Circling Back - Ts Out At The Steakhouse And Real Or Fake Teenage Behavior

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

Recapping the good and bad from our weekends, Dave introduces a new segment called "Real or Fake Dumb Things From My Youth," we dissect Brett's two-year anniversary dinner, and Brett's breaking news.�� Support us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast Watch all of our full episodes on YouTube: www.youtube.com/washedmedia Shop Washed Merch: www.washedmedia.shop (15:00) Recapping This Weekend in Fun presented by Vizzy (29:56) Real or Fake Things Dave Got In Trouble For As A Kid (56:40) Brett’s Two-Year Dinner Breakdown (1:11:52) Brett’s Breaking News Support Our Sponsors: Vizzy- To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/WASHED DraftKings- Use promocode Washed to receive 200 dollars in free bets when you bet 1 dollar on any football game Fitbod- Get 25% off your membership at Fitbod.me/steam Stamps.com- Use promocode circlingback for a four-week trial --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, we're back. Circling Back Podcast presented by Vizzy Hard Seltzer, the only hard seltzer with vitamin C and superfruit acerola. My name's Will DeFries. To my left, the one and only David Carter-Ruff. I was thinking about this last night. It's great to have the NFL back. I love binge-watching the games. It's something I like to do.

I think you guys do, too. However, I don't like it when my team doesn't have a game on Sunday because while I do sit on my couch and watch, I'm more likely to look at my phone and do other things while still sitting on the couch as opposed to watching my team, getting my adrenaline going, pacing, some would say, kind of moving around, shuffling around. Whereas today, my back is shot because I just sat there like a goon

watching this game, whatever I was watching. I don't even remember. You were watchingxans jags and i was just looking down at my looking at twitter and like i'm all hunched over and it was just terrible for for my posture i can blow your back out if you need me to why didn't you offer that before we hit record i'm pretty good at uh working that stuff out dude so let me know let me know i was all i i was like taking care of roads this morning and i was laying on the ground doing the thing where you put your legs over to the side trying to open up my hips a little bit is this bad it doesn't feel good so if i'm if i look uncomfortable today that's it's more uh it's just too much binging you're just hips your hips are

just closed my hips have been lying to you. Wow, too much binging. Yeah. I'm a buddy. I'm going to tell you something, buddy. Speaking of fantasy team. I was going to say, man. Honestly, like a weekend of L's for your boy. Really? Yeah.

My Cowboys lost. My Longhorns lost. Well, if it makes you feel like it. The Cowboys actually lost on Thursday, so it wasn't a weekend of L's. They actually made it a weekday of L's, too. My two fantasy teams lost. Circling back weekend starts like Wednesday afternoon. That's 0-4 if you're keeping track. To make matters just so much worse, Parks' little soccer team just got absolutely routed.

I mean, the fastest kid in the world was on the opposing team. I think he's still scoring goals. It was ugly. The game's probably over by now. Not only that, but I didn't have enough coffee this morning. I had some, but not enough. I'm just cooking on vibes. I've been binging my coffee.

I'm just cooking on vibes only right now. So I'll get through it. I mean, I'm going to be fine. My baseline is vibes. Your baseline is vibes your baseline is vibes i've always just said like my my personal philosophy regarding vibes has always been i don't want any bad ones yeah no the vibes are good don't get me wrong but that's all i'm cooking on right now we came in talking all this mess about your l's dude i'm i'm sick of i'm sick of the l's they're're stacking up at this point. Did his team just get crumpled?

Just absolutely crumpled. He was so – man, he doesn't like – he's a competitive little kid, and he does not like to lose. Weird. I wonder where he got that from. And so when the other team was up by, I don't know, four, four nothing. Okay, that's not insurmountable. He just started, like, moping around.

What was the final score of the game? I think they stopped keeping score at one point because it was like 7-8-0. How are they going to know which kid's leading scorer in the league? Great point. How are they going to get the awards out? No, they did. There wasn't a scoreboard or anything. Wait.

They shouldn't do that because what if the next game ends in a tie and they have to go back to goal differential? True. Wow. Did you ever think about that? Look at Dave over here. The other team was so much bigger and so much faster. Yeah, but it sounds to me like they had more heart.

No, they were just athletes. Why didn't – Do you need me to stop by the next practice in light of firing at these kids' asses? What are you going to say to them? Hey! You're going to terrify the kids. I'm going to come out straight Led Tasso style and just go nuts on these don't go led tasso on them just be screaming in parks's face i'm gonna make an example out of parks for the rest of the squad please don't you're sensitive man dave and i just dave's holding me back

well i found myself becoming like like soccer dad I was like, Parks, let's go. Hustle up. I think I have no choice but to coach Fritz's team when that day comes because I don't think that there's a way that I won't be the insufferable dad on the sidelines. I think I have to be on the sideline of the actual team and not in the crowd. My favorite thing about insufferable dad on the sideline is how he tries – he thinks by just saying buddy after like his yelling at his kid like brings it down a notch hey come on we gotta keep going buddy come on you're dogging it

buddy i was it's just like hey just because you punctuate it with the buddy doesn't mean it's any less biting dad park started walking around the field at one point like not hostile like dude you're letting your team down man we i was a very shy child and in in order to remedy this and my mom knew i wanted to play soccer but she knew i was too shy to do it like go out there i was very very shy so my mom decided to coach the team and i don't know if you know anything about my mother but she knows nothing about soccer and in fact she hates it when it's on the television too and so uh she was our coach and in the final game of the season after not scoring a goal the entire season not just me not scoring of the season, after not scoring a goal the entire season, not just me not scoring a goal,

the entire team did not score a goal. Oh, no. We had a ball that was stopped on the line, and none of the moms coaching knew how to handle that. It's not a goal, but they gave us a goal for that, and that's the only goal we scored that season. Dude, that's participation trophies for everybody. I'm disgusted by it, honestly.

Sometimes in life you don't score a goal the entire season. Yeah, it was tough. I will say, I switched teams the next season, and we did go undefeated, and we got a pizza party at Pizza Hut. That's all the coaching needed to do. Was it the Detroit style? Have not tried that yet, but I'm very interested. We should try it.

Instead of Coffee Friday, we should do Detroit-style Pizza Hut Friday. The closest Pizza Hut to us is by Dylan. So it's on Dylan. It wasn't a roast hand. That was more of a delegation hand. You're going to go pick up a pizza. It's Dylan's off Friday. By the way, I just now noticed that there's a Jets on South Amar.

You guys seen this? That is new. Yeah. That is a new Jets if that's on South Amar because that is not something I've ever encountered before. It's over there by Baker Street Pub. Are you kidding me? No. How the fuck? That stinks for you. Do I have to move back to you kidding me? No. That stinks for you.

Do I have to move back to my old place? Look, I'm sorry. You don't want any part of that. This is honestly best-case scenario for me, having this go in now as opposed to earlier. Because if I had Jets Detroit-style pizza at my disposal, it would have been game over. Baker Street Pub, by the way. You're roast-handing us now. A little movie trivia for you was tchotchkes in office space.

Really? Yeah. Interesting. Why are they taping it in Austin, Texas? The whole movie was filmed here. I've only been to Baker Street a couple times. Mike Judge is an Austin guy. Yes.

That's the guy that plays for the Yankees? Correct. Uh-huh. Sick. Yeah. Sick. Yeah. Do you guys want some official business to get out of the way before we get

into the meat of this this episode today sure patreon tomorrow worst of we're running we're getting to the point where we're not have we don't have very many episodes left at this worst off maybe only two left are you serious i know doesn't it fly by god time flies when you're having fun but we got spooky season on the horizon It'd be sick if the people could enjoy it year-round. It would be very nice. Maybe even for free. Can you imagine that? Are you kidding? Go to patreon.com slash circlingbackpodcast.

You can just type in itspodcastweek.com. Just go check it out. We're stories. We're also doing Friday voicemails on Thursday this week. If you want to sign up for a yearly subscription, you get 10% off of that year by signing up over at patreon.com slash circlingbackpodcast as well. Go follow Circling Back Pod and Washed Media. Leave a review and five-star rating. We have some controversy, or as Dave would say, controversy within our reviews.

Are you ready for this review, Dylan? Thank you. What's going on? This is actually about you. What? You have some questions that you need to answer. Just wait until too much dip. You're getting your roast handy.

Are you ready for this? I actually saw this in a DM. Am I on Front Street right now? I saw this in a DM and in a review. It could be the same person. It could be the same person. This is from Annabelle Mars. Annabelle Mars.

Yeah. She said the review's title is Fake Tan. It says, my boyfriend forced me to listen in the car ended up loving it i watched their tiktoks and i'm convinced that dylan fake tans does he is so what brand there's a couple where you do look hella orange um no i have never fake tanned a day in my life i've never spray tanned i've never gone to a tanning bed not one day ever ever. Not once. I have. I do sometimes go to the pool. Very cool.

I walk Stella around the hood. That's not a fake tan. Shirtless. Yeah, you're talking about an actual tan right there. Catch a base. Yeah, I'm that guy. You just walk the dog shirtless? Yeah. If I'm going to be in the sun, I might as well get a little color. Really? That is...

There's some dads having an issue with that. If I'm going to be in the sun, I might as well get a little color. Really? That is – there's some dads having an issue with that. I don't care. If I'm Beyonce right now, I'm not happy that you're doing dog walks shirtless around the neighborhood. It's one thing if you're jogging. If you're jogging or doing a lawn activity, I believe you can pop top. Just walking, that's just a guy who's trying to put out a vibe. I don't want a golf tan just from walking the dog.

I walk her a lot. Might as well get some color. He's got his Russell Brand shorts that he's wearing around. Russell Brand, eh? Oh, he's English. That's a guy. Oh, yeah, it is a guy.

Oh. Why is Heath Care not free in America? Is it weird that I do that? It's not weird. You fucking killed that dog. I fucking did kill it. Is it weird? It's not weird,

but it's a little... I don't see it done in my neighborhood. We live in different neighborhoods. Yours is a little bit... You're West Austin. You's a little – I don't see it done in my neighborhood. We live in different neighborhoods. Yours is a little bit – you're West Austin. You're a little bit more swingery. Oh, that's kind of a good point. Am I putting out a vibe? Kind of a good point.

Did you see Carve? Someone described Carve as being swingery recently, and I thought – It absolutely is. More on Carve later. More on Carve later. If you want to swap wives, that is the place to go. It gets all that Barton Creek traffic. Isn't that why we said it was only guys from the company and we didn't want to bring our plus ones?

Correct. We just didn't want them to get stolen at Carb? Correct. Hey, we got another one from Tagasi. It says, Day of Reckoning. It says, I've been listening to this pod since 2017. I'm just waiting for the day they all have to stop because their kids are growing up. Now that all the hosts have a kid, I'm getting scared I won't be able to hear the corny, outdated jokes that get me through the day.

Fuck a 5 out of 5. Double that. 10 out of 10. As a guy in STEM, I can confirm that the math does check out. I love you, boys. Tegassi, I got news for you. The jokes are going to get worse. Why does Tegassi think that just because we have children that are growing up that we're going to stop recording one day?

I don't know. Hard to say. Parks is like 12. Eventually we're going to hang up the mics. I get it.. Hard to say. Parks is like 12. Eventually we're going to hang up the mics. I get it. But not because of the kids. Not for another year or two. Yeah.

We've got a couple episodes left in us. Do you guys want to hear this final review? It's from Seacrest. Ryan? It says, truly hard to say. You'll often find yourself asking, how did we get here? And the simple answer is, it's hard to say. There's no way to look that up.

What I do know is that I've never been more invested in the lives of people I'll likely never meet. This guy should come to a meetup sometime. I was a day one backer. Wait, that sounds wrong. Or toucher, sorry. And a day one backer. I confess that I sometimes work gets heavy and I don't have time to keep up, but I'll always get through the backlog and catch up. Congrats, Dillion, on the engagement.

Oh, come on. He said sidebar. And this is why I'm reading the review. The sidebar is great and something I could easily see happening to Brett. It said, sidebar, had a dream last night that watched media got into investigative journalism and accidentally got Betty White arrested after airing the one and only investigative piece that turned out to be completely wrong. That's a weird dream to have.

Is Betty White, she's still... She's alive. Oh, yeah, she's still kicking. She's alive. She's a golden girl. Old bag of bones. She's thriving. I'm sorry. That's not a compliment. She's the number one person that

trends most often that you think is dead. Ric Flair is second. No, but he doesn't trend nearly as much as Betty White. And you always click the name and it's always the Denzel. It still makes me laugh even though i know i'm gonna see it like i see i don't like that i don't like when twitter hasn't caught up to the

trending topics and you still think that they died and it's like okay i need someone to say like no betty white's trending because she had a video with like vanity fair some bullshit i didn't mean what would that video be like betty white answers questions from... Gen Zers? Yeah. What's Parks? I've asked this before. What's Parks Gen? Alpha. Fuck yeah, bro.

Generation Alpha. He's just watching Goggins Instagram videos. So stupid. Yes. You know what it's time for? Recapping this weekend in fun. Are you serious? Presented by Vizzy Hard Seltzer, the option with something extra always makes your choice

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Okay, so you're not skipping over it. No, I'm just saying we did do that, but we're going to talk about it in depth later on. Yes, I took a bunch of L's over the weekend. That is factual. The real story is I had an excellent weekend otherwise. An excellent weekend. Must be nice, man. Yeah.

Big time parks weekend. I needed it. Me and the little guy, we got some major quality time. Damn, you hit the zilker? Well, Friday. We're not getting annoying. I'm getting to my weekend, guys, all right? Friday, we just chilled, man.

Honestly, we just went home and we chilled. We watched movies. We stayed up. I let him stay up a little bit late, which I do on weekends. What did you watch? Hold on. You stay up late on weekends? I let him stay up late.

That's crazy. I let him. It's like a big deal to him. What movie? I don't even know. He picked it. It was some animated thing I'd never heard of. It didn't matter.

What mattered is I was spending time with my son. Was it Roblox or whatever? Roblox? Yeah. I don't think so. Okay. And then Saturday was a big time, like, little family unit day. That included, of course, Parks was with me,

but then Bay and Lil' Bay were with us. And it was just an all-time. We had his soccer game. Actually, I started with her soccer game. She had a soccer game. Did that one go better than Parks' soccer game? It did. Yeah, they competed.

I was actually DMing with Bay the other day. Sorry. But I might need to do a clinic with both Lil' Bay and Parks Parks because I noticed that, no offense to Bae's daughter, but I'm going to maybe offend her right now, one of the worst sellies in the history of celebrations. I've never seen someone score a goal and look so upset after. She was left a little bit to be desired. You want to know the real story behind that goal?

Was it in the wrong net? She scored it for the wrong team. I had a feeling it might be in the wrong net. She scored it for the wrong team. Yeah, because there's just so many sellies she could be doing in that scenario. And I think she was a little embarrassed to have, like, attention on her. So she was, like, kind of put her head down a little bit. But, yeah, not a great sellie.

I respect the fact that even at a young age she's trying to put the rock in the back of the net, put the onion in the back. Look, she saw a net and she had the ball. So what are you going to do? You can fix that. A little bit of practice. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so Parkstein went to her game and then he had a game later on that fix that a little bit of practice yeah yeah yeah so park sign went to her game and then he had a game later on that same day a lot of fun despite getting whipped and then um we just we hung out we watched some football um it was just it was just a good family day and i unfortunately missed micah and cait shower. Oh, more on that. Yeah. More on that. Way to go, Micah. But it was, you know, we both had our kids, and we just were locked down.

And it was honestly, like, really, really good. It really was. Sunday, didn't do a whole lot. Parks went back with his mom, so hung out with Bay a lot. And we got a little a little jeffrey's dinner off last night we were feeling kind of loco we walked she lives walking nice to us we walked down there and they had price uh wine bottles on sunday night sat at the bar it was a good scene good scene damn i had like shitty pasta last night for dinner i'm not on my we got

we got the bucatini and a steak, and we just shared. It was incredible. God, it must be nice, man. It was nice, yeah. This guy goes to carve once, and he starts DMing your fiancé. What are you doing, dog? You let the carve go to your head. If I see terrible celebrations on the timeline, I'm going to call him out.

He really did. I have to do it. Like, I have to. If I need to come over and just do some of the more basic ones, maybe, I think Parks needs to start playing FIFA online more so he can start learning them from the game. I'm going to teach Parks that if he ever does score a goal, he's just going to rip his

shirt off. Yeah. And just like a helicopter, you know. Absolutely. North Carolina. I would do the Cornholio. I would pull it over the back of my head and just walk around like this. That's pretty sick. I'm bringing that one back. He should get the ball out of the net and then put it under his shirt and then berth it in the corner. That's a good one, too.

That's offensive. It's not offensive. It's tight. It's beautiful. I had an excellent weekend, man. Berth is beautiful. Texas stinks, though. Real talk.

Are they not back? Not yet. Did they not win the big game? They lost. Hey, get it out now because we're not going to talk about Texas at all and too much dip later. I know, I know. Thank you for that.

They know that, like, there's other sports outside of Texas, right? Bay had to give me a dose of, like. We're SEC now. She gave me, like, you know this is just a game, right? And I was like, yeah, I understand. Not a game. Dude, yeah. And from experience, that always helps when they tell you that.

Oh, the game's starting and she goes by the way i just feel like texas is gonna get killed i was like what uh you're lucky that i wasn't there because everyone knows that i have one rule and one rule only and that's good vibes only and then like midway through the second quarter when i'm you know like facepalming myself basically just like slunked over on the couch she was like uh i didn't realize how seriously you took this and i'm really sorry for what i said i was like that's fine at least she acknowledged her wrong yeah hey i had a i had quite the weekend well thanks for asking i was feeling a little bit um you know i was i was i was okay friday morning i wasn't like don't want

to get out of bed but i was like oh got to take a couple ibuprofen. And I did. I took three, actually, because I don't care. I don't give a fuck. Wow. From there, I went and— I guess he's not impressed by that Clint. Clint takes 12.

It's a joke for just us three. Isn't your fuck tank on empty? It is. I'm hoping to get some back at some point today. Friday, take Rhodes to uh his uh child care i drop randy off at uh daycare just decided on a whim like hey randy's gonna have a day so drop him off so i've got the day to myself and i've got nothing going on go to a little place called austin java and i have breakfast by myself headphones in listening to podcasts i love binging pods that's a thing about me did that went home uh felt felt

a little bit you know like i could do some more stuff so i went to easy tiger by myself sat upstairs little hot fans weren't really doing it little swamp ass was a little self-conscious about it had to get up and do the walk around thing because he didn't want it to, you know what I'm saying. Had myself a beer. Whoa. Had myself a 2.30 lunch beer. Wait, how many did you have?

I had one. Okay. Murder is Road. Check it out. Started with the sparkling water. Nice ice cold cold brew coffee. Polished it off with a yingling. You want my review of yingling it is definitely a

beer man i got a 12 pack of yingling for for the big game and it was a high i i love yingling i there's nothing special about it i get it it feels like a forbidden fruit like i finally we can drink it here i love it i really do well there's no fruit in it. There's no acerola in it. It's a beer. It's wheat, probably, right? I don't know. Also, a Molson Coors product. Very cool. Well, let me say this about it. I don't...

For me, I'm not a beer guy like Dylan. Dylan fancies himself as a craft beer guy. Loves beers of all kinds. Yeah, if you try to take that crown from him, saying that you're the craft beer guy, Dylan gets so upset. That is not true. Don't talk to him.

You're doing it right now. I'm a low-key beer snob. Don't talk to him before he's had his craft beer. I'm not a big craft beer guy. I'm a low-key beer snob, though. Okay, well, more so than me. Didn't you say anything below a double IPA is just trash to you?

Okay, I'm not a big IPA guy, and for that reason alone, I can't be a big craft guy. Because you only do double IPAs. Stop. As it's the only way he can enjoy his IPA. I don't hate it, and I enjoyed drinking it, so that's a win. It didn't blow my socks off. I think

I've had it one other time. In fact, I probably have. Do they have it in Florida? We had it over there at some point. Yingling, I'll have you again. You might be my new panic order. And I'm not saying that you're the best thing, but if there's no busy hard seltzer there for me, maybe I'll go Yingling. I'm worried that you're going to have to wait a little bit

before it's your certified panic order. It needs to disperse itself around Austin before you can really go there. I was surprised they had it on tap at Easy Tiger. I love them. I love them. I do. Saturday night, we had Micah's event. We did.

Very lovely, very fun time. Micah was in his element. They had a karaoke machine set up, and I thought for a minute Micah was going to do... What's his go-to? It's a Stone song. Mixed Emotions. He didn't.

He did give a nice speech that I actually have on my phone. Maybe I'll share that at a time of my choosing. But, yeah, Micah was good Micah. Like, not over the top. I'm not going to expose you, but Dave had a really good joke at the end of the speech that got everyone rolling on the ground after with laughter. Dave absolutely crushed it. Yeah, more people were talking about that joke than Micah's actual speech.

I want to hear it. No, you can hear it after the pod, maybe. I want to hear it. Dylan, I'm sorry. It's kind of one of those things you had to be there. Kind of had to be there for it, man. Okay. Your boy was in stitches, though.

Thanks, man. Stitches. He was rolling and yesterday like i said earlier i just i could not stop binge watching football man like it got to the point where like alissa walked in i was like are you okay you've just been binging these games i'm like what do you want me to do well my back hurts i'm checking my fantasy score my back back does hurt. Probably slipped a disc. That's how much I love it. Will, what did you do?

I didn't do that much. Obviously, we had our dinner Thursday. Licked the wounds on Friday. Felt worse than I anticipated, but I did put on an absolute clinic Thursday night after getting home from CARV when it came to taking the measures that you should take if you know you're going to be hungover the next day. Did the four Advil before getting in bed. Giant ice water. Chugged some ice water with some liquid IV in there.

That's added value because they're a sponsor of this podcast. It was just a really good time. So I wasn't feeling as bad on Friday as I could have. Saturday, you know your boy was posted up on the couch with Fritzman just watching the Manchester United game. Shouts to Cristiano Ronaldo. What a scene. I mean, it was. Did he score? He scored was... Did he score?

He scored twice. Did he score? And Sally asked me after, she's like, so how happy are you right now? And I had no other way of putting it to her other than saying watching that game, it was kind of like a dream. I almost couldn't believe it was happening.

Did you cry? I didn't cry. We had Cristiano Ronaldo back, and it was just such a mind-blowing feeling. It never felt real until I actually saw him score, and it was like, all right, we're fucking running now. So it was a good time. Fritz Mann obviously looked so good in red.

He was just killing it. And then, yeah, Saturday night we went to Micah's. Dave was wearing a shirt that I almost wore. Would have been an absolute disaster had we shown up in essentially the same shirt. I'm going to text you before I wear that shirt any time that I go out because you have first right of refusal. Is it a camp collar?

Mm-mm. I did wear a camp collar, though, to it. Not the camp collar shirt, but I got another one. I text Brett before I wear a denim button-down if he's going to be there because that's kind of his signature. Wow. I just want to make sure we're not going

like two dudes double denim button-down. Can't do that. I never care about that. I don't care. I'll double. Oh, I absolutely care. I just want to make sure we're not going like two dudes double, you know, denim button down. Can't do that. It's embarrassing. I never care about that. I'll double. I don't care. I'll double. Oh, I absolutely care.

I'll go matchy match. I absolutely care. Oh, man, that's embarrassing. Yeah. I never have to worry about that with you because I never wear my Russell Brand shorts out. That's true. I'll swagger jack anybody. I don't care.

Gross, dude. Dude, how about the football yesterday? Yeah, I have an announcement to make. We officially upgraded our YouTube TV to have Red Zone, so I'm kind of a Red Zone guy now. I did it when you

told me about it. I forgot about that. Oh, I've been doing it. I also had my allergies hit me really hard after an outdoor brunch yesterday, and I took two Benadryl and missed

the entire second half of the early games, so that was really tight. You didn't miss much. The Lions just gave up. Hey, dude, we're tied for first in the North, man. Kings of the North. That's sick.

Yeah, yeah. Shouts to all the 0-1 teams out there. Hey, we're right here with you. Hey, long season, man. I rock with you because you rock with us. 17 games. 17 games this year. Isn't that crazy?

People forget. Really? I couldn't tell you anything about the NFL at this point. We broke that news on too much dip, actually. My LA Rams are undefeated. Shots to LA. I would like it if you adopted them. Hey, Staffy Boy looks good, man.

Yeah, he's a good quarterback. That's the thing. That's the thing about him. That's all I got, though. Dylan, isn't your fantasy team name Matt Stifford? No. Actually, speaking of fantasy, are you guys aware? I know week one may be over outside of tonight's game,

but the season's just getting started over at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL. I'll tell you what. If my teams keep losing the big fantasy matchups, I might have to just pivot to this weekly fantasy football. That's the only way I play at this point, Dylan. Really? Yeah.

Why would I do anything else? Did my big boy stacks pay off when it came to the Manchester United stuff? It did. You hit your big boy stack. Damn. To kick off week two, DraftKings is giving new customers $200 in free bets instantly when they bet $1 in any football game. So you can listen up if you don't want to miss this.

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Or if you're in Indiana, shouts to Randy, call 1-800-9-WITH-IT. That's 1-800-9-WITH-IT. DraftKings is so much fun. I absolutely love it. The usability of the app as well. It's sick. As someone who gets kind of rattled by that kind of stuff, I'm very happy with the interface there, the UI, as as they call it watching a game with a little action on it

it makes an otherwise uninteresting game very interesting you know what i mean yeah get a little action on it just a little little guy dave we got a new segment well it's kind of a new segment alert it's kind of it's kind of like a a new twist on an old favorite. New twist on an old favorite. You know I love that. Segment alert? Sorry. No, that's very good. Thank you. I was trying to crush that, didn't I?

We were, I was having a conversation. Should we make a sound bite out of that? Dude, yeah, record. No, we're going to kind of go through. We were talking about stuff from our youths. Our youths? My youth. Right. Shout out Marissa Tomei, by the way remember that conversation anyway um i didn't until you just mentioned it yes

uh and and i thought it might be funny if we do a real or fake but things specifically from my childhood that are a little embarrassing now. Real or fake shitty things I may or may not have done as a kid. Was this somewhat stemmed from the TikTok, the viral TikTok sensation? What's it called, Randy? Yes. Diabolical licks is the new thing on TikTok where it's just kids stealing stuff from their school. Right.

That's a great, that's what triggered this because we never did that. We never, my friends and I, like, we did a lot of dumb stuff. We never were doing thievery. Our senior prank wasn't even good. Ours was so lame, I don't even want to talk about it. We filled our principal's car up with packing peanuts. Okay. That's not bad.

That's pretty good. It's harmless. Broke into the car. If I'm being honest, we had the type of principal that didn't care, and that was kind of best-case scenario. If, like, she would have taken the L there just to make sure that we didn't do something shittier. I also had no part in it because I was, like, just didn't care. You know what ours was?

It was very lame. We drove around and collected traffic cones, and we placed them on top of cars in the student parking lot. of cars in the student parking lot. And for whatever reason, people turned one guy in who they knew did it. One of my good buddy, David, is his name, coincidentally. Hey, woo-hee.

They turned him in because he was like the cone guy. This was like a thing that he did. The cone guy. Man, he must have been so Coney. Dude. Brought him into the office and they talked to him.

He turned one person in. Amy Coney Barrett over here. He turned one person in. You? barrett over here he turned one person in you it was your boy why i can snitch i don't know he snitched on me and me only and there was a bunch of us did this prank you get in trouble yes can i say a lot of trouble what is so wait the people who went out to their car they had to just take the cone off their vehicle exactly that's it that you're if you got in actual trouble for that, that is ridiculous. Your school is soft.

Oh, I got in a lot of trouble. And they wouldn't let me walk for graduation unless I was punished. I think I had to prepare all the, not diplomas. The fake diplomas that they actually give you? Maybe. And it took me, it was like a three or four hour. I had to go into the office and like. You learned a lesson that day, though.

I was like, this is so, like, dude, thank you for turning me on. Yeah, don't be friends with narcs. Yeah, don't be friends with narcs. And also. You totally narced on me. Crime doesn't pay. And in this case, crime is putting traffic cones on top of cars. Yeah, just take it off.

Go back to bed. Your school should be thanking you for having such a lame senior prank that like they didn't have to clean up anything that's actually annoying to clean up. They just had to stack cones. One of the cars parked in the lot that day was a football coach's car, and he got coned. He got coned. And he was very upset about it for some reason. Like, dude, just take the cone off.

This is not a big deal. And I think he was like – It's not that serious, coach. I think he was the one who kind of like escalated it, you know. He sent it up the ladder? Yeah, he's like, they got to pay for this. Well, you didn't tell me he put it on his Escalade. Okay.

It didn't drive an Escalade. He's also the one who broke up the fight that I got into. Fuck yeah, this guy just had it out for you. Yeah. I had a great coaching career. He must have just had a bad day. Yeah. All he had to do was just,

ah, damn it, I've got to take this cone off my car. He went on to head coach. Crap. He head coached for DeSoto. DeSoto. Okay. And other schools. The road by my place still is absolutely covered in toilet paper

from the seniors from whatever high school is near me. They just decorated everything with toilet paper, and there's still toilet paper everywhere. It's been weeks. That's much worse than what y'all did. Yeah, ours is not a big deal. So this was two or three years before me. A guy, a baseball player, who had a full ride to Texas

and I think would have been on the national championship team because there were some Duncanville guys or a Duncanville guy that ended up being on that team. There's a guard shack in the parking lot, the main one. He burned it down for his senior prank. Oh, my God. And somebody snitched on him. And he lost his ride to Texas.

Probably fucking David. Wow. Other David. I'm'm gonna beat other david up no one snitches on dylan in my my world has he lived that down snitching on you like is he like ever just buy you a beer like man remember when i remember i snitched on you no you had to do three hours of diplomacy or whatever you may have apologized back back then like as it happened but it's he's still my friend he was actually yeah he was actually at our uh my engagement party he's lucky i didn. Yeah, he was actually at my engagement party. He's lucky I didn't know this information because I was going to run up on him. I was going to start ordering martinis on his tab.

You would hit him with that two-piece. I would have put a cone on his vehicle. He would have had to take it off before he got in it and drove off. Otherwise, it would have just fallen off. That would have ruined his whole day. That would have fucked his shit up. Yeah. All right, real or fake?

I'm excited for this. Let my buddy race my parents' Oldsmobile Alero at the street races on Royal Lane. This is hard for me because I've only known your parents to own one car, and I don't know if they owned it for a long time, but it was a Ford Explorer. Oh, I thought you were going to say the Miata. Nah. Did they have a Miata? My dad had a Miata.

My dad had one, too. What color was yours? It was like borderline purple. It was like bluish hue. I don't know. Was it the Merlot color? It wasn't Merlot. I wish.

Ours was white. Fuck yeah. Wow. Yeah. Two Miata families right here. I'm going to go fake on this one. I think Dave included the Oldsmobile. What is it?

Alero. I think you included that as a hyper-niche detail of it to throw us off. So I'm going to go fake. Yeah, this feels fake to me. Letting your friend do that with your parents' car, that's pretty bold, even for a troubled youth like you. Well, I was a total dumbass. That's real.

Are you serious? Did you see Vin Diesel at the F1 race yesterday chopping it up with everybody? Looking great, Vin. Did he need to go sleeveless there? Yeah, you got to stick to the bit. I saw the photos of him on the boat. Looked pop-top. Guts a little bit out there, but, you know.

Not looking hot. No, he doesn't look terrible. I mean, he just looks like a guy who does, like, bench press, shoulder press, and then just drinks a lot of beer. Yeah. He's 54. He's allowed to let it rip a little bit. I'm not even going to guess.

Any guesses on his net worth? Oh, it's got to be crazy. I'm going to say $158 million. Dylan? Dave's so good at this game. I'm going to say $125 million. $220 million. Sheesh.

Turns out those Fast and Furious movies, have you binged those? I've got the second half of the series to watch. I will. There's 13 of them or something. Nine, right? There's like nine, dude. Chill out. I got more than half.

Damn. So did you get in trouble for this? No. How'd they know? Oh. They didn't. They didn't know. So they still do the street races, and now they're cracking down.

Because street races, if you've noticed, they've escalated. It's not just drag racing. It's doing the donut thing, and people are right around it. That was never a thing when we were doing it. You didn't race for pinks? No. We were literally driving home the other day, and this was from a dinner that we left pretty late,

and you could see the crowd starting to gather for a street race. Yeah. It was very exciting for me to see that. I had friends who were like into that like i had one guy my buddy norris had like a mustang 5.0 like a stick shift one really loud my other buddy keith had like a camaro that was kind of a thing there was a lot of like duncanville kids who had like i don't know what was it the uh the ss camaro is that right i don't know whatever it was. And not me. But anyway, I had my parents' car.

We were just there watching, and my buddy was like, hey, let me run it. I'm going to race this guy's whatever it was. He actually won. We weren't racing for pinks. It was more about pride then. Things changed. The Oldsmobile didn't win? No, it did win.

Oh, it did? It did. It was an automatic, but he was driving it with shifting gears in it. Things changed. The Oldsmobile didn't win? No, it did win. Oh, it did? It did. It was an automatic, but he was driving it with shifting gears in it. The funny part is I didn't even ride in the car. I wouldn't have. I didn't want to. No.

I just watched it. That's loco. What if you guys were racing for pink slips and you won, and then you had this other car that you didn't know what to do with? Hey, David, why is there a Toyota whatever in the whatever in the driveway oh yeah i won that yeah it turns out the alero is pretty fast yeah the toyota celica on the driveway oh god there were some cell with a spoiler yeah i was gonna say modified spoilers on the back we had a celica at one point. Yeah, I know the Celica. They don't make those anymore, right?

I don't know. Sheesh. All right. Threw a water balloon at my high school vice principal while he was rollerblading by my house. Why does this sound familiar? I don't... I'm going to say real. Because there's something...

If you didn't do this, I know you did something similar to this. You definitely did. This is a layup. Unless it's too. If you didn't do this, I know you did something similar to this. You definitely did this. This is a layup. Unless it's too much of a layup that you threw us off. I definitely didn't do this. I could have sworn you did a water. Did you ever do anything with a water balloon towards somebody? Yeah.

I mean, yeah. We were a water balloon launching childhood. We had the three man. Yeah. Or the two man in a tree. I've seen that video. Okay. We used to always water balloon the Wendy's drive-thru in our neighborhood.

Because there's a cliff. Sir, this is a Wendy's. I think they may have told us. There's a cliff right next to it. You could go up on top of the cliff, look down on the cars below driving through. So it was the easiest getaway of all time. Because they would have to drive all the way around to get up to us. So it was like easiest getaway of all time because they would have to like drive all the way around to like get up to us. So it was like we could just walk away from the scene and like they would never know who

it was. I'm going to start doing this with Fritz. We have the boaters from the boat launch next to our place always park in front of our place even though it's like it's very inconvenient to have them park there. They pretty much block everything. I think Fritz and I might just start launching water balloons at him. You and your infant son. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll let him be the one that pulls it back and launches it. So, like, you're not going to get, like, a four-month-old in trouble. Right. Yeah. That'd be fucked up. Yeah. He's just a kid.

Yeah. They try him as an adult. It's like, sir, he's four months old. So, yeah, that was fake. Chugged milk at a Young Life event and vomited all over the walkway. I'm going to say real. Are you familiar with Young Life event and vomited all over the walkway. I'm going to say real. Are you familiar with Young Life? Yeah.

You guys had that? Yeah. I was never the biggest fan of going to those events, unfortunately. Because they were lame as fuck? Yeah. Yeah. There was like an overnight camp that they would send people to as well, and I pretty much threw a fit to make sure that I didn't have to ever do that.

You got a fit off? What do you mean? Okay do you mean okay what'd you wear rocking a camp collar like oh you can't go honestly probably some big dog this fits too far pants from the gap maybe some umbros this one's this one's real I said fake no I said real you guys are both correct it's real I did um attend a few young life events in my day um mainly because it was a social thing something to do that's kind of the idea chugged milk did they tell you to chug milk or was this just like you and your boys mobbing it was kind of a like i don't know what the activity was but we're like we got it hey you know this is when we first found out that you apparently you can't chug a gallon of milk

or whatever it is because you'll throw up and like no way man i can do it my stomach's gonna live forever and um chug the milk and then i just blew chunks all over the the walkway to the house and they're like why did you do it there there's like all this grass you could have gone to the side of the house and i was like i don't know sorry don't let me get the hose i think i could absolutely do it a whole gallon? didn't you try it? no we talked about trying it at Grand X when we were there this is a thing Dan would try

I think I could do it I feel like I was raised to drink so much milk I just feel like I could easily do it a gallon's a lot in an hour though? that's what I've never understood it's an hour I do think you're better served trying to drink it as fast as you possibly can and not taking the whole hour.

Oh, I don't know. I think you want to use up every last second. I just worry that that's when, like 45 minutes in, that's when your stomach starts to start rejecting stuff. Aren't college kids doing milk chug stuff? I saw a little sass at some milk chugging competition. It's the diabolical milk challenge. I bet you couldn't do it. I'm not going to put it to a test.

I'll do oat milk with you. We're just doing like nut milk chugs. Dude, how much fucking almond milk can you take down right now? I can only take almond milk and coffee. Almond milk by itself, it just grosses me out. A little too much almond for me. Enjoy it. I ordered a latte recently

and the guy said, do you have any preference on milk? Is oat all right? And I was like, okay, Austin's officially insufferable. The fact that oat is the first one that you pitched to me, like there's something wrong here.

Yeah. Set the practice soccer field on fire during a Good Friday fish fry for the Catholic Student Society after knocking over a grill doing the worm. Oh, my God. Can you do the worm? That's the question. That's a big piece of this puzzle.

That's the question here. I've never seen Dave do the worm before. But if he could, would he have done it for us before? I'm wondering if when I was doing an Instagram live at Dave's wedding, if he would have done the worm had he had that in his arsenal instead of just doing the quad. The worm is so passe. I'm going to say that this – I'm going to go fake

because I think that you would – I would know if you knew how to do the worm at this point. This is fake. There's too much happening. Correct. Why would you do it next to a grill? I don't know because I'm an idiot, but this is fake. I's too much happening. Correct. Why would you do it next to a grill? I don't know because I'm an idiot, but this is fake. I can't do the worm.

I've tried to do the worm. Can't do it. Didn't try that hard. It wasn't like, man, I've got to learn the worm this summer. I'm going to come out swinging senior year. No, I didn't do that. I think I can figure the worm out with like 30 minutes of practice. I used to be a big,

I was a CWOC guy. Yeah, I taught myself. After the I Need a Girl Part 2 video with P. Diddy and Loon, I decided to put that in my bag of tricks. Okay, you guys are doing okay. How about this one? Got arrested in a Wayne Rooney costume

and told the police that I was Wayne Rooney. That's not funny, David. How about that? Wow. Do they believe you? I was an adult when that happened, just to be clear. Just to be crystal clear. I was 18.

Yeah, this is a willful. It's still funny. It's still really funny to me. I would, I'll never take back that story. Like, there was a time in my life where I think I was embarrassed of it, but then once I saw my parents laughing over it, I was like, okay, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Also, shots of getting expunged. Let's go. Expunge him. I brought it up when I was doing my interview for TSA PreCheck and whatever it is, Global Entry. The lady asked me, she's like, do you have any previous arrests or anything like that? And I told her that, and she just looked at me and she was like, never say that again. You don't have to worry about that. It's not on your record.

If anyone asks if you got arrested, don't say that you got arrested for calling yourself wayne rooney wait but what did you get actually arrested for victimless uh underage intoxication and obstruction of official business i feel like you have to disclose that like if you were applying for the bar or something but i got it expunged okay it was also tell me if this is any difference i got arrested by the campus police and not the actual county police. I feel like campus police, like, whatever. Did I even get arrested? Were they on a Segway?

No, they were in a fucking cop car that they put me in the back of. You could not run the Segway? Campus PD, they're soft, man. It doesn't count. They're weak. Did you ever get your revenge by putting a parking cone on top of their vehicle? My cone. So coney. What a lame prank we pulled, man. It doesn't count. They're weak. Did you ever get your revenge by putting a parking cone on top of their vehicle? My cone. So coney. What a lame prank we pulled, man.

God. Broke my buddy's reading glasses that were in his backpack after beating his backpack with a gong mallet that I was using to practice for Ode to Joy for the Christmas pageant. 100% true. Wait, you pageant. 100% true.

Wait, you broke what? 100% true. My buddy's reading glasses that were in his backpack, unbeknownst to me, as I was hitting it over and over with a gong mallet. Right. The way you're laughing at what you just said leads me to believe it is definitely true. Dave was a gong guy, too. He's playing it back in his head.

Everybody knows I hit the gong that one time in Ode to Joy. That happened. That's true. It absolutely happened. I never saw this movie. Is that why you were such a big fan of Gong Girl? Good. No, they used to call me Cisco.

They're like, dude, there goes a gong song. Okay. Okay. I jokingly kicked my friend's sister's crutch out from under her. I did like a fake kick, but I followed through a little bit too much, and I knocked her crutch out from under her, and she fell over, and I felt really bad about it. Yeah, as you should.

Yeah. Luckily, her and I are friends too, so we didn't have any worries about that, but she knew I messed up. Well, yeah, she was on crutches, and you kicked one out from under her. She knew you messed up. Hey, Caitlin, shouts to your ankle and you kicked one out from under her. She knew you messed up. Hey, Caitlin, shouts to your ankle. Wow. Shout out to her family.

She's good now. No ankle issues. No ankle issues. A couple more. I may have disclosed this one at some point. That probably gives it away. Got sent home for wearing a Degeneration X t-shirt the day after a Monday Night Raw taping. Oh, you've mentioned this one several times.

The shirt said, if you can't beat it, suck it. Yeah. We know that's real. Yeah, that's definitely real. We know that's real. It's a motto that I've lived by. I have good vibes only.

Dave has, if you can't beat it, suck it. They put that on a t-shirt, and we're selling it. Yeah, because they knew that people like you would 100% buy that t-shirt. My buddy's dad, ninth grade, my buddy's dad let me buy it. He was like, yeah, go for it. And it blew in the dark.

I'm sorry, but if I'm... It was glow in the dark. Say that 14 years from now, I take Fritz and Rhodes to a WWE match and Rhodes is trying to buy a shirt that says you can't beat it suck it on it like i'm not gonna stop him because i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna wait for that phone call from dave later that night and have dave be like did you really let him buy that shirt with my money yeah you're damn right yes i did if you can't beat it suck it uh one more got thrown in the uh okay went went to my first high school house party

and was thrown in the pool by the high school quarterback for getting him wet, pushing one of my girlfriends into the pool. Girl who was a friend, not my girlfriend, to be clear. So you pushed a girl into the pool. It splashed up on the quarterback. Correct. And to pay you back, he threw you in the pool. He picked me up like a like a rag doll

like a child allegedly if this even happened and then just heave hoed me into the pool like him and his buddies like he like just tossed my ass into the pool like they were throwing back a an alligator guard they caught in the trinity i'm going real because i think that i can see you you're you're chivalrous dude you're just trying to protect the honor of your girlfriend at the time. No, like, it's obviously real. What? No, so I was being. Was Duncanville the powerhouse that they are now?

In football then? They had won state a couple years before. Actually, they won state the year before. Okay. And this guy was not the starting quarterback yet but he would be because this is like sophomore year he was young but no so it was like not a pool party but they did have a pool and like we thought you know guys like oh let's push one of the girls in the pool i know probably doesn't look good these days huh pushed my friend in she thought it was funny and some of it splashed on the quarterback

just a little bit a guy who got drafted by the yankees uh in like the 80th round mike judge had a good career in south korea pitch for the giants a little bit too very cool uh anyway splashed on him and they heave hoed me into the pool and i was fully clothed and i was i remember i remember specifically like being at the bottom of the pool and I was sober. I wasn't drinking or anything. And just thinking like my high school career is over. Like I remember thinking that.

Because it was so humiliating? Yeah. I remember thinking at the bottom of the pool like, you know, when. You just wanted to stay down there. It was like every time. Not come up. I think of it every time Will Ferrell gets the dart in the neck and falls in the pool.

I'm like, oh, I bet that's what it was like. Yeah, how much do you not want to come up from that? I didn't. Dude, I was like, I should just stay down here. What happened when you came up? Probably a lot of pointing and laughing. God, I deserved it. Why didn't camera phones exist at this time?

Dude, they were just being bullies. You didn't deserve that, dude. No, I didn't deserve that. He hoed you. And I think, you know what? I don't think the girls that were getting pushed in weren't even full of clothes.

I think they actually were swimming. So it wasn't like they were defending her. He goes, no, what did he say? He goes, you got our clothes wet, now we get yours wet.

Was he wearing his... That's exactly what he said. Was he wearing his Thurs jersey at the time? That's hard. His what? His Thursdays jersey. Panthers.

Okay. No, you know what he was wearing? I know what he was wearing. This was the style then for... Letterman Jack. Khaki shorts. Polo boots. The ones that went not high up, but ended at your ankle.

And they look like bean boots almost, but they end with shorts and then a tucked in button down. No, it was probably a Tommy Hilfiger polo. Oh, my gosh. No swag on this guy. That was the look. We must be thinking of two different fits then, because I'm thinking of these absolute drippings.

I can't picture these polo boots. I got to find them. Actually, Dave was the one dripping. Literally, it was me. Thank you. No one wears those. No one wears those. No one wore those. Like, it was, I swear, it was a weird, I don't know.

But, yeah, shout out to him. Shout out to my family. And that's real or fake moments from Dave's past. That was fun, man. I tripped down memory lane. Whoa, Will. fun man did you i tripped down memory lane well i can't believe you let your kids street your friend's street race with an alero and they won you should have raced for pink slips it would have been a better story if you would have gotten gotten a pink slip from your your dad's like hey where's the old mobile like uh it belongs to somebody else now sorry sorry daryl from Irving MacArthur has it.

We have a special guest entering the studio right now, but before we get to him, let's hear from FitBot. So many times in life we get stuck doing the same workouts. You know when you get stuck doing the same workouts, your body starts to not respond to it as well as it used to. Yeah, it's called plateauing. I've been there. Wow.

I thought plateau was like a turf toe kind of injury. No? No, it's different. Oh, okay. Making progress towards the future of you means overcoming new challenges, and FitBots creates a fitness program that continually adapts to new exercises and dynamic intensity that adjusts how you're progressing. So you'll be challenged to meet your goals at your own pace.

There's no perfect body that everyone can achieve, but what we can do is continually become a better version of ourselves. No workout is one size fits all, and FitBod has done something amazing by creating a fitness program that continually adapts to you so you stay challenged with new exercises, pacing, and intensity based on where you are and where you want to be. I'm looking at you, Dylan, because I know you've got yours queued up right now. I have my current workout pulled up that they have designed just for me. Okay. And apparently I'm going to be hitting quads, triceps, abs, and lower back this next workout.

Have a day. This sounds like a tough one. I'm glad Dave's not doing this one. You want to hear what my workouts are? Because you're back. You can't do lower back today, dog. Here it goes. Leg press, dips, and then supersets of dumbbell lunge and dumbbell skull crusher,

followed by dumbbell squat, and then superset of crunches and stiff-legged barbell good morning, which I don't know what that is. I'll have to learn what that workout is. The good morning, you better brace that core. You don't want to hurt that back. Stiff-legged barbell good morning. Is that kind of like a... I'll have to learn. I'm not going to give you the right answer.

You'll figure it out. You'll figure it out. They do have videos that you can watch if you have questions about the workout. I just clicked on it, and it tells you what to do. There you go. FitBot understands that the path to achieving your best looks different for everybody, so they created a program based on unique body, experience, and environment. Their algorithm even uses data and analytics to help you build on your last workout

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Get a little pump in before I go to the pool. Damn. You were just working out and eating salads in Cabo. Really? Get a little pump in before I go to the pool. Damn. You were just working out and eating salads in Cabo. Some people are out on the beach with the bands. Not me. I'm in the room doing FitBod, getting just all the pumps. FitBod's super easy to use. It even has HD video tutorials to make learning new exercises a breeze.

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That's 25% off at FitBod.me slash steam. We got Brett in the building. Do you guys have, like, dad biceps from holding your kids? I think, I mean, my arms are still intentionally very small. Sure. But I do think I've gotten stronger, especially on my left side, based on how much I do with Fritz on that side. That's tight.

You ever do a little short action? Yeah, sometimes I just walk around with him and just do like... You do shrugs with your son. I do upright rows. Nice. Upright rows. Pretty good. That's why we brought him in.

That's why we brought Brett in. He's the magic bully. Man, two years and he's even cooler. Brett, we brought you in to talk about your two-year anniversary dinner. We've intentionally not said really anything about this leading up to this point. We chose Carve, which is on your side of town, talking at

this side of the table. Oh, did you move? Wednesday, dog. Okay. I packed up, though. I literally went to my house. I'm proud of you for doing that. Thank you. I'm going to say this. I'm rattled by Brett wearing a hat in the studio right now. Who are you, man? You're the only one not. KJ's even wearing one.

This is very true. You're the odd man out. I'm an idiot. It's pretty embarrassing. I'm waiting for a sponsor to hit me up for like a... I'm going to sponsor my head. You're going to sell your head? Yeah, I'm going to get a head sponsor. Sell my head is not how I want to phrase it. Their tennis? I don't think they're going to come for you.

Hmm? Head tennis? I'd't think they're going to come for you. The head tennis? I'd be fine with that. I didn't break my racket like Novak. His head's for sale. He's got to chill. No, no, he crumbled. Really?

Yeah. He lost his shit, too. Yeah. Damn. Total psycho. That was like to set records, be the first guy to do everything. Hey, man, pressure's too much for some. Medvedev.

Good player, though. How did we acquire the receipt from this dinner? They emailed it to me. You got a straight-up email. We technically did it through a group event planner type of thing to reserve

the carve room. I like the setup of the room a little cold a little chilly that i think everybody noted to begin with and uh shouts to our waiter robert who born in the same hospital as randy man that's crazy wow man that's like on the same exact same day or something or i think it was similar, right? It was the day that Kurt Cobain unfortunately lost his life. True. But we got Randy. But we got Video Guy Randy.

Do you mind if I read some of the items that were ordered? I would love you to. The first ordered item was lobster corn dogs, five of them. Yep. Inhaled those. They were delish. They were pretty good. Pretty good.

A little cilantro mayo type of thing, too. We got the charred Tuscan toast tower. I didn't have that. I'm having a war on carbs right now. That was also my nickname in college. I did not touch the bread. You guys are crazy. Didn't touch it.

We had the burrata with stone fruit. I don't know what stone fruit is. I don't either, but I ordered that because you previously told me how much you love burrata. I do. I was like, I need to try it. It was fantastic. It was very good. They call me M. Burrata i do i was like how do you got it it was fantastic try it it was very good it was the they call me m burrata nice they don't because i mash that

burrata button all the time okay it was the app that was furthest from me at the table so i unfortunately i didn't want to have the hassle of going all the way around the clock to get the burrata the guy sitting next to me who may not have a mic didn't really understand the concept of passing the apps around the table so everyone can get some. Yeah, they just put it in front of him and he just started eating everything. Why are you handing me this? Dude, what do you think I'm doing? It's a round table, Randy.

That's how it works. I'm kind of bummed reading this now because I'm realizing that there's a lot on this table that I never even got to even get. I didn't have any of the smoked mac and cheese. I had zero sriracha Brussels sprouts. I did go off and I brought them home. The burgundy mushrooms were absolutely delightful. Do you know what happened with the mashed potatoes

that we ordered? He brought it out, put it in the middle of the table with the lid on it, and because the lid was on it, it was covered. We just forgot about it, and everyone was finished eating. I was like, oh, by the way, there are mashed potatoes here, and guess who took them home? You did? I did. They are

unbelievable mashed potatoes. They are unbelievable. They are very good. I do think we got undercharged. What do you mean? He only has three Tito's martinis on this. You had three yourself? Yeah, I had three on my own. I definitely had two.

I'm the jack wagon who wanted us to do one more round. We watched them bullies lose. I did have one. The real show here, and I'm going to let you guys guess who ordered these drinks. We have the bubbly black rosé, the Texas tiki dream, the sorbet sundae sour, and the daiquiri down under. Those are all Randy. Bubbly was not me. Wait, wait, wait.

Randy claims the bubbly black rosé was not him. No, y'all ordered it for me. Randy ordered it as a bit, like as a joke for Dave. He came back from the bathroom and it was in front of him. He's like, who is this? I was like, it's supposed to be a joke. I didn't lean into the bit. I was just like, I'm not drinking this.

I don't want this novelty beverage right now. I already got Diver Tick kicking back. It had flower petals floating on top of it. Yeah, if there's flower petals, I'm probably not enjoying it. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. You did drink it? I had a few sips. Okay. When they put the daiquiri down under on the table, it just started going.

Yeah, we bought an $18 cocktail as a joke that didn't land. So that was cool. Man, must have had a good quarter. To be fair, it was only 14 plus tip. Okay. Well, we made up for it. We didn't get charged for all the martinis. True.

True. Brett did get a smoky wild fashion. Can you give us a rating of your old fashion that was made table side with smoke in it? Yeah. Cedar. That's about 4.5 balls on the scale. How many balls is the scale made of? 20 balls does 5.

Okay. So 4.5 balls. That's how we rate this burgers. Oh, okay. So you're doing smoked old fashions. Yeah, the one thing I'll say is I prefer different wood in my old fashion. It's a cedar plank. Dylan's got something for you.

I prefer hickory, to be honest. You want like an oak or something? No, I literally like hickory. As a guy with a noted cedar allergy, I didn't really appreciate the cedar getting just smoked in my face. Is that why I was down the rest of the weekend? Yeah, it was. Because of Brett fucking cocktail on Thursday? The presentation was fun, though. It was table side.

He took a plank of cedar and just brought out the torch and just shh. And then put the glass on top of it, trapped the smoke in. It was cool. Yeah. Smelled good. Yeah, I just want a different kind of wood. I love the presentation.

I like the cocktail. Give me a different wood. That's all I'm going to say on that. Give the guy a different wood. Yeah, and probably use Woodford and not wild turkey. But that just, you know. I'm not in a position. I'm not going to insult wild turkey.

I'm not going to insult wild turkey. As the original bourbon fan, I can co-sign. They didn't charge us for your pappy that you mixed with the jolt, though. That was nice. They didn't even. Oh, wow. They had to go They didn't even... Oh, wow. They had to go to the store and get some Jolt. Yeah, more shockingly, they found Jolt than having Pappy on hand.

Yeah, what's more likely? Shouts to the bartender, Brian, who just was like, he's going for his level two Somme license, but just told us to get the two most expensive bottles of wine in the restaurant. Yeah, yeah. He recommended two. One was the most expensive draft wine, and the other one was just the most expensive bottles of wine in the restaurant. Yeah, yeah. He recommended two. One was the most expensive draft wine, and the other one was the most expensive bottle of wine. And we didn't have any basis to not

tell him that we were going to get both, so we got both. Brett, can I bust your balls real quick? So, you were talking up this Brian guy. Oh, yeah, this guy's here all the time. And, you know... To be fair, he is. When you called him in there, and you addressed him, it was like, oh, Brett knows this guy.

Yeah, like they're boys. He definitely didn't remember you. He was like, yeah, what's up? He goes, yes, what can I help you with, sir? You're like, oh, it's me. Let me say, you were not shaken. No, I followed through. You know what's funny?

I told my wife about said bottle, the Eight Years in the Desert. Yeah. And she's like, ooh, I want to try that. I was like, okay. So I went. I actually got a bottle for about a third of what we paid. That's how it happens. Turns out restaurants mark up the wine.

Really? So what's it about the shelf? I never discussed that publicly or discuss. I did the opposite. I told Sally that we got a box of wine for the table, and so I didn't have to go buy any wine after that. Kind of a savvy move. What?

I told her I got boxed wine, so I didn't have to go out and buy some nice-ass bottle that she wanted to try, too. You had to go pick up the beatbox wine. The Boda box. Remember beatbox? Oh. That stuff was so bad. No.

That was an early sponsor of... Beatbox. They hung around for a while, actually. Were they an early Shark Tank? I don't know. Early sponsor of what? They were doing ads TFM in some capacity. Oh, I was going to say, I definitely have not done a Beatbox wine ad.

We would have gotten in trouble for some of those. But it't wine it was like what do you mean it looked like blue gatorade is what it looked like oh dude they really did do i do like blue wine they did you ever have uv uv blue what's that we had a lot of no we we had a lot of people respond in the worst of episode talking about how they drank UV blue and blue Gatorade or whatever. That just sounds fucking disgusting. It's a popular, like, I'm never drinking that again. I still don't know what it is. Dude, the best part of your dinner was when we went out to the parking lot and all of our cars had cones on them. Brett's not going to get that joke.

I don't get it. That was wild. Yeah, you had to be sitting in this room. Oh, okay. Like, 10 minutes ago in order to understand that. Got it. That was wild. Yeah, you had to be sitting in this room. Oh, okay. Like 10 minutes ago in order to understand that. Got it. Okay, okay. I mean, do we have any other takeaways from this dinner other than...

The prime rib was excellent. Yeah, we didn't even do entrees. Yeah, shouts to the prime rib night. I think you three went prime rib. Is that every Thursday? How do you feel about not going prime rib when you went with the filet? I wouldn't finish it, so I wouldn't feel bad about getting it. I didn't finish it, and I ate it the next day cold, and it was phenomenal.

I ate it the next day, and as our waiter was packing everything up for us, he goes, do you want all the sides? I said, yeah. Oh, dude. I took all the sides home, and I had like— No, you didn't take all the sides home. Oh, not the mushrooms. Yeah, your boy took those burgundy mushrooms,

and I ran out of the restaurant with those. They would have gone in the trash can. That's wasteful. I was running out like I was protecting the rock. People were trying to hit it out of my hand. I was like, no, these mushrooms are mine because they wanted the mushrooms from me. We were the last people in the restaurant. By a large margin.

We got to the point where we were like, all right, we got to go. When they start sweeping around you, it's like, eh. Yeah. And somebody kept putting fingerprints on the window. Oh, yeah. Of the private room. About that guy. Who would do that?

I don't know. Just to flip us off. What's like... Did that like multiple times. That's about the young lady who flashed us. Oh, yeah. Okay. We got flashed.

Yeah, we did. I missed that. She had a brawl on that. It was a flash mob. Dude, the card gets wild on Thursday night. People were probably like, wait, what? Was it the perfect storm having the boys game going too? It was a flash mob. Dude, Cardiff gets wild on Thursday night. People are probably like, wait, what? Was it the perfect storm having the boys game going too? It was.

And we could see it. We couldn't hear it, but we could see it. Siding football game. Siding game. Great game. Feel good about it. More on that later. Randy, what did you order for dinner?

Oh, we did the oysters too. The pizza oysters. Yeah, we did some wood-fried oysters. Randy's first oyster. Not the best way to try your first oyster, but Randy did it. How did it sit, Randy? So good you had to go buy a Squatty Potty? We're doing a Squatty Potty review from Randy on Wednesday.

And then I think we ended, we did do a little dessert. We got to talk about the flasher. We got some dessert. Yeah, the flasher. So we didn't, keep in mind, we're in a private, like, a room that you can see in, and we're connected to the bar oh god no one's seen it nobody's seen i can promise you well i can't speak for everybody and uh we didn't talk to anybody except for the the staff who were very nice and engaging and uh towards the end of the

night just these two couples walked by they were probably in their 40s maybe early 50s and i look over and we're talking to the waiter about something and i just like happen to like make eye contact and uh the woman pulls her top up yep and i was like oh i saw it i saw the i saw the top coming down so i was like we just got flashed and then we spent the the the and this is and then they just kept walking and we're like what the fuck was that why did we i guess they thought we were like cool young guys they probably saw d. And we're like, what the fuck was that? Why did we? I guess they thought we were like cool young guys. They probably saw Dylan and were like, oh, this guy. This guy is so tan. He's the guy who walks around our neighborhood walking his dog shirtless.

With the spray tan. You know Dylan walks his dog shirtless? Do you? Yeah. You're a douche. Almost daily without a shirt. But yeah, we spent the next like 30 minutes being like, wait, did she have a bra on or not? And we're like, no, she definitely did.

We were like, and their guy was like, I can pull the security footage. We don't need that. Yeah, that seems unnecessary. It just, it was just unnecessary. It was a lot. I've never seen that before at a restaurant, getting flashed. I'm excited for Brett's three-year. Your dinners have proven to be some of the most fun company events that we have. Good. I'm excited for Brett's three-year. Your dinners have proven to be some of the most fun company events that we have.

I'm excited for Randy's two-year. We had so much fun that the Deep Eddie plans for afterwards were cancelled because we were all blitzed. That's probably good. It was too late. It was like 11.30. If Randy chooses Applebee's for his, he has to do the new Applebee's dance

that you see every commercial break. He already captioned his Instagram from Thursday night with a lyric from that song. And not only did he do that, but he played it in the studio all Friday morning. It's upsetting how catchy that song is. What's more upsetting is when you're hungover in the studio, not wanting to be working after a massive dinner the night before, and Randy's just blasting the catchiest song of all time that you can't get out of your head for the rest of the fucking weekend.

Sorry for cutting you out of my Instagram, Randy, by the way. That was my idea. It was? Well, he was also in the picture. He was like three feet away from us. I wouldn't have had to do that if you didn't want to snuggle up a little bit, Randy. I have that problem with Sally's family. I always somehow find myself like three feet

away from the actual group photo, and I'm like, yeah, you guys can just cut me out. Not a big deal. Do we even do breaking news? Don't you got to go? Dude, let's talk about stamps.com real quick. Are you still going to the post office? Couldn't be me.

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Stamps.com. Never go to the post office again. Brett, time to break some news. Sure. Literally news just like as you were finishing that read. Let's ride. This isn't even in the rundown. This is bonus.

Jeff Bezos is rumored to be interested in buying the Denver Broncos. Let's ride. This isn't even in the rundown. This is bonus. Jeff Bezos is rumored to be interested in buying the Denver Broncos. Let's go. Oh, God. I'm tired of these billionaires trying to go to space. Start buying franchises like old school guys. Yeah, just do that. Do you think he'll build his own stadium? Did he say?

Okay. Did Bill Simmons say billionaires with a B or millionaires? B. Okay. Just making sure. He's a T, though, isn't he? Is he a trillionaire? He'll be there.

That would be a much better ownership situation than what they've had for the last, give or take, 20-something years. Whoa. Brett's going there on Monday. Mr. Bowen's a good dude. He's going to fly in on a copter from Aspen every single game, isn't he? Bezos? Yeah, 100%. 100%. He's going to set up shop in Aspen from Aspen every single game, isn't he? Bezos? Yeah, 100%. 100%.

He's going to set up shop in Aspen. I would ride a wild horse into every game. A wild horse. You would ride one. No, choppers don't like that high altitude. The air's too thin. It's true. That's why a lot of people can't get rescued when they're hiking.

That's what happened to me when I was doing K2. Dave knows. Into thin air. I had to base jump home. It's true true you base jumped home off of a mountain yeah i was sick really it was yeah i didn't know you could i didn't know you could jump off of k2 and reach duncanville well i didn't i landed in uh the country that it's in did you have a squirrel suit the country that is no i had nepal I actually had your otter suit. Really?

Yeah. It was the tail from Mario. He doesn't need an otter suit. He's already just an otter. So you were inside me, David. I was just surfing on you, on your body. That'd be fun. This is stupid.

I would surf you off a K2. Thank you. Sorry, Brett. Do you want to do breaking news? Yeah. Do you want to go spooky season, spooky data capture, or chicken sandwich wars I'm gonna spooky spooky chicken

is this is Dave this is Dave's choice it was gonna be spooky zombie zombies too but then you guys did the woolly mammoth

thing we didn't actually do it oh well we didn't have time alright nevermind it's in your head okay I'm sorry no you're good

go ahead Dave chicken Randy will you help me out please It's in your head. Okay, I'm sorry. No, you're good. Go ahead, Dave. Chicken. Randy, will you help me out, please? Guess who's in the chicken sandwich wars? I saw this commercial. That's Taco Bell. They're doing the chicken sandwich taco. What kind of sauce is on this?

That's a good question. That looks delicious. It looks delicious, but I need to know more about the sauce. I also am not sold on the pickled jalapeno. I don't like how the jalapenos are just out like that. They need to be concealed and like mashed in with everything. The sauce is the chain's signature creamy chipotle sauce. I'm not familiar with that one, so I'll give it a ride. The chicken is marinated in jalapeno buttermilk,

then seasoned with bold Mexican spices and rolled in a crunchy tortilla chip coating and then put in the nestled, or excuse me, nestled in a puffy bread-shaped taco. Or bread-like taco. I'm not gonna even like, I'm not gonna hate on this.

This could be really good. It looks delicious, but it's chicken from Taco Bell. That's the biggest red flag is that it is fried chicken from taco i'll try it i'm gonna try this i'm fine with this what addition can you get it at the combination pizza hut and taco bell the yum brands statue i just need to i because i want to know where to go to get this it's a good question it's on the menu as of this September, along with the cheddar chicken quesadilla combo and the new $5 Cravings Trio, which you can get either the cheesy double beef burrito, the chalupa supreme, the cheesy quesadilla, or the crunch wrap supreme in the combo. Pick three. Was this a sponsored segment?

We landed at Taco Bell. I'd be fine landing Taco Bell. I would start eating it again. I'm going to try this. I'll try it. I don't know who's winning the chicken sandwich wars. It's been so long. What is it called again?

The chicken taco. Yeah, I closed out of the tab. It's called the chicken taco Friday. It's called the sandwich taco. Don't open that. It's not worth even opening the tab back up. I think it's called the chicken sandwich taco. Because the commercial's like, is it a taco or is it a sandwich?

Oh, dude, I bet that goes viral. With or without the jalapenos. With. Pickled jalapenos are inferior. Bullshit, get out of here. Let's do spooky. Spooky season? I was waiting for Randy

to take off the chicken taco. A finance company will pay an individual $1,300 to watch 13 scary movies in October in an effort to find out whether the size of a movie's budget impacts its effectiveness. We're getting into the analytics here. So you can apply, Dave, to be the spooky season general manager at this link. $1,300? Yeah.

It gives you a chance to binge watch spooky movies, Dave. Yes. Say no more. Binge the following films between October 9th and October 18th.

Saw, Amityville Horror, A Quiet Place, A Quiet Place 2, Candyman, Insidious, The Blair Witch Project, Sinister,

Get Out, The Purge, Halloween, the 2018 version, Paranormal Activity, and Annabelle. So it's a mixture of high-budget and low-budget movies. Correct. Not only will you receive $1,300 and a $50 gift card to cover the rental costs of the Fright Fest, but you'll also get a Fitbit to track your heart rate.

How did A Quiet Place 2 get in this? How did they have two movies? If you're going to put two in there, you've got to put Saw and Saw 2 in there instead of Quiet Place 2. Yeah, I don't know. It seems like this is sketchy. There has to be a method to why they picked everything. I don't know what it is, though. I don't think I've only seen the first Saw, but it was good.

I saw the first two. Their metric is going to be your heart rate? Heart rate, yes. Okay. I'm scared to get... What if it's whoopee season? Hey, guys. Tracking the numbers here.

They're doing Fitbit. Are you getting the whoop band 4.0, David? Probably not. Unless they want to send me one. I deleted that email. Well, they ghosted us. Well, maybe it's a spooky season bit. See these wrists?

Wow, he's not whooping right now. Yeah, the only fitness tracker I have is this brain right here. Wow, that's what you're tracking your fitness with. Does it work? Hey, my FitBot app. Oh, yeah. Are you Pellying right now? That seems like a loaded question.

He's on a brain. Okay. I just wondered. I know it's Man United season. It's like a lot going on. No, soccer season is actually a better time for me because I can get on during like, I like to do 45 minute rides during the first or second half of a game. It's better than getting off during 45 minute rides.

Yeah. Usually it takes me a lot less time. How about the spooky season? What's the other spooky season one you got? Facebook. I don't know if you saw this, is bringing back spectacles. Why are they doing this? bringing back spectacles.

Why are they doing this? In a partnership with Ray-Ban, what they're called are Ray-Ban Stories, allow you to take pictures, videos, phone calls, and music from your glasses. The robot of Mark Zuckerberg did a release video for these, and it was such a shitty release video that I almost thought it was a joke.

I almost couldn't believe that they were doing this as Facebook. This is the dumbest idea ever. There is a small light on the outside of the glasses that indicates if a person is being recorded, but Wired comments that these are the best sex tape glasses ever constructed.

Micah, noted friend of the podcast, he actually was a test user for a pair of Bose sunglasses that were... I don't even know how he got on this. I think he signed up for some list where you could test products and they send it to him. So there were numerous times that I would go outside

to walk Rosie during the pandemic and Micah would be out there with his sunglasses on, not even listening to me, just listening to a podcast the entire time. It was very disrespectful. But they were kind of tight. You couldn't even hear it outside, but you could hear it in your ears

when you had the sunglasses on. Okay, where does the sound come, like... On the arms of the glasses, there's just these little speakers that goes, it's strategically put directly into your ears. Did you ever have the toothbrush that played music through your teeth? No, I like that.

Oh my God. Through your teeth? Yeah, they had like miley cyrus songs that the vibration of the toothbrush would go through your teeth and and like vibrate your ear i think i fuck with this sounds terrible why you could always get two minutes no question i'm so out on that it's not even funny but yeah that's uh watch me quip watch me nay nay i have a complaint with quip. What?

They're not a sponsor in this episode, are they? Probably shouldn't. You should know that. Should we get out of here before Brett tanks the brand? Yeah, let's... Let's do it one for after.

It's a very small complaint, so you should still get quip, but I do have a complaint based on the angle of the brushing. Just saying. Can we get out of here? It's probably a user error.

Probably is. Bye.