Circling Back - West Elm Caleb & New Haircut Dillon

Episode Date: January 24, 2022

Podcast Week? Oh yeah, it's Podcast Week. We kick things off by discussing the now-infamous West Elm Caleb from Tiktok, Dillon's (accidental) new haircut, Will's move to England to run a pub, the Green M&M's makeover, and more. Support us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast Purchase a Circling Back Candle: www.vellabox.com/circling-back Watch all of our full episodes on YouTube: www.youtube.com/washedmedia Shop Washed Merch: www.washedmedia.shop (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter (16:00) Recapping This Weekend in Fun (30:30) New Haircut Dillon (38:45) West Elm Caleb (49:35) Will Is The King of England Now (1:00:43) Can The Green M&M Still Get It? Support This Episode’s Sponsors Vizzy: www.vizzyhardseltzer.com/washed DraftKings: www.draftkings.com (download the app and use WASHED) Fitbod: www.fitbod.me/steam (25% off) Truebill: www.truebill.com/circling Green Chef: www.greenchef.com/steam130 ($130 off!) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, we're back circling back podcast presented by busy heart seltzer. The only hard salt with vitamin C and superfruit acerola. My name's Will DeFreeze. To my left. David, that boy rough. Sorry, I was on du moi getting a tea. Angelina Jolie shopping with her son on Bleeker Street at Good Life Clothing. That's pretty wild.

My personal favorite. Saw Vince Vaughn in manhattan beach holding up traffic he was crossing the street on his bike leaving panda express lol was kind of wearing pajamas was wearing pajamas and looked kind of hungover or sick that's tough anyway that's the t thanks for the tea dave that's t with d with Dave. At Tea Carter Ruff on Twitter. Wow, that's good. That's good. Is Dumois shaking in their boots right now with how much celebrity news you're kicking out? I'm a Dumois aggregator.

I just tell people what Dumois is saying. There's about 80% of our audience who does not understand this reference and hates it. And I will concede my time to the lads. If you're wondering what your wife and or girlfriend is watching on Instagram stories all Sunday, it's Dumois. It's either Dumois or Randy's Lord of the Rings content. Yeah. Randy had so many girls sliding in his DMs when they saw that he was watching Return of the King. I always get Dumois mixed up with, what's the word you use for a side piece?

Gumar? Gumar, yeah. Not the same thing, though, are they? No, they're diff. Yeah, they are. Interesting you're going with the carbonated liquid death. Yeah, I like to be burpy when I'm speaking. That's a reckless podcaster move.

They're calling me Stillwater. Really? Why? Oh, you spend a lot of time in Oklahoma? Yep. I had to go up there and teach a joint rolling seminar. Did you just look at my haircut, Will? What are you doing?

No. I saw you look at my haircut. I've honestly been staring at you for about 20 seconds now, trying to come up with a nickname for you between Dumois and something else. But just no nicknames are sticking out. So I guess I just have to intro you normally. Dylan Shivery. John Taper.

I do see the new haircut. Dylan is on the rundown right before West Elm Caleb. That's great. Yeah, so let's not do the segment now. Those guys are cut from the same cloth. The audacity. I won't mention the place where I got the haircut. Well, you can.

I don't want to steer business away from them. Anything you think you're steering away, Brett and I will be bringing back with our business. That's big facts. That's fine. But we'll do that in that segment that's on the rundown if you don't mind. That's okay. I won't spoil it.

I had to make sure it was actually on the runny first. I had to look down. You are going to be a burpee boy. I don't give a F. Didn't you say that there was a spotting of Dylan this weekend on Dumois? What'd it say? Wasn't he at the grocery store just shoveling hot dogs into his cart? Was he leaving Sizzy's and scotch just gruntled there's there was another one of dylan though he was just

a dude at the salad bar and he was just filling his plate with hard-boiled eggs they said you were leaving the info wars headquarters i was applying for a job yeah oh is there anything worse than holding in a burp and it goes through your nose and it burns I was applying for a job. Is there anything worse than holding in a burp and it goes through your nose and it burns? No. You're going to be doing that. I don't ever do that. You're going to be because you're drinking sparkling water during a podcast. Let it out of my mouth like a normal person.

The fact that you think it's a small studio and you're just going to come in here and burp? Move the mic away. They can hear that. Move the mic away. Mic's back. Here's what Dylan just going to come in here and burp? Move the mic away. They can hear that. Move the mic away. Burp. Mic's back. Here's what Dylan's going to sound like. Ready?

Poof! The most reckless thing we did during lockdown once we got back together in the studio was make that laugh into a bit. Where we were all just clearing the back of our throats in laughter. Just breathy. It was so stupid. What are we doing? Reminds me of my friend who thought it was really funny to laugh without smiling. It's Malone.

He plays the bongos in a band. That's so stupid. You can't just laugh without smiling. He thought it was so funny. And I guess the fact that I remember it 10 years later, actually 20 years later, makes it kind of funny. Why do we have paper towels sitting here? Don't worry about it, dude. I want to throw that.

In case you throw up from your sparkling water. I'm not going to throw up. Yeah, in case I make you laugh and you have sparkling water flying out of your nose. All right. We have paper towel in here because some you have sparkling water flying out of your nose. All right. We have paper towel in here because some people care about the cleanliness of this company and its headquarters. This doesn't need to be part of our set. Cleanliness is godliness, and godliness is podliness. Thank you.

Have you guys heard? Dave, whose posture is absolutely bussing right now. You've kind of inspired me, Dave, to get on a path to personal and physical betterment. Have you heard what I'm doing? Why don't you tell us? I have an idea. I'm limiting myself to one, yes, I said one single cup of bing bong per day. I'm scaling back from two per day, and I'm going back back to one I'm worried that I'm crashing in the afternoon

Because I'm having too much caffeine early in the morning You know some people can't handle bing bong You I'm talking about you You probably put creamer in it too Do I dabble with some almond milk? Yes I do I did a bing bong enema over the weekend How'd it go?

I binged my bong I wouldn't do it again Ten of ten don't recommend over the weekend. How'd it go? I binged my bong. I wouldn't do it again. 10 of 10, don't recommend. You're going on record saying that nobody should be doing bing bong enemas. Correct. Thank you. It's not safe. I don't think the science is sound.

Just try it. If you're going to do that, do a regular enema. Don't be an enema of the state. Like Will, I too am on a health journey. Yeah, but you're just eating salad. Can I say I thought Will was leading into an ad read? That's why I didn't really give him much. No. I thought FitBot might be next, but then I realized it wasn't. I really did.

I was like, why is he doing that a little earlier? No, shout out FitBot, though. No one cares about the health journey that I'm embarking upon. Yeah, it just involves you eating only lettuce. Oh, can you imagine? A little rabbit. No, I'm just trying to eat Beetle Health Dress this week. That's all.

Can we talk about your carrot takes? I need to lose some weight. Yeah, let's talk about carrots. Oh, do y'all want to see Carrot Top in Vegas? Kind of. Is that on the table? Here's my carrot take. Adele canceled her residency.

I have a carrot take. You want to hear it or not? It's more funny to joke about Carrot Top. But yeah, go ahead. No one's ever enjoyed a carrot. It's unenjoyable. They're bad. Like, yeah, a cold carrot.

They're good when they're mushy. Like dipped in ranch. It's good because you're eating ranch. I don't like a crisp carrot. I like a mushy one that's in stew or a pot roast. The mushier. Oh, no, man. Get them out of my face.

And you're getting that vitamin K, right? I don't know. No, I don't... Are they high in potassium, dog? They're good for your eyes. Yeah, I'm a man in STEM. I know what K is. I'm a kid of the K-hole.

You're talking about carrot top? I was wrong. For sure. You're not going to see carrot top in Vegas. What are carrots high in? You're not going to Blue Man Group in Vegas. It's a vitamin. You're going to do what Dylan wants to do.

Just to be clear. Vitamin K1. And vitamin A. David, you're going to do what Dylan wants to do in Vegas. You're not going to Blue Man Group in Vegas. You're going to do what Dylan wants to do. Just to be clear. Vitamin K1 and vitamin A. David, you're going to do what Dylan wants to do in Vegas. You're not going to see Carrot Top. No, we're not. We're going to go see shows. Thunder Down Under? You can talk me into that. I would rather do BMG

and Carrot Tea. Why the fuck wouldn't you want to go to Blue Man Group? If y'all come to dinner... Oh, we're going to be so jacked up from BMG. And if you have some blue paint on you anywhere, I swear it's fucking... We're going to be in the splash zone.

Dude, we're buying front row tickets to Blue Man Group and we are showing up to dinner with just splatters of blue paint all over our Mizzen and Main button-downs. We're going to be just covered in paint, high-fiving the entire time. Seriously. Seriously, they're going to invite us on stage

and let us hit the drum with the paint on it. We've got to get rid of all evidence that you've been to the show once you get to that. Dude, they do a routine with these pipes, and they blow into them, and then one of them moves the pipe, and it makes it into some sort of musical instrument. It's really engaging stuff sick and here's the thing about it they're also covered in blue paint dude they're gonna call you up on stage and do tummy sticks

they're not dude what if they give them an awful waffle on stage well wouldn't it be a blue never mind mind. It might be a blueberry waffle. What's a blue waffle? Something sick. God, there's a reason I stopped the line of humor. You started it. You sick son of a gun. Don't look it up.

Don't read it. That's where people are going to tune out. I really can't go to those shows, though. I'm putting my foot down. Dude, there's going to be... People are going to be sitting at blackjack tables for hours for hours there's not like you're not missing out on us if we sneak out for bmg where do they perform which at the which arena the vegas center i don't know vegas center it's an all ages show the luxor no one goes to the luxor for a show yeah we know two guys who do yeah you're not going to the they're sitting on this side of the table that's the Luxor for a show. I know two guys who do.

You're not going to the Luxor. They're sitting on this side of the table. That's the one that's a pyramid, Dave. I thought that was MGM. No, MGM is the one with the big lion. Oh. Everything's blue on that night. It's blue day. I'm blue.

Da-bo-dee-da-ba-dun. See, that's going to be us. We're having martinis at SDK. I'll do some extra blue cheese olives ba da. See, that's going to be us. We're having martinis at STK. I'll do some extra blue cheese olives, please. Oh, yeah. I'm going to be on my bluest behavior. Oh, do you mind sprinkling a little blue cheese on top of that bone-in filet that I just ordered? Thank you, sir.

They're going to call me Leanne Rimes. I'm only drinking hypnotic at STK. Okay, I'm fine with that. That's kind of sick. And blueberry brunettes that I'm bringing from home and stocking the bar with. You can't just do everything blue. Tell me I can't. Alright, that's

taking it too far. No, but I don't think it's weird if there's a two-hour window where we're at a show. And we've extended the invite to everybody. Just because no one responded publicly. I'm playing the backdoor, Corey. I need you guys by my side all the time. We're going a show. And we've extended the invite to everybody. I'm going to play the Bats. Just because no one responded. I'm playing the Bats. Publicly.

I need you guys by my side all the time. We're not going to stand over your shoulders. You play Texas Hold'em. Yeah. No, I'm not going to play poker. Good hit there, Dylan. Oh, dude, dude, dude. Oh.

No, you're making a hit next to me. Dylan, it's on the river, man. Dave's hitting a 16 when a dealer's showing a five. And I'm going to just punch him in the face. No, that's your thing. Good split, man. Shut up. You're the guy who pucks it up for the table. You are. Nobody gets mad. They're like, just punch him. No, that's your thing. Good split, man. Shut up. You're the guy who fucks it up for the table.

You are. Nobody gets mad. They're like, oh, God. No, that's you, dude. They pat you on the head. They're like, hey, man, next time the book will say. Dave's like, Dylan, do I hit this or not? I'm like, yes, you dumbass.

You're sitting on 11. Of course you hit it. They used to call me Double Down. Really? Why? I doubled down one time and won like 20 bucks and you had some money out there on the table this is this is like wow like 2004 holy shit there's a lot more back there the place just erupt or what are you even allowed

in vegas anymore they brought me in the back and they were like did they cop your shit that was no they made me check the security they watched the security footage with me to see if I was counting cards they immediately sent a cleaning crew to the baller suite the penthouse

did y'all hear about the guy on table 4 over there? no you slapped but it wasn't cool they actually got my hand and smashed it up

with a hammer real good no more of that shit Ruff! Because you took 20 bucks off of it? They put my head in a vice. It was pretty scary. Double down, Dave.

Dude. Ruff's 11 over here. Hey, we did something the other day that I don't know if you guys remember. Last Monday, we had some mean reviews in regards to Dylan, who does not deserve any mean reviews. So nice to everybody. Just give me a good review. So what we did was we asked people to leave nice reviews. You ready?

Mm-hmm. There were some really nice reviews. They better not, like, be sneakily mean in there. Like a backhanded compliment? Yeah. Craig Kaut, he said everybody say something nice about Dorn. He said Dylan is so talented. Every time Dave and Will give him a specific walk and impression scenario,

I do it myself first, and it's never been as good as Dylan's. Thank you. I appreciate that. You should leave that to the professionals, guys. Lifeguard Jake said, great pod. Bologna is the hot dog of meats, and he attributed that quote to Dylan. It's true. Look at you.

He says, you know the cliche cranky old man neighbor from TV and films? Well, you have found the perfect podcast combining him, a human sock, and a Duncanville legend and comedy great D.C. Ruff. This seems more complimentary to Dave. Thank you. Yeah, Dave's your favorite. Shut up. He didn't say that.

It feels like a cool breeze and a Merlot Miata warning. Dorn has two cubes in his pocket. I think he has dice, but he's afraid to show them to anyone. That was nice. He said you're the crankingest old man, which I think is true, if you know Dylan. Yeah, it's facts. Stop. And then Alexandra also said Dylan is a fraud.

That's not nice. It says Dylan has publicly stated that he's an iTunes pod and music guy. Kind of weird that the only host on the show with a photograph above his name. I don't know what this means. I think she's referring to me. I'm the only one on here that has a photograph above their name

on iTunes. Are you aware of this? I didn't even know. What? How do you? What? How do you even do that? I would like it to be known

that in college, I forced my business group to listen to dudes doing business for our group projects so they would know a smidge about business. Somehow I got a shout out on the pod for it. I've been a day one backer ever since. I also fall asleep with this pod and I forget to turn on the timer, so that's many listens. You're welcome, Randy.

Speaking of dudes doing business, do y'all follow Joe Nolan on Instagram? I think he just fishes now. Yeah, he caught a fish recently. He's fucking killing it. He's a big Florida guy. He's like the Florida guy. He made it. You know what time it is? It's time for This Week in a Vom, presented by DraftKings.

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See DraftKings.com slash Sportsbook for details. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. That was an ad read. Dude, I turned on the afterburners for that little clarification at the end. Holy shit. I was like, oh shit. Am I in the DRS zone?

Boop boop. Yes, Will. You are. How did that feel? Pretty good. My gosh. Drag reduction system, David. It reduces drag. Ground floor F1 guy here before the Netflix show.

I'd like to tell you all about my weekend in fun, which was quite fun, honestly. Friday. Okay, don't look too excited over there. Friday, me and I, we had the kids. Nice little chill evening at home, Friday night. It didn't get too crazy, you know, as the kids were with us. What are you doing?

Hey, man, forget about it. Saturday. Nice. Saturday was date night in Austin, Texas. Oh, shit. Actually, before that, Parks, man, I've been practicing some baseball with him. You know? We're out in the back. We're playing catch.

I'm pitching to him. He's got tryouts Saturday. So is he righty or lefty? He's a righty. Have you thought about tying his right hand to his leg so he has to do things left-handed? I don't know the point of that. Are you going to have him switch hit? No.

Early is one enough to enjoy baseball currently. Have you been showing him videos of Otani to make sure that he can do everything? No, don't show him Otani. Show him John Olerud. John Olerud? Yeah. He had a sweet swing from the last side.

Yeah. He also wore a helmet while playing in the field. He was ahead of his time. Not a very swag move. He knew brain injury was real. It was not swag at all. I always thought that was so goofy as a kid until I realized that it was, like, you know, he had brain.

He was protecting his brain, which is a noble cause. It's like, what is this boner doing with a helmet out there? Anyway, he's coming along. Parks, that is baseball. Put the bat on the ball. Yeah. Teaching him how to use a glove, which, of course, is a big part of baseball as well. Not going as well as the hitting went, but he'll get there.

Saturday, like I said. Maybe he can be DH like his pops. Date night in Austin, Texas. Bay and I stepped out. Maybe. I don't think they had DH in coach pitch. That'd be kind of sick if he just told them, like, nah. Date night Saturday.

What'd you mash? Uchiko. Dang. Got some sush. You don't like that sush. You hit him with that A5 Wagyu bite or what? I had to. You had to do it.

Had to do it to him. The Chateaubriand? No. I won't eat steak here in the States. I knew that about you. That's a thing. I re-watched that last night for some reason. I was looking for an old video. Sorry, Dylan.

We need to do something with it. We need to do a TikTok reaction with it. It's so bad. I think about it every single time I see Chateaubriand on something. I never even knew that was a thing before, and then now after you said it, I see it on menus at like

Brooks Koepka. All these places. Brooks Koepka. What Dilly Sunday look like? You just huddle up on the couch. What was the damage at Uchiko? How much did you spend? How much money? Yeah. I'm not going to give it.

It's a pretty high-end restaurant, Dylan. Oh, yeah. You went there last week. Hey, what's the damage? Yeah, we did a date night there. What's the damage? We spent a little bit of money. What a big deal.

$1 million? Actually, we got there. It was happy hour for a minute. So we got a $4 Sapporo. What did you drink? Hot sake. Two Sapporos. there was happy hour for a minute so we got you know I got a $4 support would you would you drink hot sake a support to Sapporo's and we got a ball of white wine no blueberry one like blueberry wine already did it minutes ago right there they did it better hey what'd you do this week?

Yeah, we brunched on South Congress yesterday. Where'd you go? Just get to yours. Where'd you go? I don't want to answer. Wow, what's weird about it? You went to brunch. Is there a Maudie's on South Congress? No, we went to Perla's for brunch. Oh, what's the damage?

And that's why I didn't want to bring it up. Perla's is my favorite. Let me just give you this. You're coming to Austin. You've got good weather. You're looking for a patio. Perla's is the spot. It's a great spot.

What? I just wish they'd be a little more accommodating to walk-ups. It's a popular place. I don't like planning out my patio sessions weeks in advance, David. I don't either, but it's Austin. I don't like planning out my patio sessions weeks in advance, David. I don't either, but it's Austin. I don't like planning out my barbecue three weeks in advance, but that's how long you have to wait in line for good barbecue. Austin sucks.

Every place. Joe Rogan goes to Terry Black's one time and does a post. Now you can't go to Terry Black's anymore, and that used to be like the safety net, the great safety net, by the way, for barbecue. It's great barbecue. Shaking my head, man. All these Californians, man. I didn't do anything.

I watched football and had a good time doing it. We're down to four teams, Dylan. You think I don't know that? Check out the DraftKings Sportsbook. Oh, you probably think Tom Brady and the Interriders are still in the playoffs. Well, guess what, idiot? They're not.raftKings Sportsbook. Oh, you probably think Tom Brady and the Interriders are still in the playoffs. Well, guess what, idiot? They're not. I watched all the games.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Normally, I wouldn't. Normally, I would be kind of still sad about my team losing the big game. Better look out, Buster. But I'm glad I watched all four. It was good. It was healing.

I was like, oh, wow, we're not as good as those teams. And maybe the 49ers are was good. It was healing. I was like, oh wow, we're not as good as those teams. Maybe the 49ers are just good. Did you see Jimmy G's stat line? It is the most spare playoff win I've ever seen. It was frosty out there, man. It was cold. I don't care. Snowy. Sleety. We did, if you're looking for a breakfast taco in Austinin texas now you will have to wait a little bit don't joe rogan this place man yeah what's your valentina's i'm sorry they're moving anyway they're moving to to kyle or buda uh brick and

mortar but also i can't wait two hours in line for some barbecue now no you can there's like 18 places in austin you can do that at they They're literally, I mean, I don't know. Shaking my head. Austin stinks. I didn't do shit this weekend. Your boy, I sat around, I watched some football, which no one had me doing. Did I watch all four NFL games? Yes, I did.

You went to Matt's Friday. I went to Matt's Friday night. I went to Matt's with, some of you guys might know him as producer Micah, but he also goes by Micah Wiener. It's weird because I saw you all at Matt's, and I thought I met the criteria, but I wasn't selected. It was a quick Matt's trip. It was a quick Matt's trip.

Very busy at Matt's. I have to say, I've not seen that parking lot as busy as it was in maybe years. That's our doing. It was wild. Yes, we did do fajitas for the table. Not to brag. Fritz wore his brand new Carhartt beanie. What kind of fajitas?

We did the upgraded steak meat. And then we got a half pound of shrimp. What? That's not cheap. Surfing, surf. Not to brag, but yeah, we had a gift card. Dude, have y'all tried? This is real.

Are y'all listening? You're just cucking my gift card. Have y'all tried the Martinez Martini at Matt's O'Rancho? It's the same thing as a Mexican Martini. No, it is not. That's what they tell you. It is not. Check it out. What's different about it? Uh, well,

it's not batch made. It's one-off made, first of all. I'm sure you're saying that's batch made. They got some good content batches. For sure. Shouts to their podcast. You know my theory on Matt's beverages, right? They have like five different marks on the menu, but it's all the same.

They just send them out in different glassware. Maybe you listen to the advice I just gave you and try the Martinez Martini. Maybe if somebody would invite me to Matt's, I would. Before you open your stupid hot level. How about they bring back the smoked chicken enchiladas one time for me? Just because the pandemic came here doesn't mean you have to wash away half your menu. You can't smoke chicken anymore? You can't get the Traeger out?

Smoke it. Smoke chicken, not kill. I only smoke kill. Thank you. I appreciate that. That is a weird move to take that off the menu. Only if it's sticky. You know what I've been doing?

I bring a little liquid smoke in my back pocket, and I get the chicken enchiladas, and I just kind of open the tortilla, and I pour the liquid smoke, and then I wrap it back up, and it's almost the same. That's bad boy shit. That sounds awful. Liquid smoke. It sounds like Dylan doesn't want the smoke it's very good damn oh man what else did you do

nothing man it was a terrible it was a terrible weekend in terms of fun stuff what'd you do for dinner last i made a fire all weekend oh bae made chili no one bought more firewood in austin texas this weekend than i did I bought every piece of firewood that Austin, Texas had. Can I shout out Bay's Chili real quick? Dude, this fire that I had rolling, it was just firing, Dave. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm the judge. The coals underneath were just going.

Who's got better content right now, Will or John? Go ahead. Now you go. This is a rap battle. Did Bay put chili, I mean beans in her chili? Yeah, she did a little bit. Oh, dude. dude she goes are you one of those like texas chili hardos and i was like you know what bean it up bae do what you

got to do and she did bean it up bae cut that randy being it up all right will you know i just i went to i went to a few different stores and i checked out their firewood some of it had some spices on them some type of seasoning on them to make it smell different, maybe catch fire a little faster. I ended up going pretty traditional, though. Uh-huh. Cedar? Yeah. When I finally loaded it all into the living room, I made a nice little stack next to the... What kind of wood?

Dude, I bought all different kinds, dog. Don't worry about it. The best smelling wood? Pinion. Write that down. Yeah, well, no one asked for your pinion on this. Will's winning right now. Oh, my God. And, yeah, I made something that is very luxurious. I did a morning fire.

I let that dissipate a little bit through lunch, and then early afternoon, once the football started up again, I thought, you know what would pair well with this? A little fire action. Wasn't that cold. Doesn't matter. It's the vibes. It's a classic Texas guy thinking he's got to do a fire and it's like 60 out.

Toss on the AC. Someone's done that. Oh, 100%. Toss the AC down to like 60 and just toss a fire on? Sounds great. Let's start doing that. That's kind of sick. Use energy, not your brain.

Actually, use your body for everything else because FitBod has got it all tuned up, baby. Oh, my God. Dylan's on a fitness journey. It's the beginning of a new year, so there's never been a better time to get back into shape. I know it's gone through all of our minds. But are we really putting it into practice? Between balancing work, family, and life in general, it can be hard to make back into shape. I know it's gone through all of our minds. But are we really putting it into practice? Between balancing work, family, and life in general, it can be hard to make fitness a priority.

You need a program that works for you, not against you. And FitBod's innovative algorithm learns your goals and training abilities and crafts a personalized training regimen that's unique to you. Start the year off right with 25% off of a FitBod membership. Dylan, you've been using FitBod.

You know about FitBod. Yeah, I got logged out of the app, so I got to log back in, which I'm not going to do currently. But basically, you tell the app what you want to get out of your workouts, right? Are you a beginner? Are you experienced? Where do you work out? What muscle groups do you want to target?

Maybe you want to get shredded. Maybe you want to bulk up. And it'll tailor workouts for exactly what you want to do, what you want to target. Maybe you want to get shredded. Maybe you want to bulk up. And it'll tailor workouts for exactly what you want to do, what you want to accomplish. So if I, just hypothetically, if I wanted to get on a cake journey, could they send me on that cake journey? They could probably design some workouts for you to get that cake, yes. Colin Powell over here. Or maybe it's shreddy season, Dave.

Shreddy season. Hey, man, don't they call you Shreddy Wop? Shreddy Kruger. Yeah. Sick. The path to achieving your best looks different for everyone, and FitBot creates a program based on your unique goals, experience, and equipment. Their algorithm uses data and analytics to build on your last workout and maximize results.

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Get 25% off a membership when you sign up now at FitBod.me slash steam. That's 25% off your membership at FitBod.me slash steam. I have an amendment to my weekend in fun. What was it? I went to the mall and I went to the AT&T store and I finally upgraded. Let me upgrade. Upgrade like Beyonce? I should not have done this.

You can't use that word around me. There's like a list of 20 words I can't use around you. Because you'll somehow do what you just did. What, make things more fun around here? No, it's less fun. But yeah, I have three cameras now.

That's amazing. What are you going to do with all of them? Oh yeah, that's why I got upgraded. Like Beyonce. Yes, like Beyonce. Dude, Dylan, he's trying to delay right now. Dude, have you seen these cameras? He's scared of the next segment.

Have you seen these cameras these days, David? They can do anything, man. They can't do anything, but they're pretty nice uh i looked like a dummy and i asked is it how do i transfer my contacts over and everything and he was like dude you do it through bluetooth now i was like what what i was like when i worked at singular wireless um this is before that you know the cloud technology however they transfer over now but basically automatically right there we had a machine in the back where you plug your phone at your old one in and there's a place you plug a new one and you have to like actually transfer them over it was a nightmare damn that's weird you guys run

a dos yeah i took my phone into the apple store the other day and i was like damn like why is nothing syncing and it was because they upgraded me from the cloud to the clout really yeah i actually took my phone in last week um i've been on verizon for a while um then i switched to prime to prime co um because it's just i just get a better sig really. Really? I think you were looking for Motorola there. No, I switched from Motorola to a Primeco phone. Oh, okay. So it was sick. Can we talk about your new haircut? He's proud of that joke that 18 people are enjoying right now. Dylan, can we talk about the lead story here?

You got a haircut. Yeah, I got a haircut. People are calling you new haircut Dylan. I don't know if anyone's calling me that. Dude, NHD. Yeah, I got a haircut and on my way out, she decided to, she being the young lady who cut my hair, you know, did the old spin around move and let you look at the back of your head with a mirror. Someone did that to me recently and I didn't know what to do. It was jarring.

I didn't know how to do the angles. I was like, what? I've never done this before. What do you mean you've never done it? It looks good to me. You've never looked at the back of your head until recently? Correct, yeah. I just flew with optimism.

That's wild. He gave it to me, and he turned me around, and I'd never moved the mirror. I was just looking at myself, and finally he grabbed it. He gave it to me and he turned me around. I'd never moved the mirror. I was just looking at myself. And finally he grabbed it and shoved it to the side. I was like, oh, that makes more sense. Why are you a child? I don't know.

It's not something that I've ever done. Oh, my God. Do you have questions about my new haircut? Yeah. When does your TikTok page automatically get like 100,000 people following it? All right, so listen. The lady who cut my hair, she asked me questions about like

what I wanted my hair to look like and I gave her answers and she didn't listen to anything. You told her Jake Paul, didn't you? So our regular haircut lady just had a baby, shouts a T. And so I had to find someone to get me through to my next haircut.

So I wanted just a little... I wanted a trim. I wanted just a little bit of a trim. I said on the top, I wanted to leave the top long, just take the tops off. She cut like an inch and a half off the top. She popped up on you.

On my sides, she goes, how short do you want to go? I said, well, you can use a guard. But I wanted to... Don't take very much off. She goes short do you want to go? I said, well, you can use a guard, but I want it to, like, don't take very much off. She goes, do you want to go off the show? I said, oh, absolutely not. I'm not, like, one of these, like, fade guys, you know? And she took so much off.

In the topper, I said, I want a straight line in the back, which I've been getting for years now because I'm an adult. Blocked? Blocked. Just a straight-ass line in the back. And she goes, oh, so you want, like, a real corporate-y look. Oh. I said, well, call it what you want. I just want a straight line. Like, I said, I'm 38.

Like, I don't need, like, you know, I'm not a hype beast. You know, I don't sell schwag, you know, behind. You do podcasts, though. Behind portables. You just get COVID tests there. You make 30-year-old rap references. And she was like, well, I think a taper would look really good. And I said, well, I just want a line, please.

And we talked. Don't we all? We went back and forth. Are you still at your haircut or are you at parlor after? Half a minute. And I said, yeah, I'd really just want a line. And she was like, I'm going to do a taper. That's what she said.

Oh, I didn't know she fought with you. Yeah, I didn't know she went rogue on you. She straight up defied me. You can't do that. I said, all right. And she gave me what, like, I feel like. Tape me, daddy. I feel like one of those kids, I said this earlier, who just, like, walks in the mall.

Let's see it. I don't want to show. Hit us with the tape. Let's see it. I don't want to hit us with the tape. It's embarrassing. So after this haircut, Dylan sends his text and he says, I'm never going to anonymous place ever again. You guys can put two and two together. Sure enough, we I hair and also like maybe get a drink.

I clamored for a selfie of Dylan of his haircut so I could see how bad this really was. I was expecting Dylan to look like a kid in in the Schweip house or whatever it was called. The cut is overall too short. Yeah. That's grade number one. Do you not have a guard, a number you go to, and they're like, what do you want on the size? And you say, two and a half or three. Yeah, hit him with a two, dog.

I've been going to Teresa for so long, I don't even know what she uses. I just sit down in the chair and she cuts me. See, that's part. She's keeping it from you, so you won't venture out. I heard she might be paying off other hairdressers trying to give us bad haircuts so that we go back to her. That's smart. Unfortunately for her, I got an absolute fire haircut the other day. But Dylan, so Dylan finally sends a photo of this to everybody, and the general consensus was, what are you talking about? I'm 38.

I can't have this haircut. You don't. It's not that bad of a haircut. Show the people. Give us a tape. Dude, it's not crazy. This is not crazy. It's a totally normal haircut. Is it a little shorter than normal? Yes, but if you walked in here,

it's a fade. I would have never thought anything of it. If you're not watching at home, it's the bottom part, and it fades into his neck. And it's going to grow out. I said two days. It's going to grow out. It'll probably grow out in three.

But it's a fade, man. I can't do that. Like, I have a son, you know? Dylan, do you know what we come in here and do every week? You know what I'm saying, though? Like, this is a young person's fade. No one my age is supposed to have this haircut. Unless you, like, deal drugs or, like.

That is a modern haircut. It's a modern haircut's not there that is a modern haircut it's a modern haircut i don't want a modern haircut a lot of modern haircut kind of guy like i was upset i was upset did you complain no because i'm never going back what's the point did you tip of course i tipped what's the damage i tipped ten dollars oh the way that you just said of course i tipped $10. Whoa. The way that you just said, of course I tipped. Of course I tipped. You're so angry. I'm not a total dickhead. She's the one who.

She was nice. Did you pretend like you liked it? Or were you like, I don't like what you've done here? Before she turned me around, I was like, okay, it's just too short and I can handle that. My hair grows pretty fast. It's just too short. Not the end of the world. Then she spun me around and my heart sunk.

There's nothing I can do about it now. But you didn't say anything. No. You didn't point out the fact that her game time decision did not go well. Did you have a failed smile? Yeah, I put on a brave face and I got the hell out of there. Dylan, I think you look great. Immediately texted the squad.

You know, God gives his toughest battles to his bravest soldiers or something. Thanks for that, Dave. I'm upset. It's funny, too, because he did get a haircut like he's going to battle. That's too short, man. It's not too short. You look totally normal. I would have never thought anything of it had you not been so up in arms over it.

I feel very vulnerable walking around. I can tell, but you look fine. You look good. I want to kind of create that little suction thing and just pop you on the back of the neck and make that sound. Please don't do that. I won't. That's mean. I had some bullies who did that to me.

The promise doesn't look so bad. Yes. If it looked bad, I wouldn't have brought it up on the podcast. Take off the hat. Let's see the top. Show us your top. It's just too short, man. Here I am, America.

Wow. You're so brave showing your new haircut to the world. Dylan just wants people to be like, oh, no, Dylan, you look great. Braver than the troops. No, David. Five-star review. That's what you were going to get. Give us five stars if Dylan's a real one.

Thank you. Did you get the head massage? Yeah. That was nice. Did you get the towel? That was nice. Love a hot towel. Did you have any scotch?

I didn't have any scotch. Did you get to scissor anybody? Yeah, I did. Well, luckily for you, Dylan, new haircut Dylan is officially not trending anymore I didn't have any sky. Did you get to scissor anybody? Yeah, I did. Well, luckily for you, Dylan, new haircut Dylan is officially not trending anymore because there's a new hot boy in the streets doing his thing. She said Alex Jones goes in there. I've got an update. We could go see Carrot Top.

Carrot Top is doing a residency in Vegas. I'm only seeing Blue Man Group. Hasn't he been doing that for the past, like, 30 years? Correct. It's a good gig if you can get it. We should get a residency in Vegas. Should we get one? Do you want to do, back to back, we go

Carrot Top for the appetizer, hop right into BMG, and then we go to STK. Can you imagine? We need a 3pm Carrot Top performance. Does he do any matinees? It looks like he's a night guy. What musical acts are does he do any matinees it looks like he's a night he's a night night guy what musical acts are playing don't worry about it uh i'm telling you you got you

go to the o show start to slay now we're going to um we're going to blue man group i'm not sure if you've heard of it it's these three dudes who dress in blue, and they have a group that they perform with. Baby blue. Can we talk about West Elm Caleb? The audacity. The audacity of a man with a mustache. Looking at you, David. I know. I don't even know what that means.

I'm all shaved today. Dave, we've got to do that talk, that duet talk with you. We have to. It's a layup. All right, West Elm Caleb. I wasn't familiar with West Elm Caleb until I saw a friend of the program, Kelly Keegs, post something about this. Apparently she caught some smoke from West Elm Caleb.

Kelly Keegs did? Yeah. Can I get a runny of what's this about? I'm going to read you a runny, okay? This is from Slate.com. Slate. Slate. The hottest website in leftist propaganda.

Austin's hottest new steakhouse. Last week, a New York-based jewelry designer and influencer named Mimi Shu posted a short, jokey TikTok about getting ghosted by a man named Caleb. That Caleb is not the infamous West Elm Caleb, but West Elm Caleb was invoked in the comments section by other women so many times it became like Beetlejuice. Say his name enough and he'd be there. That's fucking Candyman. There would be another woman saying, I dated him and he did those things to me too. West Elm Caleb works for West Elm, hence the nickname.

Shu then posted a follow-up TikTok about West Elm Caleb as a warning to other women. Soon after, another TikTok creator, Kate Glavin, posted a video saying she'd gone on a date with Caleb, the West Elm version, the same day he'd woken up in bed with a different woman. More and more women started joining the TikTok chorus telling similar anecdotes about this man and stories about ghosting and love bombing, a term for being overly affectionate in a way that was ultimately disingenuous, started cropping up by the handful.

Love bombing? That's a new one. I thought that meant something else. Sounds to me like West Elm Caleb is running through New York and just kind of. Is he the real king of New York? He is. It's like he's putting in work on the dating scene. What if West Elm Caleb just has so much love to give that he just doesn't know what to do with it? I fail to see what's so bad about West Elm Caleb.

Well, West Elm Caleb has some suspect to say the least dating practices it sounds like. Let's hear them. Unsolicited penis pictures. Oh yeah, you don't do that. You don't do that. You don't do that. Why do guys do that? It's such a common thing, but why would you just like, hey, check this out.

Pretty proud of myself. I've always made it a very... Maybe they got a bad haircut down there and they need a second opinion. They threw it to the squad. Isn't it weird how guys do that? Freaks. Yeah, because literally my entire life I'm 35 years old now. My entire life has been on a mission to make sure that there is zero photographic evidence of my penis anywhere.

Imagine your piece being just readily available in the cloud. The cloud even. Or the cloud. That's a big piece. I don't want that out there. Take it down. Don't be snatching it out of the club. That's a big piece. I don't want that out there. Take it down. Don't be snatching it out of the cloud. It's like the Washington Monument. How loose

is West Elm Caleb with his dating stuff that he's going viral on TikTok for this? There's so many dudes named Caleb. There's probably so many dudes named Caleb that work for West Elm. No. It sounds like this dudes named Caleb that work for West Elm. No. It sounds like this guy's a furniture designer for West Elm

and not actually like he's not on the sales floor just like selling you mid-couches. West Elm KJ just got here. Damn. Okay, aside from the unsolicited D picks, what else is he doing? He's just dating. He's got a ton of ladies. He'll love bomb you and then go off the grid.

Is he honeydicking? All of the things that have been in headlines on PGP. Sounds like he's ghosting. Is he ghosting? Yeah. He is ghosted. Correct. We don't ghost on this podcast.

We don't endorse ghosts. Shout out to Elite Daily who we got those news stories from, though. What up? That one young lady who accused him of blue man grouping. That's pretty scary. Where he left and just went to a bmg show can't do that it's disrespectful that is tough and it was her bachelorette party she was really upset about it even though she'd been at a poker table for seven hours dylan is this a good looking guy do we have pictures of him no he's a pro he's a normal guy

doesn't do that he's not online, apparently. I kept picturing the ass guy. Yeah. The Austin ass guy. This dude's got to be an absolute weapon, right? I bet he's got an ass. This is the guy, dude. Yeah, he's a designer at West Elm.

He went to Savannah College of Art and Design. Honestly, a really good design school. Is he a weapon? I don't know if he's a weapon, but, like, I could see how – he's got, like, a Carhartt hat on, a plaid flannel. That's swag. When I Google West Elm Caleb, that's the one that's showing up.

Oh, man. Okay. He's doing the beanie above the ears thing that all these hip kids are doing these days. I've been wanting to do it, but I don't have the balls to pull it off. Please don't ever do that. I wore a beanie on Saturday. Why? It's going to upset me.

I know, but it's more of like a –'s kind of like just got off the ski hill, not going to take my hat off because I got hair, but don't want my ears to be cold vibe. I've got a real problem with beanies. I can't really wear them.

They make my hair unstylable, matted, and it hurts the follicle. This dude's pretty good looking. Yeah. He's hot. He's fun. Yeah.

He's fun. I don't know if he's got a fit bod. Well, that's TBD. Is he a fit bod well that's tbd is he a backer he's doing the uh the mustache plus scruff look which i try to pull off and cut it it's a good look if you can do it i shaved this morning but i'll let that i'll let it grow out a little bit just for effect i think you should thanks west elm dave cb2 dave is just sliding into dms i'm out there just bread crumbing what's the other one we learned recently a new one I still am Dave. CB2 Dave is just sliding into DMs. I'm out there just breadcrumbing.

What is the other one we learned recently? A new one? I don't know. I don't keep up on dating trends anymore as I am married. What's pot roasting again? I do that on my couch. I made that up. It's not a thing.

I know. I was trying to go along with it. You just sprinkle. You have a bunch of young ladies who are dating or young men, and you got them all in a pot, and they're all at a party talking together, and you just walk over there and start hooking up with all of them. That's actually a pretty good explanation for pot roasting off the cuff. That's not a thing, and it's not going to be a thing. It doesn't make any sense.

There's like zombying. There's some other weird shit you can do. He's just trying to Caucasian zombie we learned one Caucasian zombieing is when Will shows up yeah that's when you have four martinis at dinner

and then start texting people randomly to hook up Will passes out at your dinner table that's when you have to be forcibly removed from a restaurant maybe it's your company

Christmas event if you're if you're a listener out there and you have any experience with West Elm Caleb, please reach out. Ooh, do you think someone's going to spill the tea? Is he on Dumois? I'm going to check Dumois. Give me a minute. Have you seen it like Ikea eating some Swedish meatballs?

Oh, dude, they spotted him at Soho. Oh, no. Hold on. Micah's got a story. Let's see what it is. Oh, it's his spotted him at Soho. Oh, no. Hold on. Micah's got a story. Let's see what it is. Oh, it's his read of the week. Oh, good. Micah's read of the week is out.

We can stop the episode now. I don't really have much else on him other than I'm amazed that this guy has so much time on his hands that he... Have we not heard from him? I don't know. I feel like he needs to start a TikTok and scream from the rooftops and save his name. Aside from the dick pics, which are never a good idea, he sounds okay. I don't know. Honestly, it's so hard to get to the bottom of these things lately because it's all on TikTok and everything like that,

that it's like I don't really know how to go about it. Dave's got something. Somebody spotted Andrew Garfield at Howdy's in Malibu this morning. Are you fucking kidding me? Whoa, I wonder what he was doing there. I don't know. Could be a number of things. Was he dressed as Spider-Man?

Brad Pitt and that Swedish singer at Mother Wolf. I don't know any of these fucking places. I'll never go to any of these places. I'll never be invited to these places. What Swedish singer? I don't know any of these fucking places. I'll never go to any of these places. I'll never be invited to these places. What's Swedish singer? I don't know. I genuinely carry it. We'll just Google Swedish singers.

Yeah. We got Tub Lowe. We got Zara Larsson. Like, who's he dating? I wonder if he's been. Licky Lee. Okay. Oh, that's what.

They used to call Dave that. Really? Let's holler at our friends over at green chef you guys familiar with green chef these guys are sustainable baby oh boy yeah pretty amazing stuff dave i know i know exactly what you're talking about unfortunately i think someone snatched my green chef off my front porch when it was delivered or maybe not delivered i don't know well the other night i was sitting at home and i was like i don't feel like ordering anything and I don't feel like making anything because it just seems like such an involved process.

And I was like, but I do have 30 minutes, which means I can do green chef. Next thing I knew, yeah, it was pork fried rice night in Austin, Texas. Is that the one you sent us? Because that looked really good. Yes, and it was an absolutely ginormous serving of it. I was so pleased when I made the meal. Sometimes

with these meal kits, you never know what you're going to get. Not with these guys. We're talking big time portions for big time appetites. Damn. Enjoy your greens while being green. Green Chef is the most sustainable meal kit, offsetting 100% of their plastic packaging in every

box and 100% of their carbon footprint and emissions. Their pre-portioned ingredients mean you'll actually reduce your food waste by at least 25% compared to grocery shopping. They make cooking easy so you can spend less time stressing and more time enjoying delicious home-cooked meals. Green Chef's pre-made and pre-measured sauces, dressings, and spices get you more chef-curated flavor in less time.

They're America's number one meal kit for eating well with dinners that work for you, not the other way around. They've got everything from keto and paleo, vegan, vegetarian, fast and fit, Mediterranean, gluten-free, anything you need. They got you. They have expert chefs that curate every recipe. They're just in the stew cooking. Love it. It's in their pot roasting. They're not pot roasting. They're not talking to a bunch of people at the same time dave no they're working on the recipes they also sent me some chicken tacos chicken takis oh buddy chickie talks i just can't get over that fried rice though the chicken spaghetti dude you know what's amazing you know what they did that's amazing? They even sent eggs in the mail. What?

They sent two eggs to put on top of our fried rice. Like uncooked eggs? Yeah. Like we cracked those. Wow. Yeah. You got to be careful how you package those, you know. Yeah.

They use these little cardboard things. They're all recyclable because they're sustainable. That's sick. It's amazing stuff. Recyclable because they're sustainable. That's sick. It's amazing stuff. Go to greenchef.com slash steam130 and use code steam130 to get $130 off plus free shipping. Again, go to greenchef.com slash steam130 and use code steam130 to get $130 off the number one meal kit for eating well.

Greenchef, major shouts. You were pitching a perfect game and you tried to showboat. You tried to throw a knuckleball. Yeah. You guys hear the news? They just put it like 480 over Southfield. I put it in. No, I slapped out to right field. A little Texas leaguer.

I got bad news. What? I'm applying for other jobs. You going to InfoWars, too? Yeah. We'll fight with that. I'm glad I wasn't on Dumas for it. There's some tea on there. I'm moving

to England. It says here Will is the king of England now. Yeah. Care to explain? I'm going to Pyle Island where the winters are wet, travel is limited, and the solitary pub crowns the landlord king or queen under a shower of beer. There's an island

in England called Pyle or Peel. I don't even know how to say it. I don't care how you say it. I'm the king now. It doesn't matter. There's an island in England called Pyle or Peel. I don't even know how to say it. I don't care how you say it. I'm the king now. It doesn't matter. It's Peel. It's off the northwestern coast of England. And right now,

they are currently in the market for a new landlord that would take care of the pub. A caretaker. Oversee everything. And just vibe out. Hey, you know what would be cool is if I could read this article. oversee everything, and just vibe out. Hey, you know what would be cool is if I could read this article.

It's heavy, heavy paywall. Do you want me to gift you some from the New York Times, dog? No. I can just make you a login. They give you like five other users. No, that would be unethical, but yes. It says the job listing posted last week by the Barrow Borough Council. That's reckless naming. The Barrow Borough.

The Barrow Borough. Who all lives on this island? Not that many people. It's in Cumbria. It's in what? Bria? It's technically seeking someone to rub the pub. Well, rub the pub.

I can't read right now. What the fuck is this? This is the horniest article. It says, the primary responsibility in this position, called the landlord, is to run the pub called the Ship Inn and to manage and maintain the island's roughly 50 acres of grass, rock, and sand.

How hard can it be to maintain that? You just, like, make sure it doesn't, like, burn? Wilmonds, England? This does not sound like a good location tropical meat pies what pile there will be periods when the pub and island is bustling with people however there will be periods of quiet too something the successful applicant will need to embrace can you push p at the pub? I'm built for quiet times, dog. I'm built for it. This sucks because the New York Times doing this, they're going to get 10,000 applications for just a bunch of like trust fund

kids. They're going to ruin it. Yeah, and it's going to go to some kid. He's going to go out there and get a bunch of Instagram content. It's going to become Instagram famous. And I still have never read the article because I don't have a New York Times subscription. How am I able to read it because I don't have a New York Times subscription. How am I able to read it?

I don't know. Because Dave's out here reading the failing New York Times all the time. They shadow banned me. His free articles are gone for the month. Dude, I was shadow banned. Dude, just let me give you a login. Will, you don't want this job, dude. Why?

It sounds kind of mid. How much, what is the pay? What's the weekly stipend? You just get to live there. Yeah, you just get to live on this place in England And drink Guinness I think I'd be perfect for this job You don't just get to drink Guinness

You have to run the bar Are there animals? Yeah, it says you have to look after rocks and grass Is there a head of cattle? They don't go anywhere How many head of cattle? Hard to say You can't mob with the boys

They have the ag exemption You guys can come mob with me I'm not going to your job I live in a bar now Like, don't worry about it You haven't even applied. You're not going to get the job. Come on.

Come over and have a stout. Who owns the place? Can we set up a studio there? Me. I'm the king. The Barrow Borough? I'm the king of Pyle. You're not.

Yeah, I am. I got the job. They just texted me. They said, Will. He's the king of Friesland. What if it was just a pile of bones, which is their money? That is their money. We don't accept bones as money.

Yeah, what kind of currency do they accept there? Is it just bones? We take British pounds sterling. Don't worry about it. You got some pence on you? Not talking Mike. Six pence none the richer. Kiss me.

I don't know what's going on. Does it have Sonos? I don't know what's going on does it have sonos i don't know hey let me ask that at my interview do you have any questions for us do you have a sonos i have a question about sonos what why doesn't why does no one ever know how to get their sonos to work i did it my old place it never works i did it my old place do you have it in your place no because i want to listen to music. What I don't like about Sonos is that you press pause, and then five seconds later, it pauses.

And then in that five seconds, you start questioning, wait, did it not work? Oh, wait, it just paused. There's a delay. Everyone's like, oh, yeah, I got Sonos, but I can't get it to work or some shit. I know that applies to at least two people I can think of right now. That sounds cool. A lot of people think that I have Sonos at my current place, and don't know how to work it that is simply not the case i have speakers installed at our place i just don't know how to work those someone suggested i buy like a six thousand dollar like thing and i was like yeah i'm

sure that would fix the problem but like i could also buy a 2005 for Fusion for that price. That's true, which is much sicker. I could just go play music in there. That's true. Does this place have a man cave? See, that's the one thing. That's the big thing. I don't know what kind of basements they have in England and stuff. Like, I don't know what kind of rock this island is made of. But if I can't have my man cave there, whoo!

Sheesh. this place is haunted no it's got to be haunted why just sounds haunted i don't know shit like this is always i do think there's a glaring lack of information regarding how the old king of pile died and why he is no longer the king this sounds like they're they're it's haunted and they're gonna like have secret cameras and they're going to have secret cameras and you're going to be on a Netflix original coming up soon. That'd be tight.

I could record from over there. It's like, what, eight hours difference? So it's like six hours or something? I could just record at night. You're not going to do it. Oh, fuck. I will be running the pub, though. What part of England is this?

Pyle. What part? Northwestern. Obviously, David. Learn your geography, you dumbass. It's 50 acres, dude. gonna do it oh fuck i will be running the pub though what part of england is this pile what part northwestern obviously david learn your geography dumbass it's 50 acres dude i won't show 30 miles 30 hours 50 acres is sick man how big is that i don't my brain doesn't work in acreage if you see you know how big like one acre is 50 times that i don't know how big one acre is no like how many acres is your land on like point something point three okay so multiply that by like a hundred okay yeah sure okay i think i got it that's enough for me like if you you could stroll around the whole place it'd be like a good little walk yeah i'm gonna take a lot of

walks yeah i'm gonna stay in shape by taking walks. Yeah. Yeah. How do you get there? Ferry? Dave's never been on a ferry. What'd you just call me? I've been on a ferry. Will hasn't either. Will's never been on a ferry. Bitch, Port A. I've been on more ferries than you ever even know about.

The Port A ferry. Dude, I've been on so many ferries, it's disgusting. Mackinac Island Ferry, the easy way. They used to call me a ferry boy because I was on so many of them. That might be why they called you that, yeah. Danny Ferry. Right. They used to call me that, too.

Is he still in basketball? Ferry Fawcett. Y'all are over here. Y'all think I'm joking. I'm about to book Carrot Top and Blue Man Group. I don't care about Carrot Top. I care about Blue Man Group, though. I'm going to send an email to that group text.

Carrot Top. What's his bit? What does he do? He has red hair. His bit is that he has red hair. He's a prop comic. He named himself after his red hair his bit is that he has red hair he's a prop comic he named himself after his hair and that is all he does you know carrot top is actually green right it's true just saying you ever gotten top from a carrot no you want to no he hates carrots

carrots are so so have you ever had the glazed carrot at bob's well why would i because they serve it with your steak yeah but why would i oh you've never been to bob's i have what was the damage when you went i've never been i don't eat steak in the states so a chateaubriand once you've had it what's wrong with you? A number of things. Can you spill some tea for us, Dave? Why did you just take a sip of that and then look at it like it was the best thing you've ever sipped? Such a dramatic sip. What was that sip? I was holding you guys in the palm of my hand.

That was the sip at the end of the town. You got a world. What is this guy up to? You just, Jeremy, I'm trying to own the room in 2022, and I just did that. Everyone was looking like, why is he sipping that so sexy? That was a sexy ass sip. Everyone thought about that. All right, watch my sexy sip.

Ready? That's a good sip. Honestly, that's a clean ass finish, dog. I just copied my sip. Dave's finish was crisper than yours, unfortunately. Are you serious? Yeah, I didn't want to tell you that because I know you've taken some L's today. Why do you get Dave's credit, dude?

I'm sipping still over here. It was so crisp. You haven't heard one of my burps yet, have you? You've been holding them in. You're not one gross one to this. I let one fly. Congratulations. You haven't burped on our podcast.

I let one fly. Oh, this should be a great Too Much Dip we record after this as he's drinking sparkling water and about to eat Chipotle. Yeah, you're fucked. great too much dip. We record after this as he's drinking sparkling water and about to eat Chipotle. Yeah. You're you're fine. You're fine. You're fucked.

I think we got T cloud. Actually. Did y'all pivot? We pivoted. That's savage. Okay. Dylan got a chopped salad with only chicken on it. Chicken and lettuce.

Are you serious? I got a salad. Yeah. Okay. I told you I'm on a health initiative. We'll tell our Truebill real quick. Some of these free trials that renew without your consent.

What's up with that? Yeah, they become unfree. It feels like a scam to me. There's these greedy corporations. They just pocket your money. It's just not right. You gotta download Truebill and take control of your subscriptions. Think about how many unused, recurring subscriptions are just dinging bank accounts all over the country right now. Do you want to know how many?

For me? When I signed up for Truebill a couple weeks ago, I had three. I had three. And I saved myself a good chunk of change. Really? Yeah. Good for you, David. Yeah, thank you.

On average, people save up to $720 a year with Truebill. I believe it. It's a new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions you don't need, want, or simply forgot about. And because companies make subscriptions hard to cancel, Truebill makes it incredibly simple. All you have to do is just link your bank account, and Truebill will cancel your unwanted subscriptions in one tap. And your Truebill concierge is there when you need them to cancel your unwanted subscriptions, so you don't even have to. Do these other programs have a concierge? I didn't think so.

This is five-star service from a five-star company. Only for the king of pile. They have over 2 million users, and they've helped them save over $100 million. Pretty good ratio there, if you're asking me. Sheesh, that's a lot of money. Yeah. And like Matthew B. said, in a matter of seconds, I saved $660 for the year on my DirecTV bill.

Saved $120 for the year on my SiriusXM bill. Saved $840 a year on car insurance. Are you kidding me? Matthew B. is absolutely bussing right now. Is that what the B stands for? Mm-hmm. He's got a full ride to some college in Georgia for playing football and lacrosse. He's a dual sport athlete.

Okay. What? Don't fall for subscription scams. Start canceling today at Truebill.com. Go right now. Truebill.com. It could save you thousands a year. Truebill.com. Here's the question

everyone's been wondering about. Let's hear it, man. Can the green M&M still get it? Like low-key? Oh, so what's the story here?

They desexualized the female M&M. They're trying to make candy less fuckable. Did that need to happen? Has anyone ever been turned on by that M&M before? She had the boots, no fur, though. She had the cake.

So now she's just wearing some tennies? Yeah, she's getting thotty in some Reeboks. You can still get thotty in some sneaks. Yeah, like, I don't understand what they were trying to do here. I've seen it. I think, if anything, this pandemic has taught us all to dress down a little bit and still be our thotty-ass selves. What else do they do? They take

her eyelashes away? Like, what? Randy, do you know what they actually did to her? Dylan, the green M&M will be better represented to reflect confidence and empowerment as a strong female and known for much more than her boots. Why can't she be a strong female but also wear sexy boots? Like, I don't get it. These boots were made

for more than walking. Did they take the fur off the boots? There was never fur. That was maybe probably the problem. I mean, she's wearing some Stan Smiths now. Those might be golden goose and everyone knows that girls who wear golden goose are baddies. I love Stan Smiths.

Out of all the M&M's, did you even know that there was an orange character? No. The brown M&M is also wearing some nice little heels. I wonder if they're dressing her down. Was the green the only female M&M in the whole squad? No, the brown one is also a female. They've noted that the brown M&M,

her heels will be lowered to a professional heel height. Not height, Dylan. Height. Yeah, that's your word. Height. Someone noted that's your word. Height. Someone noted that they un-YASA-fied her. Dude, is somebody going to spill the tea on this? Remember when they stripped down

and took the candy shell off and you saw the chocolate underneath? That commercial? Why would they do that? I don't know. I don't want to see a gut shot. The orange M&M has an anxious personality, will his true self worries and all cool hey do all m&m flavors taste the same yeah you know like um uh fruit loops all taste the same different colors

is it for you they do are you taste bud blonde that's a fact it's big facts didn't you didn't you say you haven't tasted anything in three weeks because you burned your mouth on a Hot Pocket? No. I don't eat Hot Pockets. That wasn't me. Did you ever lose your sense of taste during COVID time? No. I tasted everything. It must be nice.

Yeah, it was fine. It was like normal, really. I've always been able to taste and smell. I don't know if there's something bigger at play here with this M&M stuff, but I don't know why we're trying to change anything. Are all M&M flavors... They all taste the same, but the blue tastes better than the green. I can't explain why, but it does.

Others, the same flavor. The yellow peanut ones taste better than the other peanut ones, and it's because the package is yellow, and that just makes sense to me. No one talks about it, but if you hold your nose and put something in your mouth, you can't taste it. I'm holding my nose right now. Put something in my mouth. For the various colors, different flavorless food dyes are used.

Thus, all M&M candies taste the same. Oh. Huh. How about that? How about that, Dave? Put that in your pipe. Smoke it. You're going to tell him to smoke the green M&M.

That's not like a fun fact. I think everybody knew that. You didn't know it. I did. I asked you and you kept your mouth shut. You didn't want to sound... We were over here doing bits. You're over there doing stupid shit.

We're doing dress codes on M&Ms now. Yeah. It's facts. Are we going to stand for this? Not stand, but stand. I like my M&M's sexy. I'll just say it. Why didn't they just sexify one of the male M&Ms?

Yeah. Yeah. How would you have done it? Put them in like a... Maybe the issue here Is that there's too few Of the female ones And there isn't

Proper representation there I would have put him in Like a Ralph Lauren polo And some khaki shorts TFM&M Some like five inch inseams That's pretty good Like dude

I can see your little M&M balls chill Oh man Dude that'd be sick He was on one of those Like, dude, I can see your little M&M balls chill. Oh, man. Dude, that'd be sick. He was on one of those. No, he's just rocking chinos. South Carolina, like, bar, college hats.

The Cox hat? The Cox hat. Or the Moorhead State? I knew a guy who had both of those in high school. And the joke was, never mind. No, we get the joke. Yeah. That is such low-hanging fruit when you're shopping for hats.

But, dude, he got so many chicks because of those hats. Yeah, dude. He could not stop getting the act. Every girl was like, dude, that's a sick Cox hat. Where'd you get that? Did you go to South Carolina? No. Dude, his hat says Cox on it. That's insane.

Did your buddy go to South Carolina? No. No. Do you have family that went to South Carolina? No. Dude, his hat says Cox on it. That's insane. Did your buddy go to South Carolina? No. No. Do you have family that went to South Carolina? No. No. He had no connection. It says Cox on it.

It's hilarious. You know, like penis? It's the joke, Dylan. I bet he later frayed it and cut it up into a visor. I don't think I've ever seen one of those cocks hat not frayed across the brim. That laugh is from a guy who's cut up a hat. Yeah. No, I didn't actually.

Dylan cut up some hats. Did you ever rub a hat on pavement? Look, I used to be a piece of shit. Then he put like... Frayed Abercrombie hats. He put the little hook, the big fishing hook on the bill. Talk to Flounder about that. Was he a big fishing hook on the bill guy?

Oh, yeah. I mean, you got to be coming straight off that river after ripping lips if you're going to have the thing on the bill. Clay's definitely going to go to Blue Man Group with us. Goddamn right he is. No, he's not. Because he's a good friend. He's going to hang out with me.

He's going to get us backstage. We're going to be chilling with the Blue Men. He doesn't have an in with the Blue Man Group. What are you talking about? They've got another show at 8, though, so they're not going to be able to hang very long. Okay. What if they miss their next show because they just got obliterated with flounder? Hey, have you guys got the resi for STK yet?

Don't worry about it. You haven't. No, I haven't. Who's in charge of that? Me. Dude, please make it happen. I've actually gotten several texts regarding your bachelor party just now. Not just making that up.

What do they say? Don't worry about it. What do they say? Tell me. You got to tell me. Don't worry about it. Is it from Ryan? He's going to BMG.

There's a lot of people circling the wagons right now trying to go to Blue Man Group behind your back. I'd be scared if I were you. Please don back. I'd be scared if I were you. Please don't. I'd be scared if I were you. Please don't go. We're going to get done at like a day party. Just going crazy at some pool.

We're just going to roll straight in sunburned to Blue Man Group. What's the more? Blue paint on the pool. What's the pool party? Rehab? Is that one? It's one of them. What's like the one that like we have no business being at?

Rehab. We don't have a good time. Rehab. We should go go to that one none of us are in good enough shape to go to that pool party none of us uh fit bod we have a promo code well we need to hit we got two months we need to hit hard you can go hard in two months get spray tans oh yeah tan up wax our bodies shave whatever either way i'll shave my body I'll taper my body like you did. You're going to taper your body? Dude, the whole squad gets tapered up before Vegas. Shave.

Are we done? Yeah, let's get out of here. I need to go eat a meal. Fun episode. Catch us on Patreon tomorrow. Patreon.com slash Shirking Back Podcast. Again, Patreon.com slash Shirking Back Podcast. Again, Patreon.com slash Shirking Back Podcast. We'll see you guys later.

Bye.