Circling Back - Horny On The Timeline & Low Testosterone

Episode Date: December 4, 2019

Will attempted to get his testosterone checked, Dillon may or may not have been horny on the timeline, and This Weekend in Fun. We also discuss whether or not there are more chairs than people in the ...world and get a rundown of Brett's Breaking News. Support us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast (0:00) Are There More Chairs or People In The World? (23:16) Will Tried To Get His Testosterone Checked (46:16) Was Dillon Horny On The TL? (1:06:02) This Weekend In Fun (1:18:05) Brett's Breaking News Betterment: Download the Betterment app! Harry's: www.harrys.com/circlingback ($5 off!) Indochino: www.indochino.com (STEAM at checkout for $30 off your total purchase of $399 or more) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 all right we're back circling back podcast coming to you live from the early bird studios in austin texas my name is will defries to my right dave ruff i'm very excited for today's podcast that's big we're on the heels of the best worst weekend which does make sense if you diagram the sentence okay and i think this is going to have good momentum and we just got a gram off dude and i'm laughing inside thinking about it i want someone to diagram that sentence and tweet it to us please do dylan doesn't know how to diagram sentences please get out of my face with that shit. You don't. You know I'm the grammar king.
Starting point is 00:00:46 Yeah, but are you actually good at diagramming? No, I'm actually not, no. Do you know what to do with a gerund when you're diagramming? Fuck gerunds. Dude, gerunds were the most confusing thing. Go check out the circling. What's the at for our Instagram? Dude, that just feels like something you should know off the top of your head.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Circling Back Pod. Go check it out. We just got a gram off, like Dave said. There's our little drummer boy over here. And while you're at it. Yeah, Don stole my caption. Or my comment. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:01:17 Sorry, dog. What was the comment? Little drummer boy with an eye? Hey, our good friend Grant points out in the comments isn't that the hat dorn wore in greece oh come on it's not pretty much that is definitely not a straw panama hat fedorn that is a fedora with i believe guitars on it music notes music notes okay it's for musicians right uh dave's wife alissa just, just said, oh, wow. Nice, dude.
Starting point is 00:01:46 That's probably a good thing. That was the most productive thing to come out of our shopping the other day for the new office. Yes, we bought exactly zero things that day. Yep, yep. But we got a dope grandma, so it was all worth it. We looked at the steam machine juice. There's so many different flavors. Yeah, there's different types of fog. Is that what those were?
Starting point is 00:02:05 I didn't know what those were I took a photo of them and I was like dude this is tight for our next live event we will have steam I'll use those when I get my make a wish done at Ford Field steam or fog? what's your make a wish? when I'm doing the steam as they run out of the tunnel that's your make a wish
Starting point is 00:02:22 you can do it with me I can see if I can rope you in as they run out of the tunnel. That's your make-a-wish. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yep. All right. You can do it with me. I can see if I can rope you in with the make-a-wish people. I'm all right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:02:32 That's cool. I don't really have, I don't really at this point to my knowledge need that. Is there an age cutoff? There has to be. There has to be. I would think it would be like 16.
Starting point is 00:02:42 I don't think they're doing make-a-wish things for like 26-year-olds or anything. Like Brett's definitely too old. I'm probably out. Yeah, once you have health insurance, like on your own, you're probably done. That's a good point.
Starting point is 00:02:53 Once you can rent a car. Yeah. I was renting cars at like 22, though. What? Why? For your job? For my job, yeah. It's always worked out.
Starting point is 00:03:04 I think you pay like the arm arm and a leg for it but uh what what's the uh will said you you have a website that we can buy tables and stuff through is that the plan going forward i don't know i mean amazon i'll say this going to office depot is not the plan going forward those are shit tables for 730 dollars excuse me why do you have to pay for legs yeah Yeah. Legs sold separately. Who's doing that? Who's like, no, I'm just taking the tabletop. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:03:28 I didn't know that. That's why. Yeah. That's why the price tag was deceiving. Oh, that's true. The initial price was fine. And then everything went downhill once you started tallying it up. It's like, wait, we're paying for table legs?
Starting point is 00:03:39 Who's just setting the tabletop on the floor? You got to have legs on that bitch. Under that bitch, I should say. I can confidently say I don't think I'll ever shop at Home Depot. Or, excuse me, Office Depot. That was a terrible overall experience. There's nowhere more depressing than Office Depots and stuff. And the woman was like... There's other places that are more depressing.
Starting point is 00:03:56 Dude, but Office Depot's bad. I hate being in that. There's always activity there, though. It's weird. But at the end of the day, it's like the store to buy stuff for depressing offices. It's just a provider. It's the ground zero for depressing office life.
Starting point is 00:04:19 Yes. Correct. Is there still Office Max? Yeah. Office Max, I bet, is worse. I hope no one works for these places. I mean, if they want to do a sponsorship deal with us, then hit us up. But otherwise, I'm going to drag them.
Starting point is 00:04:36 I don't know if they can afford that one, Will. Live from the Office Depot Studios in Austin, Texas. It's circling back. They have so many stores. They don't need these storefronts. Go online, guys. Yeah, you got to think they're still online
Starting point is 00:04:47 terrestrial radio ads. Yeah. Hit Office Depot on Mopag. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 100%. You got to find a table. We'll find a table.
Starting point is 00:04:55 Tweet us your tables. Don't tweet us your tables. Tweet us your tables. I don't want table tweets. No, don't. Tweet us your tables. Don't do that. And definitely don't email
Starting point is 00:05:01 Dylan at washmedia.com your tables. Dave, stop doing that. Yeah, that's fucked up. I just don't want Dylan at washmedia.com your tables. Dave, stop doing that. Yeah, that's fucked up. I just don't want tables in my inbox. I'm going to set up an email filter. Just set up an email filter that anything that has table in the subject line, forward straight to Dave. Send me your periodic tables.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Speaking of, have y'all seen this chairs versus people discussion on Twitter? No. Yes, I have. What? Are they fighting each other? Here's a question for you. What are there more of in the world, chairs or people? Oh, I did see this.
Starting point is 00:05:32 Oh, wow. People. Whoa, whoa. Okay, let's look. Small pals of the desk at table. What? Chairs, Dave. Oh, chairs.
Starting point is 00:05:41 Chairs. Oh, yeah. Okay, well, that... I totally fucked that up. I'm going to say people. It's got to be people. I think it's people. Wait, are you Chairs. Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, that... I totally fucked that up. I'm going to say people. It's got to be people. I think it's people. Wait, are you serious?
Starting point is 00:05:47 I don't think it is. Think about your house. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Think about your house. How many chairs do you have in your home? I'm thinking of third world countries where people don't necessarily have like a surplus of chairs. That's what everybody was saying.
Starting point is 00:05:58 Think about all the stadiums and concert venues. That's true. That's true. I didn't think about that. And just chairs in storage closets waiting to be set out for weddings and shit. Think about the rise of the standing desk. It's true. No, it makes you think.
Starting point is 00:06:11 No, it doesn't. There's at least a million people out there standing right now. They probably have a chair option, though, if they want to sit. No, there's no option. And medicine ball. Medicine ball is not a chair. It's got to be, I think, chairs. There's got to be 10 billion chairs on this planet.
Starting point is 00:06:23 At least 10 billion. That's too many chairs. 30 billion chairs. And's got to be 10 billion chairs on this planet. At least 10 billion. That's too many chairs. 30 billion chairs. And there are, what, 7 billion people? Yeah. I will say this. I really don't care about the answer to this at all. Oh, it's fun, man.
Starting point is 00:06:33 It's fun. It's one of those stupid fun ones. Stupid fun. That's right in our wheelhouse, man. I think... Oh, man, that's hard. And think about airplanes and stuff. They're just hella seats
Starting point is 00:06:45 that are constantly vacant buses what about like pledges who they make be chairs that's a valid question they temporarily become chairs yeah you have to count those yeah okay didn't you say your your face was a chair dylan at one point right what are you doing dog yeah didn't you were calling yourself two for the other day because you're two for the price of one. You got a seat and you're a human. No. This is all made up, everybody who's listening. It never happened.
Starting point is 00:07:14 Your rap name would be Lil' Ikea. I don't think so. No, it didn't play. Because you're a piece of furniture, is what I'm saying. You don't even know the difference between a chair and a table. No, I don't. I don't know why piece of furniture, is what I'm saying. You don't even know the difference between a chair and a table. No, I don't. I don't know why. I was trying to do two things at once.
Starting point is 00:07:30 How did you fuck that up? I don't know. There are eight chairs in this room. Did you count the one behind you? Yes. There are eight chairs in this room. Okay. There are four of us.
Starting point is 00:07:41 When we leave, there will be zero of us in here, but still eight chairs. You know one chair equals one prayer i don't think so that's a lot of prayers in the world which we need right now guys i i do think that i do think that there are more chairs now yeah that being said i still don't care you do though i don't really do I don't really. You do. I don't really. I can see it on your face. No, it's just like, it just doesn't matter. I love hypotheticals. All the buses and trains. I love hypotheticals. This one just doesn't do it for me.
Starting point is 00:08:12 Do you count the bench chair modification that lines like a subway? Oh, yeah. Because a chair? I think the better, like if you say, is there how many more seats than people there are in the world? Seats opens it up. Yeah. Chairs, individual chairs is a different story, but I still think it's...
Starting point is 00:08:31 Because everyone, as you noted correctly, everyone's face could eventually be a seat. For what? Okay. Come on. I didn't say you. I don't understand this joke, but Dylan was making it earlier,
Starting point is 00:08:41 so I'm just going with it. That is also very untrue. You're catching strays yeah that's well that's what happened not even strays you're just getting shot speaking of seats at pine house the other day with my mom people were were saving imaginary seats just so people wouldn't sit next to us or sit next to them see there's some people you can't do that no they don't understand that it's community seating talk Talk about catching a stray. If you go to Pine House, especially during a busy time, you're going to be sitting probably closer than you want to a stranger,
Starting point is 00:09:10 next to a stranger. Sure. Or with a pole between your legs. That was me last time we all went. That's my favorite. It's like, what's going on here? It's a flaw in the design. I don't know if they really had much choice.
Starting point is 00:09:21 It's a load-bearing pole, okay? The structural integrity. I thought we weren't doing those jokes structural integrity of the restaurant the structure chill with the load-bearing pole jokes there's there's too much unintentional like perversion i do think if we have one if we have one place in austin that would that could maybe make us a special beer, I think it could be Pine House. Really? I think we could convince them. What would your special beer be?
Starting point is 00:09:51 Dude, they once gave me a free meal there because I forgot my wallet, and he was like, you're good, dude. You're here all the time. No shit. What's your special beer, Will? Give me the break. The cider that we talked about? The Cayman cider?
Starting point is 00:10:02 The one named after reptilian creatures? Crocodilian creatures? Yeah. No, I don don't think the came insider is going to take off but it hard to say zon is my favorite someone's made that it hard to say zon is definitely one of our best it's just like a k it's just a cayman throwing the deuce at his little cayman that being said shouts to age or kj again uh circling bach has legs i like it hard to saison yeah it hard to saison is also good is this is saison i don't i've had like two maybe in my life it's a french uh beer yeah french style we can't pull that on farm workers used to drink it on their breaks circling bach would be tight i don't really want my farm workers drinking on their breaks i do i do if i'm in france i just assume everyone's got a steady buzz.
Starting point is 00:10:47 Our biz dev guy, like, okay, yeah, that's fine. He does that. Thank you. But my farm workers, like, they're out there in the combine and shit. Dude, they're crime boys. Let them have a beer. Like, dude, he fucking was ghost riding the combine. I mean, they're just out there hammering their nails, stacking them bales.
Starting point is 00:11:03 That's how they make corn mazes. Hey, we're 11 minutes into this podcast I think it's probably time to uh to tell people that we have some holiday sweaters that are live on washmedia.com shop if you haven't seen these then you apparently just don't follow us because we've been putting them out there they're hot they're sexy hey can I break some news real quick, Will? Sure. Yesterday. Usually we wait to the end of the episode to do that, but yeah. You're getting too liberal with your entrances here. Yeah, sorry.
Starting point is 00:11:34 Well, this is good news. Yesterday was our biggest merch day of all time. Wow. Wow. Wow. Totally online Tuesday. Extremely online Tuesday. Come on, dude. Hot.
Starting point is 00:11:43 T-O-T-O. I'm bad. It's okay Tuesday. Come on, dude. T-O-T-O. I'm bad. It's okay. It's still an adjective. You're just mixing everything up today, but that's fine. Yeah. So thank you. You're like Verlander in every first inning he's ever had.
Starting point is 00:11:56 Shouts to Becker. Go straight now and finish strong. Shouts to Becker, Nick Mardakis. I don't know how to fucking say it. Did you crush that, Dylan? For being our extremely online Tuesday player Player of the Week for his order. You know what? Let me say this.
Starting point is 00:12:10 He's got four sweatshirts, David. There's still time to beat him. Yeah. If you order five, you might get a backie at the end of the year. We will shout you out, and I will mess up your last name as well. If you order five and prove it to me, I won't FaceTime you, but I will send you a recorded message thanking you. Wow.
Starting point is 00:12:28 I'll do it. Yeah, we'll do. We'll do a cameo for you if you buy five sweatshirts. Free of charge. Free cameo. All you have to do is buy five sweatshirts. It's completely free. Yep.
Starting point is 00:12:41 No cost. Just five sweatshirts. Also, make sure to send your stories to worstofatwatchmedia.com. This next week, we're doing holiday travel. Worstofatwatchmedia.com. It's all live on Patreon. Last two episodes went harder than I can really describe right now. That was the best one we've done.
Starting point is 00:13:01 That was fun. I think Thanksgiving was up there. It was. But yesterday, maybe it. That was fun. I was, I'm still, I think Thanksgiving was up there. It was. But yesterday was just, maybe it was just because it was dumb comedy, but there was just a lot of us off mic laughing. Yeah. Yeah. If you like that, then you'll love it.
Starting point is 00:13:14 If you like people who like banging in fridges, beer fridges specifically. Really cargo containers. Ted coolers. Yeah. I can't get over. I was thinking this in the bathroom earlier when I was uh taking a tank uh that dude who just vomited i'm not going to give the entire story away but like you know most people like they have one embarrassing vomit and then they go home that's it i mean it was like seven for this one dude i know he vomited in the worst places he
Starting point is 00:13:38 could have i know someone who when they puke they can't stop puking when they're drinking and i cannot be more thankful that i'm not that person like what do you what do you mean can't stop like it's not like you puke like if i puke when i'm drinking which i haven't done in a really long time i will only puke like a couple times just to get it out and then i'm good for the rest of the night but i know some like i know someone that he just when he starts yeah the floodgates are open and he needs to dedicate the next two hours to being in a bathroom because it might just flare up. That's like Dylan when he's drinking with cigarettes.
Starting point is 00:14:10 He just chain blasts. Can't stop blasting heaters. That's not accurate at all. To be honest, I wish that was accurate. You wish I was a chain smoker? Just when you're drinking. I do. Don't make a chain smoker joke.
Starting point is 00:14:23 Please don't. Yeah. To be honest, they get hella streams on spotify so yeah it would be really nice i was addicted to smoking is what you're trying to say no just when you're drinking oh yeah yeah i kind of missed those days it was fun man it was a good ride did you actually chain smoke where you would light your night cigarette no no i had no he would light his cigarettes with the tail and the tail. I would drink. I would have like two, maybe three cigarettes. That was it. Spread out.
Starting point is 00:14:49 We used to actually chain smoke on my buddy's boat where we would light the next cigarette with. You shouldn't do that. That's trash. I mean, used to. We did it one day in one summer when we were like 18. We thought we were the coolest fucking people in the lake. You felt great. You were just flicking your butts into the lake in the togs?
Starting point is 00:15:06 Yep. Did y'all see the Jack Nicholson photos from his vacation? What a king. He's got his head just popped out of the lake with a sig blast. It's a great photo. It's a great photo. It is really good. Is it better than the McConaughey lake photo with Woody Harrelson?
Starting point is 00:15:22 It's a tough one. Because that's a one-two punch yes it's better nicholson better than mcconaughey i agree i haven't seen the nicholson ones he's like stuffing his face with a hoagie or some shit i have a major issue with woody harrelson right now and it's that he's not a good joe biden on snl and i'm worried that we're going to have him being joe biden for the why are you still watching snl you need this up. You need to watch this last... The Will Ferrell episode was absolutely hilarious. And they had special guests from everywhere.
Starting point is 00:15:49 If you haven't watched it, you would... It didn't go viral. Yes, it did. I didn't see the virality. Well, you missed it. Show me the virality. It's because you were extremely offline Dave over Thanksgiving. What was it?
Starting point is 00:15:57 Saturday night? I don't know when it actually was. It might have been the week before. But I'm not kidding. Like, they had some big hitters on this episode. Oh, I know what was happening. I was bathing Randy when it big hitters on this episode i know i was bathing randy it when it was on like no joke i was bathing randy at midnight because he he went and played with the news dog barb and just got wild he got dirty as hell yeah i took rosie on a long walk
Starting point is 00:16:19 on the beach and she got into some mud and some sand and everything like that so i had to i had to rinse her off in my parents uh basement bathroom, which wasn't ideal. You've been having some randy dirty issues lately. Dog bathing is the worst. It's terrible for your lower back. You're in like an awkward position crouched over. You're going to get wet. You're going to have to take a shower.
Starting point is 00:16:37 My forehead always gets the beads of sweat on it. Yeah. It's not fun. Brett, this is something you need to think about. I know you're considering becoming a dog owner. I am. The apartment complex I'm at has one of those elevated dog washer stations. We have one of those, too.
Starting point is 00:16:52 So your dog can be pretty much eye level, which I like. So I'm going to take that into consideration. Plus, you have turf, Will. Do you have turf? Do you have a dog park at your place scott's turf builder uh no i have uh i do yeah i do have a dog park it's not turf turf the turf thing really saves your ass well oh very much i'm very thankful for the turf i didn't know we have we have a bocce ball court at my place in the other courtyard yeah i was actually in a league
Starting point is 00:17:18 how'd you do uh first place two years in a row bocce ball stinks it's it's more fun in theory when you get out there you're like man this kind of are you serious yeah my team was the hibachi boys okay i stood nice but we were the that the way you're talking about bocce right now is how someone who sucks at bocce would talk about i'm incredible at bocce it's just not that fun yes it is all right you're not playing with the right crew because it's a crew game. That could be fair. Yeah. I'm out there just chatting.
Starting point is 00:17:53 So we had a bocce set at the fraternity house. Dylan, you probably remember this. Oh, I used to play. Well, by the time I got there, which was like 10 years after Dylan. One semester. We still had the bocce set, but it was like one of those things where people are like, yeah, we're going to come by the house.
Starting point is 00:18:11 We're going to play bocce. You'd get like a quarter of a game in, and then people got distracted. Next thing you know, people were just drinking on the porch. Oh, you know why? No one ever finished. Because it got really dangerous. People would take those big-ass bocce balls
Starting point is 00:18:22 and start throwing them over the roof. Yeah. Oh, my God. Like bombing each other? Well, we hope no one's on the other side. Oh. We had like a back deck, and these things would just become crashing down over the house.
Starting point is 00:18:35 Dude, you're going to kill somebody. You can't do that. So it got dangerous. We started throwing them against the house and shit. I don't know how that house is still standing, by the way. It may not be. Yeah. Anyway, by the way. It may not be. Yeah. Anyway, it got dangerous.
Starting point is 00:18:48 Yeah, I mean, throwing bocce balls over a house onto a back deck, can't imagine that's like... We were just chain-smoking heaters in the front yard and had a natty in our hand, you know, and just humming those things.
Starting point is 00:18:58 Natty Ice? Oh, no. Fuck that. We were a natty fraternity. Drink a lot of it. What were you, dude? We were, man. Sorry, tis the season.
Starting point is 00:19:11 To what? Hey, Dylan, can you intro us to this next segment? What's the next segment? Oh, wait, which one? Which one? Okay, fine. I'll just do it. New sponsor alert. New sponsor alert new sponsor alert fuck this up sorry i thought you were talking about the asmr segment whatever i was thinking
Starting point is 00:19:32 the same thing thank you thank you sorry wow just chill out i get it's not every day i get to can i ask you guys an honest question please how are you supposed to know what to do with your money do you know i ask myself that. I don't discuss my finances publicly. That's fair. Very few of us are exposed to meaningful advice on how to manage our finances. Even fewer have the means to get professional financial guidance. I know I do. Betterment is a platform that was built to do something radical, to give accessible financial advice that puts you first. If you're like most Americans, your money is probably sitting in a savings account, likely earning next to nothing.
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Starting point is 00:20:46 Give your money a new home with Betterment. Peace of mind included. Download the Betterment app today. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-M-E-N-T for the Betterment of you. Hang on. Wow. I'm looking for it.
Starting point is 00:21:01 I'm having a little trouble. Can't find the Betterment. Dude, mash that. Oh, I got it. Mash that download button. Oh my I'm looking for it. I'm having a little trouble. Can't find a better mint. Dude, mash that. Oh, no, I got it. Mash that download button. Oh, my God. I found it. I found that.
Starting point is 00:21:13 Wow. Wow. Hopefully they like that one. That's good. That guy who left that one-star review is right. Yeah. Hey, Dave, I just got an email. So did you. Is it it from is it tables no it's not good because that would mean someone's listening in the studio right now oh i oh buddy i likey
Starting point is 00:21:36 i likey i haven't even read i'm not gonna read the substance i'm looking at the guy's signature and i like what i'm seeing oh yeah why why would y'all get this but not with me let me just say this let me just say this i'm not gonna give the guy's name his name I like what I'm seeing. Oh, yeah. Why would y'all get this, but not me and Will? Let me just say this. Let me just say this. I'm not going to give the guy's name. His name's Luke. I'm not going to give his last name. Luke Bryan? Account executive.
Starting point is 00:21:52 New business development. Brett. Dallas Stars Hockey Club. Subject line is Stars versus Sabres. It's out. Sabres. Let's go. Buffalo. How many ticks, though? sabers. It's out. Sabes. Let's go. How many ticks, though?
Starting point is 00:22:08 Probably two. Oh, whatever. Well, Brett's not going. Maybe you can kick Brett out. Luke, you're canceled. Dude, we have to go develop business. No, Luke's canceled. Yeah, imagine we get a suite and we just invite Dallas business owners.
Starting point is 00:22:21 Dude, Cubes is up there. Probably will be. Dude, hell yeah. This is like the time Dylan got to go to the, Cubes is up there. Probably will be. Dude, hell yeah. This is like the time Dylan got to go to the Masters. It is. Hey Luke, we're serious about coming to the game.
Starting point is 00:22:30 Except it's Star Sabres. Dude, Dylan's just hanging from the rim by his elbow right now just loving himself. I'm sorry guys. Luke, man.
Starting point is 00:22:43 Luke, first of all, it's clear he doesn't want to go. Yeah, dude, Dylan, you can go hang out. I guess we've got Luke, man. Luke, first of all, hey. It's clear who doesn't want to go. Dude, Dylan, you can go hang out. I guess we've got the odd man out. Thanks for listening, Luke. Yeah, Dylan will be at Bottle Blonde. I'm just kidding, Luke.
Starting point is 00:22:55 Whatever the email says, that's very nice of you to send that to these guys. Yeah, Luke, if you can hook Dylan up with Bottle Blonde tickets that same night, he can just go there and we'll be at the game. Yeah, that'd be great. He's there on the weekend anyway. Fucking party animal being a chair, right?
Starting point is 00:23:09 I don't think that's accurate. Anyway. Hey, I went and got my tea checked yesterday. That's what I heard, man. How'd it go? It didn't go well. It didn't go well. You didn't actually get a check though so okay so just to be clear our our my current health insurance which is the most trash plan of all time
Starting point is 00:23:32 because it's what i got i don't know when we started the company it was like all right let's get the cheapest insurance i can possibly get it doesn't cover the cost of this and i was like that's fine dylan told me to pay out of pocket. I went to the same place you went. My appointment was at 2.15 in the afternoon. I walk in. I fill out a stack of paperwork that is just enormous. I couldn't believe it. And I'm left-handed.
Starting point is 00:23:54 So like writing on a clipboard is nearly impossible for your boy. What's different about it? Oh, there's nowhere to rest your hands. There's nowhere to rest your hand. Why don't you just learn to write with your right yeah dumbass i'm probably better at writing with my right than most people are writing with their left i just can't do it i can i'm pretty oppo um but so i pay the i pay the 150 and i'm like oh whatever it's worth it this is content it's gonna go great i walk in and the nurse was like so why are you why are you here what are
Starting point is 00:24:23 your concerns and i was like i don't really have any concerns i just kind of i have my co-workers and they got theirs checked and i just think i should get mine checked too and she was just very confused and so i was like uh i was like okay maybe so you got to go in and you got to go heavy on that man i'm just tired lethargic don't have the energy i used to uh not seeing the gains in the gym you got it's like when you go get like an adderall prescription from like your psychiatrist or whatever yeah you're just like oh i just can't focus focus dude i'm like i'm slipping in school blah blah blah they're like dude you're 35 sex drive thing a little bit play that angle all right well so that's part of it she quizzed me on it and at the end of it i was like honestly i just want to get a check just to
Starting point is 00:25:03 know it's it's so you just you you fold it is what happened like you like a chair no no she was fine with it though she was fine with it she wasn't like she wasn't like confused or like you folded like a dylan what's going on in this podcast so you did the you were you were well so the guy comes in the guy so the doctor comes in and he's like he starts asking me questions he's like how's your energy i'm like pretty good he's like how are you sleeping well he's like yeah very restful and then he was like and then so then i was like okay maybe i need to throw something in there he's like how's your libido and i was like you know what i could use a little bit more let's get it going so this guy's got you pegged
Starting point is 00:25:47 in his head he's thinking like oh this guy just wants to fuck like that's all this dude well so he kind of started laughing when i told him like about how you guys got yours checked and he was like okay that's fine and he was like we started going through everything else and then he was like okay i'm gonna i'm gonna do uh whatever like a a routine check on you and i was like oh okay so he's like lift up your shirt and he starts like pressing on like my stomach and stuff and then he's like drop your pants and i was like i didn't know i had to do this and then like the only thing i cared about was like please do not put your finger in my butt right now well he no he would prepare you for that i was just having a bad butt day you know i just didn't need that no day is a good butt day yeah
Starting point is 00:26:21 and uh when it was all said and done he was like yeah so i don't think you need anything and i was like okay i was like but i'd really like to get it checked just to know he's like okay i'll get you a lab order for it he's like but you can't do it right now because it's it's the afternoon and you have to do it in the morning when your your testosterone resets after waking up between 8 and 10 in the morning i was never told that let me just be clear well then i was like i was like so why did you have me schedule an appointment at 2 15 in the afternoon if you can't check it like i was very clear about what i needed done when i called and made this appointment so now i just have this order slip that they don't even want me to use what but still use it do you still want me to turn down your business i don't understand this like no i was like dude just prick my finger and
Starting point is 00:27:00 tell me i've you know what it is i think okay so with the emergence of like men's clinics and tea clinics that are basically one-stop shops for like washed dudes in their 40s wearing like affliction who want to look jacked in like addison texas i know it's very specific but it's right and frank thomas um the big hurt uh they have they're like trying to like not get caught up in it there's a lot they get a lot of people off the street who want to come in and they're looking for like a shortcut for gains should i've told them straight up like hey i'm not trying to not get caught up in it. They get a lot of people off the street who want to come in, and they're looking for a shortcut for gains. Should I have told them straight up, like, hey, I'm not trying to get any meds. I'm just trying to get a score.
Starting point is 00:27:30 You should have just gone in and said, look, man, energy levels are low, not sleeping great. I just feel like I'm dragging, and I don't know why. I'm eating well, blah, blah, blah. Dude, I'm honest Abe, man. I cannot tell a lie you just had to check one of the boxes and you checked zero of the boxes
Starting point is 00:27:48 he was just like in his head he's like just fucking say it just say it and you didn't say it yeah you didn't mention the search drive stuff at all no that's the one thing that I was like I was like okay I could bend on this a little bit and so I was like yeah I was like eh
Starting point is 00:28:03 but he could tell in my eyes that like you're full of shit i didn't think it was a crime to like go in and just like no it's not but you got the order form so use it yeah true it's not like all right i'll use it it's 35 to get it done oh hell yeah i'll do it dude expense it catch me at it catch me at a place okay dave said it dave said i don't know about dave said it so i can do it well i wasn't supposed to expense the 150 yesterday either no i don't think i expensed my knee surgery i'll tell you all about that i got my knee cleaned out you probably should have told us about that the meniscus gun yeah how much was it uh fifteen thousand dollars you just charge it because i had stayed overnight in the hospital okay just for
Starting point is 00:28:42 like shits and gigs that morphine drip just chilling damn just fucking doing shit going live i must have missed all this yeah it was a while back like how how far back i months okay many what check did he perform on you when he pulled your pants down like how do you check for t well he's just a physical he knew that i had a hernia surgery so he he felt that he's like oh i he's like yep there and then he just he just kind of felt around my balls he does which is i don't hate looks the other way and he's i don't hate yeah he made me cough and everything but i don't hate that because like you gotta you gotta check your no that's smart you gotta check your balls
Starting point is 00:29:18 every once in a while and i don't know what's remember tom green so yeah it was yeah exactly it was nice to know that i'm in the clear on that front as well. What happened to Tom Green? He got testicular cancer and he made content out of it. That guy was a content machine back in the day. Remember My Bum is on the Wall? Dude, that was the number one song on TRL for like two weeks.
Starting point is 00:29:43 I'm going to go back and revisit it and see if it holds up. You've got to think it holds up. He really crushed it in a Total Frat movie, too. Oh, yeah. What was his role in that? Was he like the headmaster or something? I think he was a dean. I never saw that movie.
Starting point is 00:29:56 Was it good? No, Dylan was that. Let's move on. Total Frat movie. People forget. Hey, no judgment. The funniest thing Tom Green ever did was paint his dad's car. Do we have any guesses what the audience score on Rotten Tomatoes for Total Frat Movie was?
Starting point is 00:30:17 I'll say 25%. I didn't know it was actually made. Yeah. I'm glad that you didn't know. 3%. It's surprisingly high what 52 whoa that's crazy that being said the critics consensus is not there yet because they don't have enough reviews to to do it so that's that's difficult go leave a review five stars yeah if you're a professional critic please do a write-up of this on your esteemed site no the funniest thing tom green ever did was paint his dad's uh car into the slut mobile
Starting point is 00:30:51 as he dubbed it and that was all time it was like episode one or two and his dad had to go to work and then instead of taking it he walked to the bus stop and tom went to tom got in the slut mobile and went to pick his dad up at the bus stop. Hey, my favorite thing in the credits for the movie is one of the main characters, the actor, his name is Steven Yaffe. His credit is him as John Douche-Nausel MacGyver. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Dylan, weren't you supposed to be in that movie? No. You were supposed to be Douche-Nausel, weren't you? Didn't they toy with you being in that? Actually, every actor in that movie is Canadian. A little fun fact. Are there tax breaks for doing Canadian movies or something? And it was filmed in Canada.
Starting point is 00:31:40 Oh, yeah. So you're going full-time. Dude, that's NF. It's very NF, yeah. Canadians are kind of frat, though. They just do outdoor stuff and drink beer. I did not write it, yeah. So you're going full touch. Dude, that's NF. It's very NF, yeah. Huh. Canadians are kind of frat, though. They just do outdoor stuff and drink beer. I did not ride it, no.
Starting point is 00:31:50 No. I had nothing to do with anything. Is Canada one big frat? I was totally hands off of the movie. Really? Oh, yeah. I mean, wasn't that, like, honest question, wasn't that Pete Dorn? Like, that era?
Starting point is 00:32:02 Not really. It was tail end Dorn. It's kind of fucked up they didn't have you do a cameo they like actually hired like writers and shit really yeah that one's being i say they it was the look they just like bought the naming rights from us basically i say us grand x being very humble oh no you know how like you know whatever he's about to say is 100 the second dave said you were being humble he said it the first time you disregarded it dave looked over at me with this look in his eyes like he's about to say is 100% bullshit. The second Dave said you were being humble, he said it the first time and you disregarded it.
Starting point is 00:32:28 Dave looked over at me with this look in his eyes like, I'm about to railroad Dylan. You know, like in Hollywood, when they do a military movie, they bring in people who are like SEALs or something. You need the insider knowledge. And they're just there like, no, actually, this is how we kick in a door. They brought Dylan in as the frat consultant. And Dylan was just there, arms crossed, like, no, actually, this is how we kick in a door. They brought Dylan in as the frat consultant. And Dylan was just there, arms crossed, like, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:32:50 That wasn't fratty enough. See, what I would have done, what I think is more realistic, is if you took the beer, you pounded it over your head, ripped it in half, and then poured it in your face. But did it at the same time just to show them. Yeah, and then hit a line right after. Of course, none of this actually happened. And you were paid a handsome sum.
Starting point is 00:33:07 No, I was paid zero dollars. I had no relation to the movie whatsoever. Did you get royalties on the success of the movie? Me? Yeah. No. Of course not. Well, you were the consultant. Well, no, I wasn't.
Starting point is 00:33:18 That's the thing. People are forgetting here. Dorne's frat camp needs to happen. I don't care. It's not. I don't care how far the movie went. Let us make that movie. Do it with someone else, not with me.
Starting point is 00:33:28 You wouldn't John Root in somebody? Like X's and O's? No. If you asked me 10 years ago, maybe. What if Tostitos sponsored it? If I could go back in time, I would make this video with you and J-Bone when he was an intern, and it would have been hilarious. It would have been funny at the time, yes. But we'll do it now with J-Bone when he was an intern, and it would have been hilarious. It would have been funny at the time, yes.
Starting point is 00:33:47 But we'll do it now with J-Bone, too. That's fine as well. J-Bone's like, how old is he now? I don't know. He's got to be 30. J-Bone is hosting make-your-own-pasta parties at his apartment, so he's that amount old.
Starting point is 00:34:04 Is he really? Yeah, I don't think he's going to. I didn't catch an invite to it. Thank you, J-Bone. That's such a J-Bone thing. That's why he missed our meetup, because he was holding a pasta party. Really? Come on.
Starting point is 00:34:14 Sounds kind of lit, honestly. Oh, it sounds like a good time. I'm getting old enough to the point where I'm like, you know what? That sounds great. That sounds very good. I would do that. Make your own pasta party. How do you make pasta?
Starting point is 00:34:23 Just flour and water, man. Flour and water. For real? Yeah. And you roll make pasta? Just flour and water, man. Flour and water. For real? Yeah. And you roll it out. It's not worth it. Just buy this stuff at Central Market. Yeah, I love mine.
Starting point is 00:34:33 Yours probably sucks. I don't think it does. I had tortellinis last night. You know why? Brett, the water down here is different. Oh, yeah? You need that New York water. Yeah, that's how they make their good bagels, man.
Starting point is 00:34:44 Yeah. Yeah. It's the water. What's your stance on the bagel? Everything bagel? No, no, no. Like New York versus everywhere else? We've gotten in many fights about bagels versus breakfast taco,
Starting point is 00:34:58 which is hard to compare, but what's a better breakfast item? A better breakfast sandwich building like a better meal is going to be the bagel right like a bacon egg and cheese on everything bagel toasted is about the best thing you can do for breakfast guy from new york's gonna say that just granted from the toe i do enjoy stop calling it the totes not the toes that's what people call you're from thees. That's what people call it. You're from the totes. That's what people call it, dude. Oh, my God. Totes, totes, totes.
Starting point is 00:35:27 Go on. Sorry. Breakfast tacos have made an impact on my life. They're good. I like them. They'll put a little impact on that waistline, too, if you're not careful, man. What kills me about the breakfast taco bagel conversation is that I now wake up craving breakfast tacos if I'm hungover or something,
Starting point is 00:35:45 as opposed to former me, who's a bagel guy. So I'm transforming. But I think that's... I'm a product of the environment. Bagels down here, they don't hit the same. Dude, now I'm craving a bagel. There's a bagel place around the corner
Starting point is 00:36:00 from our new office. It's not like... Brugger's? Brugger's is good. Hold on. Brugger's bagel. It is good? good i've never had it but it looks like it would be good they have they have good sandwiches there yeah if you want to do just a chain bagel situation brugers is is up there right by our better than einstein's see here's the problem so when we originally did this discussion i'm not gonna speak for dylan but uh this is one time I won't speak for Dylan.
Starting point is 00:36:27 No, my experience with bagels was just like staying at like a Holiday Inn and going down to the breakfast buffet. And there's just like a bagel sitting out for like seven hours. Yeah. And it's trash. Yeah. And you like, yeah, I'm like doing the Philly cream cheese or whatever. And I'm just eating it and I'm just dying inside and looking like, I guess I'll eat some cereal too. So that's my experience with bagels. It's like, it tastes
Starting point is 00:36:48 like you're eating like a, like a tarp almost. It's gross. Oh dude, it's like eating a Cole Haan driving loafer. Yes, that's, yeah. I had to land the plane there for a second. But less tasteful. Do you want a bagel take that no one saw coming from your boy? Yes. I don't like lox
Starting point is 00:37:04 on my bagels. No, I'm with you. They always overdo it. I don't need lox on my bagels no i'm with you they always overdo it i don't need that much smoked salmon in one sitting yeah you're not you're not you're not wrong they're they're it's good i they load up the lox though it's so much chive cream cheese i just you got capers going to there's just a lot in play i like it what how do you do your eggs on a bagel or or just in general i've never actually like made my own is that what you're saying or like how do i order it how would you order it i just go over medium across the board with my eggs so okay is that less yolky less runny it's it's um yeah because i'm an over easy boy yeah that's too running is that dangerous too running i'm over easy too dave okay or fried Less runny? It's, yeah. Because I'm an over-easy boy. Yeah, that's too runny for me. Is that dangerous?
Starting point is 00:37:47 Too runny for me. I'm over-easy too, Dave. Okay. Or fried. Cool. I've never ordered a bagel that required me to say how I want my eggs. Really? Dude, I've done bagels wrong.
Starting point is 00:37:59 I'm telling you. Man, I don't even know. You need to spend more time up in western new york dave i know when we do saratoga at some point we'll have to do togs does paradox do bagels no they do uh nachos though sick do they make their saison uh because they're about it hard to say they are about to i don't think they do small batch dude come on make it happen we could i mean i have a uh a blueberry wheat that's getting made next year in my name is it called the brett what's it called well you can't call it a brett because a brett is
Starting point is 00:38:36 a style of uh beer so i just get to name it when it's done call it the brent what are you gonna call it togs what kind what kind of style of beer is a brett uh it's name it when it's done. We'll call it the Brent. What are you going to call it? Togues? What kind of style of beer is a Brett? It's a German one. It's like an extremely white weed ale with like just making calls in the office. I don't think beer can do that. If I ever prop my feet up. Tinker Red Bull? Oh.
Starting point is 00:38:59 Don't say that. Living the dream. I don't say that. That's you on the call. I've listened. Have I ever said living the dream on a call? I don't know. You tell me, dream. I don't say that. That's you on the call. I've listened. Have I ever said living the dream on a call? I don't know. You tell me, man.
Starting point is 00:39:09 I don't think. Maybe with Pitch Greg. When I called Dave, your old boss, and asked for a performance review. Yeah. Just as a reference. He was telling me all that. Okay. He's probably a good one to get it from.
Starting point is 00:39:20 Yeah. Yeah. I was on the phone with him for like two hours. Yeah. That's wild. I don't know where we were. Oh, Brett Beer.'t know what it is it's a german beer i think it's spelled the same as your name yes did your dad name you that for a reason no it was george brett really yeah nolan ryan for my middle name really really yeah george brett nolan ryan
Starting point is 00:39:41 and then merriman i just kind of got stuck with. Oh, man, that sucks. What was your dad's ball team growing up? Orioles. I'm going to start calling you Cal. He was the Orioles because their AAA team was in Rochester, New York. And those guys didn't play for the Orioles. No, they didn't. But his is...
Starting point is 00:40:00 All right, Dylan. I wish he would have named you Miguel. For who? Miguel Tejada no I was he was he was after my birth time
Starting point is 00:40:11 oh that's right how's it not go with Cal yeah I think Cal was on the list I just don't think did your dad have any takes on on
Starting point is 00:40:19 Cal Ripken's streak and how it was probably not can I say something about Cal Ripken that might really hurt some feelings around here? You probably won't. I feel like as far as important sports moments and trends and records,
Starting point is 00:40:35 his has the least swag. Why? Just showing up. Yeah. Yeah, cutting class is tight. He did it 2,000 times, though. I know. Yeah, except for one
Starting point is 00:40:45 when they had the power go out in the stadium or whatever to save his streak like he never like held out for a contract or anything like that which is just like dude what give me swag one time it's like ryan zimmerman's doing right now he's just like he's like i'm either gonna golf or play for the nationals i don't care what you pay me if it's like 1.3 million dollars just sign me up for either way yeah mr national weren't you a big lance berkman guy hated one of the worst rangers acquisitions of all hated lands by the way i thought he was in houston for he was he did like a quarter of a season with the rangers got it terrible terrible team just bad got to think, when Houston was tried now, like Biggio, Bagwell, Berkman, and Clemens, right? And he petted.
Starting point is 00:41:30 They never won anything, right? They didn't have the center field cameras installed then. They weren't yet cheating. That's what they've said. Oh, okay. Got it. Have you guys heard the... I mean, do you guys know the rumor about Cal Rifkin and Kevin Costner?
Starting point is 00:41:45 No. What? They love each other. Wait a minute. Snopes says it's incorrect. Okay. Snopes says, no, this did not happen. Snopes gets down to the bottom of everything.
Starting point is 00:41:53 Do you want me to read this, though? Yeah. Because there was a game where there was a power outage that delayed the game, and it was apparently because of something Cal Ripken did. So it says, Cal Ripken Jr. was allowing Kevin Costner, the actor, to stay at his house following the rap of The Postman. One day, Ripken left for Camden Yards to play in a game. Somewhere between his home and the stadium, Cal realized that he had left something back at his house and he turned back to retrieve it. Upon arriving at his home, he found Kevin Costner in bed with his wife, Kelly. Cal then proceeded to beat the crap out of Costner
Starting point is 00:42:20 to the point that Costner was unable to make any publicity opportunities for a time. Cal then called the Orioles and told them he wouldn't be coming into play that day. Upon hearing this, Yeah, he probably knows. Oh, no doy. so there went the streak. Reportedly, the owner told him not to worry because he would take care of it. That night, the game was canceled due to electrical failure with some lights on the field. The caller said that there was no problem with the lights and everything else, including the hotels and restaurants
Starting point is 00:42:53 that are all part of Camden Yards and they all worked perfectly. The next day, the lights were fixed, Cal was able to play, and the streak stayed intact. Damn. But Snow said no. Gotta tell you,
Starting point is 00:43:04 I did not think that's where that rumor was going i thought it was going to go a different direction there's a lot of words justifying what happened here and it almost puts out they're over they're over compensating i think cal did it i think cal beat the fuck out of costner kevin costner is not a big dude hard to say no i've never met him i've only been in the field of dreams so i can't speak to that i'm taking cal on that scrap every time yeah dude oh like grizzled ball player yeah oh yeah you're taking a professional athlete over an actor crazy well he's a professional baseball player yeah slow down on the athlete deal okay he's an athlete
Starting point is 00:43:42 can we talk about harry's real quick yeah this is for the mommies out there are you guys ready for this this is for the mommies go get that tink off dave i'm gonna ask a rhetorical question to all the ladies what guy in your life are you shopping for this holiday season you may have a dad a brother an uncle maybe a boyfriend maybe a fiance maybe a husband even i mean these these guys they always get these dull, cliche gifts like socks, walls, and ties. You got to give them something they're actually going to use on a daily basis. Harry's.
Starting point is 00:44:11 A good quality razor is a game changer to have a good quality razor. Do you remember the holiday package we got from Harry's last year? Oh my God. Just a stunning package. It was so immaculate. We got it for free. It was so immaculate that I almost just re-gifted it because I was like, this is an amazing gift for somebody.
Starting point is 00:44:26 You couldn't let it go. I couldn't, dude. The second I opened it, I was like, oh, floodgates are open. I feel that. I mean, this is a practical gift that all guys will use. They make a sharp blade that will last. They have German-engineered and award-winning razors. They're backed by a 100% quality guarantee.
Starting point is 00:44:41 So if he doesn't love the shave, you get a full refund. It's a great deal for not just you but for him as well the holiday sets start at just 20 and that's within secret santa limits i don't know how you guys are doing secret santa 20 is pretty standard these days right yeah boom it comes in a ready to gift holiday gift box and if it's anything like last year's i can tell you guys, it goes hard. And your gift gives back 1% of each sale is donated to charitable organizations.
Starting point is 00:45:10 As a special offer for fans of the show, we've partnered with Harry's to give you $5 off any shave set, including their limited edition holiday sets when you go to harrys.com slash circling back. Plus you get free shipping. Each Harry's shaving set
Starting point is 00:45:23 comes with a weighted handle with an option to engrave. No one's getting engraved razors off these days. Five blade razor cartridges, foaming gel for that rich lather travel cover to protect your blades and packaged in a handsome holiday box. Free shipping does end December 16th.
Starting point is 00:45:39 So act now, just go to harrys.com slash circling back. That's harrys.com slash circling back. That's harrys.com slash circling back. We need to do a Secret Santa, I think. I agree. I agree. Okay. Should we do it now and then get the gifts at the Christmas party?
Starting point is 00:45:56 Why don't we do... For the Merriman Christmas cocktail? No, I'm not ready for that. I don't want to carry the gift around. Because we have to get a custom gift. We have to get something customized or something. Calm down, Brett. I don't make the rules here.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Dave, did I ever cash in on my last Secret Santa gift with you? No, you didn't. Wait, wait, wait. You owe me a burger, then. Pool burger? I think you did. I might have. I might have.
Starting point is 00:46:13 I kind of remember sitting there with you. Yeah. We haven't been there in forever. Hey, did you guys hear the news? Dorn was horny on the timeline. Okay. I wasn't horny on the timeline. On the TL?
Starting point is 00:46:25 I was just pointing out, I was making an observation about the young lady that sent me in a video. That's all I was doing. Okay, so when I put out this episode, I will call this, was Dorn horny on the timeline? I won't make the proclamation that you were. I appreciate that. We'll let the people decide. Thank you. Do you want to explain what happened?
Starting point is 00:46:40 Yeah, so as most of you are probably aware, there's a little bit that i have going on on social media where people will send me pictures of their christmas trees and ask for a rating been doing it for a few years now um but uh occasionally i will get a video and i got one was it last two nights ago two nights ago i got a video from monday night because i spent yesterday trying to figure out why you deleted your tweet yeah Yeah, two nights ago, a young lady sent me a video and she provided a little commentary. It's a video of her tree. She provided some commentary and was basically just saying, isn't this like a beautiful tree, basically. And she just had a, just a very, something like she could be an ASMR person. Just say it. It was sultry.
Starting point is 00:47:25 It was sultry. It was seductive and it was, you know, we're about to play it. Dude, you're all flustered right now. No, I'm not. You're all flustered. I don't know how to describe it without sounding like a perv. Listen to you. And I wasn't horny.
Starting point is 00:47:37 Why don't we just play it for the folks at home and we'll let them decide whether or not it was sultry or not. Listen to the voice, people. Okay. You guys ready? I'm mashing that play button. So this is our Christmas tree. All antique and or handmade.
Starting point is 00:47:54 Beautiful homemade Dallas Cowboys ornament. Me in the fifth grade. Among all these other little gems. It's just the most beautiful Christmas tree, in my opinion. Probably in yours too. Okay. Okay, tell me I'm wrong.
Starting point is 00:48:15 Tell me I'm wrong about that. You can't. You can't. A billion subscribers is a lot. Okay, that was a joke. A little exaggeration there. That happens on the T.E.L. Like Trace Colmas. Okay, that was a joke. A little exaggeration there. That happens on the TL. Like Trace Comas.
Starting point is 00:48:27 Yeah, a Billy. But am I wrong? It was sultry, Dylan. Quite. Why'd you delete the tweet? Because people were saying I was horny on the TL, which is untrue. I was just making a very obvious observation. That voice, man. just making a very obvious observation that voice man y'all y'all want to say stuff but you can't
Starting point is 00:48:51 you don't want to get in trouble i don't know what you're talking about no i've told you it's it's it's sultry it's just very much so i wouldn't i wouldn't have deleted the tweet that that shows that shows wrongdoing no i just i was tired of people just saying i was horny on the on the timeline i wasn't but people were saying I was horny on the timeline. I wasn't. But people are going to say it either way. There's screenshots of this. Okay, but it quieted.
Starting point is 00:49:14 It was effective. The delete worked. I'm going to send you one of the wreaths that I bought last night, and I'm going to do a sultry voice for you and have you rate my wreath. Okay. She was borderline crystal from Bachelor. Oh, look at this Christmas tree. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:28 Do you like it? I think you'll like it. No. Crystal is annoying. Christmas tree is beautiful. Dylan, what do you think? What's your rating, darn? No, crystal is annoying.
Starting point is 00:49:36 This young lady, I'm not annoyed by her. I'm just pointing out that she had a very sexualized tone to her. Dorn, please rate my Christmas tree. christmas tree oh stop yeah that's i don't yeah man we're an asmr podcast now why not wait till you see my tree bitch posted all right anyway can we stop doing it yeah yeah yeah have you had any good ones come through uh yeah i guess the highest rating you've given this year a 9.2 i think damn but yeah i'm i'm not really rating very many of them anymore because i just get too many i'm a little over it
Starting point is 00:50:23 to be honest tbh but if i see a bomb ass tree come through i'm gonna hit him with a score or a really bad one just so i can rip on it will you rate mine live on saturday live yeah sure man all right yeah you have a full tree yeah real or fake uh fake you ornaments on it i do be funny if he had no ornaments some old bear you not put lights on it like klein oh my god that was disgusting why did he send that with no lights on it i don't know why that's like sending it's like sending a nude when you're like not properly groomed it's like why would you do that like you have to send you're supposed to send your best. Don't send a flaccid.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Or sending a new one with the lighting totally off. Here's my tree with no Christmas lights. It just made no sense. Do I need to put lights on my wreath? If you're trying to go off. Where is this for? It's just in my household. No. I don't really know
Starting point is 00:51:26 what to do with it we have we have two we have one on the front door one on the back the one on the back faces inward i don't decorate for i mean living in an apartment i would do this if i had a house i would decorate the outside of the house but living in an apartment i'm not decorating for the people walking by my apartment so i refuse to put anything on the outside of my apartment i don't want a mat out there and i don't want to read that you don't need that so but i don't know what to do with it it's hanging above our tv because there's a big blank space there and i was like you know what this this a wreath would do well here i'm looking at it and i'm like man i definitely need some lights on this bitch what is the origin of the wreath why is that like uh i got it from central market no no i don't mean like
Starting point is 00:52:05 like not ethiopian like single drip or whatever wreath i bet there's a really cool story about it yeah i'm sure you could write a children's book on this should we put on a children's book yeah we should digital copy only no you know that the world's wreaths are being threatened, right? Why? Global warming. Climate change. The Great Barrier Wreath, it's apparently the algae and shit in it is going away because the water's rising or something. I thought it was suburban white mobs. Oh, maybe that.
Starting point is 00:52:38 Yeah. Alarming rate. Yeah, it's a problem. Do you want the history of the wreath? Sure. alarming rate yeah it's a problem do you want the history of the wreath sure wreaths were designed were a design used in ancient times in southern europe the most well-known pieces of etruscan no clue civilization jewelry made of gold or other precious metals apparently that's where it dates back to greek i would have said like 1500. I wouldn't have gone ancient Greece.
Starting point is 00:53:06 Do you get any Garland though? Will in your apartment? I have a, yes, yes. So we have it. We have some, it was lining.
Starting point is 00:53:15 It was right under our TV, but it was blocking the signal from the remote. Yep. Come on. And so we had to move it. Everyone's had that problem. I had that problem last year. It's shocking.
Starting point is 00:53:26 We just dealt with it last year. And this year I was like, nah, we had to move it. Everyone's had that problem. I had that problem last year. It's shocking. We just dealt with it last year. And this year I was like, no, we can't do it. So we had another area that I decided to use this year. I did the exact same thing. It's really nice to watch a Christmas movie with the garland right underneath it.
Starting point is 00:53:37 Oh, it's the best. We've had Home Alone on like twice this week. Like as I'm cooking dinner. Like I'm like, is that home alone again and of course it is shots of disney plus is it on disney plus is it it's it's on something free on apple tv so i've been i've been watching it like hell of tbs or tnt one of those is showing
Starting point is 00:53:56 it like every night i don't know if i've had this take before but i feel like i at one point on this podcast said that home alone 2 was better than home Alone 1. I could not take a take back faster than I am right now. Home Alone 1 is 100% the superior movie. It's big of you to admit that now. End of story. Yeah. The ambiance of New York City is what a lot of people fall in love with from 2. They forget about like the Central Park scene with the creepy pigeon lady.
Starting point is 00:54:22 Yeah, that was unnecessary. Central Park is way too cool to have just a crazy pigeon lady just doing shit in it. There's never been a crazy pigeon lady in Central Park. She's probably a drug dealer.
Starting point is 00:54:37 Probably. I've never seen Home Alone. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. None of them. Absolutely none of them. Which one are y'all interviewing who hired him our next hire that's what's something we're asking them yeah never seen it and i think i've made it a point to like purposely stay out of the way of it micah kind of he didn't ruin it for me
Starting point is 00:55:00 but he definitely changed the way i watch it now because mike has started explaining to me how they taped it they taped it all from like a lower angle from kevin's perspective so a lot of the scenes are low as if you're kevin but now that i know that i can't stop thinking about i'm like low angle of course mike would be the one to point that out of course he would be two is a fine sequel it just one was just so good and quotable come on your favorites your favorites three isn't it i'd have like jonathan lip nicky in it or something when i was a little kid i kind of looked like macaulay culkin and i used to do the aftershave thing where you slap your face do it ah you that you crushed it brett you don't know it doesn't even know the reference i don't get it it's over his head
Starting point is 00:55:45 what a dumbass you are Brett yeah I think it's a trash movie I've never seen it full or easy on the Pepsi means nothing to you nothing you're an idiot wow
Starting point is 00:55:52 as a kid who wet the bed that was an especially funny quote for me he grew up to be Roman that's crazy now he's a billionaire a lot of people forget about that
Starting point is 00:56:01 now he is like the now he's jerking off on windows. He has the worst lats on TV. Yeah. Just a terrible build. Yeah. It's unfortunate. Do you think his tailor just roasts him behind his back?
Starting point is 00:56:14 Yes. Dylan has just this look of disgust. It's kind of insane. But for me to be disgusted with you, someone who these guys say doesn't didn't have a childhood correct you it it should carry more weight that i'm so disappointed in you it does good good true it's a true look of disgust that i've never seen it's weird move that you've never seen it it's like i i told sally i was like i don't think i can
Starting point is 00:56:41 refute the claim that home alone is the best Christmas movie of all time. Yeah. I don't have any that I will put ahead of it. I'll say that. Me personally. Hey, can I just point this out? The fringe character that teaches him a lesson in Home Alone 1 is so much better than the bird lady. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:03 Because the snow shovel guy. Ends up being just a total gentleman is a total gentleman who doesn't speak to his son for some reason need to know the backstory if you don't tear up at the end when he's when that snow has fallen and kevin's just looking out the window i'm getting chills right now yeah man man well Brett, you have homework to do. Yeah, I'm going to watch Home Alone. I think you should, man. Yes, you are. I think you should.
Starting point is 00:57:28 I've purposely avoided it, so I think I'll finally break on it. Dude, it's Joe Pesci, man. Yeah. Okay. And Marv, dude. Yeah. Is Marv one of the guys that tries to kill Kevin in the house? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:42 Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Is it going to hold up or are you going to be yeah is it gonna hold up or any messed up movie it's classic dude i've watched it twice already i'm not gonna stop either no yeah in my life and try not to think about the fact that like one phone call to the police it will thwart the entire yeah situation okay but he just doesn't want to do that got it okay is there a reason is there a reason for it like does landlines cut or something like that they didn't have cell phones no i think he just straight up like wanted to fuck these huh fuck these guys over also the last thing i'll say about it that joe pesci is impersonating a police officer
Starting point is 00:58:18 in like one of the opening i guess the opening scene and no one really acknowledges him like he's just there and someone's like hey what's up what are you doing here and he's just he's just standing there like oh you know we're just at neighborhood telling people to lock up whatever it's just like what no one's doing like that's not a thing that happens no especially not in a neighborhood like that yeah he was inside of the house and like not it seemed like a lot of people were out of town in that neighborhood the entire neighborhood was out of town no one no not that many people leave town no not in that picturesque neighborhood it's was out of town. Not that many people leave town. No.
Starting point is 00:58:46 Not in that picturesque neighborhood. It's like a perfect neighborhood for Christmas. Why would you leave? You wouldn't leave. I will say that I have seen like the screenshots of the neighborhood
Starting point is 00:58:53 that Home Alone takes place in. I'm sure you have, man. Alright. It's top notch Christmas neighborhood. Yeah. Oh yeah. Top tier.
Starting point is 00:59:00 Top tier. Let's talk about Indochina real quick. Yeah, let's. You people people out there you need to be getting fits off for your holiday parties you can't you can't you can't show up to your first holiday party out of college wearing an untailored suit wearing something that you wear to work no like every dumbass you want to turn heads show you mean business you don't want to be the guy who lacks swag at the Christmas party. You can't dress cocky when you're like one year out of school, but you can do it outside
Starting point is 00:59:30 of work. That's when you get your fits off. Correct. Indochino has found on the belief that you don't need to spend a fortune for a custom wardrobe. These suits fit amazing. I mean, they're tailored to you. Not only are they tailored to you, it's tailored to you at a price that you can afford
Starting point is 00:59:45 they're the world's largest made to measure menswear brand they make suits shirts coats and more and everything is made to your exact measurements for a great fit you get to personalize all the details including your lapel your lining even your own monogram dylan just lets it peek out of the sleeve you know what i'm talking about? Just give them a little taste. Oh, yeah. You went white on white, right? Oh, yeah. That's swag. That is swag. It's classy.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Yep. Subtle flex. They have literally hundreds of suit options for all occasions, including work, or as we said, formal events, even your own wedding. Shouts out to people that are getting married out there. The best part is that they're affordable.
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Starting point is 01:00:54 You really have no excuse anymore. I've got clothing that doesn't fit. Sorry. I've got breaking news. I've decided that after this podcast, I'm going to go to The Bean, and I'm going to get a breakfast taco and some coffee. Wow. Maybe two breakfast tacos.
Starting point is 01:01:06 You know what's crazy? I'm doing the same exact thing. Oh, who would have thought Brett was doing that? Brett just lives at the coffee shop going to the street now. Dylan, what are you going to do?
Starting point is 01:01:12 We'll see. Hard to get. You'll see. Okay. You'll see. You never know. Will's going to not go there again because he hates it.
Starting point is 01:01:22 I don't hate it. I don't hate it. That's my impression of Will not going to the Bean. I don't know. It's just right there. It's just like right it. I don't hate it. That's my impression of Will not going to the Bean. I don't know. It's just right there. I don't want to cross the road. Something about it. Dude, the most annoying part about crossing the road there is that...
Starting point is 01:01:34 You feel like fraud? No, they only have one... They don't have paths on both sides, so you can only do one. You have to cross one the other way, like going away from the restaurant and then cross over and then double back. Or you could be a badass and just cross right across. Frogger it, dog.
Starting point is 01:01:51 How do you know Frogger? You're making Frogger references and you've never seen Home Alone. Correct. Frogger on either PS1 or computer. So you never played the Home Alone video game on like Super Nintendo or anything? Oh yeah. That game sucked. I wask country on super nintendo donkey kong i know what
Starting point is 01:02:10 dk stands for dude i don't know 32 year old man i grew up with donkey i thought it was donna karen i thought you're going metcalf i am i am donkey kong oh i'm not he's not dave what's this thing on twitter i'm seeing that you're uh you're having a christmas light situation yeah so this actually just happened uh i'm texting with the guy who does christmas lights like the installation and all that and i got a quote send some photos of the crib the quote was much higher than i expected how much take a guess what do you think so this includes i own the lights. He buys them. I keep them.
Starting point is 01:02:47 He puts them up and he removes them. Also includes purchase of the lights. Correct. Okay. I'm going to give just an honest estimate, not accounting for the fact that you said it's higher than you thought. I would say $250. You're thinking like i was thinking the quote was 750 plus 100 to remove them so 850
Starting point is 01:03:11 total oh my paying someone 100 to come to my house and take him down wow leave him up all year i'd rather leave him up all year i will be that guy who leaves them up i mean did you did you request like a griswold setup with just everything? No, I didn't even tell them what we wanted. I just sent them a photo. I mean, you've been to my house. It is two stories. It's not crazy.
Starting point is 01:03:34 It's not crazy big. We're not doing... I don't want the sidewalk lined. I just maybe want the tree wrapped and then maybe like the arch that is over our front door. And then over like the garage. I don't know. Something tasteful. maybe like the arch that is over our front door and then over like the garage i don't know something tasteful yeah honestly i could i would love to do it myself but it would involve like getting a
Starting point is 01:03:50 giant ladder and i'm just not i'm not there yet so why don't you bring the squad over we'll put lights on your house no y'all definitely don't want to do i'm out on that all right i'm in big time i'll do a couple ipas put lights up fuck it let's have it i don't think we should mix light light putting up in ipas all right fine we'll do a couple IPAs, put lights up. Fuck it. Let's have a Saturday. I don't think we should mix light putting up and IPAs. All right, fine. We'll do light beers. I don't care. Okay, that's funny.
Starting point is 01:04:09 We'll do hard to say Zons. We're not putting up my lights. I want a cider. I want a crocodilian cider. Do you hear what Dave said is going to be the logo on that thing? Just a gator throwing up a deuce. Okay. With his little gator claw.
Starting point is 01:04:22 Yeah. Somebody's going gonna make that. Oh no, please don't. Make sure it's a real caiman. Gotta be a caiman. Has to be a caiman. The little guys. Yeah. Little gators.
Starting point is 01:04:39 I feel bad that those caimans had to die for your boots. Don't put it like that man oh they're just like they're kind of like they're like the cute reptile i got the boots with the fur though too so yeah you do yeah are you gonna wear your apple bottom jeans to the christmas party i just got them from the dry you're not allowed in my apartment if you have apple bottom jeans on well you're gonna let me in you're gonna turn him away I can literally not let you in. You don't have the key fob, bitch. Damn, dude.
Starting point is 01:05:08 Okay. Yes, I don't know what I'm going to do about this. This is a significant development here. I may just have to go without him. I was the... That's a lot of money. Put him up, man. Put him up yourself. Maybe I'm just going to go with the inflatable thing that blows up
Starting point is 01:05:24 and it's just like a snowman that some kid will inevitably shoot with a pellet gun just make a sunday afternoon out of it put them up we'll do it no we won't we will not i know so out it's so it sucks yeah i don't want to do that i wouldn't want y'all to do it because i know how bad it would suck thank you talking about i was the lights guy at uh I would do our office like the last two years That's different from getting on the ladder out also like yeah like I Don't remember seeing any photos where I was like, oh man look how Christmas you the barstool. Oh, I'm serious. Oh, I bet you crushed it Y'all just wait. Oh, okay. Oh, just wait. Let's do this weekend of fun. Oh shit. I'm out You're just not having a weekend. Oh, you're. Let's do this weekend of fun. Oh, shit. I'm out. You're just not having a weekend?
Starting point is 01:06:06 You're just going to grind through it? Dylan, start us off. Yeah, so I got the homie Friday. We're getting a little Pine House action in, which I'm really excited about. Get a little cheese pizza for the homie. Oh, thanks for the invite. Yep. No, there is an invite.
Starting point is 01:06:21 You absolutely were invited. Okay. We're going to meet Brett's new friend from Houston. She'll be here. Y'all are, not me. You are too, Dave. There's literally an invite in the group text. Dave doesn't look at text messages.
Starting point is 01:06:35 Couldn't be me. So that'll be fun. I'm going to drink a It Hard to Say's Honor 2 and get some pizza rolls. Make a bomb pizza roll. Dave, you know, Parks is coming with us. Parks will be there.
Starting point is 01:06:48 What? Well, shit. All right. Change of plans for me and Park. Sorry, because I was going to take your CC's for lunch Friday, but I don't want him to double up on pizza. That's a lot of carbs.
Starting point is 01:06:56 Pizza for the little guy. Yeah. And then Saturday we have our Christmas dinner. I'm really excited for that. Should be a great time. And we can get drinks afterward. Gibson Street. Find be a great time. And we're going to get drinks afterward. Gibson Street.
Starting point is 01:07:07 Find us a Dirty Bill. Decked out. No. If anyone even says Dirty Bill. I am going to be pushing it so hard. You're going to catch hands.
Starting point is 01:07:15 I'm doing it just to piss Dylan off. I will go home. And I'm not even kidding about that. Oh no, we're going to lose Dylan. You don't want to lose Dylan.
Starting point is 01:07:22 We lost him. Where'd he go? Skipped right over the Merriman Christmas cocktail hour. Oh fuck, I'm sorry. You did him. Where'd he go? Skipped right over the Merriman Christmas Cocktail Hour. Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. You did. Yeah, so at five-ish, right?
Starting point is 01:07:30 That's four, but you know. Four. Do I need to bring my Bluetooth speaker? No, I have one, Dave. All right. Dude, yeah, don't. Yeah, Brett's hosting a little cocktail hour at his place. Should be fun, man.
Starting point is 01:07:39 Can you actually bring your Bluetooth speaker to dinner so we can play Christmas music? Yeah. I'm currently fielding suggestions for the best steel drum christmas music so just i can put that on will you let me can will you authorize me to connect to your bluetooth speaker what if we just bring will a steel drum and dave obviously knows how to play drums now so he can just little drummer boy yeah that's my weekend in fun i'm really excited wow really excited little drummer boy yeah that's my weekend in fun I'm really excited wow really excited
Starting point is 01:08:07 wow little water boy never mind what am I doing this weekend I guess I'm going Friday to the pizza party and was allegedly
Starting point is 01:08:16 invited to well it's not a pizza party we're just going to get a beer and pizza sounds like a party to me yeah it's going to be well and then if you want I mean
Starting point is 01:08:23 afterwards we can do like Dylan probably has to bail with parks but we can do like a little we can do a's gonna be well and then if you want i mean afterwards we can do like dylan probably has to bail with parks but we can do like a little a little beer afterwards i don't know 30 bills let's not do that have fun yeah okay i'll consider that i'll see you Friday night. Is it Friday or Saturday? We've got big, big playoff implications. We've got Panthers versus Dragons. The Duncanville Panthers are taking on the Southlake Dragons. Southlake is, of course, like a former powerhouse.
Starting point is 01:09:02 They still kind of are. Duncanville knocked them out of the playoffs last year. It's a big one. It's up in McKinney. Maybe our boy Chad can go go maybe he'll go watch the game for me probably not then saturday morning 11 a.m we've got big 12 championship we got the bears we got bears sooners round two i hate the 11 a.m kickoff it's just where's the game it's a cowboy stadium okay it just it feels it doesn't feel, I feel like that should be a primetime game. It's the Big 12 Championship. This has playoff implications.
Starting point is 01:09:30 This one really does because, you know, depending on what happens with Utah, a winner of this could go as the four seed and get absolutely demolished by Ohio State. So we'll see. Saturday night, yeah, what Dylan said. Sunday, did anybody make a tee time no that klein's all talk so wow me that's all i have to say about that man i'm intentionally staying in friday night
Starting point is 01:09:59 you're not going to actually no you might be able to catch me a pine house that that's that's as far as i'll go. Did you actually get invited? No, I have not gotten invited by anybody. What are you talking about? Dylan, are we crazy? Didn't get invited to have pizza. He's giving you shit for that. So then, yeah, I got an early morning Saturday, though.
Starting point is 01:10:16 Because as everyone knows, Saturdays are for the lads. We got an early 6.30 a.m. Everton-Chelsea. Oh, how exciting. We got the Manchester Derby at 11.30. So I'll be watching that derby yeah i i don't really i don't i don't fuck with the derby that's as far as you go in the european i'm excited for that though we got some good soccer coming up just just fyi out there so catch me on my couch and then uh yeah i'm going to the merriman christmas hour uh merriman family not family excuse me merriman cocktail christmas cocktail hour
Starting point is 01:10:44 that's a mouthful man just yeah I don't know if I fuck with that so then what is it Merriman cocktail Christmas hour you can kind of
Starting point is 01:10:52 yeah it's it's the MCCH you can flip the C's though I don't like that no man we're good alright yeah and then I'm gonna go to the Christmas party
Starting point is 01:11:00 afterward and then unfortunately I had someone back out of their shift so after the Christmas party I have to go to Wilmonds afterward. And then unfortunately, I had someone back out of their shift. So after the Christmas party, I have to go to Wilmonds and be a bar back. Are we not doing part of our business there? Nope. And so then this is this is actually a true part of my weekend. I'm kind of scared.
Starting point is 01:11:18 Sally is in her last week of grad school, and they are having a bunch of people to a little place you might have heard of Dave's called Lazarus. It's on the east side. they are having a bunch of people to a little place you might have heard of dave's called lazarus it's on the east side and it's a bunch of her employees and co-workers and blah blah people that like i need to meet and i'm very worried that i'm being a fragile state of mind on sunday after uh our night on the town on saturday yeah you can't go to this i'm scared to i'm gonna not feel good you're gonna have to wake up and have a beer yeah that's good i mean that's just luckily laster's i don't know if you know this either uh they have both coffee and beer you can just have whatever you want oh they're a crefe
Starting point is 01:11:58 it's a hybrid like the bean much like the bean much like the bean much like maybe i can get it transferred to the bean that's not a bad idea great for y'all i will not be watching the lions uh dude i'm out so bummed it i'm and i want to i'm going to go ahead and apologize uh on behalf of cowboy nation that y'all have to watch cowboys bears on thursday night i'm bummed that I have to watch it. Why? The Bears are in the hunt. Because we them boys. Well. I want the boys to win. I'm not one of them boys, but I'm supporting them. I'll put out my technical material.
Starting point is 01:12:36 Who are you pulling for in the Big 12 Championship? Who is it? Baylor OU? Yeah. Bears. Let's go Bears. The Bears. Of course.
Starting point is 01:12:44 Bears. Okay. Sick'em. Sick'em Bears. The Bears. Of course. Bears. Okay. Sikkim. Sikkim Bears. Yeah, that's what they say. That Matt Rule. Is it a bear claw, Will? Oh, is this one?
Starting point is 01:12:54 Am I not wide enough? I don't know. I've never known. You just put it over your kneecap and then bring it up. That's how they do it. I like that. That's how they teach you. I like that.
Starting point is 01:13:03 So it's like, yeah, when you do when you do the horn frogs you do a peace sign and then you break it okay break it you break it cool I'm gonna do I have a pretty
Starting point is 01:13:13 I have a big weekend coming up Will so Thursday oh I'm aware Thursday I have a a bar cart coming in not like a we gotta stop
Starting point is 01:13:22 but like I have it being delivered that I have to put together. Okay. No one made a joke after you said that. Friday, I got to go get a bunch of shit. I have a big Saturday planned. I'm cooking a lot of stuff for the Merriman Christmas Cocktail Hour.
Starting point is 01:13:39 So Friday, I got to get garland, I got to get wreaths, and I got to get food stuff. The social media coverage of this cocktail hour is going to be big and if you mess anything up it will be documented heavily dylan are you ready for the menu absolutely do you want to know the menu yeah let's hear it dog christmas sangria boom i don't know what okay what goes into a christmas sangria don't worry about it will you watch the sugar man yeah we're not trying to all get you. Sangria has a lot of sugar. We're trying to look dope, man. Trying to look dope.
Starting point is 01:14:07 My Christmas sangria doesn't. It has fruit and wine. What are you sweetening with? Monk fruit? No, but you know what does? I don't know. You know who does? One of our sponsors.
Starting point is 01:14:16 I can't remember who. I think it's cereal. It's cereal. Yeah. School. Yep. Christmas sangria. And then for apps.
Starting point is 01:14:24 Ready? Dylan, we're going. My world famous buffalo chicken dip. Wow. Christmas sangria. And then for apps ready with Dylan, we're going my world famous Buffalo chicken dip. Wow. That's exciting. What's your vehicle? What's your chip? Well,
Starting point is 01:14:32 I'm going to do, I'm going to have multiple vehicles. I swear to God, if it's only pita chips, I'm going to punch you in the face at your own party. I don't do, I don't do anything. Wow.
Starting point is 01:14:39 I do. You can do bagel crisps. You can do Ritz crackers or you can do Tostitos. These bagel crisps from the, uh, no, they're from can do Tostitos. Are these bagel crisps from New York? No, they're from Central Market. Do you have a grain-free option, like an avocado-based chip? There will be celery. Aciete?
Starting point is 01:14:53 There will be no avocado-based chips. Any pretzel crisps there? We're going to go eat a big meal after. Are we bringing beers or just drinking the sangria? I got it. Just bring yourself, Dylan. I can do that. My man. I ain't got no the sangria? I got it. Just bring yourself, Dylan. I can do that. I ain't got no Christmas sangria.
Starting point is 01:15:09 I was going to have people bring stuff over, but then Will dropped the ball on bringing onion jam from Harbor Springs, so I just said, fuck it. I can't trust anybody else. I'm going to do it myself. I got a cupboard full of it at home. I don't know if I want to unleash this for your party. Dude, onion jam sounds like a terrible music festival. Welcome to onions. Dude, says you. On a terrible music festival. Welcome to Onion Jam.
Starting point is 01:15:26 Dude, says you. Onions like the best food in the world. So versatile. Fuck onions. Dude, they're so versatile. Their onions are garbage. Shut up, dude.
Starting point is 01:15:33 Unless they're sauteed. Going to weekend two. Next on the menu is bacon-wrapped jalapenos that are stuffed with chopped cream cheese, Dylan. Oh, shit. Dylan.
Starting point is 01:15:41 Little Texas flavor. Yes, sir. I love it. And then third, never made these before. It's's gonna be a little wild card little cranberry brie bites which is just like okay
Starting point is 01:15:51 we know what cranberry and brie are yeah but the crust is like this little it's like a pastry crust little cranberry brie bite boom and a veggie plate on the side why not
Starting point is 01:16:01 are you fresh making the pastry or are you gonna buy this shit buy the shit out of it come on dude what else happens if you have a soggy bottom you're toast do you want me to bring any like barbecue And a veggie plate on the side. Why not? Are you fresh making the pastry or are you going to buy this shit? Buy the shit out of it. Come on, dude. What else happens? If you have a soggy bottom, you're toast. Do you want me to bring any barbecue? I could smoke some stuff.
Starting point is 01:16:10 No, you kept saying you were going to smoke meats and cuck my entire party, but no, you don't have to. I kind of want Dave to show up with just a bunch of bacon-wrapped quail that he smoked. Brett, what else happens Friday? Anything noteworthy?
Starting point is 01:16:23 Well, me, Dylan Parts, and I have a friend coming into town who's going to be my date for the Christmas party, so we're going to go to Pine House. Oh, that's cool. Me and Will are going to go eat ramen or some shit. No, we'll be at Pine House. We'll just be sitting at a different table.
Starting point is 01:16:35 Yeah, probably with a giant pole between our legs. I'll be there. Yeah. Hey, can we learn from last time? If, in fact, Will and I go, like, can we get there early that waiting situation sucked get there as early as you want we'll put you in charge of that
Starting point is 01:16:52 nope because I'm a late invite I got the pity invite Dave and I are not showing up early we are not showing up early for anything are you guys going to bring Sig gods what significant others I thought you said Sig eps fairly for anything. Oh, man. No. Are you guys going to bring Sig Uds? What? Significant others? I thought you said Sig Epps.
Starting point is 01:17:09 Dylan might. I don't get that one. Because you were in a frat. So were you. You're the frat guy, though. Oh, you were. Senior frat. Just let me know if you're bringing Sig Uds.
Starting point is 01:17:22 That's not happening. I'm bringing the homie. Significant other, yeah. He's my significant other. He's a significant little dude. He's my main man. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:33 We'll see. I'm pretty psyched for the entire weekend. The menu's gonna fuck. Then we're going to this little Christmas party dinner and then after. You said the name of the bar,
Starting point is 01:17:42 didn't you? He said the name of a hypothetical bar that we'll never end up at. Got it. Dirty Bills? No. Hey, Klein, if you want to go to Dirty Bills, maybe I'll go with you later on.
Starting point is 01:17:57 When all the olds go to bed? Yeah. All the olds? That's us. Yeah, that's it, though. Brett, is there any breaking news to close out today's episode? Will, as a matter of fact, there is. This has been a jam-packed epi, by the way.
Starting point is 01:18:12 It has. A little choose-your-own adventure here, Dylan. Do you want to go? Multi-platinum recording artists, craft beer industry, or fast food? Craft beer industry. Are we getting our beers made No we're not But if you want to try
Starting point is 01:18:30 Paradox Brewing Company P-A-R-A-D-O-X Brewing in upstate New York Scranton Lake area Try it out Okay The news is Craft beer brand Ballast Point
Starting point is 01:18:39 Ever heard of it I have Has been sold again Again Yeah Four years after it was sold For a Billy It was was sold for a Billy, it was now sold for a tremendous loss.
Starting point is 01:18:50 Really? Yikes. Really? Why did it sell for a Billy in the first place? Constellation bought it, dude. I like getting some Sculpins off as much as the next guy, but a Billy seems like a lot of... A Billy for a beer brand that did not play out well.
Starting point is 01:19:03 I really do like their beers. I actually went to their place in San Diego once and they were doing this weird Asian fusion tasting and they infused their IPA with wasabi. That's unnecessary. It was totally unnecessary. I like wasabi. But
Starting point is 01:19:17 Sculpin is one of my favorite beers. Agreed. It's a very good beer, which is probably why they were sold for a billion dollars. But unfortunately... You have to wonder how much our cider is going to sell for. The Cayman cider? Mm-hmm. We'll check the market. But
Starting point is 01:19:33 it doesn't disclose the amount that it was again sold for. It was just not a good investment. Less than a Bluetooth speaker would have got. Doesn't sound like it. Hey, Dave. Hey. McDonald's? Ever heard of it? Give me the fast food.
Starting point is 01:19:47 I think I know where this is going. McDonald's is putting its name in the fried chicken sandwich wars, Dylan. Might want to sit this one out, McDonald's. I don't know. No thanks. I'll try it. As the resident McDonald's goer
Starting point is 01:19:59 in the last week. I'm out. I'll do it. You're loving it. Knuckle me on that. We're out. Actually, right around this time last week, I was driving in a
Starting point is 01:20:06 Ford Fusion rental eating chicken tendies. Just putting it out there. Nugs, actually. Was that your first of two McDonald's stops in one week? Yep.
Starting point is 01:20:17 Yikes. Yeah, they're getting in the game, Dylan. They already have a chicken sandwich, obviously, but they're doing the same, like, bulky fried chicken
Starting point is 01:20:23 as Chick-fil-A and Popeyes. We'll see. It is season you said you're not gonna try it you're gonna try it i'm not i'm not gonna try it unless reviews are just overwhelmingly positive then i'm like i'll see what it's all about but i don't i don't anticipate that happening david dylan do you have any more breaking news because i think you do you're growing a raleigh fingers mustache i'm not it's just naturally doing that. I know. It's connecting. That's big news for me.
Starting point is 01:20:47 It hasn't connected yet. I'm not doing a Raleigh Fingers. Okay. Wax the tips and turn them up. Correct. Not doing that. That's not your Christmas party bit? No.
Starting point is 01:20:59 Hey, make sure you wax the tips of your skis before we go to Brett. I'm going to wax that ass on the slopes is what I'm going to do. No, you're not. No, me and you are going to spray the fuck out of Will and Klein. Oh, Will's going to be crying at the end of the day. He said he gets mad. We'll be picking snow out of his hair for days. I like going in with no expectations of my ability because I've never skied.
Starting point is 01:21:20 So that way, I mean, pretty much all I can do is impress. He actually picked it up pretty quickly. That's my goal. I'd say we're going to spray you, but since you'll be on the bunny slopes the whole time, it's probably not going to happen. You can do that. I'll fucking spray you when we get back to the cabin.
Starting point is 01:21:33 With what? Champagne. Oh, okay. That'd be fun, man. You'd probably like that. Every night after this trip, we're going to go back to the lodge, and Sally and Alyssa are just going to be hammered. I'm going to join them. They're going to want gonna be hammered. They're going to be hammered.
Starting point is 01:21:46 They're going to want to do stuff and we're going to be tired, right? Yeah. We're going to be like, only want to sit in the hot tub. We're going to be smoking bowls by the hot tub. Just fucking blazing. We're going to be smoking cigars and shit.
Starting point is 01:21:55 Dude, get some doinks in the mix too. I'll show you how to roll blunt. Can you smoke a cigar blunt? Can that be done? Like a, like put weed in a cigar. That's a blunt blunt dude. Of course. That's what a blunt is. A big put weed in a cigar that's a blunt blunt dude of course
Starting point is 01:22:06 that's what a blunt is a big-ass cigar yes that's a blunt all right it's they're not usually rolled that fat i don't think but you can't do it i'm gonna dip that shit in codeine let y'all get real fucked up i don't want to do that yeah i think that's probably actually might go to bed we have to operate from like three to six. I'm more of an operate from... Never mind. Wait, what do you mean? We're not getting off the slopes and going home. We're getting off the slopes and going to drink for like three hours.
Starting point is 01:22:33 Oh, yeah. And then we do our little siesta dinner thing, and then we go out. Oh, yeah. I got so much to learn. I have no clothes. I've got to go buy all this new stuff. I feel like you're with a good group to learn all this shit No I'm not going to ask y'all
Starting point is 01:22:46 Because y'all are going to tell me the wrong shit to buy You're going to have me looking like dumb and dumber That sounds dope Dude yes That's the dream That's the drip too I don't want to go in there too aggressive Because I'll be a total poser
Starting point is 01:23:00 No dude own it Alright fine Should we get out of here? Fun pod What was the other breaking news? Nah, dude. Own it. All right, fine. Should we get out of here? Fun pod. What was the other breaking news? All it was was that Jay-Z's music is on Spotify. Happy birthday, Jay-Z. Happy birthday, Jay-Z.
Starting point is 01:23:13 Does that mean he's bailing on title, or is he just like, it's not worth it? I don't know. H to the Izzo. I never had a title subscription. That's a fun fact about me. I'll say what everyone's always thought about Jay-Z. He's a top 15 rapper of all time. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:27 Dude, shut up. I co-sign that. Yep. Sure. If there's a top 15 list, he's in that top 15. Your top two are like Logic and Eminem. Yeah. MGK. I don't think I can name a Logic song.
Starting point is 01:23:39 Let's wrap up. It's been a great epi. It has. Hold on. I got some other stuff to talk about. So, uh... Nah, we're good. I's been a great epi. It has. Hold on. I got some other stuff to talk about. So, no, we're good.
Starting point is 01:23:49 I just wanted to fuck with Dylan. Cool, cool, cool. All right. Let's get out of here. Get out of here. See you Monday when we talk about our Christmas party. Shenanigans.
Starting point is 01:23:57 Bye. Bye. Bye.

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