Chilluminati Podcast - Rotten Popcorn Episode 2 - Mazes and Monsters

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

A classic, watched on Amazon Prime! LIVE SHOW! OCTOBER 25th! LA! TICKETS ON SALE HTTP://WWW.CHILLUMINATIPOD.COM Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/chilluminatipod BUY OUR MERCH - http://www.theyetee.com/collections/chilluminati Jesse Cox - http://www.youtube.com/jessecox Alex Faciane - http://www.youtube.com/user/superbeardbros Editor - DeanCutty http://www.twitter.com/deancutty Art Commissioned by - http://www.mollyheadycarroll.com Theme - Matt Proft End song - POWER FAILURE - https://soundcloud.com/powerfailure Video - http://www.twitter.com/digitalmuppet

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We call it Rotten Popcorn now, and this second movie is Maze and Monsters, maybe one of my favorite B-movies ever in the debut of Tom Hanks of All People. Thank you guys for the support, and if you really enjoy this and want more, Patreon will always have five more of these ahead of the ones that are out for in public. So if you love this and you want five more movies to listen to us chat about, head over to patreon.com. Thanks again for the support, and we'll see you next time. Hello, my little Chaluminauts, and welcome to another Chaluminati Power Hour movie night thing. We got it, yeah, we'll figure it out. Good branding, good branding. I'm really excited for this movie, gentlemen, because it's been a while since I've seen it. Jesse has never seen it.

This is going to be Maze and Monsters. Tom Hanks, I think first film, 1984, all about the dangers of D&D during the Satanic Panic. When we were watching all those movies that Mathis has not seen. Is that why it's called... He was watching this. I completely understand now. I was like, why is it called Maze and Monsters? Because Dungeons and Dragons, I get it now, okay. We got to watch Tom Hanks be like, I chose Fireball, level three. I mean, you'll see, you'll see.

For those who were watching along with, sorry, go ahead, go ahead, Alex. He's like in this, he's like almost 10 years younger than me now. Yeah. He's like a babby baby bobo. He's a little baby boy. It is, he's a baby boy. And if you're watching along with us on Amazon Prime, which is where we're watching it for those who want to like try to, you know, follow suit in the same film we're watching. The poster does, it over dramatizes.

It over dramatizes, I think it makes cooler what this movie actually is. I don't think that's the proper picture of Tom Hanks. I was about to say, whoever that guy is, that man is not 1984 Tom Hanks. I don't know who that guy is. That man believes that life is like a box of charts. Yeah. Because that's what his mama told him. Oh God.

All right. Without further ado, are you guys ready to watch this? I'm ready to watch this masterpiece. I'm as ready as I'll be. Here we go on the count. A three, two, one play will happen so you guys can play along with us. Here we go. Three, two, one play.

All right. Out the gate action. Police sirens. Rated NR. Not rated. Why does this have the like vibe of like a BBC news special report? Oh, I was going to go with naked gun, but you know, whatever. What?

I know. I know. I love how crunchy this film looks on a HD monitor and it is just only standard definition. Yeah. The only available is ST times the size. Oh my God. What happened here? The Ghostbusters.

This is a dramatization of what happened to Mathis in that graveyard. Listen, man, the cops did not let us go. Oh shit. Right out the gate name drop. My kids play it. I know the game. Yeah, that evil game that my kids play. Are they really allowed to be that close to a crime scene?

I feel like they're supposed to be behind some tape, kept away. I don't know. Not an imaginary character. What? Yeah, you know. Psycho drama. Psycho drama. Right.

This guy's being too. That's like being like this. Like he signed to the future of what people are using D&D for in 2022. Three minutes and masters. Yeah. Three whole minutes of ads. Thomas Hanks. Yeah.

Hell. I hope this is a concert of this woman singing. I remember correctly in typical B movie fashion, we're about to watch so much driving like so much driving. Time out. Was that lyric? We are our special friends. We are our own special friends.

This is not at all where I thought the music of this movie was going to be. I'm sure they had a budget. They only had a few options to choose from really. I would have preferred an early 80s like synth. Like something anything besides this. Do you think they all just fell in love with each other in there? This is this is the kind of song that plays the beginning of a movie where like a couple breaks up.

Then they realize they love each other, but then realize that like they love each other only as friends. And then like it's like we love ourselves and each other. We're young. We're young. Yeah. We're young. You will always be my best friend, Tom Hanks.

Right. And then it's like I love you and I love you too. And then they hug and walk separate ways. And the song plays in the background. Now and forever. And then you realize that. Look at the lyric literally was we're friends in this world. This sucks.

I hate this already. Remember your best friend was all their headmistress. Oh, Mr. Brockway. Good to see you. What is that helmet? And why was he wearing? Oh, the Kaiser. The cab.

Is that Wayne Zelinski? It's a 1916. The Kaiser. Kaiser Bill Hill. It's like this like looks like paranormal ghost footage. Is this Tom Hanks? No. What the JJ JJ.

No, that's not Tom Hanks. Remember in the 80s when you measured your IQ for your family? What? Can you imagine if you. The champagne has less sugar. Said this many words to you. The mom also is like the same age as her son. It looks like telling me details about myself.

What? What? It looks like a hospital room Stanley Kubrick. Whoa. Whoa. Shit. Now stay in here while we lock you in until it's time to let you out again. Be a good boy.

And then you just hear like seven dead bolts. Yeah. Who would like this? JJ JJ. It's so wild that they have not addressed that he's wearing like a pith helmet. Yeah, I don't under. I'm still waiting for that to like matter. Are these guys vampires?

I'm wearing this hat now. What? What? All right. All right, John, just say birds can't talk into this tin. You put tiles on the walls. Yeah, maybe my bedroom like a subway station. Your son walked in wearing a Kaiser helm.

Why do you think he would like a hospital room? Maybe like axes on the wall. Do you think it just means that he's like quirky? It's a physical quirky representation. I think that's not true. I think he called his mom mother so many times there that it's not a quirk. That guy's genuinely a killer. He's just a warrior home from the war.

Mother is just in uniform. Huh? What? What? Oh my God, those aren't background characters. Yeah, what? They're actually talking. Six minutes in and no Tom Hanks.

I don't think he was a celeb. Putting him front and center on the poster like that, though. We ever met for one minute, but I was really angry. Anyway, we're going on. She's right there. Okay. Dude, is this me? I know just the game.

That's why father left us. Mom, there's no tools to foster my imagination that I can participate in cooperatively with friends. With nice systems and rules in place so that I can have some sense of limitation to make it real and grounded. Did she read that off the wall? This man's name looks like a Chad. Chaz. He's a Chaz. Chaz.

This is a conversation I had with my parents in the 90s. You're not just some dungeon master. This is Bobby Codex origin story. Oh my God. I'll show mother and father. I'll be the richest game player in the world. I am Esports. These are your favorites.

All right. Well, let's be tough to be so rich. I don't know, right? I feel like every family we've met now so far in this movie has been rich. I'm so radicalized that I don't even empathize with them. Oh, there's Gilligan. Oh, no, it's bulky. Who's bulky?

Perfect strangers. Oh, he's funny because he wears different hats. Oh, he's a hat guy. He's the Nazi kid. I don't know. This guy's got improv. This guy's got improv. He thought they were the women of the week.

Yes, they got to find their fourth player. They've already got a mini D&D group going. I hope they don't pick the interesting guy from school. America's dad, as they say. Oh, no. Oh, my God, who is that? There it is. There he is.

That guy's in so many movies. It's got a rough upbringing. Man, young Tom Hanks has a look. He looks like a star. He reminds me of that guy. Colin Hanks? Yeah. I wonder if they're related.

God, who is that? He's going to drive you crazy. He's in something really popular. Poor Tom Hanks. His parents hate each other. So when do you think he gets involved with Satan? Is this a public school? It's Grant University. Yeah, isn't that the bad one?

No, it's Grant. It's so beautiful for a bad school. Because they're like, you don't want to go to Grant. Yeah, one of their parents wants them to go to Tufts. The other one wants them to go to MIT. Yeah, no more. No more. Tom Hanks, you would never play Maze's and Monsters.

But this is an off-brand Dungeons & Dragons called Maze's and Monsters. Oh my God. No, you know what he's in? He's in Point Blink. That's what he's in. So other cinephiles out there, Point Blink. That's what it is. Somebody tell me I'm wrong.

It's just the story of how Vampire Weekend got started. Wanted Maze's and Monsters. Oh no, he just promised his parents he wouldn't play again. Oh my God. Oh, now he's got a pilot helmet. This guy's so funny. Yo, Hogwarts? Do you think his prom is actually just cocaine?

That kid? It's 1984. I mean, it's possible. He has a coke problem and this is him acting out. Oh. Swiping his nose. Do you think this movie is just low-key a coke club?

It's possible. Don't look, Tom Hanks. You'll be tempted to the dark side. It's wild. Did you see that without phones? Yeah, right? You see what it said? It said players needed who can handle playing at ninth level. Oh, shit.

That seems evil. Yeah, I know. That's an evil number. Robin? You call your father boy wonder? I promised mom. What? Pritchie Bardot is a French film star, Mathis. What? What?

What a reference to put in a mazes and monsters movie. People just cared about stuff back then. I wasn't born yet, all right? I couldn't care. I love the music in the background. It's so good. This is the party. This is partying. You tell me this movie is a theatrical release.

No way, right? I don't know, actually. I'll find out. Why? Why? Why? Why does this movie come out? 1982. I was off by two years. Why does it have an 87 bottle of wine? Is that supposed to be a goof?

Maybe it's an 1887. How rich are they? Or maybe this is set in the future. It's weird to have him on camera and him not be comfortable in front of the camera. Made for television drama film. That's what it was.

No, it did not have a theatrical release. Oh, my God. They're both ninth level. Why does it have a weird cult vibe to it? Yeah, what? Because when you hit ninth level, you unlock the secrets of the universe. Create your own adventures.

Create your own adventures. You're pressure. I can't knowing what D&D is and seeing this, I can't wait to see what they do here. This movie set, if this movie was set now, it would be like watching documentary footage.

It's not a remarkable story for adults meeting. Look at the candles in their dorm room. They're like 25. This actually looks worse than my old setup. You know what I mean? People are into this now. What?

Yes! Yes. Why isn't it... Malaysia the fighter? Dude, I want to play in the 70s. I want to play in the 80s. My imagination game would have been so on point.

I hope that this is what the rest of the movie is. The pan flute. I'm going to take notes. I'm going to use this in a campaign. Talking Sword of Latvia. It sounds like Primal Rage.

A little bit. That look. They wanted to check each other out to make sure they were ready. They are 9th level after all. This is my OC. I would love... That was the whole night.

They just kept talking to each other about their fanfics. He is 6 foot 2. He likes chicken. He has an 8 pack. His penis is 8 inches long. But stuple. Stuple? That's not a word.

Stubby and supple? That's what I'm talking about. She likes him. He's such a goofy 9th level. He's driving her nuts too. She's beside herself. I think he's probably like 1st level in bed though. What is the song again?

Yes! There is a love story in this. We are our special friends. Our special friends is the lyric. It's crazy. The lyric fails me. I'm still playing. Do you think that

there was a D&D nerd in 1984 watching this like there's hope? There's hope for me? Do you think this movie was written by a D&D nerd who had a bad breakup with his D&D girlfriend? They summoned the devil. Pretty accurate

so far for what it's like. They are judging it up a little bit. But like it's kind of D&D, right? I mean in a broad sense. Maybe people just did their due diligence back then when they were writing. The candles were a bit much.

Do you think this is Tom Hanks and this actress singing? I hope not. But I actually hope so. I don't think so. I don't think Tom Hanks has a singing voice. Does he? Are they feeding grapes to each other?

Why does he sound out of breath? He looks like he's about to cry. Yeah, he looks very sweaty too. Oh shit. Dungeons & Dragons! Don't touch me. I'm emotional. That face turned

and looked at him. In the mirror. That would be a great little twist. The Holy Man? Everdeen? He had a little forest there. How are we here already? How did we get this far?

The pacing in the movie is insane. Yeah. Okay. Achievement about him a lot? What happened to you kid? What? I'm in his music. What happened to you kid?

What? I'm in his music. Sounds like Woody. Dream, Tom Hanks running in his dream fog. It was only like 10 years after this. That's true. Is his brother the name of the character? Did I mishear his character's name?

No. His character's name was like Parthenax or something. I thought his character's name was Hall. His name was Purfew. You know he's obsessive. Now he's doing mini painting. What? What is a make out champion bro?

Wait, what? There's a make out champion bro? Wait, what? Oh, there's Jonesen. Oh. Where's that music coming from? Are they just piping it over the dorm hallway? Like halls?

Is he watching the intro to SNL? What's your problem dude? I think he's jealous because he's been with Kate this whole time. How much time has passed? It feels like a day. I gotta remind myself. This is a dorm room. Yeah.

It's like the most beautiful room of any kind that I've ever seen. Yeah, what? Oh, he's like a kid kid. Yeah. Oh, I didn't realize that this dude is 16. He's like a kid kid. Yeah. He's like a kid kid.

Yeah. I didn't realize that this dude is 16. Yeah. I didn't realize that this dude is 16. What? Oh, he lives at home still? Look, this kid right here is 16 years old. No, this is his dorm room.

He is just very, very smart. That was the setup of him having a 190 IQ. He's like a genius kid. Oh, gotcha. That makes sense. Yeah, he's in his dorm right now. You know what this kid needs? Doctor who?

They definitely didn't have the budget to actually film in a dorm room. So they're using somebody's house. Well, this is just his... Oh, no, it's not. No, this is his dorm. Yeah, because his fucking bedroom looks like the Matrix.

Yeah. The mysterious forbidden Pequod Caverns. What? What? He's ideating his own suicide right now? Yeah. Yes, he is.

How did we get to here? This is what happens when you have a monster. It mazes a monster's addiction and your whole life relies on it. Is that what this is? How did we get to here? Is this like a drug movie, but it's about D&D? Yes.

Is this like an after-school special? Yeah. Bye. I'm going to go kill myself. I think he's going to go do whatever Amelia Earhart did. Go live in a cave. Oh.

In our dorm room. We can live together now. Robbie. Kind of fast. You're not the Tom Hanks we all know and love yet. What? I'm going to kill you. Everybody's going to go work out all their shit

in this D&D game, huh? Yeah, the real story. Eminem is not D&D. Yeah, Eminem. The real problem is everybody's personal trauma, not the game. Drama, what? We're right in it.

Robbie, she just don't want to bang right away, bro. It's all good. It's been like a week, dude. Has it been a week? I'm guessing. He's turning the kisses down. Where are we? I think we're already at the fucking mines

from the police part. So the police are discovering his suicide? I don't know. Because that was six months prior. So we six months in the future? Uh, six months prior? Yeah, because we saw that scene,

and then when we went to the college scene, it said six months earlier. Yeah, no, the college is six months earlier. Yeah. But how much time has passed since then? It doesn't matter between one and six months, either way. We're leaning up to the fire.

He was like, we need to move in together. What is this long cave exploration scene? He didn't have one of those like exploration pit helms. Right. No, he's only got those three hats. All right, Jesse. Construction would have been better for this. Yeah.

What? What? His lantern's not good enough? Why do you make a hand torch? Because he's zany, dude. He's dressed like Amelia Earhart. No. Wait, he literally has an explosive gun.

Damn it. Yeah. This really is like a warning, isn't it? Yeah. That's a M&M flub only beginners would make. I have a new idea for a game.

Whoa. It's where I kill myself. All right. So how about you guys just pretend he didn't jump in the pit? That's what I would do. Right? Do you think this is the movie that invented LARPing?

What did you say? What did you say? Do you think this is the movie that actually invented LARPing? Dude, if this is how it started, that's a terrible beginning. Some kid like, maybe I'll die during a D&D game.

What if they find him? Do you think this is going to be like a message at the end, or do you think it's going to be like magic is real at the end? I don't... A message. The way it's going, it has to be.

We've seen no evidence of any plot in this movie so far. We know the guy's brother died or something. We got a little bit of a love story in there. We know this kid wants to kill himself. We know the blonde guy has way too much casual sex.

Yeah, like... He's a make-out champion, dude. What? Well, peekwood caverns. Dress him warm. I don't like how he put his arm around what's my motivation.

They were like, you love the skeleton. So this dude is because his mom is like a designer, he's going to use all of his design skills to create the greatest game of mazes and monsters anyone has ever played. Do you think it's going to get too real?

No. Are you going to get wrapped up in it? I don't think so. Not the first time. Do you think they're mania that they got all the way to the ninth level? They dressed up. They got dressed up. He gave them costumes? Amazing.

It's going to be hard. It's going to be hard for them to tell what's real and what's fake in there. Oh my god, yeah. What's his name, Purdue? I don't know, actually. I only got one take for every single one of these.

Shout out to them for being like, you know what? Kate, you can drive. What do you think the odds are? What do you think the odds are that they end up in the upside down? 50-50. They're going into an unexplored area of a small town.

You never know. For... Nah. Where's Hanks? He was in the middle. Yeah, he was there. That was him? Yeah. He's dressed up in like a robe. I didn't recognize him in his babushka gear.

I... Those are expensive lanterns. They're all filthy rich kids. That's why I'm... Lord, this is the longest entering the kingdom. You're less concerned about their survival now that you know what they're filthy rich. Is that what you're telling me?

I don't worry about their problem. They're like, it's so hard being me. Yeah. My parents want me to go to MIT and I just don't want to. Is that his trail to follow Finer's way back? You think everybody's going to stay in here forever?

Yeah. This is it. This is where the movie ends. I think we might be in here for the rest of the movie. You think so? How much of the movie is even left? An hour's worth. Yeah, we're not going anywhere. We might be at the courthouse later.

It turns into a crime drama. What happened to these kids? Only one survived but he's lost to the mania of mazes and monsters. None of the people who are in the caverns, two parents talking to each other to wrap up the movie and they're going to say, man, I wish those kids didn't play

so much mazes and monsters. They would be still alive today. And credits. All right, guys, we only got this cave set for like a day. Let's make the most of it, all right? Every shot we can get of you guys wandering at every angle. Are you going to see his brother in here?

That would be all horror. Why else would they have told us about it? Fair. I do hope it pays off. Oh, they lost JJ. He went and hid. JJ's the helmet kid? It's part of the mystery. JJ is dead.

JJ is dead. Wow. No reverb on that echo, man. Just flat echo. Slightly quieter. No. I think it's a real sword strapped to her chest. No.

Maybe she got out the mall. Do you think they're actually going to fight demons in here? No. Dude, I had one of those $50 katanas for the longest time that you could buy at the mall. I believe. Oh, there he is. Basil. They're going to fight some kind of demons. Their own demons.

Yeah. Hours. Flashlight just jammed in his jaw. That's not an answer. I'd be pissed. I want a third question. I This is so weird. This is obviously what you do when you get bored

of mazes and monsters. So did this man just translate a language for real? Thank you. I was about to ask that question. Does this man actually have a language memorized that he can just read? That's a lot of dedication to a fantasy game if he literally.

You know what? They're in it. They're in the moment. I wonder if their parents are worried about them. I don't see a scene. Oh. Oh. Don't split the party. Oh, they're all dead.

How can the maze controller keep track of them if they split up? Dude, he's going to see his brother now. I hate that they named him maze controller and not maze master. What's the matter with all these people? That's probably too close. I'm telling you, he's going to see his brother like walking around a corner.

He's going to be like, oh, it's never happening. There's no way this turns out to be like actual fantasy. I don't know. Yeah, this is the prequel to annihilation. Agorville. Terrible monster name. How does he know who he's talking to?

The maze controller, quote unquote, just rolled a random dice and shouted into the cave. What? Agorville. Fake. Did you kill a man? There was nothing there, Jesse. Fake.

There's nothing there. What? I'd be like, man, hey, dude, you're a great actor. Maybe you should change majors. Hey, no one questioned that. There are foot prints on the ground. He's an improv master. Oh, no, he can't come out of character.

He's still IG. Oh, shit. Look at that framing, that gentle breeze blowing her hair back as she said it. I need someone to take that clip so I can use it as a gift all the time. Yes. The real danger is that the monster's in our mind.

Uh, he's still in character. Probably shouldn't call him part two. Dude, is that really what's going to happen right now? He's just going to be in character. He's stuck, man. He's permanently in the fantasy world. What's going to happen to JJ? He's fine.

What in the world? What? Hello? Dude, you know there were parents in the 80s watching this freaking out because their kid plays D&D. That horror music. Whoa.

Dude, I'm telling you, dude, it's his brother. Look at the sweat on his face. So it's his brother? Uh... Not that last one. No! No! No. The two towers?

They can just... They can just do that? It's the 80s TV movie, man. Nobody was going to copyright them. Man, he's acting his ass off right now. Yay! He's trying to get his big breakout role, man. Dude, this is it.

This is how Nick's guy could go somewhere. They were like, put him in the money trap. What happened then? Look at how much water they sprayed on his face. Never mind. You only got one quick look. What happened to my boy, Robbie? Amongst studies I've never done. I'm celibate now.

Huh? I just can't be with you. We were our own best friends. You're like a bug crawling down the drain? Yes, there is something on the lens. I think it's like dirty... It's dripping. I think it's like the film is dirty.

I have to be a holy man. The Great Hall told me so. I'm a monk. I never... I'm a cleric. What the hell is happening in this film? Aren't you so glad you're watching this movie with us, Jesse? I've never been so confused in my entire...

Oh, fat city! Yeah! You guys want to head down to fat city for a cup of coffee? Yeah. You guys want to head down to fat city for a cup of games of pool and a beer? It's jazz punk night. I'll buy the burgers. How long is a while?

Wait, how long has it been? Keeping it earnest. It's three people. It's not all the men, you know? It's D&D, man. They got the IG. They can't get out. They're still IG. They're still IG.

That man thinks he's a monk! That's... Yeah, that's kind of... Man, weren't you worried if your friend was giving away his real world possessions? Because he's in games and still in character? Have they been going? I think that's the implication, is that they've been going often. And they're treating it as therapy, which feels dangerous, honestly.

Uh-oh. The man who sleeps with every woman in the world. The make-out champion. The make-out champion. This is unbelievable. You know, out of all of the things that is unrealistic about this, the fact that Tom Hanks would turn out getting some, I don't believe. Because of a dream, don't believe it.

I don't believe it. This is... Crazy. This is just a man. This is just a man dissociating. He's trying to get to the two towers. The movie. He's got to show up and help.

Is she singing the lyrics to a song that has no lyrics? Was that...? It's jazz funk. They couldn't get the lyrics after the first airing on TV. Wait, do you think all the music in this is different from what originally aired? From what I remember, the song that we've heard was from the movie. What the hell? No, this is the other dude.

This was the blonde guy, I think. Oh, really? Wasn't Tom Hanks' character? I thought it was the blonde kid going up to the... They're all obsessed. They filmed at, like, clearly actual night with no lighting. It is so hard to see what's going on. Answer.

Not much. This movie just needed to be like 10 minutes longer, so they just, like, put people walking places a lot. That's what I'm saying. He's a blonde guy. Dang. They're all obsessed. That's five, yeah.

We got to learn he's been, like, having dreams and... He just comes here and beats off every... That's what you thought? All right. This is beat-off cavern, so he doesn't have to sleep with women anymore. His beat-off cavern? Yeah, yeah. He can be alone.

Don't just let that roll off the tongue like it's anybody's. Yeah, no, I'm not... It's improv, it's improv. That was your yes and... This must be some sort of beat-off cavern. Some sort of beat-off cavern. That's what came to mind, man. You know, let it go. Let it flow.

You definitely are. In the beat-off cavern, there's plenty of space to do that. Sucks. Cavern. What was that sound? I'm Daniel now. The rat. It's just a rat.

She screamed and then continued on. Yeah, it's like, I'm going this way. Instead of leaving, she was like, I'll go this way. This movie was shot on an iPhone 5S. That was a whole... Let's build up to nothing. We don't know that. We don't know that.

No, that musical build-up led to nothing. It's been like three minutes and she's just been doing this. She's going to get like a vision? Press X to Daniel. Press X to Daniel. Press X to Daniel. Press X to Daniel.

Press X to Daniel. Press X to Daniel. Press X to Daniel. She's getting lost in the peak-wad caverns like those two boys who were lost and never found. All because she ran away from a rat bad. Daniel! Daniel!

Oh my gosh! Daniel! Oh my god, finally. That was the longest Daniel, Kate, Daniel, Daniel, Kate, Daniel, Daniel, Kate scene in the world. That was weird, huh? Huh? That's not how you play an honest game

of mazes and monsters, dude. This is so weird. Yeah, I don't understand the point of the scene. Their relationship is blooming! Oh, is the song about to happen again? Friends! Friends, friends, friends, friends! Friends, friends, friends, friends!

Friends, friends, friends, friends! We are friends with ourselves! Kissing friends! And other friends kissing other friends! And friends sharing each other! What? This is like Big Bang Theory. This is like...

I'm having a hard time. I can't keep it together over here. I'm having a hard time. What do you mean you're like Mr. Spock since when was that a character trait of you at all not at all hinted that you're an emotionless emotionless man? In fact, you're sleeping with a lot of women! He's the make-out champion!

He's the make-out champion! You think Spock would be the make-out champion? You think I'm attractive? More kissing. A kiss again? More jazz funk music. I can't wait to see more of Tom Hanks to set into madness.

I'm here for this. Alright, it's Halloween now, everybody. It's out to the two French maids. Hanks. Hey, welcome to the party. Is this Hank Vision? We're in Hank Vision. Uh-uh-uh, look at these cute girls.

Oh, no. Wait, did you just welcome the cameraman to the party? Wait, yeah, who were we? Hey, Frankenstein Buddy Holly's here. Keep it down in there. Hey, Frankenstein, I'm trying to sleep. Hey.

Hey, what's up, Frankie? Fucking peri, dude. Who? Again, shout out to the two French maids. I don't know what they're doing there. I don't know why they showed up together like that, but I'm here for it. Vader Mask in the background, did you see that?

Yeah, is that really him? I guess it must have been really hot. Noel Coward is a playwright, by the way. Okay, thank you. This dude. Bless you all. What the sh... Crazy, dude.

This, I did not expect this to be this at all. He's gonna kill someone. Dude, where is this? It's like in New England somewhere. It's in New York, it's like Grant University. Grant University, because they wanted to go to MIT. And Pequot. It is in New York, right?

That's where the driving was? I think so. Do you think that the two towers are literally the twin towers? I think that's possible. Now, Pardue? It's just Tom Hanks' voice, though. Yeah, he's talking about that.

It's like... It's like, now you are ready. This is crazy. Oh, they're watching Saturday Night Live. It's the Great Hall. JJ the Hat Guy. Dan Ackroyd. Sherry O'Terry.

All right, where you going, Mr. Hanks? Dude, what if he intervenes and stops the terrorist attack on the bombing of the World Trade Centers? Sudden pro-meses and monsters twist at the end? 1984? I don't know.

Wasn't there a bombing? In the early 90s? Yeah, that was in the 90s. I don't understand why they aren't more worried about their friend going truly crazy. Probably because they're so tired from not getting any sleep because they're thinking about Dungeons & Dragons all day.

Going to the Pequod Caverns to cheat. Dude, get out of there. I'm sure he's fine. Get out of there. Robbie's gone. He was like, hello, Daniel! Robbie?

It's not since last night. It's not since that great party last night. It's a guy from 1905? Not since last night. Dude, is this... Have we seen him for the last time already? He's done. That was it for his movie role. Next time we see him, it's just his corpse.

It's going to be that skeleton. Basil. Wait, so he stopped wearing hats and he put on just a fake wig? He grew up. The scariest phone call you can get as a parent. No, no, he's fine. I'm sure he's fine.

Okay, bye. Was she having a drink in the middle of the day? Yeah. She insinuated she was drunk all the time. Yeah. Are they going to discover his mad writings because I'm here for it?

Oh, yeah. He made a map and never took it with him? Guys, it's the Mona Lisa. I'm going to leave this map for other people to find. So dark, the con of man? Our maze. Are you cheating on us with some other people? That would be so funny if that's how this ends.

And then they like fight each other with like their real D&D weapons. What? The hillside stranglers? He's flipped into the game. He's IG. He's IG. He's on an RP server, guys.

He's on full RP. Last night, he went to a player's house and was dancing on a pole. He's a cat girl now. Even being world transferred to an RP server. His parents deleted his account. He's depressed.

The Pequod Caverns, that entrance is ridiculous looking. What are you talking about? That's exactly what Cavern's entrances look like. It's probably just a piece of wood that they leaned up against the hill for the movie. What if they go in here and we get a whole like five minutes scene of them yelling Robby

and he's not in here? Are they going to explain why that man saw a lizard man from Star Trek? Are we going to... He was in his mind. I think he's crazy is all you're going to get. Right, but there were footprints on the ground in front of him.

I think it's just an inaccurate depiction of like schizophrenia. Also, this looks like Knott's Berry Farm. There's no cave that looks like this. There's no cave. Are you kidding me? Yeah. He was like...

Daniel, did you see him dress up and talk to us in ye olde English? Did you see how slowly he touched the door? He literally wouldn't fuck me anymore because he believed he was an holy man. He said, I am Pardue. Come on, dude.

Trust me, I would know. I can't believe they're lying at this point. They've been trespassing. So what? He's fucking missing, dude. Excuse me, who's this? Columbo? He's got the Blade Runner poster.

Shout out. He's a gum shooie. He's a detective. What? What? Is this the librarian from Seinfeld? Polly wanna fucking crack? What?

What is the scene? Mages and monsters. We're still playing. Every Wednesday? It's Robbie's turn to play the game. Robbie's turn. Why would Robbie? He's fucking about to lay him on a fucking haymaker.

Why? Tell me the truth, sweetheart. This part of this movie really does feel like an episode of Dragonate. Yeah. He's just not mean enough. Yeah. Not a doper.

Uppers. Yeah. He thought he was a priest from the game Mages and Monsters. He stayed in character for four months. Dude, this is just independent cross-examination. And he does the same thing in every room. He starts fiddling with random objects

as he nonchalantly asks questions. What? Yes. Have you ever read a book, you dumbass? This is, in fact, a movie about a guy doing something that didn't really happen. They're like, we can't have the logo for Blade Runner in this movie.

But they can't have Bogard and Aster. The man had a mental break. Yes. Well, I think so too. I think so too. What does it matter? We might as well just not. We're full circle.

Back to the start. Don't call me Shirley. This is just the same. We already saw this. Reusing footage? That's literally the same clip. Recycling content. You think we'll get the same news anchor again?

There is the Ghostbuster. They literally are. It's the same exact scene. If he does the whole TV report again, I'm out. I know the game. The same exact scene. That is so weird. We are getting the same thing.

Oh, thank God. Oh, they cut. That was in case if you didn't know where we were. Right. We're caught up. It's been six months. This is an ingenious plan to anonymously give the cops the map. Go to a crime scene.

With his fingerprints. Hello, chaps. My name is Amelia Earhart. Never mind. I've returned from being missing and dead to give you a map. Farewell. That was his move?

That was it. That makes it seem so much worse. Makes it seem so sinister like the fucking Zodiac is involved. What? Wouldn't be one of you, would it? The next time we see Tom Hanks, he's decaying corpse.

Is he allowed to do this? Commercial. It's crazy to me that Tom Hanks got top billing. But after fact, I don't think he got it until way later. Ten years after. Has it been a year now?

I don't know. Is it Halloween again? There's no way to figure out the passage of time in this movie. It's been like hours. We know at least six months of past. What? What?

What in the world? Do you have like every answer? Mathis? I know we can't rewind. But if you go back like ten seconds, literally the boom mic is in the shot. Like,

for people who want to rewind at some point and pause it, top right corner. It like extends it a little bit. You can see the wires. Amazing. Amazing. So good. Dude, where are we?

We're in NYC, baby. He's going to the Twin Towers. Dude, he is going to the World Trade Center. He is going to jump. Is he going to jump off the Twin Towers? Is he on drugs right now? No, he's in his own imagination. Better than drugs, dude.

Still with the Holy Spirit. The Great Hall. If they discover that his map is just the outline of Manhattan, I'm going to be blown away. Dude, I'm telling you, he's going to the Twin Towers and he's jumping off the top. What are you guys even doing?

Like, what is your method? They're just reading fantasy novels? Exactly. What books are open right there? Maybe it's the books that was in the novel. Yeah. I'm a hundred. I have figured this out. What?

This guy is going to leap off the Twin Towers. I cannot confirm nor deny. I remember the ending. I can't tell you. He's like dirty, too. He's been wandering for potentially days, weeks or months. We don't really know. Uh-oh. Is that a gay bar show?

This is the guy we're going to rob, Rizzo. Get him. Get him. Not my spells! That's the only way I can survive in this city. Isn't there an episode of Luther like this? Dude, he's running like forest. Uh-oh.

I can't believe he didn't just run out in public or like into a restaurant or something. He ran into an alley. He would never do that. He's Pardue, a holy man. Dude. The knife is going into this man. You see?

Only because his magic failed him. Yeah, it's his last ditch weapon. Oh, he walked into it. Oh, he got him. What a dummy. Why'd you do that, bro? He stabbed that dude with a knife, dude. Oh, geez.

Oh, my God. I've been stabbed. In the belly. Yeah, that's going to not be good. You're going to get to a hospital. You're not holy anymore. What are you doing? Oh, shit, he's out of it?

It took the murder of somebody to bring him back to the real world. I didn't even know that he killed him. He just stabbed that guy. Oh. Oh, he knows how to use a phone. Oh, he's out. He's back.

Is this what happened to him last time? Did his brother get into D&D 2? Excuse me, Eminem. Oh, sorry. Yeah, Eminems. I mean Eminem. Eminem. I murdered a man.

I cannot believe what I'm watching. He's putting everything he has got into the scene. This is not like a thriller. This is not like told to be exciting. This is like a movie made by people who did not understand something

so stupid and silly and fun. But they didn't understand it in such a confident way. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's like this is like

Reefer Madness for D&D At least he's back in the real world. Ah, come on. That's got to be an indication that the bird was going to be in a scene one way or another and they needed Come on, Merlin, he's good luck, guys. My pet boy. Has he just been wandering the streets all night?

Yeah, I think that's the implication. Four days? Yeah, where has he been sleeping, you think? Just like the streets of NY? And what happened to his outfit? What happened to his robes? Yeah. Oh, there's that guy he didn't kill, or he did.

He just, he just, he's just associating them with each other. Yeah, they just look kind of the same. Leather jacket, guys. They're going to trigger him back into another episode. This place looks exactly like JJ's bedroom. What's weird is that he didn't know who he... stabbed, but he saw that dude and I assume thought it was them? I mean, I don't know.

Oh, yeah, that's right. He did say, he's like, I don't know. There's blood on my knife. I think he's just like, got sort of triggered flashback. So now he's going to be in the sub, like a subway man. He's like, what's the guy from Portal? The rat man? The rat?

The rat guy? The rat. This guy would have like thrived in an MMO. I think it would have been good for himself. Yeah, amaze. At least he could have stayed in the house. This, this, that's what this movie is. It's a cautionary tale about starting tabletop games when there's not MMOs

to eventually graduate to when you become too obsessed. Cause you're going to graduate yourself. Yeah, to the 10th level, the highest level. He said, amaze. Oh shit. There's Vaseline on the camera. Wipe it off. What is this?

What is this weird and they're going to Queens Bridge. They're almost in New York. That car behind them was not having it though. I got to get out of the way. Nubsicles. This is just a movie about people walking to very tense music. He walked into a sandcrawler. All right, back on the bridge.

Don't go too far. We'll see our, the camera reflection in the glass. How are they ever going to find him in here? There's no way. What the hell is that noise? Godzilla. I just want this guy to get some help. He's going through some shit.

Like this is insane. Yeah. The story finished like 30 minutes ago. I wonder what the promo materials were like on TV for this movie before it came out. It was probably like everybody's been playing this game, but you don't know that it hides a dark secret. Mises and monsters this Sunday on Disney wonderful world of Disney.

I, you know, that's so, it's probably so close to correct. Get out of my home. Oh, he's back. He's back in, oh, he's back in the game. This is. That's what brought him back into the game world, the maze. Yeah. Dude.

Wow, that audio warp dude. My dude is going to jump off the Twin Towers. I don't understand why that, you know what? I'm just gonna, my dude is going to go up the towers and jump off to be with his brother and he's going to splat on the ground and then they're going to be like twice DND catered the beast. That's a reference to the movie King Kong, Mathis. You know, he's going to the two towers, you know, he's in New York City, put two

and two together. Come on. My hospital room. Is this room going to look different again? Is this his room? What? This has got to be one of those things where like the first part of shooting, they only had access to that weird room.

So the next time they got together to get this part of the shooting done, they didn't have it anymore. So they got this room instead. This is Casablanca. Really? What is this fucking room? There's part two. I mean, Robbie.

You're like, I have the cigarette in the back is sketchy. 1982 New York. It was hardcore in 82 man. Nobody realizes Tom Hanks is walking by him. Mr. Bogart. Yeah, this literally is a Casablanca themed room. Yeah. What the hell?

Oh, 55 cent was that 65 cents slice of pizza? Yeah, dude. The 80s, dude. Suvlaki economy was great. Suvlaki pita for less than a dollar. I'm in. Shout outs to my Greeks. Well, I'm so hungry, dude.

I got fucking chicken waiting for me at the end of this movie. The two towers, bro. Literally the most famous buildings in the city, bro. They're like pretty new too. They've got 13 minutes to figure it out. He's jumping off the twin towers. He's committing the sluice. I just don't understand how we got to here.

He cracked up the monsters, dude. It made him go crazy. The moment he looked in there. That was it. It lashed onto his inner deepest darkest thoughts and brought them to the surface in Pardew. I wish they had given him a better name than Pardew. They just see it as stupid names.

What was that thing called? What was that monster called? Bavril. Oh, it was like the Gloraville or something. Yeah, something stupid. Love and man. See, he's still blood all over his hand. I think so.

Dude. There they are. Yeah, why don't they show this movie on TV anymore? Oh, hey, look, there's the Simpsons. Just kidding. Oh, no, but he went into one World Trade Center. No, no, do you think you're going to get all the way up to the top and then they're going to see him from across in

the other one and they're going to be like, no, and he's going to just watch him. Yeah, just this figure. I can't believe that they said don't play D&D because if you do, you'll jump off the Twin Towers. I can't I can't believe this is this is what this is. Oh, there he is. So much footage of so little happening.

This is in soy. There are two guys. Yeah, you know me. Yeah, hope Tom Hanks made at least a little good little bit of money off. What was your favorite scene from Macy's and Monsters? Oh, I like to see where they went up one of the Trade Center Towers and he wasn't there.

So they went back down. I'm actually a big fan of when they get when she gets lost in the cave and is shouting for Daniel for five. She doesn't find him. These guys are not actors. They're probably just like, what the fuck? Yeah, this is all shot on a super eight handy cam. Oh, what's up this way?

Like how long have we been watching them just walking around in here? Genuine. We had a whole scene of them doing the wrong tower. This is just what it feels like to be at PAX East. Oh, God. What? Oh, he's just right there.

Shout Pardoo. Yeah, Pardoo. They're going to call him. They're going to call him Pardoon. He's going to be like, pulls his dagger, bloody and everything. This is the wildest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe Tom Hanks is in this.

It's like so fucking weird. He's like kind of like the villain role. Dude. Wow. What the hell is a horror shot? That's it. He's just dead staring to the camera. There's no way you're going to get up there the same time as him.

He's lost. Yeah, he's going to forever. Oh, yeah, that's come in, come in. Come in. All right. Yeah, my friend's about to commit suicide. Just fine though. Yeah, come on.

Hurry up. Hurry up. Come on. Yep. Yep. All right. Well, God. All right.

Where are you guys going? I'm going to the top. My friend said he might jump off the edge to join his God in the great heavens. He's, you know, typical mazes and monster stuff. He's a D yard footsteps. Thanks for getting counted. And we're back here again. You know what's sad about this?

I've this has happened to me numerous times in life. Searching, trying to prevent your friend from finding a friend in a building. Oh, this was like when we went to the museum. Oh, the Tate Art Museum. Yeah. Tate modern. And we just like lost people were like, where'd they go? It's like same thing.

Who knows? Oh, you know what? This is actually more like West than Pax East because Pax West is the one that is stupidly in two buildings that are next to each other. Yeah. Roof closed unless you go to the emergency exit, which leads to the roof. How does that make any sense? Oh my God.

There you go. See. Well, actually, he's right. Get off the Twin Towers. You're making me feel bad. Game. Game. Game.

Oh, my God. What is? I'm working. Why can't I remember when you love yourself? Oh, yeah. It's the music. The song is back. You are friends with yourself when you play D&D.

What? Credits. Nope, there's a little more left. I'm sorry. I hope they visit him in a mental asylum at the end. You are dead on. Are you serious? Yeah.

Maybe you remember a little more than you think you do. Like buried in your subconscious. This movie actually stuck with you. I was like almost blackout drunk last time I watched. Did he jump off the Twin Towers? No. Nope. Only one.

Oh, unfortunately, not true. Yeah, none of you guys. He was one fourth. Correct. Don't worry about it, guys. Not you guys. I'm going to play Captain Phillips in a bio. Wait.

So this guy gave up his dreams of making video games because of like. Yep. His dad was right. He learned his dad was right. You learn fuck around and make bullshit like video games and Dungeons and Dragons because that's not a career. It's a fine hobby.

All right. Nothing more. Nobody has a podcast where they fucking play tabletop games and make a living with it. Nobody does that. Right, Mike? Right, Jesse? That is correct.

That doesn't exist. That is a dream that only we wish was real. Now, if that game was about vampires, then I think it might. Yeah. Is this there like summer home? They're all rich as fuck. They just they redecorated again. Welcome, dear.

Oh, no. This is a glass of wine. This is his house. This is Tom Hanks's house. That's what I'm saying. He lives in Gatsby's mansion in West Egg. Now put on your costumes. He won't recognize you without them.

Okay. The game is of the devil. I can't tell what the moral of this is because it doesn't seem like they're saying D&D is bad per se. I think it a hundred percent is. Yeah, anyway, you'll see. I think that I think that the game was an outlet for him and that's a good thing.

He was just going through some shit. Okay, but do you think he's better off now or before he had D&D? Let's see. Let's see him. I'm. See, never mind. Yeah, it's not good to be in the game. You if you get to in, you're in for life.

You can't break out. Oh, Goreville. That's Goreville, man. I'm happy here. They let me play my games. Let's do it, guys. Just for him, for Robbie. Yeah.

This is crazy. The scene is going on for so long. It could have ended. Yeah, like a good 45 seconds ago. Let's do it, guys. Let's play with him. Yeah. This this is such a weird thing.

This movie is trying to make me feel right now. Yeah, I'm the point. Yeah, the point is getting muddled with them still going through with the game. So he went like he went full apocalypse now. There's no saving him. He is Pardue. If you start, not even once, Jesse, not even once. Okay, narration.

One last time. One last time. Yeah. What does that mean? They he dies. They decided that he wasn't worth being friends with anymore and they left him in his weird world. The death of hope. And then we took Pardue out behind the shed and we shot him.

We loved Pardue. Farewell, friend. This the fact that out of all the movies you've never seen, you've seen this one. Mathis explains everything I need to know about you. What do you mean? I can't do you mean? This is I can't. It might have been.

Should I be insulted? If any good. Hardy, that guy is a legend friends in this world by Haggood Hardy. I'm in. We're going to get a third point. This was genuinely a terrible movie. Yes, of course. I was on every single level and I don't even know at this point.

I'm afraid to ask how this relates to to Luminati. I'm afraid to ask how we got here. It's because we covered the Satanic Panic and this was basically made during the crux of the Satanic Panic. There was nothing. There was nothing like Satanic about this credit. There was nothing Satanic about this. There was nothing like kind of thing that was being created during that time.

Right, Mary, but like the idea of yeah. It wasn't even like they were like it wasn't the game that made him go crazy. It's the fact he already was crazy in the game. Like it's not it's the whole movie is muddled. It's terrible. You shouldn't play the game. And if your brother is dead, terrible, go to the Twin Towers. Truly one of the simple as that.

One of the worst film so thankful is only an hour and a half. Why do you think the Twin Towers are the Emerald City in the West? Terrible, terrible, terrible. It sucks. It's not even so glad. I got to watch that with you guys. And I've seen some stinkers guys. That was thank you so much for paying for this.

That was so bad. I appreciate it. Patreon.com you like convinced people to rent this film to watch this with us. I hope to God they boot like this. I hope I hope they stole this from like internet movie dot biz or some shit. Because it's actually so bad. I hope you have it on VHS actually. This is truly one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

I've never been so upset to have wasted. I I that's an hour and a half of my life. I'm not 20 years old anymore. I only got so many hours left man. That shit sucked. D&D forever. D&D forever. Monsters and mazes will never die.

Never stop. Terrible. That was great. What are you talking about? Next time let me pick the movie. Hahaha. You're telling me there's no other St. Janic Panic movie out there.

Bullshit. Bullshit. You just want to watch this with us and you caught us into watching this terrible film. How dare you? How dare you? I love that. I hope this is one of our the most listened to. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I've got other one is eventually in the time the pipeline. Thank you guys so much for watching this. Thank you guys for sitting here with us for this whole time. I hope you did. Oh my God.

I mean, yeah, I hope you did too. Thank you guys for listening. If you get to this point, find me on Twitter and remind me about the Goreville. Yes, please. We'll be back next month with a different promise you better movie. I promise you. Fantastic film. I had a great time.

I wouldn't take it back. I had a good time. See you guys. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Goodbye. Summer is back and so are the deals at Larry H. Miller Chrysler Jeep Dodge Ram Sandy right now.

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