Christ With Coffee On Ice - when being liked matters too much

Episode Date: October 9, 2026

Hey y'all ! Welcome to another Friday with CWCOI ! In this week's episode, our host, Ally Yost talks about reputation and image and ultimately wanting people to understand us. We touched on a few of these things in our last episode but today we are going to talk about the idol of approval. "The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety." Psalm 18:2 _____________________________________________ ☆ PRE-ORDER 'LOVE THAT LASTS' HERE: https://allyyost.com/en-usd/pages/book ☆ OUR NEW MERCH IS LIVE! SHOP AT: https://allyyost.com ☆ Download the FREE Upside app now to find out how much money you could earn. Use code 'ONICE' to get an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas ➤ https://www.upside.com ☆ Go to ➤ oseamalibu.com and get 10% off your first order with code COFFEE  ☆ If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started ➤ https://learn.nocd.com/COFFEE ☆ Find your purpose at Grand Canyon University ➤ GCU.edu  ☆ MY BIBLE (code 'ALLYYOST' at checkout) ➤ https://hosannarevival.com/collections/beautiful-bibles/products/nlt-notetaking-bible-belfast-theme ☆ TUMBLER LINK ➤ https://allyyost.com/products/cwcoi-glass-tumbler-black _____________________________________________ Connect further with us ! TikTok ➤ https://www.tiktok.com/@christwithcoffeeonice  Instagram ➤ https://instagram.com/christwithcoffeeonice  _____________________________________________ Connect further with Ally ! TikTok (2M) ➤ https://www.tiktok.com/@ally_yost  Instagram ➤ https://www.instagram.com/ally_yost/  ShopMy ➤ https://shopmy.us/allyyost  Pinterest ➤ https://www.pinterest.com/ally_yost1/_created/

Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with coffee on ice. I am your host, Ali Yost. It is a joy and honor to be here with you guys today. Happy Friday, everybody. Hey, how is everybody doing? Can I give you a little bit of a life update? Because I had the time of my life yesterday and sort of the day before the day before was a lot harder than yesterday but i spent the last two days of my life um in current time of recording this of course recording the audio book for my book and it was such a learning process like it there's it was a learning curve for me it's something i've never done before um obviously i record this kind of stuff like i'm i'm i'm not not totally, you know, the idea of sitting in a room and recording into a microphone isn't so

foreign to me because we do that here. But yeah, it was different. It was so different. But I'm so grateful for it because first off, it was so fun. Like, genuinely so fun for me to read the words out of my book and be able to communicate the words that I wrote in a way that I would have wanted them to have been communicated. Does that make sense? Okay, hold on. You know what I mean, though? Like, as I was writing these words, I'm hearing it in a certain way in my mind. And had I had somebody, because I had the option. Like, I could have just had a voice actor or somebody who does this for a living. They're all very good at what they do. I could have had somebody else do it, but they're, I don't know. I just think it was really fun to be able to bring the words to life

in a way that I heard it in my mind. And so we shared this on the podcast, a few episodes. ago we're like the amount of percentage of communication is actually in words and then it was an outrageous percentage of like in our tone and the way that we like fluctuate our voice and you know the way that we say the words there's like there's 90% of our communication in that no what is the actual statistic I can't just throw words out there okay tone of voice is 38% of communication 7% is the actual words and then 55% is facial expressions and body language. And so it was just cool that I was able to bring that 7% of just the words. Like it was fun to bring that extra 38% of, yeah, just like the tone of my voice and just being able to deliver it in a way that was so special.

And so anyway, that's my really long way of saying that it was so much fun. And to my audiobook lovers, which I don't know, if you listen to podcasts, I was thinking about you. you guys specifically because I'm like, we do that here all the time. So I'm like, surely a lot of you guys are probably also audiobook listeners. And so I really hope that you enjoy it. And I hope that you guys love it. I'm so excited for you to hear it. I only cried twice actually. Believe it or not, you won't hear it in the recording because obviously we had to cut that part. There were a couple times where I got a little choked up because it's just Jesus is so special and he's perfect and he's redemptive and it's also so cool because I wrote these words like over a year ago. A lot of

these words I wrote a long time ago. So it was really cool because as I was reading them, I was just reminded of his goodness and how he saved my life. Truly. So anyway, that was the last couple of my days and now I'm sitting here and I'm talking to you guys even more, which is crazy. I've just been using my voice a lot lately, which is fun. I mean, I really could talk to a wall for hours. So This is what the Lord's made me for is just to yap. But I'm excited to be back with you guys today. And I hope that you've had a beautiful week. And I'm very excited for today's episode because it's going to be kind of giving part two to what we just talked about on Wednesday.

But they're very intertwined and they're very connected. And if you missed Wednesday's episode, we talked about the idol and sometimes the importance of being understood by others. And so we talked about what that looks like, what it can feel like, how it can manifest in our lives and in us, and how it can affect us mentally, spiritually, all of those things. But the thing that I want to talk about today is also the idol of reputation. Because I think things can always be broken down in layers. I don't actually believe that there's anything that we can stop at, especially when it comes to Revelation with the Lord. but there isn't just one revelation to be had. It's like there just is an opportunity to find that next layer, you know? And so for me, as I sat with the idea of the fact that, and again, like I was honest in the last episode, I'll be honest in this one, I am not off limits to these things. I think especially because of what I do, transparently, y'all, because of what I do and how many screens I'm on and how many cameras I have to look at. And it's very easy to fall into, you know, these mentality. of just like wanting to be understood and wanting to be perceived in the way that you hope people perceive you in and like reputation meaning a lot and your image meaning a lot.

And I think that's not just for Allie. That's for all of us because I think we all deal with that on a day to day basis, especially in the generation that we're in with social media. It's so easy to get swept up in wanting everyone to experience you in a way that is amazing. and that is well and impressive and awesome and you know oh wow look at them look what they're doing look at look at all of how god is using them like it's so easy to fall into that and it's you guys we just got to be so mindful of it we do and i think that the best thing that we could do is christians like i actually was just watching a video from jeremy riddle if you guys are familiar with him he's an incredible leader um worship leader specifically but he also has so much wisdom to share like i love

hearing him talk to but he was on his Instagram um just a few days ago and it came up on my for you page and he was talking about basically publicly repenting over the fact that he has allowed this like self-righteousness and this concern of image get to his head and it was specifically through social media where he was like I found myself caring more about you know if there was media being taken during like a worship set or if you know if he was leading worship and there was a photo or a or whatever, he found himself being like, oh, I look really good in that, and I want to post that and that, wow, I was, that moment of worship was so powerful. And like, you don't even realize, but it's like this self-righteousness and self-exalting. It's like because of the leadership,

because of, you know, the way that he was leading so many people and was in a spotlight, it is so easy to get consumed with your image. And so those are really extreme examples of me using myself and even Jeremy as an example. But like, I think all of us in one way, shape, or form can fall to that. And it can be in our subconscious. Like, it can be totally not intentional. But that's why it's so important, you guys, that we are constantly checking our heart posture. Like, every day. I think we should actually make a habit of checking our hearts every single day. And not in a performative way, not in an, okay, God, like, point out all the boo-boos in me now, you know. but it's, I think it's just, it's an important thing for us to do because I think it's going to

keep us connected to Jesus. It's going to keep us humble at his feet and it's going to keep us wise. Like, genuinely, I think that that's going to keep us in a place of always being a sponge and wanting to absorb everything Jesus has. So I think it's just a practice of humility. So anyway, I think it's worth talking about is reputation and image and not only wanting people to understand us. But I think that there's another, there's a deeper layer to that of like, well, why do we want to feel so understood by people? And like we called out a few things in the last episode, which might sound a little repetitive today. But it's, again, it's because it's everything is so intertwined. But, you know, it's the fear of, of, you know, abandonment, the fear of being

rejected. And so I think that those fears are probably very similar when we ask ourselves, well, why do we want people to see us in an image that we want to be seen in, you know? And so I think that the idol of approval is just another thing that's branched off of maybe a common root of fear. Like, fear is such a monster because it can manifest in so many different ways in our life. And I really think that fear is the ultimate disease when it comes to our spirituality, because it infects and touches everything in our lives if we aren't careful, you know? Like if we are allowing fear to be our master, oh my gosh, game over. I mean, you will never allow yourself to truly be free in any category of your life

because you're letting fear dictate your decisions, the way that you show up for yourself, for other people, for God. I mean, fear will literally, it's crippling, you know, and it holds us back. and depending on how loud the voice of fear is in your life, obviously that scale can look extreme, but it can also look very minimal where, you know, maybe you are doing a lot and you're being obedient in a lot of ways. But because of this tiny little sliver of fear, it's still holding you back just enough where you're not actually living up to your full potential with God. And I don't know if we're all going to master that perfectly. You know, I think fear will always be a challenge for us as long

as we're on planet earth. I think that that's why God tells us 365 times in scripture to not be afraid because it is something we have to learn to resist every day of our lives. I don't think that anyone is just going to be perfect at never being fearful. You know, I think that the reality of being a Christian is obedience to God even though we're afraid. You know, I think it's learning how to be resilient and obedient and, steadfast even with fear. It's learning how to accept that fear is going to be a part of our

stories sometimes, but accept it not in a way of a master, but being like, okay, yeah, I'm afraid, but I'm not coming into agreement with my fear. It's like setting those boundaries with fear, where it's like, okay, yeah, fear, I'm going to encounter it, you know, like it's still going to be something I'm going to have to say, hello, okay, but I'm not going to listen to you. Is that making sense. I think all I'm trying to say is like expecting that fear will come, but not becoming a slave to it. You know, like not being surprised when fear happens because I think even Jesus, I don't think being fearful is a sin. You know, I think what would be sinful is listening to fear over God. That's an environment that sin can be birthed because I think that's when we can be

disobedient because fear is probably telling us the exact opposite of what God is telling us. And so I don't think being fearful in itself is actually a bad thing. I think we can still do things in fear, which is how you are courageous. I think the only reason that the word courageous exists, like the real definition of being courageous is what? Doing something even when you're scared. You know, there's nothing courageous about doing something if you're not afraid to do it. And so I think being a Christian also is learning how to be courageous, like how to endure things

even in our fear. All right, so now that I've already blabbed y'all's ears off, I actually give you a very short life update, and then I just went in. I don't know what's happening today. I don't know if it's just because I, I figured after two full days of blabbing and hearing my voice, no, here we are. I'm still doing it, and I'm happy to be here. Okay. I'm just on a roll. I'm like, okay, Allie.

I've hit my word count for the week, that's for sure. Before we get into everything, though, I know that we just like, we really, got the train roll in there for a little bit. You guys are probably really hyped up and excited. I am too. But I just want to pause for a second to say that we do have our Christ. We have our butter yellow Bible. Yes, everybody. Good job. I'm not, I'm not coming off as a surprise today because this is just, this is the Bible we've been loving. If you're a new listener, I say that because I usually, I don't know, I have all sorts of Bibles, all different colors. I love my Bibles. But yes, we are still sticking with the butter yellow. I love her. And this is from Hosanna Revival.

I'm going to continue to shout them out forever and ever because you guys always are still asking. And I love Hosanna. Like genuinely wish I could give them a hug and a kiss right now. I love them. They are some of the most incredible people. They make the most beautiful Bibles. And I do have a code with them as well. So if you guys are on the market for a new Bible or, yeah, I don't know.

You want any journals or planners. They also have really cutesy, whimsical, girly planners and journals. I have so many of their journals. I really enjoy them. And they even have them set up where you can have one that matches your Bible. So cute. So cute. So intentional. Incredible quality. And I'm going to be reading the NLT translation. And my code, by the way. Sorry. I said, I have a code, but I won't tell you. It's just my name. Ali Yost is my code. So you can always save it, check out with Hosanna Revival. Please support them. They're amazing. You would be supporting such an incredible company and you're getting amazing. products in exchange and they're just awesome. So, Hosanna Revival, okay? We have Christ. And we have our coffee on ice, okay? We've got our pumpkin spice again today and our glass tumblers. It says Christ with coffee on ice on the front. And we have Jesus on the back. He's perfect. He's perfect. And so these are available if you guys are curious. We have the QR code here on the screen somewhere. Anyway, okay, I love you guys. Let's move on. I really want to talk about this today. Are you ready?

Is everybody ready? I'm so excited. Okay. Let's talk. talk about the idol of approval. So the way that we could break this down in layers, okay, Wednesday being the top layer when we were talking about wanting to be understood or the fear of being misunderstood, okay? But the statement of that top layer is, I want you to understand me. Okay, that could be something that we feel about other people. And the reason is because if you understand me, maybe you won't judge me. Okay. And so, then we can take that another layer deeper and say, I don't want you to judge me. Why? Because I want you to approve of me. And so do you see how we can continue to ask more questions and go deeper? Because then the

next layer to that would be what we're talking about today, which is, I want your approval, but why? Because your opinion has started determining how I see myself. And so I think what we're really going to be talking about today is yes, the idol of approval, but how we have allowed the way that other people see us to dictate the way that we actually see ourselves. And I'd also love to talk about what is actually supposed to be taking place of that. Like if we're going to be looking at anybody of how we see ourselves, who would that be? I think a lot of us probably have some guesses. His name is in the name of this podcast. Starts with a C. Yeah. So we'll get to that.

And so eventually the statement or the conclusion that we get to after we've peeled back all of these onion layers, right, is I'm allowing people to give me something I was supposed to receive from God. It's identity, you know. I think this is another example of allowing other people to determine who we are and allowing other people to tell us, yeah, like our identity, who we are and how we should even see ourselves. when that should have never been in the hands of human beings, but only God. So I think that something we could start with just to open up this conversation and this rabbit hole that we're about to jump into, but it'll be good, is what do you want people to think about you? Like honestly, like if you were to hold, like with every person that you, you know, interact with

and you meet, like, what are the things that you would want that person to think about you or to take away after interacting with you. I think a few examples that I could give is I would hope that they would think I'm kind and that I'm humble and I'm intelligent and I'm genuine and I'm a good friend and I have a good heart, right? It's like ultimately I would love for people to see me how I hope that I am, which is just a good person and a loving person and an accepting person and somebody who's there to support. and love and just be intentional and genuine, right?

I think that that's all our should be, our goals, especially as disciples of Christ, is to just reflect more of his characteristics. I think that those are all things that Jesus is. And so that's a real thing. And I don't think that that's a bad thing, you know? Like, I don't think that it's bad that you would be hopeful that people take away really good aspects of who you are from interacting with you,

you know but I think then the harder question to ask ourselves after that is what happens inside of you when someone thinks the opposite though because again I think that you know us being hopeful and being like okay I really hope that this person thinks that I'm all of these things but there is a chance for whatever reason that somebody could not think those things about you and so what happens to you at the idea or the thought of somebody not believing those things about you and I think think something else worth pointing out is that there actually is a big difference between character and reputation because character is actually who you are you know like your character is who you are to the core but your reputation is who people actually believe that you are and those could be

totally different things you could be an incredible amazing honest genuine human being and somebody totally misunderstands you. And so, you know, your reputation in their eyes for whatever reason is not that. Or vice versa, where like somebody's reputation can be really amazing. But then you experience their character behind closed doors in, you know, more intimate environments or, you know, you've gotten to know somebody for a long time and now their character is actually coming through and you're seeing it for what it is. And you're like, whoa, this is kind of crazy because their reputation is so much. Like people rave about this person, but the experience I'm having with them is so different, right? So obviously character and reputation are completely different things.

I think we do have influence over our reputation, but I don't think that we have total control of it. But what we do have total control of is our character. And some examples of how those two things don't always match is obviously you can have pure intentions and someone can just assign bad motives to it. You know, like you can have actual pure intentions. I think this happened to Jesus all the time. obviously his intentions were only pure and because people had made the decision that he just wasn't they attached bad motives to what he was doing you know and I think you know you can obey God and someone can think that you're making a terrible decision you could tell somebody the truth and somebody could be like nope that's not you're actually being dishonest you know so it's it's hard

because I think reputation in a lot of ways is out of our control what if part of freedom is accepting that I am responsible for my character, but I cannot be responsible for every person's interpretation of my character. And you know, with saying all of this too, like I'm, I'm not saying that reputation isn't important. I think reputation is obviously so important, especially with being a Christian. Like, if we're going to represent Jesus, we're going to want our reputation to be aligned with how Christ is, you know? And so I'm not saying that we're just supposed to be like, oh, whatever, whatever people think of our reputation. Because the truth is, a scripture actually does say reputation matters.

Proverbs 22.1 actually says, a good name is to be chosen rather than great riches. First Timothy 3.7 also says, also people outside the church must speak well of him so that he will not be disgraced and fall into the devil's trap. So even from these couple of verses, it is clear that reputation, and like having a good reputation and caring about having a good reputation in itself is not sinful. And let's talk about people pleasing for a second. Because I think that this is a real part of this as well, you know, is I think that people pleasing can mask itself as us just loving people well, right? sometimes we call it being nice or easygoing consider it um i think in the church too we could call it you know just being a servant and like just like always laying your life down to to do the things that

make other people feel seen or loved or helped i think some of our motives could be so you know pure in that but i do think that again it really comes down to heart posture because if we're not constantly examining our hearts and being like like what actually is the true root here. Am I just doing this because I'm afraid of, yes, being misunderstood, but also am I doing it for approval of man? Like, because I want, you know, my reputation to look really well. And it's just, it's gotten to a place where I care more about that than anything else. And if the idea of saying no to somebody or letting somebody down, like, devastates you, you know, and it gives you so much anxiety, that's when people pleasing.

you know, approval, fear of man has actually become a form of worship for us. Like that's the thing that we worship before God. And so, yeah, I think what can be dangerous, though, is that we can believe that we're loving people well. But if we aren't actually genuinely checking our hearts and being like, is this me actually, like my motivation is to genuinely love this person well? Or is the deeper motivation here I'm just afraid of disappointing them or I'm afraid of saying know or I need their approval. Like I need to feel good that they think I'm amazing. So then I believe that I'm

amazing. And so yes, I do think that like, you know, actually doing acts of love and serving and just, you know, being easygoing and considerate and not wanting to offend anybody. Like, sure, those could all be genuine things. But sometimes underneath it, I think the real statement is I need you to like me. I need your approval. So then again, if we're taking that one more layer deeper, it's like, well, why? Why do you need the approval of other people? And then the layer under that is like, well, because it makes me feel good. Like, I feel good.

I feel secure. I feel reassured that I am a good person then. It's like, ooh, okay. So then we've made an idol of the approval of a man versus what God says about you, you know? Because I think ultimately serving and loving people are always going to make you. feel good but if that's the motivator you get what you guys get what i'm saying if that's the thing that's driving you then we have an insecurity that needs to be filled and it can only be filled by god like you can actually only be fully satisfied by god he's the only one sufficient for fulfilling that

void in your heart of belonging approval feeling good enough and honestly seeing yourself the way that you deserve to be seen but i don't think we're gonna we don't believe people for very long you know like for whatever reason when people say that we're so amazing and awesome that only really stays with us for a little bit and then we're hungry for the next act of approval you know or acceptance where they're like oh yes oh my gosh you're such an incredible friend you're so trustworthy you're amazing you know and again these are all great things but we will never be set like we will always be chasing that because again there's nothing that is actually supposed to fully satisfy us other than god himself and i think that if that is the heart posture, right? If that's the layer that we've been able to break it down to of why we are a people pleaser or why we want the approval of people is like, oh, well, I need you to like me. Then that immediately leads us into thinking, okay, well, then that means that my kindness isn't entirely free anymore because I'm giving something with an unspoken expectation, which is that in return, you're like, please repay me by thinking well of me and saying that I'm awesome. And I want you to think

that I'm awesome. Like underneath that there is like a contract. Like there's an exchange that's happening there. Your act of kindness is not actually free anymore because there is this unsaid expectation in your mind where okay, well, if I do this, then they're going to approve of me. You know, then they're going to think I'm really great and they're probably going to say I'm really great and then it's going to make me feel really secure again. And I think there's another layer to this that can get so dangerous where if we have, you have, this unsaid and maybe even unacknowledged agreement exchange that we've made in our minds where that when we go out of our way to do things for other people and there's this underlying

narrative that when we do that then the thing that we get in exchange is approval is praise is you know oh my gosh you're this or you're that right um if that's not met though it actually can create something else in us, which is resentment towards that person. Because if you're not getting back what you were hoping you'd get back in that moment, then you think after everything I've done for you, how could you think that about me? You know, like after everything I've done for you, you can't at least tell me that you think I'm in a mate. You know what I mean? It's a slippery slow. I'm not talking about allowing people to just step all over you where like you're constantly doing things and you're never getting. I do believe that in any healthy relationship, there should be some

sense of acknowledgement, you know? Like if you are massively going out of your way for somebody, like I would hope in the least that they would be like, hey, thank you so much for that. Like, I see the efforts that you put in that and that meant so much to me. I think that that's healthy and I think that's totally okay. But I think again, we have to be honest with ourselves on what is actually the motivator? What is the thing driving us to do those things? I think we all deserve to be told reminders of how important we are to people. I think words of affirmation, like obviously is a love language for a lot of people for a reason. I think it's a way that people can feel really seen and really loved. And so again, I don't think that there's actually anything wrong in that. It's just

what if that's the actual thing that's driving us, then that causes a lot of problems. in our inner world. And yeah, it actually even causes some wedges between us and the people that we're in relationships with. Because, again, if they're not meeting this invisible expectation that you've set that they don't even know about, it can stir up this bitterness in us because we're not getting the thing that we've been working for to get. And so I think a real question that we could even ask ourselves in a moment like that

is like would I still do this loving thing if I knew it wouldn't make this person like me? Or would I still be doing this thing if I knew that they wouldn't, maybe they won't say anything. But I like that first statement a lot because I think that that also can bring in a perspective of people that maybe you're not even in a relationship with, but you just like want to win everybody over. You know what I mean? Like I don't know if you guys have ever been in a season of your life where like you made it a goal of yours where you're like I'm going to win over everybody. And what's true in that is like, yes, there's a deep rooted fear and insecurity of approval. Like you need people to approve of you to feel secure and to feel good about yourself. And so, yeah, I mean, I think that's such a real question to ask ourselves.

So it's like even if you're going out of your way for a stranger, are you doing that? Are you actually doing that to love them well? Or are you just doing that to win them over? In the book of Galatians in chapter 1, verse 10, very much. in the beginning of Galatians. There's a verse that says, obviously I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant. This is Paul talking right now. And I think that there is like a strong tension here in Paul's language of what he's saying, right? Like servant of people versus servant of Christ.

I think that's the very obvious contrast of what he's painting here. It's because ultimately whoever's approval you need has enormous influence over your behavior. You can care about someone's opinion without being controlled by their opinion. And you know what's crazy guys is like, I think anything, like any good fruit of the spirit, any good quality that we could get from Jesus, like any good part of our character can still be twisted and manipulated if we aren't paying attention. And what I mean by that is like, you guys, this is so real. I think even humility can become reputation management.

Like I think that if we start to manage our reputation and we are managing how people perceive us, you could even start asking things like, did that sound humble enough? Do people think I'm prideful? Should I explain what I meant? Should I post something so people know my heart? Like even wanting to be perceived in a way that's humble. can be a lens of reputation management. Ew, I know. And so eventually you're not simply living before God. You're watching yourself live through everyone else's eyes. I want to give you guys an

example right now because I feel like we're all kind of guilty of this, whether this is like somebody that you've just started dating or maybe somebody that you just started talking to or it's like a new friend. Like there's a new person in your life where you know that somebody is about to look at. at your Instagram. And so for whatever reason, now all of a sudden, you're consuming all of your own content, which you have posted. You know what's on your page. Hello? It's yours. But anyway, you're like scrolling on your Instagram and you're like experience, you're like trying to experience your Instagram, but like through their eyes. And so you're going over your Instagram and you're like watching it out and you're swiping it and you're getting the full experience,

but you're trying to like get it through the eyes of this person. Because you're like, oh my gosh, they're going to see my stuff for the first time. Like, is it okay? Like, I want to make sure that everything looks good. And like, I wonder how it would feel to like experience it through. But that is like such a silly example. And I don't even think that means that like you're obsessed with you. Well, okay. Maybe. But I just feel like when you are micromanaging your reputation and people's experience of you, that's how it feels. But like 24-7, where you are constantly watching your yourself live through the eyes of everybody else. And so I think for myself and even for you guys, I want this for all of us, but like I want us to get to a point where we're like, you know what,

no, I don't want to spend my life watching myself through other people's eyes. It's exhausting. And I think that the truth about reputation management specifically that can also be pretty scary is I think that that actually can prevent repentance, you know, Like if maintaining the identity of I'm a good person becomes essential to you, then admitting wrongdoings become threatening. Because repentance requires saying, I was wrong. I'm not always a good person, God. I messed up.

I was disobedient. I sinned. Right. And so if we are constantly striving for this reputation and image of being a good person and a humble person and a holy person and somebody who follows God and obeys Him, him like we can slowly and it's so sneaky and this is actually how the devil like finds his way and slithers into our lives as believers is he weaponizes and uses things that are very like things that we actually should want to be but tweaks it just a little bit where it's it's it's off by a

degree just one degree where now all of a sudden we we actually are believing that we are the ones who are responsible for that though. And now because of this, I'm a good person. I have to be, I have, everyone has to know me as a good person. You now aren't repenting as much because to repent, you have to say the exact opposite statement of I'm a good person. No, it's I'm actually not a good person. I did the wrong thing.

I made a mistake. I willingly sinned. I made like whatever that is. But like when you go to the feet of Jesus and you're repenting, it's, it's a beautiful gift. I've said that so many times on the podcast. It's never something to be like doom and gloom like God, I suck. But like there is a, I sucked.

Like, okay, yeah, I messed up. There's supposed to be hope in it, right? Not condemnation, but hope in Christ and in his blood, that he washes us of our sins. And it's a gift that we actually are, we even are able to repent and ask for forgiveness from God and that he gives us forgiveness freely. But yeah, if we are believing that we have to sustain this image of I'm a good person,

it can get slippery where now it's harder for us to admit. that when we're not. Because the other thing about repentance, y'all, is it's just saying I was wrong, you know? And I think that when we want to have this image of good person, this is just an example of like an image that you could be trying to maintain for yourself. But the truth is, is like, that's the statement, that's the heart in repentance. But if we are trying to maintain that I'm a good person, then there's justification that can also happen where it's like, I was wrong, but here's why. Well, but this is why I did it. You know, like, like justifying. over explaining because why. I need you to know I'm still a good person though. Instead of just saying

like, I'm sorry you experienced it that way. And that example is like repenting to other people, right? If you've hurt somebody, if you weren't a good person in a moment, you know, like if you genuinely were kind of acting out and you were, you were acting a little snappy, like, but you're still trying to maintain this image of being a good person, anyone on the receiving end of that, if they were actually truly hurt by you are going to feel really seen in that moment because you're still looking at yourself, you're still trying to defend yourself, you're still trying to convince the other person why you are a good person, because you so deeply need people to know that you're a good person, and so they're not being validated by the actual hurt that you caused. Instead of saying,

I was wrong and I'm sorry that you experienced, like, that was not my intentions. I'm so sorry. You're saying, well, yeah, I was wrong, but this is why, like, but this is why I did it. It's completely invalidating of that person's experience. Sometimes genuine repentance requires is allowing your reputation to take a hit because truth matters more than appearing righteous. And so I think a question we could ask ourselves even in that moment is do I want to actually be righteous or do I want people to think I'm righteous? Because I think actually being righteous is admitting when we are wrong, admitting that when we aren't good people, you know, like when we're not always making the right

decisions and admitting to that, repenting to it, owning it, and then turning the other cheek and deciding, okay, I'm going to learn from that and I don't want to do that again. You know, like that actually is righteousness. That's being a good person, is being humble enough and admitting when you're not. And so I think the real question here too is how do we actually become free from this? How do we become free from, you know, people pleasing, maintaining our image, managing the approval of other people, wanting ourselves to have reputations of whatever we've curated in our minds of a person. perfect reputation. I think again, just as we said in the last episode, I don't think it's just going to be a simple statement of like, okay, well, I'm just not going to care what people think

anymore because the truth is, it's like, yes, it's still going to matter, you know, especially when it comes to the people that you care about most. I think the more important message here is knowing whose judgment is ultimate. Like at the end of the day, we need to remind ourselves of who actually is the ultimate judge. And I think the best way to break. this cycle if like people pleasing or the applaud of others has become a problem for you i think the best way to um kind of untrain your mind is to maybe start doing things in secrecy like doing things in obedience to the lord but in the quiet and you don't tell anybody about it you don't let anybody witness it you don't broadcast it you don't post about it you don't even tell your best friend you don't

tell your mom. You don't tell anybody. Do things for God that nobody can actually applaud you for, where it's like you and God are the only people that know about what you did. I think another thing that we could start practicing if this is a bad habit of ours, you know, if this has become an idol in our lives, is to stop unnecessarily explaining yourself. Kind of talked about that on Wednesday, too, because again, I think that these two topics correlate a lot. But the truth is, is not every misconception requires correction, right? I think again, Jesus demonstrated that beautifully where he didn't explain himself all the time. I think this is a really interesting POV as well. I think this is also very important, is receiving criticism from others without immediately accepting or rejecting it.

So I think the mistake, especially when we have put people on a pedestal of like, okay, whatever people say about me is who I am, you know, and I actually talk. about this in my book. There's like a whole chapter or a whole part of a chapter where I talk about just the approval of people and how damaging it was for me before my identity was truly rooted in Christ, good or bad, you know, we're like whether it was praise online or it was criticism, it would really go to my head either way. And I think that's still something to this day that I have to be mindful of because it is so easy to go scrolling in your comment section and get really boosted by all the amazing things that people are saying about you. And then you hit that one

critical nasty comment. And then of course that like stays in your mind for way too long. And there's just too much temptation of allowing people to have the final say of who you are, whether it's good or bad. And so I think another really good practice that we could do is like with whatever feedback people give you, whether it's good or bad. But yeah, I think criticism, especially because I think that's the one that can be like really make or break for us sometimes is not making a decision on it at all. Like when you hear it, I think learning how to break the habit of like immediately internalizing it and like keeping it here, like keeping the words out here. Don't let it like strike into your heart and into your soul and say yes, that's that's right.

That's who I am. You know, like keep them at arm's length and say, hmm, okay. God. what do you say about that is it true and you know what so and this is this is another beautiful part about being in the body of christ is you could get some hard feedback from people sometimes if they are correcting you in love like it is biblical for us to call each other higher and to sharpen each other and to point out blind spots like if if i'm acting out in a certain way i can tell you that there are people around me that will call me out on it and at first it kind of stings you know but i think even with that like i think it's always wise to take those things and be like before immediately rejecting it or absorbing it saying okay god what do you say is this true you know and it could be a hard truth or it could be a

flat out lie but i think the best way to really discern what is the truth about what people could say to you or about you is asking the lord and and he'll tell you i think another little call to action that we could all take to really receive freedom, you know, from this pressure of reputation is repenting quickly when you're actually wrong. Freedom from reputation means you don't have to protect an image of perfection. And so if you are quick to repent, if you are quick to be humble, if you are quick to be like, yep, I was wrong, then there's a good chance that you're not really trying to keep any kind of reputation or at least like a perfect squeaky clean image of yourself if you are quick to

admitting that you are wrong. I actually think that's like the first sign even with meeting people. Like that's like the first thing that I think could really point to somebody actually being so authentic and genuine is when they are quick to be like, oh, yep, I was wrong. And they don't go off into this tangent of like defending themselves or over explaining themselves or, you know, trying to make sure that you still have this perfect image of them. I mean, I think a lot of times it could probably seem really conceited. And maybe that's what it's led to. But the deeper root is like they have their identity intertwined and completely dictated by how other people see them. And it's sad. Like we've seen the extremes of that. And then I think finally the last thing that we could really start practicing

to break this habit of, you know, image control and obsessing over what people think of us is letting people be wrong about who you are. Like, genuinely, just letting people be wrong about you sometimes. Because here's the truth, you guys. It's not that the truth doesn't matter. And it's not because relationships don't matter. But it's because you cannot spend your entire life correcting every inaccurate version of yourself that exists in someone else's mind.

because again that's exhausting. There have been so many situations where I have had to wave my white flag and be like, I'm going to be misunderstood by this person. And there's actually nothing I can do about it at this point. You know, like I'm just my image of who I am in their eyes is distorted to the truth. And I am not going to obsess over having their approval. Like it's just, it's not worth it. And I think this is where really leaning.

on and believing that God is your defender. Like truly, that is what he says in scripture. One of my favorite scriptures that I think speaks directly to God being our defender and our rock is Psalm 182, which says, the Lord is my rock, my fortress and my savior. My God is my rock in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. There's another verse in Psalm. It's Psalm 710, which says, My Shield is with God who saves the upright in heart. And I think one of the postures of David that I love so much in the Psalms is that David,

as you read the Psalms, repeatedly has opportunities to take his reputation and vindication into his own hands. You know, like even at the time where Saul was pursuing him, David was being treated like an enemy despite his loyalty. And yet when David had opportunities to kill Saul, he refused. In 1st Samuel 2412, David says, may the Lord judge between me and you. May the Lord avenge me against you, but my hand shall not be against you. Essentially what David is saying here, which I think is a hard posture that all of us should have, especially when our reputation is maybe being dragged through the mud by somebody, right? Because we are deeply misunderstood and they've, you know,

experienced or interpreted us wrong. And so our image to them has been totally distorted and it's not fair, right? But our heart posture, even in the midst of that, should be like David's, where we are saying, God knows what happened. Okay. God knows my heart. God knows what is true. God knows the truth.

And I don't have to become sinful trying to prove that I'm innocent, meaning I don't have to take matters into my own hands and sit from the passenger seat, but lean over to the driver's side and start taking the wheel because I feel like somebody has to defend me. Well, somebody has to speak up. Well, I obviously have to defend myself. And you know what? Sometimes we actually don't. I'd like to think more times than not we don't have to defend ourselves. We don't have to prove whether it is coming from a place of fear of maintaining our image or maybe this is a righteous, you know, where you're like, no, this is actually, like I'm being misunderstood in my image and my reputation is being dragged through the mud and it's not even

true, there could be like a fairness about it that you're like, no, this is just actually simply wrong. But if we don't believe that God at the end of all of this has seen everything and more, he's probably seen more than you've even seen when it comes to the situation that maybe you're in. And he is the ultimate judge. He is your defender. He knows exactly what happened. He knows your heart. He knows what is the truth in this situation. I think that trusting God to defend you means that you don't have to manipulate. I mean, you definitely don't have to sin. That's for sure.

You don't have to retaliate. You don't have to obsess or control in order to vindicate yourself. You can tell the truth, right? Like we can, you can speak up for yourself and speak the truth. You can obviously clarify. but eventually you have to release the outcome, right? Like at one point you have to just surrender the fact that somebody could still choose to see you in a light that isn't true. And then I think that I feel like we've kind of taken another little route with this topic of reputation and image.

But I think it's good. I think it's relatable, right? Because I think there is a real frustration in feeling as if our reputation has been presented. in a way that's not true. So we talked about, you know, how that can be an idol, but maybe there is a justice part of this as well. And I think that there is a difficult question that we have to be willing to ask ourselves in this as well, which is, you know, obviously we know that God is our defender, but what if God doesn't clear your name in the way that you want him to? Because I think sometimes saying things and reassuring ourselves, it's true when we say God is our defender. But I think

sometimes when we say God is my defender, that in itself can accidentally become a way of trying to control reputation because in our minds we could be thinking, well, I'll just stay quiet because eventually God will make everyone realize I was right, you know? And the truth is, is scripture doesn't promise that every person who misunderstands you will eventually understand you. I think that can still be your hope and your prayer, right? But some people died misunderstood. The disciples, every single one of them, except John, but even John probably was misunderstood a lot. But like anyone who followed Jesus was so misunderstood.

Someone misunderstood, though, that they were all murdered over their faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus himself is an example of somebody who died misunderstood. He himself was crucified under accusations. So trusting God as a defender, it can't be so. black and white that that statement alone means God will eventually make everybody think highly of me. I think what it actually means is even if my reputation remains damaged in someone's mind, God knows the truth and his judgment of me is ultimately more authoritative than anybody else's. And so again, I think that that is another reminder of the deeper freedom that we get in the

satisfaction of not only believing, okay, yeah, God, you can defend. me, but also even if people don't ever understand me, even if I die misunderstood and I don't get the approval from certain people, I have yours. And like that again is where freedom really is because when we allow ourselves to be fully satisfied with the approval of God and only his, it doesn't really matter if he like sets the table in front of these people or not, you know, and he may. And so I think something that we all collectively should do together. as a body of Christ, as a family, is caring more about our character than our reputation. You know, again, I don't think it's bad to want to have a good reputation.

I think good character leads to a good reputation. But surrendering the idea that everybody is going to see it that way, surrendering the idea that you're not going to get the approval of everybody, you're going to be misunderstood. Your image is going to be, you know, warped and distorted by other people. Your reputation might also be dragged through the mud. There might be people who try to destroy your reputation. But like surrendering the part that like not everybody is going to see you as a way that maybe you'd hope. I think we should all agree and want to care more about being faithful than being perceived as faithful.

Whatever characteristics that you want to have of Jesus, because like any good characteristics we could have, Jesus did it first, right? He was the walking example. He is the example. His Holy Spirit guides us and teaches us every day on how to have those characteristics and those aspects. of Jesus living inside of us so that we can just be an overflow and a mirror and a reflection of Christ. Whatever those characteristics are, our hearts should just want to have them more than wanting to be perceived as them. I want to be quick to repent when I'm wrong, willing to clarify when wisdom calls for it and humble enough to receive correction. But when I've done those things, I want to be able to put my reputation back into God's hands and say, you know my heart.

heart. You know what happened, God. You know what is true. I don't have to convince everyone. You are my defender. And so I think this is also a matter of like where we are placing our reputation versus controlling it. You know, again, like our reputation, our image, the only, all of that approval should be in the hands of God versus other people. And it goes back to a reminder we've already talked about so many times here on the podcast, but like to the person who knows you better than you know yourself who is God like what better person to have the approval of you know what better person to be understood by you know all of these things that we're so deeply afraid of being to other people we already are to the very creator who made you and this world that you're living in like that's the

person that actually matters most when seeking approval I just started randomly I I still had Psalm opened. Psalm 18, 19. My eyes just like fell to this. And I really want to read it. It says, He led me to a place of safety. He rescued me because he delights in me.

The Lord rewarded me for doing right. He restored me because of my innocence. For I have kept the ways of the Lord. I have not turned from my God to follow evil. I have followed all his regulations. I have never abandoned his decrees. I am blameless. before God. I have kept myself from sin. The Lord rewarded me for doing right. He has seen my innocence.

To the faithful, you show yourself faithful. To those with integrity, you show integrity. To the pure, you show yourself pure, but to the crooked, you show yourself shrewd. You rescue the humble, but you humiliate the proud. You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness. In your strength, I can crush any army. With my God, I have. can scale any wall. God's way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. For who is God except the Lord? Who but our God is a solid rock? God arms me with strength and he makes my way perfect. He makes me as sure-footed as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. He trains my hands for battle. He strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow. You have given me

your shield of victory. Your right hand supports me. Your help has made me great. You have made me a wide path for my feet to keep them from slipping. I just liked that to the faithful you show yourself faithful. Isn't that, oh, listen to this. To those with integrity, you show integrity. I feel like what those scriptures are saying is like, if we are trying so hard to reflect the fruits of the spirit instead of just sitting with Jesus, learning from Jesus, spending time with him, like you will just have the fruits of the spirit. And then people will see the fruit in you. Like we're focusing too much on the fruit and not on the person, the vine himself, who gives the fruit? You know what I'm saying? Like this verse right here says to the faithful, you show yourself faithful. So like if you, if you are just

faithful to God, guess what you're going to look like to other people? Faithful. We just got to fix our eyes back on Jesus. That's what all of this is about is we just got to fix our eyes back on Jesus. This isn't even like a how to step by step. I mean, yes, all of the things that we talked about today, they are going to be things to practice if this has been a bad habit for you. But like ultimately, y'all, the answer to everything at the end of the day is to just look at Jesus. Fix your eyes on him again. We're like Peter on the water all over again. We're in the boat and then we look left and right and we see the waves. and then we start to sink. And it's like, stop looking at all the rest of the stuff.

Stop looking at the waves. Stop looking at, oh, but my image and my approval and wanting to be seen this way. And I want to make sure that people know that I'm honest and I'm pure and I'm humble and I'm this. And I want to make sure everyone sees this fruit in my life. It's like, hello? Just look at the man who has the ability to grow the fruit in you and the fruit will come. We got to just look at Jesus walking on water in amazement in awe and just be like in his awe. And the rest will follow.

What does scripture say? To pursue the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all else will follow. It's that simple, y'all. We just got to look at Jesus. Okay. I love you guys. I love you so much. Happy Friday.

I hope that you guys have the best weekend ever. I will see you in just a few days on Wednesday. I'm really, really proud of you guys. I'm so proud of you. I love you. Thank you for being here for another episode. And before we go, can we do something really cool today? Can we show somebody how cool Jesus is?

Can we walk more like him, talk more like him, be more like Jesus? and we can't just focus on those things. We got to just look at him to have those things. Okay? So to walk more like Jesus, talk more like him, and to be more like him is to just stare at him. It's to just keep looking at him in amazement and awe and be a sponge.

Like we need to just be like Mary, crisscrossed on the floor, staring up at Jesus, soaking up everything he's saying. Okay? I love you guys. I believe in you a lot. I'll see in a few days. Okay, bye.