Citation Needed - Coney Island

Episode Date: October 16, 2019

Coney Island is a residential and commercial neighborhood and entertainment area in the southwestern part of the borough of Brooklyn in New York City. The neighborhood is bounded by Sea Gate��to its west, Brighton Beach and Manhattan Beach to its east, Lower New York Bay to the south, and Gravesend to the north. Coney Island was formerly the westernmost of the Outer Barrier islands on the southern shore of Long Island, but in the early 20th century it became a peninsula, connected to the rest of Long Island by land fill. --- Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

What do you mean an extra long lead in? Well, you know when everybody's just realizing the show's starting so they're not quite done talking? I-I think you're not giving enough credit. I bet they're sitting there in perfect silence right now, right now just silent. What? No, they're not. Look at that guy. That guy right there. Oh, yeah. Look at him. Come on man, find a seat. Let's do this.

There we go. Anyway, we're here. Step right up, step right up. You there, you there boy. See the show for a nick of damage. Come on Eli. How did you turn the microphones into lights? Don't encourage him Eli. Why did you turn the microphones into lights? Better question. Ah, Celle Boy, this week's episode is about Coney Island.

So you... Ah, looking for a preview, are you? Well then, welcome to the museum of stuff that was probably nice once, but is definitely not nice anymore! We've got... And jobs! Oh, that's very nice of you. Actually, can I just do it myself?

I'm just, you know, so much better at this. And you are, you're still, look at him, I mean, okay, just, maybe you can, I don't know, like cheer, and I'll do it. We've got binge drinking. What do you mean chug, Ryan? I'm 43, dude, I got kids. Also, this is red, what, why are you crying?

And of course, podcasts. Okay, okay, that's enough of that. Enough of that. That is enough of that. Let's just start the show. Sit down. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed Live in New York City! Yes! It's the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia,

and pretend we're experts, because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Eli Bosnick, and I'll be your ringmaster. But... But I'll need some freaks to include in the balihoo. First up, the hypodermic needles to my childlike feet, Cecil and Noah. Well, I mean, the voodoo doll wasn't working, so I had to go to the person.

Right, and Eli, I keep telling you telling you'd go between the toes with them It's between the toes not Also joining us tonight two men who were disappointed when they found out this essay had nothing to do with the FBI heath and We got no applause at all when you introduce us. I just want to point that out. Take note. Take note. James Comey needs a theme park, though. Yeah.

Comey Island. So basically Gitmo. Right. Yeah. So basically Comey Island. So I'm getting out of the story. I'm getting out of the story. We'll get there.

Yeah, I don't trust the FBI or the CIA or the NSA. Pretty much anything you have any to do with intelligence escapes me. So that's how I think. Now, before we begin tonight, we'd like to take a moment to thank our patrons. Our patrons. Who's the patron?

Who's the patron? The patron? What's your name? Mike? Yeah. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Mike.

And if you'd like to join Mike's ranks, and if you'd like, well, that's going to be edited, great. And if you'd like to join Mike's ranks, be sure to stick around to the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us, heath, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event, what we be talking about today. All right, get excited Brooklyn people. We have Brooklyn people. Brooklyn, excellent.

We're gonna be talking about a wonderful place that makes your burrow the amazing culture that it really is. Kony fucking Island. Got to get real. And Tom, your quest for fried dough ended up in an essay this time. Are you ready to powder that sugar? I have no idea what that means. I'm happy to read you an essay though. I don't.

All right, so what is Coney Island? All right, well Coney Island is a ridiculous little spit of a peninsula that has become synonymous with a special brand of New York Americana. And while I've never been there because I hear it's full of poor people, it's gross. Ha ha ha ha ha. It has an amazing history of utterly bizarre theme parks and attractions that should 100% make you uncomfortable to be people. It's basically like a really racist prequel to action park.

And I want to start by quoting this article from a New Yorker, 1928, it's a really nice flavor to set the scene for you. So here's the quote. Coney Island is the same. As important as ever for those making the best of the summer, it presents the world's unloveliest mass of humanity. The contents of the melting pot right out on display, the cross eyes of the world we murder. And the boardwalk called, every responsible person should be compelled

to march the length of it once a year to see who is entitled to vote for mayor. That is amazing. World's unloveliest mass of humanity is directly taken from every Yelp review of a Walmart in India. And by the way, there's a herd of people there that cancel the Medicare for All vote

from the Rascal School. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna go with Medicare for All who can tell me how many congressmen there are. Hey, Eli, quick question. You are a ripped in tons essay. You are a ripped in tons essay. Can you name your congressman? Can you name one congressman?

The one you have for your district in New Jersey? Mr. Man. There it is. Okay. All right. Nailed it. Nailed it. All right, so the first of the amusement park is a special little something called C. Lion

Park. C. Lion Park was the first enclosed amusement park where the park itself and not just the attractions required the entry fee. I guess amusement used to be a strictly alacart affair before this, until a guy named Paul Boyton changed everything. Before Boyton, all the rides at the amusement park were individually owned and operated. So this meant that in one park, you might have a toothless carny running a cobble together uninspected late 19th century gravity-powered death slide and then 30 years away, an entirely

different, equally unqualified, chlamydia carrier would have his own homemade drowning hazard he dreamed up and manufactured in the backyard. What would the slide be powered by if not gravity? I'm just curious. Okay, this is my essay. That's a re-puck. I'll just, we had four weeks for edits. Okay, fine.

It wasn't until Boynton came along and decided to put the theme and theme park that everything changed and that the theme by the way was money. That was his theme was money. Oh yeah, right. Also, sea lions. It's right in the name of the extremely depressing chimera of like William Barr and Penguin from Batman. So we're paying for your theme park.

All right, so Tom, you just described every fair I've ever been to with the Climidia carriers and the death- powered gravity slider, whatever. I don't know that Boyton changed anything. It's very, very possible, but we got to talk about Boyton here. Quick to digression on him. Not just the inventor of taking

your money to walk into the place before you had the fun yet. Boyton was already famous for his river floating suits. So this is his stick. He would done an inflatable rubber suit fill its various bladders with air, and then float down rivers like a human tire. It was basically like a

lazy river in a to go content. And still somehow everywhere this guy goes, he's greeted by these massive cheering crowds. He must have realized from this just how starved late 19th century America was for entertainment. Yes, so we started Sea Lion Park in 1895. Yeah, no, anything that could be done equally well by a sack of potatoes should not qualify you for celebrity, rude. And we propellant us into superstardom entire families because one member was on a sex tape one time. I'll take waterwings, man, any day of the week.

Yeah, potatoes could do that too, I guess. True story. Who wants to watch Kanye fuck a sack of potato? I'm mentally ill, please help me. There's a lot of people that want to watch Kanye fuck a sack of potatoes. More than I would have guessed right now. That's $26 teacher. All right, so what delights and wonders awaited the gawking masses at Sea Lion Park?

Well, Sea Lion, obviously, that's in the name. So also he had a ride called the water shoot. So the water shoot was every stupid fucking log ride you've ever been on. It's basically just like a flat bottom boat that went down a ramp and into a pool of water and then skimmed across the surface. So not that big a deal. So boy, and sometimes filled the boat

with the occasional lion or bear or small elephant to spice shit up, I guess. What? Well, the animals, the animals, they even had their own special line to get on the rides. It was called the zoo queue. That sharing's for me. Yeah, audience at home, everyone was really impressed with that joke.

Fuck you, shoulda come to the show. We held up signs that said shit hits everybody. Well, but Tom's was like, what do you call it? It's in the show. This is imagery, that's the one. Right, right. No, his is just drawn out because Tom's in the array for so long. It's just now coming handy. Rebus puzzle, that's what I was looking for.

I like that they used elephants in that ride though. You just picture an elephant cutting in front of the make a wish kid. Like whatever, you're fucking faking it, we all know you're faking it. That's what everyone in the other line is thinking, they all had dark thoughts. You all didn't think that about the kid with like, dire be at ease in that fast-hunt. Fuck off. Yes, you did.

You're all ours. Yeah. Diabetes, get a thing you can see. Is that, can we do that for make a whip? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why they cut off your foot for the attention. Yeah. Cut off their foot and we'll talk. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Then get it ahead.

You can see that. All right, he also had built a roller coaster called, and I love the fucking name of this thing, flip flap railway. Right, and this actually had an inverting loop in it and a drop of about 20 meters, but he had a cancel to ride because it was too dangerous. Though to their credit, they did test the coaster ahead of time with sandbags and monkeys. At the same time, or? It's hard to fill the sandbag with the monkeys, that's all right.

But it's a lot of fun. I didn't say it wasn't worth it, Noah. This ride was famous for producing extreme forces on the riders. As many as 12G, actually. Which, this meant that it also produced a lot of whiplash. Yeah, no, just for reference here, bite or pilot smacks out around nine. Yeah, flip flap is the sound your head makes when you're neck on.

All right, so C. Lyon Park began to fail pretty quickly, even though Boynton invested a ton of money. And he bought Topsy, who you might remember from Heath's Super Sad Essence. Yeah, I want to make babies croffins. Yeah, I'm pretty funny. Yeah, I'm curious, I hate what saddest fuck. It's only eight years after it. Only eight years after opening a 1903 sea lion park had closed.

And everyone packed up and went home, never attempting to turn Brooklyn's foot into a money-making venture again. Right? If only because next up is steeple chase park and this would turn out to be the longest lasting of the three great Coney Island amusement parks. It's founder was George Till you and he founded steeple chase on the idea that if you entertain people rather than dress like a huge rubber

ducky and then break everyone's neck, then they'll be able to come back. You know, and rather than build big thrilling rides, Till you built a relatively simple amusement park with some quarks to it. So the steeple chase ride was

essentially a wooden horse on wheels on a track. You got on, you pretended you were riding a horse, and you got off. Like a symbion. Exactly. Someone out there knows what the fuck I'm talking about. I loved watching that joke ripple through the freaks in the audience. Half of whom immediately pretended not to get it. The second they made a noise, they were like, oh shit, not everyone move.

I guess it's one of those crazy racist. The atrocities. So like this ride was built in an era where riding a horse itself would be common in place. Right. Why on earth would you pay to ride a fake horse? I have no idea. Anyway, the ride ended in a place referred to as the insanity or worse blowhole theater.

Now it's the prequel to glory whole studio. Yeah. Yeah. Very proud, very proud. Where this is a place where clown and a little person would zap the ladies with electro-catal prods and spank the patrons. Oh, okay. Then they had several hundreds, someone is in this the same way that loved the Sibian Joe. All right.

I recognize that screen. Alright. Alright. Have your say for its ready people. So they had several hundred seats that were provided so the crowds could watch as the women were also hurt it over. Airjet equipped holes in the floor that would blow their skirts up over their heads. We are definitely, definitely doing glory whole studios tragically wrong.

See, this, this is classic comedy that Dave Chappelle wants to return to, but USGW cops won't let it, will you? He's brave and a millionaire. He is a millionaire. Yeah. If Dave chappelle did his entire Netflix special, just on top of a subway grate, dressed like Marilyn Monroe, never said a word, white face. That would have been so much more woked than his actual material.

Yeah. Yeah, objectively better art. Now that's daring, right? All right. So the big attraction at Steeple Chase was actually recycled exhibit from the Buffalo World's Fair from 1901. After it's success at the fair, the attraction was sold to tell you to use its Steeple Chase.

And the ride was called a trip to the moon and this thing was amazing, genuine, there's amazing. So I'm going to explain this ride to you, but I want you to remember that we are pre-air plane in our history, right? The Wright Brothers had yet flown their fancy bicycle kite thing yet. So this whole thing, as insane as it may sound, is all the more mad for its place and time. Visitors would enter the attraction and board a mock spaceship called the airship Luna, and they would fasten their seat belts, something which wouldn't be standard in cars until

the 50s. The attraction would then appear to take off until using rocking motions of the attraction and moving backdrops and sound effects, the ride appeared then to land on the moon. Passengers disembarked the ride and had a stroll across what appeared to be the lunar surface where they were greeted by little people and a giant dressed as moon people until it was time to re-board the ship, probably pre-border an agrid first, by the way. And then head back to Earth. I was going to make a joke here about little people from Luno being called half moons,

but I deleted it because it's punching down. Yep. Yep. So, you know, all in all, steeple chase was a relatively harmless place. Yep, yep. So you know, all in all, Steeple Chase was a relatively harmless place, and so most of it was kind of boring until it caught on fire in 1907. Didn't stop it. Started by a cigarette and then spreading to everywhere.

The park was engulfed in flames as it was a chunk of the bowry and dozens of hotels and businesses. Yeah, Burn It All Down meant something different when Bernie Sanders was young. Just kidding, he wasn't young at this time. I love that by 1907, standards, a mountain of desiccated Tinder, so combustible, a stray cigarette butt could send it up like gasoline soaked matchheads, qualifies as like a relatively harmless place, right? Well, you did that with a straight face.

All right, so remember when I mentioned that people were star-friar entertainment. Here's just how fucking starved they were. This massive fire destroyed the amusement park and a swath of surrounding businesses. So naturally 300,000 people traveled to steeple chase to rubber neck, the smoldering remains. Fucking savage. You're supposed to let Jim Cantor you do that kind of shit, right? Like a civilized person. There were cameramen there that sold photos to people posing by the smoking ruins.

Right? Until you even charged ten cents for access to the burnt up rubble while he was rebuilding the park. And this included a huge new indoor attraction, which he was going to name the Palace of Pleasure, but and I am not making this up. He called down Sibian people. It was like fun house mirrors and shit. He had to scale down the Palace of Pleasure into the Pavilion of Fun. I love that they downgrade the name Palace of Pleasure to Pavilion of Fun.

It's like getting a thug life tattoo in your 20s and having it altered to say, we can warrior in your life. All right, Cecil's now attacking Heath directly. I'm going to need to go back to the stage. Use our eye messages like Dr. Glauber said. Come on. That's probably for the best. So let's just wrap up the story of Steeple Chase Park

one last detail. Am I weird? True. I'm a little bit more here. No. One last detail it actually survived until 1964 when Donald Trump's dad bought it and knocked it down to build condos, that he never actually built.

There's a clown outside the condos, it says you must be this white. That's the part of it. Woo! Oh my God! Woo! Fuck, did you guys know that there are black people in Brooklyn? This looks nothing like Forest Hills, this fucks up my whole thing.

Alright, well now that we're all nice and killing with fire, we'll take a quick break. But we'll be back in a bit for a little ditty we like to call apropos of nothing. Take a light stout move. I'm telling ya McClinty, we gotta come up with the next big thing. I hear ya McIntia say, what about an amusement where folks come around and we murder a fellow with a wrench. Nah, nah, that's, that's walkin' up part, they got that. Ah, that's true, okay, okay, haga, haga, something a little suss-a-ha with a women in full

bowelgounds, but then they go swimming, you see? Ah, you mean like bathing beauties of the balihoo again, it exists. Jews, I thought I had a hot one there. I don't think people said Jews as a swear. You like get out of the sketch, you're not in the sketch. They did too, I was alive, and I said it all the time. Okay, Jews. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

And we're back. When we left off, we were poking fun at Lucinda's first job as a cattle prodder, and I don't think that was nice of us. Whoa. You are so fucking lucky. She just walked out of the way to the room. Yeah, right. I don't know if you guys noticed wait a for to leave the room. The scented dive. So,

skim and hammer at the ready. Tom tell us how did Coney Island go from smoking pile of rubble to what it is today. I will in 1902 L Luna Park was formed. After Frederick Thompson and Elmer, skip Dundee, but the defunct C-Lion Park from a deflated bointin, inspired by the Chicago World's Fair of 1903, the pair secured one and a half million dollars and created Luna Park. It's featured a huge permanent central midway and cultural exhibits. Luna Park was actually part of a larger culture war with belly dancers and vice of the nearby

Bowery on one side and family-friendly Luna Park on the other. And reformers hoped that Luna Park would be so successful, they would be able to buy all the businesses in the Bowery and shut down the vice. But since belly dancers are way cooler than elephant rides and carnival games, that was stupid and didn't happen. Okay, I'm just saying I would pay to watch an elephant belly dance. So you guys have a big dance. Or to watch a belly dancer elephant dance.

Or a dance elephant belly. Fuck, there was none left. They covered it. They covered it. A forever. So Luna Park had three major attractions, all of which were these crazy simulated adventure things. The first was an airship ride to the moon called Over the Sea.

And here I'm going to go ahead and quote directly from a Harper's weekly describing this thing. So here's the quote, the crowd is ushered onto a slightly rocking platform fashioned like an airship and is easily led to imagine that it is rising through space because the star-laden scenic sky, surrounding the ship is made to drop rapidly and silently. Silently? How does that matter? People were like, hold on,

I'd definitely heard the sky fall. And this is in a real airship to the moon, fuck that. Give me back my nickel. No. Murder. This is in a real airship to the moon, fuck that, give me back my nickel. Murder! And the enormous wings of the ship flapping out horizontally prevents any passenger looking downward over the rail. They didn't know how planes worked yet, they didn't have planes.

A convenient storm obscures the view entirely after a while, then the moon. A circle of extinct volcanic cones appears near at hand, and you step out of the ship into a grotto, through which a dwarf leads you to the king and queen of the moon. Why? Why were they so convinced the moon was populated by little people back then? It's so great. There's less gravity. I need taller. It's so great. There's less gravity. So, I think it's all.

These are two little persons who are so glad to see you that they sing a weary song of welcoming, conduct you to a dragon's mouth. Oh, the bird. The bird. The bird. The bird. The bird.

The bird. The bird. The bird. The bird. Does anybody else in the notes? he has this exactly right. Conduct you to a dragon's mouth which opens and allows you to walk into its stomach. The way is treacherous for the floor rocks, and the walls of his elementary canal are clammy. So it's the harpers.

So the relief which one feels on getting out of him at last is sufficient to counteract the surprise of suddenly finding oneself out in street honor. Well, the surprise. Like these people will be tricked with that thing, that people do it, their dogs where they throw the towel in the air and they duck behind it. Wait, I'm sorry, but that means you exit

through the dragon's household, right? Sure do. I'm sure you do. Okay. I'm making, but that means you exit through the dragon's household, right? Sure do. Okay. Make sure. Best case scenario. The second was officially called War of the Worlds. And this super fun idea here was to simulate all the gay adventure of a massive apocalyptic

war between Europe and the United States. World War I, the Br- Yeah. So this joy-filled family-friendly attraction featured a simulation of 40 battleships firing on New York with huge explosions for the enjoyment of the crowd where upon a simulated Ford Hamilton would fire back at the ships and then massive electrical machinery would steer and maneuver this enormous fake armada around in a simulated battle because hooray, how's that with fun? Okay kids, time for the log plume, for the barbed wire. Uh oh, it's a clown with mustard gas.

Zero French people would go on that ride. No. on that ride. No, it made the shoes go. No, I mean, oh, see, something turn over eight million people during the holocaust. The French did. So the final made we're moving on. We're moving on. Okay, the final major attraction. The final major attraction was 20,000 leagues under the sea. Obviously named after the Jewels, Vern Novel. Now, riders of this thing were taken on a simulated submarine ride to the North Pole. So I guess get your tickets now. It's melting. To the north. I don't think they read the book. No, for certain. So the building that housed this ride was 65,000 square feet.

The ride itself held 200 people who climbed aboard, took their seats, and this is amazing. The whole goddamn thing was then lowered into a 24 foot deep pool, which then had moving painted canvas murals that slid past fake portholes. Well, then why was it under water? Because fuck you, that's why. Authenticity, thank you. Massive refrigeration equipment cooled the ride, and the riders were encouraged to chip off little pieces of ice. I guess it's like meltmentos today.

You laugh, but in 15 years we're gonna have to explain naturally occurring ice like we do payphones and floppy. Now that makes sense for the North Pole. All right. And then there was Dreamland. Dreamland was built by William Reynolds and he built it to compete with Luna Park and I mean that like Reynolds whole business model was to look over to Luna Park and just do everything they were doing but just bigger. And I mean, Luna Park was a massive novelty for its electric lights.

They had 250,000 bulbs. So, Dreamland just put up a million bulbs. Luna Park had a big observation tower, standing 200 feet tall. So Dreamland just built an observation tower that was 375 feet tall. Luna Park had an exhibit of a real building fire called Fire and Flames. So Dreamland just built a bigger building and called there's fighting the flames. I know. Because I guess like when everything everywhere

is made of wood and fires are really serious problems in your neighbor just caught on fire like an hour ago, you should probably get into a who has the biggest building fire content. But my absolute favorite just for the name alone was Dreamlands version of the 20,000 leagues under the sea, which they named Submarine Boat Moccasin. I'm gonna say it, maybe buy half a million bulbs and get a naming guy. Summarying boat, Makasame. So basically, Dreamland just took everything Luna Park did and compensated for dick size,

just, okay. But they all said some of their own unique attractions, like Leap Frog Railway. This thing is amazing. You can see video of it on YouTube. Imagine you're inside of what looks like a little tank with open sides, and on the front and back of this thing are ramps.

And actually there's two of these monstrosities, and they're both on the same train track, and they drive them together at 1904 speeds of like eight miles an hour, you know? And then one of them just drives up and over the top. Leap program way, woo! The whole stupid thing takes four seconds, but if anything goes wrong, nobody would survive.

All right, kids, put on your bulletproof vests. Great. Now shoot each other. Okay, great job, next. Yeah, that would have been way safer than intentional train crash, the ride, but it's 1904 and people were idiots. If you really want to see a slow motion crash,

the best way is to hire a Republican president. Yeah. I'm genuinely surprised. One of these train cars didn't trickle down onto the other. I was genuinely surprised one of these train cars didn't trickle down onto the other one. Alright, so a few of the smaller rides are worth noting as well. Luna Park had a ride called the tickler, where people relax, seabed, and people. All right.

Where you at? Very excited right now. What are we mismatched with a fat life convention ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha point then they were 110 years ahead of the NFL on safety procedures. So there's that that going for them. And then it's steeple chase. There was a huge spinning disc ride where people clustered at the center and then waited for the disc to rotate fast enough to fooling them from the center against the sidewalls where they slammed into each other like a giant human car crash. That's amazing.

Then they had a ride called the human pool table. Oh, that sounds like a great idea. Go on it! We tried to walk across the floor, because the floor was made of a series of spinning disks rotating in different directions. Seventh, it knocked you to the floor, and then jostled you all about it!

Ha-ha-ha! And then, of course, there's the razzle dazzle, which was a massive circular swing that you put 70 people on at one time and then workers would push it around like a huge circular seesaw and according to one account quote, even the toughest of sailors would get sick. Again, they moved a bunch of this stuff to get Moe when they shut down. That big surfboard water slide, that was actually called the water board. Yeah, Coney Island was mostly getting witches to confess for like century.

Our but is weird and impressive as all these parts and the rides where they pale in comparison to the aforementioned cultural displays because nothing says cultural sensitivity like early 20th century capitalism. So Luna Park and Dreamline each had a word amounted to nothing less than human zoo attractions. At Luna Park, the most popular was the Igarot village, which was where 50, 50, Filipino trisemen lived full time in their own mock village. Wearing basically G-string to get worse, way worse. And putting on a side show mockery of their native customs, they build these guys as headhunters,

but they obviously barred them from murder and cannibalism. And instead every day a dog was brought to them from the pound. Oh no. Which they killed cooked an eight in front of huge cheering crowds. Okay, okay, before you get to judging, that cheering crowd, 100% included your grandparents and your grandparents. You have met a guy who paid a nickel to watch a Filipino guy eat it all out. You all have. You know what? You just remembered meeting him. You were like,

oh, he is at my sweet 16. He was older. That guy. And if you're from Canada, you might have elected a guy prime minister who like dressed like that on Halloween. Yeah, those Canadians sure don't know how to elect leaders, huh fellow American? USA. USA. USA. All right, so there was also this thing they called fatal wedding where visitors could pay five cents for the pleasure of watching a young lady in a bridal gown walk behind a screen where she and her groomed to be would appear to be turned into skeletons who

then ate skeleton dinner. There's nothing more to the story that people love this thing. I... Bone apatite. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. I got one. I like one person up there that shares with these. Thank you so much. All right. All right, so let's not forget about Dreamland's star attraction, little person city. All right. All right. All right. All right. So let's not forget about Dreamland star attraction, Little Person City.

Oh, no. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Also known as Lily Pusion Village. Oh, fucking course at once. So Reynolds built an entire village, made to look like a German town except that he scaled everything down and then populated the village with little people who actually had to live and work in this interactive freak show.

They had their own restaurant, they had a tavern, they had a theater, a circus, a fire brigade with equipment pulled by ponies instead of horses. Well, yeah, because you want your fire retardant to be comical in a place like that, yeah. And the best, they purpose built dark alleys so that quote, little person brigands would feel at home. What? That was a weird entry in the suggestion box. That's it. Bill, can I talk to you for a second?

I love it here. But as a brigand. I don't feel super at home. Backed. As a brigand. Ha ha ha ha. I don't feel super at home. Ha ha ha. All right, so there was a 12,000-seat stadium where you could watch a thousand men re-enact a battle from the Bohr War,

which had just ended in 1902. They had this thing complete with guns and cannons and 600 recently traumatized veterans. Right. And if, if delighting in the, woo, family fun, if simulated human caused misery to get your dick hard enough, they also had the Galveston flood exhibit. Yeah.

This was a huge interactive diorama of a tragedy that happened seriously just a couple of years earlier, and which turned the deaths of 6,000 people into entertainment. Wee! Okay, it's a good thing we don't do that kind of thing today, right? Also, make sure you check out the 9-11 Memorial while you guys are in town. Oh, it's so beautiful. Never forget. Check out a podcast called Citation Needed, dude.

Yeah. Lerious topics like Chernobyl, the challenger, literally Eugenics, was one of them. You did that one. And we made dozens of dollars on it. Literally dozens. Can make it drizzle. Can make it dribble to anyway.

I'm older. But my favorite thing in all of this is the infant incubator. Exhibit. No shit. It's not bad. In 1903, in Dreamland, Dr. Martin Cooney opened an exhibit of premature babies. Oh!

Because the incubators were not yet well accepted medical technology. So Dr. Cooney opened an exhibit that was literally just rose and rose of premature babies in incubators. And visitors would pay a coin and then they'd be able to goch at preemies and their little killer incubators and visitors would pay a coin and then they'd be able to gawk at preemies and they're a little killer incubators. Their bodies on display and then purposely dressed

in oversized clothes to emphasize their diminutive size. Wow. Now, don't boom me, I didn't do it. Let's, let's, you guys fucking pay to listen to me tell you about it, boom me, boom me. I didn't do it. You guys fucking pay to listen to me tell you about it. Boom me. Boom you. Okay, but but Tom. Yeah, you would have done it I would have done it. Yeah I would build it and then pay myself the fucking nickel. That's what I would do All right, it's actually not at all. Who can't already is not a virtue?

I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue.

I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue.

I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. I'm a virtue. and the public incubators survived. This was an astonishing premature baby success rate.

Dr. Cuny's own daughter ended up being born premature and spent time as an exhibit with the doctor tending to her amidst the crowd. Okay, you're trying to put a positive spin on this, but in the beginning of every day, somebody's job was to go around and pluck out the dead baby's man. I mean, like the fish guy in Walmart, right? Get the top belly up, right? Don't try to make this sound good. The baby and the filter, it's stuck.

It keeps hitting the baby in the face. He's one stuck in that treasure chest that just keeps growing. That is a fat baby. That is a really fat premium. Are we sure we're gonna become a comically large dead? And we're gonna become a comically large dead. And we're gonna become a comically large dead. And we're gonna become a comically large dead.

All right, of course there's the iconic Coney Island Wonder Wheel. This was built in 1920. It was originally called the dip, the dip. I don't know why. Now you don't know why we're out there. The Wonder Wheel is 150 foot Ferris wheel wheel to retain its popularity, even as other rides and attractions waxed and waned.

And in 1948, Greek immigrant, and a mispronounce this, Dino Stave Verdeurus pledged to his bride to be that if she agreed to marry him, one day he would buy her the Wonder Whale. She said, yes, I know, right? And they were wed. And in 1983, after working his way up through different jobs at Coney Island, this fucker bought the Wonder Wheel. For, yeah! Right guys?

For $250,000 kept his promise to his wife, the Wonder Wheel, I love this. When it was sold, it came with no instructions, no manual, no paperwork of any kind, other than some cryptic guidelines written on a piece of paper torn off a pack of cigarettes. Right. So, Dino, 63 years after its operation began, wrote the manual on the Wonder Wheel that was his wife's engagement present.

Okay. It feels like you went a little far with the theme, right? He's like, oh, my darling, and on our feet anniversary, I have got in you. These don't be wonderful, related. No exos for the grind initiator. No. And they see Ian. You want me back?

He sure did. Got me an end. All right, also still visible, although no longer an operation is the framework for the parachute jump. The parachute jump is modeled after a paratrooper training apparatus. And basically, there's a 250 foot tower that hoisted riders to the top and then simulated a parachute fall. The ride operated for about 20 years. It was notoriously expensive to operate. It was very difficult to turn a profit on. So to gain attention for the ride, women who looked like screamers, where you at?

Yeah, where you at? Yeah. Alright, alright. Hey, don't be boring, don't be boring. Women who looked like screamers would be held at the zenith of the ride and allowed to dangle there, not exactly sure how anyone can tell a scrimmer just by looking, but I do know that if you find one that's a ride, everyone tries to get on more than once. Finally, and perhaps my favorite nod to irony, Dreamland had an exhibit called Hellgate.

Hellgate was modeled after Dante's Inferno. It basically was a great big whirlpool lit up by flames and boats would look like they were being sucked into the pits of hell. So this is also where the fire that burnt Dreamland to the ground in 1911 originated. While Luna Parks fatal final fire, and I swear this is true, emanated from the dragon's gorge ride in 1944. We need same for names for stuff. What about the Asbestos ball pit? No fires whatsoever.

What's so insane to me about all this is how long this madness lasted. Those baby incubators, they were in practice for 47 years. They only closed down in 1950. C. Lion Park didn't last long, but Steeple Chase was around for nearly seven decades, though in the end it only took one Trump to finally destroy it. So, yeah. You can still ride the Ferris wheel engagement present, right? That's still there.

That famous grinning idiot picture, the one with too many teeth, that's still the image of Coney Island today. And as that same New Yorker article I quoted at the beginning reminds us, quote, if you go down in the right spirit, you may have a lot of fun. Oh yeah. Right? You cheering a little early. You can throw balls at China Wear or at Negro heads.

You cheered for it. You should wait next time, right? Yeah. Oh, that's here. Shoot at imitation birds with a rifle. Get lost in mazes. See reproductions of famous battles and ride in or on all sorts of weird or thrilling things. So sure, Coney Islands changed, but they say that on a dark night and under a full moon,

if you're very lucky, you might still get kettle prodditor section harassed by a little person. Because this is New York, and it's fucking beautiful. And Tom, yes. If you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? That CISA will change my essay to read Little Persons and then stab me under the table if I veer off script too much. And are you ready for the quiz? Well I don't normally consent to measuring my body parts, but I am just barely tall enough to ride this ride, so let's do it.

All right. Tom, I got the first one for you. Which of the following is going to be the crowd's favorite thrill ride at the Dreamland Park reboot? Oh God. Hey, Caitlin Jenner's bumper car. Because she killed a guy with her car. She's a hero, but she did kill a guy with her car.

That's true. Yeah, so did Matthew Brotterick. So did Matthew Brotterick. Yeah, that's true. And Laura Bush, correct. Jesus. Yes. All right, raise your hand if you haven't killed somebody with your car.

Yeah, got to be. Come on. Braggers. Good everybody. Yeah. Would it be the two-trained experience with Bernie Gets? No, no, no. Very uncomfortable.

Dodget. We're seeing, eating ice cream on a couch in the apartment next to Amber. Oh! Woo! Woo! All right, well, it's, it's C because that ride will only be in attraction for five more years and then it gets out, so it's fine. Oh!

That's called justice! Oh, that's not just, okay. So we learned earlier about submarine boat moccasins. That's amazing. And submarine boat moccasins was actually a really popular brand of shoe back then. What were some of their competitors? Hey, Jetskybock.

P, Doc Martins. P, Shiver Mietemberland, D, canoe balance. Give her me Timberland, but he's a new balance. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha All those are better names than submarine boatmaps. That is correct. All right, Tom. Yes, sir. What was the tribesmen's favorite canine-based dish? Okay, I'm gonna turn off my microphone. I'm joking, too.

I'm just holding it up in advance. Just holding it up in advance. It was shit. A. Basset to fame. Wait, what? Basset to fame. Wait, what? Basset to fame. Literally my deed.

Don't participate! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Gonna have to improvise now. Oh! Oh! Was it B?

Yup. Chicken poodle soup. Delicious, right? Oh! Oh! Was it B? Yeah. Chicken Poodle Soup. Delicious, right? Was it C? Roasted cauliflower. Was it D? Yes. What was it was D? Pug Potato cremes too Potato chips, it's potato chips Super answer E, potato chips Thank you Alright, alright, I bailed you out of that one I got you buddy

Yep D was literally supposed to be German chabbers Was, stole my jokes Do we have an extra microphone? Maybe he wants the play. That's the, you want to take you on the seat? Yeah, right, right. All right.

If you also guess my D, I'm going to be disturbed to be on belief. Okay. That'd be so funny. So Tom, yes sir, to understand the allure of Coney Island, I think you need to put it in the context of you are already in Brooklyn, right? So if not for Coney Island, what would people in Brooklyn have left to do for fun? Hey, sit in a train that swears it's going to Manhattan eventually. Be, listen to Chicagoans get less and less convincing when they lie about still liking their style

of pizza better. That's tough. You're not talking about that. You're supposed to eat it, not fuck it. That's why it doesn't taste good to you. Okay. Or do it wrong. Or C, get murdered by a cop for selling loose cigarettes.

Oh, all right. It was a fucking Brooklyn, man. You guys boo Brooklyn. I'm gonna have to go see, but I don't feel comfortable about it. So just, all right, moving. All right, that means that I'm a man. I don't know why. I don't think you. I think this guy won.

I think this guy here who had your, yeah, he's the winner. Clearly. All right. Well, that means that after the break, Noah is our next SES. So for Tom, Cecil, Noah, and Heath. I'm Eli Bosnick, thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back in 10 minutes An intermission unless you're listening to this in which case who knows we might all be dead who cares

But if we're not then Noah will be an expert on something else Between now and then Heath will drink another two scotch's backstage Tom and Cecil We'll drink another two scotches backstage, Tom and Cecil. We'll check their sound equipment six more times. Noah will smoke 14 cigarettes. And if you'd like to help keep the show going, you can make a per episode donation just like Mike does. And patreon.com slash citation. Mike.

And if you'd like, you can leave us a five star of you everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, we're here. We're right here. You can see us. We're out. Say something. I can hear you. Check out past episodes, connect with us on social media or check the show notes.

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