Circling Back - Circling Back's Greatest Hits, Volume 3

Episode Date: September 25, 2026

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This is a dumb-ass joke by a dumb-ass Dave. Love the show from a former Pike. Fuck, Mike. Maybe I will, you dumb bitch. Listen, I would sell my farts for a grand if someone wanted to buy them. Shut out to all the Mexicans in the chat. What's her at? Looks like Juan Soto's going to the Padre.

He's breaking sports days. I need to talk some stuff out with you guys. Okay. This is the first time I've lived in a house in probably five years. I'm excited about it. I'm also dreading certain parts of the house. We have a famously, we have a lawn now. How's that thing gonna get mode?

It ain't gonna be me. I can't do it. You don't know how to start a law mall. No, it's not good. It's not good. But I've acquired two things in my life now that require immediate attention. I've acquired a Goon Cave. Yep.

Which Randy's trying to make sense. Wait, there's the one already built like in? You didn't like make your own? Randy, why are you so perverted when it comes to them, dude? Aren't Goon caves just where you go hang out and grow up? Yeah, dude. You know what it is. You're so gross, dude.

You're so gross. You always try to make it gross, dude. And it's just like a really. space where you can just go, you know, be silly. Hang out with your goon. Yeah, and drop in, you know? Like, what do you? You're so gross, dude. No. No.

I have no furniture from my cave. Okay. I also... Dude, you're not the first person to tell me I need beanbags. A beanbag chair is not the worst thing in here. With a fridge and the side of it. What's that show or that store in the mall? Sharper Image.

Brookstone? Brookstone. And Sharper Image. They're the same. You need to go in there. and go off and just get some unnecessary shit. Get a massage chair? Yep. Like one of the ones from the airport?

Yep. I have these slanted ceilings and I don't know what to do with them. I can't fit anything naturally in there. I can't mount a TV. Valted? I don't know what that. How would you mean? No, it's like a roof. The ceiling's the roof. Yes, vaulted ceilings. It's not vaulted ceilings. It's not vaulted. It's like the opposite of vaulted ceilings. It's a goon vaulted ceiling. It's

it's low ceiling. Come on, guys. Valted ceiling. Randy, get the fuck out of it. What's a vaulted ceiling is a thing. Volta ceiling is like high ceiling. Yeah, that's, I thought that's... No, I mean, like, it kind of looks like that day, but it's like you knock, you can knock your head on it if you're not careful.

Like, if I get a soft dub with the boys and I jump out of my chair, my goon chair, then like, I'm going to hit my head on the ceiling, you know? Okay. I need a low media console. Oh, this is, you have more... This is higher than I thought. It's not...

I'll get much higher? No, it's not vaulted. Can we get much higher? You'll be fine in here. Do I need to set up my goon cave to have other people in it? Like, what if my brother-in-law is trying to catch shop dubs with me in FIFA and stuff? I don't think you want to do that. Is that a skylight?

Yeah. Hey, you need to stop worrying. You can do a lot with this space. I'm looking at it right now. I just don't know what to do. Like, do I need to get like a special TV for my PS5? I want to make sure that I'm gooning at like my top goon abilities. You got that barn door.

I don't fucking know, dude. You have Chip Gaines over here come over just to really show you what's working with. It definitely slides. Yeah, you're good. Gooch. Okay. Okay. Well, here's, here's the bigger question that I think I need the backers help with. Okay. I now have a back patio. Now I have the opportunity to get the gift of grilled and or smoked meats and or vegetables and or fish. So it's like, okay, I've always been a grill guy. You know your boy likes firing up to grill. You know, like that high heat. Right. Do I go grill? Do I go like full 2015 Texas and get a green egg? Or do I go Treg? Do I pull Treg? I'm a free agent in the grill game right now, guys, and I just need a little guidance.

Okay, a grill, like a gas grill, you will get the most use out of. They're just so easy to use, and you can use them with many different ways. I'm not well-versed in smoking these meats at this point, but I am well-versed in firing up the grill. But yeah, you need just a good gas grill that you can get hot, do some searing, maybe one that has like the little stove-top.

component next to the grill. Oh, you're trying to get me to grill up some smash burgers on this bitch. You gotta smash the burger. Right. It's 2024. If your burger's like a little rounded off, like what do you fucking do? You gotta smash. You gotta make it smashing, baby. I just saw Mike Myers on the list. You didn't. No, I didn't.

Is it actually out of you fucking fucking. Who's your worst case scenario? I'm looking at the rundown. Outside of yourself, who's your worst case scenario being on the list? Dylan. If one of us on the list, it's going to be tough for watching media. I don't know if it's I don't know if that would actually be tough. I think it It would shine a light on us, and we'd have to show them what we're made of here and really assure them that we were never a part of any Epstein bad stuff.

Well, we know what Dylan wasn't, because Dylan's famously never flown private. I forgot about that. That's true. What if you found out that the play we were on was Epstein's played at some point? We were on the flight long. So it did blow your mind? It wouldn't blow my mind. It would not blow my mind, actually.

Now that you mention it, that's... That would be tough. That would be. We didn't go to Epstein. I don't know. We went to Dallas. No, we went to Frisco. You got a little St. Randy?

Yeah, we went to Frisco and then we went to Bob Steak and Chop House. It was one of the best meals ever. That sounds sick. I ate more blue cheese in that restaurant than anyone's ever eaten in one sitting. I left there absolutely miserable. I went three blue cheese olive martinis. I went wedge salad with blue cheese dressing and blue cheese on it, and then I got blue cheese on my steak. What are you doing?

I was dude because we were... Breathless, terrible after that meal. Okay, I was with like five dudes that all did investment. They didn't care. Like, this guy eats a lot of, I don't know. They eats a lot of blue cheese. I realized at the time, I was like, oh, I can order blue cheese on everything right now because we're not paying for this shit.

She's going through your blue cheese phase era? Mm-hmm. Okay. Oh, another announcement. I'm going through my cottage cheese era. Welcome. I'm looking for a quick protein source. Small curds, large curds.

Do you have any, are you brand dedicated at this point yet? No, this is the first one I've done in years. What do you eat it with? I just put salt and pepper on it and munch that bitch. I'm new to the cottage cheese. I mean, not new. I've never actually tried it. But I'm willing to give it a shot.

I love it, dude. I love it. So you have to make it in a cottage? Like, what's it deal with it? No, cottage actually made it. It's made out of cottages. Oh, that explains it. Okay, I'm about to Google what is cottage cheese.

It's cheese, I know, but like, what is it, though? It's cheese, dude. Why does it have so much protein? How are you eating it? I mash that crack pepper button on that so hard. Sometimes I'll do something crazy. You ready for this? Yeah.

Sometimes if I know that it's just my own personal cottage cheese container, I'll just crack a bunch of pepper on top of it and mix it all in. I'll pre-mix the pepper. I like that. Why does it have protein in? Because it's dairy. Dairy is loaded with protein? Yeah.

Glass of milk. You're getting like 9 grams? 10 grams. Pretty sure like weight protein is just like milk, like evaporate milk kind of. No way. Pretty much like, yeah, something like that. No way. I do I think about it.

Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. My dad puts Catalina dressing on his. From the wine mixer? What? Will just made that joke. What do you say?

No way. I know. I doubled down on the joke. You have a problem? curdled milk product good joke dude yeah sorry i liked so much i dealt doesn't that make you want to drink it or eat it i love curdled milk product you don't know remember a little miss muppet it's made from she sat at her toffet dude eating curds in way made from skinned she's like gains she's fucking

just getting stacked she was just doing lunges and shit getting that fast little miss muffet just had that fucking dumper on her on that protein rolling at 2024 we're just a fucking dump truck ass she broke the fucking chair she put up numbers on ticot shut up Oh, she's just doing that hip machine. She's on the turt, dude. Do you want to know how it's made? She's just putting down her phone and just recording her doing hip thrusters and posting it on life, showing up on your Instagram feet. You're a little Jack Horny over there.

Sit on your thumb and shit. It's made from skim to milk by draining curds, but retaining some of the way and keeping the curds loose. That's a curtain. They're warming up on the sidelines. They got their helmet on. Yo, you might go in any second. We won't play away. We were talking hard-boiled eggs the other day.

And my buddy said he ate, it's my friends, I go to another school. He said, he said one time he ate, he ate six for lunch because that's like all the plate. He was at like eating it like his gym and that's all like they had that look good. So it's six hard boiled eggs. He said like he said he had to like sleep in another room. He said his toots were just, he said like I couldn't even, I couldn't even see, look at my wife in the face. They're so bad. He's dude. He was like, it was like, it was almost scaring him.

He said like he was like looking up like, could I get like, can I get sick from inhaling my own horrible? So I was telling Dylan about one of my friends is doing protein pudding, which is like hard-boiled eggs, cocoa powder, honey and maybe something else and just blends it up. Doing the protein pudding. And I was like, that's just like, that's just fart pudding. Dude, pudding's gross. Then we got into the conversation that there, I don't know if you guys ever saw us, there was a streamer. that she was selling her farts in a jar and then she got hospitalized

because she thought she was having a heart attack because of her diet. Yeah, you sent her stuff to me. Wait, what? Hold on. This is a couple of years ago. She was eating something to induce farts? Yeah, and then she got really bad,

I think acid reflux and, like, it caused big chest pain. And then she went to the hospital. Man, I got to tell you, if you're buying someone's farts online, you're in a real bad place. Farts are bathwater. Which one you buy in?

You have to buy one. Bath water? Tangible. Yeah. It's a tangible asset. But to be clear, I'm not buying you the one. No, you have to. If I had to, I'm going to buy bathwater.

I don't know what I'm going to do with it. All right. Not to be. I'm not going to drink it. All right. You have to be known as one going forward. Your guy who bought jar farts. Your guy who bought bath,

used bath water or your guy who bought used panties. Oh, God. You're known as one. Use panties is like you're just a fucking deviant. That's still less bad. Farts are just really weird. Farts, it's like you're going to hell.

Bathwater, I could see Bathwater, you plan that off as like a, is like a bit. Yeah. Yeah, I bought bathwater. Yeah. It could be a junk. If you're buying farts, you're just a weird guy. But underwear's the most normal. I would think so.

But it's still somehow maybe worse than bathwater. It's still like you're a fucking thing. Bathwater is a meme at least. Oh, I drink her bathwater. Right. That's what I'm saying. Oh, I do you know, there's a bit. Yeah, yeah.

Saltburn and such. Here's the thing about jar of farts, too. if you verify it, then you lose your product, right? Like, there's only one way to figure out. That's true. Once you let it out of the jar, you don't have a jar for a time. You sold it to load up. And you never know if it's real and you can't verify it unless you check it.

It's a real catch-22. Oh, do you imagine just opening the jar and just taking it all in? It's like- Dude, honestly, like if that- That's so- No one would feel bad if physical harm came upon someone who did that. No. I'd be like, dude, it was time.

What was she eating? I don't know. I didn't really look into it. She's a, some type of, I think she was a British streamer. She was in her 30s too. Lovely day for some toots, ain't it? You fancy a tooth.

Probably some beans and toast. I mean, I guess you could. Probably eating their normal shit die-yes. You could just quickly just and verify and try to keep as much air. You can't. You're going to let some out, dude. Yeah. You just put it on a shelf.

Like, there it is. There's that fart from Sophie Rain, or whatever. Is that jar of farts? Nah, Sophie ain't doing that. I don't know what Sophie's up to. I don't know her game. She's, I feel like she's beyond. And she, like, making, like, millions of dollars.

She's like... Apparently she makes more than LeBron. She's well past jar fart. She's past farting in jars. Those days are behind her. God, that's so bad. Us on the other hand. We're right there.

I'd fart in a jar for the right price. I'll send it to you. Oh, yeah. I'm just trying to find her what her name is. There's multiple articles about this. We caught you again, Dylan. You're buying jars full of toots. Did anyone get that...

Stephanie Motto. Does anyone get that Sidney's Sweetie soap? Hey, pull her up. It'd better not be one of your jars. I catch you again. 20, one of your jars here, you're out of here forever. For good. Look, get your money, I guess.

She makes more, she, well, this is back in 2022. Right. Makes more than 50,000 a week selling her farts. Come on. How much is a fart cost? How much is a fart cost you? It'll cost you everything. 200 bucks, that it says?

But after making $200,000, $1,000 in sales, the influencer has announced her retirement when she passed one too many and got wind knocked out of her. Gas inducing beans and eggs. There she is in the hospital. She's all gassed out, man. That's sick, dude. Yeah, chest pains, and she thought she was having a heart attack or stroke.

50 a week, and it's how... She said she was making, what, 50... So $1,000 for a jar? I guess so. Is that how the math works? Yeah, 50,000 in a week and 50 jars a week. That's quick mess. I know it smell crazy in there.

God. Imagine if your farts were a grand each. Listen, I would sell my farts for a grand if someone wanted to buy them. I get it. Have some respect for yourself, boy. I'd rather do that than sell feed picks. Yeah. Because feed picks live on the internet, man.

Dude, you don't want to be, would you rather be known as a guy who sold feet picks or guy who was... Guy who altered his diet to have more farts. Are you trying to tell me that if someone was offering, was what would buy your farts for $1,000 a fart, you wouldn't do it? If I had the option of getting the same money for feet picks, I would do feed picks. Really? Yeah. It's a great question. It's not a great question.

I'm on that. I'm on that. I'm on that fart trade. It's not a great question. I'm doing farts, man. Don't act like we just brought up some philosophical issue. It's a good question. It's a regular like Plato, Aristotle.

Oh, yeah, interesting. Bathwater. Yeah, this is man, a political animal. What do they do with the bathwater? No, man, just farts and jars and sells them. Do they just put on a shelf or do they drink it? I hope they're not drinking that. Somebody drank it.

Oh, yeah. Somebody drank it. And they felt the power. They became a new version of himself. They just had, they got some kind of like, sickness. They actually did have to go to a doctor. You get pink eye, portinger. We can probably move on. Yeah. I was laughing about this on the way into work. Is it because you saw it? No, but I didn't remember where you said it happened, and I was just thinking how mad I would be if I was driving and this happened to me.

This is just, this won't take long. It's a story that happened on Sunday evening, bizarre. We are at the intersection of Minshaka and Southamar. I know that a lot of you don't know what doesn't really matter. But there is an apartment building there, like a three-story apartment building and some restaurants and whatever. It's a busy row. I missed that part. I thought this was by a park or something like that. No, no, no, no. It was a middle of South of a lot.

Didn't we sneakie look at an office back over there? Anyway, we're at the intersection, red light, ready to take a right turn. And out of nowhere, a basketball that was clearly dropped from a very high altitude hits my hood. just out of nowhere. No one's around. I mean, there are cars around, but we didn't see any people. It's like they were on top of this apartment building

or something, but there's no reason that anyone would be, I don't even know if there's a rooftop deck up there. Did someone punt it? Dude, I have no idea. He's giving punt. A basketball hit my hood, the hood of my vehicle, and dent hit it. It's not a big dent, but there's a clear dent there.

You can see the perfect outline of a basketball. It's still there in my hood. You can go look at it, and there's a small dent right in the middle of it. And we look around. We have no idea what happened, and it was clear to go. So we were like, I don't know what it's going to do to get out of the car and, like, investigate the situation. So we just drove off.

I left work yesterday, like 4.15, 4.30-ish. It's just, the basketball is still there on the sidewalk. It's just sitting there. Yeah. What the hell happened? All right, I have a theory. You used to say you once had the wettest J in Austin? Yeah, yeah.

Do you think maybe God was saying, all right, hot shot? Bet. Yeah. It's like someone threw it out of a Cessna or something that was flying over Austin. I really have no idea where this ball came from. Well, I did just look at it. Oh, I didn't see if they'd be in the... Dude Perfect was in Austin July 9th, but I haven't seen that being here.

That's good investigating. Maybe Tyler punted one really high. It's just no landing. Maybe that punted around Lubbock way. I have no theory about what could have happened. So I'm glad that you didn't do the ultra-embarrassing move of, like, getting out of the car and looking around like, Who did? Hey, who?

Because, I mean, cars were behind me. Yeah. I would have, would have, you know, I would have held up the whole lane there just to get out. And then I would have looked around like, uh, and then what? I would have picked up the ball and it just started going. I always started just crossing cars over. Okay. Yeah.

I was just causing flat tires. I didn't think of that. Yeah. Causing flat tires. Yeah. Because the cars. Oh, shit. Which way is he going?

Yeah. And then before they know. Yeah. That's what I would have done. But we, you know, teach his own. Bizarre, man. You had your wife in the car. I did.

She was with me. She was very startled. It was loud. Yeah, did y'all go, whoa, whoa. Oh, yeah. It was super loud. It was super loud. It's not like, someone didn't just toss it.

I mean, this came from, this came from high. You think it might have been a run by bawling? Could have been. But, like, why didn't that person retrieve their ball? You know what I mean? I'm just very interested because, like, it's not like you're by a park or, like, by a basketball court. This is a middle of, like, a busy street.

Yes. Can't explain it. It is what it is, man. I got a little dent in my hood that it'll, it'll, I'll probably never fix. Was it a nice basketball? Was it a Spalding? Didn't get a great look at it?

Just a classic like leather. Just an outdoor, like an outdoor. Yeah. Basketball. It wasn't like a cool, like a little mini one you went at the fair? No, it was a full size, full size basketball.

I think you should go back and see if it's there and if it's still there, you should get that basketball. It might be an omen. It's my, that's my ball. Yeah. You fuck my hood up. It's going to cost you a basket,

one basketball. Let's put it in the stew. Okay. If it's still there, I'll go grab it. I will. That's all I got on that. Weird situation. Dang.

I know, right? What's going on? What's going on? I don't really want to ride with you. Yeah, me either. Here's a good theory. Whitty said some mom was sick as shit of their kid bouncing the ball in their house and tossed it out the apartment window.

Yeah, how close are the apartment? Honestly, there's a pretty big sidewalk there, probably 12 to 15 feet of sidewalk. and then you got the building. Did you see the angle of attack? It, dude, it seemingly came straight down. That's it, man. I got to go, I did not know this happened on South Marr. I'm going to look next time.

Just like, I need to assess this. Maybe I'll just walk there and do a 360 video so people can see. Yeah, do that. Make sure to get the ball. That's our ball now. Yeah. I mean, it's Dillon's, but I think now that it's,

we're going to put the ball in here somewhere. Or are we? I don't know. What's up with this ball? Maybe scan it, see if there's any electromagnetic field, Hopefully it's not possessed or anything. That's what I was thinking as well. I told Will that story and he was like, dude, it's just something with you and in cars and weird things happening.

Yeah. It's part of the whole lore there. I'm trying to think on like the, in the realm of balls that could land randomly onto the, your hood of your vehicle. Baseball you don't want. Baseball is more like a harder ball, smaller, but it feels like it's going to make a more intrusive dent. The worst is probably like a bowling ball. Bowling ball for sure. Yeah.

I'm into thinking about the ones that are more likely. Like a basketball doesn't seem likely unless you're by a park. Like a golf ball or baseball. Sure. 72. Give us your best cursed or dumb wash media, merch idea brainstorm sessions. Just bad designs.

We've had plenty. I think the one I immediately went to is Christmas sweaters. And they weren't bad. It was just, there was just a lot thrown out there that we couldn't. news. Like one, I think that everybody would say is like, that's easily the worst ever is, where we landed toys? Where are we dropping toys? We actually printed it in soul. I know, dude. I think it's funny. Where are we dropping toys? I think it's a funny one. It's just so, it's, it was such a big thing. It's a Christmas war zone, uh, collab. How do we drop that in like 2020?

Or no, right after 2021 when like peak pandy. What did the graphic look like? It was, uh, Santa Slay. And it was like three, four different toys parachuting in. It was like, it's a sick shirt. Dude, it's not, it's not the worst idea. No, it's not. It's not. It'd be really in that like, if you, it's a real, if you know, you know.

If we were sponsored by, if we were actually like Twitch streamers and sponsored by gamer fuel, that would, that shirt would have fucking sold a shit ton. Where are we dropping toys? Were they strapped up? Yeah. Oh, well, maybe not. Really? They got that toooly on them.

They got the kilo. God, can you imagine all the AI generated designs that you're going to see in the... You can see them in like... Like, Michaels and like Walmart and stuff. Like, there's a bunch of AI of just like decorations now that you can just buy at the store. And it's a lot of people aren't happy. Don't buy AI decorations. Like, people get mad at me for using AI, but I'm a small guy.

I'm a small creator. It's the big corporations. Get mad at them. Yeah, don't get mad at the small guy. Someone commented to me like, I said, I guess watch me to, doesn't have a graphic designer. It's not like we're taking jobs away from a graphic designer. I would have been the one designing it.

Oh, shit. I'm not like, I'm talking a dog. Yeah. Yeah, learn them, dog. It made my job a little easier. Where are we dropping toys? It's not bad. That brainstorm says that particular one yielded some, I remember, quite a bit of funny ones.

And then there was a number that we're like, we cannot do that. Somebody got mad that we did the Trump Snowball, which is probably still available on the shop right now. Remind me what that one is? It was, it was Santa Claus doing the, it said ho, ho, ho. Wait, wait, what is it? What was it, Randall? I'm pretty sure it's still available, so let me just pull it up. It was Santa Claus. Remember after that guy that got his body cremated 10 days after he took a shot at the president? And also he had no digital footprint whatsoever. And also the Secret Service just like didn't do anything about this guy on the roof. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So here it is. We made a shirt. We all thought this was great.

That's a good. That's good. I think it's funny. We should have sold a billion of those. Those are awesome. Wait, there are no snowballs flying at him, though. Is there one whizzing past?

No, I think we opted to not do that. But it's funny because, you could go at it like from like a, you shouldn't be capitalizing on that. No, it was a legit attempt on his life. Or like you could look at it like this,

the other side. Like, you guys shouldn't be, uh, glamorizing that, that days of, you know, you're,

you're making like a pro Trump sweatshirt. You could criticize from both. Or you could go from this one. And I think we did. Oh, stage. You know what? If you guys want to give me shit for where we drop in. A bunch better than fucking pants milk.

I don't know. Did we sell any of these pants milks? That was my idea. That was almost certainly my idea. Dude, that's fucking good. That's so fucking stupid. I love it. Pants milk.

He's poor. For $55, you guys can get a pants milk. Dude. Go on. That's good. Some of these, can you still get this shit? Yeah, these are all still available. I like how it says pants milk on it. Otherwise, you don't know the fuck's going on.

Pants milk sounds like something else. Wait, what's the one at the top right? This is Jet and Pookie. Miss Claus looking absolutely fire tonight. We cooked on this one. These are so bad. I love them. Dude, those are good.

Those are good. We need to be promoting these. Pants milk. We should do an early Christmas sweater sale. Drop a little coat in the chat for people. Dude, how many pants milk sweaters do we sell? There's no way we sold more than 10.

Oh, my God. There's just no way. What if we saw someone in the wild wearing a pants milk? I'd be like, why did you buy this? Like, thank you, but why? You have to be extremely online to understand. understand like why, like why that's funny. Like that is a shirt for real ball in hours.

You just pouring milked out his pants. And it's Santa doing it. Yeah. Because you're supposed to drink it, but he's, he's not. The Gardener's fake Dave's shirt actually sold a good amount. Like way more than it should have. Shouts to all the people that have it. What's that supposed to be here?

And he didn't believe in the shirt. It was my shirt design that I made for you guys before I was even hired. Well, guess what? Got me the job, I guess. Got you the job. Yeah. I sat next to a young lady. Nice, really nice girl.

Sophomore year, I didn't know her until sophomore year. And she was, she was kind of chesty. I realized this later on. She was, she would, when it came to test time, she would be very flirty. And she would, she would wear a low-cut shirt. And she would always, like, talk to me before the test, asking if I had, like, studied and stuff. And I was like, yeah, I guess, you know. And she was very flirty before the test.

And I figured out why. is because she would ask, she later asked me to keep my paper or my Scantron uncovered so she could cheat on it. And so she was trying to woo me basically into letting her look at my Scantron. And I was like, when I realized what she was doing, I was like, oh, my God, she's totally, she's just flirting with me to get my, my answers, dude. She honeypotted you. Thanks.

Yeah, that was, uh, that was a funny realization as a, as a, as like a 15 year old. I was like, oh, man, she's not into me at all. The way she would dance around just straight up asking me, she's like, oh my gosh, it was so hard. The material, I didn't have time to study last night. I was doing some stuff for cheerleading practice. And I was just like, oh, God, all right. What am I going to do? Be like the nerd.

Because she was like, she's cheerleaders. Coaking the cool crew, right? Yeah, dude. I'm like, no, I'm actually not cool with that at all. You better do what she wants to do. In middle school, some chick stabbed me in my leg with a pencil and the lead was stuck in my skin for like 15 years. Right here. Not kidding.

Is that your deal? She stabbed me. You have blood poison? I could just see it for like 15 years. What did you do to deserve that, though? I don't remember what pissed her off. You probably didn't let her cheat off you. What grade was this?

This is like theater class. It was like seventh or eighth grade. She got mad of me and she turned around. Did she get in trouble? I was like, the fuck. Look down, it's bleeding and then it just got stuck in there. She getting trouble? I didn't arc on her, dude.

I wouldn't like that. That's violent. Dude, I was fucking G-code shit. She probably killed somebody. I did her own. Butterfly effect, Dylan. I'm not turning your end. and she ended up killing 10 people.

I ain't narcan on anybody. Honestly, thinking about back when you were in school, that probably was actual lead and not graphite in the pencils. No, it was not. It was graphite, you stupid. It's good for any. I don't know what her problem was. She's probably not a flirt with me.

You know how it is? Yeah, I love what chicks be stabbing. She's like, I'm going to stab this motherfucker. He's going to fall in love with me. And that's how Dylan got the nickname Captain Stabbing. Yep. It didn't work, though. I wasn't into her.

Sorry, babe. What did she do after that? Are you just like, ha, ha, you mean. I mean, she was mad. I don't remember. I don't remember what set her off. I think we were just, I was like with some boys behind her and we were just goofing. You probably deserved it, to be fair.

I doubt it. You're probably bullying her. Yeah, you probably did bully her. I doubt it. You just bullied her right now saying that you weren't into her. If she's listening. She probably stab you again. Listen, young lady.

Sorry. Was she a good actress? Man, I don't remember. We're talking a long time ago. Yeah, we know. We're talking 30 years ago. Yeah, we know, dude. Dave, this happened several years back after I graduated.

A Missouri church leader allegedly tried to pay for sex on the gay hookup at Grindr with an Arby's card, according to a report. Using the handle DILF, Barry Cole Pointer, 57 allegedly tried to bed hot college-age guys by offering to pay for gas clothes and roast beef sandwiches, police told the Kirksville Daily Express. The Church of Christ Elder, who is also a professor at nearby Truman State University, was busted after a student reported him and a cop went undercover on the app. Pointer allegedly sent the officer messages a message saying he would love to have a sugar daddy relationship, then offered to fill up his gas tank in exchange for sexual favors on December 3rd, according to the paper. If the younger guy was willing, he might throw in an Arby's card, L.O.L. Yeah, that's not why you want your name in the paper. He was charged with patronizing prostitution and faces up to six months behind bars, please. Yeah, come on, man.

Six months? Slap on the wrist. But also don't do that. Or slap on your hunk ass. He's changing curly fries to sleep with cute guys. Come on, guys. It's from Anonymous. Hey, Dave, love the paw, my sophomore year high school.

And before phones had codes or locks on them, my varsity baseball coach and PE teacher was asked to step down following a rather unfortunate event for him. While teaching a class, his TA was snooping on his phone and found two things, his nudes and sexes between him and the dance team coach. The TA decided to send them to herself, and from there, they went throughout the school like wildfire. That was obviously terrible for him, but thankfully his life wasn't ruined, especially important since he was in his late 20s or early 30s at the start of his career. Luckily, the district administration actually recognized that this was a crazy invasion of privacy and not his fault, so they politely but firmly asked him to step down rather than being terminated. The TA was suspended for starting at all, and most of the school was really cold towards her after

because he was a really great coach and teacher. The coach was hired up at a bigger school, 30 miles south, won a state title within the next three years, and sent one guy to the show and a bunch of D1, D2 college players to boot. He's now a D1 softball coach at a local university, married and has kids. Not with the dance team coach, though. Nobody ever really brought it up again or could joke about it. We would just finish that year like 4 and 16 because all of us were so deflated after he left.

I've kept in touch, and he's the same great guy he always was, major shouts to coach. All that said, the coach was jacked and had an absolute. hog so good for him really can't be can't be hot around stupid high school kids i guess anyway keep doing what y'all are doing be easy fellas that's fuck man yeah that is not his fault okay like he wasn't cheating on his wife because it seemed like he was single it was a fellow it was a teacher sexual of age relationship to all the only mistake he made was like walking out of a room with his unlocked phone yeah the only thing that might have went through it what i'd been uncouth

here was having a relationship with a college you can maybe not disclose it again. Otherwise, everything was above board. It was probably very difficult for the people who saw the picks to make a decision on whether the guy had like a big, juicy, delicious cock or something. Yeah. They might have been able to figure out if it was big. Why would you say that?

I'm just saying if it was delicious or not, she didn't know. It was probably like one or two megapix. Now that you said it, it gives Randy the green light. He's going to say it like seven more times. I'm just saying it. And also, it's also sorry because if this is the other way and it was like a female's phone and like a boy went through, like, he'd be... You open the floodgates.

What are you talking? What floodgates? You open the floodgates. What are you talking about? You got Mr. fucking... No, it's a guy. You open the gates, man. Well, you talk...

The person that even wrote in said it was a... He was jacked and had a big delicious cock. He didn't say that. That was not in there. It's like all. Can you read again? There's got to be some kind of like... Maybe this is like so back in the day that like there wasn't stuff on the books to, like,

prevent people from like... Who among us doesn't have a little... Your self-nudes on their phone. Come on. You have some. No, I actually don't. Don't call them self-nudes. Well, you have to, you know, explain that they're not nudes of other people.

They're nudes of yourself. I'm not a fair point, but I don't know. There's got to be a better way to call it. Okay. Nudes of yourself. Hogshots. Yeah. I actually don't have any nudes on my phone.

Oh, wow. Why are you looking at me after you say, like I should be surprised? I made that Who Among Us thing and, you know. You think I should be proud of you? No. Do you want an award? No. Oh, here's the award for no news on your phone.

She in Texas, hang the banner. Dylan Schifery has zero pictures of his cock on his file. Nude free. What the hell, dude. Had a nude free camera roll. That's funny. I had a school record in track. How many school records you got?

Dude, you shared it with three other guys because it's a four-by. Well, I went to state for three events. Was it a real? To the state. Didn't win. For the school record, yeah. Didn't win it. Still nuts.

Still not. Still not. It's still not. All right. I'll put a cock moratorium down on the word. I won't say the word for the rest of the show. Thank you. Now, make Mr. Parrott over here do it, too.

Mr. Parrott, that's my name? Yeah. Mr. Parrott. The guy who repeats after you. I don't repeat anything. Sometimes I say cock in my own note volition to do that. I can't say cock. I can't be a parent.

You know, man, maybe just, babe. Cut your fucking mic, dude. Uh, uh. Uh, great. Dylan Shivery. Man, you ever just like crush a morning? Just like crush it, you know? And it really sets you up for success the rest of the day.

Yeah, probably most days of the week. I had to take parks to school about 30 minutes early today. He's got play, practice, rehearsal, whatever you're going to call it? So I had extra time at the gym. Play practice. Time out. Well, it's not exactly rehearsing. Yeah, I don't know.

There's got to be a different day than play practice. It's probably what it's called. The practice in the play. I don't know. I got practice today. We got the big play coming up. So I had extra time at the gym. I just fucking got after it.

I was throwing big boy weights around. Women were taking their tops off, throwing them at me, stuff like that. It was crazy. Guys were gathering around asking me questions about my routine. Guys revealing hog? Went home. He didn't answer the question. We're guys revealing hog.

Went home and myself a nice breakfast. Oh, God. I know it smelled crazy in there. Yeah. Some overnight oats that Chels made for. me. And man, I just, you know, it was just a great morning, you know. And that, that's pretty much all there is too. I'm just, I'm optimized right now. It sounds like you really crushed that morning. I think so, too. Thank you for agreeing. Yeah.

Man, if I'm, if I'm in that friend group, Bobby's staying in jail. Yeah, sorry, Bob. You're going to have to call your parents, Bobby. Yeah. I don't, I'm not wrong with that kind of cash. If Bobby's not like a close friend of mine and I have to take out like a grand and China to get him out of jail. I'm putting interest on that to his parents. How did they have that much cash on hand? This whole thing. This whole thing rakes it like too. Like this is, this sounds like a perfectly centralized currency, things of that nature, internet. Do you guys have any guesses as to why Big Shot Bobby landed himself in jail? Because he's a drunk American and he probably like peed in public. Being in public, he's usually a good guess. You think pee pee pee pee? It's a good guess.

Yeah. It's a good guess. Maybe he defecated him. He pulled down his pants, grabbed his little pee-p and just started peeing. Okay, so Dylan's guess is that he shit in public. I said defecated, but yeah. I don't know, man. Defication. Maybe he, uh, he threw hands with somebody, started a fight, a little fist of cuffs action. No, this is, this is, this is probably doing this, the sprinkler thing. So you think he pulled out his little pee-pee and did the sprinkler, which is where you just pee back and forth rapidly and spray it everywhere. I do. I do, I do believe that, yes. Which is how I still do when I pee outside in my backyard. If anybody who just pee straight stream outside, it's so boring.

Yeah, what are you doing? Do something creative. Do a design. What do you guys do? I have one thing I do on the golf course. Sprinkler. What do you do? I'm not saying you shouldn't do that.

Like, that's what you like to do. So keep doing it. What do you do, Doug? I see how high in the air I can do it. Oh, yeah. That's a move too. That's a fine one. I think I got it above my head when I was playing in Michigan.

I can get it above my head. I was on the golf course and I was like, holy hell. Don't push too hard, man. Dude, you know what I mean? Don't tell the bladder king what to do with this bladder. That's not good for your little peepie. It's not good for your little peepie, dog. Dude, my peepee is doing just fine.

I'm just saying, man. How does the bladder queen feel about this? The bladder queen? She's okay with it. Last voicemails of the year. Yeah, okay. Did Neil only brought one talking point. Hey, see you next year.

Well, we still got an episode. See you next Tuesday. Yeah. The next Tuesday is the last Patreon episode of the year. That's facts, dog. Yeah. Big news in Austin, by the way. Kevin Durant is opening a restaurant in downtown Austin.

What is it? I don't, I don't know yet. Probably something dope. It'll suck. Tom Segura just opened his Italian bakery. I don't care about that. I don't really like it when celebs do restaurants. Talking about KD.

Unless it's a celebrity chef. What if it's called Kevin Durant's Steakhouse? It's next door to Vince Young Steakhouse. Think about that. Well, only one of those two guys won on a national championship. Dude, you got to call it KD's. That's just a cool name. KD's is a cool name.

I'd go to KD's Was that a place that you went I'd take Randy's girl to KD's Didn't you say you're going to VDs? Venereal disease Is that the joke here? No, I'm not going to VDs, David. Oh no.

I misunderstood. Aren't you going to J.D.? Get a couch for the studio? Oh, is this a J.D. Vance joke? Yes. Because he allegedly fucked a couch. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot about that.

Took the studio audience a little bit, too, to get that one. Dylan Shivery. No, but really, Will Mustchamp is coming back to Texas as a defensive coordinator. I'm going to keep this 100. And I just want you to know, I'm going to keep it buck with you right now. Keep it, please. Most people don't care.

This is the Texas ball talk people are talking about right here. I mean, Will Mustchamp is a... The news just dropped. It's a good personality to have in the mix. Yeah, well, we're talking about news. How about we talk about the Chicago Bears eyeing, eyeing northwest Indiana for a new stadium? I'm sorry, what are they ironing? They're eyeing it.

It's going to be in Dyer? It might be, I think maybe Gary. There's a, there's a, there's a, they're going to put a stadium inside Gary. There's some people thinking that Gary will have this giant revolution bounce back at some point. We'll see. I just love that it's named Gary.

No, I like a, my, that dude's name. I'm more of a Terry guy. Steve Indiana. I like, yeah, we're going through, we're going to pull up through, old Todd, Texas. Gary, Indiana. Last night. Landman, they had to figure out if they're going to drive up through Lubbock or Schneider.

Okay. Up around Schneider away. Which way did they go? I think he pulled through Schneider. Fuck yeah, dude. I don't know where Schneider is. I assume it's out around Lubbock way, though. I think it's out there in the...

Out in West Texas, out in the patch. North of the patch. Gary, Indiana. Gary. This isn't the first time they're looking outside of the city, though. The first time they're just saying Indiana. Chicago has a very cool thing. Soldier Field is in a very cool spot

It is, but tailgating and like Just being in a city getting out It's not the best, but it's I mean Don't Arlington up the bears do Don't do what we did put even though our shit was in Irving Which isn't great but like moving into Arlington The Cowboys is just All I know is that having the Chicago Bears

And Northwest Indiana would be great for your boy Because when I say hey I said well from Northwest Indiana they'd be like Oh so not Chicago I'm like well the Chicago Bears are from Northwest Another state another state should not be collecting tax revenue and benefiting from a team that's located in the neighboring state. That should be a... It is weird.

That's just like, that's like insulting. Isn't there an NFL, already an NFL stadium? Chiefs? What's the Chiefs? No. Like, where the Jets and the Giants play. Isn't it, like, technically in Jersey or something? Hard to say.

That area confuses me. I'm probably wrong. Don't come at me, guys. Falka door. I don't have much confidence in saying that. Not a ball. Nor, you're certainly not a ball, no. I don't know anything about Heisman trophy, your offense and defense or two-minute drill.

You know about just a big old, just a big old dumb-dum. I'm good. You know about two-minute drills. Oh, like a two-minute drill, this kind? Whoa, whoa, those are some hand motions that are not safe for work. He made the joke. Yeah. I'm just.

Oh, cocky-ship. Hand gesturing it. There it is. That's coffee. You're small-ass-Yetti, bitch. I'm going to, I need to work. on new like trade phrases or whatever like hold on like watch this i love coffee you said a whole will you mark that and clip it please i'm gonna use that okay you just had a

whole reddit post about all your little micro jokes that everyone was that was just yeah but they left one micro off that was a really strong delivery there that was pretty good hold on i'm i'm just getting started right around 630 are you going is this the same one oh come on Coffee's good. You sound like coffee dad now. Not as good as the first one. Shut the, making coffee.

All right, ready? Not as good as my... Coffee's hot. This coffee's giving me a boner. Okay. Hang on, that's not going to be... Yeah, you're losing it. You got to get it back.

Yeah. You know, the first time was good. Ooh, wee. That's good. That's good, dude. You got cold brewing that house? No, that's hot coffee. Okay.

Where'd you get it? Best pot elicimate it when I went home for lunch. Oh, you went home for lunch. Oh, you went home for lunch. She'd made a second pot. So, yeah, it's been one of those days. Yeah, considering she's not even working anymore, she just has the whole rest of the time off because I got Christmas,

this is the whole fucking month. You know everybody's on the struggle boss when you're making a second pot. Dave's on his fucking goofiest. He's on his fucking Randy's shit right now. Well, I'm ready to get the fuck out of here. Okay, well, it was just, all right, see you guys. I got fucking dickhead over here doing his shit. Why am?

You know. A dickhead, no. You know. dude. He has a case of the fuckerounds. You definitely do. You contracted a case of the fuckerounds. And you know the sad thing?

I don't know if two pots is going to be enough. You sound like the whining girls right now. Or three or far. So I had two glasses on and then I accidentally had a third glass of wine. And it was really good. Really good. I hate it when that happens. This coffee is going to go right through me, though.

I don't want to hear about that, dude. I'll be taking some fat-ass pisses. Oh, that I thought you meant the other way. Dude, I think Brett might sneaky pee almost as much as me. Not saying as much. Yesterday, within like, I'm not kidding, like 45 minutes. I counted three different trips to pee. Suppose them.

Really? Oh, yeah. In 45 minutes. He was drinking a Celsius. I don't mean to at the man, but coffee makes me pee like crazy. Celsius doesn't. Really? Yeah.

I feel like I pee a lot, too. It's a big, it's a big. It's a big Pee in company, man. It's like when you have like a really high-pressured hose and you don't hold it and just turn the water and start flying around. Crazy, Daisy. That's what it's like. Really? When you pee, that's what happens?

No, it's not like that at all. It's usually more controlled. I think so. Usually. That would suck if you had that. That was your disability. Well, you could just hold it. Right?

No, but what if like you knew like once a week you were going to go in the bathroom? You're just going to go over the walls? That shit was just going to have a mind of its own. I just put a balloon over it. You can just do a piss bomb. No, I'm not doing, well, that would be a terrible weapon of war. Yeah, I don't think it's going to do a whole lot of damage. Just be insulting.

That's probably against the Geneva Conventions. Yeah, they put that in there. Piss missiles, though. Are we about to hit Venezuela with some piss bombs? Yeah. They're like, holy shit. What are they doing? They're like, oh, guys, these are chemical weapons?

Nah, it's just pissed. Just hand over this tanker because I don't want to. any more piss bombs. They're looking at each other like, can they do that? It's not really inflicting damage per se. They're flipping through the Geneva Convention text. They're like, no, they can't. It's right here. It says nothing about it. Guys, uh-uh. You cannot, you guys cannot draw bombs of piss on us. It says it right here. That's so stupid. Hold on. Yeah, right there. Now, you can't do that. I check that it. It still says it. I guess I'll go take a shower and then come back out to war.

I'm gonna tell you straight up, I don't have a good way to sleep on my side. It's a real problem that I'm having. I always start out on my back. I do kind of the Dracula pose when I'm sleeping. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna be on my back, not getting on to my belly, not fucking up and doing that. It doesn't, I don't have a good way to do it. I'm looking for help. I need somebody in the chat.

Let me know how you sleep line. So you finally busted out the Sydney-Sweeney body pillow in front of Che-Jae? I don't have the Sydney-Sweeney body pillow, but that's something I've been in. You have a Sydney-Sweeney body pillow? I do not, but it's something I would be interested in. Also, her bathwater that she was selling. And all was soap. It was soap.

Do you ever show Meg that you have a Nancy Reagan doll? Did you? Extra Deep Throat. What? Whoa. What the fuck? Are you kidding? No, it was like something they gave away, like, why do you guys have to get political with it?

No, I'm sorry. What are you doing? Yeah. Also, was that a Nixon reference, that deep throat, being informant? Yes, read the old news. I believe it was the throat goat situation that happened on. Twitter like three, four years ago. The chat's going crazy.

The former first lady you're talking about. It's true. I'm sorry. What? Someone said Dorn just takes his arms off and hangs them up for the night. Is that what you do? I've talked about that. I've talked about how inconvenient it is to have arms when you sleep.

If you could just take them off and just set them on the nightstand and then sleep, it'd be so much easier. Who would put them off? What if you don't have a wife? I would have JJ do it out of parks. I don't know. I would just walk over and just click them in. Like arms like Jacks remember jacks?

The arms are inconvenient when you sleep The dude for moral combat Tell me I'm wrong Dude that's why people who couples who like Cuddle cuddle when they sleep I don't get how you can do that with arms They're fake, they're pigs You like your bottom arm is just

It's just sitting there bearing all the weight And no you know what They won't last they'll be done They'll be done soon Can you cuddle until you sleep I love that when he spends me He spends me all night long If he does, he's miserable.

Tell you what, both of his arms are asleep, and he's got a boner. Yeah, and your body heat, your body heats making a sweat. It's a whole, like, you can't sleep well. You can't cuddle and sleep at the same time. I'm sorry. He's at work. He's at work, and he's, he's on a performance plan because he's fucking shit in the bed at work because he's sleeping like shit.

Yeah. Because every night he just wakes up. He loves me so much. He cuddles all night. He's a big spoon. Shut up. Yeah, he is a big, he loves it. He's not happy with it.

He slept like shit. He's covered in sweat, and he's just a rat. He's just a rink. He's erect the entire night. There's nothing he could do about it. Just a total mess. He's nothing he can't do about it because his arms are asleep. I don't know, man.

I still can't get past Dylan, like, wanting to remove his arms to go to bed. Think about how dope that would be. I understand that it's not really, like, a possibility. Yeah, it's not at all. But it would be awesome. What if somebody broke in and you have no arms? And you're like, oh, you're like, just running at him with you. Snap him back on and get to work.

How? Just throwing your head out of him, just trying. All you have is head butts and, like, kicks. Yeah. But you have, like, limited balance. because you have no arms. I'll click them, I'll click them back on.

I'll be, I'll be getting some dope sleeps off, though. I'd be very well rested coming in here. Is there anybody in the Chad who cuddles? All night. Sleep cuddle. Cuddles are for hotels. Cuddles are for, like,

your first week dating somebody. Yeah. The first sleepover. Randy's out real quiet over. Which isn't necessarily the first week. I understand. Yeah, damn. This guy is good.

I'm not easy. Sorry if you cuddle. Sorry about the arms that you have, too. Yeah, sorry about your arms. I told you I invented a side sleeping mattress, but then I realized that it already actually exists. You want to hear about my side sleeper? Man, if you've already told us about it and I forgot it,

it probably wasn't that cool. Picture a mattress. It's got to be a thick one, like a, you know, a 14-inch, you know, thick mattress. But right at where your shoulders are, there is like a deep crevice, all right? a deep crevice that goes down like a trench 12 inches yeah like a trench and you can just stuff your arm down in there to relieve all that pressure all the weight that your body puts on it think about it there there is

there is one that exists it's a little bit differently than i just described basically you can remove like a big chunk of it anyway i think i think it's a good idea but i couldn't like claim you know i pee on it because it already existed now you don't want to pee on it Yeah, let the bed. Here's a side sleeping pillows, Dave. Man, that shit looks stupid as fuck, though. Look at the side sleeping mattress. Okay, look, see, right there, the top, top right that on the, on the, right there.

This? See, you can remove those or you can just stuff your arm down under them. Okay. I want to try it. That's expensive. See, you put it down in that? I had this thought and then I was like, man, I'm about to be a billionaire and then... It's not a billion-dollar idea.

It is a billion-dollar idea. It's a trillion-dollar idea. Okay, well, you're the first person to talk about removable arms, so why don't you figure that out? Yeah. I can't. I've been trying. I can't. The tech, the tech is there.

The tech is there. The science isn't there. It says you. I tried, Randy. Sounds like you don't want to try hard enough to figure it out. Shut up. God, you sound like a lot lizard. I'm still sick in somebody's truck.

I was sensitive to light right now, too. Yeah. I can't, like, fully open my eyes. Dude, I'm not kidding. You're sensitive to how you look in that hat, too. I'm thinking if you don't, if you come in tomorrow and you're still in this state, if you don't go to a doctor, I'm going to, like, do something physically to you. So you have to go to a doctor. I told Chelsea that if I wake up tomorrow like I did today, I'm going tomorrow.

The only thing that concerns me is you with the throat hurting so bad. All the other stuff, it's like, dude, I get it. I completely, I do this show, like, 10% of time with, like, nerd allergies from hell. But the throat concerns me. Lives a dance. Consons me. It's the throat. We can't do a podcast without the throat goat.

That's why it's important to vote in your local elections and vote for Dylan Schivory, the throat goat. Sometimes you follow. Did you write in L. Gliss today? AKA Sir Throat a lot. I just feel like if you write in L.Gliz, it's just a throwaway. A.K.A. Young Throatsky. You know, as people like that that think that is what's really keeping us to this two-party system, Dylan.

Has anyone ever written in a candidate thinking there's a chance that candidate's going to... Would you stop attacking democracy? You've done enough to fuck this shit off. It's just like, what? Why write in? I'm going to write in. I'm going to write you in. So maybe you'll fucking take office and take a hike.

This person got 184 million votes. This person got 132. This person got 12. Here comes fascist Dylan over here. This person got 12 votes. Attacking democracy. You will be holding into the two-party system. The Frankenfeure over here.

Just saying. Just a waste. The Frankenfure. Just pick a dog. Oh, dude. Hold on. Ready to call you to Frank and the race. And that's a new one to me.

Frankenfeure? Yeah. El Glyzidenti has got a little too nationalist. I like, I fuck with democracy. Heavy, actually. Did you vote? Not yet. You're going to vote?

You're not. You are so not voting. He's going to vote. There's one on the way home. But it's going to be packed and you're going to be like, he's going to vote after he goes to his doctor appointment, which is going to be never. No. You fucking asshole.

I'm so pissed off at everybody. What did you vote for? I don't. discussed that. I know you wouldn't. I voted. I voted. You know what? Fuck it. I voted for Talarico. I voted for Prop Q. I voted in the... Which means more Q drops. I voted for Talarico. Not because he shares a name with my aunt. Tyler? Because he did Rogan dude. I only vote for candidates that do Rogan. Rogan's lost his fastball and he's... I didn't know he pitched. Yeah, it's not good. I would hit the laugh track, but I'm not on that bank. Sorry, Dylan. Do you find the bank? Okay. I'll go back. But also, I might have voted for Ken Paxton. The Paxman?

The Paxman coming. You didn't vote for Kim Paxton. You don't know who I fucking voted for. Who's the one that was trying to get rid of all the weed gummies? That's Dan Patrick. Yeah, I'm not voting for that guy. That guy's a super bonner. But also, I might have voted.

I might have written somebody in. Who'd you write in, dog? Terrible comic book character. Barstool Chugs. He doesn't even live here. I've run in that gal from the teen mom. What's her name? Farah Abraham.

I wrote in Farah Abraham. She's not running for... Well, she is now because I wrote her in. writing for mayor it's conflict of interest i'm voting for fair abraham and the sham wild guy all right fuck it i didn't vote i was projecting i hadn't voted you fucking lying ass i do have an aunt that's the last name tallarico and i say aunt i've never said aunt yeah why you saying aunt i don't know i'd like to do it sometimes because so uppity it is oh my aunt it sounds like they it's like um to me it's like it would be like making um going the long route to somewhere i feel like aunt versus aunt interesting that you say root

The long route. I say route. Rout. Didn't you say you're trying to get some route this weekend? I don't get it. I don't either. I'm trying to have a root beer. Okay.

Yeah, we can make that happen. Yeah. They're available a lot of places. Okay. I like one. I just, no, I actually, I wanted to, I wanted to be on, I voted for Jasmine Crockett. Okay. Because she's kind of bad.

I will never vote for someone just because they're a batty. Okay. Well, you were. Oh, and that's not true. Clibicular, he votes for the best looking game. That's not true. Yeah. You know, I reserve the right to vote for a baddie.

No, I voted for Jasmine because I like her policy. Okay. That's great. All right, fuck it. I voted for John Cornyn. The Cornman. The corn man. I like his ad where he's wearing a cowboy hat.

I was like, you know what? I relate to that as a Texan. That's fucking sick. I like his ad where he's against DEI and men and women sports. Okay. I'm like that's every candidate. Dude, every fucking commercial. Yeah.

Well, there's one that's trash in Paxton talking about how he's a cheater. On his wife? Have you seen that one? Yeah, it's really aggressive. It's so aggressive. It's almost like, damn, dude. All right. You guys could have to go that hard.

Fucking, I don't like him. All right, I'm going to be honest, y'all. Okay. I can't vote. Oh, you're a felon? Because you're a felon. No, because I'm a fella. I'm not allowed to vote.

No, I'm one of the fellows. Nah. I'm a good fellow. No, I can't vote. I don't have a driver's license. The driver's license has expired. Is that a problem? I don't know.

Probably. Wait, your license is expired? Yeah. Yeah, you should probably go get that run, dude. Yeah, what the fuck's your problem? I have an appointment Friday. There's something called throat code. The, I think it's a medicine.

Yeah, there's a, there's a T that's called throat code. You get you some throw code. The pharmacy said I can't buy any more of that medicine because they have me on a watch list now. It's kind of funny. That's a funny bit. Dylan. I'll be in tip top. They bought up all of the throat coat.

I want you to be tiptoe. It's Tuesday. You got plenty of time. I'll be fine. I'm just worried because every day, every second, every second going forward. is the longest you've ever been sick. Dude, that's true. It'd be like that sometimes.

It's now a full week. Are you willing to admit Jasmine Crockett's kind of bad? She's fine. Yeah. She's fine. How many beers? I don't play that game. I was asking how many beers are you going to have on Saturday.

Well, if you put it that way, zero. Oh, you're drinking fucking big boy drinks? No, I don't, I don't know. No, I have to meetup. A meetup just lends itself to beers. It does. Yeah. Because if I start drinking cocktails, like,

I do. I got a whiskey, a whiskey water and I'm just meeting a backer. I got, oh, yeah, I met Dave. He had scotch on his breath. He's fucking drooling. He was just staring at me. He actually pissed himself right in front of me. It was a very bad interaction.

They say don't meet your, your podcast heroes. And I did, and he pissed himself. Spin the fucking, oh, you already did. I already did. Let Dylan go off on Trump's golf claims. Oh, yeah. All right, everybody buckle in. I don't want to be a part of this clip.

Buckle in. So don't put me in. I'm just going to, I'm just going to leave it. on him. All right. This isn't about, first of all, this isn't about politics or anything that we this isn't about Iran or Epstein. Yeah, there's a number of political thing. It's not about anything like that. Is it about lunch? This is only about Donald Trump and golf. That's it. About the Gulf of America? So silo silo that part of politics out, off, whatever you want to say. The dude is, okay, I think he is a good golfer in that he like, he can consistently hit the ball straight.

He's a two. I do. Okay. He's between a two and a three. I do think that he is like for his age, like he's a good golfer and that he can just hit the ball straight. And he can put, okay. I think he drives a ball about 210. I think that he, what does he claim, 43 club championships?

He's eight, okay, he's 80 years old, first of all. Is he 80? He's 80 years old. Wow. He's not exactly spry. He's not bouncing around. He's not limber. He doesn't have swing speed.

he has an ugly swing. He's got a really ugly, like, outside end swing. You know that. No, inside out. It's inside out, not outside end. It's an inside out swing. It's ugly as hell. The dude, he's surrounded by, how you say the word?

Is it sycophant? How do you say that word? Secafants. Sicofants. Okay, he's surrounded by sycophants. What if he pulled up to the story, like, I need some sicko pants now? I think that there are videos, there are videos of his caddy, like dropping a ball in play

that otherwise wasn't in play. I think he just like he gets away with whatever he wants and no one calls him out on it because A, he's a president of the United States and because B, he's playing at his own club. Like he runs everything. Yes, it's called a TFF.

And so if he's like, oh, I got a par there and you're like, you fucking kicked it out of the ruffler and I got a double boge. You're going to write down par for the guy because he's Donald Trump. And because they're all sycophant. I Got it right. All right.

They're all sick offense. A person who praises powerful, rich, and important people in a fake way. Yes. To do just they get favor. So they just let him get away with whatever he wants. Dude, you've seen the videos of his caddy like dropping a ball in play on the grass. I have not. But I'm reading that is, I mean,

that was in like a bunker or in the rough. And he just like, nah. I don't want to play that ball. Do you realize he's 80 and he might have fallen if he went in there? That's at least what people on X everything app were saying. I think he is definitely. an above average 80 year old golfer. I think the guy has legitimately won 43 club championships.

There's no fucking way. There's no way. It's just no one wants to call him out because they know that there are consequences to pay for calling out the president, especially at his own club. Do you think he's a 2.8 handicap? No, I do not. Not legitimately. I do not.

Plus two? He's a plus two? Yeah. The dude is not a plus two. I'm sorry. Even if he plays from the senior T's, it's just not happening, man. I think he just tells, he decides what he gets on each hole and people just go along with it because he's the orange man and he's powerful. And they don't want to get called a radical scumbag on Twitter.

That's a cool name for a podcast. Radical scumbag? Yeah. It's actually not. He loves calling people scumbags. That's what I think. I'll agree with them there. That's my thesis.

It is fun calling someone a scumbag. That's my thesis. Well, he might be on here or something because I did look it up. No Donald Trump and Trump and. Bryce and DeShambo did not break 50. They shot a round of 50. Dude, he claimed to have shot a 70 to win the club championship the other day. What tease is he playing from?

I don't know. Senior tease? I don't know. But dude, come on. That dude's not firing a 70. I think he takes you right now. I'm not a good golfer. Let's go play.

Let's set this up. You lose. You leave the country. I'm not a good golfer. You lose. You leave the country. I don't claim to have won a single club championship. No, but I can see you pulling some shit like that.

Like maybe maybe 12 years ago he won one because he was just in his bag that day. And also he was 68 and, you know, he was getting around better. I'm telling you, dude, that that old man is not winning a club championship. There's no way. He's getting pops. Not many. No, he's a plus two. He's not getting pops.

Yeah, other guys are getting pops. Hey, that's five minutes. It's ridiculous. That's five minutes. It's ridiculous. Again, that wasn't political. Don't be such a cock. That wasn't political.

58. Oh. stand mute cancel pulling a dave or a pad can we do uh shrink expand nuke point yes all right no no no we we don't change people's questions shut the fuck up unless they're the ones that you submit they're all racist what the fuck pulling a dave frozen's or dorning at etcho what is doarning at etcho oh i wonder what that could be eating the worm eat no it's uh it was getting the mola off you know a rate a worm you know you fucking I don't think I have

I probably don't want to You're a bitch You probably have a parasite You're such a bitch Dude the alcohol kills all that shit Does it? Grow up Does it?

Yeah Grow up People have been eating those worms Forever dude You're so soft You're soft You wouldn't do shit You wouldn't do shit

I'm like Oh I don't want the world Waydie you take it Yeah I don't want the worm Wendy you take it You don't want you You're soft You want the worm

Should we give him the worm Yeah Let's give him the worm What's the question I don't know Dave's soft Cool and a day of frozen and Dorning at Echo. I just feel like the, I feel like that you have a, you're at the risk of a parasite.

Nah, dude, this body, ain't my body is an incinerator, man. Yeah, but I don't know if it is. Yeah, dude, you just fucking burns. You were out with the Ria like a month ago. Nah, dude. You know, we have an additional bun and you're fucking toast. No, I don't toast it. You need to hop in, uh, as much you love Big Cat.

You need to start replying a Big Cat because, you know, he's eating like 100. burgers now. I don't know. He's got a burger bit. Is he on a burger thing? I didn't even know that. Have you really not seen this? Oh, I'm surprised we haven't been tagged in it. He's eating like an exorbitant amount of hamburgers. Okay. And like the hamburger? I always wanted to, I, I'm waiting for the time to like jump in and be like, you're doing it wrong. Okay. There's a top line there, buddy. Hey man, why I noticed you at the top line. What are you doing? I don't know why I haven't done it. I think it's for the fear of him just not interacting with it. And I'm just like, all right, well, he's not doing like a portnoy review thing. He's just eating burgers.

He's doing some kind of burger thing where he's trying to eat as many burgers as possible. All right. That sounds awesome. And I'll be honest, he posts a lot of them. They look really good.

I think a cheeseburger is my favorite, my favorite food in the world. Shut the fuck out. You can't say it's your favorite food in the world and then you modify it. Yeah, no mods. I'm telling you, taking the bun off,

it's just a marginal difference in enjoyment. Marginal. It's marginal at best. All right. What are we doing? We're trying to do exactly five minutes But you're over here fucking around

You don't want to eat the fucking worm You don't want to eat the worm No, I don't want to eat the worm You don't want to eat the worm You know what I want to do? I want to eat the worm I'm going to eat the worm I even shoot it dog Get superpowers from it and fucking

Just choke you out What? I don't know There's a character in the boys Oh the digging guy Oh yeah you watched it Yeah he ate the dirt and That guy saw

There's a guy in there There's a guy with huge balls I don't think you guys ever watched the spin-off, Gen V, which was, you know, the college version, a guy that just had, like, a void in his ass that he could shove anything into. All right. I'm sorry. It's weird.

I'm sorry we did this. What's the point of that? He butchard the entire kegabier. If you're giving superpowers and that's your superpowers, it's like, man, this sucks. I'm standing pulling a day because it's taking the internet by storm. I'm muting Frosons because I do love a good frozen, y'all. I blend it is what I call it. And I'm canceling Dornin at Echo because, like, it's a little bit off-putting.

I thought Randy gets a lot of shit for his little side deals, but you, they're paying you some kind of under the table. Randy said the food was really good. I enjoyed it. Wait, when are you going to release the Frozen video? I don't trust Randy's food takes. Don't trust my food takes. I trust his frozen. I don't know.

I still need to edit the Pool Burger ones. I was going to do that. Oh, my God, Randy. Everyone wants the etcho, dude. I don't know if you want it. You want the etcho? What if I gave him a bad score? You didn't.

Give them the etchel. They greased your wheels. You're not going to give them a bad score. It's a family, it's a family restaurant. They greased your shit with the free shot. They did that with the food. I'm canceling, pulling it, Dave. Whoa.

Bad answer. Yeah, just because you'd fuck the steak up. I'm going to stand etcho, because obviously, like, I eat the worm there. It's a whole thing. Dave's never done that. I'm going to mute. I do love a frozen, but I'm not going to, I don't like the sweet ones.

Grown-ass man eating a worm. Fuck. I also will mute Randy Rates Frozen's, because I have to figure out how not to be mean. I'm going to stand pulling a Dave and cancel Dorn and Acho. Not ECHO itself, but Dorn and Acho. Oh, but that is a slight to ECHO. Y'all don't know shit about ECHO.

I was there. Dave and they're getting the fajitas like a dumb ass. You got Jack, bitch. Yeah, it's on the menu. The fajitas are, like, if you have fajitas on the menu, I'm going to try. I think I would have got the fajitas too if Dylan wasn't there and told me what to do. Why wouldn't I get fajitas? Because it's, okay, it's interior Mexican food.

It's not Tex-Mex. Not to say, I mean, obviously, fajitas are a thing in Mexico, but it's more of a Tex-Mex dish. You understand that, right? It's on the menu. They are, they are well-known. Like, they specialize in Moli. They have like four or five different types of Moli,

and they're all delicious. Moli, Mar-a-Mole-M-A guy. They should go to a dermatologist. Hey. That's good. See, that's how you get the laugh track right there. This is a dumb-ass joke. By a dumbass Dave.

Stop. I just fucking hit the bend on your bitch ass. 68's the number, you dumb bitch. Yeah, it is. That's as far as you'll get. All right, bye-bye. Bye-ee.