Circling Back - Tiny Dillon & Horny Sea Snakes

Episode Date: August 25, 2021

Huge episode to close out yet another wildly successful Podcast Week. We discuss Smol Dillon, the danger of the Italian meat outbreak, the sugar content in each of the Starbucks fall drinks, horny sea snakes, and This Weekend in Fun. Support us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast Watch all of our full episodes on YouTube: www.youtube.com/washedmedia Shop Washed Merch: www.washedmedia.shop (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter (19:08) Tiny Dillon (23:17) Italian Meat Outbreak Alert (36:37) Guess The Sugar Content: Starbucks Fall Drinks (48:53) Horny Sea Snakes (57:10) This Weekend in Fun Support This Episode’s Sponsors Vizzy: www.vizzyhardseltzer.com/washed Birddogs: www.birddogs.com (STEAM for free football) Rothys: www.rothys.com/steam --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, we're back. Circling Back Podcast presented by Vizzy Hart Seltzer, the only Hart Seltzer with vitamin C. It's super fruit acerola. My name's Will DeFreeze. To my left, David, that boy Ruff. To everyone asking, buongiorno to all of you. Welcome me back. Welcome me back.

No one's asking. A lot of people have hit me up in the DMs, just kind of like, what's up? I forgot to wear all black today, like you guys. I didn't wear all black today. Is there a funeral? I didn't wear all black today is there a funeral i didn't wear all black today i just wore a black t-shirt if i can't wear black tea what am i supposed to do it's slimming all right man welcome back david this is the first that randy walked in and asked me why i was wearing or scrubs are scrubs oh are you okay okay oh my god okay there's no way there's no way you've seen that movie did he was right have you seen that dude with that pun he's putting out major uh connor bachelor in paradise vibes okay that's totally unfair how proud is that dude of just his pun

game in that show he's like i could do this all day wait who shut up dude oh you're good mandolin guy yeah you're got no ukulele boy ukulele not a mandolin be cool if it was a mandolin uh yeah he um tough night last night tough night i don't know anything about it well i do i respect i respect the hell out of us just not doing bachelor in Paradise content and you just not watching anymore. Because Dave and I just kind of look like wimps right now that we're not willing to do a podcast on it. You're watching it voluntarily. Yeah.

It's pretty good. No, I kind of want to watch it, but it's just such a commitment that I don't know. I didn't realize we were getting back-to-back episodes. It certainly changed the dynamic of my Tuesday night. Yeah, it was really sad last night when I was talking to Sally, and I was like, what should we do? And then I got a text from Dave that said that Bachelor in Paradise was on again, and I was like, you know what?

Not proud of myself, but yeah, I'm going to sit here and watch this for the second night in a row. Mm-hmm. They got rid of David Spade, and now it's the Lance Bass show. Okay. How's Lance look? Looking good. Yeah. Looks great. Hasn't changed. Honestly, weird as – He's got Lance Bass show. Okay. How's Lance look? Looking good? Great.

Yeah. Looks great. Hasn't changed. Honestly, weirdest. He's got a baby face. Yeah. So he was one of the, you know, him and Chris Kirkpatrick. Wow.

Look at you. And Joey Fatone were kind of the quiet ones of the group. For me, at least. I wasn't that into them. Bad streets back. It's a different group. All right. Completely different group. right completely different group yeah

not the same people that's pretty embarrassing for you bye bye bye is he in sync who is he how do you not know this i really don't he's one of the two is in sync i have serious questions about where you were in the late 90s i all every member of minus jt he's obviously in sync. But everyone else, I'll get them all confused. I don't know who's in what group. You don't know which one J.C. Chazet's in? He's in one of the two.

Come on, dude. So Lance Bass is in sync for real? Yeah, real talk. He's in in sync. He's not in sync. He's in sync. Like he's an in sync guy. Where I was going before, Dylan's glaring lack of uh culture culture and just childhood no uh i i was surprised at his personality i didn't know what his personality was

and he's a little bit more of an extrovert than i thought i'm not sure he's in sync they did a brasserie joke last night how about that they went to Lance's Bassery. Wow. The Lance Bassery. They must have been listening to Circling Back. I think they were. Yeah. I think they were. You can interrupt me

whenever you're ready. We're not done talking NSYNC. What was your favorite NSYNC song? She's back. All right. Dude, it's hard to say.

So I parked next to a Chevy Avalanche. What happened there? Welcome to truck mod. Those are just the ugliest, ugliest vehicles. I think Chevy really wants those back. The Avalanche? Just all-time terrible.

Is that why you have a Calvin and Hobbes sticker on your... The big plastic-looking, whatever you call it, in the back. Is it an SUV? Is it a truck? No one knows. Is it a fifth wheel on back? You can't even use the bed of the damn thing. It's a waste of a, what a dumb vehicle.

I burned our dinner the other night, and so I had to go get dinner. And so I decided to go to P. Terry's, the burger stand. You guys familiar with P. Terry's? Yeah, dude. So I went to P. Terry's, and as I was sitting in the drive-thru, I looked over, and I saw an absolutely lifted King Ranch truck. Was it Dave? No, so I was like, damn, this thing's built. And then

I looked up and I saw that there was someone sitting in it and it looked like it was a 95-year-old man. And all I could think to myself was, how did he get in here? And furthermore, how was he going to get out of this thing? And what does he need with all this truck right now? Some of those ridiculous, ridiculously lifted trucks,

you need a legit ladder will come down. You have to climb up, and it looks so stupid. This old man, there's no way that he can feasibly get in and out without help. Maybe he carries a little trampoline. It makes me uncomfortable that he's even out on the road with this thing. This is too much car for him. He just has to hop up in there. You're really showing your privilege

because they keep the guy, the F-250 drivers, they have milk crates in the back of their truck. They just stack them and walk up them. Really? This seems dangerous.

I actually saw... Do some blue collar work one time. Well, I wondered so much to the point where I just went up to the car and I parked next to it and when I asked him what he did, he was like,

oh, as it turns out, without this daily workout of getting to my Ford F-250 I wouldn't be alive today I got a jacked up Chevy with a lift kit it's like three steps the three steps I thought it was an F-250 whatever it's a Ford dog it's one of those ones that goes back and forth and then he looked me up and down. He said, it'll look a lot better with you up in it. Really? I said, damn. He's hitting on you.

Yeah. This old man, dude. This guy's kind of a perv. He's a problem. I was like, damn. I know we were kissing homies, but what are we doing here, old man? He wanted you to get in this truck. Dude, I didn't know the perv chair came with the King Ranch leather.

Yeah. Man, that leather is kind of sick, man. It's real supple. I do want King Ranch leather. Dave, it's good to have you back in the studio, man. The vibes are just better. I kind of liked it when Dave was at home. When it's the three amigos.

Yeah, well, it sounded like in the video clips, y'all were doing a podcast and I was on the loudspeaker at your school, just like doing morning announcements. That's exactly what it sounded like. Dude, when the three amigos are just cooking in the lab together, it's just different, man. The three amigos. Yeah, the Trace Amigos.

We've got to figure out a way for Randy to do his job from home. Yeah, we don't need you in here, dog. Randy did give us some breaking news today, that he was born on the exact day that Kurt Cobain died. Died via suicide. Randy did give us some breaking news today that he was born on the exact day that Kurt Cobain died. Died via suicide. He did. Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. He did. The world lost Kurt Cobain

and gained Randy Trabacki. Yeah. That's a net win for everybody. Yeah, we lost one of the world's most talented rock and roll musicians and we gained wacky video guy. Who does origami for servers. Net it out, you know? Kurt.

Even Steven. Yeah. Kurt, God was just like, yep, done for today. But seriously, suicide is not funny. No, no, no. The way he died is not funny. But it's funny that Randy was born on the exact day. Kurt wrote the Nevermind album.

Randy does a Coles bit. We are not the same. Oh, my God. Oh, we got Dylan Chivry. How are you doing today, Dylan? Hey, man. I'm so happy to be here. Like I said, the vibes are just on right now.

They're right. It's been a good week. It's going to be a great weekend. I'm just happy about everything going on right now. Look at me. Look at me. I'm flying so high right now. Really?

Is that that early bird CBD just hitting different? I'm flying so... I took one last night, by the way. I did too. We call this added value. Since they brought it into the studio, I've taken one every night. It's great. It's incredible.

I'm sleeping like a baby. It hurts nobody. Post your order on the Twitter. Yeah. Somebody posted a big boy order yesterday. Go to the tweet machine and post your order. Uh-huh. Yep.

Should we get some programming notes out of the way? Yes. Okay. First and foremost, patreon.com slash circlingbackpodcast, or you can just simply go to itspodcastweek.com. We're doing Worst Of. We did a Worst Of episode yesterday where we had a dude that lit up a cigarette on a plane to Oslo.

We had an ICU patient get covered in human shit. It was just a really solid time. Go over to patreon.com slash tricklingbackpodcast. Send us your stories. Worst of it, watchmedia.com. Tomorrow we'll be doing Friday voicemails, even though it's Thursday. And if you would like to sign up on Patreon, you can get 10% off if you do a yearly subscription.

We're not forcing you to do it, but we're just telling you. If you want 10% off, you're saving like what? $12? Well, let's do the math here. I don't know how to do math. Let's say it's $100, which it's not. 10% of 100 is? $10. 100 minus 10? $90. 90 plus 10? 100. There you go. Dude, listen to my times tables, dude. I'm so good. Also, go follow Circling Back Pod and Watch Media.

We're going to get to this in a second, but Circling Back Pod had a really fun afternoon on the Twitter machine yesterday. Go leave a review and five-star rating. Would you guys like to hear any recent reviews that we've gotten? Yes. Of which we've gotten a few. Please. I'm not going to gonna lie i've really been enjoying all the reviews lately and uh it's it's we've had an uptick in them since we started

reading them on the pod and it's been enjoyable you guys ready don't look at my screen david all right you screen watcher i see you just looking over here you're gonna read it to me he said okay so we're gonna have to talk this one out a little bit. Okay? This is from P. Titty. Shots to P. Titty. It said they just get it, five stars. And it says, if Stifler, Oz, and Finch from American Pie had a podcast. I hate that. Who is who here?

I hate this. Dude, you're definitely Finch. No offense. Dude, here's the thing. That makes you Stifler. I'm fine with that. Because he is definitely Oz. I'm fine with that.

You're the Stifler. I'm pre-problematic Stifler, hopefully'm fine with that because he is definitely Oz I'm fine with that you're you're I'm I'm pre-problematic Stifler hopefully he got a little the the second one he got a little dicey are you okay with being Oz that means he's sleeping with your mom Oz is a shapeshifter fuck why what's what's up with you in every redhead in my life can't you just like keep it to yourself dude what are you doing wait what did i do oh yeah i didn't do your it's my hypothetical with his mom whatever oh i'm sleeping with his mom yeah yeah swag uh are you okay with being honest he's kind of a shapeshifter when it comes to relationships he's a boner man you've changed a lot he is a dating fiance soft jock like no i'm okay no thank you you could have been a pretty good lacrosse playeriance. He's a soft jock. No, I'm okay. No, thank you.

You could have been a pretty good lacrosse player. I'll tell you this right now. Are you a hard jock? I'll tell you this. He would not be a lot of my crew in high school. He would have been a lot of mine. Not me. A lacrosse player that also does choir? That's so soft, man.

We didn't have lacrosse. We would make a lot of fun of him. Dylan, we have one from Alleycat2626. It says, this is a podcast where two hosts subtly bully the third host. I don't think it's subtle, though. That's the thing. There's nothing subtle about it. You guys are very mean to me on a very regular basis.

I want to sit here. I have a great attitude about it. I'm so nice to you guys back. I wouldn't dare make fun of you. No, people don't see when the cameras aren't on how you really are to us. Oh, really? Okay. Do you guys want to hear one of the nicest No, people don't see when the cameras aren't on how you really are to us. Oh, really? So it's just, okay. Do you guys want to hear

the legitimate, like one of the nicest reviews we've ever gotten? Legitimately the nicest? TLDR. It says, thanks for all the memories. This is from JP1113355.

Great name, not. I feel like he's got a, he's got a, I mean, you're going to feel bad dragging this dude after what you just said. Okay, all right, sorry. Hold on, before we get into it,

I apologize. Apologize to JP1113355. He said, never thought three random dudes from Austin, Texas would have such an impact on my life. Been following Dorn since the early days of TFM. And Dave from PGP and I religiously read Will Sunday Scary's blog. I was super excited when

they started a podcast and released merch. I was genuinely lost when Touching Base ended, like in physical pain. I missed having these dudes in earbuds weekly. Listening to them has been an escape through all the good and bad times. All right, that was very nice. y'all do. Love y'all. Watch media to infinity and beyond. I'd give this 100 stars if I could. Alright, that was very nice. Send this guy a hat or a mouse pad or something. I've rocked with JP1113355. I rocked so hard with that guy. Because JP1113355

rocks with us. JP1113355 or something. Yeah. What a guy. And then our final review. I'll say it. He's our listener of the month. Wow. What a guy. And then our final review. I'll say it. He's our listener of the month. Wow.

Yeah. Congratulations, JP. 1-1-3-3-5-5. Are you sure you don't want to hear average Italians review before you give out the listener? Okay, let's hear it. He said, release more episodes. It's the only podcast I listen to when I'm rolling a blunt. Kind of inconvenient, if I'm being honest.

Sorry, JP, JT, whoever you are, but it's going to the Italian guy. It's a different guy. Dude, he rolls blunts. He just ripped it straight from you. If someone handed you a bunch of blunt rolling materials right now, what would we see come out of that? I tried to roll a J one time when I was in Denver and it was unsmokable.

It did not go well. The unsmokable Dylan Chivary. Too damn skinny. Too damn long. It was... Everything was wrong. Hey, I've got a segment that's not on the rund long. It just didn't. Everything was wrong. Hey, I've got a segment that's not on the rundown. It's called, guess what the username of our bounty contract was last night in Verdansk? What was it? Get ready for the timestamp.

It was, we were hunting Barack Hard Booty. That's sick. We were hunting Barack Hardack hard booty did we get him no no he is i think he might have got poached which is great he went down but going down saw that i was just like what why why barack hard booty it doesn't even it's not even a play on the last name. Maybe that's his actual name. Very unlikely. Hard Booty. What? There's John David Booty or whatever his name was? It's true. That's right.

I'm a football guy. Wow. I watch football. So presumably this person's first name is Barack, middle name Hard, last name Booty. That sounds about right. Do you guys hear that? No. You sure?

I still don't hear it Yeah I don't hear a thing I'm putting up the wrong thing Just play it next to the mic What is it, man? What is this? Just 10,000 Maniacs? Dude, we're catching a vibe right now

This is Vineyard Nights 305 By DJ Bean of the Brunch Podcast And we have a special announcement I always get this. This is Vineyard Nights 305 by DJ Bean of the Brunch Podcast. And we have a special announcement. I always get this track confused with Vineyard Nights. Yeah, Vineyard Nights and Vineyard Nights sound similar. They do. Yeah, it's kind of inconvenient, but whatever. Vineyard Nights candles are officially released via VelaBox, our friends over at VelaBox.

If you go to velabox.com slash vineyard-nights, or if you just go to our feed, you'll see it on there as well. If you go to velobox.com slash vineyard-knights, or if you just go to our feed, you'll see it on there as well. But you'll see a special edition box set of three candles, all specially dedicated to the hit EP Vineyard Nights by DJ Bean. No one's doing collaborations for songs with candles. I can't wait to get my nose on these candles, man. Just smell the shit out of them. I want to get all of them in there. I don't think they have shit in them. I want to smell everything they have to offer. Go want to get all up in there. I don't think they have shit in them. I want to smell everything they have to offer.

Go listen to Vineyard Nights on Spotify, please. I really like the aesthetic of the Vineyard Nights labeled one. I do, too. Yeah, the Vineyard Nights one is good, too. Not as much as the Vineyard Nights one. That one's, I think, a little bit better. Kind of like the Vineyard Nights, personally. Okay.

That's a fair case. I respect your opinion. I do like the Vineyard Nights, too. I disagree, but I respect your opinion. Yeah, like, I don't want to... Right. No, there's no wrong answer, but I clearly think Vineyard Knights is superior.

That's fine. We can agree to disagree here. Dylan likes Vineyard Knights, I like Vineyard Knights, and you like Vineyard Knights. I hope people know what the hell we're talking about. Go check it out. You'll see.

Just search Vineyard Knights on Spotify and go listen to Vineyard Knights. Yes. And also Vineyard Knights and Vineyard Knights. Why don't we play his song for this weekend in fun? Which one search Vineyard Nights on Spotify and go listen to Vineyard Nights. Yes. And also Vineyard Nights and Vineyard Nights. Why don't we play his song for this weekend in fun? Which one? Vineyard Nights. I was kind of thinking we'd play Vineyard Nights, though.

I love DJ, man. Shout out to DJ B. I just think for that segment, people are going to want something a little bit more Vineyard Nights. That's true. You're not wrong. Let's talk about Bird Dogs real quick before i really get into it it's peak summer which means bird dog shorts are back bird dogs are the most comfortable shorts you can probably ever have these things are just different they are crazy comfortable they got the liner you can wear them like literally anywhere and no one's really going to turn their head unless

they want to see your caked up little booty. They want to see a hard booty. They do make my hard booty pop, by the way. Just busting. Really? It's wild. See, I was looking in the mirror the other day and I don't think I have enough booty on me. I'm just all cheek when I wear these things. People always comment on my booty meat when I walk by my bird dogs.

You know what I did? I did something that I should have done probably over a week ago and I decided to unpack my suitcase from New Orleans. Okay. And I pulled out my bird dog's pants that I never got to wear there, and I was like, what am I doing? How did I botch this? What a wasted oppo.

I don't even remember. I didn't even remember that I had them there. What are you doing? Those are the perfect pants to wear in a soupy city. My soup. In a soupy city like New Orleans when you're trying to party, but also trying to be chill. Yeah. That's kind of like the tunity of a lifetime that you missed out on tunity of a lifetime some people wait a lifetime for a tunity like this what are you doing i don't know i've

been listening to too much vineyard night dave are you aware that they have an actual pair of pants called the jeff pesosos? What? Yeah. Should we sue them? Are we going to? Hey, bird dogs, you're about to get sued. Full disclosure, that was one of those things where I was like, surely someone's come up with this. But I'm just going to go with it for a caption. Dude, let us sue bird dogs.

I mean, they're our sponsors. Okay, fine. We'll just wear their stuff everywhere instead. Sign me up. You guys know they're doing a special deal? No. What's their deal? Hey, remember the time that they kidnapped the Lululemon designer?

They duct taped him to a chair and then like... They made him smoke cigarettes on a plane. Yeah. That was crazy. No, they always have their famous giveaways. Remember the nunchucks? Uh-huh. Kind of bummed we never got the nunchucks, if I'm being honest.

Well, now go to birddogs.com and enter promo code STEAM, and they'll throw in a free Bird Dogs Whistle Tip football. Remember those Nerf Vortex Howler footballs that whistle when you throw them? They're the must-have beach toy of the summer. That's birddogs.com, promo code STEAM, and boom, a free Bird Dogs Whistle Tip football with your pair of Bird Dogs. You will not take these things off. We promise you.

Dylan, big day on the TL yesterday for you. Not because you got engaged and you posted that grom finally. I would say it's more of a tiny day on the TL. Okay. Do you have any – there's a lot of conflicting reports out here about how tall you are. Because when KJ filled in for Brett the other day and did KJ's big breaking news, he dwarfed you. Well, listen. The camera, if you notice, at an angle, KJ's in the foreground when the camera is on us.

Oh, look at film studies guy over here. He's in the foreground. I'm clearly a good foot and a half, two feet behind KJ. I'm stage left. I'm also a little slumped over. I'm a little confused, though, because you guys are sitting in the exact same chairs. And it looks like

you could put on a suit that is KJ and walk around, and you would just be KJ if you had his body on top of you. He does look to be much larger than me in this. But again, I'll point to the camera angle and the fact that I'm kind of just slunked in the seat.

How tall are you? I'm 6'1". Okay, how tall is Klein? Because there's been a lot of people talking about some photos that have been on the TL in the past where Klein is towering over you. You know, there's an updated picture of me and Klein on my TL on Instagram. If you go to at D Chivary on the Grom, the one from our meetup, there's me and Klein on my TL on Instagram. If you go to at D shivery on the Grom, um, the one from our meetup, there's me and Klein standing together.

It is the third slide actually. And he is a, no one's going to really half of an inch taller than I am. So he's, you're saying he's six foot one and a half. Yeah. And I'm six one. If you're five 11,

that's cool, dude. That's still taller than most. You're right. If I was five 11, I would say I'm five'11", but the fact remains I am 6'1". Yeah. How tall is Bae? Look at this.

Bae is 5'4", 5'5". She's like the tallest 5'5 I've ever seen. Okay, so we're saying there needs to be about 7 to 8. Dave, I'm looking at this Instagram. It says, this is from Dylan 16 hours ago. You're actually doing decent likes on this. It says, luckiest man in the world. I'm not really sure what you're talking about.

But I don't see seven inches from where her scalp ends and your cranium begins. Are you serious? Hold me closer, tiny Dylan. Yeah, I'm 6'1, I'm 6'1". I'm 6'1". Yep.

Okay. What's up with your shoulders? Why are KJ's shoulders just so much more broad than yours? Well. Wait, this is one of the Photoshopped ones. No, we have another angle of it, too, don't we? Unless I'm mistaken. Randy just snuck this one up.

No, I think we have another angle of it, too. No, we? Unless I'm mistaken. Randy just snuck this one up while we were playing. No, I think we have another angle of it, too. No, this is a Photoshopped one. Okay. Okay. I am noted not shoulder guy. Are you Benjamin Buttoning? No matter how much I lift shoulders, they don't get much bigger. He's Benjamin E-Waste.

KJ is like, KJ is our trap king. He's like all traps and shoulders, big arms. I'm not, I'm not. Oh, wow. You're going to just call his arms out like that. I'm sorry, KJ is our trap king. He's like all traps and shoulders, big arms. I'm not. I'm not. I don't have a wimp. Oh, wow. You're going to just call his arms out like that. I'm sorry, KJ.

Are you body shaming him? He has big arms, dog. We don't body shame here. He's a big lad. We always prefer to have small arms in the mix, but if they're big arms, I'm still going to, I'm still going to dap up my king. Oh, he's still our guy. I'm just saying they're big.

God. Is he like siphoning away some of your soul every time he sits next to you and he's just getting bigger and stronger look how big that yeti is in front of me by the way this is like a that's the size of your torso don't you have to use two hands to hold it up like fritz in his bottle yeah the size of my torso in that picture it's wild all i'm saying is like you be shrinking. Yesterday was an all-time day for the Washed Media Nation. The Photoshops, not even the Photoshops because this is real. The memes, the original memes by listeners were just all-time.

We enjoy memes. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Yeah, we were hitting yesterday. Dave. What? Do you mind if we pivot real quick to something that's not on the rundown? Okay. Have you heard about Italian meats?

Is it the E. coli or salmonella? Yeah. How do you feel about this? So someone just sent me a tweet. I actually meant to bring this up earlier, but I totally forgot about it. The CDC has issued an outbreak alert. Until specific Italian-style meat products are identified, you have to reheat all Italian-style meats to 165 degrees or until steaming hot before eating if you're at higher risk for severe salmonella illness.

I'll give you some meat to reheat. Does this include gabagool? I think it does include gabagool. Gabagool? What a stupid question. Yes. By the way, I've been teaching Parks how to say gabagool with an Italian accent while doing the hand gesture, and it's going quite well. I noticed he was hanging out wearing a skeleton outfit the other night.

Those are his PJs, yeah. That's very cool. Well, he knows the spooky season is approaching. He's ready. It's imminent. That's very cool. Well, he knows the spooky season is approaching. He's ready. It's imminent.

He said he wants to hit the pipeline, call in, because he's got a voicemail for spooky season. Apparently, your house is haunted. Yeah. It's pretty sick. Cool. Oh, yeah. Dave, are you okay with eating your Italian meats at 165 degrees? I like piping hot Italian meat.

I don't mind it, but I prefer my Italian sub cold. Are they going to start calling them hot cuts? The Thunder Club New York Italian is pretty good. From where? The Thunder Cloud New York. Oh, Thunder Cloud. I thought you said Thunder Club. Oh, is that what it's called? The Thunder Club is Dylan's thing.

Thunder Club! Thunder Club. Oh, is that what it's called? The Thunder Club is Dylan's thing. Thunder Club. Mm-hmm. Thunder Club. No, we heard you. You been. God, my God. How's she got the news? That sucked.

Don't clip that. Thunderstruck. What were you asking about the meats? Yeah, what are you talking about? I can't handle this. The world cannot handle having to heat their meat. No. No.

I can understand. We're all taking precautions for this pandemic stuff. There's just news happening all over the place. But I think I have to draw the line when it comes to reheating my Italian meats. I'm not doing it. I'm not reheating my Italian meats. i'm not doing it no i'm not reheating my italian meat is there a vax we can get if there was a vaccine enjoy the meats if there was a vaccination that we could get so we could eat cold italian meat i would be going to

the hospital right now if you put a plate of gabagool in front of me right now cold or not i am eating and i promise you that what if there's some capicola on there a little prosciutto yo for sure i'm going all in. Do you think the salad bar at Fogo de Chão is just in shambles right now? Just a sweat lodge over there? All I'm saying is this. What? If I pull up with the sopressata, it's going to be cold.

Yeah. It's going to be hot in terms of spice, but when it comes to everything else, it's going to be cold. That's sad. I'm going to wrap it around a little melone, a little cant a little cantaloupe oh baby i've never been a fan of that melone you know you don't like the way they pair is that a juxtaposition of salt and sweet was the pear thing was that a joke it's a yin and the yang i just think my neighbor brought us pears the other day i think i think melon is one of the worst fruits you could have very sick dude i don't

think they listen but some of our neighbors have a pear tree, and they brought us pears, and I was like, yeah, awesome. Do they have a partridge, too? I don't know what to do with these pears. What do I do with the pears? Dude, a partridge and a pear tree? Hey, no one talks about pears, man. Think about that.

That's because they're mid. Who's doing pears? They're mid. They're straight up mid. No, pears are not bad, man. Pears are good for hangover. I look, you fuck with pears. Do you not know what mid means? I Because they're mid. Who's doing pears? They're mid. They're straight up mid. No, pears are not bad. Pears are good for hangover. I low-key fuck with pears. Do you not know what mid means? I said they're mid. They're not bad. They're mid. Mid is not a compliment.

But no one talks about pears, man. They've got a weird texture to them. No, they're dope. It's like an apple. If an apple was like soggy. Maybe he's just into that soggy core fit shit. Sog core? I don't know what I'm doing. Soggy pear? Come on down to that soggy core fit shit. Sog core? I don't know what I'm doing.

Soggy pear? Come on down to the soggy pear. Whatever happened to the headless pear? The headless pear, it had legs. No head, though. No head. Blaring lack of head. No top.

What are you doing, man? I don't know. Straight up convertible. Volume shooting right now. Absolutely no head. No, but we have pears if you want some pears. You know what? I would love it if you brought me a pear tomorrow to work. Just come over. Just bring one tomorrow. I don't want to go to your house for a fucking pear.

You don't want to do pear Thursday? Can you bring me a pair of bird dogs instead? I'll bring a pair of these nuts. It's on fire, man. Keep feeding him the rock. These nuts. Right. What about your nuts? Dave, no one's going to celebrate Pear Thursday at your house. By the way, waiting for that invite still.

Very cool. Very cool. Were we talking nuts for a second? Have you guys had the Trader Joe's Marcona almonds with rosemary? I think you know I haven't. You should get them. Isn't your mom's name Rosemary? It is.

You should definitely try these then. Does she like rosemary a lot? Is that a thing? I think she kind of fucks with it. Because I fuck with people's wills so hard. When I hear someone has a will, I'm like, dude, that's sick. I need to set up my will. I do too.

Now that Fritz is in the mix, I'm like, dude, if I die. I'll do it for you. Will you? Yeah, will. Pro bono. Can I ask a question about making a will? If you just wrote down a will and you said this is Will's will? Signed it.

Signed it. Like, does that clear out in court? Depends. If I just say Fritz gets everything, Sally gets nothing? No, but you don't really have to worry about that in Texas. It'll go to Sally, then it'll go to Fritz. What if all my exes live in Texas and they're trying to get stuff too? I don't know how to answer

that. Wills, trusts, and estates. David, I've already put in my will. I'm going to give you my Bluetooth speaker. And Dylan, I'm going to give you all of my athletic shorts as you have trash ones outside of your bird dogs. Or no, did Bay get rid of the RG

ones? I never owned those. No, you had some with like an 11-inch inseam that you wore to the gym all the time. You had those nylon ones that were just... The brand is Russell. Like you were like an eighth grade wide receiver coach. Yeah, yeah.

Like you were going to go work the jugs machine. You like that one, huh? I mean, what? Dylan, we have numerous short sponsors, and you're out here wearing $12 Russell Athletic men's shorts. Will, I wore those like six years ago. Yeah, but we can't forget. I have dope shorts. Don't you worry about me, Doug.

I'm doing just fine. Yeah, we have like six short sponsors. He's got a good collection of athletic shorts. You're doing great. Jerk. So about this fucking pear tree. Yeah, what about this fucking pear tree? I didn't know they were indigenous.

That's all I'm saying. Do I need one? I've got a crepe myrtle. You don't need a pear tree, David. You could have one fruit tree on your property. Avocado. All day. Avocado.

I don't know if that'll grow in Texas. You asked me. It's a dream scenario. It's avocado. Okay. I asked. Kiwi. I'm going kiwi because there's a couple different reasons here,

but one of them is that kiwis are outrageously expensive. Lime's the most versatile. Yeah, a lime tree would reasons here, but one of them is that Kiwis are outrageously expensive. Lime's the most versatile. Yeah, a lime tree would be good, but like... Oh, dude, I drink so many freaking ranch waters. Wow. It's ranch water guy. Yeah. I wish y'all would never turn me on to them, because I'm obsessed now.

Can't stop drinking them. Why is binge guy the same as ranch water guy? Because you binge ranch waters. I don't know how accurate this is, but Dallas Texas TV just tweeted, Why is binge guy the same as ranch water guy? Because you binge ranch waters. I don't know how accurate this is, but Dallas Texas TV just tweeted, a Dallas woman is dead after falling and hitting her head during the crate challenge off John West and La Prada last night. Yeah, I think there's been a couple scenarios where I think TikTok has actually issued a statement at this point telling people to not do this anymore.

It's kind of like when we had to tell everyone at TFM not to do the golf cart running over anymore. Why? Because people were getting compound fractures because their friends were running them over

in golf carts? Dude, but at least they got a million views on TFM Instagram. Rest in peace. It moved. To them and the Instagram. Total fret moved.

Micah could not make in that joke when we were in New Orleans. I moved. You did like four times a day. Did somebody... That's so sad. But, I mean, dude. I mean, like, so yesterday we saw the dude whose ankle, or I saw the dude whose ankle.

I refuse to watch. Just absolutely snapped like a toothpick. And then today we have a death. That's so like, I mean. Y'all got to stop running on crates. Got to stop running on crates. y'all gotta stop running on crates gotta stop running on crates i'm not trying to be a a crate hater right now but like you gotta stop a crater landry quote tweeted it with that video of patrick swayze and what's the surf movie what's it

called uh point break i already know what it is it's not tragic about doing dying doing something you love that's pretty good i'm withholding landry's pretty good. I'm withholding. Landry's pretty good. I'm withholding. Again, your request, the folks at home, if you want us to do a milk crate challenge, it's just not going to happen. What we will do is we will do the cold Italian meat challenge

where we just eat cold Italian meats. Yeah, we'll do the gabagool challenge. I got some for you. Look, we got kids. We can't do the crate challenge, you know? Nah. Got to be responsible adults. No. It's just not happening. We can't do the crate challenge, you know? Nah. Gotta be responsible adults. No.

It's just not happening. Dylan will get to that top one and just freeze. Oh, yeah. Just wobble him. Oh, you would have no clue what's going on. I'm going to get up to the top and hit him with a dougie or something. Or maybe the Kwan. Literally no one is dougieing anymore.

Maybe the dougie at the top of the crate. I might hit the Kwan up there. The Kwan requires a lot of movement. It's not a stationary dance. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Maybe I'll Millie Rock on the way. Do you even know how to Dougie? I'll give you $20 right now if you know how to Dougie.

Don't do it. I don't know how to Dougie. It'll live in infamy. It'll be a Jif. Randy, we'll clip that. It'll be on Twitter before we even finish recording. Randy, can we get a quick look up of how many views Dave's horny police gif has gotten?

Because I feel like it's been a while since we've had to deal with that. Can you take it down? No, keep it going, dude. No, but one of them doesn't even say horny. It just says, officer, I'd like to report, and then it cuts off. What do you want, Dave? Do you want to be known as the horny guy, or do you not want to get known as the horny guy? Chubb is trending.

Wow. I would also like to report that Randy got an Instagram off while we were recording. Ten minutes ago. I'm really glad that he's working hard right now. He got an Instagram off. Come on, Randy. What are you doing, man? He does it kind of hot.

Well, you know he's working hard because Chubb is trending. Okay, Randy, what are you doing? What are you doing? Okay. We have the second slide of Randy's post. Are we about to do a live breakdown? Why'd you cuck our pot? Oh, my God.

It's camp week. Hope all you campers out there are ready for a great weekend at Camp Wilmot. It's also apparently cake week. Have you seen the second slide? Make sure you stick with your buddy and stay hydrated. Look at the last slide. I'm going right now. Dear God, Randy.

What the fuck is your problem? Chill out. Dude, he just did 10 slides on us? Just relax, dude. Randy, what in the world? I cannot believe you just overshadowed Dylan's engagement gram like that. That's so selfish of you. It was one thing for Will to become a 70s

guy. It's another thing for you to do that. Is Dylan a 70s guy? Allegedly. Not in the last decade. When I was 21, I shot a 77 at Lost Creek, and it's the only time I've ever broken 80. That's a cocky way to break 80. Was Lost Creek even around when you were 21? I thought it was relatively new.

Randy, I'm going to ask a question that I don't know if you're going to want to answer, but just nod yes or no. Did you Photoshop the fire into this? Yeah, he nods yes. I mean, it's a good Photoshop. Randy, I'll give you credit. This is an excellent post. I guess I'm going to like it.

Someone comments, the mommies appreciate you for many reasons randy what's that mean slide two is just aggressive with the cake everything is cake though dave was there any part of you last night during bachelor to bring up bachelor in paradise again when they were eating the gross food did was there any part of you that thought it might be cake when they first unveiled it and they were messing with them dude i kind of got mad that like they got a date card and they didn't just get to eat a dope meal i was like what why are you making them do this that was her that per her that was her literal first date ever she said she'd never been on a date before and then her first date she's eating tongue time out she said she'd never been on a date yeah she said she'd never been

wined and dined before right i question anything else did you drop this while we're recording hoping we would just stumble across it and discuss yeah this must be dude come on see this is the kind of stuff you couldn't do if you're working from home unbelievable he's not gonna be able to do this next week when we figure this all out we have drone randy in the building like this this needs to come with a like a explicit tag or something they'll they'll mark it as as sensitive eventually once it starts to hit the algorithm. Sheesh. Hey, Dylan, we have an alarm I think that's about to sound. Ooh.

Ooh. New sponsor. We have a new sponsor. New sponsor alert. Oh, my God. Hey, we got big news in shoes, baby. That's right. Rothy's is now selling men's sneakers and men's driving loafers. You've probably heard your wife, sister, mother, daughter, or friends just talking about their love of Rothy's women's shoes.

And now they've brought their sustainable materials, washable design, and innovative craftsmanship to men's shoes. When we first heard that we were getting sponsored by Rothy's, do you guys remember what I said to you? You said, yeah, about your mom. I'll never forget. My mom is absolutely obsessed with them she absolutely loves them her favorite shoes she's constantly you know shopping them wearing them doing whatever and like the the copy here could not be more on brand like my mom is obsessed with these and when i saw that they're doing men's i called her and i

was like mom big news rothys is sponsoring the pod and she immediately said can i get some i'm so excited for these can't talk can't talk about the ones that I chose? You can, and I have unfortunate news. It's the RS01 sneaker, and I chose the bone color because, as everybody knows, my nickname is Bone Man or D-Bone. Some people call me Bone Thugs in harmony. No one does that. These shoes are so sick, and I'm so excited to strut my shit in them.

I have unfortunate news for everybody. I did accidentally order the same shoes as Dylan, which means that my taste is just getting less swaggy and less swaggy and less swaggy. But these are the swaggiest shoes of all time, so I don't really care. Are people calling you the bone man, too, or is it just me? No, it's just you, I guess. I was between two of them, and Dave actually got the other ones that I got, the RS01 Hunter. Yeah, I needed01 Hunter. Yeah.

I needed to mix it up. I'm glad you didn't get the exact same ones as us, because then we'd all have to be texting each other before we go out, like, dude, which Rothies are you wearing? What did you get? Oh, you got the bone. I'm officially in the bone zone. Boned up.

I've got too many bone shoes. If you catch me, we'll just straight boned up the whole weekend. I'm straight up Randy Travis with it. Looking good and feeling great just got easier thanks to Rothy's innovative approach to shoe design. From their unbeatable comfort to the fact that you can wash them, these shoes check every box. If you hate it when your favorite sneakers or light-colored pair of shoes gets dirty, Rothy's men's shoes are for you. Their innovative washable construction means your shoes will look like new with every wash.

And everything Rothy's makes is better for the planet. Their elevated style is achieved through their innovative manufacturing and materials. And for all the sustainability fans out there, you guys fans of sustainability? Love sustaining. If they had a jersey that just said sustainable on it, I would be wearing that. I'm digging up bones. Rothy's men's shoes are knit with 100% recycled materials. I said 100% recycled materials.

I heard you. Even the sneaker laces are made from plastic water bottles. No wonder Rothy's best-selling men's shoe, the Driving Loafer in Navy, gets a five-star review from almost every single customer. I'm going to wear these things out. They might as well just send me another pair right now because I'm going to be requesting some.

Wow. I can't wait. I actually almost ordered the Hudson, which is the same shoe, just navy blue. I was hovering over that one for a minute, yeah. You couldn't pull them off. Forbes even said that Rothy's men's shoes are a travel must-have. CNN said that they're comfortable to wear right out of the box.

And Esquire said pick up a pair before they sell out. And I have to say, that's probably an accurate statement. Upgrade your shoe game with the new men's options from Rothy's. Head over to rothys.com slash steam to discover what the hype is all about. That's r-o-t-h-y-s dot com slash steam. I want a Roth!

I want to Roth! They're calling me Rothiel Palmeiro. Who was? When I was trying them on at the virtual store. Dude, Roth Geller over here. I want to be friends with this guy.

Okay. I'm going to do a Roth Geller. Dude. You guys want to play a new game? Uh-huh. Not sure if you guys know, but, like, dude falls on the horizon. Sick. Dude, pumpkin.

Hey, I'm about to go get a pumpkin spice latte. What annoys you guys more? When people get too into fall too soon or people go to Christmas too soon? I support both groups. I'm kind of low-key that guy. You're that guy, pal? I'm that guy, pal.

I love the fall and I love Christmas. I like them both, but I think there's an appropriate time. I get mad age for fall. I come alive in the fall time. What date on the calendar is the appropriate day to have your first pumpkin anything? It's got to be sub-80 degrees. I said date on the calendar, David, not climate. I'm going mid-September.

Okay, we're late August right now and people are already drinking pumpkin stuff. You know what? If you put one in front of me, I'm going to crack it. That's for sure. Dude, chill. Please chill, dude. Please chill. Those do not pair well

I don't care I'm doing it Okay, here's a question Have you guys ever had An actual pumpkin spice latte From Starbucks? I've had a sip of Bae's My wife's

And your wife's Your future wife's You better not Freaking drink Bae's latte Or drink Whatever I drink it up I drink it up

I drink Bae's milkshake. I'm sorry. This is my Starbucks. Yes, I have had one just to see what all the fuss was about. And what's your review? Too sweet. Too sweet.

If it's anything like what McDonald's will give you in the drive-thru line. Yeah, it's mega sweet. So their line of fall drinks right now, and I just clicked the wrong thing, which means I have to reload the website. Their line right now has the classic pumpkin spice latte, the pumpkin cream cold brew. Didn't know pumpkins could do that. They also have the new iced apple crisp macchiato, the new apple crisp macchiato that's just hot.

Oh, my God. Stop. And then they have these pumpkin spiced Frappuccino drink. How many of these come with a whipped cream of sorts? The pumpkin spiced Frappuccino does. And that appears to be it. Actually, no, I lied. The pumpkin spiced latte also comes with it.

Can you like give me a flight of all of these? Oh my god. I'm going to try like all of them right now. Okay, I'm going to play a game with you guys because as you guys know, Dylan has forever ruined Sprite for me by pointing out that a 20 ounce Sprite has 64 grams of sugar in it. 63, you get it wrong every time. I don't care. I like even

numbers. Dave, I'm turning down my brightness and I'm shifting my laptop. I don't trust you, dog. That still shocks me. We're going to play a little game called Guess the Sugar Content in the lineup of Starbucks drinks. It's a really good name for a segment. Really good name uh let's start off with the pumpkin spice latte the classic any guesses on on what's in here i will read this to you it's their signature espresso with steamed milk and the celebrated flavor combination of pumpkin cinnamon nutmeg

and clove you can enjoy it topped with whipped cream or real pumpkin pie spices. What is clove? Clove is like, it's a spice. Okay. It's a spice. My clove. How many grams of sugar do you think is in one of these? This is a 16 ounce, by the way. Is it all 16 ounces?

All 16 ounces. You're always 16 ounces in your hometown. 38 grams of sugar. David? What's this one called again? Tell me. Just the pumpkin spice latte Oh

Your classic Yeah Oh my god I don't even want to know 49 50 Oh my god 50 in a 16 ounce

It's only 390 calories For this pumpkin spice latte though I'm so bad 50 grams of sugar In a 16 ounce coffee I'm going to ask you this once and once only. Did I stutter? The ounce-to-sugar ratio is just not what you want. Who drinks this stuff?

Okay, let's tone things down a little bit. One sip is like a glass of milk. Let's tone things down a little bit. One sip is like a Jolly Rancher. Let's go to the pumpkin cream cold brew. As you can probably assume, a cold brew might have fewer calories in it, less sugar. Yeah, it's just cold brew, which—

With cream in it. Right, right. With cream in it. You add cream, too. So it's like, okay. So this has 250 calories. The Starbucks cold brew is sweetened with vanilla syrup and topped with a pumpkin cream cold foam and a dusting of pumpkin spice topping.

How many sugars do you think—how many grams of sugar do you think it is? Sounds lovely, but I'm going to say 42 based on the last one. How many ounces? 16. Because you're always 16 ounces in your hometown. Everyone knows that. I'm going to say 38. Only 31 in this.

That sounds healthy. For everything else in this, they put the percentage of your daily value. They omit it for your sugars in this, and I think that's a good move by them. I thought they had to. Hard to say. It's Starbucks, dude. They run everything. Iced apple crisp macchiato.

Layered flavors of apple and brown sugar meld like the filling of a gooey apple pie in Harmy with espresso, milk, ice, and caramelized spice apple drizzle. This sounds disgusting. You have to think that the caramelized spice apple drizzle has to have like a million things in it alone. This sounds really bad. This is the one where they just blended up some apple bottom jeans and just topped it off.

I asked for no fur in the last one, but I still had a couple in there. Fur doesn't go down smooth. No, it's not ideal. This is 280 calories, and guess how many grams of sugar are in the iced apple crisp macchiato? Oh, my God. One of the ingredients, did you say there's a layer of brown sugar? I believe that's the word, the verbiage. A drizzle.

No, it's layered flavors of apple and brown sugar. Okay. And they meld like the filling of a gooey apple pie, because everyone knows that it... I don't really like gooey apple pie. I don't really need it. Who writes these descriptions, man? Probably some don't really need it phrased that way. Who writes these descriptions, man? Probably some dude

that really hates his fucking job. Yeah. Yeah. I want to say this is more than the pumpkin spice latte, so I'm going to say 56. I was going to say 51. Will?

46. Sheesh. We have an update. Any guesses on how many views Dave's horny jiff has gotten on the machine? Will? 46. Sheesh. We have an update. Any guesses on how many views Dave's horny gif has gotten on the machine? How do you know how to ballpark this? No. 20 million.

Dave? 35 million. 30 million. Good God. You are the face of horniness. How do you feel about it? You're the horny guy from the internet. Pretty stiff.

Holy fuck. Is that the horny guy from the internet holy fuck is that the horny guy from the internet was that was that pre-stache in that no you're stashed up don't call it a pre-stache you look you look extra horny because of the stash i wasn't even horny i was reporting how horny someone else was no that's true that's fair dave isn't the horny guy i'm the anti-horny he's actually anti-horny you're the horny-horny guy. You're the horny narc. Yeah. You're right. You know I like that horny narc. Apple crisp macchiato. What? Layered flavors again of apple and brown sugar meld. Yeah, whatever.

This is just the other one. It's the same thing. I'm not even going to make you guys guess. Our final one. Coming in at a very cool 420 calories. We're talking about the pumpkin spice frappuccino blended beverage. It's pumpkin plus traditional fall spice flavors blended with coffee, milk, and ice and topped with a whipped cream and pumpkin pie spice.

Think of it as the ultimate fall care package. You say this one for the last for a reason. Well, it was the last one on the website, so yeah. It's got to be more than fitty. Hey, love, look at the cream. It's hitting the whip. The cream is whipping. Yeah.

Okay. Does the cream also nae-nae? Love, look at the cream. What are you doing over there? I think you know damn well what I'm doing. I'm doing a pod. I'm doing it decently. 54 grams of suge.

In a 16-ounce? Dave, any guesses? Don't look at my fucking screen. I can't see your shit. Don't look at my screen, dude. Tiny-ass screen. I'm going to go, I'm going to say this one is like the one. I'm going to say 55.

65 grams of sugar. Oh, my God. If you mash that venti button, you can get a cool 80 grams of sugar in that 24-ounce drink. That's like a week's worth of sugar. 65 grams is how much is in a 20-ounce Coca-Cola Classic, by the way. What's super lame about this is that I will bitch and moan about how much sugar is in these drinks because basically I do want to try these drinks. If they were not terrible for you, I would be drinking them.

What bums me out is that I will nickel and dime my sugar when it comes to this stuff, but then I'll go home and at 10 o'clock at night I'm eating a bunch of Sour Patch Kids. I'm no saint out here. I'm not here. I'm a sugar boy. You are a sugar boy. I'm a little sugar baby. Yeah, you are. I like sugar.

Everyone likes sugar. That's why it's a problem. Can we do a taste test? You don't have to take more than like a sip, but that's probably enough for your daily sugar intake. Odds you'll, after this pod, go to Starbucks down the street and order one of these and say, can I get the no sugar option? Can I get sugar-free, please?

So just a cold brew? You know what I can't do with hot drinks or even cocktails? I don't like any of the pumped syrup in my stuff. It grosses me out. It's just too much. I don't need the pump. If there's not a natural version... That's how they make all that. You get enough of that in the fucking gym, dude. Oh, dude. I've been

slacking, man. Yeah, we can tell, dog. Fuck. Just kidding. You look hot. Very cool. Please chill. Please chill. He needs to call himself on this. Actually, don't chill. We have a horny segment coming up. He's the horny narc. You are the horny narc. I don't want that name to stick.

It's sticking. I would never narc on someone for being horny. Are you sure? I probably have done it many times. Speaking of being horny, have you guys heard about these venomous sea snakes? Okay. Are they horny? Dude, they're trying to fuck scuba divers.

Okay, wait a minute. Are we sure about that? I think we just found out why Steve Zahn was taking those scuba lessons. He's trying to buy another set of $75,000 bracelets. Of course, a reference to White Lotus. And what Will's doing here is saying that Steve Zahn, a main character who takes scuba diving lessons, is getting certified so he can get presumably penetrated by the sea snake. Yeah, it says,

Researchers in Australia have found that large venomous sea snakes known to approach scuba divers might not be looking to harm humans. Instead, they're probably interested in mating. These are called the olive sea snakes, which is kind of a vibe name. The martini of sea snakes. Okay, calm down. They swim towards divers, and they have misdirected courtship responses. I don't know what that means. Misdirected courtship responses.

So they're trying to mate with someone that doesn't want to mate back. Yeah, dude, they coil around your limbs, and they're just trying to butter you up. I don't know if courtship is the proper term to use there. They're just trying to get one in. They just slither up. Hey, what you doing? So, what do you do? I like that scuba gear.

Can I buy you a drink? They saw Randy's cake from a mile away, and were like, damn. I know of a real nice reef around here. We can go hang out in it. There's some great spots over here. They're trying to turn that dry suit into a wet suit. You know what I mean? Oh, come on.

What are you doing? You know what I'm talking about. What's your problem? Okay, I'll just ask the question everyone's asking. If you're scuba diving and an olive snake approaches you, are you smashing? I will say it right here in front of everybody. I will not be smashing that snake. So you're passing and not smashing? I will say it right here in front of everybody. I will not be smashing that snake. So you're passing and not smashing?

I'm passing on that snake. Are there any health benefits to smashing the snake? Do I get immunity? Or do I get, I don't know, super health? How big are these bad boys? Dude, I'm looking at them right now. They're big. Really?

Yeah, they're good. They're good size. Dude, the olive sea snake. Sea spelled S-E-A. Are they girthy? What, they're good. They're good size. Like, dude, the olive sea snake. Sea spelled S-E-A. The girthy or what do they look like? They're mega girthy, dude. Like, these are hot snakes. Really? Yeah. Like, objectively hot snakes. I get it. I get why

people might go down this road. Damn. Wait, it's an... What's it called? What kind of snake? The olive sea snake, dude. Damn. They forage. Shorty Slytherin. Yeah. Dude, these are gross-looking snakes, man. What are you talking about?

Let me say this. I find it particularly alarming when a snake is swimming. Yeah. It's like hang out on land, dog. It's like, dude, you're not scary enough on land. You're going to just go across the water like that like it's nothing. Well, I was trying to do some – as you guys know, I've been trying to get into fly fishing for like three years now,

and I've gone out twice. But I was going to go buy some water moccasins, and when I went to the store to go get some, they brought out just like a terrarium. And I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do with these. How am I going to get them on my foot? Here's a question. How do snakes have sex? Do they have little things?

I thought they just fertilized eggs and shit. I don't know how this works, man. Do they have penises? Snakes only need to align the base of their tails at the cloaca or cloaca. I don't know how to say that. They've got an opening serving both reproductive and excretory systems.

So they're essentially doing anal. Nice. They just go ass to ass? The male extends his hempipenes. I think that means hemipenes. Dave has those. And two-pronged sex organs. It says two-pronged sex organs stored in his tail. And with each half, he deposits sperm into the female's cloaca.

After you explain that, I feel much better about asking a question that I thought was initially pretty stupid because it's kind of complicated. Yeah, so most people don't know that answer. The male takes his hemipene. Obviously. Which everyone knows is the two-pronged sex organ

and then it stores the stuff in her cloaca. Dude, it's the perfect marriage of the hemi and cummins. The hemipene. It is truck month. Right. It always comes back to trucks for you, David.

I love trucks. Must love trucks. I'm looking at some pictures of snakes having sex right now, and they're mega romantic. I doubt that. Dude, they're all over each other. Yeah. A snake cannot be romantic. Why?

Because look at them, man. They're so creepy. How do Snapes procreate? Okay. This is a Harry Potter thing. Okay. Dude, stop. You're going to get us exposed by internet party again. Those guys are unhinged. I don't want to be on their shit list right now. We get it. You've read the books. You know what? A lot of people are like, the movies are way better than the books. That's what I've heard. And they're like, it's basically the same thing. You don't need to read the books.

So I won't. How about that? I think I'm going to read the books. I think Fritz is about to start getting some long bedtime stories. I'm going to buy the books and read the last page of each one. Do you ever try to do that

for like a book report? Yep. Just write down the last page and you're like, I crushed this. 100%. There came a time in high school where i maybe even before that where i was like i'm just not going to read these books well i think i mentioned this recently like teacher there's no way the teachers read all these books if you picked an obscure book or like a newer one there's a very good chance the teachers never read that and you can write a book report on anything

if it wasn't in the spark notes i was I was going to miss the answer, basically. Wow, you cheated. SparkNotes is not cheating. Just reading a summary of the book. Your boy was not reading back then. I mean, I could. I just didn't do it. Are you a plagiarist?

Stop. Don't you dare. I'm going to tell Time, and they're going to remove you from their site. They can't have that on their site. Don't you know? Don't take my baby away from me. I'm going to tell Time, and they're going to remove you from their site. They can't have that on their site. No. Don't take my baby away from me. I think I might.

I think it's time, boys. Are you serious? Now we're getting Vineyard Nights. Ooh. The Vineyard Nights Wilmonds remix. If he's down, I can talk to Barry. Or just lay it over this, see if it works. I don't think that's going to work. If I go girl talk right now,

it's not going to work. Is girl talk still doing it? I don't know. I went to one of their concerts once. They had some heat, man. They blew out the speakers on the first song of the concert I went to. Isn't it just a guy? Yeah, it's just a dude. Just a dude. He should have just turned the volume down. You know, when you're walking down the Hart Seltzer aisle, there's so many options out there. That's true.

So many of them are so bootleg compared to Vizzy, though. There's only one for me. Yeah, because they have vitamin C, super fruit acerola. They got it all. Super fruit. The option with something extra makes your choice easier. So just go get Vizzy. This is so simple.

Right now, I have a refrigerator absolutely stocked full of the watermelon. Stocked. Somebody's been dipping into our little stash over there. Yeah, I think we're staring right at them. I think he just posted on Instagram with, like, ten different thirst traps. It does keep getting smaller and smaller, though. Are you taking it for your— Oh, okay.

Wow. Wow, okay. That's soup I've heard I eat. I think we know who's siphoning all the Vizzys over to the Will Mommy's camp, huh? Wow. Must be nice, okay. Wow. Wow, okay. That's super fruity. I think we know who's siphoning all the Vizzis over to the Will Mommy's camp, huh? Wow. Must be nice, dude. Okay. You can move in next to Home Depot and Kohl's, but you can't just buy your own Vizzy.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Very sick, Randy. Okay. Well, just in time for summer, Vizzy Hard Seltzer just dropped an all-watermelon variety pack that hit shelves last July. Made with real watermelon juice and antioxidant vitamin C, Vizzy is known for. It's extracted

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To find out where you can purchase Vizzy, go to VizzyHardSeltzer.com slash washed. That's VizzyHardSeltzer.com slash washed. That's VizzyHardSeltzer.com slash washed. To get updates on the latest flavor drops and more, you can also sign up for their emails at VizzyHardSeltzer.com slash subscribe. Again, that's VizzyHardSeltzer.com backslash subscribe. You must be 21 or older. Dylan, what are you doing this weekend? My weekend is absolutely loaded, although it's not technically the weekend

uh tonight i'm taking parks to a hip-hop dance class i'm really excited for are you participating in the hip-hop dance class no i'm not i will be uh just witnessing and watching him do his thing he's been one week already he got absolutely after it i think he hit the dougie at one point it was sick are you ever going to do anything with that video? Is it all ages? No. Can you imagine if you were watching Parks on the camera from outside of the thing and you just saw Dave popping and locking in the corner? Dave's trying to get in Parks' class. Yeah.

What's it called when you just sit in on a class? You're not actually getting a grade? Yeah. Can I do that? I don't think so. Yeah, I don't know if they let mid-30s dudes with mustaches sit in on children's hip-hop dance classes. So I have to watch it. That's very offensive.

I think the studios are pretty small. I have to watch it from outside on a TV. It's all recorded. I'm really excited to check it out, though. I'm actually teaching it next week. Can I ask an honest question? Yeah. What kind of music do they play at this class?

Probably hip-hop. Do they play hard hip-hop? I'm pretty sure it's not the explicit stuff. It's the kids' honest question? Yeah. What kind of music do they play at this class? Probably hip-hop. Do they play hard hip-hop? I'm pretty sure it's not the explicit stuff. It's the kids' Bob version? Yeah. It's probably like Will Smith. So it's not sicko mode? Don't pooh-pooh Will Smith.

Hold on. A lot of the dances correspond with songs. So, I mean, I guess you can get an edited song. This is essentially a TikTok prep class. Wow. Maybe. Is this like a boarding school for the Hype House? A little bit. This is essentially a TikTok prep class. Wow. Is he... Maybe. Is this like a boarding school for the Hype House?

A little bit. Can I get the rest of my weekend? Sorry, we're making jokes. No, I would really rather hone in on this hip-hop dance class. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Friday, big day. A little engagement celebration situation. Who got engaged?

I did. Oh, it's for you. A little celebration celebration situation. Who got engaged? I did. Oh, it's for you. A little celebration Friday evening. Don't know what the night's going to turn into. It might just be like a couple drinks. We might get some sush. I don't know. We're not doing sush.

We might go get some sush together. When are you doing this? Friday. Do you have a res? No, I just wanted to say sush. Oh, okay. Because we're coming up on Friday. So if you don't have a res in austin texas you're screwed no we're gonna we're gonna it's gonna be a situation though it's gonna be fun hope you guys can make it how bad do you

want to say lituation saturday i have another big day i have my fantasy football draft and uh some of my friends got comped a couple of rooms at Barton Creek somehow. Don't know how it happened. So we're going out there. We're going to do the draft at Barton Creek Country Club. We're going to hit the pool and just chill, and I might even stay the night. I'm not sure yet.

Must be nice being one of Dylan's new friends. These are not my new friends. These are my old friends. Your old friends are getting comped at Barton Creek. Yeah. Pretty sick, man. Anyway, I'm pretty excited. I got a dope little weekend coming up.

Must be nice, man. Hopefully I'll see you guys Friday. I'm about to find out, I guess, if you're going to come. David? Friday, I'm going to come. Come. Did you mention what we're doing tomorrow? No, I forgot. God, you're such a... Intern dinner tomorrow. we're doing tomorrow?

No, I forgot. God, you're such a... Intern dinner tomorrow. We're doing an intern dinner. Thanks. We're all going to be there. It's going to be a great time. Friday, I'm teaching that hip-hop dance class. It's woe night.

Oh, shit. Yeah. It's woe night. Fridays are for the woes right are you running to the six i am very cool uh maybe i'll stop by to your thing after i'm gonna be pretty sweaty is it cool and is it fine if i'm wearing like a track suit i don't care that's fine cool some of the kids like to stick around i was showing them last week how to do the windmill. Really? It's bring your own cardboard.

Just throw it down. Do whatever you want. Bring your own cardboard. Saturday, I got nothing. Saturday, I'll probably just hang out and rest. I just got nothing. I think Friday's going to be a big night after, like, dance and then uh your your little thingy my little thingy yeah what is it for whose birthday is it the homie's birthday we're celebrating the engagement um right right right my bad me and my

fiance do you guys sign an engagement letter somewhere fiance you guys getting a new accountant or something? Did you ever figure out how many likes you left on the table? Y'all are so annoying. You did leave a lot of likes on the table. No, I got the appropriate amount of likes. I got almost 4,900 already and it's only 17 hours old.

Like, I'll hit 5K, no probs. Are you sure? I know, but I'm just saying you could have done like eight. Had you done it Monday morning. I think, you know what? I think this is just fine, guys. All right?

You know, one like equals one prayer. That's what I hear. Yeah, I don't really know. Are you stressing your stupid-ass weekend? Well, maybe we'll play golf. I don't know. I've got a big day Sunday, so. What's Sunday?

I'm teaching a hip-hop dance class again. Oh, tight. That's very sick. Very sick. Hey, we got big news. The song that we just played? 20K. He's hit 20K.

Welcome to Wilmot's by Barry Rigby on Spotify. Go listen. Very cool. 20K. I'm going to go to Barry. The Bear Man, I call him. Do you call him the Bear Man? Yeah.

Do you care what I'm doing this weekend? Not really, but you can tell us anyway. Well, I'm going to this thing with our interns tomorrow night. It's called the Intern Dinner, where we're going to eat sizzling fajitas together and embrace and hang out. You're going to embrace. We're going to watch Timo drink a limeade while we're all drinking margaritas. It's going to be great. Let's get him a Shirley Temple.

Did I tell you all Timo's in that hip-hop dance class? Right. It's cool. Adam DJing in the side. Hitting the ones and twos. And then, yeah, Friday I have this weird party thing for my friends that they're having. No, I'm just kidding. I'm going to Dylan's engagement party. It's one of my favorite bars, honestly.

I love this bar. I'm not going to tell people where it is, but it legit is. It's on the corner of 45th and Lamar, I think. Yeah, it's a good one. That's the place where I asked the guy about a certain tequila, and he brought like five bottles of high-end. He's like, dude, try it. And he did like a flight and didn't even charge me for it,

and I got absolutely annihilated. Did your clothes fall off? Dude, you know how I get. Dylan. You started hitting the Quan. That was a tough night. I can't even drink it anymore. Nah.

Saturday. You know what it is. I'm going to spend all morning watching soccer. It's going to be lit. I see. Then we got major pool vibes happening in the afternoon. I don't know what pool I'm going to be hitting, but I will be at a pool. I'll be getting aquatic at some point.

I'll be checking my phone. We're having actually a kind of a makeshift dinner party at my place on Saturday. Unfortunately, you guys aren't invited. I didn't make the guest list. We're having one of Sally's co-workers over. We're going to do a little dinner thing. We don't have enough plates because we're kind of losers in that respect. Yeah. How trash is it that Sally and I have a total of four dinner plates? How is that possible? Because we're trash. We're living like college students.

Do you want to borrow my china? Guess how many large forks we have. You guys doing okay, man? Four. Wait, wait, when you say large fork, you mean a dinner fork? Yeah, like a dinner fork. We have four dinner forks, four salad forks, four large spoons, and four small spoons. Just buy enough.

I know. I think we're going to go today and get some more. Do Chinette. What's Chinette? It's like the... Was that that WWE wrestler? Just get some China. Oh, rest in peace, China.

China. China. It's the classy plastic cutlery. David, stop. It's exactly what it is. I've cleared the schedule for Sunday. The schedule is clear. What's going on? I'm trying to do nothing. That's sick. it is. I've cleared the schedule for Sunday. Schedule is clear. What's going on?

I'm trying to do nothing. That's sick. Let's go to brunch. Maybe. I want to do June's. I haven't done June's in so long. It's been a minute. Have you had their croque madame?

Oh, my God. Do what to your madame? I don't even know. Croque. Ribbit. I don't know what that is. A croque madame, dude? Let's see your best frog.

It's like a ham sandwich. Dude. Oh, yeah, yeah. I have had it, though. I thought it was the ham bone. The ham bone. I would recommend, if you ever go to June's for brunch, to split that with somebody and order an extra thing of breakfast.

You don't want the whole thing to yourself. It's a lot of sandwich. It used to be my favorite burger in town. Probably still is. I don't know why. It just tastes like a gourmet McDonald's cheese thing to yourself it's a lot of sandwich it used it used to be my favorite burger in town probably still is i don't know why it just tastes like a gourmet mcdonald's cheeseburger but it's fucking good that's all you're looking for oh by the way let me tell you where to get june's sparkling rose yeah i would like to know this swedish hill oh you can buy it there yeah that makes sense that makes sense i tried to buy a bottle for sally's uh for valentine's day or something and they act like i was an absolute idiot i had to ask bae she filled me in

yeah i felt really fucking stupid yeah well you are does she like june's she does love she does like june's she yeah that's where our first date was actually january 30th which is what everyone thinks about on that day mike jones david do you remember where you were when you heard that dave was en route to the hospital? Nope. Where were you? Number 12, Lions Municipal Golf Course. Really?

Yep. Yep. I was probably getting ready for my date. I actually roped a drive right before you texted. I roped a drive. It was probably the best drive I've ever had in that whole.

Just a hard-ass. Probably shot a 96. What, Dave? Hard-ass what? Just a rocket. God. Do we need to get out of here before things get too late no no i want to get the horniest episode man i'm not that one i am going to report you sir oh an episode where we talk about having sex with the snake is horny like do you have a quick question about the snake stuff do you give or do you take from the snake

i don't know given given what i've learned recently. What are you talking about? We just did a segment on it. You think a snake comes up to you and you're just like, oh, I guess he wants me to have sex with it, so you give? What do you mean? I'm asking if hypothetically you are going to do it with the snake. You don't have to. I'm not saying that.

I'm saying, like, what's your move? Are you the? Yeah, you pull out your thing, Dave, and you, what are you talking about? You freak? You're acting like I'm crazy for bringing this up, but you put it on the rundown. I didn't put it on the rundown. You literally did. No.

This horny guy right here to your right did. Don't tell him that, dude. He's going to narc on me. What's your problem? I'm not. I'm not. Dude, no, I'm not. I'm like the cool, like, brother-in-law who's in the police, and you just ask him questions

at the family reunions and stuff. Like, dude, what's your most crazy arrest? Everybody has one of those. Like, dude, is he going to get mad later when I smoke weed around the bonfire? Dude, so I've got these gummies. Is it cool if I have these? Can I bring them to airport security? Like, am I going to get arrested?

I'm more like the horny TSA agent. Oh, my God. Respect. Police, my God. Respect. Police. HTSA. I just make sure nothing's getting through. HTSA sounds like a school, a directional school. Anything else, Dylan?

Yeah, Dylan. Don't look at me, dog. You're the one getting all pervy. No, I'm not. We just did a segment on it. I'm just trying to do a callback, give people more content. I think we need that. I guess you got somewhere to go. Dylan's got a hard out i'm sure you have a hard one gross

dude horny narc just knocked on your heart out please please end the episode you want me to end the episode bye Thank you.