Circling Back - Butt-Chugging The Sun & Papa John

Episode Date: November 27, 2019

An explanation as to why one Instagram influencer is imploring people to get more sun on their butts, Papa John's outrageous claim of eating 40 pizzas in 30 days, a feral hog problem in Houston, elementary school Christmas fireworks gone wrong, and This Weekend in Fun. Support us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter (10:28) We Are Muting Feral Hogs (29:28) Butt-Chugging The Sun (36:11) Papa John's 30-Day Pizza Marathon (1:01:11) This Weekend In Fun Hawthorne: www.hawthorne.co (CIRCLINGBACK for 10% off) Quip: www.getquip.com/circlingback (first refill FREE) Rhoback: www.rhoback.com (RANDY20 for 20% off) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

all right we're back circling back podcast coming to you live from the early bird cbd studio in austin texas my name is will defries right in front of me oh dylan shivery happy day before thanksgiving will and brett thank you, Dylan. How we doing? I'm doing great. How are you? Oh, man, I'm fantastic. Happy to be in the stew with you gentlemen. Dave is not here, of course. But it's going to be a great episode. Yeah, that boy is gone.

That boy is out of here. He's at home. Rumor has it he's on the golf course as we speak. It's true. That sounds like something he would do. I can confirm those rumors. He called me before. I think he wanted to have the banter before the podcast without being here.

So he just called me on the way to the studio. He's just so used to starting his day off with some fun and easy banter that he had to get back in the mix. A lot of people don't know this. Dave's a very big time car caller. If he's on a car ride more than a half hour, I can pretty much expect that my phone's gonna they're gonna ring he must like talking on the phone to you much more than me i've gotten

one of those calls i think he he always he does it all the time this started in the pgp days and we would just riff riff on like random stuff that we'd be like dude we should be doing this we should be doing this dave it's funny because dave's like he doesn't really uh he's not active on texting during the day just about like normal day-to-day work stuff yeah but he'll just on a road trip he'll be like you know let's let's get knock it all out in one phone all right i like phone call people i don't lily's lily's husband drew my future brother-in-law he uh he's a big phone call guy and i started adopting started adapting to it, and I don't hate it. Stay away from me.

I hate phone call people. I had a FaceTime stint for a while. Really? Yeah, where anything I wanted to get done was through FaceTime. I don't know why. I like doing it, though. I prefer that to a phone call, though. It's less jarring when someone FaceTimes me, because I'm like, oh, they're just shooting

the shit. If I get a phone call from somebody, I think something devastating happened. Something is very, very wrong right now. Phone calls are just a little awkward to me. I don't know why. Well, it's because you're a text boy now, Dylan. Well, there's just pressure to fill the dead air with words. That's like a podcast.

Yeah, but it's different. It's different. Like just having a conversation was, well, maybe it is pretty similar. I don't know. I can't. I mean, I don't know. I'm not the biggest phone caller, but I give it my best. Who knows?

Hey, do you guys know that we had the worst of podcast drop yesterday on Patreon? It was Thanksgiving. And I don't say this lightly. We've done three of these episodes. Yesterday's was by far the best story submissions we've gotten and the best overall episode we've done of the worst of so far. Brett and I were talking about this before you got here. It was one of our favorite episodes we've ever done.

It was good. It was awesome. It was one of those ones where we turned off the mics and it was like, hey, I think that went really well. Yeah, like Brett said, it felt good off the bat. Shout out to the girl who got second-degree burns on her chest from a turkey baster. Yeah. That's too bad.

It didn't leave any lasting scars or anything like that. I mean, as someone who's had second to third-degree burns, you've got to think that something was left there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My ankle will never look the same, Dylan. Ooh.

You've got to think the family, too, that went to a casino instead of cooking Thanksgiving dinner without the mom knowing. Yeah, had to be in a bit of trouble after that situation. Yeah, yeah. I still have some questions about that story still. I'm not questioning the validity of it, but I'm questioning just like why this entire family slept the entire day of Thanksgiving as opposed to hanging out.

You got to think each time Thanksgiving or even Christmas formas for the matter comes around she's she has to like sit the family down like look we can't we can't do 2017 again all right guys that was that was a flash in the pan your leash is a little shorter these days i'm sorry but go to patreon.com circling back podcast we did thanksgiving last week and now the office holiday party stories are rolling in and as someone who uh has never really been to like a generic corporate office holiday party i'm very excited for these ones ours were never generic or anything grand x we yeah you're right they're pretty lit they're chill parties when your company is uh comprised of you know 22 to 32 year olds yeah it's it's a pretty different scene than, you know, corporate, you know. What's ours going to be like this year?

It's hard to say. I think I'm probably going to, I mean, if you're there, I'm probably going to get a little too drunk. We're going to do a nice dinner somewhere. Oh, by the way, I have a call in to the other place we talked about. Let's go. Nice dinner and then probably hit the bars afterwards so we're not gonna you know rent out the space or anything like that so we're not we're

not renting out an island or anything no no we could do a party barge we're not there yet we're not inviting backers this year uh no okay do you guys have your fits picked out for the christmas party uh yeah i have a general fit but I've done it before for Christmas parties, so it's not like that crazy. I got what I'm wearing. I'm wearing a turtleneck. I'll tease that now. I got it yesterday, Dylan, and oh my God.

You might not be the only one wearing a turtleneck, buddy. I mean, let's just put it out there. You're not the only person wearing a turtleneck to this thing. Dude, what if we all roll up in the same cream-colored turtleneck it's possible that let's not tell our dates it's possible that over 70 percent of the people at this party are wearing turtlenecks i don't tell unless they might hear this but how many people's gonna be sally doesn't listen anymore um i reserved it for 12 100 to 200 people 12 people's a good amount so it's the four of us four dates i'd assume and then two and two lily drew yeah of mail-in fame uh and then blake and his wife oh hell yeah actually i

need to tell them about it i haven't done that yet yeah you might want to give details to people that are important yeah this is coming up yeah make. Okay. If we have any bad stories, I think we can, we'll tell them on one of the worst of episodes. I don't think anything too bad is going to happen,

hopefully. Man, that'll be fun. I think we're all going to be wearing the same thing. Yeah, it's going to be very similar. What do you wear over the turtleneck

is my question. I might wear a sport coat. Yeah, so the past year's parties I've done, I have a gray blazer sport coat thing that I wear. Jay Glazer? It's wool. It's not Jay Glazer.

It's a gray blazer. Okay. And yeah, I just wear that over it. We'll see this year. Man, I might have to get a sport coat off. I just have my coat and the turtleneck right now. Well, I mean, I bought a cashmere sweater this winter because I was like, you know what?

I'm going to buy a quality cashmere sweater and really because I was like, you know what? I'm going to buy a quality cashmere sweater and really just wear it all the time. This damn weather does not allow for it. Yeah, you consider the possibility

that it's not going to be sweater plus overcoat weather. God will look down on the wash media party and say, you know what? This fits need to be getting off today. Yeah.

It's going to happen. You know me. it doesn't matter i'll just get a fit off for getting off do you not sweat not really no i've never had an issue i like i have several things about me that i'm happy about in life like i love my career i'm glad that i have a full head of hair i like like that I don't really work out very often, but I'm not obese or anything. I'm privileged in some ways. The one thing I would switch is that I would sweat less.

That's the one thing, man. You get things. You're good, man. Dude, it sucks. It sucks. It used to overtake me. I couldn't go to public events because I was like, no, I'm going to sweat too much at that and be uncomfortable. Really? Yeah. It's never crossed my mind. Oh, it over, it used to overtake me. Like I couldn't go to public events cause I was like, no, I'm going to sweat too much

at that and be uncomfortable. Really? Yeah. It's never crossed my mind. Oh my God, dude. Yes. It has. You, you get too hot, but not because of sweat.

But it never, it's never like prevented me from doing my normal daily stuff. I don't have perspiration anxiety. I just do. I had, I don't have it as much anymore because texas has caused me to to get used to it but for years especially like when i first moved down here it was like well i don't want to go out until like 11 o'clock tonight because i'm just gonna be sweaty that that is a one that like when you're going out in austin at nine o'clock in the summer or in in september even it was too hot yeah like we're like woodrows or something and i did sweat i don't like sweat

through stuff but i could feel my back just like sweaty you don't you don't want that see i sweat through things yeah that's tough i was sweating at lillian drew's wedding my entire back was just drenched weddings are different though i feel like wedding like dance floors you're expected to just sweat through white this was before the dance floor got ramped up okay luckily luckily it started raining so everyone looked sweaty at one point and i was like oh dude yeah i just got dumped on i was i was doing a bunch of work out there helping move everything inside i love the story you guys told about the wedding where you had to you had to move the uh the party into the house and everybody chipped in and like moving something from the house floor to like a bedroom it was

great i was on couch detail. How'd you do? I did good. You went solo on couch? Oh, no. No, no, no. I got one end of it, though. It was a big boy. I asked Dave for help, but he just stared at me and didn't pitch in.

Well, Dave was probably the air traffic control guy. He was like, hey, Dylan, need you here? Will, over here? I think he just wanted to watch me struggle with the couch, actually. Did you move the table? No. Oh it was so heavy we had to do it the next day sober which moving stuff when you're drunk is a lot easier it's seemingly easier yeah we did it the next day and i was trying to delay until more people got over because i was like man i'm hung over i really don't feel like i don't know shattering my back on this propeller excuse me

the the table was a an actual prop propeller from a boat the base of the table with a giant thick sheet of glass and people were like don't break the glass and then someone the voice of reason finally someone was like uh that glass isn't going to break it was going to break whatever it runs into if it falls on you it's going to break your leg if it falls on the tile the tile is going to shatter and they were 100 correct about that shattered some tile dude word on the streets that the the entire security deposit is safe so hopefully we're good it's huge it's very big not i mean not that i had any financial investment in it should we talk about these feral hogs yeah it's not like we've been it's not like we've been uh mentioned any tweets or

anything like that right you guys this is the first time you've seen this story yeah 75 people didn't tag me in this tweet last night this might be the most we've been sent any single story in the history of circling back how about these feral hogs just throwing us a bone, though? They knew that we've been talking about feral hogs leading up to this. It's like, let's make some more news before the Thanksgiving break. I don't want to tease this, but my man of the year 2019 might be feral hogs. Wow. I know we have our awards coming up.

They're in the backies? You know this is a pretty dark, sad story, though. I know. They're just in the news, Dylan. Okay. They just keep being in the back east? You know this is a pretty dark, sad story, though. I know. They're just in the news, Dylan. Okay. They just keep being in the news. My extremely online in the news persona of 2019 might be feral hogs. Extremely online Brett.

All right. This is from CNN. A Texas woman was found dead after pre-dawn attack by a group of feral hogs outside a home, the Chambers County Sheriff said. Christine Rollins, a 59-year-old caregiver to an elderly couple in, I don't know how to say that town, failed to show up at her normal time on Sunday, the Sheriff said. 84-year-old homeowner found her lying in the front yard

between her car and the house. They speculated that it was multiple hogs who attacked her between 6 and 6.30. Here's a quote from one of the reporters. In my 35 years, I will tell you it's one of the worst things I've ever seen. How? So this is in a neighborhood. Jefferson County Medical Examiner Sully Rivers determined

Rollins was attacked by different hogs because of the various size of the bites on her body. Oh my god. So how many were there? Do they think? They think it was like 30 to 50. I'm sorry. They don't know. Just multiple. This story is sad for several reasons. It's so sad. Obviously.

What scares me the most is that this dude might be right. dude the dude that said that he needs his guns to kill 30 to 50 feral hogs like i didn't think he i thought that was an absurd statement at the time and now that i'm like thinking about i'm like well is he making a decent point now here's the thing um i've i've never heard a story where we assume this was unprovoked, right? She was just getting out of her car on the way to work. I've never heard of a story like this where hogs just decided to up and attack a human being. It's always like in defense.

Will they become aggressive with a person? Typically, they're pretty scared of people. So this is crazy. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to make light of this no all the people that were sending it to us like do they want like i can't get jokes off about this no yeah it's i said the 30 to 50 thing but it's not funny it's okay we were all thinking it it's not we were all thinking it dylan don't feel bad don't feel bad uh really is this like a neighborhood like what's jefferson county like

because that's what like the photos and stuff i'm like this looks like a normal driveway that i could easily like i could own the next door house and never think like oh i need to worry about these feral hogs running up you gotta think it's just small town texas i really don't know anna anna hawk is what it looks like this town is um let me look for that i don't know. Anna, Anna Kwok is what it looks like this town is. Let me, let me look for that. I don't know. God,

59 years old, like working a very noble job of being a caretaker. She just gets smoked by hogs. The bite, the bite marks thing is just, it's too much for me.

I wish, like, I wish there were jokes to make about this situation, but there's just not. Do you guys have any irrational fears? Feral hogs at this point.

Yeah, feral hogs are legitimately one of my irrational fears now. This is near the coast, by the way. Okay. So it's east of Houston, kind of between Houston and Beaumont, if people know where that is. So it's a little more country than I originally thought, perhaps. Yeah. know where that is yeah well and i 10 so it's a little more country than i than i originally thought perhaps yeah well that's a pretty populous populous area populous populated populated area dude it's impossible to say we can't look that up populated is the word it just concerns me that uh

i don't i do these things multiply quickly is that why there's so many of them and they travel in such big packs? They have, yeah, they have numerous litters a year. They breed like crazy. Okay, we need to confront this problem. I'm officially on the team of the guy that wants to kill 30 to 50 feral hogs with a machine gun. That's why hunting season is year-round and you don't even need a license for it. It's just open. You can just kill them.

At this point, I think we need to maybe even go on a hunting trip and kill some feral hogs ourselves. Let's bring your AR-30 to 50 with you. We've been the go-to for these hogs, and I think that we need to take the initiative, get up in a helicopter, get a turret somehow, and just start lighting these things up. I don't hate it.

I don't hate it. We can go out to my ranch and kill some if you want. Why do you say that with such a gentle voice? I've only seen them out there once, actually. I know they're out there. You can't bait them. No, you can. Yeah, but you don't want to, do you?

You don't want to lure them onto your property if you're not going to immediately kill them. If you want to kill them, yeah. Do you think I have it in me to kill a feral hog? I do. That's one of the few animals that I could pull the trigger on and not feel any that's the only big animal i've killed really i won't kill a deer yeah i think i think i've said it i think i said it recently the only things that i'm willing to go like hunting for are birds because they're dumb and i don't really feel bad uh they're dinosaurs and they're overpopulated in this area nice that being said i think i could add feral hogs to the list deer like my my because my concern is that i would shoot a deer i would have a terrible shot which would be expected from

me and then i'd have to do something to kill it after the fact and i would feel really guilty about that and it would it would probably stick with me for a long time that's why you need a sidearm on you like you can't just knife it you know you need you need a pistol just you know trying to lean lean away and i i can't say who this is i had i know somebody who hit a deer with his car in the middle of in the middle of winter it did not die he had no way of putting it out of its misery but he knew he had to he had his golf clubs in the back of the car and he took out an iron and hit it in the head hit what in the head a deer that he hit with his car he had no choice and i'm like dude i get it he did the right thing you like you had to put it out of its misery it was gonna die like there's no way they're gonna like go take this to

an animal vet and like nurse it back to health yeah no likely not i told the story of the one time i killed a hog on this pod, I believe. But I shot it through the ass accidentally. What? And it didn't die. So it was just on the ground squealing in agonizing pain and just doing circles in the dirt. I had to walk up to it with a 9mm I had and put one in its dome.

Yeah. See, that's the end of the road for me in my hunting career yeah it was uh i didn't enjoy it a less mature podcast would make a joke about you shooting hogs in the ass but like we said like we said on uh a previous episode we go high when others go low of course yeah yeah i don't really have much else on this besides you know my condolences to everyone involved i'm ready for feral hogs to be done like as an online joke and in real life I kind of am too can you eat feral hogs I don't even want to some yeah can you take the bacon off their back and stuff I don't know about that but uh you can you can definitely eat some feral hogs depending on

there's gonna be like a hipster restaurant that's just only feral hog meat that pops up and like depending on how big in montrose in houston or something old they are how do you how do you know that have you eaten feral hog before well we have a fucking ranch we've killed hogs on it and we've eaten them. Tight. Yeah. Tight. My stepbrother, Zane, and my brother-in-law, Kendall, they will go out and hunt. Is your stepbrother a dude from One Direction? That'd be so tight. No, it's a different Zane.

Oh, okay. But yeah, they've killed hogs on our property before. Oh, man. We might need to go out there and do it i want a ranch trip can we do one this this fall slash spring before it gets warm out fall slash spring or sorry winter slash spring yeah winter after 2020 but before may yes okay we can because i can't go out there when it's too hot brett you said you wanted the the feral hog thing to end yeah a story like this might do it because it's set it's not funny yeah it's the fun it's the final straw yeah it's not being funny Brett you said you wanted the feral hog thing to end a story like this might do it

it's not funny it's the final straw let's put it to bed are we retiring feral hogs? I don't want to cancel them because cancel culture is toxic I don't know if I feel comfortable making this decision without Dave because I think if there's going to be somebody

who stands up for feral hogs or at least the feral hog jokes it'll be dave but i'm ready to put it to bed okay lightly putting it to bed right now all right so we're muting feral hogs we're not yeah we're yes good call we're muting them not canceling uh can we talk about our friends over at hawthorne please not trying to stunt i used uh two different Hawthorne products today. Two? Two. I mashed the body wash button and I shampooed.

Are you guys familiar with Hawthorne? Of course. You should be. I am. You guys have both taken the quiz that takes all of two minutes to complete that tailors everything directly to you. I will say this. I'm pretty specific when it comes to my scents. I don't like having various scents on me. I like the way I smell. And so when I was taking the quiz and it asked

what current colognes I was wearing and I typed in the cologne that I was wearing, I was like, why am I doing this? It's not going to know. It recognized it and then matched me to two colognes, a work and a play that smell similar to my previous favorite cologne. Holy crap. Just imagine that. That's how tailored these guys are to you. The quiz takes like no time at all. It's actually fun to do because you get to analyze what your needs are,

and it's just great. If you have a significant other, you can do it for them. Sign them up. Smelling good is important. Hawthorne smells amazing getting hawthorne cologne is so easy all you have to do is take a quick two-minute quiz and hawthorne tells you the two colognes that are best for you one for work one for play and it's totally risk-free with free shipping and free returns don't you getting compliments on how good you smell lately

because you've been smelling like trash for the past few months and i haven't really noticed it lately it's great yeah it's interesting i'm not a cologne guy like historically i have i've never really been into it uh that has changed i legit wear the hawthorne cologne on the reg now man do i bring the work or the play back to michigan i think i gotta go play you can you can interchange them now because i'm not doing any work anything about it it's thanksgiving break i'm not doing any work. That's the exciting thing about it. It's Thanksgiving break. I'm not doing any work. It's all play when you're up there.

Yeah. Okay. It's all play and saran wrap sandwiches. You know what to do then. Mm-hmm. I need like a tour of Harbor Springs, basically. I can send you one. I can send you one.

Yeah. I'll tag Hawthorne in it since I'll be playing so hard. You're going to bring your drone up there? Maybe'm really intrigued by harbor springs because i've heard so much about it over the over the years from this guy i'm like what is this place like you're gonna be underwhelmed after all i've done i don't think so okay so here's how i imagine harbor hold on before we before we go home harbor springs yeah check out hawthorne at hawthorne.co that's hawthorne with an e and use promo code circling back to get 10 off your first purchase that's h-a-w-t-h-o-r-n-e.co and use my code circling back to get 10 off your purchase hawthorne.co as always we put every link

in the description of the episodes go check it it out. All right. Now back to Harbor. Harbor Springs, Will. Here's how I imagine Harbor Springs. Do you know the proposal with Ryan Reynolds? Yes. And Sandra Bullock? Yeah. That small Alaskan, the quaint Alaskan town they're in? Yeah.

That's how I picture Harbor Springs. It's quaint. My concern is that it's not like you're going to a place that has ubers that you can just call up and go places i feel like i could i could bike to everywhere in harbor springs though depending on where your house depending on like what house you rent or what hotel you're staying in like you you pretty much can okay and that is the move that being said you will get pulled over late night for riding a bike if you're drunk. They'll make you walk it.

Should we all have a house now already? It's something that if you are attending our wedding, you should get on sooner than later. One of the houses we looked at that we were like, oh, this would be a good house for some people, it's already booked that week. What we're discovering is that 8-8 is a very popular wedding day is there i assume it's not an airport in harbor springs no no there is but you're not going to fly into unless you have a pj that you're not telling us about you're not

going to fly it into only the homie has a pj in this family there's two places you can fly into like tomorrow i will be flying into detroit and driving four hours north. Or you can fly into Traverse City. Shouts to all the TC backers out there, which is an hour and a half drive. And it's kind of a scenic drive, especially during the summer. You drive by the lake and stuff. It's a really nice drive.

Or you can fly into Pelston, which is more expensive. The further north you fly into, the more expensive it gets. Makes sense. Pelston is a very small airport. It's got two, think two gates uh the baggage claim looks like a taxidermy shop because there's just a bunch of dead animals hung everywhere it's kind of tight love that and uh yeah it's the most expensive place but you can find deals and it's about a 20 minute drive from there wow yeah what's

the climate like in early august oh i, it can get as high as 80. Oh, so it's not hot. No. I mean, like, hopefully during the, like, wedding portion, it'll be like 65 or 70. Have you seen how far north this town is? But, like, Saratoga's up north, too. The toads? It's a 7-iron from Canada.

I love calling stuff golf terms. It's a what? 7-iron from Canada? It is very close. It's close to Canada, but it's still a hike from Harbor Springs to Canada because you have to go over the bridge. You have to do all that stuff. Can you go to the UP if you want?

Yeah. That's tight. The UP is an hour drive. Youper. 45 minutes to the bridge and then you cruise the bridge and then you go to St. Agnes. Call them youpers?

Yeah. Man, I'm excited for that. I thought, I guess maybe it's on the water, so that's why it doesn't get as hot as you'd think. But, like, upstate New York, it's mid-90s to high-90s in August. No. No. If it was over 80 degrees, we were canceling tee times like mad.

Really? No, dude, I'm not trying to sweat out there. Trying to play a nice, like, 65-degree round of golf. We do need to plan this, because with Saratoga, we've talked about doing this trip it's the togs but yeah it's not it's not the toads the toads dude please don't call it the toads um there's only like an eight well it used to be six weeks now it's eight weeks where the horses run and your wedding is smack dab in the middle of like horse uh racing season you can miss my wedding if you want to go watch the ponies. I'm not going to miss your wedding for the ponies, dude.

I get it, though. You're a big gambler. You have a problem. If you want a little taste of Harbor Springs on Twitter, I suggest following the official Harbor Springs Twitter account, which is HSMish. I'm not sure who runs that account, but it's probably the best

run account in the history of twitter it is electric yeah how many followers uh 2186 you gotta hit the 2k mark yeah you know it did dude that's what's up do you ever moonlight for them well you can actually see in the header photo of this uh where i'm getting married no shit yeah yeah if you click that header that big green space right next to the water that's your boy no shit that's your boy oh that's time man yeah that's why dude that's why we've been i had to work my my ass off to get this i didn't sally and the wedding planner right next to the little heart the little harbor there oh it's great that's cute yeah it's gonna be quaint it's gonna be tight fuck yeah hopefully the cops come and shut it down early because uh because of noise complaints and stuff it's always lit when the cops show up to your wedding,

so we'll see. I've always liked how you and I are both from hometowns with the name Springs in them. Yeah. Billy, that's par for the course. Yeah, and you can drink all the water you want out of that tap. Aren't you from Dripping Springs, Dylan?

I am not from Dripping Springs. I am from Austin, Texas. Didn't they call you the Dripping Spring of Austin, Texas? That never happened either. Nope, never did. Just wondering. I am from Austin, Texas. Didn't they call you the Dripping Spring of Austin, Texas? That never happened either. Nope. Never did. Just wondering. I knew they were close.

The drip is what we call it around here. When you do blow? Dripping Springs. It's legit. The nickname is the drip. Oh. Deep Eddie's out that way. I drove past it.

It is. It is. We're just giving geography lessons today. People love geography, by the way. Whenever somebody gets shouted out or some place gets shouted out. You know what I'm going to do right now, Will? Shots to Seattle. Hell yeah.

Oh, major shots to Seattle. I've never been, but I feel like I could really vibe there. Seattle is a tight city. Yeah. It really is. I tried to get Sally to go there last summer for a trip, and I got vetoed. Oh. And I'm really bummed about that.

It's up there, by the way. It's not close. No, I know. I really want to do it. It is tight. I think I could really thrive there. You probably would have a Southwest flight, right? Like, Southwest flight's got to be not terrible to Seattle from here.

No, it's not. I don't even think Southwest flies there. No, I think they do. That's one of the reasons why I did it, because I was like, it's an easy little... It's like a one-way flight right up there. No connections. Any random cities you want to shout out, Will, while we're doing geography?

Portland, Maine. Major shouts. Major shouts. Major shouts to Portland, Maine. Where all are Portland, Maine backers at? Shipyard and L.L. Bean up there. We just touched the opposite ends of the country there that's that's cool similar vibes fun will said he got the ll bean

catalog in the mail the other day i got restoration hardware yesterday dylan it's just a ski house magazine it's unbelievable hold on to that man i put it on my coffee table for real it's the direct mail that restoration hardware is doing is insane well you know our office we're decorating it like a ski lodge we can't afford restoration hardware dude there's like fifteen thousand dollar couches in there it's stupid let's get a fifteen thousand dollar couch i don't think you need to do that we're not not now yeah unless we're unless we're putting that couch on video it doesn't need to be fifteen thousand dollars well dylan wanted the room that looks like the casting yeah aren't we. Yeah, let's just make one room look exactly like that

and just not talk about it with people. Imagine if our casting catch was $15,000. That'd be a stunt. We should leave the tag on it, though. And Dylan's just like, you can't go on that. You can do it over here. Yeah. We can leave the tag on it and return it after.

What's wrong with you, dude? Dude, nothing. That's the thing. You brought up ski houses should we talk about this woman tanning her butthole i'm waiting for this one what's going on what's going on can someone explain to me what's happening here i read the post and the post says if you tan or sun your butthole for 30 seconds it gives you as much sun as like four hours in normal as much like vitamin d yeah where your body observes like that's the one thing absorbs um i don't

what no i i'm trying i don't know i'm trying to understand what what she's talking about i don't like that i'm saying this if the science behind this does check out you're gonna do it is it the worst thing i mean is she is she taking in uv rays or vitamin d like what what is do you put sunscreen on tanning oil no you're doing this at noon in austin you're gonna get burned i don't want you don't want that on your butthole and other parts if your legs are too white to wear shorts your butthole must be the whitest thing about you where are you doing this is another question that's the thing you have to have like a private patio you have to have a super private well yeah i'm not gonna go to my apartment pool and throw my legs over my shoulders the picture of this

girl doing it looks like she's on a hike and a nature walk or something she's kind of killing it in the middle of nowhere she's kind of killing it. In the middle of nowhere. She's kind of killing it. And she's just spread eagle, holding her feet, like pointing toward the sun. It's really uncomfortable. How long did they say to do it for? Four minutes? 30 seconds.

But this girl specifically does it for five minutes. Which, like, I don't know if i could physically hold my body in that position for five minutes i'd have to do one of those shake platforms in order to stretch my body out you do it you can do it oh should we squat up and try it dude here's the thing like i mean sunlight's awesome i don't think like this summer i was laying out by my pool like nearly every day to get some uv rays and get my tan on And I think it actually elevated my mood a lot. But I've never been laying out in the sun, getting sun or whatever at the pool,

and thought, you know what? I really wish my butthole was getting sun right now. It's not about that. It's about the energy that it gives your body. So it's like if you were to, I don't know, look directly into the sun and give your eyes that energy, it's that. I don't think.

We don't recommend doing that, by the way. Why am I Googling New York post butt sun right now? I hate this story so much. I mean, I'm just not a butt guy. Do you guys get seasonal depression at all? Not really. No? I don't get it bad, but my mood definitely changes. Do you guys get seasonal depression at all? Not really. No?

I don't get it bad, but my mood definitely changes. Everyone gets it to a degree, I think. Yes. I think everyone... Yeah, I think that's fair. I've considered in the past buying one of those lights. My buddy had one, and it was great. What lights? They have these lights that you can just put on in your place, and just having them on

kind of emulates sunshine. Oh, I have one of those. You those you do yeah i don't really use it too much though isn't the because the light's like really harsh isn't it isn't it like very white yeah very bright yeah yeah it's supposed to mimic the sun yeah it's not like aesthetically pleasing at all no that's see my apartment's aesthetically pleasing but you would have to it's the kind of thing that you bust out when you need it yeah Yeah. If you're working, you just toss it on for like 30 minutes and just chill with it and you're good. But like,

am I low key going to get one of these and just put it at the end of my bed and just chill there? My butt, butt near it. Would that do the same thing? I might be thinking of a different kind of light, but mine is like an alarm clock light and it's supposed to, it's supposed to like recreate the sun coming up, basically,

so it gets brighter. And then when it's super bright, it makes a sound. That's when your alarm goes off. I have one of those as well. Okay. Do we have the same one? Maybe. Mine's like a cheap Amazon one.

Oh, mine's by Casper. Yours is probably better. It's like an orb that just it's it's like wireless orb that you can like carry around with you and it has all you like you have to learn the the gestures of it like if you shake it it creates a little tiny light that you can bring to the bathroom in the middle of the night because you know how like you never want to turn on a light it's kind of tight so you just shake it a little bit and it gives this little tiny glow and it you can you can walk to the bathroom it kind of makes you feel like you're old school with like a candle or something but it's the reason you have it is

for the yeah the alarm clock properties of it i don't do that because i wake up pretty naturally every single day anyway and sally gets pissed because i just turn it on at night i have it go on at night so when i'm the time when i'm going to bed the lights on and slowly dimming off as I go to sleep. Interesting. She fucking hates it. Yeah. I have a, I,

so I live next to a pool. My apartment has like the pool below it and there, the pool lights. If I have my lines like open, the pool light reflects the water onto my ceiling. And so it's kind of like this cool wavy effect with dim light every time i go to bed that's pretty great pretty soothing that's pretty great yeah i'll take it it's better than circadian clock lights that y'all have enjoy now because you know the angle's

just right seasonally no it's gonna change it's just not what do you mean the lights are in the pool and stationary oh i thought you i thought you're talking about the reflection of the sun seasonally no it's gonna change it's just not what do you mean the lights are in the pool and stationary oh i thought you i thought you're talking about the reflection of the sun no oh my son dude the sun is brutal my bad my my apartment faces east yeah and so in the morning i'm just like i get cooked in my apartment hell yeah not like not like wilmont's cooked you should pull your pants down and just point your butthole at it when the next time it comes through you don't get jerked get that energy dog but i think like there's there's a whole slew of apartments across the way from me i don't think

they need that well they gotta respect what you're doing like oh that's brett he's just he's just saying tanning his butthole and get that energy i'm more of a tannins guy yeah what do you do if you walk out on your patio and you just see someone like... Tanning ass? What if you see someone at your pool doing what this girl's doing? Like in front of everybody. I don't know what I'd do, Dylan. I'd probably say, you all right? Like, oh, you're doing the butthole thing, huh? You good?

All right. Go off. Only 30 seconds. Go off, sis. You don't need a lot. Do you want sunscreen? I have SPF... I don't know a lot do you want sunscreen i have spf i don't i don't know what 69 i hate this story well i'm sorry why because i'm just i'm only talking about

but i mean to be honest typically i i stray away from butt stuff bless god bless you can we move on what a sneeze there yeah I'm out of a butt guy myself I mean yeah we can move on if you want to do you want to talk about our boy Papa John yes I do okay so when did this video come out I didn't see it until this morning

did this come out last night I believe it was last night just to be clear we're recording this episode on Tuesday for those at home that are like oh oh no, this came out Monday night. Correct. We have things to do. Okay, so Papa John is obviously not in charge of Papa John's anymore. I don't remember the exact comments he made.

He made unsavory comments, I think. I don't remember the exact ones either. I just don't remember what arena the unsavory comments were in. I remember thinking I should be anti these comments. Yes. I think we can all agree that we were anti the unsavory comments. That being said, I don't remember the exact specificity of it, but Papa John did an interview, and he...

Let's just say he's trying to set the record straight in a way. And let's just listen to part of this interview for some context here. I've had over 40 pizzas in the last 30 days. Living currently in Mark Shapiro should be in jail. He has no pizza experience. He's never been in the pizza category. I would just say stay tuned. The day of reckoning will come come the record will be straight why not set the record straight down i mean what is it about

the record that's not straight stay tuned what is he talking about the thing about the record is it's not straight yeah i don't think the record's straight yet. Is this in reference to his comments he made that got him pushed out of CEO or something else? What it sounds like happened is this guy brought up his comments to the board of directors, and it sounds like he may have fabricated these claims. And so the board of directors asked Papa John

as the CEO of Papa John's, and he was no longer in it this sounds like something kendall would have done to logan why does he sound like coach o why is he eating so many pizzas that's yeah can you imagine like like this is the time in his life where he can finally take a step back from pizzas and instead he's eaten more than one pizza a day for the last 30 days if i buy one pizza for for dinner, let's say for myself, and I have leftover pizza, if I eat it a second day, I feel like total ass. I feel like I need to go hit the treadmill for two hours just to cancel out what I just did to myself. Sally and I went to – we got pizza last night.

And I told her beforehand, I said, let's not get a huge pizza because if we do, we're going to have a bunch of leftovers and we're leaving town soon. And those are all going gonna go to waste and plus i don't need to be eating pizza for multiple meals in a row i read it somewhere one time that you should never eat the same meal twice in a row not for physical purposes i think it's just mental like just mix it up and like we're about to do today you mean yeah i might i might eat pizza today but whatever but like i've just never i've never wanted to eat leftover pizza for like multiple meals in a row outside of like a sunday when i'm just picking at it for like eight hours straight the only time is like you say you go uh dominoes late night saturday and sunday you're hung over anyway and you grab it like that cold pizza dominoes out of the fridge. I don't hate that. On Sunday morning? Yeah. I've done that move. I don't hate that. Do you think he's eating

Papa John's pizza? Or he's like, no, fuck them. They pushed me out. I'm gonna go eat dominoes or some shit like that. I think he's eating Papa John's pizza. Okay. You gotta think it's Papa John's. You got, yeah. I would think so, too. I just, you know. Do you think he's allowed to go into Papa John's establishments? Or do you think he's, like, sitting there? He's ordering it? Like, postmating it using code circling

back for $100 off of his delivery fees. He's ordering it with an alias yeah he's got somebody on the inside still yeah he's still like delivering him pizzas he's got a guy he's the number two trending topic right now what's number one tuesday thoughts hashtag tuesday thoughts twitter's the worst dude it's so stupid that these are like the things that we have to deal with the number three trending topic is hashtag Tuesday motivation. Have you ever heard of another threat in the pizza business like this? I mean, you said the day of reckoning is coming. No, no.

I've never heard the pizza business get this aggressive before. He looks really bad too. Well, likely he's been eating 40 pizzas over the last 30 days. He's still relatively thin for having eaten so many pizzas, but he looks like he's just worn out, you know, rode hard and put up wet. I saw it. Ew.

Somebody said his face looks like a catcher's mitt. Yeah. Am I correct in reading this? His net worth is $801 million? He's a very rich man. Dude, why are you trying to get back in the pizza space, dog? Just retire. Papa John's is a publicly traded company and he owned at the time i think he owned like 40 of all papa john's stock but he's since sold some of that in uh because he had to

because that was part of like the settlement theory i thought he had to sell all of it i don't know if it was all of it or some of it but he definitely had to sell his stock in papa john's which is it's tough when you're papa john it's tough being papa john i i can't wait to see what he comes back with granted i don't i still don't um think what he said is okay i don't remember exactly what it was but according to business insider is it business insider or business inside this is Is it Business Insider or Business Insider? This is just Business Insider. Oh, okay. He said that after eating the... He ate more than 40 pizzas in 30 days and that the quality has been destroyed. So he's eating Papa John's.

So why are you eating... Why are you going 40 in 30 days, dog? Dude, he's ride or die. He's got to mix in a salad at some point. Do you think he's doing sides? Is he getting the cheesy breadsticks, too? Yeah. With the garlic butter?

You have to. The dipping sauce? Has anyone gone to Papa John's and knocked on it? That might be, pound for pound, the worst thing you can put in your body. Their garlic butter sauce. It is so good. Okay, let me get this out there. Papa John's is trash pizza.

Yeah. Okay. But I've done it. I've done it, but I had to. I just made it sound like I've had Papa John's before. I've never had Papa John's before. Never? No. You're missing nothing it's it stinks yeah it is trash pizza but like at 2 a.m it's not gonna taste bad we never had one at our disposal and like when when i have multiple

options papa john's is never better than the other options yeah like when i was like 19 we had like papa john's and you had little c's man well we didn't yeah so I had Little C's at home all the time so we would just get hot and readies but like like Hungry Howie's is better than Papa John's

so we would go to Hungry Howie's I am unfamiliar with Hungry Howie's they have they have specially seasoned crusts and so you can choose

how you want your crust seasoned and it's very very good if you haven't seen this video you gotta you gotta look at it because he just looks like total shit here's a funny tweet about it.

Papa John looks like the guy in a zombie movie that gets bit and tries to hide it from the rest of the group. He does look weirdly sweaty and like distraught in the video. Yeah, it's funny. It's, it's just garlic butter pouring out of him because now they have the garlic butter crust that I've seen on commercials a couple of times. It says here that, uh,

he stepped down as CEO on January 1st of 2018 after comments made in november 2017 criticizing the nfl commissioner roger goodell for allegedly not doing anything about the national anthem protest by football players got it okay i remember it now he's a big supporter of the republican party yes he is a big supporter of me he was a big supporter of the Republican party. Yes. He is a big supporter of Mitt. He was a big supporter of Mitt Romney and he contributed, I think a large amount to Donald Trump's campaign. So it makes sense. It makes sense as to why he would be upset about this. Pushing like Republican propaganda in his pizzas delivery.

Like you'd open up the box and there'd be pamphlets of like Trump ads in there. It says he then resigned as chairman of the board on July 11th, 2018 when a scandal broke out over his use of a racial slur when trying to minimize the controversy over his NFL national anthem comments by alleging that Colonel Sanders had used a slur and had not affected his popularity.

Oh, so he kind of doubled down. Also, like... How much stock did he sell? Why? Like, Colonel... down also like how much stock did he sell why like colonels like why can i just say something bad like colonel sanders kind of looks just racist so like i don't think he's the one that you want backing you up on all this stuff apologies to kfc if you're looking to sponsor the pod yeah well colonels the actual colonel sanders has since passed if you're accused of saying

something racist the move is not to be like oh well well he said it too yeah dude dylan said it like that dude that's not helping your case here buddy colonel sanders is like in his grave like are you fucking kidding me my dog dude clean it up papa john you gotta think the colonel sanders like uh role is is shopped around pretty heavily at this point. It's gone through six to eight people over the last three years. That's an intentional move by them. That's a marketing thing, right?

It's like a new thing. It's like, oh, do you see this person's Colonel Sanders? What if Norm MacDonald just stayed the Colonel, though? That's part of your... That would have been tight. You don't want to get pigeonholed as Colonel Sanders, though. It's not a good career move. But if you're Norm, you're kind of on the back half. Might as well pick up the check.

Maybe. Does he have a Netflix special yet? Who? He's got a. Norm MacDonald? Yeah, I think he has a... Or Comedy Central or something. I don't know.

He had something. Why does it say that Papa John's residence is in Anchorage, Alaska? Or no, sorry. Anchorage, Kentucky. Misread, sorry, Anchorage, Kentucky. Misread it. My bad. My bad. Well, he just went there one time and he was so enamored with Anchorage, Alaska that he just built Anchorage, Kentucky.

I could see a billionaire being like, oh, I'm going to live in Alaska. Yeah. There was always... That'd be so peaceful, man. Yeah. In a previous... At Barststool there's a hypothetical shout out to all the anchorage uh backers out there yeah there's a lot of backers sorry about your climate for real it's it's a bad scenario up there um it sounded so disingenuous when you first said sorry that's why that's why i doubled down it's like you were shunting on them

uh there was a hypothetical that you could have $10 billion, but you could only live within the boundaries of Ohio. Would you do it? You can't go anywhere else but Ohio. $10 billion? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm doing it. I don't think I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Why? You can't go anywhere. Yeah, but with $10 billion, you can take anywhere to yourself what's the nicest part of ohio i would say the southern i would say like columbus and the neighboring places

but i'm not actually really sure i've never really ventured over to that side of ohio never go to the beach you never go skiing i was just you not to stunt on ohio i i don't know if i would do this in many. No traveling whatsoever. No traveling. You can't leave the borders. That would be torturous. That's kind of like being an Alcatraz, like a prisoner. That would suck.

And looking out the window at everybody, like living their life in one of the coolest cities in America. And then like, yeah, you're just doing it from the confines of Ohio. $10 billion, that's a lot. It's a lot of money, but like with $10 billion, it's not like you can build you could i don't know to ski on there's beaches in cleveland i don't think you're trying to get a beach off in cleveland though that's a good that's a good question man yeah the more i'm thinking about the more i'm like i don't know but yeah like you said it's not just ohio there are several states that there are probably other states that i would be less inclined to live in than ohio i'm in ohio at least my parents can like come visit me easily and shit i'm gonna i'm gonna

say no i that's my answer too i'm gonna say no and this is nothing against ohio yeah it could be a lot of different it could be a lot of different states but just being bound to one area let's really just roast one state what's the one state that you would absolutely never never do this in arkansas well i just said i wouldn't do it for ohio no i would do arkansas you would do arkansas i think so arkansas has got some really pretty parts yeah actually yeah i'm a big i'm a big natural beauty geography guy and so i'd rather have like natural beauty in arkansas than like like cornfields in Iowa suburban Ohio yeah I don't necessarily

need to be like we always do Iowa wrong on this podcast yeah I mean it's just it's not a very sexy state shouts to Des Moines Iowa City

I've met a lot of Iowans and they're nice a lot of fun Iowa City I guess you know it's it's not fair to Arkansas based on

my one experience there is driving from Memphis to Dallas on one road. Yeah, I don't think that's a fair. Nah, that didn't count. That's not a fair line.

Would you do it in Texas? Tembili? Yeah. Texas is tight. Plenty of shit to do in Texas. Yeah, it's a big enough state. I think I could do it in any state that has a coast. But if you don't have a natural coast, I'm not living there. Like Colorado, for sure, I could do it in any state that has a coast. But if you don't have a natural coast, I'm not living there.

Like Colorado, for sure, I would do it. Yo, Colorado might be the best state to do it. Oh, really? You'd be a 10 billionaire in Colorado? Oh, yeah. Duh. Oh, yeah. No joy, dude.

No, the best state to do it is California, for sure. Yeah. That's for sure. Yeah. California gets a lot of shit from people for the high taxes, the weirdos that live out there. I don't care about any of that. of shit from people for the high taxes, the weirdos that live out there. I don't care about any of that.

You don't care about the high taxes? No, I do, but I'm not paying them right now. Well, it's because you don't live there. No, I know. I fucking love it. It's tough to live there, money-wise. We'll just admit he was a huge government guy. Taxed the hell out of everybody.

Well, I mean, I'm not living there. Property values are nuts, too. Yeah, it's stupid. But if you have $10 billion, who cares? If you have $10 million, I will stay at a nice-ass hotel for every single day of my life. I bet you there's people that have stupid money like that that kind of just do that anyway. They go to New York once

or twice, or Vail once or twice, and then they're just back in California. But yeah, Ohio? No. Could you live in a hotel for your entire life i love hotel life but i think you'd get old after a while yeah you'd have to switch hotels i could never live in the same hotel my entire life um yeah i don't i don't think it could unless it's like like a ridiculous suite or something like the new tottenham manager former manchester united manager he managed at Man U for a long enough time

where you probably should purchase property in Manchester. He lived in the nicest suite of the nicest hotel every single night that he was manager of the team. That's cool. He just didn't even, it's like, fuck an apartment. Yeah. Fuck building equity in like a condo or a townhome. I'll take the presidential suite.

Yep. Just give me the nicest one and yeah. Hey, can I break some news real quick sure uh dave ruff should talk to us in the group chat he said uh in a quote bobcat just dragged his little cat nuts across the fairway dude was cocky end quote wow must have been a scene hold what? So they saw an actual bobcat and he dragged his balls across the fairway? I assume that he was just walking on the green and not actually dragging his testicles across it. So it's not like when dogs scrape their butts on the ground after they poop?

That shit's gross. Dude, it's one of the grosser things dogs do. Dogs are filthy. It's not even gross from the standpoint of them putting their butt on the ground. It's grosser from the standpoint of like what's on the ground that's getting on their butt. How do we keep talking about butts?

Butts? I'm sorry, dude. It's my one bunch of booze. I'm sorry. And it's just talking about S stuff. I'm sorry. I mean, we can pivot. You want to pivot?

Let's pivot. Hit me. Quit, baby. Brush those teeth. you like being those tees dylan you know i like being those teeth you've got some clean ass teeth lately and i think i think it's because you're a quip boy well obviously quip are the makers of the quip electric toothbrush and they want you to know that one single discovery that matters most for you is your dental care if you have good habits you're good do you guys have good habits yeah but my uh i've i've been in a bad habit of not brushing after going out the last couple days that happens that happens that happens i i actually did this while staying with my friend who's a dentist and the next morning i walked up to him i was like hey man do you have any uh toothpaste i forgot my toothpaste and it was clear that i didn't

brush my teeth the night before or else i would have had that problem at like 1 a.m when we got home and i felt so shameful but you know i don't i don't have to worry about this stuff anymore because quip legitimately just sends you all the stuff you need it also improves your habits by with their sensitive sonic vibrations it tells you like every 30 seconds when you gotta switch areas of your mouth they send you a new pack quarterly to make sure that you're just fresh to death at all times you get a new toothpaste you get new battery battery it's just the best i was so intrigued by quip that i just went and bought one from a local store like i i need to sign up for the uh the full-on quip that i just went and bought one from a local store like i i

need to sign up for the uh the full-on deal but like i just went out to the uh my local market and bought one what bought the set about that do you know they even have a floss dispenser that comes with pre-marked string to help you use just enough i've seen this thing when i was like a little kid i never knew how much to use and then i started using those like plastic ones but that's just so much weight it's like essentially the keurig of tooth care think about that but right now if you go to getquip.com circling back right now you'll get your first refill free that's your first refill free at getquip.com circling back that's g-e-t-q-u-i-p dot com slash circling back quip the good habits company dude fuck yeah uh so how about this uh brett's i don't know you explain what happened because

you dropped this in the group text today yeah this is one of uh one of my candidates for video of the year 2019 and it's not because i like seeing uh kids in danger by outdoor fireworks but it's because i couldn't stop laughing at it fireworks mishaps if no one gets hurt are really funny yes absolutely very funny so uh the video is a it looks like kids at a christmas pageant or pageant if you will um okay that are are partaking in a play and all of a sudden these fireworks start going off which people use probably thought they were you know sparklers or something like that but they're outdoor fireworks dylan right and they just start popping off and it becomes a war zone very quickly yeah um and the kids look to be about the homies age they look to be about four three maybe yeah

they're tiny little little shits so did this this hit you a little bit no but it's it's terrifying man those in close range like that those those were serious fireworks they can do some serious damage and so uh no it didn't hit me it wasn't like you know i didn't get choked up but thinking if oh what if that was the homie? But, like, those kids were legit in danger. Yeah, they were. Have you ever had a mishap with any sort of fire, whether it be fireworks, whether it be pyrotechnics?

July 4th, one year, we were doing fireworks. My family used to live on Lake Austin, and they had this little peninsula thing, and there's a palm tree on it. And we were launching them into the lake, into Lake Austin. Oh, nice. And one of them, it was mis-aimed, I guess, and it went straight into the palm tree. And the whole thing just whooshed. Seriously?

Oh, my God. Dude, that's tight. The flames, oh, yeah. The tree was probably 12, 14 feet tall. The whole thing just immediately ignited. It was a scene. Holy shit. I've never had that happen before.

We ran and got buckets and there was a pool there. We got water out of the pool and just threw it on the tree and finally we got it. I think for the most part it just burned itself out. The tree was toast, but that was fun. Okay. I've never had anything that bad happen with fireworks before. I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to fireworks. I'm a hyper-nervous guy.

Like, hold on, we should do it over here just in case. I've had a couple mishaps. I've taken a bottle rocket before and held on to the wooden piece. I've done that a lot of times. You usually put them in a bottle and point them the wooden piece. I've done that a lot of times. Because you usually put them in a bottle and point them at your buddies. But this, I just was drunk and held it with my hand, thinking that the little part was going to fly off the stick.

I was like, oh shit. When I realized it wasn't, I was like, this is going to hurt. That's what you just got to drop and drop and get run. Yeah, I didn't. And it blew up. I mean, they're tiny bottle rockets, so it didn't do anything.

But I also had, we built a potato potato cannon like junior year of high school um and sometimes it doesn't launch like you flood the the chamber with too much stuff and so you have to let it breathe for a while so i had the bright idea of instead of letting it breathe why don't i just burn what's inside oh that, that's a terrible idea. Come to find out. So I ignited the inside of the chamber that was filled with propellant. And the barrel was blocked by a potato, as potato guns are. And so the flame just flew out of the front the front end where you or the back end where

you put the got you a little bit oh yeah all every hair on my left leg was gone oh shit imagine if that happened to you like your your head yeah and like your your your hair was just singed and gone oh no thanks oh but yeah it was uh that's that's a pretty good mishap. And then the only other thing we were doing as kids is we made like Molotov cocktails. We just take like this is this is so bad. We take like Dave 100% did this Corona bottles or we'd finish off beers in my buddy's backyard and like take a gasoline filled rag and light them and throw them. And that's a terrible idea. And the trees would be just on fire.

It's a terrible idea. And then we also be just on fire. That's a terrible idea. And then we also made napalm. You ever mix styrofoam and gasoline, Dylan? What is wrong with you? Yeah, I mean, we just... It was like... You and Dave would have gotten along when you were fucking younger.

Dude, we weren't like shitheads, though. We were just doing it in our own... Like, we weren't doing it to harm other people. We were just kind of doing it ourselves. Are you saying that Dave would have done it to harm other people? I feel like Dave would be the type of person who like does those shenanigans they would like buzz the tower of somebody like throwing a molotov cocktail in like their front yard yeah we've never we never did anything to anybody's property yeah instead

of toilet paper in someone's house you're just throwing molotov cocktails at this um the only molotov cocktail i've thrown was in a like GTA yeah you know what was kind of fun that would have gone crazy viral on TikTok was we used to take the potato cannon and just point it straight up

and stand around it in a circle and launch it and then you could hear the potato coming down for like a good 10 seconds hell yeah it was tight

that actually sounds great that sounds fun. And it got, like it, it never hit anybody. Thank God. Because it would have killed somebody. Yeah, dude.

But it's come down and missed people by like three feet before. And usually like you all just puss out and run away. But my, like me,

my buddy Dan. Well, can't you see it coming? No, we're doing it at night. Oh, at night. Because, well, you launch the potato cannon at night because it creates like a fireball out of the end that looks tight. But you do it at night and you could hear the thing coming down. Because we're not in the city or anything.

We're out in the suburbs. You can hear everything. And just you hear it coming down and coming down and coming down. And then when it splats, it's like you throwing a baseball against like a barn door. Good God. Y'all got to chill out, man. How far does that go in the air? 400 yards.

Okay. 1,200 feet? Yeah. So that's what we did. What's a low-flying plane? Higher than that. Yeah. I have no concept for distance.

Commercial jets like 30, feet yeah yeah okay you're probably pushing four or five thousand feet yeah in a cessna okay so we're not in danger of of hitting planes in the air um but yeah we used to do that and and then uh we stopped after it almost killed somebody that's's probably, that's a good sign that you should stop doing what you're doing. Probably, yeah. But that thing, man, that thing is fucking fun.

I don't know where it is. We had one when I was a kid. Those things fucking hump out of the barrel. The only thing we did, and like, this was 100% my dad's fault,

was we just played a lot of, with a lot of the water balloon launchers. Oh yeah, we did a lot of that and that was like those are the those are fine good good clean fun oh that's when you take like you have three people two holders and one well you can't smoke people with or you can do it too you just gotta you just gotta strap it to a tree which is actually a pretty good way of doing it pretty good way no we we my dad stopped doing it we i grew up on a giant bluff and the bluff went like pretty

much straight down, and right in front of the bluff was just businesses. It was right above downtown. And so we would just launch them off there, and one time we hit a car, and we knew, we need to stop doing this now, because we probably just shattered someone's windshield. Yeah.

From that point on, my dad didn't have the same fervor for going out and launching water balloons off the bluff that he used to have unfortunately fair yeah that's fair yeah should we do this weekend of fun yeah it's kind of early to do it it's only tuesday right now but yeah i mean we've got a long weekend so yeah so uh i mean i guess i'll just start with my thanksgiving plans i'll be at the ranch. I unfortunately do not have the homie for Thanksgiving. Oh, that's brutal. I'm pretty sad about that, to be honest.

Is he going to be in Cali? Yeah, he'll be in Cali. So the rest of the family will be out there at the ranch. It'll be fun. And then I get him back on Saturday. I think they land here at around 4 p.m. And I'm going to get him immediately because I missed that little shit. Did you call and you were like,

hey, he's got to come back Saturday? It's for the boys. It's for the boys. Yeah, we've been FaceTiming every day. It's been fun. But yeah, Saturday I'll get them and then I'm just going to just max chill with the homie

for the rest of the weekend. That's pretty much it, man. That's what's up. It's going to be fun, though. Yeah. Saturday will be tight. Yeah. Eight days without seeing them.

That's a lot. I know. Without Rosie for three days, I'm like, man, I want to see Rosie. It's been tough. My mom's coming in. That's huge. Tomorrow, which will be Wednesday. What's your mom's name? Jen. Dude, shout out to Jen. Shout out to Jen. She's the best. She's flying in um i wanted to do the whole fam but the dog's at home so my dad

my sister doing thanksgiving with a dog back in saratoga my mom's flying down to me yeah because like it's one thing to go home for you kind of as you know as as workers in a different city than you grew up in, to the point where it's like you have to fly, usually you pick one, right? You pick Thanksgiving or Christmas to go home. And Christmas, I'm doing a hefty Saratoga, Rochester, New York City trip.

So Thanksgiving, I'm going to chill here. Good. Me and my mom, we got a pretty good spread. I went to Central Market yesterday, guys. It's a war zone. I imagine. It's a war zone. They had plenty of of turkeys which i told my mom they would um how big you go just nine pounds it's gonna be way too much meat but it's never been a problem for you in the past no but but

still it was it's on the smaller end you're gonna eat so many turkey sandwiches after this yeah i will i actually picked up uh brioche buns for that exact purpose oh wow yeah look at you yeah um so yeah we're gonna do that uh wednesday thursday and then uh friday she wants to kind of see the town a little bit so i'm gonna take her around to some austin austin spots you're just gonna take her to pine house and just probably we're going actually we're going to pine house wednesday huge because me and my dad went there when he was in town. And he's like, y'all, your mom would love that spot. So we'll probably get some soft Blanc off.

Pine House. Which I'm going to do today, too. And then Saturday, she leaves. But before she leaves, we're going to get some Christmas stuff in. I like that. Central Market, by the way their trees are phenomenal yeah they got they have a good tree oh my god they've got a good one sally and i were looking at them the other day the upstate new york has a great tree program but like the austin

trees and they were real they're perfectly shaped yeah they were great looking trees i don't i worry about the lasting power if you get one of them now i I've never. This is going to be a trash move. I've never had a real tree in my life. Oh, man. We grew up with real trees. And finally, my dad was like, you know what? We don't need to do this anymore. We're going to get a fake one.

Oh, he did real ones growing up. Yeah. I love real trees. I do like fake trees. I don't mind them. So I'm going to get a pop. Well, sure. When I have kids that are like seven or eight, I'm going to get real trees.

And I'm going to get like hilariously big ones so that they remember them because my dad got a hilariously big one one year and I still remember it as if it was four stories tall that's cool and so like I have to get a big one for my kids at one point just so that they have that same memory yeah I don't even know how tall that tree was these days I just remember it being huge yeah my buddy had like vaulted ceilings in his living room and they had like a 25 footer one year that's cool we had a wraparound staircase in that house and you you we had to go on the staircase in order to put the thing on top of it oh that's it was dope it was dope yeah good for y'all but i did overall i think i'm more of a fake guy now i know that's trash but it's so easy

yeah you know what you're gonna see more of nowadays is this is going to be a very niche take. When you have a tree that people put on tile or hardwood floors and the kids just don't get the feeling of like running around on carpet on Christmas morning. Like, you know, like crawling around opening presents and stuff. Yeah.

I don't know why that resonated with me. But yeah, you can't like... Carpets aren't going out of business. Like a lot of people still have carpets in their house. Throw a rug down. Yeah, I don't know why that resonated with me but yeah you can't like carpets aren't going out of business like a lot of people still have carpets in their house. Throw a rug down. Yeah you can throw

a rug down. Why are you worried about this? I don't know why I'm worried about this. Do you want to crawl around and open your presents?

The kids are okay. We always do it at my grandparents house and they still have like thick shag carpet in their living room and it's always like you just kind of hang

on the floor because all the kids are running around and you're passing out presents. God Christmas morning as a kid it are running around you. You're passing out presents. God, Christmas morning as a kid, it doesn't get better. No, there's nothing better. There's nothing better than Christmas morning.

No, I would like borderline have a heart attack running downstairs. It was the best. Couldn't sleep the night before. Thanksgiving after dinner, too, as I'm sure everybody is well aware. Like when the uncles are all kind of drunk and passing out, and the football's on. I saw, I don't know who said it. Somebody on Twitter said it, but they were like,

oh, it was John Mayer on Current Mood. Dude, shouts to John Mayer. Shouts to John Mayer, the king of content. He said, when you're with your families on Thanksgiving Day, just like make sure you take it in. When you're after after dinner and uh the tv's on football's on the family's kind of like that that din of family time take it in and just make sure you like close your eyes for a second it's good call and feel it for a minute or two

i like it because you don't know how how uh how many how many of those you get i took i took every holiday for granted growing up and then moving down here made me realize like how nice it is to be in the comfort of your own home with your family i love sally's family to death and the issue is not with like the people i'm surrounded with it's kind of the whole scene but like not being in your hometown for a major holiday i don't like it yeah that being said i'm in a great situation down here and so i have people that surround me where i'm like all right you guys are making it much much better but like it still is always not the same you know i don't like it when my parents ship me gifts to open and do all that

kind of stuff it's just it's not the same totally yeah when it's like uh like we did we always growing up it was always thanksgiving at my grandparents house and christmas at my grandparents house because in rochester that's where my whole family is shouts to western new york and wegmans uh in portland maine and buffalo in seattle go sabers but yeah you always had that day of of or like three days of just straight family time oh yeah i'm just tired that's what i've got coming up the homie's getting to be the perfect age too like you that that prime zone of like the whole santa claus thing hell yeah he's gonna like start remembering all these now oh yeah we talked about making cookies for santa all that shit you know milk you have to do that stuff you have to do that it's like nice he's talking about like what kind he's gonna make if you believe in santa mash that 15 second button. Yeah. I always used to love doing that.

Even though Santa wasn't real, my dad would just eat it and stuff. Why you got to talk about Santa not being real, dog? She doesn't have this on her card. What if the homie's listening? Oh, sorry. Fuck. He doesn't know how to mash the 15 second button. I told him to mash the 15 second button.

He doesn't know how to do that. Fuck, man. Yeah. One year my dad was like, eh, maybe we don't do as much milk this year i heard he likes scotch it was like okay all right yeah dad do we get it i do like that he was like no don't waste the fucking milk i'm pouring that out you're gonna start getting real fun for me with the homie i can't wait one year my dad put a bunch he put a really old school looking um thing of sleigh bells as if it had fallen off of Santa's sleigh and he put them in the snow outside of our house for us to find electric stuff oh yeah electric stuff oh my god we were

it was so fun you ever make a reindeer food that you throw in the yard oh we should that's a good idea yeah that's a good idea and you'd like I don't know how uh Santa I don't know how Santa put hoof prints in the snow for reindeer, likely because that's the power behind his sled. But there were always hoof prints the next morning. And so eight-year-old and seven-year-old Brett was like, holy fuck. Yeah, growing up in Texas, we didn't get to do that. Dude, have you ever had a white Christmas morning? Never.

Oh, my God. It's the best. It's the best. It's the best. And it's kind of a crapshoot sometimes. When it's not a good Christmas, like when the weather's warm or it's just rained or something, it's such a bummer.

When it's all white, it's just the best. And the plow trucks aren't out, so you kind of got to rough it everywhere. It's just great. I'm going to get Thomas Kinkade on you for a second. You know who Thomas Kinkade is. No. The Christmas painting guy. Oh, okay. i'm more of a norman rockwell guy but go on have

you have a alexander butierski by the way my favorite my favorite artist right now dylan my grandparents house they used to have a barn like an 1800s barn in their backyard and one christmas morning it was snowing, like light snow, and they put big ass colored lights on the barn. I was probably 10 years old. And it's still, that image still sticks in my brain. Oh, yeah.

Like family behind me, the Christmas morning, it was still super early, so the sun, it was still like, you know, the blue light hours. Oh, yeah.

Dude, ugh. I'm getting chills thinking about it, man. That's the best. That's the Thomas Kinkade. I'm getting excited excited do you guys want my weekend in fun yeah sorry i guess oh it's fun going down memory lane though no i'm going home uh there's the last minute decision by sally and i we were like you know what we're gonna be out of town for christmas so let's just go home and enjoy ourselves so we're gonna go see my parents. We get in at an early hour,

hopefully early enough that I can get a plastic wrap sandwich. What time are you boarding tomorrow morning? 440, 430 or 440. And then we are going to, you know, hit dinner with my parents Wednesday night, Thursday. Who knows? Probably go do a little maybe outdoor walking. Maybe take a hike at a nature preserve or something.

Maybe there's a nice little walk by my parents' house that I can take that's about a couple miles long. Might go do that. Oh, you're going to do that with the cousins before Thanksgiving dinner? Take a walk? The day is Friday. Friday after Thanksgiving in your hometown with nothing to do is just the best. So I don't know what we're going to do.

You got to think some micro brews are going to get off. Might go to a nice little farm that makes their own beers, have a couple out there. Hopefully it's snowing. Saturday it's supposed to snow, so I might go skiing. I need to do a little warmup before Colorado to make sure I still got my legs.

I don't think the Michigan skiing is going to prep me too much for Colorado, but we'll get there. It would be a real shame if you lost your touch. I haven't lost a touch. I haven't lost a touch. And then, yeah, Sunday we got a late flight out, so I'm anticipating, because it's Thanksgiving Sunday and we have a late flight out of Detroit,

I'm pretty much already guaranteeing that we're spending a night in Detroit. Nothing goes well. But other than that, yeah, just going to have a real chill thanksgiving at home with the fam very excited about it dude what if you just like this is sorry this is gonna be mean what if you just like like really sprain your ankle skin or something that would suck that would be bad just because i need to i need to be on like i need to be 100 healthy for for England and Scotland. Oh. So I got to be careful. Yeah. Yeah, I got to be careful.

I don't want to have to limp around and deal with that kind of shit. If you ski, what does Sally do? She said she would go with me. Oh. Which is, you know, it's a gift and a curse. You can't rip Black D? Yeah. I mean, I would love to rip some Black Ds, but it just might not happen with Sally around. So if we do

actually go skiing i will take her on some very easy hills and then uh i will probably have an hour to myself where i i i kindly gesture for her to maybe go meet some friends in the pub while i go get some some runs off do you have like a tight local uh bar at the at the ski lodge oh yeah nub's pub is an all-timer nub's pub yeah they don't have the entertainment going yet which Do you have like a tight local bar at the ski lodge? Oh, yeah. Nub's Pub is an all-timer. Nub's Pub? Yeah, they don't have the entertainment going yet, which is unfortunate.

Between Christmas and New Year's is where they do the entertainment. So you pretty much guaranteed an acoustic version of Edmund Fitzgerald every single time you're in there. And it's just great. But unfortunately, they don't have that yet. So hopefully it snows enough. I'm a little worried that it's going to be crappy crappy weather there's a lot of rain in the forecast but some snow on saturday i'm just worried that this the rain prior to that's going to ruin my my picturesque

time dude in in upstate new york it it got cold enough on thanksgiving a lot of time where we'd have white thanksgivings especially in rochester when it was like that but this this rain now i think is going to ruin that for us yeah which is it's okay it's okay as long as it's like cold yeah i'm not too worried about getting like the warm christmas is just don't they don't hit part of the reason we decided to do england and stuff like over christmas was so we could see it all done up for for christmas time i think that's gonna be a good choice yeah i'm excited that's why i'm excited to go to new york like a week before christmas too i've only been to new to New York around Christmas once and it was fucking great. Yeah.

It hits. It was so great. Man. I get so jacked up for Christmas. I'm sorry. I just showed Dylan a Thomas Kinkade painting. It's the best, man. It's better.

Christmas is number one. Thanksgiving, number two. Agreed. I don't like Thanksgiving haters. The season, the six weeks or so between thanksgiving and christmas is my favorite time of year i wrote a column about why from november 1st to january 1st it's the greatest two months ever and it i actually reread that column because i i was trying to get some a paragraph from it for sunday scaries and i i was like

reading the entire thing and i was like man i man, I knocked this out of the park. I was absolutely fucking right on every single point of this. I will say like the one knock on Austin I have is it doesn't feel like that down here. It doesn't. Which is a shame. Because if you've never experienced a long period of time in the Northeast or North even,

like Midwest during this time period, it's just not the same. It's not. Chris, this is a very weird feeling. never experienced a long period of time in the northeast or or north even like midwest during this time period it's just not the same it's not and christmas is a very weird feeling my first christmas here was very weird i was like i just felt off like i shouldn't have been here 100 that being said 98 of the other days in austin are pretty great correct it's hard to complain about it's cool to be like i'm sure people have family traditions like they they do christmas morning then they go golf with the family. Yeah, you could absolutely do that. Which is cool.

Thanksgiving, you probably go out and grill that Friday if you want outside and on the patio and stuff. But man, nothing hits like just Christmas inside a cozy house. Thanksgiving inside when it's cold as fuck outside. You're getting me all horny to go to Michigan. Let's go. Should we get out of here? Yeah. Guys.

Thankful for you. We're thankful for everybody. Thank you. Also. Thank you. Patreon.com. We're Stuff Podcast Listener Voicemails. We're getting listener voicemails off later today,

so we're just going to come in hot. Oh, yeah. See you guys later. Have a happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. Bye. oh yeah uh see you guys later have a happy thanksgiving happy thanksgiving bye