Citation Needed - Atlas Shrugged

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

Atlas Shrugged is a 1957 novel by Ayn Rand. Rand's fourth and final novel, it was also her longest, and the one she considered to be her magnum opus in the realm of fiction writing.[1] Atlas Shrugged includes elements of science fiction, mystery, and romance, and it contains Rand's most extensive statement of Objectivism in any of her works of fiction. The theme of Atlas Shrugged, as Rand described it, is "the role of man's mind in existence". The book explores a number of philosophical themes from which Rand would subsequently develop Objectivism. In doing so, it expresses the advocacy of reason, individualism, and capitalism, and depicts what Rand saw to be the failures of governmental coercion. Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

But that wasn't Kang that was he who remains Kang is gonna be way more badass But he's still like just a guy, right? Well, yeah, I mean he knows like future Science future science. It sounds super boring. Oh, that's what I said Tell you you're not not pushing hard enough the solution to none of this is going to be pushing harder You don't know that you hey dumb. Hey, like, Tom, hey, Eli, what are you guys doing with the mics? Yeah. Cecil, tell us not to touch those.

I know. So, you know how this week's essay is about Atlas shrugged? Yeah, well, and so does everybody listen to the episode, they see it when they play the podcast. Some people auto play the shows, no, it don't be meta. Oh, you want me to be less mad. Guys, yeah, okay, that's a really good point, no. But guys, so Tom and Eli, what are you guys doing? What's right? So because this week's essay is about Atlas shrugged

I figure what better way to captivate the spirit of self-reliance than to give Cecil who edits the show most of the time the week off I told him I told him Cecil you take this one off Tom and I are gonna set up the studio and then I'll do the edit I mean what's the worst they could happen right? Okay, well like right now everything in the studio is plugged into a pile of mashed potatoes Yeah, mashed potatoes. Yeah, I mean, it's fine. We could edit that out, right? Oh Okay, are you guys gonna finish that or? So no you can get so you can get some you get some he's a You can get some, you can get some! You get some heath! It's a big sum. This... okay. You took a lot.

You said some. Hello and welcome to Cytation Needed. The podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts, because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Eli, and I'll be shouldering the burden of hosting this show But I can't do it without my fellow super geniuses who are also sexy and perfect and rich he Tom and Noah Yeah, I was born on third base. So uh decided to steal second and become a podcast Eli, I feel like you're buttering me up for something awful. I Kind of like it, please continue. Yeah, right?

Fuck yeah, man, super geniuses, sexy, perfect, rich, man. Eli, you know what, this is an audio medium and I'm using a pseudonym, so while we're at it, I'm also a fucking wizard with a pre-hensal tail. Yeah, that's fair, that's fair. Before we begin tonight, I'd like to take a moment to thank our patrons. Patrons, without you, perhaps Cecil will never come back. And his delicately woven wordplay will never grace your ears again. And if we've learned anything from this week's essay, the only thing that can lure him

back is money. Oh, the appreciation. I really just the money. So if you'd like to bask in the fusion of wit and charm that is Cecil's something Italian again, stick around to the end of the show and we'll tell you how to do it. And with that out of the way, Heath, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event, will we be talking about today? We'll be talking about Atlas shrugged.

Wow, okay. Usually I have more devious ways of preventing you from getting laid, but this week it's kind of an easy one He thought what is Atlas shrugged done it done Yeah, here's hoping you're not the first person to regret asking that Excellent question Eli Atlas shrugged is a 1957 novel by Ein Rand and it's basically the libertarian Bible Ein Rand was a Russian American writer who lots of people call a philosopher too. And no, no.

You're so called philosophy is called objectivism. So already, go fuck yourself. The philosophy is called manifestly truism, absolutely not a philosophy. That's the claim. And she described objectivism as, quote, the concept of man as a heroic being. With already wrong.

Wow, that was so fast. With his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life. With productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute. Did she meet man, Miss Rand? Did she ever meet a human person? Yeah. And the only way that works is magical,

laissez-faire capitalism. Atlas Shrugged is 1200 pages of nonsense about this libertarian fairy tale. It's like if the Bible was somehow more pretentious. Yeah, the only thing worse than your uncle Frank's self-made fantasy about himself is writing it down. 1200 pages of that. So the book opens up in New York City.

Truth. Eddie Willers heading into his job at Taggart Transcontinental, a railroad company owned by the Taggart family. He gives some money to a homeless guy and the guy says, who is John Galt? And that's a slang phrase in this universe that means everything is a hopeless mystery. I am, I'm Rand the author and I'm foreshadowing right now. That's what that means. So also real quick, once you learn what that phrase means, it's hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey They need to start buying steel for new tracks in Colorado. The steel company they're using right now is shitty and slow, so Eddie wants to buy Reardon steel.

But Jim won't let him, because that shitty slow company really needs the help. Now Reardon steel is a magical new product, invented by Hank Reardon, and they're both going to be main characters, Hank and the magical steel. The Reardon steel, it weighs approximately nothing because it's made of mostly gumption and grit, and it cannot be broken. It's objectivist vibranium.

This is the first of several impossible inventions they use to power the plot. Gotcha, okay, so her whole labored analogy begins with one of the two choices being magical perfection. Y'all great writing so far, nailing it in an iron. You know, I guess I like the rear-and-steel well enough, but I'm only buying it if it's made in a magic sweatshop by child elves. That's it. Guys, guys, forget the magical steel.

Iron-ran invented a railroad executive with a conscience. That's the thing. That's the thing. Sort of, yeah, based on what I said so far. So we meet Dagni Taggart here. Great names. It's Jim's sister. Her name is Dagni. She's the number two at the company and clearly represents Einran's fantasy of herself as the infinitely rational capitalist.

And try to stay with me. Jim represents socialism. He's a socialist rail magnate. Yeah, one of them. Dagnye, by the way, uh, is also going to fuck a bunch in this book. And honestly, a sex-positive, intelligent female character is just about the only positive element in the entire book. Wow, that is until your picture is a sign friend. Then it really kind of killed me. I don't know.

Agreed. All right. So interesting. Unconventionally attractive. So Dagny gets on one of their Taggart trains to Colorado. Check on the line out there. After a few hours, the train stops for no reason and the engineer Won't take any initiative to do anything about it

So this is where Dagnie makes a mental note of how little grit and gumption is left in the world But she finally makes it to Colorado and decides they need some of that vibranium. Well guys, I'm here and I have the magic steel is better I'll probably could have just read a spec sheet on it. But, uh, and you let's go and place our order, I guess. Right. So Jim gets mad about that, but he eventually agrees to put in the order for the vibranium and this section ends with Dagnie trying to promote the only gritty guy in the company, but he tells her he's actually quitting instead.

So she asks him why and he shrugs, he shrugs. And he says, who is John Galt? Spoiler, this is, oh God, this is the first of like eight, well, I guess second of like 8,000 ham-fisted clues that all the talented people in the world are disappearing because socialism. Yeah, I get it. I get it.

It's like how we say nobody wants to work anymore and not 600,000 people are dead. It's just like quicker that way. All right, so now we're gonna meet Hank Reardon. He's at his steel mill, watching the first batch of vibranium get poured. And then he walks home having an obnoxiously long internal monologue about how he worked his way up from nothing to become a billionaire steel magnate.

And he melted down a bootstrap to make the first prototype a real steel. So he finally gets home, and he has dinner with his mother, his brother, his wife, Lillian, and his old friend Paul. We learn that his family is just constantly leaching off his wealth, but they don't appreciate his genius. Now I try to stay with me like in socialism. It's not, it's not a book. And Paul tells Hank to stop being so individualistic and to focus on keeping a strong lobbyist in Washington to represent his business interests

Just like in socialism. I New aOC was under the thumb of big Humanity I Have I like that in this example his wife and mother are leaching off of him He's like you definitely don't owe any of your success to the people that like raised you and support you and love you. I like the way you just stop being. So now we cut over to a smoke-filled back room of a bar.

Literally, it's a smoke-filled back room. As a fire, they never met you. So scared. There's no safety standards anymore. Yeah, so they're in a smoke field back room of a bar where socialist corporate leaders, what? Yep, that's what's happening.

That's just, don't ask questions, just it's easier to just let it happen. Just that hurt of me together. Socialist corporate leaders is what I said, Tom. Okay, just over it down. They're plotting to ruin Hank Reardon. This includes Jim Taggart, who's going to tell his Washington guy that Reardon's company is just too damn good. And they did some unfair

vertical integration. So the government needs to take away Reardon's iron mines to protect the international Jew. Reardon's Washington guy is here too. And he agrees to keep this all secret from Reardon in exchange for a cushy bureaucratic job that apparently pays way more than being a lobbyist for a billionaire steel tycoon invented by Pranium. Right? Yeah, and then a big sentient bag of money named Moishi Rosenberg promises them both a raise if they

could work for him at Gringots. People so many people like this fucking money, so many so many. Every douchebag you know likes this book guaranteed. Yeah. And this is where we learn about the train situation in Mexico. So Jim Taggart set up a line there because it would be good for the people of Mexico. But he's a stupid subjectivist. The Mexican government promised him 200 years of property rights, but now they decide to

nationalize the entire rail system along with the copper mines owned by the famous copper genius Francisco Danconia. Danconia invented something genius with copper getting and spoiler, although that's not really word that applies to this book, but spoiler, we eventually learn that Dagnia and Francisco were fucking back in the day. And we learn that Francisco is intentionally sabotaging his own copper company to make sure the looters, they use that word a lot, to make sure the looters they use that word a lot to make

sure the looters don't get control of it like in socialism. Man, it's a good thing there are no examples of meritless billionaires for this whole premise with a strong, ball of heart, foot, and a sure the fuck would. Thank you. Yes, just harygons of humanity, everyone. So dumb. So following the back room socialist cigar meeting, the National Alliance of Railroads makes a new rule.

It's called literally the anti-dog eat dog rule. To get rid of any fair competition. And it says that every company has to do whatever the alliance says. So Dagnico's to warn Dan Conway about the new rule. Conway is a brilliant, hard-working white guy who owns a new railroad company out in Colorado that's going to get shut down for being, you know, a dog that eats other dogs. Sure.

And Conway tells Dagnie that she needs to get the taggerate line running to help out another brilliant, hard-working white guy named Ellis Wyatt. Wyatt invented something genius with oil getting and dad needs to help save the world by making sure the oil company has enough transportation. And she goes back to meet Hank Reardon about getting that vibranium for the new line. He promises to make it happen, and he says to Dagnia at this point, you and I, we're very similar. All we care about is material things. People like us make the world move forward.

This is their capitalist meet cute, just pizza. It's weird how all the wealthy people in this pure meritocracy are the same color, right? So weird. I'm sorry, I'm still hung up on this to clarify. Ein Rand had literally all the words in the English language, plus she could make up new ones, and she decided to use cannibalistic dogs

as the metaphor for her heroes. That's correct. For her heroes, yes. Yes, yes. So now we cut over to a big anniversary party thrown by Lillian Reardon for her and Hank. And really it's just a place to have people give speeches that represent Ein Rand winning arguments in her own head. It starts with a

famous writer named Balfe U-Bank. Sorry? Yeah apparently Ein Rand she didn't want someone named Ralph and she was like, Ralph Nell. And Ralph says, happiness is impossible. The only thing to live for is helping other people, which is, of course, stupid, like socialists. On the other side is a scientist. This is science, a scientist named Dr. Pritchett, who explains that we're just a

bunch of chemicals, so libertarianism wins. But all the intellectuals at the party from those bullshit soft sciences and the humanities, they agree with BALF that we should help people, which is bad to be clear. The book is saying that's bad. Honey, maybe it wasn't a good idea to book an intelligent squared debate. It's the entertainment at our anniversary party, huh? Let's get a magician next year. What do you say?

Get a magician? You know, just so it's out there, you can both know that you're a bag of chemicals and be very happy helping other people. Yep, sure can. Like, those arguments are not point, counter point to one related. Thank you.

This is like a debate between whether to eat a rubin for lunch or take a nap after dinner late. Yeah, you should obviously do both. Those both sound delightful. Thank you, Tom. I wrote that after having a Rubin for lunch. Oh, that's so good. Such a great sandwich. You a corn bee for Prostromi guy or both. Prostromi if it's available. Yeah, Prostromy's. I like the both. Anyway, we get a few big moments at the party here. I got distracted by the real one. So it's just featuring Cecil listening to the San Person one week, one week.

He hates talking about food details. So a couple of other things at the party here. Francisco, Dan Coneya shows up and Jim Taggart takes him aside and yells at him for letting the copper business fail. But Dan Coneya explains that he's just being a good socialist, which means, of course, hiring shitty poor people just to be nice and letting his dumb underlings run the operation into the ground. And then Dan Coneya talks to Hank Reardon and letting his dumb underlings run the operation into the ground.

And then, Danconia talks to Hank Reardon, and explains that Reardon should stop letting everyone leach off his hard work. But before they can ruin that amazing foreshadowing, some lady at the party yells out, I know who John Galt is! He's a millionaire who discovered Atlantis. And, yeah, well, I mean everyone at the party is skeptical But Dan Coneya confirms that it just might be true Well, I could imagine she's like he's like look guys. It's no dumb run then invincible steal or the names

Dagnian Balfe last year oh Darling you did book a surprise under C civilization revelation as well. You think of everything. I love our parties. This is a good book. So Dagnian Hanks plan for the Colorado line is going ahead. And that includes the complete renovation of an old bridge using that new vibranium. Eventually, the State Science Institute, they're another bad guy in the book. They hear about this, and they send a guy to threaten Reardon with government propaganda and regulations.

If he doesn't stop competing, so goddamn hard. But Reardon will not be detained. So the government puts out a baseless warning about the potential danger of completely unproven, magical, by premium premium being a substance of a bridge. That makes Taggart stock crash because everyone knows they're planning to use the vibranium. Okay, just, I have to do it. I have to point out there is a stock market

in this completely top-down socialist house. Yep, that is stock, stock socialist. So, Dagnye visits the state science institute and talks to Dr. Robert Stadler. Once the greatest scientist in the world, in all fields of science, it's science. He's the scientist, the scientist. He has more science points than anybody else. But now he works for the government. So he got all stupid. And he tells Dagnie, yeah, I know Vibranium is a great invention, but the Institute spent millions trying to invent the same thing, and we failed.

So we can't afford to admit that a private citizen was able to beat the government-funded science machine. So that's why we're doing the propaganda. Okay, so sorry, I just want to tally up the villains of this book so far. We've got your family, poor people, dogs that do not eat each other and safety regulations. So many people like this book. So, Dagnia decides to quit working for Taggart Railroad here and starts her own company with cocaine and vibranium. And she names it the John Gaute line.

So they build the whole thing with Reardon Steel including that bridge over a big canyon. And then Hanky and Dagny take the first ride on the new line and people are lined up all along the track to see it happen. And they do not crash into the chasm. So everybody goes crazy cheering for the vibranium. And then that night, Hank and Dagnie go to Ellis Wyatt's house where they have sex in a giant mansion paid for with oil money to celebrate their victory over socialist persecution. Does she have to tell him what vagina is a disease. I'm a chiseled. I'm a chiseled. I'm a chiseled. All right, so but for truly capitalists celebration, I feel like they should each hire their own prostitute

and then like look at each other in the eyes while they fuck them, right? I mean, truly capitalists way. Come into the bit at least. Right. You know, 10 bucks as she was disappointed and had to break out her own vibranium. All right, so that brings us to the dumbest

McGuffin in literary history. We already have a couple others near the top of that list. It's gonna say. Like a fucking vibranium. And also, L.S.Y. it's heroic invention of fracking. Now we're gonna add one more. So, Dagnian Hank, go on a road trip together. And if I remember correctly, this was hundreds of pages of literally them driving, and that's it.

But they finally do something when they stop at this abandoned factory that used to be the home of the 20th century motor company. And inside the building, they find the remnants of a magical motor that runs entirely on static electricity from the air. Yeah, well, okay, so they're not sure how to put it back together, but somehow they know exactly what it is. Yeah. And they know it has the power output of approximately cold fusion. So they take all the parts and they decide they need to find the inventor so they can rebuild it and help the whole world By which I mean help just them and nobody right? Yeah, yeah, okay So far what I'm learning is that unfettered free market capitalism requires more industrial light and magic to survive than the entire

Star Wars franchise. Yep All right, so back in the real world of capitalist communism, Reardon's Washington man who betrayed him. That guy's name, by the way, is Wesley Mooch. Very subtle. Suttle. Yep. Wesley Mooch got promoted to chairman

of the entire fucking economy right here. And Mooch is making a bunch of laws to, you know, Harrison, Bergeron, all the best corporations, especially pretty much entirely trained and metal stuff is what he's focusing on. The speed limit is 60 miles an hour for all trains now. Reardon metal can't produce more vibranium than steel mills of the same size can produce steel

and Reardon has to sell the vibranium equally to everyone who wants to buy it. You know, whatever the fuck that means. I just gotta say, as a person who's watched more than 300 Christian movies, take it from me podcast listener, who people make their villains, tells you everything about them. Yep. One of them is dogs that don't cannibalize other dogs. It's very confusing.

So now that Dagny's back from vacation, she's looking for the inventor of cold fusion. She finds a guy named Lee Hunsacker. It's so bad with the names. God damn it. So Lee Hunsacker, that's one of the most reasonable names actually. Lee Hunsacker. Yeah, there's a Hunsacker and lethal weapons. There you go, there you go, call forward back.

So that guy owned the 20th century motor company back in the day and we get the dumbest possible back story. Hunsacker wanted to buy the factory, so we asked the richest man in the country. Don't say Midas. It's Midas? Mulligan. Asked Midas Mulligan for a loan, but Mulligan refused.

Midas Mulligan's loan store, a guilded do-over when you need it most. Oh fantastic. So, Hunsacker filed a lawsuit about that, but the judge ruled in favor of Mulligan. But then Hunsacker filed an appeal and a higher court reversed the ruling and said that Midas Mulligan had to give the loan because Hunsacker, he really needed it, man. That's when Midas Mulligan disappeared from society just out of nowhere. But I'm just rich, I'm not even a bank. Yeah. Dagnia also learned about the downfall of the factory here.

So they were doing great. But then they had an internal communist revolution and they started paying everyone based on their proclaimed neediness instead of paying them based on talent. So all the talented people quit and the company fell apart. Yeah, like everybody faked me in sick because the company offered health insurance and they pretended to be old because of the company over her entire man. Yeah, no, it's not how people are. That's what happens. We just fast forward to win like the Tin Man and the cowardly lion show up because this story is all straw men so far.

It's going to be an idol man. That would be great if it could just like pivot to the boss right here. Spoiler, it does not. So, Dagnie keeps hunting for the cold fusion guy and eventually this leads her to a diner in Wyoming where the cook knows the inventor she's looking for. Turns out the cook is Hugh Axton. At one time, the greatest philosopher in the world. Yeah, you can watch that tournament on ESPN2, I think. Yeah. Well, now that guy is retired and he's just cooking for fun.

And you can catch him now over at season liberally on YouTube. And for some reason, Axton won't tell her the name of the inventor of the cold fusion. He does, however, give Dagnie a mysterious cigarette made by a brand she's never seen, and it has a dollar sign stamped on the side. And this is very important. Try to stay with me. That's symbolism in the form of a literal symbol.

Sorry, a character literally says, follow the money and then answer a thing with a money sign. That is correct. So many people like this book. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, money to burn, money causes cancer. You're addicted to money.

Money cigarettes are too many things. What would I say? What would I do? So from there, Dagnico's back to New York and another crazy new log gets passed by Wesley Mooch creating a giant tax hike in just Colorado. So she goes to find Ellis Wyatt, the fracking genius of Colorado. But when she gets there, Ellis Wyatt is gone. And before he left, he set all his oil fields on fire.

Just to be clear, that's gonna be heroic, according to the book. Huh, yep, and also like a big deal thing in symbolism. It's like a huge thing, the Wyatt fire, but the big question is, whatever could all these clues and mysterious disappearances be pointing to? Cliffhanger. Alright, well, looks like we got a real mystery on our hands, like, how does anyone like this book? What does Heath consider unconventionally attractive?

So I yelled that to the heavens a few more times, we'll take a quick break for a little ditty we like to call Apropos of Nothing. I looked out over the Misty Mountains, I realized the world needed me. Like a humpback whale needs seaweed. That's, oh, that's good stuff. I don't think they eat seaweed though. No, no, they do, they do. That's like, oh hey guys, whatcha doing? Yeah, what's with all the quills? Oh hey Tom, may I know.

He then I have realized that self-made men, such as ourselves, need to share our stories with the world. Self-made men? Yeah, need to share our stories with the world. Self-made men? Yeah, I mean, think about it. There I was. Jobless, friendless, and then it struck me. The scathing atheist, that shall be my gift to the world. Yeah, same thing with me.

And like, we have to tell that story. We owe, we have to tell it to the story. Okay, well, first of all, he's skating was actually my idea. And also, I was your friend and you had a job when we started at an ELA. You didn't even start skating with us. You were, I don't remember that. No, you were selling magic thumbs. Oh, don't worry. I definitely have that in the story. I had to struggle as a salesman to keep food on the table. Oh, it's so powerful. I love that part. Yeah, did you though? Because I actually did sell stuff to survive

for quite a while. Yeah, and when we were starting the show, I literally had to live in a crappy as a little trailer after I got fired two weeks before Christmas. I lived in a van outside the place I worked. Ooh, wow. I couldn't afford to go to the dentist so they had to rip on my teeth out last month.

Guys, guys, it's not a contest, but for the record, I did have to live with a roommate. Oh, me too! So hard! Yes, we are so brave! We are very brave, yes. Okay. I miss selling fridges. Simpler. And we're back.

When we left off, Paul Ryan was whispering this book into a mirror while he tucked his penis between his legs. So, Delicat geniuses who are uniquely capable of being rich people are continuing to disappear and it's plunging the world into a great depression. And Dagnie is certain that a destroyer is behind the whole thing, somehow convincing all the best people to vanish, but not Hank Reardon. He's being constantly abused by the government, but he keeps the company going.

At one point, the State Science Institute demands that he sell them a bunch of vibranium and he refuses. He says they can steal it, but he will not be part of their coercion. And this is where he has a big realization. This is very important. He realizes that all the socialist looters, they can't

really do their thing without his participation. Except they can and do in the book. But according to the book, also no. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up when I can entirely refute your 1200 page argument with but Norway,. That's very good. Yeah. So from there, we get another rich people party. Just so iron ran can script out some more of her arguments that she's winning in her head against absolutely nobody. The party is for Jim Taggart's wedding and Francisco Danconia shows up.

And somebody says, they're just at the party and somebody's like, oh, well, nothing. Money is the root of all evil. And that's when Dan Conia basically drops out of the ceiling on a rope to be like, you stupid whore. I will now give a shockingly long speech about how money is actually the greatest good of all the things.

It's so long. Guys, it's five pages. It's the longest fucking five pages I've ever read read and I've read Finnegan's wake people Oh, yeah, did you like the one your big fan of Finnegan's wake? I loved it. Yes. Yeah, just real quick So I get it. Well remind me what that's about what happened. It's about Finnegan's wake. Okay I call that a tie. I thought you were maybe not just say wake. I thought you would say Finnegan. That's fine I feel compelled to point out also that there isn't

anybody anywhere arguing that we shouldn't have money. Like nobody is making it. So I guess I checkmate on us though. Here's the thing, some people actually are, but yeah, it's dumb. That she's arguing against pretty much nobody, agree. They're all losing fight teeth on Twitter though. So eventually the government makes enough ridiculous new laws that Reardon ends up being

guilty of something. He refused to help with a mandatory project, and he sold some vibranium in a way that wasn't absolutely equal to everyone. So Reardon gets indicted, and there's going to be a trial. And Dan Coneyah hates to hear that. So he comes to visit Reardon at one of the mills and give another big libertarian speech. He tells Reardon to just cut everyone loose and stop trying to help society. But then all of a sudden, just to establish the physical and mental prowess of these two characters, a fire breaks out in the vibranium mill and

the two of them put it out like they're fucking Jordan and Pippin in their prime. Perfect. But you know, for putting out a fire at a steel foundry instead of basketball. Right. And this is where we get the title drop of the book.

Dan Coneya says, if you saw Atlus holding the weight of the world and he was getting tired, what would you say to him? And Reardon's like, oh God, you're the fucking worst. I don't know. What would you tell Atlas to do? Obviously, you're setting up something you want to say. And D'Angonia says to shrug Oh, and then Reardon's like so that everyone would die in Danconia is like, right, yeah, now that was fucking stupid. What I didn't really think that I'd be sure nobody names the book after this because that would be

stupid. That's fuck. This is like responsibility is stupid. Yeah. Gulting is hard memes. It's a 1200 page book of this. And that is absolutely correct, by the way. So that brings us to the big trial. Reardon shows up at the courthouse, but he goes full sovereign citizen. It's so good. Spells his name, lowercase letters,

and he refuses to participate in their charade. I'm quite certain he would pronounce it charade in the house. Yeah. We get another obnoxiously long speech here. But the basic idea is that the ultimate virtue is the creation of wealth and profit and you know I will not apologize for being rich and amazing and the entire crowd goes crazy with applause here So despite Reardon definitely breaking law and despite refusing to help the world by sharing fucking vibranium Despite all that the, they get all scared

and they just give them a slap on the wrist. Oh, you see, I signed the contract with my left hand so you can't send me to jail. I'm 12, these ideas are stupid. Yeah, hey, hey. So, so now that Reardon is emboldened by very easily defying the US government with that one simple trick,

he's pushing ahead full steam with vibranium production and selling it however he wants. And he goes to see Dan Coneya, and he says, good news, I'm buying copper straight from your company now. At which point Dan Coneya panics, and he's like, no, I told you not to deal with my company because remember I mentioned before,

Dan Coneya intentionally sabotaged his whole operation to spite socialism and that includes a secret deal with a very literal pirate who is a character in the book. Okay, you know what? I was waning and you just brought me back. You didn't see that coming did you pirate in the book? So a couple days after this we find out that a big ship and a copper got stopped by the greatest pirate in the world. His name is Ragnar Dennis Kild. Okay. And all the copper got dumped in the ocean.

And spoiler, Ragnar is going to be another hero according to the book. Well, and here I thought he was just here to knock Dagnia down another rung on dumbest name in the book. Right? So now we get another giant section of just stupid silly nightmare scenarios about the entire country, turning into an apocalyptic hellscape of collectivism. Trains are crashing everywhere and killing people

because you know, all the amazing capitalist safety standards are gone. New York, yeah. Other trains, they can't get enough healthy oil because of Wyatt's intentional oil fire, so now they're using coal, which is not healthy like oil and killing people with fumes. And Wesley Mooch makes new law that says Reardon has to give up his patent on vibranium and sign it over to the government. Where's it he can make laws? Yeah, he's the economy's are law.

He's the Congress also. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don And the government talks to Reardon's wife at this point and they find out about the affair with Dagnie and they use that to blackmail him. How do they blackmail him if they found out about it from his wife? That is confusing. Yeah, okay. Tell not his, someone else, but just go ahead. Okay, that does sound weird. He sort of explains it here. He wanted to prevent Dagni from getting dragged into it publicly

So he finally agrees to sign over the vibranium. He's in love with Dagni. That's the thing So a few nights later Hank Reardon meets a mysterious man on the street who hands him a bar of solid gold Which what he he put in a load bearing pocket in his overall way. What, a bar of gold weighs almost 30 pounds. This is that a, is that a convenient, surreptitious currency? In his system of a, trusses in his pocket, yeah.

So the guy tells Hank, it's a partial reimbursement for all the money the government has been stealing in the form of income tax And it turns out this random guy in the street is Ragnar danna skill oh shit pirate of freedom Con Ragnars been stealing gold from the government in the amounts Exactly equal to the unfair income tax on extremely rich people. What?

Yep. And the plan pirates is real. I'm really describing the plot of this book. I promise. And the plan for Ragnar is to use all the gold to rebuild the world economy after the inevitable socialist collapse. Yeah. Trust me.

Me and this ex the agent who dresses all in Camo have a whole system worked out. It's gonna be like, God. Okay, so here's your bar gold. Holy fuck, that's so heavy. Yeah, it kind of takes you by surprise, huh? It's.

Yeah, jeet. I'm actually gonna just set this down. Yeah, that's a good call. Very heavy. So like I was saying, after the collapse, we're going to have all this gold. Right. Exactly. And we'll use the gold we have in our hands to rebuild the economy.

But how? With the gold. You're being silly. It's right here. I just gave you some gold. Well, no, I just, I don't think you understand after a social collapse, why would anyone want to trade gold for like, you know, food or shelter,

whatever society is, the agreement that makes gold valuable. Otherwise, it's just, I'm kind of a heavy, shiny, yellow medal. Okay, you're ruining this. Give me my gold back. No. Yep, that's what happens in the book. Yep, sure. Yep. That's a scene in the book. So, you know the amazing story of the love triangle

that's been building up? Yes. So invested. Oh, we're doing that. Cool. So, here's what happens with that. Francisco Danconia is still in love with Dagnia from before, and so is Hank Reardon from more recently. And both guys show up at Dagnia's apartment at the same time for a big showdown. Reardon gets super mad and he slaps Danconia in the face. But Danconia doesn't fight back because he has just, you know, too much respect for Reardon's amazing business acumen. And then end of scene.

That's the other scene. Okay. So now we're going to circle back to the cold fusion machine. Dagnie found an engineer named Quentin Daniels who agreed to work on rebuilding the motor. But now she gets a letter from Daniels saying he's resigning from the job. He's going to keep working on the project, but he won't let the socialist government get his hands on that world-saving technology. So she calls him and says she's going to come see him in person in Colorado and she gets on a train. During the ride, she meets a

random hobo with very convenient information, actually. He used to work for that motor company, and he tells her that the inventor of the electrostatic cold fusion reactor was a guy named John Gaute. But John Gaute quit the company when they had their Marxist revolution. Sorry. The guy's name is an expression for futility. We've already established in the movie. That's right.

And her answer isn't, I'm sorry, did you say you used to work with Nicknick, Patty Wack, give the dog a ball? What? Ah! So then all of a sudden after she gets that very community information from the hobo, right after that, the train stops working

and Dagni has to rent an airplane to finish the trip to go meet Quentin Daniels. She can fly an airplane, by the way. That's another thing. Okay, okay, I know this part. And then she runs into John Candy and Steve Martin is there and the whole thing. They don't carry home a phone with all the money you've spent.

So she lands at Colorado, but she finds out that Daniels just took off in his own plane right before she landed. And that's clearly the work of the destroyer that she's been talking about this whole time, who keeps vanishing all the talented people. So Dagnia gets back up in the air and starts chasing him in her airplane. And then out of nowhere, everything gets all blurry. She's flying, everything's all blurry, all of a sudden, and she crashes somewhere in the mountains.

Okay, I'm sure everybody's on the edge of their seat and everything, so I'll keep it quick, but I just, I wanna underscore the fact that I ran included a, then she rented an airplane scene in her rich people, sure do have it rough. But, I didn't wanna to pass by that cheesy. And that brings us to the magical land

of libertarian come, Gaught's Gulch. Oh, yeah. Dagger wakes up to see a beautiful, perfect man helping her out of the plane. It's John Gaught. He introduces himself and explains that he's the inventor of the cold fusion motor and that he's the destroyer who's been taking all the greatest people in the world

to this secret valley called Galt's Galt. And that's where they all set up thriving businesses for this community of like 50 amazing people. And apparently the whole thing is completely self-sufficient, especially because they have a cold fusion machine to power up. Not for help. And the valley here also includes a holographic projector thing that makes the valley invisible from the outside.

That was the blurriness that happened to Diagnia while she was flying. Okay, so there are Wakandans I'm not supposed to root for. I get it. I get it. Share the vibranium. So now Dagny gets to hang out with all those delicate geniuses who went on strike. That includes Galt and Danconia and of course, Ragnar Danesky old, the pirate. Well, the genius pirate. The genius pirate. Correct.ky, old, the pirate. Well, the genius pirate. The genius pirate, correct. The greatest pirate in the world.

So that's on ESPN too. It's a much more interesting thing. That's a super fun one, actually. I would watch much, but I would 100% watch that. Don't throw any shade at that one. So they're all basking in their capitalist freedom. And we learn about their sacred oath of the valley. If you want to be part of the magical valley, you have to live by this.

It says, I swear by my life that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. And the only other rule besides that is no talking to the outside world. So Dagnye is unable to contact Hank Reardon, but she agrees to live there for a month provisionally and decide if she's gonna stay. I'm sorry, the rules are you don't know anybody shit and please keep our secret. Oh, please. You're fucking gnarc. Those are the rules.

And that's when Dagnie and John Galt fall in love But she finally decides that she has to go back to the real world and fight for her beloved railroad company And John Galt decides to come along with her and they blindfold Dagnie here So she can't knock on them and they fly back out of the invisible valley through that hologram and go back to real world. Just making a bunch of mid-air turns for no reason. This is a plane, stupid. But she flew there. And the first thing, like she remembers where she flew, does she?

It doesn't make it. It's don't question geometry. Oh, God. We'll go that direction until it gets blurry. Yeah, the book unravel Ravel's here. I'd say the book on Ravel's here. Meanwhile, the socialist government with the help of Dr. Stadler at that science institute

has created the ultimate super weapon. Oh no. It shoots sound waves that kill every living thing in its range. Will this matter? Absolutely fucking not. It has nothing to do with anything. And this is where I and Rand tries to tie off like a thousand pages to lose ends all at once. So

Jim Taggart has an affair with Lillian Reardon here. Jim's wife Cheryl finds out about that and then Cheryl jumps off a bridge. So check figure that. And remember guys morality is whatever makes you happy. Sure. There you go. Then Dagnie and John Galt, they meet in a railway tunnel and fuck for a while. So check, I guess on that. And the socialist government sends a bunch of typical jack booted thugs to start a riot at Reardon's main vibranium mill. Reardon almost gets killed there, but he gets saved at the last second by Scotty Pippin, Francisco Danconia, who is secretly posing as a worker the whole time. Now the book doesn't mention this, but I am pretty sure Hank and Francisco become lovers. Absolutely that vibe, yes. Absolutely, either way, Reardon vanishes

and he leaves a note for Dagnie that says, I met John Galt, he is the perfect man. So obviously you're in love with him now, we're cool. So nice, final check, loose ends tied off. And that brings us to the thrilling climax. Oh, I already came. Yeah. Well, perfect. So, sorry. Because when I said climax, I meant more libertarian come. Maybe you want to withdraw the you were in, you know, associated with it. So, the president is about to give a radio address

to the whole country. But John Galt somehow hacks the radio and gives his own So, hacks the radio and gives his own impossibly long speech about objectiveism and whatever the fuck I ran wanted to say that she hadn't said it in the first 1100 page. She couldn't fit it anywhere there. Here it is. Just imagine every single shitty hot take from a libertarian you've ever heard except so much fucking longer. He pones the libs with fax logic for like 60 pages of the book. Seriously, 60 pages. I'm not exaggerating there.

6-0. And this includes an entire section denouncing Robinhood. The greatest mythical character of all time. And just one more reminder, this book has a hero character who's a literal pirate who steals from the poor and gives to the rich. That's a poor in context. And the speech ends with John Gaul telling everyone who's in management anyway to get in on the big strike. What if they had to make their own shift schedules? Oh, anyone can do that, shit. Oh, yeah, right. Right, how will literally all the work get,

fuck, they do all of that shit. That's it. That's it. Really? Okay, so no taco Tuesdays? Who's gonna decide when taco Tuesdays? Yeah, management needs to realize they're like the person in the threesome

that the other two don't care about. Like, that's what's happening in the economy. I'm person in the threesome that the other two don't care about. That's what's happening in the economy. I'm still in the threesome. So, I'm still in the threesome. Tom's like, I'm okay with that. I get a bigger check at the end. And you're fucking everybody else.

So, yeah, I'm just in the end of what makes. I'll watch and take a bigger cut of the money. Yeah, that's what's happening. So, the president decides that John Galt is the answer to all the problems. And he wants to make Gaute into the chairman of the economy, take over for Wesley Mooch. So the government sends out a team of spies to secretly follow Dagnie, and she eventually, by accident, leads the spies to John Gaute's apartment where he gets arrested and he gets

thrown in jail. They torture him, but of course he's the perfect man, like I said before, so he refuses to help save the world with his genius and his old fusion carpet shoes motor. And just what it looks like, all hope is lost for the billionaires. Dagnie and Hank Reardon and Dan Conia and Ragnar Dennis Guild. They show up at this federal prison.

They win a gun fight with the entire US government, yes they do. They rescue John Gaunt and they fly back to their visible valley. And of course the world fully collapses at this point. And the story finally ends with all the delicate geniuses getting ready to come back and rebuild it all with the gold and Free market gumption The end that's the end of the fucking book. Whew All right, he and if you had to summarize what you've learned in

1200 pages in one sentence. What would it be? No? All right, he are you ready for the quiz? Ready for the quiz. Oh good. I was afraid you were gonna do the no again. Because I had a choke prepared. Okay. Hard cut end of episode. Alright, Heath, as I've asked a couple of times throughout this episode, who the fuck likes this book? It's a lot of people. Is it a Paul Ryan who called Rand the reason he got into politics? Oh my god, that track so hard. B, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas who called it one of his favorite novels. Tracking. C, Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh who both raved about it on their radio programs, or D, a demonstrator and a tea party

protest who brought a sign to send, I am John Galt, and somehow made it onto this book's Wikipedia pages. God damn it. What's the opposite of coming? I just did that. And the answer is E all the above literally. Yeah, it's all of the above, baby, it's all of the above, baby. It's all of the above. All right, he, um, see, libertarian capitalism is the best system if.

Reject the premise. Hey, you compare it to not socialism in practice nor is theorized by serious economists, but as imagined by somebody who can't spell Ralph. The B and the R aren't even close to each other. imagine by somebody who can't spell Ralph. The B and the R aren't even close to each other on the key. I'm going to stop you right there. I'm assuming A is the answer. I don't know if you have B's or C's or D's, but I'm saying A. Yeah, that's all we really needed.

All right, so uh, but final question here might be a little controversial. What genuinely impressive writing feat is in danger of being entirely overlooked here today. A, the fact that she won the bet about who could use the word abnegate the most times in a novel. Abnegate. B, even having 1200 pages worth of shit you wish you had told that person of that party to begin with.

C, being the only writer in the history to have a balfe, dagnia, and aagnar, and yet none of them were Muppets or D, the difficulty of writing and entertaining essay about a boring book about a stupid philosophy. It has to be seen because those are all muppet names. You are a man of CR. I'm sorry it was actually you that was I was complimenting you with D so it has to be D. I know I'm supposed to you're supposed to get it right but I have to I can't I can't extract it from a compliment. Oh yeah right.

If Dagnean Ragnar are fucking puppets whether you like they are they are absolutely like they are rejected characters from Labyrinth. All right, well, this week's winner is Tom because he's the one who won't have to star in that Muppet remake of Atlas shrugged me and Heath and Noah are going to make. So Tom, you pick it. I get to pick the essayist. I guess it says I have to pick Noah. It does.

I would never pick Noah. You have to. It says that. Noah's next system. No, no. In your case, hard pass. It's Noah. All right. Well, for Tom Noah, his laziness eclipses his hate.

Woo! Every time he's, every time. All right. Well, for Tom Noah and he's Amila Bosnick, making you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week and by then, Noah will be an expert on something else. Which we now and then you can lure Cecil back into our loving arms by listening to our other podcasts. Cognitive D-Mine-us, the scathing movies, and everyone's a skeptic, right?

And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod or give us a five-star review everywhere you can And if you'd like to get in touch with us check out past episodes connect with us on social media or check the show notes Be sure to check out citation pod dot com And it was then that I said mom Dad I Need to borrow some more money. I had a steal of food from the pigly weekly. No, heath is writing! Thank you!

Eli, rude. I was writing. Pfft. My parents are actually poor. Yeah, I know, I'm so sorry you had to, it didn't work as a one person beat.