Citation Needed - 2019 Pornhub Year in Review

Episode Date: March 11, 2020

Pornhub is a pornographic video sharing and pornography website.[6][7] It was launched in Montreal, in 2007.[8] Pornhub also has offices and servers in San Francisco, Houston, New Orleans and London. -- Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.  

Oh man, that sucks. Well, feel better. And now it's fine, it's fine. Don't worry about it, don't worry, no, we're good. We'll be able to handle it, don't worry, it's cool. Yeah, I'll see you Thursday, Tom. All right, feel better, buddy. Hey, best friend.

Oh, hey, like, Tom just called. He said that, you know, yeah, city can't make it this week. What did he call you first or? No, no, he's actually blocked my number. I have a splitter on your phone line so I can listen to your conversations So I know wait you do what now what did you do?

It's technical stuff anyway today is porn hub year-end review Didn't we do that like already? So let me finish porn hub year-end review 2019. Oh You it can change that much in a year. Oh, you have no idea Cecil So what say you and I get down to some research It can change that much in a year? Oh, you have no idea, Cecil. So... What say you and I get down to some research? Well, what the fuck, man? Sip your pants up. Jesus Christ, Eli.

What? What's the matter with you? What's wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you? Jesus. I was gonna find something we can both masturbate to. Cecil, for... Because I care. Is I wanted to do that for you? I'm not doing that, that's weird. You're fucking weird, bro.

Okay, let's not. King Shame, or throw out labels. Oh, that's not what I mean. I don't mean that. That's just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just-

I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just-

I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- What up, Vellus? Hey, Noah, Eaf. You know what today is? Horn Hub Year in Review Day. All right, research. Sure, man. Yes, digs out. You guys wanna watch Mia Khalifa, or maybe do a little bit of a chur? Maybe Lisa, yeah.

I'm outta here, that's it, I'm out. Cecil, don't kink shame, come on. Anyway, you guys wanna wait for Tom or just start it up? Or... It's not gonna make it today. Oh. Honestly, good. I don't think I could take another furry video.

Okay, Mr. Pistrinkers, really? Wait, you said you liked that. Yeah, well, I lied. Okay, I'm back in your piss-tricken. I'm back in. again. Hello and welcome to Cytation Needed, a podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now.

I'm Eli, and I'll be the center of this gangbang, but I'll need some faceless dudes who's well-being you should probably be more concerned about. First up, two guys who remember when you found porn in the woods because it was a dead body who sees a saw that animal. Not always. Sometimes it was a multi magazine that smelled like a dead body so. Right, right. Yeah, well, and to be fair, they didn't all start dead.

Yeah. That's fair. That is. That's science. That's interesting. Also joining us tonight. A typical millennial who throws a fit of his VR porn isn't farmed a table. Keith and Wright.

Yeah, going local is important, I agree. I'm told that hundreds of local women in my area are going to go on stuff. That's cool. All right, so tell us, Cecil, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event? Well, we'd be talking about today. Well, because we didn't get enough of it last year, we're going to be talking about porn hubs.

2019 year in review. So the latest porn habits of the world. Go ahead. This was requested by like Eli and a bunch of other people on the internet. No, it's fine. No, it's fine. No, it's just, yeah, come up with an original top. Go ahead.

No, it's fine. And Heath, you were on that website already. Are you ready to update us on the hottest new trends? I was, you, yep, let's go. So what is porn hubs 2019 year in review? All right, well, let's start at the beginning actually. Lots of people are probably wondering at this point, what is Horn Hub? So literally nobody in the world is wondering. That's a single person.

Even people who don't speak English or have the internet aren't wondering. Great question, people who are wondering that. You're up my thing. I just heard about this recently, this Horn Hub phenomenon. We talked about Horn Hub at the beginning of 2018 for the 2017 year in review, but I completely forgotten about it since then. So this was pretty much new to me too.

Turns out, porn hub, just as a reminder, it's a very large collection of free content that you can also pay for if you want. So it's like this podcast, but with naked people on video, that are naked people on audio. And they're in the number one porn site in the world. In 2019 alone, they had over 42 billion visits,

which works out to about 115 million visits a day. Just for context, that's the equivalent of every single person in Canada, Australia, Poland, and the Netherlands, all watching porn in the same day. Yeah, it seems low. I don't know. It just seems low. Right, does it? Yeah, it seems low.

I can find online. There's about 3.9 billion internet users, which means everyone is visiting porn hub 10 times a year. So, it's definitely taking up more than my allotment. I'm sorry, I think maybe you're going to be your personal statistics as they go, you know, that or I just relearned about it. So let's talk a bit more about size in general. Are you just going to repeat all of your essay topics in this video? I'm sorry.

Talk about, next week, for China size. We never did that. That's a new topic. Anyway, talking about size in 2019, PornHub had 6.83 million new video uploads, which means a really dedicated time traveler could have downloaded all the new material from the 2019 vintage, gone back to 1850 in their time machine, watched it all 24 or 7 this whole time and still not be done. Yeah, but how long have they just scrub the timeline and tell right before the money shot for each video. All right. Many, many great questions. That's more realistic about how to say that. That's a great stat about how long it would take all those years.

But you're probably thinking, what does that mean in terms of physical height of truth? Another great question. As you know, if you read the case for Christ, you could stack all the recovered manuscripts of the New Testament, and they'd be about a mile high. And that's impressively true, heightwise. But that's nothing compared to porn. Just from Pornhub, just from 2019, they transferred 18,073 terabytes a day last year. A day? A day?

A day? A terabyte is a trillion bytes just to be clear. Jesus. 18,073 terabytes a day last year. If you put all that information on average size, external hard drives and stacked those hard drives. They'd reach about 62 miles high just about to the carbon line, which is considered the edge of outer space for international treaties. It's where a rocket man tried to get to and died not even close.

Not a close mashing back to Earth this weekend. Whoops. That was fun. We're recording slightly earlier now. So, if you're keeping it score at home, that's PornHub1 Jesus0, going back to that height thing. Or, you know, PornHub62 Jesus1, either way. Big win for PornHub. It still seems low. I don't know, guys, it seems low.

And yes, by the way, when you type 62 to one on Jesus into PornHub, you get exactly the video that you're actually. That's great. What's worth running the experience. Right there on my favorites. So here's another fun fact that I just learned just now. Turns out PornHub is not just for watching porn. It's all his articles too.

You did it in the article. Yeah, I read the article on Wikipedia for this very essay. Besides just for watching porn, it's also a vibrant social media hub for people, it's true. People get into nuanced discussions about the art and the philosophy of pornography. The site had 70 million messages sent between users last year and 11.5 million comments posted about their videos. Just to give you an idea of the refined discourse that I'm talking about. The most commented words were good, love, like, sexy, pretty, and

nice. Okay. I want to meet the nice comment guy, right? He's like, oh, this one's also porn. Nice. Nice. I feel like that usually precedes tits or something. But look, the most common word in YouTube comments is vengeance rape hyphenated, right? So I feel like the best thing we could do for our next generation is steer them away from YouTube and towards porn. No. Poor and hub Sanders 2020. So one of the best ways to study the latest trends

in human sociology is looking at the search terms that dominated porn hub over the last year. And the number one term that defined 2019 was amateur. Yup, which I thought that's pretty cool. Like that was nice to hear. We're not looking for, you know, experienced thespians and studio frills and fancy production value like we used to.

We're not so fancy. We're not so hoped with our porn. We want to see average people and just everyday awkward fucking, like we're all doing it for being honest. It's all awkward and clunky. We want to see that. And sexology experts seem to agree that this realistic depiction of sex is a big draw. And that's why that that's why we saw amateur at the top. Yeah, I can't

believe that. Is it possible other markets are missing out on, I just invented reality TV. Shit, I'm sorry I didn't realize it to you again. And most podcasts. Yeah. And at number two, following closely behind amateur for the 2019 trends, was a big spike in searches for alien porn. Do you want to know? Yeah.

Yep. According to the team of statisticians that that Hornhub apparently has, this spike is related to the 2019 Facebook event called Storm Area 51. Stormy's Area 51 was a way better movie than that. I mean, that's a separate thing, but also great. Yes, but storm area 51 was a Facebook event about 1.5 million people actually RSVP. They're interested in physically showing up with a huge mob and storming the top secret Air Force facility in Nevada where we keep all the alien invasion stuff and hide it from the public. Area 51.

And naturally, people wanna know how the the fucking component of all that's gonna work. It's gonna work in component, yeah. Yeah, right. It turns out American porn hub visitors were 25% more likely to search for alien stuff in 2019. And top searches included alien impregnation, alien hen tie, alien belly, alien dildo, and sexy alien babe.

Well, I get the last nice, sexy nice. The marketing department should just start calling Trump's border wall and a legal alien diaphragm, and that's an incident to hit that. No problem. Yeah. Get the funding. And what are their detail on the alien trend?

Women who visited Pornhub were 33% more likely than men to search for alien fuck stuff. And that actually tracks with my understanding of the male sexual prowess in general. We're so bad at fucking that women are looking into extraterrestrial species at this point. Spoiler, a bunch more data from Born Hub is gonna back that off, just a few.

We'll get to it. And by data, he means the video. Sure. Yeah, that's part of it. That's part of it. And that brings us to number three, on the list of top searches that defined 2019. POV or point of view.

These are videos that are shot from a, you know, first person shooter angle. Don't spend a weird amount of time on VR porn. Don't spend a weird amount of time on VR porn. I would like to talk about VR porn. Thank God. Anyone who's familiar with the Oculus Quest or other devices for watching VR porn, you already know exactly why this is a big new trend. God damn, Oculus should be paying us. There's so much. There's so many Oculus Oculus Jesus. Why aren't we advertising? They owe us a bunch.

Anyway, if you're not familiar, get an Oculus Quest. See, you will be transported into an Alpine Fuckert, which is your takeoff point for a bunch of video games, whatever, interactive hangouts like virtual paintball, again, whatever, or eventually admitting why you're really there and being honest and watching immersive VR porn that takes POV to the next level.

And so I'd note, you like tried to ruin this for me by pointing out how these VR porn, they include like sad little details of budget, Airbnb apartment where the porn got produced. You can see him in the background. It does get pretty dark. He's right about that. That being said, backfire. Love didn't finally recommend. I just want to spin around and see what they have on the craft table at the porn shoot. It's got to be like a lot of pineapple and citrus, right? You know, yeah. Pretty sure the background of a VR porn shoot is the monster

from bird box. So wait, just pineapple make it taste better. Is that what you're supposed to? I don't know. They did a whole thing. I have not found. I don't know. Whatever. Did it did it work? It's it's a joke show. I have no idea. It's a myth. Buster. I mean, it's a joke. We're two scared. And there's a thing on. Hey, Keith, do some shooters of it. Tell me if it tastes different. I don't know.

Well, that's the thing. I sent Jamie a bunch of my come and all he did is get a restraining order. The rest of the top 10 searches that define 2019. In that top 10 two amazing topics were in there that deserve their own little segment. So we're gonna circle back to Number four and number nine, but for now, I'll give you the rest of the list Which includes cosplay at number five mature at number six good stuff bisexual at number seven again good stuff Apex legend what the? The video game. Number eight.

And rounding out the list at number 10 was Femdom. One other thing on this side note, I just looked up, right after I read the end of that list, I looked up all five of those together. It was cosplay mature by sexual Apex Legends and Femdom. I think I broke their search function when I looked that up. It basically said like, dude, pick a fucking tab. Don't be greedy. Just like, pick a fucking tab. So I picked FEMDOM, which was pretty great. And then I picked Apex Legends,

which has some VR cosplay videos that work on the Oculus Quest. Also great. Highly recommend. play videos that work on the Oculus Quest. Also great, highly recommend. In terms of big new interests here in the US, we're going to move on to the top trending searches of 2019. That included feet and gym, which both grew over 400% since the year before. And in a rare example of something that's just, you know, happy and pure and not wildly upsetting, like most of the stuff we're going to talk about searches for best friends porn. We're up 574%. You need to stop trying to make this happen. I really. You're right. I'm burning through hard drives like a

fucking Bitcoin mine hurts just All right, moving on to some celebrity trends for 2019. Some notable names at the top of the celebrity search list were Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner and Kendall Jenner. It's like a whole show. Actually, question for you guys. I'm not clear on what those people do. What are their jobs? What do they do? Why are they? Hornhub searches. That's what they're just. Okay, just be famous and be famous to get porn search. I think. Yeah. Yep. Great. Okay. Congrats to to them center of my vision board pretty amazing. Yeah

Some other big names were Cardi B. Oh Kim and I and J. Lo Who's definitely even higher ranked after a whole bunch Christian people having a weepy guilt jerk going 20 and Weepy guilt jerk on 2020 Super Bowl. I have to have time. And in terms of the biggest percentage gain in searches since the year before, the top names were Demi Lovato, from having a new album, I guess.

Madeleine Ward from Boy Meets World. You guys remember that? Remember Madeleine Ward, who's Rachel McGuire? Ooh, what? And also the only two male celebrities on this fuck you guys boy meets where it was amazing anyway the other two the only two males Brazilian soccer star Namar also from PSG

I get it good stuff and ah Nazi themed YouTube gamer, PewDiePie. PewDiePie, people don't really understand what we mean by fuck that guy. They get the spirit, but not the letter. Yeah. Another, he's actually going to come back into this story later. It's really depressing. Anyway, another interesting development in 2019 was a big shake up in the biggest overall search terms. For the first time ever, Lesbian was knocked out of the top spot. What? Actually, yeah, unbelievable. All the way down to number three. Oh, and Japanese took over at number one. Those guys are, hey, topping everything now.

Chinese took over at number one. Those guys are, top it everything now. Weird. Anger there. Anyway, you may also be angry that Asia actually had a big showing in general. Eli, is that okay with you? That Asia did well here.

Asia kind of crushed it in 2019 with Korean, Asian, Chinese, and Indian all in the top 25 searches. And Hentai was number two. Wow, which means cartoon Asian people were more desirable than any other race of real people. I'm gonna get into more of these sections. Now, I keep getting told I shouldn't rank the races.

I know, I know, I know, I know, I get to listen. But Pornhub absolutely did not get that memo. They did not get told the same thing. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I kinda like that little fact. Yeah, it's affirmative jack-chin. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Got to Steven Miller frantically hitting refresh on his whites only. Oh, shit. I can, I believe I can fly. I can fly.

Wow. So, and I'm just gonna give an honorable mention to two other search terms. BBC, sadly not the British channel. And also J.O.I. Those two things stand for Big Blackcock, BBC Good Stuff, and jerk off instructions. That's what J.O.I. stands for. And I like to look at acronyms for these you know like people can't be bothered to type that stuff out

So make sense yeah, I think it's less about shorthand and more about putting off the moment a bunch of so-called straight guys realize they are literally searching for a big black they are literally searching for a big black cup. I mean, I feel like they're gonna find out after a couple of seconds after they hit enter. You think that? You would think that. So yeah, BBC, pretty self-explanatory. And so is J.O.I, but I'm still gonna explain it because this one was actually new to me and those three words

They don't give you the full picture they give you the idea but maybe it was self-explanatory to you But unless the fucking Memento guy spends a lot of time on porno I would need this So I've always remembered how For everybody except Noah who sometimes needs a tip here and there, these videos, they usually feature a female performer giving detailed commands about exactly how to masturbate. And the instructions are generally conveyed with a very aggressive tone, and one with a common theme of humiliation.

In fact, the two most common subgenres of J.O.I. are small penis humiliation and come eating instructions. Oh, so a question's maybe you guys can help me with this. Can we just be gay? Yeah, yeah, just do it. It's great. Does eating come require like specific advice on technique? Like that part, I feel like I don't need the instructions.

Also, would we say eating, is that the verb? For example, I don't know, I don't know, there's so much eating. I think there might be a moment where your slurping up like spaghetti and then you kiss the girl giving instructions like lady in the tram. That might also be adorable porn too. I don't know. It might be one of the other. I mean, I like slurping as the verb.

I'm going to. That's better than eating. Yeah. Come slurping instructions. That makes sense. Coming. Yeah. Okay.

CSI. All right. So they just hold a black light up to your mouth and like sir. I think There was something going on here Hey, David Caruso you want to get the fuck out of my I want David Caruso Jackoff it's Looks like he didn't get a chance to finish up Oh, Jackoff is structured. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Solved a big fly in rule number 37. We fixed it. There you go So or maybe we didn't maybe it was already there. I wouldn't be surprised

Moving on we also had some new trends in time-based statistics in 2019 Hornhub's average visit duration grew by 15 seconds up to 10 minutes 28 seconds. Is that, do you feel like that higher love? You guys answer and then I'll say. Yeah. Honestly, I'm sorry, you guys spending that much time on stuff.

It seems really fucking high to me. It seems like you, it seems like somebody is doing a lot of searching and not a lot of the other stuff. So get it? Yeah, but okay, really picky. Maybe it's just the one before you open the fucking fridge. Yeah, I go page one most of the time.

Just like page one, click, let's go. Jesus. All right, so anyway, we're getting into, with this extra time, I guess we're getting into like a mindful eating trend for porn. People would be selective thinking about it, living in the moment. I guess that's good. Well, specifically here in the US, this was especially true, the additional time in our

nation's capital. Visitors from Washington, DC, spend an average of 47 more seconds per visit compared to the previous year. I mean, Washington has fucked us a lot more this year. So I get that. That's true. That's true. That's true. Also worth noting, the category with the longest average visit was mature, and the shortest average visit was scissorsing. And I guess videos of old women's scissorsing were like, extra medium in terms of endurance, if that's helpful.

Way better than the YouTube version of that page, which is just old ladies making pant suits, and that's not for you, maybe. Well, I want to say though, if you like to beat off to old ladies making pants, this linguistic convention sucks. Listen, we're going to get to ASMR a little bit later, but pin in that. Pornhub also gave us the numbers on our favorite porn based on fictional characters.

And we picked up some interesting fictional character trends this year. The biggest spikes by far were in searches for the Joker, what Batman villain, and for Toy Story porn, based on the beloved Pixar franchise for children. So that was interesting. In terms of video games, people super duper want to fuck Zelda. Yeah, they do Mario, but not Luigi, sure, Pikachu and Bowser. This is so who doesn't want to fuck Luigi? Thank you. He has imagined and his weapon is a vacuum cleaner. Based on all that stuff about the video game character's question for the panel, which video game character would you

guys want to fuck the most? And sub question, which character would you want to be during like video game on video game sets? Oh, that's interesting. OK, so I'm going to go with who I want to fuck Geralt Olivia from the Witcher, and then I'd like to be Geralt Olivia's horse, I think. Oh, that's a good one. I think it was a good one.

I love Rivera, interesting. You like Bayonetta and Cubert in either order. Oh, there you go. There you go. The question is with Cubert, was that oral or nasal, right, at that point? Naisal. Uh, yes. Yeah.

Exactly. Um, all right. So I would want to fuck the Yeti from candy crush obviously. Um, and I believe I would I'm pretty sure I'd want to be doll sim from street fighter assuming that's not just the arms that he can do that was. Or actually, you don't want even if it is, even if it is not to think about it. Either way, yeah, and he can teleport Crazy fist and go like that be useful somehow you're good came

Thank you and And One other big spike in 2019's fictional character porn was in the Star Wars universe The most popular characters were the obvious ones like Princess Leia, Padme, and Ray, but also Ahsoka Tano, Ila Sakura, and the twy-lek race in general. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And if you're not familiar with those last three examples, just keep in mind, the important takeaway is that we really want to fuck a creature with long tentacles coming out of a tent for some reason. And we really, really want to do that on May the 4th, which is Star Wars Day. There was a 748% jump in Star Wars porn searches that day in 2019. I love that tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of men, loaded up their porn

site and were like, you know what? I'm feeling festive. It's, it's, it's, it worked. All right. Well, four white guys are sitting around making jokes about porn. So we've reached peak podcast. So quick before we become transphobic, let's take a quick break and then we'll have nothing. Hi, I'm Cecil's something, something Italian. I'm Heathen right.

I'm No Illusions. And I'm Eli Bosnick. You know, we like to have fun here on Citation Needed, but while we're talking about porn, I'd like to ask you something from the heart. Please, please, please, hey the people who make you come. Sure, there's lots of free porn on the internet and the people who post that porn are downright neighborly to do so. But as podcasters, we can assure you that if you don't pay for those free things that people

give away, they have to stop making them. And we don't even make you come most of the time. So please, take the opportunity to financially support the people who make you come today. They'll thank you for it. Or maybe they won't. but they made you come. So what the fuck else do you want? Hashtag, pay the people who make you come. And now back to the show.

And we're back. When we left off, I was having a literal panic attack at what I've decided to do with my life. Are you ready to talk about some Shakespeare? No. Go go go go go go go go. Hey, you know what, Eli, when I did the fucking Panama Canal, when you gave me shit, when we did the Voyager gave C. So I'm sure she's gonna serve shakes. Tell us more about boobs and dick. He's a france is bacon. I'm just gonna look up shakes beer porn real quick.

Says, did you mean frances bacon porn? Interesting. Exactly. There you go. Okay, so let's talk about some of the positive messages from the porn of 2019. For example, we saw some fun new trends in searches from non-SysHet visitors to PornHub, and that includes further confirmation that the LGBT community is way more creative and interesting with their porn and their fucking and everything.

Some of the biggest increases were searches for small dick. Hello. Yep. Good stuff, woke. Well done. Also, furry was a big one. Not sure why Cisette people can't get on board with dressing up as stuffed animals and fucking

more often, but apparently we're not there yet. Another positive trend for 2019 was the decision by Pornhub to focus more heavily on women in their review. For example, we got a list of categories with the highest proportional difference in popularity among women versus that among men. And it basically reads like a very specific set of instructions that men are certain to continue ignoring despite that information now being out there and real clear for them. So this includes categories like romantic porn.

That was big among women above men. Also fingering. Also solo male. It's GoFuckYourself. At the top of the list, by far, Conalingus. The Conalingus tab was 260% more popular among women, not surprisingly. Yeah, but it's really, it's a really small tab at the crest of the page. It's hard to find. So,

stay top. To dark universe where women's number one fantasy is reciprocity, but it's the one we live in. Everybody is one. We live in statistically proven to be the one we live in every year. Yeah, especially 2019. We also got some interesting information about the preferences of American women in state by state format. They have a US map in the review with the top relative category that's being viewed by

women in each state compared to the rest of the country. For example, women in New Hampshire are all about hand jobs more than the rest of the country. But if you cross the border from New Hampshire into Maine, all of a sudden, they're all about come shots, which was unexpected. Well, for you, I clearly haven't spent much time in New Hampshire or Maine, the hand job and come shot of state's respect. Just definitely true of New Hampshire, not 100% sure on main, but I'm pretty sure.

I feel like they're proud of that. A few other highlights, women in Washington state are looking for fetish more than any other state. Not any particular fetish though, apparently, just, you know, any fetish, any fetish is cool. Yeah. Portland's there. That checks out.

I get it. It's not though, but Portland Washington. Wow get it. It's it's not though. Portland Washington. Wow. Wow, it's near the air. Who's a Portland in Washington? You were talking about different Portland. Okay, sorry. I was talking about the one that makes that joke makes sense. I was one that makes. Portland, I was dead. What, I was. I was thinking there's one that makes that joke, makes sense.

No, Portland, Washington, don't put that on your nose when it comes up. Is there a Portland in Washington? In Washington. In Washington. Tell us, Eli, is there? No. Nope.

No. It's closed, though. It's closed, it's closed. It's closed, it's closed. There, there is a port. And that's what he meant. There's, there's close. There's a port there. There is a port. And that's what he meant. There's there's a land at the port. Here's the best part.

Google's like, do you mean Vancouver, man? Well, that's close to there too. So maybe fetish is big and Vancouver. I don't know. Anyway, we're going to move over to South Dakota. If you go to South Dakota, first of all, examine your life choices. I don't know. Anyway, we're gonna move over to South Dakota. If you go to South Dakota, but first of all, examine your life choices. I don't know why you're there.

But also keep in mind that local women in South Dakota are big into old-timey vintage porn. That was the most life- in the states biggest, biggest relative porn category. Like diggera types? What? Yeah, that was. And Antique's Roadhead, they love it.

Ah. Ah. Ah. In like a model T. Yeah. And stuff doesn't do anything for me. It's just dead wood. It's dead. Dead wood's a city.

That's a good idea. Yep. Important. Yeah. No, I got it. Gosh more. Okay. Okay. Gosh more. Okay. Taking the prize for saddest possible answer in that state by state map, we're the women

of Alaska where they just want the word party. Just any gathering of multiple people is sexually aroused. I mean, search party makes a lot of sense, and it'll ask us, so I'm gonna give it to him. I'm gonna give it to him. Fuck party, these results would bum out your genome meal. And we also got a state by state map of the top relative search terms by women, which gave us a bit more insight than the numbers about the provided category tabs, state by state.

For example, we learned that the women of Vermont, New Hampshire, and Ohio are all about squirt porn more than the rest of the country. Iowa and Missouri are searching for rough sex more than the rest of the country. Plains who the elect. But North Dakota, it's similar, but it just says rough. So like maybe just the texture, I don't know, Montana is all about anal, but not unless it's a surprise. That's real. Their top relative search term was surprise anal. Oh,

eh, ah, very upsetting. Uh, and Idaho is big into my little pony as a porn search. What? Okay, let's not get judgy on that one. And look, I mean, I can, I get you missing the fucking new hamster and main one, but no one can doubt that Montana is the surprise anal of states. Okay. They have that on the fucking license, that is what they should put in the license plates, right? Whatever your top. The surprise anal state, yeah.

And by the way, the sadness prize for this second state map goes to Nebraska where bedgasm is the top relative search. What now? Yeah, I had to look this one out myself. Bedgasm is apparently that nice feeling when you get into bed and you're all tired after a long day. That's it. That's what it is.

What? Apparently there's porn of just going to sleep and it's big in Nebraska. It's either that or I tried to look it up on porn hub and a few other porn sites. So it's either going to sleep or I found a few videos with people going no hands and just like kind of sideways rubbing up against a bunched up sheet.

Either way, not great. Whatever that means. I mean, it could be both. Maybe you just pass out after dry hump in your temperedic. Maybe that's, that gets it. Born with the last part of the internet, 2016 wasn't supposed to ruin.

Next you're gonna turn to the like, is it the end of slay the spire? You're a Nazi, you get a little Nazi band when you're gonna slay the spire. Yeah. So we had lots of new interesting trends, but some things, sadly, never change. As we learned from the 2017 review, you can literally track the flavor of racism throughout this country

with state by state porn habits. And in a new twist for 2019, we learned that this holds for searches by women only, not just those searches by men or the whole population. Going back to the map with the top relative category for each state, we see that just about every single red state in the American South is defined by a search for the ethnic group that white people are yelling slurs at, but also secretly wished they were fucking weird. For example, in Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, and Georgia, people are visiting the Ebony tab more than anywhere else.

And in Florida, Texas, and Mexico, it's Latina. And then you get, on top of that, you get this weird conflict zone in Virginia where neo-Nazi white power trumps creepy lust for people of color and their top relative category is German. Well, you know, it's probably not just the racist. I bet some Bernie Bros are searching for some Amy Klobuchar lookalikes on porn. But that's so weird though, because when I Google Amy Klobuchar getting destroyed,

all that comes up are the polls Anyway, that brings us back to those two defining trends for 2019 that we were saving starting with Asmr I said again, we're back. Yes again. No, thank you We did talk about this two years ago and it's played a very special role in my sexual awakening of my 30s, like 30s, but we did not get into enough detail. So just in case anyone missed it, ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, which is just fancy words for a tingly neck thing, and it's not always porn related, except yes it is. The allegedly non-porn version is a type of video

that usually features a whispery, highly attentive performer, known as an ASMR artist, which is fantastic wordplay. Clever, yes. Bob Ross is often cited as an early example who caused the ASMR response before it was even being used as a term. And the modern wave of YouTubers tend to emulate his calming attentive style

while speaking into the camera and making a variety of different noises into their microphones. And very often they use two mics or by neural mics to capture an immersive stereo effect. Please give any pro tips. Please don't give any pro tips for everybody. Where some headphones to get that full immersive stereo experience. And some common ASMR triggers include the light tapping of just mundane objects. Also brushing the mic, slowly cutting paper with scissors, chewing ice, and just generally capturing up close details of mouth noises.

It's like loud eaters, but positive and sexual. It's like that. And the resulting effect is usually described as a pleasant tingling sensation down the back of the neck and this often goes along with deep relaxation. It's pretty great. I feel like I'm not describing it. Well, you guys are just, you know, it's good.

It's really exciting. I can just like lean into your mic and tell us about the lot, lot, lot, lot softer. That would be... Probably I'm making some precise cuts into construction. While you're brushing your mic. Yeah. We'll do that.

Also worth mentioning that not everyone, apparently nobody here on this call, but most people don't achieve the ASMR response. Studies show that only about 20% of people get the desired effect for everybody else. It's absolutely revolting and they want to fucking murder you. Yep. ASMR, it's the cilantro of the internet, but with like popularity flipped from 80, 20 to 20, 80. But you know, keeping that in mind,

for about 16% of people, like myself, eating cilantro and watching ASMR is pornographically delightful. So quick survey, are you guys on this call, fans of the ASMR? Does anybody at least experience the effect? Still no, from two years ago, when you asked you weird ice muncher. That's just one of many.

Oh well, yeah, no, but so for me like the whispering voice microphone hand job shit gets in the way of all the really good accurate construction paper cutting, but yeah, it's absolutely. I've got the ASMR. I love it. You I love it. You added the word. So like, that's a big part of it. It has that, that's a big fucking part of it is if you're going around a circle or something really accurately. Oh yeah, yeah, that's a big fucking part of it. Yeah. So it was like that second grade art teacher showing

you how to do it, right? And you're like, I have lefty scissors, fuck. Yeah. No, you need lefty scissors if you want to do it yourself. You really need lefty scissors, actually. to do it yourself. You really need lefty scissors. Actually, getting back to ASMR in general, I'm a big chunk of that community.

They're trying to distance themselves from porn. Yeah, no, that's why they created the name ASMR. We used to call it brain gas. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Absolutely. But it's full of sexual sensations, whether they like it or not. For me, anyway, it definitely is sexy stuff like barbershops and

tapping the mundane objects and wet mouth talking just people eating a pickle or ice. Anyway, um, it looks like there is some science surrounding this idea. Lots of that connection. It's just me mentioning ASMR and science next to each other, but still discounts. And they're have me know now that it's been a thing for a while. There have been some real studies. And one major theory is that ASMR might be an example of synesthesia, which is kind of a cool concept. That's when one sensory modality gets activated by stimuli from a different sense.

For example, some people say they can hear colors or taste words. So with ASMR, it's a tactile feeling from sounds and visual images. You can like feel whispers from a barber. Worst X-man ever. Oh, the same. Sounds of vibration, you can feel it anyway.

So I'm sorry, sorry. Anyway. Okay, whatever. Now I mean like the bass guy when he goes by in his car, you could feel that too, you know, such sound. So, the pornographic version of ASMR, like yeah, most of that stuff that I'm talking about, it's not actually pornographic.

But the pornographic version, they have a very specific, intentionally pornographic version. It's pretty much the same as the regular version, except with Dix and Vagina's out. It's basically the non porn version, but honest. So the artists do lots of the same whispering stuff and the obsequious attention, plus you get to have an orgasm. And it turns out that when you combine some of the traditional ASMR triggers with masturbation, it's the best thing. Like, imagine masturbating and watching porn and watching Bob Ross attentively cut soap into different shades. Ah!

Accurately Noah, imagine it accurately, too. It's not good. I know, I know, yeah, it's not good. We're like a really good haircut. Yeah, you see. Okay, I would just like to point out what this is like, what this conversation is like when you don't have ASMR.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey guys, sorry I'm late. That's okay, we just got dessert. Oh nice cheesecake. Yeah, but not just any cheesecake. That's right, it's pat pat cheesecake, you lie. What's a pat pat cheesecake? Okay, well, so you know how when somebody

pats on the top of your head, your butt feels whole jiggly? Yes, like, it's the best, it's the best. No, I don't know what that's like. Right, well, so while you're eating here, they come over and they pat your head so that you get the cheesecake and the butt jiggles. The fucking best.

The butt jiggles. Okay, well, I don't get that first thing, so can I just not have the patting? I like cheesecake, so maybe I could just enjoy. Dude, you got it! Pat the pat to the best. Are you serious? Dude, I have a pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat Okay, Eli, I guess that's enough about ASMR. Fine. Thank God. But everybody check it out if you haven't already.

About 20% of you will not want to murder me and you might have a sexual awakening in your way after a few of the years. And that brings us to the biggest and creepiest and saddest and most upsetting trend in the world of porn. In 2019, story of Bell Delphine. She's the only person to make Pornhub's top 10 list of searches that defined 2019.

All the rest were genres, the only person, and here's how her story happened. She became internet famous over the last few years with a YouTube account that started as a makeup tutorial and evolved into making herself into basically a live action, Hentai character who doesn't quite do porn, but kind of like a trolley, not quite porn version of that. She's like, it's pretty creepy. She's just barely of legal age. Ugh, so I guess there's that, it's good, could be worse.

But in the videos, she dressed like a child and wear fake braces and pose with a dead squid in her lap to like add that hentai feel with the tentacles. And she'd make those terrifying hentai choking orgasm faces. There's Japanese word for it. What now? It's really upsetting. Right.

Yeah. Rolling Stone described her aesthetic as an alien Disney princess porn star. And apparently that means you end up with millions of followers. Because is the internet, and that's how it works now. Now, I don't want it to work. Yeah. I don't either. to work. So, yeah.

I don't either, to be clear, I'm super impressed by this business person, I guess, but the existence of her audience confirms that humanity is a fucking cancer and needs to go away. It's terrible. You gotta hug your kids, people. This is what happens. We don't hug your kids.

Just give them a hug. Well, if you wanna get really depressed, Eli, we can check and see where you gotta hug your kids' ranks on their search term. Oh, no. Okay, well, here's where it gets even crazier. Bell Delfine has a giant following and she starts coming up with new stunts.

And in June of last year, she posted on Instagram that she'd start up a porn hub account if that post got over a million likes. And Pornhub responded almost exact quote, best day ever! And it worked. The post worked. It got 1.8 million likes almost immediately. So Bell Delphine uploaded 12 videos to Pornhub.

But they weren't porn. They all had misleading titles, including one that was called PewDiePie goes all the way inside Belle Delphine, but it's just a minute long clip of her eating a picture of PewDiePie. So That's right, I'll give you that one. I'll give you that one. She's basically just trolling everyone, including Pornhub. I love the business acumen, but her audience needs to die,

especially, especially a sput like of cholera. I'll explain. Here's what happens next. In July, she set up an online store where she sold bottles of her dirty bath water for $30 per piece. And she sold out within two days. Should have priced the higher.

And that is how you become the single most popular search in the entire world of pornography without ever creating porn. You just hug them. Everybody porn or just hug them. Everybody, you just hug them. You just hug, yeah, me too. Arm hug, a too armed hug. Oh, thank you. To all the story.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. The 2019 porn hub year-in-review, it did have some fun moments, but it also encapsulates everything that's wrong with society, which is mostly creepy dudes on the internet and unbridled capitalism. So Bernie's campaign is confusing. It's very confusing. He's fighting against that really bad second thing, but he's got a lot of the first thing. Congrats on the bottom. I like what he's saying. I like his message.

I love his platform. Great. So, with that all ruined, give it up to some of our eyes. We're going to learn in one sentence. What would it be? Uh, the police, they need to use Bell Delphine's list of followers

as a list of people to arrest for future crime like minority report. They don't need the scheme of those. They need that list of people done. And are you ready for the quiz? No, but let's do it. All right. Somehow I managed to resist the temptation

to just use Tom's question from two years ago when we did this and see if anybody would notice. It was so goddamn tempting because he's not here to tell you. But I came up with a new one and said, all right. Who compiles the statistics for the annual PornHub Review? A, the pub research center. B, Neil Sumradings.

Oh, that's good one. Thank you. C, Heralus Interactive, or D, go up. Nice. That's a guy. But it's just gallop could be it good for you that's actually good one um but it's actually Nate silver because he can go fuck himself yeah good like another big one coming up here 2020 make

get on your game that Oh, that is correct. That actually is correct. And this secret answer, eh, mate. Okay, this question, changing up the format here, is for everyone except Heath. Okay. Our biannual porn hub episode isn't just about fun. It's also about education.

What should we open up Heath to before next year? I like British gun. Is it A, R-Fords-Lash-Sex-Cells, where you can pay someone to send you nudes and pretend to be your girlfriend? B, the end trainer, R-C, sandwich bagging. A thing I made up to trick Heath

into putting his balls into a plastic bag. Jokes on you, I already invented that. Well, gentlemen, which it's not, question is not for me. Where is she? Where are you guys gonna do? I say go be. I have no idea what an earth that could possibly be. Yeah, I'm gonna go be, because I fucking Googled that, and I just got things that are

on North Trainer Boulevard. Okay, thank you. You let mention this on some other show one time and like on the air, I was like, what fuck is end trainer and I got nothing. It's something to do with Pokemon probably, but is it? Well, it does Pokemon. Oh, all right. So he's last question.

Since since you're going to do this every year, we should probably make it a citation needed holiday. What should it be called? A erection day, B fistmas, C spanks giving or D step mom Kapoor. Fantastic. Just all the above also, Gert day, Gash Wednesday, Gash Wednesday, is going Sunday every, yeah. Oh, Paul Sunday phenomenon.

Yes, sure. It's all all above. Yes, great. Well, Cecil, you asked a question last, so you did. Yay, and Tom's on here, so Tom wins, too. All right, well for Tom. No, Cecil, and Heath, I'm elying, begging you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week, and by then, Tom will be an expert on something else.

Between now and then, Heath is gonna Google end trainers, just in case I'm double-bluffing. No, and Cecil will regale us with tails of the first burlesques, and I'm going to bring you to a plastic bag. And if you'd like to help keep the show going, you can make a per episode donation at hatredon.com slash citation pod. Or leave us a five star review, everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episode, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes, be sure to check out CitationPod.com. And remember, if you pay us enough, we'll make you come too. That was some excellent porn.

Dude, right? The talent. Right? I can't even catch a grape in my mouth. Exactly, right? Yeah. So, you guys want to stick around don't watch um don't watch a little Gilmore girls next do come on serious right now what you don't like a fucking therapist you just got me god gross you're sassy okay I'm back in your piss drinking. I'm back in. I'm doing furry. He's piss drinking. Whatever. It's fine. We'll draw a tape line down the middle of the studio and we'll be over here. And the piss drink goes to me over there. Assholes.

I remember that from college. You're just standing on the tape line drinking piss in a free club. You're just standing on the tape line drinking piss and free. Oh my god. Yeah.