Citation Needed - Anthony Comstock

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

Anthony Comstock (March 7, 1844 – September 21, 1915) was an American anti-vice activist, United States Postal Inspector, and secretary of the New York Society for the Suppression of Vice (NYSSV), who was dedicated to upholding Christian morality. He opposed obscene literature, abortion, contraception, masturbation, gambling, prostitution, and patent medicine. The terms comstockery and comstockism refer to his extensive censorship campaign of materials that he considered obscene, including birth control advertised or sent by mail. He used his positions in the U.S. Postal Service and the NYSSV (in association with the New York police) to make numerous arrests for obscenity and gambling. Besides these pursuits, he was also involved in efforts to suppress fraudulent banking schemes, mail swindles, and medical quackery.[2]

Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, a podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Heath, and I'll be hosting this exposé of a crazy looking old timey white guy. And I'm joined by three men who combine to form a composite sketch of our subject actually. Cecil, Noah, and Eli. All three of us Voltron into a celibate walrus. That tracks.

All right. Yeah. I love picturing a Voltron scenario. I'm his cardiovascular health. And I am his can-do spirit. We all did our part. Yeah. But also just face hair wise, if you take certain parts of each,

it does work. All right, let's get right into it Noah who am I talking about? What person place thing concept phenomenon or event are we gonna be talking about today today? We're talking about Anthony Comstock. All right. So who was Anthony Comstock he was the opposite of feminism Heath Yeah, fucking Misogyny personified he He was like feminism's main boss enemy until Sam Alito came along. He used his position as a U.S. Postal Inspector to carry out a lifelong war against pornography, contraception, and anything else that he deemed indecent.

If the history of American prudery had a mascot, it would be Anthony Comstock and his fucking basset hound sideburns. He's the worst person. He might be the worst person. And yes, he looks ridiculous with the sideburns. He looks like a Confederate general morphed halfway into a werewolf and then was like, ah, fuck it, this can't do the rest. Which to be fair is a very confederate thing to do.

All right. So now he's got the full beard and mustache, but like clean shaving just over the chin. It's something it's just weird. Fucking awful and weird. Like somebody wanted him to cut the beard like his girlfriend or his wife was like, I want him to cut that beard and I'm like, OK, if I get one swipe, buzzer. That's right. his wife was like I wanted to cut that beard and okay if I get one swipe yeah but then Comstock was like I love this I like it this way he also you've never seen beady little eyes more beady little or eyes than Anthony Comstock's portrait yes this is right right

exactly right this is the one that he chose. So Anthony was born on March 7th of 1844 in New Canaan, Connecticut. His parents, Thomas and Pauline, instilled in him a love for Jesus and a love for tradition. And in both things, they went way the fuck overboard. They basically turned him into a shitty narc who spent his whole life just exemplifying how to suck in every possible way. Here's a perfect example of how bad he sucked from his time in the army.

Now the part that doesn't suck is that he was on the right side. Anthony came of age during the Civil War, so when he turned 18 he joined the Union Army. He served without distinction until well after the war ended. And when he was asked by later biographers what he remembered most about his time in the war, he said he remembered being bothered by his fellow soldiers excessive use of profanity That's what bothered him most about the civil the civil war war absolutely When those same biographers by the way asked his fellow soldiers what they most remembered about him

It was that he didn't drink but rather than giving away his whiskey ration coupons to somebody else, he would destroy them so as not to contribute to anyone else's sin. Comstock, are you licking all the whiskey bottles? That's nothing. What are you doing? Of course we still want them. We hate you. I'm going to frag you so hard.

After the war, Comstock joined the influx of people moving to the city looking for work in his instance Of course the city was the city New York City where he went in search of a dry goods job That's apparently a euphemism for a guy who works in a warehouse unless that warehouse stores wet shit Presumably sounds like this guy really liked dry things anyway, so probably a great Otherwise that's a disease. It's a disease if it's anything else. I don't know if you know that. He tried to go into libertarian podcasting, but it didn't work out.

No, of course, then as now, a country bumpkin moving to the big city would encounter a den of vice and perversion, the likes of which he'd never before imagined. Like when I moved to New York City, I met Eli. When young Anthony Comstock moved to New York, he would have encountered the city's first large-scale sex district, which grew up in Soho in the 1850s. Now prostitution was illegal there, of course, but from the 1850s to the early 1870s,

cops in the city turned a blind eye to a huge trade in human flesh, provided it stayed in the unofficially designated neighborhoods. Sure. Yeah, it's way different now. Now you got to buy a 90s computer hutch from Wayfair. It's a giant pain in the ass. Or you got to marry Donald Trump. Yeah, no, that's even worse. Now, so no doubt Comstock would have been disgusted by what he saw there. We're talking about a dude who was painfully old-fashioned by the standards of the 1860s,

right? This is a man who spent huge swaths of his diaries detailing his lifelong struggle against the sin of masturbation. The idea that there were shops openly selling fucking rubber dicks and playing cards with naked ladies on them would have no doubt left him apoplectic. Dear diary day 54. I am turgid yet again. Is it so much of that though? But guys, I can't turn the page in my diary. But guys, this is it. We found the one right winger in history who wasn't lying about jerking off and

this is the result. If only this man had jerked off. Yeah. Yeah. Also think about how much of your goals you would have accomplished if you never jerked off. I'd be the president. So now also by the way a word on masturbation and rubber dicks as they pertain to this story. They're awesome. Yep. So the excessive use of euphemism in this era when it comes to talking about sex stuff makes it almost impossible to say for certain what anyone was ever talking about. So Compsack never used the word masturbation in his diary.

That would be filthy. So he would talk about his struggle against the temptations of the devil. And then historians would just sort of like tease out wanting to touch his wiener from context clues. So like on the paperwork, like the diary that was stuck together. Yeah, right. Yeah. So like on the paperwork related to his bazillions of seizures of illicit goods, there are a lot of references to such and such pounds of rubber goods and we just have to decide for ourselves whether we're talking about dildos condoms flesh lanterns or what-apps I like the dishwasher oh there you go yeah slippery like the stranger yeah you

don't have to you know sit on it sure but so anyway so I'm getting ahead of myself unlike Anthony Comstock yeah never never So Comstock gets to New York. He's looking for a place to live. So like a lot of other young men of his era, he finds a boarding house, but that's no good. All the young men staying in the boarding houses, they're all a fucking bunch of profanity using card, playing booze, drinking wiener, touching heathens. And he couldn't abide to be all around all that sin all the time. But luckily for him, there was an alternative, a place to stay without all the temptation and fornication. And it was even

a fun place to stay at. That's right. He found a place at the motherfucking YMCA. So the Young Men's Christian Association was actually born in the same year as Anthony Comstock 1844 It was started by a dozen guys who were concerned about young men who found themselves in the situation that Comstock was facing Right that as they moved to the big city and there's nothing to do for recreation except for drinking beer and fucking sex work Sounds amazing. Yeah Exactly, that's what they were trying to solve. It was started with the stated goal of, quote, improving the spiritual condition of young men engaged in the drapery,

embroidery and other trades, end quote. Specific. Yeah, needless to say, these days they focus way more on the other trades part. I think they just knew it was a gay hookup spot when they started it, right? Yeah. All right, guys, there's a bunch of young drapery guys Seamsters they're journaling about being turgid just dripping cum from every duct all over their journals

Let's get him a sleepover clubhouse to avoid any For Jesus Now you might be wondering why the fuck I'm taking a diversion to talk about the YMCA in the middle of this story. Some of that is because the wiki on Anthony Comstock is downright anemic and I've got to fill the essay with something. But the YMCA actually plays a big role in Anthony Comstock's story. The YMCA in fact recruited him to be the face of their anti-vice lobbying.

They needed a young Christian man to publicly represent them and all the people who actually ran the Young Men's Christian Association were old Christian men. And Anthony Comstock had already made a name for himself in the city by campaigning against bars in Brooklyn. Let me know how that's going for him. So in 1866 when they decided they needed to spearhead an anti-vice law in New York they asked Comstock to be its figurehead. Yeah, he's like a more likeable Matt Powell. Exactly like that, yeah. So ultimately with Comstock's help they did convince the city to pass anti-vice laws

but what they weren't able to convince them to do was enforce those laws. See the social contract at the time, and I guess to a lesser extent today, demands that respectable gentlemen say publicly that they abhor pornography and gambling and alcohol and all that stuff, and then enjoy the fuck out of all that stuff when nobody's looking. So when questioned by the media and voters,

the city's leaders would invariably say that they stood with Comstock and that we needed to get those brothels out of New York, and then they'd go to the brothels and they'd say can you believe that fucking Comstock asshole? So seeing this Comstock realized that if he really wanted to put a dent in the vice that the country was drowning in he would have to broaden his sights and look to the federal government to intervene but that was a lot tougher then than now. I know this is weird to say about the post

Civil War era, but individual states wielded a lot more power back then. If New York didn't want to close the brothels and porn shops in SoHo, the federal government didn't have any levers really to change that. A fact that still keeps Samuel Alito up at night. Also playing cards with naked people. Really? Yeah. But but Comstock. He masturbates to the cards. No, he doesn't. He journals about how he wants to. He wants to masturbate. But so but Comstock did see a federal opening.

A lot of his decisions have leaks. Well done. Well done. Nicely done. But Comstock did see a federal opening, and that was in the federally operated Postal Service. The federal government couldn't exactly pass a law at the time making pornography or dildos illegal, but they could make a law that said it was illegal to mail that shit. And so they did in 1872, and they even named it after Comstock. The original Comstock Act was a writer added to a larger postal bill that read in its entirety,

quote, that no obscene book, pamphlet, picture, print, or other publication of a vulgar or indecent nature or any other letter upon the envelope of which or postal card upon which scurrilous epithets have been written or printed, or disloyal devices printed or engraved, shall be carried in the mail, and any person who shall knowingly deposit or cause to be deposited for mailing or for delivery any such obscene publication shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, and, on conviction thereof, shall for every such offence be fined not more than five hundred dollars, or imprisoned not more than one year or both according to the circumstances and aggravations of the offense." What are you in for, murder?

What are you in for, mailing a dildo? Yeah, but that happened so many times and it was for less than a dildo. So the section was slightly amended before passage and in 1873, then President Ulysses S. Grant signed a law that made it a criminal act to use the U.S. Postal Service to send quote, obscenity, contraceptives, abortifacients, sex toys, personal letters with any sexual content or information or information regarding the above items, end quote. So a lot of room for interpretation with a couple of those. Right. So not only was it illegal to sell abortifacients, it was also illegal to mail

a letter that told somebody how to perform an abortion or how to use contraception or how to perform oral sex or, and yes, people were absolutely prosecuted over this one, how to properly clean your genitals. Even anatomy textbooks would be banned from the mail under this law. I mean, to be honest, I would watch a Ken Burns documentary where letter writers told each other how to spit on that thing, you know? Hock too true Cecil, Hock too true. So now Anthony Comstock had his law, but he had already seen in his prior experience how that did not necessarily mean he had won the war. So from there, he would spend the rest of his goddamn life enforcing it.

I hate him so much. Okay, well the secret demonic spell called Dew's Mouth is kept under wraps for now. Thanks to Anthony Comstock. We'll see how it goes after a quick break. Are you sure this is the right guy? Trust me, when you meet him you'll know. Hello! Anthony, please come in. Gentlemen, please.

I mean, walk into the room if you'd like to. Thank you, much better. Don't mind if I shall. Shall? He doesn't say do. Nope, that's halfway to a swear, that one is. Cause, cause do do?

Yeah, cause do do. Gentlemen, gentlemen, if the foul language doesn't stop, I'm going to leave. Right, Anthony, sorry. Won't happen again. Very well. Now, what did you gentlemen want? Right. So, as you know, we here at the YMCA are looking for a sort of spokesman for our organization. Yeah, someone who represents

the character and morality our organization stands for. And we think you would be perfect. So you're looking for a man to publicly tell the world he's a mascot of sorts for an organization dedicated to hotels without fun in them? A symbol against drinks, swearing, and fornication? Exactly. It sounds like the role I was born for. Oh, excellent. Really great to hear it.

We'll start the paperwork immediately. But Anthony, before you go. Yes, yes. Can I punch you in the face? I've been wanting to since like the second you walked in the room. I'm literally, I'm shaking with it. Steve! No, no, it's okay.

I get it quite a lot. Go right on ahead. Okay, well, hold on. If he gets to do it, I'd like to do it as well. As long as you stop swearing. Maybe twice, if that's okay. Sure. Yeah. And we're back. When we left off, it was 1873.

A guy with a face mullet got us a federal law that's deciding how medicine works in 2024. So, yeah, what's next for Anthony Comstock? So yeah, so it's important to understand that at the beginning of his career as America's prude in chief Comstock wasn't actually working on behalf of anyone Right the YMCA would eventually put him on their payroll But at first he was just doing this shit out of his own accord while continuing to work his dry goods job I know that's not to say he wasn't getting paid for it though

So the way that the statute was being written, the fines for violations of the Comstock Act would be divvied up with a certain percentage going to the narc that tipped the cops off. So Comstock's MO was that he would find like a sex shop in SoHo or something, and then he would send them a letter and it would say, hey, I can't make it all the way out to your shop, but I would love some of those dirty playing cards or whatever, and close this X dollars, please send them to Y address. And then assuming they did, he would alert the post office

and have the proprietor arrested. And then he would collect his NARC fee and move on to the next half of dildo merchants. Hello, I'd like three crimes please sent to this address. Here's the cash. And they did it. All we learned there is that dildo merchants were weirdly honest and didn't just keep being honest without sending anything. Right.

Yeah. Now, of course, there were expenses that went along with this postage for one, but also he had to have like several addresses he could use, or it would be pretty easy for the sex shops to just be like, hey, don't send to this address, right? So the YMCA agreed to start to pay Comstock's expenses, but Comstock was so wildly unpopular by then with virtually every living human being that the YMCA felt the need to distance itself from him.

So they created the New York Society for the Suppression of Vice as sort of a spin-off organization that could buffer them from Comstock's priory. Oh, yeah. Now, we're super proud of you enforcing our bigot laws for us, Anthony, but would you mind wearing a bag over your head while you do it? Right. Catching some of that heat. Now, eventually, the Postal Service would make it official.

In 1873, he was hired on as a special agent for the US Postal Service, but even then, the YMCA convinced them not to give him a salary for the job at first so that it couldn't be said that he was using his crusade against vice for personal gain. That being said, he did use his fame and the position that had afforded him to publish several books which he sold for money, so I don't know what the fuck they thought they were proving. Those books included by the way such eminent titles as Traps for the Young and Morals Versus Art. Okay, Morals Versus Art is the title of one of his books?

Yes. Yes. If your thing is versus art versus the very idea of creativity in the universe. Art gets to kill you if it wants. I feel like that's fair. Marina Abramovich is allowed to eat you in a video and it's legal performance art. It's sincerely held spirit cooking. And look, so I should really emphasize just how pornographic the stuff that he was seizing and arresting people over wasn't. Right? Like there was some legit porn, very little of it

would be anything that would rise to the level of pornography by today's standards. But most of it wouldn't even rise to those levels by the standards of then. Right? Like the aforementioned anatomy textbooks. And while there is every indication that Comstock genuinely believed in his moral crusade, he was also very clearly using it to prosecute minority religions, specifically spiritualists. Okay, well, now I'm back on board. Right. It's actually, it's a fucking weird juxtaposition that skeptics find themselves in when they look at history because like we very much stand in opposition to homeopaths and psychics and all that shit,

but our history largely grew out of their movement. The spiritualist movement after the Civil War was the first real challenge to Christian supremacy in the nation's history. It's also where the free love movement comes from, which led to the first real challenge to Christian prudery in the 19th century, both legally and culturally. So in a lot of ways, American secularism, modern American secularism, that is, is an

outgrowth of the spiritualist movement of the late 1800s. Okay, were the ghosts saying monogamy is slavery? My core is being shook, no illusions. Shook, I say. But this is like Republicans saying they're from the party of Lincoln. Right. No, it's the it's the way to when you go back in history, it's fucking weird.

And by the way, Eli, I have there's this one chick that he persecuted that fucked ghosts. And I so wish I could take a diversion into that and tell you that story now to give her her own episode. I'll stop this podcast. I'll scream every time you try and sell stories that aren't that one. What color sweatpants did the ghost have? I think we all know. I'll tell you about that one in a future episode, I promise.

So now of course, uber Christian zealot that he is, Comstock was deathly opposed to spiritualism. And because spiritualism was so intertwined with free love, all he had to do to arrest prominent spiritualists was to write to them and say, hey, I love your work, what are your thoughts on free love? And if they wrote back and said anything other than, I condemn it as the Bible commands, love, sex is between a husband and a wife, they would be in violation of the Comstock Act, which again specifically covers personal communications that talk about sex. So anybody even advocating for like more relaxed divorce laws or better sex education would technically be in violation if they mailed those

recommendations, right? So Comstock also went after abortionists. Of course, the Comstock Act has been in the news a lot recently as as Heath has mentioned for this exact reason. Though repeatedly amended and pared down by the courts over the years, the Comstock Act is still enforced, and has recently been used to challenge the mailing of the abortion drug myth of pristone. But back then, literally any effort to fuck without later naming the orgasm was considered tantamount to abortion. So sure, contraception was out, but so was just like explaining the rhythm method.

Yeah, for the young people in our audience, the rhythm method is clapping those cheeks on two and four. Okay, it's illegal to come with bad rhythm. This is untenable, Eli. This is the great replacement right honestly it's like a jazz guy doing seven three or whatever never call us back by the way the Comstock Act actually made it illegal to send the Canterbury Tales yeah no shit and Lady Chatterley's love at a later point yep sure the fuck

did so now probably my favorite Comstock story though comes from his Lady Chatterley's love at a later point. Yep, sure the fuck did. So now probably my favorite Comstock story though comes from his anti contraception work. At one point he arrested this homeopath lady for selling vaginal syringes that could be used to deliver like post-coital spermicide or any other thing that might need to be squirted into a vag, but he arrested her

and he said the syringes were for abortions. But she said no and then they went to court and eventually the court agreed that you could use that syringe for something other than baby murder. So the chick goes free and she starts marketing those very same syringes as comstock syringes. Fantastic. So that anybody who wanted to get one for contraceptive purposes knew which syringe to buy See that would confuse me because I would think they were the douches then if that was the name right? Yeah, honestly yet that makes sense, but more than smut peddlers spiritualists and syringes Comstock hated suffragists if

You name a prominent American feminist of the late 1800s I can pretty much guarantee you that she has crossed swords with Anthony Comstock at some point, and often on the flimsiest of possible pretenses. Like for example, first woman to ever run for US president, publisher, and future citation-needed topic Victoria Woodhull, she was arrested- Woo! She's so fucking awesome.

She was arrested after she published an accusation of a brutal gang rape because the article she wrote about it referred to the victim's hymen. Didn't even use the fucking word hymen. She used a euphemism for a hymen, but referencing a hymen was obscene and she sent her stuff through the mail, so she was arrested, damn it. Now, of course, at her trial, Woodh's lawyer trotted out none other than the fucking Bible, namely Deuteronomy 22, where it specifically mentions the hymen using the same euphemism that Woodhull used.

Amazing. Yeah, she was then acquitted of the charge, but Comstock would continue to hound her and harass her most of her life. Okay, cool. Good decision. I just want to be real clear about something so my book that I wrote it's called guys with donkey dicks and the combs stallions in terms of volume stallion volume my super fun summer in Egypt is the rest of that title that's legal now right?

Got a passage for you. Now and because I mentioned two instances where his victims got off, I want to point out that those are the exceptions. He ruined thousands of lives and only the people wealthy enough to afford good lawyers or famous enough to attract good lawyers had any chance against his accusations. In Woodall's case, I believe her lawyer was Clarence fucking Darrow in that one. And not everybody had access to a Clarence Darrow. And even where he couldn't get a conviction, he could still ruin a motherfucker's life. During the course of his career, he drove no fewer than 15 people to suicide over his harassment.

Now, there's some disagreement among historians about whether he actively bragged about those 15 suicides or if he just mentioned them callously with no hint of remorse. But there's no question at all that he actually did drive more than a dozen people to kill themselves. Sorry to include that in the comedy podcast, but I had to fucking mention it. Now, eventually, Anthony Comstock's name would become synonymous with prudery. The words Comstockism and Comstockery were coined in a New York Times op-ed and popularized by one George Bernard Shaw, who's played Mrs. Warren's profession, was shut down by a police raid that Comstock organized. Shaw said, quote, Comstockery is the world's standing joke at the expense of the United States.

Now it's our chief export, but. Isn't it though? Yeah. It could work. Shaw's quote continues, Europe likes to hear of such things. It confirms the deal Now it's our chief export, but. Isn't it though, yeah. Good work, Shaun. Shaw's quote continues, Europe likes to hear of such things. It confirms the deeply seated conviction of the old world that America is a provincial place,

a second rate country town civilization after all, end quote. Stupid, true. One of those shithole countries. Yeah, right, right, fucking nailed it. But Shaw was hardly the only famous enemy Comstock would make in his day. Margaret Sanger dubbed him the leader of America's moral eunuchs. He also went after Emma Goldman and he repeatedly, he just absolutely had it out for America's greatest poet of all fucking time, Walt Whitman, who Comstock considered a smut peddler. He actually got leaves of grass

temporarily banned over the poem to a common prostitute, which by the way, could not possibly be a more obvious allusion to Christ's ministry to the least of these. So for what it's worth, every once in a while Comstock would get a bit of comeuppance for his shitty existence. Like when he got into an argument with one Dr. Seldon who quote struck him over the head with a heavy seal ring, I have no idea what that means before punching him in the ribs with an umbrella. But that's nothing. I hope it's the animal the seal made into circle. Right, yeah exactly. And rounded, Yeah, but that is nothing compared to Charles Conroy a Pornography dealer that Comstock had repeatedly harassed and arrested for years who eventually stabbed the motherfucker in his face

with a three inch blade American hero, okay But the fact that the entire second half of this essay isn't dedicated to the people who stabbed Anthony Comstock in the face is a fucking tragedy. Yes. Right. OK. I know lots of people are anti bullying now, but like. There's a point. Well, yeah, no, look, Comstock was the fucking bully. Yeah, there is no amount of come up is that's too much for him. He's not being atomically wedgied at every single moment.

Yes. Before we invented atomic theory, still. We needed to be doing that. Or underwear, yeah. Now, eventually, Comstock would wither and die of pneumonia at the age of 71, watching with ever more impotent objection as the country inevitably moved away from his antiquated views of morality. Over the course of his career, he would, by his own reckoning, destroy 15 tons of books,

284,000 pounds of plates for printing books, and 4 million pictures. In addition to the 15 people he drove to suicide, he was also directly responsible for over 4,000 arrests. God, he's the worst. He's the worst. Okay. So bad.

If you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? You are doomed to repeat history, whether you learn about it or not. Fuck. Should have went for Hillary Clinton. Yep. And at the risk of once more betraying my literacy, I want to plug Amy Sohn's book, Anthony Comstock, The Man Who Hated Women. It is a fantastically well written biography that just basically

focuses on some of Comstock's higher profile enemies. So it's basically a who's who of forgotten early suffragettes. It's nice. Very cool. And are you ready for the quiz? I read the fucking book. All right, Noah, got the first one for you. Samuel Alito lives 15 minutes from my house. A. I could probably find a seal ring somewhere. Google it. Oh Jesus Christ.

B. I already have an umbrella. Alright, alright. C. I definitely have a knife. Okay Eli. Or D. Why am I a coward? It is D. It is D. Rem it remains the coward that we'll go in love Don't you have one of those like blackjack things? Be great. Yeah, I could

I don't know why I asked you that but like I Name object just go to his house go to his house and turn his flag upside down It's just a drive back home. His wife started doing that. Just don't let the pills freeze. Yeah, I don't think he lives in Jersey anymore, but like drive down there. Whatever. Unrelated.

So I got another question for you with the Comstock Act still active, which are the following contraception methods? Do we need to be jailing people for? You know, because they're sending it through the mail. A. Cell phone holsters of any kind. B. Tactical sunglasses or honestly anything you wear that starts with the word tactical. If you ever say tactical. C. Videos of me dancing.

There are a few. Why? I've never sent one through the mail, but that should definitely apply. You have a video of Heath and Wright dancing. There is no ransom. I will not pay. I should have said trying to, but yes, they do exist. One of them was at your wedding.

I don't know if you got what I do. I need need to search through the footage all right check it out if you ever if you ever want to slow things down sexually or d any book ever written by a republican that exhibits their personality and there's a lot of them i do believe that the answer is secret answer e all of the above Correct well done all right no when the far-right takes over and soups up the Comstock act What adult things will they just let slip by and go past in the mail a? Bukakis B Neo condoms see KKKY or D. Insurectile enhancement.

Oh, amazing. It has to be D insurectile enhancement. Oh, I'm sorry. It's neo condoms. Oh, really? I didn't think they'd let those through. Good guess. No, I see.

So you stumped him. You are aware. you alright. Let's get some Tom in here I'm gonna get back. Yeah, he's not here to defend yourself. Say no. It's growing. All right Percy what was that? Um, no, you didn't say anything Thanking you for hanging out with us. We'll be back next week and Tom will be an expert on something else. Between now and then you can listen to cognitive dissonance, lawful assembly, talking chip, dear old dads, god awful movies, a skating atheist, a skepticrat, and DND-minus. And if you'd like to buy some free art, like our wonderful patrons who we love so very much, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation think about how much it would piss off Anthony Comstock for you to pay us

to give us money right get him right in his face and if you'd like to get like a landing pad right for your fist right on the fucking chin you know because he's got nothing there it's perfect it looks It looks like a guy. It looks like testicles. It looks like he was like, my face doesn't look like it has testicles. It's a lot of enough. Can we shave off this middle part right here? That's why he stabbed him. He was like, that's where I'm supposed to stab him.

Right? It just, his face funnels you towards, yeah. Go to SightagePod.com. It's time to gather loved ones together for all the holidays best spread. Good night, H-Spot.com. than you need to create your perfect Thanksgiving dinner. Whether it's cooking the traditional meal, completely store-bought, or a combination of both, your best holiday meal starts here. Learn more and start shopping today at linsgrocery.com. Lins, where delicious begins.