Citation Needed - Centralia, PA

Episode Date: June 7, 2017

Centralia is a borough and near-ghost town in Columbia County, Pennsylvania, United States. Its population has dwindled from more than 1,000 residents in 1980 to only 10 in 2010[5]—a result of the coal mine fire which has been burning beneath the borough since 1962. Centralia, which is part of the Bloomsburg–Berwick metropolitan area, is the least-populated municipality in Pennsylvania. It is completely surrounded by Conyngham Township. --- To support the show, check us out on Patreon.

Okay, everybody off the bus. Oh my god, what is this place? Isn't it great? Oh, it's like the opposite of all those things. Okay, guys, I was thinking, at the rate we're going, we're going to hit our Patreon goal to all live in the same place and record together really soon. And since Australia, Pennsylvania has something for every what is the ground on fire. Everybody jumps right to that. Okay, hear me out. The land here is

super cheap. Lots of open space for Cecil to go jogging. Lots of bubbles for Tom to lift up and put back down again. But the best part is I never need a smoke break again. All I got to do step outside and hail a couple of times open a window, whatever. I save a fortune. I mean, okay, but what about being heat? Well, yeah, heat, you know how you love barbecue? I do. Okay. Literally any piece of meat you set on the ground for long enough, it smoked. Okay, I'm in. I'm in. Yeah, I'm in.

That sounds pretty good to me, actually. I'm kind of upset that I was defined by jogging. Okay, guys, wait, that still leaves me out. Oh, gee, Lai, I guess you're right. I mean, all you'd be doing is living here with your best friends. But if you don't wanna stay, if you want us to get your way to somebody's best friends, I thought so.

My eyes are itchy. Yeah, you get used to that. Do you? Do you really? Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article on Wikipedia about it, and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. My name's Cecil, and I'll be in effectively trying to keep this show on topic this week, but I have four people working against me.

First, make some noise for two guys banned from every food challenge in the United States. Ethan Tom. I tried to take Gwyneth Paltrow's snap challenge, but I got hungry in the car on the way to the store, and I ate all the food stamps. That's not even this. Try it. Glue is tasty.

I have Guy Fieri buried in my backyard. You leave it. We're confessing things, right? You don't even have a backyard. Who's yard is he? I just got 42% of a backyard. Don't worry about the details, Cecil. That also joining us tonight, give it up for two gentlemen for whom every meal isn't

challenge. Eli and Noah is warm ice so much to ask. I don't think it's that much. To be fair, I'm fine until they start putting ingredients on it. All right, well, I'm sure everybody's excited to get going, but before we do, I want to offer up a huge thanks to all the listeners who keep this show going through their financial contributions. Without you, this wouldn't be a podcast. It'd be a mental illness. I'd like to learn how to join the Patrons ranks.

Be sure to stick around until the end of the show. Okay, with those asses, deservedly and thoroughly kissed, tell us, Heath, what person place, thing, phenomenon or event will we be discussing today? Today, we'll be talking about Centralia, Pennsylvania, and Eli, you were last week's least favorite person. See, have the responsibility of reading the Wikipedia article in question. Are you ready to drop some knowledge on this? Well, I am Cecil. Poor people are gross. I met about Centralia, Pennsylvania. Okay, well, the people there are poor and gross didn't mention that in the Wikipedia article. Stop. What? Adding. We need to stop him. Next level. I see. And is there anything

else you can tell us about it other than the people there are gross? Sure. I just didn't want to bury the lead. According to your wife, dude, you've never buried anything. And speaking of burials, according to the insurance act, oil, she'll have to start to shopping for a black dress soon too. I actually think she's going to wear whatever the cap aware instructor she's bang. Think she looks nice in. I haven't asked.

But I would guess so she's going naked. That's good. Whatever the job she thinks she looks like a swan and anyway, centrally Pennsylvania is a lovely little hamlet tucked away in the pristine forests of central Pennsylvania. It's Pennsylvania's least populated municipality, a distinction it maintains through a combination of measured growth, inconvenient access to the nearby Walmart distribution center, and having been on fire for the last 45 years. That sounds. Wait, wait, what? Yeah, nowhere near the Walmart. Like we had a way

you got to decide roads. No, no, the on fire part on fire. Yeah, it is the whole tone of volcano layer for super villains because I am willing to relocate. Secret layer, Tom. Now I have to move. So our actual story begins before that in 1856 when Noah was a mere 45-year-old man With Centrelia, it got its first coal lines The coal deposits were known about for a while But lack of nearby railroad and plenty of more accessible reserves left them overlooked But in a lesson, we've been failing to uptake since the 18 fucking fifties apparently They started running out of coal and had to find more of it. But did they just check their drinking water?

That's what's at now, right? I don't care from the bottom of my heart. Now, like a lot of mine towns in mid 19th century Pennsylvania, Centralia was a peaceful place. Where the mine took really great care of its workers, gave them reasonable shifts in safe working conditions, and the town founder hardly ever got murdered by bandits. And if you get a chicken egg with a toy in it for a quarter, in safe working conditions and the town founder hardly ever got murdered by bandits. And if you get a chicken egg with a toy in it for a quarter, cause sideways,

we could be great like that again, y'all. We are on our way on. It's a 70,000 coal miners voices cried out. And then we're suddenly silenced. I miss the good old days, you know, and you could trust the man indeed. Best interest in heart. Now long before the fire broke out, the town was already in decline. It was hard hitting World War One and harder hitting the Great Depression. So a lot of the minds closed down. However, this didn't stop poor people from occasionally going into them to get cold because if there's two things poor people like It's to be dirty and eat their ice cream flavors all mixed together like a can see famous dessert Ridiculous you obviously scoop across whatever. I think we can all agree though

That mint chocolate chip is the best ice cream flavor and that Palestine should get all their land back moving on. Can we all just agree on that? Heath, really? All of us? Because mint chocolate chip is basically a crunchy toothpaste dessert, reserved exclusively for homage kids on a rum sprig up, who don't know any better. Wait, mint chocolate chip has made a mess. Oh, then I do agree with it. All right. Okay, so we can all agree that Palestine should get all their land back more than half. I mean, are they open to trading their land for ice cream? See, so you have

a beer. I do, but you have a better last name so you should go. So far they haven't been cooperating with the Rosenbergs. So one particularly dangerous method of this quote unquote gorilla mining, they call that poaching in Africa or or a zoo in Cincinnati. No, this was a thing called pillar robbing. You see, when you mine coal pour people, listen up, you have to leave some of the coal there as pillars to hold the rest of the mine up. But this mostly matters if you plan on getting more coal out and not being crushed to death by a vault of rockier. So again, the centrallyans would just come knock down the pillars because they were right

fucking damn, they're what they could and run away. It's like distracting an abortion doctor by chopping a baby's head off. I mean, any port in a storm when you're in need of an object for a potato. Yeah, so you brought the hack. Fun fact, that game is called The Cops Are Coming. This is... Look, needless to say, this pillar robbing led to a lot of idol minds collapsing. Yeah, I feel like this is a problem that just solves itself pretty quickly though, right? Like, who's this?

It's like the first time. It's like eating your own gingerbread house. Like always a bad idea. Yeah. Fuck. Where am I gonna leave now? So now, spoiler alert, this pillar robbing among other things would make it way harder to deal

with a minefire if one broke out. After all, if you're trying to like seal off certain mine shafts, it's helpful if the way in and out of them hasn't collapsed. It's a key thing. Yeah. Weird. But I'm getting this distinct feeling that they're doing a terrible job

of sealing things. If people are still breaking in and stealing the fucking floor joints or whatever. Fuck by a padlock. Okay, I know this is super interesting, but we were on sort of the track for mind fires. And as much as we love the plight of the downtrodden, the turn of the century coal miners, it seems like the actual interesting part is the mine fire. Okay, speak for yourself, Cecil, not for the podcast. So as to the fire itself, since you were pushing it, it began in May of 1962, but analysts disagree on the cause. And even the day it started, while local legends suggest that it began from a fire that had been smoldering for 30 years before then,

few people take that seriously anymore. Right, David DeCoc, whose last name is DeCoc, even though it's entirely legal to change your name in this country. Why would you change your name if your name was done? All right. I don't understand at all. Oh, God, honey. The cocks. I know. I feel like I'm changing my name.

I want it to be day lock-cock. Like, oh, the cock. I want to do that. It's a definite article. You know, I feel like that would be important. Well, anyways, that gentleman, so just the fire started on May 27th when some firefighters decided to clean up a nearby landfill by lighting the trash on fire. It seems like a likely culprit is what I'm saying.

Wait, okay, wait, this is a mystery. You think that John Bond fire that was going on exactly where the fire started as anything to do with it? Let's not jump to conclusions, greatest. Could have been a drunk guy 30 years ago. You don't know. See, I got no way in now, when. We're just burning this giant pile of rape

Bradbury books, the entrance to a labyrinth of solid gasoline like we always do. I don't think that was it. Maybe it was like a zebra smoking a cigarette. I don't know. A lot of possibilities. Where did that zebra smoke camels? I just, who do you call when firefighters start the fire?

Like, it shows up like fire fighter fighters. I don't, pussy fart. Eight, eight, eight, eight. Sorry, we were turning into weight weight, don't tell me. I just had to, had to bring us back a little bit. Incredibly successful podcast. I will not be humor for baby boomers to chuckle that in their brain. I will for the paycheck.

Yeah. So here's the thing. Writer Joan Quigley says the fire had actually started the day before when a trash dumper dropped some hot ash into the open trash pit. But that story requires that the firefighters went to a dump that was already on fire and then set it on fire to press some trash, which I can't emphasize enough in this story is already on fire. So that story seems

weird. You know how like when something's really bad, you say that that's a garbage fire. Yeah, maybe the thing to do is to avoid creating actual fucking garbage fires. So Eli, we do know that they set the dump on fire. Well, okay, let's be skeptics here. We know that the dump caught fire and we know that in minutes from meeting the night before the town talked about how they needed to clean up that dump before Memorial Day. Now, I want to put out the minutes don't specify how they plan to do that. But since setting dumps on fire was illegal, many people

speculate they left out the method on purpose that they, you know, because those pokey sticks slower than fire. Yeah. Again, I'm just going to have to point out that sometimes some of this shit is just your fault, right? Right? Like when the lighting a fucking town dump go well, have you ever heard, man, so glad about that garbage fire solved so many problems. I was just gonna say you haven't cleaned up after, uh, Elyse, indiscretions as often as some of us don't occasionally. This is what needs to be done. I said, I don't bury things. Like the torches and aliens, we have a lot of weird stuff to do after you like ghost places. Okay.

All right. So this isn't 1862 by 1962 weren't there regulations against setting giant fires around flammable strip mines? You'd hope so. I'd say less of regulations and more helpful tips on not starting a century long ecological disaster. Like a poster with a cartoon on it. So do the bear.

No, it's so do the canary. So I'm going to example, the town had been ordered to install fire resistant clay barriers between each layer of the landfill, but they fell behind and that trash was in a really good need of a burner. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Am I the only one here wondering how you define a layer in a landfill? No. Great question, Tom.

Who's the one who decides? Yeah, that's a right amount of garbage that can be on fire. We don't want more than that. Also, I feel like if we knew about fireproof clay barriers, maybe use them in the mines. Why would you be doing this in the, what? Hey, if you were thinking about lighting yourself on fire and riding your bike into a coal mine, here's a spesco's helmet. Like, what the fuck? Stupid invention is that? Well, I thought we weren't advertising me in Heath Dispressedos helmets on the show.

But there was a hole. Snuck it in. All right. So what happened? Oh, uh, is bestos turns out to be super bad for you and Andrew through it. It was a whole spanish uncurious best friends life anyway eventually hot embers from the garbage pit

penetrated the vein of coal underneath the pit caliente and started the subterranean fire that still burning burning today. Firefighters doused it pretty good that night. Wait, wait, the same firefighters who probably maybe started the fire. Those guys, they were nearby. They were nearby when it started. That's a Filioma. They didn't see any visible embers, but then it flared up again a couple days later. Like these things do. About a week after that.

Unless you get a shot. Right, right. They should have tried some preparation, H. I've seen the commercial. Absolutely. What the top's meditated path is. Come on, zip it off. Don't wear condoms. So when repeatedly dousing it didn't do the trick, they started bulldozing the top layer

of the garbage that was on fire. And then hosing down the lower garbage. All of this was done by adults, eventually, as they turn around on the garbage that's on fire, they discover a hole in their garbage bar in the garbage dump that is collapsed into the mine which hey if you're not following wrong, probably allowed the fire to spread to the coal was the big hole of fire in their garbage dump. Wow again, you know, it's almost as if starting garbage fires is just a bad idea. Just, that's what I said.

We don't need to jump in. It concludes. Now, I told my dad that that cold might already been on fire. It becomes clear after they bulldoze enough of the flaming garbage away to see the giant suckle of fire leading to their mind. Hey, we're probably not going to hose their way out of this problem. So the City Council brings in some experts on fighting coal fires and they set about the effort of trying to evacuate all the on fire parts, right?

Now, initial estimates of the cleanup cost from engineers, $175. What? Needless to say, the less money that you make by passing going monopoly plan turned out not to work. That's why we did this show. Oh, feeling that's a proposal that opens up with the words. No, no, but my cousin Ricky now. Yeah, ended up with the words. Or we could just do nothing. And the problem just sort of works itself out in payroll

Well, what do you think it just getting the estimate would exceed the cost of the estimates? It cost it cost me that much to change out a toilet. What kind of discount Walmart brand coal fire experts are these? You're changing out toilets. What's happening? I don't have a squatty body. The main pro team have a one setting. It's just every good Right hook into his toilet every morning. Are they breaking or what's happening? Like basically breaking apart.

It's training for the speech and in competition. That breaks them all every time. You guys knew when every six months, like when you get, right? Right? No, that's just, it's time it's six months or 3,000 miles. No, I mean, plus like it's a wear and tear issue, right?

Like how hard to drive that thing, you know, I put a lot of miles on. I'm just saying the plumber comes in, looks at the sides of it. I was like, you know what? The side of that thing's off. Ricky the mistake. I understand. I just bulldozed my outhouse once every three months. Tom says it.

It hit crew show up like NASCAR and fixes toilet every two days. I was setting it all on fire, but now I'm gonna have to change that towards the back. But then ass like centrelia, Pennsylvania. Tom is some plumbers favorite convention story. Just like, here, no, here, me out. And it's this month, this guy calls me. Do you ever see the villains from the Mario Brothers? He looks like that, but like they were facing towards you the whole time and then they stood up and they had just like Arnold Schwarzenegger's body, but 1970s Arnold Schwarzenegger went all when they just aren't tested for it yet.

All right, so now the town, again, we're on fire. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha but they figure nobody needs to know the truth about how it started so in the letter they call it a fire quote of unknown origin during a period of unusually hot weather and quote well it was on fire of course it's unusually hot citation needed bracket bracket oh entirely plausible coal starts to combust around eight hundred degrees. So totally feasible that I warped spell caused it. It's an El Nino year perhaps. Hey, why is the arsonist going to be Mexico? They all are.

Calvin Vente. That's the thing, right? No, no, no. That's our catchphrase. They call on the big guns the estimate of the cost sky rockets from the original 175 to $30,000 and they require a chit load of mining rights and cooperation between various landholders and agreement on who's going to put the bill for what.

So for a few days they didn't do anything but hold meetings and like check and see how toxic the levels of carbon monoxide emanating from the fire were. and in case you're curious by the way fun fact answer very toxic Yeah, it's like living in a loft directly above a constant stream of smoke. That's a rookie mistake if only you were all the Notha live on your own Spread your wings That to be fair they can no longer rely on the Canary Method since they roasted the last one. So work on the actual excavation wouldn't begin until August 22nd, nearly a month after the fire started.

Jesus. You can't rush into these things. In all three separate major excavation projects would fail to contain the fire. After months of trying hundreds of thousands of dollars in costs, the state eventually gave up in 1963. Now when you say, gave up, what exactly does that mean? It means they adopted a, ah, fuck it, policy. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So they just shut down the whole town and emptied out all the people? No, no, no, no, no. They just stopped trying to put out the fire underneath it.

They left the emptying of the people to the deadly levels of carbon monoxide pouring out of the smoldering house. I figured that would be the deterrent. Well, I guess if Pennsylvania's state government can walk away from this, nobody can fault us for stepping away for a minute. So we'll turn to everybody's favorite mid-episode use of the interstitial music, apropos of nothing. I Say Frank that's a hell of a fire you got there. Tell me about it Dave. So uh

You think you can put her out. Oh, yeah, no problem. Hey, Tony What come you come take a look at this fire coming? Oh, heck of a fire. Oh You think it's gonna be expensive to put it out? Oh yeah, it's gonna cost you. Yeah, what's the situation down there you think? Oh, pretty much the whole mine's on fire. No, whole mine. Whole mine on fire. Let me see.

Hey Larry, yeah, what's up? How much is gonna cost to put out a whole mine on fire? The whole mine? The whole mine. The whole mine. Yeah, the whole mine. The whole mine. Yeah, the whole mine. A lot, we're gonna need like five hoses at least, huh?

Shit, five hoses. At least. All right, so what's that thought? What are we talking? I don't know, say 200 bucks. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wow, 200 bucks? Yeah, 200 bucks.

Mm, okay. I have a coupon, though. Is this still good? Yeah, sure bucks. Okay, I have a coupon though. Is this still good? Yeah sure, why not? Some version of this probably happened. We're a swing state. Seven hoses tops! And we're back! When we last left our story, the town of Centrelia, Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania was on fire and nobody seemed to care all that much. That was in 1963 Eli.

When do we pick up, when do we pick this story back up? 1979, the year you and Tom became friends. So here I banged him up. Six years after he left his fire burning. And stupid people lived over it. Yeah. But wait, that all changes in 1979 when mayor slash gas station owner, always a good sign.

John Coddington notices that the underground tanks of gasoline for the gas station he owned, slash mayor, was really hot. There are 172 degrees Fahrenheit to be exact. That's a 77.8 of your comments. So weird. It's almost like coal has this crazy propensity to burn. If only we could learn to harness these policy. Crazy talk. I mean, kudos to the mayor for his reliance on evidence, but why did they think they'd

achieved a taunt with the subterranean hellfire before that? Delighted. Did I get it? I got it at that time. No, no, no, no. They're just having a town meeting. Some guy picks up a handful of dirt and throws a fireball across the room. James Inhuff jumps out, puts it out with a snowball.

It's all set. It's all set. We're fine. it's just that the climate's always changing. It's always changing. In offs like we're not voting on this again. I said new business. Pardon me, but I think Ryu had the floor. That's the outcome. Cecil, it's pronounced raw.

No, no, no. No. Okay, so agreed to disagree. So over the next couple of years, residents started to notice more and more effects of the fire. And an usually hot body of water here, a toxic plume of poisonous gas there, but it wasn't until 1981 when the earth

literally opened up and swallowed a 12-year-old child. She's the same. She realized, hey, maybe we took, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh, baby, was this place ends up being the site of a giant Christian pilgrimage like every year. Holy shit. The pilgrimage to the hallowed hallowed. Oh, there you go. So this was the wake up call this. This is what did it. It takes a portal to hell that eats sixth graders to get their fucking attention. Are we really sure this isn't Flint, Michigan?

No, this kid's sunk it in float. Oh, okay. All right. Anyway, by then it's way too late to do anything about the actual fire. this isn't flint michigan no that's kid sunk in float okay alright yeah anyway by then it's way too late to do anything about the actual fire what would the whole decade going by and apparently there were real arguments in the local government about whether it was such a big deal a bunch of city council members sitting around bitching about helicopter parents trying to keep their kids out of every single single.

So it took the federal government stepping in to really do something about this. Oh the fuck is arguing that maybe this isn't such a big problem. Really? For fucking real? We don't bother the fire and the fire don't bother us. I'm sorry to this here treaty, but it caught on fire. You see, you say? He's out of this here treating but it caught on fire. You see, he's saying. He wrote another one and has best. Oh, so that's why Grandpa has cancer.

What if we reroute Flint, Michigan on top of Central, like their water source on fire and just all that lead just melts. And now you've got like an elephant's foot. Yeah, it'd be good. Pencil factory. So in 1984, Congress allocated about $42 million to relocate all the people who live there. Now most residents accepted buyout offers and relocated to the nearby towns of Ashland and Mount Carmel, which used to be called COVID and Mount Sugar until they had very similar problems. Bitch dance.

Bitch dance. Is your plan to say something while every time there's a pun? Yes, I am keeping a safe. That wasn't a pun, that was a chemistry thing. Oh, no, yeah, how it was, yeah, you're right, you're right. Chemical changes would happen to those two sub-accesses. That was a really good joke. Carmel and Sugar.

Agreed to disagree here. But here's the amazing thing. that was a really good caramel and sugar. Agreed to disagree here. But here's the amazing thing. Some people didn't leave because they were impossibly stupid and deserved to be swallowed by a gashous bag of poison. I would relocate if the Starbucks closed early. Like, how the fuck do you go to bed at night knowing you were sleeping on top of a molten disaster?

Or really anywhere in Pennsylvania at all now that I think about that. So in 1992, the governor, Bob Casey, who we don't know whether or not he owned a gas station, made one last effort to get the remaining idiots to fuck out of the town, which by then, by the way, was literally being used as a stand-in for hell in crappy horror movies. Yeah. So the governor invokes eminent domain on all the property in the bro condemned all the buildings within it.

The remaining residents sue the state to overturn the action, but fail. But we want to stand fire van. I don't want to leave you guys don't understand. So I had my first kiss saw my children grow up where my first pair of shoes melted walking to the general store for petty candy. Or I saw my first glimpse deep inside the dark bottomless pit of man's crushing apathies. I mean, that guy could move to New York. I'm just saying that guy. The 2002 US Postal Service discontinued centrally a zip code. I mean, that guy could move to New York. I'm just saying that guy.

The 2002 US Postal Service discontinued Centralia zip code No letters there anymore. No, we said snow or sleet or flight of rain or Pokemon Red or blue whatever our stupid chant is for people for whom high school was hard, we're not doing firevania. You guys, you guys can come to us. So in 2009, Governor Ed Rendell begins formally evicting the people that were somehow still there. Again, still there. Even then, handful of people refused to leave. Up until 2011, the town and its 10 remaining residents continue to have regular city council meetings. I assume with lots of coughing, where they discuss who's going to chip in for the city's 92 dollar utility budget. So in October 29th, 2013, the state reached an agreement with the seven remaining residents.

We all know what happened to last four that allows them to stay there until they die if they want to. But when they leave, the state gets to knock their house down. As far as I know, those seven people still fucking there. Which is amazing. Oh, they're probably listening to this podcast. You know, they have a like a Google alert for Centralia. They're sitting there going like,

I cannot believe they didn't mention the fucking park renovation. What a bunch of assholes. No, we did that whole thing. I like white white, don't tell me. No one ever talks about the good stuff here in Centralia, you know, like our low heating costs and all the money we save on cremation services.

And in a testament to the power of conspiracy theories following the old anage where there's smoke, there could be anything. A bunch of them have apparently convinced themselves that the fire itself is a hoax. This is a hoax fire. It's a hoax fire. It's a hoax fire. Yeah. And then it's part of the state's five decade and counting plot to reclaim Centrelia's almost entirely worthless mining rights. Right? Rights to mine the coal that's on fire. That's right. You gotta go fast. It's the best coal mine ever, just like a panicked screaming game of hot potato. No. Much like the cops are coming, as mentioned earlier, in the episodes. What about the fire itself?

What is it doing? Oh, that would be spreading, Cecil. It currently underlies about 400 acres or 1.6 kilometers, and is believed to be spreading on all four fronts. Experts suggest that it could keep burning for as many as 250 years. Yeah, still confined to Pennsylvania though, right? So no damage done. Tom gets it. Tom gets it.

Yeah. Some useful loss of 20 electoral votes or whatever the fuck did that. Yeah. So Eli, if I went there today, what would I see? Well, first, you'd see a sign. This is warning, danger, underground mindfire, walking or driving in this area could result in serious injury or death. Dangerous gases are present.

Ground is prone to sudden collapse. Wait, wait, wait, wait, walking can lead to serious injury prone to collapse. Dangerous gases, are you sure you aren't just reading from your medallard bracelet? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Walking can lead to serious injury, prone to collapse, dangerous guesses. Are you sure you aren't just reading for your metalered bracelet? It can be both seasonal. If you kept going after that sign, you'd see, well, okay, you probably see the tunnel of light and the life review that Tom talked about on episode two probably. But I want that sign for my front

door, that Dave or just a sign, this is warning NDE's one or the other. NDE's my rapper name. NDE's my rapper name. I got it. Got it. Got it. No, NDE's my rapper name. Anything else? I'd probably hire a guy named MC Afterlife to be my DJ and hype man. No, I mean, I mean, anything else about Centrelia. Ugh, you today. Um, well, of course, you'd also see smoke. You see, there are metal steam vents throughout the area trying to keep the gases

from backing up enough to explode. Of course, not all the smoke is on purpose. Crazy. There are also random cracks in the ground where you know, it's a car, but not so just come pouring out all on their own If you think they're already like half a coal plant this town So we just build the giant steam turbine like over the top and we're all set right problem

So that took us eight episodes to solve the energy crisis. You're welcome, Earth. And the Flint water crisis. It's all three of us. Three of us. But to be fair, I bet that garbage fire from earlier all settled now. Just bulldoze a lot of it into the portal to hell.

You created what good? Go wrong more. What more could go wrong? But to answer your question, Cecil, if you survive past all that, you'd basically see an empty field with a lot of paved roads in it. Almost all the buildings have been demolished or filled out on their own at this point. There are a few things still standing, of course, five family homes for those seven people. And while the city doesn't have a courthouse or a post office or a school or enough people

that feel the softball team, it does have one public service. Do you want to guess what that is? It would be a volunteer fire department. What the fuck else is there left to catch on? Is it the world's only ironic fire department? We got a state of the ship sinks when you, um, so if you had to summarize what you learned here in one sentence, what would it be?

A large percentage of this podcast is going to be us making jokes about people getting what they deserve. Jesus. It's true. It's true. Yes. All right. All right.

Well, clearly you thoroughly perused a one full Wikipedia article. Hey, two. I also didn't know how many people were on a softball team. First I wrote basketball, but it turns out that's only five. Okay. All right. Team must that's only five. Okay. All right. Yeah.

Okay. So an expertise in multiple fields then. So I suppose you're ready to face a trial of trivia from our panel, Lexper. I've never been more ready. That's not the same as saying yes, but I'll start us off here. Which of the following is not listed as a reason to visit bullet point on the centrelia pencil vignette tourist website? A, spontaneous extreme exfoliation in our outdoor sonnets.

B, no long lines. C, two out of three terrors of the fire swan. There you are. I was proud of that one. see two out of three terrors of the fire swan there you are sprouting that one d even the fbi probably won't find it out here or or e and this one is a hyperlink see this netflix series for an additional thirteen reasons ooo i'm gonna go with e

uh... i don't think anyone in that town watches that show. Sure. Why not? That is correct, sir. You're getting a tape seal. Centrelia gets a bad rap. So they're trying a little rebranding these days, which is being floated as their new town motto. Hey, Centrelia, you lived here, you'd be satin by now. Be, Centralia, a nice place to leave. See, come to Centralia, now the second worst town in Pennsylvania. For the Centralia, home of Pennsylvania's hottest women. Very obviously see anyone who knows you drive six hours not to go to Philadelphia. That is correct. Well, Eli, there have been

several attempts to put out the fires in that hot hole, which one was the most successful a inviting it to the local hobby store for a magic the gathering. That would work. B saying you were going to come to bed right after the hockey game. C ironically getting it what? Never tried that. I've never tried that. Or D mansplaining. All right. Um, I'm gonna go with saying you were to come to bed right after the hockey game because it's a trick question.

Pennsylvania women don't have any teeth anyway, so they don't mind hockey. It was a trick question. You're clever for that. All right. Last one for you, like, which of the following is the best epitaph for a person who died in centrally, Pennsylvania? Is it a, I should have noticed all the dead canaries littering the sidewalks? Is it b, I fell into a burning ring of fire I went down down down as the flames were rising higher burn burn ring of fire or is it C we didn't start the fire no we didn't light it but we tried to fight it or finally is it D okay we did light it, my entire town is fucking stupid.

I'm gonna go with D. D. Correct, it's D. The entire town is fucking stupid, that should be the takeaway for this whole episode. That is exactly. Well, it looks like once again, nobody managed to stomp our expert. It's almost like this is all bullshit,

and there's some sort of pattern here. Anyway, Eli, you're this week's winner, which means you'll be taking over as host next week, and you'll get to pick who has to do all the reading and the summarizing. I'm going to go with eighth best friend and pants rapist, Heathen. And of course, also included in your victory, Giff Bag is getting to read the answer to last week's Twitter question, which was, the impeachment has come down and the famous Trump tapes are finally released. What's the quote were least likely to hear?

And the answer Eli was, and the winner was at PBR underscore misfit, who said, what we won't find on Trump's impeachment tapes, him phonetically reading the Constitution. It's a good job. At PBR underscore misfit. I feel like you're gonna just stop that phonetically reading, but that, no, but it was good. But it was good. I'll get rid of the modifier to say,

read it. And what question do you have for Twitter this week? So here's the question. You've been appointed centrally as now mayor and it's your job to create a spiffy new PSA to convince its remaining residents to leave. What's the PSA? Wait, wait, I'm sorry.

Do you have a gas station in this example? Do you own a gas station? Oh, certainly. Almost certainly. I need to breathe something out of a bag. And if you'd like us to read your answer, retweet the episode from our Twitter or share it from our Facebook with your answer, and we might just read it on next week's show,

preserving you in infinity. Okay. All right, well, for Tom, Heath, Noah and Eli, I'm Cecil, thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week. And by then, Heath will be an expert on something else. If you'd like to hear more from us between now and then,

you can hear Noah, Heath and Eli on the Skaving Atheist, God awful movies in the Skeptocrat, and you can hear Tom and I on the cognitive dissonance podcast. If you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation on patreon.com slash citation pod. You can head on over to citationpod.com to get in touch with us. Find our social media and check out the

show notes. Do you want to help the show please rate us on your favorite podcast provider and tell all of your friends about the show. But ease them in. Don't tell them everything at once. 2 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1%, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1%, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, Thank you.