Citation Needed - Bottles of Beer

Episode Date: March 13, 2019

A beer bottle is a bottle designed as a container for beer. Such designs vary greatly in size and shape, but the glass commonly is brown or green to reduce spoilage from light, especially ultraviolet.   Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.  

So the numbers on the heart are just arbitrary. They don't like reach a you need the three keys to the heart to the heart. I don't understand that. 13 by 13 by Hey, take one down. I think guys carry the four guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys What are you guys doing? No, look at you. You said something a little guy.

I just, look at a little man. He's like a little, a little man. Look, come over here. Get over here. So we saw the Zem episode, it was about Miles Beer. We did it. So we did it. We did it.

We're gonna do it. We are gonna do this. Yup. We are, hell yeah. By the right. I'll We are. Hell yeah. I'm right. I'll get up. No, I'm on it a little bit.

You even bomb it aggressively. You bomb it a lot. You're just a lot more than mine. No, it's not even a lot yet. It's not. I'll tell you when it's a lot. It was just that. Yeah, this is very aggressive.

Just, uh, yeah, do a fucking accent, whatever. Sh, wild card, see? Cecil, you might want to beep that. Oh, yep, totally way out of you. Okay, guys, my ass say today is about bottled beer, like the history of bottled beer. It's about Dutch merchants, they're longer for fermentation. Introduced by hops.

Oh, all right. Yeah. Worth it. Still have to get worth it. Is he a show on YouTube? He's the top. Tom. Tom, Tom. Tom.

Tom. Yeah. You see the show on YouTube, they eat the food? I did, I saw you. You're eating it. I did. Which one? We should do that.

I was just starting YouTube channel. Yeah. You should do YouTube channel. This is it right now. We're doing it. We're doing it. This is the show. This is our first episode.

I had an idea for a YouTube show if we're going to-Light the time not the time E-Light. Okay. You can finish that? Oh yeah, I'm gonna finish that. This is my whole Cheetah. But you can share. It's alright. There's a lot. I want all of it. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we are experts because it's the internet and that's how it works now. I'm Cecil and I'll be driving on this road trip, but I won't be making the journey alone, so let me introduce our cast. First up, a guy whose favorite road food is two rotisserie chickens that he wears like

mint. And the other whose favorite is, do you have that in vegan, Tom and Eli. A chicken minors are going to be my legacy. See, salt, thank you very much. That's going to be my thing, you know, like when I'm dead and gone in three years, like people all over the world, they're going to like remember, they they're gonna be like, that is the way to fist a check. Chicken, I'm going to jail. I like to ask for a big few places in the deep south,

what they have that's vegan. Loudly, right before Heath orders, and is very clearly with me. This is what I enjoy. I'm never with him. That's what I look. I bring one of those supermarket dividers to block me any luck.

Okay. Okay. And also joining us as a guy won't consume anything that hasn't been barrel aged for at least 12 years. And another who hasn't never been hungry enough to eat in a car, he didn't know. You guys made fun of me, but those craft singles were Oki.

Like great, nice and Oki. 12 years later, cheese. All right, for where's more of this? Cecil Calories for just units of heat. If you stay pissed off enough, you can subsist off your own rage as it turns out. True. Fair. That's why you're 600.

All right, so patrons, you make sure we have all the complex carbs we need to power through these late night recording sessions. Thank you. And if you'd like to give us money to buy food, which I will point out is essential for a few of us cast members, be sure to stick around till the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us, Heath, what person-place thing, concept, phenomenon, or event? What we'll be talking about today.

All right, in honor of episode 100, we're gonna be talking about bottles of beer. But isn't it 99 bottles of beer on the wall? This was not my first choice, Cecil, but I was concerned about my mom's safety. So, which had nothing to do with Tom, just like General Concern, she's old, so I was worried about her. Oh, all right, well, we wanted to stay old. She's old, so I was worried about her. Oh, all right.

We want to stay old. But whatever happened, you actually wound up choosing an interesting topic. So tell us about bottles of beer. All right. Wiccapedia defines a bottle as quote, a narrow necked container made of an imprimable material. Glay, class, plastic, aluminum, etc. In various shapes and sizes, to store and transport liquids, then it gives a list of liquids

in case that category seems vague to you. We've all heard of a list of liquids. If you're wondering why they give a list of liquids, it's because I just kept tagging citation needed next to the word liquids and the pedantic nerds that Wikipedia aren't easy to track. It's a fun game. You can play.

Now, when fucking started a topic with beer, which is awesome, and we do to already immediately to defining what a bottle is, just a case of any of our listeners, life support has been removed before they download the show. I feel like it relates to the subject. I guess. Isn't beers of bottles, Tom, there is an order to these things. Just for you. Just for you.

Anyway, some of the earliest bottles were made by the Chinese Phoenicians and atrustkins. No, I don't even care. If a sick truck, fucking at Trustkin Part is true, that is your second atrustkin strike. That's true. It's not true. I didn't.

I feel like, I feel like if it was actually, if it was, it's actually a history hat trick at that point. I have to throw in hats from a few different continents and eras on the last. All right. So beer on the other hand is a urine flavored beverage that masks its relative lack of palatability by intoxicating the consumer just enough to make pissed taste fine. Okay. Now, beer efficient, I wish we'll often argue

that beer is merely an acquired taste, but in truth, the term acquired taste is just useless for the fact that eventually your taste buds give up on sounding the, hey, man, you're drinking pistle arm. Yeah, yeah. Okay, audience, we can rest easy knowing that this has been settled by the complex palette

of a smoker who orders off the kids menu. Precisely because it's important not to acquire tastes as we age, which is why all the world's finest culinary minds are eight-year-old. Hey, hey, you show me something that tastes better than Tater tots and ketchup, and I'll eat some of them. I will have to show you hundreds of things that are better than Tater Totsing and Ketchup. If only you would eat one of them. Yeah, Noah's in charge of the beer episode. His boiler maker is a mountain dew and a shot of nicotine vape liquid.

I don't know if it's not true. All right. I mean, I don't want to pile on here, but Noah, why do you insist on alienating our urine drinking audience member? What did Bill do to you? Except support us? Send us those photos?

Yeah, but more importantly, Noah, who's amazing urine? Are you drinking all the time? I do want some. I want to get a bottle right after the show. You guys say all of this now, but when it came time to put your money where your mouth was in the blind glass of beer versus glass of my Pistase test challenge, you all decline. Okay. When I didn't decline. All right, so there are plenty of competing stories about who first invented beer and how, but in truth, the invention of beer is far too old for us to tease it out of the historical record.

far too old for us to tease it out of the historical record. What's more, because almost any cereal that contains the right sugars can easily undergo spontaneous fermentation due to wild yeasts in the air, it was probably invented independently all over the world by pretty much every society that domesticated a cereal grain. That's why he was so cuckoo for Coco Puffs. The tricks rabbit had the DTs in his face, like, I tastes weird. And he's like, I made it on top of a blueberry pie. Just, it was, you know, we're still doing this now. It's what I'm saying.

We're still doing this now. I can't. Right. Yeah. Waste of pie. I'm a very pie, P.A. That's what I'm saying. What?

All right. So in early human history, people didn't really drink beer for the taste or even for the intoxicating effect. Beer remained a staple beverage largely because, unlike standing water, beer was inhospitable to disease causing bacteria. So they literally turned to beer because their water had poop in it. Old timey nose, like guys, guys, I've been tasting lots of poo recently. It's the thing I do. And this water is a lot like the stuff I've been trying. Can we make something better than that?

So the pee I've been trying is much nicer to be honest. Maybe something like that. Just for a second, I'm having a pee maybe. Flavor. So this is actually way more significant than a lot of people realize. So like today we take unpooped in water for granted, but back in the day, human expansion was limited to how far we could take water without getting it pooped in. Yeah, because at some point the temptation to shit in the water jug is just too much.

Well, particles are floating through the air. Settle it is. I mean, I did it again. You guys, you tell me I'm all dead. Okay. Like you try not to shit in the water, Jag. That's a weird board game. Can I say that?

The guy who just, the guy in the holder. All right. But the point is that humans had to settle near sources of clean water and while you could toss that water in a jar or a hide bag or something for a day's journey, you couldn't ship water into the next town over consistently enough from to survive. The water would get poop in it. Beer on the other hand made the potable portable. Some anthropologists actually consider beer to be on par with the discovery of bread in

terms of its impact on human expansion. Yeah, those are two big factors in my human expansion. Yeah. What we're saying is yeast is an underrated MVP. He's right. Yeah, he's an unvolved host. What I admire right now about human beings is that we invented beer before we invented boiling stuff. I'm just like, I got it.

It's all the crap. Practically everything else. Now I should note that modern beer drinkers probably wouldn't care much for beers early stuff. In reference to ancient beers in Mesopotamia, the Wikipedia article says, quote, these beers were often thick, more of a gruel than a drink. And drinking straws were used by the Sumerians to avoid the bitter solids left over from fermentation.

End quote. Needless to say that chunky style beer has largely fallen out of favor with modern audiences though. They don't like the curd. Hey, Han, while you're up, can you bring me back a hunk of beer from the branch. That stuff is called Trump and it's basically exactly like if beer picked its nose and then you ate it. That's like fruit on the bottom yogurt beer. That doesn't sound good. Corona should do that with limes. That would be cool. There you go. All right. So the oldest known evidence of brewing dates back to about 7,000 years ago in modern

day Iran in the form of chemical tests that they did on ancient pottery jars. And that's pretty much as old as it can go, right? So like there are doubts that any evidence would even survive longer than so pretty much as far back as we can rewind time, there's beer. In fact, by the time the Mesopotamian Scottarotta inventing writing, they already had three dedicated beer goddesses. Nincasi was the goddess of brewing. They also had Syrus, who was the goddess of finished beer. Wait, wait, that's obnoxious. Like the goddess of finished, the goddess of empty. I'm not a finished brewing. I mean, I just got a coaster on her head as her

idol. And then they also had Seduri who was the goddess of drinking beer. Yeah, they went by three girls one mug. That was. I mean, but if you've seen those goddesses, they had to invent beer goggles just to get through a morning at church. All right. So interesting side note, by the way, on Mesopotamian beer, we actually have a recipe. So the oldest evidence of beer drinking in the region comes from 6,000 year old tablets that show a bunch of people drinking beer through straws out of a communal bowl. That's a method of consumption that Tom would later dub daddy's

Cheerios. That's also a poem that's about 4,000 years old, written in honor of the aforementioned goddess of brewing in which the actual method of making their beer from barley and bread is described in detail. Step one, grain's going poop water when it bad. It's good. The end. You know, there's some deep bag beer hipster wave in a mug of this garbage in front of his face, you know, he's like, you know,

you can just smell the wet bread notes. Whatever, I find micro brewing to commercial. I'm like, only into the original recipe, Mesopotamian beer fermented with the wild yeast harvested from the neck beard of a virgin. I use mine. Yeah. Right. Right.

How to use mine for a long time. You got those suspenders because you worked at TGI Friday. Stop in a dip. So people were drinking beer as long as we can trace. But as near as we can tell, the Greeks were the first to be prudes about it and the Romans were the first to be highfalutin dicks about it. Thus confirming their historical stereotypes to such an absurd level that I might as well as just said that the Irish were the first to fill a swimming pool with it and the Japanese were the first to fuck it. True story, the Jews were the first to hoard it.

And Irish were the first to fill a swimming pool with it. Well, that's true, that is true, actually. And I was for the first to feel swimbo with it. Well, that's true. That is true, actually. Yeah. But yeah, by 450 BCE, no degree greater Sophocles was urging his fellow Greeks to exercise moderation in consuming beer, though he still believed it to be an essential part of this balanced breakfast. The Roman Strait Beer as well, but it was often derided as a lower class version of wine

and was frowned upon by the upper crust even if you did get it from a micro brewery. Look at these plebians and their beer. Okay, I'm done vomiting. Let's go take a communal shit and go home to fuck our sons. I call first wipe with the communal sponge. You want to go swapsies on the kids this time? No, no. Come on. You keep asking that. What? I don't like your son. I have an ugly child.

All right, so despite the Romans being dicks about it, beer continued to be a staple beverage throughout Europe right up to the modern day. And that brings us to medieval Europe. Okay, so medieval Europe is hard to even picture in your mind without a tanker of beer showing up in the foreground somewhere, right? And actually, this is pretty historically accurate because those motherfuckers drink this shit out of some beer. There is a persistent myth that people in medieval Europe drink more beer than water. That's almost certainly not even close to true. While beer was lauded for its poopless nature,

water was way cheaper and medieval villages were always built around ready water sources anyway. I do feel like we should clarify that this beer wasn't so much poopless since it was made from poop water. It's just that the poop had now been rendered safe. So, right, kind of like sucking a turd up through a life straw. That's just, yeah. I'm about one of them. Consider thank you, listen, Heron in the system. Of course, despite the fact that water was cheaper and more abundant, there's almost no question that the beer at the time was healthier due to the aforementioned pooplessness or the, you know, whatever negated poopfulness. Or I should say that there's no question of that today because back then the prescient of excientist derided beer

mostly because they were relying on books written by ancient Greeks and Arabic physicians for whom beer was just something filthy for a nurse drink in 1256, the Alder Brondino of Siena, whatever the fuck that is, I think it's a person. Describe beer as follows. Quote, it harms the head and stomach. It causes bad breath and ruins the teeth. It fills the stomach with bad fumes. And as a result, anyone who drinks it along with wine becomes drunk quickly along with wine. I mean, right? Yeah. And his assessment wasn't all bad, though. He did admit, quote, it does have the property of facilitating urination. Oh, wait. So they weren't peeing from other liquid at the point. Oh, he also says it makes one's flesh white and smooth.

End quote. Okay. Okay. All of that might be accurate, but I think you forgot to mention that it also gives men the delightful ability to grow a belly of such wild proportions as to mimic the third trimester of gestating triplets. This is really about promoting gender equality. Thank you.

It's about it. I'm not that much into peace boards, but I'm not sure about it making flesh white. It might make it smell like a spare a guess, but I'm not sure. And anecdotally, as a cast, we are all white in the order of beer consuminess. Yeah. If you think about it, um, you're translucent. What are you talking about? I'm not quite Eli. Do you think about it, you're translucent. How do you try to know? Not quite, Eli.

Do you think you're tan? No, because I'm like, I'm like, what color do you think you are? Name the color. Idris Elba. That's nothing about you. Eli's brain is spinning. All right, so it's around this time

that beer starts to take on its modern form. The first record of hops being added to beer starts cropping up in the early ninth century in Europe. That was only gradually adopted because it was tricky to establish the right proportion of ingredients. Instead, most brewers used grew it, which was a mix of various herbs that flavor the beer, but it didn't have the same preservative properties as hops. So a lot of the beer they were brewing back then would spoil before it could be exported. Okay. Genuine question.

How can you tell when alcohol goes bad when you're out? That's when you're out. Right. Same question, but this time about vegan shepherds pie. I know. When you have some when you run in. So yeah, beer was there for it all. And so the very earliest degree in societies, it was there for the dawn of the written

word. When the Sumerians built their great ziggarots, they paid their workers in beer when the Egyptians built the pyramids. They did it shit faced on a ration of four to five liters of beer a day. Yes. When Zina fun out with it is Persian stalkers, he stopped off for some Armenian beer along the way and all the while the bottle was also expanding its reach, but it wasn't until the 1440s that the two would come together and the partnership immortalized

in song was born. All right, Tom, Tom, wake up it guy. Time to get you shoes off. Oh, right. I propose nothing. Come on, Tom. Oh my god, what are the atrustkins up to? What are we got in the atrust? Thank you. I say, sir, Reginald, it is a lovely day for a chowst. Indeed, sir, AbbaFour. Beer, fresh beer. Oh, vendor, vendor, how much for a beer?

Uh, $12. That sounds about right. Uh, do you have smooth or only chunky? Oh, only chunky. I'm afraid. But I have a filter straw. I don't know. I don't want to be the chap drinking beer with a straw. Indeed. I say, what if you bought two? And I'll put one on either side of your crown. On my crown, you say?

Yes, yes, and then you place your filter straws here, and then here. My goodness, I could have two beers. You could. You could, and then if anyone made fun of you You could be like come on what is come on exactly? Yeah, right all right. You've convinced me two beers and two straws, please all right Um, do you have change for a horse? Oh No No But do you have change for a horse? Ooh! No. No. in a crown. So Noah tells about OG Smoky in the bandit. I had that stuff ready. Well,

do. All right. So through most human history and up through the middle ages, beer brewing was done on a relatively small scale. There were exceptions, of course, but early beer didn't travel well. And because they weren't using hops, yet, it had a high rate of spoilage. But that would start to change when hopped beer was perfected in the 13th century in Bohemia. 13th century Noah's just like the real V Boem is about careful preservation of sanitary liquids nerd fucking dude right now. Now it's about this time that Germans started to realize that future podcasters would make it all the way to the other end of apropos of nothing. Actually mentioning their country and history of beer.

So they took beer brewing to a whole new level home brewing started to fall away in favor of medium sized operations of eight to 12 people. And they started creating infrastructure for export like standardized barrel sizes. By the 14th century, this method of brewing had made it to flanders in Holland and by the early 15th century, it reached England, but because the English are stubborn fox, they also kept drinking the unhobbed beer alongside it, which they distinguished at this point as ale. Yeah, this stuff from the rest of Europe. It's it's great, but there anyone to make it? Uh, tepid and flavorless. Nice job on the beer make.

Can you do that with literally all of food too? I got it. Oh great. Great. Now let's deport all the dentists and then conquer the world while willing silly hats. This is going to last forever. You wouldn't have thought that plan was going to work at that moment.

You wouldn't have thought it was going to work. Now this is another part of the history that a lot of half-assers get wrong. There's a famous story about how it was illegal to put hops in beer in England at this time. That's not true. Okay. There was a stupid law at the heart of the myth, though. They made a whole thing about keeping ale and hopped beers separate to the point that you

weren't even allowed to brew them in the same locations. So people often quote the log as using hops in an ale house as though it were a restriction on brewing beer with hops at all. Yeah. And hops had to use a different entrance and a separate bit equal drinking. Well, what about if you just use three fifths, the amount is in a white ale? That's. Oh.

Of course beer with hops was just demonstrably better than the flat shit the brits were holding on to so eventually the term ale just came to mean strong beer though. Snooty people of today try to pretend that there's a genuine distinction so that the rich Roman wine drinkers won't look down on everything sounds better on vinyl. Fuck you. No, it doesn't. I know ridiculous and I'll pot the same and so is all food so you go too far to be fair though if you dislike

everything equally then everything is equal amen but ball is stupid it is it is it is. It is dumb. I mean, I like to watch it. It's fun to watch, but it's super, super dumb. Don't play. Why do we like kids do it? We should not do that because we're dumb. We shouldn't let adults do it either because they murder their families. There's a lot of people who shouldn't play for. All right. So interesting side note on this in 1516, William the fourth, Duke of Bavaria adopted something called, I'm going to get this way wrong, but the Ryan Hades Kaboot, which in a sense, that's probably right actually. The oldest continuously enforced food regulation in the world. It was a dictate that would later be passed into formal German law in 1987 that restricted the ingredients of beer to water, barley, and hops.

Now, yeast was added in 1857 because that's when they discovered it. But yeah, almost 400 years before up in Sinclair had to be like, hey, guys, there's the dude in your baloney. And all of a sudden, they had a first drink. They had a first drink. Yeah. I hate it. Yes, right.

Right. When you ordered beer in Germany, you got beer. Yep, if only German lampshade makers have the same standards. Oh, that's what all those guys ordered Jews. Oh, God, Jesus. That's a miserable man. Money in my fucking lampshade right now. How soft this is. That's a man. That's a man. That's a man. This is a money in my fucking lampshade right now.

I'm pretty mean. I feel how soft this is. This is Italian. Does that feel, does that feels okay? Of course, one of the consequences of this radical increase in production was an offsetting radical increase of consumption. According to one estimate, for example, the city of Hamburg went from drinking an average of 300 liters of beer per person per year in the 1400s to about 700 in the 1600s. Again, that's an average. Seeing as how at least some of them didn't drink, it's safe

to assume that more than half of the city's population was drinking more than a half gallon of beer a day. Holy shit. Sorry. At this point, I should explain to the listener that when I first wrote this essay, it had a two track thing going where I went into the history of bottles on the one hand and the history of beer on the other. And I got a hot back and forth between the two and how they influenced each other. But Tom kept classic. Classic.

Thank you. Nailed it. Tom kept accidentally erasing the parts about the history of all of them. Very purposeful. Did that on purpose? I say to you, and basically saying I'm deleting this accidentally erased the thing. So now they have to show up in the story fully formed as though created through divine intervention. No, it just went straight from a trusskins to beer. But regardless, this is where those two stories are. You fucking see, we lost the whole James town section. Tom, you are tearing this podcast apart.

The only three of bottles that I'm willing to listen to better involve champagne and a woman about to have a terrible yeast infection. Now I'm interested in bottles. Tom would have some really weird citation needed episodes if there wasn't for the checking purposes. Now, there's a common apocryphal story of the first bottle beer showing up around 1570 at the hands of forgetful church of England, rector named Dr. Alexander Noel. And this happened apparently in the impossibly Britishly named town of Hertfordshire around

20 miles north of London. The story goes that he puts a beer in a bottle so that he have a refreshment while he was out fishing. But then he fell asleep on the trip. He forgets about the beer. He never drinks it. He goes home a couple of days later, he comes back to fish in the same spot. And damn, if he doesn't come across the beer, which is now all fizzed up with fizziness

and beeriness. Yeah. That's how we figured out how stem cells have interesting properties too. We just left an abortion bottle in a lake. It was brew radly, maybe. Giant shark baby jumps out of the water and eats samuel jacks and it was a door. So the idea is that the beer had undergone secondary fermentation in the bottle, which makes for a much higher quality beer than people would have been used to in the 16th century. And because people love the idea that maybe they too could bumble fuck their way onto

a great and lasting discovery. The story isn't during even if it doesn't have any documentation behind it at all. The first telling of the story is nearest. We can tell it comes from a dubious source more than than 100 years after the story was said to have taken place. And all the beer nerds right now are just shaking their heads at this crazy idea that you'd even get secondary fermentation sufficient for the dissolution of a reasonable amount of COT in just a few days. And they don't even get started on the dubious presence of sufficient quantities of fermentable

sugars after the primary fermentation phase is complete. How would you even have sufficient bottling pressure with old time, bottles with old time, these seals, it's one mansion. I don't wanna get too far. Fucking at trustkins and all of a sudden. There we go. And that come.

Lebaticus Finch. That was earlier from a joke. I said, I'm gonna say, but then I'll be Lebaticus. Lebaticus stout finch. What? That's right? All right.

So in truth, the story of bottle beer is even more boring than the Noelle myth bottles had been around for a long, fucking time glass ones at that. And people put wine in them already. So why wouldn't you just put beer in them? Sure. The secondary fermentation thing probably got discovered by accident. And that probably happened several times in different locations. But it almost certainly happened at breweries.

That being said, it likely didn't happen as early as the legend would suggest, since as Tom alluded to the hand blown glass bottles of the day would not have been strong enough to withstand the pressure of the CO2 anyway. Just, this is a guy with shards of glass lodged all over his face. He's like, ah, there must be a better way, but I don't care. We're doing this. Right. I think the fucking delivery guy is just shaking and sweating profusely as he carries

bottles of beer basically filled with nitro glycerin around his feet. So as near as I can tell, bottle beer shows up in the early 17th century, mostly is something the rich folks are doing. Again, likely because it seemed more upper crust to drink alcohol out of a bottle, not because of secondary fermentation. Bottles were pretty expensive at the time. So most beer was still fermented in barrels and you can still find documents of brewers arguing about which method was better well into the 1600s. So well so well into the 1700s, bottled beer remains an upper cross lugger.

As I said in my last misive to act beer master 44, he knows nothing of the group. Is that one guy that insists on drinking out of a single serving barrel? That same asshole has a barrel in every shape in his house and sits at taste different if you drink it from the tulip barrel. That's what. It's got a slotted spoon around his neck like a similar thing. Just eating the junk. So that started to change a bit in the 18th century.

And one interesting reason that contributed to that was the lack of glass blowers in the American colonies. Apparently we weren't set up to make all the bottles we needed for every day bottling. So a large percentage of the bottles people used in America had to be shipped over from England. And if you're going to ship bottles anyway, you might as well double dip and fill them with something valuable. And because of secondary fermentation, you can basically fill a bottle with flat beer on one side of the Atlantic and end up with frothy beer on the other side. So it was a logical choice

when it came time to fill those bottles. Seems like that was a weird meeting. All right, gentlemen, we must decide once if raw, what goes into our bottles. My lord, the secondary fermentation process of bottled beer makes it the natural choice. Moo, nerd pee. We're doing pee. Oh, yes, pee. I like that too. Why would we send pee?

Well, we can't send empty bottles. Empty bottles. Serticulous. Of course. I mean, but empty bottles would be, that would be better than pee. I mean, but empty bottles would be that would be better than pee Gentlemen, please now you've you both presented some good ideas the portal vote all in favor of this Beer things Seriously, it's just me. I like that and pee then All right, well, it's decided You're in b Banod, San Des, 2020. Piss!

Piss! Piss! Piss! Piss! Piss! Piss! Of course, these bottles were all still hand-blown, so... Uh, time consuming as hell to make.

Some glass bottles were made from clay and copper moles, but they tended to make for shitty end products. But then, in 1847, an American brewer was granted a patent for iron bottle molds. What? A couple decades later, yeah, right? The chilled iron mold was invented and made bottles orders of magnitude faster and cheaper to produce. Fun fact, chilled iron mold is still a favorite at British potlots.

Oh, I can't even think of anything more desperate sounding than a British potlots. Oh, bad to start with. All right, so one problem still stood between the beer and the bottles, though, and that was the cork. While the process of making glass bottles had moved from skilled craftsmen to mass production, they still needed to be corked by hand. And I saw a record of a London brewer back in 1870 that had to employ a hundred corkers plus and work them in 12 hour shifts.

Hey, hey, 1870 season. I swear to God, 1870's Eli, do not say it. For a cork in it. That is it. That's it. That's it. All right. So also worth noting, by the way, courts were a pain in the ass on both sides

of the beer. Beer drinkers have enough trouble cracking open pop top cans at a certain point, right? You just imagine to do try to fit a corkscrew into his six feet here. You know, there's easier ways to get someone to stop drinking just hide the liquor under their work clothes. That's what we used to do with my dad. So that did not work with my dad. Right. So in a real testament to how classy bottled beer is, it was the patent of the first twist on cap that really allowed bottled beer to take off and become a mainstay of beer consumption. That happens in the late 1800s, but bottle beer really didn't take off until

World War One when bars got into the habit of watering down the kegs to make up for wartime taxes. And if anything, we'll finally get this out to stop supporting wars. This is it. Now they're fun fact World War One also popularized twist off limbs. That was really good. Good, eh? It's like some kid like aspirating his own fucking lung juice and a trench at the psalm and his last gas, but it's okay. Just so long as he don't invent. Blue moon.

His death was for nothing. That was pointless. So many. Not slicing fucking oranges. Orange is pretty good. God damn it. The orange does not make it better. Get a fucking lemon or get a beer that's a beer that's made of beer.

You asshole. That is the worst. Jesus I like to go over and throw out all the orange slices and then pretend it was an accident. I like to do it right in their face and pretend it was on purpose. Not pretend, it's on purpose. Anyway, anyone that orders a blue moon should be able to break it against the bar and cut them once.

That should be standard. What? All right. Escalated fast. Okay. Yeah, right? So that, of course, brings us around to the song that inspired the episode incorrectly, but still my mom's fight and that's what matters.

That delightfully long diddy about ritual suicide via alcohol poisoning that we sing your children on car trips and school excursions 99 bottles of beer on the wall. It's an anonymous folk tune that shows up in the mid-20th century and has yet to be sung to its conclusion except by Andy Kaufman and he's an anonymous folk tune that shows up in the mid 20th century and has yet to be sung to its conclusion Except by Andy Kaufman and he's an ass He's amazing. I know if you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence So I would it be Tom does not fuck around that is yeah, I'm right true. Are you ready for the quiz? That I am all right Noah. What's the best name for your medieval brand of chunky beer? Is it a Mud light What's the best name for your medieval brand of chunky beer? Is it A, mud light? B, coarse.

It's good, it's very good. It's very coarse, it's still worse. It's got chunks. Hot, high meat, is it sea? High meat kin. What? No, that's a nice knife. So we went downhill. It's not good.

Bring it back. It's not good. Bring it back with us. D, crud wiser. Lazy. First of all, push it. The end of the heart. It was much, it was much lazier earlier. First draft of No, push it. You know that on my heart. It was much, it was much lazier earlier.

First draft of this had mudwizer. I know, I just do a bunch. You realize you used mud for bud twice, maybe crowdwizer. Do you think budwizer and bud lighter different companies you like? I just realized those are very obvious. The same company. I googled beer brands in those different places.

Can you name a beer brand besides Bud, Cours and Heineken? And Blue Moon, too slow. You literally just named one, then I can't remember. I don't know what I'm at about. Because they're orange beer. Nope. No. I actually got it Wizer and get you out of this.

Oh, that was great, dude. You could have said hats. You could have said magic hats. You would have had it. Oh, you were close. All right. Next question for you. Which of the following is a true statement about beer?

I'm gonna go with D. I'm gonna go with D. Crude Wizer and get you out of this. Oh, that was great, dude. You could have said hats. You could have said magic hats. You would have had it. Oh, you were close. All right, next question for you. Which of the following is a true statement about beer? A, in Alaska, it was once illegal to serve beer to a moose. It only once be.

It's okay now. It is no longer on the books as I understand it. I guess it's understood. It's a tacit understanding at this point in Alaska. I'd like to thank anyway. Be in Ohio, it's legal to serve beer to a fish, but not in excess. You can't get the fish drunk.

C can you take its keys? Where would you put the keys? They're already in the fish bowl. That's right. Little castle. How do you party? See? In St. Louis, Missouri, it's illegal to sit on a curb and drink beer from a bucket.

Seems like it feels like it a B in St. Louis. Yeah. It feels like a Bill Bella chick thing. Or final, final option is D in the Tareeke tribe of Kenya, when a young man wants to marry a woman, he offers beer to her. If she then spits some of the beer into his mouth, she has his proposal of that's a cheaper. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, well obviously clearly We got to find out now if she's got a friend All right, so I'm gonna go secret answer E they're all of the above because I that can't want I can't have any of these not be true

Okay, I think you have that right. According to the internet, at least if you don't keep checking after the first website, I thought you got that right. By the standards of this show Eli has said. Absolutely correct. Yes. All right. All right.

No, home brewing is an amazing hobby that lets dudes get together and talk about their a sterility. Be quartz, see boils, the bottom for preventing yeast. Hey, I'm going to go with, I'm also, I'm going to go with secret answer, E, all of the above on that one. I think you nailed it. So, yeah. Secret answer day. All right. I think you nailed it. So sly. Yeah.

Secret answer day. All right. I'll come to the defense. Beer is awesome and should be brewed at home. What are some excellent reasons to make this your new hobby? A, it pays for itself if you are an alcoholic who drinks hundreds of bottles of beer a month. And if your time has no discernible. He's so it does.

Thank you. All right. All right. B, it's a social activity. Your friends will love coming over for an eight hour day of manual labor as long as you throw in the joy of watching their water boil, commingled with sending them home, smelling like a baseball stadium mirror.

See, it's safe. The only things to watch for are caustic sanitizing chemicals, broken glass exploding glass and many dozens of gallons of heavy boiling water that has to be transported and then cooled. Or D, it's delicious because if you are diligent, you could make a beer. A fraction as good as what's available in the store. I'm only triple the cost. So true to don't have to get. He's true. Holy shit.

I'm going to pretend to like it. The worst one is E. You have to pretend to fucking like it. Yeah. I'm spending time with Tom's beer. Yeah. This is great. I'm going to just reject the premise. That is correct. I would imagine. Yes. And that means that I'm going to announce a heath as the winner. I don't know why it's true. Nailed it. All right. Next week, I get to pick who goes. I'm going with Tom. I'm going to be so good.

And something uplifting, that'll be great. All right, Tom, Noah, Eli and Heatham Cecil, thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week and by then, Tom will be an expert on something else. If you'd like to keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com so I'll citeation pod or leave a suffice to review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to check out our other projects, get in touch with us, listen to past episodes,

connect with us on social media or read the show notes, be sure to check out citationpod.com. What do you think? You guys are going to admit this is this is some refreshing pee see right told you told you Are you gonna finish that or yes? Yes, yes, you're sure yes It's like you knew I was gonna ask that