Citation Needed - Burke Wills Expedition

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

The Burke and Wills expedition was organised by the Royal Society of Victoria in Australia in 1860–61. It consisted of 19 men led by Robert O'Hara Burke and William John Wills, with the objective of crossing Australia from Melbourne in the south, to the Gulf of Carpentaria in the north, a distance of around 3,250 kilometres (approximately 2,000 miles).[1] At that time most of the inland of Australia had not been explored by non-Indigenous people and was largely unknown to the European settlers. Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

That little part the ending was perfect. No, it wasn't the thing with the mask was supposed to be huge and impactful But he showed it they did it with Bilber and some Randall bad guy in the episode right before Oh, I have no heart. No, this is a block of ice where your heart should be. That's what's there Cecil, thank God you're here. Need your help. He's take it easy buddy. What's up? Yeah, so Eli and I we were thinking about this week's episode and You know you know you know works so hard in our shows So we thought why don't we take care this week's episode so So you guys could have off right but Cecil there were just so many wires and but like so many It's so many and I tried googling it you always tell me to Google and I did I really did

But I think we messed it up you guys you're gonna have to record with us after all Well, that's I mean, it's really sweet. You guys to try though. Yeah, it's not probably sure It's not that bad. Why don't you show me what you did and maybe we can still use part of it or I don't know If I want to show no, I mean I know and I really don't don't we appreciate this no? I think we appreciate this. Yeah, I mean, what questions did you guys have? Okay, so what batter does go into the mixer because Pancake and Cookie did not work. Not at all.

I'll go see if best buys open. Okay, yeah, thanks. Is it cake? We were thinking it might be cake. Could be cake. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed! A podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet. That's how it works now. I'm Eli Bosnick and I'll be setting the course for this journey which, as you're about

to learn, is thematically fitting. But I'll need some collateral damage first up, the grownups, Noah and Cecil. Oh, if I'm your adult supervision, you're as good as an electrocuted officer. I'm sorry. Eli, you only say that because I'm 31 years older than you. I'm 31. And also joining us tonight, the adorable scamps,

the grownups gave a surprising percentage of their companies to Heath and Tom. Okay, he lies projecting right now, like weapons, grade, projecting right now. Do you want me to do the intro and you're the guy? Yeah. Does work better that way, that's true. Man, I might not add a lot of value,

but I am frequently here. So that's what they say, like Tulsi Gabbard, your presence. value but I am I am frequently here yeah that's what they say like Tulsi Gabbard your presence that's true Tulsi Gabbard fuck you Tulsi Gabbard you call me a lot of things

I put up with a lot can't I fight my fucking pockets some more Tulsi Gabbard you killed me you make me you make me he's like political ballast, time is cool. Yeah.

Before we begin tonight, I'd like to take a moment to thank our patrons. Each time I tell our audience to write a three-layer deep sketch with 14 different sound effects, it's your money that cools, knows, and ceasels heated brows, and gets them back to the clicking and beeps that I assume editing is. So if you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around till the end of the show, and with that out of the way, tell us what person plays thing, concept, phenomenon, or event we'll be talking about today? We're going to be talking about the Burke Willis Expedition in Australia.

All right, and Tom, it's a little late for you to present me in Heath with such a vivid ghost to Christmas future, but I appreciate the effort. Are you ready to weave us a yarn? I am. I'm actually really excited to tell this story. It's a great one. So tell us, Tom, what was the Burke Willis expedition? All right, so I was actually saving this topic

because I think it's just amazing and I found it maybe a year and a half, two years ago. I had high hopes someday we might all return to Australia and I could do this story like live and in person, but since the world has become a giant pile of shit and no one is going anywhere, I decided this story just needs to be told now. We're not going anytime soon.

That's just not gonna happen. So this is ultimately the story of what happens when you appoint a completely inexperienced and tragically inept man as the leader of something that has significant consequences. Spoiler, a lot of people are gonna die. Yeah. Yeah.

Tom, our blifting pandemic episode was three war stories. I think people know what they're getting into with our body. Yeah. So our story begins amidst the backdrop of the Australian gold rush. The gold walk about, if you will. So in 1851, gold was found in Victoria,

which is in the southeastern part of Australia. That's our northwest. Look about the Australian equivalent of rush. Is that even a game? I'm going to get it. So, in 10 short years, the population of Victoria grew from 29,000 and nearly 140,000. In mid-19th century terms, this was just a hell of a lot of people, and Victoria had become the second largest city in the British Empire.

As you might imagine, this population boom, not to mention the gold, meant that there was a real financial desire to connect Victoria, Australia, to the rest of the world. But to do that effectively, an overland route from southern Australia to the north would need to be found and mapped. Because remember, at this time, most of the middle of Australia was just marked with, here there be monsters. Pretty sure it's still marked that way though.

Yeah. They just also have cities now. They definitely still have monsters. I just look for a glorious moment in the middle of that time. I thought this was gonna be the story of them trying to build a bridge to New Zealand. It feels like they could.

So a committee was formed to explore the idea of, well, exploring, which they called the Exploration Committee. And at first it was rather slow going, but by 1860, the idea had raised sufficient support to begin the process of choosing its leaders. If you're only so cautious in choosing our leaders. Now, the natural choices for leaders from among the exploration committee would have been Ferdinand Van Muehler and Wilhelm Blendowski. These were the only two who had any real experience in like outdoors stuff, like reading

compasses and camping and the like. But the committee instead just got into a pissing match among its members and they inexplicably chose Robert O'Hara Burke as the leader and William John Willis as the surveyor, navigator and third in command. This despite the fact that Burke had absolutely no experience in bushcraft.

So Burke was an Irish guy who for some reason served as an officer in the Austrian army and then later worked as a police superintendent in Australia. Willis was the third in command guy. I did have some experience with living outdoors, but Burke, again, the leader of the expedition had exactly none. Yeah, we gotta get a camping outsider.

Someone is shaping in his eye. exactly none. Yeah, we got to get a camping outsider. So what a shape. Drain the swamp. It's gonna drown so soon. So August 20th of 1860, the expedition took off or set off slowly. The group consisted of 19 men of mixed descent, some Irish, some English, some afghan, three Germans, one American, and then an Indian guy to deal with the 26 camels that they were going to use. They also had 23 horses and 6 wagons. If this seems like a lot of gear, you would be both right and wrong. For similar expeditions, it would become rather standard practice to bring cattle along with you. So you drive the cattle as you explore

and periodically they're slaughtered, but along the way they are basically walking lunch boxes. This expedition instead shows to bring along dried meat rather than walking meat. So that filled three of their six wagons. All in all, they set off with enough food to feed the 19 men for two years, which by the way, they would eat off

of the cedar-topped oak and table that they also brought along with chairs, of course. A Chinese gong for some reason. Yeah, what? Yeah, Chinese gong. How are you gonna know dinner's ready? Without gong, that's just obvious. Rockets, flags, and 20 actual tons of other shit.

One of the guys is like, okay, okay, I'll come explore the wilderness with you guys But I'm not missing Chinese New Year that shit's important You did say gung I heard you say gung. Yep. Well, how else are we gonna even know who lost the talent show? You guys wanna let Convoy finish his whole fucking song? Let Conroy finish his whole fucking song. All right, so 19 guys each with the equivalent of two and a half beasts of burden and a thousand and fifty two pounds each of provisions set off to make the perilous Historic Overland Des voyages from South to North across the unexplored by white people Landscape of Australia's interior. But a blistering pace, they did not set.

They left from Royal Park in Melbourne, and immediately, I mean, immediately, while still in Royal Park, one of their six wagons broke. I'm like fifth street. They were like, yeah, right there before they've really moved, it was right in front of an assembled crowd of 15,000 well-wishers, so she's just. Oh, right on their department, right there before they've like really moved, it was right in front of an assembled crowd of 15,000 well-wishers. Oh, she's a spark.

Trying to wave their arms were getting tired. By midnight of that first day of the expedition, they made it exactly five miles outside the center of Melbourne to estendon where two more of their wagons promptly broke. Guy comes around the side. He's just in a sense. Good news. I could fix the wagon. Bad news. I have to replace one of the wheels with the spare gong. Fuck you. Fuck you. How the hell are we supposed to eat jerky without a gong? Chinese New Year. We live in a society. Thank you. And our things broken. By August the 23rd, three days after setting off,

they had made it all the way to Landsfield, which, according to Google Maps, should take you 14 hours walk. That's it. By the sixth day, they had made it to Miyamiya, a 21 hour stroll, by the the way where they took their first Rest day at 21 hours from the point of departure not 21 hours from Landsfield Clearly things were not going smoothly for the expedition by the 15th of September

They decided to ditch some of the heavy shit that they were bringing along Notably they chose to abandon not the Chinese gong or the big oak table, but instead they jettisoned sugar and lime juice and some of their guns and ammunition. What? I, no idea. That wouldn't be enough weight though. And nine days later,

Burke ordered that there was now a baggage weight limit for personal belongings for each of the men limiting them to 30 pounds of personal kit each. Whose gong was it personally? Berk at this point also ordered that maybe the men should walk and to load up the camels so the horses didn't have to work so hard. Apparently if we'd done this right off the bat, we'd have gotten here at 21 hours. I'm sorry, I just now was occurring to me.

By the time the explanation reached the Darling River, Burke ordered the crew to dump 60 gallons of rum, wish they had brought along, and this is for fucking real, they brought the rum along for the camels to drink. Because they thought the rum would prevent camels from getting scurvy. Okay, that's different. That's true. That is how it is. Run by the way does not prevent scurvy.

But 16 gallons of rum does weigh a little under 500 pounds. Oh, Jesus. It was at this point that the first of the defections began with two guys just piecing out, including the expedition surgeon. When the surgeon quit, this moved Willis, the surveyor navigator and third and command firmly into second place. The resignation just says, I'm sorry, I don't think I can work for an employer who cares so little about camel scurvy. Sincerely. By October 12th, the expedition to made their way to Menendee, a small town on the banks of the Darling River.

The first leg of this journey, this is the initial 470 miles, it's taking them nearly two months. The regular mail service, as a point of comparison, regularly made the same journey in about a week. They were moving eight times slower than the speed of a sail. 18 hundred. 18 mailmen passed them as their walkings

The same one for He walks by is like what you talk about Burke Willis Different strokes So two of the officers at this point quit. Burke then fired 13 more men. All right, sing a song you're fired. Two slow gong scene. Oh, dude, you want this?

Well, yeah. So remember, they only started with 19 guys. Right, 15 of 19, which is Donzo at this this point only four remain from the original crew they hired eight more guys bring the new expedition to 12 men and still 49 pack animals and six wagons Wow when I'm just like oh damn it y'all we could have mailed the gong this far I feel stupid now This was dumb they could have mailedong this far. I feel stupid now. This was dumb. They could have mailed themselves this far. Aren't you, once you lose way more than half your members, aren't you supposed

to rename your band? Isn't that a long time? Can't call it Jefferson Airplane. It has to be starship now. You have to change it. So is it this point that the South Australian government issued a challenge along with a very sizable reward for the first group to traverse Australia from the South to the North? This challenge caught the attention of John McDougall Stewart. He's a very seasoned explorer and not at all a total fucking tool. This understandably made Burke nervous. He wanted to make the crossing first and claim the fame and the reward money.

So he decided to take seven of the fittest men and the strongest horses, along with a small amount of equipment to speed ahead to Cooper Creek. But they already started, right? They're not starting from like the South Coast. How is that not a rule in the country? Everyone in the North Coast just like,

made it, I win. I won. I got your door turn back in. And the thing here I don't understand is that they were going to go on ahead real fast to Cooper Creek and then the plan was for them to wait for the rest of the guys to catch up. How that is supposed to make things faster in total I cannot possibly understand. No, that's fuck stop with those seven guys. So, they headed out toward Cooper Creek on October the 19th.

And this time, things actually went fairly well, though not because of anything that they did. The weather was unseasonably mild, which in Australia means that it only exceeded 90 degrees twice on their way to Cooper Creek. And there was plenty of rain, so they were able to water the man in the horses without much difficulty. A birch-rich Cooper Creek on November the 11th, though he split his party during the trip, sending one of the party, this is going to be important, a guy by the name of William

Wright, back to Menendee, to get the rest of the gang and some supplies. So Cooper Creek was really the edge of European explored Australia. This was essentially the edge of the earth for these guys. Well, okay, but and technically where the expedition part starts, right? Right? Up until now they've just been arguing on their way to the trailhead. It's not wrong at all. So here they formed a depot and they began to scout the land north for the next leg of their journey, but they were forced to abandon their first newly built camp because a play of rats forced

them to move to a new camp further downstream. What? Here, just rats just showed up, fuck it, kicked them out of town. Probably venomous too, because it's so Australia. I feel like you want to go upstream from that when you start your new spot. So here they erected a crude stockade in the name of place Fort Willis. The idea was to wait at Fort Willis for a few months rather than attempt to travel during the brutal heat of the Outback's unrelenting summer.

But Burke again grew antsy, and on December the 16th Burke decided to leave Fort Willis to head to the Gulf of Carpentaria. It was at this point that things went from plague of rats bad to much much worse. Alright, well looks like 40% of the country thinks that Burke is doing an awesome job, so we're gonna take a quick break for some really like to call Arapoe of nothing. Ah Jenkins, you got a minute mate? Yes sir, and may I say congratulations again on being made a leader of this year's expeditions

huh? Right, right, thank you, thank you. Uh, who would have thought that Mulele would throw paper twice in a row huh? That way you would say you did! Yes, yes I did. So, uh, I just want to go over a couple of minor details on the plan here. Of course, sir. Right, so we're going up, right?

Uh, north, north, north. Yeah, north, north, that's the word. There, there was bugging me. It was buggin' me. And like, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, right? So, we should probably just like... Yeah. Right? Like that?

Yeah. Wait, you might want to stop off at, uh, Cooper's big, risplice, sir. Supply, supplies, right, right, right, and Cooper's big would be... Here, sir. Yeah, knew that, knew that. Cool, cool, cool, cool. So we'll just do like a...

Like a smear. And then a smear. Excellent, raptzer. Yes, thank you. Thank you, it is. Oh, one less thing, Jenkins.aps, sir. Yes, thank you. Thank you, it is. Uh, oh, one less thing, Jenkins. Yes, sir. Uh, this watch you gave me, it seems broken.

The hands are like, kind of loose and swivel all over the place. Well, that's because it's a compass, sir. Compass! Right, totally. I knew that. I was just jerking. Of course. Excellent, jokes, sir.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I'll just joking. Of course. Excellent jokes, sir. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all right. I'll see you. See you. A compass. What would I need to draw a circle? Alright, when we left off, things were running as smoothly as an open relationship. Alright, well to get to the golf of Carpentaria, Burke decided to split his team into two more groups. At Fort Willis, he left William Brighay in charge of three men.

While Burke Willis and two other guys took six camels, one horse, and enough food for three months on their trip north. Before leaving, Burke ordered Brahe to wait for him at Fort Willis for three months. But Willis, after looking at a goddamn map, secretly revised that ask ordering Brahe and company to wait for four months rather than three for them to return. So it was now mid-summer and temperatures in the shade were often 120 degrees. Ooh, that's 49 degrees in communist. And that 120 degrees in the shade is cute because this Wikipedia puts it

in the Strislecki and Stert Stoney deserts, there was very little shade to be found. If only someone had a Chinese gun. In the Strazzlecki and Sturt Stoney Desert, there was very little shade to be found. If only someone had a Chinese gun! You guys made fun of me. You said I wouldn't need to. But despite the rigors of backpacking through a sauna, their luck held. Water was easy to find because of recent rainfall and the aborigines they encountered were much to their delight and against their expectations quite peaceful. See, not cannibal savages, pay-up steves, I told you.

Guys, we had a bet whether you guys were cannibal savages or not. I'm saying we like, I bet on you not. Now, February 9th, the expedition reached the little bino river, which is actually an arm of the Flinders River Delta, but they couldn't push further through to get to the ocean because they were now in a mangrove swamp. So Berkett Willis did the only sensible thing. They handed off their camels to the other two guys at the edge of the swamp and they began trekking through the mangroves.

Oh, you never caught the wagons. Unsurprisingly, the pair were only able to get 15 arduous miles into the swamp before they were forced to turn back. Yeah, 15 miles of swamp is called Trump's legacy. Yeah, legacy. So at this point, they had been traveling for 59 days and they only had 27 days of food left,

which for those of you keeping a score at home home is 32 days shy of getting back to their buddies and the remainder of their supplies. It is. That is how you add up those numbers. Correct. Shut up. Shut up. Still, they couldn't push further north into the swamps.

So they had no choice but to begin the return leg of their trip, except that unlike the first 59 hot and dry days, they had now entered the monsoon portion of the program. So they were pounded with torrential tropical rains that of course caused massive flooding. So anywhere else slogging through mud with poor visibility, it was still brutally hot, but it was soaking wet as well. And on March 4, the first of their pack animals failed, a camel, which was abandoned after a pull to full our tracks and simply couldn't continue any further.

How dare you? Soon after they shot three other camels for food, as they ran out of supplies, and by April 10th, they shot their only horse, and they ate him as well. Ah, yeah, that's when it gets really awkward for the big guy. Whoever's the biggest guy there? Stop looking at me like the bugs, bunny, turkey dinner thing. I know what you're doing. This is why we drew straws for no reason last week.

He just did it. So the beginning eat a flower called, Portsulaka to stave off their hunger. I'm sure I'm mispronouncing that each day shedding more and more of their gear in an attempt to lighten their load and thus speed their pace. One of the starving four man, a guy named Charles Gray caught and killed an 11 pound python, which they all gratefully ate, but which gave Burke and Gray both dysentery.

For some reason, even though they both got sick, Burke thought Gray was faking being sick. Though since shitting blood is the primary symptom of dysentery, unless Gray was like, Eli's great, great uncle. This seems like a rather difficult and pointless thing to fake. That's such a good fake out. He really is. Nevertheless, Burke had it out for Grey, and when he caught Grey sneaking some porridge a few days later, Burke just up and beat the shit out of this guy.

It's not clear from the records, mostly because the records are Burke's diaries. How badly Burke beat this guy? But that dude does die a few days later, supposedly of dysentery, which he was also allegedly faking. Now you're shit in blood, how you like it? The three surviving men stopped for a day to bury Gray before finally pushing on. Guys, I need an outside opinion. Is there enough food coloring in this shit

to make it look like dysentery or not? You're not. You're not. You're not. Squint a little. Just squint a lot of beef. Just squint a lot of beef. It's the same thing.

On April 21st, exhausted, weak, malnourished, and down one man, the three finally arrived back at their depot in Cooper Creek. And I love this. They found, fuck you, this is why just nine hours earlier, nine hours. It had been abandoned by Brahe and the others. Oh, so remember how Burke had asked Brahe and company to wait for three months, and Willis was like, hmm, what's the name of that for? Well, they actually waited 18 weeks

before finally becoming convinced that Burke and the rest were not coming back. And besides, at this point, the guys who were waiting had themselves begun to run low on supplies. They were all starting to get scurvy and one of them entered his leg. Oh, this expedition is turning into meeting friends in a public park. It's just like, just drop a Google pin and stay where you are. The car. Do not walk to us. Walk to the pin that you have dropped. Carol? Carol.

Carol. Why would you not drop the pin where you already were? So before Brahe and company left, Justin Caseberg did by some miracle return. They buried some provisions and they carved a message on a tree to mark the location of the supplies. They left Fort Willess on April 21st in the morning, while Burke and the gang stumble fucked their way into camp later that same evening. And even

though they were only separated by 9 hours, Burke's team wasn't in any condition to try to catch up. Instead they decided to try to rest and recover their strength using the supplies that were left for them. That they just had to dig up! Well, nice of Dalywolly supplies for us to survive underneath all this manual labor. Oh, she's didn't have a fucking obstacle course. They could put it at the end of it. This trampled under some barbed wire for it. They dig up a giant box under 12 feet of dirt. It's just the gong inside. Come on! What? There's a, there's a, there's a truskin dirt baby

wailing away on it like Neil Perry. Run, run, run, run. Rush about. I'm April the 25th. Rush about is great. That's so good. That would be a fast, it's fine. Cold brush. I'm April the 25th. Russia about is great. That's so good. That would be a fast, it's fine. Cold breath.

I got it. So April the 23rd, after resting two days, they set off again, though not without some conflict. Willis, who you might recall was the navigator and surveyor, as well as, you know, the other guy. They both wanted a head back in the direction they'd initially traveled and try to make it back to Menendee, but Burke was in charge somehow and he decided instead that they should try for a pastoral settlement on the outskirts of and I promise that this is a real name a place called Mount Hopeless. Seriously? Mount Hopeless, that's where they're headed to Mount Hopeless. Mount Hopeless is 150 miles away across the desert.

Of course. So before leaving Fort Willis, they buried a letter explaining where they were headed. The trouble was they buried the letter in the same place that their buddies had buried the cache and Burke didn't think to change the message carved into the tree or change the date or anything. You just, what buried the letter there? Okay, if Mr. Roper doesn't eat this guy Burke at some point, I'm going to be super disavointed. So earlier in the story, William Wright and a couple other guys had broken off from the main force to help get supplies and move them from Menendida Cooper Creek.

The problem is that Wright was short on money and pack animals, so he wasn't able to actually secure any supplies until the middle of January, which is the hottest, driest time of the year. And although now he had supplies to bring to Cooper Creek, Wright was desperately late and travel was a nightmare. They were desperate for water the whole trip, and they were harassed by hostile Aboriginal tribes. But I said you guys weren't cannibal savages, I said weren't. Positive stereotype. And even though they were the resupply, three of the four of the men died along the way of malnutrition. And incredibly, William Wright ran into Brahe when they both camped at the

Kurlato Waterhole along the Boulou River. So Brahe and Wright decided to go back one more time to Cooper Creek. The pair made it back to Cooper Creek on May 8th, but since Burke buried the only evidence that they had made it back to Cooper Creek without changing the fucking message on the tree, Cooper Creek without changing the fucking message on the tree. Brahe and Reich concluded wrongly that Burke never made it back to camp. They left camp again to return to Menendee unaware that they had missed Burke's return by only half a day. Yeah, the note just right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Burke, Willis and King were averaging 5 miles or less a day. The men unable to carry the weight of the water that they would need to cross the desert

found that they were unable to leave the shores surrounding Cooper Creek. They were exhausted, malnourished, and without supplies, when by some miracle they ran into the Cooper Creek aborigines, who supplied the starving men with food and this might have actually worked out okay for them except that Burke in a fit of peak shot his pistol at one of the aborigines. The aborigines fled leaving Burke, Willis and King to their own fucking devices. And thus was the first Thanksgiving day create. I'm not saying I get it.

I'm saying there's a reason we don't let Noah have a pistol when we travel. Oh, okay, okay. If me and other people are lost in the woods, there are two options. Either I have a pistol or I'm starving. Okay, come on. As June began to come to a close, Willis became too weak to continue their journey upstream along the Cooper. Burke and King left Willis with some small provisions, and at his insistence, they continued upstream.

Two days later, it was Burke's turn to collapse, unable to get up, and the next day Burke was dead. King had a back down stream to check on Willis, who was by now dead as well. King unburdened by the incompetence of Burke, met up with a group of aborigines, and just didn't shoot at them, which made them much more pleasant and willing to help. All right, don't worry, Burke, I'll go get Willis.

I'll get him, he'll know what to do. Okay, fuck, all right, don't worry, I'll get Burke. He can help you, I'll go get Burke, good. Okay. In 1861, no less than five expeditions were dispatched to try and find the Berk and Willis expedition. The Victorian contingent party left Melbourne on the 26th of June and met up with Brahe who though he was from that original expedition Had no idea where Berk had gone off to. How it, the leader of the Victorian contingent party, grabs some extra guys, and along with Brahe, they made their way to Cooper Creek,

where they found King alive and living with the Aboriginal people. King, though, found alive was in terrible condition. He never fully recovered. He died 11 years later at the age of 33. The remains of Birk and Willis were found and buried. And ironically, each of the rest of the four rescue expeditions in the course of their searches, they all made significant and important contributions to the exploration of Australia's interior. They find those bodies and they bury them at that supply tree. And a few years later, somebody digs them up disappointed. Go on, baby. I wanted fucking spam. So one final note, the incompetence of Burke and his death was even

dumber than you might think, because according to some researchers, it seems the Burke and company, as they ran low on provisions, they began to eat a local plant without being careful to process it the way the aborigines taught them. The trouble being that this plant, when eaten raw, rapidly depletes the body of vitamin B, resulting in berry berry, a crippling and ultimately deadly condition caused, in this case, entirely by Burke's ridiculous cubress. And if you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, Tom, what would it be? That leaders aren't born.

They're made. Which is not a good system either. That's not. And are you ready for the quiz? Yes, let's do this thing. Okay, Tom. So all the following are real things that can kill you, which one of these is the most adorable sounding thing that can kill you? A, is the most adorable sounding thing that can kill you. A, berry berry. Is that real? Is that really the name? It's good. It is really good.

Okay. B, laughing death. C, Alison Wonderland Syndrome. Wait, for real? Or D, proud boy tasers himself in the penis to death. Poo. And he's like, ha ha ha. Those are all real.

Yes, including Alice and Wonderland Syndrome. That is real. I don't know if D is the most adorable sounding, but it's definitely my happiest place this week. D is correct. Yes, that is the most adorable thing I could think of is a proud boy tasering himself to death in the penis. Taze in the D.

That's adorable. All right, I got a good one for you, Tom. Why is exploring Australia so much himself to death in the penis. Taze the Nadee. Adorable. All right, I got a good one for you Tom. Why is exploring Australia so much harder than exploring other land masses? A, it's the closest thing to literal hell that exists in the world and those people that are entirely with venomous sand. B, it turns out Australians find their accents

as impenetrable as the rest of us. So wait, me to where? C, their maps are upside down. D, things spin out of control, counter clockwise, it's an clockwise down. All right, well, obviously the answer is B, they can't give themselves directions that they can understand. So, no, obviously, no, they've been fucking with us the whole time. Nobody understands that shit. That is correct.

All right, Tom. When starving in the Australian Outback, what's the best way to feel satiated? A, switch from butter to country crocs. Start dinner with a broth-based marsupial or see thicken your sauces with a kangaroo. Ah, ah, ah. Aright, no, you're back here. That's fantastic. All right, well, despite the fact that the answer is almost never cracks, switch from butter to country.

Oh, I don't think you're correct. It's thicken your sauces with kangaroo, sorry, you're close. Oh, damn right it is. That means Cecil is this week's winner. All right, let's get Heath up in here. Heath is. Oh yeah.

All right, well for Cecil, Noah, Tom, and Heath. I'm Eli Bosnick, thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week and by then Heath will be an expert on something else. Tree know and then you can listen to Noah, Heath and myself over at the scathing atheist, God awful movies, The Skeptocrat, and D&D Minus. Or, if you want more Tom and Cecil, you can hear them on cognitive dissonance or watch Cecil cook like your mother wishes she could over on his YouTube show, Season Liberally.

And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com, slash citation pod, or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us check out past episodes connect with us in social media or check the show notes be sure to check out citation pod.com and remember all the wanderer not lost but most are. That's why it's called wandering. That's why it's quite wandering. Hey, we've been walking for four days. We're out of food.

We're out of water. Are you sure we're going the right way? Of course I am. Look at the map. That's a bit of a cereal box, sir. Right, but the bee is going to find the Cheerios. Okay. You bet you're a cereal boxer.

Right, but the bee is gonna find the Cheerios. Okay.