Citation Needed - Andrew Jackson

Episode Date: May 24, 2017

Andrew Jackson (March 15, 1767 – June 8, 1845) was an American soldier and statesman who served as the seventh President of the United States from 1829 to 1837 and was the founder of the Democratic Party. Before being elected to the presidency, Jackson served in Congress and gained fame as a general in the United States Army. As president, Jackson sought to advance the rights of the "common man" against a "corrupt aristocracy" and to preserve the Union. He became a practicing lawyer in Tennessee and in 1791 he married Rachel Donelson Robards. Jackson served briefly in the U.S. House of Representatives and the U.S. Senate. Upon returning to Tennessee, he was appointed a justice on the Tennessee Supreme Court, serving from 1798 until 1804. In 1801, Jackson was appointed colonel in the Tennessee militia, and was elected its commander the following year. He led Tennessee militia and U.S. Army regulars during the Creek War of 1813–1814, winning a major victory at the Battle of Horseshoe Bend. The subsequent Treaty of Fort Jackson required the Creek surrender of vast lands in present-day Alabama and Georgia. Jackson won a decisive victory in the War of 1812 over the British army at the Battle of New Orleans, making him a national hero. Following the conclusion of the War of 1812, Jackson led U.S. forces in the First Seminole War, which helped produce the Adams–Onís Treaty of 1819 and the transfer of Florida from Spain to the United States. Following the ratification of the treaty, Jackson briefly served as Florida's first territorial governor before winning election as a U.S. Senator from Tennessee. Jackson was a candidate for president in 1824 but, lacking a majority of electoral votes, lost the election in the House of Representatives to John Quincy Adams. In reaction to a "corrupt bargain" between opponents Adams and Henry Clay, Jackson's supporters founded the Democratic Party. He ran again for president in 1828 against Adams and won in a landslide. As president, Jackson faced a threat of secession by South Carolina over the "Tariff of Abominations" enacted under Adams. The Nullification Crisis was defused when the tariff was amended and Jackson threatened the use of military force if South Carolina attempted to secede. Congress, led by Clay, attempted to reauthorize the Second Bank of the United States; Jackson regarded the Bank as a corrupt institution and vetoed the renewal of its charter. After a lengthy struggle, Jackson and the congressional Democrats thoroughly dismantled the Bank. In 1835, Jackson became the only president to completely pay off the national debt, fulfilling a longtime goal. In foreign affairs, Jackson's administration concluded a "most favored nation" treaty with Great Britain, settled U.S. claims of damages by France from the Napoleonic Wars, and recognized the Republic of Texas. His presidency marked the beginning of the ascendancy of the "spoils system" in American politics. In 1830, Jackson signed the Indian Removal Act, which relocated most members of the Native American tribes in the South to Indian Territory (now Oklahoma). The relocation process dispossessed the Indians and resulted in widespread death and sickness. In his retirement, Jackson remained active in Democratic Party politics, supporting the presidencies of Martin Van Buren and James K. Polk. Jackson was widely revered in the United States, but his reputation has declined since the mid-20th century, largely due to his role in Indian removal and support for slavery. Surveys of historians and scholars have ranked Jackson between 6th and 18th most successful among United States presidents.   From Wikipedia.   Song during mid interstitial:  "C-Funk" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

I'm Tum, Tum, did you leave the door to the studio on that? No, I don't think so. I sure would be. All right, at the count of three, you shall turn and fire. Agreed. Agreed. Oh, hey, Dom, hey, see, so.

Hey, no, what's going on? Heathen Eli have a sort of feud. Who's been going on on our channel for a while, so we thought we'd settle it with a duel. Gonna duel you so hard. Not enough. I duel you first. I call winner. Fair enough.

Challenge accepted. Challenge accepted from me. Okay. I accepted it. Ready, gentlemen? On three. Wait, wait. Is it one, two, three, shoot, or is it one, two, shoot? Ooh, ooh. That wouldn't be on three. Now, would it, if it was one, two, shoot? Okay, so when do I that wouldn't be on three now would it if it was one to shoot okay So when do I shoot on on shoot put with shoot? Well, I'll say one two three shoot I

Win damn it you guys I quit the show. Don't be a sore loser. He's got shot. Don't do this Hello and welcome to Citation Needed! The podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now. My name is Noah and I'll be acting as your tour guide through this week's episode because I drew the short straw. Joining me for this joyless journey down Wikipedia lane are two men whose physical appearance also suggests a lot of unpleasant compromises. Tom and Heath. Thanks Noah. I feel like I'm supposed to get something with all these compromises, they're like, we're too rough. For our strength, I guess.

I'll put only on one hand, apparently, just one time. Was I supposed to prepare something for this episode, guys? I got it up, I did. I did. I did. Wait, uh.

Rotro. And further complicating matter is that are apparently already too complex are two men whose relationship continues to befuddle us all. Cecil Eli, welcome to citation needed and please clear up an issue for us. Are you in fact best friends? We are not best friends. Okay, Cecil, I know you're hurting right now because you had come in the office dictator pool, but don't let shout out.

Not now. It's not in front of Heath. Don't do this. Hey, Cecil Tom, did you guys get your, your parts of the four piece locket? The one says Cecil Tom, no, and Heath BFF. You got it. So hurtful. Why would you even joke about that?

Well, if, if one of us isn't able to fulfill our duties that it would go to Andrew, but you're like somewhere on it. Let's just do it. Oh, kill you in a duel. Oh, all right. Well, now that we've got that all cleared up, before we begin, I want to pause for just a moment and thank everyone who's become a patron of the show

without your generous donations and outpouring of support that frankly humbled and surprised all of us, we would never be able to afford to do this show or get Cecil and Eli the couples therapy they so clearly need. Oh fuck I have a wife! God I gotta run into her! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha If you're not already a patron, you can fix that. We'll tell you how at the end of this show. All right, so now that our plea to the better angels of our audience is nature and Wallace has concluded, Tom, what person place thing, event concept or phenomenon,

will we break down butchering, hastily reassemble today? Well, today we're gonna be talking about the 7th president of the United States and hero of the $20 bill, Andrew Jackson. Sounds terrible. All right, Tom, we've managed to convince you that you won't get paid unless you actually do something once in a while So you read the Wikipedia article and you've told us all that you're ready to walk us through this momentous man's achievements

So are you ready to educate elucidate and illuminate? I am as surprised to say yes as you may be to hear it now I doubt that I'm excited to hear the section about the civil war. And the singularity, Jackson saw that coming. I'm excited to hear the part about Frederick Douglass. Yeah. Yeah. He's an example of somebody who's done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more. I know this. Yeah. Exactly. So tell us, Tom, how did Andrew Jackson start his journey to being the face voted most likely to have cocaine in order to throw it? I mean, to be fair, that is only because Noah didn't enter. I'm not as old as you think. I wasn't around then. All right. Well, that's, that's two new Patreon goals campaign to

get Noah's face on the new 20 and giant bag of coke. To those he's I hate to break do, but all the Patreon goals of all the shows I'm on are for a giant bag of coke. All right. Well, that's for giant bags of coke. We're going to get next time we get a Patreon. I thought we weren't supposed to talk about that on air. Cecil gave us a whole big All right. Andrew Jackson, Andrew the world on March 15, 1767, like you did everything else with no small amount of drama and leaving corpses in his wake. His father having died in an accident a few weeks before he was born. Incidentally, his actual birthplace is not

truly known probably because he was plotting a duel with the other children in the region at the time from a neuro and demanded demanded secrecy and medical cords a dog. Bungie Dool. It's my new favorite word. Let's be part of American Ladiators. Well, I feel like the kickback. You the kickback will make some like spinny pendulum action happens. You know, stage moms cheering their fetus from the rafters.

Okay. I am picturing a fetus doing an Owen Hart. Are we all picturing? That's too soon. That's too soon. Don't get ahead of the story Eli or Tom. Wait. No, I know we don't know yet. We don't know how this ends. I mean, it ends in Owen Hart's dad. know how this ends. I mean, it ends in Owen Hart's dad. You guys are used to jumping right to the end, but a little foreplay goes a long way. Now that we know the exciting fact that he was born somewhere to a widow, what was the rest of his family like? A tragic and surreal Noah. Andrews older brother, Hugh, died of hero's

death in the Revolutionary War succumbing to heatstroke as heroes do heroically. Oh no, I need a juice box. Blah. Some generally looks like my dad yelling at him. Do the real stroke, Thangut. So Andrews mother probably in search of a reliable babysitter encouraged Andrew and his remaining brother Robert to help the revolutionary cause by aiding the militia as couriers.

Like it's such a bang up job of this that they were subsequently captured by the British, slashed in the face with sores for being disobedient little shits. Wow. Jesus fucking true and officers back then did not fuck around. You're going to have a parental moment. Cut his face to show us mom we mean business So the kids responded to this treatment by promptly contracting smallpox and then nearly starving to our show them Probably because they were fed British food while in prison

Okay, hear me out. It's a patriot sequel meets a pacifier prequel. We get Vin Diesel. We get Mel Gibson available. Heath comes up with a pun based title for this movie. No, I got the Yiddish are coming. Too fast, too curious. They're coming too fast. All right. So not a quitter. Andrew's brother finished a job of dying a few days after their mother Elizabeth secured their release, which meant all that effort. Securines released

was a waste of her fucking time. Oh, no, not I'm free. I'm going to die anyway. Black, pussy, whatever. He gets it. So Elizabeth retaliated by contracting cholera and dying living Andrew an orc at a 14 with an intense hatred of the British I smell a hip-hop music Questlove in the time of cholera. I'm not giving up my slaves. I'm not giving up my slaves. So Andrew also didn't get along terribly well with his extended family, so he couched surfed his way around for a while, eventually learning from a number of lawyers enough to pass the bar and get a job as a prosecutor in a territory that will later have the misfortune of becoming Tennessee. Oh, and then he also bought his first slave and fought his first duel sometime around

there too. The fuck. He's like old timey, stewie Griffin. He's like, mom, mom, Lois, you're going to miss it. I'm just shoot a guy and buy a Negro. He's watching, you know, I'm going to point out that makes four podcasts where you have tried to make I'm gonna shoot a man and buy a Negro into your catchphrase. And I believe I've succeeded.

I have succeeded. That's locked in. I've sold none of those shirts. That is my natural choice. They're sitting in my apartment. I'll take one. I will take one. Oh my god, he said it. I just nailed it. We only have extra, extra small. We have babies. We thought it would catch on with the kids in the cartoon. The Jackson then decided to start his life long dream of fucking over the Native Americans by forming a partnership with John Overton

buying and selling land that belonged by treaty to the Chickasaw and Cherokee tribes, land that eventually he bought as part of the Jackson purchase. The land ultimately turned out to be worthless and was dubbed memfus. Okay. Well, Tom, we can't all live in the glorious city of Chicago where popcorn or radorins every block and pizza comes just in time for your funeral. Well, it's your funeral, Eli. That'd be pretty best, be like 30 minutes or less. So, yeah.

Find out on my birthday. I don't know what your birthday is, like, because we're not friends. Don't lash out. I know you're planning a surprise, but that's definitely a throw me. There's a different way. Nobody flunks an actuarial test, funnier than evil. You have a funny, impending death by dying.

Yeah. Uh, the odds are against him. Yeah. This never hungry games. So Jackson moved on to Nashville, where it became Attorney General, was elected as Tennessee's house representative, then Senator, and then sat as a Supreme Court justice. But just for Tennessee's state Supreme Court, so like not a good one. Yeah, that's gonna make that sound hard.

The Incomitzie ran against where like an aging rooster, a small pile of leaves, an empty jug of whiskey. Someone just got finished blowing into, you know, wash over French election. So you quickly realized the pointlessness of all of this and it quit to go make some money pursuing his business interests. Right. Yeah.

So he founded the Washington Redskins. Yeah. Which sounds like a football team actually more like a collection. He's gonna say it. He's gonna say it. So while on the state Supreme Court, Andrew was somehow appointed a colonel of the Tennessee militia. I don't know why or how I don't.

Things are just different back then. So this was all finding good for about 20 seconds to lay up board and he ran for the office of the commander of the Tennessee militia and he won that race, though without not gaining some enemies, nearly fighting another duel and seething with desire to attack the Spanish or the British. We're both. He doesn't really care. He doesn't care. Tom, I worry that you identify too much with his murderous impulses. I know you're anxious to venture down murder alley, but before we do, can you tell us a little more about the business interest that you mentioned earlier? Well, I will know, but only because it's almost as vicious and cold-blooded.

Jackson owned a thousand acre plantation called, and I love this, the hermitage, which is a word which means the dwelling place of a hermit, a thousand acres worked by 150 slaves, typical hermit stuff. But he was, to be fair, a pretty nice slave owner, a weird place for a compliment sandwich if I can do that now. He didn't split up families, he occasionally paid the money and he only whipped them when he felt like they like really deserved it or he wanted to increase productivity. We get up after 24 hours. It was biblical. No, you're okay.

When are they going to make Southworld? Who wouldn't want to own a plantation in like how fun would that be that's just the south you did it heath they're gonna they're gonna love your catchphrase you have a teaky torch oh did I mention his wife? no time you didn't I noticed wives are a topic you tend to avoid. Some things you just can't afford to forget. 9-11.

Actually, I think it's more like 58-42, right? So I'm 58-42. You're on the bat, so I never forget. You got 42. You're a forget? I won't, for eight and a half you got 42. I want for eight and a half years. I should text my wife. Can we take a I should just check it. Sup. That's too casual. Jackson met and married Rachel Robards. The only problem here was that Rachel was already married, an inconvenience that she quickly remedied. Jackson and Rachel got married, more

married again, married, however. But Jackson got super grumpy whenever anybody mocked his marriage, so grumpy. In fact, that he fought a duel over the subject with Charles Dickinson who published a criticism of Jackson's marriage. Did he get paid by the word? Did he ask his wife if she wanted some more? Dickinson, not Dickinson. Hey, hey, Jackson, I'll tell you a tale of dumb, didn't you, son? And the winner of highest brow joke ever to end with dim titties is.

It was the breast of times it was the worst. He keeps getting more high brow. Amazing. So Jackson, ever the honey badger of presidents allowed himself to get, now this is for real. He allowed himself to get shot first. Believe it. Yeah, just believing in Dickinson's aim would be spoiled in the hurry of the duel. The bullet lodged in his chest. It was never removed. So it was never removed. Aim was pretty decent anyway.

Yeah, and I'm just, Jackson then just stood there, but the bulletin is just an executed dick of pieces. Is that the rule? Stop moving around like Neo, stop, stop. You have to stand there. You're not allowed to do the back lean thing. So lots of people thought this was kind of a dick move, but I strongly suspect they kept that to the fucking self. Hey, all spare in love and war, Tom clearly Andrew got that memo. Speaking of which, tell us, tell us a little bit about his military career. I'm going to try and know it, but it's so insane.

We're going to have to move quicker than a glass of milk through Eli's bowels. The key is to lower yourself onto it. And then what's to a handstand? Y'all thought that was a vegan joke but not the flexibility in my butthole basically you win every milk chugging contest every single one amazing I'm not allergic if I drink it this way You win every milk chugging contest every single one. It's been amazing. I'm not allergic if I drink it this way.

I just sit down, do a cartwheel. I got all the vitamin D I need. I'm sorry I'm laughing at Eli doing a cartwheel. No life at all. He just falls side with the glass breaks into the art thing. He just comes into the art of like a galley line again. I use my wife as a spotter. I should text her. I should see how she's doing.

Are we friends on Facebook? I'm going to see if we're friends on Facebook. So, after the war of 1812 broke out between the U.S. and Great Britain and various Native American Indian tribes, Jackson led an army of volunteers to defend New Orleans. Nobody asked him to do this. The Secretary of War even told Jackson to dismiss his forces and order Jackson just ignored, which is all fine and good since he then used those forces to defeat the red sticks in Florida. He was then promoted to major general for this victory.

Again, with an army, nobody asked him to raise or leave. Not content with this, Jackson, who is now being referred to as Hickory and sometimes old Hickory for his toughness. Uh, back when people knew the difference between different kinds of wood. He contracted dysentery and this only seemed to annoy him because he gets dysentery. And then with dysentery, he's like, fuck it. And he fights the Spanish, even though the US wasn't even at war with the Spanish. He just fucked them.

And then the British too. And then he sees control of Western Florida. He learned in this process that the British plan to attack New Orleans, this pissed them off. He marched off to defend New Orleans. He defeats a force of 10,000 inflicted 1900 casualties, suffered only 50 casualties of his own forces. The British, for their part, having now seen New Orleans, realized it wasn't worth the effort. The death of whole damn war and Jackson became an

national hero. And to think he did this in a time before they even had to eat torches. Amazing. I mean, look, that all sounds really epic until we remember that the British policy on the Americas was if white-skinned people shoot back everyone leaves. So I'm going to be too excited about Andrew Jackson, alright. That's actually the wording of Florida's only gun law. White-skinned people should act, but she're on the back of the t-shirt. Oh,

brother. Then your ground. So Jackson, he defends New Orleans and then promptly declares martial law in New Orleans. And the orders of summary execution of six British militia members, then he had arrested a US district court judge, a legislator, another federal judge, a lawyer, and everyone else that pissed him off even a little. Congress then declares him a hero for defending again, New Orleans, and he just a shit on a metals on him.

Honestly, it's like Trump studied for president by reading the same article Tom just skimmed with like, oh my gosh. I want to rewind for a second. He, with killing six brits is a big deal. Did he just injure or kill 19 hundred? What is saving those six for later? I'm going to talk about that. We only had six left. So Jackson was asked to make sure that Florida didn't become a home for runaway slaves.

So he fucking invaded it. He just invaded Florida, which was Spanish territory, and he just fucking took it over. Again, not a war was spayed at this time. Not a war. And your actions are citing what it so we did. No affirmative consent. So like raping a land. That's how you get Jackson. And Marlago. Wait, wait, did you say ripping the land? Never mind. I said land. I feel like we're going to get to the part where this guy deserves to be on money. Any second, it's like we're going to do.

And then he realized the error of his way. So once Florida had been rightfully stolen from the Spanish Jackson turned his attention to politics attempting to garner Tennessee's electoral votes, mostly just because he disliked William H. Crawford so much he wanted to take something away from him. His spite based plan was more successful than he imagined and he garnered surprising support outside of Tennessee. This was also mostly hate-based as the supporters appreciated his loathing for the central bank. Jackson narrowly lost his first bid for president in the election of 1824, resigned as Tennessee, took his

ball and went on. Right. It for office on spite. Is that is that why he's donny's right? Yeah. Yeah, despite thing, but also how he handled paying for manual labor, I'm pretty sure. No, I don't do that. Guys, also racism, I think Trump is going to end up on the money. I'm afraid he's going to end up on the money. Someone tell me he's not going to end up on the money. So after resigning, Jackson waits about 45 minutes before being nominated for president again. In 1825, right?

He just lost the 1824 election. He's a full three years ahead of the 1828 election. The campaign was particularly nasty one. And Jackson's wife Rachel was accused of bigamy, which while true was also something of a low blow. Rachel did not handle the stress of the campaign well and bowed out early by dying of art. Can we all just take note of that term?

I would like it to be said I bowed out early instead of died on the toilet. I'm going to show happens. Just episode eight's right around the corner, bowled out early. Oh, there he. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah forgive her murderers. Uh-huh. Well, Tom, this seems like a good place to pause for a moment.

Now that you finally got into the point where Jackson's president and enjoy everybody's favorite use of the interstitial music, apropos of nothing. P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P action Jackson. There was Andrew Jackson. He was as fiercely loyal as he was fierce. What'd you say about my wife? I mocked her good sir and then I shot you. Well I just pulled the trigger. She have about like 30 to 45 seconds to get your affairs in order. Oh yeah, Joe will be counting just every gentleman's agreement now. No, no, I mean I already pulled the trigger. Tick-tock. He was a war hero The British are marching toward New Orleans. Can we make it smell like someone puked in a bucket of pissed flavored hobos? That'd be perfect. Should should we just burn it down? No, then then they might be able to rebuild

This way no one will want it and his legend lives on That'd be perfect. Should we just burn it down? Nah, then they might be able to rebuild. This way no one will want it. And his legend lives on. Oh, I say, help! That whole building for the Native Americans is all fire! I just... I don't know. It's not really like a big thing.

Oh, yeah? It becomes better to take most of South Carolina with it. Okay. I mean, still not that concerned here. South Carolina. It's also filled with lightly beaten abandoned slaves that you can sell at a good price. Jesus, well why didn't you say so?

Somebody get me a bucket. Fuck. This summer. Look, if you keep getting up and doing actiony things while I'm painting you, this portrait's gonna be terrible. I'm just bored. I'm gonna call this off for the day and go for a smart to people to death or something.

This is ridiculous. We just started five minutes ago. Yeah, I just can't today. Andrew's a little fidgety, you know? What an asshole. What was that? Nothing, nothing, nothing at all. I'm just putting my paints away.

I mean, maybe it was a floor. I don't know. I didn't, wasn't me. I don't know. I didn't hear anything. Did you hear something? Well, like you said, something. For every action, there is an equal and opposite. Andrew Jackson.

Ah! What? Oh! Andrew Jackson, Trail of Tears, in a theater near you. Well, you sure we can't just work something out. I mean, sorry for when I said about your wife and for near you. Well, you sure we can't just work something out. I mean, sorry for when I said about your wife and for shooting you. Look, too late.

I mean, his gunpowder is almost burned down. BOOM! And now that that's over, Tom, I believe you'd finally gotten us around to Jackson's actual presidency. So tell us what happens next. Well, Jackson got his nickers in a bunch about a series of rumors surrounding the supposed sexual impropriety of the life of the Secretary of War. He was so offended that her honor was besmirched that he fired the entire cabinet except for the postmaster general and he bought a newspaper

He bought a newspaper to control the flow of information and combat rumors in the public sphere and bright Bart was born So Jackson then turned his attention to the problem of the pesky Native American population who had the unmitigated to Marity to continue to exist in places that Jackson and others found generally inconvenient. Jackson became an advocate for the Indian relocation policy. Otherwise known as the you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Here being home. All these are in seaboard states are just turning the lights on and on. She certainly goes out. You're making out with Pocahontas all of a sudden she's mother three. So fuck. I'm gonna get an Uber just by myself. This gets complicated quickly and

there was deals and treaties galore. But the upshot here is that 45,000 American Indians were relocated to West during Jackson's presidency. And as many as 4,000 of them died on the trail of tears when they were escorted West by the military. I know where the edge you guys, but the original West world, it wasn't a simulation. It was just fucking and killing Native Americans like while facing West. So Jackson then said about investigating basically the entire federal government to uncover collusion and mismanagement and favoritism. And he tried to abolish electoral college, proposed presidential term limits and advocated for

a rotation system for political appointees. Why did abolish electoral college? Are you saying that if Jackson would have been a little more of a tenacious bastard than Hillary would have won? Fucking dodged a bullet man. Okay, quick game, quick game. How many dead Native Americans would you trade for a Hillary presidency? Let's get real. No answer, gentlemen. No only answers. Only wrong answers. Tom, please call them all. That was my answer. Andrew Jackson's presidency to the ladies. So South Carolina got bored, figured out this terrible state and threatened to succeed. But like, you know, like just a little, you know, just kind of like see how you respond

to it. Like a carter tweeting a playful selfie. Yeah. What do you do? By the way, do you like it in that situation? No, what do you do? You do a thankful. So Jackson.

Jackson responded by putting a stop to that shit mostly through sheer force of fucking will. It's more complicated than that, but I have to tell you about tariffs and nullification crises. The bottom line is mostly that Jackson just said no. It tweets back a picture of his hand chopped off tough love. Then Andrew turn his attention to the central bank and if you're following along at home, you know that turning his attention to something basically meant that he killed it with fire.

Which did. So just no more central bank. This along with selling public lands and duty revenues meant that Jackson was able to pay off the entire national debt, acting with gazelle intensity. That's a deep cut for David Ramsey listeners. Yeah, yeah. For those who don't understand, David Ramsey is a gentleman who explains to poor people how to be less poor, but he's lying. It's mostly based on it.

And that's not how wealth works. The problem is it getting rid of the central bank, but lending decisions in the hands of local banks, which basically fucked the whole thing up. Land speculation was off the charts. So Jackson approved this Specy Act, which required that public land purchases now be backed by gold or silver, a relaxed lending standards, and then the inability for banks to back their money with precious metals caused a panic and an economy collapse sank into a depression and the national debt, which is briefly paid off, then soared.

This is no shit considered by many current fans of decentralization and deregulation to be one of Andrew Jackson's greatest achievements. Seriously. Yeah, but we're for all those traders like fucking Woodrow Wilson and the abolitionists. We'd already be great again. You know, as you've done, you feel like those people don't tend to read the end of the book. They just really like the idea of slamming your fists on a Mahogany table. So I got to say, Tom, this fellow sounds controversial. Did any of this controversy cause him troubles

while he was president or are we just being 21st century dicks about all of this? Yeah, both. No, both. Jackson's economic policies were so controversial that he was censured by the Senate. Did he persist? Oh my god, they look identical. Uh, God, he's beating off to a $20 billion. Now, the censure was later expunged by Jackson supporters, but it took several years. And he also has the distinction of being the first president to almost be assassinated, but and this really happened. He beat the shit out of his would be assassin with his cane after the assassins shitty, ye oldy pistol failed to fight. That came his name, secret service. service. Yeah.

Yeah. The cane dives in front of him like a Bible in its front pocket. And I'm doing rules. You have to stand still while I beat you to death with this cane. You can't move either. I get a pivot foot though. It's like basketball. Stop.

Stop. You have to stay. You have to stay. You? I get a pivot foot though. It's like basketball. Why? Stop. Stop. You're traveling double coins. So Tom, how does it all end? Everybody dies. I bet you're right. That's true.

Well, no, after the second term, Jackson retired to his humble 1000 acre plantation where he fixed the financial mismanagement and fuck up or he caused by his dipshit kid advocated for a national treasury system as one does win retired and strongly pushed for the annexation of taxes. He eventually died on his plantation, but it took a combination of tuberculosis, dropsy, and heart failure to do a back. She's droppedsy. That's the kicker. That's the kicker. That's the one that gets you.

I would have been such a pussy back in the days. You know what I'm saying? I'd have been like, oh, I fucking stubbed my toe. Someone just puffy out of my mouth. Sorry, man. I got the stubsy. I got a case in the stubsy. I'm done.

I think I killed you back then. It's weird that the presidentubsies. I'm done. I think that killed you back Yeah, it's weird that the president got killed by a cartoon bear If you'd like to buy your stuff talking drop see we have 150 We'll throw in the free baby onesie that says I'm gonna have a hundred and fifty a month will throw in the free baby onesie that says I'm going to shoot a guy and buy a Negro. It's just honestly it's taking up room in my apartment and I can't find my wife. You put those on the bear.

When the bear could wear that. I haven't talked to my wife. I think she's mad about the bear. The bear could have a pants on. It's all named to burkylosis too. Alright well Tom you have clearly read at least most of part of a Wikipedia. That makes you the actor. Are you ready to brave the quarrelish questioning of our panel of newly minted petants, though? I have my pom-poms ready now. Bring it on.

I call them pom-poms too. Okay, Cecil, can you stomp our jump? All right, I'm going to give it help. President Donald Trump recently mistook Andrew Jackson as someone with a stance on the Civil War time. What else has the current president mistook the seven president for? Hey, he thought he was the king of pop. Okay, plausible. B, thought it was the black guy in predator.

Also plausible. C, he thought he was the father, the founding father of the banged on his sleigh, which is why they're all called Jackson. Oh, shit. D, he wondered why Wiz Khalifa made his daughter cry. That was C, so being racist. Or E, none of these open brackets picked this one, Tom.

All of these are super races, pick this one and brackets. Well, I feel like I'm in a follow direction here. It says, he correct. They're all super racist. They are racist. They are super racist. All right, Tom, I got one for you. Which of the following was not an actual Andrew Jackson nickname.

Old Hickory, that one was on the show, so kind of a gimmick. The Cain Crusader. Indian Killer or Sharp Knife. That is tough. Not so that at least Indian killer for sure. I'm going to go with the cane crusader. That is correct. That is correct. They really missed out. It's an important opportunity for sure. Yeah. All right, Tom, I got one for you. Which of the following is the favorite bumper sticker of Andrew Jackson fans today?

Is it a half time North one South zero? Is it B? The Germans had the right railroad for Harriet Tubman. Oh my God. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. It was a bar. It's a bar.

The show is over. It's it. See, if you can read this, my house is missing. Or is it, is it D? A trail of tears makes the best loop. I want to bitter experience teaches me the D is the answer. All right. Well, nobody's stuffed you yet. So I've got one more. Andrew Jackson, of course, appears on the $20 bill, despite the fact that he spent his life

fighting against central banks, federal reserves, and paper money specifically. Now, he's on the most traded currency. So how else should we posthumously fuck with historical figures? A, name the bar we buy when we retire the Amy Wine House. 73 points. Get away. B use Eli's head shot as the artwork for Heath's episode on eugenics. I mean, all point out to the listeners.

We're recording this episode in advance. I'm assuming a bit on the Eli posthumous thing, but state farm has my back. We're definitely doing eugenics thing. Now that's thing now. That's right. Is it see name all of our most violent streets, Martin Luther King Boulevard? Or would it be D venerating Andrew Jackson? That's gotta be D. Well, there's no one who's able to stump you. So it made up Andrew Jackson trivia.

I guess you'll get the honor of being next week's host and you get to choose who takes over as the expert next week. Well, that's got to be Cecil. You're at money. Tag. I am it. This is the worst day ever. Yeah, it gets worse. Don't worry. They always do. And of course, also included in your victory gift bag is getting to read the answer to last week's question and this week's Twitter question. So read away, Tom. So last week's Twitter question, what would you name the doll for the little girl dying of radiation poisoning?

Again, another uplifting question for an uplifting program comes from the answer comes from Nemo B. Otherwise known as fart priest 69 on Twitter who answered Dan because her DNA is scrambled. And this week's question, you can pick a fight between Andrew Jackson and anyone else in history. Who do you choose to lose against Andrew Jackson? Cause I literally can't conceive of anyone that would win. All right. And of course, if you'd like to answer that question, just retweet this episode along

with your answer and your answer could appear on next week's show. All right. Well, for Cecil Eli Heath and Tom, I'm Noah and I'm grateful to be done trying to wrangle Tom into actually doing some goddamn work. If you'd like to hear more, you can hear Tom and Cecil on the cognitive distance podcast. And if you want more, I heath Eli and myself. you can hear us on the skating aides the skeptic rat and got off of movies to make sure we keep slogging away this of course you can become a patron by making a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod that's patreon.com slash

citation pod check the show notes for more information follow us on Twitter like us on iTunes and blow us gently in the stall of a men's room. Or ladies or not gently. Thank you. you