Christ With Coffee On Ice - the problem isn't what you think

Episode Date: October 2, 2026

Hey y'all ! Welcome to another Friday with CWCOI ! In this week's episode, our host, Ally Yost talks about confronting areas of our life that we maybe never fully allowed God to heal us in. The reality is that it won't always be easy to walk through that and we tend to want to blame everthing else but the possibility of God inviting us into deeper healing. Our prayer for this episode is that you find a sense of relatibility in something said today. "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve." Jeremiah 17:9-10 _____________________________________________ ☆ PRE-ORDER 'LOVE THAT LASTS' HERE: https://allyyost.com/en-usd/pages/book ☆ OUR NEW MERCH IS LIVE! SHOP AT: https://allyyost.com ☆ Find your purpose at Grand Canyon University ➤ GCU.edu ☆ If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started ➤ https://learn.nocd.com/COFFEE ☆ MY BIBLE (code 'ALLYYOST' at checkout) ➤ https://hosannarevival.com/collections/beautiful-bibles/products/nlt-notetaking-bible-belfast-theme ☆ TUMBLER LINK ➤ https://allyyost.com/products/cwcoi-glass-tumbler-black _____________________________________________ Connect further with us ! TikTok ➤ https://www.tiktok.com/@christwithcoffeeonice  Instagram ➤ https://instagram.com/christwithcoffeeonice  _____________________________________________ Connect further with Ally ! TikTok (2M) ➤ https://www.tiktok.com/@ally_yost  Instagram ➤ https://www.instagram.com/ally_yost/  ShopMy ➤ https://shopmy.us/allyyost  Pinterest ➤ https://www.pinterest.com/ally_yost1/_created/

Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with coffee on ice. I am your host, Ali Yost. It is a joy and honor to be here with you guys today. Happy Friday, everybody. We got through the week. I hope that we have high spirits at the end of the week. I hope everybody is feeling good, but even if maybe you're not, that's okay. I'm so glad that you're here and that you made it to this episode regardless. I think that showing up to spend time with Jesus the way that we do here on on Christ with coffee and ice as a community is a huge win in itself. So even if you only had enough energy to muster up to get here and to listen, I am so proud of you. And I am so grateful that you are here. I am very excited for today's episode. And to be honest, I, per usual,

this is kind of something where I started with a thought and I started with a revelation with God and I'm hoping that there's a whole episode here. I believe there is. I'm hoping that there is a whole topic here. I've written down some notes. I've done a little bit of itty-bitty research to just kind of have a little bit of order hopefully when it comes to talking about this today because if it were up to me, it'd be all over the place. So I'm hoping that it's an episode that makes sense, I guess. that's my goal every day, right? It's just that every episode makes sense. So something that I have personally been, and I feel like this is still unraveling for me in a way. So hopefully this is wisdom of me to like start talking about it before I've really come to the full conclusion of it.

But I do think it's worth the conversation. And we can just start talking about it today. Okay? How about that? There's no actual pressure to like get to the root of everything right now. but maybe there's an invitation for all of us to just consider this and to continue to meditate on it and ponder on it with God even after this episode. But something that I've realized in myself is that when I get triggered, which has been kind of happening for me a lot lately, and I'm sure that it's a combination of, you know, I've told you guys that I've started to really prioritize therapy and obviously, you know, bringing that hand in hand with the Holy Spirit and working through all of that with Jesus, but through therapy.

And yeah, I've just been feeling a lot more exposed. I've been feeling a lot more raw because the truth is I haven't been this consistent with therapy in my life ever. And so I really have become such an advocate for it. Like I really believe in therapy, especially if it's done with a therapist who also is a believer and Jesus is being invited into, you know, the atmosphere and the conversation and considering also him, you know. I think there is real help when it comes to understanding psychology and why we operate the way that we do. I think that there is a benefit of having a professional who has been trained and educated to understand the human mind and human behavior.

but I think there's a really beautiful marriage of bringing that understanding with the understanding of the Holy Spirit and God that is so healing, you know? I mean, if you bring wisdom and knowledge and the ultimate healer who is Jesus Christ together, I think there's something really powerful that can happen in that space. And so that is what I believe in. I believe in therapy, but also for us believers, therapy that is hand in hand with our faith, you know, and Jesus Christ. So it's been so helpful, but it's left me so raw and exposed and a little bit easier

to be triggered. I guess I just have been kind of a little bit more unhinged. Okay. It's made me feel a little bit out of control, but I know that it's because I am just facing the reality of things that maybe I haven't faced before. And so I share all of that to say that I think that when I first started all of this and I started coming to the realizations that I have been coming to about myself and the things that I've been carrying and the belief systems that I've been believing even subconsciously and ways that I've been operating since I was probably a little child that I have wanted to blame and point at everything else and say that that's the reason why I'm being triggered.

I think because this is the first time that I've been willing to look at these things before, my brain wants to go to, wait a minute. Like, it makes me feel like I'm kind of backtracking in a way, almost like where I was before I started to kind of open my eyes to all of this stuff that was always like in me, whether I suppressed it or I was, I just acted as if time it eventually would just like disappear. but it doesn't, you know, like if we don't acknowledge things, if we continue to carry false belief systems about ourself or identities that we're taking on narratives that we've been believing in, like if we don't actually address them, they don't ever just disappear.

And so I feel like in my mind, what I want to do is say, hey, wait a minute, I wasn't feeling, I wasn't getting as triggered before. I wasn't feeling all of these things before. I was in a better place before because I was in denial. Like I wasn't facing these things. But in my mind, I was in a better place before than where I'm at now. Now I feel really fragile. I feel really exposed. I feel vulnerable.

I feel tender. Like I am so much quicker to crying and being triggered. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Some things were wrong. And then I start looking at every, I'm like, it's that thing's fault or it's that person's fault or, you know, I wasn't so easily triggered before this thing happened. And we almost want to blame and like, not demonize. That's not the right word. But villainize. The thing that's triggering us, instead of taking a second to be like, okay, wait a minute. Why am I actually being

triggered in this moment? But I will say that I think for most situations, especially if you are walking through a bit of a healing journey with Jesus is that there's this concept that I've realized that Jesus actually does kind of put us through exposure therapy in a way and that can be through relationships that could be through certain situations, environments dynamics. But before we really go and blame those things, I think at least for me, I've been considering the fact that maybe God put that very person or put that very scenario, put that very situation in my life to actually confront the things that were always in me. And whether I was ignoring them or suppressing them or just hoping that they would eventually go away, they obviously never did. And so I've been at least

considering the fact that maybe it's not always the person's fault. It's not always the situation's fault. but it's actually God being like, hey, so I know you better than you know you, and I know that there are things in you that actually really need to be healed. And so in a way, this is kind of like exposure therapy. Otherwise, you would have never known that those things were in you anymore. And so now that those things have been kind of bubbling up in you and out of you, you're not obsessed with it, right? It could be old things that you thought you would never have to feel ever again. And yeah, I think it's in our instincts that we could be like, whoa, whoa, you're making me feel like a way that I used to feel. And I don't like that at all.

You're the problem. you're the thing that's but it really could just be like or we never confronted those things and never actually allowed jesus to heal us in those things once and for all and so there could absolutely be a reality where jesus is allowing it to ultimately heal you and so hopefully today's episode um somebody can relate that's my goal with this i think that a lot of us probably could relate to it of just healing with jesus and um yeah the truth is is like it's not always going to be easy. There are going to be times that are very confronting

and there's going to be times where maybe we want to blame everything else other than maybe the possibility that God is actually inviting us into deeper healing. And so before we really get into the meat and potatoes of all of that, we do have our Christ today. Okay, this is my butter yellow Bible that I love so much from Hosanna Revival. We are going to be reading from the New Living Translation. So any scripture that we refer back to This is what we're going to be referring to

So we have our Christ and then we do have our coffee on ice I went to the coffee shop today Just an hour before and grabbed this It is an iced caramel Wait, it's an iced salted caramel latte I've been like on a salted caramel cake With almond milk And it is delicious

It's so good So I'm very sorry. stoked about that. All right, everybody, let's dive into it. I guess today's episode is going to be kind of giving therapy, but like, obviously I'm not a therapist, so take everything that I say with a grain of salt. But really, what I'm doing is I'm just bringing to you guys what I've been learning, okay? And I don't know about you guys, okay, but I think a prayer that I have prayed to God more times than not. Sorry, I need to like learn how to sit up straight on this podcast. Sometimes I'd be like hunched over. Okay. We're sitting up straight. We are learning to have better. We are learning to have

posture okay but um i don't know about you guys but i think a lot of times i have obviously prayed to god for healing and i've asked jesus to heal me in ways that i know i need healing you know and i am in a lot of pain about certain things and i i think that the truth is is that sometimes when i've prayed that prayer, I have imagined healing would feel maybe immediate, like immediate peace, relief and freedom. I think ideally that's what we would all like. You know, if there's something that you know you need healing in, that you need relief in, I think all of our hopes are hopefully immediately, you know, that it's not something that's dragged on for a long time and it's not something that we have to keep confronting over and over again. But I think that the truth is

is that when we pray that prayer to God and we say, Lord, heal me. God, I need healing. I need deliverance in this thing, you know, whatever that looks like. But I think healing actually more times than not takes exposure. Like healing with Jesus actually begins with exposure. And I think God may allow us to enter relationships and situations or even seasons that touch the exact places we thought were no longer tender and the truth is is that when we do face those things we realized that it was it was always there that it's still a little tender you know and suddenly you know reactions come out of us that we barely recognize that could be fear anger control defensiveness anxiety and our first instinct may be this person is making me act this way or this relationship is ruining my

peace. I was doing fine until this one thing happened. Maybe I need to escape everything that actually triggers me. And if I'm being honest, I have had that temptation. I've had those thoughts before where I've been like, I actually think I just need to run away from all of these things that are triggering me because surely these things can't be good for me if they're making me feel this way. but I think that the truth is, is it could be in those very things that God's like, no, actually, I'm not calling you to run away from them. There's a reason that this is happening and it's because I want you to see. It's revealing something deeper in us, actually.

Perhaps we were, quote, fine because nothing was actually touching the wound. And so those relationships, those situations, those seasons that you are entering, where you're where you immediately want to be like okay something's wrong and it can't be with me because I was feeling totally fine before this thing came into my life right this dynamic this situation this person but I think it takes humility and I think it takes real wisdom from the Holy Spirit because we've been talking about that in Proverbs right is that all wisdom truly starts with fear of the Lord and it starts with God and so I think it really does take discernment and humility and wisdom to slow down and consider and

that maybe it's not the very thing, that's the problem, but there's a deeper root that God is trying to reveal in you. And the reason why he is revealing it is not to condemn, not to shame you, but to actually help you. And so the situation may not have created the wound. It may have just revealed where the wound was still affecting us. Where the wound still actually was always there. We just were really good at ignoring it. And I think that the truth is, and I'll say that I am totally guilty of this is that I think sometimes we believe that because something hasn't bothered us in a while it must be healed but there is a difference between something being healed and something simply not being touched sometimes we don't know what is still inside of us

until a relationship or a situation reaches that exact place and what's interesting is that in Jeremiah 179 through 10, it explains that the human heart can be difficult for us to understand, but God searches and examines it. And so the truth is, is like, we can think that we know ourselves better than anybody else, but the truth is God knows us so much better than we do. And he knows what's inside each and every one of our hearts. He examines the heart of man and he knows what's inside of us. And that shouldn't scare us. That should actually comfort us, especially if we live our lives in a place of like genuinely trusting God and depending on him. Like what better person to put all of your trust in? What better person to completely depend on than somebody who knows you

better than yourself? That shouldn't scare us where we're like, oh gosh, I hope there's nothing bad in me that got, well, okay, there's, yeah. Yeah, there's not necessarily all good in us. Like there's going to be some bad stuff. Like God, he's still a loving father. He has compassion. He has grace. He has understanding. But it shouldn't be something that scares us.

It should comfort us. You know, where it's like, oh, okay. Well, good thing. The person that I'm leaning on is actually the person that knows me better than myself. And to also believe that God's intentions with you are always pure and good and loving. Okay. And so we should never look at God as somebody to be scared of of the fact that he knows everything in our heart. because his intentions are never going to be to condemn us or expose us in a way that is

shameful or harmful or cruel. Like if he's going to know everything about our heart, it is because he cares and he loves that much. And if he's going to expose something in our heart, it's because he cares and he loves us that much, not because he's like a revengous God that, like, wants to humiliate us. Okay. And so if that's a way that you see God, well, then there's a healing journey in itself. right there with God is like okay well oopsie for whatever reason God I feel like you want to go like

gotcha and like get me and from what I'm understanding from scripture and and also you know how you describe yourself and your character and even how you're demonstrated through other people in the church is that you are a loving God you know who isn't the kind of God that wants to like catch us in our sin but a God who is a loving father that that will expose things in us but it's out of the goodness of your heart because you want to heal that very thing. And I actually think that that's like such a good prayer to pray to the Lord. I don't think it's a scary prayer. I think it's a prayer of humility and a prayer of, you know, wanting to grow and become the best

version of yourself. I mean, healing ultimately means that you are going to be able to show up better for yourself. There might be ways that you've been abandoning yourself by ignoring and suppressing and being in denial about things. But then also being able to show you. show up so much better for everybody else in your life. But a great prayer that I think we could pray to God is, and it's actually done perfectly in Psalm 139, 23 through 24, which says, search my heart, God,

and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. And then the NLT translation says, search me, oh God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts, point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. But I think this prayer actually goes a little bit deeper. I think it takes it one layer deeper instead of God, you know, heal my heart. It's God reveal my heart to me. Like, if there are things in my heart that I'm not even aware of, if there are things that need to be healed that need to be acknowledged, like show that to me. So then I can bring those things to you. And I mean, I think the truth with that kind of prayer too is that it is just going to be so much

more uncomfortable. And I think that that's why healing and even confronting things in us is just not a tempting thing to do with God. I think that it's just not going to be fun. You know, it's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be painful. And I do think that our initial response to feeling pain that maybe we haven't acknowledged in a long time is that something is wrong or that maybe we are reverting backwards. Like it feels counterproductive at first because you're like, wait a minute, I've done such a good job and not feeling these things for a really long time. But I think that the truth is, is that, you know, obviously God already knows what is inside of us. And so this prayer that Psalm 139 shows us is that it's actually an opportunity for a revelation to happen

for us because obviously God already knows what's in us but it's the minute that we then have the revelation and the realization of being like oh this is like still a boo-boo in me like this is still a wound that is in my heart and God is revealing this to me so that I'm aware but then you can you can walk in partnership with God with that awareness of being like oh wow okay there are still things here and then partnering with the Holy Spirit and working towards healing I think obviously healing can also only come if it means that we are aware that there are things to be healed. You know, as long as we are living in denial or we aren't willing to look at things within ourselves, there's only so much God can do with that, you know? I think that healing can really only happen with a willing heart

and a humble heart that is willing to acknowledge and look at things inside of us. And so going back to the concept of the situation itself may not have created the wound, it could have exposed it because that's what we're talking about today. And so some examples of that is that if we're going to use a relationship as an example, a relationship might reveal fear of abandonment. And obviously, before getting into that relationship, you had no idea that that was still a part of your reality. A need to control outcomes could be something that kind of bubbles up out of you, that you're like, whoa, I haven't felt that in a really long time. It could expose difficulty trusting people, the belief that love must be earned, fear of vulnerability, people pleasing, anger that has actually been buried rather than processed.

And so sometimes we say I wasn't like this before this relationship, but perhaps we weren't like this because we had never cared enough, trusted enough, or become vulnerable enough for that wound to be touched. Intimacy brings things to the surface that isolation can keep hidden. That doesn't, this is like another little side disclaimer here, that doesn't automatically make the other person innocent or the relationship healthy. Obviously there are things that can be triggered in us and it could be totally valid things that were like very hurtful that were bringing up old wounds in you. And so obviously there's discernment even in that. You know, it doesn't mean that it excuses somebody else's behaviors.

if we're talking about relationships specifically. But it does mean our reactions contain information. Like the way that we react to certain situations, things, you know, if you get in an argument with somebody that you love, I think it can be very telling in the way that you actually react, the thoughts that are going on in your head. There's information in that. And so the trigger in itself may be telling us this moment reminds me of something older. You know, like in that moment you're like, ooh, these feel like old feelings.

And I don't like that. I'm afraid history is repeating itself. Oh my gosh. I believe I'm about to be abandoned. I'm about to be left right now. I don't feel safe unless I can control the outcome. Proverbs 25 says, Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person with understanding will draw it out.

relationships often draw things out of us including things we could not see while we were alone and so i think that when we face moments like this it is very tempting to fall into this place of shame or condemnation you know um i don't know about you guys but like i know i've definitely heard voices in my head that have been like look at how terrible you are look at how much you haven't actually gotten that far at all you're backtracking like you're just doing the same stuff you used to do. Like there's just like so much shame and condemnation and like you're a failure kind of tone to the voices in my head when I am kind of being triggered or I feel like there's like old

versions of Ali bubbling up in me. And it's important to remember that that actually is not God's voice. Because in those moments when God is actually helping us see that there are things that genuinely need healing and they need to be exposed. God's heart and what he's saying in those moments is actually look at what I want to free you from. Because again, he's always going to expose and reveal things in us, not out of a place of like, ooh, look at it. See, look at how much of a failure you are. God's heart for you is always for you.

He wants to heal you. And so his only heart posture is, okay, see, I know, it's ouchy. I know that you probably thought you were a lot further along than this. hey, and that's okay. That's what I'm here for. I actually want to give you freedom in this. Don't be embarrassed. Don't have shame about this. This is why I'm here. I want freedom for you and this. And so the truth is that with conviction, there always is hope attached to that. But condemnation is kind of vague and crushing. You know, like conviction is specific and hopeful. But condemnation leaves you feeling like there's no hope. There's a lack of hope in condemnation.

Condemnation says you're crazy. You ruin everything. You'll always be this way. You're impossible to love. You'll never change. Okay? Really, icky. Gross.

Not from God. Conviction says that reaction came from fear. You tried to control because you didn't feel safe. You need to take responsibility for how you responded. Let me show you another way. It also says in Ephesians 513 that everything exposed by the light becomes visible. And so I think the truth too in this is that the light may initially feel really painful. You know, the truth in the process of like

healing with God and realizing that there are things in us that we thought we were way past. The truth is that in that initial exposing, it is painful. You know, it's not an awesome feeling knowing that there are still things that you need to be delivered from and you still need to freedom in. So at first, yeah, the light may initially feel painful, but the light is also where healing begins. And I think another thing that therapy has been really helping me into is like finding that balance of obviously not condemning myself and feeling a ton of shame for the ways that I am triggered and I react, but also not totally excusing it and still being willing to take responsibility and accountability for my actions. And I think ultimately that's the only way that we

will learn as well is if we acknowledge, okay, that sucked. I'm going to have compassion for myself because I got triggered because obviously XYZ happened, which was bringing up old feelings in me. And so I'm going to have compassion because Little Allie genuinely was fighting for her life and just trying to do what she knew best. But that does not excuse my behavior because I know that in that trigger, there was a lot of unhealth, you know? Like, obviously, it wasn't a really good feeling for me, but also it did affect the people around me. And it wasn't awesome. And so I'm going to take accountability for that. I'm going to be responsible for my actions and say, okay, I don't like that. I'm not going to condemn myself over it. But now I'm going to go back to the Holy Spirit. I'm going to say, okay,

God, you're going to show me what would be a better way to react next time. Because obviously, there's a wound, there's a boo-boo there, not super proud over my actions. Now, how do I move forward, owning it without feeling shame, and doing it differently next time? And so something that I think that we could say in those moments is that my past may explain why I became afraid, but it doesn't give me permission to control another person. My wound may explain why I shut down, but it doesn't mean shutting someone out is healthy. Healing requires me to hold compassion and accountability. at the same place. And what's interesting enough is actually David models this kind of ownership in Psalm 5110 perfectly. He says, create in me a clear heart, oh God, renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence and do not take your Holy Spirit from me.

And so David doesn't merely ask God to change his circumstances or the people around him. He asks God to do something within him. So he's obviously acknowledging and taking ownership of the very things in him that need to change. So a mature response becomes what did this situation actually reveal in me? What part belongs to the other person and what part belongs to me? And so if we're going to use fear of abandonment as an example, if someone fears abandonment, healing may not mean they never feel that fear again. It may mean that when the fear appears, they no longer let it control their behavior. If somebody normally withdraws, healing may look like staying present and communicating.

If someone normally panics and reaches for control, I laugh because that's like loki been me lately. It's fine. Healing may look like pausing, praying, and tolerating uncertainty. If someone constantly is seeking validation, healing may look like bringing the need to God before demanding that another person immediately removes that discomfort. And the truth is, is it does say in Romans 5-3 through 5, we know this verse. We've talked about it before. Similarly, connects suffering with perseverance, character, and hope.

And so the truth here is that healing is improving by never being triggered ever again. And so if your goal is to never be triggered again in your life, that's not a very good expectation. The truth is, is like we probably always will, but it's what we do with those triggers and how we become better and more healed versions of ourselves so that when those triggers come, we handle them better. We handle them in a way that is healthier, not only for us, but other people. And so sometimes healing is actually proven by what we do when the triggers actually come.

The feeling may initially be familiar, but our response can become new. And that in itself is evidence of transformation, which is so. exciting. When we start to realize and witness transformation within ourselves through Christ, it is like the most exciting thing. And there's so much hope when you start to see those parts of your self change. And so the question that we could have right now is how do we move forward once something has actually been revealed? Okay. Because I think half the battle is obviously getting to the point of being like, all right, Lord, examine my heart. And if there's anything in me that doesn't please you. If there's anything in me that actually grieves you where you're like, no,

I want my child to be free of this. I just wish that they would see it, you know? Like half the battle is being like, okay, God, then show me. But then what do we do once we actually know the very things that need healing? Like once things are actually revealed to us. Something that I have been practicing a lot lately, it's so good. What the heck? Like, it's the best. But when I immediately start to feel funny and I start to feel triggered in something. The first step that my therapist has been teaching me to do is to actually identify the deeper fear before spiraling and reacting and going down the absolute black hole of which you react. So asking yourself questions like, what am I afraid this moment means? What am I afraid is about to happen? Because typically in any kind of trigger,

it's probably rooted in a fear. Okay. So acknowledging, okay, I'm afraid. I'm afraid. of something, what is it? When have there been other times that I felt this before? Especially if it feels like it's a familiar old feeling. Is my response proportionate to what is actually happening right now? Am I responding only to this person or also to people from my past? Right. But those are really important questions to ask yourself in those moments, to kind of slow down and bring yourself back to reality and be like, okay, what am I actually responding to? Like, am I responding to the very that's happening right now or am I responding to this person and old things? Like, it's important to ask yourself those questions because the truth is, is we need to separate the present and the

past in that moment. Sometimes our nervous system is responding to today as though it is yesterday or like years ago, you know? The current person may have touched the wound, but they are not necessarily the person who originally created it. That differentiation helps us respond to what is actually happening rather than everything the moment represents. And then I think the next step, this is like the most important part, obviously, is to bring the wound into relationship with God. Instead of only praying God, make this feeling stop. Pray something a little bit deeper than that. Okay, we've got to take it like one layer deeper. And we're going to say, God, show me what this feeling is actually protecting. Show me what I believe right now. Meet me in this place where I learned that I

wasn't safe, chosen, seen, or secure. We can't just pray away the feeling. We can't just wish away the feeling. We can't just say, God, please remove this pain from me. Because again, there could be something deeper in there that you actually need to know. And so the next layer is actually praying, okay, Lord, reveal to me what's actually happening in me right now. And we've talked about this. on the podcast too. I think another really helpful thing to do in these moments as well is obviously replacing all the lies that fear is feeding you right now. Fear is such a liar. And so replacing those lies with truth. I've had to do this over and over again. Like I've had to write so many truths in my notes app and pull them out in moments where I feel triggered or I feel like familiar

feelings coming back because certain situations are bubbling. those things up in me again. And so I've had to refer back to them and read them out loud over and over again to myself. And so some examples of lies that could then be replaced with truth is I'm being abandoned. Okay, that's the lie. But the truth is, is God will never leave or forsake me. You can never be abandoned by God. You are never abandoned because God is never abandoning you, ever. A lie that you could be telling yourself in that moment is I must control this. Like I have to have control of this situation, but the truth is, is I can trust God even without controlling the outcome. A lie that you could be believing in that moment is that my needs actually are the thing that make me unlovable.

But the truth is, God created me with needs and I can express them honestly and responsibly. And that doesn't make me unlovable. Conflict means that the relationship is over or the relationship is being jeopardized. That's the lie. but the truth is is healthy conflict can be addressed without panic or punishment. A really big lie that I think a lot of us believe all the time is that we have to protect ourselves. I must protect myself from everything and everyone. But the truth is, is I can practice both wisdom and vulnerability and believe that God is my protector.

I think a really fun question that we can also ask ourselves. I love asking myself this question is if fear wasn't a part of the equation right now, okay? If fear wasn't controlling you in that very moment, how would you actually naturally respond? Like, how would the normal version of you respond to that situation if fear wasn't like blaring in your ears? That response, if fear was actually removed from the equation, could be that you actually wait a few seconds before sending the text message. it could be expressing hurt without attacking. It could be asking questions instead of just assuming. Like actually just having curiosity and giving a person in your life the benefit of the doubt

instead of immediately going to conclusions and assuming and making what you believe their intentions were final. Maybe that's remaining present instead of shutting down. You know, like fear is actually telling you in that moment that you just need to shut down. You need to remove yourself. You need to just run away. You need to stop responding. Another thing that you may naturally do if fear wasn't a part of the equation is you would be seeking counsel from a therapist, pastor, or a mature friend, you know, a mentor, somebody that you look up to in the church.

There is a story in John 15. I'm flipping to it right here. Hold on. I'm flipping to it right now. One second. Let's actually read a little bit of it, okay? because I think that this story is very relevant to what we're talking about right now. So this is John chapter 15, verse one, Jesus, the true vine.

I am the true grapevine and my father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. for a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me yes i am the vine you are the branches those who remain in me and i in them will produce much fruit for apart from me you can do nothing anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned but if you remain in me and my words remain in you you may ask you may ask you for anything you want and it will be granted. When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my father. Okay, we're going to stop right there. We ended at

verse 8. So those were verses 1 through 8. Now, Jesus is describing the father, our father, as a gardener who prunes fruitful branches so they can become even more fruitful. Pruning does not necessarily mean the branch is failing. Sometimes pruning happens because the branch is alive and capable of bearing more. And so I think how this is relevant is maybe the fact that God is touching this area doesn't mean that you've actually failed. Maybe he is actually pruning something that cannot come with you into the next season of your life. Maybe he loves you too much to let you continue building your life around a wound that you just cannot see. yet. And so the process of pruning does not mean that we have failed. It actually could just mean

that God is like, okay, I don't want you to actually be carrying these things into your next season. They're not coming with you. They don't serve you anymore. You know, these ways that you've been trying to protect yourself, they're just not doing it anymore. And you don't need them. And the truth is, is the pruning hurts because something familiar is now being removed. That could be an old defense mechanism, a false belief, a coping strategy that you learned as a little kid, or even a way of controlling relationships. Those behaviors may have once helped you survive, you know, in a funny way like it did. Those things actually helped you survive. It helped you stay safe. but the truth is they now may actually prevent you from loving and being loved well.

And I think this will really help like any feeling of just feeling like a failure, you know, if there are things that need to be pruned, is that in these verses, it's shown that the branch being pruned actually already has fruit. And so if you were an utter failure, there would be no fruit on your branch at all, right? Like to be pruned means that there is already good fruit. So pruning isn't necessarily punishment or proof that you are a big fat failure, you know. It may actually just be evidence that God is actively developing something healthy in you. And it's interesting because when we look into the actual act of pruning itself, like the literal act of pruning when a gardener intentionally cuts away certain parts of a living plant, those things that they cut away could be dead, damaged, diseased, overgrown, or unproductive branches.

like they're just not producing any fruit. And so the plant can grow healthier and produce better fruit once those branches are cut off. A gardener might prune a branch because it is draining energy from healthier growth. It is blocking light or airflow. It has become damaged or diseased. It is growing in the wrong direction. It is already fruitful but needs shaping to become even more fruitful. And it's interesting because a gardener can, in the pruning process, still cut away something that is living growth. Like it doesn't always have to be dead, withered branches. And that's not because it is inherently bad, but because it is consuming resources needed for greater fruitfulness. And so again, like, those very things that maybe God is pruning out of you could just simply not be good

enough fruit to serve you in the next season. Like it served for that time. It was necessary for that time, right? Like it doesn't always have to be bad stuff, which I don't know. Maybe that's a whole another podcast episode. It could just be things that just aren't serving us anymore. Not because it is inherently bad, but because it is consuming resources needed for greater fruitfulness. And so pruning is intentional removal for the purpose of healthier growth. That is the whole point of pruning. That is God's heart posture when it comes to, yeah, just revealing things in us or things that he's just like, okay, this doesn't serve you anymore, you know, it kept you alive for a while, but it's actually not healthy anymore. It's not going to produce more fruit. And again, that's just proof that God

actually is for you, you know, it's never going to be in an act of condemnation or making you feel embarrassed, but it's always going to be for your good. I love that we've also been doing this in the last few episodes we've been making a little bit more of a habit here of ending with like pondering questions to reflect on but here are some closing thoughts that I think would be really good for us after all that we talked about today okay what if the situation is not proof that all of your healing has been undone what if it is proof that God trusts you enough to take you deeper I love that thought like the fact that God actually just trusts you enough like he believes that you're ready to go even deeper in your healing?

I think that's so sweet. You may have already experienced real healing and there may still be another layer God wants to touch. That doesn't make your previous progress false. It means healing can happen in layers. And now he just trusts you with the next one. He's like, all right, they're ready.

I think some reflecting questions that we could ask ourselves about the seasons that we're in right now or maybe some relationships, dynamics, things that we've been facing is what has this season been revealing? in me? Am I blaming someone for a wound they touched but did not actually create? Is there behavior from another person that still needs to be addressed in me? What response am I actually

responsible for? I love that because that's still touching on accountability, right? We will always have to take accountability for our actions. What am I trying to control because I am afraid? what old belief is shaping my interpretation of the present? This one might be one of my favorites as well. I love this question. What would responding from security in God look like today? And that's the other thing. I think that sometimes I personally get overwhelmed by the fact that there are things being

revealed in me. Like I think that in that I can sometimes get overwhelmed or I'm like, oh gosh, there's a lot here and what am I going to do to what am I going to do to heal this? And, you know, that's probably also me like to, on way too much responsibility and forgetting the fact that like I have a partner in this who is the Holy Spirit. Like I literally have God in this that's going to help me. And so something that I like to remind myself is like, okay, what would just responding and security in God and like his truth look like just for today? Okay, before my brain goes into like the future beyond beyond way too far.

It's like how about we just focus on today? Like what could the winds be today? How would responding today in a healthier way look like, you know? And maybe that's as far as we need to go. Tomorrow will worry about itself. But today, that's in Matthew, right? Oh yeah, the good old book of Matthew. It's my favorite book, Matthew 634. It says, so don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. Okay. So before you want to run into that rabbit hole of freaking out about how you're going to overcome whatever in the future, Focus on the wins for today with God. And ask the Lord for wisdom for just today.

Tomorrow will worry about you'll get there, okay? You can worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Hey, I love you guys. Thanks for letting me have a little bit of a therapy session with you guys today. It's probably a little different than our usual programming. But I have been really excited about the growth that I've been learning and the revelations I've been having in therapy. And so hopefully it's useful and fruitful for you guys too

with me sharing all of this. But yeah, I love you guys. Thanks for being here. Have a beautiful weekend. Have an incredible rest of your week until we see each other again on Wednesday. Before we go, actually, could we just do something really cool today?

Can we show somebody how cool Jesus is? Can we walk more like him, talk more like him, and be more like Jesus today? Let's all do that. Okay, I love you guys a lot. I love you. I'm proud of you.

and I will see you next time. Bye.