Circling Back - The Facts Machine & Golf Course Fights

Episode Date: April 14, 2021

Are you a fan of facts? What about Big Facts? Well we've got a new segment for you — The Facts Machine — where we all brought a slew of facts to the table in an effort to blow some minds. We also discussed fighting on the golf course, hybrid animals, and This Weekend in Fun. Contribute to our campaign to benefit the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society: pages.lls.org/mwoy/ctx/austin21/wmedia Support us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast Watch all of our full episodes on YouTube: www.youtube.com/washedmedia Shop Washed Merch: www.washedmedia.shop (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter (12:49) New Segment Alert — The Facts Machine (34:00) Fight on the Golf Course (50:53) Pizzly Bears and Monkeydactyls (1:05:18) This Weekend in Fun Support This Episode’s Sponsors Honey: www.gethoney.com/circlingback (so many free savings on pretty much everything) Ritual: www.ritual.com/circlingback (10% off during your first 3 months) Public Rec: www.publicrec.com (CIRCLING for 10% off) Ballsy: www.ballsybrand.com (WASHED20 for 20% off) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, we're back, circling back podcast presented by Vizzy Hard Seltzer, the only hard seltzer with vitamin C and superfruit acerola. My name's Will DeFreeze, and this white boy wandering to my right is David Carter Roth. Podcast presented by Busy Hard Seltzer, the only hard seltzer with vitamin C and superfruit acerola. My name's Will DeFreeze, and this white boy wandering to my right is David Carter Roth. Welcome to Podcastville. Population, us. Wow. It's a new thing I'm trying.

Are we calling the lodge Podcastville now? We're not not calling it Podcastville. Let's put it that way. Here's a question. Can I ask a question? If you have to. What do we need to do to get our name put on the sign outside of our office? Probably pay.

Are you talking about the one that's on the street? It probably requires a significant sum of legal tender. It just feels like, you know, we pay rent here. Why can't we just have our name on the building, too? Don't speak legalese to us. Just tell us how it's going. Yeah, shut up, law boy. What did I say? Oh, I got a law degree.

Legalese. I passed a bar exam. Fucking dork. I just said legal tender. Cool, you passed the bar. Currency. You passed the bar. We got bars, dog.

Yeah, dude, you don't know shit. That's how it is. All right, let's hear it. Uh, white boy. White boy. Dude, don't steal bars from Chet. chet chet might not be the person to be your ghost rider nah he low-key got bars though like low-key though we need to we definitely need our name we should just uh make like a poster board sign and like tape it to that should we

mark our name on the on the big sign outside you know what I don't mean to be – I don't want to be a hater, but that sign isn't particularly helpful. Like if you're coming from the west, like down Bee Caves, going eastbound, that sign's not – you're not going to see that sign until it's too late. Dude knows directions. I do. I don't. Wow, dude.

I don't. No clue. Dude's got a lot of green hands and knows directions. That's very cool. I'm the human what piss? What piss? Okay. Okay.

We got Dylan Shepard in the building. Am I wrong about the sign? The sign leaves a little bit. The sign's fine, David. What do you want them to do, man? You want neon out there? What do you want, dog? That would be tight.

You want a sign spinner on the street and wash medias here? What do you want? Yeah, I do. I actually want a guy on stilts out there. What if we did just have a spinning sign, dude? We just made Randy do that after recordings are done? He has to do it in the whatever he wore during the gut biome war. You started to intro me, then you stopped.

Just because you guys literally both interrupted me at the same time. We were probably talking about something much more important. I got enough L's in my name, dog. I took the L already. Dylan Shivery. So. He just said your name. I got some things to say.

I'd like for you all to listen. I got my second vaccine shot yesterday. COVID-19. I'm defeating it. And I'll tell you what. I don't feel great. Lesser men would probably have stayed home. I'm built different, as we all know.

But I'm very sore, man. Very, very sore. So you're built different, but you're still sore. You're still hurting enough that you complain about it. But you're built different. You're built so different that you let off your podcast with it. If you guys felt the way I did, you'd be home crying in bed. I did.

I came in and did worse stuff with it. You'd be watching Price is Right right now. That's what you'd be doing. Honestly, that sounds tight as fuck. It does sound tight. It's the best game show of all time. I put the squad first, and I made sure that we recorded the day before I got my second, so we didn't have to worry about it.

Can I tell you how my body feels right now? Sure, dude. Tell us, like, tell everybody. It feels like I did, like, a four-hour super intense workout, like, on one part, like, on my, like, legs, for example. If you would have said arms, I was going to mute you for the rest of the episode. And then after that intense four-hour workout, I just moved to other muscle groups until I completed, like, a full.

Are you actually lifting, or are you just kind of looking at your phone and texting the whole time? Are you just watching Dr. Pimple Popper video in the lobby? Imagine the most great question, Will. Intense weight workout you've ever done. Imagine it was four hours long. That's how it feels on every part of my body. Tell everybody what was hurting. My balls weirdly hurt really bad.

I don't think that's a side effect. Did you sit on them? I didn't sit on my balls, David. I know it's not funny that your balls hurt. My balls hurt so bad. People do sit on their balls from time to time. Oh, I didn't sit on my balls, man. What's that ball injury?

I have 37 years of sitting experience. I'm not going to sit on my balls now. Castration. No breathing. Why are my balls so sore? Tell me. Dylan, I don't know if I have the answers that you want. I feel achy. I don't know if I have the answers that you want I feel achy I don't know

if I have answers period I'm down bad Dylan man built different you might want to look into your testicular torsion a torsion it's when you twist the spermatic cord that brings blood to the scrotum again you might have tweaked your testicular I think it has something to do with the shot I got because I'm sore all over including I've never No one has ever reported that as a side effect. That their testicles were hurting to report it. Dude, what if Dylan reported that and they had to pause the Pfizer or whatever? It would be good for the pod. It's crazy because I'm down bad, but I'm also built different.

Your hang down is down bad. Yeah. Well, my hang down is fine. It's just my balls. Hang down the peace. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Anyway, I'm here, and I'm ready to do this pod, man. Are you?

And it's podcast week all at the same time. I guess let me just – if we're going to just air our – or lower the bar so people don't judge our performance today, let me just say my allergy's been bothering me, Will. Let me get ahead of my stuff, too. I had a patty melt from P. Terry's last night. And while it was absolutely delightful, I'm paying for it this morning for some reason. They do a patty melt? I said the same thing.

Dude, so yeah, I was up against it last night, and I didn't have any dinner plans. And so, actually, my dinner plans got canceled last night at the last minute. And so I went to P. Terry's. It's my staple. It's a local Austin burger joint. And when I was driving up to the drive-thru, they had a little tiny sign underneath where you talked into the drive-thru, and it said, try the PT Melt. And I was like, you know what?

Let's go. Give me that PT Melt, player. Did I try the boat the other day? The P. Terry's boat? Where they just put the meat on a, no bun, just on a bed of lettuce? What the fuck's your problem? It was very underwhelming. It's too much lettuce.

Maybe it's because you didn't get a bun. I ended up just eating the meat and leaving the lettuce behind. My issue with this isn't just them. This is every single place that offers a lettuce-wrapped burger. It's just not functional. It's drippy. There's too much lettuce going on. There's too much drip.

You need the bread to soak in the juice. Yeah, it's terrible. The lettuce doesn't soak it in. It doesn't have the sponge effect. I would rather have the lettuce chopped up and have the patty served on top. I've never been a fan of the burger bowl. I just don't. It's not a burger.

Just give me a burger. Yeah. Get it? You know, cutting carbs. It's shredding season, but whatever. Whatever keeps your eye on it. What were you doing? Why did you order that? I think I just explained. It's cuttingding season, but whatever. Whatever keeps your eye on it. What were you doing? Why did you order that?

I think I just explained. It's cutting season, David. You already did your little Cabo trip. Eat the fucking burger. I'm trying to look dope naked, dude. Eat a burger. I've eaten plenty of burgers. Look, the point I'm trying to make is that I'm still going to get through this podcast.

I'm still going to give it my all. Even though I am down bad, butt built different. Again. Okay. He's so proud of himself. Can we get some programming notes out of the way? I'm worried about my balls, though. Yeah.

Let's see them. Right now? Hey, cut the cameras, Randy. Cut the cameras. Just kidding. Go. You got weird looking balls. What?

My balls are tight. I've actually never seen them. That's your problem. I've seen looking balls. What? My balls are tight. I've actually never seen them. That's your problem. I've seen your booty. Testicular torsion. I've seen what that booty do. You didn't throw in a circle for me, but I saw it. Next time.

Tattoo and all. Did you get him caught on a bike seat? I don't ride a bike, dude. No, he took the seat. We'll just move on from Blink-182 later. Because of the way it felt? Yeah. The next few weeks, we're partnering with LLS, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

This is a very big thing in Austin, and we've all been affected by cancer in some way, shape, or form, and we're campaigning to raise money in the man and woman, or in our case, the Team of the Year campaign. LLS does more to advance science and support patients than any other cancer organization. They're the largest nonprofit dedicated to creating a world without blood cancer. And since 1949, they've invested nearly $1.3 billion in groundbreaking research, pioneering many of today's most innovative approaches. This is big stuff. Hit the link in our description of this episode and you'll see it all over social. If you want to go to Wash Media, you can go donate there as well.

Just go make it happen. Also, go follow Circling Back and Wash Media on the Grom. We Wash Media, you can go donate there as well. Just go make it happen. Also, go following Circling Back and Wash Media on the Grom. We got a meme off yesterday. It did pretty well. Was it the meme video? It was a video meme.

Video meme format. Who made that? I did. Really good job, Will. Thank you. I did it all. Also, go leave a review

and five-star rating. We've had some pretty entertaining reviews come through recently. Put your resume on the top of the old stack there. Make it happen. Also, tell a friend about the podcast. We also released a video on YouTube.com slash Watch Media.

We do every single full episode of everything we do pretty much on YouTube. Go check that out. And our Patreon, we did Worst Of yesterday. I'm going to say this. As far as Worst Of episodes go, yesterday was a top-tier episode of Worst Of. I think the one we did last week might have been the best ever. Yesterday's was neck and neck, though.

It was different. It was good. The first story, I'm not going to give it away, but it is a mind-blowing. It is a fun, mind-blowing story. The first story was my single favorite story we've had in that series. I'll just say that. Do you think that one was better than the guys that went on their first bachelor party to Houston

and dressed like pledges and got in a white limo and had prostitutes with them? This one was a different kind of fun. Yeah, yeah. This one was harmless. This one didn't give me the anxiety that that one gave me. This one was just hilarious. I don't see myself getting into the scenario of yesterday's, but I could see myself being in a White Hummer limo

with a bunch of dudes in slacks and blue blazers. That's fair. Yeah. So go check that out, patreon.com slash circlingbackpodcast. Also, it's where we learn that in some parts of the world, the boys like to get together in a circle and drop their pants and sing billy joel songs minnesota i had some people reach out to me and they know yeah they they're like oh yeah this is definitely a thing apparently where it originated is an all

boys school so it's a little bit less dude that university is for the boys. I mean, literally, it's a boys' school. Dude, it's for the boys. Right, right, right. The boys. Or the. DHA. Hard to say. Hard, yeah. Let's talk about our friends at Honey real quick.

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hurts. Here's a true story, alright? The other day, last week actually, I came in here and I said, Brett, I need some new shoes. Give me a brand name and he gave me one. I pulled them up and I bought them a few minutes later. Not even thinking about it, Honey was like, hey, by the way, buddy, we're going to save you $18 on your order.

That's facts. That's big facts. Your honey calls you buddy. That's big facts, dude. So I had some people reach out one time and they were a little hesitant to download Honey onto their browser because they were like, I don't know. I don't want something to slow down my browser and stuff like that. What's their problem?

Literally never had that issue at all. And I've worked on some pretty piss poor machines. If anything, it'll speed everything up because you don't have to go searching the web for coupon codes. You don't have to go to those sketchy coupon code sites that have a bunch of pop-ups and you have to sign up for the site in order to get access

to the code that might not work. It's just a brutal, brutal way of doing it. Honey just pops up when you forget that it's even there, and all of a sudden you're saving, like, hell of percentages on everything. When that bar starts going that says, like, searching for your best code, it just gets me so fired up. Oh, dude, it's just, I mean, you're just partying.

Yeah. All you have to do is shop online at your favorite sites. When you check out, the Honey button drops down, and all you have to do is click Apply Coupons. You wait a few seconds, and they'll find the ones that work on that site. And if they find the working coupon, you just watch the prices drop. If you don't already have Honey, you can be straight up missing out on free savings.

It's literally free and installs in a few seconds by getting it. You're doing yourself a solid in supporting this podcast. We'd never recommend something we don't use, which is why you can get Honey for free at joinhoney.com. That's joinhoney.com slash circling back. That's joinhoney.com slash circling back. We have something very exciting in the hopper right now. Facts?

New segment alert. New, new, new, new segment alert, alert, alert, alert. He's doing like a high porn thing with his mouth, Dave. While also saying the words, New segment alert. I like this better than the new sponsor alert. Literally anything is better than the new sponsor alert. I think this one's better than that. Of course. You know, it's interesting you didn't just make that into a button drop or a drop button.

To be honest, I thought about doing it, but I couldn't find it. You don't have any room? No, I couldn't find anything clip worthy for the theme song for this, so if anyone has any ideas out there, you can feel free to reach out to us. What noise does a fax machine make? It's not good. No, I don't think that would be pleasing to people. It's hard to recreate with your mouth.

It does the little dial, and then you're waiting. You're like, did that work or not? I've had to use a fax machine in the last year, and I'm not proud of that. The protocol of using a fax machine is that you fax something to somebody and then you immediately call them and say, hey, did that work? And then they tell you it didn't and then you have to go back to the drawing board and figure out how fax machines work. In the

law game, a lot of times you're up against a deadline and you have to fax in something or fax something over to opposing counsel like Discovery or something. And it's like if it doesn't work, you gotta call you might give me an extension, man like I don't know if that fax worked I'm using this machine from like 1989 you know the first day is obsessed with talking about how he's like a lawyer you know the facts was

sent in 1904 people forget really is that your big fat that's one of my facts big facts yeah Alexander Bain invented it B Bain. Is this my son and partner, Alexander Bain? I'm a fax man. Press your button right there and press send. Gosh, I can't wait to hit you all with some fax. He's doing Bain. I hit the squad up last night and I was like, if you don't come strapped with a big fax tomorrow for the fax machine,

which was named by the backers, shout out to all the backers that voted in our four-hour poll. What was the other option? Big facts versus fax machine. Which one? Fax machine. I almost did like an other option and then let people weigh in. But then I realized that we were never going to choose someone else's thing.

So why would I do that? Don't give the people too much power. I don't trust y'all. I don't trust y'all. You're not as funny as we are. So it's like whatever. I don't think that's true. We're not as funny as we are, so it's like whatever. I don't think that's true. I think there's actually a lot of followers out there that are way more entertained than us.

It's just we have microphones. There's no way. Yeah. Who wants to start the big facts on the facts machine? Dylan already kicked it off. Yeah, dude. I had some facts about facts. How did they do this in 1904? I don't understand how they could even come up with this.

I don't know. Physicist and clock.he was a clockmaker. Alexander Bain was the first inventor of the fax machine. I imagine all these dudes that invented stuff, like numerous things, I feel like they just stole patents from other people that invented them, and then they just, like— Oh, you're thinking of Tesla. Is that what Tesla did?

No, he was the— Nikola? He invented it. He discovered electricity. I'm screwing this up, but somebody stole shit from Tesla. They've been stealing from the Italians forever. Didn't they make a movie about it? The Prestige?

Wasn't that about it? Nicola? I'm not going to lie. Some of the fax facts I have, which I like to call them facts about the fax machine, are pretty boring because it's a fax machine. It's just like, oh, the first one was sent. Here's a kind of cool one. The first fax cable system ran between London and New York in 1924,

and it was established by AT&T. That's a long-ass cable. Think about that. Like, how did they get it over there? They, like, put a guy in a jet ski, and they're like, here, hold this end of the cable, and then just go to London. They had the jet ski. Yeah.

They were like, just go that way. Just keep going. Eventually you're going to hit Europe. I got to issue a retraction. Nikola Tesla was not Italian. He was Serbian. Just keep going. Eventually you're going to hit Europe. I got to issue a retraction. Nikola Tesla was not Italian. He was Serbian. Everybody knows that. I didn't.

You just got served. I served myself. Here's a crazy stat. I said they were boring. I take it back. You let in that these are boring facts, and now you're just spitting other ones. So this article is from 2015, so keep that in mind. But it says—

What does that mean? A lot of facts news that's come out since 2015 that could have changed the situation. Nothing in the facts world has happened since then. But there are 18 million fax machines in the U.S. alone today compared to only 30,000 in 1970. Wouldn't you think it would be going the other way? Yeah, there's too many. If you were today? Yeah, but you have to keep in mind that, like, every printer you buy these days—not every printer, but a lot of printers you buy and stuff can, like, double as fax machines and shit.

And so, like, if people can put a fax machine in their thing and then put the price up, they're going to do that. Dude, that's big fax. Big fax. Big fax, fax, fax, fax, fax. Yeah. Wow. I'll kick it. You want my fact?

I would love your fact. My fact's about bananas. Dude, I knew we were going to have the same one. Is it the same one? I'm kidding. You know it's the perfect food, right? That's what people say about it. That's not my fact, though.

That's what Micah said. It's a top five food. I was doing some research, and there are people that dispute this, but I don't care about those people because these people are haters, and I don't like my banana haters. You can peel your way on out of here if you're not down with this fact. Dude, I'm a big banana guy. I know you are. It's nature's glizzy. Well, that's not why I like

them. They have a lot of potassium in them. That's not my fact. Are you ready for my fact? You know how like banana flavor things like don't really taste like bananas? Like you ever had like the runts? They don't really taste like actual bananas, but they taste like a banana flavor. I love the banana runts. Do you know

why this is? Because there's no banana in it? No, it's because the flavor that this was based off of was from a type of banana that has since gone extinct. Are you shitting me? Because of a fungus that spread and wiped all these bananas out. And so now they have this artificial flavoring that tastes like these old bananas. And these old bananas were called... Do they taste better than modern bananas? They're called Grosse Michelles. It was the top banana in its day and comprised the vast majority

of banana exports. Then along came the Panama disease, a fungus that has been the bane of banana growers since the 1800s. It all but wiped out the Gros Michel off the planet by the 1960s as the fungus decimated crops a less popular, less flavorful variety, the Cavendish, was discovered to be resistant to that pathogen and the Cavendish is what we're all familiar with today. Oh my gosh, I had a Cavendish earlier today.

My mind is in a billion pieces. That's crazy. Gros Michel, I suppose you could call Dave's ex-girlfriend back in middle school. Dude, you don't have to do that. Wow. I put some respect on her name. I didn't think she was that gross. She was a nice gal.

But she was gross. What was gross about her? She was picking her nose. Yeah, and eating it and stuff. Flicking boogs. Yeah. That's fine. There are people that dispute this, but like I said, those people are just haters on bananas.

Do you believe this fact? Yeah, I believe it. Wait, this is not like a true or false fact. These are all big facts. No, this is what's written on the internet that I'm relaying to the people out there. Hey, how do bananas get such a rap for being slippery when you step on them? I don't know. No one's ever stepped on a banana peel and wiped out.

People were saying that that's how you broke your leg. Really? That there was a banana peel and wiped out. People were saying that that's how you broke your leg. Really? That there was a banana peel under the goal. Like, sure, I'm sure it is a little bit slippery because it's kind of, you know, slimy under there. But, like, it has such a bad rap. Dude, what about the people that are all like, dude, so you're actually supposed to peel the banana from the other side. But, like, most people do it from the side that you, like, rip off the bunch. Right.

Yeah, like, like okay cool, dude Like I don't really care like it's pretty easy either way Apparently that's how monkeys do it and they they know what they're doing more than we do I guess Yeah, but like like how often are monkeys actually eating bananas and that it avoids the question I think I think they go big time on banana like also like call me crazy I don't watch a lot of monkeys eating bananas, but like that would be Like monkeys would just eat the whole thing Also, call me crazy. I don't watch a lot of monkeys eating bananas. But why do they kill them? I feel like monkeys would just eat the whole thing.

What? No. Get out of here. No, no, no. Apparently, if you do it that way, the stringy stuff doesn't come off on the banana. I like the stringy stuff. I hate the stringy stuff. No one likes the stringy stuff. You don't eat your bananas like string cheese?

Stop. Okay, stop. You're doing a thing. It's either in the Anarch cookbook or malcolm x's autobiography but you can there's a there's a way you can smoke some people smoked banana peel to get high i believe it's uh an early attempt we made back in like seventh or eighth grade to get high and the results will not shock you uh it didn't work while we never actually did that ourselves there were rumors of people in our high school trying to smoke banana peels in order to get high.

Yeah. So shouts to those people in my high school who tried to smoke banana peels. Also Nutmeg. I think Nutmeg might have been that. Yeah, that sounds familiar too. I think there was a spice that people would try to actually, you know, hook down on. In retrospect, it's pretty pathetic on our part. Yeah, just buy weed.

Yeah, we did. I remember I bought some from a guy named, I won't say his name, but I'm pretty sure it was just like oregano. So he got my $10. Do you guys like banana-flavored things? Yeah. You ever had banana pudding? I had it for the first time.

This nice young lady named Brittany made it for me. It was very, very good, actually. I went back for seconds even though I was extremely full. That's how good it was. Did youall know? Is this another fax machine about a fax? The longest word in the English language is

1,000, I'm sorry, 189,819 letters long. And it would take three and a half hours to say it out loud if you tried to. Like a Rogan podcast. If it's in the dictionary, then I'll believe you. But if it's not in the dictionary, then I don't care. What does it mean? I don't want you the dictionary, then I don't care. What does it mean? I don't want you to even try. I don't care. What does it mean?

I don't know. I don't know. Sounds like you need some more time to research this fact. Yeah, I just came across this, so yeah. Here, Dylan's tanking the seg. Can I do my fact? Do your fact, Dave. Is it a big fact or just a regular fact? This is a big fact. Are you ready? Yeah.

Okay. This is going to blow your mind. Dude, blow our minds. This fact isn't big. Michael Jordan is the greatest of all time. Oh, dude, what? He's the GOAT? He's the GOAT. That's an opinion.

It's big facts. It's big facts, but technically it's an opinion. Dude, I don't know. What about LeBron, though, dude? All right. I know, man, but I... Okay, no, let's take opinion. Dude, I don't know. What about LeBron, though, dude? All right. I know, man, but I... Okay, no, let's take this seriously. Ready?

If you talk to me before I've had my coffee, I'll fucking kill you. Dude, you're not taking big facts seriously, and I'm upset. We're talking facts over here. That's facts. That's not facts, dude. You think I'm capping, but I'm not. I don't think you're capping. No, I'm serious.

If you talk to me before I've had my coffee, you're in a world of hurt. Okay. You're not going to like how it ends for you. Have you had your coffee today? I have. Dude, but first. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here. Coffee.

No, seriously. Did you know that decaf does not mean caffeine-free? I actually did know that. What does it mean? Okay, well, I'll fuck offcaf does not mean caffeine free? I actually did know that. What does it mean? Okay, well, I'll fuck off. What does it mean? An eight ounce brewed cup of decaf coffee actually contains up to 12 milligrams of caffeine. Is that a lot?

No. I don't know anything about milligrams of caffeine. How many in a normal cup? I want to say around 100, 100, 150. So it's like one-tenth. Okay. God,

fucking, the brain's on this guy. Smart. It's on fire. Smart. That's an interesting big fact. Yeah,

I thought so. Are you ready for some more coffee facts? Yes. Hold on, before you do it, can I take a sip

of my coffee real quick? Yeah, go ahead. You know what? I'm going to do one too. I'm not going to do one. Do you want some of your coffee, Dylan?

Should I do a real sip? But first, hold on. But first. But first. Let me have my coffee. That's so gross, dude. Between you talking about how your balls hurt and then the mouth noises we all just made, people are just unsubscribing to a rapid clip.

No one's listening anymore. Did you know that some 16th century Italian clergymen tried to ban coffee because they believed it was satanic? However, Pope Clement VII, everybody's favorite pope, loved coffee so much that he lifted the ban and had coffee baptized in 1600. Dude, we stan a king or a pope. Gosh, man. Dude, that guy freaking loved coffee. Dude, I love coffee.

Dude, that's epic. That is epic. Just a gift to the world, coffee. That seems like a stunt to baptize coffee. Like it's – I mean coffee is bae. Was he getting paid behind the scenes by big coffee? That's a great question. Can I share another big fact?

Is it about fax machines? This is animal related. It's not about the bear we're going to talk about in a minute. But blue whales, you hear about these things, Dave? They're big. Eat half a million calories in one mouthful half a million damn kind of like gross Michelle back back in middle school why is Michelle taking you know to give Michelle the else I got a real

person it's okay I mean what how do you know I didn't date a Michelle they call her girls Michelle are you defending the honor of your ex-girlfriend named Michelle? My fake ex-girlfriend, Michelle. Yes, I respect her. Tell her I'm sorry. I will. That's a lot of calories. Yeah, dude.

That's like you doing your avocado phase. I know. That's too many calories. Think about it. I love that you just went on a huge avocado phase and just started getting a little chunky. I was a chunky boy. I don't think it was the ovies. It was a combination of...

I was just in bulk mode, man. You were just eating too much banana pudding. I got up to like 203. Damn. Wow, that's crazy. Get big. Get big. God damn.

You make it too sexual. See, that's how it sounds. If you think I'm going to desexualize Cole Campbell, you're insane. See, that's how it sounds. If you think I'm going to desexualize Cole Campbell, you're insane. Yeah, dude. He's all sex all the time. Dripping. I haven't heard much from him lately.

He's the baddie whisperer. I admittedly don't follow him from my personal account because he kind of gives me anxiety. So I've taken his content through the Circling Back account only. I'm a proud follower of the kingdom. Not only that. You like every one of his posts. I got another fact. This is going to blow your mind. You ready?

Let me blow your mind. Sing the Eve song before you blow our minds. Tom Brady is the best to ever do it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Again, not a fact, but. Facts.

okay again not a fact but facts a commonly accepted opinion among sports enthusiasts yes no that's big facts people at home are screaming facts probably man is this is this segment does it have legs are we gonna is it not sure tv date we'll hear from the people you're not taking it seriously so so probably not. Whether we ask them or not, they're going to let us know if they like it. Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Let us know. What was your last fact?

Maybe share some big facts of your own. Tom Brady's the best to ever do it. Wow. Hmm. All right. I think Matt Stafford could have done that if he had just had some weapons at his disposal. And that was Big Facts. That's our sign-off.

I just found an amazing fact generator that I'm just going to sit on for the rest of the day. Wait, are you just going to hit us with facts out of the blue? Yeah, dude. Did y'all like my fax machine facts? They were pretty good. I actually did like your fax machine facts. That's actually interesting. Facts, facts.

You guys know a British man wants to change his name to Tim Prince, or Price, but he spelled Price with like 10 Ps to make it harder for telemarketers to pronounce? Dude, the last three days, I'm getting blown up. Changing name to? Spam calls. Did you have the patty melt too? No, but I actually am going to in the next few days, I'm getting blown up. Spam calls. Did you have the patty melt, too? No, but I actually am going to in the next few days.

You should. It's really good. This is like my Jordan Flu game, the way I feel. I'm just lighting it up from three right now. Are you? Did he hit a lot of threes in that game? I don't know if he hit a lot of threes in that game. He went off.

I don't know if he did any. He hit some threes. It's more of a mid-range game for him. He wasn't a big three-point guy. You know he's the best to ever do it. He wasn't a big three-point guy, but he hit some threes. It's more of a mid-range game for him. He wasn't a big three-point guy. You know he's the best to ever do it. He wasn't a big three-point guy, but he had some threes. He was a slasher, mid-range guy. All right, you think we're done with facts.

We're not. I'll just say this. LeBron is one of the best to ever do it. Wow. Dude, that's – Are you serious? Dude, chill. Y'all aren't ready for those facts, though.

These facts are getting too big for my brain. Y'all aren't ready for those facts, though. These facts are getting too big for my brain. Y'all aren't ready for those. Dude. I am. These facts were just so big. By the way, my coffee facts came from 21 surprising coffee facts that will perk up your afternoon. On good housekeeping. I'm not ashamed to admit that my big fact came from my friend.

He's got a lot of big facts in his head, and I was like, hey. I've always said when you need an absolute fact, just word of mouth is the best way to go. I was like, hey, dude, do you have any facts? And he was like, yeah. Let me blow your mind. I really like geography facts, but those are kind of low-hanging fruit. They're so fun.

Who cares about geography facts? I love them, man. Do you know that if you took all the veins in your body, you could wrap around the world like 5 million times? I had a coach who was our science teacher, and that was a fact. He just had a book of science facts, and he would just read them to us. One day, he clearly didn't have a lesson prepared, so he was like, did you know that there's enough veins in your body to –

or there's more veins in your body than there is wire on the Golden Gate Bridge or some shit? I mean, I don't know if that's true or not. Doesn't seem true. Is that a big fact? Until they take someone's body apart and actually prove it, I'm not believing any of this. Yeah, prove it, bitch. Donate your body to science. They say, wrap me around the world.

I'm an organ donor. What if that's what they use your organs for? I've never been to Oregon. Well, it's not an organ. Veins aren't organs. They're going to use mine just to play for the next spooky season. Whoever does it after me, they're going to play my organs. Are you willing to donate your rib cage to the Bone Zone?

I already did. An organ is the spookiest instrument there is, man. I love the organ. I've already donated my ribs. Ribs allophone? Just one of them. No, I'm not donating anything to the bone zone. Bone zone.

Bone zone. I support the bone zone, but not with my body. Keep the bone zone off my bones. How could you have that much veins in you? I'm not even like... If you compare me, if I lay down next to the Golden Gate Bridge, I'm not even going to make a dent in it. Wow, good point, Dave.

There's no way that it's all inside me. Did you just bust a myth? Myth? Dude, should we do a new segment called Myth Busters? Maybe we could get a TV show out of it. Wow. I think one of those guys got cancelled. No, he died.

The Bray guy? No, I think the other guy got cancelled. What'd he do? Well, technically, if you you die your life gets canceled all right that's not that's not how you're referring but the other guy i think actually did get canceled unfortunately not a fan of cancel culture myself but i think it might have been justified you guys hear that colton underwood came out of the closet today that's a big fact he was our first guest on this very podcast he was a big fact that's a big fact right there yeah

well now i'm gonna spend i'm gonna spend the rest of the day trying to figure out what the Myth Monthly Stewards Guide is. Here, figure it out while we talk about our friends over at Ritual. No, I'm not done here. If saying came out of the closet, that's not offensive, is it, to say that term? No, I don't think so. Okay. Never know.

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Oh, wow. We've all been taking rituals. It's got the best smelling packaging in the game. God-tier smell when you open that bottle for the first time. So I got Parks on the five-year-and-up vitamin gummies. Big fan. Is that why he's growing so fast right now? Yes.

He's matured a lot over the last couple. He's also putting up big boy weights in the weight room. Good for him. No, they have them for everybody, man. It's great. Rituals, the multivitamin, reimagine. It contains key nutrients and forms that your body can actually use to help fill the gaps in the diet. No shady extras.

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Again, that's ritual.com slash circling back to start your ritual today. You guys see this golf course fight? Yeah. Fights on the golf course. I just hit it with a sick quote tweet on Twitter. Oh, wow. I'm going to quote your sick quote tweet on Twitter. Oh, wow. I'm going to quote your entire brand. That's worse than ratioing.

Dude, find one thing you're good at and just keep doing it. Like, I'm the guy who just stands in the corner and you just, when the offense breaks down, you just hit them with a late pass. No, you're the guy. I'm Bruce Bowen, basically. You're the guy who stands in the corner, like, yelling at the DJ to play the Billy Joel song so the boys can come out to the dance floor.

That took it a little different direction than I was thinking. But I was thinking Bruce Bowen, he's really good at just standing in the corner and hitting the occasional three because he's not really much of an offensive threat. Did he hit any threes when you were sitting courtside with your ostrich boots? He probably did, yeah. That was a fun time. Can we talk about the golf course fight? Anytime there's a fight on the golf course I'm intrigued

Normally they don't get too out of hand Because it involves golfers But this one Pretty good Can we get some real time frat Dave analysis Of what's happening in this golf fight Dude I sure can't Oh okay I remember this I was actually there Yeah this is at our fantasy draft happening in this golf fight. Dude, a shirt came off. Oh, okay.

I remember this. I was actually there. Yeah, this is at our fantasy draft. That's Mike and that's Terrence. Oh, dude. Yeah, he grabbed his dick. To lose your shirt and then go immediately for the pin and then just start hitting him with the pin is so aggressive.

Dude, hey, that's the only pin he hit that day. He played bad that weekend. What scenarios are there out there that could cause a fight on the golf course that actually comes to fisticuffs? Being hit into. So that's the number one option. Everybody gets one. If you're getting hit into, yeah, you give the group a free pass one time.

There's dudes chipping in the background still, like still approaching the green, which I just really enjoy. Have they even started their round yet? This looks like it could be up near the clubhouse. Well, here's what I think. That cart that's back there is too close to the green. You've got to give it like 30 or 40 yards. It looks like that's the pitch area.

So if you get hit into, you get one pass, and that's like a, hey, guys, I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to do that. Unless they do the thing where you're walking off the par three and they don't even wait for you to get in your cart and they wipe one right into your area. That might be a – They do what, Dave?

They wipe one right into your area? Yeah, you know, wipe one a little right, leave the face open a little bit. The second time you're hit into is when you just step on the ball and kind of mush it down into the ground. It's like a warning shot, like, hey. What about third time? Is that when you throw hands? See, I don't like that move.

That's when words are exchanged is the third time. I don't like the mush move because then the rest of the day, for me, I'm going to be worried like, okay, so we didn't actually confront them. We stepped on their ball. They obviously know that we stepped on their ball, so they're going to hit into us on purpose now and i'm gonna be uncomfortable for the rest of the round i'd rather just get the altercation over with i agree with you what if you hit what if you putt the ball like 75 yards back to them without them seeing so you just kind of like like that that's

a that's an aggressive high school i was party to a guy who teed it up and hit a driver back at the guys i fit one into into the woods before i I think. Yeah, I've seen that move. That's a fun one. I'd be fine if someone did that. If someone in my group was like, I'm hitting this ball, I'm throwing this in the water, I'd be like, yeah, that's fine. Second time, yeah, throw the ball in the fucking water. Second time you're doing that. Second time I'd be okay.

If one of my buddies said it, I might not do it second time because I'm scared of getting my ass beat, but if one of my buddies wants to do it, I'll support him. Here's what's scary about a golf course fight. No, man, it ricocheted. What? Like, by definition, everyone has weapons either in their hand or at close range. So you catch somebody and they're holding the wedge,

they may not even know what they're doing. They may just feel threatened and lash out and swing. And all it takes is one of those to the dome to do some serious damage. That's true. Yeah, this guy. Everybody's strapped up on the course. The guy in this particular fight grabbed the pin and started hitting that guy with the pin.

I don't think that would hurt nearly as bad as a club for obvious reasons. It would hurt. It would hurt. They're both men of size, but the man who's of most size, he seems to be getting the best of the fight, which is why the dude who's pop top goes and gets the stick, the pin. And, like, big guy doesn't even, like, run. Like, he just kind of stands there like, oh, you're getting –

like, everybody's just watching. No one tries to get in front of him. I don't think big guy's got too much in his arsenal when it comes to running. Yeah, that's probably fair. Yeah, like, he could run. Dude, the way he jumps back from that first swing is not – he's got good footwork. Dude, he's a dense man. He's a man of size, and he is dense.

Yeah. Like there's a reason that when he got hit with the pin the first time that the flag went flying. Yeah. I like these guys because they're all chest, all chest, all shoulders, no arms. These guys are just barrel-chested with just beautiful tiny arms. Yeah, the guy with the shirt on, he was recruited by like a small D1. He was like a three-star left guard somewhere.

At what point during a golf course fight do you just get in the cart and just run over your boy? Someone should start that trend. I wish like in the background like a cart just slowly goes by and there's a dude grabbed on, like holding onto the bag, getting getting dragged, and his buddy's pouring a fizzy in his mouth. The golf course is similar to a little bit of road rage. People get so mad on the road in their car. Well, it's because you're displacing all the anger that you have at your own personal game.

your own personal game. If I can find something else that I can blame me playing badly on, then I will do that. And I will filter all my anger into that. And if that's some dude that hits into me... What's the next best reason for fighting someone on a golf course after getting hit into?

Old dudes love bitching about people who are jamming too loud. You got your BTS up a little high. Maybe he just had the shanks that day, and his buddy was just ribbing him the whole round. Do you think they had enough? Do you think they were scramby partners, and all of a sudden he was like, dude, seriously.

Are you going to pull your weight eventually? Yeah, he's like, can we use one of your drops? Just one. Yeah. This looks like day three of the golf trip with the boys, and everybody's kind of hungover, tired. Nobody really wants to play anymore their body hurts so it just comes to blows like maybe the dude maybe the dude on the right didn't

chip in for uh for dinner the night before something something weird happened i told y'all about the guys that tried to set a golf ball on fire and leave it on the t-box for us and we were like dude what's your problem like Like, why are you doing this? Was it John Peterson? We hit into him one time, and then they heard my buddy laugh at them loudly. And my buddy just said, these guys suck, and they're playing from the tips. And he started laughing. That's fine. And they heard him say that, which I was kind of surprised they heard him say that. And then on the next hole, they decided to set a golf ball on fire, tee it up, and leave it there for us.

So we just had a charred golf ball. And then one of those dumbasses left their wedge behind, and we had their wedge in our possession. And it was like, well, how do you want this to end, bud? Wow. Thought about just cracking it over our leg and just leaving it, being like, oh, sorry, man, but we did the nice thing, and we gave it back to the clubhouse because we're upstanding gentlemen. When he picked up the flagstick,

were you a little worried that he was going to do like a crow hop and then javelin it through the guy's chest? If I'm being honest, I wish he would have. I think it would have been a much more entertaining fight had he tried to javelin it at the guy's chest. If I'm being honest, I wish he would have. I think it would have been a much more entertaining fight had he tried to javelin it at the guy. I don't think it pierces skin. Dylan, you could eat, if someone took a pin and they tried to hit you over the back with it,

you could eat that pretty quick and then recover and still fight the guy. It's not going to do anything to you that's like, it would hurt. It wouldn't knock me off my feet or anything, but it's going to sting like a bitch. You might have a welt there at the end of the day, but you can still fight after that. Is this normal, Dylan, or Dylan after he gets his second vac shot and is just like, oh. My hooves hurt. My balls hurt.

My balls hurt. My balls was hurt. My hooves. I like the lady who walks in at the end like, all right, boys. All right, gents. This is enough. We've had enough of this. Clean it up.

If the cart girl has to intervene, you know that it's a bad situation. Let's not assume she's a cart girl. I'm just saying, if she was. Okay. This is just a general topic. No, she's carrying something. Oh, that's a club. It's just a general topic.

If somebody from the course has to intervene and you can't settle this with your own fists and words, then you're in trouble. There was a UT football player who played at Lions. This was probably 10 years ago. And on number nine, the old man in front of him had a pistol. And he hit into him and he pulled the toolie out on him. Yeah. Did he do like a warning shot or did he actually point it at him and say,

He pointed it at him, but he didn't fire the weapon. And it was a big story. He got arrested. Good. Yeah. hey, dude. He pointed it at him, but he didn't fire the weapon. It was a big story. He got arrested. Good. Yeah. Yeah, you probably should get arrested for something like that, if I'm being completely honest. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

For sure. For sure, dude. Who was it? Was he a notable player? Can I guess? He played. I don't remember his name. Was it Colt McCoy?

No, it was an O-lineman. Was it Vince Young? Dude, was it Garrett Gilbert? Ricky Williams. Was it Swoops? Oh, dude, you do not want to pull it out on Swoops. Swoops is a big dude. Was it Seth Benson?

Rest in peace. Oh, he said it's an O-lineman. Oh, hold on. It was an O-lineman, actually. So it probably wasn't any of the quarterbacks we just said. I think it was an O-lineman. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Yes. That's almost as bad as getting into fisticuffs with Aaron Donald at the bar. Why would you do that? I'm going to need to hear some witness testimony because, as we were discussing before this podcast, there's maybe a handful of people on the planet I would like to square up against less than Aaron Donald. But he's easily top five for me. Just the combination of being a world-class athlete at a position that requires you to be of some size, and the fact that he has about 6% body fat while being a man of such size is very impressive.

6'1", 284, David. That's bigger than Dylan. Not during Dylan's avocado phase. He's basically Dylan on avocado. God, he's just a full-grown man.

That dude's eye is fucked. Did you see the photo? That's a bad black, like, that's, that's broken orbital. That's bad, bad. That's reconstructive surgery. Reconstruct.

Is that what you were going to do? You were looking at me like something was supposed to happen. I was going to make fun of you for being a fight guy, but then I didn't want you to fight me. It's the Combat Sports Minute. Are we going to fight someone on Friday? I hope so. I'm trying to think of any other golf course fight stories that I might know.

I somehow have never been in a scrap on a course. We've played a lot of golf. The most aggressive one that I've done was I just detailed to you. I don't think I have much more than that because most of the time, I think people are too afraid. Because there are golf clubs in the mix, you don't want to get into too big of a scrap because you don't want to sand wedge to your back.

Which club do you least want to get hit by? Putter. There's a great argument for putter. I think the short irons are the most dangerous. If I'm going to my bag so I can grab a club out and fight somebody, I'm probably going with like an 8-iron. Pitching wedge. Pitching wedge or something.

A big heavy head on it. I'm going with one of the clubs that I like hitting just in general. Yeah, for me, it's never gotten past like middle fingers from like 100 yards away that people are like, eh, fuck off.

You know? You always have the one nice guy in the group that's like, hey guys, these guys are really nice. I've been that guy. I've been that guy.

I've been the middle man. Yeah. Wow. Not in my group. I'll cut your ass out. I deserve it. No, if it's me, I'm pulling out my Callaway pipe.

You're pulling out your... Pipe's coming out. Do we have enough legal backing right now that if they make the Callaway pipe that we can go after them? No. Cool. No, not really. Perfect. Sadly. I've looked into it.

I tried to trademark it. They already did. What if as a company, our new initiative was making our own driver? Could we become a golf equipment company? I feel like that would be, as a business book we previously had to read, what it would call a shiny object for our business. And it would distract us. Did you read that business book when we were tasked with reading it? I did.

It was actually a very good business book. Shout out to Joe. Did you read that business book when we were tasked with reading it? I did. It was actually a very good business book. It's always good. Shout out to Joe. It's cool when a company has you read a book and then lets everyone go two weeks after they force you to read a book on your own time. We were just being prepared. They gave you the gift of knowledge before sending you out to sea. It was a really easy read. I'd already read it, so I didn't read it the second time.

Oh, look at this guy. The second I was told that we had to read this book, I knew things were going south because you don't make your employees read this book if things are going well. Let's put it that way. I'm going to bring a book reading initiative to this company. I'm going to be reading a hell of books to my unborn child.

To your unborn child? You're going to be? You don't have that much time. It's like two weeks, right? It's going to be a born child soon. Ooh, what if your kid is Jason Bourne? Oh, that's sick. Jason Bourne to freeze?

Jesus Christ, that's Jason Bourne. The doctor. Matt Damon. Matt Damon. I'm in the hospital. There's a miniature Matt Damon in my arms. I'm kind of sick. My physical condition is deteriorating over here.

But you know what? I want to push through because I'm built different. What is it? Is it your testicles again? I'm built different. Let's see those things. I just feel very, very run down right now and achy everywhere. Dude, that's crazy because you were talking all this shit before the pod about how it wasn't affecting you.

You see me? I'm not like tapping out. I'm starting to wonder if you're built literally the same. Dude, I'm crazy because you were talking all this shit before the pod about how it wasn't affecting you. You see me? I'm not tapping out. I'm starting to wonder if you're built literally the same. Dude, I'm built so good. You realize for a living you're just talking to a microphone. Dave would be crying on the couch right now. Oh, Davey's sucking his thumb. Hey, we're not anti-thumb sucking here, dog.

I did that for way too long in my life. Will's unborn child's probably sucking his thumb right now. Or her. Or her. We don't know. We don't know. Hard to say. Oh, it's a she, thumb right now or her or her we don't know we don't know hard to say oh what's a she all right okay i think just by odds like it's it needs it has to be a female

it doesn't have to be obviously that's how odds work but i mean like the odds of all of us like somebody we know has got to have a lady or a i don't know i'll fuck off have a lady. I don't know. My Tom Jones over here. She's a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Duffery's lady. That was good. That was good. People say I have a good voice. I don't feel great.

You know what you should do? Did you take anything? Shut up, dude. What if you go home and what if you toss on some, I don't know, maybe some pants that look like you could wear them anywhere, but in reality they're actually just made out of sweatpants material. That would really help the way I feel. Dude, have you ever heard of public rec? Yeah, I have some at home.

I love them. Your normal sweatpants, and I'm talking mainly about you, Dylan, because you have some real trash articles of clothing in your wardrobe. That's fair to say. Yeah, notably. They don't have a proper length. They're too long or too short. The waist is too big or too small.

They're just not great, and you don't want to get caught wearing them in public because you just look like you're just dressed down they might not even have pockets they're like if you fill the pockets they fall down because the waist is all loose you get hot and we don't like hot pants we're cold pants boys but yes that's why i'm so excited to talk about our partner public rack they make leisure wear in waist and inseam sizes because comfort starts with a better fit. We all know about that. Like if you just get something small, medium, large, like it's not going to be perfect for you. No. And when it comes to sweatpants, you can't just have a small, medium, large. You need something that's perfectly tailored. The idea that there are just like three or four sizes for anybody. It's like, what? No. A lot of people are built

different. In between. Hello. Like me. Like Dylan. We've got NARS in the mail. The second I put mine on, Sally looked at me and said, you should get some more of those pants. Those look really good on you. I said, thank you, Sally. She doesn't compliment me very often.

Yeah, no one does really. I literally never get compliments. Have you guys heard about their all-day, everyday pant that comes in a waist and inseam sizing so they can fit short guys, tall guys, and everyone in between? They're made from breathable, stretchy, moisture-wicking fabric, and you can also wear them all day, every day. They'll look brand new. They also have zipper pockets, so no more having your phone fall out when you sit down.

You ever do that in the car? That's the worst feeling in the world. If you have your wallet in your front pocket, and you sit in the car, and then it falls out, and it's under your seat, it's like, what am I supposed to do? Dude, happened with my money clip the other day. Oh, Dave's got a money clip. Oh, we got a little big baller on here. I have so much cash. It's a hand-me-down.

Oh, yeah. Put your big balls on the outside so we can all see it. Dumbass. I don't even carry cash. It's all digital. Ooh, I like that. You're all digital. Blockchain.

You wouldn't know about that, though. Broke boy. Dang. Sorry, Dylan. Back to the pants, though. They come in nine different colors, one for each day of the week and then some. And now you can get your whole wardrobe from Public Rec as well. They've got incredibly comfortable shorts, T-shirts, Henleys.

Bringing them back. Is tomorrow Henley Thursday? Might be. Today's Henley Thursday. Polos, hoodies, jackets, even golf gear. Major shops of golf gear. Public Rec rarely does discounts, so listen up. But right now, they have an exclusive offer just for circling back listeners.

Go to publicrec.com slash circling and use promo code circling to get 10% off. That's publicrec, R-E-C, and use our promo code circling for 10% off. Hey, so we've got some big stuff happening in the animal kingdom. Yeah, we do. Pizzly bears

and monkey dactyls. Which one do you guys want to start off with? Pizzly bears or monkey dactyls? I know is real. Let's go Pizzly bears and monkey dactyls. All right. Which one do you guys want to start off with? Pizzly bears or monkey dactyls? Let's start off with the one that we know is real. Let's go Pizzle. We know the Pizzle's real. I'm still not sure about this shit that Randy's trying to... No, monkey dactyls are real, dude.

I don't know why you're trying to dispute... No one's ever seen a monkey dactyl. That's because people weren't around for a day. Do you really believe dinosaurs even exist? Did? Dude, stuff in front of parks you're catching hands. NoFX told me that dinosaurs will die that's true we're gonna play no effects before tomorrow's patreon episode that might be too far for him tell us about the piddly bear dude the critically endangered polar

bears are mating with grizzly bears in alaska in creating a hybrid animal that is more resilient to climate change interesting it is known as the Pizzly Bear. Are these things, like, well-known? Or, like, are these things populated? Dude, look at the one that just has the white mark on it. That thing is tight-looking. He's a chonky boy. These are chonky boys.

I like them. Dude, polar bears, man. Ooh. So are these things intentionally being breeded? Bred? Bred. Are they intentionally being bred? I think they're just doing on their own man they're just venturing out and just banging each other those polar bears don't fuck anything that's kind of been the wrap they're savages a lot of people think that polar bears are on like the south pole in antarctica that's false they're just

drinking coca-cola on the north i've been worried about polar bears for a minute, man. I don't know if... What if we were playing Cabot and just looked over and there's a Pizzly? That'd be sick. I'm out of there. I'm out. So what's the phrase? I was actually trying to think about this in bed earlier. If it's brown, stay down.

If it's... I think if it's black, fight back. If it's brown, stay down. If it's white, good night. They tuck you if it's brown stay down if it's white good night they tuck you in yes no like it's good they're gonna read you a little lullaby they bring you to their little lair where they do their uh oh wait their hibernation and they're like here come chill with hibernation i'll read you a book no eat all eating does the pisley bear read you a whiskey lullaby no only your little whiskey girl does i to God, if I find out that my wife is reading you lullabies, it's on sight. How would that even work?

People are going to think I'm taking paternity leave, and it's just no. Will has a two-week suspension for beating the piss out of Dave. She's in the closet, like, whispering on the phone so you don't hear the singing of lullabies. She's sitting in a steam shower just, like, whispering to Dave. Rock-a-bye, Davey. That's too far. Let me see your call history, dog. Yeah, dude. What's your problem?

You want to see it? It's all 972 numbers that are trying to get my social security number. Is that an area code very close to where you grew up? It's mine. It's the Dallas. And it's just like. How are they doing this? I don't know.

All the ones I get are from local cell phone numbers in northern Michigan. And it's like, how do you know this? I get them in bunches. All the ones I get are from local cell phone numbers in northern Michigan. It's like, how do you know this? I get them in bunches, man. I get like 10 a day and then I won't get one for three months. You can't answer them

because then they know. Every now and then, I'll get a... I like to fuck with them a little bit. You and I have got time just sitting on the couch hanging out with the boys.

Just bopping with the boys? Just bopping. Like, oh my gosh, really? I can't believe they do that with my social security number. What are we going to do about this Pizzly? Let them thrive, dog.

Stand them. What do you want to do? Like, these things look sick. Are they endangered? They're like brand new, man. They just hit the streets. You know, a lot of bears are dying at an alarming rate.

You're thinking of bees. Actually, polar bears are like pretty endangered, man. Yeah, that's what i'm saying critically endangered in fact that's what the article says it says they're vulnerable their population is decreasing that's their conservation status officially you know my favorite hybrid animal is and i'll let you guys guess the name it's the fertile hybrid offspring of domestic cattle usually a male uh and the american bison

and it's called the beefalo my favorite hybrid animal is the mule mule has a lot of utility yeah they're also infertile did you know that i did know that but you didn't know i knew that because because one we didn't do this during a big fact segment which people are saying was the most electric segment of all time. But you did tell us this on a previous podcast. I did. Don't they have to get like – It's when a horse and a donkey mate, you get a mule.

It has to be one specific – it has to be a male of one – I don't know. I forgot which is which. A male of one, a female of the other. They can't flip-flop. You know what I'm saying? dylan how do twins work um well it's one it's uh i don't i forgot it's two sperm you probably know about fraternal twins he's a big fraternal twin guy for sure yeah taylor and tommy those guys are sick meals are meals are sick though are sick though Taylor and Tommy They would shut down

Every fucking party we had I don't know dude I feel like they're kind of like Over Like I don't see people Ordering that many Moscow mules anymore At restaurants and stuff

It's such like a lame drink To order these days When I found out How much sugar was In the Moscow mule It made me sad Because it was There was about a

Year and a half stretch Where I was I was a Moscow mule guy They're good man Have you ever been to a place Where they try to serve you A Moscow mule And it's not in the copper mug No And you're just like Get out of here Not a mule Get out of here with that Not a mule guy they're good man have you ever been to a place where they try to serve you a moscow mule and it's not in the copper mug you're just like get out of here not a mule get out of here with

that not a mule see ya i send it back that's me sending it back just bye hey throw it in their face don't throw your moscow mules in their face when you find out the sugar content that'd be inappropriate do not do that please don't do that well we also have the monkey dactyl throw it up there randy dude have the monkey dactyl. Throw that up there, Randy. Dude, throw the monkey dactyl up there. It says humans tend to think of our thumbs as being a sign of sophistication. Do you guys think you're more sophisticated because you have thumbs?

Absolutely. Are you kidding? Apparently. Isn't that the crux of your argument why you could be a cheetah? Sometimes I – Because you have thumbs. Yeah. Sometimes I go up to Stella and just make fun of her because she can't lift up stuff. Oh, nice paw.

Do you throw shit to her and she keeps it in her mouth? It's like, yeah, you can't do it with your fucking hands, can you, you dumbass? Yeah, you pick up this kettlebell. Pick up this kettlebell. She can't do it, man. She doesn't need to pick up a kettlebell. Yeah, why are you having your dog do kettlebell stuff? We have family workouts.

Trying to get everybody in shape. Is Parks a fan of this? No. Back to the monkey dactyl, though. Weird animal, huh? How did these two fuck in the first place? Time out. Can you explain what it is?

I feel like monkeys and pterodactyls are two very different things. So one of them had to have sex with the other one. I don't think they made it. You don't believe in the monkey dactyl. No, I don't think that's how. They have fossils that prove this, Dylan. You think it was just natural selection? I think it's just a dinosaur that kind of resembles a monkey because of the thumbs.

I could be wrong about this, but this is just off the top of my head. But this is a pterosaur species of a. Obviously, yeah. Kun-peder-k species of uh yeah and it's got it's an antipolitic because it's what genus and it lived during the jurassic era in china i think that's right at least i'm not reading that or anything i'm more a fan of the mesozoic era what's your favorite era the mesozoic actually it's jurassic jurassic is tight i'm a pangea guy the super continent. Yeah, Pangea was sick, dude.

You could just walk. You do not have to have a boat. You could just walk across to the other side of the world. Yeah, you could walk. All right. I'll see you in a couple. Walk from Austin to Sri Lanka. Over Scotia to play Cabot Lynx. I think it'd make a lot of sense if we tried to get the continents all pushed back together

so we could all be one. Yeah, you wouldn't have to mess with fault lines and stuff. Actually, one of the interesting facts I read earlier on my Big Facts website was that continents move at the same pace as your fingernails grow. Isn't that crazy? Slow, dog. Dude, mine been going quick. I'm on that vital collagen. I don't feel like that's that slow. I feel like that's quick. Let's tell them to hurry up. We're moving right now. I kind of feel like I'm off balance right now. You feel it? Do you feel that moving. I feel like that's quick. Let's tell them to hurry up. We're moving right now. I kind of feel like I'm off balance right now. You feel it? Like, that was a good move.

Do you feel that move? That was a pretty good one. My thumbnail still hasn't grown all the way back since I idiotically slammed it in a door. Why would you slam it in a door? It seems like something you should be doing. It was an accident. Just be thankful you have thumbs, dude. I thank them every day for it.

Thank you, thumbs. I kind of look like a thumb, some people say. Yeah, that was unfair. You're a bit thumb. I don't think I'm that thumb-y, though. Was that Maui Duda, or she said sock. No, it was Duda's sister's friend who said I looked like a thumb, I think. Sock makes more sense.

That makes it even more insulting, because you can't ever relay your displeasure to that person. So it's just like oh why okay there's just some person i'm never gonna meet that thinks i look like something that i don't you don't look like a thumb that was probably just due to sister's way of saying that i looked like a thumb without me being mad at her because like i actually i hold her in a pretty high regard and like if i found out that she was the one who came up with the thumb thing like i might unfollow her. Wow. On Twitter.

Wow. She doesn't tweet that much, so she can still get the double tap on the Grom and stuff. Sure. From Will DeFreeze. There we go. Will DeFreeze. I'm still not completely sold on this. I'm out on the monkey dactyl. I like the monkey dactyl.

It's ugly. Why would you say they're ugly? It's an ugly animal. I think you're sold on this. I'm out on the monkey dactyl. I like the monkey dactyl. It's ugly. Why would you say they're ugly? It's an ugly animal. I think you're an ugly animal. That's not nice. We're the same species. Do you have opposable thumbs? Right here, dumbass.

Damn, you got big-ass thumbs. Oh, I'm a thumb boy. Look, I got a hitchhiker's thumb on this one. Okay. That hurts when I do it, though. Did you ever know anybody who was double-jointed? Yeah. I feel like I just told people I was and then just tortured myself by pulling my thumb back so I could be different.

It always creeped me out. Yeah, my thumb's just different. I feel like as a kid I could do it all the time, and now if I tried to do it, it'd be really hard. What is it? You just pull your thumb back. Stop, dude. Don't do that. I'm not going to break my thumb. dude don't do that i'm not gonna break my thumb please don't do that do you think i'm just gonna pop my thumb off my thumb's not gonna go flying

if i do this pop my thumb in two pieces body parts weird ways man this is my double joint what are the people called who do all the weird like crazy shit behind their legs gymnasts no acrobats no contortionists thank you those people man oh like you don't know i've seen your recommended tab you're big into contortion those people are wild doctor said my mom should have had a contortion it's like they can touch their head you do not want the doctor telling your mom. Hey, what are you doing, doc? Hey, doc, dude, chill. Please just leave my mom alone. It's a horny doctor right there. Excuse me, sir.

The horny doctor. What wins in a fight? A Paisley bear or a monkey dactyl? How big are these? Do they have flight? Only 33 inches. Are these that big? Are these creatures flighted?

I don't know. It appears they have wings. This is a snack for a fizzly bear. They have some kind of wings. It's like a quail. It's a grounded bird. It can't really fly that well. They can fly, though.

Monkey dactyls or quail? Quail. Yeah, but not for long periods of time. Quail! Hey, man, not if I'm out there with my bird dog. If it flies, it dies. Pow. That's me shooting it. Pow.

Click, click, boom. They don't fly very well, though. No, but they can. Which is why, it dies. Pow. That's me shooting it. Pow. Turkeys fly. Click, click, boom. They don't fly very well, though. No, but they can. Which is why they're easy to kill. Big fact. Did you know the turkey was originally supposed to be the bird of the country or whatever it is? Like the bald eagle?

It's supposed to be the bald eagle, but it was the turkey. Dude, the eagle is so much doper than a turkey. Turkeys are very smart. Yeah, an eagle's a predator. I think turkeys are turkey. Turkeys are very smart. Yeah, an eagle's a predator. I think turkeys are beautiful. Turkeys are not beautiful. I think they're cool birds. They have the ugliest faces of any bird.

Yeah, but think about the coloration. Oh, ugly faces. Let's talk about the blue jay's face. Gorgeous. Save that for another pot, sir. Turkeys make it. The blue jay is a beautiful bird. I kind of like the cardinal though cardinal as well cardinals when you see one you just stop you're like wow what about a golden cheek warbler huh how about those yeah or a grackle no yeah i just fuck so heavy with canadian geese like i just had tunnel vision when it comes to other birds

you ever seen a canadian goose dog dude What about a toucan, though, man? Toucans are sick. The grackle's the original parking lot pimp. They're just in there eating gravel and shit. No one's eating gravel. It's not good for your gut. No, some birds do. They have to for some reason.

Really? I swear that's a thing. Big fact. That's as much as I can give you on it, and that's probably not even right. How many false facts have we spit out today on this episode? Are we going to get labeled as fake news on Facebook and get banned from like iTunes when you said we were doing fax news I was like wait am I supposed to do I heard you wrong and I came in with like

this whole story about like the vaccine and stuff and then I thought we were doing fake news that would be a fun that'd be a fun segment real or fake news what if we took like uh like a ridiculous site that has like really funny headlines and took a ridiculous site that has really funny headlines and we made up headlines that sounded like those headlines and then Dave read them off and Dylan and I guessed if they were real or fake? Y'all got too good, man. I got really good. Dylan would always steal your picks.

I just know what's inside that brain. You got good. You got good at the fake ones. Yeah, they got too tricked up to where y'all were pretty good at sniffing out. And honestly, I haven't been, I don't really read Vice anymore. It's nothing against Vice. I just, my habits have changed. I'm reading other sites, like Good Housekeeping and stuff.

Southern Living. You're a Breitbart guy, aren't you? Yeah, Breitbart. Yeah. OAN? What's that? Oh. The News Network?

I'd rather read OAR. Their lyrics? Little surprised KJ had never heard Crazy Game of Poker. That doesn't make sense. In any world, that makes no sense. None. I'm not going to act like... That song might have stopped

with my... Well, I guess if you were in. I feel like if you're... We listened to it in high school and shit. Really? I remember going to our indoor soccer games

and listening to it. Dylan hates the idea of indoor soccer. Indoor soccer is the most fun. I'm just deteriorating. What's the game that my nephew plays, the indoor game? Futsal.

Futsal. That was not around when I played. It's pretty sick. But it looks sick. I'm out on that. Big out. Should we talk this weekend and fun? Only if it's presented by Ballsy.

It's presented by Ballsy. Oh. Good. Do you guys want the theme music? There it is. You ever heard the ball guard ball deodorant? Yes. Balls are great.

Facts. But they have their own set of issues. It's no secret that our groin and crotch areas are prone to sweat, odor, and some real unlucky ones like irritation, itch, and chafing. Look, it's sweaty ball season. Let's just be, let's just, facts. Look, it's sweaty ball season. Let's just be facts. Dude, it's sweat season just overall. I'd be sweating everywhere, but when I start sweating down low, that's when I know that things are just getting dicey down there.

You're a big swamp ass guy, too. Thank you. Thank you for pointing that out. Yeah. Yeah. Well, ball guard is a revolution in testicle deodorant technology. It replaces those messy aluminum and talc-filled powders that create a chemical cake

batter on your crotch. If there's cake batter on your crotch, you've done something extremely wrong, David. That's old school. The Ball Guard is a ball deodorant that goes on as soothing as lotion and quickly dries as a soft, silky powder to eliminate sweat, itch, and odor, and your balls will be sweat-free and smooth as eggs.

Smooth as eggs? Smooth as eggs? Smooth as eggs, baby. It goes on easily with a mess-free lotion, like I said. It's easy to apply. It keeps your boys dry and fighting sweat and moisture. So you can say goodbye to the crotch-ness monster. I've been trying to do that for a while. That's like the Loch Ness monster, but it's the crotch-ness monster.

I've tried all these and played golf with all of them. It works. It's fantastic. I've got the shampoo. I've tried all these and played golf with all. It works. It's fantastic. I've got the shampoo. I've got the body wash. It's not technically a body washing. It's called a ball wash. You know they have the nut rub.

The nut rub, that threw me off. I was like, do I need the nut rub? And then I used the nut rub, and I was like, oh, I need the nut rub. Okay. It's a beeswax-based solid cologne that's portable and ready for action. Imagine not putting cologne on your balls that's made out of beeswax. Couldn't be me. Could not be me under any circumstances.

Dude, shouts to Ballsy. Go over to BallsyBrand.com. Check them out. Make it happen. Use Washed20 at checkout at BallsyBrand.com.ASHED20 at checkout at ballsybrand.com. WASHED20 at checkout. Good to know. Thank you.

Nice recovery. Thank you. Go to ballsybrand.com and use WASHED20 at checkout for 20% off your order. Yes, yes. Whatever. Dylan, what's your weekend of fun? Thank you for asking, Will. I have a pretty exciting little weekend coming up. I'm playing golf Friday.

I think I'm playing golf with you guys, actually. Yeah, you caught the last invite to that. Yeah, I was on the, hey, I don't have his number, so I relayed this message to him invite, which I guess it still counts. But, yeah, I'm excited. Spanish Oaks, can't wait. Yeah, I name dropped. You're going to be able to make it.

What do you mean? Well, I mean like how you're finishing off today. You seem like you're going to be in the hurt locker here in a couple hours. Well, from what I hear about this post-second shot situation is it's tough but brief. So hopefully I'll recover by tomorrow. Sure. I'm not feeling hot. Headache's starting to set in a little bit.

Don't like that. I'll be fine. Today's Wednesday. Aren't you built different, though? I'm built different. I'll be out there. I'm actually more worried about my back. I actually turned down a couple rounds recently because my back was just not in shape to swing a stick for four hours straight.

So we'll see how that goes. You can drive the cart. Enjoy a ranch water. If I play 18 holes of golf, it'll be a successful golf day for me. That's just facts. Damn. Yeah, that's facts.

Small facts or big facts? That's big facts. You going to do the Brooks side lunge? Reading putts? Maybe. Anyway, Saturday I have nothing. I have parks Saturday and Sunday. We don't have any plans Saturday yet.

Sunday going to a little baby shower with Parks. Is the baby a boy? And Brittany and her daughter. So Parks and Brittany's daughter get to hang out for the first time. They're girls, though. And the shower's on Saturday? No, it's on Sunday. And that's my weekend.

That's all of it. Can't wait. It's going to be a fun one. It's going to be a little bit cooler this weekend. I'm excited about that. You know what's cooler than being cool? Ice cold? Yeah.

Andre, three stacks. Not rub. Who's better, Outkast or the Beatles? Outkast. Yeah. Quam and I is way better than anything they ever did. Damn. Facts.

Church. Yeah, I'm playing golf with you all Friday. Looking forward to that. And I'm pretty wide open. I've got some potential. Might have an announcement in the next couple weeks that we're going to be. We've got some behind-the-scenes stuff. The wife and I, the family and I.

And, you know, we'll be busy with with that are you getting a new bluetooth speaker well i didn't want to announce it but yeah you're getting the sonos put in that's like that's like the peak of bluetooth bougie-ness do i need sonos i feel like the when i go over to someone's house who has sonos i'm like dude that's tight i need that and then i'm like do i would i use it enough to warrant sonos i'm in the camp that sonos is great if that. And then I'm like, do I? Would I use it enough to warrant Sonos? I'm in the camp that Sonos is great if it's already in there. But, like, in order to go through all this stuff to get it installed and stuff, it just seems like a lot of work. A few times I've been around Sonos people and they can't get it to work right. Damn.

You don't have to ask Sonos like that, dude. I don't know. I feel like I've been to the same person's house that you're thinking of. It wasn't working. It's like, figure it out. Mine always worked. It wasn't you. It wasn't know. I feel like I've been to the same person's house that you're thinking of. It wasn't working. It's like figuring it out. Mine always worked. It wasn't you. Mine always worked pretty well. But now that we don't have it, I don't know if I miss it that much.

But if I had a house that had different places that could have speakers in them, then I would like it. Like if I could just play it outdoors instead of playing it everywhere. But that's why you have a Bluetooth speaker. You can just walk around with it. Yeah. Like I carry my BTS on my shoulder like a boombox. For sure, dude.

For sure. Yeah, I got really... I don't have a lot. Probably going to... I don't know. Might do a little family dinner. Might bring the kid out. Give him another run out at the restaurante.

Really? We'll see about it. Any leads on where you're going? No, I just... Man, I can't have people there. You know, people, I got the kid. I don't want to do like an MJ situation where I have to cover the kid's face. When you get resis off,

do you have to account for roads in those resis? I don't know. Or do you just do two? Do you do like 2.2? I'm mainly just asking for me. I don't know. I have to confront this. No, no.

Two in a high chair. Obviously. Dude, my high chair is just a lazy boy sitting in the middle of Wilmonds. Really? Because he's high

in the chair. Do you get it? Oh, okay. I'm more of a, instead of putting him in the high chair, I'm more of a bring the carrier in

and like using the function that makes it into a stroller and just leaving it right there. Yeah, that's it. Because I feel like that's that's safer i don't know the high chair seems a little unstable to me you know what i call that i call that a tdm that's a total dad move wow not epic dude do a twitter account start it is it supposed to be nice weather this weekend i've not even

looked uh cooler but not necessarily sunny okay, we're in the 60s. Oh, I love that. Looks like a little overcast on Saturday. That's fine. We might get rained out on Friday, boys. Nah. Just putting it out there. Never.

You ready for my weekend? Yes. Dude, I'm just golfing all weekend. Oh, you got two rounds. Yep, your boy's golfing on Friday. Then your boy's running it back and playing on Saturday. Because Saturday's for swinging. I'm hoping, since we're not going to be as nice back and playing on Saturday because Saturday's for swinging. I'm hoping, since we're not going to be as nice of a place on Saturday,

I'm hoping that I can get into a fight with somebody on the course on Saturday. I told Sally, I was like, this is built. Because we're going to be playing at Lions, which is pretty close to my new place. I was like, this is built for us just ordering some pizzas or some takeout food and just having the boys over after and just eating sweaty pizza. Or maybe going to Mottie's. Yeah, dude, I'll i'll text you about it for sure i'll text you about it on this phone for sure for sure you're definitely gonna get an invite so just stay by your phone who else is playing dude it's me my brother my brother-in-law my sister-in-law's boyfriend and then

my brother-in-law's boy okay not his son but your brother-in-law's boyfriend, and then my brother-in-law's boy. Okay. Not his son, but his friend. If your brother-in-law's buddy backs out, definitely text me over Dylan. I'll do that. I don't want to play two days in a row. Okay. I'll text you, Dave. I'll text you. Honestly, I probably won't be able to, but invite me.

Give me the option first. I'm on baby watch at this point. Should I not be drinking too many beers on the course just in case something happens? No. I mean, you should not be. If I have to drive your... What if I... You're like, dude, you're just gone.

You're like full ranch water. You're driving your little whiskey girl to the hospital? Yeah, like... She's like side texting me. Oh, that's funny. Like, she tells me that she's like, oh, my water broke. And then it's like a text to both you and I. It's like, what the fuck?

Should we get out of here? Yeah. We don't have any breaking news today, unfortunately. But that's okay. We're going long anyway. Let's just sail off into the sunset. Bye. you