Circling Back - Apartment Pizzas and Impossibly Low Scramble Scores

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

Dillon gives us the full rundown of what happened with his neighbor's pizza, an update on our YouTube suspension, Zuck locked in at the UFC fight, the awful Modern Day Knights boot camp for entrepreneurs, yet another really stupid Guinness record, old man burglars in Italy, and impossibly low scramble scores. Meet-up fundraiser: https://fundly.com/circling-back-meet-up Enjoy a free one-week trial on Patreon for additional weekly episodes: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast Watch all of our full episodes on our new YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/circlingback  Shop Washed Merch: www.washedmedia.shop  (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter (5:00) YouTube Suspension for The Bad Boys of Podcasting (14:53) Recapping This Weekend in Fun (34:16) Dillon’s Apartment Neighbor’s Pizza (45:15) Zuck Just Super Locked In (52:30) Modern Day Knights Parking Lot Boot Camp (1:00:00) Today in Dumb Guinness World Records (1:03:30) Italian Burglars and Low Scramble Scores Support This Episode’s Sponsors Rocket Money: www.rocketmoney.com/circling  Factor: www.factormeals.com/circling50 (code circling50 for 50% off) Naked Wines: www.nakedwines.com/steam (enter STEAM for both the code AND password to get 6 bottles of wine for JUST $39.99 with shipping included) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

all right we're back circling back podcast coming to you live from the wash media headquarters in austin texas my name is will to freeze to my, David Ruff. A lot of people expected us to just be at home, not hear podcasting. Who's your favorite president, dude? You know, I love dead presidents. You know, I think it would be weird to not give the platform to someone who actually is seeking the office in some capacity? Any special announcements you'd like to make? I'm not a brat. Weirdly, again, I've been over this a few times. I'll be very clear. I'm not running for office. I'm not running as a hot dog. You're winning office. Yes, that's alpha.

I'm not running as a hot dog, nor am I running as myself. I don't get this joke. What's so funny about you as a hot dog. You're winning. You're winning, office. Yes, that's alpha. I'm not running as a hot dog, nor am I running as myself. I don't get this joke. What's so funny about you being a hot dog? Explain it. I would love to know the answer to that too, David. Thank you for bringing that up. I don't get it, man. Rare L from you, bro.

I don't know. Common, gliz, L. Come on, man. And no, I don't have a running mate. Who's your favorite? Like, which president has inspired you the most? You know, I sort of like them all. Really? really yeah all of them really sort of like them all really like um like none have done anything that kind of who was the worst uh andrew johnson and why'd you default to him i think i think he's like like true scum like no redeeming qualities

if i'm thinking of the right fella who's like the chillest president like any president's just like straight up chill like get in the white house and just like not really leave or do much because they're like shit i got this dope ass mansion i can lay hey they just put their feet up on the desk and like fuck it straight up andrew johnson looks like a dickhead yeah i just don't like his face yeah as far as like from just like a moral standpoint i think you're thinking andrew jackson but andrew jackson andrew johnson was a president that got uh impeached i learned that on do you know when i got it wrong maybe i'm thinking jackson anyway probably both bad he was a democrat why doesn't watch media take president stay off that's a question we haven't

asked yet my wife asked the same thing yeah one time we tried to take a holiday off and brett shamed us for um for being soft or yeah i don't i don't really follow brett when it comes to holidays like national he wanted us to work like labor day and i was like dude what like do you not do you not realize that people look forward to labor day like it's like the most important thing just because you don't have to go to work yeah he. He was like, y'all are soft, man. Yeah. I'll be honest. From my perspective, Sally working in a hospital, she's going to go to work today either way. So it doesn't really register for me.

And then once it comes up, I'm like, oh, yeah, we probably should have just taken that off. Do they give Joey B, Joey Biden's the day off? Kind of his day. Yeah, man. Yeah. I don't know if the president gets president's day off. That's a good question dave i don't think they get days off they should always on they should give him a day and pass it down to

the speaker pro tem or whatever like if he gets a call like hey man nukes are head out of the way he's like sorry i'm just not working today y'all deal with it bro you know did you not see my uh just see my email my out of office kicked back to you. Not answering calls. What did you get for him? Like Father's Day, you get a present for your dad and stuff. What did you get Joe Biden? You got him a gift, right? A bike.

Tax dollars for training wheels. No, it's not. Damn it. It's the bike from Bruno. Sure. I'm just trying to spice it up i've been workshopping this can you guys just pause for a second yeah okay so this is dick vitale notifying joe biden that we're getting nuked okay wow why would he be the one to deliver that message just let him okay sorry. Okay, sorry. It's the Nukies! How does he have advanced warning?

It's crazy in here! If Dick Vitale finds out before our president, we're in trouble. Here's the thing. I love Dick Vitale. He's just, we can't have someone that old manning the Nuke situation. Dick Vitale? Yeah. He's an older feller okay okay

what if we got someone younger what if we got younger at the position real quick okay um maybe like oh my god joe mike brain he might be notifying everyone after yeah i don't know if the nuke's hitting and then have a green bang really feels that great. That might be... He's just live calling it. Yeah, we can't do that. Puts it up, puts it in. That's not... That wouldn't work. There goes California.

Oh, God. Speaking of things that got nuked, we don't have a YouTube channel right now. Oh, I thought you were about to intro me. You already got intro'd. Did I? As a guy running for president as a hot dog. Oh, man. That wasn't a real intro.

We have more important matters, Dylan. Our YouTube account has been suspended for reasons largely unknown. Right now, as it stands, if you go to YouTube.com slash circling back, normally we'd implore you to subscribe there. Currently, you cannot do that. As I said, our account has been terminated. Not a great thing. account has been terminated. Not a great thing. We've got some people working behind the scenes, aka Dave and Randy, just pursuing every avenue you can pursue.

Yeah. Quite frustrating. Do we have an alternative for this? No. Go subscribe to our Washed Media. That's all we can have you do. Yep. And then if that one comes down this week, I'm going to be very upset. Based on how things are transpiring right now, we're not allowed to upload anything to YouTube for fear of whatever account we create just also getting taken down or just a permanent suspension across the board. And so what we're going to do right now is simply record this video podcast

and I guess just holster it for a little bit. Just sit on it until we have a resolution. Man, no one can see our hot faces. Yeah, it's tough, dude. It's tough. If you are out there, please go make sure you're subscribed on both Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Just do both just to help us out.

Like we're kind of reeling right now. If you know someone who works at YouTube and you can like, if you got like a back channel, hit us up. I'm sure this has never been said before by any podcast it's been taken down just let us know what's your email dave dave at washed media dot com not david not david although i think david still gets kicked at me i don't think it does though oh no dave just dave my son calls me david on occasion i'm like it's not don't call me that already disrespecting me for the first several years that I knew you, everyone called you

David. He's, again, my son and my partner. You're in my phone as David. Same. Really? Yeah. I thought it'd be D-Man. No. Come on, man. No, I'm not putting you in it. He's the D-Man. I'm the D-Man. He was D-Man first, right? Dick Vitale's name is literally Vital Dick.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, it is, baby! You need it it's vital i was gonna share something um after my intro that i got distracted by the whole like gliss el glissadente thing i've had this pimple on the side of my head for like three months and it's like really deep and you push on it it was hard and it was so frustrating i was going to go to the dermo to get it taken care of it was that bad i finally got it last night what'd you do and it was one of the best it was probably the highlight of my weekend did it hit the mirror in front of you no dude it i finally just worked it through the skin i was like oh my god this is the best thing ever it's going to heal just in time for the wedding this

on friday there's a little okay a little scab i see you i see you about to heal up this on friday there's a little okay a little scab i see you i see you about to heal up the best thing man it's i love popping pimples dude i know it's gross and i know that like you shouldn't do it but it feels so good to get one out is loki like a cyst i think because there's like a heart thing inside there's cystic acne that's sure sure that's as a guy as a guy who had some questionable skin in high school i even took a i couldn't i couldn't get through the skin so i even took a knife the other day did you the fuck and poked at it did you i think it like finally worked it might have clean this thing oh yeah don't get infected playboy i i washed it with dish soap and then i i took the

a flame to it to completely sanitize it. Oh, I go, fucking science experiment. Did a blowtorch. Did you go Bunsen burner? It was, I used a lighter. Why didn't you use a Bunsen?

I have 25 over on my dresser. You don't have a Bunsen burner. Why do you have 25 lighters? Exactly. What? I'm happy for you, but you know this song? No.

Dylan. Dave does. Oh, for sure. 25 lighters. You need to be careful. I have zero lighters at my place. I really need one.

You're the candle guy. I have all matches matches dude the other day i wanted a lighter and i was like i need a lighter right now matches are low-key more swag yeah but it's kind of annoying yeah dude speaking of candles don't let me be the first to say happy birthday at parks thank you randy that's very kind of you i'll pass that on him that you were the first i was the first yeah i'd be careful doing surgery on those things my son and my partner why i might have to amputate your face yeah oh really face off i don't want that face off don't want that okay we can continue on with the program how do we how do we follow up that i don't know yeah if you know anything youtube email me or dave we need help

i told y'all about the pimple i had on my gooch a couple months ago dude you're gonna share that with the people it hurts so bad you had a gooch pimp your little taylor dude what oh taylor gooch oh yeah not something i'd ever encountered before and i was like what's going on i think it was an ingrown hair of sorts probably yeah not ideal if you've ever experienced it you got to back out of that don't double click into that situation my friends did you get it with a steak knife like dylan yeah and then i cauterized it yeah it was really good hey use a steak knife tomorrow we're doing exactly five minutes beyond the paywall, unless I'm mistaken. Am I mistaken?

I don't think I'm mistaken. We're doing exactly five minutes beyond the paywall. Please enjoy. YouTube, or I'm sorry. Whoa, definitely not youtube.com. Patreon.com slash circling back podcast. If you're interested, we do a free seven day trial for all new patrons. Go check it out.

Next week, we'll be doing Randy's Game Show. Do you know it? Who will be producing this time? That would be Mr. Brett. Oh, yeah, because, yep, it was a photo finish last time. Brett. Brett, who seems to know every answer when he's in the producer chair, will be producing this next episode.

We still got some up. Because we are the bad boys of podcasting, we are suspended from YouTube. Please go shop the bear t-shirt that says the original bad boys of podcasting. Did we kind of tell on ourselves? Like, did we drop that shirt? And they're like, huh. Hold on.

These guys are on our platform. Let's see what's up. What's going on over here? What makes them so bad? They had a meeting and they said, let's double click into that. They double clicked it. Like, there we go.

It's insane that like now we're, like we're, we're, we might have to confront getting on Rumble. True Social is about to be a publicly owned company. Like things are just really going Trump's way right now for us. Barstool's on Rumble, right? Yeah.

Okay. Why are people doing Rumble? Probably for the reasons that we're outlining here. I don't even know what we did wrong. I feel like we're pretty innocent. Like you can't make cum jokes on YouTube. Like we're bad boys, but we're outlining here this i don't even know what we did wrong i feel like we're pretty innocent like you can't make cum jokes on youtube like we're bad boys but we're also good boys yeah like we're the like we're bad boys but we're nice bad we're on the good end of the bed we have a line we don't cross it no we don't cross it do we dylan i think what do we do to that dylan this is again cocaine is not for me never done it i like to think that

exactly see you have a line yes yeah in the lead-up to the election i think they're trying to stifle um third parties third party runs and they got a little bit of they got a little whiff of the glizz and we got to just stamp this out dude that's a good point and he was cooking oh oh yeah you're rolling around on the little thing hold up hold up let him cook that's funny it's not that good it's good it's good you guys hear that time to recap this weekend in fun presented by our friends over at naked wine so you ever walk into the store and have no idea what to get i do that pretty much every time i go get wine

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dylan what'd you get into this weekend thanks for asking will i had a very eventful friday which i think we're going to get to after this so i'm just going to gloss over friday saturday i uh volunteered to do a little field day at the uh the little league park by my place because parks is playing this year. I'm assistant coaching. And they asked for volunteers to go do some work on the field, trim some vines off the fence, spread some dirt around. It was a good time, man.

I got my hands dirty, Dave. It's good for the soul to do that every now and then. Get those hands dirty. You don't get your hands dirty enough. Are you kidding? You're pretty soft. You really are. So that was cool. Do you have calluses on your hands uh a little bit nah dude

you got because you got softball your hands are at the gym so that's why they can't even take my uh fingerprints anymore because i just haven't i just so calloused over when i think of you i think just like you know hard sound like sounds like something that uh i don't know maybe a local serial killer might find useful lack of fingerprints interesting wow huh follow that one away i'd be i'd be the worst serial killer later on on saturday got together with a serial killer i played my za card went to pine House Pizza with the fam. Oh, okay. Had a couple Frosty Boys. Did you pay for that or did the company pay for that?

Believe it or not, I did. Okay. Yeah. That's good. Got some Frosty Boys and some Zaw. So good. Pine House is a great spot. Give us the Zaw breakdown, my friend. They have a pepperoni and basil.

Pronounce basil. I said basil weird. Basil. I do more of a z i added crumbled sausage to it and it was gas how much money did you spend and i got one exactly one pizza roll as well i don't know how much money i spent can you check why i'm just curious what the damage was and what were the beers they have a a blonde i forgot what it's actually called, but it's a blonde. And it was really good. Like, really, really good. Yeah, they've got great beer.

That place cooks, man. I know it does. Did you go, you went to the location down Southway? Down South of Marway. Okay. Yeah. Okay. When did you go there?

Saturday evening. Damn, you almost caught me there on Saturday evening. We were heavily interested in going there at one point, but we decided against it. Yeah. You would have seen me and the homie and my little nieces. Damn, we almost ran up. Did you pick up the tab for everybody?

I paid for drinks for everyone and they paid for the food. So what's the damage on something like that? I don't know why you're so interested in how much money I spent. I don't know. I probably spent 40-something bucks. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. Not to brag, but I could afford it. Okay. Yeah. Sunday. I'm here eating pizza on a Saturday. It must be nice. Dead President's Day, huh?

Yeah. Sunday is a big parks day, man. We practiced some baseball. We went and got breakfast together. We took Stella on a nice little walk. Is baseball league is that i9 is that the overarching governing body do you know i don't believe it is no okay yeah we are in the midst of signing up or looking into t-ball and it's i9 i don't know fuck yeah i guess it guess. I'm pumped, man. Trials are this Saturday. Ooh.

Getting ready. Coach pitch or machine pitch? It's kid pitch now. Kid pitch. Oh, shit. He's in the bigs now. That's not the bigs. Well.

Not the bigs. For a nine-year-old. Yeah, I don't think it's the bigs. For a nine-year-old. It'd be crazy if your nine-year-old son was in the big leagues. Oh, yeah. Little big league. Remember that one?

Nope. Anyway. Yeah. A great little weekend, man. Then I popped this pimple on the side of my face it kept everything off yeah that's that's how you fucking win a sunday my friend huge anyway i can't wait for your weekend and fun next weekend where you spent the weekend in the hospital getting getting the infection is infected yeah you can't you can't see out of your right eye anymore eating bacteria oh dylan got gangrene on his head i yield my time to you david gang gang i, you can't see out of your right eye anymore. Flesh-eating bacteria. Oh, Dylan got gangrene on his head. I yield my time to you, David.

Gang, gang. I hope you don't get gang, gangrene on your head. That would be tough, man. Let's double-click. You might low-key be on Cabeza Watch. Yeah. Yeah. If they have to take your head off, that's going to suck.

The tech might be there to put it back on. I sanitized it, man. You see that dude that got the heart transplant this weekend that was just walking on the TL pretty cool I think it was one of those things that I watched one video of it and then like 20 more videos got served to me about it because that's how Twitter works these days

was this on puberty? pubes got some good shit man I'm asking a question I'd like to maybe watch it they do feel good stories they probably covered it this guy survived right? they don't do as many pube stories as you would assume what's the deal with the name of that they should have hit you up after you had your little taylor gooch down there dude is it pronounced puberty or is it pubity it's i yeah it's not no no one's ever pronounced it not puberty because that's what it looks like i see puberty when i see it it's such yeah glaring lack of pube news on there but this week in pubes

who came up with that name for just hair down there it's a great name they're doing pretty well for having such a shit name is it because of puberty i don't know what's the guy's heart made of is it a pig heart i don't know. What's the guy's heart made of? Is it a pig heart? I don't know. I would assume it's a human heart. It might be a human heart, David. Oh. Do you want to know what I did?

Yeah. That's literally why we're here, David. I yielded my time two minutes ago to you. Oh, my God. I was just binging TV shows. No, I wasn't. We started the weekend off watched my cousin vinny really we just were like let's watch my cousin vinny we were talking about joe pesci

he turned like 80 81 recently and we're like he's just the goat so let's watch my cousin vinny one of my favorite movies you stream it do you buy it we bought it we have now the proud owners because he's like will we ever watch this again i'm like i'll watch this once a quarter yeah but you don't have to buy it. It's just always on TV. You just go to TNT on a Sunday. I don't like watching the comms. Back to that.

After that low-key weekend, I did watch a Brad Pitt movie. A seldom talked about good-ish, good but not great movie. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. It's a little long. good-ish, good but not great movie, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. It's a little long. It is long. It's a little long. And probably the first 45 minutes are very, very slow.

Yeah. But if you are a guy about to turn 40 and you are jumping right into your Old West history phase, it's a must watch. That was a movie that I would rent from the movie store when I was living alone in Michigan during like a really long, quiet winter night. Oh, it's a good winter night movie.

I would rent that and watch it and really like just have a glass of whiskey. And I really enjoyed it. But like that movie takes forever to unfold. It really does. The Last Hour is great. brad pitt's great casey affleck is just a creep but i was hoping you were gonna do joe black because uh the that scene has been popping up on my tl recently so there's two movies that i've never seen but i've

i know the ending quite well that one because obviously he gets absolutely just truck stick by multiple vehicles well the scene that i'm referring to is the one where he speaks in a jamaican dialect is that not is that the same movie as the guy gets smoked by all the cars i think so i've never seen meet joe black and then what's the movie where they pan out and the guys and robert pattinson the world trade center building right before and like it gets hit by a plane, 9-11. I've seen that. I always have to question, like, this is real.

This isn't a joke. Like, someone made this the ending to their film. Probably won't watch that one. Just heads up. Okay. Anyway, it was rib night, rib day in Austin, Texas, Saturday. You didn't give enough rib shots after the setup that you gave. I got really caught up doing other stuff, but yeah, I did.

I had a couple Guinness. The ribs turned out great. You're doing some content, man. Tell them Brett, as far as like texture, as far as the tenderness of the ribs, how they fell off the bone, but wasn't like a sloppy fall off these are the best i've done the only change i would make i switched i tried up a new sauce uh to sauce them up didn't love it it's fine didn't take away from the ribs but i would just do something a little bit different next time but what was the base of the sauce like no it's a

secret okay i love a good vinegar sauce man you're a vinegar guy i am that means that's what south carolina that's their big thing i think so i think it's just the carolinas in general so good i agree yeah uh they were they were quite good and then uh i got the text from dan you guys might know him from the subs dog podcast yeah he has that one podcast where it's a bear spiking a football into the ground yes he's like we watch these fights i'm like yeah you know what yeah i'd like to go watch some combat sports and uh we went it was very cold saturday night sat outside. In retrospect, probably not the best move, but we did it. Randy showed up. Randy was there.

Our old pal Boosh was there in his fiancé's father's or grandfather's jacket that looks like something he stole from a gulag. Yeah, it was like an aviator jacket with Sherpa lined. It was like what Bane was wearing in Batman. Shockingly thick jacket. Like probably the way, he probably had a t-shirt on. Oh, Boosh's jacket?

Yeah. Dude, I couldn't believe how voluminous that thing was when I saw the photo. It's in person, dude. Like the photos weren't skewing it. It was in person just as big. It looked like it was made from like a buffalo hide. It was ridiculous.

It's great. Good jacket. Fights were good. Went home after. Brandy had some fun and easy banter with the waitress. All in all, great time. Did you make her an origami rose or anything? No.

No, no, I did not. She admitted to her ex-boyfriend accidentally getting deported. She got her ex-boyfriend deported. Why? They went on a trip to where, the Dominican? Dominican Republic, and he was Canadian, and they just wouldn't let him back into the U.S. when they came back. Because of her.

We didn't really have time to dig in on why because she was quite busy. Why didn't you double-click into that? Yeah. That's tough. Dave was too busy ordering a double tequila dude she had to know that i was him you you are him okay she explained it to me like i didn't know it's great yeah she she made the joke that he is him and dave was like acting dumb like he didn't know what that meant he's like what does that mean can you explain it to me i I'm like, Dave, I know exactly.

He was being a little turd. I was being a little turd. It felt like I was the dad and Randy was my son and I was embarrassing him. It was. Which is what I'll do going forward at restaurants. Normally, it's you making origami and embarrassing me. But now I'm just going to embarrass you even harder. Randy did appear to have the vibe of a little kid at that thing who just wanted to go home and play his video games.

People were upset about your posture. Are you talking about... The slouch. That was because I was shivering. The slouch was because I was just hunched over, shivering my little butt off. Nobody hates the cold more than Randy. Yeah, I should have worn a thicker jacket. Randy, you are kind of giving Gen Z lately.

Oh, I am a zillennial. You're loving streaming your new video game. You're learning the new Juby Slide. Oh, Hell Divers? Hell Divers 2. Dude, stop diving into hell, man. Never. It's a galactic war that I'm on the front lines of to defend democracy.

Randy's affinity for this game has caused me to have an extreme interest in maybe downloading this game. Dude, James tried to get me to dive into Hell the other day. I was like, I can't do that, man. I might do it, dude. It is the game right now. It is so much fun. Check me out on Twitch.

I can't play, though? No. Maybe, hopefully soon. Hopefully they'll open up to Xbox at some point, but right now it's just pc and ps5 sorry big dog no hell diving for d man sorry big dog bro yeah i thought i was going straight to hell just like my mama said sorry playboy i want will to get into this game i might let's double click into will's weekend you know it was a big weekend. The Piccata boys are back.

You know, I went to Sammy's on Friday night, had a little double date action with our, with our friends. And, uh, yeah, I didn't, I didn't have plans to go Piccata, but when I sat down and I looked at that menu, I thought, how can I order anything? But right. And I double clicked into the Piccata and it went really well for me. Uh, it was honestly, it's my, it was my top meal of 2024 so far. They do Piccata right now. I'm not going to lie. I don't know if I'll ever order anything else, but piccata there. It is so freaking good. When you sent that, I didn't think it was Sam's because the, the cutlets were so thick and normally they don't, they look great and they weren't too thick. They knew daddy was there. Oh my God. They knew daddy

was there. They didn't overdo it on the capers, Dylan. That's a problem that a lot of people have. They don't let the cutlet breathe. I don't know what they do. I have a theory that they do something to the noodles before they pack them to go home with you because they just hit so good the next day without even touching them, without even like warming them up. They just taste amazing.

Saturday, I just ate a leftover chicken piccata. Okay. Did a little vintage shopping, looking for some furniture, some maybe just nice little accessories to fill out the new crib. Bought absolutely nothing. I thought about getting some pizza, playing my Zocard, Dylan. Almost ran into you. Did not do that.

Instead, I just kind of chilled on the couch, watched a couple TV shows. Very relaxing. Yesterday was the day. Met up with Randy in the office inadvertently. Did not mean to. I was just grinding away in here doing some stuff in the morning. I interrupted his goon session. I was watching the Manchester United match while getting some work done

and spent my night at a pottery class. People are probably wondering, Will, what'd you make at this pottery class? Like, wow, you're so different. I made a small cup. That's cute, man. I have concerns about pottery. I don't think I'm very good at it. There's a whole liquid. There were seven other people in this class with me. I think if you had to rank everyone at the end of the class, I think I would rank seventh or eighth in terms of skill, in terms of impressive things made. It was just ugly for me. The instructor had to come over and help me out more than anybody else.

Your first pottery class, though. Second pottery class. Oh. Here's the thing. I just never jived with pottery that much. I like the idea of it. I'm just not very good at it. And so, yeah.

You were giving pottery though. I mashed that Dan Dan noodle button after though. You wore your pottery shirt. Don't think I didn't notice. I did, yeah. I had a scenario that was actually, it actually worked out to my benefit where I don't know what I did wrong,

but I was doing something with the ball of clay and suddenly something popped in it like an air bubble or something and it got clay all over me. And I was like, oh no. God. Okay. Covered in clay. Okay. Got clay in my beard.

You got some clay clout? Mm-hmm. Yeah. You guys aren't going to ask about my Dan Dan noodles I had after, dude? They were hitting so diffy. Hey, man, tell us about your Dan Dan noodles. They were pretty spicy. Maybe a little too spicy.

I had to back off them a little bit. Okay. Yeah. Where from? Elizabeth Street Cafe. It was right across the street from where we did the pottery class. So I double clicked into that. It's a good spot.

Had been a while since I'd been there. Probably four or five years. And yeah, did it up. Last time I was was there i was with our good friend brad key i think the move there is not getting pho i think the move there is going with like their their other dishes i like their noodles yeah yeah and then i capped off the night watching a little curb your enthusiasm you got familiar with this larry david character he's very funny the goat he's situationally awkward you know oh yeah and that's what the show hinges on oh yeah he doesn't read signals he's great pretty interesting stuff and that's it do you think y'all do true detective

nah okay nah oh okay nah i'm not gonna fuck with that shit okay dylan and i haven't even had hbo like dylan still doesn't have HBO and I just got it back like two weeks ago so I can start watching Curb again home box office it's actually Max now they don't even do the

bullshit dude they did it on the first one for Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm you're familiar with Larry David and now the last night they didn't do it weren't you calling your

never mind nope nope let him cook hold up hold up And now the last night they didn't do it. Weren't you calling your... Never mind. Nope. Nope. Let him cook. Hold up. I know where this is going. Hold up. You got to land this plane.

No, I'm just wondering because your dorm, you used to call your dorm HBO back in the day. I just don't. Home box office. I just... That's good, Dave. Yeah. It's more of a video-based pod.

Sucks about YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. Sucks, man. That's good dave yeah it's more of a video-based pod sucks about youtube yeah sucks man that's good though i'll talk about my neighbor yet we gotta do you can after you hear from our friends over at factor whatever you know factor they make uh delicious ready meals that make eating better every day pretty freaking easy my son and my partner and myself, we had factor meals last night for dinner. I got one in the fridge right now. I have devastating news. Pork chop. I think that our business development guide

did not change our address for my factor meals. And so I have slight concerns that my factor meals are sitting at an old place where I used to live, which is devastating because I have to admit, I absolutely love these things. They sent us these wellness shots this time? I heard. I heard. I heard.

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I had an eventful Friday night. So let's back up a bit. It was Thursday morning. And I was headed into work. I leave my apartment. And I notice that there is a pizza box sitting at my neighbor's doorstep. I give a little nudge with my foot and figure out that it's a full pizza box. You nudge the pizza?

Yeah. What are you going? I want to know if he was trying to get rid of recycling or if there was a full pizza in there.udge the pizza just yeah what do you go i want to know if it was if he was like trying to get rid of recycling or if there was a full pizza in there what are you going east side pie lovers it had artichoke oh you you opened it oh yeah artichoke mushroom i i have i have a video of it i can show y'all uh it didn't look like an appealing it's not my kind of you name those two that sounds like it's up my alley but you ain't eating that also let me back up a little bit i've met my neighbor exactly one time and he was very intoxicated okay he was coming like he was like hey man you just moved in i was like yeah yeah what's up he goes uh i'm not gonna i'm gonna i'm getting back from the bar right now i'm gonna go inside like i was like i get it dude go sleep this one off whatever i saw him another time at a bar down the street from us it's like walkable

and he was just pounding he was hammering beers like three like three in the afternoon fuck so my impression of this guy is he likes to party okay you think he's in a frat potentially potentially in a frat does he call his apartment hbo i don't know that i don't know uh seem nice enough anyway uh that was thursday morning i even texted the squad about it if y'all remember i said yeah this is funny my my neighbor must have passed out ordered a pizza and just you know didn't didn't pick it up we've all been there we've all been there not a big deal it's like a drunk thing that people do dude hey at least he didn't burn his mouth on it dude yeah because he just couldn't wait to fucking open it sure sure so that was the end of it i thought and then uh i went home for lunch pizza's still there

pizza's there that night as well did you want to eat it this entire time you're like oh shit how long do i have to wait till i can eat this if that if that was a pepperoni basil and crumbled sausage pizza from pine house i may have taken a slice but it wasn't so i left it i let it be so there's a growing concern um in my mind it's like okay this dude is not leaving his apartment it's been a full day now getting a little bit concerned so that was thursday friday pizza still there untouched hadn't moved and i'm just thinking like okay what scenarios are plausible here like why has he not gotten his pizza from his doorstep yet and i did check it it's still full so i know that he didn't eat it and then leave the box out there or whatever

and so i'm just running through all the scenarios in my head. Like, this dude likes to party. Hopefully he's not like, you know, I said in my tweet, like, I fear the worst. Like, what if he's unconscious? What if he's, you know? What if he just live tweeted this guy's death? What if he is deceased? True. Could have OD'd, could have choked on his vom. There are things that could have happened.

You know what I mean? Yeah. What if he was expecting a big sausage pizza? Man, I had that holstered till i found out the guy was alive maybe we don't even know we don't know that he's alive sorry hold my bad so i'd start tweeting about it and um i get i get a mixed bag of like this is what you should do from people and people like just let it be but most people are like you should at least do a wellness check on this guy that's where i stood the other thing i didn't mention about friday night is that i also had a date that night oh wait so this oh okay this lovely young lady comes over and i'm like hey i get her opinion as well like there's a pizza box

situation i don't know what to do she's like like, that's really concerning. She's like, I think we should call 311. So we left, we went to this place down the street. Sorry. What? I just, that's not who I was. I'm sorry. Why? There's a band. Yeah, it's just Dave and I, our brains just went to the exact same thing. I wanted to see if he was going to do it.

I'm sorry, we weren't, it wasn't our intention to interrupt. our brains just went to the exact same thing. I wanted to see if he was going to do it. You guys are – I'm sorry. We weren't – it wasn't our intention to interrupt. I was just looking to see if you called 311. Did they put out an Amber Alert? So we went to this place down the street. We were drinking wine. She's like, we should call. She's actually the one who placed the phone call.

So we call and we're like, look, here's the situation. There's a guy across the hall. Hasn't touched his pizza in two full days. It had been like 48 hours, close to. So we explained the situation to the 311 operator and she said, all right, here's what I want you to do. Please hang up and call 911. This is an emergency.

It was her direction. Was Shadi fire burning on the dance floor? I don't know that. 3-1-1 always, that's pretty much what their default is. They say call 9-1-1 for anything. Is that what they do? This seems like a textbook 3-1-1 play. I did a noise complaint to 3-1-1 one time,

and they were pretty cool about it. They actually handled it very efficiently and nicely. 9-1-1 felt a bit dramatic to me, so I didn't do it. 911, you got SWAT team busting in. They instructed us to call 911. So she hangs up my date, calls 911. Give her a fake name.

Cassandra. Camila. And her name was Cassandra. Not her real name. That's the fake one. So Cassandra calls. Cassie calls. Don't give's that's the fake one because so cassandra calls cassie calls and don't give a nickname to the fake man we're there we're having we got a little charcuterie board we're drinking wine and having a great restaurant or at the crib at the restaurant oh yeah it was shark week you went hpo and hbo it was shark week for us so we're like man i'm we're in here we're having a good time like

i'm i'm really curious what's going on back at the crib so we finish up and we go back there and there's a maintenance guy who works in our building and he's he's at the door so we're like we walk up like what's going on what happened he's like yeah police came and busted the door in dude's not here like that's the end of it dude's not here like okay um so here's what we know the guy is not dead in his apartment okay his whereabouts i don't know um as of this morning pizza still there all right they stated all this and the za is just still there the the police clearly just set the box aside i don't know what throw this away yeah there should be an apartment complex rule for like

you can't have your za box out for like four days since wednesday night that's how long it's been there so the most likely scenario is a guy's out of town and just accidentally ordered it to his home address the pizza but here. But here's the catch. This pizza place is a local place. So if he's traveling for work, if he's in Oklahoma City, why would he order an Eastside Pies pizza? That part doesn't add up to me. That's fair.

You know what I mean? Yeah. It could also be that somebody else's order, they just delivered to the wrong place. It could be like a past resident that got a pizza delivered. Yeah, that could have happened too. Or this guy could have been ordering a pizza on his walk home from Rainy Street. Maybe he got got.

Has the apartment complex reached out to him? I will say that he fits the profile of a victim of Rainy Street. At what point does the apartment complex step in here and be like, hey, we've got some police that have knocked through your door. We'd love to talk to you. I would also like to add, I would have gone to the leasing office had they been open on a Friday night, but they weren't. Fair. So that's the situation. It felt a little like, did I overreact? I don't know.

People said I didn't overreact so i don't know about that well here i'm reading some tweets right now i'm on twitter.com some guy told me to mind my own fucking business here but he was he was um in the minority of the like how i handled the situation is that how he worded it yeah what do you say to these people there's a lot of people in here that are saying uh dylan's the new apartment complex karen will you're completely absolved of getting that car towed what do you say to those people i did see that tweet yeah um i say that i i was i was looking out for the guy like what if he was what if he needed help fair no do you think are you worried that there's going to be a period of time where this guy like you run into this guy in the

hallway and he's like hey dude instead of tweeting through it and like calling 9-1-1 like here's my number that's yeah maybe well no i i think it's completely inbounds to at a minimum like after 72 48 hours maybe even after 24 and the pizza's still there bang on the knock on the door yeah like hey what's up dude just checking just saw this all out here also the 9-1-1 operator instructed us to go try to open the door ourselves so they said is the door unlocked we said we don't know we didn't try oh that's interesting i know like i that's i don't want to do that you know um that i'm not built like that i couldn't handle what was inside what's going on yeah my date cassandra was like uh i would have done i'm a cool i'm fine with that kind of stuff like you know Cassie's different dude I was like you go do it Cassandra

it's not for me wow so that's the situation the guy's gonna come home eventually and see that he not only does he have a pizza waiting for him it's very cold

and probably inedible at this point almost a week old at this point odds you take a bite of the pizza and his door has clearly been busted in I'm not gonna take a bite of the pizza

odds I'm not doing it okay um so yeah no i don't think you should feel bad i don't i don't feel bad i feel a little guilty that the apartment has to like replace the door frame and all that shit no no the door's got a puncture apartment complexes dude okay yeah so yeah that's what's going on, man. No, I think, dude, given how many people like fentanyl and shit, it's scary. Exactly. I was worried. I get it.

And even though it's like, well, what are you going to do if the guy, something bad happened that night? What's it mean? But like if a body turns up in Lady Bird Lake here in the next couple of days, I'm going to be like, oh, shit. turns up in ladybird lake here in the next couple days especially like oh shit especially two days after you did the uh touching based segment on this people are going to really start be wondering if you're like yeah i live across the hall from the guy exactly and you're talking about this and you're theorizing people are going to start thinking that you might be the rainy ripper did you have any ranch waters on wednesday night no comment okay did you go to bangers at all on wednesday night maybe drink some ranch waters no comment some rw's no i didn't you had an rw No comment. Okay. Did you go to Banger's at all on Wednesday night?

No comment. Maybe drink some ranch waters? No comment. Some R-Dubbies? No, I didn't. You had an R-Dubbie on Banger? I did. It must be nice.

I didn't. I didn't. So, look, I hope the guy is okay, and I'm sure he is, and this is all just a big false alarm. I bet the apartment complex has reached out today. They need to. I think you could drop by there and be like, hey, did y'all ever get in contact with so-and-so i might pop in the leasing office today and talk to him please do update the tl we all want to know well anyway that's that's my story well mark zuckerberg's super locked in

right now okay um what was the scenario here d? It was a cage match of sorts. UFC 298. Ooh. Big card. And, um, Zuck, the, um, main event is, uh, Volkanovski, Alexander Volkanovski. Okay. You may have seen video of Zuck training with UFC fighters, uh, Israel Adesanya, Volkanovski alexander volkanovski okay you may have seen video of zuck training with ufc fighters israel asanya volkanovski they trained together and zuck has become friends with them and he's

even trained with them in some capacity um apparently apparently they wanted to zuck to come out with them this is in anaheim if he's training with you you have to be like dude zuck you got to be in the if you want your crew to look as intimidating as possible you get zuck in it especially if zuck's grown his hair out a little bit and he's got kind of, you have to be like, dude, Zuck. You got to be in the entourage, dude. If you want your crew to look as intimidating as possible, you get Zuck in it. Especially if Zuck's grown his hair out a little bit and he's got kind of a Statue of David thing going on. He kind of does. You see the piece, though. Does he have an ass like the Statue of David? Because that thing is cheeked up.

Was Dr. Zuckerberg there? I don't know if the doc was there. I don't know if they're ever in the same place at the same time. Okay. Just to, like, you know, case. Right. If one goes down, you have the other. was there i know i don't know if they're ever in the same place at the same time okay just to like you know case right if one goes down you have the other um and yeah this is this is during the walkout this is right when uh god this is so awkward it's he doesn't know what to do with his hand it's so good he has no clue like why even so volk is disrobing they're gonna

they're gonna you know put the uh they're gonna check him make sure he's he's good to go in the cage and he's handing off his sandals his and his little sweatsuit and zuck's just kind of standing there bobbing his head do i do i pass this stuff off to the next person or where it doesn't know so i put my hands in my pockets or what do i do i I don't know. I'm just going to bop my head to the music. Yeah. It's so funny. And he knows – oh, God. He understands how this works.

He knows there's a real – look, the guy can't go windsurfing. The guy can't smoke meats without going viral. The nerd gene is so strong with this guy that you have to admire it. If you had to apply this clip to your life, what part of your life are you most likely to look like this in for me it's for me i took some time to think about this so i'll lead off for me it's when you're over at someone's house for dinner and you're bringing your plate to the kitchen and you're kind of hoping that they don't like you know make you clean it up they're oh no i got it or they're cleaning up around you and you're like, okay, I'd rather go make a cocktail.

For me, it's when I'm with a group of other adults and they're talking about like an industry that I'm totally clueless on, real estate or finance or something. I'm like, just wait for them to talk about media. This is exciting. That's how I feel when I'm at dinner with sally and her parents who all work in hospitals and i'm sitting there like yeah hey just waiting waiting to feel a part of the conversation this is me like college party where i i'm clearly like this isn't my scene i had some friends who were um in a now defunct fraternity at Texas State. They were a little bit more polished.

You may have had some SAE friends or may have known of them. They were different. And I would occasionally go to their parties because I had friends in there. And they were very much hair gel. They actually had chicks there too. They had hot chicks there. They're kind of chicks that don't talk to me. Right.

We don't have anything in common. And I would just be there just kind of like looking around, looking for somebody, like a lifeline. Somebody just come talk to me about like Blink-182 or something. Just anybody. But this is, by the way, for the record, Volk lost the fight. Oh, really? Yeah, it's a tough scene. He got stopped. But, I mean, it wasn't like an upset, really.

Do you think like you ask like Zuck after you get your ass kicked like hey dude is there like anything you can like throw my way to help me out here like do you have a chamber i can go sit in for a couple days and just like completely heal myself you know zuck has a chamber yeah he looks good like how old is he does look good he's 41 he's trim is he 41 he's 39 he doesn't look as good as i thought so he's not? He's trim. Is he 41? He's 39. He doesn't look as good as I thought. So he's not Dylan's age. He looks good, but yeah, I guess he looks 39. Does he look better than Dylan? Stop.

Dylan post-cyst popping. Yeah. Dylan does look kind of different right now. Post-cyst Dylan is different. Dude, you have to just wait, man. Dude, this guy's a problem. About to go on an absolute tear. You look like you have a weight off your shoulders and off your forehead.

Off my face. Funny thing is, I sit next to you. I've never noticed that. I could see it on camera when we would post videos. Turn around. Let me show me. I've had some poppings in my day that have just gone AWOL. Just absolutely created a bad two-week situation for me.

That is nothing. Dude, it was you really are different right after i got a shower i took a nice hot shower you know soften up a little bit like i'm gonna fucking go in and it as soon as it came through man i was like my jaw dropped i was like this is the best thing that's ever happened to me did you ever have a buddy who like had one like a really noticeable one and like mention he's like god dude i got this thing and you had to lie and be like dude you can't even notice it when in reality it's like it's all you can see damn now you're gonna make me rethink whenever someone says you can't notice the pimple that i asked him about no dude you look

great is that why you were walking around the office this morning singing right now pop it good pop this pimple just like you should my face my zit oh Where are you going to go now? I popped it. No, no, no. You're going to need another syllable or two. No, we can just move on. It's not great. It's not great. It's not great.

Can we talk about our friends over at Rocket Money? Oh, yeah. Well, here's the thing. We talked about renewing some streaming services. Every once in a while, you might cancel one. But a lot of times you just forget. Oh, yeah. What if I told you there's a service out here

that allowed you to kind of take an inventory of all your subscriptions, Dylan? That's something I would be very interested in. What if I told you that Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one. Would that be something you'd be interested in? Yeah.

I get an email every single Monday from Rocket Money, and I absolutely love getting this email. It gives me a little bird's eye view of my finances. But the thing that I love most about Rocket Money was when I signed up, it told me all these subscriptions that I had, and it was like, uh-uh, you don't need these, dog. And it helped me cancel them. It made it really easy. I mean, recently, I'm not going to at this company. I saw a charge come through and I was like, you got to be kidding me. I thought I canceled this a year ago. Turns out I didn't. And I went to them and they helped me out and they did it all for me. Now I can see all my subscriptions in one place. So if I see something

I don't want, I can cancel it with just a tap. Never had to get on the phone with customer service and they'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate lower bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money will do their best to take care of the rest. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and helps save its members an average of $720 a year with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash circling. That's rocketmoney.com slash circling. Again, rocketmoney.com slash circling.

Can we talk about something? Yeah, I hope this becomes a recurring segment for us. What? Just really stupid Guinness Book World Records. Oh, no. I'm talking about something else right here, my friend. I'm talking about the modern day knights. You guys familiar with the modern day knights?

Not bad. I skipped ahead a sec. A little parking lot boot camp action. Yeah. Again, I get served these videos and I never really, I never really jumped into explore like, wait, what, who are these guys? Why are these accountants doing burpees and cold plunges? You know, typically not something I care about. Well, Dave, uh, let me introduce you to the modern day nights. It's a project only for entrepreneurs, executives, and leaders because your family deserves the best version of you as a leader, husband, and father.

That's us. That's us, dude. We're right in the wheelhouse of what these people want. Randy, can you play a little clip from this boot camp that these executives are going to? Here's why. Oh, no. Are you touching me? Are you touching me? Are you touching me? Get the fuck off me. Get the fuck off me. to. Oh no. They're just in a parking lot in like California getting

yelled at by a dude in a black t-shirt that says instructor on it. Who is that? That's Steve Eckert, co-founder of the project. I don't know. Like, can you imagine signing up for anything that required you to go to a parking lot to do rucksacks, like hauling chains and getting in cold plunges? Who are these idiots? These are executives and leaders.

Dylan, the Modern Day Night Project is a 75-hour personal growth experience for men who want to have a life filled with fulfillment, purpose, financial freedom, and have a deep, loving relationship with their family. Can you imagine having that without going to a parking lot to get your ass kicked for 75 hours straight? Is it really called alpha male boot camp? I believe it is. I believe it is. What is with this emergence of alpha male culture? Is it all Nick Adams' fault?

Dude, Nick Adams hit my tl he was not happy about baylor retiring britney grinder's number for the red just want to put that out there nick did not like that yeah is he not aware of like her stats and stuff bro he has no idea what this means to me the merchant of death yeah even trade by the way so if i asked you uh okay so you're considering going to this boot camp 75 hours you're with some squad members how much would you pay to go to this basically i'm paying to go get yelled at by like ex military guys we've got some former marines in a parking lot navy seals bad motherfuckers right just gonna go get scary motherfuckers you're basically paying to go get to go it's like

fantasy camp you go pay to like have these guys and you feel like oh fuck i just i did it granted it was in a parking lot i'm paying at least 75 us dollars well you ain't gonna get you in the door what if i told you for the low low price of eighteen thousand dollars you could spend 75 hours getting yelled at and deprived of sleep is that my entire company or is that just me that's just one person's uh price of admission to go get their ass kicked how long does that last 75 hours and then you get a once a month call with your coach uh for an extended period of time they provide meals at least like that's a lot of money yeah you got to get spacked uh factor involved actually get them a factor meal would hit pretty well during this honestly yeah they've got many different options

depending on your diet dave are you willing to uh be a part of class number 79 oh so we're numbering them yeah there's seven slots left and and there's 15 slots left in class number 120. I can't read that. Tell me this hasn't happened 79 times. How many dumbasses are paying this much money to go do this? Dude, just stacking paper. If you guys will back the company paying for it, I will go do this. I don't think we can allocate 18 grand for you to go get yelled at by it.

Because you're afraid of what I'll come back and be like yeah i'll be in here just big dicking you have you considered that the cost of not experiencing the project and not becoming a leader husband and father you're meant to be as much more expensive in the long run have you considered that please tell me that's not one of their selling it's one of their selling points way more expensive in the long run what kind of idiots are falling for this shit the exclusive experience isn't for anyone who's just starting their self-development journey, Dylan. It's only for in-depth, experienced people and men who are seriously just ready and tired of making excuses. Is it just men?

Yeah. It's alpha male boot camp, Dave. Yeah, David. Okay, hold on a second. Oh, my God. Can you imagine Can you imagine Dave If you went up to Alyssa

And you were like Hey I'm gonna be gone For a long weekend It's a boys trip She's like Where are you going And you're like

I'm going to Burbank, California To get my ass kicked By this former Navy SEAL In a parking lot In a parking lot Oh also When I come back I'm gonna be different

Not gonna be the same guy No babe What are the water troughs for Cold plunge bro plunge dude imagine not submerging yourself with your boys how do you not know that my mind went to like navy seal you know they do a lot of like underwater training you know like almost like drowning how can you take someone seriously when they're just screaming at you in a parking lot and you paid them there's some kind of fetish thing here that's like untapped it's bizarre man okay hold on yeah

yeah it is what's the sleeping situation the project is held a project compound it's got fitness centers sleeping quarters and a learning center so they got a warehouse that they segmented off right there's no way. It looked like those buildings over on the east side of 35, kind of where like Onnit is and all that. Exactly. It looked like that, a little bit of industrial. But yes, again, it does look like they're getting this in a parking lot. Oh, my God.

Can we do one of these with just backers? Can we do podcast boot camp? Get Randy a whistle? Mm-hmm. Some bike shorts? He's a vibe guard, dude. That's true. He guards the vibes.

Do you need to be an athlete? That's probably what you're asking. No, but you do need to be conditioned to do hikes, bear crawls, team log carries, Mondo, truck pulls, jogs, push-ups, and a variety of body weight exercises. So you don't have to be an athlete, but you need to be able to do these athletic things. For 75 straight hours while sleep deprived.

So you pay $18,000 and you get to kind of pretend like you're going to be like a Navy SEAL for 72 hours, but you're in a parking lot. 18 grand. You get like a medal after. You get like a little trophy. That's kind of sick. You get to go into combat after this. It's recognized by just no one eighteen thousand dollars a lot of money yeah yeah but to be an alpha yeah you can't put a price on that so that's in-state tuition for a semester at texas why don't y'all drop the bag and let me do it are you are you seriously scared that i might

come back and not only be more alpha but like i might just be different on the show i might be like the quiet type you're not funny anymore i'm just i just sit here i just sit here and don't laugh you're like guys that's not funny it's not funny dude oh sorry dave you think that's funny you think it's funny to waste food that guy's pizza was just sitting there i think it's funny that you're a fucking hot dog running for president i think it's fucking funny is it a joke to you these these guys are just a bunch of boners man how many matchsticks do you think you could shove up your nose here's the real story how many you know it's weirdly i've never tried i could probably do 35 i think i could do i think i could do like 20 in each nostril no total is that part of the

experience that's no unfortunately not i mean i guess you could do like 20. In each nostril? No. Total. Is that part of the experience? No, unfortunately not. I mean, I guess you could do it if you really wanted to. That's after the cold plunge. They put the matchsticks up there. We've had a lot of recent discussions about the Guinness Book of World Records. Dylan is famously going to try to steal a world record from Dude Perfect's Garrett. He's the only one of the dudes who has one record.

Most of them have numerous records we're gonna try to make him uh just be on an island at the dude perfect headquarters but dylan i actually think this one's in play um a danish man tangen buskoff uh he matched that matchstick button uh to a tune of a world record he shoved 68 matchsticks up his nose and now he owns the guinness world record for most matches held in thesticks up his nose, and now he owns the Guinness World Record for most matches held in the nose. It also points out that he's the first person to hold this record because weirdly no one has ever tried this. Well, you made a note before the podcast when you were talking about the story that the inside of your nose is so caved in and deteriorated that

you could probably shove double that up there. Septum just non-existent. Just so deviated, it's not even funny. Stop. You said that was quote-unquote light work. I've never snorted anything up my nose. This is the dumbest thing of all time. You know what's the lamest thing? He said, surprisingly, it didn't really hurt. That tells me that you could have gotten 69 matches up your nose.

How do you stop at 68 if you're this guy? You got to do one more for the jokes. This guy's such a nerd, man. Like, could he really physically not get one more matchstick up your nose how do you stop at 68 if you're this guy you gotta do one more for the jokes this guy's such a like he really physically not get one more match stick up his nose i don't believe it hey um dude perfect if if you take garrett's world record and he has zero you should get to be the new dude perfect guy and garrett gets relegated can we uh i'm gonna plan that video we're gonna make it happen i want to do it too i want a shot i want oh yeah we all have to do it this is gonna be my record david we all have i get it before you it's not your record yeah much like dan said he could make all those half court shots and i made the first one i might just go cuck you i'm not gonna just watch you shoot 55 56 foot horseshoe uh what is it hook shots hook shots i'm gonna be i'm gonna

be doing that too. I got a sleep mask. I'm ready to rock. He's going to be devastated when he wakes up and his record is just not there anymore. They like keep him on payroll, but he just gets like seriously demoted. Hey man, we got to talk to you, Garrett. You're really lacking, buddy. What if he quits and just like moves to a shack in the middle of nowhere? It really fucks him up, man.

Yeah, like the guys are like, hey dude, Dylan, can you like make up an excuse that you like cheated and you didn't actually get it he goes off the grid for two months yeah he's not in a good place dylan garrett's really upset he goes uh he becomes family really misses him you don't see him for two months he comes back as a modern day knight yeah just more alpha he didn't have anywhere to turn so he turned to the modern day knights. What would those guys do if a Dude Perfect guy showed up? They'd be like, holy fuck, we get to abuse a Dude Perfect guy for the next 75 hours. He was so perfect, and then the dude from Washington Media took his record away from him.

You think you're fucking perfect? Oh, man, he's going to be so crushed. This is so stupid. Do you guys ever think about what you're going to be so crushed. This is so stupid. Do you guys ever think about what you're going to do in retirement? Yeah. Why did you say it like that? What the fuck? You okay?

Yeah. Well, some Italian men have taken to the world of crime. Fuck yeah. No way. There's been a gang of alleged armed robbers in their 60s and 70s arrested in italy six were known to rome's criminal underworld for tenacity and carrying out burglaries at post offices can you imagine just being in your like 70s just being like all right i'm gonna go stick them up it's like how people were like well yeah when i'm 80 i'll try lsd for the first time. Who cares? I'm 80.

May as well fucking become a stick-up boy at 80. Is there like a De Niro movie where this happened? I feel like he got like a real mail-in role here. It was kind of the Irishman, actually. There was a Morgan Freeman one. Okay. Where there's like four elderly bank robbers. Okay.

Can't make it up. Well, the gang's leaders were a seven-year-old nicknamed the german is he related to you dave you can tell me this guy's related to you and i believe you he was renowned in the mid-1990s as a sophisticated or for a sophisticated heist of a bank near the spanish steps god i love a heist and then there was a 75-year-old dude who played the lookout role. I would love to talk to that guy. Oh, my God. He's just... He's the only one with the decent eyesight.

I can't be looking. I can't see long enough. Maybe you get to a point... I've got the glaucoma. Maybe you get to a point in your life where you're like, just fuck it, man. Like, are these guys hoping to get busted by the cops and shot? Yeah, like, oh, no.

They want to die a hero? Yeah. These guys are responsible for stealing almost 200,000 euro in just May of last year. Do post offices keep this much Skrilla on deck at all times? I was wondering what post office was the choice. I feel like if I was going to rob something, post offices wouldn't be the top thing. No. Everybody's utilizing stamps.com over here anyway, so it's not if I was going to rob something, post offices wouldn't be the top thing. No. Everybody's utilizing stamps.com over here anyway,

so it's not like there's going to be that much there. That's big old facts from today. You ever think about that? No. Not really. This is fucking sick. I like these guys. I like that these guys pivoted from being the Italian dudes

who watch construction. They were like, nah, we're just going to go rob some shit. No. Rob of the post office. Wait, do they get get i wasn't really paying close attention they get busted yeah they got busted dude yeah they were sprinting away from the crime hey granddad granddad's not gonna be at your birthday party this year i'm sorry what do you do he's in the clink oh is he okay well he's fine but physically but he's in jail they're fine now he's turned to armed robbery at some point it's just so

cute you can't really prosecute they got tired of staring at uh construction sites like fuck it we gotta we gotta well it hurt you gotta get the adrenaline that position is not good for the older neck. You got to be careful. It's a me. It's a me. Oh, my God. Eat a lot. Stick them up. I'm going to eat good tonight. No.

Wait, what? These guys are sick, man. Bro, did you hear about these dudes in Italy? Bro, they're so old, man. Oh, these dudes are metal. Freaking, they don't care, man. It's like they got nothing to live for anymore you know i can see how you could turn to this point in your life yeah just be like you know what i haven't done anything exciting in a while just tired of sitting on the front porch drinking

coffee reading the newspaper you got to mix it up a bit you gotta be about that action no yeah if you if you if retirement meant you had to lead a life of crime, what would you pivot to? Ooh, I would get into a phishing scam. Really? Yeah, I was going to say. I would be the guy who puts a little fake card reader on gas station pumps.

So when someone swipes a card in, I steal their fucking data and then I go to Hobby Lobby and buy a bunch of candles. That's really messed up up i would assemble a crew and we would go country club to country club submitting scorecards that say 48 on them at scrambles did you see that recent one yes but your entire team has to be just big fat guys dude for some reason the guy who's golfers in the world the guy who filmed that latest video he turns the camera back on him. He goes, we are all scratch golfers

and they beat us by like 11 strokes. I like the people being like... No, 59 I think they showed. Yeah, I like the guys being like... There are people in the comments being like, if you guys were all scratch golfers and you turned into 59, then you should have lost. Yeah.

That's a hard-o take. I don't understand. I would want to borderline fight people if they came in with a 48 on their card and tried to act like they did that. Unless it was one of those tournaments where you can buy unlimited mulligans to raise money or whatever.

Yeah, like the yarn thing. That sucks. What's the yarn thing? I don't know that one. They give you a 12-inch piece of string and you can use those inches on putts so you can say like, oh, we want to be given this really short putt

that we all missed you can cut part of the string off but a 42 stupid was it a 42 no the 48 oh 48 but that just means you're lying like that means you're holing out on numerous holes from d like from like the fairway like it's just such bullshit i think we that this means we need to roll the ball back you could but y'all are ready for that conversation i'm ready for that conversation i'm fine with it at this point guys are out there turning 48s come on man yeah and the guys that don't look like they're you know they all look the same how do you say god how do you walk up and accept that like prize that whatever the prize is it's shameless dude if we if we shot it if we shot a legit 48 at one of these scramble tournaments i'd be like guys we can't turn this in this is embarrassing we let's it's like maybe a 53 yeah exactly like

we have it has to be something within the realm of possibility every guy has a oakley m frames and a goatee yes and a camo hat on that's that's the guy who shoots in a pot belly like yeah it like has a serious garage beer problem that's that's who it is they're just they're just splitting fairways the whole day they're just money they don't miss knocking pins down they don't miss greens have you guys ever turned in a low scorecard at a scramble yeah and we fucking lost by like six strokes i've never come close to winning as one of those i won a wedding scramble but there were two teams that showed up with 61s and we were one of them and like we felt pretty good about it but it was me and another guy and then two scratch golfers was drew on your team no um but i had two

scratch golfers on my team and then it was me another guy who did contribute pretty well uh but like i don't know shooting a 61 i was like that seems pretty fucking good to me i'm pretty happy with this the guy who filmed that was a plus two he said bro no no i'm angry every single time unreal dude is there anything worse than getting on like a like a vibe on the back nine of a scramble and you get to like 16 and you you give one away you bogey it or you par a par five cost us and you just know it's so deflating and you walk in you turn your car in you're just like let's just fucking go did you hear about hear about clay's team dude and they give away they're fucking 13 under right now they give away like legit prizes at these things too yeah you're taking from people if you fucking fib that's

why i'd be annoyed i'd be like who are these fucking ringers took my pro shop credit yeah no this happened to us at like a sorority uh golf tournament in college where we thought frat yeah and in retrospect like frat on good sirs who turned in like the 54 or whatever they turned in and beat us by like eight strokes but we came in thinking man we played pretty good we didn't bogey any holes there was always a running joke between my friends and i about these dudes in harvard springs who they would go to scrambles and stuff and just get absolutely obliterated and turning cards that were just super low but they were also really fucking good and we were like honestly i think that i think they're just they just do this like they're just good at drinking 30 beers and going low as possible yeah it's always the young bucks are the ones who are

honest in these it's always these old like these old like you know dads it's the guys who like have the facebook heavy like the you know i'm talking about yeah the photo of the car yeah yeah yeah they don't recognize the other pronouns yeah they just they just show up they're like well there's a lick right there we're gonna win that one i want what i want to happen is for two separate groups to have the same idea and end up at the same tournament and see who's willing to go just a little bit lower. Like who's willing to turn in the 47? That's what I want to know. I want somebody – I want like a shame off.

Two teams of just – of guys wearing big Johnson t-shirts, just a square off and a scramble. Yeah. I wouldn't go up and accept that trophy. You guys go. It's shameless behavior sit back here shameless behavior it's supposed to be a sport of you know gentlemen yeah like you say you think it's supposed to be gentlemen only ladies forbidden i don't ever

remember saying that good episode guys good episode are we done we're about there i feel good i feel good putting a putting a ball on this one that felt pretty good oh 72 minutes yeah we gotta go we gotta go uh reach out to youtube the good friends if anyone has a solution please hit us up this is dire we'll see you guys later. Bye. Bye.