Circling Back - Free Bread And Toilet Seats With Ross Bolen

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

Announcement Alert: Backer Meetup Saturday, July 31, 3:00 @ Icenhauer's on Rainey Street in Austin, TX. Ross Bolen joins Dave and Dillon as they discuss Ross's lack of toilet seat, his disdain for wrestling, J-Bone, the guy who burned his house down cooking steak in a toaster, Ross's reaction to "the ass," the Olympic torch assassination attempt, This Weekend in Fun, and Brett's Breaking News. Support us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast Watch all of our full episodes on YouTube: www.youtube.com/washedmedia Ritual: Get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/CIRCLINGBACK. Keeps: Go to keeps.com/STEAM for a free month of treatment. Vizzy: To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/WASHED. (35:15) Free Bread Tacky Tweet  (48:25) Guy Put His Steak In A Toaster and Burns Down House (54:10) Ross Reacts to The Dumper (1:00:00) Olympic Torch Assassination Attempt (1:05:12) This Weekend In Fun Presented By Vizzy Hard Seltzer (1:15:25) Brett’s Breaking News --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the Circling Back podcast presented by Vizzy Hard Seltzer. It's the only hard seltzer with vitamin C and superfood acerola. As that is the only way I enjoy my hard seltzer. I think I said superfoot. I meant superfruit. Hey, what's with that smirk you had on your face?

Like, you're up to something over there. No, I'm not. No, you were looking at me as if I was like the beat ride. It started before I looked over at you.

I'm just happy to have our guest in the studio who we'll get to in a minute. Yeah. We're going to make him wait. He's over there committing a homicide anyway. He's over there murdering his thirst. His thirst had absolutely no chance of surviving.

Will's still in northern Michigan. Yes. Just getting great photos off. He posted a tree this morning. I don't know if you saw that tree. I don't know what kind of tree it is, but it looks like a good tree. On Monday, I believe we promised our listeners two guests today. One of them is not here.

We'll get to him. Yeah. He who shall not be named. Right. By his real name, that is. Baltimore. New York Times bestselling author. Noted.

Noted. And, of course, host of the Ross Bowen podcast, W.R. Bowen. It's me. What's up? What's up, Billy? Yeah, I'm here. Jared's not. Jared abandoned us. Yeah, he had to go to Tampa. Sports. Watching a hockey game.

Yeah. I'm pretty excited for him because from what I understand, this is the first Tampa Bay Lightning game he's ever been to. I know he hasn't been following the team very long. Brand new fan. Yeah, but that's cool, man, that he got on at the right time. I think he got on right before the Stanley Cup Finals last year. Who would have thought that Tampa Bay would just become a sports mecca? It's pretty upsetting, honestly.

Super Bowl, one Stanley Cup. Well, they're about to get a second one. Yeah. In just a two-year, one-year split. A lot of hockey left to be played. Yeah, but they look pretty dominant the first three games. This is true. I was honestly very excited to watch the Stanley Cup Finals.

I think I threw on game one. I was like, let's go. I was riding with the Canadians, the Habs. That's a thing. Montreal. Don't ask me what that means because people will get mad. Okay. And, yeah, I think I turned it on.

It was like 3-0. I was like, yeah, mad. Okay. And, yeah, I think I turned it on. It was like 3-0. I was like, yeah, well. Yeah. I hate to be that guy, but I will just put on the – I'll watch playoff pee, put up 40 in a losing effort or whatever I was doing at the time. Hey, an impressive effort from playoff pee. I can't believe that nickname will live on.

Really? Better than pandemic pee. Bill. What's up? Bill Bolin. How we doing, man? Doing good, man. Do we want to explain why Jared is not with us?

He's going to Game 5. His dad got tickets to Game 5, which is a potential championship clinching game, right? And he was like, for like four hours yesterday, you know how Jared is, he waffles back and forth about whether he should go. There's a tropical storm blowing in at the same time, and I'm just imagining him going and getting stuck there the rest of the week and my work week being destroyed. But I was like, you have

to go. Because if they win and you didn't go, you're going to feel like a moron. But the thing is, when you go, I feel like it makes a 90% chance that they lose. Well, you can't pass up this opportunity. You just can't do it. Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. Yeah, it's true.

Whole song written about it. So we had to completely revamp the rundown, I think. We had a bunch of J-Bone-specific topics to get through. Were you going to do a Bone Zone? No, no, no, no. I was actually kind of clamoring for an impromptu surprise Bone Zone from J-Bone. Whenever J-Bone's's on i assume him and randy are like cooking something up and they're gonna like hit us with it because when jay bone

comes in here randy randy starts walking with like his chest out his tilts his chin up a little bit he's fully torqued when jay bone's a bigger jay bone fan than randy we thought we thought uh bone's gonna come in here with uh his own roadode mixer and just tether it to ours and just take over and just add his own sound effects and do the ribcage xylophone situation and just go full Bones on us. That's what they called you back in the day. They did, I know. It was a weird time.

Yeah, that song haunts me. Low-key, I really enjoy it. Where did the Bones Zone start? Was it on Backdoor Cover? I believe it was on our sports podcast back in the day. I can't take that. It's the. Hey, thank you for getting him back into the content game, though.

Yeah, dude. It's good to have him. A lot of our former employees are still doing content, which is fun to see. And J-Bone not being in content, the world just didn't feel right. Yeah, he was like he had gone – he was working for Maiden Cookware, right, and doing SEO for them, which is not really content. It's still in the same realm sort of. He was in the game but like on the sidelines.

Yeah, and he wasn't allowed to be full J-Bone. Right. He couldn't be creative. He couldn't do full J-Bone. So it was good to get him in a spot where uh and frankly like you know i don't i don't really deserve any thanks for this um because it was a a desperate situation for your boy where i needed jay bone badly and uh fortunately he showed up so i call him jandolph now like like gandolph oh yeah james jandolfini yeah yeah i don't fully get the reference but i'm sure it makes sense Yeah you're a big

Lord of the Rings guy You get it You've never seen Lord of the Rings No Well you've never seen Fast and the Furious Neither has Jared

Which is fucking weird man You've seen Fast and Furious I haven't seen all of them But I've seen enough To get it Yeah I think I get it Like everybody saw

The first one though Like what the hell Were y'all doing I don't know What year did it come out Like 01 I've seen probably Something like that

I understand there are 9 now There are Which is crazy Which we were talking About off mic First one, though. Like, what the hell were y'all doing? I don't know. You're going to come out like 01. I've seen probably four of them. Something like that. I understand there are nine now. There are. Which is crazy. Which we were talking about off mic that, like, they've spent an outrageous amount of money, it seems, pumping out goddamn Dom family memes all over the internet the last two weeks. I've got that on here because that was very disappointing, and we can just knock it out now. Let's just do it.

You were the ones who informed us that the- It feels paid. It's content. Yeah, it feels paid. It's content. Yeah, it feels like it's paid content. Because there's no way. They're supposed to let us know. You got a hashtag ad, man. Hashtag ad. Who's checking this shit?

The Federal Trade Commission. The FCC? FTC? We got a slap on the wrist one time at Grandex, I feel like, for not doing that. So, Kim, the Kardashians are the ones who made this a thing because they were doing these they were clearly ads but they weren't telling people mm-hmm and I and then you know they were getting hundreds of millions of views so there next thing you know like a directive is issued like a rules written and they're like hey if

you're now doing this you paid content you have to let people know hashtag spawn hashtag add which is just ridiculously ineffective and nobody or or no the one that the cool one now is hashtag paid partner or it's there's a lot of different ways we had a lot of fun with asking us like do you want to add a tag to your paid partnership you can tag it within instagram and i'm like because i'm like do i because i feel like you're going to suppress this if i add this fucking tag zuckerberg you know why it's because the platforms like ig facebook and all that there was for a time i don't know what it looks like now there was potential liability for them to allow this spawn tent that was going un-hashtagged so they

were protecting themselves and it allowed them you know if you're doing paid content with them it's somehow putting money in the pockets of Instagram and Facebook, and we won't go down that road. The Suckerberg. Did you see him on the board? I did. I did. I tried my best to not let that image haunt me, but it's still there.

Him having any athleticism is upsetting, but I feel like— I wouldn't call that athleticism. Yeah, right. You just fucking stay in there, right? You just keep your balance. At best, he's got good balance. I wouldn't call that athleticism. Yeah, right. You just fucking stand there, right? You just keep your balance. At best, he's got good balance. He's low-key slim-thick, though. I just didn't expect him to be hoisting the American flag, really.

Didn't seem like a Zuckerberg move, but they are the number one right-wing publishing platform in the world. Yeah. Stole the election is what I've been told. Hey, programming notes. Follow Circling Back Pod and Washed Media on social media platforms. We were just talking about social media platforms. Aha! Did it right that time.

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they're by growing the show. Right, right. Word of mouth. That's how we grow over here. That's the best business. Yeah. That's how we grow. Yeah.

Oh, by the way, we have a YouTube channel, youtube.com slash washedmedia. Oh, yeah. And check out washedmedia.shop. We have merchandise there. Merch. Can I do the major announcement alert after you do this next program?

Can I give my major announcement alert? Happy birthday to my wife. Oh, wow. How about that? Happy birthday. How about that? Happy birthday. How about that?

Are we going to sing? You want to sing a little happy birthday song? You want to sing to her? No, we don't have to sing. Okay. Come on, man. Hey, major announcement alert. Guess what?

Our first post-pandemic meetup is on the books. Oh, my God. What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you going to give me some kind of sound effect? No, no. I'm definitely not buying time so I could find the right one. Just what are you talking about?

So, Saturday, July 31st, we have, at 3 o'clock, we have a meet up here in Austin, Texas at what? Eisenhower's on Rainy Street now this is epic this is epic yes

it's officially on the books it's a go Vizzy will be there I'm quite certain of it Mr. Viz himself? no the adult beverage. With the superfood acerola.

That sponsors our podcast. Vizinator. Backer meetup. Vizinator. Again, it's Saturday, July 1st. Mark it on your calendars. 3 o'clock, Eisenhower's on Rainy Street. The attire?

Flirty casual, of course. Wow. Flirty cash. Flirty cash. Be there. Be square. Be on your flirtiest behavior. Will you give me the date again? July 31st. July 31st. Thatirty cash. Be there, be square. Be on your flirtiest behavior. Will you give me the date again?

July 31st. July 31st. It is a Saturday. That gives me a couple weeks to get vaxxed. Wow. You're not vaxxed yet? Are you not vaxxed? Nah, bro.

Damn, dog. Yeah. What's your deal? Dude, you didn't tell us. You don't want to know. Did you ever have COVID? Who knows? Yeah, probs?

Probably. I took like 300 Ubers last year So it's pretty likely that I had it at some point But I'm still here But it must have been expensive Because I don't know if you've noticed The price of the Uber is very high right now So when they started skyrocketing

Is when I had to like fully abandon ship Because you know You can't spend $120 a day on fucking Ubers That's crazy No And yeah, no It's a real pain in the ass Ride sharing is dead

But It's a bloody crime scene the ass. Ride sharing is dead. It's a bloody crime scene. I feel like there are, like, ten Uber drivers in Austin at any given time. There's very few and far between. It's a real pain in the ass. Sometimes I wait, like, 20 minutes to get picked up. Sucks. It's like the cabs back in the day. We're back to yellow cabbing.

That's where we're at. Why don't you just have J-Bone drive you around? Sometimes he does. His car is upsettingly dirty inside i'll just oh no one of those guys the least surprising thing i've ever heard of my yeah he's one of those guys the car and you get in and you're just like and he's like he's apologetic about it he's like oh sorry about all the shit and i'm like no you're fucking not once you're not sorry he just like sweeps away all the bottles and and napkins on his seat so you can sit down. Fast food containers. What's his go-to fast food?

Because I remember when I did RBP like three months ago, y'all were fresh off of a Popeye's lunch. Look, man, Popeye's would be like the A tier for Bowen. He has no shame with his fast food game. He'll eat any of that shit. I'm not judging. He was at an A&W recently. What is he doing?

Who goes to that? Wait, wait yeah what is y'all's beef over root beer he hates root beer and i don't understand that at all but like a strong take on root beer one way or the other fantastic i haven't had it in 15 years you know so good you know how you pass those those fast food restaurants that are doubled up it's like a oh yeah a fucking a and w is always one of them right and it'll be with uh with the with the combination and you're like who the hell would go to this the answer is is jerry A&W is always one of them, right? And it'll be with the combination of Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. Carl's Jr. And you're like, who the hell would go to this?

The answer is Jared's. J-Bone keeps those places going. He's at the Pizza Hut. Yeah, there's Jared's out there. He's at the Taco Bell. What the hell? He's an animal. Didn't you used to live right around the corner from one of those?

I still do. You still do. Yeah, it's about 30 feet from that Whataburger that added 60 pounds to my frame back in 2018. Was that when Bill Chungus joined us? It was. You know I have no recollection of Bill Chungus? Even though I clearly knew you. Because shit like that sneaks up on you, man.

We used to see Ross every day. Yeah, yeah. That's why. Every week he put on like two pounds. Like, all right, I didn't really. He looks the same. He did it last week, right? It was a slow burn.

Or not, I guess, the opposite of a burn. And then a year later we had like fat Ross. And then didn't really. He looks the same. He did it last week, right? It was a slow burn. Or not, I guess, the opposite of a burn. And then a year later, we had like fat Ross. What happened here? He's skinny again. What the fuck? What's the mutual fund or whatever, like the CD you put your money into, and it grows like 1% every year? Yeah, I did.

And then when he started to lose it, he lost it very slowly, too. So the whole time, we didn't notice any difference in him. Ross's money market account. And then one day, we see a picture of him. Like, what the fuck? Where was I? Look, every time. Oh, I was right next to him.

That was every Thursday for a full year that we were at Matt's El Rancho. And I left each of those sessions 1% heavier than I was before. That's how it happens, man. Just sugary knockout martinis. And I was putting them back, man. Look, I had to. Life was hell. We're in a good spot now, though.

I've got a fucking liquid death. Hey, dude, how does it feel to pop your cherry? Bobby Bacalar over here with his first homicide. I'm going to be honest. yeah we're in a good spot now though I've got a fucking liquid death dude yeah hey dude how does it feel to pop your cherry Bobby Bacalar over here with his first homicide I'm gonna be honest

I didn't know this existed I didn't know they had water too and this is really fucking good and I also like the intensity of the can and the fact that it looks like it might be an alcoholic beverage

that's kind of their thing man gets people to leave me the fuck alone this is perfect I love it sparkling water as well. It's also quite delightful. Very nice. They should, they need to drop

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alps what is that that's the sound of that's the sound australia yeah it's the sound of the alps okay you know how in movies when like it switches to australia and that sound is like super hot yes i don't know why. There's a kangaroo in the distance. Some fucker just got bit by a snake. He's not going to survive. It's letting you know exactly how hot it is, right? That's the noise. This instrument won't

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ritual.com circling back again ritual.com circling back to add essential protein today check it out hey ross what's up with your toilet seat yeah why don't you have yeah specifically okay look so that toilet I guess had been there for a minute I think this house is built in like the fucking 60s or something the the bowling media content house and I I don't I don't see myself as like a man with a powerful ass but you're not a power bottom I beg to differ sir well I'm just that's your personal opinion man but like you know how when you're wiping, you kind of lift one cheek? Yeah, I'm a cheek lifter.

You lift a cheek to gain access to the two hole. Some weird people stand up. I know some standers. I've got buddies who stand. Well, look, I'll stand if there's a lot of work to be done on it. It's a case-by-case basis. But I'm usually sitting on lift a cheek. We might need to get into that later, but keep going.

Sure, sure. And I guess I was doing that too many times, and the power of the lift, it was shifting the toilet seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So one day, I go for the cheek lift, and I shift, and the thing fucking snaps off. You've got to tighten that bitch, man. Well, it was completely broken, though, to where I would have had to either glue it or buy a new toilet seat. And the thing is, I fucking hate Home Depot and Lowe's and those places. They make me feel inadequate.

I don't know what's going on in there. I'm scared. Dude, you got to cross Lowe's off the list. It's all about Home Depot. Okay. They're the ones who, like, enjoy talking to you. The Lowe's here, they don't even know what they're talking about. He's on a big Home Depot kick.

I've been there, yeah. He's on his dad's shit, right? Oh, that's what it is. Since we moved and since the kid, I've been there, like, twice a day for the last six months. Yeah. He has friends at Home Depot now. I was actually worried about leaving the studio pregnant today because y'all are just like fertile in here bro like popping out fucking kids and circling

back yeah this dude hella dad did yeah so I sat down one day on this seatless toilet to take a shit because we only have two seats two toilets in the house the other one Jared's using every ten minutes man this guy takes a shit every ten fucking minutes is his aforementioned diet. Yeah, so I had no choice. The other toilet was occupied. I had to sit on it and I took this dump.

Granted, it wasn't as comfortable as if you had a seat, but it also wasn't bad and I was just like, fuck it. Wait, you're just sitting on the rim now? Yeah. Ross, hold on. Dude, you...

I have... Hold on. Everybody in this room, minus Randy, we all have slender hips. Sure. Mine are probably less... They're probably more slender than Dylan's, but yours are probably, if not as slender as mine, more so.

Sure. How do you not just slide all the way in? This is the thing that was surprising to me, and I'm telling you, try it. It's comfortable. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Is that not putting pressure on your hamstrings? There's no way that's comfortable.

That sounds like sciatica waiting to happen. Isn't it cold too? It was so okay. That part's a little uncomfortable. It was so okay, though, that I was like, I think everybody could do this. And what I found is it like, no, I think you have to be taller and a man. Like, you can't be a chick that's 5'2 with a small ass and try to sit on there. You're going to fall in.

You should tell Bae that you're getting rid of your toilet seat. She comes over one day to use my restroom and she's like, what, let's go. Yeah, the female's not real happy about it, I'll be honest. I've talked about it on this pod before,

but you know our very large friend Toad? Yeah. You know Toad. Toad. Sure. Texas State Toad, Mark. No, but sure.

Okay, anyway. He wipes in a three-point stance like he's about to fire off the line, which I used to make fun of him for. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're talking like a hand on the ground for stability? Hand on the ground.

Okay. He is a large individual. Bends over, hand on the ground, and that's – I used to make fun of him. Now I'm like, that makes a lot of sense, actually. Strategically, whatever you have to do to get the two-hole clean, I'm cool with. He's getting in there. There's no lean. You don't have to –

No shift. The two-hole sheet's not coming loose. You know what I'm saying? He takes care of business. Hand on the floor, and then he's done. Well, if you think about it, you're seated. You lean forward. Catch that fucking hand on the ground, and you're good.

I don't want to put my hand on the ground in a public bathroom, though. You're wiping your ass with the other one. It doesn't matter. You can wash your hands right after. I know. Public's different. I can feel it burning through my palm. Public is different. Yeah, you're not going to do this hands right after. I know. Public's different. I can feel it burning through my palm. Public is different.

Yeah, you're not going to do this in a sports stadium. Yeah. You know, a clean office building, maybe. When you go into our... If you have to do your business, let's say you have to do the foul deed of poop. Okay. And you go into our office bathroom in there, are you going to lift the lid? I'm going to at least think about it.

No. Oh, come on. Ross. Here's the thing. I haven't gotten to do this yet. What, you're lifting lids now? No, no, no. Because I haven't gotten to do this yet. Wait, you're lifting lids now? No, no, no, because I haven't gotten to do this yet on one that has a seat. And I'm curious as if I'm sitting on a rim, if the lid pulled back can then be like a backrest kind of.

Dylan broke his leg trying to get rim. So are you straight up not going to replace the broken lid? Seat, I mean? No, no. So it's one of those things where like you know because of because of 2020 like it takes me about three weeks to do anything now at least so like if there's a problem that arises like a toilet seat snaps off because of my powerful ass then i it takes a while man like it's a mental process before i can go do that thing to be clear this

is this is the toilet that's at your studio you're yeah yeah my home office yeah so i use it every day pretty much so we have a vip bathroom here it's upstairs it's not it's for the office complex but i feel like rarely people use it like with a lock and key it's like an executive doors there's two doors there's two sinks um and yeah it's it's way nicer there's artwork and whatnot you're talking private doors on the individual bathroom one toilet you lock it. There's only one toilet. You can lock it to the rest of the building. That's the good stuff. Yes.

You can wash your hands in private even. It's tight. Oh, God. And I guess where I'm going with this is there's somebody that's just committing absolute murders in there. Someone's spraying in there. Like just shotgun blast. Oh, no. So what I'm trying to tell you is it's normally quite clean.

So if there's one in this building that you want to lift the lid on and try it out that's the one okay can i can i ask you to please don't do this in public ever yeah but people piss on on the rim dude you know that i look man i'm not in public much this is the most public i've been in in a while out here the rest of us people are pissing on rims wild out here bro i'm looking out for you that's all i'm doing we'll see the thing is like australian alps but at home, it's my piss. Yeah, I don't want to sit on any piss. You don't want piss on your legs, though, and your butt, dude. Well, and also, you give the rim a little wipe first.

I'm not a fucking psychopath. I would be disinfecting that thing. I wouldn't be just wiping it. Well, y'all are germ boys here, though. I'm a disgusting animal. Yeah, you don't even- I work with Jared. That's fair.

Yeah, the guy who's shitting in your toilet all the time yeah randy's over there biting his knuckle he's laughing so hard what is it randy randy's just randy with eight a's i want to get bone in here i miss him yeah it is a bummer that he's not we could pretend he hit me in doing with the text out of the blue and i was i i thought he was setting us up for a bit and then i was when you couldn't believe it when you hired bone yeah everyone became obvious by the way the secret y'all kept on social media incredible great no no one knew just anyway when y'all when you hired him i was like man i said podcasting aside he gets to hang out with jay bone every day and that's a win right there yeah yeah i mean it's definitely a win for the first few weeks.

So who is Cactus Jack? And like, when did you hire him? I didn't know you hired another employee. Yeah, so, Jared being Jared, I guess at some point was laying at home

or doing whatever he fucking does when he's not in the office and he was, he can't, he just, it hit him. Cactus Jack

is a funny joke. And then he was like, how can I apply this? And I guess the only thing he could come up with was to apply it to him. Cactus Jack is a funny joke. And then he was like, how can I apply this? And I guess the only thing he could come up with was to apply it to himself. You know how he got the nickname J-Bone, right?

No. He showed up to the office one day at Grand Act and he said, by the way, my nickname is now J-Bone. He gave it to himself. Yeah, he dubbed himself.

He's given himself multiple nicknames. We were like, okay, yeah, sure. And then a week later, we were all calling him J-Bone. He's the Kobe Bryant of podcasting, man. Kobe self-applied the Black Mamba. Hashtag girl dad.

And that's how J-Bone does his thing. That's impressive. He's even got Big Cat in on the bit. When I saw that, this has gone a little far. That was shocking. And you don't understand. Big Cat is like a god to Jared. That was the coolest moment of his entire life.

He's the man. That's the most famous person from where Jared went to school, Wisconsin. More so than any of the NFL players. More so than J.J. Watt. That's the dude for Wisconsin people. As a result, he cranked for several hours after that. You're saying he cranked to the tweet. He masturbated.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was locked in that bathroom for a while. Okay, but when he does that, does he take the seat off? Like, is he on the rim? How is it? I don't mean to tell tales out of school, but... I've never noticed any crust in there, so he seems to be at least doing a good job with the crank clean up.

You took it too far. We don't do that here. I thought y'all were a big cum joke podcast. No. Add me on the group. Wait, hit the Jessica Simpson one. I'm trying to bust, now I'm trying to cum. Have you heard that one?

That's fucking amazing. Have you heard it? I have not heard that one. She was out. She's trying to bust. She's trying to cum. Why is she saying that? Because she is doing a version of Jewel's 90s seminal hit, Who Will Save Your Soul?

Oh. Performing it with Jewel. Those aren't the actual lyrics? I think the words are like, I'm trying to bustle, I'm trying to hustle. And she just, for whatever reason, she just hit them with the remix. And she's trying to bust, she's trying to calm. I don't know if she's talking about drink kombucha or something else. Well, she really took it there, huh? She went there. By the way, she's like a billionaire almost.

Jessica? She's got a clothing line that's quite popular. Good for Jess. Is she in Target or something? Yeah. I think she's one of those department stores or whatever you call Target retail stores. They dropped the bag and she's doing well. Still waiting for that for the Wash Media store. We are not billionaires yet. Still waiting for the Washed Media store. We are not billionaires yet. They haven't bought the Dippy line. That's crazy. Have you seen the Dippy line?

No, it's the Dippy line. Randy, can you – oh, man, sorry, buddy. Do we have any Dippy we can show Ross, the official mascot of Too Much Dip, the sports podcast? It's a chip. Oh, no, I've seen your – Oh, you've seen Dippy? Yes, I've seen Dippy.

Okay. That's Dippy. Okay. Yeah, that's him, dude. That's our hotline. Look at that wet-ass J he's got. He's shooting the ball through queso. Either he's shooting it through queso or...

No, there's a queso trail. Is he a pita chip? He's on fire, but he's on queso. No, I think he's maybe an almond flour-based chip, like maybe a siete. He's not a siete, Dave. Siete. Dippy's not a...

What are you talking about? He's got eyebrows, which is shocking for a chip. It's a little jarring. You usually don't see chips with eyebrows. That's true. And fly-ass shoes, too, frankly. Oh, dude, yeah. That's a Ricky Prosper joint.

Also, he has gloves like Mr. Peanut. He tied those bitches up tight, too. Yeah, he does have gloves like Mr. Peanut. Yeah, those are laced up a little tight for my liking. Those are big bows. Well, you know why cartoon characters usually have gloves on, right? Why? Because hands are hard to draw.

I learned that recently. We did a segment called Big Facts, and that was one of the big facts. Was it hands are hard to draw? Everybody loves that segment. Hands are hard to draw. I can't draw for shit. But gloves, easier. Anybody in here a good drawer?

I think Randy might have some skills. I don't know. Randy. But neither of you he's one of those no but we have a number of listeners who are and i now have three pieces of artwork in my home uh and one one of them is a painting two of them are drawings um but of my dog so like my house is just a shrine to my my golden retriever yeah i feel you on that one that shit's uh that's heavy in my house, too. I actually made some art three days ago, man.

I did a painting for the first time since I was probably like 14 years old, and I did it with my naked body on a paint-smeared canvas. Did you really? Yeah, yeah. Is that going to be a TikTok? Nah, nah, it's just for me.

Do you have a video of you creating this? Nah. What are you going to do with that artwork? Are you going to sell it as an NFT? Nah, it's on my wall, man. It's just for me. Do you have a video of you creating this? Nah. What are you going to do with that artwork? Are you going to sell it as an NFT? Nah, it's on my wall, man. It's on a canvas. Okay. Yeah, yeah, I got a picture of it on my Twitter,

at WRBowlin. Dead-ass serious. You think I'm fucking kidding right now? I don't know. For a minute, I thought you were, but now I'm like, well, he's committed to this far too much. No, no, no. He's definitely done this.

No, it's a real thing people do, and I did it, and I'm just going to leave it too much. No, no, no. He's definitely done this. No, it's a real thing people do, and I did it, and I'm just going to leave it at that. You take the canvas, you get the colors you want, you sprinkle the colors on the canvas, you get butt ass, you do your thing.

It's called art. Did you put the paint on your entire body? No, you don't put the paint on you. You put the paint on the canvas. You are the brush, Dave. You listened to him one time, David. Your body is the brush. You would be very good at this.

You have a natural brush on your upper lip. It's a mustache. You can see it on your Twitter, you said? To apply detail. Yeah, you can see it on my Twitter.

It's deep in there, though I tweet a lot. Oh, my God. Man. Yeah, so I'm an artist, which is important to note. I'm going to go find this thing. New York Times bestselling author

and nude artist. That's sick. Yeah, thank you. We're word artists. Oh, I see it. Wordsmiths. Wordsmiths, yeah. Wow, good for you.

You could probably sell that. Yeah, see if you can find my dong. That's it, right? What? Yeah, I made that with my naked body. That's pretty good. Yeah, bro. Fucking awesome.

Did you sign it? No. I mean, with my dong. How was the cleanup? Not pleasant. I think I see a little pee pee on you. I had to apply little slippers to my feet to walk to the shower. Was it like the Randy Marsh at the computer?

Yeah, it was a little bit like that, but it's also like you're dextring yourself because you have to put down a tarp, too, obviously, to protect the flooring. So it looked like I was going to commit a murder. Is that it? Yeah, that little speck there, that's my penis. Well, you don't have kids yet. You have not had the growth of dad dick. Yeah, exactly. I'm still waiting on that.

That's okay. One day. Oh, man. We'll see. A lot to talk to Ross about. One thing I want to ask, what's your beef with wrestling? I notice you're doing a lot of TikToks. Yeah, yeah.

Jared, a funny Jared story. We did a segment because Dylan did a video. It was real or fake workout supplements. Yes. Because they have really ridiculous names. I saw this. We thought it went viral on TikTok. We don't know.

We're stupid. Well, Jared, unsolicited, texted me and said, by the way, to answer your question, I'm going to do it in his voice, by the way, to answer your question, viral, me and Ross think that viral is nothing less than a million views. He just texted you that unsolicited? He texted me to tell us that basically, in a nice way, we did not go viral.

He said, hey, go harder? Yeah. I mean, he was throwing a little shade at us, which I appreciate. And he conveniently just reached the one million mark. That's why that's the benchmark. Fucking Jared will intentionally insert very controversial topics into the show just for the sake of making TikToks. Oh, we figured

his little game out. So, like, an example would be the wrestling thing and, frankly, like, the only person who's ever kicked

the shit out of me was a state champion high school wrestler in the front yard of a high school party. He flipped me over his back, pinned me to the ground, and pounded my shoulder.

It was really weird. I guess he didn't want to destroy my beautiful face. But he permitted, like, high school wrestlers were just an incredibly lame group of people where I went to school at Westside High School. Shouts to any of them that may be listening, y'all were awful. And ever since then, I've had beef with real wrestling. Like, legit, like, wrestling competitors. Yeah, yeah.

I just don't care for them as athletes. You know how there's certain professional athletes that can kind of be ultra douchey? I would say MLB baseball players typically tend to be huge douchebags. I agree. There's nothing wrong with that. It just is what it is. It's the type of personality you have to have to succeed in that world.

I don't know where I was going with that. Are you familiar with A.J. Ferrari? Oh, Randy. The name sounds... He's our favorite athlete. He's a wrestler for Oklahoma State. He's from the Ferrari family. A.J. Ferrari.

Not that Ferrari. Oh, I'm looking at him. Just a great Italian. He's electric. Oh, God, yeah. He's electric. He is an absolute machine of content. But he is a...

You know, Oklahoma State is known for their wrestling Machine of content But he is a You know Oklahoma State Is known for their Wrestling program I think he is A national champion So this dude could You know if we fought I think he would

Probably come out on top But you probably have 14 inches on him I don't know if that's Going to help It won't He's going to snap One of my legs in half

Look at this fucking guy Have you gotten any Blowback on this Like from actual wrestlers Yeah wrestlers are really upset Which is exactly what Jared wanted Are they going to Take you down I don't know dude jared's job

basically now is to put my life in danger on a regular basis he just fucking puts out tiktoks that upset people so that's where we're at but but my joke was like look fake wrestling the wwe or whatever is far more entertaining than real wrestling imagine if that was the case with like basketball if the harlem globetrotters were more entertaining than the NBA, you would be like, oh, basketball sucks. You know what? I'll give it to you. That's a fair point.

That makes sense. If you see me in public and you're a wrestler and you want to throw down a full Nelson or whatever, I get it. I get it. It's cool. Choke me out, baby. Don't do an anti-jiu-jitsu thing.

No, no. I don't want it with those people. Yeah, you don't want that smoke. I don't need Rogan tearing my head off or whatever. You don't want some guy getting you in like a heel hook and like just ruining the next six months of your life. By the way, shout out to Duda. Did you see what happened to Duda? Okay.

What the – have y'all talked about this on the show yet? He got hit by a car. We gave him a shout out on Monday, but we'll give him a double shout out. So, yeah, he got hit by a car. But he was jogging? Yeah. And he got run over by a car? Compound fracture, from what I understand.

Presumably crossing a street, unless this car had just gone completely rogue. You know, some people can no longer be managed. That's true. But, yeah, shattered his ankle. He's out of the hospital. I had surgery, and I'm assuming it went well, as surgeries often do. Uh-huh. But, yeah, man.

He's down bad right now. internet party moves on though i just don't understand like as a like you mentioned i go running sometimes and like you know what i try to do is avoid the cars like you know i'll check both ways before i cross the street or whatever and like generally not run in heavily vehicle populated areas i try to stick to the side streets and shit or you know maybe go to a park with a fucking trail where does he live? Chicago we're a masturbating homeless man

it's Chicago yes Chicago that's why that's why I feel like everybody in Chi-town just runs the streets

yeah they don't have they don't have the park game that we have here in Austin I assume no there's like one by the lake or whatever Chicago's very nice

they've got a pretty good park sitch I think alright if you're in Chicago right now Randy you live there you can tell me. What's the music festival there?

Is it Lollapalooza? Yes. Is that the one where they dye the river orange or whatever? Or green? No, that's St. Patrick's Day. It's just St. Patrick's Day, David. They don't do it just like when the money team rolls through, they just dye the river green.

They're like, oh, fuck, money team's in town. I don't think that's part of it. That's either St. Patrick's Day or pollution, one of the two. Damn. Well, we're against pollution. We murder our thirst. Mine's gone. I fucking killed it.

Randy, can you throw up the viral tweet? Did you see this poll? It's gone viral for a number of reasons. I have not, which is good. I'm happy about this. Okay, this is from at Slick Sista. Had this argument in a GC. What's a GC?

Group chat. Cool, cool. But I want to know the truth. Isn't it very tacky for somebody to eat the free bread as soon as you get it? So she dropped this poll. It somehow went off. Go ahead and vote on the poll. Yeah, vote the poll because the numbers will surprise you.

97.3. This is a landslide. 97.3% of people say no. But there are 320,000 votes. So that's the most stilted poll I think I've ever seen. I've never seen such a landslide in a Twitter poll. And here's why it's shocking.

Most people will do bits. Because usually people will fuck the polls up on purpose. This one is so bad that people were actually voting how they feel. I also think the way she frames it, it has a lot to do with the results. She just laid out the question without taking a side. Sure. But people are like, fuck you.

Yeah, like, fuck you. It's not tacky. Pollsters would say this is disingenuous. Dude, look at her reply to herself. You should wait five minutes before reaching for the bread. If you're that hungry, you should have had a pregame meal. What? You know what? You don have had a pregame meal. What? You know what?

You don't have a pregame meal before going. I don't hate the pregame meal. Okay, but you don't have a meal before going to dinner. You go to dinner to get full. What are we, fucking hobbits? What is this, second breakfast? You eat dinner because you're hungry. Right?

Bread is sat down, and you're telling me this chick, if somebody grabs for it immediately is like look at this fucking scumbag exactly that's what this person is saying like we all have to enjoy the aesthetic of it for a little bit before we're allowed to eat it i don't know it makes you like i don't know i don't i don't get it or like you you're somehow putting off the vibe that you're hungry like who the fuck cares eat the bread the responses are pretty entertaining to this scroll down for us randy let's, Randy. Let's see some of the... She responded with a video.

She's doing numbers. That's her in the video? I believe so. Oh, wait. Here's a statement from her. Go back up. Go back up. After witnessing the outpour of responses to my question and having the ability to sleep

on it, I have gained a new perspective on why the backlash was received. People cannot help being tacky. It is generational. I know this now. I never knew an opinion on waiting five minutes to eat bread would lead to people cussing me out, but what else to expect from tacky people? The essentials weren't taught. To my 3%,

thank you for writing so hard against the tackiness. We understand that restaurants are for socializing, fast food, and for eating ASAP. She knows content. This is a really strong response. I agree. This is well played by her. Yeah. So if you go to Olive Garden, for example, maybe you're there for the Summer Fantastico.

Oh, yeah. Or maybe Bottomless Penne. Maybe. Okay. Are you waiting on – when they bring those delicious breadsticks to the table, are you waiting? Because I'm not. No. No.

You see this face? You think I'm going to wait for the meal? I'm not waiting i'm tacky you're not that guy you are you are very tacky um this is why i love twitter though right here yeah 13.3k quote tweets now that's a ratio you don't see often there's not many polls get ratioed the way this that's a ratio you don't see often. There's not many polls that get ratioed the way this one's getting ratioed. Yeah, that's why you know it's fine work right there. I'm so glad she's leaning into it. Shout out to Slick Sista. Slick Sista. Yeah.

Her profile image appears to be her quite upset. Perhaps in bed. Who's got the best pre-meal bread? A lot of people are riding for Texas Roadas roadhouse oh yeah they do and their bread is it's a roll which is bread but you got to phrase it correctly when i hear bread i think italian restaurant um steakhouses will have steakhouses do bread too yeah and and what i like about steakhouses um is they have they usually have like some kind of like

gourmet crazy butter oh Oh, God, yeah. It's just got some special salt, maybe from the Australian Alps. What is that dish they bring out? It's got areola in it or whatever in some fucking... Olive oil? Areola? Areola, is that what it's called? Olive oil.

I believe that's a... Olive oil, that's it. The outer rim of a nipple is called the areola. They're not bringing out nipples for your bread. Oh, that's a shame. That would be kind of sick, though. I'm trying to suck nips, dude. Yeah, it's like all of—

You've got to wait until the meal gets there. It's oil and balsamic vinaigrette. That, that's just delicious. Oh, if you put that in front of me, it's game over. Bread. I'm going to town on it. Bread. I can't say no to that shit.

Big bread boy, though. I am too, man. Catch me—look. I want to know what her take would be on the chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant. Is she waiting? Is it tacky? Because, I mean, dude, if you guys have ever been to dinner with me, you know I'm not waiting, man. I'm filling up on the chips and salsa before the meal even gets there.

You're built different. Many times, I'm not even hungry for the actual meal, Dylan. Because you ate so much chips. We've had the chips discussion. I know you've had it on your podcast. We've had it before. And how eating four chips is eating a whole tortilla. Yeah. Which is something you don't really consider.

Right. Because it's a chip and it's cut. You know what I respect about Matt's El Rancho? Is that they don't even bother to break up their chips. They just give you the half tortilla fried up. They're like, figure it out. You're going to eat nine tortillas. If you have six chips at Matt. They're like, figure it out. You're going to eat nine tortillas.

If you have six chips at Matt's El Rancho, which not a lot of chips, you've had three tortillas before your meal comes. And they're deep fried. This is how Bill Chungus came to be. It's crushing. It's an origin story. Crushing the chips. You need to tweet at this chick and ask this question, though,

because I need her take on the chip situation. Dave, go ahead and do that. Thanks. I will. But really, the controversy of the bread thing is when they have really good bread and they bring it out, sometimes I'm like, fuck, man, because I know I'm going to crush that, and then that is a lot less space for the actually good meal. And the better the bread, typically the better the restaurant you're at,

which means the real meal is going to be phenomenal, hopefully. It just kind of is a, you know, I feel like I'm robbing myself. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. You're not that guy. And I have a lack of self-control. That is what it is. I'm the same way, man.

I'm the same way. Luckily, me being a noted germaphobe, I won't dive into the free bread unless I have taken my ritual trip to the bathroom to wash my hands. That's a fun fact about me. Wow. It's just who I am. Interesting. If you don't like it, find another podcast, Don.

And you think I'm weird with the lack of a seat on my toilet. Yeah, but the body's— You guys are just riding different waves right now. One of you is sitting on a rim. The other one's washing his hands right before he touches Brad. Did you put rims on your Tesla? No. I ripped the rims on your Tesla? No. I ripped the rims off that it came with, actually.

I heard you were going to put blades on the Tesla. You know I would, right? Please do. Are you putting sprees on it? I don't want to call them sprees anymore. Those are so sick. They just keep spinning. You got people listening right now who have no fucking clue what we're talking about. Spreewells.

Sprees. Spreewells with the rims. When you stop, they keep on spinning. Why were they called Spreewells? Because Latrell Spreewells popularized them. Oh, did he? Yeah. Okay.

You remember Latrell. Was it before or after he cut his coach's neck or something? He choked him out. He choked him out. Yeah, he didn't OJ his coach's neck. He choked his own coach. Pro moves. Was it Rudy?

No. No, no, no. Rudy got knocked the fuck out when he was in the league. PJ Carlissimo. PJ. Did I just know that? I think you may have. Dude, by the way, shout out to our Italians out there.

Sure. Big dub. Did you win money on that? I did, only because I took the Italy to advance. Soccer betting is hard as fuck, dude. You can bet the draw, the regular time. It's confusing. It's very hard, especially when you don't watch bet the draw, the regular time. It's confusing.

It's very hard, especially when you don't watch soccer. Yeah, I only watch every two years, I guess. Anytime there's a major international tournament like the Euro or the World Cup. Other than that, I'm not like a soccer guy like y'all are or Will is or whatever. Yeah, don't get me confused with all those guys. I'm in a little deep right now. Jared's deep in this too, Dylan. It's hard.

I don't bet on soccer, but I don't have to watch it. And that's just not how i want to spend two hours of my life three hours how long dylan you will be very happy to know that it was in fact pj carly simo which makes your brain that's a good uh top 10 brain yeah that's oh you know he's on too much dip latrell i think he's sandbag no dylan oh yeah sports knowledge. Yeah, I don't have much on there. I just sit there. He doesn't want to talk about P.J. Carly. Next time, y'all should do a whole episode on Littrell choking P.J. A dude on my street has a, I think it's an old Cutlass, and he has the elbows. Like a Cutlass Supreme?

He has the elbows poking out. I don't know. What are those rims called? Like the swangers? The ones that you can't get are those rims called? Like the... Swangers? The ones that you can't get close to on the highway because they'll destroy your car? The ones that don't seem like they would be street legal. Yeah, yeah. Are they?

They seem like they'd be a problem. Are they legal? The ones they put on their fucking go-kart and the little rascals so they can take out the other go-karts. Yes. Exactly. How are those legal? And it's like, why are these on street cars?

Well, I've got a neighbor who has one of those in his garage, and sometimes he just puts it out in the driveway and he's cleaning it. It just means you picked a good street, though. Can you park in a regular parking spot with those things? You take up the whole shit. The compact spot zone at our gym, which I may or may not have a compact vehicle, and I still park in.

Oh, it's not a compact zone. It's a fuel-efficient zone. Okay. Fuel efficiency. Ross could park there. Oh, we get it, dude. Because he's pushing a Tessie. We get it. Yeah, sometimes, we get it, dude. Because he's pushing a Tessie. Yeah, sometimes. We get it, dude. You're chopping.

Have you seen, speaking of cars, Devin Booker's vehicle that he's driving into the playoff games? It's fantastic. He's got several of them. He has a rotation. You know that. Yeah. The gold one, though, that he drove in yesterday had me masturbating in my cage. He called it the

pretty penny, I think he nicknamed it. Man, these things. This dude. I like Devin. He has a black one. I think it's a... I forgot what it is. I don't want to speak ill of Will because he's not here to defend himself,

but Dylan and I recently discovered something about Will Ross. What's that? I don't even know if I should be saying this. He has never dripped candy paint off the whip yeah can you imagine like he's

he never he just he's never had candy paint on the ride is that not insane he's never hit switches in his whip either it makes me feel sad

for the guy you know because I see him out there living going on all these vacations I thought he really had his shit together but that sounds like he hasn't been living at all so he spent all that time

in northern Michigan with that Subaru and was just never- Never dripped candy paint. He was not a color-changing lizard. He doesn't know what it's like to sit sideways in a whip either. I don't know about that. I wouldn't go that far.

I'm pretty sure he's never sat sideways. You don't think he's ever sat sideways? No, I don't. That's interesting. Stupid. Sorry, Will. I mean, look, man. I'm sure we're going to hear about it from him, but, you know.

We'll remedy this. Vac, look, man. I'm sure we're going to hear about it from him, but, you know. We'll remedy this. Vacation will, man. Guys, can we talk about hair? Always. I'm a little insecure right now because all the gentlemen in here, except for me, have great heads of hair. Well, thank you. And you know what I'm trying to do to remedy that to make us four out of four? This is about keeps, isn't it? I'm hitting up keeps.

Ooh, yeah. Fact. Big fact. Two out of three men will experience hair loss by the time they're 35. Fact. More than 50 million men in the U.S. experience male pattern baldness. Look, guys, I don't know if you've noticed, but I might be one of those 50 million men. You might be.

I might be. I'm watching you, Randy. I'm seeing what you're laughing at over there. I love keeps. They make it simple. It keeps every every you don't even have to go to the doctor they've got a convenient virtual doctor consultation that's in my opinion the most appealing part of this you know you get to do all from home i've been the guy then they deliver the package in discreet packaging no one knows what you're getting i've been the guy who's gone to the dermatologist to get like the have them look at my my head and be like yeah

Dude, it's over for you like yeah, and you go in the receptionist knows why you're there the people in the waiting room They know why you're there Just like fuck dude. She's probably she's probably real hot you got to get to before it starts prevention Dave prevention is key here Mmm, they've got keeps us more five-star reviews than any of its competitors that's insane prevention is key treatments can take four to six months to see results so act fast you want to get on this before before you start to notice a problem so if you're getting in that mid-20s age range or even earlier like if you see those power alleys sliding back just a little bit please do us a favor hit up keeps i have multiple boys who have been on this for

years now that started one of them started like at the end of college even and uh yeah man it's not like an age thing you don't have to be like old like to need this yeah and like dylan said my favorite part about this comes straight to your crib man you don't have to go anywhere brett brett got on it early and brett's got the best hair in the company this is true brett's been a keeps guy for a minute he has beautiful hair he's got the best hair in the company. This is true. Brett's been a Keeps guy for a minute. He has beautiful hair. He's got great hair. Low cost. That's my favorite part.

Treatments start at just $10 per month, and the Keeps offers generic versions. It's fantastic. If you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to Keeps.com slash steam. That's Keeps.com slash steam to receive your first month of treatment for free. That's Keeps.com slash steam to receive your first month of treatment for free. That's keeps.com slash steam to get your first month free. Dude, the beauty of having a guest who's in the business, we could say, he just jumps right into a read and adds his own little feature. We've only done about 1,000 of those together, so it's kind of natural.

I can't even help myself. Dylan, I didn't really want to do this story, but I feel like we kind of have to. But I don't know if you saw this, but did you see the gentleman who burned his house down because he left his steak in a toaster? I didn't see it until this morning. I'm sorry, what? You heard me. He cooked a steak in a toaster, Ross. Dude, I'm not even stupid enough to do that.

Well, you know. I can't cook for shit, and there's no way I'd put a steak in a toaster, Ross. Dude, I'm not even stupid enough to do that. Well, you know. I can't cook for shit, and there's no way I'd put a steak in a toaster oven. Like, in fact, I wouldn't put anything in a toaster that wasn't bread. He left his house. He put it in the toaster and left his house to go buy chips. He had to go buy chips to accompany his steak. Okay, that almost sounds like arson. You think there's some insurance fraud?

A little insurance fraud? Well, he is. He's hit the. So he got money from his insurance company, and now he wants more. So he got over $400K for this thing, and now he's going back at them like, I need more money. I burned the entire thing down. When they say chips—so this happened in New Zealand. Are chips in New Zealand—is that like—

Like fries? Yeah. Possibly. I don't know. So he could have been going for the steak and frites thing? Yeah. Possibly. I don't know. So you could have been going for the steak and frites thing? Yeah. See, was it just a traditional toaster where you had to put the steak in vertically like you would a piece

of toast? From what I understand, yes. Chips or french fries, yes. I have a toaster oven in my house, which is totally different. And that is how you typically cook your steak. I'm not saying I cook my steak in there, but... As it's the only way you can enjoy it. It would make more sense to use a toaster oven than a

traditional toaster where you can't just put a fatty piece of meat into a device like that, right? You certainly don't leave the house. I won't even leave the I don't like leaving if I've got like a dryer on or something on the trigger on like a long

term smoke. How close was this store? Because steaks cook pretty fast. Especially in a toaster. Especially in a toaster. Maybe he was doing a slow cook. He was going to sear it. He was doing a reverse sear in the toaster. It's a strategy passed down from generation to generation.

Yeah, it's big in New Zealand. It says, by the way, New Zealand, in New Zealand, a biscuit is a cookie. Chips are french fries. Potato chips are referred to as crisps and Kiwis will also call a snack like Doritos a corn chip plus this is this article is a Daily Mail which I believe is an English publication British British British they also say chips over there I'm on fries I'm on education abroad network org oh that's a great site I go there.

It's in my rotation. It's in my bookmarks. So this guy wanted steak frites for dinner. Instead, he burned his house down. Yeah. Instead, he got ash. Right. No one was hurt, apparently.

It's not what he ordered. What's the most sad meal you've eaten lately? Oh, you don't want to ask me that question. Because it's so sad and easy to answer. Was it as sad as the sad salad? Are you familiar with the sad salad? I would argue that there is no salad that could be more sad than my go-to sad meal, which is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut in half with Cheetos and a glass of milk.

That's a raw staple. I'm 34 years old, Dylan. No, I get it. That's what my son eats. He's six. Yes, which is the problem. That I've gone 30 years, Dylan. No, I get it. That's what my son eats. He's six. Yes, which is the problem. Is that I've gone 30 years without advancing nutritionally. And as such, I'm wasting away.

Yeah. Do you cut the crust off? I think about it every time. But it's like, it's too much work. What kind of bread are you rocking? That's the only good part maybe for me is the crust. You're white bread. White bread.

No, fuck no, man. Come on. I'm a wheat bread guy. My mom converted me when I was young at some point. Shout out to Debbie. That's adult shit. Is the homie still doing white bread? No, he does wheat.

Okay, I did white when I was a little boy. His dad doesn't buy him white bread. Because I was racist. I hadn't been reeducated yet. I only did white bread. Sure, sure. It doesn't digest as well, allegedly. At least that's what I was told.

Sometimes the white bread doesn't feel very bready. Did you guys know that I have to eat wheat bread now? What do you mean, have to? I need the whole grains. Did you know I battled a bout of diverticulitis early on in the pandemic? Oh, fuck, really? As the Pope is right now. Yeah, shout out to the Pope.

I did not know this. He's got the same thing. He's got the tick, the divertic. It sounds not good. You know, not to make it a big deal, but I was hospitalized briefly, and I did have to have a colonoscopy. So, yes, there was a camera in my butt. Now I vaguely remember this.

Vaguely. One time I had a hemorrhoid, and I went to the- A hemorrhoid. A butt doctor, you know? A hemorrhoid. By the way, I think Jared's dad is one of these. A hemorrhoid. Yeah.

Not a hemorrhoid. A butt doctor. A proctologist. I believe so. Is he really? I think he's a gastro, a gastro whatever-ologist. Yeah, well, I had some blood in my stool, so I went in and I was like, yo, tell me which cancer I have. And they were like, oh, you have a hemorrhoid.

Why do you say it like that? You put a little emphasis on that. Hemorrhoid. I'm like, a hemorrhoid. And I got a couple fingers in the bum, and that wasn't all that pleasant, but I feel like I got it out of the way, so now when I go to a prostate exam next year, it won't be that awkward. But then they offered me, Dave, they offered me the camera.

And I was like, they were like, we want to do the colonoscopy to make sure. Like a party favor? No, like. They're going to let you hold it? Take it home with you. Your camera, sir. All right, we use these once. You get to take it with you.

No, no. They were like, we want to do a colonoscopy to make sure you don't have any polyps. Fair. Pre-cancerous polyps. That's true. And I said, yeah, that makes sense. We should do that. And they were like, cool, cool.

Here's the prep. And they handed me the piece of paper that tells you what you have to do. So I read the piece of paper. Buddy. And step one was go to the fucking pharmacy and get yourself an enema step two was stick that enema in your ass and blow everything out of your ass and then step three was come in and get the camera stuck up your ass and i got to step one and went you know what fuck it if i die i die step four was take the toilet seat off of your toilet yeah that

was the next one but no in all seriousness if uh i was like 26 when this happened man if i was 30 plus i would have taken the camera. I'm worried about dead ass. Yeah, let's be real. I'm not trying to get polyps or anything, really. Also, I like to see what the inside of my colon looks like. Speaking of ass, we have something to show you later. Dude, I saw this shit.

I can't wait to talk about it. Okay, I will. I will. But that's why I'm here, if you didn't know. The only reason I showed up today. All right, we can just do the ass now. When Jared bounced, I was like, maybe I'll just fucking cancel too. And then I remembered

that ass and I was like, I have to cancel. Is there a cancel on Let's go right now. Let's go to the ass right now. Y'all call your show. Oh my God.

What do you make of this? Now we need a five minute break. Can you turn this off? What do you make of this? This is the Dirty

Bills ass. Beautiful, perfectly sculpted backside. Wait, that's at Dirty Bills? That's at Dirty Bills. That thing's here? Brett took this picture. That ass is in town.

Brett is the one who saw this ass in the wild. Brett took the picture. Is this what's going to bring me back to drinking at the bar? He was sitting there with Klein and their two significant others, and they were just mesmerized. Dude, I would do a shot off that ass. I would do whatever he wanted. I haven't had an alcoholic beverage in almost four years. I would do a shot of ever clear off of that thing.

Look at that fucking thing. That's padded though, right? That's my first thought is- That's the thought. I showed Bae, Brittany is Bae, my girlfriend. She sent it to several of her girlfriends. I believe 80% of them came to the conclusion that it was fake. Not that he had, it was surgically enhanced, but he had something in his pants that, like, made it look like that, right?

Because it's too perky. It's too much up top. Dude, it is popping so hard. Barrett thinks it's real. I think it's real. Because, look, the guy – Barrett would think it's real. The guy is in really good shape.

You can tell. His arms – He's shredded. He's got a good V-shaped back. We'll show you the full picture. Like, he's got – like, his shoulders are – I mean, he takes care of himself. Right. So I think he just might just spend, like, hours at the full picture. He's got his shoulders. He takes care of himself. Right. So he might just spend hours at the squat bar.

But that's like... Squat rack. I mean, Jen Seltzer came up pre-show. That's like on an ass model level of ass on a dude which I've never seen. This is the best ass I've seen bar none. I mean, throw all the Instagram models you wanted to the mix. Yeah, what I need to do is... This is better than the female equivalent of Jen Seltzer's backside.

I want to get that thing in my office on the tarp with the paint and see what kind of art it can make. Dude, can that thing even sit down on the rim of your toilet? No. Like, what happens if that— It just swallows the whole toilet. He has to have custom toilet. Yeah. It doesn't swallow the toilet.

It's like when you imagine— chicks are swallowing that toilet. NBA players can't just get in any car, right? They don't fit. This dude can't just sit on any toilet. He don't fit. And he can't just wear any pants either. Dude, that ass is the worst. He's in the worst bar in Austin for that ass because that bar, there's a row of tables,

and then there's about six feet between the tables and the bar. And come 1030, that place is slammed, and you can barely walk through. Dude, he was just rubbing that thing on everybody. Ross, let's not forget, he has a wife beater tucked into beltless slacks. Yes. He knows what he's doing. Yes. This dude went out to pull with that ass.

That's his lure. I boldly declared when we saw this Monday morning that we would know who this guy was by the end of the day. We have had no leads to my knowledge. It's twice as funny because the dude directly to his right is just a normal chunky dude with a large ass, and his large ass is nothing close to the planet next to him. The juxtaposition in body shapes there is quite jarring.

Yeah, but I'm very aroused, to be sure. It's absurd. We need to get this guy at the meetup. Yeah. I'm serious. July 31st, Eisenhower's. What does that even look like when you're doing squats? Like, does it, you just bounce?

I just imagine that people just gather around like he's a freak show at the gym. What is this guy doing? It's just too much ass. That's too much ass. You've got to think there's some lunges involved. Maybe that little hip thruster machine

where you really just start throwing them forward. Dan was trying to get me to do that with him the other day and I was like, dude, I don't think I need to do that.

I love how I'm on Randy's relevant people section on the side. That's very cool. So is Brett. Yeah. Which is nice. Hey, real quick,

before we do this weekend and fun can we talk about uh this is kind of a disturbing story wait wait can I cut can I stop you yeah cuz I had something to say about dirty bills I forgot oh yeah you got a fight there yeah last time I was it last time I was at dirty bills all right we're at a table with like every all the dudes that are there their girlfriends or their wives or whatever and this douchebag comes over and starts like he's trying to hit on the girls and i was like hey man just i was still drinking at this point so i was like you know cocky bar guy or whatever i was like hey man you know like they're all spoken for like

just don't just leave us alone and he was like why don't you go fuck yourself or something like that and i was like okay so i was looking for action walked over to him and i was like, why don't you go fuck yourself or something like that? And I was like, okay. So I stood up, walked over to him, and I was like, just fuck off, dude. And he grabbed me by the shirt and threw me like eight feet into the wall. And I was like, oh, I'm in a bar fight now. And by the time I turned around, like two of my boys had taken shots to the face and we were like being thrown out and like, you know how many times I've been arrested. So I just took off into the street. And yeah, it was very unpleasant. and we were being thrown out. You know how many times I've been arrested, so I just took off into the street.

Yeah, it was very unpleasant. My friend's now wife maybe still hasn't forgiven me because he's the only person who left with a bloody mouth, and I was blamed. But anyway, Dirty Bills is probably the most fight-producing bar I've ever been to because of the way it's just a hallway, dude. You're bumping into everyone. Yeah, dude. If you walk to the restroom, you're bumping into like five dudes.

So all you need is one dude to just be that aggro fuck stick and it's over. They probably told that dude like, man, with that ass, you got to be out of here by 10, dude. We can't have you in here. You're going to,

you're going to block the entire walkway. In all seriousness, Dave, that had to have created a very serious traffic problem for the entire bar. That's a problem, man. Anyway, I'm sorry for interrupting.

No, no, no, that's fine. And also dirty bills, low key. No one talks about it. Uh, noted gay bar. That's a problem, man. Anyway, I'm sorry for interrupting you. No, no, no. That's fine. And also, Dirty Bills, low-key, no one talks about it, noted gay bar. Is it really? Did you know it's a gay bar? Yes.

I did not, but that kind of makes sense, I guess. Which I did not know until recently. Huh. Until like a year ago. Right on. Well. Hell yeah. Dirty Bills, baby.

Shout out Dirty Bills. Fun bar. I wanted to show you guys this disturbing story out of Japan. All stories that come out of Japan tend to be disturbing. This is tough, man. You know the Olympics are scheduled to be there. Well, you know how they run the relay? Like with the torch?

Yeah. It's something I always forget about, and I don't know the logistics of it. It seems unnecessary at this point. The fanfare isn't needed. Do you remember when they made Muhammad Ali do it when he was like fucking 80? They made him light the torch and it almost incinerated the greatest of all time.

The original goat. He's just up there shaking. It was kind of sad. It was bad. Still, we appreciate it. This is an assassination attempt. An assassination attempt. Randy, if you could show us the video. If you guys haven't seen this, turn away. This is tough assassination attempt. An assassination attempt. Randy, if you could show us the video. I don't know if you guys haven't seen this. Like, turn away. This is tough.

So someone tried to extinguish the flame. Okay, here comes the torch. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. An onlooker has a squirt gun. It's a squirt gun. A water gun.

And points it at the torch. Yeah. She said in Japanese, no Olympics. Stop the games. And then she squirted. Wait, why? It's a couple squirts. There's people who don't want the games there because they're worried about COVID getting worse.

It's a national emergency at this point. Okay. She was going to put the flame out and end it right there. But, dude, we all grew up in the 90s super soakers came a long way by the end of the 90s i had a fucking cannon that was four feet long what is that she really wanted to put that thing out she could have yes a super soaker this is that's a walmart like the one dollar aisle at walmart she got this from the dollar store yeah this is the lowest of the low of square guns. If you're serious about putting that thing out, you have the backpack.

Oh. You got the backpack with the tube, and you've got the thing that you got. It says it'll go like 70 feet, but it really goes like 45, but it's still powerful. There's a warning on it. It's like, don't shoot anybody closer than five feet. You knew it was game over when your homie shows up with the backpack square gun. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Super soaker. Everybody else was fucked. He was ready to take people out. You know you're getting wet. You're getting soaked. Did you notice the man in the security squad that jogs by and holds out a small plastic shield to block the spray as if this is a thing they've dealt with before?

Because look at the size of this plastic shield. You'll see it come back up here when it goes back through. I really don't understand. If not specifically for squirt gun blocking, what is that shield? What is that? Oh, yeah. What is that shield? That is a foot tall shield, bro.

That is not doing anything. That's a squirt gun shield. This is a problem in Japan. Is this an actual thing they have to worry about? It's not a bulletproof situation because that thing protects like one organ at a time. Also, they just did a very terrible job of like handling this woman. Like they don't seem all that... She was arrested.

Oh. Well, that's not good. What's the charge? Deliberately, it says she was charged because she was... Oh, suspicion of forcible obstruction of business. Okay. It's not the charge you want to catch. Not obstruct business.

The business of Olympics. You know, Olympics, dude, they make a lot of money for the host country. They do. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. I just feel like there was a better way to attempt to put out the flame. And let's say she succeeded and the flame goes out. Are they going to be like, oh, we got to pull out.

Olympics are over. The Olympics are still one of those things, though, that we all celebrate, enjoy. But, like, the behind the scenes, how it comes to be is really, really one of the worst things we do as humans. Bribery. What is it, that town in Russia that's now completely, it's a ghost town? They built it up for the Olympics and then it was moved out and then it's just a ghost town now. Yeah, there's a bunch of these actually. Multiple countries that have these huge, huge, almost cities that they built to do the Olympics that are now just fucking infested with rats or whatever.

But there's always like forced labor involved or slave labor and these incredibly illegal transactions. The World Cup had that. The World Cup had that. I believe it was, was it Cutter? I can't remember. Yeah, Cutter. Cutter's, oh yeah, is that a World Cup?

I don't know. Or is that Olympics? Oh, I think that's the next Olympics. Hard to say. Yeah, you World Cup? I don't know. Or is that Olympics? Oh, I think that's the next Olympics. Hard to say. Yeah, you can't really figure that one out. Yeah, I don't... It really did bring me back to the super soaker days, because, man... Yeah, Cutter's 2024 Olympics.

When you pulled up with that... You pulled up with that backpack on... I pulled up. I have... I got Parks a Nerf gun. Shout out Dude Perfect. A Nerf gun for Christmas. This thing has, like, the big, like big 50-round drum with a motor on it.

You can just unleash. That thing sings. Oh, it absolutely does. Say hello to my little friend. You spray the block with that thing, there are no survivors. Everybody's just getting soaked. Everyone's getting it. Just sopping wet.

Just damp to the tits. Sheesh. Guys. You pop trunk with that thing? Dude. It's a bloody crime scene. A bloody crime scene. Oh, my God.

Guys, we've done a little bit too much serious content today. Sure. I think we should probably relax. I want my chips with the dip. That's the wrong soundbite. That was too much dip. And what I'm doing now is buying myself some more time to correct some mistakes.

We're going to talk Vizzy? It's This Weekend in Fun, presented by Vizzy Hart. Oh, that's not the entire song. I'm just 0 for 2 here. Oh, here we go. Here we go. You know, Barry Rigby? Here we go. Ha ha ha.

You know, Barry Rigby, he's probably a listener of yours. He did this song for us. Oh, shit. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's the Wilmonds official song. Check it out on iTunes. Spotify.

It's on Spotify, too. It is. Busy is the first hard seltzer crafted with antioxidant vitamin C. We know that. It's extracted from acerola, a super fruit with 30 times more vitamin C than an orange. We know that. Is this so buffering? Big facts.

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and more. And they've even got the lemonade flavors that we all love. Watermelon lemonade, peach lemonade, raspberry and strawberry lemonade, all with the same antioxidant vitamin C. It just goes hard. It's very good. It's a great way to kick off a weekend.

You can enjoy a refreshment now with the antioxidant vitamin C and a 5% ABV and 100 calories and less than 1 gram of real sugar. Every sip of Vizzy is more exhilarating. The lemonade flavors have 0 grams of sugar, Dave. That's crazy. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy, go to VizzyHardSeltzer.com. That's VizzyHardSeltzer.com slash washed. That's VizzyHardSeltzer.com slash washed. Must be 21 or older. Lads, give me your weekend plans. I'm sure they're just

super exciting as I start the song over. Let's start with our guest. Let's start with Billy. Oh, fuck. What day is it? Wednesday? Let's see. I'm fucking working. That's what it is. I've got work this weekend because J-Bone is missing a day and a half during the middle of the work week for the championship. They better fucking win because if the Tampa Bay Lightning lose tonight and I lost a day and a half of work, I'm going to be fucking pissed. I'll go ahead and congratulate the Lightning on their Stanley Cup. Did you see their mayor?

Go Ning. Yes. Dude, I hate that. That gives me mass flashbacks. She will not get Yes. Dude, I hate that. That gives me mad splashbacks. She will not get re-elected just because of that. Give her a break, though. She doesn't really get it. Somebody should have made her get it.

She wanted the celebration to occur in her city. Oh, that's true. She was thinking economics. She was thinking dollar bills. You're right. Yeah. Talent excitement. Now I get it. Morale. Yeah, never mind. She gets a pass. That's fine. Plus, it's still going to work out. You're right. Yeah. Talent, excitement. Now I get it. Morale. Yeah, never mind. She gets a pass. That's fine. Yeah.

Plus, it's still going to work out. You know what's happened to the Mavs? When the Mavs were up 2-0 on the Heat the first time around, Laura Miller, the mayor at the time, uh-oh. We good? Yeah, that was a Randy thing. Oh, okay. That was a Randy.

She planned the parade route. Route. Yeah. Route. Route. The route. Oh, yeah. And then they lost.. Route. Yeah. Route. Route. The route. And then they lost. Thanks a lot to David Stern.

Oh, shit. I remember that. That was bad. Yeah, that was bad. Jinxing is bad. You don't want to do that. No, you don't. So what are you doing?

You're just working all weekend? No, I just like, I probably need to get vaccinated. That's the, you know, I've been working through this medicine situation that's kind of kept me from going and getting that done. I didn't really have an urgent need to go get it done because I haven't been able to do shit. But I'm coming out of that, and I need to go rejoin society. And it's time. So I don't know if you have a brand suggestion in terms of vaccines.

Pfizer has been good to me. Okay. That's a two-parter? You want to go with that. That seems to be the most long-term. Okay. Okay. Pfizer. I think, yeah.

The Viagra maker. I think they're all just fine. That's why, as many people have said, I do trust the Boner Pill Company. That will... If they can get boners up... Surely they can keep me safe from the vid. Well said, Dylan. Dylan, you got any fun plans?

I don't really have much at all, actually. I don't have parks Thursday, Friday, or Saturday, so I have nothing to do. Dang. So if y'all are trying to link or whatever, like, you know, your boy, his phone's working. I'm going to have it charged all weekend long. Yeah, I'll hit you up. Just waiting for it to light up with my friends. Right on.

Saturday is for the boy. You being the boy. I have nothing. Yeah. I have a dinner tomorrow with Bae and some of her friends for one of their birthdays. You having them over cooking your famous spaghetti meatballs? I'm not, no. Nor is Bae cooking famous Bae spaghetti.

Mmm. Yeah. We do have Stanley Cup games, well, possibly Friday and Sunday. We all know that's probably over, hopefully. It's maybe a finals to watch. But we do have finals games on Sunday and Thursday. I guess Thursday's not the weekend yet. But anyway, yeah, my weekend of fun is working and getting vaccinated.

So sorry for destroying the segment. No, you didn't. That's honestly, I don't really have any plans either. Hey, I might mow my lawn. I started mowing my own lawn like Rick Ross. I have the same lawnmower as you. I just got it a couple weeks ago. What's with this electric Japanese lawnmower?

I'm a battery boy. This thing's fucking awesome. Dude, I knocked out the side yard yesterday. It took me five minutes. What's with this electric Japanese lawnmower? I'm a battery boy. This thing's fucking awesome. Dude, I knocked out the side yard yesterday. It was, it took me five minutes. So my, my ex,

you know, my wife left me. She, she hired some dude named Jesus to do my, my lawn. Jesus.

And being the moron that she was, she paid him like an outrageous amount of money to come do it all the time. And,

50 bucks? No, like 80 bucks. And, I don't know if you've seen my my lawn at bowling media but it's it would take five minutes to mow yeah you have a lawn like mine it's not super huge you can knock it out in sub 30 it's two fucking squares man it's the easiest lawn mowing situation ever and i just can't bring myself to can this dude because i feel like a dick it's like an international pandemic he's working i just i feel like a dick. It's like an international pandemic. He's working.

I just, I feel like an asshole. So he's still doing my lawn. What a guy. And then I'm also doing my lawn. You're just doing it for those days where you have like crazy growth because it rained a lot the week before. Maybe tell him to do it. You're not on the sketch.

Tell him to come through once a month. I know, but I just fucking suck. Put him on part two. I suck at this kind of thing, dude. Ross, I'm in the same. I'm not, I have this problem with things. I let people just, you know, dude. Ross, I'm in the same. I have this problem with things. I let people just do their thing until I break one day. One day I'm going to run out in the front yard and be like, get the fuck out of here.

And that'll be it. But I'm going to have to snap. Very cool. I don't really got much going on. I, too, will mow the lawn. That's sick. We're about to have some sod laid down. But if you've looked at the weather, I don't know if you've seen seen this there's some tropical moisture coming in from the gulf oh good my grass

is currently the the pallets they have not been cut yet it's in el campo texas and they're just getting dumped on so i can't get the grass yet so yeah but the sod the sod so catch me a home depot just like shooting it mixing up with uh the boys and the girls at home depot how's dad life are you sleeping much or is or is it sleep deprived? What's happening? No, we're doing a sleep training thing where, like, we're not – when he's crying at night, we're just not – I'm familiar.

We're not going in there. Unfortunately. I'm very familiar. It's very – he's usually sleeping through the night, but a couple nights ago he woke up because he has a tooth coming in. We assume that's kind of bothering him. Oh, here you go. And, yeah, so I went in there, and you're not supposed to pick him up you're supposed to just kind of put let him know you're in there and like calm him down yeah problem is he doesn't calm down

when he sees you he just goes harder he puts it in another gear you fucker you let me in here yeah dude it's it's bad but no i'm sleeping fine. I just look like shit. Oh. Well, you look great. I wasn't implying that you look like you haven't slept. Should we do some breaking news? No, big game. What are you doing? Why don't you do a combo?

Tell us you got any fun plans. Are you trying to mob? Where the fuck did you just come from? I'll get out. Hey, we got the Connor fight Saturday. Hey, Connor fight. He was under the table the whole time. Connor DP3. Yeah, let's do something for the fight.

Dude, I'm serious. Oh, I saw this. Why the hell has this not been hyped more? Why has this not been thrown in my face more? Is McGregor not doing a good job of promoting like he usually does? What the fuck? He's lost like 100 fights in a row. He's trash now.

Is he fighting as a lightweight? Is that? No, he's fighting at 155. I could have sworn they said lightweight title card. And I was like, uh. No, no, no, no. That doesn't mean, that's not like featherweight. Lightweight is not like.

Oh, okay. Yeah, it's not like 125. So he's not dropping to some lower weight class than he's ever fought at or something like that. He's pretty big. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, he's yoked. They fought earlier, like their first fight was at a lower weight, but right now, okay, here you go, Ross.

Lightweight's 145 to 155. Super lightweight, 155 to 165. Featherweight, over 135 to 145. And then bantamweight, those are the real tiny ones, 125 to 135. Interesting that super lightweight is bigger than lightweight. I think it'd be smaller. You're super light, but whatever. What do I know?

I don't like watching the real small guys fight. They're just like slapping the shit out of each other for 20 minutes. They can't hurt each other, though. It's kind of cute. You know? It is a little cute. Yeah. It's like, oh, tickle fight.

Nobody's going to get hurt here. You stand the short kings, though. We do. We do. Even though, yeah. Never mind. You got some breaking news? Yeah.

Oh, by the way, I'm doing Sammy's this week. Oh. Oh, there's the invite, man. That's tight. It wasn't. Very cool. I mean, it's not like I'm doing it myself. Dylan visibly upset.

Yeah, sorry, Dylan. You want to do it, though? I'll do it again. You're probably good for like one a month. It's very expensive. Just some squat. Oh, I'm not in a squat.

No, dude. You know what? I'm glad that you're making friends in Austin, though. I got new friends, dog. That's great. They're not as wealthy, I don't think.

Are they too cool for me? No. Didn't this happen to you? Didn't this exact thing happen to you? What do you mean? Didn't you make new friends? Yeah, he made new friends. Yeah, he's got new friends in their own half-host.

I got a girlfriend. And her friends. And she knows everybody. Okay. You know somebody, so does she. Okay. Like, it's one of those. And so I've been introduced to her friends.

I got new ones now. One of them has a boat. They don't understand how he makes money. Oh, yeah. That changes everything. You've got boat friend now? You know, I've lived here 10 fucking years. 10 fucking years.

You know how many times I've been invited out on the boat? On a boat on the lake? Zero. Zero times. Not a single fucking time. One of my best friends lives a block and a half away from me. Owns a boat. What's his problem?

Nobody wanted Bill Chungus on the boat. That's fucked up. I fucking don't know, man. I don't know. It's just weird at this point, though. Now I feel like I can't go. I've been on a party bar I fucking don't know, man. I don't know. It's just weird at this point, though. Now I feel like I can't go. I've been on a party barge, don't get me wrong, but I've never been on somebody's personal boat.

So, you know, if you live in Austin and you follow people on Instagram who live in Austin like Dylan and they get new friends and have a boat friend, everybody's out on the boat right now and not Bill. If I never go on another party barge again, I'll be okay with that. I would, too. Yeah, they're fine. It's like... Yeah.

Tell us about El Chapo, dog. Break some news. Yeah. Here's the El Chapo news. Mexico is raffling off the house owned by notorious drug lord Joaquin El Chapo. Guzman is part of government payback for his crimes. The house is worth an estimated U.S. $184,000. That's it?

I thought you were going to say million. I don't think we're balling out here. I'm going to pass. He kept a low pro. That's what they call it. Does this include the tunnels, the escape tunnels? It includes the tunnels and a pistol that's diamond-encrusted with the JGL. That feels like it's worth $180,000. That absolutely does.

You know what? We were talking about how the housing market here is such a mess and that the problem is if you sell, you have to go elsewhere. Maybe this is it for me. Maybe this is my escape. Maybe I sell my house and go to El Chapo's house. And you get a diamond-incrusted pistol. That's a very affordable home compared to what we're dealing with here.

You can change your name to Ron Mexico. Yes. Just disappear off the face of the map. Bingo. Into Mexico. They're selling off 284 different prizes. It's set from El Chapo. So I think there's just his pistol, his house.

Is he still breathing? He is. He's in a prison in the United States. Serving life. Waiting for that next escape. He's working on it. He's done it twice. Yes.

His team is putting something together right now. Need that new Narcos season. Need the next Narcos. I love that show. I need the Chapo one, Dave. Chapo. Hear me out. If he breaks out of the house.

Dude, Chapo on Narcos is a dope character. I like the way they made Chapo. I like how they slow play him. I like how they introduce him. About him taking over. You know we're getting that, right? If we don't, someone's going to get it. Somebody at Netflix is fucking up.

I'm fighting somebody. Yeah. We need that. An Austrian man was bitten by his neighbor's escaped python while sitting on the john this morning. I'm sorry? Did you say Austrian? Austrian. Is he from the Australian Alps?

Because earlier I switched to Australia and Austria. Did you? Yeah. We did on our impromptu liquid. So just making sure here because python makes me think Australia way more than Austria. You would think. That is fair. Me too.

This man was bit sitting on the toilet this morning at 6 a.m. in Vienna, Austria. Unfortunately, he was hospitalized for his injuries. The 24-year-old neighbor claimed the snake, and he owns 11 snakes. That's too many snakes. You know, one snake is too many snakes. If you own 11 and one gets out and bites somebody, maybe don't claim it. Just let it go. Keep the other 10.

That wasn't my snake. Yeah. Also, the reason I get Australia and Austria confused is actually the movie Dumb and Dumber at the beginning where he's like, let's throw another shrimp on the bar bay. And she's like, let's not. I think Sound of Music for some reason.

Damn, dude. Did you know that's about Nazis and shit? Oh, yeah. That's a pretty good world war II movie. I haven't seen it since I was a small boy. It was one of my mom's favorite movies, and I could still hear the song in my head. The hills are alive. And I just had no fucking clue,

so I watched it as an adult and was like, this is about World War II era. What the shit? It's kind of a heavy movie. It's an intense-ass film, bro. They're just singing and shit. They're just singing to get through it. The Terminator, also Austrian.

You mean Arnold? Yeah. Yeah. Probably the to get through it. The Terminator, also Austrian. You mean Arnold? Yeah. Yeah. Probably the most famous Austrian ever. The Governator. That one, you know, the other one. Yeah, the other guy. The bad one. Infamous. Infamous. Yeah, that's the word. He survived, obviously.

Pythons don't have venom, right? No. They have a pretty good bite, though. Have you seen that mouth? What'd that mouth do? What'd that mouth do? That python, if that python pulls up to Dirty Bill's, he might bite the wrong ass. You know what I'm talking about, Brett. I don't. If his tinks seep into that.

Did you see the- Oh, did I see it? Yeah. Brett. I've been thinking about it for two days now. He was shocked that you were the one that snapped that picture. I didn't realize that was here. I thought you had either gotten it from a friend or a travel girl.

That's how great it is. It's like- An Austin local ass. Yeah, Ross thought it was just internet famous, but no't realize that was here. I thought you had either gotten it from a friend or a travel girl. That's how great it is. It's like it's not just- An Austin local ass. Yeah, Ross thought it was just internet famous, but no, it's from here. Yeah, that's local Austin meat right there. If that dude's listening, hit us with your OnlyFans. Absolutely would pay $5.99 a month for that. It was just phenomenal.

Unbelievable. It was the best ass in the bar by a mile. What did you do the rest of the night? We couldn't stop talking about it. It was three other people, and they were like, oh my God. He went over to the park by a mile. What did you do the rest of the night? We couldn't stop talking about it. It was three other people and they were like, oh my god. He went over to the park by your house. He probably gets that reaction everywhere he goes with that thing.

That's his life now. You can't have that. He's the guy with the ass. You can't have that thing strapped to your back and not be all about it. What if it's fake? I don't want to know. Don't tell me. But his pants were tailored to which century. Look, here's the thing. You've got to go back to Dirty Bills, whatever day that was, every day, every week, until you find him again. And you've got to go in and get a squeeze or a poke.

We've got to find his ass. You've got to get some kind of physical contact with it to see if we're working with padding or if this is real meat. We've got to get him in here. My girlfriend, she was like, I think I'm going to go over there and grab it. I was like, go. Do it. I want to know, too. Yeah.

I would do it, but unless... I mean, it is dirty bills, so you can kind of... Yeah, you volunteer to be cucked if you find that ass. Sure. You have to understand that. You send her over there. Like, you got to go get that. You got to get it.

Some news out of North Houston. Oh, no. Two women were arrested after stealing a French bulldog puppy worth $10,000 from the pet store at Petland Woodlands in Shenandoah. Very high end. What made this thing so expensive? Dude, French bulldogs are like super tight. People want them. It's a market thing.

Yeah, they also struggle to breathe. Yeah, like how... Fucking inbreeding. They went in. The two women went into the store, asked if they could see the French bulldog puppy. The store manager granted them the access and said, here you go, check them out. And they ran out the store. Genius move.

I believe there's a French bulldog variant being bred that has like a longer snout. Is that the Delta? The Delta variant so they can breathe better. To help with breathing. Oh, good. Science. Huh. Wow.

Good for them. If you reach for the bread before the meal's gotten there, you are tacky. Of course. I'll just say it. Oh, yeah. These two women hopped in their silver Chrysler PT Cruiser. Yep. That's not a getaway car.

Led the scene of the crime and were caught when they, five minutes later, pulled over to put their license plates back on. Okay. And they were like, ma'am, do you have a bulldog in the car? You said five minutes? Yeah. Five minutes. Five minutes.

Five minutes, and we're like, that's far enough. Let's pull this bitch over. Put the license plates back on. We're good. The puppy named Mario is doing well and back in the store, receiving a lot of attention and boops. Boops. Boops.

Oh, good. Very cute. They got a boops joke in there. Veryops. Oh, good. Very cute ending. Got a boops joke in there. Very cute. Man, that is hella cute. Yeah, people are out there trying to get money by any means necessary right now, man. Somebody stole Lady Gaga's dog last year.

Y'all remember that shit? Yeah, he shot her dog walking in the chat. We were not happy. That's some crazy shit, bro. You got to be careful out there walking your dog if you're fucking rich. Yeah. We're in a French bulldog, apparently. Yeah. 10 Gs? 10 Rand for a dog, man. That's crazy. Yeah. Or own a French bulldog, apparently. Yeah.

I'm not gonna- 10 Gs? 10 Rand for a dog, man. That's crazy. Nah. Isn't there some of the Chinese dogs that are worth like 130 grand? You're the big ass bear looking ones? The big white ones? Where they fucking cook for you?

Oh, the like- 130 grand? Yeah, dude. Hold on. It's like one of those things, it's like a sliding scale, but it's impossible for us as regular people to understand. I just can't understand when these NBA players are giving each other $200,000 gifts, and I'm like, what the fuck, bro? But that's like me giving you 50 bucks or something.

How much? Ross, Tibetan Mastiff puppy sold for $2 million. Dude, those are bad boys. They look like bears. Do they say who bought it? Because that's like one of those things where they always want to be anonymous. And I'm like, dude, if you're going to pay that, show off. It was me.

It was Dave. Oh, my God. It was Dave. Yes. I guess I'll announce it now. Okay. This guy is living a fucking dream. That's like $3 million worth of dogs right there.

Dude, imagine not cuddling with that dog if you walk by it. Like, I'm just cuddling. Are you going to tell that dog, like, hey, man, you can't sleep on the bed tonight? Like, no. That dog is the bed, bro. Yeah, I'm sleeping on you. He gets his own king it. Are you going to tell that dog, like, hey, man, you can't sleep on the bed tonight? Like, no. That dog is the bed, bro. Yeah, I'm sleeping on you. He gets his own king. I'm just going to hop in with him. They can get kind of fucking crazy looking. That looks like a goddamn lion. The breeder, and I quote, said, this dog has lion's

blood. Oh, there you go. How is that possible? Wait, is that... Did a lion... No, you can't... Interspecies breeding? You can't do that. I don't think you can do that.

CRISPR, though. What if they use CRISPR? Yeah, you're right. It doesn't... Scissoring. Well, that's the genetic. We're showing the genetic... DNA.

That doesn't fit. It doesn't match. The problem with owning one of these two is that, like, to your point, how do you see one of these and not cuddle with it or go pet it? I don't need every fucking person I pass coming to mess with my dog, bro. But if you have a $2 million Tibetan mastiff, you're not taking that thing to the park. That's a good point. Not without security.

You got your own park. Did you see that mastiff at Zilker? My dog, if I have one of these, it's walking around like Tekashi69, surrounded by security. He's got security. Yeah. 200 pounds these guys get up to. Sheesh. Sick.

My buddy growing up had an English Mastiff, like my best friend, and his name was Tadpole. Hilarious. And it fucking, dude, it could put my head in its mouth. Like, it could have eaten me for sure if it wanted to. But it did, and it was just playing around. I'm still here. It was a sweet dog.

It was a big boy. Huge, huge dogs was just playing around. I'm still here. It was a sweet dog. It was a big boy. Huge, huge dogs. Gigantic animals. Ross, this has been a lot of fun. Well, thank you. Is there anything you want to plug? I enjoyed myself. You do some podcasts yourself.

No, just follow me at WRBowlin. I'm on the social medias. I like social media, like you guys. I don't actually. I fucking hate it. That's where we work, so we have to go to there. That where we were yeah plug your podcast my podcast is the ross boland podcast um we talk about you know comedy he's got the bone man they talk about really it's just jared derailing everything i plan into oblivion each weekend and week out now with his fucking

soundboard that that he's much less efficient at even than Dave today with your issues you had. Thank you. Because Jared has never pressed the correct button unless it was something I already said and he's repeating it back to me which doesn't make sense. I'm trying to boss and I'm trying to come.

I'm trying to come. But thank y'all for having me. My favorite segment was that ass. I know you've already talked about it. We're probably not finished talking about it. Yeah, we're just getting started on this ass. It's one of those things that sticks around. You're going to need to have a guest series where you bring in a series of guests all to discuss just that ass.

The Brett Hire alone was good just for this ass content. Thank you. It paid off two years later. Yeah, you paid for yourself with that picture, my friend. Good job. If Facebook articles was still cooking back in the with that picture, my friend. Good job. If Facebook articles was still cooking, back in the day, Ross, you'd know that up there. Dude, put a little money behind it.

Hey, why don't you just give a little boost to this post, man? Let's turn the faucets back on. Turn the faucets back on. Thank you, Ross. Thank you for having me, man. It was a blast, always. See you tomorrow for listener voicemails. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye.