Citation Needed - April Fools' Day

Episode Date: April 1, 2026

April Fools' Day or April Fool's Day (rarely called All Fools' Day[1]) is an annual custom in many Western countries on the 1st of April consisting of practical jokes, hoaxes, and pranks. Jokesters often expose their actions by shouting "April Fool[s]!" at the recipient. Mass media can be involved with these pranks, which may be revealed as such the following day. The custom of setting aside a day for playing harmless pranks upon one's neighbor has been relatively common in the world historically.[2]

Hello and welcome. The citation needed podcast where we choose a subject. I read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. This is the internet and that's how it works now. I'm Heath and I'll be the Ken Gizzi hosting this April Fool's Day journey and I'm joined by the Merry Pranksters. Noah, aka Prank Aaron. Tom, aka Cadillac Escapade. Escapade.

Eli. aka Ruse Control and C-Sysol something Italian wrapped Scaliate nice I hope we do a lot

of shit alphabetic I think I got the Cadillac because I'm massive and unreliable and then you're fancy yeah

yeah and the fact that I didn't use Ruse Control as my magician name means the joke will always be on me always

I'd be a multi-millionaire I think we should all acknowledge it right now as a millionaire magician All right, let's get into it. Cecil. What person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event? Are we going to be talking about today? Today, we're going to talk about April Fool's Day. Okay. Tell us about April Fool's Day.

For several years on April Fool's Day, we would release some kind of prank show. For instance, one year, we released a Jean-Beney show where we designed a script so that the show would only run a few minutes, and then the recording sounded like it corrupted, and then it would repeat over and over for third. minutes. And we did this so we could prank all those people who would catch on to like a five-minute episode. And we had an entire sketch show as an April Fool's prank show where we decided that we were going to put the pre-show shenanigans back in to the patron episode. Remember that all patrons get that. They get the pre-show shenanigans. So become a patron right now, patreon.com slash citation pot. Yeah, because without your money, we will eventually go full Mr. Beast. That's what we're saying, right? Oh, hell, Eli is going to do that if I don't directly intervene every 108 minutes like that button I lost. That's true. It's true. So, when did April Fool's Day prank start? Well, according to Wikipedia people, it's, they think it's because of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. There's a reference to a French poet whose name I can't pronounce.

Gaffin Rochonel. Is that it? No, I just wanted to make some noises. I'm sorry, kudos to the wiki editors that have to keep prank facts. out of the article on April Fool's Day, by the way. Right? Yeah. That's rough. Hireless job that is. So they quote a writer who suggests that the origin is in the biblical flood. Noah releases a bird to find land on the first day of the month and it doesn't. So to keep up with that tradition, we supposedly send people on useless errands that day. Yeah, also bonus points if they drown. They also list an early prank. In 1698, people were. tricked into going to the Tower of London to see lions being washed. Got them. These lions are getting dirty.

They're not getting washed. Fuck. We got prank. Fuck. So short answer, it doesn't look like there's one definitive link to history that reveals the origin. All right, everybody. Thanks for tuning in.

Short one this week and the rest of the show will just be 30 minutes of ad breaks. No, no, this isn't dear old dads. We've got more to go. They list the countries that participate in how they play along. Most of them are pretty similar to how we do it here in the States. We'll tell people something fake or we'll do some harmless prank like putting a plastic insect in their things or make them open a canister with snakes in it. In Germany, after you trick someone, you shout the month twice, April, April.

In Ireland, they have an elaborate postal letter prank where you give them a letter and then they have to give the letter to somebody else. it sounds real boring. In Italy, France and Belgium, they say April fish. And then they put a paper fish on your back. I don't get European humor. Like, the joke ends. And I'm always like, oh, you're done. Dude, yeah, paper fish.

Paper fish. You got them. I feel like so many people would have been killed playing April fish by this point if we did this in the States. Yeah. So many. I do like the idea of April Fool's having a catch. phrase those. We should workshop something for that

from America. In Sweden, the newspapers limit themselves to exactly one main fake story per year. And then they reveal the April Fool's jokes by saying, April, April, you silly herring, I can trick you whenever I want. In the UK,

they stop at noon, no afternoon pranking. And if you do one after midday, then you are considered the April Fool. It seems like that doesn't really work. You're just like, covered in shit from a bucket propped on a door and you're like, it's 1215, you fools. I win.

I have won. You are the fools. In New York, there's an annual April Fool's Day parade. In New York, there's an annual every fucking thing parade and I got to get to fucking work. The parade features satirical floats and performances that lampoon political figures, celebrities, and current events. Participants often dress in costumes and carry props to embody the year's most notable fools,

the event begins at 5th Avenue and 59th Street and proceeds to Washington Square Park where a king or queen of fools is crowned. The parade has become a platform for public commentary and satire, drawing attention to societal issues through humor and performance art. Good fucking luck this year.

Yeah. Probably best to put a pause on fake news-based pranks this year, given how. Sure. Probably. That's how. half of society is operating every day we might want to

pass. Yeah. Also when a modest proposal has become an actual proposal there's just... Really, man. We're out of things to Saturday. Yeah. We did it, everybody. Yeah. We reached the end of satire. There is no satire.

Donald and Melania got married was a modest proposal. Many times in the past, people have mistaken real news for April Fool's Day pranks. A lot of these involve sad events like disasters and deaths, so I'm not going to dwell on those. Instead, let's hit some of the more interesting non-death ones. In 2001, people thought it was a hoax when the Netherlands became the first country to

legalize same-sex marriage. In 2005, the announcements of an animated series called Powderpuff Girls was dismissed as fake. People also thought that the cancellation of the long-running soap opera guiding light couldn't possibly be real. And then there's this one. In 2011, five foot nine point guard, Isaiah Thomas, no relation to the Isaiah Thomas from the Detroit Pistons in the 80s, announced he was entering the NBA for the draft and people assume someone must be pulling their leg because he was short.

He's down there by the legs. You little guy, small. All right. Well, normally I'd throw in some kind of prank thing here, but I'm not allowed to do April Fool's Day stuff. since the incident. We'll be back for shenanigans that don't involve me

after a quick break. So I think if the press secretary said, what the fuck are you going to do? We're the king, the king of the world. We just quote her exact. Okay.

Should we censor the fuck though? Yeah, okay. Yeah, probably for the best. Okay, so I'll do mine too for the follow-up tweet that she sent. Good. Good. Okay.

Last order of business before we go to print. Tomorrow is April 1st. Okay, so? So we should do a fun, a little fake news thing, right? Yeah. I know, okay, I know we,

but we just can't ignore April 1st. It's going to be Christmas this year, too. You guys are going to pretend it's not Christmas because the president started a war with Iran? No, it's not, it's just, I feel like printing anything untrue at this point. Like, half the country already thinks that everything. Let's just, but we just keep it fun, right?

Right? Something with like, I don't know, like with a brand maybe. Yeah, yeah, okay. Sure. Like, I don't know. I'm with Mr. Peanut. Yeah, yeah. Like, we could say he's running for president. Exactly. Yeah.

Yeah, it's fun. We just like we could do a campaign ad for him or something. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so the president executed Mr. Peanut. Yep. Yeah. Sure did.

Oh, God. Do we even know who is in the costume? No, we do not, Phil. No, we do not. I don't like my job anymore. I'm telling you, man, claw is law. Doesn't work. It's not about if it works. Claw is law.

Thank you, Cicel. Claw is law. Sorry, do you guys have like some chips or something? I skipped lunch today. Oh, dude. No sweat. Robbie? Yes, Mr. Heath. Can you cook something up for Cicel here?

Oh, of course. Mr. Heath, right away. Sorry, guys, who is this? Oh, that's Robbie, our house elf. Like, from the Harry... As told in many versions of fiction, Cecil. Yes. No, Robbie doesn't think this is legally defensible.

Quiet, Robbie. Okay, um, why? I just got to ask this, why do you have a house elf? Why, exactly? It's winter, Cecil, and there's nothing better than coming home to a warm meal. But, you know, who has the time? Exactly. Have you guys tried Factor?

What's Factor? What do we say about points, Robbie? Oh, points is for Master Only. For Master only, exactly. Factor makes healthy eating easy with fully prepared meals designed by dieticians and crafted by chefs. So eat well without the planning or the cooking or the elf slavery. I don't know, Seizel.

Don't those meals get kind of samey? Not with Factor. Factor has 100 rotating meals to keep things fresh and delicious through winter. Options include high protein, calorie smart, Mediterranean diet, GLP1 support, and ready to eat salads. Sounds great, but

have you actually tried it? I sure have Factor sent us a box when they first became a sponsor and I love how easy it was to have a delicious meal. That's why I, Cecil, something Italian, personally endorse Factor. All right, Cecil, I'm sold. Where do I sign up?

Head to FactorMeals.com slash citation 50 off and use the code, citation 50 off to get 50% off, and free breakfast for a year. Eat like a pro this month with Factor. New subscribers only varies by plan. One free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active. All right. Well, uh, Robbie looks like we're not going to need you anymore. No, Robbie has nothing without his best. Honestly, the vibes of this are so bad. They really are. How did you like these books, by the way?

I was a child. Were you a child? At first? Okay. And we're back. When we left off, the world thought two gay guys getting married in Amsterdam was a hoax because who's the lady? That's crazy. Jesus Christ.

What's next? Okay, so let's talk about some of the listed pranks on the list of April Fool's Day jokes on Wikipedia. in 1957, the BBC ran a story on a current affairs program called Panorama. Story was about a family in southern Switzerland harvesting spaghetti from their orchard of spaghetti trees. The report said that there was a bumper crop of spaghetti this year because the winter was mild and there was a virtual disappearance of the spaghetti weevil. This is in the Bible. Pasky spaghetti weevil.

They talked about how the trees were bred. and that they could collect the perfect length of spaghetti from them. They got a famous voice broadcaster to narrate the story, and people bought it. Hundreds of people phoned in to ask for more information on their own spaghetti trees and how to cultivate them. And then the BBC responded by saying, place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.

And if they don't get them, they'll be like, oh, the spaghetti weevils must have got them. Yeah, must have got them. Must have got them. What we're saying is maybe we should have seed breaks it coming. Right. This is so fucking dumb. Spaghetti trees would obviously be in Italy.

I have some kid out there who's dad has been asking him if he thinks money grows on trees. Now reconsidering his entire life. I don't know what's real anymore, dad. Neither way, kid. There's one thing I would call in about, I'd want to know the perfect length of spaghetti. I don't know what that is. But if there is one, I need to know. Hey, it's Heath again.

What do you define? We've got to block that number. He keeps calling. No, you made a claim. You made a claim. Defend the claim. Stop hanging up on me. And I switch around my number all the time.

Wouldn't even work. In 1962, the Swedish broadcast television station announced that their technical expert had a method for people at home to watch the broadcast on black and white TV is in color. The broadcast cuts to a technical expert explaining the double-stop. slit interference, Caliante. I think that's called scissoring,

actually. All you need to do is get a fine mesh and place it over the screen and it would bend the light and it would be in color. And all the people needed to do is get a nylon stocking

and cut it open and tape it over the screen. And then, and then he made sure to tell the audience that they needed to be in the perfect distance from the TV

sort of move back and forth until you find the right. spot to align the color spectrum. Thousands of viewers later admitted that they fell for the hoax. Many Swedes today report that they remember their parents, their fathers in particular, rushing through the house trying to find nylon stockings to place over the television set. Yeah. And like thousands of Swedish moms being like, Sven, it's fake.

Get off me. Get off me. It's fake. It's fake. I feel like maybe somebody on this broadcast owes European humor and apology. That's amazing. Absolutely. Take it back for the Swedish.

There's a fish on your bag. God. It's the fucking moving back and forth part that just makes it perfect. That makes it perfect. That's brilliant. So good. In 1965, there was a prank on viewers on the BBC where a commentator suggested that there was a new technology that was released in TV transmission that allowed for odor. to be transmitted via airways with smell of vision. They cut some onions and brewed some coffee,

and they received messages from viewers at home that they could smell each of these things. In 2007, the BBC didn't want to think of a new joke, so they just used the same one and called it screen sniff technology, which does not roll off the tongue like smell of vision. Stank war. Stank excursion.

Stank excursion. In 1980, a Boston TV station named WN.A. decided to air a montage of Mount St. Helens footage and tell viewers that the local hill was arrested. Jesus. Hey, that was hilarious. This wasn't the big Mount St. Helen's explosion footage that was that like would actually happen. That wouldn't actually happen for like a month and a half from then. But they did have minor eruption footage from like a week earlier. And they cobbled that together with tape from the governor and the president talking about other things, but made it look like they were remarking on the eruption.

Several people in the area fled their homes. Hundreds of people called the police and many called the Massachusetts Department of Civil Defense to see if they should evacuate and the producer was fired. No, no, we get the joke, Craig. Stop saying we don't get it. We get it. It's stupid. Yeah, quick reminder that bomb threats don't count as April Fool's jokes, people.

They don't. Every AI company right now, hold my beer. Yeah. Yeah, man. In 1989, the BBC had a television sports show called The Grandstand,

and they scripted a fight into sort of break out between two staff right behind the hosts who was commenting at the time about how professional the team was. They waited until the end of the show to know that this was a break.

It's amazing. They get in a fist fight. It's incredible. You have to watch it. That's actually, I would have, enjoyed that. In 2008, the BBC also put together a news story that was produced and featured Terry Jones from Monty Python talking about a newly discovered colony of flying penguins, and he was filmed walking among the penguins in Antarctica, and then they computer generated

a bunch of flying penguins as the crew filmed their migration. Okay, look, this probably all seemed like good fun in 1989, but the average person's grip on reality is pretty fucking Tenuous. So let's just fucking relax, okay, before Congress gets taken over by Adrenochrome hunting. It's too late. Yeah. You got to hit the Goldilocks zone to do pranks and nobody hits any Goldilocks ever.

Every's in any way. 1997, Pat Sejack and Alex Trebek switch places on Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. And 25 years later, comedic genius's Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel would do the same thing switching places for their late night TV shows those rest. Yeah, the fun prank part was that nobody noticed her kid. Yeah. So I've never seen the episode, but I can't even imagine Trebek hosting Wheel of Fortune without like visible disdain for the idiocy of everything that's going on.

So they just guess letters? Like a child. I'm sorry, Noah. It's what is the idiocy of everything? Oh, of course, of course. be haunted by his ghost tonight. In 1976, a British television astronomer was on the air for BBC Radio 2,

and he told listeners that at exactly 947 a.m. that Jupiter and Pluto would be in alignment with the Earth. Do you think he panicked? Because he was a TV astronomer on the radio and he couldn't use his visual bits. Listeners at the exact moment. at 9.47 a.m. when Pluto and Jupiter were an alignment could jump in the air, and they would experience a strange floating sensation. Well, many people did do that,

and the station was inundated with calls after 947, with people describing their experiences in lower gravity. Here's a quote, one woman who called in even stated that she and 11 friends had been sitting, and they wafted from their chairs and orbited gently around the room, which is great because it turns out the edibles they had just finished weren't shit so it was in 1992 two young disc jockeys at w n-o r in virginia claim that there was a leaking methane from mount trashmore park mount trashmore is a landfill park that is in virginia beach this fake news of course scared a lot of listeners in uh and then opie and anthony pulled a similar stunt in 1998 when they stated that Boston mayor Thomas Menino had been killed.

I guess, by methane? No, different, different death, I guess. But they said it was like in a very sardonic way. That's how Wiki describes it. So people listening at the first part of the broadcast, I guess would know that they were joking,

but the mayor was literally on a flight at the time. So it couldn't be reached. And then they mentioned it multiple times during the broadcast. And people tuning in, later didn't know it was a bit and instead thought it was news. And then the people close to him couldn't get in touch with him because he was on a flight. So lots of people were freaking out. And the city had to deny the hoax.

And Opie and Anthony were fired because of that. Okay. But the people close to the mayor would know he was on a plane. So they thought he got like shot during the, he got like four bit by a snake on the motherfucking plane. And then they thought the scoop was coming from the journalist's. Opie and Anthony? Once again,

Opie and Annie are first to break the story. I feel like the theme of this episode so far is that Boston sucks at April Fool's jokes, right? NPR Morning Edition. NPR Morning Edition does a hoax story every year and they don't pretend that somebody died. They done a story about the iBod, which is a product that you can supposedly control

your bodily functions like your heart rate, respiration and cholesterol. It is a story in 2008 that said that tax rebate checks would be replaced with an equivalent value consumer products like an air conditioner. It's old school wheel of fortune. That's fucking amazing. And then they sometimes will add in fake sponsors like support for NPR comes from the Soylent Corporation, manufacturing protein rich foods in a variety of colors.

Soilent green is people. This year they're going to reveal that Ophaba, Quistarkton's real name is Jennifer Smith. It's a pretty good one, guys. They're really going to get us. I'm so mad at Steve Innskeep right now. I can't even show my morning edition hemp canvas tote bag at the farmer's market anymore. In 1993, a San Diego radio station convinced over a thousand people to drive to a nearby

airport because they said the space shuttle had been diverted there. It was a small airport and it was the middle of rush hour. People were disappointed. A radio station in Cork, Red FM. said that you too would be performing a rooftop concert on a roof of a nearby shopping center. The crowds were met with a YouTube tribute band called U2opia.

Yeah, I bet if you're a U2 cover band, like 90% of your bookings are prank. There's a section of the website. I mean, I feel like that crosses over from April's Fool's prank to just lie, though, at that point, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In 1906, the Chicago Tribune printed a story that the downtown area

had been invaded by hordes of prehistoric creatures. I'm going to put the image in the notes here, and I'm going to read the first paragraph. Hordes of gigantic beasts swarmed down from the north and overwhelmed the city, leaving a mass of wreckage, tangled iron, piles of brick and stone, killing thousands of inhabitants.

This is in the newspaper? Parks turned into deserts, great skyscrapers leveled by blows from the tails of the monsters, and entire population threatened in panic and pestilence that follow the invasions. Anyway, that's the fun prank I thought of it. So I guess you could say I'm taking my divorce pretty well. Okay, so I want to point out to the listeners who can't see the image here, the teradactyls in this picture don't have tails.

That's the subtle clue that this was fake, I guess. So good. And I think their tails were like pretty fucking tiny. They weren't going to knock. Not going to knock on the other stuff. Yeah. Also, the way he talks about Chicago, Trump still believes this is actively happening.

You're right. In The Guardian in 1977, created a fictional island in the middle of the Indian Ocean and dedicated seven pages of the newspaper to it. Jesus Christ. The island was called San Serif, which was a commemorating. of its 10th anniversary

of independence. They made at the island, the culture, the economy, a bunch of people, all pun names. The hoax convinced a lot of people that the island existed, but it also had some people playing along. They would send messages that they had a wonderful

vacation there. They even received a letter from the governmental opposition party, the sans-serafe liberation front, which criticized the piece as pro-government propaganda. And I They totally missed by calling it the sans-sera liberation. It should be called the San Serif Liberation Fonzah.

Come on. Anyway, anyway, an editor of the newspaper. The big rival was the Times New Roman Empire. An editor of the newspaper received complaints from airlines and travel agents because of the disruption caused by customers who refused to believe that the islands did not exist. Yes. reminding all of us that if you, you're going to be a gullible jackass, be a confident and entitled,

gullible jackass. The best kind. In 1985, Sports Illustrated wrote a hoax article about Sid Finch, a made-up New York Mets rookie. He only wore one shoe, and on the other foot,

he wore a hiking boot. They wrote a backup story about his visit to Tibet to master mind and body, and he could throw a pitch 168 miles an hour. They see, said they had to make a hard choice. They said he had to make a hard choice between choosing

between baseball and a career playing the French horn. They recruited a friend, a junior high school art teacher from Oak Park, Illinois to portray Finch. Quote, Mets fans were overjoyed at their luck at finding such a player and flooded Sports Illustrated with requests for more information. A New York Sports page editor complained to the Mets, public relations director, for allowing Sports illustrated to break the news. Two general managers called Commissioner of Baseball, Peter's Uber Roth, about Finch.

The St. Petersburg Times sent a reporter to find Finch and a radio talk show host claimed he saw Finch pitch, end quote. Okay. Honestly, if you were a Mets fan in 1985, the best thing you could do is go into voluntary psychosis.

It went 98 and 64 that year and they won the World Series the next year. you. What are you talking about? It was a solid bet, Eli, like two-thirds of their seasons. That joke kills, right? But mid-80s, middle-a-80s, not so much. Yeah. Just fucking yes, and you fucking scuba. Strawberry, no, and fuck you. In 1996, Taco Bell took out a full-page ad in seven newspapers telling people they bought the Liberty Bell to reduce the country's debt. And the White House press secretary responded that the rights to the Lincoln Memorial were sold in and now be the Lincoln-mercary. your rememorial.

Yeah. Nowadays, our government would just do that. Right. Right. Right. Yochiero Taco Pair. Oh, God. Eli, seriously, you know that there is a standing weekly meeting with someone from the U.S.

Mint who has to re-explain why they can't start minting Bitcoins. Also, there's a 100% chance the U.S. government will begin minting meme coins before 2028. Yeah. Yep, going to be a doge.

We've already done a good deal of that, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. It's called the dollar. I'll fucking kill you. In 2010, the independence said that the Circle Line Metro in the London Underground had been considered for a new location for a satellite particle accelerator for the CERN laboratory. And in 2016, National Geographic made an announcement that the magazine would no longer

publish any photographs of naked animals. I wonder if they got some real angry letters about that. In 2019, Devbeat, a substack covering Apple and developer news reported that Apple had quietly registered the trademark Sneary. Oh my God. It was beta testing a new personality mode for Siri that would respond to user queries with what the post described as light sarcasm and gentle condescension. The feature was reportedly opt-in and Apple's support lines were flooded with requests to join

the beta. Apple issued a statement later that day confirming that, quote, Snary was not a real product, though they notably did not rule out the possibility of personality modes in future updates, end quote. Everybody complained when chat, GPT, made that one kid kill himself for Denarius Targary. No pleasing you, people. It's impossible.

You're impossible. And today I learned a lot more people than I would have thought really want Siri to step on their balls. In 2021, the guy, Guardian UK said that the UN was planning on looking over plans for an alternate canal to the Suez since that one ship was literally freed a few days earlier from being wedged sideways in the Suez Canal. This one would start just west of Gaza and go straight south until it hit the Gulf of Aquaba and it was going to be called the Suez 2. Turkish media outlets fell for it and posted the spoof story in their news. Yeah, no, it feels like the kind of thing everybody's going to have a great

sense of humor about good call of the guardian to end this let me tell you about the prank pulled off by hotel web search company this web search company was they were going to change their name their original name was vibe agent and they were going to change it to hotel a helicopter

to celebrate they were announcing the world's first 18 room luxury flying helicopter hotel they said that this hotel was the first of a kind all rooms had a mini bar coffee machine, and wireless internet. And I mean, I guess it would have to be wireless

in order for it to move. Cecil put a photograph or artistic rendering of this thing. It's so stupid. Apparently, they like landed an airplane on top of another airplane and just like smushed them together. A shuttle on top of an airplane.

There's a couple ceiling fans on top. It does. I don't know. And then, so they put windows in there too. So like on the side of it, it's kind of like an apartment built, like a high rise, but not that high. Just like four by four windows. Based on looking at like, these rooms are three feet tall. And then there's like, I don't know, two other rooms that are nice somewhere maybe. So anyway, Cisillip had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence. What would it be? One of the things I said in this episode was fake, you silly fucking herring. April 8. Fuck, which one do you think it was? 9-11. All right.

And are you ready for the quiz? I am. Let's do this. All right, Cecil. News media outlets having a lark with reality on prank day. That's a bad idea. Why? A. Because people are fucking stupid.

You cannot convince them later that it was just a prank. B. QAnon. C. Vaccines cause autism. Jesus Christ. Dracromes, man. I'm going to go with Secret Answer E. I'm going to remain silent

so Tom doesn't kill something. Yeah. Got to get that colostrum going. Blood pressure is so good. That's going to heal you on the molecular level. Small cholesterol. Can I take that with my Ivermectin or do I have to space them out? I don't.

It doesn't matter because it's molecular. Oh, I forgot about the way I was, I was vibrating at a different energy when I heard you. Yeah. So true. If you say molecules, it always wins. It was quantum. So my question is the one on everybody's mind, of course.

What was the fake thing you said, Cecil? Was it A, when you said you were happy to see Eli before we started recording? Was it B, that time you implied the Swede was funny once? Jesus. That was a really funny. C, the New York City April's Fool Day parade actually starts on 57th, not 59. And people are going to look so stupid when they show up 57 to 58. So stupid.

D, that Alex Trebek would be. debase himself enough to host Wheel of Fortune. Or E, when you said that Noah released a bird from his ark to see where it would land because the biblical flood is nonsense. It's definitely E. It is. It is. It is.

Okay. Alex Trebek somehow hated Wheel of Fortune when he was on Jeopardy. He wouldn't say it out loud, but he like hated it being next to it somehow, just tacitly in his tone. It just made his show dumber. Yeah. All right. so I'm a bit of a prankster.

What's the funniest prank I've ever pulled? A, the roller coaster thing. If you know, you know. B, that time I tricked Heath and his soon-to-be wife into eating and infused dinner and then surprise them with his ex doing a naked dance. Is there something fucking wrong with you? What? Is there something wrong with you?

Or C. You gotta answer that B question first. On B, Eli's saying it wrong. Him and my wife tricked me into believing that's not. what had happened, but apparently it had happened. What is happening? I don't even want to know. Tom, what the fuck is going on, man?

It's like an exception. It's a prank within a prank within a prank. Guys, if you ask more questions, you just trigger another- No. Yes. What level are we on? Is it real? Spin the top. Find out. Spin the fucking top. See? At my old job on Ash Wednesday, I would paint a smiley face on my forehead. And then,

if people got mad at me, I would say my priest had Part of it. C, because the other ones, I don't know. I don't know about one, but definitely B. The suspect that's fun. Can be Ernst C is absolutely true? I've seen it. I've seen him not only do the thing, but also say the thing.

So, yeah. Eli? It was a good time. It was a good time. You are the victor. C was fantastic. And real. Yeah.

All right. I would like a Tom essay next week. All right. Well, for Tom, Cecil, No. And Eli. I'm Heath. Thank you for hanging out. with us. We'll be back next week and Tom will be an expert on something else. Between now and then,

you can listen to cognitive dissonance, the no-rogan experience, dear old dads, god-awful movies, the scathing atheist, the skeptocrat, and D&D minus. And if you'd like to join the ranks of our beloved patrons, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citationpod. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, listen to past episodes. Connect with us on social media or take a look at show notes. Check out citationpod.com.