Circling Back - Nebraska Corn Tortillas & Lockdown Hangdowns

Episode Date: January 13, 2021

Yes, Dillon wore his shacket again so he was in his bag today. A German man is locked out of his bitcoin wallet that's worth over $220 million, a hacker accessed a bunch of bluetooth-enabled male chastity belts and demanded a ransom, a guy in Australia went full-John Wick for his cat, This Weekend in Fun, and Brett's Breaking News. Support us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter (19:50) Bitcoin Password Guy (34:12) Hacker Locks Internet-Connected Chastity Cage (46:30) Australian John Wick Cat Guy (53:20) This Weekend in Fun (59:15) Brett’s Breaking News Support This Episode’s Sponsors Liquid IV: www.liquid-iv.com (CIRCLINGBACK for 25% off) Sun Basket: www.sunbasket.com/steam (promo code STEAM for $35 off) Rhoback: www.rhoback.com (STELLA20 for 20% off) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

all right we're back circling back podcast coming to you live from the lodge my name's will to freeze my right david carter ruff yo let's cast this pod yeah oh like podcast right but i see what i did I flipped it and reversed it. You flipped the script on it. Like, find another podcast that can think of that, like off the dome. You're not getting that anywhere else. Actually, I wrote that last night. And he hit us with a Missy Elliott ref.

That's crazy. He put the thing down, flipped it, and reversed it. What's up, Will? I'm just really rattled right now by Dylan doing Missy Elliott lines. Because Dylan's got noticeable B.O. because he's worn the same shacket for four days in a row. I have zombies stuck in my head. Zombie.

You know the song. Yeah, we're familiar with the Cranberries, Dylan. You know the song? Yeah. By the Cranberries? Sally walked down the aisle to Cranberries, so yeah. To Zombie? Actually, no.

Did she walk down the aisle to Cranberries. So, yeah. To Zombie? Actually, no. You better get this right. Did she walk down the aisle? No, she definitely didn't do Zombie down the aisle. Was it Linger? Dreams. Yeah, Dreams sounds better than Linger. Linger would be weird. We had my boy Stu, DJ Chop Stewie.

We had him remix this song, The Day of the Wedding, to take out the howling part. In your head. He killed it, but we didn't even get to that part. In your head. Zombie. All right. Zombie. I was at a wedding one time.

The guy who's tanking the pod right now is Dylan. We played Love Hurts at a wedding. I was at one time. Nazareth. You just can't do that. Yeah. It's a very depressing breakup song. I can't hear that song and not think of Dazed and Confused.

The high school dance make out where they're in there like, let's get out of here. This sucks. And the dude's in there like, feeling her boobs. I was getting there. I'm bringing up my wedding again. At our wedding, Sally told me beforehand, I knew that y'all were going to be there and it was actually going to be a decently sized thing. She told me, she's like, all right, we need two playlists.

We need one playlist that's like more fun. And then we need like a chill dinner playlist that we can toss on. I made one of the most fire torch dinner playlists of all time. Fire torch. Yeah. And it never even got used because we just kept the fun playlist on all night. And I just had this playlist sitting there. I'm like, damn.

Someone mash the fun button. An interesting thing about what Will's saying is that his fun playlist was entirely fun songs. It was fun. Did you have the Cranberries on there? The Cranberries were on the fun playlist. They've got some fun songs and they also have some not fun songs. Like Heroin Addiction and whatnot.

Ooh, yeah, that's not good. But Zombies Fire. Well, Zombie is actually a serious song. Well, my zombie blood actually a serious song. So, not fun. Well, my zombie blood arrives today via Amazon, and I'm ready to just start throwing big boy weight around the gym, Dave. I think you're going to be disappointed. I don't think so.

I think the results might shock you. What does it taste like, you know? It tastes like real zombie, apparently, from the reviews. Apparently, Brett said the other day it tastes like cranberries, which everyone missed. Which is why the zombie song is. Apparently, Brett said the other day it tastes like cranberries, which everyone missed. Which is why the zombie song is... Oh, Brett said it? Hat tip Brett.

Which is why the song's in my head. In my head. That was accidental, but it worked. Did it? I'm sorry. Did it? It's the shacket effect. I'm delirious right now.

You have been kind of a wild boy since the shacket came into the picture. It brings out a different side of me. You know how people turn into... they call i don't even know what they call them but you know when like a guy starts dating a girl and his personality completely changes because he's just trying to cater to that like you're kind of catering towards the shacket yeah yeah it's so dope dude do you just put it over your comforter when you go to bed at night yeah i actually i just sleep wearing it are you gonna going to get the Homea Mini Shacket? Oh, my God.

That's a great idea. Did you use your proprietary spray bottle? I haven't had to unwrinkle this one yet, actually. It's because you haven't taken it off. Because you haven't taken it off. It's so great. Do you all want to get one? I'll get you one.

I'm good. Sure. If you want to get me one, yeah, you can get me one. But it's going to be the exact same one, and you have to wear it, unlike the T-shirt I brought you from Nashville. But it's going to be annoying. Like, where am I going to wear it? Because if I'm with you, you're going to be wearing it the entire time, too.

That's what's fun about it. We'll be twinsies. Was that you who got me the coffee rub from? Yeah. Okay, I saw that in my pantry the other day, and I was like, where the fuck did I get this? Oh, so you clearly have not used it. Well, I saw that in my pantry the other day, and I was like, where the fuck did I get this? Oh, so you clearly have not used it. Well, I haven't.

Sally's mom gave me some kind of seasoning thing, and I can't wait to use it. I just don't know what to use it on. I'm gun-shy with my rubs. Dave, I want to use it. Dave, don't feel bad because Will has not worn the t-shirt I brought him. I actually have worn it. I just haven't worn it here. I'm never getting you guys a gift again.

No, no, no. I just haven't worn it in the studio. I've worn it. I have not had the right meat to do it with. What do you wear? It's like take the trash out or something? It's like your knock around garbage shirt? Yeah, I cut it up.

Fucking jerk. What's your problem, dude? I cut the sleeves off. This shirt is fire and you know it. I know. What is this shirt? What does it say? It's a Johnny Cash shirt from the museum.

Didn't you get it from the airport? No, I got your rub at the airport. Did you get it from the airport? Did you really? Yeah rub at the airport. Did you get it from the airport? Did you really? Yeah, but it's fire rub. Dude, nothing better than an airport rub. It's a fire ass rub, though. You wouldn't know because you haven't used it.

Honestly, I'm waiting for the right cut of meat. I can't put it on a steak. I guess you could, but... Do you mind if we circle back on airport rubs real quick? Take a pork. Put on a pork, Doug. I'll put on some pork. Do you think anyone's ever gotten a happy ending at one of those massage places in an airport?

No, they're right there in the middle. Just one. They're in front of everybody. Just one. I asked a question on the golf course the other day whether or not somebody's ever gotten a hole-in-one on a par five in a professional competition. There are rumors out there that this has happened. They're all on severe dog legs, though. You're talking about the hole-in-one or the happy ending in the middle of the airport?

All of it. That has never happened. Never. Well, someone might have. Okay. Which one? Okay. Let me put this.

Well, no, they're not open at super late hours when no one's in the airport, so that wouldn't make sense. I feel like there has to be one dude that's just been like, hey, I need to go to the bathroom, and she's like, all right. That doesn't count. It hasn't happened. We would have heard about it in the news because people walking by would be like, hey, this guy's getting jerked in front of these hundreds of people walking by. Like jerk seasoning? And then they would have gotten arrested, both of them.

It would have been a whole scene, a whole sitch. Yeah, if you want to get jerked, you have to go to B-Dubs next door. Look, if you're going to get jerked, do it in private. I don't want to see that when I'm walking by trying to get a neck pillow from one of those overpriced bookstores, you know. A $13 thing at Trail Mix? Yeah, I don't want to. $12 Men's Health?

I get my $16. Shows me an ab routine. They don't upcharge the mags, do they? I feel like they do. I don't know. I don't buy mags except for when I'm in the airport and desperate. I don't even read them. I buy it and then I think, oh, I'm going to read it on the plane.

And then all of a sudden I'm just watching a movie the entire plane ride. I'm folding it out and looking at Jason Day's swing plane, his driver's swing. I'm like, yeah, that's cool. You get up from your seat once the seatbelt sign goes off and you're just, yeah. How does he get it? I hate his swing. How does he get in there? I hate his swing. How does he get around? I hate his swing.

You know he has a vertigo issue. It's too mechanical. I know. He's not a natural swinger. That's what I don't like about it. He's robotic. Some people say that you're the Jason Day of this podcast. I don't think.

Oh, yeah. I don't agree with that whatsoever. That's a good point. I'll whip his ass. Actually, he's pretty thick. As long as he has his balance under control, he'll probably take me. You guys kind of have similar beards. That's not good for him.

Sorry. You have a better mustache game, but like... Oh, yeah. My mustache game is you can't beat it. But overall, you guys kind of grow similar beards. His lower body's thick. Yeah, he's a certified thick boy. Aussies are wild boys.

Yeah, I would not want to smoke with him, even though I think he has some... I don't know if he's got the heart for the fight. I feel like Australia just gives you an edge. Any Aborigine? Yeah, mate. Any Aborigine? I don't know. No one knows, man.

He had a tough childhood, too. I don't even know what that means, really. Isn't that a 311 song? That's come original. What original? There's a 311 documentary out on YouTube. What's it called? I don't know.

Bro Bible Brandon tweeted about it the other night and it got me down a path where I was like, I clicked into the middle of the documentary to see how good it would be, and then I watched like 10 minutes of it, and I was like, okay, I need to save this for a different time. How many songs, how many times did Dylan listen to three 11 in his entire life?

Six. Let's go to a bar three 11 on six street quite a bit. That was a fun bar for a time. I think their house band was sick. It was popping back in the day. How do you have a house band? That's not three 11. If you call your place three 11,

it was like a soul band. Yeah. It was like bluesy. It was tight, dude. Can I get out in front of this? Cool. I did. I was saying Aborigine, like thinking that was like a variation of the word.

It's just Aboriginal. I didn't know. I'm getting out in front of it. Way to go. Thank you, Dave. Nice recovery. I did it close because, you know, I was – They had you in the first half.

I'm not going to lie. Yeah. That's just an all-time reaction. That's such a good video. I would run through a wall for that kid. Oh, he's awesome. Should we get some official business out of the way before we really hop in? If we must.

Go follow Circleback Pod and watch me on Instagram. Leave a review and five-star rating. Some dude said I was just slandering the timeline with liberal cuckness or something like that. Yeah, you got liberal cuck-narp vibes, dude. Yeah, we got to switch out these negative reviews. Also, every episode besides last week when Randy was on vacation are on Washed Media's YouTube channel. If you want to see our faces, youtube.com slash washedmedia. Go mash that subscribe button.

Like and subscribe, right, Randy? You gave me a thumbs up. And also, this week's Patreon. Yesterday we did Bachelor. Have to say, I think it was one of my favorite Bachelor episodes we've done in recent memory. We were in our bag. Sometimes during the Bachelor episodes, I feel like, man, okay, we need to reach a little bit and try to get. Not yesterday.

This season's shaping up real nice. Yeah. We had one more note. Check out the new mail-in. Mail-in this afternoon. Oh, yeah, they're recording this afternoon. Recording today, but it drops tomorrow morning. I think they plan on doing it tomorrow morning anyway.

Check it out. Brett and Kayla are your new hosts. Go gas them up. Yeah. I've got one more note. Hit it. Jason Day, not aboriginal. Wow.

So I'll get out in front of it. Good job. They had you partway through the second half, too. Well, his father was Irish-Australian, and his mother migrated from the Philippines in the early 80s. So Irish-Australian for Aboriginal. I don't think that's it. I can't do an Aussie accent, so I don't try, really. Oh, I can.

Hello. Cheerio, mates. You crushed that, dude. That's perfect. That ain't it? Don't install Jason Day. You're doing different languages now. It's just nothing's really working.

Is there a big Spanish-speaking community in Australia? You want me to look that up? Maybe. I don't think they speak any Spanish there. And that's the last I'll say about Jason Day today. I'm not a Jason Day guy, I'll say. If I may. Why? I told you I If I may. Why?

I told you I hate his swing. It's too perfect. It's too robotic. No, Adam Scott's is perfect. Jason Day's is robotic. But Adam Scott's more free swinging than Jason Day. You know what I mean? I heard you're free swinging.

The opposite of Jason Day is a bubble. He just hacks. He's just swinging his little dick off. Jason Day's like, oh, I see one little thing. I got a twig. Let me go back to the lab and fix it. Shut up. Just go out there.

Have some fun. Keep your balance. How do you know so much about his? It's always bothered me, dude. You know what bothers me? That you don't even play because you're scared. True. True.

I love playing because I'm so bad right now. Not because I'm scared. It's just not fun when I play this bad. I know, but I just don't want to have to call the pro shop and be like, hey, can our buddy Dylan ride along? I need a hard reset on my mental game. Just in general. I need to act like I've never played before.

No, my mental game is tight everywhere else. Just on the golf course, it's absolute garbage. Yeah, maybe you should play foot golf. The worst thing that could happen to me if I'm playing is I put, like, four really good holes together because I just know a meltdown's coming. I know it. Aren't you an advocate for, like, the bigger hole movement? No, no.

Make the game more accessible. So stupid. Yeah, I just know that, like, there's going to be a self-correcting meltdown somewhere, like, four or five holes in. You say this, but you had seven pars in a row last time I played with you. I had four, and then I had a triple bogey. That's what happens, though. We're amateur golfers.

Yeah, Dylan. But you at least put together four straight pars, which most amateur golfers struggle to do. So you have the game there. You just don't have the consistency. I know. I have a decent swing. I strike the ball pretty well. I'm just trash. Mentally, I'm trash. You can't hit a the consistency. Oh, I know. I have a decent swing. I strike the ball pretty well.

I'm just trash. Mentally, I'm trash. You can't hit a big putt to save your life. Don't disagree with any of that. If there's a big putt coming up, just start walking away. Dave and Clyne were hitting big putts the other day, like left and right. It was really hard for your boy out there. They used to call him Big Putt Dave. Didn't Clyne say that he attributes his putting success to the

perfect putt thing he bought during quarantine? I don't know. Drew gave that as a – Lily's husband, Drew, gave it as a Secret Santa gift to somebody. It's a nice gift. I know. And I was kind of like, fuck. What is it? Can we do a swap? It's just a putting mat.

But it's – I don't know. But it makes your putts perfect. What's different from any other putting mat? I don't know. It's perfect. This one's perfect. It's not perfect. The other ones are imperfect.

It's like the perfect put other ones are imperfect it's like the perfect well dylan it doesn't help that when you putt your your feet are about six feet apart i don't do that anymore like you're gonna do a sumo squat about to fucking twerk throw ass on the course i used to have a theory that practicing putting was pointless because every putt is so different so you can't like there's no like repetition doesn't matter. You have a theory that I've circled back on numerous times in my head. And like,

the more I think about it, the more ridiculous it is. What was it? You asked why they can't just make any cuisine anywhere perfectly with a recipe. Like there are so many things that go into like native cuisines in like Italy or wherever you are.

But why can't you take what they're doing and just do it here? Because like, okay. Unless it's ingredients. But that's the thing, Dylan. It's not going to taste as good. Like if you've ever eaten a tomato in January in Michigan, it tastes like nothing. It's the shittiest tomato ever. It's different than a tomato in Italy that they walked out to their garden and got.

Let's talk barbecue for a second. Okay. Our beef here is not any better than beef in Seattle. Oh, you know nothing of my beef, sir. You know what I mean? It's not. Don't poo-poo Texas beef. I'm saying you can get good beef anywhere you want.

No, they got trash-ass cows up there. I'm pretty sure the beef we eat, most of it didn't even come from Texas anyway. Oh, maybe the beef you're eating. So where do you think that they should be making barbecue that's just bomb as fuck? I'm just saying, if you took Franklin's system and just transplanted it to Wisconsin, why wouldn't it be

just as fucking good as it is down here? Is Aaron Franklin the one monitoring the situation in Wisconsin? What if he is? Wisconsin cows are mid, dude. one monitoring the situation in Wisconsin? If he is, cows are mid, dude. What if he moved to Wisconsin? It's different. It's different. Humidity, barometric pressure. That has nothing to do with the taste

of the barbecue. It has all the things to do with it. It's called cooking. Smoking. Smoking. The Texas and the South Carolina and the Kansas City atmospheric pressure is so perfect in those parts, but nowhere else? Is that what you're trying to tell me? Think about how tacos hit different down here.

It's because all the ingredients are way better. A tortilla down here is better than a tortilla elsewhere. But why are the ingredients better down here? I don't know. Because that's where the food originated, just south of the border. It's flour and shit. I mean, you know what I mean? But it also is people that make these things that have mastered it over hundreds of years.

I know. I know that. What is your problem with indigenous people? The number of really good taco spots down here, they're everywhere, right? I would say that. If you go to Lincoln, Nebraska, you can't find a decent taco for 400 miles. Well, that's because it's all white people. You know what I mean?

It makes sense what I'm saying. I'm going to go to Lincoln and just clean up. Not me, but I'm going to find someone who can make the best tortillas. No, you're going to get your ass canceled for appropriating. No, I'm not. That's what's going to happen. They're going to go wild for my tacos. No, they're not.

No one's going wild for your microwave tacos. No, I'm not going to make them. I'm going to find someone who's really good at it. You're just going to go wild for my tacos. No, they're not. No one's going wild for your microwave tacos. No, I'm not going to make them. I'm going to find someone who's really good at it. You're just going to back them? I'm going to fly their ass to Lincoln. You're an angel investor? And we're going to clean up. Why Lincoln?

I feel like Nebraska has shit tacos. That makes sense. They probably got fire ass corn tortillas. That's so stupid, is wrong with you? It's not that funny What's wrong with you? Dude, the shacket is taking over It's made your brain mush

Did you and Randy run into a wall before you came in today? Randy came in looking like Billy Madison They hit the batting cages before coming in And they're just all hyped up. I feel like I'm high. I'm sorry. Jeez. They'd grow corn up there.

I'm going to give you a break. I'm going to give you a quick break real quick. Let's talk about our friends over at Liquid IV. You guys probably know Liquid IV for their popular hydration drink mix. Is that a fair assessment? Buddy, I was waiting for this read. Their energy multiplier is an absolute game changer. Gives you a little extra boost

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You mean the Kygo version? It is good. Can you- Does it go? It tastes like a Pina Colada. I'm still on my apple cider bullshit. Dude, it's so good. It's so good.

The apple one blew my socks off, but the Kygo one is crazy. Can you name one other hydration multiplier that's collaborating with Kygo? What? Oh, like the Kygo? Yeah. What? It's literally on the packet. I just saw a pina colada and I lost my mind.

I opened up the packet of the liquid IV and Tropical House Remix has just started blasting out of it. I was like, oh, my God. Shout out to his family. Serious? Yeah, dude. That wasn't Kygo, was it? There was just steel drums playing as I opened up the Liquid IV.

Was there a speaker there or what? That was sick, dude. I love Liquid IV. I drink it all the time. Not only do I drink it during my workouts, but if I'm not even working out that day, I'm just tossing it in just to make sure I'm hydrated.

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Promo code CIRCLINGBACK. Anything else on your local cuisines, Dylan? Or can we move on to the Bitcoin password guy? I'm just thinking about the corn tortillas in Nebraska. I think about it. They do be hitting. No excuse. I mean, you're not going to run out of corn.

Do you know who Stephan Thomas is? Maybe Stephen, I'm not really sure. Could be Stephan, not really sure. Who is it? Well, he's a German-born programmer living in San Francisco, and he has two guesses left to figure out a password that is worth, as of this week, about $220 million. The password will let him unlock a small hard drive known as Iron Key, which contains the private keys to a digital wallet that holds 7,002, not just 7,000, 7,002 Bitcoins.

While the price of Bitcoin has dropped sharply on Monday, it's still up more than 50% from a month ago when it passed its previous all-time high of around 20,000. What's it at now, Dave? Like 34,000 or 5,000? Accessing Coinbase. The pop-ups on this website are just really ruining my vibe right now. Ooh, down 25, a quarter. Not 25%.

That'd be bad. You down 25 cents? No. I'm sorry. Don't shut up. $220 million. When did he create this password? It sounds like a long time ago.

He should have just written it down. He lost the paper. So you're supposed to write it down. You're supposed to write down your password. Oh, it's like a really difficult, like... Yes, several words in a row. It's like 12 words. And so he wrote it down, and you get 10 guesses before it seizes up and encrypts its contents forever.

He has since tried eight of his most commonly used password formulations to no avail. Oh my gosh. So he's got two left for $220 million. If I were him, I would simply guess the password. I think he's tried that.

I think he's toast. I think there's no way he recovers this. He needs to hire someone to hack it and give them 10 to 15 percent. Maybe even 20.

Dude, just give him, just be like, I'll give you 1,000 Bitcoins if you just do this. Then you have 6,002 left. There you go. That's still a lot of money. If this hard drive gets locked, no one can ever access these 7,002 Bitcoins? I guess so. So it's just... Bro, it's blockchain, bro.

Yeah, I don't know what that... I have no clue what blockchain means. No one knows what that means. Oh my God. Randy. It sounds like a football reference. That's crazy. There's got to be a way to access.

It's like fourth and one. It's just like, dude, block the chains. Right. It's like setting the edge. There has to be a way to access it, David. That's what they do. There is. It's by getting a password.

That's the only way. You should have gotten it tattooed on him on a spot that only he would see. Like the back of his neck? Like his wiener? I can see that. Like the underside of his... His under...

So you think to fix this problem moving forward, people should start tattooing passwords on their pieces? The underside, specifically. Females, that's a different story. Some other people might see that, though. Yeah, but if you're... No one's seen the bottom. I maybe oh think about it what your eyes just light up when you see this like long encrypted password on someone's nuts it's like oh my god i'm about to hook up with a millionaire she's down there with a pencil and paper like cash register vibes uh this is a this is really unfortunate for this fella

i kind of feel bad for him but at the same time like i don't really want people out there that have this much bitcoin what does it do to the bitcoin market if like it gets locked out like so that currency that was created mine for it just goes away my inkling says nothing yeah probably not like i i feel like there's so many people. Bitcoin is truly having a moment right now. Everyone's back in. I feel like it's like... When was it?

I know somebody who's not. I bought some. Yeah, well, Dylan re-opened, dog. Dylan sold his old Bitcoin at a loss and then re-bought it once it was 50%. He held onto it, bro. I'm also down 25 cents today. Dude, you're an investment master. You wouldn't have to work here if you...

A lot of people say the best way to make money is to sell at a loss and then rebuy it when it's super high again. What percent did you buy it back at? Like higher than what you sold it at? Oh, it was like 4x the value of what it used to be.

Takes money to make money. That's what they say. Yeah, people do say that. People do say that. You guys ever heard of this trickle-down economics? Yeah. Reagan Bush 84. Yeah, I've heard about it.

I saw a dude wearing a Reagan Bush 84 shirt the other day, and someone pointed at it, and they were, like, loudly saying, like, oh, it's one of those Reagan Bush 84 shirts. You guys used to sell those. And I was just like, please don't do this right now. Like, just please don't do this right now. A lot of people sold that shirt, too. Yeah.

Yeah, it did well. It did well. What's this guy's plan? Does he have one? I hope he has one. He says he's laying in bed at night just thinking. He should find a time machine. He could probably make one with $220 million.

Damn, it gets worse. It's the cart before the horse thing. I would cry. he could probably make one 220 million dollars damn it gets worse it's a cart before the horse thing I would cry is he is he he should call

Bitcoin customer service and be like hey I'm getting locked out soon can you guys reset my password what if he called Coinbase what if he called

like the geek squad to come over just bring his phone into the Apple send Randy over there see if he wants to invest in the company randy you think you of course not you're wearing what are you doing today he's got his best billy madison costume on randy is it's randy's dripping today he's got the chelsea chelsea boots on the tight dark jeans and just

a very large sweater. Chicago black. How are you going to wear those tight jeans but then wear the sweater that drapes over that bodacious booty? Stop saying bodacious. We're not doing bodacious booty. But how? Can we talk more about the Bitcoin? We don't really have an answer for this guy.

You should go to the whiteboard and do a SWOT analysis. I can't believe that there are people out there There's numerous people out there that have this problem right now It's going to happen to me And I'm going to lose out on hundreds of dollars It's 100% going to happen to me Like I'm just kissing this money goodbye And it generates the password for you

Yes It sounds like this guy set his own password But I. You don't get to, it's not like, it sounds like this guy like set his own password, but I think he'd lost the key or whatever it's called. I don't know. There's, there are people that are listening right now that are like way more into crypto than us that are just like punching air. Well,

I need them to contact me and, and give me a lucrative strategy going forward for my Bitcoin. I just need one person that I can quiz endlessly that won't get annoyed with me. Yeah. We know him. I know. I know i know i haven't talked to him in a little bit though i gotta reach back out we actually we exchanged some texts the other day but it wasn't about bitcoin i'm gun shy on the bitcoin front he's like how much time do you have i'm a bitcoin

bitch that's like you need to block off this a Saturday morning if you're going to talk to this person we're alluding to. Man, imagine how he's going to feel if he gets the next one wrong and he has one left. If you get the next one left, I think you just have to accept that it's gone, but just leave the possibility out there that some process might change in the future and you might be able to recoup it. What if you sold – cents on the dollar sold. The rights? Yeah. Or sold this problem to somebody else who would buy it up and like create some kind of just, I don't know, some nourishment that I'm not capable of. What's that worth?

Like what would your. Pennies on the dollar. What's the opening offer if you're going to buy 7,000. A million bucks. A million bucks. I would sell it. And let them try to figure it out for a chance at popping a big. I don't think I could sell it for a million dollars.

All right, Dylan. Would you bleach your butthole for this guy's problem? Yeah. Yeah. $220 is like fuck you money. $1 million is not. Not after taxes and he's in Germany, right? No, he's in San Francisco, so he's getting taxed off the ass.

I mean, that might be worse, man. You see what Gavin's doing out there? Oh, my God. You get a studio apartment. Dude, Gavin's thinking about moving to Austin. Oh, no, Gavin. Dude, his fucking startup's just getting shelled. Don't just shut that up.

You guys are so annoying. It's like Tom Wamsgam said in Succession. If you have $5 million, you're the poorest rich man in America. It's enough that makes you lazy, but it's not enough that you can't retire. I just want to be like the guy who has enough to get into the exclusive events, but everybody just talks shit about. You're not getting into my events, David. You don't have an event.

Your events would suck anyway. It would just be you listening to Zombie alone in the corner crying. In a shacket. Zombie. When we get a Soho house in Austin, I'm going to join just purely so I can keep Dylan out. I thought we had one. They've been building it for like four years. We're boys, dude.

That is going to be the worst Soho house ever. No, it's not. It's going to be awesome. Is it actually happening? Yeah. Is it just a social club? I mean, I guess. I guess if you have to ask.

What do you do there? Do you talk about your investments and shit? You're actually not supposed to talk to anybody. No phones. You're lying. You're not allowed to bring your phone out. Really? Like the Masters?

I think it's frowned upon to talk to people to mingle i think it's supposed to be like a creative space to to hang out in it's the dumbest shit i've ever heard i could see you trying to go to a soho house and getting kicked out i would i would want to get kicked out of a uppity place like that that sounds stupid yeah you ever had one of their picante don't talk to me i'm fucking picante mars yeah dylan doesn't like spicy marsgs, though. Brett sounds like he would be a big fan.

Can you drink at a Soho house? Yeah. I just literally said that they have picante margs. That's what they're known for, the picantes. Oh, I thought you were bullshitting. It's just paste and lime on ice.

That place sounds terrible. Dude, picantes with the boys? Silently? I'm in. Don't... A lot of the time when I'm drinking with you... You're allowed to talk

in Soho house. No, no. A lot of the time when I'm hanging out with. You're allowed to talk in Soho House. No, no. A lot of the time when I'm hanging out with Dylan, I'm just like, man, I wish this was silent. We worked somewhere where someone who worked for our company met someone very, very important in Hollywood at a Soho House. And when they walked up on this person, he was reading, what was the book he was reading? It was something that no one's reading. Atlas Shrugged or something? No, no, no.

It was the kid from The Office. No, we're not. Right, I'm trying to protect an anonymity. I don't know. I don't know. Why does that matter? Why do you matter? Fair question.

If I knew his name, I would say it right now. I just can't remember it. DJ Novak. His name's kind of funny. Yeah, why does it matter? BJ. I don't know. I just don't want to tell tales out of school.

His name's BJ. What was he reading? Dude, our principal in high school was named BG. We had some fun with it. It was probably like an original copy of The Hobbit or something. No, apparently it was a big book that had a large amount of pages, big quantity of pages. And apparently it was just one of –

it's not a book that you can just put in your tote bag and skedaddle with. It was a book that you'd have to put under your arm arm and bring somewhere he was just licking his finger and just turning the pages oh didn't he like hold his finger up one moment yeah like did he finish his paragraph or something like finished it yes hi made him wait for like five minutes yes i am bj novak it was like the original copy of the bible do they have those if they do it's to be worth something. BJ Novak's got access to it. Probably. Is he the father of Mindy Kaling's children? Have you guys looked this up?

Just an actual theory? Mindy Kaling's had two kids on the low. No one even knew she was pregnant. No one knows who the dad is. But BJ Novak is super, super close with her and the kids. That's the way I want to be with my kid. Nobody knows who the dad is. That's the way I want to be with my kid. Nobody knows who the dad is. That's weird, man.

You're very silent on whether or not you're the dad of your future child. I don't say one way or the other. He has very distinct features in his face. He's got those big old bug eyes and shit. Do the kids look like him? I don't know. I haven't seen the kids. I don't spend a lot of time with Mindy. I figure there's a picture available somewhere.

I could see her being the type of person to not put the face on the TL. You know what I mean? I'm looking right now. I'm not seeing any faces on this TL. You know, they dated on that show. Am I going to be that guy? I haven't thought about that. They dated on that show.

No, I don't think you're going to be that guy. She tried to date him on the show. No, they dated. Whatever. You're a big office guy. Yeah. What's your favorite office line, dude? Dude, there's so many to pick from.

I really hate that it's become popular to hate on the office. Dude, remember that time that Kevin spilled the chili? Oh, my God. It shouldn't be popular to hate on the office. It is a great show. Can you imagine cleaning that chili off the ground? It's just chili, David. I know, but when he cleans it up and puts it back into the pot,

it's got all the carpet hair on it and shit. I don't think anyone actually ate it after that. Yeah, but it's the idea. It's a television show. You have to dispel belief and reality. They'll need one take to get that right, if you think about it, because you've got to clean that up. It'd take hours to get all this shit off the carpet.

It'd be hard to not think about it. I dropped my lunch yesterday. Good. No, I lost all my pasta salad, dude. Oh, no. Why would you say it was fucking good? Oh, no. Pasta salad.

All that was left was the tomatoes and the pasta salad. A couple little mozzarella balls. Colt pasta. Get out of here. I like pasta salad. I think pasta colt is great. Yeah, you would like pasta salad. It's pretty good.

Yeah. What's that mean? Okay. Dylan's like, I had some pasta salad in Italy. I don't Yeah. What's that mean? Okay. Dylan's like, I had some pasta salad in Italy. I don't know why they can't just make it here. My theory makes so much sense, dude.

Y'all just... Dumb. It doesn't. It does, dude. In fact, many people disagreed with your theory online. Many people aren't as smart as me. What are you laughing at, Randy?

Fuck off, dude. Is that funny? This is the last time you have an edible before you come in and do a pod, please. Seriously, do I need to drive you home? I do feel low-key lifted, but I'm not. Low-key lifted is the name of my new podcast. It'll be a funny one. I don't think it will be.

Is that why you left the mail in? Yeah. You do low-key L-K-L? Yeah, everyone subscribe to low-key Lifter. We're going to logo in a format. Get Ricky to do it for you. He probably will make one now. Shots to Ricky.

He's going to be dealing with just, like, bright red eyes. Wearing a shacket. Yeah, you did just get back from Colorado. This is a pot-smoking jacket. Shacket. Did you take one last night? No. This is a pot smoking jacket. Shacket. Did you take one last night? No. Are you still fucking faded right now?

I've been high in a long time, actually, unfortunately. Cool, dude. Have you ever used a chastity cage? I haven't had anything to drink either since I got back from Colorado. Hey, can Will segue into the next story? Do you know what a chastity cage is, Dylan? Fuck. Yeah, I wear one daily.

No one's getting this this I didn't know I didn't know that men did this but I knew what chastity belts were right like for women because like don't they have one in a Robin Hood men in tights yes I think that's where I learned what a chastity belt Mel Brooks yeah I might as well wear one oh yeah I'm more of a Kevin Costner Robin Hood guy myself yeah yeah I'm just an animated series. That was a good one. Friar Tuck. Something interesting that Robin Hood did that not a lot of people do is that he stole from the rich and he gave to the poor.

He's the original Bernie Sanders. Mm-hmm. No comment. Billionaires. Billionaires. So this company, they were selling men's chastity belts where they just, you know, you put it on your hang down. Is this an in-cell thing? And it locks.

Is this to protect the password for your crypto? Maybe. Maybe. It's the same password. This might be worse than losing the password to your crypto at this point. It locks forever. So this company started selling one called Cellmate, which I don't, that's not the greatest name for a chastity belt. It's like Soulmate, but Cellmate.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's Bluetooth enabled, which I don't, that's not the greatest name for a chastity belt. It's like Soulmate, but Cellmate. Yeah, yeah. And it's Bluetooth enabled, which is kind of cool. Like, I've always wanted to unlock my wiener with my phone. Is Cell short for celibate? Like in cell? Maybe. That's actually a pretty good call from Dylan. The brain's on me.

That might be the smartest thing you've said in months. The brains. So it's called, yeah, it's called Cellmate. And somebody hacked into the Cellmate whatever, and they just started locking people's wieners. And they're holding them for ransom of like $900 and stuff. Why would a fella put this thing on? I honestly don't know. Is he, you know, like...

Is he that horny? Are you that age that you just can't knock out your wiener? I've got a joke. Are you training yourself to not be horny? What did Jason Day say when he looked through the microscope? Sell, mate. He is Australian. Previously noted.

That concludes my stand-up series. Sell, mate. Why is he looking? Oh, because it's a sell. Yeah. You need a microscope to see it. How tight is that? The slide?

You want to hear what Robert said in his interview? He said, I wasn't the owner of the cage anymore, so I didn't have full control over the cage at any given moment. Despite of his rage, his dick is stuck in a cage. Wow. I don't even know what that's from. Yes, you do Is that Smashing Pumpkins?

Yes, look at this Look who's optimized It's the shacket Wait, what are you cutting? A victim who has to be identified only as Robert said that he received a message from a hacker demanding a payment of.02 Bitcoin, around $750 today, to unlock the device. He realized the cage was definitely locked and could not gain access to it.

He said, fortunately, I did not have this locked on myself while this happened. Shouts to Robert. Is it like a Chinese finger trap? Those things used to freak me out. You know, when you can't pull it out yeah those are more you pull the more stuck it gets like the girl that you had a crush on you were like oh man what if we got stuck together forever it's like lady in the tramp what if we keep your fingers what if we kiss it is outside of

this cage this kiss in the chest with the chastity cage on wait what the cell I don't get that mean why are the fingers touching in the what if we kiss with the chastity cage on? Wait, what? The sound meme. I don't get that meme. Why are the fingers touching? In the what if we kiss? I don't know. That I don't know. I've never really understood. That is a little bit younger than me. I like it.

I like the meme. I always thought someone was covering their nipples for some reason. Yeah, that's definitely not it. That's what it looks like. No, it's definitely not it. Are you sure? No, but it can't be, right? Rubbing their nips?

What is wrong with you? How are you worse than me? Tweaking their nipples. Like rubbing their nips? What is wrong with you? How are you worse than me? Tweaking their nipples. I really thought that's what it is. You thought that was an emoji? A nipple tweak emoji? When you do the hands together.

First of all, no one actually tweaks their nipples. That's not a thing anyone's ever done. I've done it. Why? Not like seriously, like as a joke. That doesn't get you excited look at it dude are you looking at it because the look on the face like compare like combined with the the fingers let me see i got a bluetooth mug for christmas that is absurd a blood sound sally's sister gave it to me

in secret santa so it's a bluetooth mug does it heat up yeah and it just stays heated for like hours that's sick can control it with your phone? Yeah. Really? Yep. Starts at 135 degrees. A little hot for my taste. I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to hot liquid.

That's a hot boy. Liquid hot magma. So I've been keeping it more around 130. Those five degrees make all the difference. Think about it. It does. It makes a huge difference, David. I like coffee like five minutes after you pour it.

Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Don't you microwave your coffee? I've been making hot toddies lately at night if it's if it's been sitting yeah a hot toddy has like five minutes that you can actually drink it and it's actually good but with my bluetooth enabled mug i can enjoy it for the entirety of the wait wait when have you been doing hot toddies late at night so are you not doing sober weeknight january no no i thought about doing it i did think about doing it but then i realized i like drinking late at night. So are you not doing sober weeknight January anymore? Nah.

I thought about doing it. I did think about doing it but then I realized I like drinking. Okay. Like too much. Okay. I guess I'll just die on this whole

not drinking on the weeknights. I'm doing I don't give a fuck Dylan. Okay. I'm doing soaps January but I started on the third. Everyone started on the third. Like completely sober?

No one started on the first. Completely sober? I haven't had a drink since my Everyone started on the 3rd. Like completely sober? No one started on the 1st. Completely sober? I haven't had a drink since my last night in Colorado. Are you not going to drink with Aztec Guy? Not in these uncertain times. Go drink with Aztec Guy. We'll see about it. What's up with Aztec Guy?

He's coming into town and he's got plans with Dylan. Now Dylan's backing out. He wants to link and build. Wow. I was actually going through some of our old stories recently. You can go on Instagram. You can go buy it on a calendar on Instagram. You can go back to your old stories. And I was just at the Dallas meetup

just like really living in the past. What a night that was. He showed up. This is Mark we're talking about. I guess we can use his real name. I'm going to have to call him Aztec Guy. Gark. I prefer Aztec Guy. What's his last name? It's not Macklemore.

Gallimore? Gallimore. Mark Macklemore. Everyone calls him Macklemore. He's going to love this. He showed up with a screen-printed shirt of Dylan and his son. Yeah. Our 2019 Christmas tree.

Did you get a professional photographer in Breck? My sister did. Oh. Yeah. And you just a professional photographer in Breck? My sister did. Oh. Yeah. And you just like piggybacked on that? I mean, she, what? Did you even pay her? Actually, her Christmas gift to us was she was going to pick out one of me and Park's

and get it printed, framed, and she's going to give it to me. So it was all her idea. Wow. How about that, folks? Does she want to give me one do you want one sure okay can't wait i'll hang it in the new crib thank you for um in the bathroom i'll put this out here for speaking of professional photos i'm at a crossroads on uh well my professional photos with the newborn will i be stashless? Or will I not be?

It's the first thing this kid's going to see. No, I'm not worried about him seeing it. It's the photos. He can see the stash. He's not going to fucking know. He's going to know. Their brains are doing work in there, Davey. Okay. What?

You think Dave's child is just, like, sitting there right now? Like, is my father going to have a mustache? He doesn't really understand the concept of facial hair yet. They understand more than you think. What does that mean? He's going to be like, oh, my dad's got a mustache. My dad had a mustache when I was born. He didn't have a mustache, but, you know.

Anyway, talk about your stupid pictures. That was pretty much it. Okay. Do babies, like, what do babies have to call it a mustache, but, you know. Anyway, talk about your stupid pictures. That was pretty much it. Okay. Do babies, like, what do babies think about? They can't, like, talk yet. Well, ask Dylan. They're just, they're just taking it all, they're just, like, uploading a ton of information about the world around them.

Do you ever just stare at your dog and just think, like, what's going through this little fucker's head right now? Yeah. Sometimes I look at Rosie and I'm just like, what is, like, she's just looking out the window, hanging out, just doing her thing. And I'm like, what is she thinking about right now? As I'm changing the words to like a four top song to fit Randy, as I'm singing it to him, as I'm putting dishes away, he's probably like, dude, shut the fuck up.

It sucks. You suck. Yep. That's what he's thinking. If you don't have songs that you sing around when you're alone with your dog that are based on your dog, like get the fuck out of here. I saw a tweet the other day that was very accurate. It was just like, if you don't say bye to your dog, you're sus.

Agree with that. That's weird. If I'm in the car with Parks and a song comes on, I'll change the lyrics to include his name in the song. And it blows his mind. He's like, it's not about me, is it? I'm like, I don't know, man. It could be. And so he thinks there are songs out there that are about him.

He thinks every James Blunt song is about him. He's a cute kid, man. It could be. And so he thinks there are songs out there that are about him. He thinks every James Blunt song is about him. Yeah. He's a cute kid, man. Yeah, he's fine. He's the best. People are saying Dave's kid's going to be cuter. There's no way. I don't know.

No offense, but there's no way. Dave's a fucking snack. He'll probably be cooler. But Dave's a... I mean, Dave's the coolest kid in the world. Probably the last kid in the world. Yeah. Yeah.

That's true. Are you going to let your infant play GTA? Well, I mean mean he's gonna know what a mustache is when he comes out of the womb apparently so I may as well hand him a controller

stash stash that's my dad he's the one with the mustache right yeah that's my dad that's how he's gonna talk

but they start to recognize you very quickly yeah no but it's just for the photos like commemorating said event. I've always wondered if I were to get married again, what am I going to do with the facial hair?

Can't get rid of it. Can't? But it looks so unkempt to be in a wedding, like wedding pictures. What if your entire suit that you wore was made of that shacket? Oh, my gosh. That's a great idea. A shoot. What if I just wore the shacket?

But, like, you need the pants that match it. I could get that made. What would you call that? Shants. Colorado tuxedo? Got any shants? Yeah, that's good. That's tight.

When you get remarried, are you going to wear your shacket? We were just talking. Literally. Oh. And the answer's yes. No more than 45 seconds ago. What, were you writing a text to somebody?

No, I was actually reading the copy for Sonny B. A lot of times Will types, and I'm like, what is he fucking looking up? And then I realize he's doing the time stamps. Time stamps. Just everything. Just everything. Wow. This dude can do it all, truly.

Let's talk about Sonny B real quick. Didn't you do one the other night, Dave? Sonny B, purple stuff. I did. can do it all. Let's talk about Sunny B real quick. Didn't you do one the other night, Dave? Sunny B, purple stuff. I did. Yes, I did. Getting dinner on the table quickly does not have to mean sacrificing nutrition and quality. With Sun Basket, you can actually have it all every single day. It's 2021.

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Let me tell you this. The beef chili with cheddar and Greek yogurt, I was a little bit skeptical because it's like chili. Whoa, you know, I'm from Texas, man. Chili. It was badass. Yes, and you toss in some of the Greek yogurt too. Like it's a very good substitute for some sour cream. Indeed.

And these fast and ready meals, or fresh and ready, I'm sorry, they come freshly prepared and you heat them up in as little as six minutes. Barely have to lift a finger. We're doing one tonight. Really? Which one are you doing? I don't know yet. The other night we did a meatless Monday.

We did some sort of pasta. The creamy mushroom panac? I think that's what it was. With baby spinach and almonds? Fantastic. That sounds like a nice little fall pasta. It was, and it was cold. Is Norton

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sunbasket.com slash steam. And enter promo code steam. You guys ready for a headline? Headlines! Yeah. Court hears former Australian soldier allegedly stormed Melbourne animal shelter in full tactical gear looking for his lost cat. Was his name Jason?

I just feel like there's a better way to go about this. This is great. A former Australian soldier allegedly stormed an animal shelter in full tactical gear and pointed an assault rifle at an animal ranger because he was looking for his lost cat. Tony Whitman, 44, appeared in the Melbourne Magistrate's Court today accused of tying up a young woman at the lost dog's home in Cranbourne West in Melbourne's Outer East suburbs on Monday night. What? John Wick, motherfucker? Couldn't he just go in there and be like, hey, I think I lost my cat.

Like, where is it? Yeah, normally those places, like, you can just walk in and be like, hey, I lost my cat. Can I look around and see if you guys find it? Isn't that the exact purpose of a place like this is to reunite pets with their owners and find adoptive owners for animals? What the hell? He went full Tiger Woods. Do you think maybe he had a five-year investigation for that pee? I believe it was a pee.

I believe the investigation lasted 10 years, not five. He was just looking for the... That's like Micah's favorite all-time video. No one remembers this. I'll tell a story. People know what we're talking about. The guy dressed up as a police officer who does YouTube videos. Yeah, he's a comedian.

He looks like Shoenice. Yes. He did a song looking for the... Looking for the P. For the P. Micah liked it so much, Micah interviewed him for a podcast and then just never released it. I declined to being a part of that interview. That's smart.

Yeah, I was like, man, I just don't feel like I should interview the guy that's doing the 10-year investigation on the P. He had a warrant for that. He had a warrant, yeah. I don't know how you even obtained that. No, no magistrate is going to grant that. He spent 10 years investigating it. warrant for that. He had a warrant, yeah. I don't know how you even obtained that. No, no magistrate is going to grant that. He spent 10 years investigating it. Think about that. A lot of man hours.

Do you think he pointed a rifle at anybody trying to get that? I would do. You know what? I will say this. This guy's got, like, something's got a screw loose. I have not actually read the story. I just know what Will has told me. But let me say this.

Knowing that, and if he did anything that's not good, then i condone or i don't condone that um i condemn it uh for instance if randy's missing and i think somebody might be um holding him like they don't they for ransom that door's getting kicked down but somebody's getting somebody's getting that thing like an animal shelter does randy have a cellmate on but i feel like an animal shelter dave going to be holding your dog ransom. It's like they're there for a very – What if they're there for the wrong reasons? I don't think they are. Yeah, I don't think – what's it called?

It's called the lost dog's home. I don't think the lost dog's home has, like, armed guards that you need to, like, infiltrate. Wait, why is – It's got a cute picture of a dog and a cat in its logo. Hold on. Why is this guy's cat at the former Texas athletic director's house? Delos Dodds. That's pretty good, Dave.

Wow. That would have been straight over my head. That was before your time. Delos Dodds. Yeah. I'm a Del Conte guy. CDC. I actually don't care.

It was ours initially. I don't really care either way. Yeah. It's not just an organization Brett's a Picante guy He's a member of Soho House? Oh

Did he break in because The place was closed And he didn't want to wait For it to open? That's completely understandable Because on this occasion He's acted to get back Possession of

That's a weirdly worded sentence Which he was only going to be without For possibly 10 hours So He didn't want to wait For it to open So he tossed on the ghillie suit which he was only going to be without for possibly 10 hours. So he didn't want to wait for it to open. So he tossed on the ghillie suit and just raised hell? Yeah, he brought the AR out in the ghillie suit. He had the tactical glasses that they sell on the TV.

He had night vision? The tack glasses. Do you think he dropped it out of a helicopter? This is ridiculous. Just calm down. Your cat's going to be fine. Robo 6 going dark. Do you think he sent a text with a parachute guy to the group text that I'm not in? I guess it wasn't close because apparently he was talking to the people who worked there.

You can't just bust in with the gas. Do as I say and listen to me. I won't shoot you. Well, this doesn't make sense. Their hours are very blatantly listed on the side out front. Monday to Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Public holidays, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.

Like, dude, just chill. They're also closed on Good Friday. And Christmas. Okay. And Christmas. Maybe this was Christmas that it happened. You can't spend Christmas without your pet cat. That's fair. Maybe the cat Christmas that it happened. You can't spend Christmas without your pet cat. That's fair.

Maybe the cat had a little stocking. He's got an AR. He had a fire ass gift for that cat. This guy's had an AR for like five years and he's never had a chance to use it. He's like, I got to pull this thing out sometime. I need an excuse to let this thing start singing. What's that video that comes across at TL like once a month and it's that guy getting interviewed and they're like, yeah, what do you think? They're showing him a photo of some serial

killer or something that's on the loose. He's like, well, you know, I do keep that thing on me, and you will get clapped. He comes around here, he will get clapped. You will get clapped. Believe that. That's hilarious. The court heard that after Mr. Whitman left the woman, she called her boss

who alerted the authorities. Senior Constable McDonald told the court that after the incident, Mr. Whitman left the woman, she called her boss who alerted the authorities. Senior Constable McDonald told the court that after the incident, Mr. Whitman allegedly dumped a military-style vest, balaclava, and a tactical helmet into the bush outside. That's not a good hiding spot. Yeah. This guy's an idiot. I would get if he was doing this for his dog. The cat's kind of like, dude, the cat doesn't care about you, bro. That changes things. Yeah, hope the cat sees this.

If it's a shelter, you probably don't need to go in in full tech gear. Yeah, you think he's welcome to the counter. Yeah, he lost whiskers. He loses orange and white. Kiddums goes missing. Kiddums can stay there for a few nights. She'll be fine. She'll be running that place. Kiddums is a little bee, few nights. She'll be fine. She'll be running that place.

Kiddums is a little bee, man. She'll swipe at you. Shouldn't give a F. Okay. Kiddums. You will get clapped. You will get clapped. Why haven't I seen this?

I'm going to find it for you. Oh, dude, it's funny. You know what? Potential soundboard. How about it? Okay. I've got some heat brewing in my head Potential soundboard. How about it? Okay. I've got some heat brewing in my head for the soundboard. That might get an update next week.

Just make sure I do it. I've been thinking about this since 2020. Like, this guy's got Oakleys, right? Dude, I'm pretty sure he's wearing Oakleys in the photo that they used. I can't tell, but if not, he has some somewhere. Yeah, these are definitely tactical glasses. This guy is a loser. Big loser.

Big loser. Do we just want to skip right ahead to this weekend and fun? Ooh, I think we should. Let's do it. This week, presented by Roback. Our boys over there are just killing it. All the last season lads. Can we talk about the hoodie?

Yeah, we can talk about the hoodie. It's a performance hoodie. So it's lightweight. It's like the same material as their... My dad was texting me. Was he laughing about the cellmate too? No, he got... Does he want one of the hoodies from Roback?

He got a new golf beanie and he sent me a selfie. Dude, he killed that. He murdered that. The hoodies are awesome. I worked out in one the other day. It was a little chilly outside. Went for a nice walk with Stella. Then I worked out in it.

It's awesome. I love it. It's breathable. They sent us some long-sleeve polos. I don't know if y'all saw those. Oh, yeah. The other day on the golf course, Brett was wearing a Roback circling back branded pullover.

And then your boy had a, because it was very chilly. Dave can attest to that. Dylan can't because he was skipping the round. I'm scared of swigs. It's too cold. My grips are going to hurt my hands. If I hit it thin, it's going to. My hands.

Yeah. I had the down vest on. It looked good. I think when I, yeah. When Brett rolled up and saw me get out of my car, he said that it looked like I was on the touchline for like a soccer team. Big compliment. That's right up your alley.

Big compliment. I don't know what the touchline is, but it sounds cool. I'll touch your line. Oh. Go check out these new hoodies. The snipe hoodie. The post game. Oh.

Oh. Let me just read one review of the post game. Are you ready for this? Yes. Oh. Oh. Let me just read one review of the post game. Are you ready for this? Yes. Dude. Dustin H. These are the best hoodies I've ever worn. Just imagine the best performance fabric in the hoodie.

This is it. They fit great as well. Going to get every color they make. Let me co-sign that. He's right. He's right. Yeah. Kim A. noted that her husband loves this hoodie.

What's the promo code, Will? The promo code right now is Stella20 for 20% off. Again, Stella20 for 20% off. Yeah. Dylan, what are you doing this weekend? Thank you for asking, Will. I'm doing absolutely nothing. I have nothing going on.

I will be without Parks Friday. I do get it back Saturday, however. I have nothing going on. I will be without Parks Friday. I do get it back Saturday, however. But there's been talk of golf tomorrow, which is not really the weekend, but it kind of still counts. Maybe play golf.

Maybe not. Don't know. The weather should be nice. I really have nothing, man. Big. In these weird times. Big if true. These weird times.

I'm staying home, being being safe did you say you're getting vaccinated this weekend i did not what did you say you're doing this weekend i said i'm doing nothing oh okay sorry i was like how's that no um not getting vaccinated are we playing golf maybe it hard to say i'd be down vaccination no whzing. I just had to get that out there. I'm sorry. Shut up, dude. Will maintain eye contact with me as he's saying that. So that's my weekend, which is going to be pretty lame. You're not going to hit up with Gark? Oh yeah, I might link with Gark. We'll see. Just have him over and have a nutty bee, dude. You should definitely have him over to your house. Okay. Maybe. I don't know.

Dylan's hosting a meetup at his house this weekend. He wants to have a sleepover. Y'all should build a fort. He wants to sleep in the homie's bed. The homie unfortunately won't be there Friday. Good, open bed. He wasn't going to be here. I would love to get hammered at your house one night and wake up the next morning in the homie's bed. Ooh. Slide out of that bitch.

Gart can sleep in the homie's cooler. In his cooler? Yeah, didn't Parks still sleep in a Yeti? Yeah, oh yeah. I just texted Parks. I said that there's a bunch of scorpions at the house.

Please don't tell him that. I told him that, dude. It took us months to get over that. But it's the 80s metal band Scorpions, like the commercial. Talk to my girl. Talk you like a hurricane. It was just a bunch of creepy crawlers. Creepy crawlers!

Those sucked. That was pretty good for me. Anyway, that's my weekend at fun. Cool, it doesn't sound that fun. No, it doesn't. If I'm being honest. I want a clip of Will doing the creepy crawlers. I don't. I hate it every second of that. Okay. What's the D-Man doing? Oh, no. I hope we play golf.

Micah's like, hey, let's play some golf. I'm like, dude, I'm so down. I would love to play golf. I think the weather's going to be fantastic. I haven't even looked, man. I don't know, but that's pretty much it. I've got nothing on the books. Really, for the next few weeks. It's looking fantastic.

Highs of 61, 65, and 63 this weekend. Oh. Gonna be a beaut. Daddy want. Don't say that. No, I'm doing nothing this weekend. There's no plans out here right now. I haven't gone into a weekend

with this few plans in a long time. I do have some news. You know how i said last weekend i was going to clean my closet out didn't do that we were wondering yeah oh my gosh wow i was going to give you guys i was going to give you guys my hat collection but oh man that's i didn't want those you have shit hats though no he's got good hats i don't i have some of the best hats my wouldn't my hat's the. I don't know if they would fit you, but... Yeah, your fucking big-ass head. Beautiful hats.

All made in China. Beautiful people. That'd piss somebody off somehow. I don't know. We'll see. Dude, you just don't care, though. Dude, that's the thing about Dylan. He's the guy that doesn't care.

I'm throwing deuce right now. Ever since he got his shacket, he's just like, he stopped caring. He's just a different Dylan. He's the guy that doesn't care. I'm throwing deuce right now. Ever since he got his shacket, he's just like, he stopped caring. He's just a different person. The shack effect. I hope Dylan just grows his beard. He never trims his beard ever again. It just gets down to like his belly button.

That's a cool move. Covers his nipples. Have like the B beard. Start playing the banjo or something. Something tight. Aren't you going to learn piano or some shit? Dude, I really want to learn piano. I mean, I'm not going to, but I really want to.

Since you're colorblind, can you tell the difference between the keys? Black and white? Yeah, I can handle those. Thank you. Hey, we've got a special guest in the building. Thanks for your concern. What are you doing this weekend, Brett? Brett's here.

Host of the mail-in. I've muted him. He's muted right now. Yeah, say something. Oh, I can't. He can't. Let's say something. All right, you can say something. Or can he? Oh, right now. Yeah, say something. Oh, I can't. He can't. Let's say something. All right.

You can say something. Or can he? Oh, he's muted again. Never mind. Hey, guys. Happy to be here. I'm on golf.com right now, to be honest with you. Oh, for reals?

Just seeing what we got. Seeing what we got. It doesn't look like a lot. I don't know what these courses are. If you book a tee time through Golf Now, can you book it for later? What do you mean? Now or later? It was kind of

just an average candy. Average? They were terrible. Yeah. Mambas, like, blew them out the building. What are Mambas? You never had Mambas?

I don't know Mambas either. Are they a sponsor? Anyway, what about... What about... Saves start up tomorrow. So I'm going to be tomorrow and Friday night. Saves have games. So your boys should be watching those.

As for Saturday and Sunday. Wings have a new captain on their hands? Yeah, Dylan Larkin. Shouts. Dill? Yeah, the D-man. Let's go. He doesn't have a shacket, though.

Of course not. Dylan's got a shacket, dude. You want to get like, should we do like a bunch of IPAs? Actually, I'm doing no beer January. Oh. Man, we're really getting lenient on the rules of sober January. No beer. No IPAs, only light beers. Exactly.

You got some breaking news for us? I'm excited about the breaking news today, Will. Hit me. I'll spare you the intro. I guess we're running a little short today, so maybe I will give you the intro. Dylan, a little chooser adventure here. Do you want to go? We're not running short.

We're fine. Harbor Springs Real Estate. Ooh. Trivia or burner accounts? Trivia only if I get the first crack at answering. Well, it's going to be, here's the thing. So I'm taking a, since the internet was dead today, I'm taking a segment from my former coworkers on Barstool Radio. Okay.

Here's the deal. I will say a trivia question. Whoever answers first wins. What do we win? Just, I don't know. Pride? It's just a pride thing. We get the shacket.

Yep. It's the trivia shacket. It's like a turnover chain. Oh, you know what I thought of for a turnover chain thing the other day? It's like a turnover chain. Oh, you know what I thought of for a turnover chain thing the other day? I think that a team should just have a bucket of dirt, and when a guy gets a big knock or something, you just actually throw dirt on it.

So a guy's knees hurt, and then you just throw some dirt on it. That's so stupid. Dude, it's great. That's so stupid. Dude, throw some dirt on it. What would your turnover be? That's so dumb. And then you have guys doing salt bae with dirt on their injuries. That's so dumb.

Dude, that would be great. What if he's actually injured and you're throwing dirt on his poor fellow? Yeah, the guy's ankle is facing the wrong way. Your boys are just spiking dirt at him. Will, that's an awful idea. No, I like it. Clearly just tore every ligament in his knee. Doing the LeBron pregame, throwing it up in the air.

The guy working the x-ray machine is like wiping dirt away. They put him in the secret tent and there's just a bunch of dirt flying out of it. We'll go over and put some dirt on Dylan's shoulders and just be like. Wipe it off. Anyway. Here's a question. Yeah, you can brush your shoulders off too. It's perfect.

There's a song. Name a country that ends in the letter E. Name a country that ends in the letter E. Usually, the last place is the loser. I got France. France. I beat you. So now it's a race between you two.

Dave's in. It's like Mario Kart. I got another one. Can I double win? No. Fuck. Name a country that ends in the letter E. Why is my brain just in a pretzel right now?

Soldier Boy, tell them. What? You. Okay. You talking about Yugoslavia? No, but. You. Where's Soldier Boy from?

Europe. Putin aggression. Dude, I don't know fucking anything. Klitschko brothers. I don't. I feel dumber than I've ever felt right now. Oh, Ukraine. I am from Ukraine.

Okay, so what do they win? That's pretty good. Do I have to wear a chastity belt or something? You lost for today. You walked the plank. Oh, okay. You don't get the shacket. Oh, I get the shacket, though.

Yep, Dave gets the shacket. All right, get the shacket, though. Yep. Dave gets the shacket. Alright. There you go. Pink slip. He faked it. Can we do a jersey swap after the game? You can have my Man U sweatshirt and I get your shacket. I'm good. Okay. You can have my pit-stained t-shirt. I wouldn't get the shacket up for anything. What's the next

dove? Harbor Springs Real Estate, Will. Yeah, what's up with that? I'm excited. It's on fire. That makes sense. Buys in northern Michigan, specifically in. Harbor Springs real estate, Will. Yeah, what's up with that? I'm excited. It's on fire. That makes sense. Buys in northern Michigan, specifically the Harbor Springs area, are up 30% year over year. Makes sense. Makes sense. Will leaves one time and everyone just suddenly wants to live there.

I'll be honest. The time that I lived in Harbor Springs through my 20s was probably the most boring stretch of time that I could have possibly lived in Harbor Springs during someone's 20s. And it's kind of flourishing since then. But I think with COVID, all these people are moving up there because they're like, oh, well, I don't want to live in this city where I can't do anything. I want to be able to go out and do that. What?

Good news for your folks? I guess. I think they like their house. Well, it's increasing in value, is what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Things are hot right now. I'm in.

And usually a lot of the inventory is vacant because people only go in the summer. Now that's changing. So all those vacancies, like winter vacancies, are now people are staying there full time. Harbor Springs is having a real issue trying to figure out whether or not the attendance in school is up or down. No one has any idea. Like enrollment's up, but like the number of people there is still the same. Can you just count them? That's what blows my mind.

There's numerous articles in the weekly newspaper that I get that are like, it's up, but all the classes are the same. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Shut up. Just saying,

if you split a little timeshare or condo maybe, I don't know. I'd be fine with that. Let's do it. Dave? Mm-hmm? You know burner accounts?

I know of them. It appears the Houston Texans Dave, you know burner accounts? I know of them. It appears the Houston Texans are embroiled in a burner account. Oh, like ownership? The personnel? This guy, Jack Easterby. You know Jack Easterby? I know the name.

Who is he? He's kind of running the show. He's like Cal McNair's guy. Is that who Andre Johnson called out? Yes. Yes. Okay. So Jack Easterby has a burner,ave no oh yeah oh here we go tough scene i think i found it if you go to uh his his at is at j482387j that's a trash So here's the, here's what they're saying. He is every tweet.

He joined in January of 2021. Every tweet is defending Jack Easterby. He goes by Jesus lover. He was the team chaplain of the Kansas city chiefs. And when you go to reset the password, which you can, you know, you can try to do,

uh, the email is EA something, something, something at gmail.com. So there's some, there's some evidence on this guy. which you can try to do. The email is easomethingsomethingsomething at gmail.com. So there's some evidence on this guy. Can you see people's emails? Like say I went to Will DeFreeze and tried to reset your password.

Oh. It's like send an email to it says the first two letters. GA star star star star. Star star star star. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting.

So EA is how it starts. Undelay, undelay, mama. He's got some evidence that doesn't go in his favor. He has come out and denied it. Yeah, he's tweeting through it. This is not Jack Spurner. He sometimes got to. Don't let the media create false narratives.

Andre and Deshaun are better men than this. God bless. I like this tweet. Biden is going to run this country straight into the ground. It's from three hours ago. This guy legitimately thought, like, hey, if I attach Christianity to this, people won't be as mad when they find out that I have a burner account. It's a tough scene over there in Houston, Dylan.

I know you're pouring one out for them. Yeah. Who's the politician who got caught using a burner about the... He said he was the gay black guy. The gay black man. Dean Browning. Dean Browning. Wow. That guy is... I mean, not hilarious. That guy is pathetic, but that story is absolutely hilarious. Hilariously pathetic.

Yeah. It's actually the new name of Donald's podcast. As a gay black man, I think Trump is amazing. Yeah. What was the name of your podcast? Low-key lifted. like we're smoking now or something Low Key Lifted Low Key Lifted

that's a great name dog do you guys like me and Randy came up with a what do they call the bars that are that are like scantily

scantily clad women but also restaurants yeah restaurants it's the smokehouse but it's barbecue there already is one what

yeah there's a smokehouse in Arlington just make it the smockhouse smockhouse that's really but it's barbecue. There already is one. What? Yeah. There's a smokehouse in Arlington. Just make it the Smock House. Smock. That's a... Really? Yeah, you guys crushed that, man.

Shut up. When's it open? Loki lived there. Why can't they just open in fucking Nebraska? Seriously, dude. Think about it. You can franchise it.

You can make good barbecue anywhere if you have, like, the best barbecue pitmaster in the world there. Idiot. Did you guys get in an pitmaster in the world there. Idiot. Did you guys get in an Aaron Franklin fight? Did that happen? Yeah.

Oh, you know what? You might be okay. I'm thinking of Bone Daddy's. Oh, okay. There's a Bombshells in Houston, too. Bone Daddy's. Is that better or worse than the Smokehouse? Worse.

Bone Daddy's. I remember that. That was a barbecue spot, right? Yeah. It's not good. Bone daddies. I remember that. That was a barbecue spot, right? Yeah. It's not good. I can imagine. I used to meet the boys there after golf. Sucks.

Jesus Lover, three hours ago, said, Better days are ahead. Easterby is working his butt off to fix the mess left behind. The misjudgments are unfair. But he's not that guy. No, he's not right on the count. And the Patrick Reed's wife burner, or someone in his camp. That's not that guy. No, he's not running that account. And the Patrick Reed's wife burner, or someone in his camp. That's another fun one.

Burners are fun. Do you have a burner? No. I don't have any room on my phone for another Twitter account. Yeah, you do. You could have unlimited. Really? Look at Dean Browning's response to all of his tweets. It's so funny. He just gets torpedoed every time.

So wait, what did he do? It was about Trump and how he's done so much for black people or something. And his initial one was about how Obama did nothing for black people, but Trump does. And he's like, as a gay black man, I can tell you that my life is so much better under the Trump administration than Obama. And he forgot to switch accounts. And then he paid an actor to act like the fake guy. Oh, no. He turned out to be a crisis actor?

He ended up being Patti LaBelle's son or something weird like that. Wait, what? Yeah. And Dean Browning, to be clear, was not a gay black man. He is a white, older gentleman. I shouldn't use the word gentleman. He's no gentleman to me. He's an embarrassing, older gentleman. I shouldn't use the word gentleman. He's no gentleman to me. He's an embarrassing douchebag.

But he just, like, he simps for Trump nonstop. And then Trump ended up endorsing his, whoever he's running against. Oh, that's a tough scene. Yeah. He's like, dude, I did the burner account thing. That's tough. That's a tough scene. You. He's like, dude, I did the burner account thing. That's tough. That's a tough scene. You don't know who Trump was running against.

No, no, this guy. Joe Biden. This guy was a politician. I know. I will say this, Dean Browning, objectively cool name. It's a cool name. Sounds like a rifle. Yeah, well, Browning.

Like a Browning rifle. Dean. Dean's been on my short list to uh to have another son you did love dean palmer oh we had a dean in our high school monster yeah aren't you a big dean kane fan the original superman big blindino guy oh i think so people call him dino dino no it's probably just someone named dean people are like what's up Dino my good friend Dean we call him Dino I'd be like

nah this is Dino hey evidence read it and weep I reject it game set match let's get out of here man have you thought about

doing a V name so your kids initials are VCR yes just making sure Vinny Vincent I like Vincent

Vito but it's not gonna be Vincent like. Vincent. I like Vincent. Vito. But it's not going to be Vincent. Like Don Vito. I like Vito a lot. Don Vito. Dave's going to name his kid Don Vito. Vito Ruff's a strong name, dude.

We switched out Dylan's Hawthorne cologne with gasoline. He's going to set his jacket on fire. He's going to incinerate it. That's pretty good. Please don't do it, though. You're like, damn, this place smells crazy. Smells like gasoline. That thing's flammable as fuck.

Ray Kion hates mustard, and we just put mustard all over him while he's sleeping. We just gave him mustard IV. He does hate mustard. Why does he hate mustard? I like mustard. I don't know. Mustard's a top-tier condiment. I like Ray Kion.

Ray Kion? Nope. Let's get out of here. Fine, let's top-tier condiment. I like Rayquan. Rayquan? Nope. Let's get out of here. Fine, let's get out of here. Dylan can finally get his wish. Not the chef. Bye! you