Fantasy VI on PlayStation 1 and they had like those real shitty cutscenes. Cut scenes. Yes. Yes. Look like.

What is this? What is this lighting? This is $500 worth of lighting. Oh, no. Why is there music? There's some to the radio, dude. It's like crisp music in my ears. They're driving so slow that you know the dude's walking alongside them with the camera.

Oh, excellent. Hold on. That's how fast they're going. And then cut back. Look how slow they're going. Yeah, I'll shut up. It's going to be great. Same shot three times already, I think.

Hold on. Oh, I wish we could rewind. There was someone in the corner of that shot. Yeah, there was. I saw that. There was a little waggly finger. Oh, there he is. There he is.

There he is. Was he holding like a little tribal spear? Maybe. He's entering their territory. There he goes. Did you see him? You can see him out the window. That's just a bear.

Yeah, they're definitely like in Maine. Their face just goes right back to neutral after she says her line. Dude, we only got one opportunity in one take. You float the line, you go forward. Wait, did something actually jump in front of the car? What happened? I think there was like a little drawing on the frame. Oh, this movie's on the 20 minute song, right?

Speaking of loop to sound effects. Where'd he go? Wait, where'd he go? He was at the window. I thought he was at the window. Now he's gone. There he is. He's back.

Oh. Oh. Fatality. Oh, that goes so. Oh, my God. That was an art piece. That was amazing. This was done on a $100 Yamaha keyboard.

Wait, how'd she? I thought parts of he just took her legs. I guess so. He's hungry only for the legs, dude. He crushed that man's skull and it exploded in 1995 CGI. I thought that bird was going to be bigfoot. I thought bigfoot. Is that like a Batman cape?

He went into bourbon Sasquatch. Okay. Oh, boy. Oh, God. Oh, no. Regretful. Regretful. Just burning a pile of garbage.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. He's burning a pile of garbage. I love this guy because I know he's like... He looks like his name would be fucking Sammy. He looks like fucking Brian Doyle Murray. Oh, get away from me.

I would deliver you from evil today if you put a cheeseburger tomorrow. Put a cheeseburger today. Hmm. Hmm, they bought that at a party city, you know it Am I the hunter What did what she say Okay, oh man This is the true history of Sasquatch

Why do we can get our unsettling also that that turtle mouth that land before time mouth If you love her well, there's a his hand in frame one hand in frame Why is she dressed like a fucking Bratz doll dude? What time of day is it supposed to be I don't know hit the lesson we're learning is that Lighting goes a long way in filming. If you ever wonder why there's like 80 lights being used on sets at all time This is the greatest example why What what the fuck I love this man's police outfit

Yo, that guy's my favorite actor in the entire movie that guy Order energy just put in the the Twin Peaks The cop what is that is that his evidence? I don't know what is happening. Why is there an oven in his bedroom? Did you see that? I don't see in a hotel. He's a police officer. He's not making money He's living on the outskirts of town and abandon that man's head. That man. Yeah, that man had exploded. Wait, whose arms are where? It's like extra arms Yeah, count the arms big blue that man's head put it back together He was like

Oh Why do they have like 1940s like New York policeman hats That was what they had at the costume store. Okay, how about this just take off the hat and where the gun come from I want you to look guns drawn at all times look at their shirts I want you to look at the tie is so short on that guy. Please notice that they just Like glued on brown strips of fabric on tan shirts. What? We had Ted be a bailiff on a courtroom show. We did about video games and he looked like this But is he having visions?

John You You guys think these actors got paid for this or they volunteered they volunteered to be in there probably his friends That's what makes it more charming. Is there definitely this dude's friends like just like he didn't like pay these guys This is YouTube my man But it went to Walmart they sold it this is before the algorithms took over and ruined everything I This guy's seen a lot man

Why are you guys looking away camera, where's the microphone at? I Was looking at the car Did the the the sass box open and shut the door Imagine buying this At any store Or like Imagine paying eight dollars on amazon for this movie imagine owning this movie forever now

Because I wasn't paying attention Is that guy Australian I I keep feels like he keeps having an accent slip out Guys you're gonna let me look at the there's no you guys looking at me you're speaking to me. What do you guys do? The body is just gone now All right, have a good one everybody's body's back in the Suzuki's before voting instrumental music memory. You're right. You're right Look at this that's like from outside of a like commercial like plane flight All right fishing The ominous music makes me think we're about to see sasquatch attack again

Attack these fishers. They're just fishing I Mean you're the the the water you're fishing is two inches deep Look at the fucking blue and bob it out of the water Well, there's your problem. Hear me, dude They're polluters. That's why they're gonna get killed. Yep makes perfect sasquatch is a warrior of mother guy He's like Godzilla, but oh here it comes. Oh Shit

This is a this is a beefy Godzilla. Oh, yeah This guy's pretty big for Godzilla The queue Not farts you piece of shit Don't you know what dead wet spoiled meat smells like? It's probably just a there goes the beer. Yeah, what's he's polluting this is it? That's why he's dead. You're not supposed to like him No Oh shit, oh my god, just straight off. I'm dead ass out of the costume. Yo, how can I ever get invested in anybody?

He's dead then killed him and stopped his heart. He killed him with his own He threw that arm at him. Is this is this a lady? The the the big foot. Yeah, I have no idea What that was it? That's like those are some nice honkers. I'm saying Is that a lady? Hold on. I'm feeling something. I'm not feeling something down there. It's just I would do to that big foot. Oh my god Some's telling me this might be a lady. It could be All right, I think we're in a police station right now. No, this is the

The newspaper. This is a kinko's Oh, yeah, you're right It's definitely not an art classroom in a high school newsroom Yeah, this is a newspaper. He's got hot stories coming off. This is actually the high school newspaper because if you look in the background They're literally kids playing soccer This one it shows the window again Dude, they must feel so relaxed being able to record in here because they can have lights on forever long they want He's like walked across the room. Yeah, yeah, the kids outside. There's kids outside. This is a high school newsroom

We were on the best high school paper in the country. Does that break his leg? Look at him. Look at him. There's playing soccer. Yeah, they just out there having a game I think he's playing police knots on that computer. Like why wouldn't you lower the shades? Whoa weak this guy's a pointer man. This guy's a big time pointer. Look at that mustache So This guy's just a guy Yeah, he's he's not a he's he's a reporter. He's a collective. He's a perspective reporter trying to get his big break He's like every video game reporter for the last like 25 years

I hey, I used to do 15 dollar An article jobs. Yeah, take me like 15 hours to play a game and review it It's like a dollar an hour This is an indictment of the modern day news system Um You can forget all that stuff anyway because the internet happened dude. Yeah But how do you know an article tanks? How many articles are going out per week one right and a tanked

He's gonna prove him wrong that Roldex is insane I like to imagine he hires this guy to like write newspaper articles about the high school And this man is going off desperately trying to like make his big break Busting the uh corrupt police. Yo, this is gonna kill my Sasquatch. Oh, that'd be great Oh man, I hope I don't get killed by Sasquatch out of here Yes, this movie holds nothing back also that's what you have bony I honestly respect to this movie for not hiding the terrible costume in like the darkness Just straight up. I'm gonna let you know. I don't think they thought that through. No

beer beer Let me just like film me kill your kid for the movie. I'll like buy you dinner tonight I'm devastated at how long this movie is Can't believe like this is like the ravings of a madman Do you think kids look up gonna play soccer with this kid? Well, is there somebody breathing nearby? I guess I'm just gonna keep playing soccer He's gonna just pop his head like a fucking watermelon That camera shot it's like so weird to like cut to a wide where nothing's happening

Don't like this Malcolm in the middle camera shot Whoa What a fucking Jesus is that Where that plot point actually mean he's not your father's not real. Yeah, I you were immaculately conceived. You're the next great great person All right backed out where the monster is bye All right back to wipe in this picture. What is why was there a random clipboard in that shot? It's her script. She's busy, dude Oh, this kid is done. This kid dies because she's got she's still hung up on the father. That's

bad parenting How many toes is this big foot have? Of what's word? Oh, she's gonna see the monster Yo, yo It's a monster Oh It's the same effect every time Oh use the other side use the other side. Oh, yo

Oh street fighter two Oh, oh He's shaking. He's so scared. He's so nervous Oh Oh, the same shot again Slower Oh, there it is. There's that little move Wait, he just he just witnessed his mom's death, dude. Yeah. Wow. I don't know that it's dramatic

Did bigfoot take the mom back to be like a bigfoot bride? What happened? Is this the beginning to beat it what the hell do you hear that music? This is this place in Manhattan, New York City Now we got to cut back to the lady whose destiny is to be the hunter from grandpa tommy or whatever his name is I forgot that was a plot point. This is literally a commercial airline flight. That is not proper fire safety She was taught out on bigfoot not like fires. Okay. Yeah, this is this is like the babe on like the turak comics like Yes, this is not a good costume This is like a slutty

Halloween costume Whoa, whoa. She is a hunter with a fake hurt He has never her grandfather had visions of her quests The bird's talking to her for real. Yeah, she's she's having a crow conversation because the bird wants to eat her food or something I thought that was like Oh, there he is Oh, oh, he's fine. Oh, he's fine face down in the water unconscious and he woke up fine He's probably like two feet down the river. It doesn't seem like I should have made it

I probably should have drowned for sure, right? All he cares about is his lover Dave. You know what? I think that's a good message. Dave his life mate newly married Dude partner the wet gene tactile sensations Oh, it's one of the worst. It's so heavy It must be a go to the beach

right Dave wouldn't even found the body and he just cast a cave on his left there for a second. Where are you Dave? Yo, he's got that double XL shirt on bro Dave Does this shirt say Alcatraz double XL? I sure am sure that this was a long walk Oh shit He's getting like echo the dolphin messages

Alcatraz rowing team It's cute Well cave spoopy cave You think it's the mom you think she's still alive. Oh, it's the swim team Alcatraz swim team. All right Oh, I'm more obsessed with that than anything else happening in this scene. You escaped from prison dog Well, this isn't tense We're You know we get to get the what jesse the flashlight you wouldn't go into a cave without a flashlight

Where did that flashlight come from? Why did he have a fish? I will defend the movie It was in his back pocket the whole walk. You were not paying. Oh my god Yo, is that the lady's feet or is that just feet? I swear to god this guy Owns a sandwich shop on my block. Is that a 2d picture? Oh, she is alive Unbelievable what? How many characters are in this movie dude, I don't know those aren't characters Alex their food Tip what is the tone of this scene dude like why aren't you talking man? But the flashlight is still on her

Look it You'd got a pep in his step and he's suddenly very dry Sorry wake up in the morning Oh These these outfits I cannot get over these police outfits the battery is dying in this flashlight Tan tan shirt brown highlights on the shirt dark blue and gold hat Who is this this is the man that just ran away from the cave found footage Yeah, what

Is he part squash now? I'm transforming What what I saw him when he was alone Brawl I Susquatch This is the suburbs this is the suburbs of Manhattan, New York Manhattan Island suburbs Oh the development is causing sasquatch to get pissed

No, he's it was man. Man was the problem This is literally tiny Godzilla I just want to point out this movie is an hour 60 minutes long. We are only 23 minutes in 23 we're not even a third of the way through It feels like it's been an hour. I can't believe this. Oh the green stone. Oh shit. We're turning into prey What I can't believe it's only been 23 minutes. Did you see that there's like A a movie called prey that's about it the predator and like first nation like yeah stuff I I I guess I'll see that. I haven't seen the most

Uh-oh movies. I didn't see the trailer or anything Sasquatch and likes but You know that's what that shot was like sasquatch pov booty Hey, uh, you want to meet about my house dress the same and go for a walk No, don't do that. You just sasquatch seeing that but like nice Fur daddy like Bigfoot god, they literally are only able to be told to depart because of the headband

or the bandana What is that face? Oh, she smells something smells like spoiled meat Wet rotten spoiled meat wet spoiled meat. They don't hear the oh yeah What how did he do that? What the hell was that? This is a public park What I

Walked by just a slash once and somehow from behind even though he was approaching from on the front Those effects her friend ditched her that's it. That's all she's chasing Oh, dude, it's like the laya chasing and in obi one. Yeah Oh, she drives all the way away and all the way home screaming the whole time Wait, what wordy? Oh Oh, wait, what? Oh, he's eating her. He's eating her. He's eating her stomach But all I'm definitely when flying Oh

Oh, all right. Well, I'm in a little bite He's having a bite delicious Oh, all right, no crime. See your body. No crime. No body. No crime. Oh shit. Yo, here we go the first battle Look at her form so perfect No, that was it. It's all only arrow. She has she's got her ceremonial ugg boots Why are they not? They're not using real arrows. No cg dude. It's the only way to be sure. It's the only way to kill Sasquatch

Dude, he spewed like a hose. It's like silver with where he's got a lot of blood in him cg arrows Sasquatch is like 99 blood It's true. He has such high journalists because he eats only human meat Right Where was I can need to look at where this was filmed Yo, who is this guy? Jackson come on

Why Pennsylvania What is this man looks Confusing who served you that beer? Is this the director this guy I don't think so I'll look it up real quick What that's why you never lay in any women either You This dude's a Scientologist

You gave him a little bit there somewhat interesting He has a big sale coming up That man that soup was not that man's suit that man that suit was way too big for that dude Is it cool if I finish this beer dude? Get over here All right, there should be bigfoot blood nearby Dude that guy seems so day the director has played Dave the fisherman hunter victim to waiter guest and bigfoot himself

Wow There's the 29 cast members in this movie Back in new york help me get out of there away from the crime family Out to the suburban nature park police force And we're gonna let this bigfoot kill all these people You just got it. This might be the most accurate portrayal of the police force. I've ever seen This is literally the plot of the quarry You

This cop just date gave what dude a gun this cop just handed this man a pistol what he's getting into his car He's getting inside his car with his gun drawn Dude's gonna go drive by shooting for for sasquatch if I go ask a cop out on the road for a gun He'll give it to me only if sasquatch is a boot fair fair enough. Oh shit. Whoa shoot him shoot him in the heart You Please George your addiction now take your fuji film camera and go home It I love the soul patch earring combo very 90s

If I need you I call you the cell phone on the hip. It's great How else would you know oh the magical arrow how'd they miss that evidence? They're terrible police The moon is not the moon that was a balloon What is this weird blue tinted daytime. Yeah, I'm so confused I guess they're going for night if they're gonna use a light Oh god. Oh, yeah. Oh good call. He's using the light. That's not even turned on Oh, there's a diploma up there. I wish I knew what it was for. I can't read it

There's no way that actually belongs to the set I mean belongs to them. It's definitely part of the building I'm stalking my ex-wife and I noticed something crazy Look at the blacked out monitor I just noticed that as well. Yeah Like wasn't blacked out in the other shot. It wasn't before Oh fog machine Did he set did he set his partner up? I think he oh

Why how does this guy teleport? Okay, okay He knew what he was doing he set him up drive away, dude Drive give a car Oh John set him up You think he's he's feeding the the the big foot Oh, it's fine. It's fine. Oh, wow. Wow. What the fuck what? The fact that he can teleport is like on another

Like this movie now it makes sense why this movie is still got Uh over 30 over an hour left. He's just developing new powers It ripped out my nose ring it lifted up the whole fucking car and then politely put it back where it was He's gone he's gone Oh No, we still have an hour left this over an hour, dude Oh, I thought this whole movie was an hour 19 minutes, but it's actually an hour 39 Get out. Yeah hour 39. How is this possible?

A lot of stuff they got to cover What His wife got killed by big foot and he's afraid of big foot and he's like don't I don't What or his wife is big foot. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about the teleportation experiment with the monkey My wife used to work at a lab where they would experiment on monkeys and teleportation They were trying to teleport gorillas from one side of the jungle to the other to save the species Do you think his wife merged in the teleporter? That's why he's got big old titties My wife and and the gorilla merged in the teleporter. It was just like the fly but with the gorilla

Things got out of control. It was like david cronenberg over here I took her home tried to live a normal life for a while, but she just kept shitting on the floor Let me tell you she had nice tits on my wife beautiful beautiful Did we just hear an nes effect bang sounded like a record player like derailed that was that was an nes Oh He's got rocks. He's got like two big peach pits. Why is she running toward him? Oh, she's fighting They didn't even bother animating that intro that time

Get in the house Go in the fucking house Doreen get back in the house Oh, she dodged it Dude, is this an action movie? Right in the heart let the nice non-offensive native american lady. Take care of the big foot He's gone vanished gone. Yeah Yeah, is that a good thing or a bad thing victory screen? There are two entirely different movies happening

Crazy this guy just wants to write a story. This is like the plot of bayonetta Okay, so inside scoop this lady is the director's mom great Oh, she's doing great Is she gonna try and kill him That would be so funny. Why did they like focus on her shutting the door like that? You know, this is actually got to be her house the bible in the corner Don't you fucking forget about me girl At a pen

I don't know what the fuck it is. That's the problem You What what yeah, what? What What What Is this a secret christian movie and I didn't know If this is a christian movie i'm gonna be so fucking surprised

It's really scary actually like for like a christian message Dominus. Yeah go Oh my What who's muffy who's this guy? Is it a dog? Oh, yep. Look at dingo dead on I Feel like this movie is putting uh jesse into a trance kind of into it Four more steps scream again, we have established that you're looking for your dog. We don't need another muffy shot

How about seven more we're gonna get one though Oh pull the leash Oh, is he in the bushes? Oh no Oh my god Oh my god, what are you doing dude? Oh His ass like if you're a dog and you like chun lee heavy punch

Oh Crushed his feet were so big Dude, there are so many people in this movie. It's insane and they just all get killed in one scene You know you run the muffy out like a wet towel. Where are you god? God, where are you if that woman shows up? It's a sign God just shows up Can you hear that Can you hear that? I hope so. Whoa, we're having visions

That same commercial airliner shot What Literally like referencing the Patterson Gimlin film She just camps in like a little like big five sporting goods tent in the middle of nowhere Question do you think this was an acting choice or did the director say eat a hot dog? Oh, good call. Maybe that she was like well if I was driving I'd be hot dog at the time listening to music Hi, whenever I go on the highway, I throw on a hot dog What just a chandelier sounds like the most fleshed out character that's been in the movie so far and she's been on screen 20 seconds

I know everything I need to know about that woman. Yeah. Oh, we're juxtaposing here How's he any different from us? I hope she eats meat. I hope she kills. So does he Hope she's a sasquatch on her She runs it down from solved bitches Don't you see boys us and the sasquatch are the same they're titties, dude They're so big I Oh my god, yeah, I'm trying to look so there's at least

There's somebody in the car Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's what you're saying. It's true Shut up shut up. I'm looking for the lot Oh Whoa, did you see that? Does he have super speed teleportation and super strength he has like supernatural powers, I believe What that's not how the police work police Ma'am ma'am

You saw him for a split second. All right overreaction Wait, wait, wait, did you see the sign all reports 25 dollars each What you know, that's not what you charged per police report police department Is this the police department does that a wooden sign up there saying it? Let them die let them die I've got daughters for my wife dammit That man is trying not to laugh why why don't you just help get people to help you He's got a personal vendetta, dude

That's between me and the man who killed my wife dude. This guy needs to get some new outfits. He looks like he's about four feet tall It's a circle She's just holding the wheel left. She's literally just going in a circle Can I be honest? I love that they just said improv. They were like, yes, I'm the whole scene Oh, yeah, I'm just so freaking out. This is oh, shit I just oh my god. I've just driven in a circle. Look at this I Come write an article about it. Hurry up. Let's go

Run there run there. You're close. You're close. Trust me. I know what I believe in it Is bigfoot in the car he can he can teleport honestly He's like the incredible hulk But if he can teleport why does he have to run? Maybe he enjoys the sport of it all Okay, just grab okay, you can do it too. Just grab somebody Oh Okay, then all right

Left that bitch. Yeah, she's just help your friend. What is going on with these people? Oh No, this thing man bigfoot knows they're not oh, we all know he likes a thick kink, man That lady was like you are not about to ruin my shirt with your fake blood She's dead Oh Oh nice dodge. Nice dodge. Oh Oh

It discouraged him from using it as a weapon The bounce would have been at all if he couldn't have thrown it The truth finally revealed he keeps taking wives into the forest Or she You're just holding out hope Yeah Son it makes him tingle. I I get it You don't know what you're doing

Mr. Wayne some men just like to watch the world, but What Oh Huh This guy's like my boss from blockbuster video like I don't this guy's like I don't know why this guy's the main guy of this movie I'm right You Can I tell you something

That I need you all to be aware of uh Uh When the police chief keeps talking. Yeah, he sounds just like my cousin jake And I was like hold on. Where is this film? It has to be pittsburgh filmed in pennsylvania. Yeah My entire family's from pittsburgh. So I recognize the pittsburgh like Draw if one of these people's like what's yin's doing then I like oh, yeah, this is It has the hilarious. He sounds exactly like my cousin Oh shit, she's trying to make she's trying to make him her apprentice

Oh shit dinosaur hunter I don't have any yeah, I am a baseless human being So green screen it looked like it You They're gonna kiss I hope so he looks like paul if tomkins Bigfoot he's fucking real I'm a bigfoot hunter Oh shit

Yes, we get a flashback Oh my god or again, we are about to cross the halfway point of this movie We're almost halfway through it You My dad would wear those things in the 90s what change editors oh the sun the hat that you still get a sunburn. Yes Oh, yeah It's the same bigfoot from oregon It's been falling probably is it's like a poultry if he teleports

Hope she goes what the fuck? Who the fuck could I call plot twist bigfoot doesn't kill her she leaves and gets married to bigfoot Oh shit. Oh I'm just high wait what I'm so confused why she passed out What was in his in those glasses styrofoam lemonade Yeah, get him He got punched in the face and his shirt got ripped up

Oh, he's running. What a bitch trying to get his gun. Oh that makes sense Oh shit, that is a long rifle my man What is the point of having that gun if you walk up to him? Oh, I thought he was gonna hit him in the dick Celia Oh in the past his hair was bleached Check that out. Yo, he really did bigfoot bride her I was just so embarrassed that he took my wife. What do you mean? You couldn't live there? He took your wife not killed her in front of you. No, you don't understand. It's like the rules of the dark saber

Whoever wins combat wins the wife Those aren't the rules. That's how this works. You would look for your wife in the woods there. Oh my god She's gone, dude. He said he left because there's no hate here He was so scary when my wife got killed It was so scary. He's a cop. There's no evidence. She was killed. She was kidnapped You were up close punching him in the nipples itself and you're like definitely was not bigfoot He's like i'm over my wife's death, but i'm really scared of the visuals This this tent is ridiculous

You I'm terrible at my job What what kind of list is this? I don't know Bluff Creek The state of california and the state of organ And now woods creek pennsylvania, dude, there's got to be a pattern. We'll break it down for a shilluminati episode You saw this shit, dude

You Whoa What the fuck are they talking about? I feel like i'm being like stupefied The dialogue is like shaving my mind off. I can't like focus Said sucking you into a trance New characters I think they're gonna die might might be true Yo, is that a fuck what's that streamer's name? I'm gonna go with what? No

Yeah, it looks like i'm gonna say they were not the same age in 1990 whatever. Yeah, I know but it looks like Whatever that guy's name is What are you doing? Yeah, why is that smoking under the car? Bunch of smoke no big deal won't even mention it Must be nothing. Oh, we're fine I'm not standing on a crate. I'm just this tall Oh, oh, oh me. Oh my That was the slowest death

Man made that most of his camera time. I'm working it. What are you doing trying to play foots with me? Oh Oh, this drinks it He's 99 blood. He's what's going blood. Is it in you? He beat it with his own leg back this was made in pennsylvania What he pulled his arm out of the blood started falling out of his mouth right what was what was confusing about that So so how do you keep your clothes so white when you live out in the forest? There's no grass stains. It's not dirty Is that magic? Is that native magic?

Is it the same way that you see through time and space and talk to talk to birds my grandfather you hold so So inconvenient to wear I mean sure it's hot, but He ate them so much they became mannequins. It's crazy He can teleport What Yes, you dumb motherfucker. Yes Whoa

You Get a husband a job what? Marry me I love you. You're hot. Have my babies. I mean, what do you think? You can get married and have kids. What are you doing with your life? I think the over under is on these guys kissing by the end of this movie Uh 99.9% I

Think that's the director too by the way newspaper man What Dude, look at she's literally come on now. She's too hot not to bear kids pretty not to have kids I'm just a movie director doing this thing You But also didn't you fucking see him right like multiple times Even though I have visions of the future there he is It's right over there in the scene

The guy was just like Backyard I love the plug-in effects. He's filled with Kool-Aid What is what these people running into melee with their ranged weapons? This is the original Aloy, I think this is horizon Are you falling in love with this girl? I mean who isn't this movie is making me Like a cranky The movie's making you cranky getting cranky that they're that this is what's happening. Everybody seems so stupid

They talk so dramatic Oh I What he saved him. Yeah, why? I love the disappearing mode me when I finish copulating You guys are the cops you gotta like fix this There's only two cops in this whole precinct This man literally answers dispatch calls as well as goes out and begis a cop

Who do you think he's calling zeke What The boys Oh We all know bigfoot loves a fat juicy piece of sirloin the boys Oh my god He's chasing some cop. I don't know You

You You Just cut that scene you can't understand the importance. No one can control nature. There is the director The bait worked Just hang a steak on a random tree for a teleporting bigfoot Yo, do you see his dick? Yeah, I was gonna say was that a huge schlong That I mean something's hanging down there Dude, he's got a dick

I don't like that bigfoot has a dick The implication of him stealing all those women is way worse now I don't think I think he's just he just wants a friend You think that's what this is about? I don't know. I honestly have no idea what this is about Yeah, how do you think this is gonna end? I'm not even a hundred percent sure what this guy's job is He's a journalist. Is he? Yeah, come on. Obviously. He's got a notebook in his hand He looks like he just like got picked up

For like a day of work at like the local like hot dog stand Like he just was out and about doing his laundry taking care of some errands and he just somebody's like you want to do his mind Is he Yes, that's what she said his mind's being attacked. How does he know? Oh, he's just getting he's just getting a little dizzy mind attacked Oh, he's getting too slow What if bigfoot just rips this dude's arms off and kills him

Now I would I'm so happy Oh bird summoning whoa Whoa You missed your shot You This is like Luke Skywalker and Han Solo The same exact thing about it. You're my best shot at a Pulitzer Did you hear how he said it? He went Pulitzer. You're my best shot at a Pulitzer

Ah Oh, we sniping is this the boys zeke and the boys Oh shit. Oh, she just eats limb after limb Oh It's time for the boys, baby and seeking the boys and uh and jimmy with his grandma's christmas sweater But yeah, he's fine. Why is there one guy with a wig on? Yeah, because he's too. He's too familiar to the rest of the movie It's probably the director. Yeah, it's probably like I'm one of the hunters It's just a bear we're men

I'm ready to kill sir They've been congratulating each other every time we cut back to them Why does everybody approach Dude, what are these camera angles? This is so scary what they're doing I love the slaps Dude oscar, where's the oscar dead? His makeup effect is falling off. Where's the oscar, dude? Oh, they got him. Oh, he got him in the net nice. Oh fm up. Oh, okay

What the fuck is that? Why can't we just why is that net made of spiders? What is also? There's a picture of him in front of the costume of him like that's a blurry to the image. It's really weird Oh real net back What what? Oh Oh Why are they what is happening? What is this? Wait, he's alive again. Oh

That girl There goes by that's why he had the blonde wig on it was for the dummy head Oh Just pure gore, you know that they all had the best time filming this. Oh god. Yeah, let's get pizza guys Yep, basically Did he piss himself? Yeah, what is that we're supposed to get on that? Oh That gore spray sir you just sent so many people to their deaths That gore spray zeke and the boys are dead

Literally nothing has happened They're hunting bigfoot they're on his tail only 30 more minutes to go and they'll get them Do you think there's like 25 minutes of credits? I hope so she got to I don't know You Damn she's challenging his whole concept of life Yeah, I give babies so I want babies you should be homeless like me chasing how is her clothes so white It represents the purity of her soul where she get the bleach. I mean, I know that's what it's trying to do

They're like, don't you understand? She's one of the good ones Because it's she's wearing white clothes What the fuck are you talking about dude? No, that is the perfect opportunity to be like no, you would be telling them to me How can this guy in any way be doubting us at this point? You What he wants a wife he wants a wife combination Oh, we're going to do a ceremony. All right What are we sprinkling on the ground rocks

What that was the ritual No Not even once. No, yeah, not one done that dude. What the fuck? I love how she occasionally makes eye contact with him and then reads the script off to the side That's how I talk to regular people Whoa You you can't die you're too pretty to get that hand off. I don't like yeah that hand shoulder thing is awkward It's lingering for a while get that off of there creepo

I want it. Do you see her kind of like leaning away? Oh Yes, yes, thank god for that crow. Thank god that crow was like it is inappropriate mister Sounds like she's going home from dead work Long day at the office It's like those loony tunes where the dogs clock in and out Yeah It's a living

What whoa Yo, but that dude dodged No Honestly, it's a genius writing and directorial decision to make sasquatch teleport because he can be He could just be behind you even if he wasn't behind you in the first shot if you accidentally shoot the shot wrong Yeah, he doesn't matter. It all makes sense. Stay on the full moon for numerous nights Could that be the problem watches around the moon stops It's like blood. That's what she's actually saving these people because he knows the moon is going to collide with earth

He's taking him into the underground world that he lives in reverse Majora's mask. Yeah, he chose these 10 20 30 people that have been in this movie Why is this shot on like a security camera Yeah Wait, so bigfoot went in the house. Yeah, what why are they in this house because bigfoot's in this bigfoot's home This is where bigfoot lives. Isn't this that dude's mom's house? Bigfoot has chotskies and he has like an old fridge I'll let you know that dude was 100 here

I can tell he was here. What the fuck are you talking about, dude? Where is that light coming from? Whoa I can taste I can taste his presence. What are you gonna taste like presence Oh Oh, yeah, looks are we losing you it's just that blood looks really gross It looks like real blood

Whoa, that's from the other guy the same torn shirt from the other guy Oh, he almost barfed. Oh he barfed. Oh, well there I go Why is there so much coverage of this barf get out of here? You gotta see that we actually made him puke guys He just can't cut away from this cut away. I don't want to see this anymore Fucking disgusting creamy shit falling off his lips Oh That's CGI cave. Where'd he get? Oh those vines. Yeah, I think they're supposed to be vines

Oh, it's the bro. Wait, so did bigfoot put up plastic wrap around everything No, this is caves. Those are rocks. Jesse. That's a tarp. Those are not that's not tarp. Those are No, that's tarp. It's not. No, this is rocks. We're in a cave foot Loves to go to home depot and buy tarps You This is the mom Remember Timmy everybody then he's gonna eat you. Oh my god Oh

Well, this is certainly interesting What is this All I have of you is this feather I'm a story's an indictment of man remember giving up easy. This is the director. What the fuck is up with that chair, dude Every guy in the story is like something terrible happened. I guess I'll give up It's ever this guy this guy's got it This guy's cool as shit I'm hearing bigfoot

Are you killing those people or what I have this feather Yeah Nick I don't know what the hell that is. Is that a feather? No, I need to get out of my office. You're fired. You're dumb get out Get out Same aerial shot Oh

My god, dude, I thought that crow is about to transform into a person What helicopters overhead that I can hear that are coming to get me Somebody jumped on Yoshi Uh This is certainly a theme song. Oh, it's over. Oh my god Rick this movie is this movie is killing my my desire to make art ever again It's all the trash bags. This isn't even the worst movie that I've seen too. That's the worst part. That's crazy. Rick I can I can definitely beat this one with one that we watched on berry bros one time if you ever want to just

Really? No, I'm all right Oh shit, no, no Megan Just rip that shit off my guys. It's fucking vines. He's like fingering it What are you fucking doing? It's vines, bro. I don't know why. Oh, okay. Well, there you go Oh, he was down there the whole time. Yeah, he was just sleeping. He was invisible Can I teleport and get them? What do you have super speed to Dick shot

Oh, it glowed Same exact spot for the third time She knows that it's boomed it Whoa, oh she jumped over him. Oh No green shirt guy No That's not fair Rick

No Rick I wanted to have your babies Oh What sacrifice my birth for you what? Oh shit, hell yeah Hell yeah, the rock music drew bigfoot so many drummers in this band is a keyboard What was the last time you just stood there in front of your mother sipping a beer and jamming out to some shitty

Like I don't think it's I don't think that's ever happened ever in my life Where are you walking to dude the corner? Oh, no Hand through the window Look mr. I what that's your reaction Hello police my love sacrifice my baby for you I'll sacrifice my gods for you Blow off my brains and go into a cyber portal just for you Just for you

Oh That's why I don't go near windows fighting the mom That Okay, I'm just gonna go outside Weird little like secretive look. I didn't like that. Yeah, like like she was open the door and let him in was she in on it Surely there's only five minutes of this movie Dude backwards walking sasquatch shot and they're just at the park where they've been this whole movie Oh

God I can't stop him bigfoot. Come on. John. This is Get up that is literally that that shot is literally from a game I recognize it's it's half life. They've shot bigfoot. It's half life a reckless amount of times. Oh, it doesn't matter Isn't that just no that's Steve My gear let him go He's dead too seriously No, he's gotta get revenge for his wife ashes to ashes. Oh my god, john. What are you doing?

Oh Same shot again Dude he's hurt ashes to ashes He's fine. He's fine. Wow. We could do Ashes to ashes motherfucker and he took the gun away from the monkey's temple Yeah, and shot a tank 25 feet away. Oh Damn This is like my nightmare

I'd never literally have trusted you that's my whole thing Not once have I ever trusted you how is this gonna wrap up? I don't know. We still got 15 what is what is what is what is left the pout ricks spirituality and his growth In appreciating love is gonna save them all This series of movies that we have watched is just Scraping that's what we should call it. That's how we're not gonna get sued. We'll call it scraping the barrel I'm fine with that

I Can't believe you think this is not real Let me see it. I got it from the local hobby lobby strength of a turtle shell Are you out of your mind or something like that for Are you crazy or something? Damn right damn right girl This guy's like not a liar. It's so funny. He's like but I don't care You

Can I ask you a question anything Do you think this director he's the he's the reporter, right? Yeah Do you think he's always wanted to ask this girl out and he spent the 555 Just to get the two of them together in scenes and get a good like kiss You know he heard that you know actors sometimes fall in love on set for all we know this is his wife I mean now probably after this yeah after the time they spend together I want to eat some glass This creature the Sasquatch has random hate

Wow The cut from outside microphone to it I'm assuming is adr how are they gonna ever get him to stay anywhere if he can fucking teleport To many people would be appreciative of the stories that you are trying to tell so many people Isn't that the point of a team to stay together in the face of dividing powers No those powers will divide the team Your heart is at war I cannot is she falling in love with this man I'm a lost man with no home You

All of this lady story written by an awkward white man, but like I'm feeling it As an awkward white man this speaks to me How do we know what the hell that means sweetheart this is like ps1 vibes It really is Whoa Let me follow you with my notebook all right Oh And then the regular doors oh, no, no, no, no, no the power of jesus

Nana Wait, I recognize this place. Oh shit That can lead him back home Grandma no god no grandma Oh, you're asking him to be intelligent good luck lady. Yeah, I don't know if you're gonna get that from this man Oh grandma Oh, they got there fast dead Grandma grandma

Yo that roll on the carpet oh pistol that he got from the cop an hour and a half ago But this bullet He's generating oh my god quickly how do you lose the gun? What what Oh, oh he takes the glory he's the hunter It's the awkward clatter your time only the white guy can save her He dies like fucking Ganon or some shit He really did wow

Yeah, well, I'm trying to figure out what the moral of all this was but I don't know anything Yeah, nobody knows anything in the world is fucked. That's what it means He learned to believe in himself I guess My gentle warrior. Yeah, you know what the lesson is. Oh, she dies. Of course. She dies Not only did she fail her one job as the chosen hunter for her whole life Some awkward white dude did we showed up never saved his mana and so there's nothing awkward about that Do you think jesus can help? Clearly that's the reason he did it

Yeah, she's right What he's right. Yeah, I've been through tougher times. Oh man. I've been don't worry about me I've seen some love is moving on through some shit. Yeah, I don't understand what she means She's like forget about that bitch love is moving on She needs you to bury her in the backyard why she's smiling What nana like woman just died in your home. How are you gonna explain that to the police? She's coming back to life, baby Oh, what am I gonna do died my hand

What is gonna happen here It's a crow gonna show up Like a nice sasquatch like a like a elder sasquatch is gonna come and and say sorry That was oh, is she died that girl was a dick The hell was that This'll work it has to fate, baby sprinkle sprinkle What is he what why is he pacing? He's waiting for just assuming he did something waiting for god To give him a sign

Just jeans on finally dude. Hey Oh no You You touch a kiss yes Oh You're so hot you owe me a wookie life that we're supposed to at least make out You My dog's sick of the movie that's all she was willing to do

This does seem like the ploy of a man who would try to get a girl to kiss him on set. Yeah, and then she was like Cheek kiss My gentle warrior I don't even know what that means dude. That's so fucking weird my gentle She made the tent disappear She made her like big five like rei tent disappear. Yeah, it just vanished Dude it's not about money with her Yeah, okay, who's gonna kill all the big foots though you big idiot line

Damn just look at him just turn around and look at him Damn I want it for you with all that death on my hands Teach me how to be a big foot killer teach me how to doggie He gets it He got two angles so you know we got to get to do the kiss twice. Yeah, they had to do the kiss twice I don't think this guy deserves this No, I don't think not at all. I don't think this relationship's real. Hope they disappear. What that wasn't believable

You didn't feel the chemistry between the two. Are they gonna disappear? No, they just we got Hey And that god it's over written for was subverted starring. I'm like offended that we watch that I'm mad. I'm mad that I had to watch that No, rick isn't rick isn't the director. Oh, yeah, you're right. Bill ushler was right. That's what that man was Now it's about a guy trying to help his friend. Oh, but look at loretta wascovich. That's the that's the director's mom. What? Is this the mom

It might be Oh, I don't like this I don't like this one bit This is fucking this is fucking whacked dude This song is insane the song is like a nintendo 64 track What What the fuck dude, this is insane dude Somebody tell me who this is the credits have to have his name in it. Hey

I cannot I I found out what they were thinking when this was This is incredible Oh Dave Westovich police uniform design and construction You own this song now So I can't Anytime I want I can throw this on you guys can't Well

How foolish of us To not purchase this film Yeah, this has got to be the mom. Do not be afraid of faith Yo is that's a crazy line of dial Give up all your desires You What what this is brainwashing right like this is Mary wascovich was the screenplay editor. Yeah

A challenge greatest in time What does that mean music by dave wascovich Is that this no that sacrifice was earlier Oh Yes Nana was thrown down on this whole thing was uh, he was like, I'm gonna get my My mom to sing this soundtrack available fucking killer seven ass soundtrack Troubled moon films get us out of here. Mathis. Please. I you want me to end it? You don't want to listen to this song all the way through

Yeah, we've got just a beat. Yeah, all right interior Dude, they had a native american language consultant on this. I wonder what they thought of the fun. Oh yikes Yikes vehicles. I gotta I gotta hear how the song ends. I can't end it. It's ended All right, everybody, that's a purpose. Oh my god, dude. It's just still mowning in the background How's this gonna end? I think it's gonna say thank you for playing at the end Thank you for playing Oh That is

All right. Well, I'm pleasant experience. I mean we can end it here boys my head I hope you enjoyed. Thank you for going on this journey with me. I had never seen the movie before I'd only known of it And I was really excited to watch it. This is just the beginning. Well, I mean, thank you. That was Now I have a story to tell people when I oh shit Oh It's incredible on that. Thank you all so much for the support. I hope you guys enjoyed the movie along with us We'll be back soon with yet another

Uh scraping the bottom of the barrel as I guess we'll call it now. No, no. Goodbye everybody Bye Summer is back and so are the deals at larry h miller chrysler jeep dodge ram sandy Whether you're hitting the open road or tackling projects closer to home We've got the perfect vehicle for you Right now get rates as low as 2.9 for 72 months on a 2023 ram 1500 bighorn Make it happen during the memorial day sales event at larry h miller chrysler jeep dodge ram sandy online at lhm deals dot com Driven by you 72 monthly payments of $15 and 15 cents on every $1,000 finance on approved credit c dealer for details expires 531 23