Circling Back - Dillon vs. Cobra

Episode Date: August 11, 2021

Podcast Week rolls on as we discuss Mountain Dew's new hard seltzer, the Black John Cena taking the internet by storm, This Week in Duct Tape, Brits fighting animals, Dillon versus a king cobra, and This Weekend in Micah's Bachelor Party. Support us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast Watch all of our full episodes on YouTube: www.youtube.com/washedmedia Shop Washed Merch: www.washedmedia.shop •    (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter •    (16:30) Mountain Dew •    (35:00) Black John Cena •    (44:55) This Week in Duct Tape •    (57:10) Brits Fighting Animals •    (1:07:50) This Weekend in Fun Support This Episode’s Sponsors •    Liquid IV: Get 25% off when you go to LIQUID IV DOT COM and use code CIRCLINGBACK at checkout. •    Birddogs: Go to birddogs.com, enter promo code “STEAM” and they’ll throw in a free Birddogs Whistle Tip Football. •    Vizzy: www.vizzyhardseltzer.com/washed --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, we're back circling back podcast. My name's Dave and Dave is going to gonna be hosting today whether you like it or not brett brett's here hey guys thank you for having me dave will's not we'll head uh will's at home with the fritz man doing a little uh little daddy duty so we got brett we got the big game i'll step in call it a bullpen you know people people thought i didn't know what a bullpen was they were like why does he say bullpen i joke i i know that it's a joke but i still don't get the joke it was uh he hearkening back to the tfm days do you remember the chill to pull ratio uh-huh yeah so it was a so the pull pen is... Okay. So you pulled it.

What are you pulling exactly? Chicks. Oh, nice. Very great. That's where the... Tastefully, though. Of course. In a tasteful fashion.

Of course. Of course. Tastefully. But that's where it originated. Guys, we're a minute 20 in. We got to intro Dylan. Yeah, it's, you know, she figured I'd get the intro before Brett,

but I guess not. I like to see who's who's ready who's not i guess you went to the pool pen first i had to go to the pool pen we need people wanted that explained literally they did a lot of people are wondering like what is his deal with that so i'm glad we we uh we got that under control plus i was giving you some more time to digest the Wagyu bacon burger you had for dinner last night. Let me tell you, it was fantastic. And I texted you guys last night about this. I didn't get much of a response from you guys. But the sexy agent from Entourage, which was like a brief love interest for Vinny Chase at one point,

was sitting at the table next to us, the actress. I thought that was kind of cool. Really? Yeah. Were you at Driftwood? No. I went to a restaurant called Jeffrey's. Oh.

It's the Jeffrey the Giraffe from Toys R Us. It's his new venture since Toys R Us went under. Good for him. The food there is – He's rebounded well. Yeah. The food there is unbelievable. Really? Yeah. You should definitely don't try the giraffe. It's his new venture since Toys R Us went under. Good for him. The food there is... He's rebounded well. Yeah. The food there is unbelievable. Really?

Yeah. You should definitely don't try the giraffe. It's awkward. So is it a place that I can go pop open the lappie and do work like that? That's dork vibes if you bring the lappie to Jeffries. No offense. It's like flirting with the nicest restaurant in Austin. It might be that level.

Some people say it is. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to might be that level. Okay. Some people say it is. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to say it's not. Okay. In non-global, ongoing, global pandemic times, they have a martini cart. They just wheel it out and they do table-side teenies. Table-side

teenies. Which I... And for the record, this was a... Pretty good. This was a big birthday dinner. It's not like I go to this place. I've actually been there in eight years, I think. Don't sell yourself short. Did we do a company dinner there? No.

We did not. I didn't think so. It's been like eight years since I've been there, honestly. But it's fantastic. Well, now's a good time to talk about if I'm still at the company in like 20 days, where would you want to do my two-year dinner? Probably not Jeffrey's. We don't have to.

We might have to stop paying everybody for a month. You were talking about Payway. Yeah. You said you picked it up last night. Well, we could do Payway's parent company, P.F. Chang's. Ooh, that's a little bit... Too much. You want those Dan Dan noodles.

I've never been, so... You've never been to P.F. Chang's? No. China Bistro? Really? Correct. You know, there's one... You's something new every day randy there's one in the heart of downtown austin that has made it through all these years and all the uh shockingly all the money moving in and you know it's it's prime location a lot of people say it's the it's the runoff from vince

young steakhouse that keeps it afloat is Is that what people say? Isn't it right by there? Yeah. Dave got a picture in front of it. People forget. Actually, my last anniversary dinner. That was. That was fun. That was like can't really go out afterward. Correct. Yeah, that was when we were trying.

We knocked on like five different doors of bars, and then Randy made origami at the hotel bar. That was the infamous origami night. Can't wait to see what he has in store for this year. Got to think he'll pull out a sock puppet or something. Carla Cugino. Carla Gugino. Ooh.

Carla Gugino. That's the actress's name. Right. Yeah. What is she doing these days? What's that IMDB looking like? I don't know. She's changed.

She's, you know, the show entourage was a while ago she's aged a little bit she's still a very pretty woman but she did she looks she looks different okay people people often do who is she look at me chilling with i got my hair plus she was chilling with three three young ladies three women okay nice friends presumably maybe you want to power rank them no okay They were all lovely. Lovely. Hey, speaking of lovely, can I give a shout out to our producer, Randy? Our video guy.

I guess he's our producer. He's been saying this morning that he is going to produce his little dick off. He has. So this should be a specifically good showing from him. From him and only him. He has pictures just ready to rip over there to throw up on the screen. Can I give Randy a strike pretty early on here? What is it? One of the many jokes that didn't land?

No, those were strikes not on the podcast. This is an on-podcast strike that he didn't stop you after not doing the Vizzy read off the top. Do I need to rerecord? Nope. We're just going to keep it going. Let's do it right now. A lot of people are like,

dude, who's presenting this Circling Back podcast today? It's Vizzy Hart Seltzer. It's the only Hart Seltzer with vitamin C and superfood acerola. Boom. Because acerola is a superfruit. Superfruit. It's superfruity. You played your card because we got another Vizzy read later on.

Yeah. And I don't know if you can run that one back. I have plenty of my repertoire is plentiful. He's going to double down. They call him Double Down Dorn. They do. And I don't know if you can run that one back. I have plenty of – my repertoire is plentiful. They call him Double Down Dorn. They do. That's how he was known a long time ago. Played a lot of blackjack back in the day.

Boy, he was a real card shark. You throw a 10 out there, I'm doubling down. You think this guy goes by the book? He doesn't. He's a gut player. You think I'm going to double down on a 9? You think I'm going to do that? There are stories out there that you

were a better than average online poker player, right? I had a moment, yeah. I had a moment. I had a nice little run. I had some cold runs as well, of course. That's how cards fall. I've seen this guy get a six and then a nine and then hit.

Huh. I think he played a couple many times that is the proper strategy i know that's what i'm saying i'm seeing you do it really what's the books you hit you hit on a 15 if the dealer is showing like an eight nine or ten for sure yeah those are rules that i'm man i i would i hit all the way to 18 because you gotta assume that his always assume the dealer's down cards are 10, always. Okay. And you play it from there.

That's rule number one. It is. Yeah. Are you throwing some bones this weekend? We'll see about it. Hey, maybe we'll talk about it during the This Weekend in Fun segment presented by Vizzy Hard Seltzer. You know what some little shithead TikTok kid could do

to really just be the worst is go do a TikTok bit where he's at a blackjack table and he's just hitting on everything and just ruining the table for everybody. Yeah, they won't let you film, unfortunately. What if he's got like the GoPro hat that Randy has? He's just like, I'm going to hit,

he's going to hit on everything. Yeah. It's like, I'm feeling it. There's a strategy there. Sir, you have 19. You shouldn't hit there. Please don't hit. He gets a two, and it's like, oh.

There's a shout-out on here on the programming notes. Whose shout-out? Is that for you? No. Let me see. Where is it? It's right here. Speaking of, follow Circling Back Pod and at Washed Media on Instagram.

Big news there. Big news. Shout out to Andrew Scannell. What? Scannell. Scannell. Who's that? I don't know.

I think that feels like a Will joint. We don't know. Andrew, whoever you are. We don't really know. We're hoping it's a- Whoever you are. Hoping you did something cool. Let's just say a number of things it could be.

You're getting deployed. It's your birthday. It's your anniversary. The big promotion you just got. You got a big promo. This is a bad precedent. If all it takes is a promotion to get a shout out on this pod, then we got a problem. What if we Googled this person's name and then you think

something will come up can you text will randy by the end of this show we need to know why are we shouting out andrew andrew s is it what i don't know i hope there's a a real estate agent real estate agent in the greater Boston area. Oh, dude. Are you done working with him? Huge commission. Shots to him. I don't know if that's who we're shouting out. He sold that house.

There's also one who's a creative executive at Mattel. Oh, he made that toy. Yeah, big toy. Does Mattel still exist? It's hard to say who this guy is. He made Podcast Barbie. Where do you buy toys from now that Toys R Us has gone for your children? Target.

Target. Amazon. Walmart. Oh, Amazon murdered Toys R Us has gone for your children? Target. Target. Amazon. Walmart. Oh, Amazon murdered Toys R Us. Yeah. No doubt. They are a brutal killer. Like when you wrap in-

Screaming, fuck Jeff Bezos. When you're wrapping Christmas presents, it's just got to be Amazon boxes. Speaking of, did you watch Z Class 9 and Hard Knocks try to wrap a present? I haven't watched that episode yet. You'll like it. I was celebrating Bae's birthday, as I discussed earlier. You weren't watching it on your phone? No.

Like at the dinner? I was paying attention to Bae and my burger. You guys are still at that point in the relationship where you're not watching Hard Knocks on your phone at birthday dinners? Man, they do a truffle doubled egg. It's just like big time stuff. Mind-blowing? My mind was in a million pieces.

My mind was blown. Hey, do us a favor. Leave us a review and a five-star rating. Tell a friend about this podcast. Can't emphasize that enough. It doesn't even have to be a friend. Tell an acquaintance. Tell a family member, a cousin, your uncle, your aunt.

Your gardener. Your gardener. Whatever. I don't have one let them know check out youtube.com slash wash video wash media watch video watch video yeah youtube.com slash washed media we've got a new video up thanks to cool adam just to cool these uh these interns are just they don't miss they're talented man They've both gone by. We do a great job of explaining our bits on this podcast. I mean, people are like, man, that was really helpful.

Now I know the origin of that bit. Did you all have a favorite moment of that video you'd like to discuss? I liked it off the top when you said Randy had a bitch-ass clap. That was a funny moment for me. It was Timo. It was Timo. It was Timo. Apparently it was Timo's clap. Why would you talk to Timo that way?

I just wanted to point out that his clap left a lot to be desired. Damn. Why don't we have one of those things, like the things? You know the clap things? The clapper. Oh, action. Yeah, action. The board.

I don't know. Ask Randy. Randy's always here. Action. Mr. We-Gotta-Redo-The-Video-Studio and all this stuff. Oh, action. I don't know. Ask Randy. Randy's always here. Action. Mr. We've got to redo the video studio and all this stuff. At the holidays, we don't have the clicker. What is that called,

Randy? Slate. They've got to have an app for that now. To spike the little audio waves. Is that all it does? Okay. That's cool. Spike the audio waves. That's what we're doing right now. I feel like I've described that quite well. It was well done.

I just, it sounded cool. Yeah. Hey, don't forget. We've got a Patreon. It's behind the paywall. It's optimum,

optimum content. Every Tuesday we do bachelorette content. We do a pot on that. Finished it up yesterday. Good season. We'll be doing BIP or in some capacity. TBD. Either that or maybe a worst of.

Something fun. Something upgraded from Bachelor. And then Friday. I'll say that. Guess what? We do Friday voicemails on Thursday. So tomorrow we're going to come in here. We're going to do a Friday voicemail episode,

and we're going to drop it on Thursday because that's how much we like y'all. No one's doing that. We've checked the analytics on that. No one's ever done that. It's the move. And there's a yearly subscription option, which saves you a certain percentage 10 it's 10 10 so so let's just say hypothetically if it's a hundred dollars it's going to save you 10 now i don't know if those numbers add up but that's how it works that's how percentages work dylan can you buy like 10 years of subscription

to save 120 bucks is that a thing man i unfortunately there's literally no way to know yeah the decade option or we could probably make it what if you bought like 100 years of optimized content i'm just saying look into it 13 minutes in i'm not convinced randy's gonna have uh the day he was claiming he was gonna have he's doing fine but like i just expected a little bit more from the guy who said i'm gonna produce my dick off he's doing okay like the podcast is being produced but at what level i'm not sure um real quick i don't know if you guys saw this you did because you literally told me but white lotus has been renewed season two season do it yes all new cast and you might be asking yourself how are they going to continue

this storyline at the end of the series well for earth end of the show. First of all, we don't know how it's going to end. Secondly, it's a whole new cast, whole new storyline, new location. Really? White Lotus in the show is going to be like a chain resort. So it'll be White Lotus at Cabo, Tahiti.

Somewhere like that. Aruba. Jamaica. Come on, pretty mama. You know, like the song. Key Lar that. Aruba. Jamaica. Come on, pretty mama. You know, like the song. Key Largo. Montito. Could be Panama City Beach, Florida. We don't know.

We just don't know yet. It's probably not PCB. We'll find out. If they do PCB, it's not PCB. That test would be. No, it's going to be. Just Sidney Sweeney again. It's going to be Corpus Christi Bay.

And there's going to be somebody there who just worked the rigs from 3 to midnight. No ferry. Are you doing Robert O'Keen right now? Maybe Galveston. Or maybe Port A, Port Aransas. Yeah, I'm a Texas Coast guy. Hey, guys, join Ducks Unlimited and CCA and all that. Put the stickers on your truck.

My favorite Aggies in order. Robert O'Keen, one, and then Bay, number two. I've always said that. And then like nobody else because Texas A&M kind of. Maybe Dat Wynn. Ooh. Who's Dat Wynn? Former Cowboy great.

Dat Wynn is a former Cowboy great play linebacker and he's an Aggie. He was on a lot of teams that didn't do anything. Not his fault. Sometimes, yeah. Like, oh, we got Dat W got that win okay like a double meetup okay i see what you're saying why is uh why is white lotus why can't they just keep it at the white lotus and just bring in a new like new group of families perhaps probably because they're gonna keep it fresh the cast they want a complete turnover of cast i believe and that's why

you can't you can't bring Armand. Armand is probably not going to make it to that season. You know what I mean? You don't think Armand's toast is what you're saying next Sunday? I think Armand's losing his shit a little bit. I think he's probably, yeah. Yeah, well, the whole question is who dies, right? That's what we all want to know.

What do you think? I don't have any theories yet. No theories? No one's sticking out as like, this dude's going down. This young lady's going down. It's just not going to be Rachel, right? We know it's a man. We do.

How? I think in that opening scene of the series. In the airport. In the airport. They say, oh, isn't that where that guy got killed or guy died or guy got murdered? I can't remember how. Oh, I thought they said person. They say person? I thought they said they. Could be wrong. Hard to say, oh, isn't that where that guy got killed or guy died or guy got murdered? I can't remember how they... Oh, I thought they said person. They say person?

I thought they said they. Could be wrong. Hard to say, truly. Apologize for the lack of pronoun knowledge. All we know is it's not Shane. Yeah. It's not Shane and it's supposed to... Going in, you're like, oh, that's Shane's wife that died.

No, it could have been Shane. Are we in a dream sequence? No, but maybe they brought in a Red Priestess to bring him back. It is an HBO show. They can probably just have her on. Did you ever think of that? I bet you didn't, Dylan. Because you're so in the box, you do not think outside of it ever.

Didn't Dylan say the Red Priestess, that's like his number one character from Game of Thrones? You guys see this Mountain Dewey? That's who that is. Did you guys see this Mountain Dewey? Mountain Dewey alcoholic beverage? Yeah, what are we working with here? I got to say, when I came up with the term Mountain Dewey, D-U-I, I was like, man, I really changed the game here.

And I will give Randy credit because he did come up with that as it was tossed around our group text as we were just making jokes. Like, is this the official hard beverage of punching a hole in your drywall? A lot of people were saying that. Yeah, so Mountain Dew has a hard seltzer out that's what, like 9% ABV? I was going to say, does that say 9?

Because if it is... I believe it's 9% ABV. 9% ABV, I would imagine would imagine 50 something grams of sugar and they have a buck cherry flavor dave no that's black cherry a different band buck cherry would have been tough with it go check out their woodstock 99 set i'm so bummed i missed it this isn't nine percent rolling around in the mud yeah it says five percent it definitely number. It definitely says 5. Who said 9? Does that not look like a 9 from distance? No.

Actually. It looks like an S. Okay. Yeah, I guess our producer didn't do a good enough job zooming in. He found a low-quality image. Yeah, it was our producer who found a super sharp image that left no doubt. Hey, just check. Producer Randy's dick's still on.

It's not produced his little dick off as he stated he would. It's still attached, we think. Do we know if this is a malt beverage or a... Don't care not drinking it, but... Yeah. It says here that it's Mountain Dew with an alcoholic twist and zero sugar. This is not an ad, just to be clear. But, I mean, I feel like any time Mountain Dew does something like this,

we have to at least touch on it. Well, we're busy, guys, obviously. Obviously. And we know this is no busy. Did you guys know that the Los Angeles Lakers star and executive producer of The Wall, LeBron James, agreed to a multi-year partnership as the face of Mountain Dew Rise Energy? Did I miss that?

Have I just not noticed that LeBron's doing Mountain Dew stuff now? I have not noticed that either. Wasn't he on – I thought he was the Sprite guy. Wasn't he Sprite? Like Sprite Cherry, Sprite everything back in the day? I don't know. LeBron was doing Sprite. Did you know earlier this year Pepsi's rival Coca-Cola announced a partnership

with Molson Coors Beverage Co. to create Topo Chico hard seltzers, which let me say, as someone who's tried them, they suck. They're not great. They are not good. And I'm not just saying that. I had one, and I was like, I could not drink more than one of these. Something about... And I like Topo.

I don't like ranch waters, Dave. Wait, what the fuck? What are you doing? I don't like ranch waters. Like the canned beverage that's been commercialized or the actual drink? The actual drink. The cocktail. What's this guy's deal?

I don't like ranch waters, Dylan. Wait, why did you? You've been like champing at the bit to bring that up? Yeah, I think it's like the way I don't like Bob Armstrong dip from Matt's. Okay. I don't like ranch waters. Dude, you just, oh, wow. It's like we don't from Matt's. Okay. I don't like ranch water. Dude, you just, oh, wow. It's like we don't even know him.

Are you just trying to poke the bear? No. Matt's queso is better without the shit in it, and ranch waters aren't that good. Just get like a vodka soda or tequila soda. What is it exactly about the ranch water you don't like? It's bitter for me. What?

You just don't have the sophisticated Texas palate. Correct. Yeah. It's just like a margarita with sparkling water, basically. It gives it a little pop. Something about it, and it's specifically the ones at Ranch 616. So maybe it's different at different places. But the Ranch 616 Ranch Water.

Have you tried the LDA? If Klein is listening. They take it very seriously there. Yeah, I know. If Klein's listening, you're going to hear about it. Right. Are you kidding? Scooby-Doo's listening too?

Shaggy? Zoinks. Was that Shaggy? Zoinks, Scoob. We do impressions on this pod sometimes It's really cool Yeah man That's fine man Have you tried the El Dave?

No I haven't Okay well that might change your mind I've had the Squirty Dave Have you? At the Austin Broads Thank you to everyone who's Who were in my DMs showing me Their squirt beverages

Oh okay Which brand is next to Lunch at Hard Seltzer? I mean they're all doing it We have like a big red. Ooh, you got to think it's Jolt. Jolt hard seltzer. Okay. I think every brand has done one at this point.

Or at least an offshoot brand of a larger brand. What if we had a Sunny D one? Sunny D hard seltzer? Sunny D. It's Dylan's. Dude, I used to crank Sonny D's. Okay. No one describes drinking as cranky.

Yeah. You ever cranked a Sonny D? I drank them. No, I was more of a purple stuff guy. What is purple stuff? The table always shows the purple stuff. Yeah, I was. They tried.

They're like, hey, can we just get some footage of you for this commercial? And I was always cool with the purple stuff. Just pulled it out like, yeah, can we just get some footage of you for this commercial? And I was always like, I was cool with the purple stuff. Just pulled it out like, yeah, see you later. You don't remember the commercials? No. What? It's a little kid opening the fridge and he's like. Him and the boys had been playing.

Trying to decide what to grab. It's like, Sonny D, purple stuff. Him and the boys have been out front playing grab ass or wall ball or something. Dude, come on, purple stuff. No, dude, what? Big Mo. I don't have purple stuff. I don't remember a Sonny D commercial. Oh, yeah on. Purple stuff. No, dude. What? Big mom? I don't have purple stuff. I don't remember a Sonny D commercial.

Oh, yeah. You're young. You're young. A lot of people accuse Dylan of having a childhood that was dominated by sport. But, Brett, I'm starting to wonder about you. We were outside all the time. I didn't play any video games. That's why that commercial hit.

Yeah, but when that commercial hit, he was in diapers. You got to admit, he's a youngster. I was 94, Dave. You know what I mean? We are significantly older than you. Yeah. Dylan a little bit much more. I'm a decade older than Brett.

You're 27? I'm almost a decade. I'm almost 38, man. Two months. No shit. That's officially late 30s. How do you feel? Yeah, you can't get away with that anymore.

It's still flirting with mid. You flirt with mid. I'm still flirting with it. Okay. Very cool. You can't say 38 is mid-30s. I can tell you this. I will not be 38 and just pounding Mountain Dewey, whatever they are.

Mountain Dewey, man. Mountain DUIs, as Randy calls them. Do you ever have a gas station that did a local beer? Like we had Stewart's Mountain Brew. That was like $3 for a six-pack, and it was lower than Keystone somehow. Whoa. All it was was the can that looked right out of the factory

with Stewart's Mountain Brew like painted on. It was just an aluminum can. Shout out to Stewart. No, we did not have that. Although I didn't. Never seen that. The most we deviated like high school drinking

was like if they didn't have Keystone, if we wanted to get like sophisticated, we would get either Soul or Corona. We were Keystone only. We just got keg after keg of Keystone. It was pretty frat, honestly.

Dude, this dude is so freaking fratty. Painted right on the can. Okay. I don't hate that can. It's actually kind of, I mean, it doesn't look bad. Yeah. Steel Reserve had a similar aesthetic a little bit uh r.i.p still reserve there are no more no more it will be missed by nobody yep that was one of the only 40s i've had

in my life was a steel reserve what is one flavor what is one alcohol i'm thinking hard liquor okay that you cannot drink to this day, to this day, because of a bad experience, a negative experience. It could even be the smell gives you the willies. No offense, Will. The first time I ever got drunk, because my buddy Anthony and I, we stole some vodka from his dad, and we just mixed it in a big tub of orange juice, basically.

Not tub, but a big jug of orange juice. I wish it was the bathtub. And so a screwdriver, basically. So you were making jungle juice before you got to the K-A-House. No, it was basically just a big, warm screwdriver out of a plastic jug. And I can't do screwdrivers to this day. But obviously I drink vodka. I love vodka.

But mixed with OJ, it just, it brings back like that, that like, I remember throwing up to this. Can you do mimosas? Oh yeah. Okay.

So it's not orange juice and alcohol. It's just, and it's, I could probably sip, sip and it'd be fine, but I just, I don't, I never want one,

ever. When's the last time you had a good Mosa? Weren't you calling your fantasy football teams the Joey Moses? No. It's been, I don't know, a month? I don't know. I love them. Really?

I love them, Moses. Yeah. Love them. I believe I had one in Cabo, now that that i think about it because it seemed like it's been years i haven't been i haven't been to a brunch in three years if i if i do a brunch i'm either doing bloody or a mimosa to start as long as they're bottomless right no i don't have to have bottomless yeah dylan is about to be 38 so why don't you just chill out over there what i'm not are you not doing the bottomless mimosas for like $9?

I have not been in this scenario where we're like, dude, let's do a Sunday, man. Who cares? We didn't do anything all weekend. Let's have a hard Sunday. I've not done that in a long, long time. Well. Probably because of the kid and my age. I'm significantly older than my wife.

Pandemic as well. Yeah, Dave and I are the same age. People forget that. Well, you're nine months older. In dog years, that's over a year. That's true. Dylan Chevery, dog. That's almost five years in dog years.

Little Randy, dog. I don't know who Randy is. For me, it's Burnett's Citrus Vodka. One, Burnett's is the worst brand of vodka of all time. It comes in a plastic bottle. Never even heard of it. It's the Northeast. Is that a McCormick's style?

Heaven Hill? Yeah, I mean, probably. I don't know the brands you're referring to. Those are the only other plastic bottle ones I could think of. McCormick's for sure. In college, we used to take a squirt bottle, pour vodka, the Burnett's citrus into it, and just go around and be like. Did you ever play in a golf tournament, like a scramble,

where they have the people, the ladies who have the squirt guns with tequila, and they squirt it in your mouth before you tee off? Just a Benihana. No. That's a thing. People know that I'm not being dirty. That's a thing I've taken part in. And let me just tell you, I didn't like it.

I don't like the 9.30 a.m. squirt gun of tequila to my mouth. Yeah, I'll just. I'm going to get a tee off. Yeah. I'll get some beers from the car girl if she comes around. I'll drink it myself. Yeah. Let me decide how much I'm going to consume.

Plus, like, realistically, like, it's going to take. If you want to, like, it's going to be multiple squirts for it to even be anything. Now you just put the taste of tequila in my mouth, and that's what I'm tasting as I blade one off the tea. Yeah. You don't want that. No, you don't. No, you don't.

For me, it's Malibu coconut rum. That's fair. I feel like that's going to be a popular answer for this. We had ourselves a time, like sophomore or junior year, in somebody's house and the parents were home. That's all we could find. And so naturally we just doubled down on it. I don't even know what we were mixing it with.

And oh, my God. I mean, to me, like, even smelling certain suntan lotions, like, will make me think of it because of the coconut. And it just makes me think of drink like if someone's drinking that which i don't know why anybody i'm hanging out with would drink that i think it's like i i just get visibly unokay i think we did shots of everclear one time that's very dangerous just uh grain alcohol it is it's yeah it's 99 alcohol yeah and i don't i don't really know why we did it that we thought it'd be cool and hard Dangerous. It's grain alcohol. It is. Yeah, it's 99% alcohol. Yeah.

And I don't really know why we did it. We thought it would be cool and hard to like, you know, oh, yeah, we shot Everclear. Pretty sure I vomited from that one. There's no reason ever to drink Everclear. I think our reasoning in doing Everclear in high school was like just the cost efficiency. Like the cost to getting hammered ratio was positive. We liked that. It's just so dangerous.

It's so disgusting. You guys ever do the Chumbawamba challenge? Don't know that one. Chumbawamba? The Chumbawamba challenge, yeah. No, but I can imagine what it is. It is the part of the song where it says you take a whiskey drink, you take a vodka drink,

you take a lager drink, you take a cider drink, and you have to do it in sync with the music. That is so stupid. We did that in college. It wasn't necessary. I can't do that again at all. At what point do you know it's a bad idea? When you do the lager drink. The lager drink?

Yeah. Because you go, okay, whiskey drink, fine. Vodka drink doesn't taste like anything. Then you combine that taste profile. Is it just a sip of the lager? It's a shot. Oh. Okay.

Yeah, that's a bad idea. And then the cider really gets you off the rails, and then you throw up. That's almost as bad as Edward Fortyhands or Sidewalk Slammers if you're interned kill shot. Did Edward Fortyhands with one hand at the Harvard-Yale football game 2012. Okay. Okay. Yep. Steel Reserve, actually.

Why were you at that game in the first place? My best friend in the world, Dan Shastadano. Went to Tahoe with him earlier this year. Did you call him Jackhammer? No, no, no. He wasn't Jackhammer. He's one of those kids that's good at everything. Went to Harvard, played football, skied.

Good looking, ripped. What a jerk. Like all section high school football player. One of those guys. I went to Northeastern. Harvard was about three miles from Northeastern. So we just went to the Harvard Yale football game. What's that scene like?

It's a scene. Is it surprisingly fun? Yeah, very fun. I mean, very fun. There's a lot of kids at Harvard that like to have a good time. Is it surprisingly fun? Yeah, very fun. I mean, very fun. There's a lot of kids at Harvard that like to have a good time. So it starts at like 7 in the morning. And you go, because it's noon kick, because Harvard, they don't do night games. A lot of skull and bones there?

You could say that. They don't really like to talk about that, because that's Yale. Oh, right, right. A lot of finals clubs there have events. Because they don't have fraternities, Dylan, they have finals clubs. Lame. What a bunch of dorks. No, you don't.

I'm not even frat. I could have gone to Harvard. You also can't have sororities in Massachusetts. What happened? My scores, testing scores, weren't high enough. I just didn't care. Wow. But you could have gone like my act like wasn't

that great it was fine but like they're like dude take it again we really need you to get into harvard and i was like no i'm fine so it's kind of on me your schools were like smu old miss and harvard right that was the three it was texas state um stephen f austin sam houston and harvard ucf don't they call two states the harvard of the hill country is that what it is yeah yeah yeah harvard by the river they call it oh okay yeah pretty cool yeah you should check it out man you should check out harvard yale you should i will finishing up my point you can't my point. You can't have sororities in Massachusetts because they're classified as brothels.

If you have more than X number of women in one... Seems like a simple change to the law would be in order. Simply rewrite the law. Very outdated. Yeah, but they have a lot of really old laws. You can't be a witch, for example, or else you're hanged.

It's Harry Potter Dave, everybody. Oh, God. Here we go. Oh, man. Dylan was in the Salem bitch trials. What's happening? I got off, though. You tried a bitch?

I got off, though. Did you? Yeah. I was not convicted. Do you even know what you're doing? You do. Brett, look at y'all, though. Did you? Yeah. I was not convicted. Do you even know what you're doing? You do. Brett, look at y'all, man. Look at this side.

This side's really bringing it. My side, not so much. I'm just letting y'all just rock, man. That's your target. Did you set out in the sun yesterday? You're looking borderline blood red. Yeah, I did. He's the same color as his shirt.

What's going on? How are you so bad? You've been here for two years. Because, okay, it's mid-August. It's not like the sun is peak radiation. So I put on like SPF 15. And from like 130 to 330. The sun is peaking right now.

This is like the hottest time. Yesterday was the hottest day of the year. No, no, no, no. The heat doesn't matter. It's the angle of attack of the sun. Brett, have you seen your skin? If I open this curtain for two seconds, you're going to get burned. Yes.

So I put on SPF 15. I was only outside for like two hours. Okay. That's a long time. I also jumped in the pool, which probably didn't help. That doesn't help. Two hours of sunlight. The water doesn't block it.

There's a lot of sunlight. Yeah, but you probably think SPF 15 means you're protected for 15 minutes. That's not what... Come on. That's not what I think it means. SPF 15 is equivalent to... I'm not even going to... Never mind.

I'm not even going to guess. The sun is to you what the moon is to Professor Remus. Folks. Harry Potter did. He's bad. Yeah, I don't follow. If you guys know what I mean. No. Literally, I have no idea. you guys know what I mean. No.

Literally, I have no idea. Is it a neon moon? Can I get a... Good. Country Brett. Touch this guy. Hey, can we get a check on Andrew Scannell? Yeah, he said he'll talk about it Monday.

Will did. Should I not? He didn't give us any indication? Like, do we need to re-record this entire episode? To which Randy followed up with, we just did, don't know why, in the text. Well, it's on the rundown. That's why. It's literally on there, so I figured we needed to.

Dude, I want to hear from Andrew. I want to know what this dude's all about. If it's something that is not like a humorous matter, I apologize. And I will take the L. I think we're going to share the L on this one. But I'm the one who brought it up as Randy subtweeted me. We have no context. It's not like we have anything to go by.

So it would obviously be a complete mistake. Look, Will handles the programming notes part of the rundown. So I just go with what he says. Hopefully he's not like sick or something. We're trying go with what he says. Hopefully he's not sick or something and we're trying to lift his spirits. Hopefully he's sick. Exactly. Do you know something? God.

Okay. What were we talking about? Did you see Black John Cena? I did see Black John Cena. Look at this. That's Black John Cena. Look at this. That's Black John Cena. They do the same smirk. It looks like John Cena doing blackface.

Not to be insensitive. That is John Cena. Just a black version. This guy's name is Brendan Cobina. He's 24. His bio on Twitter says, you may know me as the Black John Cena or the owner of Omega Muscles. He's even built just like John Cena, which is no easy thing to accomplish.

He's a bodybuilder. I can see that. Check the link in his bio for his training and diet plan. His arms are embarrassingly large. Who's going to tell him? He has a salmon attached. I'm not telling that guy. He's going to destroy me.

I believe this lad is across the pond. If what I read on Twitter is true, which never fails me. I mean, he looks exactly like him. That looks like the 9-3-4's platform behind him, Dave. What is that? You're Harry Potter Dave. What did you say?

The 9-3-4's platform? Oh, okay. Dude, this guy. He's been on Harry Potter for like four days now. Dylan, did you beat this guy up? No. Absolutely not. This has to lead to John Cena and this guy appearing.

John Cena posted his photo on Instagram. No caption, by the way. No cap? No cap. No cap. They need to do some kind of appearance together. I need a collab. I don't even know what's going on in WWE these days.

I just follow, like, there's a couple accounts I follow that will give you a good clip every now and then. But they need to, like, walk out at the same time and just totally flip the game on its head. Dylan was a Raw guy. I didn't watch wrestling. I went to a Monday Night Raw recording in Dallas. It's not live?

No. It was Sunday night. It's not real? They had to edit. Yeah. And then if you buy a t-shirt from there, particularly a D-Generation X t-shirt, if you wear it to school the next day, you may not make it through first period

because it says something on there it shouldn't, and then you get sent home to change. Remind me what it said on there. It said D-Generation X on the front, and on the back it said, if you can't beat it, suck it. I can't imagine why they sent you home. Dude, they'll send you home for anything.

They didn't ask you just to turn it inside out or what? No, they straight up sent me home. That's what they did at our school. They sent me home, which people wear like a Budweiser t-shirt to school, and they just make you turn it inside out. Good song. What? Eve 6?

Right. Did you ever get sent home for any dress code violations? Not for dress code violations? Not for dress code violations. I did get sent home because we were playing a game we called Mum Ball. You guys familiar with Mum Ball? It's where you stand in a circle around a classroom, you be quiet, you toss a ball to people.

If they drop it, you're out type of thing. Okay. Well, I decided to throw it harder than you're supposed to and hit a kid in the nuts. Yes. What's your problem? I was trying to be funny. It was seventh grade. You know, it's like he's the kid that, you know.

So he got hit in the nuts. Teacher saw. He was like, yeah, you're out of here. And then the principal. What was the ball? What kind of ball was it? It was a tennis ball at that point. Well, that can do some damage.

Yeah, it wasn't great. He was on the ground crying. It was a whole scene. And then that's why I can do some damage. Yeah, it wasn't great. He was on the ground crying. It was a whole scene. Nice. And then that's why I didn't get the award at the end of the year. Which award? I had a strike on my record. Oh.

Like most outstanding. Did they threaten your permanent record? Probably. Permanent record. Is that even a real thing? No. Is it going on your permanent record? Did y'all, I think I know the answer to this for Dylan.

Did your school ever do did you and your friends and like a cool group did you ever do tacky day where like you had a day where like the day before be like dude all right tomorrow we're gonna do a tacky day and you would just show up wearing like the dumbest shit possible just to like be idiots we had a dress code we had a dress code my senior year oh no we would do organize these tacky days what was your dress code uh no shorts um no logo two by two logo no nothing bigger um red white or blue um no hats obviously but that wasn't a new addition gosh you also have like oh never mind Only rules we had was

you couldn't wear a hat and you couldn't wear alcohol brands on your shirts. Yeah. No shit. Actually, I take that. You could wear a hat to school just not inside the classrooms.

Okay. Wow. We were... Pretty sure. Do whatever we want, I think. Yeah, it was not... To a point, I'm sure. Yeah, we made shirts we made like shirts from like the printing uh the t-shirt screen printing place

that were like mocking the dress code they had like two by two like written out nice like in the right size just kind of like oh look at us man we. We're bad. Damn. Yeah, we're pretty lame. That's bad boy shit. I like that. No, we had Spirit Week, where each day was themed. We had one of those. Yeah. And the themes would just turn into provocative outfits.

Okay. From the girls, and the guys would also wear provocative stuff. What's provocative for a guy in Brett's high school? Like wife beater. Assless chaps? Yeah, like jean shorts, like wife beater type of stuff. Did your high school, did each grade have a different color? No, we don't see color, Dylan. No, but like in our high school, freshman, like the freshman color was green.

Sophomore color was orange. I've always been on that green. Juniors was purple and then seniors wore red. It's like we all got t-shirts made. And you would graduate to each color or would your color stay the same? You would graduate to each color, yeah. So like during like pep rallies or just any kind of school function, each grade would wear t-shirts that they made that had like your name on the back.

I think we honestly, I think we technically did. We had, but they were our school code. So it was blue, white, gray, red. The thinking behind our dress code was to cut down on gang activity. And I think it actually didn't have that effect at all actually because it wasn't like everybody kind of knew who everybody was with so it was just it was lame i think they still have a dress code which gang were you in i was on the money team did you get jumped in i was on the money team blood in blood out i don't we can't talk about it but i think that's why they

did saratoga had the same thing really yeah okay well i'll tell you this much right now i know what saratoga didn't have and that's liquid iv it's part of my daily routine dylan every time i go to the gym i have a liquid iv in my water bottle you ever see i know you wonder i know you see me over there you're like what's dave sipping on liquid iv probably the watermelon flavor that's my personal so you're over there you're like what's dave sipping on liquid iv probably the watermelon flavor that's my personal you're over there just multiplying your hydration is that you're trying to tell me one stick of it dylan in a 16 ounce uh bottle of water it hydrates faster and more efficiently than the water alone i knew the ctt the cellular transport technology how does it look when it's when it's transporting how's it go i think you know i think we all know at this point

How's it go? I think you know. I think we all know at this point. Just hit the whoa. Doesn't hit the whoa. Not only that, but the product tastes great with flavors like watermelon, strawberry, and lemon lime. Sounds like summer, doesn't it? Kind of does.

Kind of does. Oh, they just dropped pina colada at my doorstep, by the way. You guys try this pina colada yet? I have. No, because all the ones I'm supposed to get go to Dave's doorstep. I bring them up here. They really do go to my door. Alyssa will text me and be like, I think we got another liquid IV package. She's like, can you bring some of these to the office?

We're good. Like our pantry has like an entire section devoted to it. It looks like Dylan's china cabinets. If there's a drought, go to Dave's house. Dave's got all the liquid IV in the world. Yeah, hydrated for like the next 50 years drought, go to Dave's house. Dave's got all the liquid IV in the world. Hydrated for the next 50 years if you go to Dave's house. Passion fruit, guava, watermelon.

They've even got the apple pie. Have you tried the apple pie? I just brought one home. Warm apple pie. The apple pie one tastes like apple cider and it's delicious. During the fall, that's my go-to. Contains five essential vitamins, more vitamin C than an orange, and as much potassium as a banana healthier than sugary sports drinks no artificial flavors

or preservatives and less sugar than an apple i don't know why i didn't just read the word out made with clean ingredients non-gmo vegan and free of gluten dairy and soy what makes it so effective as we said it's the cellular transport technology. I say CTT. It's just got the optimal ratio of glucose, sodium, potassium, delivering water and nutrients into the bloodstream. Imagine not being hydrated at this level. Imagine. Brett, you're sitting outside just getting scorched.

The least you can do is get hydrated. Obviously, I did, Dave. I had a water bottle. Actually, I had my liquid IV water bottle with me. When I hear CTT, I just think of, if you're down with CTT, you know that old song, you're down with OPP. Naughty by nature. Yeah. I do.

For the record, I am down with CTT. Absolutely. You know me. If you're down with CTT, grab your Liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 25% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code circling back at checkout. That's 25% off anything when you order. And when you get better hydration using promo code circling back at liquidiv.com kind of wobbled there at the end, but I stuck the dismount, crushed it. Let's go.

People try this stuff one time and they become immediate believers in it. My sister will hit me up like, hey, can you bring some next time you're in town? You can just go to Costco. Every time I go out to the ranch, my mom's like, can you bring me some more liquid IV, please? It's great. And I do.

New segment alert, this week in duct tape. Wow. What'd they do? They duct taped another kid to a chair on a plane. Again? Again. I thought we went over this the first time. That's not...

It's not protocol? Totally protocol? No, it is protocol. Like, we heard from a friend of a friend, a Frontier... Guy who knows a guy who works for Frontier DM, he was like, no, they teach them. They train them how to apprehend someone via duct tape. I mean, that's probably why the duct tape is on the flight. Otherwise –

Maybe they're trying to, like, duct tape the wing if it, like, starts cracking. Like, they have to go out there and, like – You think that could be it? That's how it sounds. Do your duct tape sound. One of y'all had a really good one. That's pretty good. Now you go.

Dude, the flight attendant who mimicked the sound was perfect. Remember that dude? You know that guy's a comedian, right? That wasn't the actual flight attendant. Really? Oh, no, dude. Yeah. I thought it was.

Oh, no, Dylan. I thought it really was. He was really good. Well, I got Barry McConnered again, just from a different source this time. I mean, there were a lot of people that thought. Mega tough scene. Remember that guy? Yeah, I remember.

I remember Barry McCock entered. He got me twice in one week. What was it? It was Cam Newton something, right? Yeah. Cam Newton got traded or something. It was Cam Newton to the Patriots. Which ultimately happened.

Which ultimately did happen, but Barry reported on it like two months early and i was like oh man all right this young man was uh apparently a 13 year old young lad trying to kick out the window and then uh fighting with his mom who was on the plane who was she was unable to calm him down. So they had to bring out the DT duct tape. Right. It's duct with a T, by the way, not D-U-C-K. Have you seen the brand of duct tape called Duct Tape? Uh-huh. No, but that's kind of genius.

Absolutely fantastic. Clever. Is duct tape like Q-tip where it's a cut? They have a duct is the brand, and now it's synonymous with the actual style of tape. Like Kleenex? Correct. We don't have to look that up.

Nobody really cares. We actually had a marketing class in college where they talked about that. Like where brands become verbs or nouns, whatever literary device that is, that they're synonymous with an act and culture. Nobody talks about it, but you know the adverb adds to the verb. It's a good little way to remember it. Like advertising? Something. It's a pretty dope verb.

I couldn't tell you what an adverb does. No one really knows what an adverb is. That's the thing about them. Again, I have to ask why they don't just allow them to use zip ties. Maybe duct tape's easier. I don't know. But I just feel like – Because they strap them to the seat, right, to keep – like to immobilize them.

Yeah, I guess so. It's basically a straight jacket. But they don't have, like, bungee cords they could wrap around them? Zip tie to the wrists and legs and you get the same effect, right? Yeah, but you can still wiggle around. You probably stand up still and clock somebody if you wanted to. But if you're duct taped to a seat, you're of just stuck there i feel like there should be a uh remembering going back to we've done a lot of elementary school talk on this podcast did you guys have

the system where you you had cards that would switch from green to yellow to orange to red you flip your card yeah yeah we had cards i stayed in that yellow lane for what so you were bad but not too bad it's like it was it was like a behavior uh we didn't do system right where if you were your if your card stayed on green all day you were you were good it was humiliating because we would have to flip our own cards they'd be like uh go flip your card yep and you just it was like the longest walk it was like uh cory perry at the uh the winter classic walking off uh two minutes into the game having to walk like 500 yards to the locker room at the Cotton Bowl. Where were the cards kept?

Back of the room. Like on the back of a door in a big, like almost calendar-looking thing. You'd flip that card so you'd have to go up. If you stuck, you know, you fucked up the pencil. Oh, Brett's on some bad boy shit today. Dude, Victor's on red. Like, what did Victor do? I miss that.

You'd be straight acting up. You'd be pointing back. You'd be like, what did Victor do? Victor's out of pocket today. Dude, Victor was I miss that. You're straight acting up. You'd be pointing back. You want it, Victor? Victor's out of pocket today. Dude, Victor was certified wild boy. Yeah, you were like, I don't even know what you would do. You'd break a pencil sharpener or something and be like, hey, Brett, look at that yellow. How trash was the manual pencil sharpener?

The big silver oval? Somebody would inevitably always knock it off and pencil shavings would go everywhere. Oh dude things were a mess and then i would scoop it up and sell it to somebody saying it was weed you want to know we we had one time dude we had one one time we had a uh tucker tucker got three cards in one he went right to red because he we were we were glue gunning in fifth grade which that doesn't seem safe but but that was like 2001. So I think they. Hot glue, man. Now he's the hottest name in cable news. Not only was he putting hot glue on himself and being like, watch this.

He took the scissors to the wire of the hot glue gun and it exploded in the classroom. This is Tucker. It was like Tucker, wild boy shit. Bad boy shit. Yeah. So he got right to red in fifth grade this red maiden trip to the office oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah yeah orange is like you are on your last last leg mister was orange the worst for y'all no no red's the worst they went yellow orange red

so if you got the orange it was like you gotta stop fucking up dude we had the you have the electric pencil sharpener that was like the... Oh, yeah. We used to try to get our... We'd see if we could stuff a pinky in it because we were fucking idiots. Why would you do that? Because we're boys. You guys had class pets in fifth grade?

We had Cito, a guinea pig. We were on that guinea pig shit, too. Really? Yeah. We had crawfish. This one kid actually ate it. You ate crawfish? Yeah.

Did you eat it? I made that up. They boiled them boiled them that i didn't eat it they really did yeah at the end of the year no they did what no they didn't i was gonna say why would you boil one crawfish no they were like here man somebody's gonna spend the next four minutes uh getting uh exactly one tiny bite of meat out of this thing. Isn't there a hazing training method of when you're trying to toughen up somebody, you make them raise a puppy, and then there's a piece... Are you referring to the movie The Kingsman? No, I've seen that.

I want to say it's been done in a pledge ship before. You give a pledge class a puppy, and then they have to kill it at the end. I'm telling you it's a thing. Who the fuck are your friends? If you're doing that out there... My friends don't do this. Maybe not a dog, but maybe a pig or something.

Well, if you can eat it, it's a little less what? Domesticated? Sure. Friendly? That's like an old tale. A mental warfare tactic. Much like eating a couch.

I'm sure someone has done it. Well, that one dude ate a plane. You saw that. Why did he eat that entire plane? Just couldn't get enough. Did he eat the black box too? How much of that plane is he eating? How much of that plane did he eat?

He ate the whole plane, man. Like, not the engine and stuff. Yeah. I mean, it took him like 30 years to do it, but he did. Wait, what is this even a reference to? It's a reference to a guy who ate an airplane. Was this like an MTV, like, true life, I ate a plane? Guy ate airplane.

Is this the sequel to We Bought a Zoo? Terrible movie. Terrible movie plane i'll look it up the man who ate an airplane piece by piece i'm fascinated by the black box part of a plane by the way i don't know what's it like not even trying to joke what's it made of plutonium is that right yep i don't know it's probably like fucking hydrate aluminum so it no matter what happens to that aircraft recyclable yeah the black box will stay intact yeah 1978 he finished eating a cessna i mean obviously it wasn't like a big jet what cessna yeah he had a small guy he had a cessna yeah do you think there's any parts that he liked? In 1978- What was his favorite part? He ate an entire Cessna at 150.

He began eating it in 1978, I'm sorry. And he finished it in 1980, so pretty quickly. Is this like the guy who ate McDonald's every day? Morgan Spurlock? I saw him in New York. No, not him. He died of natural causes in 2007 at the age of 57. His name was...

Robert Paulson. I don't know right now. Call of the Wild? Is that him? Fight Club? Maybe. Who was Call of the Wild, Jackson? Fight Club's not that good,

by the way. I know Randy's a big Fight Club guy. Why would you just eat a plane? Don't do that. Don't do it. And also, if you're on a plane, act like a normal person. Otherwise, you might get duct taped. That's humiliating.

I feel bad because it's a 13-year-old. What if you start eating the plane that you're on? Don't eat the plane while it's in flight. You deserve to get duct taped at that point. Sir, please. They need to just put people in the Hannibal Lecter mask and in the little wheelchair thing. They need to just put people in the Hannibal Lecter mask and in a little wheelchair thing. How humiliating would it be if you acted up so badly on a plane they had to tape you to the seat? Odds you'll get ducked in.

Odds you'll try to kick out a window. That is terrifying. You can't kick out a window, though, because then the whole plane is in trouble. Explosive decompression, Dylan. I'm not going to do it, man. I had that the other day after dinner. What'd you eat? A plane?

I hate that boat. Why'd you eat a boat? I ate Bay's friend's boat. Sorry, I just ruined your weekend. It's all right. Oh, you know what I haven't smelled in a minute? Boat gasoline. Yeah?

You should go over to Will's. Michel Lotito is his name. Okay. Michel, was he French? M-I-C-H-E-L. Yeah, he was French. Oh, he... Very cool.

What a wild man. We learned something today. I feel like we've talked about that before, but I never... It never clicks with me. Eating planes? Guys, it's peak summer, okay? You know what that means.

A couple things. A few things. Someone's eating a plane. Brett's going to get hilariously burned at least twice. And Bird Dog shorts are back. They're the best and most comfortable pair of shorts that have ever existed. They have a super soft built-in underwear. They're perfect for doing

literally anything beach golf brunch pool eating airplanes they're the shorts of the summer the short shorts of the summer how about that yeah you know they stole lulu lemon's designer and they're just doing it better kidnapped them they kidnapped them yeah geez they're just they're admitting it they don't even take them to a seat in a windowless van and they they peeled out of there they got they got that f out and like a pj you think bird dogs would have the bird dogs pj would be aggressive i think you think yeah then you put a whistle tip on it so it just like it's just whistling through the sky dude you see me throw that whistle tip the other day did y'all post that video i have no idea i don't think so we got it did you know

this he threw the i was leaving when they were doing this yeah you can get one of those one of those whistle tip footballs with your pair of bird dogs if you go to birddogs.com and use promo code steam that's bird dog birddogs.com, promo code STEAM. They're going to send you a whistle tip football that you can throw. I can't say you can throw it at a mile high. I'm not saying you can throw it at a Coors. I'm not saying you can throw it at an AT&T. But you can throw it, and it's going to whistle.

But, of course, the real prize is those bird dog shorts. That soft liner that fits so well. You can work out in them. You can go swimming. I'm a big bird, dogs, and swim guy. Yeah.

Because they're, they're, they dry quickly. So I have, I have like the traditional swimsuits that have the, the mesh lining and everyone knows that they're just not comfortable. Do that mesh. Oh,

sir. I want to hear Mr. It does not provide enough. Bird dogs absolutely does. Check it out. You can get the whistle tip football. Go to birddogs.com slash, or excuse me, birddogs.com promo code steam. I'm really on fire ending the ads today.

Two for two on just wobbling. It's because I was champing at the bit to get to this story. Just a good, I hate that Will's not here because this is just a good old fashion circling back staple. because I was champing at the bit to get to this story. Just a good – I hate that Will's not here because this is just a good old-fashioned circling back staple. Which animals could Britons beat in a fight? You will not be surprised to learn that when polled – Oh, look at that, Randy, producing your little dick off over there.

Wow. When polled, P-O-L-L-E-D, Americans believe they can take more animals than the Brits. Goes down the list, rat, house cat, all the way to grizzly bear. We're a little bit more confident. We're a little bit more Dylan about things than our friends across the pond. This list still makes very little sense to me on many, many fronts. Who doesn't think they can take a rat? That's your first problem.

I can already tell you. Are you trying to tell me that 34% of British people don't think they can take a house cat in a fight maybe it's because they would be morally against it because a house cat is such a domesticated thing no it's not would you it's could you yeah but you know people can be people be people be that way like there's a lot of people they can in reality they can take a rat but like rats gross people out so maybe they're like, I wouldn't even know what to do. I would faint. Not me. That rat's getting

done. This list is so absolutely ridiculous. Yeah. Because 9% of the people in America think they can take a crocodile, or 8% think they can take an elephant in a fight. But a crocodile, really, you guys gotta to find a way to close its mouth.

Right, because it can't open its mouth hard. So if you just clamp its mouth shut, you can do whatever you want with it. You got to find a way to kill it. Okay. Crocodile is a bad example. Elephant. I'm not taking down an elephant. Yeah.

9% of Americans think they can, I'm sorry, 8% think they can take a gorilla and a lion. That's wild. 9% of Americans think they can... I'm sorry, 8% think they can take a gorilla and a lion. That's stupid. No one's taking a gorilla or a lion. Obviously, the most ridiculous one is elephant because of just the sheer size. It's not happening. Yeah, you can't hurt an elephant. Grizzly bear being second on that. Maybe, I don't know.

Gorilla or grizzly bear, pick your poison. I don't know which one you want to square up to. You don't want to square up to either, but what do you think you have a better chance at? Death. Gorilla's more intelligent maybe, so maybe you could talk him out of it. Hey, man, let's just settle this beef without throwing fists.

Yeah, dude, let's go get him. Let me get you a beer. Do gorillas drink beers? Without throwing fists. Yeah, dude, let's go get him. Let me get you a beer. Let me get you a pint. Do gorillas drink beers? Let me get you one of Brett's $3 aluminum can Stuarts. Come on, I got a mountain DUI in my car. The chimpanzee needs to move down near the wolf crocodile. Because not only will it beat you in a fight,

it will humiliate you by ripping off certain parts of your body and stuffing it in your mouth. They fucking sad they don't care they are savages that's what they do oh gosh uh king cobra having uh 15 percent of americans think they can they can beat that is also interesting which unarmed all you have to do as soon as you get a hold of it in the right spot it's toast yeah it's game over but like it's a it is a quick creature you don't think you could take a king cobra they still have not found the grand prairie they're armed you've seen like the people in india who i do like to dance shit oh yeah like you can you can manipulate a cobra man uh i don't think it's as easy as you think i don't think it's as easy as you think. I don't think it's something you could just do with zero training.

You're not going to just figure out the notes. If you put me in a cage with a king cobra and one of us is leaving alive, it's going to be me. I promise you that. Oh, Dylan. Oh, I don't. Dylan, what? This might be. Are you kidding?

It's got to get. If it got me, I'd be toast, but it's not going to get me. Do you know, they are so elusive. They might be more elusive in enclosed spaces than a cheetah. By the way, did we catch that one loose cobra that's in Ohio or something? Where is it? It's in Grand Prairie, Texas, home of Selena Gomez and the Gophers and the Warriors. That's right.

It's still on the loose? Also, Lone Star Park, home of the beer. The track. Also, Lone Star Park, home of the beer, the track. I just feel like if I'm prepared for a cobra, I just feel like I'm going to win that fight. Dylan, that's not crazy. It is literally one bite.

All it has to do is snap you one time. And all I have to do is get my hands around its neck or its head, and it's absolutely toast. It's a snake'll just i gotta say i'll just like baseball bat it against the wall it's like you're gonna just walk over there and he's like what are you doing why you grab oh you're swinging me against the wall now oh no no he's gonna he's gonna fight me i understand that but but they're only he's gotta get his teeth on i think you're grossly underestimating the speed of a cobra very i might be. That's my might be. Like, you've seen rattlesnakes at the ranch. Probably, right?

I haven't. Stepdad has. Keep talking. Hey, keep that same energy, Dylan. I'm going to rattle on you. Keep talking. You hear my rattle? Fuck around and find out. Fuck around and find out.

Yeah. From the mouth of a rattlesnake. Fuck around and find out. Yeah. From the mouth of a rattlesnake. They've not found it. I think this thing probably died in the walls of this guy's house. Okay. I don't know. That's just a theory. I don't know, man.

Dylan, I... It always goes back to Dylan. My man, I don't... You know what I'm going to say? You're a human being. I think you have a better chance against a cheetah in close quarters. You're a human being with thumbs and a human brain. And you can move around a little bit.

Intelligence matters in a fight. It absolutely does. But sometimes it doesn't. It's not going to get you anywhere with most of these. A lot of these. The top half of this list. I like to think of a guy squaring up with an elephant. Just like...

He's landing a little bit. He's landing some early. And it's like, what is this guy doing? And then that trunk just comes around. And then he just stomps your brains out. Yeah. King cobras can travel 12 miles an hour. That's too fast.

Guess who's faster? Me. Yeah, if you're in a dead sprint. I'm just saying, man. You said enclosed space. Your top speed is probably 14 miles an hour. I'm betting on myself if I'm fighting a king cobra. That's all I'm saying.

That's all I'm saying. Among the animals listed here, it's one of the easiest to kill. Admit that. King cobra? Yeah. Stomp its brain if you get it down. If you did it, yeah. You know what I mean? It's one ofomp its brain if you get it down. If you did it, yeah. You know what I mean?

It's one of the quicker kills if you did it. But, man, all you got to do is get it, though. Once you get it, it's game over. You just have to dodge the first strike, then be quick enough to grab it when it's recoiling. There might be a way to, like, distract it and you move in around the back of it, you know? What are you going to do, like, turn on the pod? Or, like, take my shoe off and, like, throw it against the wall. And he's like, well, what's that?

And then then boom. And you're down a shoe. Before he knows. I don't care. You only have two. It's an MMA fight. He's already getting choked out at that point. No shoes.

It's Muay Thai. I can't wear shoes? Your foot's wrapped. I can't wear shoes. You can't wear shoes. I'll find a way to distract it. You're going to toss him a Rubik's Cube? No. No. Oh, yeah. You're going to, like, toss him a Rubik's Cube? No.

No. Oh, God. I'm not armed with a Rubik's Cube, first of all. You're going to flip on the wall, executive produced by LeBron James, and be like, dude, did you see this one? Maybe. Something like that. I think you guys could take one, too.

No. Even Randy. I am stating that I could not. I could do a rat. I could do a house cat. I could do a goose. I don't want to kill a dog. I could probably figure out a way, though.

Sir Goose is a big dude. Gooses are – I could take a goose. Geese. I could take a goose. He was talking about Tony Sir Goose. The goose. I couldn't take Tony. The large fellow. Theyese. I could take a goose. He was talking about Tony Siragusa, the goose. I couldn't take Tony. A large fella.

They need to bring him back. No. I think he's fine where he is. What happened to him? I don't know. Is he okay? Did he die? I don't think he died. I should probably look that up.

I think he may have passed. We would have heard it from him if not. He's alive and I don't know if he's well. Do you want to guess his net worth? Sure. $17 million. 8.6. He's been eating a lot of gabagool since he retired.

Okay. I'm saying he spent money. He was on the C team on Fox. $6 million. Okay. He was getting 500 at his peak, 500 a year at Fox. $500,000, not $500, Dylan. Right.

Okay. I don't know what that translates in CumCoin or whatever. What was it? Rocket Cum? Cum Rocket. Bitch Dollar? Was Bitch Dollar a real one? No.

Okay. Unfortunately. Too dollar. Was bitch dollar a real one? No. Okay. Unfortunately. Too bad. Okay. Cum rockets. Cum rockets. How do you kill a kangaroo? Sadly.

Same way you kill a person? Just with the neck? Yeah. If you're unarmed, you're going to have to choke all of these things out. So it comes down to what can you choke out and what can you not choke out. Yeah. I can't choke out an elephant. I mean, I still say you move chimpanzee down three or four spots,

and then I can take everything above a kangaroo. You can take a kangaroo. Yeah. Unless it's one of those super jacked ones that's been in prison for 20 years, lifting. Kangaroos don't have many moves. They've got the balance on the tail, stab you with their claws. That's a tough move, don't get me wrong. But their hand game, they've got a jab and a right cross.

They don't have any power punches. Gotcha. If you watch them, which I have, clearly. Right. Can they kick forward? That's what I'm saying. They bounce back on their tail and kick. It's a real problem.

I don't know how you defend that. If there was a video game, if there was Mortal Kombat of animals, which one of these would you want to play as? The grizzly bear. No, or a gorilla. So Dylan would just be Donkey Kong. Yeah, it's probably

gorilla or grizzly bear. I think it would be fun to be like an eagle. Just kind of... Dive bomb. Just kind of, yeah. Yeah. That's the sound they make. You could be like an elephant's boring.

What about a flight attendant with duct tape? You would not want to square up. I was going to try the noise on it. I bailed. It could be a wolf, too. Wolf. A wolf. A wolf, he says.

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What are you all doing this weekend? Thanks for asking, Dave. I have a bachelor party to attend for our friend Micah Weiner, not Weiner. Must be nice. I'm just so excited for this. We leave tomorrow, as in Thursday, and three nights in New Orleans with the boys. We have a dope lunch that I'm looking forward to. I've gotten some intel on said lunch.

Friend of the show Flounder has been. That's the least surprising thing I've ever heard. I don't know if he was joking, but he said if you forget a jacket, they will provide you with one. Yeah. Probably off the rack, though. You're going to look like a total idiot. It's not going to be tailored for you, obviously.

What if they did bring out some measuring your shoulders? Wait three hours right here. We're going to cut this up for you uh no i'm so excited man i'm so excited um you just can't hide it mobbing with the boys probably gonna hit harris for a minute throw some bones hit lafitte's dude no free lafitte picks on the tl right right are you so h4 that you're gonna hit like, late Charles the moment you get into Louisiana and just get a quick hand in? You know, I don't have the gambling bug that I used to have.

Oh, okay. I used to be, like, you get me within 100 miles of a casino, I start twitching. But I don't have that anymore. If we hit Harris, great. I'll have fun. I'll play blackjack for a little bit, maybe throw some bones, and I'll have a good time.

But I don't need that rush anymore, which is a great place to be, I think. There you go. I'm so excited, man. Hit the hotel pool, get some dope dinners off. I'm going to be working on this tan, man, quite a bit. We've got a yoga class Friday morning. There will be two people at the yoga class.

If Micah makes it, so will I. I'll say that. To the yoga class? Yeah. It's a reckless move, I'll say that. To the yoga class. Yeah. It's a reckless move, I feel like, to schedule multiple yoga classes. It's an optional thing that the hotel puts on. So it's like just show up and go. It's not like he booked it.

Is it a dope hotel? I've never been, but I've heard it's nice. From what I hear, yeah, it's boutique-y. This will be my first non-generic hotel on Bourbon Street stay in New Orleans. Every time I've gone, I've stayed somewhere that was adequate, but not like anything special. Guess who my roommate is. Davey?

Little Davey. Nice. This weekend in fun. One bed, D-man edition. It's a king bed. Double D is what they're calling our room. Uh-huh. Double Ds.

My name is David. His name is Dylan. Are you guys going to have the room party? Are you going to be the room meet-up room? We'll see about it. Bluetooth speaker in the room while we're getting ready. Yacht Rock on the 2. It's going to feel like 110 degrees in New Orleans this week.

We have to wear a jacket to lunch one day. If you see me out, dude, don't high-five me because these pit stains are getting concealed. Not lifting it up. I'm the unsure guy, don't high-five me because these pit stains are getting concealed. Not lifting it up. I'm the unsure guy. You can high-five me. Like Gold Bond? Are you prepared for that type of situation? I'm just going to rock it, dude.

I'm just going to own it. Dude, we're not. No. Have you ever played golf with me? I'm clearly not prepared for what goes on with the sweating. What's the succession plan if all you guys don't come back? You, Randy, and Cool Adam. Producer Timo. Or, you know, mix it up you guys don't come back you randy and cool adam producer timo or you know mix it up i don't care doesn't matter y'all got it okay probably better

than us anyway we're so we're old we don't know anything i'll take the reins randy you hear that randy's proving himself today as a producer he's just killing it. What are you doing this weekend? Nothing. Okay. Big week back home. You're going to sit by the pool and see how red you can get. I don't have any plans. Yeah, I'll probably get some pool time in. Yeah, I got nothing planned this weekend, which is the first weekend in a minute that I've had nothing planned.

So Caroline's going to be in town. Oh, nice. And so we'll just bop around and do what we normally do, which is have lunch and dinner at a different restaurant like every single day. You guys really do go hard on the food. Yeah, but we like to explore. Austin's a good food town.

It's not like we're going to Jeffrey's every night. No, you're not having the Wagyu at Chateaubriand. Although the Wagyu dumplings at uh uh the place in south lamar what's it called not uchi but something like that very good love a good dumpling yeah love a good dumpling steamed over fried even or pan seared and that's it yeah that'll be that'll be it we'll get some uh some sun in very cool that's all we got planned well guys. Yeah, that'll be it. We'll get some sun in. Very cool. That's all we got planned. Well, guys, this has been a fun episode of the podcast.

I've enjoyed it. I hope everybody at home did, too. I've enjoyed it. I hope I did okay as a host. I hope Dylan did okay as Dylan and Brett did okay as Brett. Randy, beautiful production today. You nailed it. We even went long.

Look at us. We'll see everybody on Patreon for for uh friday voicemails which drop thursday how about that yep all right bye-bye bye Thank you.