Circling Back - Circling Back With The Dumb Zone

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

The collab you’ve all been waiting for: Circling Back and The Dumb Zone in one studio. Dan and Jake join us for a joint venture episode that includes a little bit of something for everyone: being stranded in space vs. the ocean, an Exactly Five Minutes mini-episode featuring crawfish, dream pro-am pairings, and Dillon reading/explaining WAP lyrics, Dan has some questions about Washed Media, Dumb Zone News segment, when it’s okay to call in a noise complaint, Today In History, and more! The Dumb Zone YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheDumbZone Enjoy a free one-week trial on Patreon for additional weekly episodes: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast Watch all of our full episodes on our new YouTube channel: ⁠ https://www.youtube.com/@CirclingBack Shop Washed Merch: ⁠https://www.washedmedia.shop/ (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter (17:40) Exactly 5 Minutes (42:00) Dan's Questions for Washed Media (56:30) Dumb Zone News (1:14:10) Today In History⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, What is that, Jake? That's weird. That is weird. Why would our open blow up like that? To me, it sounds like the open to my second favorite podcast. Is ours your first favorite? Yeah. Oh, wow. When did that happen? Probably the day that we had my daughter on and I've been listening to it like 100 times over and over. Okay.

So sweet. We're here with the boys that's right look at if you recognize that song that music that's the unmistakable open from circling back the circling back podcast they're here we're back we're all here what's up dumb fucks we're in their spot we are in there so how are we in their spot yet? This is really weird. I told you this place was cool. Oh, it's great. First impression?

You like? It is more than I would have hoped it would be. We have beams. We have beams on the ceiling. Yeah, you don't see that. When we saw the exposed beams, we were like, yeah. It's giving fun tech company oh yeah i think there's been a few fun tech companies that have gone through this office before us we get all their mail still yeah and their checks uncashed now you guys do what's that i get mail at my house from uh like somebody who

started a church in the oarks. Have you attended? I've not, but I think they're behind on multiple payments. That's probably why they started a church in the Ozarks. Sounds like a tax play. It probably was. You guys do a good job of opening your show and introducing yourself every time.

We've got a lot to do that. I've tried to steal that, and Jake always resists. Well, Dylan always resists too, which is why we take forever to introduce him. Dylan Chivry, ladies and gentlemen. You guys know that they never introduce me, and if they do, it's like 12 minutes into the show. It doesn't seem like it bothers you at all. Yeah. People are listening for more than the first few minutes.

Like, I'm Will. Here's David. And then we're making sure everyone's in the door. I thought it was a bit for a while, and then it just kept kept doing it and then stopped being funny but they just all right kept rolling david ruff ladies and gentlemen what a pleasure what a pleasure i hope you're hungry i'm dan mcdowell i'm jake kemp and uh yeah randy's here we're doing a mixed show today hey rob in the building so this is our show what's up but it your show. We've got so many dudes in the stew. We do.

A lot of swinging dicks in here. Yep. A lot of testosterone. I love the stew. More by the day. Seriously. How's that going? It's fine. I don't think I've taken it long enough to see the effects of it, so I'm hoping to get there at some point. Wait, what are we taking? Testosterone.

Trying to up my tea gamegame i was borderline we're taking a little testy that doesn't work right no no no no one feels can't be dusty you know the the real key the indicator you're looking for is holes in your mattress is that what is that what really that's how you know when it kicks in mom mom yeah something happened she's like oh well we're gonna have a talk so is it just a shot no you can do it so okay we can do it yeah when i was talking to the doctor about it he gave me several different options you can do the injections you can take a daily or uh every other day pill or they have uh i think they're essentially like little pucks that you put in your butt. Yeah. And I did not know...

Puck squad. Yeah, the pellet. And I did not realize that the pellet was an option. And when he offered it to me, I was like, are you doing a bit right now? Not a suppository.

What's the size of the puck? I don't know. Are you talking suppository? Are you talking about inserted into... Oh, I thought it was like a... Under your skin. They put it under your skin. Yeah.

Oh, maybe it goes on your skin. I think you might have confused what he was telling me. Oh, yeah. I immediately was like, no, I don't need to do anything in my butt. Okay. Well, I know they have creams and topicals, but he truly made this sound like you were tossing it up there. Yeah, I think...

Do you think you could do it? No. For gains, you have to. No, no. I'm not gains driven. That's where you and i did during bulk what is it what does your daughter say it is right now is this cutting season or bulking season it's oh season of the cut season of the cut yeah randy knows i'm just

really into nutrition that's for are you cutting right now randy it's workout season i'm always cutting now i can't bulk anymore i'm too old to be doing that okay you're 30 they implanted in in your butt like under your skin did not know yeah it's like i got no it's like a slow release yeah got it over six months or something like they got birth control like that too right so i've heard asking the wrong i don't know i don't know it's a grundle play you don't need the birth control do you give the shots to yourself like if you you do shots? I think people do. Yeah. I think people do. See that?

Have you ever given yourself a shot? Um. Mix it with a little? No. A little taste? No, I have not. I've taken a needle out. I've taken an IV out of my arm. That's probably the closest I've gotten. You're escaping from a hospital or something?

I was on the run. I was on the run. Fuck this plug. You've taken it out of your own arm. You had some unfinished business. The Joker. I had to give my wife fertility shots like every day for like three straight months. Hell yeah. Did you ever pass out?

I did not. But as a hater of needles, it took me like three three days before really wasn't a big deal okay i could see i could see you passing out this is someone i get very queasy these days but i could see you being that type just based on your aversion to like germs and stuff yeah i i do fear the needle okay um it's kept me on the the right path in life You guys ever done the, like the mobile IV? It's very expensive. It is expensive, but I did it a couple of weeks ago when I got like a stomach bug and it's like the greatest thing you could ever, I mean, I see how like famous people party and still produce. Electrolytes. It's member guest season up in Dallas, Texas at all the country clubs. And a country club this past weekend, I was told by someone, just had an IV room where you could just go in and recharge.

They do that at festivals now. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I read today that I think there's a sensory room in the sphere for people to calm down in and not freak out. I kind of want to go see that. I kind of feel like I'm there to freak out. Yeah. That's part of it.

Like they used to have tents at dead concerts, I think. Yeah. Yeah. If you're tripping too hard. Yeah. It's a good idea. Yeah. They have those at some airports now.

Like a place if you're just like overwhelmed, you can just go. So if the lounge is full, you can pretend to freak out i guess yeah i'd be fine with that i guess well thanks for having me like the dead you in he's he's now a dead head it took bill to the sphere dying okay okay and i think the the biggest thing was like uh it's kind of like what did I compare it to the other day? Hockey. I like hockey, but I don't like hockey fans. Okay, I get it. I get it. I just don't enjoy it. You said pot culture.

Yeah, and pot, right? You're going to start getting served things on Instagram. That's just the spinner section of a dead and company concerts where it's just all the hippies just twirling in circles. And that's like the biggest turnoff for like most people is seeing those videos. It's like, I don't want to be a part of that. And it scares everybody away. And I get it. It's a lot. It's a lot. Yes. I recently, uh, I recently took my first spin through a couple of, uh, like live dead shows and I liked it. Okay. I liked it. Okay. Okay. There's a loading phase. 38. Okay. Yeah.

It feels a little late but you're good did you wear the nasa hat to troll me today no what do you have against nasa space space you don't respect space it's like the only thing i don't like about you really okay if that's the only thing i feel like i'm winning here big fan i feel like you might like me if that's the only thing you dislike about me. Dylan is up to my truth. Very, very respect for space. I'm a space enthusiast. Oh, I'm aware.

Yeah, yeah. I enjoy it. He subscribes to the space.com newsletter. Absolutely. Daily. Daily updates on what's happening in space. I might need to also subscribe. That sounds something up my alley.

It's gold. You've seen these James Webb photos? I have the URL if you need it. No, what do we got? Some new Tom DeLong time? What do you have against space? What do you have against space? What's your problem?

So the origin of it was when I was a kid, I remember thinking like the kid that had like the moon like lunchbox. Okay. And I'm like, dude, we have so much going on here. Right. What's your problem where you want to be up there okay like i had a triplets the you know yeah troy emmet and ervin lunchbox right which is dope

so to me it was like you're a you're a fucking dork like yeah you want to be up there for there's so much cool stuff it's definitely the nerdiest thing about me yeah i probably yeah it is yes i just said the vastness of it is what really trips me trips me out a little bit where did you fall on the uh would you ever would you rather be like stranded in the ocean or stranded in space um like danger wise right like in the middle of the ocean yeah or who knows what's gonna happen i feel like if you're stranded out in space, that's certain death, right? Yeah, you got to go ocean. Ocean, you have a chance to survive.

You could happen upon a small desert island. Yeah, but no one talks, like if you die in the ocean, like there's going to be that thing where everyone's still kind of holding out hope that you might pop up someday, like you're on an island or something. Yeah. And so you never get the like full death treatment

of like a good funeral and like, you know, everyone accepting your death. So if you're going to die, doing it in space is more notable. Like people are going to be like, dude, that dude died in space. I feel like I'd give it about three days hoping for a barge to, you know, find me. Then I would just probably off like end it. Cause I don't, you know, yeah. Like this is like a scenario where like.

You're going to hold your head underwater? I don't know how i do it your redneck yacht club got unhitched and just ended up in the middle of the ocean exactly with bob and then bob he's the president also depends like what what vessel i'm on or if i'm on a floaty or i'm on like an actual boat i don't know i feel like i'm choosing ocean with space you have so many opportunities to like come back through a wormhole as like your younger self. I like that. Do you ever think of that? So you're never truly – you can never write you off because you're in space. Wait, you're saying there's so many opportunities for that.

That's just – Yeah. Space is terrifying. You never know. It is terrifying. Maybe it's just fear. Yeah. I don't know.

Black holes are just the most annoying thing to me. Why do they annoy you? Like what's in there, dude? Like it's annoying. It's cool. Yeah, but it's annoying. Okay cool yeah but it's annoying okay i want to know they don't annoy me i'm more intrigued by them it always reminds me of that guy who and this is a story from like the 90s but he went through a black hole and came out the other end and he ended up just like looking through a bookcase and just like watching his daughter like be sad and and yeah mcconaughey right you have to suspend reality i think that's a documentary yeah so like you know

you never know you could end up anywhere really i'd like to understand that movie one day i've seen it seven times don't get it it's great soundtrack i feel like maybe you should be uh under the influence of something to it fully take that movie in It's a great movie, but it is quite confusing, especially near the end. I'm essentially at the point of my entertainment life where I can't comprehend anything that's more complex than Moana. Okay. Like, I've gotten so dumb and so, like, thoughtfulness has just left me.

And, like, yeah, I can comprehend, like yeah i can comprehend like disney movies and that's about it these days okay i'm not that's your speed huh yeah my wife pauses the tv if we're watching the crown she'll pause like in the middle of it and just look at me and she goes do you know what we're doing right now like no i have no clue what's going on right now and she'll explain to me not only like the plot but the historical context of it and i'm like okay thank you let's we can move on so we've got space in the royal family it's insulting but it is helpful yeah that's right by the way there is going to be a day and dylan might be part of this uh there is going to be a day where somebody goes to space and has like the titanic sub experience yeah for

sure and we're going to give them way too much time hoping that they're alive they're not but people will start to travel there if you're that person yeah i if you're that person does it ever register to you that you're getting roasted on twitter like you're sitting there like dude i'm probably a pretty big storyline as intrigued as i am about space i would never really would you uh yeah i think i'd like to take a small journey there that's interesting to me like up to the moon you don't want to go to the moon leave the atmosphere and get up that's that's way out there that's a little too far what if they what if what if they were like what if they had completed like a thousand trips to the moon little touchdown action yeah and like, and only one went awry?

Are you willing to go? Yeah. I would need sustained success getting there and back. What if you didn't have a kid, would you go without sustained success? That does make me more risk averse is having a child oh my god i think i quit uh skiing because of it yeah but if you died in space that kid would always view you as a huge hero yeah he'd think you're an astronaut until he realized he'll never be able to replace you what if it's just like a a fun a funsy trip though i thought you know if i'm an astronaut

and i'm doing cool like important shit that's different than just going oh i wanted to go to the moon yeah for kicks like i died left earth and now it's still a pretty rare way to die although maybe it would become more common maybe it'd be more like that's a great point what if you came back with drops of jupiter in your hair yeah like that might change them that certainly changes things a bit okay so hypothetical the space death versus the ocean death what about dying uh you're on a boat and let's say it starts to sink, and the battery, of course. The battery could electrocute you. But there's a shark nearby also.

10 yards. I don't know if you guys have been following this. A number of shark attacks in recent days, and that's a possibility. You go on electrocution, you go on shark. No one's ever asked that question before. Something to think about. I'm really impressed by your- I didn't know we would go this deep this early.

I think it's because of your association with MIT. Yeah. Yeah. I love how he'll just say shit like that. Like when he was doing the bird windmill thing, he's like, all the birds are dead. Yeah, he's familiar with MIT, therefore he's a smarter person for it. I love it. Okay.

I love it. Okay. I love it. Okay. Just a good hypo. I want to explain what we're doing here today. This is a crossover event. It is. It is. We're two pods.

Yeah. We're two podcasts that are now, like this is just blowing people's minds. Two become one. I told Dan the other day, it's like when they would do like a Chicago Med, Chicago Fire crossover. Right. It didn't get any better. Yep.

Yep. I think 30 Rock had some of those at some point. So what else? So are you done explaining? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess. But these, so these are the guys that we're now, are we working with them? For them?

I think we work for them. Should we get Brett in here? I'm not. I work for Brett. So we are under the umbrella of Washed Media. And so is Circling Back. That's right. That's their flagship podcast, right?

That's right. And so we're one of the many podcasts that is under that umbrella. And so we decided to come down here and mix and mingle so that, so that, I mean, we have to have this voyage so that in the future, it won't be just weird when we just show up, you know,

pop Dylan on our show or just whatever. Like now we can, now we have the ability to do that. And we wanted to like meet, mix, mingle, and answer the question, will the association with washed media ruin our show? It's true. It's true.

Which is a concern of the dumb folks from what I can tell. Yeah. Too late. And I want to be clear about something, too. We didn't mean for that term to take off. No, we don't. Neither one of us like it at all. No, I tend not to use it but some people have taken to identifying themselves as that yeah when when i heard

if you identify yourself as whatever yeah i'm not going to when i heard don't mention it for the first time i thought y'all were just it was a joke and then i hop on your subreddit and people they refer to themselves as dumb for sure dfs sos for sure. DF is good. So I'm like, oh, it's a thing. So I've been going with it. I enjoy it. But it's hard enough for you to explain to your four-year-old or five-year-old daughter that we're called the dumb zone,

and you're allowed to say that, honey. Yeah. And then she's like, well, what is this DF? Yeah. I'm like, well, it's a dumb fuck. Yeah. It's the answer. Backers is cooler. Back well, it's a dumb fuck. Yeah. It's the answer to dumb fuck. Backers is cooler.

Backers is cooler. It was pretty natural. It was pretty natural when it came on. What was our original? Touchers. We used to have a show called Touching Base. Touchers, dude. Touchers.

And they were the touchers. I miss the touchers. I miss the touchers. Which, it was a fun one. Yeah. Yeah, that could. We still get phone calls from day one touchers. Would it be a good move to play a little exactly five minutes to get some rapid fire knowledge the backers way?

Absolutely. So we're giving our audience a little taste of your podcast. Yes. And we will do the same. Exactly. Some Tuesdays we feed it to the listeners and we get a bunch of listener prompts where we put into a spreadsheet, Dylan spins this wheel and we talk about them for exactly five minutes that's not a wheel oh i'll spin the the sphere it's sphere this is what do they call that that's the lottery ball it's a

bingo wheel or bingo bingo ball bingo spinny ball yeah yeah i don't know i gotta be honest uh it's a ball i typically only consume you guys via audio yeah Yeah. And I kind of thought this thing didn't exist. Yeah, I get it. I get it. It's real, baby. I understand. I understand. I thought it was just something that Randy did.

We added sound effects in. 100%. Yeah. There's a real wheel. Well, eventually, 30 seconds will hit and you'll start hearing the music and everyone just needs to shut the fuck up when it goes to zeros. Got it. Okay, Dylan?

We can't go an extra second. Okay. Nope. Strictly prohibited. Yes. Dylan, spin the wheel. Are we ready? Yeah.

Let's go. All right, number one. Number one? Is, oh my, it's a blank. Oh, Randy. This has never happened before. This is big. Just go to 69.

Just go to 69. Okay. All right, we're going to number 69. Okay. Okay. So you guys are into the highbrow? Yeah. Yeah, we dabble.

We dabble. We dabble. Who in the studio can currently slam the most crawfish? How many? Oh. Okay, Dylan. Some of you guys don't like crawfish. No, it's not that I don't like them.

I just don't think the work is worth it. Yeah, it's a hassle. Yeah, it's not that I don't like them. I just don't think the work is worth the- Yeah, it's a hassle. Yeah, it's a lot of work. It's messy for this little tiny bit of- It's about the whole experience. Yeah, but- I want someone else to get all the shell and everything. Just give me a giant pile.

You're standing around a table with a crawfish piled up along with 10 other people. And it's like, it's a, it's a. Like, if you want the experience, what if we go together and you de-shell it all for me and then I'll eat it? Well, you know, it's funny. My wife is from New Orleans and that's exactly what she does. She sits and does it for you? Yes.

And like, I'm a little baby with a beer bottle. If you know how to do it, you can be pretty quick at it. I will do it. Like my parents used to throw two lobster dinners a year, one on 4th of July, one on New Year's Eve, invite their friends over to do it, you can be pretty quick at it. I will do it. Like my parents used to throw two lobster dinners a year, one on 4th of July, one on New Year's Eve, invite their friends over, do it. And people stopped enjoying the declawing of the lobster. It might've been a little primal.

And so now if we do it, we'll just do it all and throw it in a big bowl and people can just take pieces out of it. You also can't think of it as like you're eating a meal because you got to sit there for an hour to get full. How can you eat are you sucking head oh a lot i'll suck i'll suck one out of every five heads okay if it's a good looking head i'll suck what makes it what makes it a good looking head to suck i don't i i don't know when you see they're a good looking crawfish and their crawfish like all right i'm gonna get through this one quickly what's in the head is it like

the you know when you it's just like seasoning, basically. You're not sucking brains. Can you show what it would be like? Not doing a bit. It's strangely good. It's a good sound. I'll do it next time. How did corn get worked into this?

Because the crawfish enough is not enough. It's not sufficient. Oh, let's go for the but we overproduce it's because we overproduce corn and we just had to we had to do some true subsidies and yeah a lot of corn out there there's also a little sausage in there and a potato i would say i could eat 30 rooms in the power rankings of items you will find at the uh at the event the crazy event crawfish isn't even top 30 oh yeah it's number one for me they're very good. Potato, mushroom.

They're tasty. Sausage. Am I the only pro-crawfish guy here? I'll dabble. I like like crawfish etouffee. Yeah, because it works done for you. You just eat it. So is lobster that much better than crawfish?

I think it's just, yeah, well, it's, yes, it is. I feel like lobster's overrated. Ooh, I don't know. That's a fantastic take. If you have to have a little bowl of butter Yes, it is. I feel like lobster's overrated. I don't know. Lobster's fantastic. If you have to have a little bowl of butter and then dip it into that and then eat it to make it good. But you get to have a bowl of butter. You get to have that bowl. I have toy poodles and they'll have their little tiny, you know.

You have to dress up everything. There's very few things. There's very few things in life that you can boil for five minutes and just have butter there and it's going to taste amazing. But a small piece of dog poo, dried. Yeah. Let's not be silly. Like freeze dried?

It's just dried from the sun. It's been sitting there for a while. Okay. Dip that in a vat of butter and then just pop it in your mouth. It tastes good. But what do you cook that you don't at least season you know season or dip into something everything needs a little something a little added flavor to it you know yeah but that's a lot of added flavor for if this lobster is so good i think he's more talking about $20 per whatever he's talking about

the juxtaposition not talking about the juxtaposition you're talking about the juxtaposition. He's not talking about the juxtaposition. He's talking about the juxtaposition. You're talking about the process of cooking. He has the same point about bacon. What's the point about- Well, I just think bacon is- We've over-baconed America. Like, oh, if you have to put bacon on something, was it good in the first place? Like bacon wrapped shrimp. Oh, bacon added to something.

There's a movement of people who say they don't like bacon on the cheeseburger because it takes away from the cheeseburger, and I understand that. I'd like to introduce you to Flavia, our friend across the street. Does she add bacon to stuff? Best bacon in town.

Oh, she does do good bacon. Those breakfast tacos hit. How many crawfish can you eat? But what's wrong with just bacon alone? I can eat crawfish, well, let's see. Doing the math. I don't know, 7,500 crawfish. Really? Jeez.

They're small. Yeah, dude, but that's- But you're absolutely stuffed after that. It's like a fifth of a shrimp. I can do 30 before stuffed after that. It's like a fifth of a shrimp. I can do 30 before I get bored. If it's a fifth of a shrimp, you're not eating 25 shrimp. No, they're bigger than that. I could eat 60 crawfish easily.

But I feel like that's not like I'm not being braggadocious here. That's not a ton of crawfish. It's 60 bites of food. Yeah, but they're not huge bites. No, I don't work on your mandibles. Plus, again, that's spread out over an hour. You're not just shoveling that into your mouth. Your cuticles are going to be ruined after that.

I will say. It does hurt your fingers, yeah. One thing that we've all overlooked is that crawfish is also a good source of B vitamins as well as iron and selenium, important minerals that can be hard to get through your diet. And overall, a healthy source of protein. So, something you want to think about when you're engaging in these questions. They live in the mud.

It's true. It's a mud bug. They're born in the mud. Straight from the mud. Just like me. Don't they eat them in Shogun? Enough. What?

Ooh. You didn't even finish the show. I am in the middle of it. Now I have to think about that. 70. Without getting an answer. 7-0. What are the odds? I'll keep you middle of it. Now I have to think about that. 70. Without getting an answer. 7-0. What are the odds that you would pick 69 and 70 right in a row?

This never happens. No, it's... Dream pro-am pairing. You get to call out the course as well. Is this us being paired with someone, or is this our dream combination of a pro and an amateur golfer together hey remember that time we had an opportunity to play in a pro-am for grandax and uh our company said no you can't do it we weren't mad about that at all for free that's

when i really got out that's when i was really pissed i was like okay we're not allowed to play in a pro-am surely they're after dylan and i got out but uh it wasn't our choice yeah we were let go they should have dragged us in the conference room and been like hey you guys could go play in the pro-am because we're gonna fire you and yeah at least throw us a bone we're getting yeah we're getting let go just let us go do it you know the previous iteration or i suppose two iterations ago of his show uh he had a bowling tournament uh for charity and then the station canceled it because it wasn't making the station money and it was like but it's just charity tournament it made the charity what five thousand yeah yeah this station only made like

three thousand off this trip is it making us money is the reason why we didn't go on our i'm playing the pro app you know even though it was like all paid for yeah by the pga tour yeah yeah well we're not like huge golf well he used to golf a little bit. Used to golf, yeah, but now I'm an Am. I was an Am. I'm surprised. Terrified. Why don't they do any pro-Ams for Liv? They do.

Do they? Yeah. Because like, how's Trump not played in a pro-Am for Liv? Or has he? Would you guys see that shank he had the other day? I've seen a shank from him. Is he getting a scrub from the internet? Probably.

Yeah. He was the club champion. Is that real? Is he like actually a good golfer? Probably. Yeah. He was the club champion. Is that real? Is he like actually a good golfer? I mean, he cheats, right? Look him up on the gin app. Does everybody dream of playing with John Daly? No. No, not anymore. Or Kim Jong-un. I'm over John Daly.

Kim Jong-un would be good. That'd be a good pairing for you, dude. Kim Jong-un? Like he's awesome. Yeah. I think he shot like a like a 40 years you probably that was his that was his old man though oh that's right you probably win the pro am he's incredible oh i thought the current one is the guy no i was it was ill oh yeah he got like five holes in one in one round well he's got those jeans though eagle every eagleable hole there was yeah i don't think you ever touched sticks again after that.

Just one and done. You got to hang it up after that. Yeah. Kind of the way Ron Washington, I don't know if you're familiar with the Rangers ex-manager, Ron Washington, got caught doing cocaine. Oh, yeah. And he said it was the first time he tried it. A guy who played baseball in the 70s.

It was like 63 at the time he got caught. And the best part about that story was he said that he did it because he was stressed out. He had anxiety. And I'm like, trust me. It's the worst thing you could take for that. We talk about like when we're like really old, like what drugs we would take, you know, pushing 90, like ass, fuck it. You know, do some like mind expanding drugs, DMT or something. Cocaine's not really on the ledger, right?

No. I don't think that's a nursing home. You don't want to be a yacked out 90 year old. My window for taking cocaine has passed. Yeah. Yeah, mine too. Yeah. Earlier about.

Who are you playing with, Dave? Probably going JT. Stop. Really? Me and Pards, just mixing it up. Make your arms look big. That's my last pick. I just want to get to know him because I feel like I have an irrational

dislike toward him and it's based upon just mannerisms and that's not fair. So me and part of my growth as a person is saying, I'm willing to play golf with you as long as it's you know comped and room and board is included part of why i hate him is totally unfair it's just the way his his shirts fit him yeah it's no one looks worse than a polo than justin thomas he's got like the these the daintiest arms and shoulders like if beautifully tiny if i'm a if i'm a clothing brand there's no way i'm sponsoring justin thomas it does he had ralph lauren and we lost it do you guys think when ill put up that 48 at augusta he wore like actual gold clothes did he wear like his normal no he hit him with his super baggy slacks yeah he hit him with the

pastor uniform the golden tea polo dude put the golden tee polo on. I should have put it on. Why didn't you wear it? It's gas. I don't know. You got to wear it for the next stream. Oh, yeah, for sure. I'm going Cam Smith.

I'm going mola boys. I like that. That's a good play. Yeah. Seems like a fun guy. Or I'll go Jason Day and just get the new clothes. Hope to get some Malbon overflow. Yeah, that's a good one too.

You think they'd fit you out if you got – if you were playing in a pro-am with someone, do you think you'd get anything from their sponsor or they'd just ignore you? They would toss you a little bag. I'm going to go speed and I'm going to help him put his swing back together. You'd be the guy.

Yeah. Hey, man, let's go back to the drawing board here. He would hate me by hole three. Yeah, you'd be angry. Yeah. Charlie Woods, is he a pro yet? No. No? He can he a pro yet? No. No?

He can play. I don't know. I think it's probably kind of creepy, though, if you get asked this fantasy question and you pick a sixth grade kid. I want that 14-year-old. I want Nelly Korda. Okay, yeah.

I can sign up for that. Oh, darn it. How many of these are you doing, by the way? I love this game. It's fun, right? Yeah. Enough. Oh, darn it. How many of these are you doing, by the way? I love this game. It's fun, right? Yeah. Enough. You see, it's exactly five minutes, Jake.

Yeah, it's exactly five minutes. Number 11, 1-1. Making me scroll. What's the most unhinged... Oh, this is another golf question. Let's skip. Let's do a different golf question. Where do you come up with the list?

We do a little prompt on Instagram and have the listeners just put them right in there and I go through them every episode and update. Take out the old ones. The next number is 72. Do you guys have a Reddit page too? We're living down here. Oh yeah. Can we battle? Get our

Reddit page to battle your Reddit page? The most outspoken ones are the haters. I like you reading our Reddit. That's a good bit. That was a fun day for us. Dylan has to read lyrics to WAP. What do you mean? But also explain them as he goes.

I'm not familiar with this song. Can you Google what WAP is? Oh, Jesus. Isn't there a... What's the local news? Sounds like a slur, right? It's a... WAP?

It feels like our very good friends at Fox 4. Okay. They produced a weather app before the song came out. And now they kind of just have to stick with it. What's it called? It's called the WAP. Oh, is it WAP? Yeah.

Weather app. Italian guy here, half, so I can say WAP. Okay. You just did, so I guess. I'm just saying. Just putting it out there. I've seen this 23andMe confirmed. 23andMe confirmed.

I have two of them. Don't ask. Are we really going to do this? Yeah. Brady didn't start the clock for a while, so you're doing okay. All right. Let's go. Don't read all the words. Why not? Oh. You don't want to? Yeah a while, so you're doing okay. All right, let's go. And don't read all the words.

Why not? Oh, you don't want to. Yeah, I think there's – don't mince yourself here, please. Calm down there. Whores in this house. Okay. Wow. There's some whores in this house.

There's some whores in this house. There's some whores in this house. Hold up. I think what they mean by that is like uh there's like a dwelling somewhere and inside that that structure there are uh whores okay okay ladies of the night now are we talking prostitutes or are they just loose ladies you know that's open to interpretation are they paying rent are they getting paid yeah i don't know okay we'll dive in i said certified freak seven days a week like no days off basically fuck yeah locked in uh wet ass uh p got to say it

p um i'm gonna use p moving forward but just for the sake of clarifying pussy okay parentheses yeah p yeah wet ass p out make that pull it pull out game week for the sake of clarifying. Pussy. Oh, okay. Parentheses. Yeah. P. Wet ass pee. Make that pull out game weak. Woo! What, is it driving now? So like, the pee is so good. So this house has a garage?

I think what that means, I think like, the pee is so good that you don't want to, you don't want to pull it out. You just want to leave it in. Even like when you're finishing. Oh. I don't really know why one would do that.

To procreate. Shelter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you fucking with some wet ass pee. Again. The theme is recurring. She's just reiterating the situation. Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet ass pee but it's extremely wet basically basically the interpret you spoke

like it's so wet you're gonna have to clean it it seems extreme right sop it up with i've seen situations where i get it three minutes left not never been a part of one that is a long time dylan give me everything you got randy wronged him randy started it so late give me everything you got for this wet ass p so like monetary yeah that would indicate that yeah this is a process this is this is first class p but or is she saying effort yeah is this an effort thing or a wallet play i think you're onto something there like you got to earn this wet ass pee oh so like he's texting her good morning and stuff moving on yeah last night yep beat it up blank catch a charge oh so like some some people say like to beat up um don't clip like like you're doing like you're doing a good job with the sex i think is

what that what that means right um but like also slang like beat it up and then you catch a charge like you're gonna get you know arrested because because you because you beat it up so yeah yeah there you go it's gonna be a charging instrument extra large extra hard i don't think that means... Is it a charge like you charge your energy up? No, no. No? No, it's... Because you're going to probably lose energy. No, it's saying...

It's saying assault this thing in a way that would be criminal. You'd be charged with assault. Okay, I mean, that's one interpretation. That's true, too. Like you're on your way to your tea time, but there was an accident, tragedy, and you're trying to get into the golf course. Yeah. And you're like not

sure what i'm supposed to do and this is a major it's a major you're the number one you don't want to miss your tea time right put this p right in your face whoa wait swipe your nose like a credit card wow okay yeah so the thing about what if i have chip technology can i tap yeah. You can tap. I think the interesting thing there is that I feel like she would be the one who has to put it. Yeah. And then how you – because that doesn't mix with the no pulling out. And then it's also in your face. Mixed messages here.

Yeah. The order – they need to reverse the order there I think. Also, based on like the need of the mop and and bucket i'm worried about drowning yeah yeah i'm worried about how much uh of the never mind it's more of a water board it's just really wet it turns into a to do a cia situation this house has coverage hop on top i want to ride okay i a Kegel while it's inside. Okay. That's the Rangers alternate, right? That's the P-Gel.

Okay. Okay. A Kegel is a... I like it, by the way. A Kegel is an exercise that I think only those who have vaginas can do. It's a vagina curl. That's not true. It's a curl, right? You can do Kegels?

I'm pretty sure it's just like doing that. Just clenching? Yeah. That'd be a butt Kegel. No, no. That's a back vagina. You can do a dick Kegel.

I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Dude. A butt Kegel back vagina. Mix in a little creatine. Oh, no. We're out of time. Oh, no.

So much love. That was really good. We made it through. You did better than I thought you would. Maybe 8% of the song, by the way. The first stanza. Might need to get an adjudicator here to authenticate this. Should we do another one?

Yeah, let's do one more. Okay. Let's do one more. Glad that one's over. 44. 4-4. Ooh, this is a good one. What's in your ideal goon cave oh yes

well this is it yeah this is a pretty good one yeah a lot of seating in here uh multiple screens yeah you want to be soundproof yep yep candles good. Yeah, we do have good candles in here. Randy. Yeah. Party mode. If you want to party. Oh, wow. How about that? Celebrate the moment. Yeah, there are worse places. Oh, you got a disco ball in here? Yeah. The tech is there, Dan.

We have some cigarettes out in the some post cigarettes. You guys have Zins or whatever? Sorry. See, we have to keep a note. Lucy! we have sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry yeah we gotta keep notes on stuff we want to steal do you guys need a party light party mode is absolutely thing that's pretty good it's good yeah we just have like sit there mode yeah you guys should do sicko oh dude this guy doesn't he can't go sick. No, I know Dan pretty well I don't know. I don't know explain if you have to have it explained then you can't do it. No

All right. Are you on chair couch? I love see Something with lumbar support. So probably share ergonomic does it recline or do you have a footstool? a Footstool really long phone charger. Ohgonomic. Does it recline or do you have a footstool? A footstool. Really long phone charger. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Eight feet.

Like that. Yep. Yep. That's a good call. Can I also add that there are no children anywhere near me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not downstairs or anything. Mini fridge.

Oh, yeah. Okay. What about a lazy boy with a fridge that's built into it? Oh, my gosh. fridge oh yeah okay what about a lazy boy with a fridge that's like built into oh my gosh that's did you guys view the kegerator as like the ultimate sign of wealth when you were a kid oh yeah yeah my pot dealer had one those are a big deal i was like dude you've made it wow you sell a lot of did your pot dealer have a lizard uh one of them has yeah don't you think potdealer is lizard guy? Dylan's going to go lizard.

Lizard and possibly sword. You just start dealing wheat. My son wants a lizard. It's okay if you have a son. Lizard. If you're just a guy who has a lizard, he's not getting one. You also probably have a sword. We've always contended. Yeah, I got a sword.

You're a sword guy. Randy's our sword guy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's so wrong about having a sword? I've known this guy for five minutes and I could have guessed that. our sword guy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's so wrong about having a sword? I've known this guy for five minutes and I could have guessed that. Big sword guy. He's a Ren Faire guy.

I don't want a sword in my goon cave. No, no. No. Definitely not. No. No. I'm going to get an opportunity to actually execute this

because we're remodeling our house. What's the damage? More than you want to know, brother. Oh, my God. Yeah. Will's kind of... I haven't seen it, but you've got a... brother oh my god yeah will's kind of i haven't seen it but you've got you haven't been up there no you haven't bothered me which i get yeah i've got the little den but i it's it's tough dude you guys got to see his setup someday cooking downstairs above the garage okay the above the garage room. It's so nice. Everybody should have an above the garage room.

Do you have like a foosball table? You wouldn't have a foosball table? No, for years though, I had just one chair. And a big screen TV. No one else can sit here. This is me.

Life would not come up and hang out. Kids would not come up and hang out. Kids would not come up and hang out. That was my office. Okay. And that does send the message, though, if you only have one chair. And even though there's like a couch now, I feel like the message is still pretty clear. Still not local. Yeah.

Bluetooth speaker? We don't have that, but are you saying that's part of your dream? I'm just putting it out there. I mean, a lot of people don't like to have signs of wealth in their goon caves, but you could. What about like a towel warmer? Ooh. Jesus. It's a nice touch.

It is a nice touch. Wow. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Those are everywhere in like England and stuff. Nowhere over here. Definitely very popular in Asia. It's crazy. Like it's so ingrained in other cultures and stuff. Nowhere over here. Definitely very popular in Asia. It's crazy.

Like it's, it's so ingrained in other cultures and it's not even something we entertain. I've always thought you should have a mini, you know, the, the tiny dryers. Yeah. Have one of those in your bathroom right next to your shower. So you can open the shower, you open the dryer, a fresh, real hot. Cause those towel warmers are. They do an okay. I'm always just worried about burning myself on it if there's one in the room like i don't want to get up from going to the bathroom and like catch a shoulder and suddenly have a burn my

barber started offering uh they already did warm towels now they'll get you a cold towel i love this smell like cute and that's kind of a nice it's got the mango scent you know i'm talking about i feel like the ones where we go smell kind of minty. I love that. Yeah, I tell them not to use the cold towel on me. We were playing golf in Vegas and they get, on like number 12 or so, they came around with some cold towels.

Oh, sick. That's great. I bring a cold towel to like every, like every athletic event I've participated in. I've started to be the guy who will dip the towel before the round on a hot day. Yes, that's a good move. And like just throw it in the car.

It's a good move. Yeah, it changes a lot. Do you prep one before a sex sesh? No talking after zeros. All right. You're not allowed to answer that.

Listen to the rules. I wasn't watching the clock. And that's the end of exactly five minutes. Should we dumb zone time it? I think it's time. What do you want to do? I did, well, we could...

I think he has some stuff he wants to present to you guys. Okay. Well, not really present, but... You got questions for us, you said. Yeah, just because I've never met you before, but I've listened to plenty of your show, and I've just kept a few notes

over the last few months. You guys excited for this? No, I'm scared. Oh, boy. And I do have a couple things on here I just wanted your opinion on. Like, because we were driving down from Dallas yesterday to lovely Austin.

Love the scooter game. Love Lime Scooters. Are you guys into the scooters? Oh man, they're... I enjoy scooters. Jake is anti-scooter. I enjoy scooters. Randy's trying to acquire one right now for tonight. Acquire one? It feels like that's the easiest thing to do in Austin.

It is. I'm just going to Blues on the Green at Zilker Park, and I don't want to walk 30 minutes. Extreme Austin guy. I would love to own my own Lime scooter. You can buy them. You can just steal one. Oh, okay. scooter you can buy them you just steal one oh okay okay um anyway driving down here i want to ask you guys is it littering if you throw an apple out the window no biodegradable of course not no

i threw a banana out the other day and kind of laughed at myself jake got mad when i once threw one at his car yeah but i wasn't mad because you were littering i was mad because you sped past me and threw an apple at me. The littering aspect never even entered my mind. All right. I heard you guys once say, this is a few weeks ago, I think, the people have wanted Randy and Dan to hang out. Yeah. Why? I've just been getting a lot of private messages. People will be like,

hey, you got to make this happen. What's Randy's bit? He's just Randy. He's very Randy. I feel it. If you go to dinner with him randy's a single fella you go to dinner with him and let's say you have a nice young lady who's bringing you your food your waitress if you will he might make uh some origami for her origami rose i've seen it in person that's his move he's he's zany he's uh he's he's he's a different cat a lot of times he'll come in with a case of the fuck arounds and he'll tell you about it he just comes in and he's kind of on one you know

i feel like uh randy might throw an apple at my car when he's done with it oh for sure for sure that's something that he would do yeah so for sure i think it makes sense why did you guys get your YouTube account suspended? Hard to say. We're the bad boys of podcasting is the short answer. We know. Oh, you do know? We can say.

We know. We can say. No, we were promoting. One of the sponsors was. Was it the mushroom one? Probably. Probably. Yeah, we promoted something we shouldn't have promoted.

Explicitly. Yeah. Yeah, they don't like, even though so many companies figure out loopholes and ways to do it, if you promote anything drug-related on YouTube. Yep. Really? And we did that thinking we were fine, and we weren't. But luckily, YouTube was nice enough to us to say, like, we understand it was pretty innocent you guys can have your accounts back just don't mess up for the next 60 days all of these uh kids who died were child actors yeah exactly we didn't do

that well dave dave's done that but we usually have to edit that stuff out you know look i dabble with the flat earth thing it's fine life's a dance you learn as you go and we learned we could probably re-release all the army hammer stuff we had to cut from you now that he's kind of been vindicated a little bit. He's getting back in the game, right? I don't know. He's been vindicated? No, not totally.

Who? I think some people have been like, okay, maybe. I haven't watched the documentary. I probably shouldn't speak out. Did you watch that documentary? I didn't watch the doc. My wife told me about it. I know he was eating people.

Consensual eating. A real eater. Yeah. A real eater. Yeah. A real eater. Yes. I don't know if you find this, Jake. Yeah. But when you listen to a heavy amount of Circling Back,

then I end up walking around the house, because I told you about this in different ways. If you listen to a certain something, you end up walking around thinking in that cadence. If you listen to a certain something, you end up walking around like thinking in that cadence. Yeah. So do you ever do that with the circling back guys? Like now you just kind of have

this rhythm in your head and... Yeah. You're like, oh man. Which is way better than when I used to listen to a lot of Desus and Mero and I just started using like racial slurs.

This is much safer. No, but yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Like you're making a sandwich or something and you're like, oh yeah. Yeah, I'm going to put together a little Sammy here. Boy, Will had one earlier. And then you're thinking in your head like, oh, why low-key you'd enjoy

a baguette right here. Stewie's incredible. You know, Dan, and I'm saying this in my head to myself, what's your favorite kind of bread you know I don't know I mean flatbread

is giving gen uh gen z and I think how man I went to Sammy's on Friday night and uh they brought up

this what is it called ciabatta before the piccata so I mean it was uh and then yeah I'm thinking in my head does the crust on the za count what is it called? Chibata? Before the picada? So, I mean, it was... Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then, yeah, I'm thinking in my head,

does the crust on the za count? I mean, that is red. Officially, you've... Is that when you play your za card? Yeah, I mean, playing the za card? I told him how much

you hate that. Why do you hate playing the za card? Look, it's something that will follow me until the day I die. The text is clear. The text is clear.

We're just trying to interpret it. We hear from our listeners quite a bit that say that they find themselves talking like us. And there was even a lawyer recently who called in and said that, I forgot what the context of it was, but he said, he told the judge, it's hard to say when asked a question. And it didn't go over very well. I mean, he's trying to prosecute someone, talking to the judge. The judge is asking for like case law on something. And he said, no, hard to say.

Yeah. It's not an answer. It's not what you're looking for. Get that dry piece of bread, wash it down with a little R-W. R-W. Yeah. Dan, have your daughters discovered the show? Have you?

No. Would you like me to say, hey, listen to an episode and then I want you to review it? See, I don't. Yeah, I think it would be great content. I don't know how we would come out on the other end of that. But we had his daughters listen to a local artist who had a new single the other day. His daughters are what? Twenty twenty and eighteen.

And they will. And they just fucking rip everything they they love watching because i know you got or which one of you loves uh love island british i'm number i'm the number one enjoyer uh because they love that and just roasting everything on it yeah it's really fun for me to just watch them watch love island yeah yeah that's why you watch it you don't watch it to get invested in relationships. You watch it to roast the people and make fun of them and learn new slang. Yeah.

It's a lot more fun when they're doing that than when they listen to our show and do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like they constantly call us unemployed. Yes. They hate the name of the show. They hate the old name of the show.

We're now poor. We're poor. Because they can't... Every time I call them and they're in the car, they're like, oh, you're talking to your little best friend? They thought it was cool if they would tell their friends oh, my dad, like if they ask, my dad works

on the ticket in Dallas. It's like something people know. And now they say my dad podcasts above the garage. Yeah, it doesn't sound like a very respectable profession. No, no. Yeah. It sounds like what someone in their dorm is doing.

It's like, oh, it's a hobby. So what's his actual job? Right. How do you make money? Yeah, we actually do make a little bit of money doing that. Yeah, I mean. Livelihood. And let's see what else.

Oh, I know I wanted to ask about this. um livelihood and let's see what else oh i know i wanted to ask about this because uh the guys on my show our show uh jake and blake would not like the fact that dave played golf with dude perfect yeah absolutely i'll tell you about it too yeah they're they're good friends of mine um we had him in studio before or whatever before they might have done any uh do you watch the videos with your kids too we're not we're not there yet but i will force that upon him probably in the next two years my oldest is three and a half but i feel like okay yeah yeah my son's nine um and he has he knows about them okay and i'm like hey man uh i can probably get you a video from them like i know

a guy who works there he's like no i'm good so i love it he knows about the reason i want my kids to get into dude perfect is because i know i can hook them up with something sick in the future he would think i was so cool if he actually like got really into those guys yeah i'm gonna give them a core memory at some point if you decide to enjoy these guys which i'm not telling you you have to i don't care if you do either way but i will say like on that note i i played with so our buddy chad who works for them he's behind the scenes guy and then we played with a couple of the other guys and i kind of did the thing and this is not cool but they did like three separate videos for three friends who have kids that are super fans and the way they one take killed it and just all went into character. It was so impressive. Yeah. And I was definitely the guy,

I was like, dude, I hate to do this, man. Can I get one more? I'm glad you did it, Dave. And the kids are glad you did it. Yeah. And like, they're, they're fun guys. They're, Hey, they're a lot different on the course, man. Oh yeah, brother. Tell you that. I was going to say, you said went into character. Are they? Character. I should say like, they just kind of went, Hey, what're a lot different on the course, man. Oh, yeah, brother. Tell you that. I was going to say, you said went into character. Are they? Character, I should say, like, they just kind of went, hey, what's up? This is my dude.

This is me. Because, you know, obviously, I used to be, I don't know if Dan knows this, I was the sixth Dude Perfect guy. Yep. Yep. It's kind of, there's a documentary coming out called Dude Imperfect. And I kind of got cut out of the deal. My own doing, I've come to terms with it.

It's fine. It was a whole thing. Should we actually make that? But, yeah, they jump on. They kind of perk up. They go from worrying about if they're going to hit seven or eight on the par three to like – It's kind of like what I was telling you about with the Mahomes thing I did. Like he has to stand there and thank 200 sponsors.

Oh, yeah. He just is kind of like chill and normal. And then all of a sudden it's like, I'mrick mohomes right he just like flips into it sorry i don't know if our audience knows that you did that commercial jake was in a commercial with patrick mahomes he was kind of the star his new beverage correct yeah good friend of mine what's it called the drink sport coffee sport coffee that's right so it's mixing two things that we all love. 100%. Sport and coffee. Yeah.

It's all right there. Well, I mean, I think Will can understand this. It's kind of the juxtaposition between the two. I don't know if that plays into it. You understand what I'm saying? What if we put out porn coffee? Would that work? Doing coffee.

Go on. Sustained energy. I don't know how we would do this. Porn coffee. Yeah. Do you want jitters? I don't quite see the vision but there's something there i was just trying to think of two things that we're on board with but yes i was a i was in a

commercial with patrick roham so we do okay yeah so humble what is the one where he threw you a pass and you fell down i haven't seen that i haven't either is that actually going to air ever i hope if they give it to me i'll post it i told you like you're going up for it it was a really weird situation um i was wearing shoes that were like three sizes too big okay because it's just what they had for wardrobe okay and okay like pants that were too small. That's what they had. Okay. And, uh, he just kind of said, take off, I'll throw you one. And so I was like, all right, let's do it. You don't say no. And, uh, he underthrew it a little bit. I'm not going to lie to you. And as I was like creating the carriage, I'm like, I have to complete this catch. And in the process of making sure that I did so, I tripped very, very hard and busted my ass.

And the entire crew of probably like 100 people started laughing. And Mahomes said, as he was laughing, was he supposed to fall like that? And you said, no, no. Did you complete the process? Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. This is no Calvin Johnson situation.

Okay. Just had to make sure. It's okay. Detroit. Damn. Okay. We changed the league forever with that. That's true.

The true mark of the Detroit Lions. Yep. Hmm. Yep. That's basically my notes. I did want to say, I think you guys have a great mustache game. It's very,

very impressive. Mine's, mine's fairly new. What's up with the scruff? What do you mean? Your scruff. I got a little clean shaven mustache pilot guy for a little bit. I let it grow.

I don't know. I need to shave. Get off my shit, man. Like will, does will have a must. Do you remember when this was a controversy? Does that count?

Was it like May, um, Movember or Maystache, whatever it was back when I think Major League Baseball was doing it? Wasn't it Gabe Kapler had like a beard? Gabe Kapler. Good friend of Dan's.

He's crushing TikTok right now. Yeah, he is. One time, one time whenever I called him to get him on the show, he lives in like what, Malibu? Something like down there. And I called him, or him on the show. He lives in like what, Malibu? Something like down there, yeah. And I called him, or maybe he called us.

And he was like, are we ready? And I'm like, we need like three minutes. He goes, perfect, three more sprints. Yeah. And he hung up the show. He called back. I was like, you good? He's like, knocked him out.

Fuck yeah. He's like that all the time. Locked in. Yeah. He's in incredible shape. Yeah. You've been thinking about doing the Kyle Farnsworth diet, right? Tell me what that is.

Have you not seen the before and after shots of him lately? No. Oh, he's gotten bodybuilder level huge. Huh? Absolutely massive. There's a name. He's huge. That is a guy I might have forgot about.

But yes, does his muzzy count as a muzzy? Or does the beard count because it is a mustache surrounded by other hair? When he really lets the mustache go. It's pretty good right now. I think you could have alpha. It's like the mustache you see at a costume shop. I know, but that's why I can't do it because it's so costumey. It's so thick.

It needs to even out with the beard. I can't do it alone. I don't thinkumey. It needs to even out with the beard. No. I can't do it alone. I don't think so. I don't have a good jawline either. I think that you need to... It's not good. I love that look for you.

I love the mullet. I love... I think you're... I'm happy with the mullet. You're killing it. He's killing it. Dave asked me before we started recording if the mullet's going to make it to Chicago.

It will. If I get a plane ticket. People would be upset if it didn't. Yeah. No, I'm not going to go to Chicago. I'm not going to summertime shy without the mullet. You got to do business. Let's get you that plane ticket, my friend.

Yeah, I should probably get that plane ticket. Yeah, we'd love to have you on the trip. Yeah. It'd be good to be there. Want to do some news or what? All right, let's do some news. In three, two, three. Here's Jay with the Dumb Zone that's right you guys that's what we offer it's really

nice it's really we have actual sound that was good you guys been following this hunter biden situation dylan has i'm gonna stop for real no i mean i i know of it. Yeah. We were talking Lappy. He did coke. No, wait. He did everything. It was smokable coke. He listens to Fleet Foxes with prostitutes. He does a wake and bake. That was a really weird tweet.

He does a wake and bake with crack. Yeah. Have you tried it? No. Okay. No. He seems like he's a nice guy, too. All the reports from the ladies that he had been with said that he was very caring and nice.

Plus, he's be around. Yeah, well, he's now been found guilty of a gun charge. What does that mean? Same kind of charge as what Dylan was reading about earlier? Exact same kind. Not sure. Three counts, huh? Yeah, three counts. Not good.

And I think it's really weird that we still do this, which is the... Sketch? Yeah. Courthouse sketches seem very unnecessary. Yeah. If you're a courthouse sketch artist, like a young one going up the ranks,

when you get that job, are you like, fuck yes. Like, okay. Like, there aren't that many left. They're probably, like, people that do them probably sit there all the time. You used to work at Six Flags. Yeah. Why is it always, like, fuck yes. Like, okay. Like, there aren't that many left. They're probably, like, people that do them probably sit there all the time. You used to work at Six Flags. Yeah.

Why is it always, like, fairly abstract art when you do it? None of them are that good. It's like, surely you can draw better than this, right? Why? There's, like, a style. Yeah. So why that we have the technology to have a photograph? Well, the cameras are not allowed.

Yeah. Well, no, but have one allowed by the person who is employed by the court. I think they should use AI, leverage those tools when they can. Oh, that's not a bad idea. Think about that. Yeah. You know the interesting story

behind this courtroom sketch artist? Had been working small claims court his entire life and got the call up to the big leagues for this one. Really? Yeah. That's gotta be huge to be huge bullshitting it's not true at all it was just so uninteresting that i thought it couldn't be made up i'll be on the show for you like who could make that up it's nothing funny about this it's like it's just a lie. He's been taking side classes at a community college in pastels.

But it's like they all go to the same courtroom sketch art school. Yeah, and I love the one right this way. It doesn't need to have an aesthetic. They always make the people in the background not look like people. Yeah. I don't understand that at all. If you were in court and there were no cameras allowed, you'd want the sketch, right? Dude, they would fuck my shit up, though.

I would come out looking at it and be like... I'm not going to be on the good side of whatever's going on in there, so they're going to make me look worse. Yes. Yes. I'd want that sketch, though. It's kind of like going to a resort. They would short-side your mustache.

How much is sitting there with an easel and oil paints? I don't know how it works. Have you ever been to a wedding where they're getting a painting out of it live? I've been to two and I'm like, I just don't know if I need a live painting of a wedding. That's some rich people shit. Oh yeah, that's some rich people shit.

Yeah, it's unnecessary. They have cigar stands and stuff. Do they roll up for you? I don't know if they're live rolling or just handing them out. They should have a vape station. Where you get to doing do your own flay yeah oh yeah man rip away you can vape in the studio i don't care yeah i mean brett smokes actual cigarettes in here so vaping's nothing we snort menthol on occasion yeah nice love it yeah we do snort menthol it's true but yeah it would have been great if we would have had like courtroom sketch we write this down rob

if we get sued again we got sued by our former employer. We heard, yeah. I heard, yeah. Yeah, it sounds fun. Yeah, you guys want to remain at arm's length at that point, as I recall. Let's just sort that out. Might like to hook up at some point, but let's just see how this all works out. Sort it out, then we'll talk.

You don't need a third party. You got to see how our messy last relationship ends. But in the future, if we get sued again, we need to employ someone to come in and do courtroom sketches. Do these guys bring their own sketch artists? What's going on here? Wouldn't that be great? This is kind of a sad story, but it's a local one for us. A man was accidentally shot in the chest by a co-worker during a gun show in Fort Worth over the weekend,

A man was accidentally shot in the chest by a co-worker during a gun show in Fort Worth over the weekend, which to me has always been the question. How do more people not get shot at gun shows? I feel like bullets aren't allowed at gun shows, are they? It sounds like it was a security person. Okay. Which needs to be there. The security guy got shot? Or shot someone.

Security guard accidentally shot another security guard. Oh. How was he doing? That's not the most secure guy. All the people at his one show are just like watching, like, really? Okay. Really, guys? Yeah, okay, never mind. It was a booth worker.

So there must be bullets there. There must be live ammo there. And shot a co-worker who was also working the gun show with him. Yeah, that doesn't seem great. But like... Does everyone reach for a gun when they hear a gunshot? That's what I'm thinking. Yeah. worker who was also working the gun show with yeah that doesn't seem great but like does everyone reach for a gun when they hear a gunshot yeah yeah it's just like oh shit all good guys with guns yeah like i think the concept of the gun range is weird however i want to be clear that if any gun ranges would like to provide us with their business. Sure. We are very open to that. But it's weird that it exists.

It's a loophole. What? I don't know. You just say stuff like that because you're a lawyer? Yeah. It's a loophole. No, you know, a gun show, I've been to a couple gun shows in my day.

Randy, you'll like this. There's always a sword booth. I was going to say, Randy's definitely... There's a sword booth? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like Ninja Stars. Just because they can't get their own show. You gotta get the nerd demo in there somehow.

Sword show kinda has to be a side show. Okay. Katanas. Katanas for sure. Those only go so far. Do you own a butterfly knife? No, but I'd be willing to get one. Okay.

If you wanna get me one. My group chat was blowing up the other day when my buddy got a butterfly knife and I was like, yeah, Randy should see this right now. Hell yeah. I remember the one day when my buddy got a butterfly knife. And I was like, yeah, Randy should see this right now. Hell yeah. I remember the one time that I went to a gun show. And it's not just like knives. They have like Chinese throwing stars.

They have like nunchucks. Hell yeah. I was always wondering where to find that. Dude, my stepdad had some. How about a switchblade? Those are illegal, right? Or they used to be. I always heard they were illegal. I think they're illegal. I used to have a switchblade a long time illegal, right? Or they used to be. I always heard they were illegal.

I used to have a switchblade a long time ago. As a kid. Not just the comb? No, it was a real knife. When I was in Mexico, I tried to find a switchblade. They're awesome. They're badass. Were you Danny Zuko?

I think my dad had it and he was like, let me hang on to it for a little bit or something here bud i was old enough to like know better is that when you're uh you're running with the banditos after he took him to his first uh hooker yeah yeah that's tight now my stepdad was a cop when i was growing up and he had nunchucks that he had like now that i'm retelling the story it sounds like he might have done some evidence theft but i feel like they were like uh confiscated and when i was a kid the first thing i thought was these are so much heavier than i expected like have you ever held nunchucks before oh yeah they're insane yeah yeah like you got to harness the momentum whipping that shit around like a ninja

turtle you're not no like they weigh a lot. Hmm. Yeah, I've never touched them. Randy, are you biting your tongue over there like you know all this? I was going to say, where's our... He's like shaking his head like, I can't believe these idiots. But, I mean, bird dogs used to give you free nunchucks when you used our code, so... I don't think those were real nunchucks, though. I don't know. You can't ship those across state lines.

You get banned from YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. They'll kick your ass off YouTube. Take your media account a man in grapevine this is all uh we'll close with this one we'll spend over 30 years in prison after being found guilty of setting a neighbor's porch on fire following a complaint about his loud music okay so i get it neighbor calls the guys uh you know there's like those little trailer park

pockets of grapevine yeah where i always assumed that like they recruit players too oh that's where your yeah like your star player will be sitting why don't you move over here like buddy garrity style it's gonna have a mailbox yeah that's it so was this a situation where it was the uh bag of dog poop lit light on on fire and put it on their porch uh no this was much worse uh much much worse he uh just poured gasoline all over the guy's porch and lit it on fire i would love to see the last three months of lead up to this oh yeah yeah they've been feuding the disputes that these guys have had for the last three months have been awful tensions had been rising yeah it was not the first time that he had heard that song at that volume.

No. Okay. And decided. What's the song? He had already. Yeah. He's been over there. He's tried different tactics.

Yeah. And. This will get his attention. Yeah. This will work. Yeah. So just light somebody's porch on fire over loud music. And now you got 30 years.

I didn't know you could get 30 years for that. I didn't know you could have a porch with a trailer. Well, no, the guy in the trailer was playing the loud music. Neighbor comes over and is like, hey, cut this malarkey out. Oh, and trailer guy went and lit his. Oh, okay. I thought it was the guy with the music got his porch lit. No.

He was mad about the intervention. Like quit complaining yeah or i'll light your shit up that's hardcore that's hardcore you guys ever called the the cops on a noise complaint so i've told this story on circling back before um i used to live with three other guys at a house uh in the deep eddy neighborhood here in austin and one of my buddies was inside trying to go to sleep and the rest of us were on the on the porch just drinking and probably playing music not loudly whatever you know him very well snakes no um anyway he called the cops on snakes he called

the cops on his own house because we were being allowed on the front porch cops show up and they're like yeah someone someone claims to be living here and we went inside what the fuck are you doing that's so that seems like a kid him out unbelievable what if you were holding what if you had your switchblade yeah yeah now you got a felony charge yeah it just changes the course of your life all kinds of reasons we could have gotten a lot of y. Because y'all were listening to Bart Crowe or whatever. But luckily the cop found it humorous. And he's like, okay, just turn your, please turn your music down or whatever it was. Yeah, he was sleeping inside and called the cops on us

because we were on the, it was ridiculous. But you've never called? No. I don't think I could bring myself to do it unless it was like egregious. I did it once. Did you? Yeah.

Not proud of it. Yeah, you shouldn't be proud of that it unless it was like egregious i did it once did you yeah not proud of it yeah you shouldn't be proud of that but there was like uh it almost felt like they were doing like it was when i lived in denton and there was like backyard wrestling taking place hell yeah and it was like midnight you know i i called the apartment complex front desk because it was new year's eve it was like 2 30 in the morning and the people that were downstairs and over from us were being loud which was fine i was okay with that i could deal with that uh but my pregnant wife once they started lighting off fireworks out of their their window and shooting it at the apartment complex over i was like yeah i guess i

should probably appease my pregnant wife right now and call down and i don't think there's anything. So it was performative. Yeah. You weren't really that. I didn't really care that much. I was a little worried about the potential fire in the apartment complex next door. No, that's, you did the right thing. Yeah. I can remember in high school on multiple occasions, if we weren't allowed into a party or got kicked out, I had a friend and his move would be like, well, call the police on that. Early slaughter. Which one of you called the police about the guy that the pizza got delivered? That was me. That was him.

That was a wellness check. I wasn't tattling on anybody, you know? You know the story? The guy could have been dead. He could have been in his goon cave. He could have been edging. I met this guy. I had a long conversation with him recently.

He's extremely nice. Oh, you actually met him? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know you actually met him. How did you not tell us this? This was like over the weekend. Did you tell him what you did? Yeah. He started to tell the story.

I said, I'm going to stop you right there. That was actually me. I was concerned for your well-being. And he's like, okay. I appreciate it. He's a very nice guy. I appreciate it. I get it. He was in very nice guy. I appreciate it and I get it. He was in Tulum at the time, so he was totally safe. So how did that pizza get ordered?

They delivered to the wrong place. Oh, okay. Yeah. So that Zaha was up for grabs. It even said the name Sam on the box. I didn't know the guy's name. Yeah, what happens with this in Zaha Court? It was the worst pizza toppings I've ever seen on a pizza.

Yeah, what was it? Was it pesto or something? No, artichoke. I fuck with pesto. Wasn't there artichoke on it? It was like mushroom, artichoke, black olives, and something else. It was just gross. That's disgusting.

I would eat that. What are you doing? It was a veg play. Was he mad about the door? No, no. Okay. No, he's fine. He thought it was a funny story.

He was still vibing from Tulum. Yeah. Molly hadn't went off yet. He was really confused. He came back. He got an email from the property manager about it. And he was like, I still don't understand what happened. They're like, well, a pizza.

It does seem weird that you had never really met him, and yet you were concerned about his safety. I mean, he was sitting there for three days. I think I would have done the same thing. I'm thinking. I was in agreeance with you. Also, we called 311. And they were like, we explained, like, this is an emergency.

We just wanted, like, we feel like we've got to tell somebody. What is 311? It's a non-emergency line. Hell of a band. Yeah. One of the greats. Yeah, it's calling 911 for non-emergency situations. And they said, hang up.

I don't think they have a good PR firm. They said, hang up and call 911 right now. Because before you guys, I heard you guys talking about that. I never knew what 311, I never heard of 311. I think what I did was, I've never, I didn't call 911 for the noise complaint. I called like the local police. You know what I mean? Like you can just look like the local police you know what i mean like you can just look up your local police department's phone number i wasn't gonna call 911 because there

were guys jumping on tables yeah attacks on them so that's not the same if you call the local police no you can actually you can talk to like the local dispatch i think 311 is is like that yeah yeah i think that's what it sounds like like you report non-emergency shit that's happening. Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah. Anything, really.

Yeah. It could be like, oh, somebody left a kitchen sink on this street corner. Yeah. It needs to leak. What does,

gotta go. What do they actually do, though, 311? Do they actually have a, they will, I think they just source, I think they source the city.

Yeah. Yeah, they do. what department can we kick this to? Is it urgent? If it needs to be escalated, that's when they'll get the emergency line. Like cat in the tree? I forgot.

I should have called 911 about a noise complaint last winter. Should have. Hell yeah. It was the coffee shop next to us. You called it on the business. Yes, because they had turned up the Christmas music so loud, and it was like after midnight that it was like, what's going on here? I didn't know you called 911. Oh, no. I didn't know who to...

No, I might have called 311, actually. It was 311. I called 311. Were they immediately like, who hates Christmas music? No, the girl on the other side of the phone, she was like, oh, yeah. Okay, yeah, we'll forward this to the right people. It was never... It was never the same

loudness for the rest of the month. It was two straight months of Christmas music at my old place. It was the first night of the Christmas music being played and I was like, this was way softer last year. We're not starting off like this. I need to do this now.

If you wait a month, they would... And based on her reaction, I don't think I was the only person that called about it. Did they not have a porch you could have just... Like a fire? Throw tomatoes at? Yeah, I forgot about the other one. On St. Patrick's Day last year, I called 911 on that one. It was not a noise complaint, but I walked out in the front of my house.

It was like midnight, and there was just a guy sleeping there. Oh, yeah, I remember. You kind of have 911 on speed dial now right but it was weird right he wasn't that far from the from the front door he was i live on like a corner not to brag uh but it was very clear to me that if he woke up he was probably going to get hit by a car but he was not in yeah he was passed out he was like a 50 year old dude and i called i called the cops and people got really really mad at me when i told that story on our show because you called the cops yeah and i'm like dude i didn't want him to get arrested i wanted him to not die it was a low-key narc move so did they arrest him uh before they got there he he stood up because i kind of did like a little hey buddy buddy yeah throw throw he did exactly what i thought he would do he walked

down the street in the middle of the street yeah and then i saw a cop car pull up and i don't know what happened after that but get his billy club out i mean he probably was in the back of the leg i think i saved his life is what I'm saying And anyways there's the news Honestly we should applaud you For saving his life Thank you He's over here calling me

You're over here calling me hero Did you check his pockets? Yeah I robbed him You see what's up? Just you know A little tax I robbed him Neighborhood tax

Gotta get your feet whacked So this is a little taste of what we do at the end of our program. Yeah. Okay. Called The Dumb Zone. And now we do this. The Dumb Zone presents... Production.

Today in history... That's right. We like sound, audio. I love it. It dresses up the fact that we're... News average. It's the easiest way to feel professional. Yeah. Yes. That sound drops. Yep. It covers up the fact that we're... Muse average. It's the easiest way to feel professional. Yeah.

That sound drops. Yep. It covers up the midness. Is midness a word? You guys have got to say it. No, that's good. Yeah. We're going to use that.

Midness. He's circling back, Pilled. So today is Tuesday, June 11th. This is our episode 182. How many have you guys done? Oh, hard to say. 183. They're always one-upping us. So again, today is Tuesday, June 11th. On this day in 1955, in motor racing's worst disaster ever,

more than 80 people were killed during the 24-hour Le Mans in France. Yeah. When two of the cars collided and then crashed into spectators. How many died? 80. Holy shit. I've watched a documentary about that before.

It is absolutely insane. I don't know the specifics of the cars involved here, but if you go back and watch, like, old F1, which I know you have. They're just sliding around, like, everywhere. Yeah, and they're, like, driving through an apartment complex. Yeah.

But like Le Mans was unhinged. Like, yeah. Like they didn't have the traction they have now. And like, it's just wild. Isn't that what Ford versus Ferrari? That's a 24 hour race, right? Yeah. Yeah.

They switch off. Yeah. It's kind of fun to watch, but like. That's a great. That's why there's all the crashes. You get really tired. Oh, yeah. I've been driving for 22 hours.

That's right. They changed drivers? Yeah. Are you guys stoked on F1? That became like a thing a couple years ago. Kind of weak. I still pay attention, but I don't watch very much just because it's not as entertaining. I think this season's been more entertaining than last season from the group text that I'm in.

You're talking about the actual season or the documentary? The actual season. The show, right? Oh, yeah. I stopped watching the show just because I don't really watch the sports documentaries that much. We spent some time in the paddock. We did. We're paddock boys. It wasn't anything.

Any sport where the same team wins every time, I'm just going to lose my interest. I tried to get into soccer during the pandemic, and I couldn't do it because you know the result already. Manchester City just wins everything. I got really into Red Bull Leipzig. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. Let's do it. On this day in 1962, three prisoners at the Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay staged an escape, leaving the island on a makeshift raft never found or heard from again. That's tight. It's incredible. Did they live?

Probably. No. Got electrocuted by a boat battery that dropped. Yeah, that's true. Or the nearby shark. Yeah. How bad are the guards if they're building a full-on like life raft yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I was gonna say it's it's really

cool I've never done it it's awesome do they still hand you headphones yeah yeah yeah how much does it cost I don't remember it's affordable I went in 2015. it's cool it's really cool my dad went and then went again like five years later. I'm like, it's probably the same. Yeah, it was very similar. Nothing's happened since. There's really no need for you to. Jake, you're a ghost guy.

They say the Al Capone, you can make contact with him if you go on the right time. Yeah, I'm not a ghost guy, but. I wanted to follow up on that. Like, you're a ghost guy? No, and I shouldn't even say that in here. I've already taken a run at space, but there's a host of spooky scissor right here. No, I don't believe in ghosts. That's fine.

Yeah. Although I did enjoy you guys' ghost tour. That was tight. Shout out to Vincent. That was really cool. What's he up to? V-Man. We've got to get him in the studio.

I don't know. Vincent? Stewie. Stewie. Yeah. I don't know if he has a, Oh, I think,

I think you're underrating him. Okay. Is that video still available for consumption? He essentially does stand up every night. It was a haunted ghost tour of Austin. Yeah. They took it, took us to all the hotspots.

Six of them. Oh, have you walked by any since and pointed it out to people? People love the knowledge that we learned on that tour. This was an incinerator. Yeah, that part was... That's the best piece of knowledge down there.

See this little cutout right here? They burn people in there. The Driscoll Hotel. Everybody knows that one. That's the only one I know. Famously haunted. On this day in 1990, Nolan Ryan pitched his sixth no-hitter,

becoming the first man to pitch no-hitters for three different teams, and he was 43 years old. What a lot of people don't know about that is he walked 18 people in that game. He did walk a lot of badminton. How many pitches did he have? No, but it's always been my bit of like, yeah, he was awesome, but let's go check out who led the major leagues and walks every single year no hitters are kind of overrated yeah i think at this point they might be a perfectos that's a different animal for sure

did you pitch uh when i was young yeah yeah i told him about the journey this morning for him in particular because he's a baseball guy. I can't wait to see how it turns out. It's not going to turn out well. It's already turning out well. Don't hurt yourself. Jake's bragging. Don't hurt your arm. His thing is he hasn't thrown at all, and he's 38.

So can you imagine all the innings that are stored up in there? But if you really dial that arm up and go and like go all out you're gonna hurt something uh the first week i was there so i went i go on wednesdays the first week jake's trying to learn to throw a ball because just for your listeners he has a son so he didn't try and do this for his daughter when she was born but now that he has a son he wants to be able to go have a catch but he throws i should probably do this too go ahead say whatever you well i wouldn't say you throw like a girl because i think girls can throw great yeah now having a son like old enough to play catch with it's fucking awesome i'll tell you yeah it seems cool yeah so the first week i went i go on wednesdays my arm hurt until sunday yeah

it was really bad. And I did like, I did J bands and everything to try to like loosen. And it was horrible. Stretch. Yeah. See, I only had a daughter. That's why I'm kind of a hero because I'm a girl dad. Indeed.

And I had to try and be an actual parent with a daughter. Couldn't be us. But I wanted to have a catch too. so we would just buy her flannels and you know just made sure that take her to lilith fair get her gi joes yeah melissa atheridge yeah there you go you joke but will's been to lilith fair i've never been to lilith fair i would go i would go you went to? I would go. You went to something. I don't know what that is. Lilith Fair, dude?

Oh, dude, it was a very... Indigo Girls. Yeah, female-fueled music festival of the 90s. Yep, Indigo Girls. Yeah. Ani DiFranco. Sneaky talent. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. They'll get you there. On this day in 2007. All right, I'm going to show you guys something here. A trick of Jake's. I'm just going to say something, and he's going to tell you the story. Oh, don't put me on the spot.

It's going to be easy, dude. Okay. Senator Larry Craig. Ah, wide stance, baby. Dave knows that one. Hell, yeah. So Jake has a trick. It's wide stance, baby. Dave knows that one. Hell yeah. So Jake has a trick. It's called Kemp Spin.

Minneapolis Airport? Kind of like Dead Spin. Is that right? He was arrested at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. I knew it. In a restroom sexting. And now there's a list of people. You could just say one word or just their name,

and Jake will tell you their their nefarious story there what do you call it it's the tab on uh scandals or controversies tab is always a pretty quick tell like for some reason this is his rolodex he was uh he was cruising for dick as one will do and he was doing that by uh i guess this stall was known as like a place where you could do that and you just put your foot like into the other stall and that's supposed to indicate to the man in the other stall like why is dave writing this down like hey it's on business yeah yeah and when asked about it uh when he was busted he was like no that's not what i was doing i just have an unusually wide stance

it has to be a really wide stance. Super wide. Yeah. Super wide. He's just spreading it out. That's a good defense, though. It's really the only one he had in the... Yeah. What is he going to do?

Yeah. And did he... Was he charged? I mean, what happened? He definitely got charged. I don't know if he was convicted, but... Pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and paid a fine.

Yeah. What's disorderly about that? Feels pretty orderly. Yeah. It seems like it's discreet. Yeah. What's disorderly about that? It feels pretty orderly. Yeah. It seems like it's discreet. Yeah. Extremely orderly. Yeah.

I may have some issues with like doing it at the airport bathroom. Notoriously one of the dirtiest places. Yeah. You get a very high traffic area. Yeah. Speaking of though, if you guys are going to Chicago, love those bathrooms. They have like the automatic seat cover thing. Oh, sweet.

Oh, wow. Sweet. Very cool. Yeah. The power of the flush in those bathrooms too. Oh, sweet. Oh, wow. Sweet. Very cool. The power of the flush in those bathrooms, too. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. Suck you in there. Yeah.

On this day in 2005, Irish boxer Kevin McBride stunned the boxing world with a six-round knockout over Mike Tyson. Technical knockout. That had to have been a tough day for you. Tyson just didn't come off his stool, it says here, following the six round. He just sat there. Are you guys into the Tyson versus Jake Paul? No.

It's delayed, right? Yeah. Mike's not doing great with that. Once he saw him in a wheelchair at the airport it was like this fight's probably not because we're gonna whenever it happens we're live streaming it and we want to invite some of you guys part of that yeah no that's definitely something i will be purchasing definitely something i'm interested in but i just i i will purchase any fight involving a paul brother just in hopes that they get their ass yeah we always want to see him get knocked out like that's all

i care about and i think they know that i just don't think that society's going to handle it well if he up mike yeah right yeah which there's a pretty good chance that's what happened which is possible he's old he's very old and paul's like a real fighter but if that happens did he kill mike tyson no what if he did though race war it might happen that would really change the dynamics of white boy summer he's a big puncher if you cut i don't know if you can catch mike tyson but it's it could happen mike's like 50 58 or something yeah looks really good hitting pads though yeah so people point to like dude check out this video he's hitting the bag which famously doesn't hit back yes yeah check out this other video where he's being wheeled through the airport

Never a good look. Maybe you shit himself Paul Pierce maybe and on this day in 2009 swine flu Mmm, remember that bit you got it. Oh, yeah, we'll got it just survivor wouldn't recommend would not recommend I don't even really know what it is It'll make you lose weight like you're on ozempic and it makes you feel like you have food poisoning for two weeks it was the worst thing in the world damn i had a temperature of 105 degrees at one point which that's like death yeah my i i had to call my mom and she was like yeah if this doesn't go down

in the next hour we're taking you to the hospital and luckily it went down to like did you get the jab why is it called swine flu again? What does that have to do with swine? It was evaxed. I don't know. The first tell of it is that you would get sore shoulders. And I did. I started getting sore shoulders, but I was like, surely that's not.

Weird. I don't have it. You just hit upper body that day. Yeah. No, I definitely didn't do that. I actually had a really lame reason for thinking i had sore shoulders is that we were photographing stuff at work and i thought from from being in front of the camera going like this okay it's kind of normal and uh yeah it was the worst man

i was at michigan penn state suddenly i started to feel just awful i was like i gotta get out of this stadium walked home worst walk Died for like 12 hours. Damn. Yeah. Don't recommend. But intern Klein, he got swine flu and got the best nickname. Swine flu BA. Did not know that.

That's good. That's good. And his name is Klein? Yep. Which rhymes with swine. You might have thought the nickname would be in there somewhere. Oh, yeah. No, it's good.

It's good. I'm happy about it. So anyway, on this date, it was reported in more than 70 nations, and the World Health Organization declared the first global flu pandemic. For swine flu? In 41 years. For swine flu? Yes.

I didn't realize it was that, like, big. And there would never be another uh there would never be another no put that one behind this pandemic did you guys get the vid yeah oh yeah i think i got it twice i got the one crazy no i got it once i got it once i thought it was very much i did a juice cleanse during it it's smart it's a good time to do it experiment it was fine it was fine i didn't really feel like eating anything so it worked yeah jake gave it to me twice really that's probably true didn't you call me have to call me two separate times to tell me like hey you i may have given this to you yes

and you were oh for two i'm actually giving it to me yeah well do you know how do you know how dave got it i don't recall he was at a he was at a uh a yoga class on a bachelor party there's a number of questions to be raised from that there's no way that's how you got it though well micah was also involved and he got it too we were around you guys the whole weekend i think we got it in the po boy place the po boy place that place was close quarters and there were a lot of people in there it was giving swine yeah it was giving coven yeah you guys want to isn't there a bird class on a bachelor party just two of them it was it was at the hotel michael won it was micah's thing and i was like i'll do it you know kind of started up it look it's not cool take this

out randy isn't there a bird flu outbreak a couple days ago like it's ongoing yeah i think so yeah where'd they fly to i like it shut up hey tell you what though man even after i got it you're not gonna catch me wearing a face diaper will dude dude what's up with these face diapers no way man dude couldn't oh dude i'm never doing that again not us that's what we all learned from that yeah never again yeah uh Today's celebrity birthdays include Brock Holt is 36. You guys probably don't know who he is, but I'm only mentioning it because Jake's a big baseball guy. Mm-hmm. And he is the only player to ever hit for the cycle in the postseason.

Oh, wow. The cycle. Brock Holt. Is way better than the no-hitter. I would agree with that. Yeah. More difficult to do. Nicknamed the Brock star.

That's her Wikipedia. Joe Montana, 68. Okay. Diana Taurasi is 42. Has takes. Have I ever told you my brother's Joe Montana story? Go on. So my brother played with Nick Montana.

His son. Okay. At Tulane? Yeah. And my brother ended up watching a Patriots game with Joe Montana and his son one time. And his report was that Joe Montana hates Tom Brady. Oh, okay. Nice.

Like, thought the whole... Because Joe Montana was the GOAT. Yeah. Like, just really didn't have, like, a lot of respect for him. I'd be doing the exact same thing. That's good. You have to. I want that with my top-tier quarterbacks. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. There's a, like, there's an unbeaten Arsenal team in the Premier League from 2000s, and they all get together and celebrate after every team has lost a game. Like the Miami Dolphins in 1972? Yeah, exactly. Exactly like the Miami Dolphins. And I just love the fact that there's haters out there.

And you've got to defend those. Randy just famously lost his school record. My second place in school history, yes. Now I'm third. For what? 300 intermediate hurdles okay okay see that's something

you can't even really research to see if he's lying no how did this land on your radar that someone just passed it because like

my best friend from high school is the current head track coach at our high school so he told me that's a good response yeah fair enough you had it ready you're on a post right now dude facts the current head track coach at our high school, so he told me. That's a good response. Yeah.

Fair enough. You had it ready. You're on a post right now, dude. Facts. Frank Beard is 75. Famously the member of ZZ Top that did not have a beard. He did not have a beard. It's true. Frank Beard.

You got to have the beard. Isn't that insane? Yeah. The guy named Frank Beard. Maybe he couldn't grow one, Will. It's true. Should gotta have the beard isn't that insane yeah that's the guy named maybe you could grow one will it's true should have gotten on testosterone dr memet oz we were talking about him this morning is 64 yes we were we were what was his uh grocery store hack or he was mad about something it was crudite crudite yeah yep yeah unimpressed yeah it's just like this is what this is what a dollar gets you or whatever you cannot complain about crudite my wife sent me you know what crudite guacamole and wine there you

go yeah and it was like nobody buys that crudite at restaurants it's just the leftover vegetables you have yeah the ones that you don't throw out. That's right. They're not great. He thought that video was going to hit, too. He started White Girl Summer. It might have. Is he... Who is more likely to stay in politics,

him or Herschel Walker? I haven't heard about Herschel in a minute. He forgot about Herschel. The second that all ended. Is he doing his thing still or no? I don't think so. No. in a minute. He forgot about Herschel. The second that all ended, yeah. Is he doing his thing still or no? I don't think so, no. I think his family turned on him pretty significantly. Did the Russians stop paying him?

Peter Dinklage is 55. Hey. Will, you're a big Dinklage guy. Yeah. What's his character? I like his early work. Okay. Tiptoes?

Samwise? Was he in Tiptoes? It not samwise of course he was okay yeah i guess who else is there's a real shortage you guys ever seen tiptoes no it just blows my mind i've not seen it no i wish we could play the trailer randy have you seen you know what it is i know it because of toosh.0 back in the day. Is it McConaughey? Yeah. Yeah. And a hot, I can't remember who, but a legitimate hot. So what's the plot? So McConaughey meets this girl, Kate Beckinsale. Love her. McConaughey meets this girl, and they want to have kids, but she to like tell him hey this might be a problem and

then he figures out what the problem would be whenever they go meet her family which is that they're all uh little people but she's not so if they have a kid it might be a little person yes the film's plot revolves around an average-sized man mcconaughey who struggles with revealing to his pregnant fiance beckale, that his entire family are little people. Okay, I had it backwards. As he worries that their unborn child may be born with dwarfism. Attracted a lot of controversy.

Groundbreaking. Read that next. The film attracted controversy for the casting of non-dwarf actor Gary Oldman as a dwarf. What? And if you see it, it's very confusing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's interesting. Kind of have him doing like a dwarf on golf. He was a friend of the producer. My dad, my cousin was doing her residency near our hometown when she was going to be an ER doctor. And my dad told her long before, it's a small town in Michigan. There's no one up there. It's a lot of farmland.

My dad told her, hey, there's a dwarf colony over this way if you drive like 20 minutes that way my dad kept telling her jokes about the dwarf colony not telling her that it didn't actually exist and then finally someone walked into the doctor's office and she's you know a resident doctor and uh she says oh you're from blah blah that's Dorf colony is. The patient just looked at them like, what are you talking about? And she came home. She was staying with us and just yelled at my dad and my dad was just loving it. I just had a month

long bit that just paid off so well. I love it. That was before the McConaughey Renaissance, right? That was kind of in his period of time where it's like, Oh, the McConaughey Renaissance. I think whoever was on the PR team, they covered up tiptoes 2002 like this is not that long ago 2002 is not that long ago when it comes to the conahe huh uh shia labeouf 38 uh man it's tough it's tough is that a rough really yeah it's like a guy that i kind of want to like because i think

he's done some cool stuff but he's just like a serial abuser. Yeah, he's taught. Oh, I did not he's tough You might catch him blacked out on 6th Street. I have heard that actually Yeah, I think he's sober now recently behind your butt that he's in good movie. Hmm interesting Kodak black 27. Oh, yeah, let's go Wow What kind of Kodak Black 27. Hell yeah. Let's go. Wow. What? Kind of honestly surprised he's still alive.

We like to touch your mace days, dude. Yeah. I think he also has some You know who likes Kodak? It's Sauce. Our friend Sauce. He'll send me some

Kodak stuff in time. I like a couple Kodak joints. Oh, really? Yeah. Cool. I use Kodak. Not developing color. That's good.

Hit the button. You guys got a button? George Willig is 74. He is a stuntman. He climbed the World Trade Center in 1977. And I just thought, I feel like growing up, you always heard about good bits in the 70s. Like this guy walked a tightrope.

Yep. Or went across Niagara Falls. Like, we don't do this anymore. No. We've got Free Solo Guy. He's the activist. Yeah, there is that guy. Walenda, is that the name of the guy who did?

The Flying Walenda. It was a family. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. They went from building to building not too long ago in some big city. Well, Linda, is that the name of the guy who did? The Flying Valerius. It was a family. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. They went from building to building not too long ago in some big city. But they had a net. Yeah.

The old days. But the old guy, I think the grandpa actually died in Peru or somewhere that didn't have regulations. Yeah, he had to get it done there. Yeah. Even like Evil Knievel. Yeah, the 70s. Likes like yeah it doesn't happen anymore does it no yeah there's no famous stuntman jumping buses you got david blaine he was a big draw evil he was a big deal yeah it's crazy that his parents named him that and he turned out to be a bad boy you know it's's true. Jimmy O. Yang, 36. Fill me in.

Silicon Valley. Oh, okay. Smoke cigarettes on special occasions. Christina Crawford is 85. What? That'll raise it. He said it.

So it's okay. Yeah, I mean... Freaking... I said it the way he says it i already got this guy over here claiming he can use italian slurs because he got a 23 and me it's true 23 and me yeah 223 and me is actually that feels like going to alcatraz twice you need the second one yeah they lost the first they're gonna frame me one day i mean uh kanye said why can't i sing this song go ahead i mean kanye's singing it um i stayed in room 808 at our hotel do you think that's awesome i think it's the coolest thing you've ever said

thanks um speaking of kanye christina crawford is 85. she is the subject of – she wrote the book Mommy Dearest. Oh, wow. She got abused by Joan Crawford growing up, like hit – beat up with wire hangers because she didn't hang her clothes correctly. Which makes me think, does getting abused as a child help you live longer? She's 85. That's pretty impressive. That's pretty sweet. Yeah, I definitely really thought about it. Like would you trade that?

No, I don't really thought about it. Like, would you trade that? Well, the real key is having like one sip of bourbon before you go to bed every night. That's the key? And a cigar? You have to be like 112. The guy in Austin, right? It's kind of crazy. Every old person. Right.

What's your key to success? Willie Nelson might be proving it hot. Shambim! Yeah. Keeps you. Yeah. There you go. But I don't want to mention that because then we might get banned from YouTube.

It's true. And finally, in celebrity birthdays, here's one for Jake. Ray Nagin is 68. Politics. I don't think this one's on the list, so you might have to tell me. Mayor. Keep going. You're getting it. No one knows Ray Nagin? I don't think this one's on the list, so you might have to tell me. Mayor? Keep going. You're getting it.

No one knows Mary Nagan? You have a connection. New Orleans? The mayor of New Orleans during Katrina. Okay, there you go. This sentence is really funny. But when Carol finds herself pregnant, it forces Stephen to expose his darkest secret. His family. his darkest secret. His family. Darkest secret.

It's just a secret that he has kept from her out of insecurity. It's not a dark secret. It's your family. Yeah, dude. That's so bad. Also, introduce this girl to your family before you get her pregnant. You might. Yep.

Wait, so did he actually got her pregnant before the the news yeah I think so yeah like she finds out she's pregnant imagine a number of interesting imagine being like you know like a dark secret imagine being like Peter Dinklage in this and looking at like your brother McConaughey not pseudo killers yeah I got this doing pretty well well. Do you guys know the Dan Gould controversy? No. It was when they made, and I think you can say this, it was when they made Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but they used regular-sized people because he said, hey, I think it's kind of ridiculous that we can only be cast in roles like this.

And so they recast it with regular sized individuals and a bunch of other people in the dwarf community, like in Hollywood, were like, why did you fuck up the one thing that we could get? This is all we got. This was us. Thanks, asshole. And you were in Tiptoes.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Funny for you to now be like, ah, we're not. So his community turned on him. Yeah. Fumbled a bag for everybody. Didn't this happen to Willy Wonka as well? Like the new Willy Wonka, they started casting full-grown people.

Yes. As Don Dorn. What is it, Oompa Loompa? Yeah. And they started just introducing new characters. Yeah, we're kind of limited in what we can get. The Unknown. Okay.

He lived in the walls. He was an evil candy maker. The Unknown. Randy knows what I'm talking about. Did they recast it with just all ladies? Yeah, they made it woke. It's just a bad CGI of Hugh Grant. That's all it is.

The unknown? No, the current Oompa Loompa and the new Wonka. I watched it on the plane. Was it good? That was your plane movie? Yeah, it was my plane movie. Okay. What?

Tell me about your plane movie. This is the free list. What's that snow movie with Jeremy Renner? Where he's like Alaska or something? I don't know. We're Alaskans. Is this the Bourne where he's born? Rob, do you know what I'm talking about?

There is a snow movie. The snow movie. Yeah, it's like snowed in. Snow day. born where he's uh no because rob you know what i'm talking about there is a snow moving the snow movie yeah it's like snowed in snow day it's called uh wind river that was a give up name that's a casino it's a great movie but i started watching it on a plane one time and i didn't know what it was about it's a resort course and there's a a pretty brutal rape scene. Oh, on the plane. I was on the plane, yes, but I was like, oh, okay, this is an interesting action film. Holy hell.

The guy in the seat next to me is watching like a... Yeah, it's tough. We're probably done with One River for the day. What do you guys do if you're watching something and some boobs come up when you're watching something on a plane? Do you fast forward through it?

Do you turn down the brightness? Do you turn it all the way off? I mean, if it's just some casuals. Kind of fish it out of your pants? Shouldn't all the plane movie options be appropriate? But they're not always. I know. I also watch on the iPad, though.

I download. I never know what I'm going to see. You're a bad boy. I watched a cocktail on one, and there's some sexual content on it. Oh, yeah, definitely. I was going to a bachelor party. I was like, yeah, cocktail, cool. I'm pro cocktail.

Next time it happens, just pause it right when the scene's over and ask to go to the bathroom. Yeah, just order my two glasses of milk, please, and I'll go to the bathroom. Two, please. Born on this day, now dead, we have Henry Hill, the real Henry Hill. Okay. Good friend of yours.

You had him on for like an hour. I think I have had Henry Hill on. Good fellas. You definitely have had him on. And born on this day, now dead, Ryan Dunn. Oh, damn. I'm sorry, brother. I was just talking jackass the other day yeah is this because you walked in on your dad pooping and just beat the shit out of him dude

i was just saying that nobody's wilder than the wild boys oh man don't be sad that he's dead be happy that you got to experience him and for once you can actually say was he the one that put his the car in his butt and be correct he was you asked me that every single time a jackass actor or character comes up in this time so he he wasn't the one in the big shopping cart uh he probably did that that was we man but that was a less notable bit he did not tie a bottle rocket to his penis he did not no no did he get tattooed in a uh humvee with henry rollins no do you guys have any jackass video type videos in your past uh like that you've done we made ourselves yeah 100 i don't own it yeah i don't own it i don't have any now but we we would make some of those

videos and do really shitty skateboard tricks and edit it together and stuff but like we it's all it's all gone now i I digitized all of it. I wish I still had it. I truly do. I have hours and hours and hours and hours of that shit. There's a chance that it's in my buddy's basement in Michigan. I just got to go find it. But I would love to find it.

One time, my dad just popped a jackass on my grandfather. He was like, hey, this is a new movie. How'd that go? It was awesome. I saw the first one of Theaters with my dad. My dad didn't totally understand what we were doing. But by the end of it, he was like, this rules. I've never seen my dad laugh so hard.

My dad was so genuinely happy when we watched it for the first time. It's our generation. It's the scene with We Man. World War II. We Man at the bar that escalates into a domestic dispute. My dad cried laughing. I pulled a domestic dispute. My dad cry laughs. I pull the muscle laughing.

It's cinema, man. So good. We're in a bonding moment. Dead on this day, still dead. We got Timothy McVeigh. Probably deserved to die, right? Yeah. Not a good dude.

Are we anti-Timothy McVeigh? Yeah. Yeah. He had some avant-garde thoughts. He was executed. What are the questions? Me. Okay.

I'll just leave it there. Go ahead, Jake. Do some research. Marjorie Newell Robb. She was the oldest living survivor of the Titanic. She died on this day in 1992. She was 103. They're going back.

Did you see? They're going to go back down to the wreckage. We got a new billionaire with a sub. God, I hope that guy gets fried. Yeah. Two in a row would be good. Battery may be a problem. It's battery powered, so it could end poorly.

Two in a row would be outrageous. John Wayne died on this day. I know he's a favorite of your mom and dad, right? Mostly mom. You've watched more John Wayne than I have. By far. I don't know that I've ever seen a John Wayne movie. I've been named after a movie.

Big Jake. Big Jake was the name of a John Wayne movie? Jacob McCandles. Has anyone else here seen a John Wayne movie? I have not. I don't think that I have. When I go home for the holidays and stay with my parents, my dad at 1 a.m., he'll be out watching John Wayne.

Yeah. Turner Classic movies. My dad used to, but I never sat down and watched those. I got bored very quickly during them as a kid. Well, the good news is that as a person, it's aged very well, all of his views. Well, I was going to say, though, it was kind of funny, yeah. Like, what was it, five or ten years ago it was kind of funny yeah like what was it five or

ten years ago when they kind of canceled like hey wait i think he might have been sexist and racist and like oh really he was given a speech like the most famous cowboy from the 50s yeah no way huh yeah he was given a speech at some like hollywood thing and he is blackout and he just starts ranting about the state of society yeah pretty awesome yeah things have changed though things have gotten a lot better and uh died on this day in 1970 william ben bent vena okay he's the real billy batts Who had to go get his shine box. Or said, go get your shine box in Goodfellas. Huh.

How about that? What a coincidence. Isn't that insane? It really is, man. It really is. Played by... And that was today in history. We've run out of your clocks time.

This is a record. Oh, yeah. This is a record for the boys. We broke the clocks. Yeah, this has been a lot of fun. I can tell he's got the test flowing. What? The tea.

Like, there's no way we could do this without him popping those pellets. Oh, yeah. Testosterone? Oh, yeah. I got my notification this morning that I needed to take one. Yeah. That's good. No pee breaks?

That's also a record for us. Cleared the iced coffee just sitting here. Someone needs to mark this day down in history. Well, we'll put it on the run sheet. We'll talk about it. We'd like to have you guys up in Dallas at some point. We'd love to head up. That feels like a bluff.

No, I'm in. We'll do a joint meetup. I want to go to Javier's. I feel like that's where we messed up. I heard you guys do a lot of these meetups. And we have a lot of people that will contact us that live in Austin. We should have kind of scheduled something. Oh, yeah, we should have.

Well, Jake, tell them where you're staying. Tell them where you're staying. You can do it impromptu, just you. Yeah, I'm in room 808 at... Weird Hotel. Weird Hotel. Yeah, it's a half hotel. There's a cool bar. You guys have ever... There's a cool bar up there. It's the same hotel. Weird hotel. Yeah, it's a half hotel. There's a cool bar.

You guys ever... There's a cool bar up there. It's the same hotel. I know. Get off the elevator. I think I know what you're talking about just by context clues. You're at one hotel

and if you go to the left... It's the same floor. The same... Yeah, that's weird. They share everything. I don't understand. It's a collab-o. Yeah.

Which one are you talking about? Well, Doc's the guy. Okay. We'll talk about it after. It'sx the guy. We'll talk about it after. It's not that important. We'll talk about it after. Sick. Thank you guys. This has been fun.

Thank you guys. This was a blast. I think the people will enjoy it from both sides. Great work, man. Hey, thanks for having me. Yeah, let's hang out. All right, this is how we end our show. Adios, mofo.

Later. Vaping has become a very big business, as I understand it. Like a giant business in a very short period of time. But we can't allow people to get sick, and we can't have our youth be so affected. And I'm hearing it, and that's how the First Lady got involved. She's got a son together that is a beautiful young man, and she feels very, very strongly about it.

Especially vaping as it pertains to innocent children. Innocent children. Innocent children. And they're coming along with this saying, Mom, I want to vape. Vape. Vape. Vape. I'm out. Hey, I want to pay. I want to pay. Mom, I want to pay.

Hey, I want to pay. Mom, I want to pay.