Christ With Coffee On Ice - the need to be understood

Episode Date: October 7, 2026

Hey y'all ! Welcome to another Wednesday with CWCOI ! In this week's episode, our host, Ally Yost talks about the idol of being understood. If there's anyone who understands what it means to be misunderstood and to be perceived in a way that isnt true, it's Jesus Himself. God is the only one who will ever truly and fully understood us and that should give us comfort and hope today. "When Jesus heard this, he said, "Healthy people don't need a doctor—sick people do." Matthew 9:12 _____________________________________________ ☆ PRE-ORDER 'LOVE THAT LASTS' HERE: https://allyyost.com/en-usd/pages/book ☆ OUR NEW MERCH IS LIVE! SHOP AT: https://allyyost.com ☆ Timeline is offering a 15-day trial of the Mitopure Resurfacing Exfoliator for just $22 at ➤ TIMELINE.COM/COFFEEONICE ☆ MY BIBLE (code 'ALLYYOST' at checkout) ➤ https://hosannarevival.com/collections/beautiful-bibles/products/nlt-notetaking-bible-belfast-theme ☆ TUMBLER LINK ➤ https://allyyost.com/products/cwcoi-glass-tumbler-white _____________________________________________ Connect further with us ! TikTok ➤ https://www.tiktok.com/@christwithcoffeeonice  Instagram ➤ https://instagram.com/christwithcoffeeonice  _____________________________________________ Connect further with Ally ! TikTok (2M) ➤ https://www.tiktok.com/@ally_yost  Instagram ➤ https://www.instagram.com/ally_yost/  ShopMy ➤ https://shopmy.us/allyyost  Pinterest ➤ https://www.pinterest.com/ally_yost1/_created/

Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with coffee and ice. I am your host, Ellie Oast. It is a joy and honor to be here with you guys today. Happy day, everybody. Is it Wednesday? Yes, it is Wednesday. Guys, we're back, okay?

Not only are we back on another Wednesday, but we are back with our pumpkin spice coffees. Oh my. gosh, it's officially that time of the year. I made mine very light today. Like, she is very blonde. We've got Jesus on the back. These are our glass tumblers, by the way. They are available if you would like to match with me. I have the white. We have the white font. And then we also have it in black. I have both because I couldn't decide. And naturally, I think I'm just supposed to have everything, you know? But yeah, I put my pumpkin spice creamer in here and I'm freaking

out. Okay. Can I also share something with you guys? Depending on where you are in the world slash also country, there is a grocery store called sprouts. We've got those out here in Southern California. I don't know how far spread they are, but they have these yogurt covered pretzels, but they are pumpkin spice. Oh my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. They have changed my life. they have single-handedly, aside from Jesus Christ, the Trinity, Holy Spirit, and Father have changed my life.

Oh my gosh! They're so good, I have to actually limit myself, though, to only having, like, three or four a day because I will eat all of them. And that's just too much sugar for one day. Don't do all that, Allie. The ingredients aren't too bad, but, like, you know, they're sugary. It's like a sweet treat.

It's a sweet treat. With a little bit of salty, because it's obviously a pretzel, but they are so insanely good. Okay, so sprint and run to your nearest sprouts. This is not sponsored. I just love them. And get the pumpkin-spiced yogurt-covered pretzels.

And it's the sprouts brand. So they're amazing. I had a few of those this morning with my breakfast. I literally, I wake up every morning and I'm like, those pretzels. So I don't even wait until the end of my day as like a dessert after dinner, which I wish I had more self-control to do that. But I, it is like actually my pregame to my breakfast. I will, I just have a few those.

And I'm ready to take on the day. Anyway, guys, what are you doing? Hey, what's up? What's going on? What's happening in your world? Listen, I'm going to be honest. I'm obsessed with today. I love that we're here right now.

And you know what's funny about that is that there was a version of me just an hour ago that wasn't super excited about to. today, whatever. This is why God tells us to not lean on our own understanding or our own feelings because they're so fleeting. One minute, you really want to take a nap and you're like, no, I don't want to do this. And then the next minute, you're like, wait, this isn't so bad. I can keep living. This is great. Oh my gosh. Pick aside, Al. But yeah, no, I actually, I am very excited for today. And I'm excited for today too because here's a thing. I, this podcast for me is just my digital diary at this point.

Like, I always want to be honest with you guys about what I'm going through, but it also like genuinely, it just helps me be real. It helps me be honest. Is this my confessional? No. That's not what this podcast is. But it kind of feels like that sometimes. I just want to keep it real, okay?

I don't want to pretend. I don't want to perform. I don't want to put on any kind of facade. And sometimes I fall to that where I'm like, oh, I better be what everyone needs me to be. And then I'm like, wait a minute, no. I think that is exhausting. And it's exhausted me before. Showing up and beep-bo-bopping and being like this monkey, a circus monkey,

and being whatever I feel like everyone needs me to be. My therapist has called me a raging codependent. So that's just the codependency that comes out of me sometimes. But you want to know what's really cool, guys, is I obviously have recognized. the patterns in myself of how I can be a codependent. Some people like to say a people pleaser. Is that a people pleaser? I just want to make sure everyone's okay. Like it's almost like a quote selflessness that's gone so far that now I actually am being very prideful and selfish because I'm just looking at myself. But in looking at myself, I'm like, I just want to make sure everyone else is

okay. But it's twisted. But I recognize daily. Guys, it's all the time too. I almost feel like a recovering addict in a way where it's like oh my gosh i'm doing it again oh my gosh but at least i have the awareness you know and then i kind of like i pull myself back and i'm like nope just be literally authentically whoever just be you right now al you don't need to like put on a specific face or a show i'm also just so terrified of hurting people and disappointing them why well that's a whole another layer of craziness. It's probably fear of rejection. I'm probably a little insecure in some ways. But guys, I've had such a great day today, though, because there have been multiple times where I've caught myself and I've gone, yep, be yourself. Nope, don't do that. Why? Who told you to be that way?

Like, I feel these thoughts creep into my mind of like, oh, well, you better, it looks like they would probably want, and it's like, who said that? Did they tell you that they need, they need you to be that way? just say the first thing that would come to your mind. Am I making any sense? Does anyone get that? Like literally even when I'm just like even when I'm just texting people. I like I like want to say something at first and then my brain goes, no, no, don't do that. That's that don't do that.

And I'm like, wait, but why? There's nothing wrong with it. Like I'm just being fun. But what I would really like to talk about today, which is really inspired by a lot of the things that I have been walking through myself. So like we always say here on the podcast, we are all in this together. All of us are. I am not exempt of anything. The only reason I have anything to talk about on this podcast is because of what God is doing in my life and what he's revealing and what I'm learning and revelations I'm having and lies that I am learning to no longer believe and truths that I am learning to believe.

So, yeah, if it wasn't for that, there'd be nothing to talk about here on the podcast. But today what I'd love to talk about is the idol of being understood. And I think a lot of us could relate to this because I do think that it's just in our human nature. And I don't even think it's a bad thing, which I think is worth talking about too. I think there can be things that are good that are then turned into something like an idol where then it gets put in a place that it should have never been. But it doesn't mean that the thing itself is bad. Like I don't think that it's a bad thing that you want to feel understood by your partner. I don't think it's a bad thing that you want to feel understood by your family and by your friends.

But I think there is a point where that understanding, if we don't have it, it is the very thing now that has become something that dictates our peace, like our inner peace. I believe this is a huge indicator of anything becoming an idol in our lives. but if something in your life has gotten to a place where it actually affects your peace, it affects your stability. And yeah, I think that if it feels devastating to not have that thing or to not be in control in one way, it's an idol. And I think something I have realized about myself is that if I feel misunderstood by somebody, if I don't believe that they are perceiving me in the way, that I want to be perceived. It could be a simple misunderstanding. It could be that I just

maybe communicated poorly or, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I just, I just am not being understood by this individual. It like wrecks me. I am so anxious about it. It is something that goes, plays in my mind over and over and over again. And I want to figure out how I can make a way to make sure that this person understands me. And it's not even in, again, it's not initially in a selfish way, but it does actually become selfish. But it's because I just, I don't want anyone to misunderstand me and be hurt by an intention I never meant to have.

But there's a surrender. And honestly, there's a part of that that you just have to let go of control because the truth is, is people are going to misunderstand you. The truth is, is you are going to say things and it's not always going to be perceived the way that you wanted it to. And it doesn't even have to be just words. It can even be in, I don't know, your body, how you treated somebody. Like, you're just never always going to be exactly perceived and understood the way you want to be.

That's just the truth. Whether your intentions were pure or not, it doesn't matter. Like, you will be misunderstood by people. And so there is a surrender of control. And the control is controlling how you want people to perceive. you. And for me, it was like, I want, I want people to understand me as the true me. Like the me that I, that I, I, I believe I'm genuine and I want to be kind to people at all times. And I, and I, and my intentions are never to be anything other than to be kind and to care about people. But I almost feel like that

care has gone so far that now I'm putting myself in bondage by obsessing over how people are perceiving me, which I think has played really hand in hand with this like co-dependent part of me that can come out where I just want everyone else to be good with how how they're experiencing me. And I now have not only put myself in bondage of feeling like I have to control the narrative of how people are understanding me and perceiving me and engaging with me. I am also putting myself in bondage where now I am not just freely expressing myself. I'm not just showing up authentically alley. I'm showing up in a way where I'm trying to control everything,

which is really stressful, anxiety filled. I'm honestly abandoning myself a lot in that too because I'm just not, I'm not loving myself well because I'm not just letting me be me. And I'm not just accepting the fact that even in that I could be a misunderstood, but that's okay. And I think Jesus himself, I would love to talk about this too because this isn't just about us. How could this fit in with our faith, Allie?

How does this have anything to do with Jesus? Well, Jesus was actually one of the most misunderstood people who walked this earth. Like, he literally came down from heaven as the Messiah, fulfilled prophecy after prophecy, fulfilled the word of God, fulfilled the call on his life and restored humanity. And he was severely misunderstood. Him going to the cross was Jesus being misunderstood. If there's anyone who understands what it means to be misunderstood and to have been perceived in a way that was not true, it would be Jesus himself.

And so I think that when it comes to these desires that we have, I think, again, naturally as humans, we just want to be understood. we want to feel safe we want to feel accepted we want to feel at home but i think the truth is is the only place that we will actually feel all of those things is with jesus and the only way we will feel really truly understood is by god because god created us and he knows us better than we even know ourselves i mean god expresses his adoration for us over and over again in the bible where he says things like crazy, but that our names are written, like engraved in the palm of his hand, that he knows every single hair on your head, that he knitted you together. He did in your mother's womb. Like he was the one that put you together and formed you in your mommy's Tammy. So it's things like

that where it's like, we have to believe that the reason that we have this urge and this hunger and this desperation inside each and every one of us to feel understood and to feel known and to feel like we belong is because we were meant to have all of those things but through Christ and Christ crucified. And if we are forever putting other people on a pedestal where that cup of feeling understood and that cup of feeling seen is only in people we're never going to be fully satisfied because we will be misunderstood. Your partner is going to misunderstand you sometimes. You know, your friends and your family are not going to totally get you in a moment. They may not get you in an entire season of your life, you know? Like maybe I'm speaking to somebody

who you are the first person in your family who is actually faithfully worth. walking with Jesus. And so your family may not understand you for a really, really long time. And so how do we deal with that? You know, how do we come to the realization and surrender, acceptance and repentance? Like we actually have to repent for the ways that we have held, like white knuckled onto the idea of being fully known and fully understood by people 24-7. Like we have to repent for putting all our eggs in that kind of basket because that is just going to be disappointing. And then we have to just move into a different direction of what it actually means to authentically be ourselves to obviously be mindful. I don't think it means that we and I think you guys get this.

I trust you guys that I don't actually have to preface this. I'm going to just in case. But obviously that's not an excuse to just go all willy-nilly with your words and actions and just like hurt. people and be like, well, I don't care if I hurt you. And I'm just, well, I'm just being me. And I'm just express there. Okay. First off, self-control is a fruit of the spirit. Gentleness and kindness is a fruit of the spirit. So we're not going to go all willy-nilly. I know you guys know that. But how do we balance both? How do we get there? How do we become okay with accepting that we're going to be misunderstood sometimes? And how do we show up for

for ourselves by allowing ourselves to just be ourselves. And how do we become content with the idea that we will probably be misunderstood, even by the people that we love most, but that we are always understood, seen loved, and accepted by God? Does that sound like an exciting episode? Does that sound like it would be fun? I think it will be. I think I'm going to learn a lot.

I'm excited. We've done some research. we've looked up some things. I have some notes. And so we're going to talk about it. Oh, side note, guys. Side note, can I share this with you guys though? I have these really cool leggings on because I saw a cute girl on Instagram. Not Instagram. What was it? Pinterest. Duh. I'm in my Pinterest fixation right now. I'm obsessed with Pinterest right now. But I saw these cute little leggings and I was like, wait, I actually think like a legging like this would also be cute if you wore like a black heel. And I don't know what kind of top, but like giving like GNO like a little girls night out or date night or something it'd be fun but i don't know it's just kind of fun and i'm

wearing shoes today so there we go okay obviously i already introduced to you guys my coffee on ice we do also have our christ though too okay we do we have our holy bible we have our holy bible here today this is my bible from hosanna revival i love it so much you want to know what's funny as a friend reached out to me actually the other day and she was like um she sent me a video of her yellow Bible because she got the same one, which is so fun. And it's filthy, okay? She's like, she sends me this video and she's like, well, first off, if you look at mine, like, she's getting a little scuffed up, okay? She's not like perfectly gorgeous anymore. But because it's such a light yellow color, she's like, how do you keep your so clean? Like, I'm going to have to start putting a

cover on mine. And I'm like, to be honest, guys, I'm such a diva that this one actually stays in my home a lot. And I'm a diva because I'm saying that because I obviously have multiple Bible. You guys know that by now. And so I'll take my dark navy blue one that I've shown on here a few times. Like that's my outdoor one or my little compact travel one. I mean, that one is just beat up. So it just stays beat up. But when it comes to this one, like I really don't bring it out of the house a lot for that reason.

So I guess that is something to be mindful of. It's like if you're if you're going to get the, it's so cute. Like is she not gorge? But we just have to be mindful about keeping her clean because the light color. Like I made a mistake also by getting a white Bible once. Okay. I've showed it on the podcast. Like, I don't know, over a year ago.

It's also Hosanna Revival. It's white and it has like blue accent on it and it's so pretty. And it's felt. Like it's not even like a leather. It's like fabric. Nightmare. I love you, Hosanna Revival. It's still a beautiful Bible.

I'm not throwing shade at them. Like it is a timeless, gorgeous looking Bible. But that is a Bible that's a Bible that's a Bible that's at your bedstand and like doesn't ever leave anywhere else because I took it to church for a couple of weeks you know and I'm I'm putting it on the ground because I'm not thinking with my brain and I'm putting it on the dirty the chairs and I'm just whatever just throwing it all around and the next thing I know it's filthy so those are things you got to think about sometimes I guess but anyway we got our yellow Bible she's cute uh NLT the new living translation is what we're reading today

because we will be referring back to scripture a bit and then we do have our bar coffee on ice. Great. Okay. Let's get into the topic. Let's get into it today. Now, if you are somebody that relates to this talk, hey guys, I'm so grateful to be here. Sorry, I just looked at the camera and I was like, wait, I'm really grateful to be here with you guys. Okay, sorry. Locking in. If you are somebody who relates to this topic and especially the POV of like where the thought of being misunderstood actually. takes away so much peace from your body and like your internal, you know, your brain, your mind, you're spiraling, you're replaying things. Like if the thought of being perceived in a way that you

never wanted anyone to perceive you in gives you so much anxiety, I think suddenly some things that we could do in those moments is over-explain. I'm guilty of that. But you could over-explained to somebody because you need them to know your intentions, right? So again, it's coming from a good place, but you feel obligated to explain yourself because you want that person to so deeply understand what your real intentions were. Another bad habit that I do a lot is clarifying things that nobody asked you to clarify. So I think, and my pastor actually has pointed this and my therapist. Okay, everybody has pointed this out in me where I will make a statement in a conversation. And then I'll like preface it. Like I'll explain it or I'll clarify it. And I'll be like,

but like, you know what I mean. Like, but what I mean like, but when I say that I mean also. And that doesn't mean I don't understand what that person meet. Like I always have to clarify and add a little like side note when like no one actually no one asked me to do that. But the reason why I do is because, again, I am so fearful of being misunderstood, even in what I'm saying in that moment, that I constantly am, like, veering off to make sure that even what I'm saying in that moment is being completely understood as how I intend for it to be. Another thing that you could do in response of feeling misunderstood by somebody is, and I've done this a lot as well, this episode is just going to clock me over and over again.

Okay? So I actually, I don't even need to clarify that right now. Okay. Just assume that everything I'm talking about right now, your girl has already, it's clocking me too. But when you become devastated with somebody coming to the conclusion of a motive that actually wasn't there, you know, like a motive of yours that you're like, wait, no, that wasn't my motive at all. But it becomes devastating. And what my therapist is explained to what he means by, you know, if it's a hysterical reaction, if it's hysterical, it's historical. What he's explained to me is that there could be a moment that triggers you.

And the moment could be totally valid to like why you feel the way you feel. But it's to the amplification, like how large your response is where it actually doesn't make sense to be reacting in a way that is that big. It actually is an indicator that it's historical, meaning this is something that has happened to you. It's old stuff that you're reacting to versus the actual thing you're reacting to in real time. And that thing in real time is just kind of making it feels familiar. It's a trigger, right? So you're like, oh, that feels familiar to this old thing. And so now I'm going to react in a way that is actually to this old thing, but I'm going to react to this new thing.

and it's just so much bigger than it needs to be. And so I think the truth is, is like, if the idea of you being misunderstood of what your motive is in that moment is devastating to you, and you are reacting in a way that isn't totally just for the actual thing that's happening, it also could be a good indicator that this is historical, meaning like there have been plenty of times in your life maybe where you have been misunderstood and your motive has been painted out in a way that was, not true, not accurate. I mean, I even think back to my own life and I'm like, no, there are things

that I still am misunderstood about to this day where that person or that scenario or whatever, like they, they, I don't know if they're ever going to know the truth of what I truly meant in that moment. And I think when things like that happen to you, it does become a legitimate fear where you kind of like learn just out of history and experiencing how painful that is, that it's almost in our reflex to do whatever we can to make sure that that doesn't happen again because it was painful, right, to be so misunderstood. And it may even be painful to see how in pain that person is because of the misunderstanding. You know, I don't know if any of that made any sense.

but I do think that that feeling of devastation could come from one of two things. It could come from history again where you've been here before. It feels like you've been here before. You know what it feels like to be misunderstood and you knew the pain that came with it. And so these old things are bubbling up and you're almost reacting to the history of that in that moment that you're being triggered. And two, it could be that this is just, this is an idol in your life. You know, I think again, like if anything is in a place,

that it's on a pedestal that it shouldn't be, it does feel kind of life or death. It feels devastating if you don't have that thing. And I think a deep belief system that could be happening in us as well when we feel these things, right? These are the reactions that we have to the thought of being misunderstood or actually being misunderstood is we have somehow along the way adopted a belief system that we are actually the very person who is responsible for managing everyone's perception of us. I do think that there's a lack of trust in God in that kind of mindset, obviously, because anything that we feel like

is all on us and is our responsibility, especially when it comes to outside sources. Like, anything that has nothing to do with like our inner being, you know, because I think we will always have control and a say in our actions in the way that we move in life. Um, and, and we're, um, and, in, you know, the way that we feel convicted and guided by the Holy Spirit and in our journeys, our faith journey, like all of that is something that we have control over and in partnership, especially with God. But anything outside of that, like, again, managing other people's perception of us is out of our control.

And if we have suddenly believed that that is something we have to control, we've lost sight of God, you know, and there is an opportunity to trust him more again. And that could be like something that you used to be really good about. Now all of a sudden you've gotten back. This is something that we probably would have to put back up on the altar a million times because it's just such an easy thing to get wrapped up in sometimes. I think especially with just the generation that we're in and social media doesn't make it easy. I think that that is the ultimate influencer and temptation is social media in itself of falling into this trap of feeling like we have to control the way that people perceive us, the way that they see our lives, the way that we see, they see our relationships,

our success. Like social media actually has probably ruined a lot of that for us or at least made it a million times more challenging than somebody who grew up without social media, you know, without the constant reminders of what everyone was. else is doing, what everyone else is achieving and how amazing everyone else's lives look. And yeah, we're just feeding the fire by continuing to believe that what people are showing us on social media is just the end all be all and it's exactly what's happening in their life. And then fueling that fire by participating it and feeling we also have something to prove. It's just this endless cycle of performance and bondage and believing that we are the ones that

are solely in control of how everyone is perceiving our lives. And again, I think that this is also deeply rooted in a fear that says, if somebody misunderstands me, right? Like, if you misunderstand me, you might reject me. And if you reject me, that is painful. Let's talk about some examples in the Bible of where Jesus was misunderstood. I think throughout scripture, a lot of people were deeply misunderstood. But Jesus being the ultimate example, I think. If we go to Matthew 1119, I would love for you all to flip to that in your Bibles. If you have your Bibles nearby, I'll give you a couple seconds. Maybe pull it up on your phone if you've got the Bible app. But yeah, this is Matthew chapter 11, verse 19. And it says, the son of man, on the other hand, feasts and drinks. And you say he's a glutton and a

drunkard and a friend of tax collectors and other sinners. But wisdom is shown to be right by its results. In this scripture, it is clear that Jesus is being labeled as things that he obviously is not. And people are coming to conclusions of who he is that isn't true. He's being misunderstood. And I think the truth here is that these accusations against Jesus came partly from people interpreting his behavior through a framework that had already done. decided something was wrong with him. And so because they had made that decision that there's

something wrong with Jesus, that was the lens that they were looking through. And so no matter what Jesus did, it was going to be seen as wrong in their eyes. And it was the fact that Jesus would sit down with tax collectors and sinners and prostitutes. So the conclusion that some people came to, the Pharisees specifically, was Jesus simply participated. with sitting with these kinds of people meant that there was something deeply wrong with him, that he was a glutton and a drunkard. And we could ask why. Like that feels like kind of a big leap too.

What like why would they then assume that that meant that he was a glutton and a drunkard? But unlike John the Baptist, Jesus participated in ordinary social life. Okay. So he went to meals. He sat with people and he had dinner with them. He attended a wedding. He enjoyed dinners in people's homes and he drank wine with them. He accepted invitations from people with terrible reputations, right?

And so his critics took observable behavior and assigned a false identity to him based on it. Jesus simply eats and drinks. And he does it with people that his critics would never do those things with. So those simple actions of what he was doing then turned into he's a glutton and a drunkard. And so that alone shows the contrast of observation and actual interpretation. You know, like they were observing these things that Jesus was doing, but the way they were interpreting it was wrong. So I think the truth here is that sometimes somebody can accurately see what you did, but still completely misunderstood why you did it. And that was happening here for Jesus, right?

I think another thing about this, too, that Jesus was so deeply misunderstood in was they would see him sitting with tax collectors and sinners and prostitutes. And because Jesus would sit with them, they would assume that association with these people meant approval. Like, because Jesus was willing to sit with these people and share meals with them and converse with them and hear from them, and hear from them, you know it meant that he approved of what they did you know and the evil that they did and the ways that they were living that were wrong and the truth is is that wasn't the case at all and jesus actually does explain his motives in matthew nine 12 he says but those who are well have no need of a physician but those who are sick in other words these people saw compromise but jesus knew that it was actually mission. He was explaining that it was the sick who need a hospital, right? It's the people who are

lost. It's the people who are buried in their own sin. It's the people who are blind who need the healer who is Jesus. He's the hospital. And I think another really amazing thing that Jesus demonstrates to us through his entire ministry is that he doesn't change his obedience and he doesn't change his behavior to correct other people's perception of him. Like he obviously does the very things that he's called to do. And he even uses words at times where he's like, no, guys, this is why. But ultimately, at the end of the day, like, he wasn't going to change himself. He wasn't going to be disobedient to the father just because people's perception of him wasn't

true. And so I think that even that itself could leave. us into a really powerful question that we could ask ourselves, which here we are. I'm guilty of this. It's have I ever sacrificed obedience because I was afraid of how obedience would be interpreted? Sometimes the way that you follow Jesus will be misunderstood by people. Sometimes the way that you love others will be misunderstood by people. Sometimes setting a boundary in your life will be misunderstood by people. sometimes saying no, sometimes saying yes, will be misunderstood by people.

So if becoming correctly perceived becomes a prerequisite for obedience, other people's opinions have effectively gained veto power over what God is asking you to do. Fear of man over fear of God. You have now put other people's opinions, their perception of you, their experience of you, above what God is asking you to do, which actually could just be simply, authentically being yourself. And that's the very thing that I struggle with from time to time. I think another part of this too that's really important because we even see this in the scripture where Jesus was like, I mean, he did explain himself where he's like,

isn't it the sick that need a hospital? Not just the people who are well. That was his way of being like, yeah, I'm going to sit with people like this because these are the kind of people that need me. I think it is okay to explain ourselves because even Jesus did, you know, to help people further understand why he was doing the things that he was doing. But I think he was very discerning on what was worth explaining himself on and what wasn't. I think that even when he was being arrested and he was going to the cross and they were asking him questions and he just stayed silent, I mean, Jesus could have explained himself in that moment. And he was going.

He didn't. And so I do think that there is discernment on like what is actually worth explaining yourself in and what's not. I think another really good indicator too is like taking a second to look at yourself and say, okay, when I want to explain myself right now, what is the motivator though? Is this coming from a place of fear or is this coming from a place of genuine love where I'm like, oh no, there actually just needs to be an extra explanation in this. There just needs to be more communication because there is a difference between explaining yourself because communication is loving and explaining yourself because misunderstanding feels unbearable, right? So that's where the heart check has to happen, where you're like, where is this actually coming from? Is this genuinely coming from a place of love

and just wanting to communicate? Or is this coming from a place of, you know, again, that like unbearable fear of being misunderstood in the moment? And that behavior can honestly look identical on the outside. But again, it's the heart underneath that can be completely different. And so again, looking back at the example of Jesus being falsely accused, right, when Jesus went before Pilate, right before his crucifixion. And if there was ever a moment in history, in Jesus's life, where someone had the right to say, wait, that's not actually what happened. Let me explain myself, it was that moment. And he didn't. In Matthew 26, 712 through 14, it says that while the chief priests and elders accused him, he gave no answer.

And Pilate was actually astonished in that moment. When Jesus didn't reply, I mean, he's getting spat on. He's getting slapped. He's being accused, probably being cussed at, like nasty things are probably being said to him. And he didn't defend himself. He didn't explain himself. And I think that Jesus demonstrated something incredibly difficult. in this moment. You can know the truth about yourself without requiring everyone else to know it too.

And I think that that is the freedom that Jesus wants all of us to walk in. And I think it's obvious to all of us why Jesus didn't speak up in that moment, you know, it was because he needed to go to the cross. And Jesus knew exactly where all of this was going. You know, he knew that the very thing that was about to happen was the very thing that he was supposed to do. And it was in obedience, obviously, that he didn't argue and he didn't explain himself because this was his fate. You know, he was supposed to be the sacrifice for all of humanity. And we know that Jesus knew this because earlier in Matthew, he repeatedly tells his disciples that he will be handed over, condemned, killed, and raised.

And so obviously the cross wasn't an accident. Jesus failed to prevent. He was willingly moving toward it in obedience. And so in that moment, defending himself successfully could actually run contrary to the mission he had willingly embraced, right? And there was even a moment shortly before all of this when they came to arrest Jesus and Peter, a lot of us know this story. tries to defend him with a sword and he chops off one of the guards' ears.

And he actually slices off one of the Romans' ears, trying to defend Jesus to keep them from taking him. And Jesus's response to Peter in that moment was how then should the scriptures be fulfilled that it must be so. So Jesus wasn't powerless to stop what was happening, obviously. He had all the power in the world to do it. but he was choosing obedience. And so that was an example that Jesus showed us, too, of what real surrender also looks like. You know, like his silence was not passivity. His silence was not weakness.

I think that that's how a lot of people, again, were perceiving it. I think his own disciples were confused and we're perceiving all of this, you know, the way that he was just, essentially, it looked like he was just giving up. A lot of them were probably looking at that and being like, well, what? What? I thought this was the son of man. I thought this was the son of God. I thought this was the Messiah. Like, of all people in the world that have the power to actually like stop this, he's not.

You know? And so I think Jesus was even misunderstood by his own people in that moment. I mean, they were doubting him and they were confused. A lot of people were reading that as passivity or weakness, but it wasn't it. He was actually just surrender. and it was in his obedience that he went up to the cross. And so Jesus wasn't silent because he couldn't defend himself. He wasn't silent because the accusations were true. Jesus just wasn't more committed to being understood than he was to being obedient. And let's talk about the truth of just

how exhausting the job is of managing everyone's perception of you because you have taken on this role in this job now in your life where you feel like you have to control the way that everybody is experiencing you. And the truth is, is that is an exhausting job that you are never supposed to have, which is why it's so exhausting. It's exhausting because you are constantly analyzing yourself and analyzing everyone around you. And your mind does not stop scanning yourself every second. Like when you are constantly watching yourself through other people's eyes and no longer through the eyes of God. You're asking all these questions in your mind like, was I too much? Did I talk too long? That sounded prideful. Maybe. Was it prideful? Should I have said that differently? I don't know.

My tone was kind of funny when I said that. I wish I had said it this way instead. Maybe I should send another text just to clarify to them because I don't want them to misunderstand the way that I just said that. Why did they respond that way? That was weird. They added a period. And it felt a lot shorter than a typical response. Do they think that I'm mad at them? I don't know. Maybe the way that I said that sounded a little harsh. Like, that's your brain.

Okay? And I can tell you guys from experience that that is so exhausting. And so again, yes, the things that we are responsible for are the words that come out of our mouths, right? Our actions. Your repentance, your honesty, your character. Okay, those are all things that you are responsible for. But what you aren't responsible for is other people's interpretations of those things about yourself, right? The assumptions that people make.

Like, those are the things that you actually physically cannot control. Now, let's talk about the other side of this coin that has freedom, okay? We've talked a lot about the bondage and how it feels to be, you know, carrying the weight of responsibility of how people perceive you and understand you. It's heavy. It's a lot. We've clarified that it's not the way you're supposed to be living. It's not a burden that God has ever called you to carry. So let's talk about the other side of where there's actual freedom then. Like where do we actually find peace and freedom in the idea of being fully known by God? Psalm 139 is a perfect example. Should we read it? Psalm 139. Let's read it together, everybody. You guys ready? Flip to it. 139 versus.

1. Oh, Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand. I can never escape from your spirit. I can never get away from your presence. If I go up to heaven, you are there. If I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night, but even in darkness,

I cannot hide from you. To you, the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. Your workmanship is marvelous. How well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, oh God. They cannot be numbered. I can't even count them. They outnumber the grains of sand. And when I wake up, you are still with me. Oh, God, if only you would destroy the wicked. Get out of my life, you murderers. They blaspheme you.

Your enemies misuse your name. Oh, Lord, shouldn't I hate those who hate you? Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you. Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life. So the truth of what Psalm 139 says about how God sees all of us is that he knows where we sit and where we rise. he perceives all of your thoughts. Before a single word forms on our tongues, he knows them. The truth here is that God knows everything there is to know about you.

And he knows your heart completely. And that doesn't mean also that God knows that you always have good intentions because the truth is is sometimes your intentions weren't good if we're also being honest with ourselves. sometimes you don't even understand your own intentions and so to place the responsibility on yourself of being perceived in a way that is well all the time is also actually so impossible because we actually don't we think we do but we don't understand ourselves as well as God understands us you know because again like sometimes we don't even understand

our own intentions or maybe we think that we understand our intentions and then it's then you know, revealed, oh, wait, my intentions actually weren't totally pure in that. Like, I thought that they were, but they weren't. And so, again, why would we ever put the responsibility on somebody who doesn't actually fully understand themselves to be fully understood by people? And so the beautiful thing here isn't that God knows the real you and the real you is actually better than everyone thinks. Because I think sometimes we can comfort ourselves with that statement of like, well, God knows my intentions and God knows that I'm. good and impure. It's like, yeah, God knows your intentions, but he also knows your intentions

more than you even know your intentions. And so sometimes when you think that you're doing something out of a good heart may not always be that way. And so it's not that. It's not that. But it actually is, okay, God knows the real me more accurately than anyone, including me, and I am still loved by him. That's the foundation that we need to stand on. Because it's actually in that same chapter, Psalm 139 where it says that God knows everything about you, okay? He knows the thoughts in your mind before they even form. He knows the words that you're going to speak before you even say them. Okay, he knows the innermost parts of every part of your heart,

or both good and bad, that God has so many precious thoughts about you that they can't even be numbered. Like we could never count them is what Psalm 139 says. They outnumber the grains of sand. And still, time that you wake up, God is still with you. And so the fact that there is a loving father, that there is a creator out there who's made you that still chooses you and adores you that much, even with all the flawed parts of you, even with all the parts of you that, you know,

aren't awesome. There might be things in your heart that you don't even know are there, but God does. And he still chooses you. We actually are. fully known and fully understood by someone. And it's God. But I think so many times we forget that it's not people that we need to feel understood by 24-7. But we're actually already fully understood by God every day, all the time. And he knows more about you than others do or yourself. And he still chooses you.

And again, I don't think this is something I was kind of. leading with in the beginning of the episode. I don't think it is a bad thing to desire being understood, especially by the people that mean the most to you, you know? And I don't think that this episode means that being understood by God and wanting to be understood by people aren't mutually exclusive desires. Like the truth is, is scripture doesn't require us to become emotionally unaffected by human relationships, you know? Like, it's okay that it affects you. and it's important to you to be understood and for there to be, you know, clear communication between the people that you care about and you love.

The truth is, is God created us for relationship with him and relationship with one another. So the goal isn't to reach some spiritual state where you can say God understands me, therefore I don't care if anyone else ever does. That's not the goal here. The deeper question is, though, what happens inside me when the person is, though, what happens inside me when someone doesn't. And I think something I want to point out right now too is, you know, I think there could be this false expectation that once you become satisfied or once you get to the place of really believing that you are truly accepted and loved and known by God, that rejection will

stop hurting, you know, and like you're never going to feel grief ever again or you're just not going to feel the pain of being misunderstood. And the truth is, is like, you will. You can be very firm in the truth of, you know, I believe I'm understood by God and I'm loved unconditionally by him and still feel hurt by rejection. And I don't think that being hurt by rejection is a sign that you don't believe that about God. You know, I think, again, And it's to the extent of how the rejection affects you. Like, again, if it's like crippling, if it's unbearable, if it's something that you can't get past, then yeah. I mean, there might be an opportunity to have to examine your heart and be like, has this become an idol?

You know, because if it's devastating, if you're hysterical, right? It's either historical or it's an idol. Yeah, there's something there. But that doesn't mean that the pain then is totally gone. Like you're just now exempt from ever having to feel rejected or the pain that comes with being misunderstood and rejected just because you do believe that you are unconditionally loved and known by God. Those things can all be very real all at the same time. So that's not a sign that you don't believe that. It's just a sign that you're human.

And like the pain of rejection is still real. You can know your identity in Christ and still be wounded when someone you love misunderstands your heart. And that's okay. even Jesus himself experienced relational anguish. Christianity doesn't teach emotional detachment. So we're not learning how to not feel when it comes to things that happen relationally in our lives. It teaches where we ultimately locate our security though. Like that's the thing that we're talking about.

What do we stand on? What is the thing that keeps us grounded? What are we standing on? What is our foundation? So it's not if God's understanding were truly enough for you, this wouldn't hurt. I think that that could become something that is pretty dangerous actually where it accidentally turns normal human attachment, like normal human love and, you know, somebody being very important to you into evidence of spiritual failure, which it isn't. I think instead something really healthy to say is God being enough doesn't mean nothing else matters. It means nothing else gets to become God.

And so, yeah, I think maybe the goal here isn't for God's understanding to immediately make you feel better because I think sometimes even as I tell myself that truth, it doesn't immediately make me feel better. But maybe the goal is learning to trust what is true even while being misunderstood still hurts. You know, maybe the goal is learning to trust God even in those most. where it's like that in between where you're like, okay, I feel really misunderstood. This is so uncomfortable. It's painful. I've communicated clearly to this person, you know, and I'm still not being understood in this moment. And it's like in, in that moment where it's like there is nothing more for you to control. Will you trust God even in that pain and in that hurt and rejection and feeling of just being uncomfortable? Because you're like, I am not being perceived.

in the way I want to be. All right, everybody. Well, I think this is something we actually could probably talk about for another three hours, but I do think this is where we're going to end the episode. I hope that it was helpful. I hope that it was fruitful. I hope that it gave clarity for a lot of you guys. And I hope, if anything, it relieved you of whatever pressure you could be putting on yourself and extra responsibilities that you just aren't meant to carry. Be, I love you guys. I'm really proud of you. Thanks for being here for another episode. I'll see you guys in just a couple days. and before we go, can we do something really cool today? Can we show somebody how cool Jesus is?

Can we walk more like him, talk more like him, be more like Jesus today? I love you guys. Okay, I'll see you in 48 hours. Okay, bye.