Citation Needed - Chuck Tingle

Episode Date: April 3, 2019

Dr. Chuck Tingle is a pseudonymous author of gay niche erotica.[1][2][3] He self-publishes his works through Amazon.com, primarily as ebooks, but also as paperbacksand audiobooks (narrated by Sam Rand).[4][5][6][7] Tingle began his career by writing dinosaur erotica and expanded to stories based on unicorns, Bigfoot, and various anthropomorphized objects and even concepts.[8][9] The bizarre nature of Tingle's writing has led to his developing a cult reputation.[10][11][12][13][14]   Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.  

And they just left them there? Maybe, I don't know, it was a science experiment. Maybe they created more of themselves. So they just lived underground eating infinite rabbits with their red jumpsuit factory. Red jumpsuits exist above ground, Keith. Did you read my blog about it at all? No, it's never yes to that.

It's always no when you ask me that. Hey guys, guys, can I talk to you just for like a second? Absolutely, Cecil, what's going on? Okay, just relax. Sorry. So someone left a bunch of porn in the studio and I was wondering if you guys like knew anything about that or. Nah, no idea. What kind of porn?

Okay, well, pretty obvious now. It's weird. Just. Which porn it is. Weird stuff. Not. I don't really want to go into it right now because. Because I don't.

And it's good idea. It was weird. So, you know, just weird. Seasol. Seasol. That's it. Cecil, Cecil, that's it. It must have been Chuck Tingle's stuff. It's for my episode this week. He writes funny porn names and like dinosaur porn and stuff. So that's, I mean, that's better, I guess.

Yeah, sorry, I should have warned you. Okay, all right, well. Dude, who's Chuck Tingle? I have no idea, but he writes all my porn, so I gotta get Googleing. Sure, yep, that checks. Check's out. Hello! Welcome to CitationNeeded the podcast where we choose a subject. Read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now. I'm Tom and I've got kids that will someday be ashamed to call

me their father, but I'm not alone in bringing ashamed my family joining me today are two men whose families stopped looking for them before they ever left. No, Anila. I'll tell you, my family stopped looking for me immediately after the abortion attempt. And that was their first mistake. My mom is still rooting for me to make a career turn into those funny impressions of a toaster you used to do. You were a little. So he put up a great podcasting. No, that'd be great audio.

I loved it. Okay. All right. Also joining us tonight, two men whose high school nicknames were remarkably prescient, Heath and Cecil. Okay. Do you even know my nickname from high school? Are you just guessing that I was called pale fat guy?

I mean, I was. I was. That was not the point. I googled your ear, but so it was. It was actually, it was actually gomer pale, but yeah, you were super close. Good guess. Most likely to disappoint is not a category you see very often.

Keith, you and I had the same high school nickname best friends. Nice. Best friends. Don't do this. Not in front of the listener. I know. Guys, every time I get the opportunity to host, I put like a, like a little beg here for our listeners to become patrons because these shows are a lot of work because, well,

I mean, I don't know about you, but I like and I need a lot of money. But given the hellish depths, we are plunging this week, I am not going to do that. We're going to tell you how to donate at the end of the show. If you think you have this stomach to listen that far, I'm not at all convinced that you do with that out of the way. Tell us Heath before I vomit what person plays thing concept phenomenon or events? We'll be talking about today. Okay. We're going to be talking about erotica author Chuck tingle erotica is a strong word. Eli, you read this article out of so many millions of options as you could have picked anything. That's on you.

Are you ready to embarrass my children by proximity to this episode? Ready and willing, Tom. At the stressingly so, tell us Eli or, I mean, you know, don't, we could bail on it now. This is our chance. You know, I'll hit stop on our real recording things and go home. But if not, buddy, who is Chuck Tingle? We have no idea. Don't even know if it's a man or a woman, or even just one person. Oh my God. Good. Yes. Right. Show everybody that's a wrap. Awesome. See it. The after party. Wings are, is that Chuck Tingle is the author of over a hundred

gay, erotic short stories started out writing dinosaur erotica, but his sins moved on to bigfoot unicorns and anthropomorphized objects and even concepts. Okay. Sorry real quick. Did you say dinosaur erotica and also is it too late to beat you to death so you can't do this episode? Is that me? It is, it is Tom, but it wasn't until he said dinosaur. That's not a weird, honest dream. We're super excited about dinosaur rata. Now that's the next question. Yeah, same here.

But I'm glad you asked. Dinosaur erotica is a tremendously popular, often satirical form. Often satirical? Just often not always. Sometimes it's just face value. Some people mean it. Don't kink shame of fiction with its own cult following.

Well known works include taken by the T-Rex ravished by triceratops and a billionaire dinosaur forced me gay. That billionaire dinosaur's name, George Soros. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha amazing concepts and unbelievable phenomenon and events and you chose to write about a guy who writes about getting railed by a velociraptor. That's, that was your number one this week. I mean, velociraptors, they only fucking pairs. So that's exciting. Getting spit roasted every time. Respect. Tom, of course not. His work breaks down into five major categories, dinosaur erotica, magical creature erotica, bigfoot and unicorns, anthropomorphized object erotica. Those are also magical creatures I just want to be clear of.

And what I have dubbed topical erotica, okay, no swallowing, no cream pies, got it. All money shots. And then, of course, finally, meta erotica. Yeah, okay, that covers all the erotica. It would be proud of those categories. You know, she nailed that Venn diagram. Thank you. I am really worried that you have examples. You have examples, don't you, Eli? Again,

Tom Affair, I do. So let us begin with dinosaur erotica. I think I'd want to fuck a tarot act. If I was going to pick one, now you guys go. It's weird if I'm the only one playing the, is that the game? I feel like we set it up and it was not the game. It is now though. Everybody go. So you're on minus way too fast. That was a lot of comfort. That's right.

Right away. Fun out of that game. I'm, I'm so sorry for winning the question. All right. Well, uh, in that here are some, but by no means a complete list. You didn't get mine. I'm going to go with the dinosaur from Jurassic Park with the big like umbrella, because you never miss on the facial like the umbrella comes there. You never miss.

You better hold the belt on the bank shot. That's nice. The one that's spitting Newman's mouth down. Yeah. I feel like a bad word to my shoe who's doing who's Yeah. I feel like it's bad for the mature who's doing who's happened. Where have you guys seen a terrible though?

They're fucking track. Okay. Are you making it a contest? So remind us is the squirrel mimic. Okay. The squirrel mimic. You could fit him any. I didn't know Richard gear was on this podcast. Welcome to the show.

All right. Well, here are some, but by no means a complete list of his dinosaur erotic Got to find a tracer at bottom. Real word according to my spell check. No squiggles. Gay T. Rex law firm executive boner. You're a T. Rex lawyer. Do you need even need to use illegal patem in your arms or your real small note? That's also the only question I had about that short story. Space Raptor button vision. Okay, that just seems like an insensitive title after the asteroid incident.

So, Gagent, Bronosaurus, the butt is not enough. I'm guessing the butt doesn't add a good job on this one. That's what I'm saying. A little school theme here, Professor T. Rex teaches me Gainus. What really goes on in those fancy liberal arts colleges, gentlemen? Yeah, I know that's what my father-of-law certainly thinks right there nailed it. Little Meta here, a lonely author pounded by dinosaur social media followers. Okay, I'm not even sure that's a title. That just seems like he had a bad Wednesday. That's all that.

Yeah, the author of this essay had a bad Wednesday. It is the space raptor sequel, space raptor butt redemption. Okay, I don't even want to know whatever happened that this butt needs a kind of formal apology. And it's space raptor butt ascension. Right. I know it was an origin story prequel made more sense like presenting the important narrative that way in order right. It's like Dune. No, it's excellent.

I'm done. It's a shame. It's all happy days, reference. It's a shame. It wasn't a mastodon. It could have called it pinky Tuscadero. Fantastic. Oh, fantastic. I get it. The hard way, Analy seduced by the handsome Teradacto high roller. Okay. I can't be the only one curious about the Teradacto's financial successes in this

one. How one gauges its relative handsomeness compared to other terror. Okay. So next up, magical creatures, erotic, there's pounded by president Bigfoot. All this and still vice Bigfoot won't have dinner with anyone other than his mother. So options. I will say it's better than getting pounded by president's small hands. That's all I'm saying. Taken by the gay unicorn biker. I have a very

specific set of skills like. One of my personal favorites, my ass is haunted by the gay unicorn kernel. What? Oh, okay. All right. Well, either you asked or he told, either way, this is against pro. In fact, actually, gay unicorn kernel is just code for tikka masala. That's what haunted my ass after. Well, rough name.

I've been getting my orders super wrong. Both places where I say that. Of course, there's pounded by the gay unicorn football squad. That's a popular one. Yeah. Okay. Embargo on tight end jokes. Can we just. Oh, fine.

No, we're obviously doing a tight end joke. Okay. You lie. When two unicorn football players double team chuck tingle, how do they decide who gets the ass and who gets the mouth? How he's shot gun tied end. Shotguns a football word. Then there's, then there's big put Somali a back you one person. I mean, to be fair, you told a football joke to Eli. Like I mean, why did you think was gonna happen? And Tom?

Oh, good. Can you guys not all hear it? I think you're all I said Eli, but I'm talking into it. You're all fucking here. I'm gonna second take on that with little goddamn energy and enthusiasm. I'm carrying this show in my fucking shoulder. All right, next up was Bigfoot Somalia butt tasting. He's like, hmm, throw this one out. This ass is corked. Nice. I didn't even notice I've been trying to understand it's a Somali a big foot just like going around with a tray of ass he recommends or is it like a regular Somali with a menu of big foot butts for every taste imaginable. I'll take a flight to ass. You never go Grinash to mouth.

Obviously the first one. Grinash is a type of grape. God damn it. I said it a little different. I have a jewel. Wasted here. This is close. I want more money. A little medical play for you here seduced by Dr. Bigfoot attorney at large.

Oh, Dr. Anna attorney nice. Nice. Big foot double major. Also the sequel to that particular gem, big foot double major. There's my two favorites in this category. Bigfoot pirates haunt my balls. And what? Happy birthday, Frankenstein. Now pound my butt. This seems backwards, but you do you. I mean, you know, how my birthday is celebrated, but all right. do you? I mean, you know how my birthday is celebrated, but all right. To other classics pounded by my handsome ghost boat and open wide for the handsome saber tooth dentist who is also a ghost. Your saber tooth dentist may be handsome, but my cheated dermatologist is dashing. That's

all I'm saying. Oh, come on. Get together. These spots because they're fast guys dashing. Fast. I'm in love with the handsome mummy race car in my butt. Yeah, that TLC special was riveting. Yeah. Well, there were rivets. A little softer one here for you.

The lovers in the audience. Heavy metal unicorn lawyer sings into my butthole legally. They don't break the law in that one. That's because of the illegal sequel is just gratuitous. Yeah. I will say this has led to so many questions. They won't answer on opening arguments from the thank you.

Noah blocking me on Twitter. And then of course finally for this genre, we're playing but party. Yeah. I said we're playing. But I'm playing. Jesus suck my dick. So later in take-a-school career and further along into his cult following, tingle started writing more and more about anthropomorphized objects in his erotic. Okay. Good. We're getting another list. You are.

Keep trying. Yes. Perfect. This is actually important later. Thank you for asking. He. All right. I have money. I can get you cash. Don't listen to more examples.

I am. I will wire you some serious. No, I have eight more pages can get you cash. Don't listen to more examples. I'm, I will wire you some serious. No, no, no, I have eight more pages of examples to you. I just might, I'm gay for my living billionaire jet plane. The state of California stocks my gay bubble. $10,000 that Pence has that as a tram stamp. No, no chance. He always calls his butthole his load star. There's creamed in the butt by my handsome living corn. I'm not going to lie. The cream corn joke here is the most clever title so far. So I like

that. Yeah, that was the peak of the episode. So okay, trustkins. Everyone's got a climax Noah slammed in the butthole by my concept of linear time. Time slams us all in the butthole eventually. So it does slammed in the butt by the living leftover chocolate chip cookies from my kitchen cabinet. What? Okay, not sure why the location of the cookies, Meredith mentioned in the butt by the living leftover chocolate chip cookies from my kitchen cabinet. What? Okay. Not sure why the location of the cookies Meredith mentioned in the title.

It could have been in the. Yeah. Still I'm in. I'm good. All right. Who has leftover cookies? That's just fucking weird. That's true.

The title doesn't save him. You fucking save him for later. I mean, I guess you save him if you'll fuck you later. I don't know. Okay. That's fair. He's got you. He if you'll fuck you later. I don't know. Okay. That's fair. He's got you. He's got one for you here.

There's a Bitcoin in my butt and he is handsome. A little seasonal one, the handsome physical manifestation of autumn turns me gay. Well, some would say that he's fallen for him. Fog. And egg. Oh, we were no one would say that he's fallen for him. Oh, we know. We're no one would say phenomenal. Uh, Halloween, themeing here, uh, sentient phantom toe truck pounds my butt. There's a weird Scooby-Doo episode.

How is that weird, my whole whole theme? And you even want phantom. What the fuck do you do on Halloween? Phantom. That's like the Stephen King story. That's like maximum overdrive. I'm not here with that. That's it.

He gets it. Uh, little topical one here slammed in the butt by my handsome laundry detergent pod. I would watch that type of child video. I would just say that. Just some sad laundry detergent pod weeping in front of the cops. I told him not to swallow. I told him. I guess if you're going to go ask to mouth, if you do the detergent pod weeping in front of the cops. I told him not to swallow. I told him. That's it.

I guess if you're gonna go ask to mouth, if you do the detergent pod, then you're the first. It's doing good. Rammed in the butt by the handsome, sentient manifestation of traffic, who is a bad boy. Okay, and this is why self-driving cars

will change everything about commuting people, new world. I kind of what happens when I commute now. I don't know. Be like a lot of people is being understand that. And then of course, there's the famous series Monday, pounds me in the butt, Tuesday, pounds me in the butt, Wednesday, pounds me in the butt, et cetera, et cetera. No, no, no, no, no, no, all the other days pound, but Wednesday humps. Fantastic.

And then Sunday just wants to snuggle that one didn't sell that well. That was a bummer. Now, tingles, typically, Rada is some of the most interesting and what makes him stand out from other authors. Oh, yeah, because up until now, I could really tell the difference. You did like him and Steinbeck. So there's something to differentiate. Pounded in the butt by the gapes of wrath.

Gapes of wrath, good for you. So here are some topical titles pounded by the gay color changing dress. Okay, we were all pounded by the gay color changing dress. We can relate to that one. This one will bring some memories back hunter dentist pounded in the butt by Cecil, the handsome lion. Hey, oh, Cecil, don't blame me. I said I wouldn't sell those pictures and I didn't, I donated them. That's, you didn't

say not, donate them. Some pro trans stuff here, angry man pounded by the fear of his latent gainus over a dinosaur transitioning into a unicorn. Lead by his what now. I don't even know about that one. I'm just out one. I'm in the butt by my leaked, mashly, Addison data. I'm going on a limb and I'm a guest. More guys got fucked by that leak than they did by dates from that website. So, almost certainly. A press in the butt by my inclusive holiday coffee cups. Yeah, they were French oppressed. inclusive holiday coffee cups. Yeah, they were French oppressed. There's a little podcast shout out here. This American butt hosted by Ira F. Okay, we call it favorites because

that's my favorite. That is the best one. That's my favorite too. That's my favorite too. Straight to politics, feeling the burn in my butt. Yeah, that one fucked all of us. So it didn't. I'm not afraid of it. I just get pissed that they use all the goddamn toilet paper. What the fuck? This seat is all sparkly, you know. Yeah. You think they just put it on their horn and bring the rod at the fuck? At least carry around a couple extra rolls with you on your horn. You have a hold. This title makes sense when you're wearing a hat. I'm not afraid of it. I just get pissed that they use all the goddamn toilet paper. What the fuck?

This seat is all sparkly, you know. Yeah. You think they just put it on their horn and bring the rod at the fuck? At least carry around a couple extra rolls with you on your horn. You have a hold. This title makes sense more and more in state, pounded by the pound, turned gay, by the socioeconomic implications of Britain leaving the European Union. Yeah.

For a while, though, even Theresa May couldn't quit you. So, this next one was actually accompanied by its own website, slammed in the butt by Donald Trump's attempt to avoid accusations of plagiarism by removing all facts or concrete plans from his Republican national convention speech. Isn't it, isn't it, Donald? Isn't it, Donald though? Oh, it is. It is, it is, Donald.

Yes, not Donald. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald, yeah. That's what is. It is Donald. Yes, not Donald. Donald from, I like the subtlety of these. That's what I'm enjoying right now is the subtlety. Got a pair here slammed in the butt by my Hugo award nomination and pounded it in the butt by my Hugo award loss. We'll come back to those. I'm sure that's not one title. No, there's really no way to know that that's definitely two titles. Yeah, two titles. Yes. Okay. Slammed in the butt by my smartphones missing headphone jack.

I've seen that one. They stick an entire apple up there. It's just a whole lot. Yeah, pounded in my clowac. I'm like, yeah, a little something for Robert Mueller here, redacted in the butt by redacted under the Trump administration, pounded, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then,

and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then,

and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then,

and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, in the butt by the sentient manifestation of my own ignorant climate change tonight. We all will be. Yeah. Pounded in the wallet and the butt by the failed fiber music. And Noah, you'll like this one. Veepe throat. Mike Benz, pounded in the butt by the word load star. News commentator Sam Hannity, pounded in the butt by the fact that he didn't disclose

he has the same lawyer as the president. And of course, pounded in the butt by the fact that it took less time for this book to be written and published than the entire length of Tony scary moochies term as White House communications director. Now, I for one admire the poetic brevity of these titles, Eli. I mean, these are truly works of art. I agree, Tom. I agree. So the final category, of course, is his meta titles.

There's oh good. There's more. The most popular in the butt by my own butt. Well, that blew my load. Mind, mind, blew my mind. For the business minded, living inside my own butt for eight years, starting a business and turning a profit through common sense reinvestment and strategic-targeted marketing. Yes, it's truly niche marketing there.

Truly niche. Pounded in the butt by my book, pounded in the butt by my own butt. That's crazy. That's crazy. It's bringing my reaction to the title of this book. Oh, reent. Of course, there's pounded in the butt by my book, pounded in the butt by my book, pounded in the butt, by my book, pounded in the butt, by my own butt.

Okay. That's good. That's all just, that's all good. Let's all just take a moment and point out that it used to be that what you did is you wrote a book and then you sent it to a publisher and then they told you that's terrible. And then you went home and killed yourself. But now it's all better because everyone's an author and the the future's really.

So pounded in the butt by the lack of gatekeepers. Slammed in the but hole by my concept of linear time. Wait, did you say that one already? Are my being slammed in the but hole by my concept of linear time? I did see so, but I thought it belonged in both categories. We're not half-assed in the class of edition scheme here. Thank you. I am just like no one writes his essays. There's pounded in the butt by my book, pounded in the butt by my book, pounded in the butt by my book, pounded in the butt by my own

butt. I can't turn gay by the existential dread that I might actually be a character in a chuck tingle book. I pound it in the butt by my book, pound it in the butt by my book, pound it in the butt by my book, pound it in the butt by my own butt. Okay, it's getting a bit much, isn't it? I mean, starting to... Yeah, no, eventually this could get stale. You need like Python code to figure out where the title is. Yeah. Well, she saw that coming, see? Because then it was slammed by the substantial amount of press generated by my book, pounded

by the pound, turn gay, by the socioeconomic implications of Britain leading the European Union. Yeah, I mean, it was a good book, but really how many chapters of Theresa May pegging Britain can you read? I mean, it's like she's never going to finish. Yeah, it's more than I would have thought going into this. That's for sure. It is one that really appeals to me for this essay, Pounded in the Butt by my constantly

changing thoughts on the ongoing mystery of Chuck Tingle's real identity. Slammed in the butt by my own sentient Rebitt AMA. Would you rather fuck a duck size horse or horse size duck guys? Which one would you rather go? Duck size horse. Horse size duck. What? What?

Are you serious? We're in a fight, Tom. What are you gonna fight? What are you gonna do with a duck size? Anyone you're gonna do with a horse size duck? You're gonna fuck it. That's what you're gonna do in this scenario. I'm gonna put my book, pound it in the butt.

That's gonna be fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking. Yeah, I'm kidding. I'm gonna put my book, pound it in the butt, find my book, pound it in the butt, find my own butt. It's an adorable tiny little horse, but it looks like a, come on. You're gonna break it.

You're gonna break it. It's a one time use. Yeah, that's okay. Be careful with it. Little self care here. My butt is comforted by the realization that I'm okay and everything will be all right. Yeah, that is some much needed self care for an ass that has done some real work today. Can we go back and take a vote? Are you guys serious? Who Can we go back and take a vote? Are you guys serious? Who would who hands up duck size horse? Oh, absolutely. Ducks size horse. So we're doing it. Thank you. A horse size duck. You're ending up on the receiving end of a horse size duck.

What's a duck? Yeah, you are definitely, you definitely going to take it from the duck. They have corkscrew vaginas, the ducks, too. They have weird corkscrew vaginas. That means you can get a spinning start. That's, that's all right. No, I think, I think, I mean, a horse sized horse is the best option here, right? I mean, that's not on the table, but hey, you said that super factually like we were all gonna accept that. Yeah.

Let's, let's start with some priori, the best thing to fuck is a horse. A little self promotion here, pounded in the butt by my podcast, Night Vale Presents, pound it in the butt by my podcast with Chuck Tingle. This one for the video gamers out there. We'll get this one pounded in the butt by my reluctance to buy a humble bundle featuring stories with gay characters, as though that has some kind of bearing on my own sexuality or the quality of the product, then eventually realizing it's pretty good and I'm fine. And then his two most recent titles not pounded in the butt by anything and that's okay

from the Chuck Tingle is single series that was. And then not pounded in the butt by my book, not pounded in the butt by anything and that's okay. And that's okay. And then again, I have left out a bunch here, but he often combines genres in titles. For instance, Farma Bro pounded in the butt by T. Rex comedian Bill Murkey and a clan of Triceratops rappers trying to get their album mess. That's what I would read. This one I definitely read. It's good. It's catchy. You

fly through it. And of course, finally of all the titles, my personal favorite, Donald Trump, pounded in the butt by the handsome Russian T-Rex, who also peed on his butt, and then blackmailed him with the videos of his butt getting peed on. God, what? Okay. Eli, that's, these are the worst. That was all the worst. Is there all, I regret being here.

I need a moment, a moment of solace. Let's all get pounded to the butt for a little something we like to call apropos of nothing. What are you up to, man? Oh, hey, Noah. Well, I've been thinking about my last two essays, and it's obvious we are missing a major business opportunity. Gay, ironic, RPF. Eli, dude, I don't think there's just here these titles, okay? From Best Friends to Lovers, the Eli and Cecil story.

Hate fuck, that one's about you and Tom. Okay. And of course, I'll finish that, starring Heath. Yeah, okay. It's not just incredibly disturbing that you've come up with this, but I'm also pretty sure that no one on the face of the 45,000 pre-orders on Amazon right now. Okay. Am horse size duck is on top, obviously. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We're done with that list now. So yeah, we're done with that list. Please be done with the list. Who the hell is Chuck Tingle? Well, Tom, like I said at the beginning, we don't know. But the way I see it, there's two possible stories. Okay. And would it be okay to not tell either of them knows the sadly, it would not. You see, Chuck Tingle has a Twitter, a YouTube channel, and has appeared on several podcasts on these podcasts. He seems

like a pretty normal dude. I mean, I'll be at a normal dude who writes gay porn about jet planes for a living. Yeah, I think that's actually the thing that makes him not normal. You just need one thing when it's that thing. And also what's more, given the list that you just put us through, what makes you think you're qualified to judge normal? I didn't tell you to rotate the hosts around. That was someone else's idea. Just play in the game. But if he's a normal dude, he seems to be relatively politically progressive. Really?

Yeah, no, I feel like some art forms require a progressive. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. A ton of his later titles make front of Trump and his cabinet, obviously, seems to understand the ridiculousness of people feeling oppressed by holiday themed cups. And it even seems pretty self aware of the ridiculousness of his own writing. Yeah, I think that's a good estimation of a guy who gets four inceptions down on getting pounded in the ass by his own block, you know?

I really hope the words keep getting slower and slower in each chapter. Yeah. But it was just like a bunch of ellipses. And then I got pounded. Wait for it. But it's going to be by my own butt. Ten pages later. Oh, okay. Cool. Right.

But then there's the character of Chuck Tangle. See his author and Twitter bio describe him as a Taekwondo grandmaster from Billings Montana who received his PhD in holistic massage from DeVry University. His author and Twitter bio describe him as a Taekwondo grandmaster from Billings, Montana, who received his PhD in holistic massage from DeVry University. A degree that DeVry does not offer by the way. His thesis defense was, it was a weird day. It was a weird day. Well, he shouldn't have used panther style.

I pounded my own body. Any questions? No. Great PhD. Now, when asked, he responds to interview questions about his writing process like this. Quote, first things first, I wake up and have a big spaghetti breakfast, roll out of bed, and then take a shower or a bath in the upstairs bathroom. If my son lets me work on my Taekwondo and meditate to come up with the next tinglers. When one of them sticks in my brain,

I write it down that night if Ted Cobbler's keeping his trap shut and not keeping up the whole block end quote. I'm so random, I puppy the kid in the machine with pork chops. Oh, fuck out here. He's gotten pounded in the butt by the time dimension and his neighbor is keeping him

away. Like, maybe you can do your next essay about Ted Cobbler, the neighbor, like I'm interested by that character now. Yeah, so far it's so good, which brings me to sad puppies and gamer gate. Okay, I'm leaving forever guys. So it's been not good. Gamer gate is its own essay that I absolutely should not write. Oh, yeah.

Because if anything deserves 45 minutes a year, life, I'll do the short version now for people who might not be familiar. Okay. So in the 1990s, the KKK all met up in upstate New York to solve. That's where it started to solve a problem. It starts. See, everybody hated them. They lost all their most of the political support they once had, even though they were

really successfully infiltrating police departments. Leadership was being arrested. And even their like secret backers in the evangelical church were starting to lose faith in them. I swear to God, Eli, if this turns into another QAnon story, I am going to fucking kill you. It's super done. So you're the lost world war one.

That's the rest of it. It all began with the atrustkins, you see. I mean, it actually began to a project paper clip, but no, it was like, you can't start a project paper clip, but it starts with a project paper clip. So they came up with a plan called leaderless resistance, writing themselves out into a phantom cell network with no real organization or leadership.

In cell network. Keep, thank you, which let them keep the power of organization without the blame. And the tool for this was the internet. No real organization or leadership power without blame. Yeah, about sums up the current state of the union. So I'm, I'm sorry. What is this essay about now?

I'm, I'm doing a Noah thing. I'm contributing side knowledge. And then I weave them together masterful. Okay. So when you have a giant Nazi eagle tattooed on your face, you can't really do a job at best buy But you can do tech support or farm gold for MMOs and of course create early safe spaces for Nazis to Nazi now This anonymity did away with the dog whistles and half truths of the KKK's past with the internet. You could overtly radicalize people without consequences. I mean, people like Timothy McVey were direct response and one of the first major successes of leaderless resistance.

Gold farm. Just picturing some poor subsistence gold farmer, just wiping the sweat off his brows, standing in his picturesque gold fields. I don't know how the world works anymore. That's right. It's himself in the butt. Getting plowed. Tom, you just inspired me to write an essay about gold farming in MMOs, and I cannot wait to share any.

All right. So however, one of the guys who ran those gold farms for in MMOs, and I cannot wait to share any. All right, so however, one of the guys who ran those gold farms for the MMOs, a young kid with a glintin' design named Steve Bannon realized that this sort of organized internet time was way better spent gathering political power than killing some boars in the fields of World of Warcraft. If you know what I'm saying. Steve Bannon was not young when World of Warcraft came

out. Steve Bannon hasn't had a glint in his eyes. It's the Carter administration. I am no fan of Steve Bannon, but I can't fault him for realizing that literally anything is a better way to spend your time in the world of warcraft. Again, what is this essay about now? I'm not, I told, I'm leaving. So if you band and doesn't get pounded in the butt by

the whole community, I'm gonna go crazy. I'm gonna weave and you're all gonna be like, what? Trust me, I'm gonna weave. Are the salt domes coming yet? When do we get to the salt dome? Thank you, Tom, for your support. Okay, so band and along with the network of secret white supremacists said about Infiltrating online communities vulnerable to white supremacists like comic book fans gamers and see weaving weaving

sci-fi authors so using a combination Okay, that's not weaving yet, but it is You start to use a combination of fake usernames, targeted harassment, these operatives created fake controversies within these communities hoping to scare off women and gay people and minorities, and they were massively successful. We have different definitions of successful, but yeah, go ahead, keep going. For example, weaving, sci-fi and fantasy literature have a huge race problem, right? The well-known authors are largely old white dudes and some of the more famous ones are racist or pedophiles. I mean, you can just Google the N word and HP lovecraft

to see what I mean. What could possibly go wrong? Listener at work. You would think a genre known for creating more races wouldn't be more racist. No, that's exactly what you'd expect. I actually googled that. And the very first result was a poem called on the creation of N words by HP Lovecraft, it's terrifying. It's like it is Dr. Sioux said an Irish bar at 3 a.m. It doesn't even make any sense. It's like, Fligger N word. You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? So when do the Nazis get pounded in the butt by a sentient aircraft or whatever? Let's go. It's come. Trust me. You guys are going to be like, what? It's trust me. So all of this started to change in 2014 when the prestigious Hugo award was given to a lady who talked about gender in a way that made Larry Korea and Brad

Torquinson feel rumbly in their tummies. Now Larry and Brad, for those unfamiliar are untalented douchebags who should kill themselves. So they asked their fans to form a Hugo award voting block called the sad puppies to fight back against the PC takeover of science fiction. I can't even believe I'm writing this down, but I am the only one that misses talking about getting pounded in the butt by Chuck Tingle. I'm going to be big for you. I promise. He's weaving.

He's weaving. He's weaving. I'm weaving. Yeah, stay with me. Trust me, it's gonna be great. Shut up. We're still in the butt. We have a gutting to weave. But at the end, you're gonna be like,

amaze. Trust me, best assing. So then a literal Nazi named Theodore Beale saw this as an opportunity and he and his group of, again, literal Nazis formed a group called the angry puppies. Together, the two groups gained the voting system to make sure only white men and racists like Bill were nominated for awards that year. Adding TANGLES WORK, WHAT? WEVE TO TAKETTER!

It's PERFECT! Adding TANGLES WORK as a joke to show how ridiculous the OUGO awards were. Mmm, and let a Q was nominated for best novel that year. The same lady that won in 2004. I'm calling citation needed. I'm like this whole part of the whole right. That year was one by a Chinese guy followed by the same black lady three years in a row. So they failed. I see. That's why that's what we put that's what they were trying. They were trying. Oh, okay. They're not a lot of them. And they're not good.

Like North Carolina nine. Exactly. That 100% Duke. All right. So, a title on the other hand goes after the sad puppies and beats them at their own game. See, he quickly published, if you'll remember from the titles, pounded in the butt by my Hugo award nomination.

Now this was filled with criticism of the rabid puppies homophobia and misogyny in general. He announced on his Twitter that if he won Zoe Quinn, one of the targets of gamer game, would accept his award in his place. And finally, he published the rabid puppies dot com, which is still active today, where he called them quote, a special kind of Lonesome man who lives underground and cries about ethics in basement dwelling and space books. End quote. I cannot believe he was able to write and publish a book so quickly.

It's almost like after getting his butt pounded so much, you can just shit one out with no effort at all. So again, just this all goes to prove my point and was totally relevant. Tingle the pseudonym achieves sort of progressive postmodern ironic fame as a hero to all. All might be a strong word here. Yeah. Yeah. You, you've, uh, you've no dedicated 50% of the essay to a list of dinosaur slash pirate fucking scenarios and another 25% to Steve Bannon getting poned in a tweet.

But they feel like they weave, right? They weave. Yeah, no, they weave. They weave. They weave. They see. Just say weave whenever you're doing it. And we'll be sure that you're doing it. Nice.

Okay. Weave. So then there's the story behind Chuck Tingle. Behind Chuck Tingle. Oh, right. I mean, that's pretty much the only way to pound yourself in the butt. So time for some logistics. Right.

So a few years ago, Tingle did a Reddit AMA fully in character. However, right afterwards, a man claiming to be Tingle's son, John, and confirmed to be his son by Tingle, did his own AMA, claiming that his father was not a postmodern ironic comedian, but suffered from schizophrenia had autism and was prone to self harm. Oh, good, good. Yeah, I was hoping this would take a tragic turn and away from the Nazis. There's no, I feel like those toe diagnoses are miles from mutually exclusive though, right? So here's the reddit answer he gave to just start off the AMA.

Quote, to answer the first question that I always get, yes, my father is very real. He's an autistic savant, but also suffers from schizophrenia. To make it very clear, my father is one of the gentlest, sweetest people you could ever meet and is not at all dangerous, although he does have a history of self-harm. Well, it's his butt, like as a separate. Continuing. To answer the next question, yes, he is aware of the humor in many of his titles, although he would never just come right out and say it.

I just want him to write a serious title just once. Like, next book's just like, there is a penis in my butt and I like it. Just like it. Just like, sir, sir, sir. Continuing. Dad has a hard time understanding many things, but I would not let him be the butt of some worldwide joke. Unless, of course, someone is pounded in the butt by that worldwide joke. In which case, I mean, carry on. That's what we're here for. He concludes, if I didn't have faith that he was in on it in some way, regardless, writing and self publishing brings him a lot of joy.

Yeah, adding quote, it's not like they do a whole citation needed episode about this. And no one in the world thought this American butt hosted by Ira ass is a serious erotic atopic book. Okay. Nobody ever thought that. So. a serious erotic atopic for a book. Okay, nobody ever thought that. So, I love what the son of was. Let's just say.

So, what the, I love how much time likes that was. So good. So what the son was unwilling to give too much info. The picture he painted of his dad was actually kind of tragic. All of the ironic details tingled tweeted about were all based on truth just filtered through his mental illness. Oh, Eli, I'm sure this delightful little story of Nazis and mental illness won't have a sad or sadder even backstory, right? That's. According to John Tingle, it been brought up in a conservative home. We moved to Billings Montana where he settled down to odd jobs and married his mom.

He lied. Do you mean he married his mom? Like he married his mom. Is this some edifice? Shut it. He married his mom. John's mom. Sorry.

So John's mom left Tingle and his live in aid has been in his home care until she passed away in a car accident. The Tingle often references on Twitter and other places Barbara in the link in tweets and interviews he talks about her very affectionately and John says this is actually not a reference to his mother but to said caretaker. And of course this all casts tingle in kind of a brand new light. It turns his drill like tweets from postmodern commentary into a much more personal story of how one man sees

the world and finds joy through his struggle and mental illness. All right. I knew from the first of those titles, this was autobiographical Eli. I knew business was autobi, God damn it. Yeah, I'm pretty confident that Chuck Tingle actually wrote my immortal also. And is Eli Bosnian. Yeah. Yeah.

But of course, there is a third possibility, which is that Tingle is really a character or a neurotypical person and that part of the joke is pretending to have autism, schizophrenia and a proclivity for self-harm, which is, well, way less funny. I don't know if I'm okay with a little less funny. If I get a lot less sad, that seems like a trade. Yeah. I mean, whoever tingle is, they've demonstrated that they're progressive. Be it with their battle with the angry puppies, their satirical political titles or their tweets, but that all kind of gets ruined if part of the joke is making fun of mental illness.

I guess it sort of becomes a meaner joke within a joke and then sort of calls into question how genuine their progressive beliefs are. They're being filtered through a fake mentally ill person. Yeah. No, if there's one thing that the author of sentient phantom toe truck pounds my butt in folks, it's deep philosophical introspection. Eli, I got it. I got it butt in, folks, it's deep philosophical introspection, Eli. I gather.

I know it gets it. Well, it's shallow at first, but then when you ease your way, all right. So where does that leave us, Eli? Confused, Tom. For many, Tingle will only be his titles. For a few, he's a postmodern ode to humor in the face of bigotry. And for us, he's a conundrum. You're using the singular form of us, right? I mean, who's the joke on how genuine can

anyone be on the monster we call the internet? Either way, I think we can all agree. He's deeper than we think. Citation needed two votes. Okay. That's a good thing. He's deep because those unicorn horns are long. Eli, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, man, what would it be? I'm actually curious this time. Pound it in the butt by the mirror of the internet, Tom. We all are Eli.

We've we've you lubed up ready for the quiz, bud. I've never been more ready. All right. So I got one for you, Eli, considering how bizarrely Odeos and Cratic your last couple of essays have been, what topic should we expect from you next time? A, how wrong at Hash Monkey 33 is? B, that time your Skittles post went viral. C, pug memes, or D, a list of other great intellectuals who have sourced shit on

yanky. Secret answer, E, you said I couldn't do myself as a subject. That is incorrect. That is incorrect. Because it has to. All right. If you're going to have a sex of the dinosaur, which is the best one to do it. A, Pagosaurus. Pagosaurus. Oh,

B, dick plow, tookus. C, clit-saurus. I can't even find it. That one. D, stretch, but don't tear it, actal. Oh.

Got to be D, stretch, but don't tear it. I don't think you're right. Cliff source was the missing link. Yeah, we'll get there. We'll get there. All right, extinct before it started. Eli, which of the following should be Chuck Tingle's next book title? Hey, everything in moderation, including getting pounded in the butt and the last clause of this

title and that one and that one and that one, et cetera, is the title of a book that pounded me in the butt forever, a collection of essays that I collected in my butt. I can't. Be pounded in the butt by CSI Miami. Well, crossover or C Donald Trump gets pounded in the bootage edge in 2020. Oh, if it's not C, he's missing out. All right, Eli, somehow you win. I don't not even clear how that's the game whether you got it right or not, but I guess

he wins. That's fun. It doesn't matter. It's segment really. No. I nominate Keith as next week's Sessay. That's right. We're going to do the digits of pie. That's going to be the whole thing. Hey, if you can list them out in like 18 pages with of lists that'd be amazing. I'd like to tell you that I want to weave the shit out of those digits. Weave it. Weave it. All right, well, for Cecil Noah Heath and Eli, I'm Tom, and if you're still here, you have a stronger stomach than most. So thank you.

I think I anyway, we'll be back next week. By then, Heath will be an expert on something else in between now. And then you can check out our other super classy projects over at citationitationPod.com and if you'd like to help keep the show going you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod. Also remember to leave us a five star review everywhere just literally every place you can think of rate us five stars right there is but you know most especially on iTunes which matters more because they're pounding the competition in the butt regularly.

And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes, be sure to check out citationpod.com. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ But you still like the movie? Yeah, it's great movie.

Who wrote this? Oh shit, gotta go. A friendship job isn't even a real thing. You still like the movie? Yeah, it's great movie. Who wrote this? Oh shit, gotta go. A friendship job isn't even a real thing.