Christ With Coffee On Ice - living from a victim mentality

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

Hey y'all ! Welcome to another Friday with CWCOI ! In this week's episode, our host, Ally Yost talks about how sometimes we can believe the lie that we are powerless. As Christians, when we completely hand our lives over to Jesus, He is the one who is ultimately in control but that doesn't mean we are powerless in the ways we react, show up, and respond. We are called to steward our lives well as follower of Christ and so it's important for us to recognize that we do have power and authority through Christ who lives in us. "That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing?" Matthew 6:25 _____________________________________________ ☆ PRE-ORDER 'LOVE THAT LASTS' HERE: https://allyyost.com/en-usd/pages/book ☆ OUR NEW MERCH IS LIVE! SHOP AT: https://allyyost.com ☆ Find your purpose at Grand Canyon University ➤ GCU.edu ☆ If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started ➤ https://learn.nocd.com/COFFEE ☆ Download the FREE Upside app now to find out how much money you could earn. Use code 'ONICE' to get an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas ➤ https://www.upside.com ☆ MY BIBLE (code 'ALLYYOST' at checkout) ➤ https://hosannarevival.com/collections/beautiful-bibles/products/nlt-notetaking-bible-belfast-theme ☆ TUMBLER LINK ➤ https://allyyost.com/products/cwcoi-glass-tumbler-white _____________________________________________ Connect further with us ! TikTok ➤ https://www.tiktok.com/@christwithcoffeeonice  Instagram ➤ https://instagram.com/christwithcoffeeonice  _____________________________________________ Connect further with Ally ! TikTok (2M) ➤ https://www.tiktok.com/@ally_yost  Instagram ➤ https://www.instagram.com/ally_yost/  ShopMy ➤ https://shopmy.us/allyyost  Pinterest ➤ https://www.pinterest.com/ally_yost1/_created/

Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with coffee and ice. I am your host, Ali Yost. It is a joy and honor to be here with you guys today. I am wearing my performative eye patches, and I don't even care. I don't even care. They may look performative, but I needed them. And I said, listen, guys, I don't know where I'm at today.

I'm just going to be so honest. I don't know where I'm at today, but I knew that today was going to be another day where I needed to be. be laying down. We've only done this one other time. But I was like, I can't take myself serious. Like too seriously today. I fear I need to be in pajamas with very minimal effort and eye patches. Because my eyes have been a little puffy lately. So I honestly don't know if these road ones work. Can I just be so for real? But they're cute. And I, well, okay, here's the thing. I do feel like they do make my under eyes look more like plump and hydrated. But, since I'm talking about puffiness, I probably should have wore my, like, deep puff ones.

It's fine. Hey guys, how are you? How are you? Let me, like, stop talking so much about myself. How are you guys doing? I hope that everybody has been having a great few days. I want to find a comfortable position to lay where I'm not, like, propping my neck up like this the whole time. But then I'm like, is it therapy session with you guys again?

Maybe. It's harder for me to make eye contact with you. Well, okay. Yeah, I don't know, this might be hard. With the mic and then talking to you and then Mike, that might be hard. Maybe something like this. Okay, we'll figure it out. Listen, guys, hi.

Hey, I love you. I missed you a lot. My child is with me again today. This is my child right here. This is my book. Love that lasts. I don't know how long she's going to be there in the corner, but like I've already said, I'm just really proud of her and I've been working on her for two years now.

So I'm just like, she's just going to have a moment in the corner for a while because that's my baby. That's my baby. We do have our iced coffee. We have our Christ. And I'm ready for today's episode. I think. No, I am. I am.

I'm very excited for today's episode. Can we just pray? Let's pray. Lord. Help. Lord help. God, we love you. Jesus.

Thank you for another day to learn more about. you and to learn more about how you lead us and what you encourage us in every day of just believing the truths of what you say about us and about who you are and so lord i pray that for the next hour this is a time where you expose every lie that we've been believing in our hearts and then we also get to repent for that and say, God, thank you for revealing this lie in my heart and I turn from it. I will no longer give these voices any power in my mind. I will no longer allow these voices to hold any kind of dictatorship over my mind or how I see myself or how I see you. And so, Lord, I just pray right now in the name of Jesus and through your Holy Spirit that we,

have a renewal of our minds today through this message that you have for us. God, I ask that you use me as a pure, pure, pure vessel. I need you. God, we need you. And so we just ask that you have your way today. And we pray all of these things in your mighty name. Amen. Amen, guys. Guys, I want to thank you for just accepting me for who I am. accepting every version of me.

On the podcast, I feel like a lot of times I show up and I don't know. I don't think you guys always know what to expect when it comes to like the version that you're going to get. But I appreciate you for loving me regardless. That means a lot to me. I'm actually going to take a sip of this coffee though because I kind of crushed it today. Who else has their coffee on ice? Today. It's the summertime so there actually shouldn't be any excuses.

Well, I guess. Okay. No. What do you mean? Ice coffee is like made for the summertime. Y'all, I put the yummiest vanilla collagen protein powder in my milk before adding my espresso. And it's amazing. It was the best idea I've ever had. I'm always finding a way to multitask, you know? We're going to caffeinate and we're going to get our protein goals for the day. Love it. Oh, don't fall. Don't fall at the couch. Okay. Guys, I am excited for today's episode because today's episode is going to be about, well, let me give you a little backstory. So I was having this conversation. Sorry, I'm going to try my best to not look at the monitor. I'm just making sure that I still look like a normal person laying here. No. I was having a conversation with my therapist first, which then,

intrigued me and I was like, huh, Jesus, what do you think of all of this? And the concept was that I think a lot of times we can believe that we have less control than we actually do. And that could maybe sound contradicting to some of the things that we've already talked about on this podcast and some of the things that we even believe as believers, right? Is like we aren't in control of our own lives. And a lot of times life happens and regardless of whether we choose to live life alone without God or with God, things happen in this life that is out of our control. And that is very true. But the distinct difference of like what I have been realizing and learning lately of this like concept of like I have more control than I believe I do is it's less about maybe the word control and more about. And more

about the word powerless. Like I think a lot of times I believe that I am very powerless over a situation, over a thing that is happening to me, over a dynamic in relationships. But I just, I've believed this lie in my mind that I do not have power. I don't have control. And granted, we may not have control over our own lives, especially if we have, if we have handed our life over to Christ and we've said, okay, God, I trust you. In the name of Jesus, I trust you with my life. So my life is no longer mine. It's yours. Yes, we don't have control

over our lives, but we also aren't powerless in how we react, show up, and even respond. We do have responsibilities. There's stewardship. that comes with being a follower of Jesus and a stewardship of our lives. And there's an aspect of also respect for ourselves and recognizing that we do have power through Christ. And we do have authority. And I think too many times and it's easy to do, discouragement is so easy to fall into. So I'm not shaming anybody.

If anything, I'm saying, hey, y'all, I am like in that boat with you. but a lot of times I think we can fall into this victim mentality of like the devil is always after us and there's always warfare and we can never catch a break and he's always coming for your neck and for whatever reason you feel like you're living in the book of Job no matter what right 24-7 you're like now what Satan but I think that sometimes that can become a slippery slope where we really do fall into this pit of like victim mentality believing that we're powerless and living from a place of defeat versus living from a place of victory through Christ. Does that make sense?

So we do have control, but it's a specific kind of control that I would love for us to dive deeper into what that means. Because I do think there's a way to still live very surrendered to the Lord without being a victim. I want to reword that actually because a lot of of us are victims of things. We can absolutely be victims of certain events or things that have happened in our lives. But maybe there's there's a difference between being a victim and living by a victim mentality. There's a difference between being like, yeah, I've had to go through that thing. I am currently facing this thing. I was betrayed in this way. I was abandoned. I was left. I was hurt. I was burned. Whatever. Right. I am a victim of blank. But you don't live from that.

And sometimes I think we can act out of a place of victim mentality when we actually weren't ever a victim. We put ourselves there by believing the lie that you don't have power in the situation, in how you react. You don't have a voice. You don't have a say. Is any of that landing for anybody? I feel a few heads nodding. But that's just me being transparent about like some of the very very. little, because I know there will be more, but some of the little revelation that I've had about

some of the lies that I've been believing, about how much power I actually have in situations. Here's something worth, I think this is so powerful, y'all, okay? Can we all just open our ears? Jesus, I pray that we all receive this. I just thought this was so powerful. Okay, because of course I'm doing my research and I'm prepping as best I can before we record today. one just like thought-provoking thing that we could just reflect on one statement okay is let's just say okay if satan can't always choose what happens to you because he can't he's not the one that's in control right before satan moves he asked to ask permission before he can make any kind of move and the person he asks permission to is god right so satan isn't in control

of anything. And he can't always control what happens to you. But what if his next strategy is convincing you that you have no response? So if he knows, okay, I can't control everything that happens to this person. I can't control the fact that God is fighting for them. He advocates for them. He's protecting them. You know, that he has a will and a way for their life that Satan can't undo. He doesn't have the power. Satan is more powerful than us, but he's not more powerful than God, and he's not more powerful than us if we are operating through the power of God's spirit. So us on our own, Satan is definitely more powerful than us, but us with God, he's not. But if we allow him to have power over our mind enough to convince us that we have no response, we have no power, we have no

authority, he wins. So maybe he can't change the circumstances or the destiny of our lives because ultimately that's in the hands of God. But he absolutely can distract us with lies that we don't have a voice, that we don't have a response to what happens to us or in our life. Because if he can convince someone that they're powerless, they will probably stop praying. they'll probably stop trying they'll stop growing because they won't see the sense in that they won't see the sense of any of these things because they believe they have no power they have no authority they'll stop hoping not because god abandoned them obviously but because they no longer believe their response matters they don't believe that their faith matters they don't believe that their

prayers hold any power or that when they try it doesn't matter anyway right but that that's all lies of like, yeah, you don't have any power here. Nothing you do will work anyway. It's interesting because scripture actually gives people agency all the time. James says, count it all joy. And notice that he doesn't say feel joyful. Joy is presented as something we intentionally embrace in light of who God is, even in trials. Paul says, take every thought captive. We love that scripture right that implies not every thought deserves permission to stay and it's i actually might take off these performative eye patches because i've had them on for a while now oh my gosh i think that that's worth meditating on we're talking about meditation but seriously i think that that that is worth

um meditating on the fact that yeah i mean if paul is suggesting to take every thought captive and to submit it to the feet of Jesus, it means that not every single thought that crosses our mind is supposed to have power or have permission. Ephesians says, put off your old self and put on the new self. And I think that even if we were to sit on that statement for a little bit longer, I think what that's implying is obviously there is a participation in that. there's movement there's a choice put off your old self put on new self there's a participation in that there's a choice there's a i have power i have authority i'm going to put off my old self and i am going to put on my new self because i can through christ who gives us that power and authority and strength and permission i think a lot of times satan tries to convince us that we like don't

have permission when we've already been given permission through Christ. I think another real statement is like we may not have always had a choice in the chapters that have happened in our lives. Okay. We didn't have control over those things. But what is true is that through Christ we do have a choice in how our story continues. And that's not because we're strong, okay? because even here on the podcast multiple times I've admitted I'm not strong at least I am not

not strong not without Jesus I'm not strong and not because you're positive enough but because the Holy Spirit actually empowers believers to live differently and I think a way that the Holy Spirit can empower us to live differently is by realizing that we have more authority and power than we think we do and I do believe that that would be the first tactic the enemy would try to convince us of because then that would stop us from taking any action. That would stop us from moving in power. That's like his worst nightmare. This contrast is really cool too guys and this is all about oh thank you Lord. This is all about renewing our minds too because I think and it's and it's all about like learning how to catch these things as they cross our minds. I think a lot of times at least for me

these things will cross my mind and it feels so casual because I've probably been putting up with these voices for a majority of my life. And now I'm just learning to, I mean, we were talking all about in our last episode about how our minds create pathways to familiar things. And I think one of the pathways my brain has made is just like some of these little comments and things that go through my mind. And so when they come by, it just feels like I don't even see them. I don't even hear them really. Or at least I don't notice them as like, oh, that wasn't the voice of God. That isn't healthy. that's not a way to talk to yourself, Ali, or that's not, that's kind of giving victim. You know, you're not actually, that's not the truth about who you are.

And so I think a lot of this is about also learning how to like catch those things and be like, that's been normal in my mind for a long time, but I'm actually so recognizing as not, it's not normal. So catching it and correcting it, I think is a lot of this too. And just like continuing to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal those things, highlight them and renew and like turn them on their heads with truth and so one contrast just as an example is um like if i believe life just happens to me like that's the statement i'm believing then i'll constantly ask myself questions like well why me why now i'm stuck i'll always be

this way it's never going to change right it's like i'm stuck it is what it is but But if I start to believe that God has equipped me, right? He's taught me. He's shown me. He's trained me in a way. He's given me the wisdom. Okay? In our Bibles, like he's given us the Word of God.

He's given us the very things that have and are continuing to equip us. The questions change. So then our questions in our mind actually change from like, what now, why me? I'm stuck. You know, it'll always be like this to what would faithfulness? look like here? What is God teaching me? How can I honor him today? What step is in front of me? So obviously the circumstances might be identical in both of those scenarios, but the posture is completely different. And I think that there's nothing actually productive, which again makes sense of the

enemy. I mean, he's going to want to waste our time, kill, steal, destroy our time. Okay? Where we're running in circles chasing our tail we'll never be able to catch it it doesn't make sense it's a waste of time to look at the situations of our life and say yeah life just happens to me and this sucks why me why me why why would you allow this i'll always be here i'm never going to get out of this i'm stuck right what productivity is in that you know if that's something you actually genuinely live your day to day life i'm not saying that we can't have moments where we go, God, why? You know, he's not afraid of that. He's probably not going to answer that question with what you want to know, but he'll answer it with comfort and love and reassurance that he's with you, but he's not going to give you the answer probably. Because usually

it's because he's got something in it for us. But there's nothing actually productive in living in that all the time. If that's like literally the way that you just like live your life, there's nothing productive in that. But what could be really productive is maybe going, okay, God, I don't understand why me, why this is happening. I'm not going to believe it's always going to be this way because I believe that you are faithful and that you love me and you're in this with me. And so I'm going to ask the question that my flesh doesn't want to ask right now. But I know that this is me creating those new pathways in my brain, right? What do you want to teach me in this?

sometimes can I be honest you guys I do not want to ask God that question I just want to complain sometimes I do want to be the victim it's comfy it's comfy to be the victim it's comfy to live in a victim mentality I should say

and just be like I'm so powerless in it this is just happening to me and I'm not doing this to invalidate anybody or myself okay life is hard life can be hard and there are things that happen to us that are genuinely that will genuinely flip your entire world upside down there is space for compassion for that so i'm not invalidating it i hope that you guys can hear like the place of where i'm coming from and where i'm speaking

from because it is experience or sometimes i do just want to stay in a victim mentality because it's comfortable. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to lift any heavy weights of a sentence like, God, what do you want me to learn from this? Because that means work. That means reflection. That means I'll be sobered to what's happening versus just continuing to kind of be swept away in my emotions and feeling like boohoo, what was me. It's just easier. It's easier than saying, okay, God, what would faithfulness look like for you here? Like, how could I act faithfully in this? What do you want to teach me?

How can I honor you today? Like, those are heavier weights to lift up than just saying, I'm on the floor and I can't get up and there's nothing that can't. I'm stuck here. I'm tired. I don't have power. I can't sit up. And I think that the truth is is maybe, yeah, I think we just, we do accidentally,

a lot of times live life like it's just. happening to us, you know, like maybe we do pray and then we wait and then we hope that God just changes everything and changes the circumstances and relieves us from, you know, the uncomfortable parts. Meanwhile, the truth is, is like there are conversations that maybe we're avoiding boundaries we're refusing to set. Healing, we are resisting. Habits we're choosing every day. So a lot of times I think we can kind of blanket that or just like label it or or brush it under the rug of well I'm just waiting on God. But what if God has already given you a choice? And I think that that could directly play into like maybe there's a hard decision that you have to make in your life.

And you've prayed a lot about it and you've waited and you've hoped that. You've hoped that God would come in and change things and you still feel like nothing has changed. And so because of that, you feel stuck where you're like, okay, why isn't anything changing God? Like I, I have prayed. I've waited for you and I've waited for you to change something and it's not changing. And so because of that, you are, you do feel stuck. You do feel powerless. You feel like you don't have any control over what's happening, but maybe you do. Maybe God has actually already given you a choice. He's already given you the authority to make a decision.

But maybe you've been kind of sweeping it under a rug of like, I'm just waiting on God. Have you considered the thought that maybe there are just conversations you're avoiding because they're uncomfortable and they suck and they're going to be confrontational? Or maybe there are boundaries that you're refusing to set and your hope. that Jesus just like convicts their heart or Jesus just like has his way with that and and then he's the one that sets the boundary. You're like you're just relying on the spirit of God to do that. But the thing is is that maybe it's the spirit of God working through you. But like you're the one having to set that boundary. But you don't want to because it's uncomfortable

and it sucks and it's awkward. But maybe there is a boundary that you're refusing to set. Because you're like, God, you got it. There's a little bit of passivity in your faith where you're like, God's in control, but I don't have to do that because Jesus is just going to come through for me, right? And he's like, heck yeah, I'm ready to come through for you, but I'm ready to come through for you through you. This is a partnership, honey. This is a relationship where we both got to team up together, you know? And sometimes it's harder for us to slow down and just be like, okay, God, what do you want me to do in this? Aside from just pray and have faith in you and be like, all right, God, have your way.

I need you. That's great. That's a great, great step. If you have gone to the feet of Jesus and prayed desperately for him to move, great, great step. Nothing wrong with that. And sometimes it's true and it is biblical where God tells us to be still and trust that he is the Lord and he will move. For sure. We don't always have to do something. But sometimes God has invited us to kind of collaborate with him, right? And act out in faith and do things that are uncomfortable and hard and scary, like having conversations that we might have been avoiding. Boundaries that we don't really want to set with people. Or maybe there's healing that we actually are really resisting because it's uncomfortable

and it's confronting. Maybe there are still habits that we are choosing every day. Right? So there can be a part of our hearts sometimes where we think that surrender means that we are basically passive. And obviously we know that that's not true because it says, in scripture too that faith without works is dead and so we can have faith but if we're not putting our faith to action if we're not also asking god the hard questions of like all right lord

and what would you like for me to do in this do you want me to just be still do you want me to have those hard conversations is there anything i need to be stepping up to the plate to do with you because I just don't think that it's healthy for us to always lean on the statement of like, well, if God wants it to happen, it'll happen. That just feels really passive. And that feels like a band-aid. And it feels avoidant. If I'm being honest, like, if we're ever believing the statement of like, ah, well, what's meant to be will be. There's truth in that.

I'm not saying that's an untrue statement, actually. What's meant to be will be. And if God wants it to happen, it will happen. Oh, trust me. God will have his way. There's no lie in that. But I think sometimes we might be a little guilty of hiding behind that statement

because we don't want to do anything. We don't want to put our faith to works. At least not complete works. Like we'll put it to works enough to pray and be like, God, please just fix this. Okay, I love you by. But not the works where like we have to do the uncomfortable hard things. You know, the things that maybe are even confronting parts inside of us.

things that we could be avoiding. But yeah, I mean, the truth is, is scripture actually constantly calls us to act and not just like lay in the hammock of, well, if God wants it to happen, it'll happen. Some examples of what scripture says and tells us in how to act and put our faith to works is, well, one, the most honest is put to death the flesh. That's about as straightforward as it gets. To take every thought captive. Right?

Go and make disciples. Forgive. Confess. Repent. Seek. Knock. Ask. Almost every page of scripture invites human response.

So yes, the truth is, is God is sovereign. But humans are still responsible. We are still responsible for the ways that we react and how we have. how we steward our responsibilities in life and our relationship with God and how to show up the best that we can. And I think one thing worth recognizing too is when we read all the stories in the Bible about especially the parts where God performs like insane miracles. Okay. One example, if we're looking at the Old Testament, is when God parted the sea. But God didn't just part the sea. He uses Moses. So, and then another one is,

The story of David, you know, when David defeated Goliath. God promised victory, but David was the one that picked up the stone to take out the giant, to take out Goliath and to free Israel. And even with Moses, it was like Moses still had to pick up the staff and then the sea was parted. But the truth is, is like, yeah, God performs miracles, for sure, every day. But people are usually asked to participate and invited. And it's not that God can't perform miracles without us. He absolutely can't because again, he's sovereign.

He's the boss. He can do whatever he wants. But it is interesting that a lot of times he actually prefers to do it with us. And I think that that just shows how loving and sweet his heart is, where he just wants to spend time with us. He wants to do things with us. He wants us to experience his sovereignty and his goodness and just what it means to work in partnership with him and to depend on him and to step out in faith and do scary things. things and believe that we do have power through him though where we might be shaken in our boots but at least we're doing it with jesus and we're not alone in it there's another story from the bible in the new

testament with jesus where um it was the man with the withered hand and jesus says stretch out your hand and then the miracle happens as he obeys it's because the man then starts to stretch out his hand his hand that was like shrivel i think it was for the entirety of his life it was like that and it wasn't until he stretches out his hand that then the miracle could happen. And so there's, yeah, there's a lot of really amazing examples in the Bible, which is exactly how God still works in our lives today. And the pattern is simply that God provides the power and people are the ones that just offer the obedience or the yes, right? Just the simple yes, okay, God. And then from there, it's God just providing the power. This is a fun convicting sentence. Are you guys ready

this one. Okay. So a lot of times we surrender things God told us to steward. So maybe sometimes we get a little mixed up in our minds where we surrender the thing and we throw it back to the feet of Jesus, which surrender is good. But we might surrender things entirely where we go, okay, that's at your feet now, Jesus. And he's like, wait a minute. No, I told you, but this is something I would like, I want you to steward this well with me. Right? We're in this together. but there's no accountability in that. So some examples are like instead of setting boundaries, okay, we've talked about that as an example,

let's say there are some clear boundaries that you are supposed to be setting in your life about something. But instead of setting those boundaries and voicing it and doing the scary thing, you say, I'll just pray about it. I'll just surrender it to the Lord. He's got it. Or like maybe instead of apologizing

you say, I'm waiting for God. I'm just waiting for maybe the other person to initiate or, I'm just going to, I'm waiting for the timing. I'm just waiting for God to do something. Maybe you're just supposed to apologize. Maybe you're supposed to do the hard thing and bring up the situation first. And maybe, you know, you feel very rightful and you feel deeply that you deserve an apology first. And that might be the case.

Maybe you do. but also maybe God is inviting you to swallow your pride a little bit and say okay um I'll I'll be the one to bring this up and I'll be the one to apologize first this statement alone can be tied to just our journey with Jesus entirely but like maybe um instead of opening our Bible we just go I just don't feel close to him right now I'm not going to read my Bible I don't know I just don't feel I don't feel him I haven't been feeling him for a few days. I'll just wait until I feel differently. And I think a lot of times we refuse to see that God actually probably gave us our next step.

We're just being really passive and avoiding the responsibility and stewardship. Okay. And I think that this is worth talking about too is like the distinct difference between control and stewardship. The word stewardship is really, it's a buzzword in Christian lingo and in the church. But it's real and it is biblical stewardship and stewarding the responsibilities of our lives well. And in a way that's biblically sound and to the best of our abilities of how Jesus would do things. But I think that the truth is, is like control says, I need to guarantee the outcome. I need to make sure that this is exactly how things go.

That's control. It's usually focused on like how the outcome has to happen or what things are supposed to look like. But stewardship says, I'll faithfully do what God asked and trust him with the results. So I think that the biggest difference between both of those is surrendering the results, but still owning what. whatever responsibility you have in that. And owning the actions that are necessary for you to take, but being like, okay, but the outcome is God's, not mine. And so I think that's the biggest difference between these two things is that it's not,

it's not controlling for you to, you know, ask God, okay, how can I be faithful in this? How would you like for me to act and do? If anything at all, maybe you don't want me to do anything. but if there is, how can I do that? There's nothing controlling about that. The only thing that makes it controlling is when you've decided in your mind how it has to go. And this is just a little side note. I just think that in a space where we confuse stewardship and obedience with control,

I think that environment is like the perfect breeding ground for anxiety. Because anxiety often grows when we confuse stewardship with control. I can't imagine having a whole lot of peace in a mindset like that, you know, where you're believing that the outcome of how the situation is on your shoulders and it has to go a certain way. And it's an anxious space to be in. And so I think that's also how you know you've confused obedience and stewarding things well with control. I think that's how you know you've confused the two is if you're feeling angsy and you're anxious

and you're especially anxious with like how is this going to turn out how is this going to work am i doing enough is this going to give the results that i that i'm hoping and praying for like that's when it's like oop control has snuck into the room um and so i think anxiety is is good in a circumstance like that because it's the alarm bells or at least the indicator of like oh am i controlling something or am i believing that i have control over the results here can i read a little something to you guys I just really like this. It's kind of poetic. The direction of our lives is often formed by thousands of ordinary choices. Who we spend time with, what we watch, whether we forgive, whether we decide to gossip about that one person,

whether we decide to tell the truth when somebody asks us, hey, this or that. Whether we stay, whether we leave, whether we wake up and spend time with Jesus, none of those determine God's love of course none of those things determine whether God is sovereign over a situation or not but they absolutely shape our lives and I don't want people to run with that and think again that we you know hold the destiny of our lives in just our hands and our hands alone because there's no freedom in that

that's how the world operates but I do think that there is a level of responsibility and awareness and it's biblical like even galatians says we reap what we sow and that's not god condemning us of course because he's not out here to condemn us but that is stewardship that is god saying hey and and you are responsible for your yeses and your nose the things that we choose every day right this is like we this is in our free will and so it's when we take our free will and And we partner with the will of God, where in these everyday ordinary choices, ultimately, it does shape our lives. We do have power and control.

There is power in the words that we speak. There's power in our actions. There's power in our thoughts, you know? And it really, it really matters what fuels those things. and it really matters what we allow to have power, and it really matters what we give attention to. And I think that the truth is, if we're just going to be really vulnerable today, I think that the reason why we do that, like where we sometimes surrender things that God has been like, no, no, no, I told you to steward that.

Like, there's an invitation for you to actually act on that, you know? I think the reason that we do that sometimes where we surrender things and it's kind of passive and we're like, oh, no, God's got it. Like, if it's meant to be, it'll be. Is because responsibility is scary. Right? Like, I think asking God the questions of like, what do you want me to do is immediately acknowledging you have responsibility in the situation. And you're acknowledging that there is a role that is expected of you in this scenario.

or situation or relationship or, you know, phase of your life. There's a decision you have to make. I think that the truth here is that sometimes saying, I'm just waiting on God is actually safer than admitting I'm afraid. Because maybe you're afraid to say no. Maybe you're afraid to have that conversation. You're afraid to obey because you don't know where that's going to lead you, right? If you say yes and you obey to what you believe God is telling you to do, it could lead to more pain or it could lead to more uncertainty.

And that scares you because you need to know what's going on and you need to know what's happening. Control. Ding, ding, ding. But sometimes obedience scares you because you're like, I don't know what's next though. But isn't that like the best place to be in? Ideally, actually. because then that puts you in a place where you actually have to lean on God for everything because you don't have a single clue.

You're in the dark. And the only thing you know is that you're holding his hand. But everything else is a mystery to you. And so you could be afraid to obey because you know that's going to lead you into a dark room where you have no idea what's going on. You could be afraid to fail. Right? but the possibilities and the list to that is endless.

But the truth is that passive faith can sometimes become a hiding place for fear. And that's not real surrender. And of course, there's always a flip side to the coin to all of this. There's always an extreme in the other direction, which we've made this very clear on the podcast about, you know, manifestation. And, you know, we're not talking about speaking your future into existence. We're not talking about becoming your own God. Okay, that's not what we're here for. We're talking about partnering with God,

owning the things that we know God is encouraging us to own. There's responsibilities that we have. There's obstacles that we do have to face overcome with him, though. It's all in partnership with God and how he determines the outcome. But it's our yeses that lead to his. his outcome. So we determine whether we'll be faithful. We obviously don't determine the outcome. And I think that that's the healthy balance here. I also really love this idea. I think this would give us all the biggest sigh of relief if we've been carrying any of these things or believing any of these

things when it's clearly not true. I want to read you a receipt from the Bible right now. This is in my favorite book ever, the book that saved my life, Matthew. The book of Matthew, this is chapter 6, verse 25. A lot of us has probably already heard this, but it's the best reminder ever, okay? This is straight from God's mouth. He says this to you and all of us. That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life. Whether you have enough food and drink or enough clothes to wear, isn't life more than food and your body more than clothing look at the birds they don't plant or harvest or store food in barns for your heavenly father feeds them and aren't you far more valuable to him than they are can all your worries add a single moment to your life and why worry about your clothing look at the lilies of the field and how they grow they don't work or make their clothes yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are and if God cares so wonderfully for the wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow he will certainly care for

you why do you have so little faith so don't worry about these things saying what will we eat what will we drink what will we wear these things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers but your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the kingdom of God above all else and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. I personally think what God is saying over and over in that scripture is don't worry about the results.

don't worry about what's going to happen. Worry about today. Worry about now. What is there to be done in this moment? And I think that is genuinely the moments where we say, okay, God, what does it look like to be faithful right now? Is that to take a beat and maybe go get some ice cream with you and stop pacing in circles in my kitchen about this?

That could absolutely be. an act of faithfulness. It doesn't always have to look like fasting for eight days straight and praying on your face. Yes. Yes, it can look like that, but it doesn't always have to look like that.

That's all I'm saying. Please weep on your face and fast and seek the Lord. I'm not saying don't, but I'm saying faithfulness doesn't always have to be the extreme. It can. Desperate times come for desperate measures. And sometimes God does ask us to do extreme things like that where it's like we got to fight. But also sometimes faithfulness really is just saying, hey, you want to just like, you've been really white knuckling this for a while.

You want to go for a walk, honey? Let's just, should we go get some ice cream? You want to go get a coffee with me? Let's just sit. Let's get some fresh air. You know, we've been kind of obsessing over all the scenarios of what's going to happen. How are you going to get your food? How are you going to get clothes on your back?

Like those examples in scripture, but it's like, maybe we just take a beat. why don't we just hang out? Let's worry about what's happening right now. Let's worry about today, not the results of what's going to happen. And maybe in this scenario too, it could also be, let's just say maybe you don't want control, but maybe you actually just want certainty, right? You want to know, well, am I going to be okay? God, like are you going to provide? Am I going to have clothes on my back? maybe it's not about control maybe you just want certainty maybe we try to control because we're desperate to feel safe and when we can't control life we often swing to the opposite extremes and become either passive or again like we've already said but self-sufficient and that verse in

matthew 634 was a part of jesus's iconic historic never been done before and will never be done again that was from his sermon on the Mount and that was where Jesus was teaching about anxiety trust and the father's care one of my favorite parts in what we just read is that Jesus doesn't say that tomorrow won't have trouble he actually acknowledges that it will his point in all of that is that God gives us grace for today's burdens not tomorrow's imaginary ones and another word that stood out for me was the word therefore where verse 34 begins with therefore therefore do not worry about tomorrow Jesus is saying because your father knows what you need and because your first priority is to seek him you don't have to carry tomorrow today so let's just

act in faithfulness with what we can acknowledging that we do have a responsibility we have a role in how we can be faithful and trust and believe in our situations or circumstances today. There's nothing we can do about tomorrow. There's even nothing we can do about maybe even what happened yesterday. And so today's grace is for today's obedience. And tomorrow's grace will meet you when tomorrow becomes today. I also think that it's worth touching on for a second because I was kind of bashing myself a little bit about how sometimes it is just easier maybe for us to live from a victim mentality, which then kind of bleeds into

like this passive faith where we're like, yep, things just happen to me and, you know, if it's meant to be, it'll be. And if God wants to change the circumstances, then he'll change it. And I think again, like, I do really want to approach this part of the conversation with so much compassion because I do think that it is easy to swing too far in either direction here, like where one extreme says, just get over it, which is like the most invalidating. I know there have been times where I have felt that or been told that by either people or voices in my head. And it's so invalidating to like the experience of what we're actually feeling and going through.

And so I don't want my tone or my message to be that at all. but then sometimes I think that the other side of that says what happened to you is who you are now you know and so then I think that's where we do live from a place of like the things that happen to us in our life I really think we have a choice of believing okay this has happened to me but I'm not going to live from it like that's not where things are going to flow from in my life that's not where my identity is going to flow from that's not where my decision making is going to flow from. I think the other extreme is just claiming too much identity in those things, right?

So again, like that statement of what happened to you is who you are now. And I think neither of those statements is the heart of the gospel. And the gospel really does say something much more hopeful. I think what the gospel says is that what happened to you actually matters deeply. And I think that that's what makes things like therapy so beautiful and amazing and awesome, especially when you do it with the Holy Spirit because it is acknowledging like, hey, what happened to you or what's happening to you right now matters. And it matters to Jesus.

And he has compassion and his heart breaks for you, you know, over the pain that you've endured or whatever those things look like. But it does not get the final word over who you become. and there may be scars you know and the thing is is we can't erase parts of our lives and i don't think god wants us to pretend that things haven't happened to us i don't think he wants us to pretend that you know certain things just didn't happen and we just move on and we go yeah okay well yeah that happened i think he wants us to fully acknowledge like yeah that happened to me but because that's where he received so much glory and that's where redemption can come into the story.

And I think that's where his power and your power, like the power of choosing, yeah, no, I'm not the things that have happened to me. Like glory to God and praise Jesus for what he did though, because yes, this happened to me, but I think defining the difference of being victimized and a victim identity would be being victimized is something that happened to you. It's as simple as that, I believe. It's just I can't, this is the, this is the thing that happened to you. But a victim identity or living and operating out of a place of victim mentality is when

what happened to you becomes the primary lens through which you see yourself, other people, and God. So again, it actually just becomes the very thing that everything in you flows from. And that is never a good place for us to be. I think the only place that God wants us to flow from is identity that we've received through him and the truth of his word and the truth of the gospel, which is that he redeems, heals, and restores. And that we are not the things that have happened to us. Things have happened to us, but we are not the things that happened to us. And so one, I think, is very clearly just being identified as an event.

Yep, this happened to me. And it sucked. And sometimes it still hurts. And I can't undo it. I can't erase it. It is what it is. It's happened. It's in stone.

It's in the story of my life. But it's an event. The other one becomes an identity, though. And I think that's the major distinction here between being victimized, being a victim. It's true. We can all be a victim. victim to something, but then victim mentality, victim identity, like living from being a victim. An example that we could use right now, maybe a lot of us relate to this, but think about someone,

and it could have been you, or we just think theoretically, okay, but think of somebody who was rejected growing up. That rejection was real and it hurt and it shaped them, but God doesn't deny any of that. He doesn't pretend that it didn't happen. He doesn't say, oh, no, it's okay. It's all in your imagine. It wasn't that bad. But years later, if every friendship becomes they're probably going to leave me. Every disagreement becomes they must hate me. Every correction becomes I'm unwanted. Well, now the past isn't just informing the present. It's controlling it. I'm so guilty. Like, that's such an easy thing to do, right? And I think this actually ties beautifully into what we talked about all of last week where it's like in a lot of ways we do that because we're

our mind and our bodies want to uh protect and survive and so when we we feel similar things or we see similar things that are happening it's like those are just the pathways of which our mind then tries to protect and say oh it's happening again and i think this is like one of the sneakiest but like the enemy's favorite thing to do i think the truth is is the enemy would love for the answer of our identity to become things like I'm the abandoned one. You know, I grew up and I was rejected all the time and that's just like it is what it is. I'm the abused one. Or I'm the anxious person.

I'm the forgotten child. I'm the one that's always left behind. I'm the last choice. I'm the friend that eventually gets boring. I'm the one that's always left. Nobody ever stays. Notice those aren't just experiences anymore. Do you notice that in those statements it's not just like,

Yeah, I've been left. I've been abandoned and I felt hurt from that. No, it's I am blank. Those statements are actually very identity focused. So they're not just experiences anymore. They're identities. And there's nothing the enemy would love more than to sabotage, taint, and steal what is ours in our identity, which is through the freedom that we receive through the gospel. And it is that we actually are chosen.

we are unconditionally loved we are worth dying for actually because that's exactly what jesus did for you that you are worth leaving the 99 for the one you have been restored chosen picked loved before you ever knew what love was you were loved before the earth was formed those are the truths about who you are that's your identity is that you are loved you can love because he first loved you because what the New Testament says when we are constantly rooting our identity through Christ is I am a child of God. I am a new creation. I'm forgiven. Right. I am redeemed. I'm chosen. I'm loved unconditionally. And again, we don't, we're not erasing your story. We're not erasing the things that have happened to you. But we're, I think that those truths of, of really rooting our identity in Christ is

reframing it though it's not taking identity in the things that have happened to us and we've read the story of joseph here on the on the podcast before i think we did it a couple months ago but like if we were to look at any stories in the bible joseph is a great example i think if we were to give permission to anybody maybe even job low key he could have been a victim too he could well he was a victim to a lot of things but he could have lived from a victim mentality you know um but But I think Joseph, if we were to give anyone permission, like, I think he had the right to live from a place of victim identity. I mean, think about it.

He was betrayed by his brothers. They literally betrayed him, sold him off to slavery, lied to their own father, saying that he was dead. He was sold into slavery by his own brothers. In slavery, he was falsely accused of, I think, oh, it was the wife, like, said that he had, like, had sex. with her or abuse or like tried to pressure her whatever but the truth was is that she wanted to hook up with him but he didn't want to yeah guys if you didn't know there's a lot of drama in the bible but anyway so then he gets falsely accused of that sent to jail then he gets forgotten in prison and so okay his whole story is like literally just bad card dealt after bad card after bad card okay so homeboy had every right

I think. We're talking about victim mentality. At that point, I would have been like, yeah, dude, what the heck? God, where even are you? Do you? I've been faithful to you. I've been a servant of yours. I love you.

I've sacrificed my life for you. Why are you letting all of this happen? I've been falsely accused. I was forgotten in prison. My family turned their back on me. If Joseph had introduced himself by his wounds, no one would have questioned it. because the things that happened to him were very legitimate. But instead, years later, what did Joseph do?

He says, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good. This is all, by the way, if you want to refer to the story of Joseph, it's a really great story. It's in Genesis 50-20 where that part is stated. But the whole story of Joseph is in Genesis. And I think it's worth recognizing what he doesn't say in this. what Joseph doesn't say though is what happened wasn't evil he's not again like sweeping this under a rug of like no it would no it it wasn't that bad what happened to me you know it wasn't that traumatic it's fine like but i had god it's like yeah he had god at the end of all of it but he wasn't he wasn't invalidating the experience of what happened to him

Like his brothers, selling him off to slavery, which was fueled from jealousy, they were envious of him. And jealousy and envy is a fruit of evil. If we're ever jealous and envious, we got to pray that God rips that out of our hearts because it is rotten. That is rotten fruit. So there were things that happened to him that were fueled by evil. Yes, they were evil. They were painful. They sucked.

They weren't rightful. they weren't deserving. Like he wasn't deserving of the things that happened to him. And so it's not that he's invalidating it. He's not saying it wasn't evil. He calls it evil, actually. He said, you meant evil against me. But God meant it for good.

He just refuses to let evil become the defining truth of his life. It's not the identity that he's living in. And it's not the very thing. defining truth in his life. And we see that later on even in the story of Jesus. Our Savior. Okay. Our perfect, perfect lamb. We love him. But Jesus did the same thing. When he resurrects, he still has scars. So when Jesus, I love him. I'm going to watch the Passion of the Christ again. Sorry, I need to watch that. I love him. But when he comes back to the disciples and they realize that he's come back to life just as he promised he would he's like it's so

funny because jesus is like what are you even surprised by i literally told you guys you're here and he's like yeah i guys i love you i told you this i told you this i was going to come back but it's so funny that he comes back and he actually does his scars remain and i think that that's important to recognize there might be some symbolism in that too where it's like we're not ignoring the fact that like Jesus went through what he went through. And I think that the scars are important, you know, acknowledging the evil and the things that have happened in our lives. I think it's important to be like, yeah, this happened. Because I think that those scars, especially if we look at what Jesus was able to do and overcome and defeat, it's exactly that.

They no longer represent defeat by evil, but it's like, look what we've overcome. through the power of God. They testify to redemption. That's the truth. And so it's not about denying the things that have happened to us. But it's about acknowledging them and allowing a testimony through God and his redemption. It's to testify to the power of the redemption of God. And I think healing doesn't always mean the evidence disappears, right?

we all know that sometimes it means the evidence tells a different story the story isn't i am what what's happened to me it's look what's happened to me and look what god is done from it and look what i was able to overcome through constantly giving god my yes and and asking him okay lord how can i be faithful to you with what i have today with what what i have to face today like it's it's also such a testimony to your faithfulness to the Lord and his faithfulness to you. It's a testimony of your stewardship with him. The fruit of your life. Girlfriend, the fruit of your life.

We might be beating a dead horse here, but I think another thing, like if you really want to identify whether you are living from a victim identity, I'm guilty of this guys. Okay? Like I said, we're all in the same boat, okay? But I think a victim identity does often sound like, if you want examples. Maybe you're not sure. But they can often sound like I can't because blank. I'll always blank.

This is just who I am. People always, my life will never. Those statements feel pretty final, right? And I think the truth is, is that's exactly where the enemy wants you to be. He wants you to believe that that is final. That's it. There is no hope, there's no redemption, there's no way out, you're stuck forever, your life will never. But the gospel always, always introduces hope.

The gospel is our hope. Are you kidding me? Now, it's not easy hope, but it's hope that says, because of Christ, my past explains me. My past explains parts of me for sure. But it doesn't imprison me. it's not the thing that I live from and through. I live from and through Christ and Christ crucified. So one question I would love to ask you guys, and this is how we're just going to kind of conclude this episode,

a little reflecting moment. So you can either write this down in your notes app, write this down physically if you've been taking notes. But I do think this is worth writing down and just, what's the word? Meditating on. Yeah, let's meditate on this. I'll do it with you.

but I think a question that we could all ask ourselves if any of this episode you know if in any way you've related to this episode is when God looks at you does he primarily see what happened to you or who he created and redeemed you to be and I think we all know the answer I'm not sure it's going to take much meditating on but I think what would be really fun to do is to even take that step further with the Holy Spirit and be like, okay, so what are those aspects? What are those things? What are those qualities of who he created and redeemed you to be? I think that'd be really fun for you to just ask God those questions and say, yeah, God, who do you say I am? Who have you created me to be and redeemed me to be? How do you see me now? Because the truth is, is obviously, he sees sons and daughters, he sees people worth dying for. He sees people he is making new. He is renewing us every day. And so my biggest prayer at the end of all of this is that we live more from a place of not just laying down and believing that things have happened to us or are happening

to us. Life just happens to us. And that there is no control. There's no control that we have over how we react. There's no control that we no longer believe that we don't have a voice. It's not worth setting boundaries. It's not worth stepping out in faith. It's not worth. obeying. It's not worth having the uncomfortable conversations. It's not worth simply asking God. Like, if you haven't asked God in a long time, a Lord, what would be faithful for me to do right now in this? Like, I pray we do more of that. I want to do more of that. I want to slow down enough to say, you know what? I've been obsessing over what's happening right now in my life. I've been obsessing over circumstances. I've been obsessing over, you know, the things that are happening to me. And I haven't

even given it thought to just sit with you God and say, what do you want me to do right now with this? And it's not that God isn't about listening to us as we process. You know, I think God is a great listener. And I think he loves to hear our inner thoughts and processing. And I do that with him all the time where I'm like, God, this is how I'm feeling and this is what's happening. And I don't understand this. And I just feel this way. And I am da-da-da-da-da. He loves that. he's a dad what do you mean he's going to sit there and he's going to listen but i also think it's important for us to slow down and say okay god but even with all of that even with my big emotions and my feelings and my fears of what's going to happen or maybe my fears of uh maybe what you are calling me to do

what is a way for me to be faithful in this what are ways that i do have power in this though what are ways that i do have control in this does that make sense I hope that this podcast made sense. I feel like this was another episode where we kind of bounced around a little bit, but hopefully we kind of wove it and it made some kind of blanket or at least a napkin. I don't know. For whatever reason, like crocheting like came to my brain. Okay, whatever.

I love you guys. I love you. Thanks for laying with me. Thanks for hanging out with me. Thanks for being here, guys. I'm really proud of you. I'm really proud of you guys. genuinely so proud of you i mean jesus is more proud of you for sure but i'm really proud of you

well i don't know just for like everything that i don't know why i like imagine some of you guys going for what no i'm just proud of you what do you mean for showing up and wanting jesus and being hungry for him and just wanting to better yourselves in christ like just freaking proud of you that's it just proud of you for showing up again and again and again even when it's hard and for facing the things that are hard because Jesus does not promise us in easy life but thank God we have him you know all right you guys I'll see you later I love you have a beautiful rest of your few days I've lost track of what day it is I'll get better at it again no I haven't watch this today is well because you guys know I film I film into the future I think today's

the 14th I think today is Friday All right. Happy Friday. Guys, have a beautiful weekend. I'll see you next time. But before we go, though, wait, hold on. You were about to click off. Wait a second. Before you go, we have to do something cool today.

Show somebody how cool Jesus is. Okay? Promise me that. We're going to walk more like Jesus. We're going to talk more like Jesus. We're going to be more like Jesus today. We're going to be even more of a reflection of Christ today than we were yesterday. Thank you.

Lord for the opportunity to reflect more of you every day. Okay. That's it. Now I'm done. I love you guys. I'll see you in a few days. Bye.